Gamehiker High University Page 2

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Author: Freddy Kruegerio

(Meanwhile, in the stalls)

Lupus: Jeez, having my head stuck in the the toilet was not a good idea for some reason I can't quite figure out. However, I got those DIRTY MAGAZINES. (Lupus opens up the magazine hoping for some hot Nintendo Power when it just turns out to be Gardening weekly that hasn't been washed in years and left outside the entire time) What.

(Meanwhile, IN DA HALLS (Ha it rhymes and it's funny because))

Gamechamp: Nowe, tue check oover those cheeatie sheeities my good friend Yami got me oh boy oh boy!

(Gamechamp looks over them, finds out the only words written on it are "A B C^ C> START L L R R Z KONAMI JOINTVENTURE also Tron sucks")

Gamechamp: Good enough.

---

(A classroom where Vorpal gives a unusual sample of kindness to go over the material again - namely since Kuria's in the class...)

Vorpal: Now, who knows what the worst video game movie ever is?

Yami: It is a question of personal taste and is a trick question, sir.

Vorpal: Did I hear "Tron"? Somebody tell me I heard Tron.

Yami: I'm sorry sir, but to say Tron would be a lie and therefore an incorrect answer in such an excercise, giving an incorrect reading of where the class understanding of material is at.

Vorpal: ... You're fired.

Author: Vorpal

Vorpal: And the best video game movie of all time?

Yami: Sir, I must respectfully raise the same objection I had with the last question.

Gamechamp: *raises hand* Uhh... ahlso Tron suuksa

Vorpal: Yes, Tron does suck, but I'm asking about the BEST video game movie.

Gamechamp: But-ah my cheetsie sheeities only sahy Tron suuksa.

Vorpal: Well then you better write this down on your cheetsie sheeities, cause it WILL be on the final. Anybody? Kuria?

Kuria: Uhhhhmmm.... Sssssssss *Vorpal nods*ssstree--*Vorpal makes bad face* uh, I mean... Ssssssssssssuuuper? *Vorpal nods* Super.... *Vorpal mouths "Ma"* Super Maa... Ma... Maaario? Super Mario! .......... Brothers. Super Mario Brothers.

Vorpal: Right! Exactly! Super Mario Bros.! Now some heathens may say it's a bad movie, but you must not listen to them. Good job, by the way, Kuria, but you may need some extra help during my office hours.

Kuria: *Offended* WHAT!?! But I...... oh.... OH! Of course, Professor Vorpal.

Gamechamp: Coold I geet some exutra halp in offeece hoors?

Vorpal: No. Now Please turn to chapter three: Obscure unlicensed NES games and accesories that I own and am therefore better than you.

Sapphire: *whispers to Kuria* Can you believe that he made us buy his own textbook that HE wrote?

Kuria: He just wants to make sure we get the best information possible.

Sapphire: *rolls eyes* ....

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

~Detention. Lupus and Gamechamp sit at desks in Professor GORE's classroom.~

Lupus: Man. I can't believe Yami is a prep.

Gamechamp: ~visibly nervous~ In dee olde coontry, prep ees a vord for gutchaspen.

Lupus: Whatever.

Professor GORE: ~peeks in~ Uh, hey guys. I'm busy tonight trying to decide whether I want fish or beef for dinner, so I'm canceling detention.

Gamechamp: Tank de goods!

Professor GORE: That is, I would be canceling detention, but Professor Luigi is substituting.

Lupus: I thought he went home early.

Professor GORE: No. He's been getting really depressed lately, so he kinda... locked himself in the wine cellar and--

Lupus: Wait. This school has a WINE CELLAR?

Professor GORE: NO! ANYWAY!

~Professor GORE disappears and Professor Luigi staggers in, falls over for no reason, cracks his head on the desk, and passes out.~

Gamechamp: Dees eez not soo baid, croikey?

Professor Luigi: ~jumps up~ TEN YEARS AH-AH-AH WURK IN THIS PLACE! AND NOT ONCE I GET A DAY OFF!

Lupus: Turn off your caps, gawd.

Professor Luigi: You guys... ~leans on desk~ You guys know I wuz married? I wuz. She wuz the most beautufil broom I ever lai--lai--lai--saw. SIX MONTHS! SIX MONTHS AND SHE WUZ GONE! POOF! AND ALL MY MONEY! THAT @)(*#%)*(@*&%

Gamechamp: I am not nooing what dese words mean. I must rite dem doon to expand my vocabulary, aye?

Professor Luigi: Sure. So where wuz ah?

~Twelve hours later~

Professor Luigi: An-an-an that wuz the day my daddy died. I--I-- ~passes out again~

Lupus: ~stops slamming head on desk~ Huh? Come on kid, let's split.

Gamechamp: Teechur Monkey-Man didn't lie. Dese detention is de @)(*#%)*(@*&% of detentions. Bite-size sushi?

***

~The next day~

~Golem walks into school late as usual and spies Toby as usual. However, before he can wave to Toby, he hears a whirring sound. He turns around quickly, but nothing is there. He takes a step forward and hears the whirring sound again, turns, and sees a trash can that wasn't sitting there before. But being a trash can, he completely ignores it. Golem, becoming panicky, runs over to Toby.~

Toby: 'Sup Goles?

Golem: Hey Toby. Remember yesterday when we spied on Headmaster Mune and he sicked the hall monitors on us?

Toby: Sure.

Golem: Remember how we didn't actually deal with them and they just kinda faded out of the story?

Toby: Awful lucky for us, yeah. HIGH FIVE!

Golem: I don't think they DID fade out of the story!

Toby: Aw come on Golem. That's crazy. I mean--

~Whirring sound~

Toby: Um.

~Toby glances over at the trash can, which is significantly closer than it was before. However, still being a trash can, it is still ignored.~

Toby: Oh Golem. Stop getting me paranoid. Let's get to class before Headmaster Mune busts our chops.

Golem: Sure.

~Toby and Golem turn and run. As they leave, the trash can explodes outward and reveals the Dalek within.~

Dalek: EX-TER-MIN-ATE!

Toby: HOLY--

Golem: I TOLD YOU! DEATH RAY!

~Toby and Golem drop and roll in opposite directions. The death ray streaks past and destroys a bust of Headmaster Mune.~

Bust: Paaaaarrrrrtttttyyyyy Gooooooeeeeerrrrsssss...

Toby: UP THE STAIRS!

~Toby and Golem run up one of the thousand sets of stairs required in all High Universities. The Dalek rolls up to the stairs and stares at Toby and Golem.~

Dalek: STAIRS. IN-I-TI-ATE WAIT IN PARK-ING LOT AF-TER SCHOOL MODE. ~rolls away emitting fist-punching-palm sounds~

Toby/Golem: ~gulp~

~Professor Luigi's homeroom~

~Professor Luigi sits at his desk with his head straight down, making the occasional mumble. The students stare at him.~

Speaker: ProfessorLuigipleasereporttoHeadmasterMune'sofficeimmediately. PleasereporttoHeadmasterMune'sofficeimmediately.

~Professor Luigi grumbles and staggers out. The students do usual unsupervised student stuff.~

Professor Luigi: ~stumbles into Headmaster Mune's office~ What?

Secretary Dodo: The Headmaster will see you now.

Professor Luigi: I KNOW. ~stumbles into Headmaster Mune's inner office~ What?

Headmaster Mune: Sit, Professor. Now--

Professor Luigi: Listen, Masa.

Headmaster Mune: Headmaster MUNE.

Professor Luigi: I was NOT drunk. I don't care what anyone tells you. Lupus is a born liar and Gamechamp doesn't speak English. If they say I was drunk, then obviously I wasn't.

Headmaster Mune: Um, yeah. Do you know this girl? ~holds up sketch of Rebe~

Professor Luigi: Rebe?

Headmaster Mune: Do you know, perhaps, her home address? Or maybe just her phone number? Possibly her sign?

Professor Luigi: I dunno. It was five years ago.

Headmaster Mune: Bah! You're useless as ever! First my school, then my girlfriend, what next will you try to steal from me?!

Professor Luigi: I didn't--

Headmaster Mune: Oh whatever. Get back to your classroom. And Luigi?

Professor Luigi: Huh?

Headmaster Mune: I HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY!

Professor Luigi: ~ears explode~ Ow.

Author: Kester

Pages in the Gamehiker High University Archive

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