Skanky Siren

Full Name: Skanky Siren
Birthdate: Whenever you want it to be
Species: Human
Nationality: United States of America
Creator: Sarah
First Appearance: The OnGoing Adventures of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada

Background

As a child, she was known as Preadolescent Siren. Because of the great powers her chest contained, Mr. Feeny had to place mental blocks on her jumblies, because they literally had minds of their own and referred to themselves as "Da" and "Rk" during their sessions. Thus she only had limited boob powers as she grew into Skanky Siren.

This uber-attractive babe eventually (and inexplicably) joined the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada as the crew's "undercover stripper" and one of the few female pirates aboard. Among the crewmates, she is good friends with Asian Distracting Dude, That Krazy Dude and Stampede the Marksman, and in one Valentine's Day special she gave birth to a son, the father of whom is either Karl or Que Pasa, but the subplot has not yet been followed up in any other stories and probably will be ignored and/or contradicted. Her special power was enough to shatter the eyes of Bob Saget in the first GCPA.

In The Semi-Last Stand, Skanky Siren returned from the dead as Dark Siren, despite the fact that no one remembered her ever dying in the first place. Apparently she had tried using her breasts to stop the currents of a duck pond which crashed down on her. Instead of dying, her dormant powers were reawakened and preserved her within a protective bra until she was awakened from her slumber accidentally when Stampede vomitted in the pond. Dark Siren's new boob powers made her the most powerful pirate, but the powers were uncontrollable and led her to accidentally kill Stampede. Dark Siren joined Bob Saget's Brotherhood of Evil Pirates Who Think They're Good for the sole purpose of sitting in the background and doing absolutely nothing to help or harm the team. Eventually Siren repented and lobotomized her boobs, reverting her to her skanky old self again.

Abilities

Skanky Siren can flash her chest to knock out anyone who beholds them. One flash knocks out one hundred men for three hours... or is it three hundred men for one hour? Stampede later invented special shades allowing people to look at her without passing out, which the male pirates always make sure to carry. She can probably do other things too.

In The Semi-Last Stand, the full extent of Skanky Siren's chest powers were unveiled when she took on the form of Dark Siren. Her boobs her telekinetic powers and could do nearly everything. Even though Siren lobotomized her boobs and seemed to lose these X-tra chest powers, it is possible that she has kept some.

Other Versions

Overdressed Nun, Skanky Siren's Bizarro counterpart who, well overdresses and is not as willing to show off her attractive figure.

Trivia

She has a phobia of octupii.

Quotes

"I smell gangsters!"