Epic Dino Slayer OG Page 1
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Author: Director[edit]
*Cut to a diner in midwestern America, a year after Retro and Director escaped the Alien*
Greasy old owner woman: TABLE THREE WANTS AN ORDER OF ONION RINS HOLD TH ONION HOLD THE RINGSS.
Director: Yessm. Hey Retro, you heard the lady.
Retro: Yeah yeah...
*Retro frys up the dough then tosses it out, he hands Director an empty plate*
Director: Orderup.
Woman: THANKS! *eats the nothing on her plate, dies of Anorexia*
Greasy old owner woman: Director, bring that to the back!
Director: Why?
Greasy old owner woman: TONIGHTS SPECIAL ISNT GONNA DRAG ITSELF!
Director: Gross.
*A man walks in*
Manly mannerson: SPECIAL PLEASE!
Retro: Gross.
Manly Mannerson: YESSIR, AMERICA SURE IS GREAT!
Director: Really now? Retro and I havent been outta this town in a year.
Manly Mannerson: SHAME!
*Mannerson eats his special, he promptly keels over and dies*
Greasy Old Owner woman: DIRECTOR DRAG TOMMOROWS SPECIAl IN THE KI-
Director: No way, come on Retro, lets DO AMERICA!
Retro: America?
Director: Sure, we'll steal this guys Motorcycle.
Retro: Where will I sit?
Director: Theres a side car.
Author: Retro[edit]
Retro: First thing we're doing is getting another car or something.
Director: Whatever...cause' it's GO TIME!
Retro: Don't you mean "DO TIME"?
Director: This is exactly why you didn't have a life in the last OG.
(Director floors it, but the motorcycle refuses to move an inch.)
Retro: You forgot to check for gas, didn't you?
Director: Shut up.
***
(Meanwhile, across the country in a hostile land we call Wisconsin, a meteorite has crashed into the land. A young scientist, Dr. Rodrick Kenway just so happens to have been passing by in his van. Attached to it, a fully accessible laboratory.)
Kenway: Have I been taking too many prescription pills, or did I just see a Meteor!? Better call this in to Headquarters.
(Kenway pulls out a huge transceiver radio/picture phone from the back seat of his truck and turns it on. A picture of a burly man with a wild mustache comes into view.)
Kenway: Excuse me, Dr. Robotnik sir?
Robotnik: IF YOU DON'T... I'LL MELT YOU DOWN, MY WAY.
Kenway: This is your understudy, Rodrick. Remember?
Robotnik: ...NO!
Kenway: A meteorite crashed here some time ago, sir. Should I bring it back to HQ?
Robotnik: I AM A GENIUS, I HAVE TWO.
Kenway: Copy that, excavating Meteor now. Kenway, over and out.
Robotnik: I AM DOCTOR ROBOTNIK.
(Message ended.)
Kenway: Wait a second, some thing's sticking out of that meteor!
(Frozen from deep space, Murphy's bloody form is still wedged in a meteor's crater hole. Kenway forces it off of the meteor and carries it back to his mobile lab.)
Kenway: All I have to do is thaw it out, then give this Alien life once more! Wait a second, is that a custodial uniform?
(You could almost hear a small "Yerp" sound muffled in the ice, but we all know Murphy is dead, right? RIGHT?)
Kenway: And here comes the fun part, which I can't wait to explain in detail to you all right now.
(Ten hours later)
Kenway: ....and then we turn it on! I present to you...one and all, Murphtroid Prime! His badly damaged brain was put in a jar on his head to maintain all thought and persona. Also I installed a large arsenal of nuclear weaponry! HAHAHAHA!
Murphtroid Prime: Commencing Yerp function Beta Alpha Gamma.
Kenway: Yes...now my dream of owning my own robot friend is about to come true! But as for that strange egg I found him with, I had to (close up) soft boil it and then eat it, HAH!
Murphtroid Prime: Primary Function: Destroy all things non-yerp. Terminating subject Rodrick Kenway, yerp.
Kenway: Non Yerp? I didn't program this!
Murphtroid Prime: Yerp Beam Omega Glint!
Kenway: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Kenway and his lab are obliterated by the beam, and you can see Murphtroid Prime slowly walking away from the wreckage, towards the nearest city, to destroy all things...non yerp.)
Author: Director[edit]
Director: Ok, gas stations a little ways that way, we can push the motorcycle there.
Retro: We better hurry, its getting dark....
*They push the motorcycle to the gas station, as they are feuling it up, the gas station attendant man walks by*
Gasman: I see you.
Director:...... K
Gasman: I see your past.
Director: Ok...
Gasman: THE ONE FROM YOUR PAST WILL RISE AGAIN!
Director: ENOUGH!
Gasman: An enemy of old.
Director: Retro
Retro: *looking bored because the gasman hadnt freaked him out* What?
Director: Gag the gasman.
Retro: Ooh, finally.
*Retro drasgs the gasman into his 8-12 store, and ties him up, he stuffs an apple in his mouth and brings him to Director*
Retro: What now?
Director: Just wanted to shut himn up, take his wallet.
Retro: Later gator.
*they steal his wallet and drive off, a day later a cloaked thing moves up to the gasman*
Gasman: *muffled voice*
???: *pulls out Apple*
Gasman: Thank you-
???: WHERE ARE THEY.
*We know retrun to Director and Retro, driving steadily until they see a sign*
BOBS INSANE FUNPARK!
Retro: Oooh
Director: *shudders*
Author: Retro[edit]
(Later)
Director: So what did you get?
Retro: I stole- erm, I mean won a sword, pretty cool huh? It also acts as a Pez dispenser and CD Burner.
Director: ...
Retro: What? I got my money's worth.
Director: No, the motorcycle...I know I parked it right here.
Retro: Oh yeah, I had to sell it to get quarters for the crane machine. I almost got a plushie of Dr. Robotnik.
Director: YOU SOLD THE MOTORCYCLE? THE ONE I WORKED SO HARD TO STEAL!?
Retro: But look at the bright side, we can burn CD's now!
Director: How're we supposed to Do America with no awesome motorcycle?
Retro: Cycles are overrated. What we need is a Pirate Ship, with detachable wheels so we can sail the highways.
Director: Cool, so where do we get one?
Retro: We steal it from that guy. (Points to a drunken pirate man who's passed out on the curb.)
Director: Well I'll be damned, if it isn't a Pirate ship with wheels.
(Director and Retro sneak over to the ship, climb aboard and pull up the anchor, then hoist the sails and let er' rip.)
Pirate: YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH! My one an' only ship with big monster truck wheels! How am I gonna deliver those explosives to Mexico now!? Dern you hippies, I'll git you yet! Or my name isn't....Generic Pirate Man!
Retro: That was easier than I thought, now it's time to use this thing and steal from unsuspecting RVs and other big vehicles.
Director: Do you know how to drive this thing!?
Retro: An Ex-Harborer always takes time to learn the fine art of piloting a land/sea based vehicle. It's all in the neck.
Director: Now what do we do? Just doing America has gotten boring already.
Retro: Let's go collect something of the utmost value.
Director: What, exactly?
Retro: I'm talking about the BIG treasure. The biggest force on this Earth.
Director: What, WHAT!?
Retro: Pixels.
Director: ...Huh? What are...Pixels?
Retro: Good question, I don't even know. But we're going to find them, and then brag about it. But I know someone who might, they live in the MS Paintatorium, just past that mountain and that huge spaceship with tank wheels...*GASP* SPACESHIP WITH TANK WHEELS?
Director: What is it? Pirates? Robots? Pirate Robots?
Retro: Robot Pirates.
Director: Dammit, I was close.
(Their ship pulls up adjacent from the other. One door from the top of the craft slides open, and a man walks out on deck, he is wearing a ridiculously large Pirate Hat, and discarded hard drives which made up his armor. )
Man: This is our turf, state your business fools!
Retro: Just passing through.
Man: HOW DARE YOU!? This is a no passing through zone, prepare to die, scumbags!
Retro: Urp.
Director: Who are you, anyway?
Man: HAERTY HAR HAR! You've never heard of Orter Montbel? I feel sorry for you simpletons, because our first encounter will be your last!
Retro: Orter...sounds almost familiar.
Orter: Now as I was saying, die!
???: Hello.
Everyone: GASP!
Author: Golem[edit]
OOC: LOL, this post is so very out of place in this OG. I can rewrite it if you want something less structured, but I'm kinda tired now and I don't even know for sure that you won't like this post.
Orter: TOPPO!! What are ye of all disgraces doing here?!
Director: Friend of yours?
???/Toppo: The Epic Dino needs Retro and Director dead. I ~chuckle~ I don't know where the assassin who was supposed to kill you is. He's way behind schedule if you're not dead.
Orter: Grrr...
~Toppo jumps into a spin and hurtles towards Retro and Director. They dive out of the way and barely dodge it, only to get hit by tops that fly out of Toppo's spin.~
Retro: Ouch!
Director: Don't give in to this guy's physical criticism, Retro! Let's give him the ol' one-two!
~Director gets up and punches the spinning Toppo, but the spin hurts his hand and deflects the punch. Retro tries a kick, but it has the same effect, and he ends up off his feet. Orter then runs up to Toppo with one of his spare masts. Toppo's spin pulls in the mast, and the extra mass throws him off--he can't keep up his spin, not to mention he spun the mast around himself, trapping himself in it. Toppo stops, and Orter picks up the mast then shakes it to throw Toppo onto the ground next to the ship.
Orter then steps up to Retro and Director and whispers in their ears.~
Orter: Listen, I don't like you two, but I don't like the Gang of the Epic Dino either--if anyone's gonna conquer stuff, it'll be me. But, there's also the part where if they kill ye, Retro, no matter how they kill ye, I die with ye, and if I die, ye do, too. So, at some points, it may be in our best interest to... have each other's back.
Retro: What?! You said you wanted me to die!
Orter: In a metaphoric sense. I really just wanted to capture ye and keep ye in the brig forever so ye'd be outta my way and I wouldn't hav'ta worry about ye dying. To speak truthfully, though, somehow... our life forces are linked. Got it, shark bait?!
Retro: You're saying that if I die, no matter how I die, you die too? And if you die, even in some stupid way, like... you get eaten by an alien, I die just because you died? Like, even if you get eaten by an alien somewhere in Russia, and I'm millions of miles away in safe and scenic Virginia. In that case, I would still die instantly at the moment of your death?
Orter: That's what I just said, peabrain.
Retro: And I'm guessing you don't want Toppo to know?
Orter: Of course not.
Director: That's all fine and well, but we still have an assassin to deal with!
~Toppo has clambered to the deck of the ship.~
Toppo: You ~chuckle~ you didn't even TRY to drive away?
Author: Director[edit]
*MEANWHILE, the assassin is driving down a dusty road, and has an idea*
Assassin:Where the hell is Orter.... Hey say hey, maybe he went to Moondo lake to find Retro and Director, Director did grow up there...
*The assassin drives off to Moondo lake and he comes upon a memorial once there*
To the ones who found IT, and the ones who died.
Assassin: What the.......
???: I see you're looking for Director are ya.
Assassin: Who are you?
Old man Cat: I am Cat.......... IT knows where they are.
Assassin: IT?
Old man Cat: IT.
*The Assassin looks dazed, he walks into a nearby cave to look for it*
Assassin: Ummmmmm..... IT.......
*You are mine assassin*
Assassin: Woah, what was that.
*I need your skin*
Assassin: No thank! *Rushes out, but before he can*
IT: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*IT murders the assassin,, steals his leather jacket and shades then goes outside and starts up the assassins motorbike*
IT: Alright, Director watch out.
*IT rides off*
Author: Retro[edit]
(Meanwhile, back on the other side of the country, Murphtroid Prime is continuing in his quest to destroy all things non-yerp. We find him rampaging through a small town in the outskirts of Montana.)
Montana Citizen: I didn't mean to steal from the Church, God! Please don't send your robotic guardians to hunt me down for it!
MP: Function: Absorb Non-Yerp energy. Converting Negative Yerp energy to Positive Yerp energy. Murphtroid Prime grows ever stronger by Positive Yerp energy. New weapon: Ballistic Yerp Missiles.exe
(Police cars and SWAT teams arrived at the scene and began firing their weapons at Murphtroid's exoskeleton, but it was all in vain. Murphtroid Prime unloaded all of his missiles at the police force, destroying everyone there completely.)
MP: Absorbing combat data, and downloading it into main hard drive, yerp.
(Change scenes to a group of people watching a T.V. through a glass window in Iowa. The T.V.s are each tuned to the News, which is covering the attacks from Murphtroid Prime.)
Reporter: I'm here at Ground Zero, Montana. The destructive attacks from the mysterious "Yerpamatron" do not cease. Two states have fallen under fire from this monstrosity so far, and it heads into Iowa as we speak. Police have set up barricades at each of the state borders, and the denizens of Iowa are said to pack up their belongings and flee from their homes immediately. This is Glenn Watchover, Channel 6, reporting- What the HELL? NO! GET AWAY, GET AW-yerp
Newscaster: We, um, seem to be having some technical difficulties on the other end there, so we'll just cut to commercial. God Speed.
(A young woman watching the broadcast escapes to a nearby alleyway, moves a few pieces of discarded furniture sitting against the wall, and walks into a secret hideaway. Inside she grabs a bunch of personal belongings and some books, then runs out of the "house". This is Fera Praag, Yerpamancer-in-training.)
Fera: Looks like this world is in need of one of the world's only known Yerpamancers yet again!
***
(Meanwhile, back to the confrontation atop the Pirate Ship, Retro and Director meet their match from the Assassin Toppo, and his spin attacks.)
Retro: Spin attacks hurt!
Orter: Hey, I think I have an idea!
Director: What is it!?
Orter: Let's shoot him!
(Orter shoots Toppo in the leg, causing him to fall over the ledge that separated the ship from the highway street that continuously zoomed by at 65 mph.)
Retro: Wow, good job. Now then, where were we?
Toppo: I'm not (chuckle) dead yet, fools!
Director: Then die already and stop bothering us!
Toppo: When the Epic Dino Guild wants someone dead, THEY DIE!
Retro: Why want us dead? We're pretty nice people when you get to know us!
Director: Yeah, now shut up you idiot.
Toppo: SILENCE! (Chuckle) Anyone who tries to take our pixels shall suffer a fate worse than death!
Retro: So...you're not going to kill us?
Toppo: Wait...by that I meant...ah whatever, (Takes out switch blade) Die!
(Toppo begins to spin again, stretching out his blade in front of him, making him one dangerous top. Retro un-sheathes his surprisingly durable carny sword and intercepts the blades in mid-flight. Blank CD's that were stored in the blade shoot out and connect with Toppo's face, sending him back. Orter takes out a big sledgehammer and sends Toppo flying, much like a golf ball.)
Toppo: You haven't seen the last of me! (Chuckle) Wait, that wasn't funny! I hate you all!! (Vanishes into the clouds)
Orter: Looks like we won't be seeing him again, now where were we?
Retro: Look, the turn for MS Paintatorium is coming up!
Orter: You haven't escaped me, I'll simply turn and follow you there!
Director: You can't follow us if you're dead!
(Director shoves Orter off of the side of the ship, and down into the passing street below, much like Toppo. But will he return? Who knows.)
Orter: YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!
(Yeah, he'll return.)
Retro: MS Paintatorium, here we come!
Author: Director[edit]
*We return to IT, who has stolen the place of Orters assassin and is going after Director, not Retro, because IT doesnt even know who Retro is.*
IT: *badass rock in roll plays* Yeehaaa, that Directors gonna die.
*This crazy Clown pulls over to steal some candy from a baby...... which he then proceeds to eat*
IT: That was some yummy candy.
Mother: How dare you!
IT: *Laughs menacingly*
Mother: *realizes tht he is a clown monster* EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeek!!!!
IT: Ahahahahaaaaaaa *IT slaughters the mother and eats her baby*
Mother; Remember........... the alamo.
IT: That was a yummy baby. The alamo eh? Like the beer? Hmmmm
*IT enters a supermarket, and buys some Alamo beer*
IT: This sure is some yummy beer..... hey whats this?
*A notice telling of the MS Paintatorium is on the back of the beer can*
IT: This sounds like a lead, thanks lady.
Mother: *Is dead*
*Meanwhile, Director and Retro are at the entrance to the paintatorium, they are arguing with an entrance attendant*
Gum chewing lady: THE TICKETS ARE 3.75 FOR THA LAST TOIMEEE.
Retro: I told you its free to get in!
Director: Im gonna use the bathroom.
*Director jabs Retro in the stomach*
Retro: OH oh yeah, me too.
*Director and Retro beat up Gum Chewing lady and enter the Paintatorium*
Director: Alright, wheres the Pixel?
Retro: Hell if I know.
Director: LETS SPLIT UP, OH YEAHA, FO SO'.
Retro: Dont do that ever again.
*Director goes into a large building, Retro goes into a WIDE building.
Director: Well this building is boring...... might as well go to the top.
*Director goes to the top*
Director: Nice view-
???: If you build, he will come.
Director: W-who will come?
???: If you build it, he will come.
Directow: B-build what?
???: You know what to do.
*the voice fades away*
Director: Im gonna build a base-ball field.
Author: Golem[edit]
~Director leaves to find Retro.
Director happens upon Retro appreciating a pixel art of a golden retriever...~
Retro: Look at the beauty in this work of art.
Director: Retro... I'm gonna build a baseball field.
Retro: What? Stay focused, we're here for the pixels.
Director: Retro... baseball field. Baseball field!!
Retro: Alright, alright, but... once we have the pixels, which are of utmost value, we'll have the power to do whatever we want.
Director: Baseball field!!!
Retro: Hear me out! Once we have the pixels, we can do whatever we want, include building a baseball field. We could hire a construction crew to do it right!
Director: Ahhh... we gotta get pixels.
Retro: Exactly! I was just on my way to find you, the lab where they make pixels is right behind us. However, they only give pixels to the truly worthy, so we have to earn the--
~Director runs past Retro towards the lab. He jump-kicks the door of the lab to the ground, setting off many alarms.~
Retro: Director, what are you doing?!
~Guards come to stop Director, but he fights them off, rendering them unconscious. Director starts looking through the lab, tossing drawers everywhere haphazardly, scaring the lone scientist.~
Director: WHERE CAN I GET SOME PIXELS?!
Scientist Larry: Uhh, I dunno!
~Director grabs Larry by the collar and holds him up.~
Director: LIAR!!
Larry: I-I-I-I swear! Er I mean check the back room! ~points to a door in the lab~
~Director drops Larry and stomps over to the door. He slams it open with a shove and finds a room full of cabinets. He opens a bunch, finding little cubes of various colors in each.~
Director: I GOT ME SOME PIXELS!!
Larry Oh-oh-oh boy. This had to be the day everyone else took off. ~snort~
~Guards arrive with guns.~
Author: Retro[edit]
Fera: What, there are two dimensions!?
Old Man: Dimensions? I said do you want to buy some TOOTHPASTE.
Fera: I've just received an e-mail from my ancestors from BEYOND THE GRAVE...the second dimension is about to swallow this one, I've got to hurry! Also, I'm set for Toothpaste thanks.
Old Man: Get your "balck" magic or whatever out of my hut, you scoundrel!
Fera: Geez, I have to stop a cyborg janitor and now a dimension? Why did I become a Yerpamancer instead of a doctor anyway? I just wanted to make money for crying out loud...
Old Man: I'm calling the Police!
Fera: Alright alright, I'm leaving...
***
Guard with a gun and without a cause: Put up your hands, those Pixels aren't yours!
Retro: They are now.
Director: Stay back, or the Pixels get it!
Guard: You wouldn't dare!
Retro: Did the bluff work Director?
Director: Not at all, thanks to you.
Retro: Oops.
Guard: Open fire!
(Retro grabs Larry's collar and tosses him in front of the gunfire and at the group of guards, who were all lined up perfectly enough to be knocked down all at once. Director and Retro both flee out a nearby window and head out to the Pirate Ship.)
Director: That was too close, but at least we have the pixels.
Retro: "We"?
Author: Director[edit]
Director: Now then, to Americas midwest!
Retro:....... Why?
Director: Baseball field.
Retro: Crap not that agaiiiiiiiiinn-
*Director hits warp speed on the ship and they head off to the midwest. MEANWHILE, Docotor Kenways brother has gone to his moving lab to talk with him....but he finds that*
Dr. Syawnek: ZOMG HES DEAD!!!?!??!?!?!!111 Well at least his cloning machine is working.... wait that gives me an idea....
*Dr. Syawnek cuts out Kenways stomach and clones him*
Dr. Syawnek: Sweet.
Kenway: HOLY HELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT HULKING LUNATIC!
Syawnek: What Lunatic?
Kenway: He.... said Yerp.
Syawnek: Holy sh*t, hes terrorizing the USA.... did you-
Kenway: NO!
Syawnek: Well at least your alive little bro.
Kenway: Yeah I feel great-
*Kenways stomach bursts open splattering blood everywhere a baby alien comes out*
Alien: friend?
Syawnek: GASP MY BROTHER! Die you hell spawn-
*The Alien hears his h=arsh words and eats him, he rapidly grows to his adult form*
Alien: ROAAAAAR
OoC: Syawnek not only cloned his brother but also the Alien egg he ate! gasp.
Author: Nintendofreak[edit]
*Back to IT*
- Extremelly hardcore rock music is playing*
IT: Ah,I do believe that I love "doing America"! The fresh air! The wide-open ranges! The crime sprees! *Holds out right hand and rips of a predestrian's head while still driving* I'm having a crackerjak good time!
*IT stops behind a large bus dropping off pasengers, one of the passengers is a sasquatch*
IT: THAT! Is THAT you old bean?
THAT: Ello guvna'! Wot' is all this then?
IT: I do believe that I am "doing America" cousin THAT!
THAT: Obsurd! America is nothin' compared to jolly ol' London!
IT: If you come with me, we will kill an extremelly dreadfull child that I failed to kill over at Loch Moondo
THAT: Bloody hell! Move ova' and we'll ave' a merry ol' time "doing America"!
*The two ride off on the motorcycle while the passenger bus explodes behind them*
IT: Bloody hell!
THAT: oh ya, I forgot I put a bomb on tha' bus. Oi, why are ya' a clown anyway?
IT: Oh, I took this form ta' blend in
THAT: Is it workin'?
*A pedestrian sees the two on the motorcycle, screams like a little girl, runs to a gas station, covers himself in gas, and sets himself on fire from the site of the evil clown and sasquatch*
IT: I don't know
*Back to Fera*
Fera: I'll take two chilidogs to go please!
Generic Hotdog Vendor: That'll be 5 bucks!
Fera: I'm a yerpamancer! We don't use money!
GHV: Yerpamancer? Does that mean you have sex with yerps?
Fera: That's a yerpophile!
GHV: Oooooh, so you eat yerps then?
Fera.......
Author: Director[edit]
*Even more meanwhile, the Alien is totally killing everyone*
Alien: ROAR!!!!!!
Person: Heya there.
Alien: *snaps the persons neck, then eats him*
*A notice blows up on his face*
ATTENTION! Assassins needed for Retro and Director, report to somewhere!
Alien: *thinkthinkthink* Oh *Remembers his last moments on the spaceship* They... *Transfers his memorys into hsi egg, dies*
ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
*The Alien gets all crazy and starts to rampage towards the afformentioned assassin tryout area,k at the exact same time, the space freighter companys board is talking*
Man A: So they didnt return us the Alien yet here it is.
Man B: We must capture it.
Man A: He is our only hope to defeat every government ever.
Man C: And China.
Man A: Whats a China.
*The Alien bgursts in the room*
Man A: HOLY SH*T
Man B: ITS HERE!
Man C: ALIEN!
*The Alien kills all three of them*
Alien *Thinks to self* Well I killed a plot element, one down...
*MEANWHILE AGAIN, Director and Retro are in the ship flying towards the midwest to build the baseball field*
Retro: Why are we building this thing again?
Director: Well, someone tod me if you build the field, he will come.
Retro: Who?
Director: Iunno.
Author: Nintendofreak[edit]
*Back to Murphroid Prime*
MP: Primary function: destroy all things non-yerp! completion percent: .000000000000000000000002%. Statement: Damnit!!!!!-yerp
*Fera finally gets her chili dog*
Fera: Now that my belly is full I have the power to defeat that robotic menace!
*Fera runs at the Murphroid and thwacks it's leg with a stick*
Fera: Take that you monster!
MP: Statement: You will be yerped!
Fera: What does that even mean?
*Murphroid bends down and flicks Fera miles way*
MP: Initiating gloat function: Ha-Ha-Ha-everything will be yerped! It is enebitable!
*MP continues to throw a car into a building then vaporizing a school with a shoulder mounted ray gun*
*Back to Retro and Director!*
Retro: So, we built the baseball field, and we have 1 single pixel left, so tell me again, WHY did we waste the pixels for this?!
Director: I'll tell you again, the big voice in the sky said "If you build it, he will come"!
Retro: Do you know how dumb that sounds?!
???: If you build it, he will come
Director: Hey voice! Wassup buddy!
???: If you build it, he will come
Director: How've you been man?
???: Dude shut the f*ck up! I'm telling you to build the damn baseball field so I-I mean HE will come! God, you're so annoying!
Retro: Tell me about it
Director: Hey!
Retro: What?
Director: Shut up!
Retro: Fine! I'll be on the ship!
*Retro stomps of towards the ship when a high volocity object crashes down on him leaving a fairly large crater*
Retro: I think I broke my leg!
???: No that's my leg!
Retro: Then who's leg is up by my head?
???: Well it's not mine
Director: Are you two alright down there?!
Retro: No!
Director: Well get your lazy ass up here!
*The fog clears revealling that the object that fell on Retro was non-other than Fera, the yerpamancer!*
Fera: We'll be right up!
*Fera climbs up the side of the crater, holding Retro by his hair. They finally make it up to Director who has a strange look on his face*
Retro: Hey Director, are you OK?
Fera: Director? Well that's a stupid name
Director: You're..........pretty
Retro: So, who the hell are you anyway?
Fera: I am Fera the yerpamancer
Retro: What's a yerpamancer?
Fera: Someone who studdies the art of yerp
Director: You're hot!
Retro: Well that makes sence
???: Ok, now that that's over, did you bring the pixels?
Retro: How the hell do you think we built this stadium in 5 minutes?
???: Dude, I don't have eyes, don't get snippy with me!
Retro: We only have 1 pixel left anyway
???: Place it on the pitcher's mound, and he will come
Retro: This "He" better have some money when he comes!
*Meanwhile, Director has managed to place himself eerily close to Fera*
Fera: Are you ok?
*Director just stares at her, she glistens in the moonlight. Retro bonks Director on the head, snapping him out of his love-struck ways*
???: Place the pixel now!!!!!!!
*Retro places the pixel on the catcher's mound and steps back. A bolt of lightning hits it and lifts it into the air. A swirling portal opens in the sky and two legs decend from the portal, but stop*
???: Aaaaaahhh! I'm stuck! Get me out of here!
*Retro stands on Director's shoulders and pulls on the legs, a man falls out of it. He is wearing a cap with a large N on it*
Director: It can't be!
Retro: But he's dead!
???: Long time no see guys
*To be Continued*
Author: Retro[edit]
(Fades in again)
Retro: Ow my head, I think I blacked out there for a second...
Fera: Yeah, and you probably suffered some brain damage from when...I...landed on you (cough).
???: A-HEM! As I was saying, long time no see.
Director: It's...IT'S...!
Retro: Mariorocks!?
???: Yes exactly I'm the one and only Mario- NO I AM NOT MARIOROCKS.
Director: Nintendofreak, we thought you were dead!
NF: There was a time when that was true.
Retro: ...And?
NF: Oh! And then...you know, one thing lead to another...made some movies...hung out around Europe for a while-ANYWAY! You built a baseball park and I came to it.
Director: And that's it?
NF: As far as I know, yes.
Fera: So...now what?
Director: According to the title, we're going to do it!
Retro: (Ahem) Do...AMERICA, Director.
Director: Same difference, now let's hop back onto my awesome Pirate Ship and-
(Said Pirate Ship explodes.)
Retro: The hell!?
(Orter Montbel suddenly hops out of the ship debris and jogs over to the group, his clothing and face covered in soot and still smoking.)
Orter: That'll teach you to pass me on the highway! Hah-Haha-Oof(Falls over.)
Director: Oh god, the dynamite that we left on board!
Fera: You left something like DYNAMITE on your vehicle!?
(Director suddenly tries to pin the blame on Retro to avoid looking foolish in front of Fera, then they both start screaming at each other for nothing.)
Orter: Um.
Fera: Looks like we're just going to keep walking from here, that Murphtroid Prime thing is still out there wreaking havoc somewhere, and I can't rest until I stop it!
NF: I guess we're all going after this "Murphtroid Prime" then?
Fera: There's strength in numbers after all. (Shrugs)
(Director whole heartedly agrees, trying to suck up, but gets whacked over the head by Retro. Orter quietly sneaks up on board his vehicle and high-tails it out of there, before anyone can notice.)
(Elsewhere)
MP: Function: Absorbing combat data - Stick downloaded into hard drive, yerp. Uploading stick to arsenal program.
Man: You monster, you destroyed my house!
MP: Uploading response - Loading time 4 hours 31 min.
(4 hours and 31 minutes later.)
MP: Response: Deal with it, yerp.
Man: There's nothing left for me in this world! (Man proceeds to jump off a cliff which was conveniently located right near his house.)
MP: Conquest of Iowa completed, termination of all things non-yerp is complete, now moving onto Nebraska, yerp.
(Back to the other place)
Retro: Now that I've vented my anger on Director, I can go back to realizing the awful, awful truth...MY PIXELS ARE GONE! NO!
Director: Can't we always get more?
Retro: MORE!? Yes...I can build a whole mine of pixels...yes, yes that's good! Then I can create clones of myself and dominate the w- (After going on an evil mini rant, Retro notices that everyone's eavesdropping on him.)
Retro: Shall we get going, then?