Story:The Loophole 3
| Stories in The Loophole series |
| Loophole - Loophole 2 - Loophole 3 - Loophole 4 |
Case 1: Senor Abbots!
Author: Director
The Director presents one of the cases for the Loophole 3.....
Senor Abbots SPOG!
You're down on your luck
Give up now
Watcha gonna do
WHEN YOU'RE dough
runs
outttttt
LIFE IS A DRAG!!!!!!!!
Judge Belmont: I find the defendant-
*Abbots bursts in*
Abbots: THSI MAN IS MUCHO GUILTY!
Belmont: No, arrest him.
*Guards arrest Senor Abbots.*
OoC: HOLD IT! abbots is always carted off to jail...... lets follow him there.. WAIT, lets follow him for this whole SPOG, identify the inner Abbots.
Abbots: Let me go, I AM A PROSECUTER ESE!
Policeman: Yeah yeah, save it for your cellmate.
*The policeman tosses Abbots in the jail room*
Abbots: AYE CARUMBA!
???: Hey there amigo *snicker*
Abbots: and who are you.
???: *The man comes out of the shadows* ITS ME
Abbots: who?
???: Your brother, Enchilado.
Abbots: Sh*t.
Author: Retro
Abbots: GUARD, I HAVE THE PLAGUE!
Guard: Yikes, again!? Now your cell mate's probably going to catch it too, you guys need to leave pronto.
Enchilado: What was that all about?
Abbots: WORKS EVERY TIME I TELL YOU, OR MY NAME ISN'T-
Guard: No, now get out.
Abbots: AYE CARUMBA?
Enchilado: Come on Abbots, we're going to start our new life as a ruthless pair of Prosecutors, comprendé?
Abbots: I WANT TO MUCHO DEFEND.
Enchilado: No, Prosecute.
Abbots: Mmkay.
(Later)
Enchilado: How should we go about becoming Prosecutors? We're too cheap for school.
Abbots: ASK THE MUCHO CHIEF PROSECUTOR.
Enchilado: No...oh wait, yes. That could actually work.
Abbots: ABBOTS IS MAKING MUCHO DIFFERENCE!
Enchilado: No, now get a cab.
Author; Wariofan
*Senor Abbots bursts into the Chief Prosecutor's office*
Abbots: I want to be a Prosecutor!
Chief Prosecutor: No, arre-I mean, woah who are you?
Abbots: Me llamo Senor Abbots and this is mi hermano, Enchilado.
Enchilado: Si, we want to prosecute.
Chief Prosecutor: What makes you think you can barge in here and ask for Prosecutor Licenses??
Enchilado: *pulling out a gun* Because if you don't you say hello to my little friend here.
Chief Prosecutor: Who? I don't see anyone else here besides you two.
Enchilado: I meant my gun idiota!
Chief Prosecutor: Ah yes yes! Here you are gentlemen! Prosecutor licenses.
Abbots: Yay! *does the Hat Dance*
Enchilado: Excelente!
*Enchilado fires his gun except it doesn't hit the Chief Prosecutor, it pulls to his left, goes through the window, into the next building, hitting its target.*
The Mayor: JESUS CHRIST IVE BEEN SHOT!
Chief Prosecutor: I saw that! I also double as Chief of Police and you're under arrest for killing The Mayor!
The Mayor: IM NOT DEAD!
Chief of Police: Then you're under arrest for attempted assassination.
*Enchilado just stands there and accepts the handcuffs, saying nothing in his defense*
Chief of Policecutor: Oh by the way, YOU will be the prosecutor for this case.
Abbots: Me?
Chief: Yes, you will prove to the court that this man tried to assassinate the mayor
*Senor Abbots bursts into tears*
Abbots: I don't want to prosecute!
Chief: Too bad. Put him in court.
*Policeman take Abbots to the courthouse*
Author: Director
*Abbots arrives at the courthouse to find it is no ordinary courthouse..... but an old west ghost town themed courthouse?!?!*
Abbots: Aye Carumba, this place fits my style!
*A man emerges from a saloon with a defense bench next to it, he sits down.*
???: Looks like y'all are my competition.......
Abbots: Si........ WHO ARE YOU?
???: Some call me Lone Star...... some call me The lone gunman..... but I am lone now matter what.
Abbots: I see....... so where is the judge?
*A judge emerges from a mine shaft on top of a mountain behind the town. Abbots has to squint to see him.*
Abbots: THATS the judge? Mi amigo, I don't know about this.....
*Pepito barges in*
Pepito: YOU CAN DO IT SENOR!
Lone: No, tie him to the water tower.
*The sheriff hogties Pepito then ties him to the water tower.*
Abbots: AYE CARUMBA, I'LL SAVE YOU LITTLE AMIGO!
Lone: I doubt it.
Billy the Judge: Lets get the trial of Enchilado Abbots going.
Lone: I say we need a gundown to solve this. I win, Enchilado goes free..... you win he goes to jail.
Abbots: I'll throw the match then!
Lone: I think not, if I win MY little amigo, Bandito will shoot PEPITO!
Abbots: Aye carumba....... If I win?
Lone: Pepito goes free, but Enchilado goes to jail. Possibly death row.
Abbots: *gulp*
Author: Golem
Billy the Judge: Alright! The match starts... now!
~Abbots and Lone face off, neither making a move.~
Pepito: Boss! Joo can do this! You can't let Enchilado get away!
Abbots: ~keeping his eye on Lone~ But Pepito, he is mi hermano!!
Pepito: Listen to this!
~Pepito, despite being tied up, manages to grab a tape recorder and drop it through the ropes. The sheriff walks over, picks it up, and plays it. Everyone's attention is on the sheriff now. The tape is silent.
Lone falls back as a bullet gets lodged in his good shooting arm.~
Abbots: ~putting down gun~ I win!
Lone: But... the evidence!
Abbots: I had all the evidence I needed. Mi hermano is scum for using me to protect his own ambition to kill the mayor.
Enchilado: Que?!
Abbots: Joo heard me. Joo shot the mayor and expected me to defend you. Well, I don't defend criminals OR people who try to use me. I don't approve of the method I used to become a prosecutor, but if it means locking up a criminal and a traitor to family like joo, then I'll do it.
Author: Wariofan
Enchilado: Maybe it is YOU who is the traitor?
Abbots: *kneels down, glares at Enchilado, a single tear sheds* No. *Abbots stands up, turns around and boldy says* Arrest Him.
Author: Golem
THE END
~Later~
Abbots: Thanks for adding to my brotherly love distraction. What was on the tape, anyway?
Pepito: I think it was Enchilado snoring.
Case 2: Corruption
Written by Retro Belmont
Post 1
"My name is Wayne Shoeleft, Attorney at Law. For about two years now I've been defending the innocent as your typical mild mannered defense attorney.
Oh, did you catch that? That was sarcasm. My job is anything but that of a typical defense attorney. In fact, I seem to have created a name for myself by doing quite the opposite of what most lawyers do. Instead of the traditional "present evidence" tactic, I just beat the living crap out of the prosecution in order to get a "Not Guilty" verdict. Call it what you will, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to stop. It's as if God wants me to keep using "The Loophole"..."
[December 20th - 1:30 AM - Wayne Shoeleft's House]
Wayne: (*YAWN* I can't believe it, Insomnia again!? I really have to stop putting caffeine into my system this late at night...Oh hey, it's really starting to snow now.)
*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
Wayne: Huh!? (Is someone knocking at my door?)
(Wayne quickly rushes downstairs and looks out his front door's peephole, but can't see anything. He leans his head towards the door in hopes of hearing any other voices. After all, it might be a bunch of robbers.)
*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
(Whoever was at the door was knocking so hard that it forced Wayne to hold his ear in pain, he finally mustered up enough courage to open the door. Standing in his dim lighted doorway was a man in a shaggy gray dress suit. He had a 5 o'clock shadow and and a loose blue tie, which was stained with what appears to be coffee.)
Wayne: H-Hello?
(The man reaches into his coat and pulls out a 45m pistol and aims it right between Wayne's eyes. Wayne froze up and backed away, but the man walked in after him, still holding the gun.)
Man: You are Wayne Shoeleft, the Lawyer?
Wayne: Y-Yeah, I am...who are you?
(The man scratched his chin for a second with his free hand and asked another question instead.)
Man: Got any coffee?
Wayne: (Coffee? Is this guy gonna rob me or what!?) Y-yeah, come into the kitchen.
Man: DON'T move a muscle until I tell you to, understand? You weren't going to try and call the cops now were you?
Wayne: C-Cops? As in the T.V. show? No, never saw it, heh heh...(Nice, Shoeleft.)
Man: "Call the T.V. show"? Geez, do I make you THAT nervous?
Wayne: (Should I be honest with this guy? Strike that, ANY man with a gun?) Uh, yes?
Man: Hmm, yeah I suppose that makes sense.
Wayne: (Yes, I suppose it DOES.) So, want me to get the coffee or what?
(The man quickly sidestepped over to the side window, not facing his back towards Wayne and looked out the window.)
Man: Yeah! Two cream, three sugars please.
Wayne: (What's with the politeness all of a sudden?)
(Wayne brewed up some coffee and poured some for him too, after all, it didn't look like he was going to sleep tonight anyways. The man already took a seat, still pointing his gun at Wayne. He then sat down across from him and passed him his coffee. A couple of minutes passed before the man spoke again.)
Man: I hear you're the best defense lawyer in the area.
Wayne: (This is weird, if he just wanted to rob me, why bother asking for my name?) Why, you want me for a case?
Man: Eh, not really, just making small talk.
Wayne: ...
Man: Oh come on, you didn't find that just a LITTLE funny?
Wayne: Who are you?
(The man put his gun back into his coat and took a quick sip of coffee.)
Man: My name...is Bruce.
Wayne: Bruce!? (Can it be...?)
Bruce: Yes, Bruce...Shoeleft.
Wayne: WHAT!? Y-you mean my brother, Bruce!?
Bruce: That's right.
Wayne: (He dissapeared almost 10 years ago. Come to think of it, it was this day, the 20th, that he dissapeared.) I remember now, you suddenly vanished without a trace, mom and dad were devastated...
Bruce: *Sigh* I think you're giving them too much credit.
Wayne: Where have you been all this time!?
(Bruce scratched the back of his head for a moment and looked back at Wayne.)
Bruce: Oh you know, AROUND.
Wayne: ...
Bruce: But anyways, I know you're thinking it, so just come out and ask why.
Wayne: Alright then, so then just WHY DID YOU PULL A GUN OUT ON ME!?
Bruce: Haha, there you go! Well for one thing, I wanted to make sure it was you without a ruckus. For a second there, I thought I messed up the directions to your house using the ones that I got from Map Quest.
Wayne: ...
Bruce: Also I didn't think you would believe me if I said I was your brother, but I guess you really were that Gullible! Har har!
Wayne: ... (No, I just didn't want to argue with a man who had a loaded gun in his possession. But still, I can tell it's him, just by his personality. It may have been 10 years, but I can't forget someone like my brother.)
Wayne: So anyway-
Bruce: Wait, there's another reason.
Wayne: Huh? (Another reason?)
Bruce: The Police are after me.
Wayne: THE PO-LEECE!? (That means Dad is...)
Bruce: Our father, Edgar Shoeleft, is personally leading the investigation.
Wayne: URK! (But why would he...?)
Bruce: And no, I don't know why he would.
Wayne: (Why am I getting the impression he's hiding something!?)
Wayne: So, you came here to hide then?
Bruce: Bingo.
Wayne: Bruce, I know you're smarter than this. Dad is bound to check this place sooner if not later.
Bruce: Don't worry, I'd have to be good at hiding if I've evaded the Police this long! Haha!
Wayne: This long!? (Just how long has he been running away?)
Bruce: So anyways Wayne, got any clean clothes for a filthy hobo to change into?
Wayne: Yeah, check my upstairs closet. I'm pretty sure we're the same size, we always were.
Bruce: Hah, so true!
(Bruce runs upstairs and spots Wayne's room, then quickly runs back to the bathroom with a handful of clothes in his hand. Wayne can hear the shower turn on, so he finally decides to relax on his couch. It wasn't long at all until he fell asleep.)
Post 2
[December 20th - 7:14 AM - Wayne Shoeleft's House.]
(Wayne wakes up to the smell of breakfast in the kitchen, so he gets up and walks into the kitchen and takes a seat in the same chair that he sat in last night. Bruce was sitting across from him, his face covered in this newspaper, scanning all the articles. His COMPLETE BREAKFAST sat there untouched next to him.)
Wayne: Morning.
(Bruce didn't put the paper down, but still answered.)
Bruce: You have work today? You should eat something.
Wayne: Yeah, later maybe. What about you, doing something today?
Bruce: I can't do much besides sit here and hope Dad doesn't burst through that door before I'm finished reading. Which reminds me, he hasn't called you in a while has he?
Wayne: No, he hasn't actually. (I haven't even spoken to him since his trial.)
Bruce: I read about the time you defended him, you really beat down that Chad Bootright character, heh.
Wayne: Well, I can't take all the credit, Dr. Walr-
Bruce: Tell me in your honest opinion Wayne, did you think Dad was Guilty or not?
Wayne: Well, I didn't think he murdered that...guy.
Bruce: Reginald Vines.
Wayne: Right, that guy.
(Wayne helped himself to some breakfast while Bruce read on. About 20 minutes passed when Wayne finally finished eating and Bruce spoke out again.)
Bruce: It's getting late, you better get to work.
Wayne: Yeah, I suppose so. If I come home and see the place surrounded in cops, that's a sign you're in trouble right?
Bruce: Nothing gets past you, eh Wayne?
Wayne: ...Right, I'll see you later.
[December 20th - 8:28 AM - Shoeleft and Co. Law Offices]
Wayne: (I'm actually on time for work today, that's a first.)
(Wayne walks right past his secretary and into his office, then slams the door, giving her a hint that he should not be disturbed (again) today. After shoving all of his paperwork out of the window and onto a group of Nuns in the street below, Wayne gets comfortable in his seat and tries to fall asleep, but barely shuts his eyes when the door flies open. An older looking man with a mustache, a combed back haircut and glasses barged in. He was holding a briefcase in one hand and an umbrella in another. He walked up to Wayne and put his belongings on the floor, then extended his hand for Wayne to shake.)
Dresch: Kelvin Dresch, pleased to meet you.
Wayne: (Shaking hand) Um, Wayne Shoeleft, attorney at law. I assume you have a reason for seeing me today without first setting up an appointment?
Dresch: (Pressing his glasses to his head) Of course my good sir, I heard you were one of the best defense attorneys around.
Wayne: Right...(Should I really be THIS well known?) So, you have a proposition for a case?
Dresch: Indeed I do my good sir! I've been suspected of murder you see.
Wayne: I...see. And the victim?
Dresch: A man named Virgil McCoy, my friend who was on the Police Force. I was the last to see him before he was murdered, and pieces of his clothing were found at my house with his blood on them! But Mr. Shoeleft, you've got to believe me, I'm no killer, I take precautions so that I don't kill people!
Wayne: HMM, NO PSYCHE LOCKS, OK YOU CHECK OUT. Anyways, do you have any idea as to why pieces of McCoy's clothing were found at your house?
Dresch: (Starts shaking Wayne) It's all part of a sinister plot to bring my reputation crashing to the ground! Someone's framed me for murder, but I don't have any enemies, it doesn't make sense!
Wayne: (Brushing himself off) Well, I suppose you better tell me everything (And I mean EVERYTHING) in detail before we get started, alright?
Dresch: Ok, ok. Well, what happened was:
(It was late at night on December 16th, I walked Virgil home after we hit the bar. There was really nothing out of the ordinary on our walk home, he barely even talked. When we got to his house, I opened the door for him and he went inside, that's it.)
Wayne: That's...it? How did he die? What was he killed with? When was he found?
Dresch: Hmmm. The Police confirmed that he was killed by strangulation, and the marks on his throat seemed to match my hands. As for when he was found, I think his maid or whatever found him dead on his couch the next morning when she came in.
Wayne: When did you hear about it?
Dresch: When I was arrested, good sir.
Wayne: Well then, what about fingerprints?
Dresch: Absolutely none, except for on his doorknob, which I used to open his...well, door.
Wayne: Don't worry, I'll find some way to prove you're innocent!
Dresch: Hey, are you going to use your fisticuff axiom?
Wayne: ...What!?
Dresch: You know...that thing you always do, when you beat people up for Justice!
Wayne: (Oh...the Loophole.) If it must be, then fight I will!
Dresch: See you in court then, Mr. Shoeleft.
Post 3
[December 21st - 9:00 AM - Courthouse - Courtroom No. 1]
Bailiff: Stand all ye worthy of the law! The honorable Judge Egduj presiding!
Judge: Haha, so I am. Welcome patrons, I am that Judge. Indeed, so in this case we have some people, doing some things. Did they really do it? Who can say? YOU be the Judge! Mr. Wayne Shoeleft, are you ready to do that thing you do best?
Wayne: Of course I am! But I still won't.
(There is a collective gasp from the crowd.)
Chad Bootright: What Mr. Shoeleft means is this: He's always ready to embarrass himself by fighting, but he knows he won't be able to win against the likes of me!
Judge: Is this true, Mr. Shoeleft?
Wayne: In all honesty, I didn't even notice Mr. Bootright was here until just this very second, go figure.
Chad: ...*Mumble*...
Judge: Prosecution, opening statements?
Chad: Dresch is Guilty, Wayne is an idiot, The End.
Judge: And the Defense?
Wayne: Dresch is NOT Guilty, and I'll prove it using EVIDENCE!
(Another collective gasp comes from the crowd.)
Judge: Well then, your first witness, Mr. Bootright?
Chad: I call Kelvin Dresch to the stand, so we can get this all figured out right here and now!
(Kelvin Dresch approaches the bench.)
Chad: Name and Occupation, witness.
Dresch: First of all I am not a witness, I never saw the crime. Second of all-
Chad: NAME AND OCCUPATION!
Dresch: Kelvin Dresch, I'm a manager at Jape Industries.
Wayne: (What is Jape Industries?) *Press Further*
Wayne: Who or what in God's name is a JAPE!?
Dresch: I dunno, lol.
Chad: Please Wayne, you're becoming more like Phoenix Wright with each passing day.
Wayne: I. erm. OBJECTION!
Judge: On what grounds?
Wayne: On the grounds that he's hacking this trial!
Judge: Overruled, Mr. Shoeleft.
Wayne: (Dang, I almost had him there.)
Chad: We have solid evidence that you were at Mr. McCoy's house on the night of December 16th, what do you have to say to that?
Dresch: Well, I was.
(Another collective gasp comes from the crowd.)
Wayne: OBJECTION! Of course he was at his house, he walked Mr. McCoy home!
Chad: Yes, and with the intention to kill!
Wayne: You cannot simply walk with an intention to kill! I don't even know what that means! Mr. Bootright, you're forgetting that Mr. Dresch doesn't even have a clear motive to want Mr. McCoy dead! They were good friends, (Close up on face) WOULD YOU WANT YOUR BEST FRIEND DEAD FOR NOTHING?
Judge: Order, Order! Mr. Bootright, the defense does have a point, what motive could Mr. Dresch possibly have for killing the Victim?
Chad: I just so happen to have proof, your honor. This is Mr. Dresch's cell phone, on it is a phone call recorded automatically by the phone itself. It is a call between the victim and Mr. Dresch:
McCoy: Howdy, Kelvin, how's life?
Dresch: Hey Virgil, did I ever tell you that I want to kill you?
McCoy: Beg pardon?
Dresch: Yeah, it's all about the thing that happened before.
McCoy: I don't follow.
Dresch: Don't act like you don't know, it was all because of that accident. Anyways, take care.
*Beep*
Dresch: Are you kidding me, that wasn't even my voice! It wasn't even Virgil's voice for that matter!
Wayne: Chad...you aren't forging evidence again are you?
Chad: Ok, so what if I just did that this morning when I swiped Kelvin's phone? SO WHAT I ASK YOU!? I still have more incriminating evidence up my awesome sleeves!
Chad: Pieces of Mr. McCoy's clothes were found at Mr. Dresch's house the day after the murder! How do you explain that, Shoeleft!?
Wayne: I have one thought and one thought alone, have you done fingerprint checks on those clothes yet?
Chad: Yes, of course. They all turned up (Looks at report)...INCONCLUSIVE?
Dresch: Geez, does any evidence against me actually hold any water?
Chad: What about the strangle marks found on the victim?
Wayne: Again, no fingerprints! It could have easily been done by someone else with the same sized hands!
Chad: OBJECTION, and if he wore gloves?
Wayne: OBJECT...Wait, then that would make sense then, I guess.
Dresch: It's true, I do own a pair of gloves, being in business and all.
Wayne: (Is he TRYING to get convicted!?)
Wayne: Mr. Dresch, please tell us exactly what happened that night, if you will.
Dresch: Alright...but it won't do any good:
Flashback:
(I walked Virgil home after we had a couple of drinks in the bar, we walked home after that, which didn't take very long. The whole time home, Virgil barely spoke,
so I didn't speak to him either. When we got to his house I opened the door for him and see that he went inside, I didn't go in there too, since he didn't invite me in. But anyway, that's why my fingerprints were on the doorknob and nothing else.)
Wayne: Hmm, did you have a pair of keys to Virgil's house?
Dresch: What? No.
Chad: ...Then how did you get it? Borrow his keys?
Dresch: Nope...I just turned the knob and opened the door, something wrong with that?
Wayne: Yes! It means the DOOR WAS UNLOCKED!
Judge: Order, Order! Well, what does this mean?
Wayne: Since this is going the way of Phoenix Wright I'll play along and describe the blatantly obvious...
McCoy's house was unlocked, so that means that the real killer must have already been inside, waiting for him to come home! Then, when McCoy passed out on the couch, the killer snuck up and strangled him to death.
Chad: OK, but before I accept that possibility, who do you think it was that killed Mr. McCoy?
Wayne: Hell if I know, but it wasn't Kelvin, that's for sure.
Judge: Well then! It seems that we've established the fact that there's no way that Kelvin Dresch could have committed this crime, but on the other hand, we still don't know who could have done it.
Wayne: Is it enough to pass a verdict?
Judge: I would assume so, yes.
Wayne: Score!
Chad: Not so fast your, Honor!
Wayne: Don't tell me...
Chad: I'm invoking the Loophole! For all that is Chad and Bootright in this world, I will defeat Wayne Shoeleft in court!
Wayne: Chad, when can you just accept defeat already?
Chad: Never!
Judge: Oh come on guys, I've already wasted enough time here, so I'll suspend this trial until tomorrow, then you two can duke it out.
Chad: WHAT!? But I can only rent these official Hulk gloves for a day!
Judge: That's your problem, now isn't it? Anyway, COURT IS ADJOURNED!
Post 4
[December 21st - 6:20 PM - Wayne Shoeleft's House]
Wayne: Bruce, I'm home!
(Dead silence.)
Wayne: Bruce, it's Wayne, where are you!?
(More dead silence.)
Wayne: Bruce, come on, I...
(Wayne is struck over the head with a bat, and blacks out. A man, now coming out of the shadows, picks him up and heads outside.)
[December ?? - ?? - ???]
(Wayne awakens in a dark room, bound and gagged. His head is throbbing from the concussion he had just suffered. There were no windows in this room, no clocks, nothing but him under a dim light. A door in the distance opened, two figures walked over to where Wayne was and stood over him.)
Man #1: You certainly have your work cut out for you.
Man #2: It doesn't exactly come with the job, but I have a knack for it, heh.
(The first man crouched down and removed Wayne's gag and slapped him a few times to make sure he was fully awake.)
Man #1: I'm going to ask you a few questions, and you better answer them all correctly if you want to leave here alive. Got it?
(Wayne couldn't make out either one of the two, their faces were covered and they also wore a set of voice changers, to make their voices deep.)
Wayne: ....Ugh...where am I?
Man #1: Question 1, where is your brother, Bruce Shoeleft?
Wayne: Bruce...I don't know, he wasn't home.
Man #2: It's true, he wasn't there when I came in.
Man #1: Damn it all, he must have known we were coming.
Wayne: Who are you?
Man #1: Question 2, how much do you know about Chief Prosecutor Omega Glint?
Wayne: He was the...Chief Prosecutor? He tried to amend the Might is Right clause into the Constitution...but I stopped him.
Man #1: Looks like the Dignitary was right after all. Alright, Question 3, What has Bruce told you so far?
Wayne: ...He...only told me that he was in trouble with he Police, that's all.
Man #1: What a relief, so I don't have to kill you too. At least, not yet.
Man #2: It's imperative that Kelvin Dresch is found Guilty tomorrow.
Wayne: What? Why!?
Man #2: You are going to throw the Loophole fight tomorrow, or we'll be back to kill you afterwards. We have ways to make you dissapear quite easily, without a trace even.
Wayne: Kelvin isn't Guilty, why would it matter if he was!?
Man #2: We'll be the ones to worry about that, you just concentrate on losing the trial tomorrow.
Man #1: The less you know, the better.
Man #2: Sweet dreams, Mr. Shoeleft.
(The man crouches down and gives Wayne a sleeping pill, causing him to black out.)
[December 22nd - 8:23 AM - Wayne Shoeleft's House]
Wayne: ...*GASP* ...HUH!?
(Wayne awoke on his couch, his head still hurting.)
Wayne: What in the world happened last night? The trial...should I really lose on purpose? Why would those guys care so much is Kelvin Dresch was found Guilty? Well in any case, If I win, I'm going to die! Maybe I'll get lucky and Chad will get hit by a car or something.
[December 22nd - 8:58 AM - Courthouse - Courtroom No. 2]
Judge: Well, I hope you boys had some time to get ready for today's trial.
Wayne: You could...say that.
Chad: Your honor, I did nothing but train since yesterday's trial. I broke boulders, I drank eggs, I even carved a sculpture of Wayne's face into a tree.
Judge: Wow, Mr. Bootright...that's-
Chad: Then I obliterated it with one single punch.
Wayne: ...(That's what I call fists of fury.)
Judge: Does this mean you're ready to begin your Loophole battle, Mr. Bootright?
Chad: It's funny Judge, I was all prepped for my match, but I have since changed my mind about today.
Wayne: WHAAAAT!?
Chad: Instead, I'd like to present some brand new evidence. Evidence which proves Mr. Dresch's guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt!
Wayne: N-No way!
Chad: If you will, please look at this picture.
Wayne: Uh...Chad?
Chad: What is it Wayne, are you realizing that you now have no chance of beating me in a battle of wits?
Wayne: No, I just want to point out that your "picture" isn't really a picture. It's a crude drawing of a stick figure stabbing another, which is weird because the victim was strangled to death.
Chad: ARE YOU KIDDING, THOSE ART CLASSES DIDN'T PAY OFF AT ALL?
Wayne: I'm assuming the one on the floor covered in blood is Virgil McCoy....!!! (Wait a second here...McCOY! Suddenly all of those obvious signs make sense! This wasn't the first time I've seen that name in court!)
Chad: Ok I'll admit, I rushed! I didn't have much time to draw while driving to the Courthouse, you know.
Wayne: Your honor, what are your thoughts on this trial?
Judge: It's a joke.
Wayne: No no, I mean, doesn't anything seem familiar at all?
Judge: I don't follow.
Wayne: Didn't you read anything about the other trial involving Virgil McCoy?
Judge: I...erm...OH!
Wayne: (Looks like he finally remembered...)
Judge: No, nothing.
Wayne: (...So much for that) Well, Virgil McCoy was a witness in the trial involving my father, Edgar Shoeleft.
Chad: What? You don't think that is connected to this trial in any way, do you?
Wayne: Call it a hunch, but maybe the killer of this trial would be associated with the last one?
Chad: Who exactly do you think is the killer then?
Wayne: It would either have to be my father or...
Judge: Or?
Wayne: Or...Lieutenant Shakes, the person who I believe framed my father for the murder of Reginald Vines.
Chad: But why would he want McCoy dead?
Wayne: That...I don't know. But so far it seems like the most logical answer.
Judge: Well all of this new information is pretty interesting, wouldn't you say, Mr. Bootright?
Chad: Meh.
Judge: Do you still want to continue with your Loophole Match?
Chad: Perhaps another day of investigation couldn't hurt.
Wayne: (Those guys said that they'd hunt me down and kill me if I won this case, but I wonder if I just found my own little loophole in their instructions?)
Wayne: So, another day then?
Judge: Yes, but just ONE. There can only be three trials before a verdict is passed on the defendant. Remember that, Mr. Shoeleft.
Wayne: I understand, your honor.
Judge: COURT IS ADJOURNED!
Post 5
[December 22nd - 7:09 PM - Wayne Shoeleft's House]
Wayne: ...Hello? (I know he's here...just...where!?)
(A man hiding in the shadows leaps out with a baseball in hand and strikes Wayne over the head, but he doesn't fall over. Wayne starts to laugh out loud.)
Wayne: HAH! NICE TRY BUDDY, BUT I'M WEARING A FOOTBALL HELMET!
(Wayne spins around and hooks the intruder in the jaw, sending him to the floor. He picks him up with both hands and starts to shake him furiously.)
Wayne: Tell me, who are you!?
(The man falls limp and passes out. Wayne sighs and searches him for a wallet. Luckily enough, he finds one with his I.D. kept neatly inside.)
Wayne: ...I knew it.
Lt. Curtis Shakes!
(The front door suddenly flies open, and Bruce stands in the doorway with his gun out.)
Bruce: Oh, you caught Shakes before me, I see.
Wayne: Why, you were chasing him then?
Bruce: You could say that, yes.
Wayne: Where have you been, anyway?
Bruce: Look, he's coming to, we'd better tie him up before he makes a run for it.
(After securing him with some rope that Wayne keeps in his Bathroom closet, they set him down in a chair in the kitchen.)
Shakes: ...Oh, what the hell!?
Bruce: Glad you could join us! Tell me Shakes, where is he now?
Shakes: Like I'm telling you anything.
Bruce: I see.
(Bruce walks over to Wayne's fridge ands takes out a large...fish. He then walks back over to Shakes and forcefully slaps Shakes across the face with it.)
Shakes: OOF! YOU BASTARD, I'M ALLERGIC!
Bruce: Then you better talk fast before I decide to slap you WITHOUT the plastic covering.
Shakes: Damn you Shoelefts! DAMN YOU ALL.
Wayne: So are you going to tell us why you want Kelvin to lose tomorrow's case?
Shakes: I have nothing to do with this, I'm just an accomplice I tell you!
Bruce: WHERE IS HE THEN? WHERE IS EDGAR SHOELEFT!?
Wayne: ....Huh!?
Bruce: I'm sorry Wayne, but your father's a wanted criminal. The Police can't even catch him, since he IS the Police.
Wayne: ...
Shakes: Our hideout's at the Old Police Station, underground.
Bruce: Is he expecting you?
Shakes: Yes, but I'm not going.
Wayne: How...how can dad be...
Bruce: You'll find out soon enough, Wayne. Now come on.
Shakes: W-what about me!?
(Bruce grabs his gun from his coat and quickly shoots at Shake's heart, killing him instantly.)
Bruce: Any more questions?
[December 22nd - 9:00 PM - Old Police Station Underground Room]
Wayne: Father!
Bruce: ...
Edgar Shoeleft: So they've come at last. Welcome my "sons".
Wayne: Dad, you can't really be a criminal can you? Tell me this is all just a misunderstanding already!
Edgar: I should explain something to you right here and now. I am not Edgar Shoeleft. Rather, I haven't been Edgar Shoeleft for over 10 years.
Bruce: It's a hard pill to swallow Wayne, but your father is long dead. This is just the Chief of Police on the outside, what's on the inside is something I've been trying to discover for 10 long years.
Edgar: It's been decided by the Dignitary that you can't be left alive. Omega was one who fell so easily to the hands of you and your prosecutor friends, but I am not one who would fall just as easily.
Wayne: So you and Omega were...working together?
Edgar: Briefly, if anything. Some tried to stop us on our missions. This, Reginald Vines, was one of them. Accountant though he was, he was also undercover for a branch who dares to oppose our regime.
Bruce: And that's why you killed him?
Edgar: It had to be done. I sought help in Lt. Shakes, and with the help of Wayne, we got off Scott free. Where is Shakes now?
Bruce: He's dead, like you should be!
Edgar: Don't make me laugh. Even if you do kill me that won't bring your father back. I killed him all those years ago when the Dignitary decided to control both the Chief of Police and the Chief Prosecutor. The Chief Prosecutor died of an illness so Omega had to re inhabit another. And the rest is history.
Wayne: Bruce, so the reason you dissapeared was to-
Bruce: Yes, I had to discover what happened to our dad. When they came on to me, "Edgar" tried to have me killed.
Edgar: But you persisted to live.
Wayne: Damn this storyline, I just want my father back!
Edgar: It won't happen, and the Loophole in which you abused gave birth to our new plans. It's a good thing that I was created so that we would be ready when this day came.
Wayne: There will be a way to stop you and your Dignitary! If not, I will see to it that the Loophole is destroyed by my own hands!
Edgar: The Loophole is never ending, I will see that it goes on forever!
(Edgar falls to the ground and begins to shake violently, a bright flash emits from his back as a new figure comes out of his body and steps out. His small body suddenly expands into a bulky figure with many horns and blood stained fur. It's eyes glowed out in the darkness as it stood up straight in front of the two Shoeleft brothers.)
Venal, the Corrupt: Death comes quickly to those who oppose us, En garde!
(Bruce fires off a few rounds of his gun at the beast, and it whizzes through like he wasn't even there. The skin reforms at the holes where the bullets penetrated. Venal reaches into the walls and pulls out a large piece of stone and hurdles it at Bruce, who narrowly avoids it by ducking and tumbling out of the way. Wayne is still frozen in place while Venal rampaged throughout the underground room. Bruce jumps at Wayne and manages to get him out of the way while Venal charges at his direction.)
Wayne: Kelvin was framed by you!? You did it, you killed McCoy!
(Venal slowed down from his charge and glared at Wayne with his glowing eyes.)
Venal: I concede, I killed that cowboy. He knew too much of what really happened on that parking lot that fateful day.
Bruce: He saw his true form Wayne, it can't be helped. Some souls were just born plain unlucky.
(Venal started to pick up speed once more and fired a ray of energy from his eyes at Wayne. Wayne quickly jumped to the side and finally prepared to fight. The fight was quickly lured into an underground library. Wayne leapt from an overturned table onto the top of a Library bookshelf and then threw himself on the top of Venal's back. The demon thrashed about, trying to get Wayne off of him, and launched some of the spikes in it's back to try and kill him. Bruce grabbed a sword that was on showcase above a fireplace and hacked away at Venal's midsection. He was forced back when Venal used his hoof to pound at the floor, causing a minor tremor.)
(Wayne jumped off of Venal's back and grabbed one of the discarded spikes. He rushed back up Venal's back and lodged it into his body. Venal screeched and spun around with great speed, which caused Wayne to get flung from his back and hit a bookshelf. Meanwhile, Bruce tried once more at Venal, but he was deflected by Venal's enormous arm. The sword flew back and stabbed a book that was right near Wayne's head. Venal joined his fists together and generated a ball of electricity around his hands, then grabbed a large antique spear and held it up high over him.)
Venal: I'll send you to Hell before me! That way you can look forward to seeing me again later! Hah!
(Wayne grabbed the sword that stuck out from the book shelf and leapt at Venal. He struck his lower calf once, throwing him off balance. Venal screeched and missed his intended target, then dropped the spear to swat Wayne away. Bruce grabbed the discarded spear and thrust it up at Venal's chest, piercing it slightly. Wayne took this opportunity to grab his sword yet again and stab Venal through the other end. They both forced all their strength into the weapons, pushing them out to the other side of his body.)
Venal: GRAAAAAGH! My eyesight is fading! Can I really be...dying!?
Wayne: Dad!?
Venal: Wayne, is that you? I'm sorry...I couldn't control myself, it was out of my reach...
Bruce: Wayne, stay away!
(The dying demon grabbed Wayne with his large hands and grabbed his sword with the other. He went to stab Wayne, but Bruce acted fast and took the blow by jumping in front of it.)
Wayne: ...
Venal: Foolish..urgh..mortal.
(Venal released his grip on Wayne, who grabbed that ever popular sword once more and delivered the final blow to the Demon's face, spewing his demon blood in every direction. Venal's body went limp immediately, and disintegrated into nothingness.)
Wayne: ...
Bruce: Damn....this...Cliche...ending...
Wayne: What're you crying about? He only stabbed you in the shoulder.
Bruce: Oh hey, you're right. Look, I can stand up and everything.
Wayne: So I guess that all these years, we haven't really had our father, but...a demon.
Bruce: I understand how you feel, but at least we've avenged him.
Wayne: It only took 10 years after all.
Bruce: It's a good thing I found you though, I couldn't have beaten Venal otherwise.
Wayne: Enough with this crap already, I have a trial tomorrow!
Bruce: Wait, THIS ISN'T THE ENDING!? God dammit, and I was ready to make a dramatic exit and everything.
Post 6
[December 23rd - 9:00 AM - Courthouse - Courtroom No. 3]
Judge: Alright everyone, let's wrap this case up once and for all!
Wayne: The defense is ready, your honor.
Chad: Ah, Wayne. I took the liberty of researching all about Lt. Shakes and everyone else worthy of mention. It took all night, but I was actually able to come up with the information I needed. Now then, shall we presume with the trial?
Wayne: I'm impressed that you went through all the trouble Chad, but...
Chad: ...What?
Wayne: Your Honor, I'm invoking the Loophole! To prove my client's innocence is absolute, I will beat down Chad Bootright in the worst possible fashion!
Judge: I'll allow it.
Chad: YOU SMARMY LITTLE BASTARD! VERY WELL THEN YOU AMATEUR, HAVE AT YOU!
(Wayne and Chad circle each other in the ring a few times, eying each other down. Wayne has a big smile on his face, with his fists ready. Chad pouts where he stands and gets ready to throw a punch at Wayne. They both fire away a punch at another, and it freeze frames at the point right before impact.)
[December 23rd - 11:50 PM - Wayne Shoeleft's House]
Dear Diary,
If there's anything I've learned from the past few days, it's that God does indeed want me to continue to use "The Loophole". It might sound crazy, but I think it will impact my life in a big way from here on out. Could the Loophole have a big role to play not just in my life, but in all lives as we know them? Well anyway, my brother and I have said our goodbyes since the confrontation with Venal. Kelvin Dresch was also found Not Guilty, and Chad continues to hold a never ending grudge against me.
What Venal said bothers me: "the Loophole in which you abused gave birth to our new plans"
And this Dignitary he mentioned, just who is manipulating all of these guys? As I pondered these questions, the answers just seem to slip away from me.
-Wayne.
Wayne: Wow, these diary entries really suck.
END.
Case 3: Judges!
Author: Wariofan
Judge Glenn wakes up to another wonderful day in his (after)life. Today is the big day and he has been looking forward to it for a long time now. The phone rings and he sighs as he recognizes the caller ID.
Judge J. Glenn: I told you to stop calling me!
Judge Glenn: Hello John, I assume youre ready or else you wouldn't have called me, whether or not you actually remembered our intent.
Judge J. Glenn: I accept your challenge stranger! We duel at dawn!
Judge Glenn: Are you in the car John?
Judge J. Glenn: Yes my surroundings do indeed resemble that of a car Frederick.
Judge Glenn: I wish you would remember that your own brother's name is Albert, John.
*click*
Judge Glenn walks out to his car to find his brother strapped to the passenger seat, before he can get into his comfortable driver's seat perfectly suited to fit his bottomless bottom, he sees a civilian across the street.
Senor Abbots: Buenos Dias!
Judge Glenn: Good morning to you too no arrest him!
*policemen arrest Senor Abbots*
Senor Abbots: Porque Juez Glenn? PORQUE??
Judge Glenn: Im sorry citizen! Its apparently the rules!
After buckling up and starting up his car, Judge Glenn proceeds down the road just slightly above speed limit until he reaches his next destination. As he reaches the door he sees there was no need as his companion seems to have jumped out the second floor window and straight into Judge Glenn's backseat window.
Judge Whupass: WOOT! WOOT! Let'S GeT GoINg ALREADY! WOOOOT!
Judge Whupass has somehow stepped on the gas pedal from behind the drivers seat and has driven around the block and back somehow picking up Judges Sync and Duo.
A confused Judge Glenn gets back into his car finally ready to go the final point. Just before he gets there however, at the second to late intersection, a bitchin' hover car pulls up with Judge Belmont inside. Judge Belmont revs on the pedal signifying a
Judges J. Glenn, Duo, Sync, and Whupass: DRAG RACE!!!
Judge Glenn: No
Judge Belmont lets out a sneer as he goes full force across the road.
Unfortunately the road was really train tracks. And the train was carrying Billy the Judge. And Judge Belmont just totally drove straight through the boxcar carrying Billy the Judge.
But luckily a sleeping Billy the Judge seems to be lying comfortably on the windshield of Judge Belmonts car.
After the train passes, the rest of the Judges park in front of the courthouse, meeting their two obscure companions. Judge Glenn rushes up the stairs, bursts open the double doors with a big grin on his face and say
Judge Glenn: Its time!
Author: Director
*Judge Egduj is sleeping on the judgestand*
Judge Egduj: WHASSAT?!?!?
Judge Glenn: Judge picnic '07.
Judge Egduj: Oh yeah.
*Belmont pulls out some odd glitter and draws a star on the gound*
Judge Belmont: TOMAHANE RAMERONES GALIDA!
Judge Duo: Whats going on-
~voipvoivpvoivvpvpovipvoip~
*The Judges all arrive in an park, theres a hot dog vendor, and a Bratwurst vendor, and a Knockwurst vendor, and a genericwurst vendor, as well as large picnic tables and a basketball court*
Judge Glenn: This looks fun
Duo: No LETS GET TO IT
Cynic: Eh I've seen better.
*Billy the Judge wakes up and starts chasing Judge Belmont While suddenly...*
Genericwurst vendor: Hello sir, what can I get you?
???: Rawr.
Genericwurst: OH GOD ITS A BEAR!
???: And I'm A MAN WITH A GUN!
Genericwurst vendor: Gasp, a bear and an asasin.
*The unknown assailant kills the genericwurst vendor*
???: Hello? Yeah, I'm on it.
*Wayne gets out of bed to defend the suspect, the bear*
---
???: .......... William. phone.
*William, the mysterious mans ventriloquist dummy answers the phone*
William: Sergeant Williams reporting sir!.... Yes..... uh huh...... MASTER REGINALD WILL PROSECUTE.
*Master Reginald, the ventriloquist prosecutor, and William, his puppet, head to the picnic area*
WHO MURDERED THE GENERICWURST VENDOR. WHO IS REGINALD. WHAT WILL THE JUDGES EAT. THIS AND MORE IN YOUR NEXT POST IN JUDGE SPOG
Author: Golem
~Soon, a bailiff arrives at the picnic...~
Bailiff Joey: Hey guys!!
Judges: Hey!
Bailiff Joey: Ur, guys, sorry to bug you all on your day off, but we need to decide who's gonna judge this murder that just happened!
Judge Glenn: What murder?
Bailiff Joey: Uh, there was a murder just here. Like a half hour ago.
Judge Duo: Woah! That's pretty exciting! And also part of life in this tragic world.
Bailiff Joey: So yeah, who do I tell the guys is gonna judge?
~All the judges bicker amongst themselves. Well, some bicker. Others shout.~
Judge Whupass: I'ME GONNA DOOO IT NO ONE CAN STOP MEE FROM JUDGE INNNG!!
~Chad Bootright steps onto the scene.~
Chad: Calm down, everyone. I have just the thing.
Bailiff Joey: Oh geez, Chad! Thanks a million!
Chad: Don't sweat it. Listen up, everyone, I don't want to repeat myself. We're going to decide this with a Judge-a-thon!
Crowd of judges: Judge-a-thon? Mubmbl I don't know about this mumbmumble sounds risque mumblemumbumblelemb...
Chad: A Judge-a-thon is a series of minigames in which you all compete, eliminating each other from the competition until there are none left.
~A helicopter lands.~
Chad: Ah! Here's our transport to the first minigame.
Author: Retro Belmont
(The Judges each wear blindfolds and travel by bus, boat, plane, boat, and then bus again until they get to an unknown and secret location.)
Belmont: What is this!? You took us to the same place we started at!
Chad: This is true, but we needed to stall you until we set up the N64.
Glenn: It can't be...it's-
Judges: MARIO PARTY!
Chad: 4 of you step up at a time, this is your first mini game/torture test.
(Chad pops in Mario Party and chooses the first game, Tug O' War.)
Chad: Even though it's a 1 vs. 3 game, you will all be tested by willpower alone.
(2 seconds into the mini game later.)
Egduj: My palm, it's burning!
Duo: Wow this feels kinda HORRIBLE AND IS THE WORST PAIN EVER.
Chad: Steady gentlemen, this is a test of endurance!
Whupass: WHOOP I GOT BLISTERS WHOOP.
J. Glenn: I...I can't do it anymore.
Chad: (Rings bell) One down! Next victim up.
(Eventually all but one of the Judges are defeated.)
Glenn: Hah! No Nerves, take that suckers!
Belmont: No fair, this is exactly like 5th case of Loophole 2.
Chad: What are you saying!?
Belmont: I don't know.
Chad: You're right, I'll just pick a Judge at random and get this over with. I choose...that guy!
William: Who? ME!?
Chad: No, that guy you're connected to who I assume is your conjoined twin.
J. Glenn: I think you're just talking to a puppet, Mr. Bootright. Also, they aren't Judges.
Chad: I'll decide who IS AND ISN'T a judge, do I make myself clear Glenn?
William: I actually am a prosecutor, you know.
Chad: FIIIINE, you can figure it out for yourselves.
Belmont: First one to the Courthouse gets to the be the Judge!
Author: Retro Belmont
OoC: Turnabout post!!?!
~All of the Judges except for the two Glenns race out the door and vanish.~
Glenn: Idiots, we were already inside the courthouse.
J. Glenn: What happened to the park we were just playing Mario Party in?
Chad: Hah! Never question the finer points of black magic and teleportation, Your Honor.
~All gasp at Chad's sudden presence a few feet over.~
Chad: ~Shakes head and shrugs~ Tsk, tsk, you'd think I would really condone such a shoddy competition?
Glenn: Yes. Wait, no. That's why you left, isn't it?
Chad: Hah! It was just to get you two alone in the same courtroom, so that the real show could begin.
J. Glenn: So we can finally start our bout?
Chad: Yes. Just so long as no one intrudes.
~At that very second, Wayne Shoeleft bursts into the courtroom brushing his teeth and dragging a half closed briefcase behind him, spilling paper as he walks towards the stand.~
Wayne: Sorry I'm late Your Honors!~somehow slips on a misplaced banana peel and crashes into Judge J. Glenn.~
J. Glenn: Gragh, Wayne Shoooooooooeleeeeeeeeeeft...!!!
Wayne: Aw shucks Judge, I'm sorry. I'm just here to defend my newest client! ~Looks around a dark courtroom~ Where is that bear, anyway?
Bear: ~Walks from the shadows polishing a gun while he points it at the group~ Why, right here, of course.
Chad: What? Inconceivable!
Bear: You've done well, Mr. Bootright, to lead not only Wayne Shoeleft, but yourself here to my courtroom. My thanks to you ~bows~ maybe now I can take care of you both!
Wayne: Objection! ... ... ... ...
...Where was I? Oh, yeah. ~Camera closes up and starts shaking in his face~ No way!!!
Chad: You're telling me a simple forest bear planned out all of this?
Bear: Incorrect! I am...~Bear suit catches fire and burns until a shadowy figure jumps out~ All of the Loophole Judges!
Wayne: Urk!! What is this sudden turn of events?
Chad: And why doesn't it make a shred of blasted sense!?!?
Judges: This trial is ours now! And not to mention every trial from this point forward will be ours for the Judging.
Glenn: ...But you can already do that! You're friggin' Judges!
Judges: Overruled. ~The group of judges start to move as one, and their gun, now revealed in more light, was actually just a pitch black gavel held outstretched.~
Glenn: That gavel! It...it can't BE...!
Judges: It is! The mighty Gavel of Levag, the greatest Judge in existence...! Also the most insane.
J. Glenn: Lies! That gavel is a myth and you conjoined freaks know it!
Chad: Grgh, no it isn't. It's actually...too real to comprehend.
Wayne: ~Strokes chin~ But where did they get their hands on such an evil gavel?
~Something that sounds like a slow clapping can be heard from the pitch black bleachers. Reginald, the ventriloquist, approaches towards the group, still clapping, except only hitting his own dummy with a free hand.~
Glenn: That weird guy again?
Reginald: In the flesh.
William: And wood, too!
Wayne: I'm not too fond of ventriloquists, not since...I was a child, ~Looks to be in the middle of a painful memory, then wipes a tear from his eye~ Er, anyway! What do you want?
Reginald: We're prosecuting this case.
William: Yeah, this case! All of the cases!
Judges: It's all part of our deal. We Judge every case, and he prosecutes. Now all we need is a defense attorney to keep taking all of the beatings every time. How about...
WAYNE SHOELEFT!
Chad: What kind of cockamamie plot is this anyway? ~Slams his hand on a desk not in front of him the moment before~ If you want Wayne, sure, take him and play pretend courtroom for eternity. Just leave us out of it.
Reginald: Pretend? Ever since I found the Gavel of Levag, I gave it to the remaining Judges so that we could create our own court system.
William: And cheat on it too!
Wayne: Boring. You're boring. It's time I invoke the Loophole on this situation!!
Chad: There's not even a trial! Do you seriously just shout out "I invoke the Loophole" now in every possible situation?
Wayne: Erm. No, don't be ridiculous...
Flashback to Yesterday wrote:
Wayne: Another! ~Slams empty glass on the counter~
Bartender: Honestly buddy, I think you've had enough.
Wayne: . . .
Loophole.
Bartender: Come aga- ~Pummled by Wayne~
~5 minutes later~
Wayne: ~Slams another glass on the counter~ Another!
Bartender: But it's full, sir!
~Starts pouring immediately after getting shot an angry look by Wayne. He keeps filling the already overfull glass until Wayne says to stop. After taking it all in one shot, he slams the glass down and jumps back over the counter and pummels the barkeep some more.~
Chad: Something wrong?
Wayne: Yeah, I'm a mean drunk.
Judges: ~Ahem!~ I accept the terms.
Chad: What!
Glenn: Looks like we'll have to wait for our showdown a little more, Glenn.
J. Glenn: Damn...you...Wayne Shoeleft...!
Wayne: Very good! Now then, it's you, you, you, you ~points to all of the Judges in the group, you get the picture~ you, the dummy boy and the dummy himself against me, Chad and the two geezers. Okay?
Judges: Hah! I accept again.
~The clustered group of Judges raise their mighty gavel into the air and the lights to the courtroom finally come on. All over, spectators and a bailiff occupy the courtroom. Both of the sides take their respective benches on each side of the courtroom.~
Bailiff: The battle to decide the fate of the Judges and probably the law world as we know it is about to take place! Since His Honors aren't presiding over the actual fight, but rather partaking in it instead, the new Judge will be...
Author: The Kirby of Death
![[1]](http://www.court-records.net/rips/bubble-(ani)objection.gif){kind=link}
...
???: ...Oh, sorry, I mean: Me!
Like it or not, a small, round, orange, red-robed figure burst through the courtroom doors with his stub extended and a convicted look on his face. He walks over to the front of the judge's bench and hops up onto it. He then takes out a white judge wig and small spectacles and places them on his head.
Bailiff: Excuse me... you, but are you even a judge?
???: I have been a judge in the past, yes.
Bailiff: Hm, very well, all rise for the apparently honorable Judge... right, who are you?
???: You may call me Judge Jed! *points his stub at the bailiff*
Bailiff: ...Alright, Judge Jed.
Everyone rises.
Judge Jed: K, be seated.
Everyone sits, save for the two opposing parties since they normally stand anyway.
Judge Jed: Um... right, what's going on now?
Bailiff: The large group of judges and ventriloquist are against these other two judges and lawyers.
Judge Jed: K, cool, but what's the dispute?
Wayne: Those guys wanna make a court system that they can control themselves and we think that sucks, so we're gonna fight em.
Judge Jed: Ohhh snap, the Loophole, neat. I read about that and how this crazy ass defense attorney keeps using it to win.
Wayne: That'd be me, Your Honor.
Judge Jed: Oh, really? Well, whatever, a judge is presiding, so this is an actual court battle now. I'm assuming you guys already know the rules, but I'll repeat em just for clarity: No innocents harmed and keep the battle INSIDE the courtroom, we clear?
The two opposing parties all nod.
Judge Jed: Well alright, 3 2 1 FIGHT! *slams scythe onto the judge's bench*
Bailiff: I can get you a gavel.
Judge Jed: I use my scythe >.>
The two opposing sides charge at each other in a totally epic way.
Author: Retro Belmont
~A long arm rockets out of the cloak of the mass of judges and grabs a civilian, then throws him at Wayne, who is sent flying backwards and lands on the ground, and lays motionless after skidding a little.~
Jed: *Waves his scythe madly in the air* Hey! HEY! That's against the rules!
Judges: There are no rules in Judgment Day's court.
Jed: But... ;_; I'm the judge...
Judgment Day: You're the figurehead, Puffy. But we're still in charge. Just make sure you practice declaring your guilty verdict.
Jed: (I'm not that puffy...) Well that's what I was gonna do, jeez!
Reginald: Hehe, you handle him just like a true puppet master would.
William: And his pup- *Socked in the face by Chad and sent into a wall*
Chad: Humph! That one was for my free time and how you freaks wasted it!
Reginald: W-William!! *Cries over his bare hand still taking the shape of a puppet mouth.*
Wayne: Ugh...*shakes head back and forth, but is grabbed in the middle of said shaking by a Judge arm that picks him up (by the head) and pulls him back*
Judgment Day: They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."
Wayne: Urgh...they would have never allowed this in law school.
Judgment Day: You've obviously never been to law school.
Wayne: Of...of course I have! ...But that's not the point, you're still same lovable judges on the inside, don't you remember?
Judgment Day: No.
~Several fists come out of the mass and pummel Wayne in the stomach for a few moments. The hand around his dome releases him in order to let him fall to the ground, but then Judgment Day attempt to fall on top of Wayne for a crushing body slam.
Wayne lands on his back and lifts both legs up to repel the falling mass. Several fists come out of the body in front of him, trying to nail him in the face, but they hit the floor as Wayne moves his head to dodge.
Instead, one grabs his throat and the others punch him in the gut. They collapse to the side of him as Chad and the two Glenns tackle them.~
Judgment Day: Huff...Why don't you join us Glenn? We're your pals.
Glenn: It's the judges most sacred honor, apparently, to not touch the cursed black gavel!
Judgment Day: You always were a wet rag Glenn, in life and in undeath.
J. Glenn: *Rolls eyes* TELL me about it.
Glenn: That's it whippersnapper! Let's finish our bout right here! ...Judges!
Judgment Day/Jed: YES?
Glenn: We would like to hold our battle in the midst of yours! A Loophole battle in a Loophole battle of sorts.
Wayne: Did somebody say LOOPHOLE!?!
Chad: Wayne, control yourself.
Judgment Day: Loophole sustained.
Jed: (I was gonna say that...) Yes let's do it!
*Senor Abbots burst through the double doors*
Abbots: Am I mucho late for Judge Picnic 2007!?
Everyone: Yes arrest him!
*The bailiff tasers Abbots and wrestles him to the floor, then takes him away in handcuffs.*
Glenn: You know I actually enjoy doing that.
J. Glenn: Anyway! Let's finish this once and for all, Glenn!
Glenn: You're on, Glenn!
Jed: Okay you guys, here are the rules: Keep the fight in-
Judgment Day: Let's do it! *Hooks Chad Bootright in the throat, causing him to fall to the ground gasping.* Ahahahaha! I love doing this.
~Chad and Wayne both rush Judgment Day and do battle with him once more, while both Glenns duke it out. They fight for a couple of minutes, but then get tuckered out and weakly smack each other to continue the fight.~
Wayne: We've got to stop this fighting!
Chad: Hold on a moment, did YOU just suggest that we all stop fighting?
Wayne: Just look. *Points at the Glenn brothers, each tattered and teary eyed as they continue to fight. A sad tune begins to play from somewhere in the courtroom.*
Brother my brother
Tell me what are fighting for
We've got to end this war
We should love one another
Oh, can't we just pretend
This war never began
We can try
Brother my brother...
Chad: *Bawls his eyes out in a handkerchief* It's so sad, especially when I remember how bad my brother was to me...
Wayne: Shut up.
We face each other from different sides
The anger burns can't remember why
It's kindof crazy to cause so much pain
Our foolish pride makes us hate this way...
Judgment Day: What a pitiful pit of pity-soaked human emotions. I shall break both of them this day. *Springs from the ground and spins in the air, and flies into the zombie Glenn, knocking them to the ground. Judgment Day rips off Glenns head and holds it up for all to see.*
Glenn: Oh dear...I've lost my head.
J. Glenn: Hey, stay outta' this!
Judgment Day: Overruled. If only you had this power, then maybe you would be able to stop us. Your feeble judge powers are only a fraction of a small percent that make up a small part of mine!
J. Glenn: Grr...
~Judgment Day laughs at the heavens themselves and doesn't notice J. Glenn sneaking up and swiping the cursed black Gavel suspended from his robe. He keeps laughing, even as the once giant mass of judges slowly begin to separate. All of the judges trapped by the bonds of the gavel are flung across the room in different directions. J. Glenn holds his new gavel in front of him while he sees himself transform in the reflection of it.~
Glenn: John! No!
~Wayne steps away from the action and notices Reginald scooping up William and glaring at him.~
Reginald: My perfect courtroom...ruined. You won't get away with this, Shoeleft!
Wayne: Wha? I wasn't even doing anything!
Reginald: My father knew this would happen. First you stop the Might is Right clause and now you're leading this group of yours to stop my new world of law!
Wayne: How do you know about that case!?
Reginald: We'll meet again. *Throws a smoke ball to the ground, and disappears*
Chad: Wayne, focus! Judge J. Glenn is attacking!
~Judge Glenn's decapitated head rolls up beside Wayne and hits against the back of his heel. Wayne turns and picks him up.~
Glenn: Listen to me boy, if there's one thing you're good for it's fighting for justice, now I want you to do that here, but don't you dare kill my brother.
Wayne: I don't stand a chance against that gavel!
Glenn: *Shakes* Doesn't matter, you've got the power of friendsh-
Wayne: Okay okay, spare me this part, I'll have a go at him.
~Wayne smacks his fists together and rushes at J. Glenn, now a monstrous darker form of his former one. J. Glenn furiously swings at him with his gavel, nailing him a few times in the shoulder and collar bone, which nearly shatter. Wayne bends down and then leaps into the air before J. Glenn, and bicycle kicks him repeatedly until Glenn moves.
They both jump backwards in opposite directions and charge. Wayne dives on his stomach and under the Judge's legs. He handstands and extends one leg, then lowers himself to balance himself on his head, then spins on it, kicking Glenn in the back repeatedly. Glenn turns around to smash him, but Wayne exits his spinning and rolls once more under Glenn's legs, but this time stands and jumps onto his back instead.
Glenn flails around and tries to grab Wayne. Instead of staying on him, Wayne gets him into a tight headlock with his legs and grabs a hold of a ceiling fan, lifting the Judge off of the ground and spinning around with Wayne in midair.~
Chad: That has to be the world's strongest ceiling fan.
Bailiff Joey: Only the finest for our courtrooms.
~The ceiling fan gives way, sending Wayne and the judge to the ground. Wayne gets up immediately and dodges a few quick kicks by Glenn, unfastens his tie and bounds the Judge's ankles together. Wayne snatches Jed's scythe from above him and is about to slice open J. Glenn, but a voice in the distant stops him.~
Glenn: *His head hopping on and down on a table* Hey! What did I say about killing!
Wayne: Aw man...that would have been awesome though!
Glenn: He's still my brother inside, just get that gavel off him.
Wayne: I could chop off his han-
Glenn: NO!
Wayne: Fine! Fine, I'll just grab it.
Chad: Are you daft, Shoeleft!? You'll surely suffer his fate if you touch it!
Wayne: Grr...
J. Glenn: Albert.
Glenn: J-John!?
J. Glenn: This Gavel was banished for a reason, it is evil. But now, I am evil. I am not fit to be a judge, so you must end me. Our bout must be carried on instead to the afterlife.
Glenn: But...I forgot why we were fighting in the first place.
J. Glenn: That's okay, I forgot too. It doesn't matter though, you would have won, you always win. Even in death you live.
Glenn: I...
We watch our world fall apart
Tell me what good is winning
When you lose your heart
Wayne: Hm. Sappy.
Brother my brother
Tell me what are fighting for
Isn't life worth so much more
We should love one another
Oh, can't we just pretend
This war never began
Tell me why
Brother my brother
~The rest of the Judges, now awakening from their unconscious states after being flung across the room, all witness J. Glenn, and feel tremendously sad for him.~
Yes
We can try
Brother my brother
Yes
Chad: Is there no way to save him?
J. Glenn: The rule of the gavel of Levag is that once someone has it, they are cursed forever, unless they can pass it on to someone else. It will never simply go away. I don't want to give someone else this fate.
Wayne: But then why take it in the first place?
J. Glenn: I realized that I had to save the judges, as well as my brother and his head, though no harm could come to him.
Let's take a moment and look deep inside
And say we'll learn to give love a try
When matters differ as we seem to be
There's so much more to me than what you see
Wayne: So we can kill him then!?
Chad: Look a bit less happy about it, Wayne.
Glenn: I suppose this is the way it has to be.
Wayne: Hm...
Chad: Are you going to do it, Wayne?
Wayne: Judge head, do you think the power of frien...er, brotherhood can stop this?
Glenn: *Teary eyed* It should be able to fix anything!
Wayne: Good, I like those tears. Let's use that!
Glenn: Um, what?
Wayne: Everybody cry in my direction! *Notices the awkward looks* Just do it!
~All of the judges in the room, Jed, and Chad, shed their tears over the imminent destruction of the monster Judge Glenn. Wayne laughs happily and manically out loud and becomes teary eyed himself. He positions himself in front of Judge J. Glenn's body.~
Wayne: All I gotta do is make him feel the friendsh- I mean brotherhood in this room, and he'll be free! Now I just gotta figure out how to make it an attack...
Glenn: Wait, what? Don't make this harder for my brother than it is!
J. Glenn: It's okay, even in as much pain as I am, I am at peace!
Wayne: The sheer sadness and love in the room is overwhelming! *Eyes start to glow* Yes! YES! I CAN FEEL IT!
Glenn: What...what is he doing!?
We Don't have to be this way,
think about the consequences,
don't turn and walk away.
Wayne: TEAR BEAM ATTACK!
~A torrent of water explodes from Wayne's eyes, shooting straight towards J. Glenn's body and connecting with his chest. All of the Judges (plus Jed and Chad) stare wide eyed at this, and then look shocked once the torrent emerges out the other side of J. Glenn's body.~
Glenn: You killed him Wayne! You killed my brother!
Brother my brother...
Wayne: Look again.
~Everyone looks back at the body of J. Glenn, and are amazed to see him getting back up, and not as his monster form but as his normal one. The gavel of Levag drops to the floor of the courtroom, and turns to stone.~
Chad: Simply astounding! How...how did you do that Wayne?
Wayne: *Shrugs* Just seemed like the right thing to do.
Jed: Anyone have anything else to say? No? Alright! Well then, I hereby declare the winner of this Loophole skirmish...Wayne Shoeleft (and friends)!
~Everyone celebrates this victory over the cursed gavel by finishing the Judge Picnic of 2007, and then immediately celebrating the 2008 picnic, as well. But in the excitement of everything, they forget to ask how this all started, or for that matter, where the gavel was now.~
Reginald: *Scoops up the stone gavel* So even with all of the Judges against him, Shoeleft prevails. What a useless hunk of junk, I suppose I'll just send it back to my father...at the white house!
End.