The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Prequel
A story about the early adventures of the GCPA that has some really good parts but never took off. It was started on May 24, 2005, and the last post was made on December 20 of the same year. Contributing authors include Scruffy, GORE-ILLA/Que Pasa, That Krazy Dude, Lupine and No Name. This is all that was posted, after being editted gramatically.
Author: Scruffy[edit]
Now, I shall start the prequel to how the adventures started...........
In a town, highly polluted and crammed, mixed in a world where humanity may blow themselves up or start wars for stupid reasons, live two young men. A young man with a dream of seeing past these desolate walls that barricade him, a chance to live out his life to the maximum, a fool who dreams a fool's dream of freedom and excitement, a fool that's called Monkeyman Scruffy. His friend, the greatest mechanic engineer to possibly come in since that famous dude, who was good at.......... Well, you get the point. Once a radioactive archeologist until he found the Millennium Nose and was turned into his current form, he has the unique ability of turning his nose into a cannon. His name is Que Pasa, Scruffy's best friend. There by the ocean bored, they are staring at the Marie Lou, one of the biggest galleons in the world. They one day hope to both exit and see the world.......and live it to a max!!!!!!!!!
Scruffy: Look at that galleon. It's huge, wish we had a ship like that, and then we could sail it around the world!!!!!!!!
Que Pasa: Yes, it's big and so is your mom!!!!!!
Scruffy: Yea, well you're an engineer. Can't you build us something???? How bout a dinghy?
Que Pasa: Of course I can!
(roughly 2 hours later)
Que Pasa: I am done!
Scruffy: Let's have a look!
(It's a boat-shaped thing with lots of holes and painted on the side "The Golden Cheesecake")
Scruffy: WTF MATE?????? That took you 2 hrs???????
Que Pasa: Well, I took about 15 minutes to build it, and an hour and 45 minutes to beat Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge Of The Sith.
Scruffy: I'm gonna........ (interrupted by a large howling in the background) Hey look, the navy and a pirate ship!
Que Pasa: Yes, and a butterfly as well.
Scruffy: Well, they know what they are doing. Why don't we become pirates????????
Que Pasa: Why do we become pirates?????
Scruffy: No seriously, we can leave this crappy town, explore the world, become rich and famous. We'll collect a crew and then head off to wherever our poor undetermined navigation skillz may take us.
Que Pasa: You mean we will drift wherever the waves may take us.
Scruffy: Well, I was trying not to make us look like uneducated imbeciles, but........ yeah, that's basically what I meant.
Que Pasa: Fine, I nominate you as captain.
Scruffy: What, why me??????
Que Pasa: CAUSE YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (crumbles up a paper with numerous ways for the captain to "accidentally" die)
Scruffy: Really?
Anakin: I thought I was?
Scruffy: Well, whatever, fine. I take the role as your leader, as your guiding light in the darkness, your........... Screw this, just call me Pirate Captain Monkeyman Scruffy. I elect you as my right hand. From now on you will be First Mate Que Pasa.
(As soon as Scruffy finishes saying his speech, a gang appears)
Gang Leader: So, you're a pirate. That means you have to have loot!
Gang Member..1: Who are you????
Scruffy: Well we sorta just sta..........(interrupted by Que Pasa)
Que Pasa: We are the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!!!!!!!!!
(Everybody stares for a few seconds, then they laugh)
Gang Leader: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS RIGHT?
Que Pasa: I'm as serious as I was with your mom last night in bed!!!!!!!!!!
Gang Member..1: Whoa!
Gang Member..2: He dissed your mom, captain!
(Silence)
Scruffy: Wait, captain? That must mean you're.... aaa. aa.... a... a pirate! Heheh...
Que Pasa: We have stated our name, now state yours!
Gang Leader: I am Pirate Captain Gorenicus of the pirate crew you see before you. We are the hungriest cutthroats to sail this sea, and this my pathetic little friends, IS YOUR LAST VOYAGE!!!!!!!!!
Scruffy: But...... but......... know what, Que Pasa I hope you handled her the right way!!!!!!!
Que Pasa: Yes, like taking candy from a baby!
Gorenicus: DAMN YOU, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?????
Scruffy: Me, I am Captain Monkeyman Scruffy of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!!!!!!!!!
Gorenicus: That will sound nice........ on your tombstone!!!!!!!!
Scruffy: Que Pasa, protect our ship!!!!!
Gang Member..3: You have a ship? We didn't see it!
(Que Pasa jumps into the little dinghy)
Que Pasa: I'll protect it with my life, Cap'n!
Scruffy: Good, what the???
(Gorenicus jumps at Scruffy, but Scruffy stops him in his tracks by punching him with his fist on fire)
Gorenicus: What the....... How did your fist spontaneously combust like that????
Scruffy: A long time ago, I accidentally ate the Mera Mera Fruit. Well.......... Actually I made a fruit juice and accidentally mistook it for an orange, and drank the juice. Whata quink-a-dink!
Gorenicus: Yes, which means that you can't swim, muwahahaha!!!!!!!
(Gorenicus grabs Scruffy and sends him towards the water)
Scruffy: Damnit youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Que Pasa: I'll save you captain! (nose shape-shifts into a cannon, puts a grapple hook in nose and fires it towards Scruffy)
Scuffy: Got it!
Que Pasa: Hold on!!!!! (reels in grapple hook)
(With Que Pasa helping Scruffy, he left the ship unprotected, and Gorenicus's ship fires a cannonball)
Que Pasa: Oh no Cap'n! I failed, I'm sorry...
Scruffy: No prob, we can replace it. Come and help me, blast his ship into pieces!!!!!
Que Pasa: Aye aye Cap'n!!!!!!!!!! (blasts ship into smithereens in 6 shots) Your turn Captain!
Scruffy: Alright then! (sends a hundred kamikaze fireballs at Gorenicus, who lands on his ship)
Que Pasa: (roars a Wookie beast noise)
Gorenicus: WTF is wrong with your friend???
Scruffy: Oh, he is just bored. Wanna do the honors Que Pasa?
Que Pasa: It would be my most honored job, possibly better than being hugged by Chewbacca!!!!!
Scruffy: Alright! (stuffs giant fireball into Que Pasa's nose) On my count...
Scruffy: 5
Scruffy: 4
Scruffy: 3
Scruffy: What comes after 3?
Que Pasa: I think its the letter "E" Cap'n!
Scruffy: E
Scruffy: 1... FIRE!!!!!!!!!!
Que Pasa: (fires the huge powered up fireball at Gorenicus and his ship remains, blasting them off somewhere)
Gorenicus: I'll get you Monkeyman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (blasted away)
Scruffy: Job well done first mate, job well done.
Que Pasa: Yes, like Marko's steaks.
Scruffy: Which reminds me, let's get some grub. Fighting works up an appetite!
Que Pasa: Indeed let's, and then, we can take over the world muwahahahaha!!!!!!
(At the all-you-can-eat buffet)
Scruffy: (burp) Excuse me, that was delicious. Que Pasa stop stuffing food down your nose!!!!
Que Pasa: Let's go buy all our supplies for the ship.
Scruffy: Alright, what do we need?
Que Pasa: A Nintendo Gamecube, Xbox, and PS2, plus five games for each, and food and water!
Scruffy: Sounds good to me.
(While walking down the docks after buying all their "supplies")
Scruffy: We need a ship.
Que Pasa: Will this do? (hijacks a navy ship)
Scruffy: Yeah, just paint over where it says NAVY and paint whatever you want to on top.
Que Pasa: GOLDEN CHEESECAKE!
Scruffy: Whatever you want to, paint it!
Que Pasa: WOOWOOWOOOWOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Scruffy: Raise the anchor, man the sails, we're off with the wind!!!!!!!!
Que Pasa: Aye aye Cap'n!
Scruffy: Where could we find a chef? I'm hungry again.
Que Pasa: We can go to a galaxy far beyond our reaches through a field of brain-eating aliens and asteroid fields and enemy ships, or.....
Scruffy: Or what?
Que Pasa: Or we can just hire Marko.
Scruffy: To El Fool's house!!!!!!!
And that is how two idiots with a fool's dream started to create reality, a maiden voyage with many harsh moments to come, a voyage that would test their luck to its limits!!!!!!!
Author: That Krazy Dude[edit]
This is how I, That Krazy Dude, came to be on the crew!
*The Golden Cheesecake is adrift at sea.*
Scruffy: Hey first mate.
Que Pasa: Yes?
Scruffy: You hungry?
Que Pasa: Maybe I am. It depends. Is this some kind of strange plot to kill me or something? Huh? Are you gonna put a bomb in my food? Or are you gonna poison my chalupa?
Scruffy: So you're thinking Taco Bell.
Que Pasa: Okay.
*The ship sets sail for Taco Bell. Que Pasa and Scruffy walk into the Taco Bell and walk up to the counter.*
Some Ass-Kissing Idiot at the Counter: May I help you, sirs?
Scruffy: Yeah, I'll have the spicy chicken burrito.
Ass-Kissing Idiot: (looks toward Que Pasa) And you sir?
Que Pasa: *Wookie noise*
Idiot: Grande burrito it is!
Que Pasa: Raaaaawr!
Scruffy: (yells at the counter guy) You idiot! Everyone knows that "raaaaawr" means "three tacos with sour cream, hot sauce, a large Coke and a pair of sweatsocks" in Wookie!
Idiot: Oh. I'm sorry. My apologies.
*So Scruffy and Que Pasa are eating their food while a commotion starts in the back room.*
In-the-Closet Taco Bell Manager: What is wrong with you? What an insane dude!
That Krazy Dude: It's Krazy Dude... That Krazy Dude!
Manager: Why don't you just go confuse yourself instead of everyone else. You drove my last employee insane and my last ten costumers were too confused to know what they wanted to order!
That Krazy Dude: If I confuse myself, I wouldn't be able to confuse myself because I myself will be confused, causing severe confusion in the world. As well as a nuclear war.
*While the manager is trying to figure out what he said, That Krazy Dude sneaks out. Scruffy and Que Pasa walk out to see this man of confusion.*
Scruffy: Hey Krazy Dude!
*That Krazy Dude walks up to the guys.*
That Krazy Dude: What's up?
Scruffy: That was a pretty good escape there. Do you wish to join me and my friend Que Pasa on a journey of piracy, wealth and...
That Krazy Dude: (interrupts) Free snacks and refreshments?
Que Pasa: What?
Scruffy: ...Of course!
That Krazy Dude: I'm in!
Scruffy: Excellent!
*Everyone's back on the ship.*
Scruffy: So what else can you do?
That Krazy Dude: I depress people.
Que Pasa: Lies!
That Krazy Dude: I dream of the day that I end my own life.
*Que Pasa starts crying.*
Scruffy: Excellent! Welcome aboard the Golden Cheesecake!!!
Author: GORE-ILLA[edit]
*Elsewhere, at a nearby navy base, everyone moves to the side as Captain Duck-Hand Frzlngd, an angry-looking officer with a duck where his right hand should be, walks past (and anyone who doesn't is impaled on the duck's beak), except for one person- Salama, the extremely thin lieutenant whom happens to be Frzlngd's favorite.*
Salama: Greetings Captain Frzlngd, sir! Lieutenant Salama reporting for duty, sir!
Frzlngd: Good job, boy! Y'know son I like you- you have the thin, lean body of a fighter! With such a stature you'll soon be recieving promotions daily. I just hope you can find a companion as loyal and friendly as my duck prosthetic here. Ever since I lost my real hand in 'Nam he's acting as my right hand-
Duck: Quack!
Frzlngd: SHUT UP WHEN I'M TRYING TO TALK DAMMIT! Anyway Salama, I think it's time you were awarded your own submarine.
Salama: Really sir? Really and truly?
Frzlngd: Yes Salama. Your hard work has paid off- and I have your first mission for your chosen squad, too. A group of pirates has stolen one of our ships- I want you to hunt them down and arrest them.
Salama: It will be done, sir!
Frzlngd: Good luck Salama! I know you can do it!
*Salama sails away in his submarine with his crew while Frzlngd feeds bread crumbs to his duck hand.*
Author: Lupine[edit]
*Back at the Golden Cheesecake...*
Scruffy: Ahoy, look it's El Fool's house!
Que Pasa: Or is it?
Krazy Dude: I hope he is cool.
*At Marko's house.*
Marko: Damn it I got fired again. How can I work if I have to focus on my training? My cooking's going down hill too. I used to be able to make a great meal, now I burn cereal. Oh well. :: begins kicking the air to train and notices a raccoon in the area:: Hey there little guy, want some food? ::the raccoon ignores him and goes for garbage:: Hey little guy, I cant let you do that. It means I gotta clean... ::suddenly the raccoon is possessed by evil and rage::
Raccoon: What do you mean I can't eat this!
Marko: Holy crap!!!!! ::runs into the crewman of the Golden Cheesecake and decides it's time to fight and creates a large feather outta alchemy:: Take this, foul vermin!
::Raccoon is shanked::
Marko : Oh good!
::suddenly the raccoon springs to life and clings to his face::
Marko :: Maksdnkwnernkc
Scruffy: What's that, boy? Timmy's stuck in a well?
Marko: njasndjaksdfjvj
Que Pasa: No, he says he did your mom last night!
Scruffy: You did what????? Fire Hell Storm! ::burns the raccoon and the majority of Marko's face giving him not burns or scars, but a new face, a better one::
Marko: Call me Lupine Shadow now.
Scruffy: Well Lupine, wanna join the crew and be our chef?
Lupine: Do I get dental benefits?
Scruffy: Yes.
Lupine: A vacation yearly?
Scruffy: No.
Lupine: Do I get to kill you and be captain?
Scruffy: Know what? Screw this! :: gets Krazy Dude's bucket and misses but the a leaf falls on Lupine's head knocking him out:: Get the body, bring him aboard.
Krazy Dude: I want more lines. Hey look, I'm talking!
Que Pasa: Hey, why is there a camera looking at us and why is it moving closer?
*Under the water...*
Salama: Boy, get me a can of lard, I hunger. Soon we shall get those criminals!
*Somewhere off in the distance, a mysterious figure is watching and plotting.*
Figure: Get my Deathticle ready and send out Brad Pitt!
Author: GORE-ILLA[edit]
*In a lab-like setting, Darth Tang stands before a medical table. Strapped to the table is a suit of mechanical armor containing the charred remains of a fallen villain. Now he is known as Darth Bamboozle, but he once went by a differant name...*
Darth Tang: Lord Bamboozle.
Darth Bamboozle: Yes, my master?
Tang: RIIIIIIISE.
*The table holding Bamboozle rises.*
Bamboozle: Where's David Blaine... is he safe, is he alright?
Tang: I'm afraid that in your anger, you've killed him.
Bamboozle: (tears out of his chains and poses melodramatically) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Tang: What? You didn't even like him.
Bamboozle: I know, it's just the principle of it. No minion of the great Lord Morgorrrn-
Tang: You're Darth Bamboozle now.
Bamboozle: Whatever. Well now I need a new minion.
Tang: No, you need revenge. Revenge on those radioactive archeologists who did this to you! And I know how to start...
*Back in the Golden Cheesecake, eveyone is eating burnt cereal in the dining room beneath the deck for breakfast. Que Pasa eats while smoking a pipe and reading a newspaper. But suddenly he spits charred Trix and his pipe out of his mouth (and a stream of milk from his nose).*
Que Pasa: Oh no!
Lupine: Whassup?
Que Pasa: According to this article, all my fellow former radioactive archelogists have died in a figure skating accident!
Lupine: That's smarts.
Que Pasa: I should've been there! I shouldn't have dropped out of our figure skating team to return to radioactive archeology, then find the Millenium Nose and join this crew!
Scruffy: Calm down Que Pasa. There's nothing you could have done except dance your troubles away.
Que Pasa: Fine, but I sense something strange about this. I fear this was no accident. I'm the last radioactive archeologist alive now...
Lupine: Oh, quit worrying. You'll be fine.
*Several poison darts whiz past Que Pasa's head.*
Que Pasa: ...Did anyone see that?
Scruffy: No.
Lupine: Nope.
Krazy Dude: ASSASSIN!!!
Que Pasa: Where?
*Darth Bamboozle drops in through the ceiling.*
Bamboozle: Damn, the metal on your deck is weak.
Scruffy: But it can carry 2000 pounds!
Bamboozle: This armor weighs 2000 pounds and an ounce.
Scruffy: I hate you.
Que Pasa: Hey, you seem familiar somehow. Have we met before?
Bamboozle: You must be mistaken.
Que Pasa: Aren't you that guy from Will & Grace?
Bamboozle: Sure.
Que Pasa: (blasts Bamboozle with cannon nose) DIE.
Bamboozle: No, that's what you're gonna do.
*Darth Bamboozle leaps at Que Pasa with a knife, but Que Pasa blocks it with his pen.*
Que Pasa: I know who you are now! MORGORRRN!
Bamboozle: That name means nothing to me now.
Que Pasa: But I thought you died in battle with me and my fellow radioactive archeologists!
Bamboozle: Ah! Obi-Wan never told you what happened to me, did he?
Que Pasa: Who?
[Flashback]
*The radioactive archeologists are being severely whipped in their battle with Morgorrrn when suddenly a talking monkey rides in on a meteor. He tells the arecheologists of Morgorrrn's only weakness: he is susceptible to toaster burns. So one of the archeologists uses his amazing ability to communicate with household appliances to summon a toaster which Que Pasa flings into Morgorrrn's left ear- the source of his power. The resulting explosion completely incinerates Morgorrrn. But by "completely incinerate", I actually mean, "not completely incinerate". Several scientists stumble upon Morgorrrn's charred body.*
Scientist 1: Ew, that guy's roasted.
Scientist 2: Not for long... we can rebuild him! We have the technology!
Scientist 1: Why would we want to?
Scientist 2: ...Good idea.
*The scientists leave, but then Darth Tang arrives with some guards.*
Darth Tang: Ah, my new apprentice. Take him to the ship!
*The guards struggle to hold Morgorrrn's slippery body.*
[/Flashback]
Que Pasa: It would have been cooler if you were my father.
Darth Bamboozle: It would have been even cooler if you SHUT UP.
Que Pasa: Ouch.
Bamboozle: Take this as a warning, "Que Pasa"! I've destroyed your friends and soon I will destroy you! When I feel like it! You'll rue the day the day you flung that toaster into my ear!
Krazy Dude: I think you're just a sore loser.
Bamboozle: I think YOUR FACE is a sore loser!
Krazy Dude: Maybe that's why no one loves me...
Bamboozle: Aw, if my horribly scorched face was capable of producing tears, I'd be crying right now. Since I can't, I'll just retreat until I feel like killing you all.
Scruffy: Take your time.
*Bamboozle falls through the floor and swims away.*
Author: No Name[edit]
Book 1: Genesis
Chapter 1: It’s only the Beginning part 1
This is the story of me, who currently goes without a name, as I did most of life, past mostly shrouded in mystery, small fragments here and there of what is supposed to be a life. I have made a living by being a jack-of-all--trades. I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly, mostly the ugly, OH! Except that one time when I had a threesome... that was crazy. Heheh. Yeah, but mostly ugly. My life really starts when I join the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada. Man… sigh… good times… good times. There was a whole bunch of crazy things that happened while I spent my time with them. But anyway enough sappy stuff time to get one with the story.
(On the open Sea of Yomama)
No Name: It’s a hot windy day, and somehow I managed to get myself into this situation, stranded in the middle of nowhere and this little plank of what used to be a ship. Shoot, I should’ve never took that damn job…. Should’ve went with my instinct.
(Flashback to when No Name got his job on the Ship)
Captain: This is the “Ship”… (interrupted by No Name)
No Name : “This is the “ship”. Come on be a little more original…
Captain: Original..!!! That is completely ORIGINAALLL!!!
No Name: Don’t get your panties in a knot old lady.
Captain: I’m a man!
No Name: You know what is original.
Captain: What?
No Name: The Cherry Popper!
Captain: That’s just crazy, you barnacle!
No Name: Your mama…
Captain: What did you say about my momma!!!!!!
No Name: You didn’t let me finish my sentence old man. Anyways… She said don’t leave the TV on and make sure to get milk for the cat.
Captain: Oh. How embarrassing… heheh.
No Name: Yeah so when am I getting paid?
Captain: Shut up! You’ll get paid when I feel like it.
No Name: You know you need a girl… seriously.. Dude you need to masturbate…
Captain: *Embarrassed* Let’s get this ship on the road…
No Name: You mean sea… (man this is going to be a long ride)
Captain: You mean long sail…
No Name: What the hell, I was thinking that…
Captain: Just humor.
(Later that day)
No Name: So I’m here just to protect your ship from pirate raids, right?
Captain: Yup. Hope your ready.
No Name: Of course with my light saber and knowledge and power of the force, I’ll take these bandits out in no time.
Captain: Right whatever, just get the job done, anyways what’s your name young’n?
No Name: Don’t know….
Captain: How don’t you know you fool!?!?
No Name: Anyways…… 12 o’clock bandits!
(Captain takes out binoculars and reads the ship's bumper sticker)
Captain: It’s the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada.
No Name: HAHAHA!! Aren't they the newbies who stole that navy ship?
Captain: Yeah they won’t harm us… They’re good pirates.
No Name: Yeah.
(Later Later that day)
No Name: Hey Cap, it's getting pretty dark are we almost to the harbor of that town?
Captain: Just a lil more, but be on guard this is when those fiends attack!
No Name: Got’cha!
Captain: Arrr, a fog be coming in…
No Name: This isn’t a fog captain, it's an ambush.
Captain: Arg, There is a ship!
(Cannons from enemy ship fire) BOOOM
No Name: I got this *uses the Force to redirect cannon ball back to ship*
No Name: Alright, all clear!
Captain: Not yet boy , 'tis more ships coming from the sides
No Name: Alright, we’ll just play defensive, stand your ground and keep directing this ship towards the harbor.
Captain: Ay, the enemy ship be docking unto ours!
No Name: Good, I need some training and booty ( no pun intended)!
Captain: I like the way you think, boy!
No Name: Just stay on guard.
No Name goes in and attacks with a light saber here and there. He took all of them out with out breaking a sweat. He used mind control because he got bored , so he watches the ship mates fight amongst themselves. But little did No Name know that his cockiness would be his demise…
Suddenly a suicide bomber comes in and No Name is aware and tries to stop the bomber but was too late…
Captain: Oh NO! What are we gonna do?
No Name: Don’t know bout you but no amount of money is worth my life I’m OUT BOIII!
Captain: What!!! I’m staying with my ship, she has been through a lot with me.
No Name: Yeah I told you, you need a girl peace!!
No Name jumps ship but gets caught in the sonic boom.
No Name: Ah, great where am I… Luckily I was able to grab onto this piece of wood to keep me afloat.
To be continued…..
Author: No Name and GORE-ILLA[edit]
*The Golden Cheesecake sails through the wreckage of the destroyed ships. Lupine spots No Name's body and points.*
Lupine: Cap'n, I see a survivor!
Scruffy: Bring him up.
*No Name is pulled on board and woken up.*
No Name: Right, what's up? Thanks for taking me in, but who are you guys?
*Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine and Krazy Dude pose to an anime background.*
Crew: The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!
No Name: (confused) Right... Uh, well I need a place to stay. Mind if I join you guys?
Que Pasa: Hell no.
No Name: Ouch. ...Ahaha, how about if I face you in a duel and win?
Que Pasa: Ah! Just what I was thinking. I THOUGHT IT FIRST I'LL SUE YOU. So last man standing wins.
No Name: Whatever. Let's just do this... Ladies first.
Que Pasa: Sure. (fires cannon nose)
No Name: (dodges) Yikes, that was unexpected. You have to teach me that.
Que Pasa: Not as unexpected as your MOM.
No Name: OH YEAH? Take this! (draws lightsaber and swings)
Que Pasa: (continuing) I don't think I can teach you. Hell, not even I'm sure how it works. On all accounts it doesn't make sense. Hey wait for me to finish talking before swinging sharps objects around you bastard! (blocks with his pencil)
No Name: You are one weird guy. I've never faced anyone like you in all my years of being a mercenary.
Que Pasa: I'm sure you've faced plenty of former radioactive archeologists who are now empowered by Ancient Egyptian noses.
No Name: Possibly. ...TAKE THIS.
*No Name Force-pushes Que Pasa back, jumps in the air and slices down with his lightsaber. Que Pasa tosses a disco ball into the lightsaber's path whole dodging to the side, and No Name slices the disco ball in half.*
No Name: Crap stop running away.
Que Pasa: NO NOW WHAT WILL I GROOVE TO
*The Millennium Nose begins glowing strangely.*
No Name: What the freak is going on?
Que Pasa: GRAAAAHHHH! (dives at No Name, knocking both overboard)
*No Name is out of air from the tackle but regains it in a second as they both splash into the water. Que Pasa furiously punches at No Name.*
No Name: Ow that hurt!
*A swarm of sharks swim towards Que Pasa and No Name.*
No Name: Umm... Hey guy with cannon nose, how about we settle our differences for this moment and kill the sharks first.
Que Pasa: Fine, even though this is cliche and laughably predictable! (eats one of the sharks)
No Name: Ahaha you're just full of surprises. (slices shark in half)
*Soon Que Pasa and No Name have exterminated all the sharks.*
Que Pasa: Well that's done with.
No Name: Yeah, take this!
Que Pasa: Aw man, you're still alive?
*No Name swings his lightsaber at Que Pasa, who ducks underwater to dodge it. However No Name grabs Que Pasa's head and holds it underwater.*
No Name: Let's see you breathe. Ha.
*Que Pasa's head is being held down about level with No Name's crotch. With a grin he shifts his nose into a cannon, takes careful aim.... and fires. No Name's Force reflexes helped him pull off a split just in time, but the cannonball had grazed his groin.*
No Name: OWWW, you bastard!
*No Name continued attacking with his lightsaber, and this time Que Pasa brought up his pencil against No Name in a duel while occasionally firing cannonballs, which No Name dodged.*
No Name: I'm tired of this. Feel my Force Lightning! (fires Force Lightning)
Que Pasa: WAIT WE'RE IN WA-
No Name: OH YEA-
*The water is conducted by the water like a cheap episode of Pokemon, and the electricity spreads throughout the ocean, electrocuting both Que Pasa and No Name while scrambling the sensors of Salama's submarine and making the Golden Cheesecake shoot several feet into the air. When the electric storm ends, Que Pasa and No Name are taking deep dramatic breaths.*
Que Pasa: Ugh... Forget it, loser! I'm calling off this fight now. There's no way you could ever become a pirate!
No Name: How bout we call it a draw?
Que Pasa: Nay!
*Scruffy looks down from the ship while trying to fix his staticy hair.*
Scruffy: I dunno, Que Pasa. This guy's good some skillz that might just pay the billz. You're hired! So who are you exactly?
No Name: Me? I'm... actually I have no name. You can call me by whatever you want.
Scruffy: That's good, one less name to forget. Now come closer and bend on one knee.
No Name: Hey hey I don't go that way!
Que Pasa: Shut up dammit, you're going to be initiated into the crew... in a non-sexual way.
No Name: Whoops sorry.
Scruffy: Scruffy: Now take this oath: will you join Captain Monkeyman Scruffy's Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada on our maiden voyage across the seven seas in search of adventure, lives and to experience the world the way it was meant to be enjoyed?
No Name: I do.
Scruffy: Do you accept the risks of death, but with all valor choose to fight the cruelty of life and pierce its gloomy hold to enjoy your life the world around you?
No Name: Yeah.
Scruffy: Then I dub you some nameless guy, a proud pirate of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!
Krazy Dude: You may now kiss the bride.
No Name: (kisses Que Pasa)
Que Pasa: (slaps No Name) I thought you didn't go that way!
No Name: Sorry, just experimenting!
*Elsewhere in Salama's submarine...*
Salama: Status report.
Officer: It's gonna take a while to get our systems back online. I'm afraid we'll lose the pirates in the meantime.
Salama: Dammit, I can't upset the captain! Work faster and stuff. No coffee breaks- I'll burn all the coffee machines myself.
Officer: Yessir...
Author: That Krazy Dude[edit]
A few days after the addition of No Name to the crew, the Golden Cheesecake crew found themselves sailing near the long forgotten land of Australia.
Scruffy: And to your right, you'll see the many long forgotten things of Australia.
Lupine: Hey look! It's a kangaroo!
Que Pasa: Hey it's your mom!
That Krazy Dude: Oh snap! He said that you enjoy touching little children.
*Lupine stares at That Krazy Dude and finally decides to ignore the statement.*
No Name: Hey look! It's Steve Irwin
*Steve Irwin also known as the Croc Hunter leaped onto the ship followed by a camera man.*
Steve Irwin: Crikey mate, what do we have here? It appears that we've found ourselves quite a treat. *in a quiet voice* Behind me we have the Golden Cheesecake pirate crew. Now be careful not to scare them 'cause they can be some nasty little monsters they can.
*Camera turns to the confused Captain Scruffy, who's staring at the camera.*
That Krazy Dude: Don't fall for his accent! It's a fake!
*Right then, a poison dart comes from nowhere, hitting That Krazy Dude in the calf muscle.*
Steve Irwin: Here we see the critter known as Que Pasa. *Camera turns to Que Pasa who's sitting there nibbling on a shoe* Now be careful. I'm gonna try and sneak up on him and see if we can bag this critter.
*Steve Irwin jumps on Que Pasa and tries to put a muzzle on him. The first mate struggled furiously but was no match for the strange Australian man. Que Pasa found himself lying on the floor, unable to attack, or to reach his shoe.*
The only ones left to fight this monstrosity were No Name, Lupine and Captain Scruffy. You want to know what happens next don't you? Huh? Huh? Bet you do! Well guess what? You're going to find out right now!
JUST KIDDING
Author: GORE-ILLA[edit]
*Scruffy turns himself on fire. Steve Irwin twirls around in place from excitement.*
Steve Irwin: Crikey, it's a legendary fire man! I'm gonna take his temperature!
*Steve Irwin runs at Scruffy and stuffs a thermometer onto Scruffy's skin, and in the meantime his body spreads on fire.*
Steve Irwin: Crikey that popped one of my pimples! This is amazing, just amazing!
Scruffy: What the hell? Why are you still alive?
Lupine: SHITORI!!!
*Lupine blasts a magical blast at Steve Irwin, knocking his whole left arm off.*
Steve Irwin: (looks at the stump of his arm) Crikey, my first souvenir!
Lupine: Don't cry for me Argentina! (leaps overboard)
Scruffy: New guy, do something!
No Name: Okay! (makes a cold fusion generator)
Scruffy: Something that can help us stop this dude!
Steve Irwin: (walks towards No Name) Crikey, it's an extremely hideous man! Marvelous! Let's see how much abuse he can take before he violently strikes back! Haha!
*Steve Irwin pulls out a giant stick and starts rapidly whacking No Name with it continuously.*
No Name: (crying)
Scruffy: (notices the stick is flaming) Are you still on fire?
Steve Irwin: Come on, fight me by crikey! You'll never live up to your father!
*No Name angrily leaps up.*
Steve Irwin: It's on! (starts wrestling No Name)
No Name: This ends now! (impales Steve Irwin on his lightsaber)
Steve Irwin: Crikey, another souvenir! (continues wrestling while missing an arm, on fire and with a lightsaber stuck through him)
*Lupine leaps back onto the ship with his suicide dynemite and instead straps it to Steve Irwin, then pulls No Name away during the explosion.*
Scruffy: I can't believe it's finally over...
*A metallic liquid leaks out from the smoke and reforms into Steve Irwin.*
Steve Irwin: Crikey, that was a stinger!
No Name: Is there no way to stop him?
Lupine: Actually I've heard of someone who lives nearby and can help. An old friend. His name is Jebus.
Steve Irwin: Crikey it's the rare emo kid who doesn't like being called emo! Marvelous! Let's see what happens if I kick his scrotum!