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Author: Masamune

~the scene opens up at Golem's house~

Golem: *watches a GMOG not to be named get sent to Page 2* Whoooo!!! Hahahaha! *runs down the street*

GORE: Golem! Golem!

Golem: Hahaha- huh? What the- You guys were supposed to be stuck in some crazy time-ridden OG!

GORE: I know, Golem. But I'm back. I'm back FROM that non-parody OG.

Golem: ... oh snap. ~passes out~

GAMEHIKER MEMBER OG VIII
THE FINAL PARODY

~The scene is an abysmally dark night. Kuria stands watching as Codtroopers run through the city dramatically for no reason. After getting bored she runs to Vorpal~

Kuria: Why is this happening?

Vorpal: I don't know. But you look beautiful.

Kuria: It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding which is obviously ruined anyways but stop looking at me like that shut up.

~Masamune runs in yelling at the Codtroopers~

Masamune: What's going on! How dare you mess up my OG Forum! What's the meaning of this!?

Murasame: *steps out* Masamune my old nemesis. It's been too long.

Masamune: ... Murasame? I thought you were a the bottom of the sea!

Murasame: I'm a villain. It's what I do.

Masamune: Be that as it may, you have no right to gatecrash on this OG that was GOING to be "The Vorp's Bride".

Murasame: Oh.... But I do. ~Dramatic Cliffhanger~

~Elsewhere~

Luigi: I can't believe I got left out of the beginning. This makes me angry, look at this unshaved face and rebel attitude.

GM: Yami is dead. You have to accept that.

Luigi: No! I'm going to angstily get on my motorcycle and stare aimlessly at a lake!

GM: But you hate Yami!

Luigi: But chicks totally dig angst.

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Luigi rushes out to the lake. He pulls out a heart-shaped locket and opens it. It begins to play a musical tune as he sees a picture of himself standing with Yami, with the label of "Best Friends... FOREVER"!*

Luigi: Oh Yami. Where have you gone?

*Luigi picks up a minuscule pebble and tosses it softly into the lake. The lake is immediately engulfed by an atomic explosion. Luigi looks up and sees Yami Yoshi standing there.*

Luigi: Yami... you're alive! But how? Why?

Yami Yoshi: It's a simple story, really. You thought you saw me die. At that moment I tumbled down the well Golem-Prime caused a tremor in the universe that reanimated my body while at the same time a cosmic force steadily bathed me in gamma rays. Thus my soul traveled into a robot duplicate, but the robot exploded when it could not understand the meaning of love and left my soul there, fragmented. A Nazi cult ritual then slowly reassembled my soul, which wandered the Earth for a body. As I flew through the Earth's atmosphere a meteor flew threw my soul and landed in that lake, causing it to form a living version of my body. I quickly entered the body, which was preserved in a giant egg at the bottom of the lake until you disturbed my slumber and freed me.

Luigi: I can't believe it. You're alive, aren't you?

Yami Yoshi: In a way I am, Luigi. In a way I am. (grows twice his size, sprouts fangs and pounces on Luigi)

*Elsewhere, at Port Ugly.*

Murasame: It's simple, Masamune. You owe Donkeyman a debt.

Masamune: D-d-Donkeyman?

Murasame: The incident at England has changed him. He's no longer so nice and furry. I was at the bottom of the sea when he came to me and freed me in exchange for a century of work on his ship.

Masamune: So you're that freak's gopher now!

Murasame: You know what Donkeyman wants. (nods to Vorpal and Kuria) I'll be taking these two as insurance.

Vorpal: I'd like to see you try!

*Vorpal lifts a torch and swings it at Murasame, who blocks with his sword. A small duel ensues. Masamune walks to Kuria.*

Masamune: Time to go, poppet!

Kuria: I'm not leaving without Vorpal!

Masamune: The only thing he can do is buy us time, now let's use it while we still can!

*Masamune quickly picks Kuria up and runs to the edge of the tower with her, then leaps from it, landing perfectly on the deck of the Swordefeller. He sees GORE-ILLA talking with the other crewmates.*

GORE-ILLA: ...So you see, not only is there no 6, but there's no 5+1 either.

Dodo: Oy, so now I know how to get grass stains off my helmet. Thank you.

Masamune: Quick, everyone! Go! GO!

*Everyone panicks and rushes back and forth around the ship as it takes flight. At that moment Zambi Yoshi flies down, knocking off Masamune's hat, which falls overboard.*

GORE-ILLA: Quick, get Masamune's hat!

Masamune: No! Go without it.

*Everyone looks for a moment at Masa in shock, then they continue on. Dodo walks over to Masamune.*

Dodo: Pardon me Masa, but what exactly is it we're running from?

Masamune: ...Nothing.

Author: Vorpal

*Vorpal and Murasame are locked in a torch/sword fight. With each clash the torch spits out sparks that make for a very action movie-y effect. But neither give up much ground.*

Murasame: Hahahahahaha!

Vorpal: What are you laughing about? Wait... why isn't.. *turns around* That rat Masamune ran off.... and with MY GIRL! He usually only does that with females connected with Luigi in some way.... He better not being making any moves on her with his drunken-like demeanor....*begins singing* Shot through the heart.

Murasame: *walks up beside Vorpal singing* And you're to blame.

Both: You give love a bad name!

Vorpal: Heh heh heh. Why are we fighting anyway?

Murasame: Cause I wanna get off that boat! *knocks Vorpal unconscious*

*Vorpal wakes up but still in a daze with a figure sitting beside him*

Vorpal: Ugh... where am I?

Kuria-like voice: Now now, you had a pretty nasty bump there. Everything's fine though in good old 1999.

Vorpal: *shoots straight up* NINETEEN NINETY-NINE!

K-L V: Hehe. Just kidding. It's 2006. But last we saw each other was 1999.

Vorpal: You're M- .... M-

Misty: Misty. Yep.

Vorpal: But... you're dead.

Misty: Yeah... well... this seems to be a common theme... but I too was given my life back for an extended stay on Donkeyman's ship. It's AWESOME! Sun-bathing, and working out to become SUPER-SEXY! Check out these abs! *lifts up shirt*

Vorpal: O_o Ack! Must be strong! I sure hope this doesn't turn into some awkward love... *counts on fingers*... rhombus? parallelagram? trapezoid?.... Uhm... Misty... *pulls down her shirt* There's something.... that's changed since 1999.

Misty: What's that? I am completely accepting of whatever changes may have happened unless except if you moved on and found someone else... Then I'd have to kill you.

Vorpal: Uhm... NOTHING! Nothing's different! I haven't even aged! ... I want to see this... Donkeyman.

*Donkeyman's Ship, The Flying Arabdude, is more a cruiseship than anything else. People are playing shuffleboard and other things, but one group is playing a dice game betting years.*

Misty: Being on this ship is so relaxing that people try to win more years away from other people.

Vorpal: This place seems deceptively.... wonderful.....

Author: SteveT

SteveT: Yo ho, yo ho, and axe-murderer's life for me...

Straw Man: This ship is sinking!

SteveT: *stomps on floor* No splashes. We must be fine.

Straw Man: But it's made of lead!

Lynel: Only in name.

Straw Man: You can just tell yourself that while you're licking all the lead atoms off your tail tonight.

Lynel: *Falls asleep*

Straw Man: DOOM!

SteveT: Shut up. We have to catch up with Vorpal.

Straw Man: But he'll inundate us with lyrics from H.M.S. Pinafore!

SteveT: I don't remember them in the 80s...

_____

Misty: You'll never have problems here again, Vorpal.

Vorpal: What, never?

Misty: No, never.

Vorpal: What, never?

Misty: Well, hardly ever...

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

~Luigi backflips away from Yami, then draws his laser sword.~

Luigi: What are you doing?!

Yami: Killing you.

Luigi: I thought we were friends! ~lightning strikes something somewhere~

~Yami shrugs and lays an egg shaped like a sword, then picks it up and points it at Luigi. Luigi casually walks forward and cuts through the egg sword. He keeps walking, then realizes that he can't because his blade is locked with Yami's unrelenting sword.~

Luigi: DagBLASTit. Back in my day, lightsabers CUT things. ALL things. Sodding magical swords...

~Yami grins and shoves the laser sword back, then impales Luigi...

's shoulder blade.~

Luigi: I'm bleeded!

Yami: I'm going to pull this sword out excruciatingly slowly so that you have time to think about your horrible grammar.

~Luigi switches hands with his laser sword, which prompts Yami to pull the sword out quickly and impale the other shoulder.~

Luigi: Ha! That wasn't slow!

Yami: You'll bleed to death either way.

Luigi: Good point.

***

Vorpal: Hellooooo? Mr. Donkeyman?

~Vorpal goes down into a pitch black room, followed by Misty, who holds his arm. Suddenly, a torch flares up, and Vorpal stares across the hull of the cruise ship, where hundreds of skeletal M&M guys are chained to benches and rowing the boat, all singing "Don't Rock the Boat."~

Vorpal: What is this place?! And why didn't I hear singing earlier?!

Misty: Seeing is believing, or something.

~At the other end of the hull sits Donkeyman, now wearing a black robe. He has an afro, which is dyed white except for a few black patches on the front, forming the picture of a skull.~

Vorpal: Waitaminute! You can't have an afro unless it's a flashback!

Donkeyman: Bite me.

Author: Masamune

Luigi: *holding hands over his wounds* Why did you come back!? We liked you better as a zombie!

Yami: While drifting through existence, I saw that in another timeline things had progressed quite differently since that fateful day my cheesecake was stolen. It was a better time... a SUPERIOR TIME. This time. All that has happened should not have happened! And I will undo it all!

Luigi: *yawns* Sorry, what? I stopped paying attention after the first line.

Yami: ... I'm gonna undo everything.

Luigi: You can't!

Yami: Can't I? *walks away, leaving Luigi to die*

~An hour later, Golem arrives~

Golem: I can't believe GORE just left me passed out in front of my house. What a jerk. *sees Luigi's hat floating in the air.... and well EVERYTHING floating in the air not attached to the ground. Except the water, because that would take a LOT more special effects* Gasp! Yami must've been here! This is his favorite spot!

Luigi: Ungh.... *waves desperately at Golem from just above his head*

Golem: Luigi's hat. He must have died. As tragic as that might be, I'm more excited that Yami has returned even if it seems likely he caused all this horrible destruction.

Luigi: I'm up here!

Golem: I have to tell the others but forget to mention that Luigi is probably dead! *runs back to the meeting place wherever that its*

~Meanwhile, back on the Flying Arabdude~

Donkeyman: Rememer me, Vorpal?

Vorpal: I dunno, that whole business with pizzas and time-warped islands has frayed my memory. You're that cowboy horse dude, right?

Donkeyman: Not quite. But I remember you quite well.

Misty: Hey! I was supposed to introduce you two to one another!

Vorpal: Judging by that afro and these underfed workers, you must be the Bad Guy!

Donkeyman: Observant as ever. You foiled my plans once. Now you will be the one to carry them out.

Vorpal: I'll never do it! NEVER! YOU HEAR ME!? NEVER!?

~the scene shifts to Vorpal's NES collection being held over a tank of lava~

Vorpal: I meant almost never, seriously! Almost never!

Misty: *grumbles: He didn't say that when Donkeyman held me over the lava...

Donkeyman: Perfect.

~Meanelsewhiles, on Masamune's Ship the S.S. Swordefeller II or III. Seriously, which one is it now?~

Masamune: Finally. The island of the crazy she-devil of the ancient order!

GORE: Isn't this Sapphire's summer house?

Masamune: Hush! Only she knows the way I can defeat... uh... I mean... get a lot of treasure.

Kuria: Why haven't you told any of them about-

Masamune: *covers Kuria's mouth* -about my plan to give them all raises!? I was going to keep it a secret!

~the crew cheers~

GORE: *wipes tear from eye* You're the best captain ever. Except for the other one in the Cheesecake Armada. But that's only because he put fountain drinks in the employee lounge.

Masamune: ... and I was going to do that!

~crew cheers again~

Masamune: AFTER I talk to the crazy she-devil and find this treasure I'm looking for that may or may not involve lots of needless deaths on your part.

Dodo: So nothing out of the ordinary.

Masamune: Right! To the longboats, lads!

Author: GORE-ILLA

*The Flying Arabdude drifts through a giant rainstorm. Everyone rushes back and forth, preforming grueling tasks of manual labor that don't really do anything to help the ship at all. Vorpal runs around with an eager smile on his face as the rain beats down on him.*

Vorpal: (tugging at a suspended rope) Wow! This is fun, eh guys?!

Shipmate: (tugging at the rope next to Vorpal's, and crying) UGH MAKE THE PAIN STOP!!!

Aaron: Slacker! (whips him and in the meantime spots Vorpal) Ah, Vorpal, my old nemesis.

Vorpal: Sorry, I think you got the wrong Vorpal.

Aaron: No, you remember me, don't you? Aaron?

Vorpal: ...

Aaron: The Ukranian Guy hired me to kill you guys in GMOG 2... but instead of doing anything of importance I got trapped in the Plot Hole for the whole OG...

Vorpal: ...

Aaron: Alright, fine! I'm sure you don't remember me! That's why I sold my soul to Donkeyman, so I can have a significant role in these OGs!

Vorpal: Yeah, that's nice. All the more power to you.

*Donkeyman watches from his deck.*

Donkeyman: His girl was supposed to be captured as well. The three would be turned against each other. Oh well, they'll have their reunion when they capture Masamune for me.

Mariorocks 66: Why coitenly my overlord!

Donkeyman: Massage my scalp.

*Masa's crew boards the levitating long boats and rides them to Sapphire's hut.*

Masa: (to Dodo) Watch the boat.

Dodo: (to Kuria) Watch the boat.

Kuria: (to GORE) Watch the boat.

GORE: (sees no one else left) What the hell kinda crew is this?

*Golem quickly docks in a swan ship.*

Golem: GORE, you won't believe it-

GORE: Good, you can watch the boat.

*They enter Sapphire's hut while Golem paces back and forth impatiently outside.*

Sapphire: Captain Masamune. It's been long since you've been drawn to these shores.

Masamune: We need your help. It's about the Donkeyman.

Author: Masamune

Luigi: *twiddles thumbs as he floats in the air* Man. This lack of gravity stuff is getting old. When is someone gonna turn it back on?

???: ~Mysterious southern voice~ I think it's best you get on down from there, son.

Luigi: Who's there? I'm currently spinning in a way that limits my vision.

???: Not now, Martha. *walks over to a tree and turns a switch labelled with "G"*

Luigi: *falls* Ow, that fractured on another bone. But on the plus side I'm not dead, but I'm missing my hat. ~Masamune's hat suspiciously falls on his head from the sky* Well that works, I guess. Wait... aren't you Johnny Depp's mysterious alter ego in Secret Window!?

???: Jonathon will do for now, son. Come with me.

Luigi: Hey wait, you mean the gravity was just a switch? I thought Yami tapped into mysterious powers!

Farmer Jon: Not quite, son. Lil' brother has been making mischief again. You're going to help me.

Luigi: Could we stop by a hospital first?

Farmer Jon: You won't be taking me to no Den of Satan. We'll find some herbs and corn leaves.

~Meanwhile, on the Flying Arabdude~

Vorpal: So Misty, I noticed you guys do a lot of menial labor. I thought this place was supposed to be great?

Misty: Oh it is, it's just we celebrate Misery Monday. It makes us remember what real life is like so we don't take the cruise ship for granted.

Vorpal: Wow, that's... pretty clever, actually.

Misty: So what did Mr. Donkeyman ask you to do?

Vorpal: Oh, well...

Flashback

Vorpal: I meant almost never, seriously! Almost never!

Donkeyman: Perfect.

Vorpal: So what do I have to do. Fight Masamune or something? I've done it before, just so you know.

Donkeyman: My revenge against Masamune may be incomplete, but he is not my pressing concern right now. I need you to act as my agent. There is a key.

Vorpal: A key to what?

Donkeyman: A key to an oven. But first we need the key.

Misty: ... so where do we find this key?

Vorpal: 'We'?

Misty: You don't expect me to stay here, do you?

Vorpal: Well you are a female- *coughs* Er, of course not. We have to go to-

~Sapphire's Summer House~

Sapphire: -London, England. Better known as Rocketsville Again.

Masamune: Wow, that name sure is catchy.

Kuria: Okay, so we need a key to an oven. And this relates to Mur-

Masamune: *grabs Kuria's mouth again* Murals? I dunno how it relates to that! Quit that crazy woman talk - no offense Sapphire - because that makes no sense.

GORE: Ahahaha, crazy women. That sounds like something my other captain would say.

Dodo: I think the GCPA reference has been made clear, okay?

GORE: Huh?

Sapphire: Now that I've told you that, what have you got for me?

Masamune: How about a zombie yoshi? *fires ten consecutive shots into Zambi's head, with no effect* Not bad, right?

Sapphire: ... why would I want that? You know what, I'm going to just go with you and when I find something I like, I'll grab that.

Masamune: Oh fine.

~The group walk out to meet Golem, who is still waiting~

Sapphire/Golem: *see eachother* Oh. You.

Masamune: Ooh, I'm sensing some hostility. Eh, eh? *ribs GORE*

GORE: No, I'm fine.

Masamune: ... *turns to Golem and Sapphire* Anyways! Golem, what are you doing here.

Golem: YAMI IS ALIVE! I saw undeniable proof! Oh, and Luigi died. *holds up Luigi's hat*

Masamune: *snatches Luigi's hat* Hmm. A little dirty, but it'll work. *puts hat on*

Dodo: But Zambi is right here with us. How could Yami be back?

Golem: Because I saw UNDENIABLE PROOF. Is that not enough for you people!?

GORE: Man, that takes me back to that one time Yami and I were trapped on an island with a crazed killer. Good times, good times.

Masamune: Well there's only one way to find out. Take this ship to go looking for a key and trust that Yami's subplot will inevitably crossover with ours.

Golem: Then count me in!

Author: GORE-ILLA

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