The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Prequel

Author: Scruffy

Now, I shall start the prequel to how the adventures started...........

In a town, highly polluted and crammed, mixed in a world where humanity may blow themselves up or start wars for stupid reasons, live two young men. A young man with a dream of seeing past these desolate walls that barricade him, a chance to live out his life to the maximum, a fool who dreams a fool's dream of freedom and excitement, a fool that's called Monkeyman Scruffy. His friend, the greatest mechanic engineer to possibly come in since that famous dude, who was good at.......... Well, you get the point. Once a radioactive archeologist until he found the Millennium Nose and was turned into his current form, he has the unique ability of turning his nose into a cannon. His name is Que Pasa, Scuffy's best friend. There by the ocean bored, they are staring at the Marie Lou, one of the biggest galleons in the world. They one day hope to both exit and see the world.......and live it to a max!!!!!!!!!

Scruffy: Look at that galleon. It's huge, wish we had a ship like that, and then we could sail it around the world!!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: Yes, it's big and so is your mom!!!!!!

Scruffy: Yea, well you're an engineer. Can't you build us something???? How bout a dinghy?

Que Pasa: Of course I can!

(roughly 2 hours later)

Que Pasa: I am done!

Scruffy: Let's have a look!

(It's a boat-shaped thing with lots of holes and painted on the side "The Golden Cheesecake")

Scruffy: WTF MATE?????? That took you 2 hrs???????

Que Pasa: Well, I took about 15 minutes to build it, and an hour and 45 minutes to beat Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge Of The Sith.

Scruffy: I'm gonna........ (interrupted by a large howling in the background) Hey look, the navy and a pirate ship!

Que Pasa: Yes, and a butterfly as well.

Scruffy: Well, they know what they are doing. Why don't we become pirates????????

Que Pasa: Why do we become pirates?????

Scruffy: No seriously, we can leave this crappy town, explore the world, become rich and famous. We'll collect a crew and then head off to wherever our poor undetermined navigation skillz may take us.

Que Pasa: You mean we will drift wherever the waves may take us.

Scruffy: Well, I was trying not to make us look like uneducated imbeciles, but........ yeah, that's basically what I meant.

Que Pasa: Fine, I nominate you as captain.

Scruffy: What, why me??????

Que Pasa: CAUSE YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (crumbles up a paper with numerous ways for the captain to "accidentally" die)

Scruffy: Really?

Anakin: I thought I was?

Scruffy: Well, whatever, fine. I take the role as your leader, as your guiding light in the darkness, your........... Screw this, just call me Pirate Captain Monkeyman Scruffy. I elect you as my right hand. From now on you will be First Mate Que Pasa.

(As soon as Scruffy finishes saying his speech, a gang appears)

Gang Leader: So, you're a pirate. That means you have to have loot!

Gang Member..1: Who are you????

Scruffy: Well we sorta just sta..........(interrupted by Que Pasa)

Que Pasa: We are the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!!!!!!!!!

(Everybody stares for a few seconds, then they laugh)

Gang Leader: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS RIGHT?

Que Pasa: I'm as serious as I was with your mom last night in bed!!!!!!!!!!

Gang Member..1: Whoa!

Gang Member..2: He dissed your mom, captain!

(Silence)

Scruffy: Wait, captain? That must mean you're.... aaa. aa.... a... a pirate! Heheh...

Que Pasa: We have stated our name, now state yours!

Gang Leader: I am Pirate Captain Gorenicus of the pirate crew you see before you. We are the hungriest cutthroats to sail this sea, and this my pathetic little friends, IS YOUR LAST VOYAGE!!!!!!!!!

Scruffy: But...... but......... know what, Que Pasa I hope you handled her the right way!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: Yes, like taking candy from a baby!

Gorenicus: DAMN YOU, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?????

Scruffy: Me, I am Captain Monkeyman Scruffy of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!!!!!!!!!

Gorenicus: That will sound nice........ on your tombstone!!!!!!!!

Scruffy: Que Pasa, protect our ship!!!!!

Gang Member..3: You have a ship? We didn't see it!

(Que Pasa jumps into the little dinghy)

Que Pasa: I'll protect it with my life, Cap'n!

Scruffy: Good, what the???

(Gorenicus jumps at Scruffy, but Scruffy stops him in his tracks by punching him with his fist on fire)

Gorenicus: What the....... How did your fist spontaneously combust like that????

Scruffy: A long time ago, I accidentally ate the Mera Mera Fruit. Well.......... Actually I made a fruit juice and accidentally mistook it for an orange, and drank the juice. Whata quink-a-dink!

Gorenicus: Yes, which means that you can't swim, muwahahaha!!!!!!!

(Gorenicus grabs Scruffy and sends him towards the water)

Scruffy: Damnit youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Que Pasa: I'll save you captain! (nose shape-shifts into a cannon, puts a grapple hook in nose and fires it towards Scruffy)

Scuffy: Got it!

Que Pasa: Hold on!!!!! (reels in grapple hook)

(With Que Pasa helping Scruffy, he left the ship unprotected, and Gorenicus's ship fires a cannonball)

Que Pasa: Oh no Cap'n! I failed, I'm sorry...

Scruffy: No prob, we can replace it. Come and help me, blast his ship into pieces!!!!!

Que Pasa: Aye aye Cap'n!!!!!!!!!! (blasts ship into smithereens in 6 shots) Your turn Captain!

Scruffy: Alright then! (sends a hundred kamikaze fireballs at Gorenicus, who lands on his ship)

Que Pasa: (roars a Wookie beast noise)

Gorenicus: WTF is wrong with your friend???

Scruffy: Oh, he is just bored. Wanna do the honors Que Pasa?

Que Pasa: It would be my most honored job, possibly better than being hugged by Chewbacca!!!!!

Scruffy: Alright! (stuffs giant fireball into Que Pasa's nose) On my count...

Scruffy: 5

Scruffy: 4

Scruffy: 3

Scruffy: What comes after 3?

Que Pasa: I think its the letter "E" Cap'n!

Scruffy: E

Scruffy: 1... FIRE!!!!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: (fires the huge powered up fireball at Gorenicus and his ship remains, blasting them off somewhere)

Gorenicus: I'll get you Monkeyman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (blasted away)

Scruffy: Job well done first mate, job well done.

Que Pasa: Yes, like Marko's steaks.

Scruffy: Which reminds me, let's get some grub. Fighting works up an appetite!

Que Pasa: Indeed let's, and then, we can take over the world muwahahahaha!!!!!!

(At the all-you-can-eat buffet)

Scruffy: (burp) Excuse me, that was delicious. Que Pasa stop stuffing food down your nose!!!!

Que Pasa: Let's go buy all our supplies for the ship.

Scruffy: Alright, what do we need?

Que Pasa: A Nintendo Gamecube, Xbox, and PS2, plus five games for each, and food and water!

Scruffy: Sounds good to me.

(While walking down the docks after buying all their "supplies")

Scruffy: We need a ship.

Que Pasa: Will this do? (hijacks a navy ship)

Scruffy: Yeah, just paint over where it says NAVY and paint whatever you want to on top.

Que Pasa: GOLDEN CHEESECAKE!

Scruffy: Whatever you want to, paint it!

Que Pasa: WOOWOOWOOOWOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Scruffy: Raise the anchor, man the sails, we're off with the wind!!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: Aye aye Cap'n!

Scruffy: Where could we find a chef? I'm hungry again.

Que Pasa: We can go to a galaxy far beyond our reaches through a field of brain-eating aliens and asteroid fields and enemy ships, or.....

Scruffy: Or what?

Que Pasa: Or we can just hire Marko.

Scruffy: To El Fool's house!!!!!!!

And that is how two idiots with a fool's dream started to create reality, a maiden voyage with many harsh moments to come, a voyage that would test their luck to its limits!!!!!!!

Author: That Krazy Dude

This is how I, That Krazy Dude, came to be on the crew!

*The Golden Cheesecake is adrift at sea.*

Scruffy: Hey first mate.

Que Pasa: Yes?

Scruffy: You hungry?

Que Pasa: Maybe I am. It depends. Is this some kind of strange plot to kill me or something? Huh? Are you gonna put a bomb in my food? Or are you gonna poison my chalupa?

Scruffy: So you're thinking Taco Bell.

Que Pasa: Okay.

*The ship sets sail for Taco Bell. Que Pasa and Scruffy walk into the Taco Bell and walk up to the counter.*

Some Ass-Kissing Idiot at the Counter: May I help you, sirs?

Scruffy: Yeah, I'll have the spicy chicken burrito.

Ass-Kissing Idiot: (looks toward Que Pasa) And you sir?

Que Pasa: *Wookie noise*

Idiot: Grande burrito it is!

Que Pasa: Raaaaawr!

Scruffy: (yells at the counter guy) You idiot! Everyone knows that "raaaaawr" means "three tacos with sour cream, hot sauce, a large Coke and a pair of sweatsocks" in Wookie!

Idiot: Oh. I'm sorry. My apologies.

*So Scruffy and Que Pasa are eating their food while a commotion starts in the back room.*

In-the-Closet Taco Bell Manager: What is wrong with you? What an insane dude!

That Krazy Dude: It's Krazy Dude... That Krazy Dude!

Manager: Why don't you just go confuse yourself instead of everyone else. You drove my last employee insane and my last ten costumers were too confused to know what they wanted to order!

That Krazy Dude: If I confuse myself, I wouldn't be able to confuse myself because I myself will be confused, causing severe confusion in the world. As well as a nuclear war.

*While the manager is trying to figure out what he said, That Krazy Dude sneaks out. Scruffy and Que Pasa walk out to see this man of confusion.*

Scruffy: Hey Krazy Dude!

*That Krazy Dude walks up to the guys.*

That Krazy Dude: What's up?

Scruffy: That was a pretty good escape there. Do you wish to join me and my friend Que Pasa on a journey of piracy, wealth and...

That Krazy Dude: (interrupts) Free snacks and refreshments?

Que Pasa: What?

Scruffy: ...Of course!

That Krazy Dude: I'm in!

Scruffy: Excellent!

*Everyone's back on the ship.*

Scruffy: So what else can you do?

That Krazy Dude: I depress people.

Que Pasa: Lies!

That Krazy Dude: I dream of the day that I end my own life.

*Que Pasa starts crying.*

Scruffy: Excellent! Welcome aboard the Golden Cheesecake!!!

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Elsewhere, at a nearby navy base, everyone moves to the side as Captain Duck-Hand Frzlngd, an angry-looking officer with a duck where his right hand should be, walks past (and anyone who doesn't is impaled on the duck's beak), except for one person- Salama, the extremely thin lieutenant whom happens to be Frzlngd's favorite.*

Salama: Greetings Captain Frzlngd, sir! Lieutenant Salama reporting for duty, sir!

Frzlngd: Good job, boy! Y'know son I like you- you have the thin, lean body of a fighter! With such a stature you'll soon be recieving promotions daily. I just hope you can find a companion as loyal and friendly as my duck prosthetic here. Ever since I lost my real hand in 'Nam he's acting as my right hand-

Duck: Quack!

Frzlngd: SHUT UP WHEN I'M TRYING TO TALK DAMMIT! Anyway Salama, I think it's time you were awarded your own submarine.

Salama: Really sir? Really and truly?

Frzlngd: Yes Salama. Your hard work has paid off- and I have your first mission for your chosen squad, too. A group of pirates has stolen one of our ships- I want you to hunt them down and arrest them.

Salama: It will be done, sir!

Frzlngd: Good luck Salama! I know you can do it!

*Salama sails away in his submarine with his crew while Frzlngd feeds bread crumbs to his duck hand.*

Author: Lupine

*Back at the Golden Cheesecake...*

Scruffy: Ahoy, look it's El Fool's house!

Que Pasa: Or is it?

Krazy Dude: I hope he is cool.

*At Marko's house.*

Marko: Damn it I got fired again. How can I work if I have to focus on my training? My cooking's going down hill too. I used to be able to make a great meal, now I burn cereal. Oh well. :: begins kicking the air to train and notices a raccoon in the area:: Hey there little guy, want some food? ::the raccoon ignores him and goes for garbage:: Hey little guy, I cant let you do that. It means I gotta clean... ::suddenly the raccoon is possessed by evil and rage::

Raccoon: What do you mean I can't eat this!

Marko: Holy crap!!!!! ::runs into the crewman of the Golden Cheesecake and decides it's time to fight and creates a large feather outta alchemy:: Take this, foul vermin!

::Raccoon is shanked::

Marko : Oh good!

::suddenly the raccoon springs to life and clings to his face::

Marko :: Maksdnkwnernkc

Scruffy: What's that, boy? Timmy's stuck in a well?

Marko: njasndjaksdfjvj

Que Pasa: No, he says he did your mom last night!

Scruffy: You did what????? Fire Hell Storm! ::burns the raccoon and the majority of Marko's face giving him not burns or scars, but a new face, a better one::

Marko: Call me Lupine Shadow now.

Scruffy: Well Lupine, wanna join the crew and be our chef?

Lupine: Do I get dental benefits?

Scruffy: Yes.

Lupine: A vacation yearly?

Scruffy: No.

Lupine: Do I get to kill you and be captain?

Scruffy: Know what? Screw this! :: gets Krazy Dude's bucket and misses but the a leaf falls on Lupine's head knocking him out:: Get the body, bring him aboard.

Krazy Dude: I want more lines. Hey look, I'm talking!

Que Pasa: Hey, why is there a camera looking at us and why is it moving closer?

*Under the water...*

Salama: Boy, get me a can of lard, I hunger. Soon we shall get those criminals!

*Somewhere off in the distance, a mysterious figure is watching and plotting.*

Figure: Get my Deathticle ready and send out Brad Pitt!

Author: That Krazy Dude

A few days after the addition of No Name to the crew, the Golden Cheesecake crew found themselves sailing near the long forgotten land of Australia.

Scruffy: And to your right, you'll see the many long forgotten things of Australia.

Lupine: Hey look! It's a kangaroo!

Que Pasa: Hey it's your mom!

That Krazy Dude: Oh snap! He said that you enjoy touching little children.

*Lupine stares at That Krazy Dude and finally decides to ignore the statement.*

No Name: Hey look! It's Steve Irwin

*Steve Irwin also known as the Croc Hunter leaped onto the ship followed by a camera man.*

Steve Irwin: Crikey mate, what do we have here? It appears that we've found ourselves quite a treat. *in a quiet voice* Behind me we have the Golden Cheesecake pirate crew. Now be careful not to scare them 'cause they can be some nasty little monsters they can.

*Camera turns to the confused Captain Scruffy, who's staring at the camera.*

That Krazy Dude: Don't fall for his accent! It's a fake!

*Right then, a poison dart comes from nowhere, hitting That Krazy Dude in the calf muscle.*

Steve Irwin: Here we see the critter known as Que Pasa. *Camera turns to Que Pasa who's sitting there nibbling on a shoe* Now be careful. I'm gonna try and sneak up on him and see if we can bag this critter.

*Steve Irwin jumps on Que Pasa and tries to put a muzzle on him. The first mate struggled furiously but was no match for the strange Australian man. Que Pasa found himself lying on the floor, unable to attack, or to reach his shoe.*

The only ones left to fight this monstrosity were No Name, Lupine and Captain Scruffy. You want to know what happens next don't you? Huh? Huh? Bet you do! Well guess what? You're going to find out right now!

JUST KIDDING