Gamehiker High University 2 Page 1
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Author: Ditto McCloaker
~Down a road we see a bus. It rattles, smokes, jettisons small parts, jerks and sounds like it could break down any minute. On the side, barely legible from the grafitti, are the words:
GAMEHIKER HIGH UNIVERSITY
*the camera pans to the roof of the bus, looking down. There the graffitti reads:
SpRiNg BrEaK sUmMeR vAcAtIoN!!!~
*camera pans into the bus. Here we see, sitting in the ratty and peeling seats...
Professor Luigi of the Pipes
Professor Vorpal
Professor GORE
GM
Tyler
MJ
Vivid
Kester
Big Al
Flutter
Gamechamp
Golem
Lupus
Fred
Elzie
Saph
Kuria
...and Headmaster Mune
...and the bus driver, who appears to be Pee Wee Herman.
Gamehiker: Are we in Sunny Mexico yet? For crying out loud, we've been driving for hours.
*they pass a roadsign that nobody notices*
~Sunny Mexico ---------> 50000000 Miles
Lifeless Canada <----------- 5 Miles~
Oh yeah. And they're heading <--- (Grinning Emoticon)
Golem: Isn't it awesome that the school is sponsoring our spring break summer vacation?!
Saph: Oh, yeah, great, I get to spend the best holidays of the year with YOU GUYS.
Vorpal: I don't remember Palm Trees in Sunny Mexico.
Elzie: *peeks over Pee Wee's shoulder at his map* MANITOBA?! We're going in the WRONG DIRECTION!
Pee Wee: WHOOPS! Huh huh! *turns around*
~Later in Sunny, Mexico~
*everyone disboards the bus, their necks at awkward angles*
Guide: What's wrong guys?
Vorpal: Masamune had new carpeting put into the bus, and now our heads hit the ceiling. *cracks neck straight*
Masamune: *murmurs up to the front desk of Awesome Beachfront Hotel* Hi. We're from Gamehiker High University. All our first-class poolside ground-floor rooms have been reserved for us.
Front Desk Guy: Sorry... Er, um... There's no reservation for you.
Masamune: What do you mean?! I made it two weeks ago. I called earlier to make sure.
Front Desk Guy: Sorry... um...
*suddenly a long sleek black bus drives up outside, and out steps...*
DEAN DITTO. ~cue ominous music~
Ditto: Ah, Desk? The St. Ditto group has arrived. Heh heh heh. *is followed by several large, shadowy students*
Front Desk Guy: Ah yes. You made reservations this afternoon. All the ground-floor, first-class poolside rooms for your students.
Ditto: That's the man. *slips Desk Guy a hundred bucks*
Masamune: HEY! Those were OUR ROOMS!
Ditto: Oh, I am SO sorry old chum. Hard luck and all that. But hey, we shouldn't just let you have come all this way. I'm sure the Desk Guy can make accommodations for you.
~Five minutes later, the students of Gamehiker High University are dragging their suitcases up the third flight of rickety stairs to a row of rooms on the third floor, nowhere near the pool, rusted doorknobs, peeling paint and sun damage~
Tyler: Axesome! Our hotel rooms! *opens door, or more or less just pushes it down*
~Inside, the room is covered in stains, and tiny sand crabs crawl over a floor which is marked with two chalk outlines. The sound of gunshots are heard in the distance~
Masamune: *clenches fist* THIS IS WAAAR!
Kester: *pokes his head out of an adjacent door* THESE ARE THE BEST HOTEL ROOMS EVER! *caterpillar crawls out of his teeth*
Author: Freddy Wonder
(Back at the school, Yami Yoshi sits studying)
Yami: No one has to know. No one.
SteveT: Pipsqueek.
Yami: Oh, oh... oh no.
SteveT: Let`s see how well a log tosses you...
(Cut back to SUNNY MEXICO)
Golem: Man, do I ever miss Toby. I wonder who I`m bording wit- Oh crap I better do something so I don`t end up with like MJ or someone
Headmaster Mune: A-HEM. I believe Professor Gore has something to say, students.
Lupus: You don`t own us! This isn`t the school ye- (electric collared) oh yeah, forgot about those. And where`s Yami, huh?
Professor GORE: As I was about to be saying, Room Assignments have been predetermined, are laminated and carbonite engraved, and there is to be no trading.
Everyone: AWWWW
Professor GORE: It will also be co-ed for shenannigans and nonsense that really shouldn`t go on but then again Batgirl worked with-
Tyler: What the... Old man, you`re a professor in Batmanology, as well?
GORE: IT`S A HOBBY. And I think I`m the same age as you. Anyways, the unecessary pairings are as follows for maximum horridness. They are pairings of three and four.
1. Big Al, Flutter and Kuria.
Kuria: What!? You`re going to put me in a room with those guys?
GORE: Hey, I just made the rules and then gave the possibility to pair people up to the sadist.
Proffesor Luigi: If I can`t enjoy the company of Rebe, none of you can enjoy company at all!
Big Al: I don`t mind Flutter.
Flutter: I don`t mind Al... and I reeeEEEaly don`t mind Kuria. (is hit on the head by Vorpal)
GORE: If you`d stop having personalities that would reasonably react to the situation and stop interrupting me, please.
2. Golem, Lupus, and Saphhire.
Golem: NO WAI
Sapphire: No. Way.
Lupus: Of all th- (ELECTRIC COLLAR`D)
GORE: I`ll just say them obnoxiously fast
3. Vivid, Elzie, Gamechamp, and Kester
Kester: whoo I`m- (tazed by GORE)
4. The Three Proffesors and your headmaster
Vorpal: Aw, man! I have to room with GORE?
Luigi: Dude, I totally know!
Headmaster Mune: Didn`t you make these pairings?
Luigi:... yes.
GORE: okay shut up again. The last rooming is
5:GM, Tyler, Fred, and MJ.
Fred: I request a room change and will pay any money
GM: Same except if you don`t change it we`ll pay you in PUNCHES
Tyler: Or make insulting flash animations of you! uh.. (GM shakes his head) not that, but yeah!
GORE: All decisions are final. Got a problem with that? (holds a barrel labeled "TNT" above his head)
Vorpal: So that`s where my TNT non-stop recording tapes went.
GORE: There`s a lot of them in here, and I`m not afraid to play them on the way back!
Fred/Tyler/GM: Fine, we surrender! (crying)
MJ: Excellent, plenty of boys in my room! I do wish I had Golem, though.
(golem gulps)
GORE: Yes well no one cares. In case we get the better rooms the combinations may be subject to slight change due to the fact that putting four people in any of them wouldn`t break any floors and that we originally had more of them!
Kester: This totally rocks, the best ever! This is like that episode of the X-files where I made out with two totally hot clones of Scully and... wait, that didn`t happen.
Big Al: You know, those legs of yours are looking pre-tty breakable right about now.
Kester: Shutting up.
Headmaster Mune: It`s time to do the unecessary Mexican sightseeing (although there IS NONE to really speak of) so that we can scout the land for the upcoming summer wargames with St. Ditto!
Fred: Lifting nozzles, you`re serious?
Headmaster Mune: I`m... always serious. (eyes darken, everyone shuffles back)
Golem: Jeez, I`m sure glad he didn`t have to yell this pos-
(Golem nearly falls backwards down the staircase, but when rebalancing falls down in front and hits a board. Headmaster Mune is launched into the attic by an old spring (yes, in the floorboards))
Headmaster Mune: PAAAAAaaaRRRRTTYYYYY GOOOOOEEEEERRRRRSSSSSS!
Golem: Oh, THAT Headmaster.
(everyone breaks into laughter)
Tyler: Hey, that wasn`t funny.
GM: Laugh, we`re being payed to do it.
Author: Masamune
~Dean Ditto and his cohorts watch the GHU students from afar with binoculars~
Dean Ditto: Look at them Giuseppe, merrily enjoying their Mexican Trip! How I despise them!
Giuseppe: Yessir.
Dean Ditto: Oh we'll beat them this time and prove once and for all that.... *body contorts strangely with every word* RPs ARE BETTER!
Hooded Figure: That's all good and well, but when do we - and by we I include myself - find out who exactly I am?
Dean Ditto: I don't know, I never really planned far ahead enough.
~Meanwhile, back in Sunny OGsburg~
Yami: All these logs are crushing my bones.
Steve: Then catch them better.
Toby: *walks up, once more in his leather jacket, shades, and Fonzie haristyle* Hey losers.
Steve: What do you want pipsqueak?
Toby: Looking for Golem. I wanted to coerce him into another party, but his house is locked and I can't find him.
Steve: Hey you're right. It has been rather quiet... I ain't seen my gang at all lately.
Yami: And Lupus hasn't been around to consistently break my willpower of being a good student.
Toby: There's only one way to find out.
~Later, they're all in the Boy's Bathroom~
Toby: *flushes down Nintendo Power #1*
Mole Guy: *arises from stall* I have this issue already!
Steve: Listen you freakish dwarf thing. Where is everyone?
Mole Guy: You're right there.
Steve: Besides us!
Mole Guy: All of them went into Mexico. Except AaronGuy who is working on his new car.
Steve: Curse them, why weren't we invited!
Mole Guy: Probably just an oversight. It's for the best, since this Almanac that my future self sent me says that they're all going to die an agonizing and painful death if someone doesn't arrive to save them. Anyhoo, I need to get back to shovelling stuff. *descends back into the stall*
Yami: Well let's go study-
Steve: TO THE AARONGUY'S CAR!
Toby: Why?
Steve: Because it beats getting a summer job.
~Later at AaronGuy's house, who was totally in the last OG for one whole line~
AaronGuy: I'm so glad none of the other students are aware of my existence.
Steve: YOU. DRIVE. MEXICO. NOW!
AaronGuy: Oh snap.
Toby: You're the only one of us who has a car or something. There's a plot reason for everything.
Yami: I'd rather stay home.
AaronGuy: But this is my new car, guys...
Toby: Even better. Let's see it.
~Meanwhile, back in Mexico~
Apartment 1:
Big Al: Man, it's great not having to throw logs.
Flutter: No kidding, man!
Big Al: Throwing Kuria is ten times better!
Kuria: VOOOOOOORRPPPPPAAAAAALLLL
Apartment 2:
Golem: (Why couldn't I be with Elzie who thinks I'm hot instead of Sapphire who doesn't think I'm hot.)
Sapphire: (Why haven't I went through with my diabolical plot to reveal Vorpal and Kuria's secret like foreshadowed in the previous story?)
Lupus: (My God, these Mexican Nachos taste almost as good as the manufactured pre-packaged American Nachos!)
Apartment 3:
Gamechamp: There are only being two beds. What now?
Elzie: The three of you are going to share. No guys in my bed, GOT IT?
Vivid: *cautiously looks over at Kester and Gamechamp who in her mind morph into hideous apes or something* ... could I sleep on the floor?
Kester: That sounds suspiciously like something an alien would say!
Apartment 4:
Headmaster Mune: Let's skip to 5 real quick so we can have a more dramatic moment with the faculty.
Apartment 5:
GM: Tyler, wanna head over to spy on St. Ditto's place and see if we can somehow tie ourself in with the plot?
Tyler: Then we can make a flash movie based on it!
MJ: I'll make cookies!
Fred: And I'll toss them.
Okay, now Apartment 4:
Headmaster Mune: Okay Professors. It's time to get serious, seriously.
Luigi: This stupid vacation sucks, I wish I had stayed home with Rebe.
GORE: Yes, except she's been retconned out of the series.
Luigi: *mumbles curses*
Vorpal: I just want to know why we didn't take my ice cream truck/school bus here.
~Outside in the parking lot~
Pee-Wee: Huh huh!
Author: GM
(With no one around, Pee Wee dropped the routine. His face grew sinister and he lit up a cigarette, something Pee Wee would never do. That is, something the real Pee wee would never do. Suddenly, the screams of the millions of people forever burining in the fiery pits of Hell filled the air, but it was only Pee Wee's cell phone.)
"Pee Wee": Yes.
???: It is I.
"Pee Wee": Ah. Master. Everything's going according to plan. They have no idea who I really am. Soon, all from Gamehiker High University and St. Ditto's will suffer an agonizing, painful death!
???: Okay, cool. Just checking on you. Bye.
("Pee Wee" hung up.)
"Pee Wee": Soon, my master, soon they will know true pain, courtesy of...
("Pee Wee's skin changed colors until he was dark red. His eyes became pools of pure darkness. His grey suit turned purple with a yellow bowtie. He somehow got even skinnier and he grew a pink sparkly unicorn horn for some reason.)
"Pee Wee: PEE WEE HELLMAN!!! Huh huh! Huh huh huh huh! Hahahahahahaha! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bawiohodigjfkjhjhggfj!!! TEEEEEEEEEHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
(Then he skipped away into the woods, which is odd since Sunny Mexico probably doesn't have any woods. However, his strangely expository moment was noticed by GM and Tyler, who were on their way to the St. Ditto area. They instead decided to spy on Pee Wee from behind some bushes. I'm not sure if there are bushes in Sunny Mexico either.)
Tyler: Well, this doesn't look good. Want to get the hell out of here?
GM: I have a better idea. If we try to stop this Pee Wee Hellman guy, maybe we'll be the main characters in this story.
Tyler: Do we want to be?
GM: Well, we got so little screentime in the last one I think they owe us.
Tyler: So what do we do?
GM: It's too early in the story to fight Pee Wee Hellman. We'll just get our asses kicked. So, it looks like we'll have to... Uh...
Tyler: ...Warn the others?
GM: ...Yeah.
Tyler: That's exactly what we did in the last story!
GM: I know.
Tyler: Can't you think of something more original?
GM: Nope.
Tyler: Great. We might as well get held hostage by that hooded figure again.
(Hooded Figure pops out of some other bushes.)
Hooded Figure: Did somebody call me?
Tyler: ...
GM: You jynx.
Hooded Figure: You two!? It figures that you'd be in the bushes too! You GHUers are so predictable! You are now my hostages! Again!
GM: *sigh* Whatever you say. Look, you don't like me, and I'm holding judgement until I can figure out if you're really a hot chick under the hood and robe, but you may have noticed the screaming freaky man who was over there just now. He wants to kill us all!
Hooded Figure: I may or may not have seen such a man. It's classified to anyone who is not from St. Ditto's.
Tyler: Okay, whatever, but we've gotta warn the others. You can go to St. Ditto's and warn them if you want.
Hooded Figure: No can do! Dean Ditto has ordered me to take anyone who is caught spying hostage, even if they aren't spying on him. I'm staying with you guys.
Tyler: Again, whatever. C'mon GM.
GM: Vaminos!
Hooded Figure: Hey! Wait for me! *chases after them*
__________
(In AaronGuy's garage...)
AaronGuy: Well, this is my car.
Steve: It's perfect! It's big enough for all of us, it looks like it'll make it to Mexico, and it's got missile launchers and machine guns so we can take out the dinosaurs when we drive through Texas!
[Texas has been overrun with dinosaurs since the "Holy Crap, Dinosaurs!" incident of 2004]
AaronGuy: All true, but there's a problem. It runs on an alternate fuel.
Toby: Which is?
AaronGuy: Friendship. It can be a common fuel source, but I don't know you guys well enough to consider you friends.
Toby: Oh. Well, that's no problem. I'm sure we'll bond quickly over a game of Super Smash Bros.
Yami: I don't want to play Super Smash Bros.
(A half hour later...)
Steve: You're cheating!
Toby: What do you expect? He's playing as Roy.
AaronGuy: I'm not cheating!
Steve: Yes you are! Now I like you even less than I did earlier! This was a stupid idea!
Yami: I din't want to play anyway.
Steve: I have a better idea anyway. Back to the car!
(A few minutes later, Steve pushes the car out of the garage.)
Steve: Everyone into the car! I'm going to toss this thing all the way to Sunny Mexico! If I can toss a log, I can toss a car!
Toby: Are you serious?
Steve: Get into the car or I'm tossing it without you!
(Everyone but Steve gets into the car. When they're all buckled in, Steve picks it up and tosses it over the horizon.)
Steve: Am I the greatest or what? Now to get into the car myse... Oops.
__________
(Apartment 4)
GORE: Hey guys, did either of you hear someone scream "Pee Wee Hellman" earlier, or was it just me?
Luigi: Not now, GORE. We're busy.
(Luigi and Headmaster Mune were building something out of various dirty junk found around the room.)
GORE: What are you doing?
Luigi: I won't stand for this whole "Rebe has been retconned out" crap! We're building a new Rebe!
Headmaster Mune: Stronger, faster, sexier, and loyal only to me!
(Suddenly, AaronGuy's friendship-powered car crashes through the wall of the room and runs over what was going to be a new Rebe. Headmaster Mune and Luigi managed to dodge in time.)
Luigi: PAAAAAAARTY GOOOOEEEEEERRRS!!!
Headmaster Mune: No! That's my line! Bad Luigi, bad!
(Headmaster Mune sprays Luigi in the face with water from a spray bottle.)
Headmaster Mune: Very, very bad Luigi!
Author: GORE-ILLA
*In Apartment 4, Professor GORE pulls Professor Luigi aside.*
Professor Luigi: What do you want now?
Professor GORE: I need your help! To find... MY PAST!
*In Apartment 3, Vivid sits against the wall, reading a book. She turns and sees Kester standing right next to her looking through a pair of binoculars. She jumps back.*
Vivid: Dammit kid can't you leave me alone?
Kester: Oh no. I'm onto you. Last time you tried to throw me off by making me think you were a girl. Now I see you for what you are you dirty alien!
Vivid: Alien? Oy, at least your last freakish suspicion was true.
Kester: What?
Vivid: Nothing.
Kester: Ah, so you're saying there IS such thing as global warming!
*In Apartment 2, everyone sits around uncomfortably.*
Sapphire: (talking on cell phone) Oh really Steve? You threw a car that far?
Lupus: (covering his ears in the corner) Shut up.
Golem: I'm gonna go look for Elzie.
Sapphire: An evil warning you say?
Lupus: Shut up.
Sapphire: Wait, I can't hear clearly speak up.
*Lupus swipes the cell phone and flushes it down the toilet.*
Sapphire: Hey!
Lupus: I said, shut up!
Professor Vorpal: Hey, quit this roughousing.
Lupus: She won't shut up sir.
Sapphire: Well he flushed my cell phone down the toilet!
Professor Vorpal: Now you know cell phones aren't allowed, except for emergency axe murderer cell phones. (points to a glass case labelled, "Emergency: Break In Case of Axe Murderer")
Sapphire: Fine then, Professor Vorpal. You stand there so confident and beat me once again, but just know that your day will come. You don't know when or where, but I'll do it. I'll blow the lid wide open. (notices he's already left)
Lupus: Seriously man shut up.
*In Apartment 5, Fred and MJ have a pillow fight.*
*Outside, the Hooded Figure patrols the forest.*
Hooded Figure: Where are you kids? I know I'll find you...
*Suddenly a strange creature leaps up from nowhere and tramples over Hooded Figure as it runs past. Flutter and Big Al rush by.*
Big Al: Hey Hood guy did you see that?
Hooded Figure: Ugh...
Flutter: Really? Which we did it go? Thanks. (they run off after the creature) After all these years I've found you... el chupacabra...
*Professor GORE walks outside with Professor Luigi.*
Professor GORE: Look at this. (holds up a newspaper clipping) Today's paper. Look at the photo.
Professor Luigi: That man... looks just like you!
Professor GORE: Exactly. After all these years I've finally found a lead on my old Pappy.
Professor Luigi: Your... Pappy?
Professor GORE: It's been a while. Let me tell you about the last time I saw him.
[flashback]
*Young GORE Jr. sits patiently outside a bank with braces over his mechaniacal teeth. Gunfire and an alarm is heard from inside. Papa Gore runs out, with machine guns mounted on his wrists and his hands fool of stolen loot.*
Papa GORE: (hands GORE Jr. the bags) Hold these bags for Daddy, I'll be right back!
*Papa GORE runs into the getaway car and drives off. A fleet of Police Force cars quickly park. The officers leap out and aim their guns at GORE Jr.*
Police: Freeze!
GORE Jr.: Dada?
*The frame freezes, and sad piano music starts playing.*
[/flashback]
Professor Luigi: GORE your story reaches out to me. However I don't feel like going on this stupid sidequest.
Professor GORE: Just do it! Alright, I'll have to play my trump card. Rebe was not retconned out of the story, I have her hidden in my pocket. And I'll only release her if you do what I say.
Professor Luigi: So this is the game eh.
Professor GORE: Yes. Follow me.
*Professors GORE and Luigi walk off down a Mexican street... towards adventure.*
*Elsewhere, Sapphire's cell phone flows through the toilet waters until it reaches the radioactive Mexican sewers...*
Author: Luiigii of the Pipes
~Professors GORE and Luigi kick down a door in a random building and jump in waving their ping pong paddles insanely.~
Professor Luigi: WE MEAN YOU HARM!
Professor GORE: No we don't! It's my dad!
Straw Man: Oh ma bonté ! Vous êtes juste à temps pour la Nuit de Taco !
Lynel: Es la Noche de la Pizza, usted imbécil.
Professors: . . .
Straw Man: C'est lundi, n'est-ce pas ?
Lynel: El lunes es la Noche de la Pizza.
Straw Man: Non, mardi est la Nuit de Taco. Ce doit être mardi.
Lynel: ~tira la pizza en Straw Man~ ¡la Mirada, la Noche de la Pizza!
Straw Man: Qu'une tortilla bizarrement formée...
Lynel: Ah mis dioses...
Professor Luigi: Are you SURE we don't mean them harm?
***
~Professors GORE and Luigi stand outside of Straw Man and Lynel's house, which is currently on fire.~
Professor GORE: Silly me. My father's house is next door.
~They turn and kick in the door.~
Professor Luigi: WE ARE YOUR ENEMIES!
Professor GORE: No, we're not. ~sigh~ Why didn't I bring Vorpal instead?
Lynel: Hey.
Straw Man: Rude to just kick up the back door.
Professors: . . .
Lynel: It's the front door. And they kicked it down.
Straw Man: Oh shut down, you incompetent mutt.
Lynel: ~falls asleep before he can retort~
Professor GORE: No no no no no. We just burned you guys alive.
Straw Man: I'm inflammable.
Lynel: ~wakes up because Straw Man is horrible for exposition~ Yeah, we were just visiting this Mr.-ILLA guy, or something.
Professor GORE: No I killed my father!
Professor Luigi: Well, he did make you take a fall for him.
Lynel: He wasn't home anyway.
Author: GORE-ILLA
*On a random highway, SteveT sticks his thumb out and points towards Mexico. Cars drive right by him. One car drives through a mud puddle and splashes his armor.*
SteveT: Oh, come on now!
*SteveT tosses a giant log towards the car and accidentally causes the big car accident at the beginning of Final Destination 2.*
SteveT: Yeah I think I'll walk. SAFAYAAAAA! I'M-A COMIN' FOR YAAAAA!!!
*
Back in Sunny Mexico, in Apartment 4, Headmaster Mune and Professor Vorpal scolds Toby, Yami Yoshi and AaronGuy.*
Headmaster Mune: ...As none of you are popular or rich enough, you can all expect a heaping load of detention when we get back. AND NO CHAIRS!
AaronGuy: But what about my back problems?
Professor Mune: (glares) Get out of my sight.
*GM and Tyler are hiding in the bushes. The Hooded Figure arrives.*
Hooded Figure: Stop right there!
*GM and Tyler continue running, the Hooded Figure stays in place.*
Hooded Figure: Y'know... maybe I don't have orders to capture you! Maybe I just enjoy your company, maybe you're the closest things to friends I have! (sheds tear)
*In Apartment 1.*
Golem: (You know, I don't even have to be here with Sapphire. I can just find my way to Elzie's apartment. That's what Toby would do! I'll do that now!)
Sapphire: (You know, I don't have to take this from Vorpal! I'm marching straight to Headmaster Mune right now and getting him fired! That's what Elzie would do. I'll do that now!)
Lupus: (They're both focused on the door. This is the perfect chance for me to dip their tootbrushes in the toilet!)
*Suddenly Apartment 4 begins rumbling wildly.*
Golem: W-w-w-
*Toby runs in.*
Toby: AVALANCHE!
Sapphire: THIS IS SUNNY BLEEPING MEXICO!
*Apartment 4, and Apartment 4 only, is torn from the rest of the building and buried beneath an acre of snow.*
Lupus: Oh great. We're trapped. Thanks alot new guy. Wanna see my bottle cap collection?
*Peewee Hellman sits atop the Snowy Mexico Mountain.*
Peewee Hellman: (into cell phone) Phase 1 is complete, master.
*On the other side of the phone, we see Peewee Hellman's master. It is...*
GORE-ILLA Senior: Excellent. Remember, kill them all!
Peewee Hellman: Yes sir, you don't have to repeat it, especially with all the times I repeat it.
GORE-ILLA Senior: You can never be too right!
Author: SOAP
*Just then, MJ eats a Dorito.*
Tyler: MJ? When the hell did you get here?
MJ: What are you talkinga bout? I've always been behind you guys the whole time, eating this bag of chips. *sahkes bag* Which is empty now... Crud.
GM: If you're here, where's your slutty sister?
*Tyler and MJ sahke their heads and suddenly get sickly pale.*
GM:What? She's behind me isn't she?
Hooded Figure: No. I'm infront of you.
*The Hooded Figure pulls down her hood to reveal a very pissed off Marin... as if there was any other kind.*
GM: Oh.
SLAP!
MJ: Hey! Why did you slap me? GM said it.
Marin: You're my brother. You're supposed to defend me.
*meanwhile, at the checkpoint*
Jorge: For the LAST time! I'm not a Mexican, I'm Puerto Rican.
Guard: Do you have Green Card stating that youy're Puerto Rican?
Jorge: I'm PUERTO RICAN! I don't need a fraking green card! We're BORN US citizens! What part of United States Commonwealth don't you people understand!?
Guard: I can't let you into the US without any ID.
Jorge: I left in my car, in El Paso. I'm telling you, my buddies that it'd be funny to drop me off on the other side of the border while I was drunk and now here I am. If you just let me I can prove it to you. I can tell you exactly which hotel we're staying at.
Guard: Sir I have to ask you to calm down.
Jorge: I am calm.... I'm perfectly calm... sir.
Guard: What did you call me?
Jorge: Huh?
Guard: Suspect is getting beligerent! Requesting back-up!
Jorge: Wait! Wha--
*A couple of more guards appaer and start beating Jorge into the pavement.*
Author: Luiigii of the Pipes
~US-Mexico Border~
~SteveT runs across the border without the slightest hesitation. He is in fact running so fast that Jorge gets plastered to the front of him. He doesn't notice. Someone tries to detain him, but is arrested by border patrol. SteveT will probably sue him for harrassment later and make millions. Anyway, back with everyone's favorite students...~
Golem: Okay. I, uh, need to use the, uh, vending machine.
Lupus: Oh, hey. Buy me that pack of Ho-Hos with the live rat inside of it while you're at it.
Sapphire: Oh HELL no. We are not keeping a rat in here.
Lupus: Professor Vorpal! Sapphire is smothering my rights! And she made a cuss!
Sapphire: Vorpal's not here!
Professor Vorpal: ~ahem~
Sapphire: ...What the HELL?! There was an avalance and--
Golem: And now I slip out into the hall and--
Headmaster Mune: Golem, what are you doing?! Lights out for you is oh-now-hundred hours!
Golem: Ummm.... MYBLOODSUGARHASFALLENTORIDONCULOUSLYLOWLEVELSSIR! ~sweats a river~
Headmaster Mune: Ugh. As if this carpet couldn't get any more moldy. Where is all this snow coming from? Anyway, you have one minute(s) to get something and get back in your room and clean up all this snow while you're at it. I will of course not be here to make sure you do because I stole Rebe back from GORE and told her that Luiigii is dead and we're going out on a date to an authentic Mexican restaurant (aka Taco Bell) with the rest of the school's tax refund while my idiot staff takes care of you and I'm sure they can handle it because I really don't want to think otherwise because then I might feel guilty even though I never feel--
~The door to Apartment 3 slams shut. Headmaster Mune looks around for Golem, then shrugs and leaves.~
Kester: HALT!
Golem: What now?
Kester: Aha! Tried to fool me, you alien scum! But only an alien could have a face so shiny!
Golem: It's sweat!
Kester: Oh really? Come to make out with L.Z., have you? All that sweat is to flirt, is it? That's how aliens attract mates, mister!
Golem: Oh crap! I need to wash this sweat off! ~runs into the bathroom~
Kester: Wait there's--!
Vivid: EEEEEEEEEK!
Golem: AAAAAAAAAH! ~is thrown violently out of the bathroom~
Professor Vorpal: ~bursts in holding Sapphire by the arm~ WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!
Gamechamp: I am being say hello for first time in OG!
Professor Vorpal: The foreign exchange student! Of course! I'll be seeing the two of your in my apartment!
Gamechamp: Butbutbut!
Kester: Yeah! It was totally Golem's fault!
Professor Vorpal: Oh really? And what makes you nark on him?
Kester: To save Gamechamp! We non-aliens must stand together!
Golem: Kester!
Professor Vorpal: ~tosses Gamechamp and grabs Golem~ Well. It's a good thing I moved Elzie to Apartment 1, or she would be VERY UPSET right now!
Golem: Apartment... 1?
~At Apartment 1, Big Al and Flutter massage Elzie and Kuria's feet with nervous expressions, while they eat chocolate ice cream and watch Mexican soap operas.~
Kuria: I am so glad my boyfr-- I mean, Professor Vorpal switched your room.
Elzie: Uh, sure.
Golem: ~cries and cries~
Professor Vorpal: Waterworks won't help you, son. Now buck up and come with me.
Kester: Watch out those tears are acid!
Professor Vorpal: Um, yes, thank you for your output, Kester. ~drags Golem and Sapphire out~
Gamechamp: You have be saving me! ~hugs Kester~
Kester: No prob, man. Hey, what country did you come from anyway?
Gamechamp: Oh, little country of Ushutar...
~Ominous music!~
Sapphire: So, dork. What did you see in that bathroom that made you scream like a girl?
Golem: ...something shocking.
Sapphire: ???
Professor Vorpal: ~shakes Sapphire violently~ No table talk!
Sapphire: Oh, just you wait...
Professor Vorpal: Until we get to my apartment? We're here.
~The three of them are standing in the middle of the remains of the avalance, which has been hollowed out to more or less resemble Apartment 4.~
Professor Vorpal: Looks like the other professors are gone for the night.
Sapphire: My dramatic reveal! No!
~Meanwhile, SteveT (with Jorge) run through a random Mexican town. Out of the ground, an enormous cell phone emerges, with arms, legs, and eyes. And a mouth. Gotta have a mouth. It opens said mouth and emits a ringtone very familiar to SteveT.~
Mexicans: Diofono! Diofono! ~run away panicked~
Jorge: Godphone!
SteveT: That's Sapphire's cell phone! I'm close! ~keeps running and ignores the monster, which starts to chase him~
~Alsowhile~
Peewee Hellman: Question, sir. Why did we cover Apartment 4 in an avalanche when we knew that none of the professors were inside of it?
GORE-ILLA Senior: Shut up.
Author: SOAP
Jorge: *coughs out blood* A phone that grande must have have mucho service. I can use it to call the those pendejo friends of mine to come pick me up.
*Jorge gets up from from the pile of his own vomit and teeth and jumped unto the monterous cell phone as it passed by him.*
Jorge: ¡Parada, Parada! Stop you big dumb beast!
Author: Masamune
GM: What I don't get is, if MJ goes to our school, why is Marin at St. Ditto's?
Tyler: I suspect it is building up to the point where in order to have characters to use in this story, St. Ditto's will resort to using sidekicks as students.
Marin: ... sidekick?
MJ: So what about this Pee Wee Hellman guy?
GM: Oh right, we have to go warn the others like we have been trying to do for the last several posts. We apparently suck at actually arriving anywhere.
Tyler: I have an idea. But it will involve silly string, duct tape, and a sock.
Marin: So now you're MacGuyver?
---
Prof. Luigi: Come on GORE, we've stopped at every suspicious warehouse in town. Your dad isn't here!
Prof. GORE: Wait, I think we're jumping the gun a bit here.
Prof. Luigi: Yes... but it doesn't make a bit of difference. Your dad isn't here!
Prof. GORE: But there's still a chance-
Prof. Luigi: **** GORE. It doesn't make a ****ing difference. Your ****ing Dad isn't ****ing here.
Prof. GORE: But-
Prof. Luigi: ****, GORE.
---
In Apartment 3...
Vivid: *walks out of the bathroom* Hey guys. What happened to Golem?
Kester: You mean your ALIEN COMPANION? I'm afraid the authorities have taken him in.
Gamechamp: Yes, he is being a detentioned for his crimes. The people of Ushutar are having phrase for this. Eet is going as, "ZEE SKIES ARE RED! ZEE SKIES ARE RED!"
Vivid: Oh come on, Golem isn't an alien. Neither am I.
Kester: That's exactly what an alien WOULD say!
Vivid: Oh brother.
---
Back in the Hotel Lobby....
Prof. Vorpal: You two are going to stay here while I keep an eye on you, got it?
Golem: ....
Sapphire: This is stupid.
AaronGuy: Man, I can't believe we're still in detention too.
Yami: Yes.... it... gives me fury... but... I am a good student. Aren't I? If I'm a good student, why am I in detention? Am I a contradiction?
Prof. Vorpal: What happened to Toby?
AaronGuy: He said he can't be in detention because he's not a student, so he left.
Prof. Vorpal: *narrows eyes* I see.
Author: SOAP
Marin: How about we take my Porsche instead.
MJ: Aw, but Tyler's idea sounds more funner.
Marin: No.
MJ: Why are you like this, Mare?
Marin: Like what?
MJ: Everytime someone makes things fun and interesting you go and make things not that way. I hate so much about the things you chose to be. But no more! This is where I put my foot down. This where I take my stand. No longer am I going to sit around and take this. Marin Mario, I hereby--
Marin: Get in the damn car before I punch you in the eye.
MJ: I'll be good.
*MJ gets in the backseat of a previously unseen pink car that apparently was there all along. Tyler and GM shrug and hop in too. Marin gets into the driver's seat and drives off.*
Author: Luiigii of the Pipes
~At a genuine Mexican Taco Bell~
Headmaster Mune: All righty. ~checks wallet~ I guess I'll have a packet of Mild sauce. To go.
Cashier: Si. And for de lady?
Headmaster Mune: Pssh, nothing. She can't afford to gain weight.
Rebe: What?!
Headmaster Mune: I said nothing! ~runs to the bathroom~
Rebe: He is so like this on all two dates we've had.
~In the restroom, Headmaster Mune tosses gamehikermonies into the toilet. Mole Guy pops out.~
Mole Guy: What? How did I get here?
Headmaster Mune: I need to plan a romantic date with this woman even though I hate women and only have $0. Help me.
Mole Guy: For this worthless currency? Absolutely not.
Headmaster Mune: THEN YOU GET AN F-!
Mole Guy: I'm... not one of your students.
Headmaster Mune: ~narrows eyes~ You won that round. But I bet you didn't expect THIS! ~flushes the toilet~
Mole Guy: Aw d-- ~is flushed away~
Author: SOAP
Marin: Well, we're here.
MJ: Um, sis, this isn't the campus.
Marin: Of course not. It's the marketplace.
Tyler: We don't have time to for shopping! We need to go warn the others about Pee Wee Hellman!
Marin: That can wait. I didn't come all the way to Sunny Mexico to pass up the oppurtunity to snag some really good deals. You guys are coming with me.
GM: Why do you need us for?
Marin: I need someone to judge while I try on swim suits.
*GM and Tyler exchanged glances and quickly scrambled after Marin. MJ gives them the dirtiest look ever. Inside, the guys all waited while Marin got dressed inside the dressing room.*
GM: You know, MJ"s sister can be really annoying but she sure is hot.
Tyler: Man, I sure hope it's a two piece!
GM: Dude! Maybe it's a string bikini!
Tyler: That'd be sweet!
MJ: *eye twitches*
*Marin sticks her heads out behind the curtian*
Marin: Can someone help tie me up?
(GM and Tyler immediately stand up. MJ gets behind them and knocks their heads together.)
GM: Dude! What's your problem!
MJ: That's my sister!
(MJ throws a punch at GM but misses and knocks over a whole shelf of knick-knacks.)
Store Mangaer: You break you buy!
Marin: *rushes out* What did you idiots do now!?
*Marin's only shown from behind but from the slackjaw expression on the guys' faces, it is apparent that the top part of her bathing suit had fallen off.*
MJ: *averts gaze* Gah! Evilness! Eyes... Burning!
Tyler: GM, I think I've died and gone to Heaven...
GM: Word...
Marin: What the hell is with you guys?
GM: Hey Mare, nice hooters.
*Marin looks down and screams, then covers up her chest and runs back into the dressing room.*
Author: Vorpal
Prof. Vorpal: Hey Saph, nice hooters.
Golem: WHAT DID YOU SAY!? AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE A PROFESSOR/ROLE MODEL!?
Prof. Vorpal: Dude, she was holding owls.
Sapphire: And they're dang good ones at that!
Golem: >_> I see...
Prof. Vorpal: Now... what were we talking about?
AaronGuy: You asked where Toby was, and I told you that he said he wasn't a student, and then you narrowed your eyes and said, "I see."
Prof. Vorpal: *narrows eyes* I see.
. . .
Golem: Uhm.. Professor Vorpal?
Prof. Vorpal: What were we talking about?
All: Ack!
~~Apartment 3~~
Kester: See, it's authority figures like Headmaster Mune and his lacky professors that hide the truth from us all. They all have one thing in common: AUTHORITY. And it is that authority that makes them all unable to---
*Prof. Vorpal bust through the door with Golem, Sapphire, Yami and AaronGuy*
Prof. Vorpal: This room has officially become the detention room! I need to go and find a .... *camera zooms in to Vorpal's mouth* ... truant ... *camera zooms back out* .. student. Now... who is a responsible enough student to endow the .... *camra zooms back in* ... authority … *camera zooms back out* … to make sure that these students serve their detention? …… Kester! You’re responsible, right?
Kester: M-m-m-me?
Prof. Vorpal: Yeah, can you please make sure that this detention continues. You are now in charge. *runs off*
Kester: In…. charge?
Vivi: So you were saying?
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