Gamehiker High University Page 1

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Author: GORE-ILLA

*Golem is woken up by his Space Harrier alarm clock. He quickly takes out his retainer, and proceeds to get ready for school. Golem then rushes out and runs to the bus stop. He sees Professor Vorpal waiting there in his half-school bus, half-ice cream truck.*

Golem: Ah, right on time!

*Golem steps towards the bus when suddenly the door slams shut in his face and the bus drives off. Soon it is completely out of Golem's sight, but he can still hear the ice cream bus's generic melody echoing down the boulevard.*

==THE GUYS DID ONE OR TWO GOOD OGS BRING YOU...

==HIGH SCHOOL AND/OR UNIVERSITY GOERS- DEPENDING ON WHICH IS MORE CONVENIANT AT THE GIVEN MOMENT!==

*Golem quickly enters the school.*

Golem: Oh I'm late I'm late I'm late...

Toby: (leaning against a locker, wearing a leather jackets and shades) Yo Golemio.

Golem: Toby? Oh good, I thought I was late for homeroom.

Toby: You are.

Golem: What... then what are you doing just hanging around here?

Toby: Hey! I'll go when I feel like it... (looking past Golem) I suddenly feel like it now. (runs off)

Golem: What's he so worried about? (turns around and bumps into... Headmaster Mune!!!) Oh, I'm sorry sir!

Headmaster Mune: Well well, if it isn't Golem, the little ringleader. A little late for homeroom, aren't we?

Golem: Sorry sir, I missed the ice cream bus and had to run across the desert and swim the moat to get here! Those alligators get faster every day...

Headmaster Mune: Hmph! Not so careful without the rest of your precious "Party Goers" to back you up, eh?

Golem: But- sir, I- Sorry sir-

???: Hey, quit pushing the poor kid around!

Headmaster Mune: What... who dares? (looks and sees Sapphire there) Oh you.

Sapphire: Yeah. The kid's telling the truth. In fact I paid Vorpal to ditch him there. I have it on tape if you want to see it.

Headmaster Mune: (glares) You are so lucky that the state requires each school have at least three female students (screen quickly flashes to establish the other two girls- Elzie and Kuria). Well you're off the hook for now... (leans in close to Golem's face) Party Goer.

Sapphire: Seeya in Phys Ed, Golem! (walks off)

Golem: (stares after Sapphire blankly for a while)

Headmaster Mune: Get to class already, your mortal affections disgust me!

Golem: Yeah, eh, uh, sorry sir. (runs off to Professor GORE's homeroom)

Headmaster Mune: Heh heh... I showed him. (trips and falls over, then notices that his shoelaces had been tied together; his face glows red) Grrrrr.... PARTY GOEEEEEEEEERS!!!

Author: Masamune

~Headmaster Mune continues his patrol of the halls... straight into the BATHROOM~

Lupus: ~is wearing a Australian cowboy hat and like, a crocodile skin vest or something~ Man, those Party Goers. They're all "Turn in your post" and that's like, so VGF Tech College, you dig man?

Yami: ~is wearing a generic cowboy hat~ My God, you're right. Why didn't I see it? I should totally drop out.

Mune: AHA! *steps out in front of them*

Lupus: Hey buuuuuddy.

Yami: Oh snap!

Mune: Thinking of dropping out, Mr. Yami?

Lupus: I thought it was Mr. Yoshi.

Yami: Naw dude, I switched around my names for some stupid reason I forgot.

Mune: Hey I got an idea. GET BACK TO CLASS. *points to Lupus* And register for classes!

Lupus: Naw man, I'm cool.

Mune: You'll pay for this, mark me! *turns around and hits the bathroom door on the way out* PARTY GOEEEEEEEEERS!!! CURSE YOU!

~Meanwhile~

Professor GORE: Now as you can see, there is many fields of study on whether Donkey Kong as you see him here is actually the original Donkey Kong or DK Jr. grown up. Advocates from the the DKU Foundation propose "Screw Nintendo" and have set me on fire several times. Any question?

Golem: Will this be on the test?

Professor GORE: Everything is on the test, ever. Whether I talk about it or not. Even if it's not in the book.

Sapphire: Aw that sucks.

Professor GORE: Now moving on... BREAK TIME. Get out of my face stupid kids.

Author: Golem

~Gamechamp, leaving GORE's class, enters the bathroom.~

Yami: ~whispering to Lupus~ Hey, there's the new foreign exchange student.

Lupus: ~whispering~ Who did they exchange him for?

Yami: ~whispering~ Luigi the Doubter.

~Elsewhere, in who knows where...

Luigi the Doubter wanders through a field full of cows. Finally he reaches a person.~

Doubter: Excuse-a me! Can-a you-a tell me if I'm-a anywhere near-a the school-a?

Person: Croikey, mate, this-a IS the school-a, yah? ~rips open a pack of bite-size sushi~

~Back in the bathroom...~

Yami: Hey kid. I've got cheat sheets for Prostupid GORE-ILLA's test tomorrow. Want 'em?

Gamechamp: Cheatie sheeties? I am-a noht sure I should be using thees...

Lupus: We only want to be your friends. Teachers love students with cheat sheets, heck those students get extra credit!

Gamechamp: Rove zem, eeh? Croikey, thanks matey! ...Want some bite-size sushi?

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Golem and Toby walk to their lockers, and along the way they spot Sapphire and Elzie chatting by their lockers.*

Toby: (smirks) Hey Golem, look it's your girlfriend!

Golem: Shh, not so loud, they might hear you! What do you think those girls talk about, anyways?

*Elsewhere, by Saph and Elzie's locker...*

Elzie: ...

Sapphire: ....

Elzie: ...

Sapphire: ....

Elzie: ...

Sapphire: ....

Elzie: ...

Sapphire: ....

*Back by Golem and Toby...*

Toby: Go on, talk to her!

Golem: No way!

Toby: Golem. Listen to me. (grabs Golem, spins him around and tosses him down the hall by Sapphire and Elzie)

Girls: Oh hey Golem.

Golem: H-h-hey girls...

Toby: Oh Golem, I see you're inviting this lovely lady to your big party.

Sapphire: Huh? What party?

Elzie: Hey, what about me?

Golem: Party? No, no-

Toby: I'm sorry Golem, I'm sure you wanted to ask her yourself, but this is just so exciting! It's the party of the millenia Miss Sapphire Blue, and you should be honored to be invited. It's this Saturday night at 8 pm.

Sapphire: Sounds slightly cool. Can I bring my boyfriend?

Golem: Buh-buh-buh...

Toby: You got a boyfriend?

Sapphire: Yeah, there he is now- Steve! Steve T!

*Steve T, the living piece of Medieval armor, walks over wearing his Varsity jacket. He is accompanied by Flutter and Big Al, who also wear Varsity jackets.*

Sapphire: (kisses Steve) This is Steve T- he's the star of our log-throwing team.

Steve T: What's up babe? Why are you talking to these dorks?

Sapphire: They invited us to a big party.

Flutter: Sounds awesome! I'll bring the booze!

Big Al: And I'll bring the real booze. [/OMG PARTY GOERS INJOKE NOW CRY]

Golem: ...Buh-buh-buh...

Toby: Great, we'll see ya then (drags Golem away) That didn't go so well.

Golem: (snaps back to normal) What party do you mean? And how did you know that my parents are out of town that night?

Toby: So I did some snooping in your parents' datebook! With my guidance, this party will be big.

*Elsewhere, in the teacher's conference room, Professors GORE and Luigi are engaged in a rigorous game of ping-pong.*

Professor Luigi: Ha, I'm now in the lead!

Professor GORE: You damn hobo!

Headmaster Mune: Hang on guys, I have to take attendence to make sure the whole faculty's here. Headmaster Mune? (chuckles) Present, sir, and might I say you look dashing. Why thank you me, but just don't get any ideas, not that there's anything wrong with that. Professor GORE, professor of Kongology?

Professor GORE: What the hell do you think Masa.

Headmaster Mune: HEADMASTER MUNE, DAMMIT! Anyway, Professor Luigi, professor of Pikminology.

Professor Luigi: (ignores)

Headmaster Mune: Ooh, looks like he's absent. I'll have to make a salary deduction then...

Professor Luigi: (trips over the ping-pong table) HERE I'M HERE!

Headmaster Mune: And what about Professor Vorpal, Professor of the Obscure/Ice Cream Bus Driver/Lunch Lady?

Professor Vorpal: For the last time, it's lunch MAN!

Headmaster Mune: Well, looks like the whole faculty is present and accounted for. Now, as for the subject of today's meeting.

Professor GORE: (drops ping-pong paddle) What, we're actually doing something today?

Professor Luigi: (scores another point while Professor GORE's paddle is on the floor) In your face you shracking monkey!

Headmaster Mune: Anyway. Apparently one of our students, Yami Yoshi, is considering dropping out of our school. I need suggestions to make him stay.

Professor Vorpal: Oh, that's it? Easy. We just hold an intervention, like on tv. Look, there's only half an hour towards lunch, I gotta get to the cafeteria and start cooking.

Headmaster Mune: Fine then. We shall used your intervention idea. You are all dismissed.

Professor Luigi: Damn, that was the longest faculty meeting we ever head.

*Professor GORE flips the ping-pong table over angrily. He and Luigi start duking it out until Headmaster Mune seperates them by spraying them with a water gun.*

*Soon Professor Vorpal arrives in the cafeteria.*

Professor Vorpal: Good, you made it.

*Out of the shadows steps a figure in a trenchcoat. The figure removes the trenchcoat to reveal... Kuria??!!!*

Kuria: Hey hon, how's the cooking going?

Professor Vorpal: Just tossed some leftover half-eaten junk in a blender so I can sprinkle it on some microwave pizza. That leaves me and extra half-hour of... free time.

*Professor Vorpal starts making out with Kuria, but they freeze when they hear a familiar voice.*

Headmaster Mune: Vorpal! Vorpal, where are you!

Professor Vorpal: Escape Plan A! (grabs Kuria by the foot, spins her her around, and then tosses her so out the open back door to the cafeteria while Headmaster Mune enters through the front door.)

Headmaster Mune: You forgot your briefcase.

Professor Vorpal: Thanks man.

Author: Masamune

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