Gamehiker Member OG 10 Page 2

From OG Wiki
Revision as of 17:48, 17 April 2009 by Masamune (talk | contribs) (New page: {{Gamehiker Member OG 10 Pages}} {{TOCright}} =Luiigii of the Pipes= Dargo-X: All right, fine. We'll just see how Masamune likes it when I take his little Swordefeller for a joyride. An...)
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 10 Archive
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - Epilogue

Luiigii of the Pipes

Dargo-X: All right, fine. We'll just see how Masamune likes it when I take his little Swordefeller for a joyride. And crash it. Because that's what I do.

~Dargo-X hijacks the Swordefeller's controls and takes to the air, but no sooner does he than another ship rams into him from the side.~

Murasame: Pull over!

~Dargo-X looks out a viewport and sees the Omnipotence pull up next to him, a giant speaker phone transmitting Murasame's voice. He tries flying upward, but the Omnipotence follows.~

Murasame: Dammit Masa, I said pull over!

Dargo-X: Masa...? ~flips on a radio~ Er, why?

Murasame: McDonalds only has one parking space for flying ships, you idiot, and you've been using it for hours!

Dargo-X: Why not just go to another McDonalds?

Murasame: You know this is the only one that will still take me after I got into that fist fight with Mayor McCheese!

Dargo-X: Then why not just blow up the ship while it was still on the ground?

Murasame: Stop trying to outsmart me! You know that pisses me off!

Dargo-X: Well, hate to break it to you buddy, but I don't. I'm not Masamune. It's-a me, Dargo-X! And I don't pull over for nobody!

~The Swordefeller screeches to a stop, as in that time the Omnipotence has fired a tether between the two ships and it has better brakes. Trust the Midas Touch!~

Dargo-X: Stupid double negatives...

***

~With the B-Team~

Masamune: What? Where do you get off calling US the B-Team!

~The Gamehikers are carried to a room deep within the mini-mart and held at several kinds of points, including knife point, gun point, laser point, toothbrush point, and feather duster point. The Codtroopers start collecting their weapons.~

Vorpal: No, not my sword! I can't take being called Hamilton anymore!

Arab Dude: Then don't, you menuock!

~Arab Dude enters in full villainous regalia, i.e. a spiked cape, spiked boots, spiked turban, spiked shoulder pads, and a spiked belt, upon which a jagged (whoo new adjectives) scimitar and a spiked (aww) whip are attached. He grabs away the Vorpal sword.~

Vorpal: Noooo! ...wait, it's still there! My name's still there! Yes!

Arab Dude: ~shoves a halibut into Vorpal's mouth~ Why in Allah's name have you not bound and gagged them yet!?

Lt. Codtrooper: The hobo's slowing us down, sir.

~Cut to Luiigii, who passes multiple lightsabers to the troopers, pulling them out of his pockets, shoes, hat, beard, ears, and so forth. He opens his robe and dozens clatter to the floor.~

Jed: Why do you even keep that many if they're all useless?

Luiigii: I get bored too.

GORE: Guys, would it be okay if I made a fist-to-face joke here? I know I use them a lot and I just wanted some support in the matter.

~The Gamehikers nod and mumble agreement. GORE punches Luiigii in the face.~

GORE: Ha, that wasn't even a joke! Psyche!

Luiigii: Why did I give up villainy again?

***

~Meanwhile, Dargo-X has tightrope-walked across the tether over to the Omnipotence. Murasame and his reptilian crew await him on the deck.~

Murasame: Sending a worthless robot sidekick over here, eh? Where's Masa?

Dargo-X: I dunno, I stole his ship. But I'm totally gonna find him and beat him up.

Murasame: But...that's my job.

Dargo-X: Yeah? Well not anymore! X is on the job, man. Waaaay on the job.

Murasame: Ugh, fine. You're just annoying enough to kill. ~throws Dargo-X a laser sword~ A leftover from my old apprentice.

Dargo-X: Beam swords? No way, that's totally the Z-man's thing.

Murasame: Just use it.

Dargo-X: No, I'm good.

Murasame: I'm a sword-man. I need to have a sword duel.

Dargo-X: Pass.

Murasame: ~points his sword at Dargo-X~ Oh just kill him already!

~The crew rushes forward. Dargo-X picks a number of them off with his buster before they've even reached him, then flies into the air with his wings and takes out a few more. After leading them around a bit more, he's whittled the group down to Krunk and Snipes, whose axe and sword push him to the edge of his resources.~

Dargo-X: Oh fine. ~draws the laser sword and disarms both lizards after a quick and flashy duel~

~At that point Murasame leaps to the offensive.~

Murasame: I knew expending all of my henchmen would be enough to get you to use that thing!

Dargo-X: Okaaaay... ~blocks poorly and gets nicked in the arm~ I'm still new at this! Is there an easy setting?

Murasame: Weep for your end is nigh!

Dargo-X: Better idea.

~Dargo-X jumps back and activates his Scone Missiles. He fires one at Murasame's sword, which snags on the point, slides down the blade and gets stuck on the handle.~

Murasame: A snack for later and nothing more! ~charges~

~Dargo-X blocks again, and does slightly better this time due to the added weight on the Murasame. He fires a few more scones onto it, until he's actually starting to hold his own.~

Murasame: Knock it off! I'm going to cut your freaking head off! And then I'm going to put it back on and cut it off again! And I'll probably do the same for your other limbs, too, don't forget it!

Dargo-X: Did you notice how you start talking more when you're annoyed?

Murasame: What are you--!

~Dargo-X fires a Scone Missile into Murasame's open mouth. Immediately he is awash with nostalgia of his beloved Scotland and can do nothing more than stand there with a contented smile on his face. Though his mind quivers with fury and tries to break itself of the spell, his heart has overwhelmed it. He sits down and starts plucking the scones off his blade so as to further chase that feeling.~

Dargo-X: Yeah, be at peace whoever you are. You were a good warm-up for Masamune, I guess. And since I've stolen Dargo's identity as a Private Investigator and his ability to do this...

~Dargo-X points; Chief Sigmund and his crew spontaneously show up on the ship. They cuff Murasame and his crew and start throwing them overboard into a police van below.~

Murasame: Wait, what the-- What are you even arresting us for!?

Chief Sigmund: If you can't do the time, don't do the crime!

Murasame: What the hell does that-- ~thrown overboard~

Dargo-X: Yes, a decisive victory! ~jumps into a rolling mop bucket and crashes it through the railing of the Omnipotence, then grinds across the tether with it all the way back to the Swordefeller~ Now where was I?

Masamune

~Later at the police station, Murasame and his crew are forced to give up their possession, put in their thumbprints (which only Murasame manages), and be photographed for records. Eventually Murasame is forced to wait inside of a sealed room to be interrogated. Eventually a woman walks in, but not just any woman, it's a JAPANESE woman. Oh yeah, and she's Murasame's ex-wife~

Murasame: Hey Kami. Here to post bail?

Kami: That's OFFICER Kaminaru to you, Mura. And no, I'm not here to bail you out. *stands across the table from Murasame and leans down on the table to look him in the eye* If you let me know where he is, you'll get a lighter sentence.

Murasame: Please, the most they can do me for is 20 years. Cake. Besides, where is who?

Kami: Don't play games with me! YOUR SON!

Murasame: My son? *pauses for a moment and thinks* ... which one?

Kami: The one we had together!

Murasame: OHHH! That son. I remember him.

Flashback:

~Murasame sits in a waiting room. Suddenly the doctor runs out~
Doctor: It's a girl!

Murasame: Wait, that can't be right.

Flashback:

~Murasame is in the middle of a huge snow flurry with his viking wife. A local goat herder holds up a tiny baby~
Goatherder: It's a girl!

Murasame: Dammit, that's not it either.

Flashback:

~Murasame is on the battlefield of the Civil War as guns fire overhead. His darling fiancee, the heiress of a major plantation, is in the middle of childbirth. A slave holds up a baby triumphantly~
Slave: It's a girl!

Murasame: No... no... not quite it.

Flashback:

~Murasame is on the deck of a Earth Defense Force frigate fending off Ushutarians while his Nekotian girlfriend starts giving birth while also fighting Ushutarians. A robot starts to pick up babies~
Robot: It's a girl! They're all girls!

Murasame: Wait! That hasn't even happened yet! And... eww... were those cat ears!?

Kami: *slaps him*

Flashback:

~Murasame is in the hospital room with a younger Kami. Finally she gives birth and the doctor approaches him and hands him a small child~
Doctor: It's a boy!
Murasame: Shrack yeah! FINALLY!

Murasame: Oh! THAT son!

Kami: Yes. That son. The only son you ever had.

Murasame: Yeah. I haven't seen him. I thought you still had him.

Kami: Uh huh. I see how it is. Well in that case, I'll just let my new boyfriend do the talking.

~Kami leaves and Murasame shrugs nad just grabs one of the donuts from the middle of the table. Suddenly a figure dressed all in black appears from behind him and slams Murasame's head into the desk. It's not just any figure though, it's Amish Farmer Jon~

Murasame: *gets up groggily* Never start with the head... victim gets fuzzy. Then I can't feel the next-

~Farmer Jon slams a hammer on Murasame's hand, who is unfazed~

Murasame: See?

Farmer Jon: You've done a bad thing, Jeremiah. *pulls out a can of tobacco and starts to chew on it*

Murasame: My name isn't Jeremiah. Aren't you a bit old for Kami? ... okay, nevermind, I just realized the irony of that statement.

Jon: *garbled* Where's Kanen?

Murasame: ... I'm sorry? Didn't catch that.

Jon: WHERE'S KANEN!

Murasame: Yeah, still didn't get that. You might want to spit out the tobacco.

Jon: *yells unintelligibly*

Murasame: You mind saying that one more time?

Jon: *repeats*

Murasame: Umm... okay... I dunno if it's just me, but I can't understand what you're saying. I just hear guttural sounds.

Jon: *punches him* *growls some more*

Murasame: Okay... not going to help, the hitting.

Jon: *growls even more*

Murasame: Are you speaking Amish? Is that what Amish sounds like? I think that tobacco is giving you throat cancer?

Jon: *punches him again*

Murasame: *crosses arms and says nothing*

~Farmer Jon suddenly grabs a chair and uses it to jam the door in place. After beating up and mangling Murasame for about an hour, he finally gives up and is completely exhausted. He removes the chair and walks out. Kami walks in looking distressed.~

Kami: Oh Murasame... what have I done?

Murasame: ... heh... I'm... is that a spaceship up there?

Kami: I'm sorry, let me get you patched up. I can't believe I let-

Sigmund: Officer Kami, that'll do. Someone just posted bail for him.

Murasame/Kami: Say what?

~the mysterious Miss Z walks in~

Ms. Z: *smiles* Come along Murasame. I'll take care of you.

Murasame: *suddenly jumps up, seemingly indifferent to the pain* Sure thing, lady. I am out of here.

~as Murasame and Miss Z depart, Sigmund lights up a cigarette and glances over at a very angry looking Kami~

Sigmund: That table your boyfriend broke is coming out of your paycheck.

Kami: What!? You can't--

Jon: *sets a hand on Kami's shoulder* That will do, Martha.

Kami: My name isn't Martha!

RetroJape

Narrator: And so, Murasame went free with the ever-mysterious Miss Z. As they depart from the police station, thousands and thousands of millimeters below the surface, group B find themselves in the hands of an annoyingly Arabic enemy.

Masamune: We're not group B, dammit! *Is huddled around the other Gamehikers as the Codtroopers close in around them.*

Arab Dude: You meddlesome fools got this coming to you!

Vorpal: We got being able to drink the best soda in the world coming to us?

Arab: No. Ugh.

Retro: He means we got being able to duel with hilariously quirky monstrosities coming to us.

Arab Dude: No. NO!

KoD: We were fondled for weapons-

Arab Dude: NO! I mean the death that's quick to follow my awesome evil speech. BAH, just forget it, kill them.

*The Codtroopers are about to attack, but then-*

Arab Dude: ...Wait!

Everyone: What?

Arab Dude: Any last requests?

Luigi: You're really going for this villain thing aren't you.

Vorpal: No way, we'll find a way to break you and your troopers just like I somehow managed to break that priceless replica of-

Arab Dude: What? You broke that?!

Retro: What, the Shrack of Neely?

Arab Dude: Oh, no, the replica of it.

Masa: Who cares, it wasn't the real one.

Arab Dude: No it wasn't, but the real one lies dangerously close..

KoD: *Suddenly looks at his feet and notices something* Oh, huh, I was wondering why this huge mound of dirt looked suspicious. *Hops off and digs it out, and it turns out to be..gasp! The Shrack of Neely! The real one!*

Masamune: Lies, it doesn't exist! *Kicks it, it falls on his foot and he grabs it in pain* More lies! I won't believe it!

Rhykette: You hardly buried the thing.

Arab Dude: I tried. Got bored.

GORE: This is amazing, now that we have this in our possession, we'll turn this whole thing around. It'll be one hundred and eighty degrees of sweet revenge. *Grabs the Shrack and examines it closely* There are runes on this thing, they're instructions I think.

Retro: *Examines* There's hieroglyphics, Aztec symbols, directions in Spanish.. ah! Here it is, in English, the directions read "Tell me to do something, and it will be done at my next possible convenience"

Arab Dude: You know, I probably should have read that..and..I'm not sure why I put it down there either. Anyway, Codtroopers! Seize them, er..that is, seize their lives! Mwahahaha!

GORE-ILLA

GORE: (punches Retro and swipes the Shrack of Neely) Crude, but let's see if this works.

*GORE rubs the Shrack of Neely which causes of flock of fists to rain down on Luiigii. When the dust settles, Luiigii is seen whimpering and bruised at the bottom of a newly-formed crater.*

GORE: Sold!

Retro: (pats GORE on the shoulder) Nice, bud, real nice (staples GORE's shoulder and swipes the Shrack back while GORE screams in agony)

Masamune: Let me do something! (leaps atop the Shrack, which grows into a giant teapot which blasts fireballs that obliterate hordes of the underlings) Now we're talking!

Arab Dude: What the hell. All I do is hate and un-nurture you, and this is the repayment I get?

Masamune: You're just a leftover from an old series. Time to put an end to you!

KoD: Nay!

*KoD uses a portal to swipe the Shrack, enraging Mune.*

KoD: We can get rid of him in a more humane way. (rubs the Shrack and Arab Dude vanishes) There, to prison with him!

Masamune: PORTALS?!

Kirby of Death: I'm morally against death in every way. It's only fair. (swings scythe away)

Masamune: That's a good idea. Hand it to me, we can pass it around and use it to send some odd amount of those villains who keep bugging us off to prison. Then we won't have to worry about them bothering us again!

*The Shrack, taking on the form of a pipe, is given to Mune, who puffs on it. It releases bubbles as he thinks of specific villains to send off.*

Masamune: Better send the latest Kaiser Bear there too before they decide to get revenge on us again to...

Luiigii: Guys, I think I might be crippled.

GORE: Insert optimistic statement about this plan being successful which will be proven ironic after reading the following scene!

***

*Ditto's national prison. In one wing of the prison various prisoners are, imprisoned. This song begins playing.*

Arab Dude: We dream of ways to break these iron bars...

Caykface II: We dream of black nights without moon or stars...

*A scuffle is heard from outside, followed by an explosion as Murasame bursts in accompanied by several people in Luigi_64 masks.*

Kaiser Bear VIII: (flexing muscles, with one tally mark carved into fur for every post in GMOG9 and 10 he had not appeared in) We dream of tunnels and of sleeping guards!

Caykface II: We dream of black-outs in the prison yard!

*Murasame shoves his sword into a control panel, shutting down the prison's power. Everyone begins breaking against their bars.*

Loogi: Heartbroken we found-

EVIL Scientist Dude: A gleam of hope!

Dixie Kenya: Harken to the sound!

Lobsterio: A whistle blows!

Wariofan 13: Heaven sent reply...

Sarugerm: However small!

Farmer Jon: Evidence of life...

Wario Jr.: Beyond these walls!

EVIL Scientist Dude: Born and bred..

Caykface II: In this machine!

SteveT: Wardens dread!

Arab Dude: To see us dream!

MPOM: We hold tight...

Thrakun: To legends of...

Murasame: Real life- the way it was before!

*Chief Sigmund, accompanied by several guards, hold up their weapons against Murasame and company. However, Sigmund then motions to the other soldiers, and they all drop their weapons while the Luigi_64 masks begin distributing keys.*

Caykface II: We dream of jailers throwing down their arms!

Kaiser Bear VIII: (tears off the bars to his cage) We dream of open cages and no alarms!

*Everyone gathers in the hallway.*

Thrakun: What be the meaning of this? Sure the song was catchy but I liked managing all you guys!

Murasame: We have something bigger in mind for you.

Lobsterio: Even for me? A... (turns claw into cheesecake clumbs) freak?!

Chief Sigmund: Indeed we do.

Wario Jr.: Huh? But you're the guy who arrested us all! Even I, the token SOAP villain!

Chief Sigmund: So it may seem. But our boss has something bigger planned for all of us. Especially for our new administration that put you in this prison...

*Chief Sigmund shifts form to reveal Dark Ditto.*

Dark Ditto: So let's get out of here and see how well this works out. Just look at us... a Sweet Sixteen...

*Everyone rushes through the halls of the prison as the song continues. Wariofan 13 and Wario Jr. rides a Spongebob bed that fires laser beams throughout the halls modelled by Wariofan 13, while racing against MPOM in jet mode.*

*Kaiser Bar VIII mauls massive amount of guards and Caykface II incinerates some with his acidic touch while Dark Ditto shifts intp Sigmund to take out further guards. Sarugerm passes from host to host, while Arab Dude mostly sheepishly follows in everyone's footsteps.*

*EVIL Scientist Dude and Dixie Kenya return from the confiscated weapons are armed to the teeth and blast through walls and guards. Farmer Jon begins swallowing guards whole, while Murasame and the gangsters take care of enemies the old fashioned way as Thrakun critiques them.*

*SteveT, with Straw Man and Lynel clinging to him, leaps out the reconstructed wall he tore through before, while Lobsterio slips through several cracks in the wall after turning completely into cheesecake crumbs.*

*All sixteen meet up again in the courtyard and march condfidantly onwards.*

Dark Ditto: Look to the day!

Murasame: The earth will shake!

Loogi: These weathered walls-

SteveT: -will fall away!

Wario Jr: Look to the day!

Wariofan 13: The earth will shake!

MPOM: These weathered walls-

Dixie Kenya: -will fall away!

EVIL Scientist Dude: Look to the day!

Farmer Jon: The earth will shake!

Thrakun: These weathered walls-

SteveT: -will fall away!

Kaiser Bear VIII: Look to the day!

Sarugerm: The earth will shake!

Caykface II: These weathered walls-

Arab Dude: -will fall away!

*Behind them, the entire prison explodes.*

Straw Man: I hope that someone gets my.... I hope that someone gets my... message in a bottle!

Luiigii of the Pipes

~Back with the Gamehikers, they're having a group huddle to make vague plans regarding their equally vague new plot device.~

Masamune: None of you have gotten me a bag of Doritos yet.

Jed: They're behind you. o.o

Masamune: Now, either we can keep tossing this baby back and forth between ourselves until the authors have forgotten who has it or it is inevitably stolen by someone else, or we can just entrust it to one person now and be done with it. Jed, where are the Doritos?

Jed: ...Behind you. >.>

Masamune: And since I'm the leader here, it's only fair that I hold onto--

Vorpal: Wait since when? I've got seniority over all of you! And besides, I'm awesome at manipulating plot devices. Remember the Limitless Drive?

This OG should be like one of those flashback episodes on sitcoms:

Vorpal [with an afro]: I don't think we're in Kansas. Or the Good Timeline.
Scruffy: ... you! *leaps on top of Vorpal and starts choking him*
Sapphire: Calm down- hey! I SAID CALM DOWN.
~The Gamehikers- I mean Gobstoppers stand up and look down dejectedly~
Masamune: So just where are we?
Donkeyman: *takes a long draft on his cigar* Neutral Timeline. Way to go, Lollipop.
Vorpal: *glares*

Vorpal: See? Totally awesome!

GORE: I want it! I will totally not abuse it in any conceivable manner!

Luiigii: I vote for anyone but GORE getting it.

~Masamune points the Shrack of Neely at GORE, which fires a beam that causes his fist to snap into Luiigii's face.~

Luiigii: Never mind.

Jed: Really, guys, I think--

~Everyone stares at Jed.~

Jed: Err...I think Retro should get it. He's almost out of office supplies. Because he doesn't work at Office Max anymore.

Retro: Oh, you had to go and remind me.

~Ba Dum Sha~

Masamune: Where are my Doritos, Jed?

Jed: BEHIND YOU!

Masamune: Where?

Jed: I think you're just trying to make me use facial expressions now... v.v

Retro: But I guess I can take it, yeah. I'm sure I couldn't overly abuse its powers in any way.

Rhykette: You'd be surprised.

~Masamune tosses the Shrack of Neely to Retro, which transforms into a sword.~

Retro: Oh, awesome. All right, let's get this OG ball rolling. ~holds up the sword romantically~ Shrack of Neely, force the authors to reveal unto us the next progression in the plot!

~Retro's hair transforms into a bundle of six snakes. They wave and wiggle about for a bit while everyone freaks out and runs in circles, then each coughs up a piece of paper and turns back into hair. A seventh one, having replaced Retro's chin hair, reaches up and bites his nose before spitting a paper out and disappearing as well. GORE picks up one of the papers and reads while Retro rocks himself in a corner.~

Masamune: Yeah, did we mention that our authors are bastards?

GORE: Hey guys, check it out. These are all invitations...

***

~Later, the Gamehikers have all arrived at a swanky ball being held by Magikoopa at the Really Tall Mall. They are lavishly dressed in tuxedos (even Jed, who wears it over his hood) and a sparkling dress for Rhykette. ~

Jed: So...what happened to stalking the Lady in Black?

Masamune: Shut up Jed no one pays you to think! We totally need these few hours of relaxation after such a long and grueling search for answers!

Retro: Seriously, it's been like two hours since we left Office Max.

~Magikoopa, also tuxedo'd, is dancing with Rhykette and for some reason does not find it at all disturbing.~

Rhykette: Who's this party for anyway?

Magikoopa: Why I'm glad you asked, girl who only slightly resembles that annoying kid I hate. He should be arriving any second now.

~A door opens and a spotlight swings over to it. Out charge several Luigi_64 goons who immediately start taking guests at gunpoint. Lynel, also wearing a Luigi_64 mask, stalks in and lets out a roar. He prowls through the room, sniffing his way over to Magikoopa. He grabs Rhykette and throws her back to Straw Man (wearing a mask, but backwards).~

Straw Man: ~looking into a mirror~ Well hello beautiful.

Lynel: ~picks up Magikoopa~ Where is Ditto McCloaker!?

Magikoopa: We won't be intimidated by thugs!

Straw Man: But we are tonight's entertainment!

Lynel: ~looks back~ What? No. That line barely applied.

Straw Man: You will all be part of a little experiment!

Lynel: You know what, forget it. Getting benched off the sixteen sucks.

Straw Man: You mean the Swell Seven.

~Lynel turns back to see that Magikoopa has teleported away. Magikoopa reappears with a large supply of guns, which he tosses out to Bomberman and his TRO thugs. A shootout ensues while the guests all throw themselves out the windows. In the confusion, Rhykette tries serving Straw Man a flaming cocktail. He chugs it down and promptly ignores the fact that his head is on fire, instead dragging her towards a window.~

Straw Man: Wanna see a magic trick?

GORE: YOU ARE RUINING THIS FOR ME!

TheKirbyOfDeath

Masa: Whew, that was close... good job, Retro.

Retro: Thanks.

The OGers sans Rhykette are hanging from the side of the building by Retro who had planted his Shrack of Neely Sword into the building. Jed is holding onto Luiigii, who is hanging onto GORE, who is hanging onto Vorpal, who is hanging onto Masa, who is hanging onto Retro.

Masa: *looks down* How's everyone?

Vorpal: Fine.

GORE: Luiigii's touching me, but other than that, fine.

Luiigii: Not fine.

Jed: Fine.

Masa: You get shot or something?

Luiigii: Nope, scythe in the back of my leg.

Jed: Sorry, I panicked... I mean, I was falling >.> ...Who's idea was it to jump out the windows anyway? I was following Luiigii.

Luiigii: I was following GORE.

GORE: I was following Vorpal.

Vorpal: I was following Masa.

Masa: Retro seemed to know where he was going.

Retro: ...People were shooting, I dunno.

GORE: This post sucks.

Jed: I know v.v

Rhykette: Uh, guys? Any plans on helping me?! *is dangling outside the window while being held by Straw Man*

Masa: We're in the same predicament as you!

Rhykette: Retro won't let go of you!

Masa: ...Hm. We're almost in the same predicament as you! ...Look, Jed just use your portals.

Jed: I'm not your personal portal dispenser!

Masa: Just do it.

Jed: K.

Jed cuts a portal beneath him and drops inside. He comes back out another portal that's right next to Rhykette. He grabs a hold of her and then takes out his blaster and shoots Straw Man in the face. Jed pulls her through the portal and they shoot back up to Luiigii. Rhykette grabs a hold of Luiigii's wounded leg and Jed grabs a hold of Rhykette's Mega Man-like boot.

Jed: Perfectly executed.

Rhykette: All you did was put me in the same predicament as you guys.

Jed: Yeah, but now you're safely with us. ...Also, I should probably stop using the word predicament.

Luiigii: Ohhhhh wow, you couldn't grab the other leg?

Rhykette: I was essentially free-falling, leave me alone.

Masa: Okay, look, I think we can all agree that Jed dropped the ball here. *everyone nods in agreement*

Jed: No respect v.v

Luiigii: Look, Jed, just create another portal and get us all outta here, my grip's slipping since I'm kinda losing a lot of blood...

Retro: I could just use the Shrack of Neely to-

Jed: DON'T TAKE THIS FROM ME, RETRO! Okay. *cuts another portal under them and they all drop into it after Retro frees the sword from the building. Unfortunately, the force of Retro pushing away from the building caused not everyone to drop straight down and Vorpal, Masa and Retro were soon hanging from the opening of the portal upside down*

Vorpal: How is this possible?!

*Elsewhere*

Penny: Once was enough! I can't believe you used my cleavage as a portal AGAIN!

Jed: Look, I'm sorry, it was the first thing to come to mind. Now, I'd appreciate your cooperation; your boss is probably dangling by his foot right now high over a city street.

Penny: ...Fine.

While they were talking, the OGers that were with Penny were all standing on Penny's desk holding onto Vorpal's boots trying to pull him out of Penny's cleavage as she sat in her chair*

Penny: *puts her hand over her face, blushing slightly* This is just embarrassing...

Luiigii: We almost got him... trust me, I want this over as much as you do; my leg is probably almost dead.

Penny: *looks up and sees Luiigii bleeding all over her desk* Oh... my...

Jed: I'm sorry, gawd!

The next moment, they pulled Vorpal, then Masa, then Retro through the portal all at once, which caused them to fall into a heap on the floor in a comical fashion. Everyone gets up and dusts themselves off.

GORE: It sucks we had to leave that party.

Luiigii: Meh, I got what I wanted out of it. Now then *faints*

Masa: Retro, heal Luiigii's leg. We'll probably need him for... something.

Retro: Right. *walks over to Luiigii and is about to wave the Shrack of Neely sword over his wound*

GORE: *grabs the sword from Retro* Lemme do it. *stabs the sword into the wound*

At that moment, Luiigii flails about and wails in pain in slow motion, but it's completely silent like most scenes when someone is screaming their head off in slow motion.

Luiigii: *pulls the sword out and quickly gets up with ease* Thanks, GORE.

GORE: *socks Luiigii in the face* Don't mention it.

Masa: Alright, now that we're out of harm's way, we need to move the plot some more. However, since Jed took us out of the party, we have nowhere to go.

Jed: We were HANGING from the side of a BUILDING. I took you away from NOTHING!

Masa: Your all caps emphasis doesn't take away from the fact that you've killed the plot. Way to go, Jed.

Rhykette: We could... go look for the Swordfeller.

Masa: Yeah, alright, let's do that.

Masamune

~a little later, the heroes are all piled into Penny's minivan. Rhykette sits in the front passenger seat, while Vorpal and Retro have the seats directly behind them. Jed sits in a booster seat while Luiigii and GORE sit on either side of him, fighting with one another. Masamune is in top of the minivan pretending like he's surfing~

KoD: I hate you guys so much. v.v

Vorpal: *turns around* Some of us have girlfriends.

Luiigii: Or wives.

GORE: Or robotic sisters we reprogrammed to love us unconditionally.

Vorpal: Right. And we can't just be popping out of other women's cleavage.

Retro: *cough* Even if they are nice... ma'am.

Penny: ... just stop talking.

KoD: I'm a young puff! I can't help it!

Luiigii: You're not even human!

GORE: Neither am I! *punches Luiigii and hits Jed instead* Oh.

Rhykette: *pulls out walkie talkie* Tunnel.

~up above, Masamune does an epic lean back as they pass through a low clearance tunnel. Afterwards he pops back up and continues surfing~

KoD: At least once we're on the Swordefeller, I can go back to being lookout. >.>

Vorpal: I dunno why we don't just take the Sky Palace. I'm almost positive it survived GMOG9. Though for some reason I'm still hazy on how we all got home.

Rhykette: A flying castle isn't very discrete.

Vorpal: And a Victorian-era flying sail ship is?

Luiigii: Well I do have a limo.

~everyone turns towards him~

Luiigii: Not really.

~everyone turns away~

Luiigii: (Or do I...?)

Flashback:

Luiigii: I won the lottery!

~two other minivans pull up either side. On top of them, Murasame rides on one and SteveT on the other~

Masamune: Uh... hey guys. Wassup?

~a fight breaks out on the three minivans with Steve and Murasame against Masamune. The occupants of the minivans remain oblivious~

--Minivan 1--

~Arab Dude drives the minivan with Lobsterio in the passenger seat. Wario Jr. and WarioFan13 sit in the middle seats with Loogi and Kaiser Bear in the back, Sarugerm in the middle in a booster seat~

Sarugerm: I'm microscopic. How does a booster seat even help!?

Loogi: It keeps you from infecting me! Eww!

Kaiser Bear VIII: Stillschweigen, frauleine! *swipes at Loogie with claw*

Loogi: Augh! My everything!

Wario Jr.: Since when did you guys speak German?

KB8: Uh. "Kaiser" Bear?

Lobsterio: He's got a point. You guys never did it before.

WarioFan13: According to my research, his ancestor, Kaiser Bear N, spoke German. He was also a mormon.

KB8: *puts a paw over his heart* Heil mein König von nichts!

Arab Dude: We're getting character development!

--Minivan 2--

~in the other minivan, Dixie Kenya drives with MPOM in the passenger seat. Caykface II and Dark Ditto sit in the middle seats constantly shifting forms. In the back, ESD and Farmer Jon sit on either side of Thrakun, who is also in a booster seat~

Thrakun: Ae'll not be made nae running gag of! *throws the booster seat down the tilde-makers throat*

(Score!)

Dixie: Don't make me pull over! Because I Will!

Farmer Jon: I can't abide this chariot of evil. Where are the horses?

ESD: Jon. It's a car. It's powered by crude mechanical processes. You can barely even call it technology.

Farmer Jon: You'll not talk down to me, brother! *puritan smacks ESD*

(WHOOOOOA! Role reversal!)

Dark Ditto: Natalie Portman. *Shifts form*

Caykface II: Keira Knightly. *shifts*

Dark Ditto: Scarlett Johansen. *shifts*

Caykface II: ... dammit! You win again!

Dark Ditto: Best 3 out of 5?

MPOM: Do you think GORE would love me more if I looked like one of those movie stars?

Dark Ditto/Caykface: Uh... *they both shift back to normal and stare out the windows*

Dixie: Tunnel.

(on top of the three minivans, Murasame and Masamune both duck. Steve fails to do so and when they're through the tunnel, there's a comical SteveT-shaped whole throughout the entire tunnel, which proceeds to collapse on everyone inside)

Masamune: So how's life? *swings at Murasame*

Murasame: Oh, you know. Just joined up with a new supervillain team. I ran into the ex. That was a bit complicated. *dodges and swings again*

SteveT: Oosh, that must've been a pain.

Murasame: She has a new boyfriend.

Masamune: Oh, I feel for you. *deflects the attack and barrages into Steve* Decent guy?

Murasame: Seems like it. He beat me into a bloody pulp!

SteveT: A good hobby that. I love beating people into bloody pulps.

Masamune: Good times, good times.

Murasame: Oh by that way, have you seen my son?

Masamune: Which son?

Murasame: My ONLY son.

Masamune: Oh! Yeah I-

Steve: This is our exit.

(Murasame and Steve jump on to their respective minivans as they go into an exit leading into Las Vegas. Masamune watches with a vaguely hapy grin as he sees them off, then realized something)

Masamune: *pulls out walkie talkie* Hey! That was our exit!

(Much later, they arrive at the McDonalds before. In any case... what do you guys think? Am I doing a good job here? I'm no tilde, but I am trying. JUst give me a chance, okay? At least you don't have to reformat me on the wiki like those asterisks)

*Screw You*

(Anyways...)

~I'm back! Anyways, they finally stop in the McDonalds parking lot~

Vorpal: Hey, nice job redecorating the Swordefeller.

Masamune: *beams* Thanks! I thought the strobe lights was a bit much but-- *suddenly looks up* That's not the Swordefeller! It's...

~long pause~

Masamune: Well, is anyone going to finish that statement?

Luiigii: How the hell are we supposed to know what ship that is?

Masamune: *sighs* It's the Omnipotence.

GORE: Who cares, we'll take it!

~just then two minivans drive by them, somehow arriving after the Gamehikers. Sixteen villains all hustle out and past the Gamehikers.~

Loogi: Hey! How did you guys get here before us?

Masamune: How DID we get here first?

Retro: *whips out an atlas - now on sale! - and looks at it* By all accounts it makes no sense.

Masamune: No matter! To the Omnipotence!

Dark Ditto: I don't think so! Get 'em boys!

~one epic fight scene later, the Gamehikers lie beaten and bruised (except Penny who already went home) while the Sweet Sixteen gloat~

Arab Dude: Hey, that's my Shrack of Neely! *yoinks*

Murasame: Alright boys! To the ship!

~all of the villains high tail it to the Omnipotence and it takes off. A minute laters, Police Cars surround the Gamehikers~

Sigmund: *pulls out cigarette* Just the thugs I was looking for.

Masamune: Actually you just missed them.

Sigmund: You're all under arrest.

Retro: On what charges!?

Kaminaru: For breaking out every prisoner in Ditto's National Prison.

Sigmund: Book 'em boys!

~one series of cutaway scenes showing the Gamehikers being thumbprinted, photographed, and put in orange jumpsuits later, the group is now all in prison~

Masamune: Well this sucks. Jed, portal us out.

KoD: I tried. All my portals lead out of the toilet now. *shudders*

Masamune: Wow. So now you're annoying AND useless.

KoD: v.v

~and finally, one last Meanwhile later, the Omnipotence arrives at the secret base that is secret~

Sub Boss: You've all arrived. Good.

Thrakun: This bettah be good! Ae'm missing mah soaps!

Sub Boss: Oh I'm sure you'll find it quite good. Miss Z... the documentary if you would.

~an old projector is brought out and flickers to life~

Storyteller: *appears behind a small boy* Hello Timmy!
Timmy: Jeepers mister! You almost gave me a heart attack!
Storyteller: Tell me young man, do you know about plot devices?
Timmy: Well golly sir, no!
Storyteller: Well, they're special devices that can alter the way the world works! There's six in all.
Timmy: But mister, my mom said there was no six!
Storyteller: Your mom is a whore.
Timmy: Wh... what!? *starts crying*

Miss Z: ... it goes on like that for awhile.

Sub Boss: You've already collected one of those plot devices... the legendary Shrack of Neely. There are five others. When combined, they have more power than even the Cheesecake of the Gods.

WarioFan13: Being a genius, naturally I know that the others are the Limitless Drive, PL-OTT, The Author's Chair, Quez, and the Holy Plot Device (Reverb).

Sub Boss: Right you are. The Luigi_64 masks are already going after the Author's Chair, which is rumored to be in possession of the President himself. The rest of you will split up into four groups of four people to find the four remaining plot devices.

Murasame: Sounds like pointless filler.

Wario Jr.: Hey! Not all of us are recurring characters! Count me in!

Sub Boss: Then Codspeed, all of you.

~after the villains depart in four bitesize groups...~

Miss Z: And once we have all six...

Sub Boss: Then we can bring back the REAL Messiah of Parties.

RetroJape

~The Sweet Sixteen break up into four groups of equally dastardly proportions, each having their own team leader. Four vehicles then depart from the secret base in different directions containing each group.~

-Group 1: Led by Murasame on board the Omnipotence-

Murasame: Alright jerks, we're goin' after the Limitless Drive. Hey, navigator!

Sarugerm: You fool, north is up! That's where it's colder, much colder. And there, it's easier to get sick..mwaha..ha..hee.

Murasame: So true, and a little creepy. Anyway, how goes the deckwork, Farmer Jon?

Jon: *Desperately holding on to the Boom of the ship while dangling over one side over open sky.*

Murasame: Oh. *Spins the wheel until Jon's brought back to the deck, where he drops down with a thud, gets up, and walks away mumbling to himself*

Thrakun: *Appears behind Murasame* Oy, are yae an' elf?

Murasame: Me? No, that's ridiculous. I'm Scottish.

Thrakun: Yae've piloted a ship before have ye?

Murasame: It's my ship.

Thrakun: Ae've got me eye on yae. *Slides out of view*

Murasame: *Notices Sarugerm appearing on his shoulder* So are we getting closer?

Sarugerm: *Hovers his amoeba-like limbs or whatever over a crystal ball* Yes..yes..ye- Wait, no. I have no clue, because the Limitless Drive is never in one spot..apparently it flies around, y'know, like a bird in the sky.

Murasame: Then we'll shoot it down, just like a bird.

~It was then, that a ginormous phoenix-like bird shoots upwards in front of the Omnipotence, giving a deafening screech. All of the crew members watch it climb into the sky and in front of the sun, then descend again under the ship. It wasn't a phoenix, but a giant mass of flames that flew like one, apparently. In the center of the body which gave off the flames, it's core was probably the legendary device they were searching for.~

Sarugerm: Well, speak of the devil.

Murasame: Okay, listen up. Germ-man, Jethro, Dwarf, we're gonna capture that thing!

Jon: That sounds like it'd be a mighty big challenge. *Scratches head*

Thrakun: Just get it close tae the ship and I'll give her a taste o' me axe!

Murasame: That's crazy. Do it! *Spins the wheel so the Omnipotence dives right to pursue the Limitless Drive, then eventually pull up beside it. Murasame grabs a mess of rope next to him that reaches far below deck. Each rope is tied to a cannon so he can fire on behalf of his now absent crew. Murasame pulls the rope tightly and a barrage of cannons go off, mostly missing the bird while the others simply clip off some of it's wings.*

Thrakun: *Swings madly with his axe but isn't even close to hitting the bird* This ain't doing no good, my arms aren't long enough! *Steps up onto the edge of the ship with a determined look in his eyes. Suddenly, Thrakun feels Farmer Jon's firm grip on his shoulder*

Jon: Leave the bird be, Martha.

Thrakun: Stay outta this, it's for the good of..the good of...just lemme at em'!

Jon: You can't make the jump.

Thrakun: *Defeated sigh* You'll have tae toss me. *Turns to Farmer Jon*

Jon: What?

Thrakun: Ae cannae make the jump myself, so you'll have to toss me!

Jon: ...

~Murasame flies the ship into the plot device. Suddenly, it reacts by turning the Omnipotence into a banana. Everyone plummets downward and crash lands for a good hundred yards before stopping. The banana peels open and from inside, thousands of Lou Gibsons scurry out yelling about being canon to this universe. The crew all pick themselves up, looking around bewildered. The next thing they know, the Omnipotence is restored completely and they are all sitting on the deck watching the plot device fly away~

Murasame: That was weird.

***

~Meanwhile, at the National prison, the Gamehikers are let out of their separate cells to go outside in the prison yard to play nice with the other inmates. All of the Gamehikers form their own small group in one corner of the yard in a huddle.~

GORE: We're in this together now, but I'm already thinkin' of ways to escape this place.

Luigi: I've gotten shanked like three time today, and it was before breakfast. This place is horrible. Why is GORE my cellmate?!

~Flashback to GORE and Luigi staring at their bunks. Luigi makes for the top one but is grabbed and thrown to the corner of the room, where the ceiling leaks. GORE rips the top bunk off and places it beside the bottom one to make a queen-sized bed, then sleeps on that.~

Jed: Yeah well, I doubt he mistook you for a pillow.

Vorpal: My cellmate is awfully quiet..

~Flashback to Vorpal sitting in bed with his arms behind his head. He looks down off of the top bunk to his cellmate, who is laying completely still and glaring at Vorpal intensely. Vorpal goes to sleep, wakes up the next morning and looks at him again, and he is still in the same position, glaring at him.~

Masa: So he may or may not murder you in your sleep. Pleasant. My experience here has been rather relaxing, actually. Nobody messes with a guy with an eyepatch.

~Flashback to Masa in the lunch line, an annoyed but reserved lunchworker stands in the same position, dropping ladels full of soup into each prisoner's bowl as they shuffle by. Masa instead asks for something more appealing, but is responded with a ladel-full of bland soup in his bowl, which splashes onto his jumpsuit. Enraged he takes a plastic fork and jams it into the lunchworker's forehead. The lunchworker yells out in pain and looks to Masa, who just points to the guy next to him.~

Masa: Yep. I'm the resident tough guy.

Retro: Security is pretty tight. I don't think escaping is gonna be easy, but after taking a look around, I think it CAN be done.

Voice from behind them: Wouldn't try 'dat if I was you. Escaping from this place? Don't make me laugh, it can't be done.

Retro: It's been done already. Twice in this OG alone.

Voice: *Grins* Well I says it's impossible. Wanna fight about it?

Retro: Wha?

~The voice turns out to belong to a very, very short man. Possibly a midget or dwarf. Either way, they're standing (safely) on the shoulders of some hulking man with more muscles than words in his vocabulary. And to either side of him are two other toadies, each with battle scars and rugged looks about them.~

Smallman: They call me Smallman. My parents also called me Smallman, so I'm assuming it was my birthname. Or my last name. You know, I'm not really sure what it is. The moral of the story is that I'm the toughest son of a bitch in this entire jail *mumbles*sinceeveryoneleftthatis..

Vorpal: What do you want?

Smallman: We don't take too kindly to zealous new inmates around here. I've been planning my own breakout for years, but they never work out. The last one would have if those other guys didn't mess it up for me! Anyway, long story short it, we gotta put people like you guys in your place now, so that you don't get too many funny ideas and mess up my own plans for breaking out of this awful place.

Luigi: Why didn't you guys just break out during the other riots?

Smallman: *Glares at Luigi and hops off of his bodyguard's shoulders* What'd you say to me, you smelly worm?

Luigi: *Repeats last statement*

Smallman: Uh huh...that's what I thought. Jimbo! Radcliff! Teddy Bear! Let's show these fresh new meats how we tenderize our pals.

~Smallman's goons laugh and crack their knuckles as they approach the Gamehikers, and soon a good old fashioned brawl breaks out. Luigi is about to punt the little guy, but GORE steps in, grabs him, brings him up to fist level and then sends him flying. Instead of fighting Smallman, Luigi is pushed slightly to the side where he's now in front of Smallman's biggest bodyguard. Luigi yells to GORE for assistance but a hand grabs his face and hurls him straight up into the air screaming.

Masa locks his fists together and smashes Radcliff in the back of the neck, sending him down. He and Retro both jump onto him to pin him down, while Jed scurries up to Radcliff's face and begins kicking it. Vorpal squares off against Jimbo in a fist fight by himself. Jimbo takes several heavy swings at Vorpal, which he narrowly avoids, then counters with a hard hook across Jimbo's face, dislocating his jaw and sending him to the ground.

Luigi then lands on GORE's head. Blinded, GORE starts swinging madly and somehow manages to KO the last thug with a single punch of the cybernetic arm. He then grabs Luigi upside down and brings him down to eye level, then glares at him. Luigi smiles sincerely but gets dropped to the ground. All of the Gamehikers huddle back together and pose in victory until the guards come by to finally break it up.~

Retro: *While walking back inside* Hm, a breakout can be done..just not yet..

***

~Meanwhile again! On board the S.S. Swordfeller, Dargo-X forgets something crucial.~

X: *Stares at an empty coat rack* I knew I forgot something in McDonalds.

~X descends the ship and heads back inside, because who in their right mind could go crash a ship of their sworn enemy without proper protection from the cold?!?! He didn't need it, but what I needed was an excuse to bring him back into McDonalds! Because there, sitting at the cash register being trained on her first day, was Fera?!?~

X: I'd like to order a coat. MY COAT. WHICH YOU HAVE.

Fera: Um, it's not even cold out. And you never had a coat if I remember correctly.

X: Touche. Well then, I should be off on my pirate ship.

Fera: Hey wait! You have a pirate ship?

X: You could say that.

Fera: And it...flies?

X: For now.

Fera: Can I come with you?

X: What? No. This is a personal mission, I'm only in it to destroy Masamune!!!.....'s ship. And then eventually him!

Fera: But I've always dreamed of a free life! A life that nurtures my need to live and grow in my travels so that I can discover myse- HEY, are you listening?!

*X is halfway out the door when Fera stops him*

Fera: Come on, please take me with you? *Tries to think of what to say. Anything* It's just so awesome, I'd love to be able to do what you do.

X: You...think what I do is awesome? Perhaps I don't need to destroy a ship to be loved!

Fera: Huh? No way. All you have to do to be loved is to find something that makes people happy.

X: That's just sappy enough to work! But first thing's first, I'm still gonna track down Masamune. *Boards his ship, then says to Fera* Thank you for clearing my eyes with a non-liquid substance, I'll be sure to-*notices she isn't there* What? *Turns around and sees her there, waving* What the hell?

Fera: You said I could come right?

X: No.

Fera: Please?

X: No.

Fera: Please?

X: No.

Fera: Please?

X: FINE.

Fera: Yay!

X: Ugh, human women.

Masamune

~later in prison, the Gamehikers are in the lunch line. All of them are given slop, except Rhykette who receives top of the line bacon~

Masamune: Wait, was that an extremely obscure reference to The Island?

Vorpal: Not everything is a reference to a movie.

Retro: Why do Rhykette and GORE even need food? They're robots!

~Masamune and Vorpal turn with their mouths agape~

Masamune: That's... racist! If Luiigii heard you...

Retro: Why would he care?

Vorpal: GORE is his BROTHER, you dolt!

Retro: *gasps* What a coincidence! Wouldn't it be odd if I had a brother here too?

~they all laugh at the ridiculousness of that statement. Meanwhile, sitting at the table...~

Jed: Hey, can I have that bacon? >.>

Rhykette: Sure.

Jed: *chews on it* Thanks.

~Masamune, Vorpal, and Retro sit down~

Retro: Why is Rhykette here anyways?

Rhykette: They read my file. Since I'm a robotic clone of Golem, apparently that makes me a male.

~the guys all turn towards Rhykette and blink~

Everyone: WHAT!?

~Elsewhiles still, GORE and Luiigii are in the middle of doing prison laundry.~

Small Man: Well well well, look what we got here. Two little gay prison wimps.

Luiigii: Whoa whoa whoa, we're not gay.

GORE: And we're not wimps! And we kicked your ass!

Small Man: Could've fooled me. That punching the hobo bit? Yeah, I know what that's like. And I want in. It's not gay if there's three of us.

~somewhere Mario Jr. wonders why he isn't in this OG~

GORE: I don't think you understand. *cues music*

Small Man: Huh?

~GORE and Luiigii stare at one another~

Luiigii: Let's face the facts about me and you, A hate unspecified. Though I'm inclined to call you "ugly ape," The crowd will always talk and gape.

GORE: I feel exactly those feelings, too And that's why I wear them with pride. 'Cause these eyes can't bear to see without pain, And mostly it's easier to deride and explain our

Both: Guy hate, That's all it is, Guy hate, It's mine, It's his, There's nothing nice about it in our eyes.

GORE: You ask me 'bout this thing we share,

Luiigii: And he angrily replies,

GORE: It's guy hate

Luiigii: Between two guys.

GORE: We're meaner than the usual hero and foe,

~Luiigii points to an indention in his forehead~

Luiigii: That's why my face is marked GORE Two Point Oh!

GORE: You know I'll hate you for the rest of my life.

Luiigii: You're the only ape who's ever been inside of me!

GORE: Whoa whoa! I just punched out his spleen.

Luiigii: There's no need to clarify,

GORE: Oh no?

Luiigii: Just let it fester more and more each day. It's like I'm stuck with Samuel L. Jackson

GORE: But in a totally sissy way.

Both: Let's go! It's guy hate, Don't compromise, The hatred of some other guy, Holding up your fist into the sky.

Luiigii: I'll be there to take each of your blows.

GORE: I'll be there to punch your eeeeeyes

Both: It's guy hate, Between two foes.

Luiigii: And when I say, "I hate you, GORE," It's just what it implies.

Both: It's guy hate... between ... two ... foes~!

GORE: *holds up a hand*

Luiigii: No hands!

GORE: *punches Luiigii instead*

Small Man: *wipes tear from eye* I love you guys too!

Both: *stare at one another* ... gaaaaaaaay.

~Meanwhile, in an extremely less homosexual plotline~

Mr. Big: Can anyone tell me what the worst video game movie is? Do I hear Tron? Someone say Tron.

Mario Jr.: ... is it Tron?

~... well sunuvagun...~

Mr. Big: Well done.

~the setting is a 4th grade class, taught by none other than Big Al, who despite having a cyborg arm is most totally qualified to be a teacher. Seriously, he is. Shut up. Among his students are a young Mario Jr. and Marin, several unimportant students, maybe Big Al's daughter? I don't know. And who is that curious little kid? Could it be...?~

Kanen: Dude. Tron rocks. Super Mario Bros. sucks.

Mr. Big: Son, that is so wrong. If you were enrolled at GHU, you'd lose your scholarship. But since your education is state-paid, I'm just giving you detention.

~just then, VILLAINS WHOA~

SteveT: I don't think so! *spots Mario Jr.* Oh god, not you.

Mario Jr.: Huh, what?

Lobsterio: If Thrakun was here, there'd be fits. Didn't he used to be taller?

Wariofan13: The versions you met were Time Bastards from a plot hole from the future. I'm not from a plot hole though, so if you call me a bastard, then I'll give you a taste of my suicide drink.

Lobsterio: Nobody likes you.

Wario Jr.: Ha! Look at him! He's just a punk kid! I should put him in his place.

Steve: *smacks Wario Jr., who bumps head with Wariofan, who bumps heads with Lobsterio* Stop being such pointless villains and do some minion work already.

~the three of them all produce weapons and point them at the various students and teachers~

Mr. Big: You sure you want to do this? I mean really? I may not make a lot of canon appearances these days, but I'm kind of a big deal. This is a cyborg arm.

Steve: Which is exactly when your little runt friend sent that rubber band thing to you, Albert the Large!

Mr. Big: Big Al.

Steve: ... shut up! Give it up!

Mr. Big: Well I would... but...

Lobsterio: But what?

Mr. Big: *reaches into his pocket and pulls out the rubberband* But I don't think you'll be able to get Quez.

Wariofan13: My invention, the Super Rubberband Grab-A-Tron can!

~WF13 sets out a small box which produces a mechanical hand that reaches towards Big Al. But instead of allowing it to capture him, Big Al somehow pulls his entire self into the rubberband, gets stuck at the waist a bit, but finally disappears~

Steve: *turns around and glares wt WF13 and lifts him by the collar* Your inventions SUCK! And so do your video logs!

~WF13 starts crying. Soon the entire class room is too~

Steve: Oh for the love of... can you guys believe-

~he looks over and sees that Lobsterio and Wario Jr. are also crying, only Lobsterio is causing himself to melt a bit too~

Steve: If I had a veins, they'd be popping right now.

TheKirbyOfDeath

Masa, with Morgan Freeman's voice: My name is Masamune, but I've been called Masamune the Red once... well, at least in some other continuity... or at least written down somewhere. Regardless... you can call me Red. Even though we've only been in this prison for only day, I've gained the reputation of being able to get things. Already this prison is starting to bore me... probably because I'm immortal and can't be killed and if someone tried to rape me, I'd backhand them through a wall. One thing has kept my interest, though, and that's a man who's going to play the role of Andy Dufresne. Since KoD doesn't wanna make anymore named characters, that role will be filled by Vorpal. Even though it's not the reason he's in prison, Vorpal is accused of killing his girlfriend, Misty. She's alive now, but back then, she was dead and, at one point, was three people. It's all very complicated. Blame Golem. Anyway, Vorpal says that it wasn't really him that killed Misty, but some demon inside his Vorpal sword that took control of him and made him evil. If you ask me, I think he's just using that as an excuse to be a jerk. I've known the man a long time and well... I think Stryke is made up. Despite all that, he was still an interesting man. He didn't talk much, but that might not be his fault so much as the authors don't use him enough. He also had an interesting hobby... finding new ways to make his name into words.

Jed: Hey, Masa.

Masa, still sounding like Morgan Freeman: Yes, Jed?

Jed: Whoa, when'd you start sounding like Morgan Freeman?

Masa: Well... I'm not sure. Maybe prison life has... changed me.

Jed: This is your first time in prison?

Masa: No, but every prison is different. This particular prison makes me sound like Morgan Freeman.

Jed: Huh, neat... anyway, what I wanted to ask is why you think they let me keep my scythe while taking away all you guys' weapons.

Masa: Probably because it looks like a toy and not a weapon.

Jed: FFFFFFFFFFFFFF 3:< My scythe is very dangerous! *sinks his scythe into the back of a random inmate*

Masa: Whoa, Jed! This isn't MOG; you can't just KILL people for real!

Jed: Oh, whoops.

Masa: Just then, a few guards came into the prison yard and surrounded Jed armed with nightsticks.

Jed: Why are you narrating stuff?

Masa: Sorry, it comes with the voice.

Guard A: We got us a casualty. What should we do, sir?

The head guard steps out. The camera goes from his feet and pans up to his face, which turns out to belong to... AARONGUY?!?!

AaronGuy: Clean up this mess and throw that little orange guy into solitary confinement.

Jed: Aw man ._.

Masa: I was surprised to see AaronGuy, especially as the head guard here. The last time I saw him he was with SteveT as one of his lackeys.

AaronGuy: Shut up, Masa! I have an important role now! I won't let you or your Morgan Freeman voice ruin that for me!

Masa: Whaaatever.

AaronGuy: Grr... take the small guy away. *gets all up in Masa's face* I've got my eye on you.

Masa: You're gonna end up being forgotten again. OOF! *holds his stomach after being hit by AaronGuy's nightstick*

AaronGuy: Watch your mouth. In here, I have more power than YOU DO.

Masa: I could still kick your ass.

AaronGuy: You're lucky I'm only allowed one act of police brutality an hour! Your ass is mine.

Masa: Gaaaaaay.

AaronGuy: Grr... *turns and walks away with the other guards while carrying away Jed*

Jed: ...This sucks.

Masa: Don't worry, Jed, the hole isn't that bad.

AaronGuy: Actually, the hole is different than in the movies. In this prison, it's more like the living pit on Tatooine.

Masa: Oh. ...You'll be fine, Jed. Boba Fett fell in there and he's still alive.

Jed: That may or may not be canon! THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE CANON! WAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh....

Masa: ...Well... I'm gonna go see what Vorpal's doin'. I thought of a new one: Vorpun. It'll be what we call all the things that have Vorpal's name in 'em. That'll make him happy. So I walked away from where I was standing and looked for Vorpal.

GORE-ILLA

*In a small, decrepit apartment one red-haired man in a cape sits on a couch. An ROB-like robot rests nearby.*

Man: The simulation again, PL-0TT.

PL-0TT: Yes, Master Saru.

*PL-0TT's eyes glow, and the area surrounding them changes into a field filled with apes and a girl. Saru becomes giddy as a schoolgirl and begins skipping around with the apes. They are in the middle of braiding each other's hair when the simulation comes to a sudden end.*

Saru: What-

*Arab Dude has scooped up PL-0TT in a sack.*

Arab Dude: A bot in the sack is worth two in the national treausury!

Dark Ditto: That line wasn't an Arabian stereotype. It... it wasn't even anything.

Saru: (flames surround hands) You guys know how dead you are?

Loogi: (steps out from behind door) Ben There, Dun That. That's what I'll name my children.

Saru: PL-0TT, activate plot distortions!

*From within the bag PL-0TT begins warping reality. Saru begins flying towards Dark Ditto and Arab Dude, only to be tackled out of the air by Loogi.*

Loogi: Leave dis guy to me Von Licktenshtein!

Dark Ditto: Very well. I will lead Arab Dude out of here until the plot device is out of range to interfere with your battle.

*Dark Ditto and Arab Dude find themselves walking up a wall to the door leading out to the hallway, and the landscape continues shifting impossibly around them. Loogi begins dueling with Saru, while Dixie Kenya waits in a sniping position.*

Narrator: HOLY CRAP! Elsewhere.

*The Flying Monkey flies through some bizarre void, with lightning crackling everywhere and buses.*

EVIL Scientist Dude: Gentlemen, behold! The Trippy Plot Hole Zone 5.0! Created just recently for the sole purpose of concealing the Holy Plot Device (Reverb)!

Caykface II: Who cares! I need to melt things...

Kaiser Bear VIII: GRAAAAuGH! THE TENSION IS EAR-SPLITTiNG!

*Kaiser Bear VIII and Caykface begin to wrestle, with the molten cheese starting to eat through KB8's fur until both are zapped with lasers from MPOM.*

MPOM: Separate. Father, assess threat level.

EVIL Scientist Dude: Huh? Oh there's probably some stupid waiters guarding it, nothing to worry about! I see it in the distance now... ours for the taking!

*The Flying Monkey approaches a small floating rock with a shrine upon it, housing what looks like a gigantic version of PL-0TT's head. Suddenly, the ship is torn apart completely. Everyone begins tumbling into different directions until they cling onto bicycles floating into the void. MPOM continues falling even after shifting into jet form, but then begins floating in place after turning into bike form.*

Kaiser Bear VIII: Vhat...

Caykface II: I used to have a life, before the accident... What is the meaning of this, EVIL Scientist Dude?

EVIL Scientist Dude: I may have gravely miscalculated. But no! Not him, not here, not NOW!

*Introbulus floats down to face them and flexes his Iron Gauntlet.*

Introbulus: Who's up for some tasteetoes?

Luiigii of the Pipes

(With the Omnipotents)

~The Limitless Drive makes a pass at the grounded Omnipotence, spewing forth a legion of off-brand Parmesan Cheesetroopers. Murasame and Thrakun make quick work of the pathetic, crumbly forms while Farmer Jon consumes the remains. Meanwhile, Sarugerm endeavors to do something useful and continues his scrying.~

Sarugerm: The hour is nigh. The return of the four... We may have been doomed from the start.

Murasame: Less words, more sense.

Sarugerm: The plot devices are guarded. I can see it now... Already do our allies face the Warriors of Fire and Earth. All that remain...

~A geyser of water bursts from the ground and strikes the Limitless Drive, dousing its flaming coat. Ascending the cascade is a woman in blue armor, who catches the drive. She removes the Pearl of Mystery powering it, encases the jewel within a bubble, and sets it floating around her head.~

Cerulea: Well hello there kids. And I do mean kids. But don't ask my age, seriously. It's offensive.

Thrakun: Ye cannae be older than me!

Cerulea: Can. I hate to disappoint you after you randomly stumbled upon this device, but I'll be hanging onto it. ~slips the drive down the front of her suit~ Ta tah!

Murasame: Ugh! Women!

Thrakun: That's mae line, boy!

Farmer Jon: ~spits~ Now hold on one minute, girl. You've just done defiled your own body with that doohickey there. You best hang around until we can get rid of it and save your soul.

~The villains leap off the ship and run after Cerulea. She swings a hand behind herself and sends a wave of water at them, throwing them back. Sarugerm thrives within the moisture and multiplies at a frenzied pace, until there are enough duplicates/offspring of himself to form a giant, magical staff.~

Sarugerm: Plague and pestilence, grant unto me the powers of the gods! Conjure forth the Sneeze of Zeus!

~Rumbling sniffles split the sky as lightning begins to flicker. Cerulea unbuckles her armor as she runs and tosses the pieces away, then dives to the ground as one final sneeze sends a bolt directly into it. The armor steams and flickers with electricity, so Cerulea leaves it be and gets to her feet.~

Cerulea: Fine. Saru's not the only one who knows how to use his hands.

~Thrakun leads the charge against Cerulea, aiming his axe at her waist. She leaps over the blade and catches the horns of his helmet, then props herself up in a handstand above him. She splits her legs and twists, spinning the helmet until it's backwards, then pushes off and performs a flip in midair. As she comes back down, she drives her feet into the back of Thrakun's head and kicks off at Sarugerm. Sarugerm tries summoning another bolt, but the Marine Armor attracts it instead. Cerulea lands on him with a squish and crouches. Thrakun's axe swings blindly overhead and cleaves into Murasame's and Jon's chests instead.~

Murasame: Bugger...

Cerulea: You boys do realize that you're fighting a legend, don't you?

***

(With the SteveTeam)

~SteveT, Wario Jr., and Wariofan 13 ride the galloping Spongebob bed down a mountain road. Lobsterio is crammed inside SteveT, since the bed is only a three-seater so as not to be gay.~

Wario Jr.: I'm still pissed that you didn't let me kill him.

SteveT: And I told you there's no sport in killing children. They don't even try to fight back. It's boring.

WF13: I would try to fight kill you! But enough about me. My brilliant genius tracking device says that the rubber band is on the move out of Washington District of Columbia. And at a rate of 30 miles per 60 minutes, we'll never catch it in time!

SteveT: Knew I shouldn't have loaned the minivan to Lynel. Fine. The Writer's Chair is stationary and I don't really care which former Party Goer I get to kill. ~pulls out N-Gage and places a call~ Lynel.

Straw Man: Speaking. MEEEEEOOOOOW!

~There is the sound of scuffling as the phone trades hands.~

Lynel: ~scoffs~ What do you want, SteveToo-Good-For-Us?

SteveT: Oh for god's sakes. Look, once we've got all these plot devices together, you two can help me kill everyone else and take over as main villain. S. That was plural. Like old times. Deal?

Lynel: ...yeah.

SteveT: Good. I'm changing the plan. You guys go after Quez, we'll get the chair. One of these idiots will send you the tracking program. ~passes the N-Gage to WF13~

Lobsterio: But the Sub Boss said to--

~SteveT pops open his breastplate and pummels Lobsterio.~

SteveT: This is my team and I'm the boss here, dammit! I'm an AC!

WF13: Earmuffs! ~covers his ears~

Wario Jr.: Seriously? ~jumps up and pulls on a pair of brass knuckles~ I was a MAIN villain. When have you ever been that?

SteveT: ~sigh~ Why do I always end up with the bickerers?

~SteveT and Wario Jr. box it out, while WF13 gets bored and plays with Party Goers dolls. Some time later they ride up to the front lawn of the White House. As the bed parks itself, they all stop and hop down. SteveT pulls off a gauntlet and pours Lobsterio out.~

SteveT: Right. That helped me vent. Let's get--

~The group is stopped at the door by a Secret Serviceman with the head of a bat.~

Mirawk: Hold. My name is Bat-Ear Mirawk. I know what you seek, but the Writer's Chair will not be yours. We four warriors are sworn to protect the plot devices of our authors, to see that they do not fall to bad use as they did in a certain other timeline. ~draws a rubber dagger~ Now let us see if you are worthy of my true strength!

Masamune

~a black minivan pulls up at Big Al's suburban home at night, followed by several others. The one in the front is being driven by Straw Man with Liger in the passenger seat. They both reach inside their seats and pull out Luigi_64 masks and put them on. Out of all the minivans, several 64 Masked Men emerge. They all turn towards the house, the masks all bearing that insufferable smirk~

Straw Man: Who are you?

~all of them surround the house and begin to enter. This would be a perfect Agent Smith Matrix parody scene, but we used that one with the Caykzors several OGs ago.~

~the 64 Masks creep through with their sniper rifles, carefully sticking to the shadows. The family dog is about to bark, but is fired at it with a silent shot from one of the 64 Masks. The dog yelps and passes out from being tranquilized. They are about to head into the living area when suddenly they are faced with a small little girl with freckles, glasses, and her hair done up in a ponytail~

Little Girl: *smiles serenely* Whatcha doing?

Straw Man: Little girl. I am the Luigi Sixty-Claus. One of your bulb on your Christmas Tree doesn't shine at all. The other Sixty-Clauses and I are here to take it back to the North Pole and... fix it right up. Ho ho ho.

Little Girl: *adjusts glasses* That's absurd. Not only is it a month late, but we could fix the Christmas Lights with a replacement bulb. Also what do Luigi 64s have to do with Christmas?

Straw Man: *a straw-based vein doesn't pop because he doesn't have one* Little girl... have a glass of water and be off to bed!

~Straw Man reaches for her, but she pulls him forward in a display of super strength, only not, since Straw Man is made of straw and is pretty light. Liger leaps towards her, but she ducks under him and falls into the carpet. A dozen tranqs are fired at her and she backflips back behind Liger and the tranqs hit him~

Liger: Oh... shit.... zzzzzzzz

~she's able to avoid several more of them, but ultimately is knocked out from behind by the Luigi 64 Masked Woman, who twirls the nightstick she was holding~

64 Woman: Enough shenanigans. Time to finish up.

~suddenly the lights come on. The 64 Masks all turn to the source and find Big Al standing there, looking none too pleased~

Big Al: You can break into my classroom. You can break into my house. You can even tranq my dog because the little furball just pees everywhere and I never really wanted him. But no one clubs my daughter.

Straw Man: She took a nap. In the middle of the living room. With a knot on the back of her head.

Big Al: Do you punks have any idea who I am? *pulls off sunglasses dramatically, revealing a second set of sunglasses underneath* I'm Big Albert. The Junior N. You're all going down.

~imagine if you will the camera circling around Al as this happens. Straw Man leaps at him first, but is batted out of the way with his normal arm. Two more goons jump at him, but are both swept away by his cyborg arm. Several more leap towards him and Big Al simply throws one into the other, grabs another and swings him by the arm and tosses him into yet another. Several tranq darts are shot at him, but Big Al shields them from impact with his cyborg arm by shifting it into a large body shield. Straw Man pulls out some catnip and puts some under Liger's nose, then runs at Big Al. While Big Al easily tosses Straw Man away, some of the catnip falls on him.

Liger is awake in an instant with a crazed look in his eye. He leaps at Big Al and starts hammering on him. Big Al holds up his cyborg shield in defense, but is surprised that Liger's pounding fist are actually denting the metal. Big Al transforms his arm into a giant fist and punches Liger, who bowls over into several of the 64 Masks. When more of them attack, he simply decks them too. Two more grab him from behind and he's about to throw them off when he notices the beak sticking out of one mask and the red shorts on the head of another~

Big Al: Flutter? Yoshiman?

~he's suddenly hit spectacularly in the face by Liger's fist and is thrown into the wall and knocked out.~

64 Woman: Search him.

~several of the goons search him from head to toe, but turn back and shrug their shoulders~

64 Mask: Nothing, ma'am. He's clean.

64 Woman: He must have hid it. Interrogate the little girl. *turns around and sees the little girl is gone* Where is she!? After her!

~the masks fan through the house while their leaders run outside the house. There they find the little girl pulling the rubberband out of her hair and is able to start twisting it into a shape... but it does nothing~

Little Girl: What!?

~Ms. Z walks up holding the Shrack of Neely~

Mz. Z: They call it the most powerful plot device of all. It may not have the potency of the other ones... but it has one thing they all lack. The ability to enforce plot coherency. Which means that when in use...

Little Girl: ... no plot devices can be used.

Ms. Z: That's right, Enthree.

~Liger comes up from behind and seizes Enthree in a bear hug. Straw Man walks up and yanks the rubber band from her hand~

Straw Man: This will be perfect for my rubberband collection!

~the rest of the Luigi 64 Masks exit from Big Al's house, accompanied by an all new masked member... with a cyborg arm~

64 Mask: What do we do with the little girl?

64 Woman: A little amnesia dust and a trip to her grandparents will ensure she has no further relevance in this story. See to it.

~Ms. Z and the Luigi 64 Woman give eachother a knowing nod before parting ways, only with Quez in Ms. Z's possession~

---ELSEWHERE---

~Loogi and Saru are locked in combat. Saru's fiery hands are able to withstand the slashing of Loogi's beam blade and even his electrical hook. They continue to trade blows, but Saru's fiery powers are quickly becoming too much for Loogi. Dixie Kenya fires a shot at his forehead, but Saru is amazing able to move his head out of the way at the last second. Dixie immediately leaps into the battle, but she finds herself suddenly entangled inside of his cape and thrown into the wall. However Saru suddenly stops and seized Loogi's throat when he sees who attacked him~

Saru: ... a little girl monkey?

Dixie: That's right, you bastard!

~she leaps at him again and Saru is forced to defend himself. Loogi with his beam blade out of reach, suddenly grabs Saru's arm. In the meantime, Saru has knocked out Dixie~

Saru: Come now, you can't win. I'm not a bad guy. Just give up. What chance have you got?

Loogi: Heh heh... after Luiigii left me in Anti-Space... guess what I got?

Saru: I really don't care.

Loogi: Beanbelli blood!

~Loogi suddenly releases a jolt of electricity from his body which pumps into Saru. With Loogi firmly holding his arm, Saru is unable to release and trembling with pain. His cape, unaffected by it, grabs Loogi's head and wraps around him, depriving him of oxygen. An agonizing minute later, Loogi's electrical shock finally gives in and Saru is released. He falls to one knee exhausted, but extremely pissed off. He suddenly ignites on fire and runs out of his apartment, but just as he does, Cerulea is waiting for him~

Saru: ... huh? What are you doing here?

Cerulea: This.

~a spiked club hits Saru in the back of the head. A spiked club held by Arab Dude. Cerulea transforms back into Dark Ditto~

Dark Ditto: Just as I thought. Those so-called legendary warriors are pushovers. *pulls PL-OTT out of the bag*

PL-OTT: ... Your orders, Master Ditto?

Dark Ditto: *grins* Take us home.

---OVERWHILE---

EVIL Scientist Dude: I may have gravely miscalculated. But no! Not him, not here, not NOW!

*Introbulus floats down to face them and flexes his Iron Gauntlet.*

Introbulus: Who's up for some tasteetoes?

~MPOM transforms into a giant killer robot and stomps towards Introbulus, but she is suddenly frozen in place~

Introbulus: Never take on a ferrokinetic with a robot. It's just not sporting.

MPOM: You want a piece of me!?

~with a wave of his fist, MPOM is torn into two~

Introbulus: I'll take two! As for you other three...!

~he's about to wave his hand forward, but his iron fist is suddenly coated in cheesecake. He tries to rip it off, but it keeps replicating around it. Roaring in anger, he slams it against a wall, the ground, and whatever he can, but it does nothing. When he tries to command metal, it does nothing~

KB8: Vot is happenink?

ESD: *snaps fingers* Of course! The narrative powers of Caykface's cheesecake compound is dampening his power to control metal!

KB8: Then ze hurting time, she begins!

Introbulus: I don't need my powers to finish off weaklings like you!

~Kaiser Bear VIII runs forwards and begins clawing desperately at Introbulus. With no fear of retaliation, ESD activates his special armor, which expands around him into a full exo-suit that makes him far bigger than Introbulus. Kaiser Bear proves to be no match for Introbulus's superior strength, but ESD proves to be his match with the power of his suit~

Introbulus: You wouldn't be so tough if I just willed that suit right off you!

ESD: And you're not so tough when you can't just will my suit off me! Also, that sounded gay.

~ESD lifts up a bus full of singing turtles~

Introbulus: Put it down, Dude!

ESD: Collateral damage, Introbulus! *throws it at him*

~Introbulus manages to catch the bus and gently sets it back on the ground, but ESD moves forwards and punches him square in the face. Introbulus flies backwards and before he can be hit again, ESD leaps forward for another attack, but misses~

ESD: Stay still you little prick!

~Introbulus grabs a nearby bench that is floating aimlessly and smashes it into ESD, but it does nothing. ESD simply busts through it and seizes Introbulus and begins squeezing him~

ESD: I've never really had a taste for this kind of thing, but I must admit I'm deeply enjoying the suit!

Introbulus: You... idiot! You don't know what kind of powers you are messing with!

ESD: I'll work it out.

~with one final squeeze, Introbulus is knocked out. Caykface dislodges himself from Introbulus's fist and returns to his normal form. Kaiser Bear walks up, holding the Holy Plot Device (Reverb)~

ESD: Well done, boys. Pack up MPOM, we're heading back.

---MORESCENES---

~Thrakun's axe swings blindly overhead and cleaves into Murasame's and Jon's chests instead.~

Murasame: Bugger...

Cerulea: You boys do realize that you're fighting a legend, don't you?

~Thrakun pulls the axe out of Murasame and Jon. Cerulea looks particularly satisfied until she notices that Murasame looks to be just fine and that Farmer Jon's wounds are already closing up. Murasame runs towards her with his sword swinging. She immediately forms a sword out of water to shield herself from it~

Murasame: So if you're older than Thrakun, you must be immortal right? Maybe after I kick your ass, we could date.

Cerulea: Mostly immortal. And I don't think so.

~they exchange blows a few times more~

Murasame: Oh. It would never work out then. I'm -all- immortal.

~Farmer Jon and Thrakun join in the fight swinging a pitchfork and axe respectively. Cerulea is able to fight them all off by constantly slinging bits of water, but as she does so, Sarugerm begins to swell with each wave of water. The now infected water swells into a humanoid form, now wearing her armor and holding the liquidy magical staff. Cerulea makes quick work of Farmer Jon by snapping his neck and then slams Murasame's head into the mast of the ship. She slams into Thrakun and he slides back a mere few inches~

Thrakun: Did I ever tell ye about the time I arm-wrestled Thor?

Cerulea: Don't care.

~Thrakun charges at her, planning to impale her with his horned helmet, but she backflips off the ship and Thrakun rams himself into the railing of the ship. Cerulea climbs back up on the anchor chain and back onto the ground, only to have herself slammed into by a putrid, stinking bunch of water that now has the shape of a decaying old man in, still, feminine looking armor. She tries to fling more and more water based attacks at him, but it only causes Sarugerm to grow. At last the putrid water bursts forth from the armor and surrounds Cerulea, pulling itself inside of her through ever single pore. The other thee run up to her while Murasame nurses a bleeding forehead and Farmer Jon snaps his neck back into place~

Farmer Jon: Martha?

~she stands up, looking incredibly sickly and just in terrible shape. She smiles though.~

Sarulea: Everything's under control, Captain.

Murasame: "Sarulea"? Like that won't be confusing. At all.

Thrakun: Ae've lost all respect for ye.

~Farmer Jon picks up the Limitless Drive~

Farmer Jon: I'll destroy this piece of heathen technology.

~Murasame quickly grabs it away~

Murasame: Haha... let's... not do that, okay? We'll do that later.

Farmer Jon: ... *narrows eyes and glares hatefully*

---EVEN MOREWHILE---

~The group is stopped at the door by a Secret Serviceman with the head of a bat.~

Mirawk: Hold. My name is Bat-Ear Mirawk. I know what you seek, but the Writer's Chair will not be yours. We four warriors are sworn to protect the plot devices of our authors, to see that they do not fall to bad use as they did in a certain other timeline. ~draws a rubber dagger~ Now let us see if you are worthy of my true strength!

SteveT: I can't say much about those other losers, but *jerks thumb at self* Magic armor. One little dagger isn't going to do much.

Mirawk: Well if you insist.

~Mirawk proceeds to remove a katana from every imaginable place on his person and then when he does that, pulls a few more from some unimaginable places until at last he's holding a grand total of eight katanas~

SteveT: Okay, that could be a problem. Lobsterio! Get him!

~Lobsterio charges first, swinging his claw at Mirawk. However Mirawk's movements become erratic as he twists and turns until he becomes a virtual cyclone of steel. Lobsterio keeps getting slices into pieces and reformed as he attacks, but for as much as he tries, it does him no good. He can't even touch Mirawk~

SteveT: What about you two? *glares at Wario Jr. and WarioFan13*

Wario Jr.: I'm pretty sure that'd be Game Over for me.

Wariofan13: Then let me try!

~WarioFan13 presses a button on his watch and runs towards Mirawk. He is hit by the blades, only the blades pass right through him, due to him becoming intangible. While Mirawk turns around to strike, Wariofan13 unfazes to slap him in the face, but then goes back into being intangible before the blades hit him. He does this a few more times before Mirawk finally catches on and grabs him by the hand and sends him flying into Wario Jr.~

Mirawk: Now will you fight, coward?

SteveT: I was really hoping to avoid this. I just got buffed out and polished yesterday.

~SteveT lumbers towards Mirawk, who begins attacking furiously at SteveT. His swords keep impacting on SteveT and though they leave small dents and scratches, they ultimately do nothing~

SteveT: See? Now I'm just pissed off.

Mirawk: Epist off?

SteveT: That joke is never funny.

~SteveT begins running (which for lumbering metal armor isn't all that fast) towards Mirawk. In defense, Mirawk begins spinning his arms into gusts of wind that fly towards SteveT and slow him down. The wind becomes so powerful that the surrounding scenery begins to break into their most basic of particles. Wariofan13 and Wario Jr. get to safety by phasing out of physical space while Lobsterio is reduced to dust. SteveT continues slowly lumbering towards Mirawk as even his own armor begins to tear away. Before all of it can ultimately be lost, he reaches Mirawk and instead of stabbing him with those metal claws he doesn't have, he punches him in the gut and stops the wind attack. He follows with another left hook and finishes up with a upper cut that sends Mirawk flying inside of the White House and collapsing to the ground~

SteveT: I'll just let myself in.

~Secret Service begin firing at SteveT, denting his armor. However a cloud of dust flies into the building and turns into Lobsterio, who begins taking on the Secret Service men without trouble. Wariofan13 and Wario Jr. soon join in and take out the remaining guards. Finally they work their way into the Oval Office, where Ditto McCloaker sits at the desk with his fingers bridged under his chin~

Ditto McCloaker: SteveT. I see that you've gone back to petty villainy ever since you lost your powers.

SteveT: Very funny. Where's your first lady? I'll kill her again if you like.

Ditto McCloaker: At a secure location. *calmly stands up and steps aside* You'll be wanting your chair.

Wariofan13: *raises eyebrow* You're being oddly accommodating.

Ditto McCloaker: Assassination would certainly not be what my constituents wants. But I suggest you hurry. My new police force is en route now. I understand Chief Sigmund is a problem for even you lot.

~the villains hesitate for a moment, but finally Wario Jr. grabs the chair and the group make a clean break away. Ditto McCloaker calmly picks up the phone~

Ditto McCloaker: Chief Sigmund. We have a problem.

---YET ANOTHER WHILE---

~The Gamehikers are still in prison on the next morning and in the breakfast line. Retro is about to get his food when suddenly he finds himself surrounded by goons~

Rhykette: They'll fight you again.

Retro: Again?

Rhykette: Until they kill you.

Retro: Can they kill me before breakfast?

~Youma Ganon slaps the tray out of Retro's hands~

Youma: You are in hell, little man. *grabs Retro by the collar* And I am the devil.

Retro: You're not the devil. *slips out of his jacket and away* You're practice.

~Retro swings a fist at Youma and he lands in the food. Smallman leaps at him from behind, but GORE punches him out of the way. Krunk jumps on GORE and holds him down while Snipes kicks him in the gut. Luiigii attempts to intervene, but Shade tackles him from behind. One of the Koopas goes after Masamune, while the Turkey begins pecking on Vorpal's head. Yahtzee Dubloons starts beating up on Rhykette, but gets knocked out after one girly robotic punch.

At this point, a huge break fights out between the Gamehikers versus basically everyone. Cameos run rampant. Was that Bomberman? Oh, there goes Mecha Sonic. I think that's Sergeant Shy Guy? Is he even a villain? Oh, look, there's Lupus and Fred drinking tea. As the fight progresses, GORE begins beating on Roy~

Roy: I'm not possessed anymore! Just stop hitting me! I'm sorry!

GORE: YOUR FACE IS UGLY!

~the fight continues to escalate as the guards try to intervene and are overwhelmed. This all comes to an end when several villains are fried in flames and Sigmund walks in, lighting up a new cigarette. He is flanked by his police guards~

Sigmund: I want to see the Gamehikers. NOW.

Masamune: They started it!

Sigmund: I SAID NOW!

~later the Gamehikers are all inside a sealed off room with Sigmund and Kaminaru. Finally Jed is brought in, who looks delirious from his time in the Hole~

Jed: Wannagohomewannagohomewannagohome...

Vorpal: We didn't start that fight. And frankly putting us in a supervillain prison-

Sigmund: You're a supervillain. Even if you don't do it anymore.

Masamune: Hey Kami, long time. I heard you and my brother got separated. Want to try the real man of the family?

Kaminaru: If you find one, let me know.

~the camera turns to Retro for no reason~

Retro: What!?

Director: Nothing! Nothing!

~Director and Camera slink back into the background of this OG~

Sigmund: President McCloaker wants you all free.

Masamune: Awesome.

Sigmund: To take on the Sweet Sixteen.

Masamune: Oh, I'm gonna have to see if that fits in my schedule.

Luiigii: You guys can't handle it, huh? Figures.

Sigmund: *takes a long draft from his cigarette* Frankly I think I can. The boss don't. End of story. The Sweet Sixteen have been organized by someone, but we don't know who.

GORE: Maybe it was Don Cornmuffin!

Luiigii: Oh, what if it's Tomnis! Wait, is he still alive?

Vorpal: I'm sure the Party Crashers have a score to settle with us.

Masamune: It could be Donkeyman. This is totally his style. But I guess he's dead, so...

Vorpal: Oh! Oh! Maybe it's a version of me from the future!

~The Gamehikers generally murmur in agreement about such a possibility~

Rhykette: Maybe my creator secretly escaped from his dimension and followed me here!

Masamune: Didn't he die in this timeline?

Rhykette: Uhh...

Luiigii: Maybe it's an Ushatarian plot to take over the world again.

Vorpal: Those wimps would never come back.

Jed: Wannagohomewannagohome... >.>

GORE: Maybe some of those Bad Timeline guys followed you back over and want a piece of the REAL GORE-ILLA.

Luiigii: It could be Chibi-Devil.

Masamune: There was this guy back in the 18th century who REALLY hated me. I don't think he's alive though.

Retro: It could be Clyde.

~everyone looks at Retro~

Retro: Uh, nevermind. *goes back to sitting quietly and confused*

Vorpal: Maybe a coalition of corrupt governments have allied with Santa Claus to form a diabolical coalition of evil called the Axis of Ebil.

Luiigii: Or it could be the democrats.

GORE: Oh for Cod's sake. Now we're getting into politics. I'll have you know that-

Sigmund: ENOUGH! *stands up and slams the table* It's none of the above, dammit!

~the Gamehikers all shut up, except Jed who continues to whimper~

Sigmund: Whoever they're working for, they are collecting the six-

GORE: There is no six!

~Sigmund throws a chair in GORE's forehead and knocks him out. Luiigii cries tears of joy~

Sigmund: - plot devices. And have succeeded. They even defeated the Four Elemental Warriors that protect them. President McCloaker seems to think only you lot can defeat them.

Masamune: May we converse a moment?

Sigmund: Fine.

~the Gamehikers all huddle and discuss. A few minutes later, they resume where they were~

Luiigii: We decided to pass. We're fine here. We get fed regularly and get to beat up on harmless second-rate villains.

Kami: You can't be serious.

Masamune: Haven't you heard? We're the Gamehikers. We don't save the world because we care, we save the world because it's /there/. And right now the world isn't there, it's outside. Someone else can handle it.

Sigmund: I won't even pretend that made sense. Besides, you all don't have a choice. If you don't stop them, then we've arranged a special fate for you.

Vorpal: *slaps a hand on the table* We'll take WHATEVER YOU GOT.

~two hours of agonizing Tron later~

Vorpal: WE'LL DO IT!

---OKAY ONE MORE SCENE REALLY---

Sub Boss: Finally... at last we have all the Plot Devices!

~the Luigi 64 Woman steps forth~

64 Woman: Then we can bring back the REAL Messiah of Parties.

~the rest of the Sweet Sixteen is there, as well as the Luigi 64 grunts and Ms. Z~

SteveT: Wait, you're bringing back that runt, Golem? I didn't even know he was dead.

Dark Ditto: *glares* He isn't dead! What is this!?

~the woman in the Luigi 64 Mask pulls of her mask, revealing herself to be a blonde woman in her mid 20s. The Sub Boss in the mask discards his mask as well, revealing an older, muscular Golem~

Blond Woman: Golem has great party energy. Enough to destroy a timeline, as I'm sure Murasame here knows perfectly well.

~Murasame simply glares~

Old Golem: But there's only one who has the kind of energy to create any timeline we want. *turns to the woman* Cindy! Put the pieces together!

~Cindy starts pulling out the Plot Devices and assembling them. She puts on the Shrack of Neely last... and nothing happens~

Old Golem: What's going on?

Cindy: This Shrack... it's a replica! The last one who had it was...

Old Golem: ZORA!

~they all turn to Ms. Z~

Zora: Sorry, but I won't be letting ANYONE bring back Luigi 64.

Dark Ditto: Luigi 64!? I put my life at risk to bring back that arrogant little prick!?

Old Golem: Minions! After that woman! Get me that Plot Device!

Dark Ditto: I don't think so, Golem. I'll be the one using that awesome power.

SteveT: And I'm with him... until I betray him, naturally.

Kaiser Bear VIII: Grar! In ze old country, we are not accepting traitors!

~the Sweet Sixteen turn on one another, while some go after Ms. Z and others take on the Luigi 64 masks.~

Old Golem: *growls* Anyone on my side will be greatly rewarded. You don't want to be against me when this ends!

---HAHA, NO THERE IS ONE LAST SCENE---

~Dargo-X and Fera sit on the bridge of the Swordefeller, drinking tea and eating scones~

Dargo-X: This is pretty relaxing.

Fera: Yeah... but I thought we were going to adventure.

Dargo-X: Why bother? I've got the Swordefeller... I just have to wait for Masamune to come to me!

Fera: Oh, the pirate? I heard he got put in jail.

Dargo-X: *spits up tea* WHAT!?

Nintenfreak

64 Woman told him to take Enthree for a memory wipe. Seriously? You needed a whole procedure for amnesia dust? Whatever, that wasn't important. What was important was getting her to her grandparents in Queenland. A transport could take him there in under an hour and the city was chock full of heroes. There was no way anyone could harm her there.

Then he could make sure the other kids were safe. But one problem at a time.

64 Security Guard stopped him and asked, "Where are you taking this... thing?"

The new 64 guy thought about all the useful banter he'd ever heard. He wished he'd paid more attention, "Prisoner transfer from cellblock 1138."

"I didn't order any prisoner transfer. I'll have to phone it in."

"Oh, er, no. No need to do that. See, I got orders."

"Me too. My orders are to phone this in."

The new guy put Enthree in a chair and walked up to the 64 Security Jerk. Perhaps it's a time to reflect on all the good ideas he could have had. Perhaps he could have tried talking. It's a strange idea, and the new guy wasn't any good at it. So he punched the 64 Security Jerk into the wall with a metal fist.

The intercom the 64 Security Jerk had been using was cackling with activity, "What was that you needed?"

The 64 New Guy tried improv again. "We're fine here. Everything's fine. How are you?"

"What? Security isn't supposed to use second person pronouns! We're sending a security detail."

"Ah crap." 64 New Guy punched the intercom. It wasn't very effective. He picked up Enthree with one arm and gave the 64 Security Jerk a wedgie with the other. There wasn't a reason for that, it just made him feel better.

The transport was locked, but not for long. A handy arm made a handy key.

A few hours passed. Enthree began to wake up in the passenger seat of an armored transport. She was pissed, "What the hell was that for?"

"Watch your language young lady! I think that's... half a dollar." Al took off his mask long enough for her to see, then replaced it.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Queenland. Papaw Red and Mimi Violet should let you stay there. Else wise, I'll call out a favor on Auntie Aqualia and her friends."

"And what are you going to do?"

"Make sure the kids are alright, then bust some heads."

"Ah, the Old Albert Cureall for any problem."

"It's effective."

"I'd be remissed if it wasn't."

"Is that even a word?"

"Yes."

"Ah," Big Al had been out witted. "Just thought I'd ask."

He changed the subject. "You are NOT to get involved, understand?"

"No."

"Glad we're clear on that."

GORE-ILLA

*Old Golem rushes through the crowd in pursuit of Zora, followed by Dark Ditto. At Old Golem's side is Kaiser Bear VIII, tearing apart anyone who gets in their way, as well as EVIL Scientist Dude in a mech suit made from MPOM's remains.*

Old Golem: Good boy.

Kaiser Bear VIII: Anything for the fuhrer!

*However Lobsterio than emerges and clutches Kaiser Bear's arm within its pincer.*

Kaiser Bear VIII: AUGH!

*Kaiser Bear grabs Lobsterio and tears him apart, but Lobsterio's crumby remains dive back at Kaiser Bear. Dixie Kenya locks in on Old Golem from the shadows, only for the rafter below her to be blown apart by a missile from EVIL Scientist Dude. However, a leg is then torn off of EVIL Scientist Dude's mech, which collapes. Farmer Jon reaches through the cokpit and yanks EVIL Scientist Dude out.*

Farmer Jon: It's time we reached a reckoning, Younger Brother.

EVIL Scientist Dude: (sprays mace in his face) Reckon THIS!

*EVIL Scientist Dude tosses off his labcoat to reveal machine gun gauntlets strapped to his arms, and begins firing madly at Farmer Jon while Loogi, who is simply trying to avoid combat all together, dances around the bullets. Old Golem spots Ms. Z at the end of the walkway and quickly approaches her, then grabs her by the arm.*

Ms. Z: (shape-changes to Dark Ditto) Ha- gotcha!

Old Golem: (shape-changes to Caykface) GotCHOU!

Dark Ditto: I don't think you should be allowed to live with that statement.

*Dark Ditto shoves Caykface over the railing, and he lands in Farmer Jon's open mouth, who swallows him whole. However, Farmer Jon then falls over turning pail and sickly, unaware that Sarugerm was hiding on Caykface's person. EVIL Scientist Dude procceeds to torch Farmer Jon with a flamethrower on his arm. Throughout all of this, Big Al, Yoshiman and Flutter stumble around in confusion.*

Flutter: Whose side are we on?

Big Al: It doesn't matter! We just have to get those plot devices back!

Yoshiman: I could have become a surgeon...

*Big Al's mecha-arm shifts into a cannon, which he proceeds to fire Flutter and Yoshiman out of into a group of Luigi_64 thugs caught in battle with Kaiser Bear VIII and Lobsterio, somehow causing an explosion that decmiates them all while only leaving Flutter and Yoshiman comically charred. Up above, Dark Ditto spots Old Golem at the end of the walkway passing through a door and sprints after him, flanked by Murasame and Wariofan 13. However, Wario Jr. steps out and blocks the doorway.*

Wario Jr.: I'm in yo way, wahaha!

Wariofan 13: Eat this. (tosses salmonella peanut butter cracker into Wario Jr.'s mouth, who grips his neck as he aphyxiates and falls over the walkway) Now do you get it? I'm a genius!

*Thrakun reaches up through the walkway's floor, grabs Wariofan 13 by the ankles and yanks him through.*

Dark Ditto: Prevent me from nuisancing him further.

Murasame: Consider it done.

*Murasame leaps through the Wariofan 13-shaped hole and bounces off of Thrakun's head, then lands on the ground facing him while unleashing his sword while Thrakun tosses Wariofan13 to the side while brandishing his axe.*

Thrakun: Ye turned out to be a girly elf in the end after all, eh?

Murasame: Books have been written about my awesome, and for that insult you shall pay.

Wariofan13: (barely concsious against wall) This is Toad Seacrest... let the match begin...

*Murasame and Thrakun leap at each other and begin epicly battling. Dark Ditto looks down for a moment pondering this and then passes through into the next room, where Old Golem is already surrounded by SteveT and Arab Dude.*

Dark Ditto: You're surrounded now, you lying traitor. I can't believe you actually had convinced me you were actually a future version of me... Otherwise I would never have submitted myself to such degrading gruntwork! And the whole Luigi_64 thing? Insult atop insults!

SteveT: I hate having to kill someone a second time. Makes me feel inefficent, you know?

Arab Dude: And no way am I letting that menyouk back, whenever he bought something from my store a fight broke out!

Old Golem: Heh... You have no idea what I've been doing all this time, do you?

SteveT: Nor do I care. (begins approaching Old Golem, only to be blasted back into a wall as Old Golem points his palm at him)

Arab Dude: What the- (also blasted back)

Dark Ditto: What is this?

Old Golem: Something that I found out about in my old timeline... something that in this timeline, was just lying around unused.

*Cindy walks in with Zora restrained and holding the real Shrack of Neely. Old Golem opens the palm of his hand to reveal an eye there.*

Old Golem: It's called an Akujin Eye.

Dark Ditto: I don't care what it's called. No two-bit nerd gets the drop on Dark Ditto, no matter how many eyes he has!

Old Golem: Your words are hurtful, but so is my Akujin Eye- TO YOUR MIND!

*Dark Ditto runs towards Old Golem, who emits a force from his Akujin Eye. Dark Ditto runs against it as if against the wind with sheer determination.*

Old Golem: This won't take long! Cindy, complete the device!

Cindy: Of course.

*Cindy drags Zora along the ground and back to the room with the giant combobulation of plot devices. However, she feels a sudden pain and drops the Shrack.*

Cindy: Wha...? (pulls a stable out of her hand which releases excessive blood) Who the hell-

*GORE runs up with Retro riding on his shoulders while holding the staple gun, grabs the Shrack and begins running with it. However, he is too busy using the Shrack to summon more fists to pummel Luiigii to pay attention to his path, and he is shot down by EVIL Scientist Dude, causing him to skid along the ground and bowl over Vorpal.*

Vorpal: Dude, this cape was new!

EVIL Scientist Dude: (grabs the Shrack) Heeeheee... Time to have some fu- (stabbed from behind by Luiigii with Loogi, who is somehow wielded like a sword) Stop that.

*Rhykette flies by, snatching the Shrack from the passing-out EVIL Scientist Dude's hands and bringing it towards Masamune. She winds up weaving her way through a gaggle of the remaining Luigi_64 goons while Big Al, Flutter and Yoshiman fight a bunch of them off, as well as Luiigii, who uses Loogi as a bat.*

Masamune: (holds up Jed at the end of the crowd) I'm-a wide open, Rhykette!

Farmer Jon: BAAARF!

*Rhykette swerves to the side suddenly to avoid Farmer Jon's projectile vomit (which instead douses Vorpal)... and right into the middle of Murasame and Thrakun's duel. A blinding flash, explosion plus confetti. From the bright light emerges Old Golem, holding the Shrack in his hands. All the fighting stops, and everyone stares towards Old Golem, who lands next to Cindy, looking down at the fallen Zora.*

Old Golem: Get up.

Zora: What do you want with me now? You have your stupid device.

Old Golem: Come now. For the true reason I picked you up from Vegas all those years ago on the fifth of May.

Zora: Huh? After the bombinator destroyed the story... it took me with it. You saved me under the condition I... serve you.

Old Golem: That is true. But there is more. Cindy, complete the masterpiece.

*Cindy places the Shrack of Neely atop the giant plot device clusterfudge, where it shapeshifts into a pair of bunny ear antennas. Cindy then lifts Zora and binds her to the bunny ears with Quez.*

Zora: What the hell is this?

Old Golem: We are ready. All the steps are in place for the final resurrection. Of the Luigi_64... and Isis.

*A quarter is inserted in the Holy Plot Device (Reverb), and all the plot devices begin acivating and whirring in syncronization. All the OGers rush forward, only to be paralyzed by the Akujin Eye.*

Masamune: No! I never got to properly stalk her!

Old Golem: Not even McCloaker could stand it, lying back there all sobbing like a schoolgirl. Sit still... the show is beginning. To think I used to consider people like you my friends... but after all those betrayals, I'm glad that I'm free to do my own thing. I was sick of being a sheep... it was time to act for myself. And the only way I could make the perfect life for my select few was with my true best friend... the one with the most selfish Party Energy...

Zora: Golem, stop, please! I don't know what any of this means!

Old Golem: You will soon, when your hidden abilities manifest. For you hold within you Isis.

*A bolt of lightning strikes through the ceiling and the bunny chords, electricuting Zora while charging the freakish monstrosity of the machine. Soon the mouth of the Holy Plot Device (Reberb) opens and releases Luigi_64's body, which seems to be sleeping. Cindy slowly approaches.*

Cindy: It's him...

Old Golem: Yes, Cindy. Our perfect mates are awakening. And then, all four of us can have our own perfect timeline, and no one will tell us what to do anymore.

Cindy: Yes...

*Finally the electricity dies down, followed by the machine itself. Zora remains limp atop it. Old Golem walks up to Luigi_64 and grasps his right hand with his left.*

Old Golem: Awaken, my dearest friend.

Luigi_64: (eyes open) Dude, whatchou doin' grippin' my hand!

Old Golem: No homo. Go... and see what we have planned for you.

*Old Golem releases Luigi_64's hand- in Luigi_64's right hand there is now an eye, identical to the one on Golem's left palm. He releases a blast from it that tears through a line of Luigi_64 men. Cindy then walks up to him and grips him.*

Luigi_64: Hell... I ain't ever been un-screwed this fast!

Old Golem: I'll let you in on the details soon enough. I must see to just one more detail.

*At that point, Zora/Isis's eyes open, and she floats down to Old Golem.*

Isis: Where ya been?

Old Golem: No place special.

Isis: You look different.

Old Golem: Well, I guess.

Isis: You been gone.

Old Golem: That's only natural.

Isis: You gonna stay?

Old Golem: If you want me to... yeah!

Masamune: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

Old Golem: You poor boys. We're on a different level now. All of us, well except for Cindy here, can destroy you all.

Masamune: Immortal.

Old Golem: Even if Murasame's sword is "accientally" driven through you?

Masamune: Errr...

Cindy: Honey, it's time for some target practice.

Luigi_64: Coo, it's San Andreas all over again!

*Old Golem and Luigi_64 hold hands while muttering "no homo" repeatedly and using their Akujin Eyes to scatter the OGers. Masamune slips up to Isis.*

Masamune: Do you rememebr me, Miss... never got your name...

Isis: Isis. ...No. I do not know you.

Masamune: ...What the hell have they done to you.

*Old Golem and Luigi_64 chase down GORE and Luiigii,*

Masa: JED! MPOMshracking PORTAL NOW!

Jed: But the battle barely-

Masa: JUST DOOOO IT!

Jed: (panics) Okay!

*Jed slices open a portal without thinking and leaps in, followed by Retro and Rhykette. Masa, GORE, Luiigii and Vorpal rush towards the portal followed by the two god-beings and Isis.*

Vorpal: THIS CAN'T GET ANY WORSE!

*At that point the Swordfeller crashes through the wall of the warehouse, un-fatally flattening them all.*

Dargo-X and Fera: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHH!!!

*Dargo-X and Fera, do to not wearing seatbelts, are tossed off the deck of the ship and into the portal, which then closes.*

OGers: (in unison) NYEEEEEEET!

[bold]Twenty-Five Years Later...[/bold]

*Rebe sits in a parlor reading a comic book by a cozy fireplace, with a creepy grin seemingly fixated on her face. A portal opens, spilling everyone out. Rebe drops the comic and begins screaming repeatedly.*

Jed: Uh... Where are the others? And where did these two come from?

Retro: (with Fera landed on him) I don't know, but I don't think they have to leave if they don't want to!

Fera: Get a brain! (gets up and steps on Retro's face)

Dargo-X: Ah, finally I find Masamune's merry band of marauders! But where's all the... y'know, important people?

Retro: I don't think they made it.

Rhykette: Wait, that's Rebe isn't it? Have you seen Luiigii?

Rebe: (stops screaming) Lou-Lou-Lou (breaks down crying)

Rhykette: Um...

Jed: (pats Rebe on shoulder) There there.

*A man walks in through the door, puffing on a pipe. He is brown-haired with a sexingly rugged beard.*

Man: What's wrong Re- (sees everyone there) Ah. I thought this day would come.

Retro: Do I know you?

*The man approaches Rebe and helps her up.*

Man: Go to the other room dear and watch the DVDs until you forget those awful memories. I'll talk to these people.

*Rebe nods and hugs the man, then walks off.*

Man: To answer your question, yes. Once upon a time, we fought against the forces of Old Golem together. I was GORE-ILLA back then.

Rhykette: Um... say again?

Man: Hh. Of course. After that whole little incident, Old Golem decided to let those of use who agreed not to interfere with him use one plot device for our wishes. That PL-0TT was able to finally make me... a real boy.

Retro: GUHGUHGUHGORE?

Man: That's what they called me, but that's such a robotic ape name y'know? I go by Gorman these days, and I am very happy.

Dargo-X: I want to bust up some heads, y'know? So wait, what?

Gorman: You've been gone for 25 years. Let's see... Golem and Luigi_64 rule all with their queens, life out there is more or less a living hell except for us chosen few who accepted Golem's offer. Life's parties for us, ya dig? I only kept a few keepsakes of my old self. (his hands, curled into fists, are mechancial gorilla hands)

Fera: What was up with that woman?

Gorman: She... doesn't like to be reminded of her first husband. Or the demon child they spawned. After what she did to Princess Blue... (shakes head) So who's up for pizza?

Rhykette: Shouldn't we be, like, fighting this evil regime?

Gorman: Eheh... No. Go ahead if you want, I'll pretend this whole thing never happened. Not like you guys stand a chance anyway. But I'm actually happy with my life here... who cares about the way things were 20 + 5 years ago anyway?

Dargo-X: Fine! Follow me, Replaforce Mark VII! We'll show this manrilla how a true OG hero operates! (dashes outside dramatically. After several moments, the others slowly shuffle outside, following him)

*Gorman then cracks open two glasses of Gamechamagne and walks over to the other room, where Rebe is mesmorized by Batman: The Animated Series DVDs.*

Gorman: Feeling better, my little ravioli?

Rebe: Yes... I'm... glad we could be this way.

Gorman: And so am I. So, am, I.

*Dargo-X rushes out of the apartment complex and skids to a stop as Rhykette bumps into him, with Retro, Fera and Jed tailing them.*

Rhykette: Hey, watch where you're goin- (stops as she observes her surroundings)

Dargo-X: Whoa...

*The skies are red, and the land around them is all hellish, firey imagery with ruined buildings and a few creepy-looking fully-intact buildings, such as the apartment complex they had just left. "Under Pressure" begins playing...*

Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 10 Archive
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - Epilogue
Retrieved from "https://gamehiker.com/ogwiki/index.php?title=Gamehiker_Member_OG_10_Page_2&oldid=11868"