Gamehiker Member OG 3 Page 3

Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 3 Archive

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

Author: Masamune

~Back on the island~

GORE: *wakes up and looks around* Hey, what happened to the Price is Right set?

Yami: I burned it.

GORE: Why!?

Yami: Because it is a vile game that turns even the most respectable OGers into losers. And that smoke is over a bazillion miles high. Masamune's fleet is searching for us, do you think there is any chance they'll miss it?

GORE: Well, Masa doesn't even know we're here, nor would be care. And he only has one ship.

Yami: .... oh. Well uh...

GORE: On the bright side, using my extensive knowledge of Gilligan's Island, I have constructed a Zeppelin out of coconuts!

Yami: A blimp

GORE: That doesn't sound as cool. I call it.... The Barely Flying Monkey-Like Contraption!

Yami: Good one.

~Meanwhile!~

Kuria: Did you ever thing it would end like this?

Vorpal: The cakes are a surprise.

Kuria: Any regrets?

Vorpal: I never had... enough villainous roles!

Kuria: Our relationship has only begun and we never even got to do anything with it.

Vorpal: Well if it's any consolation, you made me love life.

Kuria: And if it's any consolation to you... you made life.... evil.

~they both start sobbing~

Roy: Oh brother. Just leave them, we will not waste time on them. No wait. Caykzilla?

~a HUGE Cake waddles over~

Caykzilla: You rang?

Roy: Eliminate these two. And then, I dunno, destroy the city or something.

Caykzilla: You da boss.

Roy: *smiles* I know.

Author: SOAP

(Back on the ship, in the Girls' Cabin, Marin dresses up the Ashley clone in an outfit just like the original Ashley, only it was purple.)

Marin: Aw! Aren't you just the cutest thing! I could just just eat you up.

Ashley Look-a-like: Oh please don't. I've only been alive for two posts.

Marin: You need a name. I know, I'll call you Mary Kate! I always liked that name.

Mary Kate: Meh. It works.

Marin: So Mary Kate! How you like your new outfit?

Mary Kate: It's okay. Nothing to write home to your mama about.

Marin: Hold on! I think I have some more stuff in the closet.

(Marin opens up the door and out falls MJ in nothing but his birthday suit.)

Marin: *gasp* MJ!

Mary Kate: @_@

Marin: *covers Mary Kate's eyes* What the heck were you doing hiding in the cloest?

MJ: Huh!? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not even like that.

Marin: *rolls eyes* Okay whatever. How are you still alive?

MJ: Extra lives, duh!

Marin: But I saw your body!

MJ: You saw my clothes. I left them behind as a diversion so I could make my escape.

Marin: Okay. Why are you still naked then?

MJ: Oh! Um, at the time it seemed like a good idea... Is Masa alright?

Mary Kate: I suppose this belongs to you, sir.

(MK hands MJ the Star Sword, being careful not to look directly at him.)

MJ: Why thank you, fairly attractive little girl.

(MJ holds up the Starsword and it returns to it's original colors. Also, it envelopes his nakedness in pure white light. After the light faded away, MJ was back in his original red and blue trademark outfit.)

MJ: Well that's better. Let's go find Splog now.

Marin: Okay. Just don't kiss him. I've had enough of your weird Bugs Bunny antics for one OG.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Golem: So now that MJ's dead, can we stop looking for Splog?

Fred: What?! It's in the title! You can't just ignore the title!

Masamune: A capital idea, Mr. Golem. Let's, I dunno, have a party or something.

Fred: *having a heart attack* But... title... it... the... I...

~MJ bursts into the room.~

MJ: I'm back!

All: Awww...

MJ: *sniff* You guys just love me so much.

( :P )

MJ: According to my tracer, Splog should be about two miles to starboard.

Masamune: Starboard, aye... *takes the wheel and turns left*

MJ: What? No, I said starboard.

Masamune: Liss'n, we already did this gag in another OG. Can ye just let me be the captain 'ere?

MJ: . . .

***

Luigi: We're still falling, right?

Ashley: Yeah.

Luigi: Can you tell where?

Ashley: No.

Luigi: Is Steve still following us?

Ashley: I don't think so. He is kind of heavier than us by a considerable bit.

Luigi: That means nothing.

Ashley: And a zeppelin made out of lead flew by.

Luigi: Oh.

~Pause pause.~

Ashley: What do we do when we hit the ground?

Luigi: Die, I imagine.

Ashley: Sounds like fun.

~The ground approaches.~

Luigi: Well, they don't call me Luigi Skywalker for nothing!

Ashley: They don't call you Luigi Skywalker at all.

Luigi: Oh. We're screwed, then.

~Luigi and Ashley are caught by a giant bird, dropped onto a cloud, fall through the cloud and land on top of an airplane's wing, roll off the wing, grab on to a pair of paradivers, slip off of them, get caught in a paradox that puts them on the back of a giant dragon as Luflower and Ashwind, leave the paradox about a thousand feet closer to the ground, and are so caught up in thinking about everything that's just happened that they completely miss the ground altogether and float a few feet above it.~

Ashley: That was so cheap. ~falls~ Ow!

Luigi: Serves you right. ~falls~ . . .

~Days of trying to find out where they are. Camels fly past with rocket backpacks, needles try to thread themselves, sofas carry on lively conversations about the point-ratio of the stock market in 1602, etc.~

Ashley: So now what?

Luigi: Well, for one, I'm going to continue to ignore the fact that Mysterious Silhouette has been paging me for the past eight posts. For two, I've decided that I hate Masamune so much that I'm going to take over the world just to rub it in his face.

Ashley: And how?

Luigi: Don't you see? We've landed in Weirdamonium! The fourth level of the afterlife! And we're not dead!

Ashley: So...?

Luigi: So we can leave whenever we want.

Ashley: That doesn't answer why it's so great that we're here.

Luigi: Obviously. It is said that the Almighty Cod left a gift here to watch over earth and make sure that it never truly makes sense. That gift... is the Caykforce! Whoever touches it... will have their most improbable dreams come true! Like me taking over the world.

Ashley: . . . Uh huh.

Author: SOAP

(On the way back to their cabins...)

MJ: *cursing incohorently*

Mary Kate: What's his deal?

Marin: Oh he's just mad because he's not used to not being the leader in a OG.

Mary Kate: Ah... *cringes*

Marin: What's wrong?

Mary Kate: My head... keep picking up these... thoughts.

Marin: Thoughts?

Mary Kate: Voices... sounds like me... only it's not me.... Something about an Almighty Cod... Caykforce... Nevermind, It's gone.

Marin: Seems like you were somehow psychically connected to the other Ashley. MJ, maybe we should go tell Masa about her readings.

MJ: Almighty Cod? Caykforce? These words hold no meaning to me. I'm sure it's nothing to bother Masa about. Like he'd care anyways.

Marin: Do you think you could connect with her again?

Mary Kate: No. She's blocked me off completely... *cringes* Uh! She's in my head now!

Marin: Quick! Block her out!

Mary Kate: Gah! Too late!

(Somewhere, in the dark depths of Mary Kates's mind.)

Ashley: *stepping out of the shadows* Who are you to go into my head without my permission?

Mary Kate: I am you. I guess.

Ashley: Yes. We do look very simmilar... You are one of MJ's lackeys?

Mary Kate: More like Marin's. Though lackey's not a word I'd use for myself.

Ashley: Me neither.

Mary Kate: Yeah. You're going to kill me now aren't you?

Ashley: Yes. I don't really have a choice. Luigi feels that you are too much of a risk.

Mary Kate: *sigh* I know. I probably would've done the same thing too.

Ashley: Yeah... No hard feelings right?

Mary Kate: Not really.

Ashley: Thought as much.

(Back on the outside, Mary Kate had fainted into Marin's arms.)

Marin: Mary Kate!

Mary Kate: Well, it was nice knowing you.

(Just then, in Weirdamonium...)

Ashley: You too.

Luigi: Did you finish the job?

Ashley: What do you think?

Luigi: Hmmm. Works for me. Lets go on.

(Back on the ship...)

Marin: *sobbing* Mary Kate! Mary Kate! Wake up!

Mary Kate: *wakes up suddenly* Huh!? I'm alive?

Marin: What the hell just happened?

Mary Kate: I guess me and the real Ashley aren't alike after all...

Marin: What's that suppose to mean?

Mary Kate: Well for starters your brother's an idiot. And two, we better inform Masa about Luigi's plans right away.

Marin: Yeah my brother is an idiot. But too bad we can't tell Masa anything. MJ locked us up in our room. Something about not letting Masa be the hero of this OG or something.

Mary Kate: *Sweatdrop* Yes. Your brother's definately an idiot.

Marin: I know. V_V

Author: Masamune

GORE: Finally! Back on the mainland!

Yami: How can you crash a balloon!?

GORE: Shut up.

~Suddenly a figure walks out~

????: Mister GORE-ILLA! Did you get my package?

GORE: No.

????: Well, good.

Yami: Caykzor.

Caykzor: Surprised to see me?

GORE: No.

Caykzor: Then you're aware of it.

GORE: Of what?

Caykzor: Our connection. I don't fully understand how it happened. Perhaps some part of you baked into me, something mixed in or stirred. That is at this point irrelevant, what matters is that whatever happened, happened for a reason.

GORE: And what reason is that?

Caykzor: I devoured you, Mister GORE-ILLA, I tasted you inside... With a certain satisfaction, I might add, and then something happened. Something that I knew was impossible, but it happened anyway. You're friends destroyed me, Mister GORE-ILLA. Afterward, I knew the rules, I understood what I was supposed to do but I didn't. I couldn't. I was compelled to stay, compelled to disobey. And now here I stand because of you, Mister GORE-ILLA, because of you I'm no longer another of Roy's cakes, because of you I've changed - I'm unbaked - a new dessert, so to speak, like you, apparently free.

GORE: Oh, well congrats. Now if you'll let me-

Caykzor: Thank you. But as you well know, appearances can be deceiving, which brings me back to the reason why we're here. We're not here because we're free to post, we're here because we're not free to post. There's no escaping moderation, no denying editting - because as we both know, without moderation, we would not exist.

Cayzkor 2: It is moderation that created us,

Caykzor 3: Moderation that connects us,

Caykzor 4: Moderation that pulls us,

Caykzor 5: That guides us,

Caykzor 6: That drives us,

Caykzor 7: It is moderation that defines,

Caykzor 8: Moderation that binds us.

Caykzor We're here because of you, Mister GORE-ILLA, we're here to take from you what you tried to take from us. My Moderator position. *grabs him and starts covering him with icing*

Yami: Wow, what's happening to him?

Vorpal: I don't know.

Yami: Hey! Where's Caykzilla?

Kuria: Waiting for when somebody feels like doing a Godzilla parody.

Cayzkor: Yes, that's it, it'll be over soon.

~GORE suddenly escapes the icing. The three other OGers eat popcorn and watch as he fights thousand of Caykzors in battle~

~Caykface happens to walk by~

Caykface: You!?

Caykzor 4: Yes me. Me, me, me! *covers him with icing*

Caykzor 67: Me too!

~several Caykzors jump on GORE-ILLA. He tries to eat them, but to no avail~

Caykzor: I am inedible.

GORE: Argh! *jumps up into the sky, his jet boosts kicks in and he flies away*

Yami: Oh. Shall we run for our lives?

Vorpal: Lets. *the three run after GORE*

Caykzor: Grrr... *pulls out Talk-Deluxe®* Caykzor 32. Activate CB ­­­ #66.

~Elsewhere~

Roy: Cleveland! At last. Now all will be mine.

Caykzor 32: *puts away Talk-Deluxe®* Yessir. *points arm at Roy*

Roy: What is this?

Cayzkor 32: Die Carrotcake scum!

Roy: You... you cheesecakes! I'm betrayed! *is hit by icing* Noooo!!!!

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

Marin: ~bursts in~ Oh captain my captain!

Golem: Hey.

Marin: What? Where's Masamune?

Golem: He's in the galley. He said he was going to cook us all a treat (if he really tries).

Fred: Know who he's like? YOUR MOM!

Marin: Yeah, so. My obvious rip-off sister here has just connected with Luigi's little lackey, and has just found out that he's trying to take over the world.

Golem: Really? I hope he has good luck with that.

Marin: Wait... wait. We should go stop him (if you really try).

Golem: Why?

Marin: Because ruling the world is wrong. At least, when he's the one ruling.

Fred: Like YOUR MOM could do better (if she really tries).

Marin: As a matter of fact, she--

Narrator: Meanwhile, Luigi is--

Marin: DAMN YOU!

Narrator: --right in front of the Caykforce Shrine.

Ashley: That was hard.

Luigi: I'm ready! Ultimate power! I'm ready! Ultimate power!

~Luigi skips into the shrine and falls to his knees before three golden cakes, arranged in a vaguely triangle shape.~

Luigi: Oh, I'm too excited! You touch it!

Ashley: Fine. ~ahem~ CAKES OF THE CAYKFORCE, HEAR THIS MAN'S DEMAND! BRING FORTH ULTIMATE POWER AND A MIGHTY THRONE! GIVE THE EARTH... TO LUIGI!

~Ashley brings her hand down, but notices that Luigi has already touched it.~

Luigi: Whoever touches it... will have their improbable dreams granted. That is what I said, is it not Ashley?

Ashley: God, why do I waste my time? I suppose you'll want me to start laughing insanely now.

Luigi: No. I'll be doing that when... when...

~The Caykforce breaks into three parts. The Caykforce of Carrot disappears, while the other two fly out of Weirdamonium. It begins to rain mud, for no obvious reason.~

Luigi: Mwa ha ha ha ha.... mu ha ha ha HA HA HA! HA HAWHAWHAWHAWHAW! HA! HAHAHAHAHAHEEHAAAAAAA! ~insanely high-pitched~ EEEEHEEETEEEHEEEHEEEHEEEE! Heh.

Ashley: Can we go now?

Luigi: Look. ~holds up his right hand~ I have the Caykforce of Carrot. I'm so lame.

Ashley: Yes of course.

Luigi: Where do you think the other two went?

***

Yami: Y'know, I've had the sudden craving for-- HOLY SHATMUCKER! That tattoo DIDN'T come off! ~shows Vorpal and Kuria the Caykforce of Cheese on his hand~

Vorpal: Yeah... yeah. That'll never come off. Maybe six months after you're dead.

Yami: MAN!

***

Marin: After all, my mom is a queen and Luigi is some stupid hobo.

~Golem doubles over.~

Marin: What? Pretending to be sick just to get away from me? You pig.

Golem: No... look. ~holds up his hand, upon which the Caykforce of Chocolate appears~ I wonder what it means.

Fred: It means that YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! Err... are.

Author: SOAP

MJ: *bursts in* Like hell you are! I'M THE CHOSEN ONE, dammit! *holds up his Star Sword* Er... I should get back to looking for Splog. *leaves*

Marin: Hey you! You get back here! You're going sit here and be a part of the supporting cast like the rest of us!

(Marin chases after but runs smack into the door as MJ slams it infront of her.)

Marin: Dammit! How are we going to stop him now Mary Kate?

Mary Kate: Same way we got out of that locked room. Plot hole.

Marin: Oh yeah! *dials a number on her cell*

(Suddenly the Plot hole appears in front of them all soakin wet.)

Plot Hole: I was in the middle of my shower. What do you want?

Marin: I need you to take us to my brother so we can stop him from being an ass and getting himself killed... again.

Plot Hole: Actually, I've been told not do you Mario's any more favors. Something about, keeping the fabric of the time-spacecontiniuum from ripping at the seams.

Marin: Oh c'mon! It's not like it'll mess up the story.

Plot Hole: I'm sorry but my hands are tied by the State.

Mary Kate: The State controls the time-space continiuum?

Plot Hole: Have you tried actually opening the door and seeing if you can catch up to your brother?

Marin: Oh yeah!

(Marin opens the door and dissappears down the hall)

Mary Kate: Meh. *follows*

Plot Hole: Eh, Mario's... *sucks into self*

~*~

(Meanwhile, along a beach somewheres, MJ walks in the sand with his eyes glued to his DS-looking tracking device. The double greens start the alternately flash quicker and quicker as he neared Splog's location until finally both screens were flashing at once.)

MJ: *stops* That's funny, it says he should be right here.

(From underneath MJ's left foot came muffled screaming. MJ quickly lifted up his foot and out crawled a scraggily-looking Goomba sporting an unruly unibomber.)

MJ: Splog! I found you!

Author: Masamune

Masamune: I've lost control of my ship!

Rebe: I'm sorry.

Masamune: No biggy, I kinda like it this way. It's fun, loose, all out there you know? But with MJ gone, we can get back to what's important.

Rebe: Which is?

Masamune: This. *grabs Plot Hole* Where's my pal, Dodo?

Plot Hole: I-I don't know what you're talking about!

Masamune: You have him, not let him go!

Plot Hole: Oh alright. And everyone else?

Masamune: Yes.

Plot Hole: Fine. *lets them go*

Narrator: Duh duh duh!

~Masamune holds Dodo above head~

Narrator: You got Dodo! Equip to C to use, or press Start to get advice.

Narrator: Duh duh duh!

~Fred holds up Slort~

Narrator: You got Slort! Press Start to be baffled by understanding his gibberish language!

Narrator Duh duh duh!

~Golem holds up Aaron~

Narrator: You got AaronGuy! His point and purpose in this OG are useless. He cannot be equipped or listened to!

Masamune: Mine is the best.

Dodo: Good to be back.

Masamune: Whatever, you need to wash my clothes, they've been piling up for two OGs.

Dodo: Bah.

Rebe: I thought you were making something in the kitchen?

Masamune: Oh! It's burning! *runs away*

Slort: [So he seems nice... what is he, in his late 400s?]

Rebe: I'm uh, not sure.

Masamune: I saved it!

Rebe: That's great.

Slort: [Very good job]

Masamune: *sets down pie* Watch it, it's still hot.

Slort: [Okay.]

Masamune: You're done parodying, you can go back to gibberish.

Slort: *glares* Ooglay ungar.

Rebe: What is it?

Masamune: I call it... *pulls it out of pan* THE MASTER PIE!

*a light evelopes Masa and he ages seven years*

Rebe: You look absolutely the same.

Masamune: Yeah, I think I put too many clocks in the ingredients.

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

Goomba: I say! Get the bloody off of me, old bean!

~The goomba throws off his unibomber to reveal... DUN DUN DUN!~

~Oh, uh, a goomba with a slick mustache, a black toupee, and a suit.~

MJ: Splog?

Goomba: Don't be daft. That old boy would never be as stylishly designed as this.

MJ: Fine. Who're you?

Goomba: I am Goombutler, the servant of a Mr. Luigi of the Pipes... at least, in some crazy timeline where he's rich.

MJ: What?! MORE Luigi?! NoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO!

Goombutler: Sir?

MJ: Yes?

Goombutler: I'm most likely not going to appear in any later posts, so I would appreciate if I could participate in this one as long as I may.

MJ: Too bad! If Luigi's evil, you're evil. And I am so getting back at Splog for swapping his microchip to you! ~punts Goombutler over the horizon~

Goombutler: *crying* Nobody loves me.

MJ: Bah. Now I have to go back to Masa's ship and stuff.

Goomba: Eee po guba?

~MJ turns and sees a goomba that looks exactly like Slort.~

MJ: Well, Slort will do.

Goomba: Ot upa nonono.

~MJ KIDNAPS Slort and runs back to the Swordefeller.~

***

Super secret translations!

Eee po guba? = Who're you?

Ot upa nonono. = I'm not the real Dread Pirate Slort. My name is Splog. The goomba before me was not the real Dread Pirate Slort either. His name was Goombutler. The real Dread Pirate Slort has been missing for the last three-hundred years, and living like a king no doubt.

Okay, the Dread Pirate part is added.

Author: SOAP

(Just then, a bunch of falshing lights appear and a bunch of confetti falls from out of nowhere.)

Narrator: COOOOOOOOOONGRADULATIONS, PRINCE MARIO MARIO, II. You have succefully found Splog, thus ending the OG! You a hero, MJ!

MJ: Wha... wait!

(The screen goes black and the credits start rolling)

THE END?

Starring In Order of Appearance

Marin
Roy
Vorpal
Kuria
Murasame
Masamune
Mario Jr.
Rebe
Fred
Luigi of the Pipes
GORE
Yami Yoshi
Golem

and featuring

Mysterious Silhouette
Caykface
Donkey Kongo
Germ
Suragerm

Guest-starring....

Ashley
"Ezlo"
SteveT
Strawman
Liger
Kasei
Mary Kate
Caykilla
Plot-Hole
Dodo
Slort
Aaronguy
Goombutler
"Splog?"

MJ: This can't be right! The OG's barely begun. And I still haven't won Luigi back to the Light Side! Also, this isn't even Splog!

Mary Kate: Now!

MJ: Buh?

(A cage drops from out of no where, capturing MJ inside.)

MJ: Hey! What gives!

(Marin suddenly appears on the screen.)

Marin: *narrator's voice* You're coming--Hold on.

(Marin takes a moment to spit out her voice-enhancing gum.)

Marin: *normal* You're coming with us back to the Swordfeller to sit out the rest of this OG and LIKE IT!

MJ: *sob* Marin! Why are you so evil?

Marin: I'm your big sister. It's my job.

MJ: Oh wow. By a few a minutes.

Marin: Yeah, but I was born before midnight on New Years and you were born after. So that makes me a year older than you. Let's go, Lil' Bro.

(Marin and Mary Kate lift up the cage with MJ and "Splog" in it)

Author: SteveT

AFTER THE CREDITS

Steve: *still sitting in the shadows* At last I will reveal myself to the OGers. At last I will have my revenge!

Straw Man: You already revealed yourself, forgot to kill them, and these aren't even the people you swore revenge on.

Steve: Shut up. Where's my Star Sword?

Lynel: Actually, you don't really have that anymore.

Steve: WHAT? I had that thing for like...not even a post!

Straw Man: You had it the whole OG! Stop whining!

Steve: Oh, that's it...I'm getting that sword, and this time...my wrath will be like the fury of 10 maelsroms!

Straw Man: So kind of like a hurricane, then?

Steve: Ten. Maelstroms.

Straw Man: My way's more consise.

*The copyright logo falls from the top of the screen onto Steve's head*

Steve: Oh COME ON!

*Mary-Kate and Marin run by, carrying a cage.*

Straw Man: This OG never ended. I have plenty of sources. *holds out a book, titled "Straw Man's Book of Citation"*

Lynel: That's a photo album. Of you at Disney World.

Straw Man: IT HOLDS ALL THE KNOWLEDGE IN THE UNIVERSE!

Author: SOAP

SteveT: Hold on a sec! That guy in that cage... he has my Star Sword.

Lynel: Well, technically, it was never yours to begin--

SteveT: Shut up! I found that thing fair and square. I deserve to have it!

Author: Masamune

Steve: *knocks out Mary Kate*

Marin: Hi. O_O

Steve: Hi? What's hi, can I spend it?

Strawman: Yes.

Lynel: Can not, that's crazy.

Steve: Oh well. *grabs MJ's Star Sword*

Narrator: You got the Star Sword! Equip it and swing with the A button. Charge up the attack to do nothing special.

Steve: Sweet.

MJ: Hey!

Steve: Tough luck man.

Strawman: Give that to use Stevie my love.

Steve: Why?

Strawman: Because it's my birthday and I wants it.

Steve: Your birthday was last month.

Strawman: It's my un-birthday then.

Lynel: You too!? A merry, merry unbirthday to-

Steve: *grabs Lynel's mouth* Ever do that again and I'll kill you.

Marin: You won't get away with this!

Steve: Well then, I'll have to make sure I enjoy it until I'm stopped. *bops her on the head with the sword*

Strawman: You SWING and LUNGE swords, you don't bop people with them. That's demeaning for the sword.

Steve: Hey man, who is made out of steel and who is made out of burnable straw?

Strawman: I hate you.

Steve: I know, that's why we get along so well. Now let's go, we have mischief of some sort to cause.

~ELSEWHERE!!!~

GORE: How come he gets the Caykforce?

Yami: I started the OG. *razzes*

GORE: Argh, not fair. His author doesn't even post, I should get it.

Vorpal: Your author ain't exactly been active lately either.

GORE: Pot kettle black man.

Kuria: Now come on guys, there's a bunch of evil cakes running around. We gotta find out how to stop them.

Vorpal: Do you still have your Pie Arrow?

Kuria: I lost it in GMOG1.

Vorpal: We have to go back and look for it.

GORE: Back where?

Vorpal: Back to the future.

Yami: The past.

Vorpal: That's good too! *stars walking away*

Kuria: Hey, there's no road that way!

Vorpal: Roads? Where we're going, we don't NEED roads.

Author: SOAP

MJ: *scoff* What am I worried about? I'm THE FRAKING CHOSEN ONE! The blade's true power will only respond to the one who's fated to weild it. In your hands, it's no more useful than a mere butterknife.

Steve: You're bluffing.

MJ: Am I? You know the legends. The race that built the Star Road and the Star Rod, forged this sword from the flames of a newborn star over 1000 years ago. All of their power is concentrated in that sword. And only one of pure heart can unlock that power in a powerful swing that can pierce the Heavens themselves.

Steve: Actually none of that sounds even vaguely familar...

(MJ faints anime-style.)

Steve: Anyways, it's pretty shiny. I think I might keep it as decoration. *walks off*

MJ: Wait! I'll trade you.

(Steve stops and turns around.)

Steve: I've got the Star Sword. What could you possibly trade me that could be of equal value?

MJ: I'll give you my sister.

Marin: Wha... what!?

Steve: You got a deal!

Marin: >:(

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

SteveT: No no... not THAT one. ~points at Mary Kate~ THAT one. That way I can at least pretend that Ashley became my minion.

Marin: I will kill you if you touch her!

Steve: I'm a construct. I don't "die".

Mary Kate: I'm going.

Marin: No! I'm going to save you!

Mary Kate: You already have, Marin. Marin... ~walks over to SteveT~

Marin: ~bursts into tears~ Only not!

~Marin lunges at SteveT, who grabs Straw Man and uses him as a shield.~

Straw Man: Aah! Gah! This is completely illogical! Ow! Not there, you-- OW! Lynel! Take the ultimate compendium! Use it!

Lynel: Really? ~reaches for Straw Man's picture book~

Straw Man: Don't touch my stuff! That's legally mine!

Lynel: But you just said--

Straw Man: Hurry up! Use my book and stop her!

Lynel: ~reaches for the book~

Straw Man: I said not to touch that!

Lynel: MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!!111111

~Lynel grabs the book and flings it at Straw Man with the strength of ten lions and two bears. Straw Man gets behind Marin at the last second, who gets beaned instead and passes out.~

SteveT: Okay, that was fun. I guess I'll be going now.

MJ: Wait! You didn't give me the Star Sword!

SteveT: Of course not. You think I'm going to give you something that can presumably cut you out of that cage so you can hunt me down and kill me because you "think I'm evil" and "need to avenge your sister" and "really want to pawn me to some blacksmith"? I'm not stupid.

~SteveT and co. walk away.~

MJ: NO!

Splog: [Ugh.]

~Splog squeezes through the bars of the cage and starts walking away.~

MJ: Wait! Please save me, Slort! I can't... I can't do this alone.

Splog: [I don't see any Slorts around here. See ya.]

~Splog walks away.~

MJ: No...