If the Chronicles is RPG-Lite, then this is an RPG 100 Calorie Pack. This is a very light hearted adventure thread. You don't even necessarily have to post in story format. Asterisk moves are good enough, so long as they aren't needless spam. You'll simply start with the subject and take it from there, however you'd like. Explore your realm/dorm, be silly, be adventurous, do whatever. Just have fun.

(This is not really related to the Chronicles at all, so no need to have background knowledge about it.)


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“So you say a painting came to life and tried to kill you.”

“Yes.”

“So you're insane, then?”

“No!”

“I'm sensing a problem with the logic here.”

“I went into the Forest Temple and heard some cackling from downstairs, so I went to go check. And it was coming from that painting of the gnome. I went closer, then before I knew what happened, the little bastard jumped out of the painting and tried to kill me! Then a bunch of other ghouls and things came out from the walls and chased me out of there, locking the doors behind me!”

“A gnome tried to kill you.”

“Yes!!”

A sigh. “Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to send in a search party. We have nothing better to do, other than spend our days rambling in the Tavern. Just get the pointy sticks. I don't think we'll even need the swords for this one.”

And with that, the journey to the Forest Temple and the Quest to Slay the Rabid Phantom Gnome began.

[Before I get in this, there's only one question I have. Can we use any character or does it have to be one that uses our usernames?]

Whatever name/person you want.

The Tavern was unusually crowded. Huddled knots of woodland dwellers filled the large public lounge, talking animatedly in their groups. Showsni elbowed his way up to the bar.

"Glass of orange juice if you please, Alphena."

The proprietor of the tavern took his rupees and hurried off to get the drink.

"So, what's all the hubbub about?" Showsni asked his neighbour, a slightly drunk Kokiri boy.

"Beatsh me. Sheemsh shome killer gnome from the foresht templesh got everyone all worked up." He went back to nursing his quarter pint of elder wine.

"Thanks," Showsni said, as his drink arrived. Downing it in one gulp, he moved over to where a small posse seemed to be gathering. "Might as well join them; I've nothing better to do."

Practically bursting the doors of the tavern off its hinges, Vet arrived amidst the hustle and bustle of drunk and lightly toasted patrons. Unable to speak due to his predicament, he scribbled something on a piece of paper quickly before his motor functions ceased. Talking one step forward, the inevitable happened and Vet collapsed face first in a heap.

In his back was wedged an axe. Someone examined the note:

"HEAL PLZ"

Stepping toward the wounded Vet, a young man examined his body before quickly pulling the axe out and dousing the wound with a potion.
"That should do it." he said, lifting the man into a chair. "Try to be careful next time, okay?"

Shadow sat in his usual seat, at a dark corner of the tavern. Drinking a large mug of Bloodrain, he didn't pay much attention to most of the ramblings of the others.

At least, until he saw Veteran stumble through the door. And he couldn't be drunk, he was entering the tavern, not leaving.

Mildly interested, Shadow finished his drink and silently walked over to Vet's body on the ground and examining it. "This wound is very deep, and that axe is huge. Whatever did this had to be strong..."

Vet's entry had cause a mild uproar amongst the locals.

"See! I told you! The gnome must have got him too!"

"The gnomes got Vet!"

"We're not safe until they're dead!"

"They'll come stalking us at night!"

"Set to sacrifice our children to their monstrous appetite!"

"They'll wreak havoc on our village if we let them wander free!"

The rumours and whispers were flying, and everyone was getting into more and more of a panic. Someone needed to take control of this mob before things got ugly.

The young man whistled for everyone's attention.
"We don't know if these gnomes were the ones that hurt this man. Hell, we don't even know if they could lift this thing." He then held the axe in one hand. "We shouldn't jump to conclusions like this. What we should do is calm down and think things through."

Celesta sighed as she set down another drink for a customer, who was currently too panicked to care about the booze. "Perhaps we should ask Vet what happened, perhaps he saw the thing that threw the axe at him."

"Yea...cuz Vet's totally gots eyes in the back of his 'ead" Katra answered, swaying lightly on the barstool he was desperately trying to stay on.

"It's called turning around Katra, or sometimes people see an attacker, and run away, therefore getting hit in the back." She rolled her eyes at him giving him a sarcastic look as well.

Katra promptly fell off his barstool, "Damn things are sooo wobbly...should get em fixed!"

"I'll get right on that..." Her voice oozed more sarcasm as she walked around the bar and approached Vet. "So what did you see?"

"ey! 'ey there! Whippersnapper!" so called a voice. It was in fact the voice of the axe, who was less than pleased by the fact that his request to be healed had been ignored. "Heal plz! Look at my handle! It's all split! I can't chop things down like this."

The axe fidgeted some in the hands of the person still holding it. "And you were going to leave this nasty blood all over me! Admit it! Shenanigans! You'd let me rust, you bastards! Ten Gold Please!'

"And how, prey tell, do you expect me to do that? Enchanted weaponry isn't exactly my specialty." he said. "And don't call me 'whippersnapper'. My name is Nick Hongoshi."

"Who axed you!" the axe growled back.

"Don't make me throw you somewhere in those woods!! I'm a freakin' swordsman, not a blacksmith!!"

"No you idiot!" the axe replied with a great sigh. "Who Axed You! My NAME is Hoo'ax'dyuu. Will someone who rolled a high intelligence score liberate me from this simpleton!?"

This post has been edited by Masamune: May 13 2008, 12:55 PM

He then sighed. "Why didn't I just stay home....?"
After a few moments he spoke again. "You have no idea of my intellegence. Why, I bet I can make things you didn't even know existed."

"Calm down both of you...I'll clean you up and fix your handle." Celesta grabbed a damp rag from behind her bar, "Although he would be able to fix you a bit better," She eyed Katra, who was now sleeping on the floor, "If you don't mind waiting...I'm really more of a mage than a weapon smith...I can get him out of his stupor real fast, he's just easier to deal with like then than sober." She sighed and started to clean Hoo'ax'dyuu's blade. "Can you tell me who threw you into Vet's back?"

This post has been edited by ~Celesta~: May 13 2008, 04:35 PM

The axe would have rolled its eyes. Except it didn't have any. So it just groaned out loud and turned in Nick's hand, hopefully leaving splinters.

"I don't want a drunk man operating on me," the axe answered. "And I threw MYSELF into his back! Yeesh, are you all DENSE or something? The only way to get around is by lodging myself into people's spines so I can control their nervous systems. What do they TEACH you in these schools? Someone get me a soda!"

Awxemo flipped over a table. "I'll fight you all!" he screamed.

"Oh shit!" the axe cried. "It's Awxemo, the one who caused the minor damage to my handle! Quick! Throw me at him!"

"I would never cause minor damage," said Awxemo. "I only cause major damage!"

Then he punched an old lady.

"Grandma!!" the axe screamed. "You bastard!!!"

"My parents were legally married at the time of my conception. And to prove it, I will drink 80 beers!"

Awxemo drank 80 beers.

"Hey there, good lookin'," he said to the nearest light fixture. "You should head down over to my place later tonight."

Awxemo passed out.

"I have defeated the menace," the axe proclaimed boldly. "And I will lead you all in your battle against the gnome. Follow me!"

The axe then turned towards Nick. "It would help if you were moving forward. So they can follow me."

(OOC: My char in this story is supposed to be more calm, collected and scarier than my usual one. Appearance is the same, though. Just so you know.)

Shadow growled, rubbing his forehead because of the massive headache the axe had given him. "If no one objects, I'm going to scout ahead at the temple. Away from this axe, preferably, because it's jabbering is highly tempting me to snap it in half." he said as he walked for the tavern exit.

This post has been edited by Shadow_Link: May 14 2008, 06:35 PM

Slightly groggy, Vet sat up after the healing potion had done it's job.

"Urgh, thanks very much, whichever of you helped me. I was walking along, minding my own business when I heard a frantic scream - certainly a very odd noise, as if someone had been stuck unable to move for a very long time due to not having legs or something, then eventually spied me walking along with business to mind and plunged themselves into my back - that sort of noise, and I thought it prudent to fetch aid almost instantaneously.

Of course the scream may have come from other persons unknown who threw an axe at me, but looking around this tavern I notice a talking axe having an argument with a man who has apparently assaulted his grandmother, lending support to my earlier conjecture. Either that or I am dilerious from my wound."

"For some odd reason...I am not surprised by all of this...far too much stuff happens in this damn place..." Celesta sighed, now ignoring the fight going on, instead she focused on flipping back over the table, and healing the old woman that was just punched.

Katra awoke, and took in the sight of the tavern, eyeing the axe that was now speaking to a group of people in the tavern "Wow...am I still drunk?" He turned to Celesta.

"You might be...but that axe is real..."

"Really?!?! Oh that is so cool!" Katra jumped up, joining the crowd that was getting ready to leave the tavern. Celesta appeared next to him in only a few moments. "So where are we going to?"

"To find a gnome that is hurting people..."

"Funny...that sounds like a quest or something...which always involves work..."

"You would be right on that."

"Damnit..."

"Alright, time at the bar!" bellowed an unnamed serving minion, ringing the gong that hung above the bar for just such a purpose. "Everyone drink up!"

Grumbling, the patrons filed out of the door, before they started flashing the lights on and off. Having nothing better to do, the cavalcade followed after Shadow towards the Forest Temple.

"So, what's the best way to catch a gnome?" Showsni asked.

"By killing it," the axe answered. "God, it's like you people don't know anything."

"Ever tried not being such an annoying know-it-all? It would really make you more likable." Stretching, the blue-eyes swordsman walked outside. "Besides, you can't give me splinters. My ki is too high for you to harm me."