"That reminds me of my origin story," the axe said, since that was clearly the topic.

"Four months ago I was created in an off seas country. I don't know where. It's plastered on my hilt, but I can't very well see that now can I? I was bought a month later in a Sears in Denver. Three months later, I was used to kill an old yodeling man by his barely-twenty-something wife, who had married him for his money and so that she could be a greater yodeler than Samuel Jackson. For some reason this meant I could talk. Beats the hell out of me why. I didn't want to get implicated for murder, so I planted myself in the back of that one man before."

And that was his story. Everything was coming together. It was all so convenient.

"Well, that's an interesting story." said a voice. A very beautiful young brunette woman appeared

"Zounds!" shouted Melvin. "Where did you come from?"

"It's actually rather boring," the axe replied. "I would fall asleep telling it, but being an inanimate object I am incapable of feeling exhaustion."

She giggled. "I love that fifties lingo!"
"heh, it's good to see ya, Sis."

"His sister?!" shouted Mervin as he start running around the room AND up and down the walls. "After his grandfather framed him for blowing up the planet, he made two alien sibling babies! That means, between the two of them, there's a WHOLE alien. Now they don't have a reason not to eat us. This is worse than the octoroks!"

This post has been edited by SteveT: May 26 2008, 10:48 PM

"Care to explain what that's all about?"
"Yeah, that kid's a bit messed up in the noggin."

The axe stared at the woman, who he couldn't understand at all. Then he suddenly remembered his community college course in foreign languages. He knew some phrases in bluenese...

"Salutations lady of relation to man who holds me with hand of sweat. Name of me is Hoo'ax'dyuu. How are being the fishes in your blouse?" the axe asked, though in the end not saying what he meant. His bluenese was a bit rusty.

"......okaaaay.... Is there a reason you spoke like that?"
"He thinks your text color is a different language."
"Ahh, so he's an idiot."

"I didn't catch that," the axe replied. "Could you translate?"

"Yep, an idiot." He then sighed. "Look, the blue is to differentiate between her words and mine. She's not speaking a different language or any kind of dialect or slang variation."
"Yeah, so listen up or get outta here."

"I can speak in Bluenese and Old Yellow simultaneously" said Lord Utility.

"Yeah. Even though nobody's language ever changes."
"Well, this is fun and all, but would someone please explain to me what's going on?"

The axe smiled serenely with his nonexistant lips at the young bluenese woman. "No maam. I am not a rhinoceros. But I appreciate the gesture."

".....did anything even get to you? I'm not speaking English, just like you are."

From deep within the Forest Temple, a malevolent and diminutive spirit stirred...


"I hear that accursed language! The foreigners from the blue nation have returned. The ancient war between the gnomes and the smurfs must continue. All hail the gnomes of the Red Travelosity Empire!"

[...............why is everybody torturing me today....? *sighs*]

Just then, some monsters came through the window or something. Or maybe it was a ham sandwich. I'm not sure on the details because of the language barrier.

[WHAT LANGUAGE BARRIER!?! >_<]

Five masked lawn gnomes hurled themselves through the stained glass windows. They pointed their sharp red hats at the intruders and howled, "Death to the smurf nation and their allies!"

They then propelled themselves forward with rockets strapped to their feet. Like little gnome missiles.

"Oh no!" shouted Melvin. When his mouth finally stopped moving, he gritted his teeth.

"Cymbalquil, I choose you!" he shouted as he threw a Chinese take-out box at the nearest gnome.

The box flopped open, and a monkey carrying a pair of cymbals fell out.

"Use your cymbal attack!"

Cymbalquil began making a very rhythmic noise in the general direction of the gnomes.

[Well, it's been gut-wrenchingly fun. But I think it's time for me to say "F*** this" and never look into this thread again]

As the man who had held the axe for so long disappeared, Hoo'ax'dyuu fell to the ground with a heart-wrenching pound. As chaos unfolded all around, the axe was forgotten... forever.

(Spoil-sport. )

Not really wanted to fight a bunch of gnomes right now, Shadow just kicked up Hoo'ax'dyuu with his foot, grabbed hsi handle and threw him at one of the incoming.

One of the gnomes fell to the ground dead after the talking axe slammed into it. The other gnomes froze and began to wail. "Nooo! Jimmy!!"

"You'll pay for this!" Another shouted. "See! With my dark magic I've already made the two blue-talkers disappear! Mwahaha... MWAHAHAHA!"

The apparent leader of the gnomes then performed a complex series of would-be martial arts moves. "We'll show them who's boss!"

"Right!"

The four remaining gnomes flipped into the air and performed a team based missile attack on the monkey. And the pokemon cymbal thing too.

Cymbalquil was stomped to death.

"Cymbalquil! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Mervin flew into a rage and bit one of the gnomes.

Suddenly, a rumble of thunder rent the air. Showsni drew back the curtains to see outside. It was too dark to see much, but on opening the windows it became clear that it was raining. He closed the curtains, and sat back down at the keyboard.
/ooc

"So, what just happened?"

He hadn't really been paying attention, and now it seemed that his lack of heedfulness could cost him dearly.

"Hey, four pokémon on one's not fair!"

Jimmy the Gnome suddenly stood up with the axe still in his back. He pumped his fist and yelled, "Hoo HA! Finally a new body to control!"

He then started lurching towards the other gnomes while a snail outran him.

Shadow looked at the axe in boredom as he lumbered towards the other gnomes. He started to think of a way for this axe to get around normally, since it would save everyone a big headache. "Perhaps... his problem is that he drives himself in so deep that his victims are so near death that they can't move worth squat. He needs a strong body... but what would be strong enough to take the full load of that axe in their back? Hm..."

"DEATH FROM ABOVE!" shouted one of the gnomes; Shadow looked up in alarm to see that he was the next target of their combo attack. He jumped and rolled to the side, letting them take a chunk out of the stone ground instead; no wonder they killed the Pokémon in a single hit.

Shadow let out a frustrated groan and drew his sword, made of black metal but stained with so much unwashed blood that you'd mistake it for a crimson blade. "You'll have liked it better when I wasn't thinking about decapitating you."

Mark, having gone on a week-long trip to somewhere-elseland during yet another plot-stagnating discussion--On which his good friend Stephen joined his adventure--returned to find everyone apparently dead of boredom!

"Why?!?" Mark cried to the heavens, falling to his knees. "Why do the beautiful always die so young??"

"Um, I hate to break it to you, Mark," Stephen replied, looking around. "But I don't see anyone here who fits that description.

And stop being so melodramatic."

Putting an end to the melodrama, Mark stood up, looked around, and replied, "What, them? No, they're nowhere close. I was talking about the thread."

"The what?"

"...Nevermind."

Just then, as if the very presence of Mark and Stephen revived them, four gnomes suddenly attacked, shouting something about smurfs. Mark and Stephen drew their weapons to face them, and Mark earnestly hoped that something else happened, lest he be stuck dying from the suspense forever!