Gamehiker Member OG 4 Page 5
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GORE-ILLA
*Little Flutter, Little Elzie and Little Big Al scramble to the side as the Vorpal-Tank roars past and eventually arrives at the Vorp-Cave.*
Masamune: I'm surprised we all fit into that tiny tank.
Vorp-Man: I managed to get some extra room by getting rid of all those airbags.
Lupus: (passed out)
Kuria: Where's Vorpal?
Vorp-Man: Right here.
GORE: (looks around) Where?
Vorp-Man: Dammit! Sapphire, how did you do it?
Sapphire: I'm as surprised as you are that Golem figured it out- especially after what happened the first time I tried to tell him...
[flashback]
Golem: Hey, Lady in Red! You made it to the wedding!
Lady in Red: Yes, Golem. Before this wedding I have something to show you. Here...
*Lady in Red takes her mask off.*
Golem: Hey Sapphire! Where'd the Lady in Red get to?
Sapphire: I AM the Lady in Red.
Golem: No no, I know you're a lady wearing red, but I'm talking about THE Lady in Red.
Sapphire: Okay. Watch carefully... (puts her mask on) There. See?
Golem: There you are, Lady! Too bad, looks like you just missed Sapphire. We could use your blessing.
Lady in Red: You idiot, I'm Sapphire!
Golem: I know what you mean, I feel as rich as a sapphire jewel too. It's just a beautiful day, eh?
Lady in Red: Rrrr... then maybe you'll understand my lips! (kisses Golem passionately)
Golem: (eyes widen) Sapphire...
Lady in Red: Yes! you finally understand!
Golem: (slaps) You know I'm getting married to Sapphire today! What are you thinking?
Lady in Red: Oh screw you, Golem.
[/Flashback]
Yami Yoshi: Hang on a second! We didn't even accomplish what we set out to do in the first place! We never found Luigi 64's murderer!
SteveT: I'm right here, Yami.
*Straw Man bursts in with the police.*
Straw Man: (points in Steve's direction) There he is, he's the one who murdered Luigi 64! Get 'im!
SteveT: FINALLY! It's about time sometime recognizes my homocidal tendencies.
*The police officers walk straight past Steve and restrain GORE-ILLA.*
SteveT: Oh what the hell.
GORE: Hey, what's the big idea?
Officer: Your mom sleeping with me is! (chuckles)
Straw Man: Pablo GORE-ILLA, you are under arrest for the murder of Luigine 6alvatore 4dorniy! You don't have the right to win the court trail unless it somehow makes me look good!
GORE: Where did all this come from?
Straw Man: Don't hide it from me, Pablo! I did some research. It seems you have a grudge with Luigine that stretches back to when he got the lead role in the Broadway production of West Side Story and you didn't!
GORE: I really wanted to be a Jet... Just because I'm not an American teen... or human...
Straw Man: I take that as a confession.
*After the trial.*
Judge: Pablo GORE-ILLA, the jury of robots operated by Straw Man all agree that you are mad guilty and Straw Man has a heavenly singing voice.
Straw Man: It's true.
Judge: According to the latest changes to the Constitution, since you murdered someone your soul would be fed to Saget the Devourer, who would then proceed to burn down your family and everything/one of value to you.
*All the OGers slowly back away from GORE.*
Judge: But since the guy you killed was a jackass, I'm willing to sentence you to death by hanging. With this gravel-banging, it is now final. (gravel-bangs)
GORE: But sir, I'm a robot. Hanging me would be pretty pointless.
Judge: Well you should have thought of mentioning that before I commenced my gavel banging.
*Later, everyone's in what's left of that angelic heavenish place for some reason, where GORE is standing by the noose. Fred approaches the rest of the OGers.*
Rebe: Why are you dressed like one of the Three Musketeers?
Fred: I thought this was a costume execution.
MJ: Nah, that's next Tuesday.
*Straw Man pulls out a scroll and begins to read.*
Straw Man: Pablo GORE-ILLA?
GORE: Grand Moff. Grand Moff Pablo GORE-ILLA.
Straw Man: You are guilty of murdering whatsizface, aiding a cheese-napping scrawny man, naming an island after yourself without buying the rights to it, being Mexican...
*Fred walks up to Masamune, who is standing next to Ashley.*
Fred: Masamune, I should have told you every day from the moment this author starting this stupid running joke. I love you.
*Fred steps back and shoves through the crowd.*
Straw Man: ...Aiding in the murder of respecting citizens like Caykzor, Lord Uruguay, Don Cornmuffin and some other guys, not being me, associated yourself with gangs like the "Gamehikers"... and it's almost time for Family Matters so I guess I'll skip the other fifteen feet of written crimes. Hang him!
*The hangman releases the rope. Fred tosses his hammer for GORE-ILLA to lean on, but it doesn't matter because his immense weight snaps the rope anyway. GORE and Fred fight back to back with their great strength until Fred gets bored and turns his attention to a family of ducks while GORE is overwhelmed.*
Straw Man: Well! I expected some ill-conceived escape plan. But not from someone as stupid as you. Whatever, kill them both.
Marin: Not without going through us!
*THE THREE POINT FIVE COMPAÑEROS all move in front of GORE and Fred.*
Marin: You're... not really going to shoot us, right?
Straw Man: You forget your places, decimal-numbered freaks.
Vorp-Man: It's right here. Between you and... and...
Fred: Fred and Pablo.
Vorp-Man: Yes, them. That's my place.
Masamune: As is my place.
Ashley: As is mine.
Straw Man: Ashley! Lower your weapons. For goodness sake, put them down. So this is where your heart truly lies?
Ashley: It is.
Fred: Is it time for me to kiss Masa?
Masa: Nah, I'm killing that joke right here. I'd be kissing Ashley now, if she weren't eight years old in this OG which would get me arrested.
GORE: (spots a silhouette in the distance) Well I must be off. (walks up to Rebe) I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically. (to Straw Man) I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that. (to Yami) Yami, it would never have worked between us darling. I'm sorry. (to Fred) Fred... nice hat. (backs away to the edge of the cloud) Friends... this is the day you will always remember as the day you- (trips and falls)
Fred: I'll miss you forever.
*GORE lands on the Flying Monkey and enters.*
GORE: I thought you were supposed to stick to-
EVIL Scientist Dude: (shakes head and holds up quote)
[flashback]
Masamune: I thought you were supposed to stick to the rules!
Fred: We figured the rules were more like guidelines.
Masamune: Do it again and you'll walk the plank.
Rebe: *hands him his hat* The ship is yours.
Masamune: Arr... *puts hand on the helm* Ah... *looks around* To your posts ye mangy swabs! *after they all rush away he relaxes* Now... bring me that horizon.... drink up me harties, yo ho!
[/flashback]
GORE: Ay carumba!
THE END
Starring In Order of Appearance
One
Two
Three
Yami Yoshi
SteveT
Masamune
Luigi of the Pipes/Stars
Vorpal
GORE-ILLA the Handsome
Mario Mario Junior
Straw Man
Tortilla the Hun
Micheal Caine as Goombutler
Sir Frederick Von Bisquick of Waffles
Marin Mario
Don Cornmuffin
Roy
The Codtroopers
Lynel
R*H*Y*K*
Dodo
Kuria Eiren
Sapphire Blue/The Lady in Red
Rebe
Sir Lupus the Turk
Narrator
Dark Ditto McCloaker
Slort Goomboy
Ashley Hanimar
Laura Mario
Bomberman
Magikoopa
Ditto McCloaker
and featuring
The mysterious Vorp-Man and THE THREE POINT FIVE COMPAÑEROS
Guest-starring....
Luigi 64
Arab Dude
Chibi-Devil
Princess Andromeda
Happy Little Elf
Eddie Murphy as Car 3000
Kermit the Frog
TeevC
Scott Smith
Little Flutter
Little Elzie
Little Big Al
Sea Urchin
Jagger
GM
Myuutsu
02BU
Dark Juno
Luigi Mario Junior
EVIL Scientist Dude
Giovanni
Canadian Dude
That mysterious guy who talked to Marin about ultimate-ass power and stuff
3896
6785
And Saget the Destroyer
No one was hurt during the making of this thing, except for the hoboes we kidnapped and brainwashed to play the Codtroopers. And Luigi 64 of course.
*Elsewhere, SteveT, Straw Man and Lionel walk through the streets when some passerby accidentally knocks off Steve's helmet to reveal... a head underneath.*
Guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Sir Steven: This is such a lame ending. I know I should be breaking into evil laughter now, but this has been done too many times. I guess I should report to Master Dark Juno now...
Fred
Archive this. Archive this right now.
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