Story:The Loophole 2

Stories in The Loophole series

Loophole - Loophole 2 - Loophole 3 - Loophole 4

Prologue

Retro Belmont

Wayne Shoeleft is a good lawyer. He may not be the most honest lawyer, but when he knows he is fighting for justice, he does it with all his heart. He's als-

Wayne: HEY, DO YOU MIND? I kind of have a lot of things to do right now, and you talking about my career as a defense attorney isn't exactly helping at the moment.

"Right, sorry about that Wayne. Say, what ARE you doing exactly?"

Wayne: Well, after all of my recent cases, people seem to think I'm some sort of boxing/lawyer celebrity. Now all of them want me to fight for their lawsuits, literally. I can't get a peaceful moment to myself without the phone going off, it's driving me up the wall.

"Mmm, well good luck with that."

Wayne: Think you can cover for me? I haven't eaten in two days and I'm craving for some BBQ ribs.

"I would, but...I don't have a physical body, and the only person who can hear me is you, FWAHAHAHAHA."

Wayne: Wait a second, am I going insane or something?

Suddenly, Wayne thought he saw the person who had been talking to him, and he took on the form of a pale blue, semi-transparent Wayne Shoeleft, and then took a seat on one of Wayne's armchairs.

Wayne: Wait...I heard that.

The person took a sip of some non-existent wine, "Heard what?"

Wayne: I heard THAT. The whole thing about a mysterious person turning into me. Are you still talking to me or did you go back to narration?

"Wake up, Wayne."

Wayne: Seriously, I have a lot of work to do today, so I would just appreciate it if you would just...wait, what?

"WAKE UP BOY."

Wayne: You mean this is a-

Wayne's head hit the ground with a big *THUD*, and his eyes opened up to his bedroom's red carpet, his face was firmly pressed against the ground under the weight of his body. His two arms were folded over his head, and the other half of his body was still caught in his blankets. After a big, forced and drawn out grunt, he looks up at his alarm clock that sits next to his bed, which didn't go off this morning for one reason or another.

Wayne: Stupid thing must be (looks at time) LATE FOR WORK AGAIN!

THE LOOPHOLE 2

Case I: Shoe vs. Boot!

Retro Belmont (cont)

Wayne stumbled down his steps to the first story of his house, bruising his knees and part of his back, which he just ignored. He ran for his closet and grabbed his usual suit and tie (pressed and folded of course) and headed into the kitchen for his usual coffee, "Bewano Brown Deluxe". It was always a little odd tasting, and Wayne didn't exactly know who or what a "Bewano" was, but he just assumed it was Hawaiian. He grabbed his keys that were hanging in their usual place, and ran out to his car in the driveway.

Wayne (Trying to start up his car while talking to himself): If I didn't HAVE an office, I wouldn't have something to be late for every morning. But of course the higher ups were so pleased by my recent cases that they went and bought me a brand new one. HAH, I GOT IT!

Wayne slammed down on the gas but forgot his car was still in reverse, and he went flying into his garage.

Wayne: ...Whatever, I'll get that fixed later.

[January 12th, 11:34 AM - Shoeleft and Co. Law Offices]

Wayne kicks in the door, ignoring the "GOOD MORNING, SIR!" from his perky but somehow death-defyingly ugly female secretary. He throws his suitcase onto his somewhat brand new mahogany desk and sticks his head back out the door again.

Wayne: NO CALLS! *Slams the door before the secretary has time to respond*

Secretary: OF COURSE, SIR! (Jackass...)

Wayne rubs his hands together as he surveys his workload.

Wayne: What's on the agenda for today?

He can't help but notice the humongous stack of paper blocking his view from the window.

Wayne: Right...*shoves all the papers in the shredder at once*, guess I have nothing to do today!

Wayne sets his coffee in his own custom made cup holder and sits back in his big chair, his feet up on the top of the desk. It was no sooner than he sat down that a hard knock was heard at his door.

Wayne: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??? Can't you see I'm busy and - Chad!?

Chad Bootright walked through the doorway before Wayne's desk, he looked a bit different this time that Wayne saw him. Particularly the expensive looking clothes and jewelry that surrounded his person.

Chad: Geez Wayne, still have no manners? Has all this courtroom fighting turned you into a brain dead savage?

Wayne pouted in his seat, and just went back to reading his newspaper, ignoring Chad completely.

Chad: Well then, I guess I'll just leave without telling you this information that the head prosecutor just handed me.

Wayne: Oh wow...a small kitten won a fight against a full grown Unicorn.

Chad reached over and crumbled the newspaper that Wayne was reading and threw it into the already clogged paper shredder.

Wayne: Alright fine, what do you need to tell me, Chad...

Chad: Well, if you've just been reading about Unicorns and kittens all day, then you probably haven't heard the REAL news.

Wayne: Which would be...?

Chad: The chief of Police has been suspected of...murder.

Wayne suddenly jumped out of his desk.

Wayne: THE CHIEF OF POLICE!? But that's...My father!

Chad: Yeah...I know. And there's more, he wants YOU as his defense attorney.

Wayne: WHAT? REALLY!?

Chad: Mmhmm. And there's something else.

Wayne: What?

Chad: I'm the Prosecutor in the trial.

Wayne: No offense Chad, but I pretty much figured out that I was going to fight you at sometime in story, thanks to the title of this chapter.

Chad: Beg your pardon?

Wayne: Nothing, but maybe I'd better go and pay my Dad a visit at *gulp* Jail.

Wayne had his right foot out the door already, but Chad stopped him.

Chad: Wayne, I have a strong feeling he's innocent, but try not to screw this up and use the Loophole.

Wayne: Pfft, I know my father's innocent, and it's not like you'd be any problem in the ring.

Chad: Wayne, I've studied six different types of Karate since the last time we met, and I even broke a boulder in half as a result from all of my training. And you know what? I did all of that just in case we met in court one day.

Wayne: No wonder you look so ripped.

Chad: *Sigh*, get going already.

Director

*The jail, Wayne visits his daddy*

Wayne: Dad....... are you ok?

Chief Shoeleft: I'm fine son............. but I was framed!

Wayne: How?

Chief: When I arrived at the scene my partner, Lieutenant Shakes was stabbing a criminal............

Wayne: But if he was threatening Shakes then-

Chief: He wasn't, Shakes wanted the water that was on the criminal.

Wayne: The highly addictive stuff........ wow

Chief: Right, so when I got there Shakes was drinking the water, and when he saw me he splooshed it on my face and called for backup..... they saw the knife Shakes dropped and the water on me...........

Wayne: Dont worry dad, I know you're innocent, so I can invoke The Loophole!

*the trial*

Judge Synical: All arise for the guilty Chief.

Wayne: Well hes not guilty yet.........

Judge: Fiiiiiiine.

Chad: I have evidence here that he is guil-

Wayne: I know hes not guilty, so I invoke the Loophole!

Masamune

Chad: Oh for God's sake, Wayne. Were you too lazy yesterday to even do any research for your trial?

Wayne: Well. Um.

Chad: And you know you can't beat me in a Loophole battle yet.

Wayne: You're right. I guess... I have no choice. I was hoping to avoid having to do this. If the Defense Council will please take his place.

~Enter Dr. Walrus, Defense Council. He appears to be a man, only with dark slick three-fingered hands and a large walrus head, tusks and all. He is dressed in a fancy black suit with tiny spectacles on his nose~

Dr. Walrus: Glad you finally came around, Mr. Shoeleft. *suddenly shakes his ginormous cheeks back and forth*

Chad: ... what is this! That man is a walrus!

Judge Synical: Is there a problem with walruses, Mr. Bootright? I will not tolerate racism in my court!

Chad: ... the Prosecution withdraws its complaint.

Wayne: Now then, where were we?

Judge: *pounds gavel* The court is now in order.

~Chad sits down on his side of the court with his aides. Wayne sits down next to his father with Dr. Walrus on the other side~

Judge: Opening statements, Mr. Bootright.

Chad: *stands up* Your honah. Members of the jury. People of the court. As you are all surely well aware, water is one of the most intoxicating drinks in the world. One needs only look at the cases of folk like that dear old lady who died of water overdose. I daresay it can drive a man to murder. A man like our esteemed Police Chief, Edgar Shoeleft, could be driven to murder by the lust of water.

Chad: I would like to enter into evidence, a photograph of the victim. *holds up a photo depicting a short balding man* This is Reginald Vines. He's an accountant who has several DUIs for water consumption. The time of death was 5:42 PM.

Chad: Additionally, the Knife used by the murderer. The blood has been DNA tested and matches Vines. There are no fingerprints. The police believe it was lost when water was splashed on to the handle.

Chad: And my final piece of evidence: the water bottle. Fingerprints match that of Reginald Vines. We have a partial fingerprint on the bottle that has no current match.

Judge: Does enough of it match the police chief?

Chad: Negative. The fingerprint likely comes from the supplier of the water.

Judge: I see. The Prosecution may call its first witness.

Chad: I'd like to call Police Inspector Virgil McCoy.

~Virgil walks up on the stand. He is a cowboy~

Virgil: Howdy folks.

Chad: Name and occupation, please.

Virgil: Virgil McCoy. I'm a police inspector at the local presinct.

Chad: At what time did you arrive on the scene?

Virgil: Um, about a quarter 'til six.

Chad: So 5:45.

Virgil: Yeup.

Chad: Describe the scene.

Virgil: Wealp. I reckon I just mosied on in. Came in and saw the Chief standing in front of that thar victim in the picture. He was covered in water - awful stuff! - staring at the bloody knife.

Chad: And why were you there?

Virgil: We'd got a call about a traffic accident in the parking floor above. I was there to respond and came across the chief.

Chad: Thank you, Mr. McCoy. No further questions, your honor.

Judge Synical: *nods* This seems all cut and dry. Mr. Shoeleft, you may cross-examine the witness, though I can't imagine why.

Dr. Walrus: *shakes cheeks* That testimony is preposterous!

Wayne: Hrm. (Dr. Walrus said he found some good evidence... I can let him do the cross-examination or I can do it myself. But if it comes down to a Loophole Fight, I don't think he'd do very good...)

Fred of the Bed

[July 14th, 15:48]

Wayne: (I just hope I can think of something in time) Your honor, in my stead, I would like to have Dr. Walrus sub in for me.

Dr. Walrus: I should say it's about time.

Judge Synic: Yeah, sure, whatever. (bangs gavel)

Dr. Walrus: Mr. McCoy. How was it possible that you confirmed the time of death to be 5:42 PM if you arrived approximately three minutes later?

Wayne: (This better not be the road he's traveling down...)

Virgil: I reckon the testing found the incisions on his body to be about that old.

Dr. Walrus: Fair enough (cheek wiggle). Officer McCoy, if Inspector Shoeleft is guilty, you will take his position, no?

Chad: Objection! That is not related to the case.

Judge Synic: Oh, and I GUESS you'd like me to sustain that, too. Well it is. Sustained.

Dr. Walrus: Well. Officer McCoy, why did you approach the floor below the one you were required to investigate? Would you not drive up instead of "moseying" in?

McCoy: I saw him while driving by, officer. Being an officer of law, I couldn't bear the sight of someone being stabbed by someone else.

Dr. Walrus: The sight you- didn't you come in and see the corpse?

McCoy: Yeah! He'd been stabbed. It was awful!

Dr. Walrus: (Staring McCoy in the eyes) Perhaps you take my understanding of the present tense a little bit too lightly, no? (cheeks again)

Chad: Objection! Stop brow-beating my witness, jerk!

Judge Synic: Yeah, that's sustained also. Back off, smart guy.

Dr. Walrus: Very well. This murder occured at the Shadygrove parking facility, did it not?

McCoy: I reckon so.

Dr. Walrus: Just what floor did this murder occur on?

McCoy: Must've been the third floor.

Dr. Walrus: Aha! There you have it. There are only three floors, and no rooftop parking. I'm sure if we-

Chad: Objection! This is all speculation! Maybe the witness forgot what floor it was on.

Judge Synic: Overruled. Not only is he bound to say the truth and nothing but the truth, but I've been there, and the parking is only on the first floor.

Chad: Officer?

McCoy: I'm innocent, I sware! I'm a good cop and honest too - I just have a bad memory!

Chad: I'm invoking The Loophole! Prepare for your defeat, Walrusman, and by extension your defeat too, Shoeleft! Bootright strike!

(As he prepares to kick Dr. Walrus, he is met with a punch to the face)

Wayne: Weren't expecting that one, were you?

Judge Synic: Wayne Shoeleft. What, (sigh) is the meaning of this. (yawn)

Wayne: I'm revealing my religion to be Walrus worship! Under amendment 34.65L deus dominum, members of this religion are legally allowed to fight in fisticuffs to protect a Walrus from bodily harm! I'm fighting as a civillian!

Chad: What a dirty trick! So be it; it is as a civillian that you will be vanquished!

(Chad spins to punch Wayne, but he ducks. Wayne punches back, but Chad catches his hand in his much bigger hand and begins to crush Wayne's.)

Wayne: Yow! Owowowow!

Dr. Walrus: Forget about someone?

Chad: Sonuva-

(Dr. Walrus' tusks slam down on Chad, releasing Wayne and sending the prosecution reeling across the linoleum floor, almost to the doors of the courtroom)

Chad: Urgh... I never did like animals.

Wayne: Looks like you need to study up on natural law!

Dr. Walrus: That was really bad, Mr. shoeleft (shakes cheeks). I can't believe they let you get away with this stuff.

Wayne: Whatever. Let's just trash this punk so my father won't be wrongly imprisoned.

(Wayne and Dr. Walrus each take one side of the prosecution table and flip it up, and then rush it towards their victim. They hear a chuckle as it snaps in two, easily.)

Chad: Didn't I tell you I can break boulders with my bare (bear) hands?

Wayne: If you really try?

Chad: Well, yeah, but still. My hands aren't bare right now, are they.

(They aren't. He's wearing very hard-looking steel gauntlets.)

Wayne: No amount of wacky kung-fu or fists as registered lethal weapons will stand in the way of my justice! My father is innocent, Chad!

Chad: Talk is cheap, Wayne! BRING IT ONNN!

Golem

~Wayne rushes forward to punch Chad. Chad punches and Wayne is sent tumbling backwards. Wayne gets back up and Chad punches again, but Wayne rolls to the side. At this point, Chad shoots his foot up from the ground, sweeping forward into a kick that connects with Wayne's stomach and throws him back. Wayne manages to get to his feet before Chad can approach him again. Chad punches, Wayne dodges, Chad kicks, Wayne tries to dodge, but instead Chad hits him in the back. He lands near Dr. Walrus.~

Walrus: Mr. Shoeleft--

Wayne: Sh, I've got him right where I want him.

~Wayne leaps to his feet quickly, but not quick enough--he's met with a punch. However, he stands his ground. Chad follows up the punch with a kick, and Wayne barely leaps out of the way. Chad's foot, with force still behind it, meets his head. Chad falls to the ground, unconscious. Chief Shoeleft breathes a sigh of relief, as do Wayne and Dr. Walrus.~

Wayne: Your honor, I rest my case.

Judge Synical: Case judged in the favor of Mr. Shoeleft. Court dismissed. ~bangs gavel~

Wayne: We should probably make sure Chad gets some medical at--

Dr. Walrus: You can't do what you did today, Shoeleft.

Wayne: Excuse me?

Dr. Walrus: We live in a society ruled by logic, not by power. You can't just win cases for your clients because you think they're innocent. The loophole is strictly reserved for extreme circumstances where you are afraid justice could be perverted to a great extent. Today, we had perfectly valid evidence to prove your father innocent. However, you had neglected to find any of it for yourself, instead opting for the loophole. The fact that it was your father on trial doesn't help--you cannot go at all by gut feelings. ~shakes cheeks~ Because he was your father, you only felt he was innocent, you did not know.

You embarrassed yourself today Mr. Shoeleft, do not let it happen again.

~Wayne pauses, then looks to his father.~

Wayne: ~smiles~ C'mon, Dad, let's go get lunch.

Chief Shoeleft: Sounds good to me.

Case II: The Second Chapter!

WarioFan

Wayne is at his desk staring at his computer screen. He seems to be incredibly furious at what it displays.

Computer: You've just lost your 400th round of Solitaire!

Wayne: Stupid computer! You're nothing to me if you won't let me win Solitaire!

*Wayne picks up the monitor and throws it out the window*

*Wayne picks up the phone*

Wayne: Hello Secretary? Order me a new computer PRONTO!

Phone: At the tone, the current time will be 5:14 p.m. *beep*

Wayne: Don't you give me that lip! *hangs up*

*The Door opens*

Man: Ah! Mr.Shoeleft! We meet again!

Wayne: Do I know you?

Man: You don't remember? Well, I don't blame you. I am-or at least WAS-Judge Glenn, I was the one who presided over your first case.

Wayne: What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were dead!

Glenn: I am dead! I have been since World War 2 anyway.

Wayne: You mean your-

Glenn: Yes a zombie.

Wayne: How come your not moaning and groaning?

Glenn: Oh that whole moaning business is just something the media does. I doubt any of them have ever met a REAL zombie.

Wayne: Well how did you get appointed as a judge?

Glenn: *shrug* I suppose I'm just that old looking. For a zombie I'm in pretty good condition. Of course, I was stripped from my judge title and thats partially why I'm here to see you.

Wayne: Please, explain

Glenn: Well, you see, in case you haven't been reading the news lately, there's been a recent crime where people are having their brains sucked out of their skulls. As I'm the only zombie in the vicinity, I was suspected.

Wayne: Well don't zombies love brains?

Glenn: Again, thats another stereotype. I've had brains before. Not very tasty. Besides, if I wanted to steal a brain I'd be biting and clawing at the skull. The victims in this case show no marks or anything. Their just brainless. Naturally, when the superiors found out, I was fired. Although I suppose the fact that I put my date of death on the resume didn't tip them off.

Wayne: Do you need me to defend your undead ass?

Glenn: Precisely! *jaw falls off* Oooh! Eh eeh eh ah! *re-attaches*

Wayne: Any information on who will be in court?

Glenn: Yes. The presiding judge will be my brother.

Wayne: Is he dead too?

Glenn: No but he is pretty old. He does have a nasty case of Alzheimer's though so I wouldn't be surprised if he forgets to come and we get stuck with a replacement. As for the prosecution, I have no information.

Wayne: Do you have any clues as to who the real killer is?

Glenn: I think I just might...Come with me...

Masamune

~Meanwhile, across town~

Boss: Hey, Pee Wright. Looks like the city has given you a new case.

Pee Wright: But I'm just a young, determined prosecutor with a head full of dreams!

Boss: And that is your strength, or my name isn't Boss Mcdaphoonesterinhasslehoff!

Collegue: It isn't sir. You're just Boss. You'll die Boss.

Boss: Do I get half marks?

Pee Wright: So what do we have here. Huh, Judge Glenn huh? Zombies, eh? Sounds like a pretty solid case. He got a lawyer yet?

Boss: He went for Wayne Shoeleft.

Pee Wright: Oh man, you mean that crazy-arse lawyer who only wins cases by beating people up!?

Boss: That's right. So whatever you do, don't push for the Loophole. He's a scrapper who uses other legal loopholes to win his fight. He tagteamed Chad Bootright last week.

Pee Wright: Sounds like a creep. I'll keep that in mind. Let's go see what the cops have to say.

Boss: Ho ho ho.

~Meanwhile~

Judge Glenn: Here we are.

Wayne: The library?

Judge Glenn: Not just any library. The Library of Unlikely Events, Creatures, and Movie Spinoffs! See this book?

Wayne: Legends of El Chupacabra? You think this did the crime?

Glenn: Possibly. There's been no sightings ever and we live hundreds of miles from South America. BUT! But this could possibly be something that could suck brains out without leaving any marks!

Wayne: Um. Sure, I'll have Dr. Walrus look over this. Maybe we should investigate the murder scene. Where was it at?

Glenn: Well um. Here's the thing. It was Rob Easton's home. Your first opponent? He was the victim.

Wayne: Oh snap.

Golem

~They arrive at the scene. Wayne is greeted by a police officer.~

Wayne: ~shows some documentation~ I'm here to investigate the scene.

Police: You can go in, sir. But Mr. Glenn has to stay out here.

~Wayne walks in and surveys the scene, the living room. There's police tape around the couch, on which is a chalk outline of Rob Easton's body. Someone really witty drew a smilie face on the chalk outline of his head. Everything else is in perfect order, nothing is even slightly torn.~

Wayne: Huh. No sign of struggle. It actually just looks like he was lounging, watching TV...

~Wayne hears something and looks up to find a strange brown two-legged lizard-like creature with spikes along its back and arms. They stare at each other for a few moments.~

Wayne: Returns to the scene of the crime...?

~The creature bounds towards Wayne. He tries to wrestle with it, but it escapes his grasp and rushes outside. Wayne gets up as fast as he can and immediately finds that, outside, the chupacabra is sucking on the police officer's brain. Judge Glenn is looking away, his back both to the doorway and the police officer. The officer, his brain being sucked out, can't do anything about it. Wayne dashes out to catch the chupacabra, but is too late--it finishes and runs away. In the commotion, Glenn turns around to see Wayne and catches a glimpse of the chupacabra.~

Glenn: That was the chupacabra!

Wayne: I got that much. . . . . Sigh. We lost it, too... it was right in my grasp! ~turns to Glenn~ Alright, despite the current setback, the truth is that we've still got a lead. Let's head back to HQ.

Glenn: ...You mean the office.

Wayne: Right, that's what I said, let's head back to the office.

Glenn: That was strange, I didn't even notice him until you came out here and started making noise...

~Back at the office...~

Dr. Walrus: This is going to be very hard for anyone to believe. Chupacabras are usually confrontational rather than stealthy. Chupacabra experts would expect a chupacabra to wrestle the police officer rather than sneak up from behind him and suck his brains.

Wayne: First things first--where have the chupacabra's latest killings been?

Dr. Walrus: There was a similar case one a week before Rob Easton's death; it took place at 134 Standard Lane. Why do you need to know?

Wayne: That's good enough. Keep an eye on Glenn.

Dr. Walrus: Am I a babysitter?

Glenn: Do I need a babysitter?

~But it's too late, since Wayne just walked away without answering their reasonable questions.

Later, at 134 Standard Lane, Wayne inspects the perimeter of the house...~

Wayne: There's got to be some way the chupacabra got in...

~Wayne finds a dog door on a door on the back of the house.~

Wayne: That'll work.

~Wayne kicks the (human) door in. Inside is a kitchen, and the chupacabra is huddled underneath the table. Expecting an awesome action sequence? Think again. The chupacabra leaps at him, but he whips out a dart gun and shoots a tranquilizer at the demon. It tackles him and takes a few steps into the back yard, but after that, it collapses. He then puts it in a net and throws it into his car without anyone in the neighborhood noticing anything.

Later, at the office...~

Dr. Walrus: You caught it. You caught the chupacabra.

Wayne: Well, sure. It turns out the little guy just sucks brains so he can take over the person's home. It's kind of cool, actually.

Dr. Walrus: I'm sure. I'll have it sent off to the lab. In the meantime, did you find any evidence we can use?

Wayne: Eh?

Dr. Walrus: No marks were left on the victims. The chupacabra, using stealth, didn't leave any traces. Catching the chupacabra means nothing. You've even convicted Mr. Glenn further by having him present at the scene--the prosecution can say that you're making the chupacabra story up and that Mr. Glenn ate the officer's brain while you were inside the house.

Wayne: Oh man... alright, I'm on it. Don't worry, Mr. Glenn, we'll prove you aren't responsible for these murders.

~In the court the day of the trial...~

Wayne: ~to Glenn~ Alright, we're in a tight spot here... I didn't get any evidence.

Glenn: What?

Wayne: I really tried, it's just not there. Scientists have studied the chupacabra, but they won't have trustworthy ways of applying it to the evidence until long after this case is decided. While science lags, I'm going to have to defend you myself.

Judge J. Glenn: Hush. Time for closing statements.

Bailiff: Opening statements, sir.

Judge J. Glenn: Opening statements? Really?

Bailiff: Yes.

Judge J. Glenn: Alright. Now, for your closing statements. Prosecution?

~Pee Wright stands.~

Pee Wright: Ladies and gentlemen of the court, the defendant is a zombie. I intend to prove that he lives just like the rest of his kind: a brain-sucking murderer.

~He sits down.~

Judge J. Glenn: Prosecution?

~Wayne stands up.~

Wayne: Ladies and gentleman of the court, I trust that discrimination and hatred based upon the exterior of a person are gone. Even though Mr. Glenn is different more on the inside than on the outside, since he was a zombie for so long but nobody else could notice, it's still a form of racism. Er,... the bottom line is, Mr. Glenn is a good zombie. The real killer, a chupacabra, cannot be accused in the court of law yet; science has long been unable to study this horrific creature. Only recently has one been caught for study, and since its study is so new, the study is not trustworthy enough to use in this case. I saw the beast murder with my two eyes, though; this gives me confidence in my client, the confidence I need to invoke the loophole.

Pee Wright: Great...

Judge J. Glenn: Hey, is that my brother?

Director

Glenn: Help me!

Judge J. Glenn: Sorry, Wayne will have to win his fight.

Glenn: Oh..........

Wayne: Lets fight!

Pee Wright: Fine...

*Señor Abbots bursts in*

Señor Abbots: Aye Carumba, I want to prosecute!

Pee Wright: No, arrest him.

*Policemen arrest Señor Abbots*

Pee Wright: Now then!

*Pee Wright hooks Wayne in the jaw*

Wayne: Razzle?

*Wayne punches Pee Wrights in the chest, breaking Waynes hand*

Judge J Glenn: Thats enough, round one is over.

*Waynes talking to Glenn, the accused one*

Wayne: *Sighs* What am I gonna do?

Glenn: I shall teach you a zombie move, the KO supreme, but you can only use it ONCE

Wayne: sweet

*Trial time*

Judge J Glenn: Round 2!

Pee Wright: Prepare-

*Wayne uses the move, KOing Pee Wright, and himself*

Glenn: We won!

*The Chupacabra brakes in, sucking out Glenn the zombies brain*

Glenn: Ha, Im a zombie!

Judge J. Glenn: So, it was the Chupacabra, take hime to the...................... zoo boys

*Wayne wakes up at his house, with a note pinned to him*

Wayne: Wah?

*Wayne reads the note, it goes*

Wayne,
WE did it! After you fainted the Chupacabra bursted in, and proved my innocence,
Your friend,
Glenn

Wayne: Wow......

*Wayne begins writing in his diary*

Wayne: I did it, I proved Glenn innocent........ well the Chupacabra did, but still!
Wayne

Case III: Walrus Tag-Team Extravaganza!

Retro

[August 19th, 2:45 PM - Shoeleft and Co. Law Offices]

(Wayne Shoeleft awakens in his office after a long, but not well deserved nap. He's sleeping on a bed made out of the papers he neglects to file. He brews up some more coffee and lounges in his chair before that ever annoying beeping sound comes out of the intercom on his desk.)

Wayne (Pressing down on the button): What is it, Gladys?

Gladys: Someone named Dr. Walrus is here to see you, Mr. Shoeleft.

(Wayne cringes at the name.)

Wayne: *mumble*...Walrus *mumble*. Very well, send him in.

(Dr. Marcus Walrus slides into the office, leaving a trail of fish brine in his wake.)

Wayne: I hope you didn't just come here to stain my carpets, Mr. Walrus.

Dr. Walrus: That's DOCTOR Walrus, whelp. (his whiskers shake back and forth) I didn't go to Walrus Academy for eight years to not be called a doctor.

(As Dr. Walrus was talking, Wayne was motioning his one hand in circles, trying to speed along the process.)

Dr. Walrus: I guess since you're SOOOO BUSY (whisker shake), you'll want me to get straight to the point, eh wot?

Wayne: At last you understand.

Walrus: Indeed. Now then Mr. Shoeleft, I have a spot of news for you. If you'll direct your attention to across the street (points flipper out Wayne's window.)

(Wayne looked behind him to the giant multi-story building across the street from his office window.)

Wayne: What is THAT?

Dr. Walrus: THAT is my new office/company, "Walrus R' Us."

Wayne: So, you're no longer at the Defense Council?

Dr. Walrus: Still a defense ATTORNEY, mind you, just not with the council. I'm a stand alone man...erm, Walrus, ma' boy (whisker shake).

Wayne: So this means we're....

Dr. Walrus: Competitors, yes. A bit of healthy competition never hurt, did it?

Wayne: That building wasn't there this morning, did it just magically appear or something?

Dr. Walrus: Ho ho, the Walrus construction union is very fast when it comes to assembling extremely tall and impressive buildings. Now then, I have something else to tell you.

Wayne: This feels familiar. You're not going to whip out some bad news about my MOTHER, are you?

Dr. Walrus: Not at all, no. However, I do have bad news (whisker shake).

Wayne: Bad? How so?

Dr. Walrus: It would seem that my latest case involves me going up against my cousin, Owen Thane. Brutish fellow, that one.

Indeed, he reminds me of you in a way. That way being a moronic fellow who invokes the Loophole in each of his cases.

Wayne: ...

Dr. Walrus: The thing is, ma' boy. He'd rip me in two if we were to battle.

Wayne:...So you're going to ask me to help tag-team?

Dr. Walrus: Two against one seems hardly fair, yes. But the Judge doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he encouraged it.

Wayne: Which Judge is this?

Dr. Walrus: Judge Belmont.

Wayne: No surprises there. Alright Doc', I'll give you a hand. Er, I mean, a flipper with your case.

Dr. Walrus: I knew you wouldn't refuse (whisker shake).

(Wayne walks Dr. Walrus out of his office, but when he turns around, his heel catches some of the brine that Dr. Walrus left on his way in, causing Wayne to do a full 360 degree flip in the air, and land on his back with a big THUD.)

Wayne *shaking fists in the air*: WAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRUSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

***

(Elsewhere, under the waves of the Atlantic Ocean, somewhere outside of New Jersey, there was a large underwater Prosecutors office. It was the home to Owen Thane, prosecutor extraordinaire.)

Owen: *Growl* My foolish Walrus of a cousin seems to have found help in Wayne Shoeleft, the man whom I copied my court techniques off of. Unlucky for him, he doesn't know how to really fight in the courtroom.

Such a pity, I hope I don't go too far and kill the man like all of my other courtroom fights.

***

[August 20th, 10:38 AM - Court Lobby #1]

(Wayne had been waiting for Dr. Walrus for a good half an hour, the trial was to begin at 10:45 AM sharp. When he finally slid through the double doors, Wayne jumped up to meet him.)

Wayne: You're late.

Dr. Walrus: Sorry, I was writing out my will. Now then, are you ready?

Wayne: Yes, but what about evidence?

Dr. Walrus: Like it matters (whisker shake), Owen will just start off by using the Loophole anyway, so just get ready to fight.

(It rolled past 10:45 already, and everyone had already become seated. However, Owen Thane was nowhere to be seen.)

Bailiff: Court is now in session, the widely despised Judge Belmont presiding.

Judge Belmont: Y'ello everyone. Let's say we get this trial underway already, eh? Prosecution, you're opening statements, please.

(...)

Dr. Walrus: Your Honor, the prosecution is *ahem* (whisker shake) *ahem* not currently here at the moment.

Judge Belmont: Did that Walrus just say something? I was too busy staring out the BRAND NEW GLASS SUNROOF!

Wayne(looking up out the sunroof): Your Honor...I'd...Uh-oh.

Dr. Walrus: Looks like the Prosecution...

(Wayne interrupts and points straight up out of the window, where a big shadow was growing larger and larger as it came down towards the courthouse. A giant monster crashes through the glass and lands on top of the prosecution table, smashing it.)

Dr. Walrus: ...is here.

Judge Belmont: Excuse me, who or what are YOU?

Monster: Owen Thane, present and accounted for, Your Honor.

Wayne(trembling): THAT'S your cousin!? But it's a...a...!!

Random group of rogue harpooners: GIANT SQUID!!

(The court falls into hysteria, people screaming and tripping over each other. Judge Belmont bangs his gavel and demands order in the court. In the midst of all this, Owen sits on the floor, minding his own business.)

Harpooner: IT BE A KRAKEN, SIR. READY YOUR HARPOONS, MEN.

Judge Belmont: There will be no such thing happening in my courtroom. Men, lay down your weapons, this is our prosecutor for the day, and he deserves your respect.

Owen: Yeah, so shut up already.

Dr. Walrus: Late as usual, Owen?

Owen: What's that Marcus? YOU'RE READY TO DIE? Oh, what GOOD news!

Dr. Walrus: ...The defense would like to begin the trial, Your Honor.

Judge Belmont: Indeed. Alright Prosecution, opening-

Wayne: YOUR HONOR, I WOULD LIKE TO INVOKE THE LOOPHOLE AT THIS TIME!

Owen: HEY. I was going to say that!

Wayne: Then you should have said it before me! Let's go, doctor.

Judge Belmont: Oh, this is interesting. Alright boys, let's have a good clean fight, and remember, the fate of uh...wait, so who are you defending, Dr. Walrus?

Dr. Walrus: Myself, Your Honor. It's a long story, but my pride is on the line here. My cousin accused me of stealing something from my family recently, and I'm here to prove him wrong, by force if necessary.

Judge Belmont: I see. Well then, ON YOUR MARKS, GET SET, BRAAAAAAAWWLLLL!

Golem

~Owen starts out by squirting ink on the floor before Wayne and Dr. Walrus. Wayne rushes forward to attack, but slips backwards on the ink. Wayne growls as he gets up to find Dr. Walrus in a strangle-hold in Owen's tentacles.

For just an instant, Wayne realizes that he's watching a giant octopus battle a lawyer walrus. But then he snaps out of it.~

Wayne: Walrus, you're pretty bad at fighting!

Dr. Walrus: I'm a lawyer, not a fighter!

~Wayne tries to leap into a punch at Owen, but again slips in the ink. He still manages to propel himself into a headbutt at Owen, though, and the force causes Owen to release Dr. Walrus. Dr. Walrus, who had been pulling away from Owen, is still pulling back when he gets released. In this movement, a pocket watch falls out of Dr. Walrus' suit and lands between him and Owen.~

Owen: THE WATCH! Look what you've DONE to it!

~Owen gently picks it up by the chain while holding Wayne at bay by pushing him away with his spare tentacles.~

Dr. Walrus: That's my own pocket watch.

~Owen puts the watch on the judge's desk and takes a swipe at Dr. Walrus with one of his tentacles.~

Owen: So you're still hiding father's pocket watch!

~Dr. Walrus manages to avoid a few tentacle hits, but by and large he is taking them.~

Dr. Walrus: You know ~slap~ father, he most like~slap~ly lost it ~slap~ under the couch!

~Owen has stopped paying attention to Wayne for the most part, so Wayne has been slowly grabbing the tentacles that Owen used to push him back. Wayne lowers them near to the ground and puts his right foot on them.~

Wayne: You were adopted!

Owen: What?!

~Owen looks away from Dr. Walrus to find himself at the receiving end of a punch from Wayne.~

Fred of the Bed

Owen: Cheap shot! I'm tired of all this blindsiding!

(Owen pushes off backwards, to the wall of the courtroom)

Judge Belmont: Second forms are not permitted in this courtroom! The punishment is me throwing an axe at you that only goes in a weird arc! So don't be doing anything like

Owen: BLOOPER!(Owen charges Dr. Walrus and Wayne, crushing them easily under his mass of tentacles)

Wayne: Sonuva...

Owen: The pocketwatch, Marcus. Before Mr. Shoeleft finds himself in a watery- I mean earthy- grave. (He holds Wayne up in a chokehold)

Dr. Walrus: ...

Wayne: What you are doing is wrong, you crazy squid! Justice isn't murder! It's a sound beating, sometimes, and it's jail in others! We only compete so that both arguments can be represented!

Owen: Yeah, great. You're not my hero anymore, Wayne. You're just a Lawyer with a bad haircut.

Wayne: Shut up! You don't even have hair!

(Owen's eye opens with forceful rage)

Owen: WHAT. DID YOU. JUST SAY. TO ME.

(Owen grips Wayne's neck with all of his tentacles)

Wayne: Urk- Walrus, now!

(Dr. Walrus rips the Confessional stand's railings off of the stand itself and points it, rungs first, at Owen's eye. He flings it, penetrating the eye forcefully.)

Owen: Gurgh... awrgh...

(Owen flails around madly, dropping Wayne but also smacking him in mid-air. Wayne flies into wall above the jury, and drops. Dr. walrus alone is stuck attempting to hold back his brother, as the Squid begins to break the stands the audience are seated in.)

Judge Belmont: Order! Order in the court!

(Owen continues Trashing about. Dr. Walrus is too heavy to move without a concertrated effort, and he blocks the flailing arms as Wayne gets back on his feet and grabs a piece of a broken banister. He opens his briefcase, takes out his hidden Water flask, and douses the stick with it, and then uses his lighter to ignite the stick. He then charges the beast while covering it in Water, too, and then hits it with his flaming piece of banister. Owen slows to a crawl, and eventually collapses)

Judge Belmont: I could have done that! I had this holy water all ready, and- ugh, whatever. Next case, please.

(Meanwhile, in a shady room in the whitehouse)

???: Yo, sir. what up?

???2: The legal system is changing. This is my chance to strike. I want you to round up the most dangerous lawyers that live, will live, or ever have lived, and bring them to me. Yes... the constitution finally can be re-written... finally TRUE justice can prevail... muahhaha.... hehuahahha... MuhaahahheraAAHAHAHAAH!! Okay I need to get a laughtrack to laugh for me from now on.

Case IV: The Might is Right!

Director

*Waynes writing in his journal*

Wayne: Wow, I managed to beat Owen..... I wonder what all of the other prosecutors are up to?

*White house*

???: Can do ... hahaha.......

*So this mysterious man..... lets call him Mr. D, is ready to recruit the most powerful prosecutor ever*

Mr. D: Yo, so can you help us?

???: Yessssssssssss...... YES! *Coughs up blood*

Mr. D: Beautiful......... and eww......

???: My body is weak......... I shall inhabit yours......

Mr. D: Say what?

*??? posseses Mr. D, turning him into Mr. Death*

Mr. Death: Yes..... I the chief prosecutor, Omega Glint shall do this job........ for the president.

*Gasp, lets go back to Wayne*

Wayne: Ah, I love getting mail.......... hey whats this?

*A letter, summoning Wayne to court, to serve on a jury*

Wayne: Jury eh? I wonder who the judge is........

Golem

~On the first day of jury duty, everyone arrives in court. Wayne looks at the other jurors. He looks on in amazement as he recognizes each and every one: Abram T. Pitydafool, Chad Bootright, Gloria Whipass, Mistress Von Orderia, Pee Wright, Señor Abbots, and Johnnie Cochrane.

Elsewhere, Mr. Death stands in a judge's gown, monologuing to himself...~

Mr. Death: Surely these jurors will agree with my adjustments to the Constitution. Once this case is over, the Might is Right Clause will be added--any fight will count as a legally binding contract. If they don't agree, it doesn't matter; I'm not just the prosecution. Even if they do not agree with me after the case has been decided in my favor, I will be able to persuade them to my side before the Supreme Court realizes it has a stake in this. And by that point, the Supreme Court will have to deal with my all-star lineup of lawyers!

~Back in the court room...~

Bailiff: All rise for the honorable Judge Death.

~The judge walks in. He's pale and old but still impressively built with wide shoulders and a strong chin. His beard strikes fear into the hearts of everyone present.~

Mr. Death: I now call to order the case of Littleson vs. Washington.

~At this point, Wayne realizes he hasn't seen the plaintiff or the defendant. Wayne looks specifically for them and realizes why he didn't notice them before--they're transparent, as if they were ghosts. One he recognizes from the dollar bill, and the other he doesn't recognize at all. He also notices they don't have lawyers--they must be representing themselves.~

Wayne: GHOSTS?!

Mr. Death: ~slams his gavel~ Quiet, Mr. Shoeleft! I will have silence in my court as we hear the opening statements.

~Chad, sitting next to Shoeleft, leans over and whispers in his ear.~

Chad: Didn't you read any of the information they gave you before you came in today?

Wayne: I just thought it was as unimportant as any other paper.

Chad: ~sigh~

Judge Death: The prosecution shall now present its opening arguments. ~Judge Death stands up. Wayne is shocked, but Chad puts Wayne in a headlock, preventing him from making a sound about it.~ For many years, the Loophole has been a great and wonderful part of society--~looks to jury~ as I'm sure you know. That is why it should be expanded to allow the Might is Right Clause into the Constitution. ~Judge Death sits down.~ Defense?

Ghost of George Washington: ~Washington stands up.~ When the Constitution was written by the forefathers of this country, the Loophole was not intended, but somehow Mr. Littleson snuck it in. We were too embarrassed to admit it, but at least we managed to erase his signature on the Constitution. You cannot allow Mr. Littleson to expand his mutation of the grand binding mechanism of this nation! ~He sits down.~

Mr. Death: Yes, well... I shall now call in the first witness,

Retro

Mr. Littleson, will you please appear in the stand?

(The ghost of Mr. Littleson faded out from where he was sitting and then reappeared in the witness stand.)

Death: Now then, Mr. Littleson, what (Good) reason could you have for putting the Loophole into the Constitution?

Littleson: Your honor, let's face it, courtroom trials are a boring thing. When I first created the Loophole, it was intended to make cases more interesting. And when you get right down to it, aren't these cases more interesting now? Just look at all the people in here, waiting for a fight to break out.

George: Trials are not supposed to be entertaining, Mr. Littleson! They're supposed to determine who is right and who is wrong through our system of justice.

Littleson: Yeah, but it's SOOOOO BORING.

Death: You have to admit, Mr. President, most things in America today need to be more interesting, or else people will lose interest.

George: People can lose interest in JUSTICE?

Everyone: Yes.

George: My, how this country has changed since my time.

Wayne: Can we skip ahead already?

(Chad punches Wayne in the kidney for his outburst and covers it by waving over at the Judge.)

Death:...Right, well, do you have anything else to add, President?

George: I do...not.

(Death smirks)

Death: You are excused from the bench, Mr. Littleson. And jury, have you reached a verdict?

Chad: We have, your honor.

(Wayne looks down at his phone, which is vibrating like crazy, and he checks to see that there is a new message.)

Chad: We rule that the Might is Right clause should be added to the Constitution, seeing how it was heading in that direction anyway.

(All the jurors nod, agreeing, but they look over to see Wayne standing up, his finger pointing out, like some sort of Phoenix Wright imitation.)

Wayne: I OBJECT!

Death: You WHAT!? You can't object, you're just in the jury today, Shoeleft!

Chad: Wayne, what are you doing!?

Abram: SIDDOWN, FOOL.

Wayne: A little birdie told me that you aren't telling us everything Mr. Death, and I demand some answers!

(The jury begins talking amongst themselves, and the spectators are also causing a commotion.)

Death(Banging gavel repeatedly on his bench): ORDER, ORDER, ORDER IN THIS COURT! Mr. Shoeleft, why are you insisting that I am hiding something?

Wayne: It has come to my attention that this new Clause is going to change a lot of things for the worse.

Death: YOU...WHO TOLD YOU THIS?

Dr. Walrus: That would be me (Whisker Shake). I heard you in the bathroom talking about your plans to oppose the Supreme Court and everything.

(All of the jurors look confused and start talking out loud again.)

Death: THAT RANCID STENCH, THAT WAS YOU!?

Walrus: Indeed.

Wayne: So then, you admit that this Clause will alter the constitution to benefit you?

(Death begins to laugh like a madman at Wayne's remark.)

Death: ME? No no, it's all for HIM.

Wayne: ...Who is "Him"?

Death: I wouldn't worry about it, because you won't live that long, Shoeleft.

Wayne: ...

Death: You still know so little, and this is only the beginning.

(Death begins to grow pale, and he falls to the floor of the court. A light comes out of his back, and it opens up to reveal a another person coming out of Death's body. It is a demon, with wings coming out of his neck and a body that is pitch black.)

Wayne: Alright, I think we took the supernatural thing a little too far with this OG.

(Omega Glint flies to back to the top of the Judge's bench and bangs his gavel, indicating that the trial is now over, but he is not quite done with Wayne.)

Omega: There, even though your little outburst will do you no good, and the trial has been decided in my favor, you will still die for knowing too much. The same goes for that Walrus over there.

Wayne: But now everyone here knows of your plans! Why not kill us all?

(A rotten apple is thrown at Wayne's head from the audience after what he said, and they begin to flee out the door. Omega takes a deep breath and blows out a freeze ray from his mouth, freezing all of the audience in an instant.)

Chad: You spared us?

Omega: You are now my team of super lawyers, so you're coming with me to the White House anyway, also it saves me the trouble of thawing you out later.

Wayne: Think about it Chad, do you really want to help the Loophole become part of the Constitution? Your entire life would then be dedicated to fighting people like me every day.

Chad: Good point, let's fight.

Omega: WHAT? You foolish mortal, you were going to be the leader too. Well if you really want to die right now, then I'll gladly help you out.

Abram: Wayne's right, mmhmm, I don't wanna go through that hell again.

Gloria: I was barely in a fight, but I still agree, this isn't what we wanted.

Pee Wright: Yep.

Abbot: NO BUENO.

Orderia: I do enjoy the Loophole, but it was the fact that is was next to illegal over here that made it so fun, stupid Americans!

Johnnie Cochrane: Yeah...I'll see you guys later (Leaps out the window).

(All of this senseless talking seemed to upset Omega, and he was thrown into a rage and started to go insane.)

Omega: FINE, I'll just kill you all right now and assemble a new team later! Get ready SUPER FOOLS.

(Omega swoops down and grabs Wayne underneath the arms and tosses him up to the ceiling, then throws a punch at his stomach in midair. Abram leaps up and catches Wayne before he hits the floor, then uses him like a bat and slams Omega in the head with him. Wayne separates himself from Abram and connects his fist to Omega's face in midair.)

(Chad jumps up and grabs Omega's leg while stunned and brings him down to the floor, then gives him a forceful body slam. Gloria then continues by using her whip to snatch Omega and bring him over to her, then she gives him a hard kick between the legs while he's down.)

(Omega gets up and snatches Gloria and Orderia with his elongated arm and slingshots them to the back of the room, shattering a few of spectators to thousands of pieces. He turns around to see Dr. Walrus charging at him with a bench in his hand, and he is smashed over the head with it before he can do anything to defend himself.)

(Pee Wright, just coming out of the bathroom, sees what's going on and then immediately turns around and goes back in. Meanwhile, Omega punches the ground, causing a fissure to split most of the courtroom in two. Wayne jumps over the huge hole and dropkicks Omega while he isn't looking. He lands and sweeps Omega off his feet with another kick, then Chad comes in with his knee, landing on Omega, then picks him up again and tries to throw him into the gaping hole, but Omega catches his arm and instead throws him into the hole.)

(Abram dives and catches Chad's arm before he falls too far, and pulls him back up. Wayne continues to fight hand to hand with Omega, who seems to be getting a little weaker after all the blows he has suffered. Senor Abbot, who was forgotten until just now, does his part by grabbing the gavel and clocking Omega over the head with it.)

Chad: Huff...huff...think it's time to wrap this up, Wayne?

Wayne: Yeah, I think enough fighting dialog has passed.

(Chad and Wayne both rush at Omega at once. Omega flies into the air and is getting ready to unleash another freeze ray at them, hoping to end the battle once and for all. Chad runs ahead of Wayne and crouches down to the floor, and Wayne jumps off of Chad's back into the air. He flies into Omega with both his hands clenched together and delivers his final blow to Omega's face.)

(Omega flinches and misfires the Freeze Ray, hitting himself. He then collapses to the ground, covered in ice. Wayne walks over to Omega's frozen body, picks it up and tosses it into the giant fissure hole. All of the lawyers gathered around and looked down.)

Everyone: We came, we saw...

Wayne: WE LOOPHOLED'!

[Epilogue]

(Back in the same shady White House room)

???: Omega has failed, but his death was not in vain. The gears are already in motion, soon enough our plans will be realized, and not even that pesky Wayne Shoeleft can stop me now.

BONUS: Case V: Wayne on Trial!

~It's 6 PM in Wayne's office. Wayne is enjoying his Chinese food--as he does, carelessly dripping soy sauce on the documents over which he eats--when he's interrupted by a beep from his intercom.~

Wayne: Yes?

Secretary: There's someone singing here to see you, Mr. Shoeleft.

Wayne: Let them in.

~Moments pass, and a man in a gavel costume walks in.~

Gavel Man: I'm Gavel the singing summons
You smashed Ms. McKendrick's car door in when you opened your door next to her car in the parking looooot!
Now she's suing you for the damages!
Da da lee da~!

~Gavel Man runs out. Someone in the office threatens him with an axe as he runs by, and he screams the rest of the way out.~

Wayne: ~sigh~ Great. I know I didn't do that, it was dented when I got there.

Dr. Walrus: You remember the car, Mr. Shoeleft? ~shakes whiskers~

Wayne: When did you shuffle in?

Dr. Walrus: Don't worry about that. When I heard you were in trouble, I decided to repay the favor I owe you for facing my brother.

Wayne: So you ~chuckle~ you want to be my defense attorney?

Dr. Walrus: Naturally.

Wayne: Tons of prosecutors will be all over this case, Walrus. I'm going to need a man who can get the job done right.

Dr. Walrus: My case history is long, Mr. Shoeleft. You'll find I'm among one of the best defense attorneys available, and I am offering to help you at no charge.

Wayne: There's no way you'd hold up in a Loophole fight, and that's what the prosecutor--whoever he or she is--will want.

Dr. Walrus: Your life is hardly swallowed up by the Loophole.

Wayne: Oh yes it is. Now, as for who to call... there's no way Chad would defend me... I'll call in Abram T. Pitydafool. He seems to lack murderous rage against me.

~Wayne stops eating and picks up the phone and starts dialing. Then he looks to Dr. Walrus. They stare at each other for a few minutes before Wayne shoos him out.~

Director

Wayne: Hello Abram?

Abram: Who is this? I was eating cranberries fool!

Wayne: Its Wayne, I was wondering if-

Abram: THE SAME FOOL THAT CHEATED IN OUR LOOPHOLE MATCH?!?!?

Wayne: Yes well, I didnt win by fighting, a vampire drained your-

Abram:I PITY VAMPIRES.

Wayne: *sighs* Can you help?

Abram: HELKL YEAH FOOL!

Wayne: Helkl?

Abram: SHUT YOUR MOUF FOOL! I'll see y'all at the court house.... FOOL!

*meanwhile all the judges and prosecutors are fighting over who gets to preside/ Prosecute in Wayne's trial. Lets visit the prosecutors first*

Chad: I should prosecute, I'm practically that boys opposite!

Pee Wright: Nononono IT SHOULD BE ME-

*Senor Abbots bursts in*

Senor Abbots: ITS MY MUCHO TIME TO SHINE!

Gloria Whipass: Why won't you leave?

Wariofan

*Senor Abbots pulls out a shotgun*

Senor Abbots: Listen up mi amigos. Its about time I got a chance to play in this little game and anyone who doesn't listen will say hello to my little friend here.

Little Friend: Hola guys, me llamo Pepito.

Senor Abbots: They will also get shot. Comprende?

*Chad kicks the shotgun out of Abbot's hands, points it at him, and fires it...and douses his sombrero*

Chad: Just as I thought. It's only a squirt gun. Guards, take him away.

*two guards throw Abbots out the window*

Pepito: Can I stay?

Chad: Yeah sure, you're cool.

Gloria: How will we decide who gets to prosecute?

Pee Wright: I suggest Russian Roulette.

Orderia: Isn't that a little dangerous?

Pee Wright: And?

Chad: You don't even have a gun. How would you suggest we play?

Pee Wright: You know I never really thought this far ahead. This is quite the conundrum....

Chad: No it isn't, listen I got a perfect method.

*Suddenly the camera pans over to The Judge's room*

Judge J. Glenn: Will the prosecution please present their opening meatloaf?

Judge Duo: We're not in court you dumbass!

Judge Whupass: WOOT WOOT I think I should judge. My qualities outweigh all of you guys's by a BILLION INFINITE PERCENT.

Judge Glenn: *pounds fist of table, which disconnects from his limb* Nonsense! Mr. Shoeleft clearly needs my guidance to overcome this trial.

Judge Synic: Oh please... you only like him cause he saved your ass in court.

Judge Glenn: I wish! I lost my ass some 15 years ago! I'm afraid som hooligans thought it would make a great prank to put it in-

*Judge J. Glenn walks into the room in his underwear*

Judge J. Glenn: What are you all doing in my bathroom?!?

Judge Belmont: Clearly we aren't getting anything done here. *takes a bite out his Crime Sandwhich* I nominate myself. *an envelope is handed to Belmont* And the winner is...ME! I bid you all farewell gentlemen.

*Judge Belmont walks out of the room leavving the rest of the Judges confused. Belmont kicks the door to the prosecutor room open*

Belmont: *pointing* All right. I've decided. YOU are the one who is going to prosecute. I don't care who you ended up picking, my word is like the bible to you people.

Director

Belmont: YES YOU! ROB EASTON!

Gloria: Hes dead....

Belmont: Oh dman, well someone dig him up.

Gloria:..... what?

Belmont: DO IT!

*So everyone bails Abbots out, and they make him dig up Rob*

Abbots: So mi amigos, if I dig this hole, I will get to prosecute?

Von Orderia: Yeah sure *shifty eyes*.

Abbots: DIG FASTER PEPITO!

Pepito: Jes boss.

*So they dig Rob up at the graveyard and pry his body out of his coffin*

Belmont: AH, ROB, how ya doing!

Rob: *rotting in his coffin*

Belmont: Yes yes, good!

*Von Orderia whispers to Chad*

Orderia: Is he ok?

Chad: Robs dead Orderia.

Orderia: Not him, Belmont, hes digging up dead bodies....

Belmont: SILENCE!

*Belmont pours holy water on him, and chants a spell*

Belmont: Memento Mori, rise again, Memento Mori, carpe diem.....

*Rob Easton gets up out of his coffin*

Rob: Whats that smell?

Belmont: YOU, YOU'RE UN DEAD!

Rob: *faints8*

Belmont: ABBOTS! Pour the jellow shield on him, then take him to the Prosecutors room.

Abbots: Aye mi amigo, rapido Pepito, rapido!

Pepito: AYE CARUMBA!

*Pepito and Abbots Carry Rob Easton Jello reborn in his coffin while everyone else follows*

Chad: So- how did you.... you know, revive him?

Belmont: ELEMENTARY MY DEAR CHADSTON! I used the black magic..... or maybe it was white magic.... I'm not racist so I don't know.

Chad: O_o

*Once everyone arrives at the prosecutors room Belmont begins to talk to the prosecutors.*

Belmont: Now that you're all here, we can begin to pick the prosecutor with

THE PROSECUTOR GAMES!

Retro

Chad: Can't we just draw straws?

Judge Belmont: TOO OBVIOUS! Instead, we're going to pit you against one another in a fight-to-the-death!

(Abram Pitydafool suddenly bursts through the door and slams his hand on the desk.)

Abram: I'LL BEAT YOU ALL WITH MY FACE TIED BEHIND MY BACK, GOT IT!?

Gloria: Weren't you supposed to be defending Shoeleft?

Abram: WHAT IS THAT A JOKE? WELL I AIN'T LAUGHING GIRLY, I WANT REVENGE FOR WHAT HE SORT OF DID TO ME.

Chad: Anyway...exactly what makes this idea more original? I'm sure we all would have decided on a Battle Royal at some point or another.

(Ignoring Chad, Judge Belmont posted a chart up on the wall that resembled a tournament roster. At the top were two pictures, one was of Wayne, the other was blank. In the middle of the two pictures ther was an arm and a fist, clearly meant to punch Wayne, this meant whoever won would have their ultimate revenge against Wayne Shoeleft.)

Judge Belmont: Now that we all understand the rules, let's begin, shall we? (Judge Belmont takes a remote out of his pocket and presses a big red button that was on the center.)

(Nothing happens at first. Everyone is looking around confused, wondering what's happened. Suddenly, the walls collapse around them, and they find out that they are in the middle of a Colosseum.)

Orderia: Impressive, an actual replication of a Roman Colosseum.

Judge Belmont: Replication nothing, I used some kind of colored magic to bring it in from across the globe!

Abram: WHITE MAN'S GONE MAD.

(Judge Belmont grabs a hold of a rope lowered down by a Helicopter and gets lifted up to a large chair in the fifth floor of the Colosseum. He throws off his clothes to reveal a toga that he was wearing underneath, and sits down.)

Judge Belmont: PEASANTS, GET READY TO FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PROSECUTE! RELEASE THE RAPTORS, FWAHAHAHA!

Chad: R-R-RAPTORS!?

(The gate at the South end lifts up and a horde of Raptors come sprinting out at the group of Prosecutors.)

Gloria: You said we were fighting each other!

Judge Belmont: True, I did say that, but this is much more fun to watch.

(After a battle with Raptors that is too epic to possibly describe, the prosecutors try to mend their wounds and await anything else that might come at them.)

Judge Belmont: Not one of you died? Bummer. Oh well, that won't be the case after this next round. Release the "Dread"!

Chad: W-what's the...Dread!?

(A lone walrus shuffles from out of the darkness and approaches the team of Prosecutors. It stops exactly ten feet away from Chad's location and stares blankly at them.)

Chad: WHAT MADNESS IS THIS!?

Abram: I'LL HANDLE THIS. MOVE ASIDE, BOY.

(Abram charges at the Walrus, ready to attack it, but he stops dead in his tracks when the Walrus looks at him with his cold, dead eyes.)

Abram: ...

Chad: Abram, what are you waiting for!? ABRAM!? ABRAM, SAY SOMETHING!

(Abram collapses on the dirt and starts shaking like mad, like he was having a seizure.)

Judge Belmont: Any lesser man would have spontaneously combusted from that close of an encounter.

Chad: ...We're not dealing with anything of this world. Team, keep your wits about you.

(Hours passed, Abram eventually stopped shaking and just lay there, like he was dead. The Walrus didn't move an inch, he just continued to stare at them...always...staring.)

Gloria: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

(Gloria bolted in the other direction but suddenly collapsed on the dirt when the Walrus looked in her general direction. Everyone looked over at her when they heard that she fell. Chad glanced at her for a second and then back at the Walrus, but something was different.)

Chad: Did he...move closer?

Orderia: IT'S A DEMON I TELL YOU! A DEMON!

Senior Abbots: El Diablo!

Pepito: AYE, CURUMBA!

Easton: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGNNNNNN...

Chad: We have to do something quick, he's trying to pick us off one by one. Hmm, I think I have a plan, but I'll need some time to figure out the details...

***

(Meanwhile)

Wayne: Why do I get the feeling that I'm not really supposed to be doing anything important right now, but I'm just here to stall for time?

Oh hey, my trial's in an hour!

***

(Back at the Colosseum)

Chad: GOT IT! Easton, you don't really have a brain or a conscious right now, so just go up and try to see if you can distract the Walrus long enough for us to escape!

Easton: UUUUNNNGHGHHHHH.

(Chad grabs Easton and tosses him at the Walrus, who breaks against the Walrus and explodes into piles of decayed organs and limbs. The Walrus doesn't even flinch, but continues to stare at the group with even more intensity.)

Orderia: It didn't work...we're so screwed.

Chad: WHAT CAN STOP A WALRUS!?

Judge Belmont: Nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. Well guys, I commend you for your efforts, but there's nothing you can do now, he has you right where he wants you.

Chad: But if we all die, how will we prosecute Wayne?

Judge Belmont: Oh...right. WAIT, THE TRIALS IN LESS THAN AN HOUR!

Orderia: You fool, how are we going to decide this by then!?

Judge Belmont: There's gotta be something in this Black Magic book...ah, here it is...METEO!

Chad: NO!

(Judge Belmont casts Meteo, thereby destroying the entire Colosseum, but at least the Walrus seems to have left for now. A small portion of the Colosseum wasn't destroyed, and luckily it was the small part that Chad and the prosecutors were on.)

Judge Belmont: OK NEW CHALLENGE! WHOMEVER GETS TO THE COURTHOUSE FIRST GETS TO BE THE PROSECUTOR!

(Everyone exchanges awkward looks for a second, then sprints out of the gaping hole in the side of the Colosseum towards the Court house. Judge Belmont straps on a jet pack and makes for the Court House as well.)

Chad: You won't beat me, Orderia! This is my chance for ultimate revenge!

Orderia: Oh yeah!? Well beating that guy is the only thing keeping me from going back to Germany where I belong, I can't sleep soundly at night until I beat that fool!

(Chad runs up to a pedestrian and knocks him off his bike, then "borrows" it. Orderia uses her whip to snatch a Policeman off of his horse and then mounts it. As they race up-hill. Senior Abbots passes them in a Cadillac with some insane shocks, and is riding it up and down as he rides.)

(Orderia whips her horse to speed it up, and Chad can do nothing but adjust gears as he rides. When they cross the top of the hill, they can see that Senior Abbots has already crashed his car into a telephone pole.)

(Still neck and neck, Orderia cracks her whip at Chad's Bike, taking off the wheel and causing him to fly forward and landing in the back of a pickup truck. Chad gets up and grabs a spare wheel that was laying in the back and throws it at Orderia, who falls off of her horse, but her boot is caught in the...uh...whatever that thing's called, you use to to get on the horse. Anyway, she gets caught and it dragged away as the horse runs away in panic.)

(Chad jumps over the hood of the truck and kicks in the window, then shoves the driver out of the door. after driving for a while and getting stuck in traffic, he finally gets to the court house. He slams on the gas and drives up the court house steps and comes crashing through the door to the Court room.)

Judge Belmont: Chad Bootright, what is the meaning of this!?

Chad: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE MEANING OF THIS IS, I WON!

Judge Belmont: Yes, you did win...WIN A FINE that is.

Chad: Huh!?

Judge Belmont: You were late, and besides, there was already a guy here to take the case.

Chad:W-who!?

Pee Wright: Heya.

Judge Belmont: He came here right before I came in to declare the Prosecutor's Games.

Pee Wright: I knew my Horoscope wouldn't lie to me.

Wayne: Geez Chad, you went through all of this trouble just to prosecute ME?

Judge Belmont: Which reminds me, Wayne Shoeleft, I hereby find you GUILTY for denting Ms. McKendrick's car, the fine is $75.

Wayne: NOOOOO, MY LIFE IS RUINED!

Chad: ...

Wayne: Sorry Chad, looks like the guy who had no vengeance against me won in the end, eh?

Pee Wright: It's true, I've completely moved on since that case. In fact, I can't help but feel sorry for Wayne, having all these ludicrous cases. Anyway, see you in the Prosecutor's office, Chad *Snicker*.

Judge Belmont: Oh and Mr. Bootright, that door's coming out of YOUR salary. COURT IS ADJOURNED!

Wayne: No hard feelings, right Cha-*BAAAAM*

(Wayne falls unconscious to the floor.)

Chad: Consider us even.

THE END

Director

*Owen wakes up in the prosecutors office on a sofa*

Owen: What happened?

Chad: You missed Waynes trial.

Owen: F*ck.

THE END! (again)