Gamehiker High University Page 1

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Author: GORE-ILLA

*Golem is woken up by his Space Harrier alarm clock. He quickly takes out his retainer, and proceeds to get ready for school. Golem then rushes out and runs to the bus stop. He sees Professor Vorpal waiting there in his half-school bus, half-ice cream truck.*

Golem: Ah, right on time!

*Golem steps towards the bus when suddenly the door slams shut in his face and the bus drives off. Soon it is completely out of Golem's sight, but he can still hear the ice cream bus's generic melody echoing down the boulevard.*

==THE GUYS DID ONE OR TWO GOOD OGS BRING YOU...

==HIGH SCHOOL AND/OR UNIVERSITY GOERS- DEPENDING ON WHICH IS MORE CONVENIANT AT THE GIVEN MOMENT!==

*Golem quickly enters the school.*

Golem: Oh I'm late I'm late I'm late...

Toby: (leaning against a locker, wearing a leather jackets and shades) Yo Golemio.

Golem: Toby? Oh good, I thought I was late for homeroom.

Toby: You are.

Golem: What... then what are you doing just hanging around here?

Toby: Hey! I'll go when I feel like it... (looking past Golem) I suddenly feel like it now. (runs off)

Golem: What's he so worried about? (turns around and bumps into... Headmaster Mune!!!) Oh, I'm sorry sir!

Headmaster Mune: Well well, if it isn't Golem, the little ringleader. A little late for homeroom, aren't we?

Golem: Sorry sir, I missed the ice cream bus and had to run across the desert and swim the moat to get here! Those alligators get faster every day...

Headmaster Mune: Hmph! Not so careful without the rest of your precious "Party Goers" to back you up, eh?

Golem: But- sir, I- Sorry sir-

???: Hey, quit pushing the poor kid around!

Headmaster Mune: What... who dares? (looks and sees Sapphire there) Oh you.

Sapphire: Yeah. The kid's telling the truth. In fact I paid Vorpal to ditch him there. I have it on tape if you want to see it.

Headmaster Mune: (glares) You are so lucky that the state requires each school have at least three female students (screen quickly flashes to establish the other two girls- Elzie and Kuria). Well you're off the hook for now... (leans in close to Golem's face) Party Goer.

Sapphire: Seeya in Phys Ed, Golem! (walks off)

Golem: (stares after Sapphire blankly for a while)

Headmaster Mune: Get to class already, your mortal affections disgust me!

Golem: Yeah, eh, uh, sorry sir. (runs off to Professor GORE's homeroom)

Headmaster Mune: Heh heh... I showed him. (trips and falls over, then notices that his shoelaces had been tied together; his face glows red) Grrrrr.... PARTY GOEEEEEEEEERS!!!

Author: Masamune

~Headmaster Mune continues his patrol of the halls... straight into the BATHROOM~

Lupus: ~is wearing a Australian cowboy hat and like, a crocodile skin vest or something~ Man, those Party Goers. They're all "Turn in your post" and that's like, so VGF Tech College, you dig man?

Yami: ~is wearing a generic cowboy hat~ My God, you're right. Why didn't I see it? I should totally drop out.

Mune: AHA! *steps out in front of them*

Lupus: Hey buuuuuddy.

Yami: Oh snap!

Mune: Thinking of dropping out, Mr. Yami?

Lupus: I thought it was Mr. Yoshi.

Yami: Naw dude, I switched around my names for some stupid reason I forgot.

Mune: Hey I got an idea. GET BACK TO CLASS. *points to Lupus* And register for classes!

Lupus: Naw man, I'm cool.

Mune: You'll pay for this, mark me! *turns around and hits the bathroom door on the way out* PARTY GOEEEEEEEEERS!!! CURSE YOU!

~Meanwhile~

Professor GORE: Now as you can see, there is many fields of study on whether Donkey Kong as you see him here is actually the original Donkey Kong or DK Jr. grown up. Advocates from the the DKU Foundation propose "Screw Nintendo" and have set me on fire several times. Any question?

Golem: Will this be on the test?

Professor GORE: Everything is on the test, ever. Whether I talk about it or not. Even if it's not in the book.

Sapphire: Aw that sucks.

Professor GORE: Now moving on... BREAK TIME. Get out of my face stupid kids.

Author: Golem

~Gamechamp, leaving GORE's class, enters the bathroom.~

Yami: ~whispering to Lupus~ Hey, there's the new foreign exchange student.

Lupus: ~whispering~ Who did they exchange him for?

Yami: ~whispering~ Luigi the Doubter.

~Elsewhere, in who knows where...

Luigi the Doubter wanders through a field full of cows. Finally he reaches a person.~

Doubter: Excuse-a me! Can-a you-a tell me if I'm-a anywhere near-a the school-a?

Person: Croikey, mate, this-a IS the school-a, yah? ~rips open a pack of bite-size sushi~

~Back in the bathroom...~

Yami: Hey kid. I've got cheat sheets for Prostupid GORE-ILLA's test tomorrow. Want 'em?

Gamechamp: Cheatie sheeties? I am-a noht sure I should be using thees...

Lupus: We only want to be your friends. Teachers love students with cheat sheets, heck those students get extra credit!

Gamechamp: Rove zem, eeh? Croikey, thanks matey! ...Want some bite-size sushi?

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Golem and Toby walk to their lockers, and along the way they spot Sapphire and Elzie chatting by their lockers.*

Toby: (smirks) Hey Golem, look it's your girlfriend!

Golem: Shh, not so loud, they might hear you! What do you think those girls talk about, anyways?

*Elsewhere, by Saph and Elzie's locker...*

Elzie: ...

Sapphire: ....

Elzie: ...

Sapphire: ....

Elzie: ...

Sapphire: ....

Elzie: ...

Sapphire: ....

*Back by Golem and Toby...*

Toby: Go on, talk to her!

Golem: No way!

Toby: Golem. Listen to me. (grabs Golem, spins him around and tosses him down the hall by Sapphire and Elzie)

Girls: Oh hey Golem.

Golem: H-h-hey girls...

Toby: Oh Golem, I see you're inviting this lovely lady to your big party.

Sapphire: Huh? What party?

Elzie: Hey, what about me?

Golem: Party? No, no-

Toby: I'm sorry Golem, I'm sure you wanted to ask her yourself, but this is just so exciting! It's the party of the millenia Miss Sapphire Blue, and you should be honored to be invited. It's this Saturday night at 8 pm.

Sapphire: Sounds slightly cool. Can I bring my boyfriend?

Golem: Buh-buh-buh...

Toby: You got a boyfriend?

Sapphire: Yeah, there he is now- Steve! Steve T!

*Steve T, the living piece of Medieval armor, walks over wearing his Varsity jacket. He is accompanied by Flutter and Big Al, who also wear Varsity jackets.*

Sapphire: (kisses Steve) This is Steve T- he's the star of our log-throwing team.

Steve T: What's up babe? Why are you talking to these dorks?

Sapphire: They invited us to a big party.

Flutter: Sounds awesome! I'll bring the booze!

Big Al: And I'll bring the real booze. [/OMG PARTY GOERS INJOKE NOW CRY]

Golem: ...Buh-buh-buh...

Toby: Great, we'll see ya then (drags Golem away) That didn't go so well.

Golem: (snaps back to normal) What party do you mean? And how did you know that my parents are out of town that night?

Toby: So I did some snooping in your parents' datebook! With my guidance, this party will be big.

*Elsewhere, in the teacher's conference room, Professors GORE and Luigi are engaged in a rigorous game of ping-pong.*

Professor Luigi: Ha, I'm now in the lead!

Professor GORE: You damn hobo!

Headmaster Mune: Hang on guys, I have to take attendence to make sure the whole faculty's here. Headmaster Mune? (chuckles) Present, sir, and might I say you look dashing. Why thank you me, but just don't get any ideas, not that there's anything wrong with that. Professor GORE, professor of Kongology?

Professor GORE: What the hell do you think Masa.

Headmaster Mune: HEADMASTER MUNE, DAMMIT! Anyway, Professor Luigi, professor of Pikminology.

Professor Luigi: (ignores)

Headmaster Mune: Ooh, looks like he's absent. I'll have to make a salary deduction then...

Professor Luigi: (trips over the ping-pong table) HERE I'M HERE!

Headmaster Mune: And what about Professor Vorpal, Professor of the Obscure/Ice Cream Bus Driver/Lunch Lady?

Professor Vorpal: For the last time, it's lunch MAN!

Headmaster Mune: Well, looks like the whole faculty is present and accounted for. Now, as for the subject of today's meeting.

Professor GORE: (drops ping-pong paddle) What, we're actually doing something today?

Professor Luigi: (scores another point while Professor GORE's paddle is on the floor) In your face you shracking monkey!

Headmaster Mune: Anyway. Apparently one of our students, Yami Yoshi, is considering dropping out of our school. I need suggestions to make him stay.

Professor Vorpal: Oh, that's it? Easy. We just hold an intervention, like on tv. Look, there's only half an hour towards lunch, I gotta get to the cafeteria and start cooking.

Headmaster Mune: Fine then. We shall used your intervention idea. You are all dismissed.

Professor Luigi: Damn, that was the longest faculty meeting we ever head.

*Professor GORE flips the ping-pong table over angrily. He and Luigi start duking it out until Headmaster Mune seperates them by spraying them with a water gun.*

*Soon Professor Vorpal arrives in the cafeteria.*

Professor Vorpal: Good, you made it.

*Out of the shadows steps a figure in a trenchcoat. The figure removes the trenchcoat to reveal... Kuria??!!!*

Kuria: Hey hon, how's the cooking going?

Professor Vorpal: Just tossed some leftover half-eaten junk in a blender so I can sprinkle it on some microwave pizza. That leaves me and extra half-hour of... free time.

*Professor Vorpal starts making out with Kuria, but they freeze when they hear a familiar voice.*

Headmaster Mune: Vorpal! Vorpal, where are you!

Professor Vorpal: Escape Plan A! (grabs Kuria by the foot, spins her her around, and then tosses her so out the open back door to the cafeteria while Headmaster Mune enters through the front door.)

Headmaster Mune: You forgot your briefcase.

Professor Vorpal: Thanks man.

Author: Masamune

Golem: Dude, how am I supposed to throw a party? I mean sure, my parents are merely plot devices that don't actually exist, but Mr. Muney lives next door!

Toby: Golemio, you worry too much. This is why you're lame, unpopular, and lead the Party Goers.

Golem: That didn't make sense.

~a bunch of kids walk by~

GM: Dude, I heard you were throwing a party! I'm totally there!

Golem: Eep, it's supposed to be just a little party...

MJ: I'm totally there.

Golem: Uh.

Oddball Mario: Me too!

Toby: *throws Oddball Mario up against the locker* Beat it punk! Nobody knows who you are or care!

Oddball Mario: ... *runs off crying*

Tyler: Hahahaha, Toby is such a rebel. But seriously Golem, I'm totally gonna show up.

Golem: Please don't.

Tyler: Hahaha, yeah. I think I'm gonna go tell all the other freshmen.

Toby: I hate him. If I attended this school, I'd beat him up for being a stupid sophomore.

Golem: But you'd be a freshmen.

Toby: Don't make me shove you in the locker!

~With the Freshmen!~

Headmaster Mune: Remember freshmen... I'M WATCHING YOU! AND STAY AWAY FROM GOLEM!

~the freshmen walk out~

Kester: Man, he's terrifying. It reminds me of that one episode of X-Files where Mulder-

Tyler: Hey freshmen *punches Kester* party at Golem's.

Kester: Ow. But also, awesome. I'll just tell my new friend here, Vivid.

Tyler: Vivid? That sounds like a chick name.

~Vivid steps out! A suspiciously young looking guy wearing a very baggy shirt, a scarf over the mouth, sunglasses, and a hoodie~

Vivid: Uh, my parents were hippies or something. I'm totally a guy. Yeah.

Kester: Oh well that's good, cuz the Headmaster hates all women almost as much as Professor Luigi hates everybody.

~Meanwhile

Prof. Luigi: *throws Aaron up against the locker* I assigned you to write more Super Mario World entries for my wonderful update! Where are they!?

Aaron: I'm working on them, I swear Professor Luiigii!

Prof. Luigi: I want them by tomorrow so help me! And stop using double Is in my name!~

Vivid: Well it's good that I'm a guy then.

Tyler: Good enough for me! I'm inviting you too, even though it's not my place to do so.

Vivid: That's.... great. O.o

Kester: Your eyes are weird.

Author: Frederick

Fred: Oh, there he is. Golem, you`re quite the talk of the complex which may or may not be considered an institute of learning. I hear you`re having a party and as the token rich, spoiled kid in a uniform it is my sworn duty to either hold a rival party or compliment you while insulting you on your forced decision to hold a party and later insult you while insulting you because it turns out to be a flop because you couldn`t have it on your own terms. I`m also wildly eccentric and occasionally say things that are terribly out of turn but it`s a childhood disease so no one can hold it against me TERRRRRRRRRrrific menu-pauses!

Golem: (thinking to himself) Sometimes I wish school shootings would happen.

(Suddenly Headmaster Mune appears out of nowhere with his hand on Golem`s shoulder)

Golem: Sir?

Headmaster Mune:Don`t even think about such things. Don`t you remember the server cra- I mean school relocations that occured twice?

Golem: Freeze frame. Yeah, Headmaster Mune`s been a real drag ever since he lost that bet with Robot King of Mecha high. I lost to his boy Rhyk (I bet his name`s Rick but he just wants to be different) in a creative writing contest. He`ll neve-

Headmaster Mune: Who are you talking to? We can still hear you! Golem, Golem!

Fred: It seems he`s got a terrible case of the autism. It`s a terrible shame that it will ruin his partY HARTY WITH THE PARTY PEANUTS

Headmaster Mune: Did, did I hear the word party, with Golem in the sentance?

Fred: MAKARENA SUGAR FOILS

Headmaster Mune: Guess not. I`ve got my eye on you, Golem.

Golem: Unfreeze! ( Puts his hand out to signal action and accidentally hits a button which starts up a merry-go-round which one part of picks up Headmaster masa by his knee somehow and drags him away)

Headmaster Masa: Even though you couldn`t have possibly known this would happen or done much to stop it PARRRRRTTTTTYYY GOEEEEERRRRSSSSS!

Author: Golem

~Toby is riding on one of the horses near Mune.~

Toby: Hey Headmaster, how do you like the merry-go-round?

Mune: YOU have something to do with this merry-go-round being in my school, don't you?!

Toby: Heheh, no, of course not! What gave you THAT idea?

~The ride stops, Mune manages to unhitch himself from the merry-go-round, and Toby goes to the line of waiting kids, taking their money in exchange for letting them on the merry-go-round.~

Toby: Only people with cool majors may go on the Merrier Go Rounder of the Future!

Headmaster: Now Tobias, you need to tell me--

Delivery man: Excuse me, sir. I need you to sign for this merry-go-round.

Headmaster: ~turns his head to the delivery man~ --eh?

Author: Vorpal

Headmaster Mune: Did everyone seem to FORGET THAT THERE IS STILL MORE SCHOOLING TO BE DONE!?!?!?

~Everyone rushes off to their next class. Everyone important to the story happens to all have the same class together with Prof. Luigi~

Prof. Luigi: *throws down papers* THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!

Class: o_o

Prof. Luigi: Every. Single. One of these papers except one. Is of the highest and utmost quality.

Class: ???

Golem: *raises hand* Then what's wrong with them, sir?

Prof. Luigi: Wha-zah?!!? You-bah!?!? HAVE NONE OF YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION!?!? Or has everything I said to you just gone through one ear and out the other?! The secret to credible work is QUANTITY! NOT QUALITY! In the end nothing matters except for HOW MANY PAGES YOU HAVE! That's the only way to measure success! Only one person made any effort to actually impress me with bulk and size instead of quality work.

~Prof. Luigi sits a huge stack of papers next to the stack he through down, and it is several inches taller than the bad papers all combined~

Prof. Luigi: Kuria turned in a whooping 173 page paper! It is so big that she's obviously smart! I didn't have to read it! Automatic A+!!! Thanks to her, there will be no grading curve!

~The rest of the class glares at Kuria~

Kuria: ~gulp~

~BETWEEN CLASS PERIODS~

~Sapphire and Elzie confront Kuria in the hall~

Sapphire: How did you write such a large paper in only one night?

Kuria: Well.... I was........ buuuuu-sy... yeah busy! And I panicked and I just copy and pasted a bunch of wikipedia articles from the internet and turned it in.....

Elzie: Busy, huh?

Kuria: yyyyeah.....

Prof. Vorpal: ~walking by~ You don't want to be late for my class on Obscure video game knowledge, now do you girls? ~winks at Kuria~

Kuria: ~blushes and runs off before Sapph or Elzie can say anything~

Sapph: What was that about?

Author: GORE-ILLA

*After school, Yami Yoshi walks into the school's main office.*

Yami: Hello. I'd like a drop-out-of-school form. Lupus the Turk sent me.

Secretary: (remains silent, then tears his mask off to reveal Headmaster Mune)

Yami: What-what is this? (runs towards the exit, but it is quickly blocked by a sliding steel door)

*Half the school, mostly everyone except the freshmen and jocks, pops out of their hiding places.*

Everyone: Surprises!

Headmaster Mune: This is an intervention, Yami. We'll make sure that you do things right.

Gamechamp: (looks down at the cheat sheet in confusion) Cheetie sheeties?

Professor GORE: What's that you got there, boy?

*Before Professor GORE sees the cheaty sheeties, Gamechamp flees from the room, covering his escape with a complex musical number.*

Professor GORE: One day I'll have a child of my own.

*Elsewhere in the halls, the freshmen are flocking towards the buses when they find their path blocked by Steve, Big Al and Flutter.*

Steve T: Hey. Haven't you punks forgotten? It's Freshmen Monday. In fact, I have last year's head freshman right here. (opens up his chest cabinet to reveal Golem there, lying among Steve's textbooks; he quickly closes the chest cabinet and puts his lock in it)

*All the freshmen scrurry off and run in different directions while the jocks pursue, armed with toilet papers and trash cans.*

Kester: Stay away from those trash cans! I remember one episode of X-Files were a guy made a monster out of garbage to kill people who didn't conform!

Vivid: Come on Kester, there's nothing like that in real life.

Kester: Vivid... are you a chick?

Vivid: What? No, of course not.

Kester: I sense the distinctly female skepticism of Agent Scully in you. It has to be true!

Vivid: Shut up, we're almost at the buses!

*Kester and Vivid open the door, and find Al and Flutter waiting.*

Big Al: Well well, if it isn't the geeks.

Flutter: We got some garbage cans with your names on 'em. (holds up a pair of garbage cans labelled "Mariorocks 65" and "Karl Boss")

Kester: Hey, hey, go easy on us. She's a girl!

Vivid: I am not, stop calling me that.

Flutter: A girl? Only a true man would wear a scarf like that. Out of style with the ladies.

Big Al: I think the scarf-dude sounds much more masculine than you anyway.

Kester: No! You have to believe me! It's the truth! Wow... I'm just like Mulder- (stuffed into garbage can)

Flutter: I love being uncharacteristically cruel.

Author: Ditto McCloaker

==Headmaster Mune shuffles off wearily to his office. Once inside, he looks carefully around, bolts the door, makes himself a strong cup of coffee and proceeds to sip it. Locking all the windows and pulling down the blinds, he walks towards his desk. Seeing his chair is turned away from him, he gulps, sneaks up on it and suddenly TURNS IT AROUND REALLY FAST TO REVEAL NO ONE SITTING IN IT. Sighing with relief and tiredness, he sits down to do paperwork. As he does so, his wastebasket begins rattling. A dark, ominous, lean figure stretches up out of it and looms over him as he looks up==

Mune: AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIE crap it's you. Dean McCloaker, head of St. Ditto's Preparatory Academy of Rivalry and Darkness. My old arch-nemesis...

Dean McCloaker: I know who I am.

Mune: It was explanatory exposition for the readers.

McCloaker: *sheds numerous dark coats and cloaks and accoutrements to reveal a sleek black suit and twisted goatee* I suppose you are aware that it is almost time for THE BIG SCHOOL COMPETITION that comes up annually between us?

Mune: *grumble* Yes, it's almost time for the annual Big Sports Event/ Academic Competition/ School Spirit Competition that always comes up between the main school in a story and it's enemy to produce conflict.

McCloaker: Yes, it is time for the Gamehiker High University... mascots... to go up against my team, the St. Ditto Ringers.

*snaps fingers and a team of sinister, shadowy, vaguely student-like figures loom from behind him. They are all wearing crisp school uniforms with RINGERS on the front, over the logo of a fist wearing multiple rings*

Ditto: As every year, my gangs of students and evil bosses have crushed all the competition in every field from every other school in the area and I've come to gloat that you and your pathetic underfunded public educational institution do not stand a chance against us, despite the fact that for some reason, we do not seem to have any history of ever having actually confronted each other before. Once we defeat you, we will be State Champions and go on to the National Finals.

Mune: Unless WE defeat you, at which point WE will be State Champions and go on to the Nationals, despite not having played anybody else this season. Gamehikers' may not have things like "high funds", or "national recognition" or "good teachers," but we're every bit as good as St. Ditto's!

*at this point, the door opens and Golem, Kuria, Saph and Elzie are seen standing in the doorway, slouching, drooling, dripping from their noses or picking at scabs. A few closest to the door tumble onto the ground*

Ditto: Bwahahahaha. See you at the FINALS. COME, students! *wraps his black cape around himself and steps out of the office, stepping over various students, followed by the St. Ditto students*

Golem: Man, what jerks. You're not going to be intimidated by them, are you?

Mune: No, no, no. Come this big competition, we're going to prove we're every bit as capable as they are. You'll stand up for ol' Gamehiker's pride and dignity, right?

*all the faces but Golem's look on blankly*

SteveT: Let's go get drunk and chase retarded kids in a pickup truck.

*SteveT and his gang leave*

Elzie: And let's go smoke in the bathroom.

Saph: Okay.

*Elzie, Saph and Kuria leave*

Golem: (grins)

Author: Frederico

Headmaster Mune: No, non, Golem, you've broke my heart once before.

Golem: He was a robot, and could process billions of possible story branches and work them into a single sentance that would expand to quadrillions of possibilities until he felt like ending the story which occured in no more than seven words.

Headmaster Mune: Is that all? Back in my day we OGed uphill both ways. Ways which were covered with tar, feathers, and Street Fighter movie tapes. You think we had shoes to protect us from that grime? You think anyone, especially in the harsh lands of Greece (that's where we were, ya know) had heard of Nike?

Golem: Didn't you start after me-

Headmaster Mune: Never mind that! Seeing as you're the only person fit for the job (well we'll see) You're team captain of whatever it is we're going to lose in but can't afford to.

Golem: You can potentially count on me, sir! (grins)

Headmaster Mune: No, wait, just kidding. You can be manager. Manager does all the work for the team and no body cares. And if our players are injured and there's a possibility of going up to play, that's what we bring cheerleaders and fake beards for. No, our captain is gonna be the rich kid.

Golem: What?

Fred: Huh? With all due direspect sir, I would probably not take an offer from you unless it involved at least a situation of your embarassment that registers 8.0 on the Reichter Scale. PAWN YER KOALA ARROWS

Headmaster Mune: Yes, you. I need to get you real excited about the school and this sport so that I don't have to go broke and you can hire some worthwhile out-of-town players for me.

Fred: Well, so long as Golem's the manager, and I can hold my nose really high in the air and call him names all season, okay! Servant, round up a team made of the finest silk.

Golem: What? Did I miss something?

Headmaster Mune: Perhaps. But now that we have money on our side, The Ringers are about to have their Bells rung! Huahahaahahaha!

Fred: You are honestly the worst Headmaster ever.

Headmaster Mune: Yeah? You should meet my brother.

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

~Sometime someday, a WOMAN steps onto the GHU complex. Headmaster Mune's female senses tingle.~

Headmaster Mune: ARGH! There are four females on the premises!

Vivid: ~not-so-conveniently walking past the Headmaster's Office~ O.O ~runs~

~Headmaster Mune storms out of the building and promptly crashes into Rebe, knocking her over.~

Headmaster Mune: Watch where you're going! Oh wait, YOU'RE that woman I sensed. ~eyes try to narrow, but fail completely~ ((Um...))

Rebe: ~stands up~ Excuse me. Is this Headmaster of the Pipes's school?

Headmaster Mune: WHAT?!

Rebe: He was an old teacher of mine, and I was told I could find him here.

Headmaster Mune: I'M the headmaster here!

Rebe: Oh, wrong school th--

Headmaster Mune: Oh no, Luigi of the Pipes works here. As a janitor. He has flagrant, public displays of affection with the mops.

Rebe: ~raises eyebrows~ Really? I just assumed--

Headmaster Mune: ASSUME THIS, LADY! THERE'S... there's the world's best cup of coffee waiting for you if you'll just give me a second to find my keys, escort me to my car, get in my car, and go with me to this local coffee place. ((Wait, what?))

Rebe: Oh! Well, I really needed to talk to Mr. of th--

Headmaster Mune: It's his day off.

***

Professor Luigi: And kids, this is why you DO NOT succeed in life. I managed to get a job as a professor (I do NOT moonlight as a janitor, despite what may have been said about me on bathroom walls and by Headmaster Mune when he's angry) and now I NEVER GET A DAY OFF.

***

Rebe: Well, then... sure.

Headmaster Mune: Great! ((NOT GREAT! STOP YOU F-- oh heck, why not?))

~Spying on them from the bushes are Golem and Toby.~

Toby: DUDE!

Golem: Shh!

Toby: Headmaster Mune and a GIRL?! This is big stuff, man!

Golem: Yeah, but shh!

Author: GM

Toby: Don't order me to shh! You're the submissive one. If you weren't, I wouldn't have gotten you into this mess in the first place! Now, back to the subject at hand. Headmaster Mune, all-around jerk, is with a woman despite being so violently against them.

Golem: I wouldn't say violently...

Toby: Oh? What about that time the superintendent brought his wife to the school? Mune chased her off campus with a chainsaw while hooting.

Golem: I remember that. That was scary. Did he get arrested?

Toby: Guess not. Anyway, I've always thought he was extremely gay.

Golem: DON'T SAY THAT WO-

(MJ literally slides into view.)

MJ: Diiiiiid someone say "gay"?

Toby: Err, no. No one said it.

MJ: Alright then. I'm going to go flirt with Kuria.

Toby: I wouldn't do that.

Golem: Yeah, I've heard disturbing things about her and Lunch Lady Vorpal.

Vorpal: *far away* Lunch Man

MJ: Aw, those are just rumors. Anyway, see you at the party.

(MJ literally slides away.)

Golem: ...Yeah. Anyway, should we go tell Professor Luigi? She seemed to know him.
__________

Professor Luigi: You know, my wife left me three years ago. The best half a year of my life and she threw it all away because I didn't pay any attention to her and lived in a different house. Why? Why must all happiness end like that? Is this God's experiment, in which we have no say? In which we're given paradise, but only for a day? *sobs* Hold me, Professor GORE.

Professor GORE: I'm allergic to weird.

Professor Luigi: HOLD ME!!!

(Professor GORE shrugs and reluctantly holds his colleague in his arms.)

Professor Luigi: *singing* Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeerroooooo... __________

Toby: Nah. Instead, let's spread the rumor around.

Golem: But shouldn't we plan my party, or something?

Headmaster Mune: Who's that!? I can hear you spying on me! You'll never escape, spies, you hear me! Hall monitors! Get them!

Rebe: Why are we still here?

Headmaster Mune: Oh, right. Forgot. Let's go.

(They leave.)

Toby: Hall monitors? But we're outside.

(It doesn't matter, as they are soon surrounded by hall monitors who also happen to be Daleks.)

Dalek Hall Monitors: YOU-ARe-OUT-OF-YOUR-PERIMETERS! EX-TER-MI-NATE! EX-TER-MI-NATE!

Toby: Looks like we're fighting our way out! Hey, maybe Sapphire will be watching and admire your macho fighting st- *snort* Ha! Sorry. Couldn't say that with a straight face.

Golem: Hey! __________

(At the local coffee place, which is so local it's right next to the school.)

Headmaster Mune: Just you wait, you'll have the best cup of coffee ever. ((Don't engage in pleasent conversation with her, you fool!)) Hey, I thought you were cool with this.

Rebe: I am.

Headmaster Mune: Huh? Oh, err... You know, there's a reason they call me Headmaster Mune. ((WHAT!? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT!))

Rebe: Because you're the headmaster of the college/high school/Ehh, right?

Headmaster Mune: Uh, exactly. ((I don't even know you anymore.)) Shut up!

Rebe: Excuse me?

Headmaster Mune: Not you. My Subconscious Voice in My Head Guy.

Rebe: ...

Headmaster Mune: Will you excuse me?

(Headmaster Mune runs off to the bathroom.)

Rebe: Weird guy.
__________

(In the bathroom, Headmaster Mune stairs out the blurry bathroom window. He begins to sing.)

Headmaster Mune: Scary Voice in my Head,
You know I am a decent man.
Of my decentness I am justly proud.
Scary Voice in My Head,
You know I'm so much better than,
The common, vulger, weak lichestious crowd (aka PAAAARTTTYYYY GOOOEEEEEEEEERRRS!)

Then tell me, Voice in my Head,
Why I see her sitting there.
Why her smoldering eyes still scorch my soul!
I fear her, I see her,
The sun caught in her chestnut hair,
Is blazing- Woah!

(The water in a nearby toilet forms into a miniature Rebe, sitting at a desk and drinking coffee.)

Headmaster Mune: Freaky... Oh great, I lost my place! Oh right. Ahem!

Like fire! Hellfire!
This fire in my skin!
This burning desire,
is turning me toooooo-

Janitor: Senor?

Headmaster Mune: Eh? You're not suppose to come in yet.

Janitor: Whatever. Anyway, that girl you were with left.

Headmaster Mune: What!?

Janitor: Um, she left.

Headmaster Mune: But how, I... Nevermind! Get out, you idiot! I'll find her! I'll find her if I have to burn down all of Rocketsville! Hellfire! Dark fi-

Janitor: Oh, and someone from Disney wants to talk to you. Something about sueing you for stealing a song from one of their movies.

Headmaster Mune: ...

Author: Masamune

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