Chapter One by Flutter: The Price of Crime After Taxes
A dim glow, emitted from the ceiling light, lit the room when Golem woke. The bed he lay on was hardly comfortable. The blankets covering him were ragged and itchy. The walls were painted a pale yellowish color and most of the paint had already started to peel off. The window to his right gave him no signs of daylight, and there were no clocks hung on the walls. The only other object in the room was a small desk, brown in color. And that, too, looked shabby. He kept trying to fall back to sleep, yet he kept hearing some noise from outside the window that prevented him from doing so.
Eventually he gave up trying to sleep. He would just lie there, trying to recall what happened the previous day. He kept saying to himself, “This isn’t my room. How did I get here?” As if he was trying to conjure up some lost memory of what happened. When Golem rolled over, the bed made an eerie squeaking sound. Then suddenly, from moving, or from thinking too hard, he became aware of a sharp pain on the back of his head. He slowly reached behind his head and felt some bloodstained bandages.
Hesitantly, he finally found the courage to leave. However, as soon as Golem stood, the doorknob began turning. As the door slowly creaked open, Golem started sweating. ‘Even the door is shabby,’ he thought as he tried to allay his fear. Once the door was fully opened Golem could see the figure before him, although he wished he hadn’t. The figure stood tall, at least six feet, although it was partially hunched over. Its skin was a pale orange and its hair was yellow and nappy. It wore a grey long-sleeve shirt and loose black pants. It had a long beak, with two small nostrils on the end. It had black, soulful eyes, which seemed to peer into Golem’s spirit.
A combination of both fear and curiosity caused Golem to scream, “What is that!”
It responded to Golem’s shrill call by making a sound like, “¡Puede hablar!”
Then out of the hallway, from behind the creature, came an old man on a cane. His white hair was combed back into a pompadour, and his beard and mustache were neatly groomed. Dressed in all white, he stood upright and was a foot taller than Golem. “You’ll have to excuse my friend,” he said. “Although he looks different from us, he’s no monster. But, alas, this is hardly an appropriate introduction. This is Samuel Flutter.” He pointed at the creature. “But most people call him Flutter. And you can call me Phostheo.”
Golem hesitated to reply.
“There is no need to be afraid, Golem. You are in the house of a friend.”
“How did you know my name?” inquired Golem. “And why does he,” pointing to Flutter, “speak Spanish?”
“Flutter is known to speak Spanish on occasion.”
“I guess you could say I’m bilingual,” remarked Flutter. “I usually speak English.”
“But how do you know my name!” Golem shouted.
“That will be answered in time, but for now I must leave. Any other questions of ‘How you got here’ and ‘What happened’, you’ll have to direct toward Flutter. ” And with that he walked out the door.
Golem tried to follow, but to no avail. Phostheo was long gone, but in the hallway laid Golem’s scarf, black cap, and shoes. He grabbed his hat and scarf, slipped on his shoes, and left. It wasn’t long until he came back and inquired what happened.
“Two nights ago,” Flutter began, “I was hunting for él chupacabra by the city dump, when I found you. I figured él chupacabra got to you first. Then I noticed that you were still alive, so I began to use you as bait. That’s when Phostheo appeared. He said to leave and forget that I saw you. I told him that I found you first and that he couldn’t go around stealing people’s bait. He gave me ten bucks to shut me up, and I took it. But when I heard the bone-chilling howl of él chupacabra I had no choice but to follow Phostheo.”
“Bait, huh?” Golem sighed. “I guess I’m lucky to be alive.”
“That’s the way I see it. If I hadn’t been there to save you, you’d be él chupacabra food by now. So you owe me big time. You could think of it as a life debt, lackey.”
“Hey now, I’m no one’s lackey. Especially not some monster’s.”
“But you haven’t heard my story.”
“I’ll listen, but if I don’t like the sound o’ it I’m leaving. Cool?”
“Deal. A couple of weeks ago, there was a death in my family. It was my Aunt’s…”
“I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. She must have been very important to you.”
“Why would the passing of my Aunt’s, brother’s, cousin’s dog bother me? But, anyway, it was a happy dog. However, it died before it could realize its dream of owning a Newspaper company. I had to carry on the dog’s legacy. So I used a one grand to set me up one, but it failed miserably. The competition was too strong. I had only ten bucks left to sabotage the competition, and then I bought a pizza. With only seventeen cents left, I have to find a way to carry on the dream.”
After hearing Flutter’s sappy, yet somewhat disturbing, story Golem almost broke out into tears. He agreed to help, and so two days later they enacted their plan.
In the dead of night Golem stealthily and quickly ran across the road to the paper box. After he stopped to make sure no one saw him, he ran into the building and distracted the guards, while Flutter snuck past and planted a bombinator, the cheapest, yet effective kind of bomb they could find. Thirty minutes later it explodes and the building collapses. Flutter was free the run the Newspaper company however he wanted.
Or that was the plan. However plans never really go the way that they are planned. Flutter had accidentally set the bombinator to go off at 1:00 p.m. instead of 1:00 a.m. So they walked to the Daily Moon in broad daylight, with Flutter carrying the bomb in his hands. However, none seemed to notice or mind.
“On the corner of third street and main, is where the Daily Moon exports their newspaper throughout the city,” Flutter said, while fiddling with the bombinator in his hand.
“Careful with that,” reminded Golem. “We’ve got only one shot at this and I’d rather not want it to end now. Cool?”
“Yeah, yeah. Now you go distract the guards. I’ll be right behind you.”
Golem ran across the street just as planned. No one noticed him or the spy tune he was humming whenever he moved. He made it to the building and gave Flutter the All’s Clear signal. So Flutter slowly made his way across the street. Halfway across the street Flutter suddenly stopped to pick up a nickel. An oncoming car swerved to miss him, ramming into a nearby building. After seeing the horrible gruesome incident, Flutter scoffed and continued onward to the Daily Moon. Fortunately, no one important was hurt. When Flutter reached Golem, Golem questioned Flutter about the whole stealth idea. After a brief period of awkward silence, they went inside.
The lights were off and there was an eerie silence all around them. Nobody was there. All of the plant arrangements were wilted and the security cameras seemed to be off. Golem felt tempted to shout out a hello or two, just to hear it echo. They continued to make their way to the back room where the papers were actually printed. The lights were off there too. The machines weren’t running and by the dust covering them, it appeared they haven’t worked in some time.
“How could a newspaper company, that doesn’t even print newspapers, put you out of business?” Golem asked.
“This is impossible. I read their paper this morning.”
They cautiously made their way towards the center of the room, where they started to plant the bombinator. Then, without warning, the lights came on and the machines started running.
Flutter ran off screaming, “It’s él chupacabra!” He left Golem all alone to fend off whatever turned the lights on.
Golem slowly made his way towards the door. He made it there unharmed, with no sign of the mysterious intruder. Golem turned the knob. Locked. He started beating on the door. No answer. He sighed. It appeared all hope was lost, until he turned the knob the other way and the door opened. He ran through the door, only to see a figure standing in the way of the exit. He ran to the elevators and pressed the button. The figure started walking towards him. Golem panicked, the elevator wasn’t coming fast enough.
That’s when he noticed the stairs and made a mad dash towards them. As he started to climb, he heard the ‘ding of the elevator’ and thought, ‘Why didn’t I wait a little longer?’ The figure followed. Golem continued to climb upwards, past the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 7th, and 8th floors. Every so often, Golem would stop to catch his breath. Each time, he would hear the echo of the footsteps below. At the 9th floor, he went inside.
He sat down against the wall, all out of ideas. He was about to give up when he noticed the elevator. He thought, ‘The elevator is only nine floors below. I might be able to make it.’ He ran to the elevator and pressed the button, when he noticed the figure opening the door. Slowly the figure walked towards him. When it was about ten feet away, a wall of fire appeared between them, along with Flutter.
Ding! The elevator doors opened, and both Golem and Flutter got on. They hit the button, the doors closed, and they started downwards. Once the elevator doors opened again, they raced outside and ran off. They stopped at an abandoned construction site. “What happened back there?” Golem asked
“I saved your life again,” replied Flutter heroically.
“But I didn’t know you could, uh… breath fire. I’ll have to remember that in the future.” Golem checked his watch. 12:57. “Cool. Almost time for the fireworks,” he said.
“What fireworks?”
“Don’t you remember the b-o-m-b-intator?
Flutter started to sweat. “I ran off in such a rush, that I forgot to place the bomb.”
“Where is it?” Golem frantically asked.
“I sat it down here… somewhere.”
“Run!” shouted Golem, but it was too late. The bomb exploded right next to them. After the dust and the black smoke settled, they realized they got their money’s worth. The bomb was no dud, but its blast radius threatened only the nearby anthills.
Flutter sighed. “Poor ants, victims of unfortunate tragedy. It’ll take them months to rebuild that.”
“Well Flutter, how does it feel to be broke?” Golem asked with a cynical smirk.
“I’m not broke. Don’t you remember then ten bucks I got from Phostheo? That means I could get me a pizza, or gamble it away in Vegas.”
“Well, have fun.”
“You’re coming too. Until you pay me back for saving your life, twice, you’re my lackey.”
Golem sighed. He had always wanted to live an exciting life, but this wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. “How do you expect to get to Vegas? You don’t have a car do you?”
“Don’t worry, leave everything up to me.”
They started down the road and every car that went by they tried to get a ride. It was growing darker. The sun had almost set, when a vehicle had finally pulled over. It had a white coat of paint, with black flame decals running down its sides. The rims of it still shown bright, even in the waning light. Its pipes made nearby animals run in fear. It was the coolest minivan that Golem and Flutter had ever laid eyes on.
The driver stepped out. He was a husky man with a large nose and a big bottom lip, with a thin mustache in between. He had on a green sweater and khakis. His hair was combed back, to make a large pompadour. “Where are you guys headed?”
“Vegas,” Golem replied.
“Well hop on in, I’m headed that way myself.”
“Hey,” Flutter whispered to Golem. “Doesn’t he look like Phostheo?”
Golem nodded, but didn’t say anything. He thought, ‘Of all the vehicles out there, why would the one, driven by a man who looks like Phostheo be the one to pull over?’ But, this didn’t stop him from entering the minivan.
After they got in, the man turned around. “I almost forgot, my name’s Al, but all my friends call me Big Al.”
“I’m Flutter, and this is Golem.”
“Oh I almost forgot, again. I’ve got another hitchhiker going to Vegas. Meet Mr. McCloaker.
“Please, call me Ditto,” said the young man. He wore glasses and had a hairstyle similar to Golem’s. In fact, he could be mistaken for Golem, if he was a little younger. He held a briefcase in his lap, as if he was protecting something in it. “Nice to meet you, Golem.”
“Same here,” replied Golem, who was a little freaked out at meeting what could be considered his double on a cloudy day.
“Aha. Ahaha. Muahahahahahaha… So sorry, I just remembered a funny joke that a friend my told me, long ago.”
“Care to tell the joke?” inquired Flutter. “We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.”
“No, not really. It’s more of a personal joke.”
“Oh. Well, Big Al, why do you drive this minivan?”
“It may have fifteen horsepower, but you’d drive it too, if you knew it got eighty-three miles to the gallon,” replied Al.
“Eighty-three miles to the gallon! You’ve got to be joking.”
“Actually… I am. It gets five…”
Hours later, the minivan swerved off the road into a cactus patch. A large argument ensued. Most accused Flutter off distracting Al. Flutter blamed Al’s bad driving. But whatever caused them to go off the road didn’t matter. What mattered was that they were stuck and they weren’t getting to Vegas for a good, long while, if they walked. To make matters worse, they were in the middle of a cactus patch. They took a vote to see who would wade through the patch. It was 3 to 1 Flutter would go.
As Flutter marched off, Al, Ditto, and Golem settled in for a good long nap. Outside the van window, Golem looked up at the stars. It was either luck or fate that a meteor forecast had been schedule that night. As he watched the stars zoom by, he thought to himself, ‘Maybe this place won’t be so bad.’ And with that in his mind, he finally dosed off.