Story:Festivity Attenders 2
EPISODE THE SECOND
THE DELUGE OF THE DOPPLEGANGERS
Sixteenth Century Scottland is fine by all counts.
That is, unless the Festivity Attenders are taken into consideration.
In their thirst for adventure, they have created a mighty villain, and incurred the wrath of another.
In an attempt to create a walking shield, the Festivity Attenders built the animated suit of armor, SteveT.
He proved to be very dangerous to them, so they deactivated him and placed a clockwork heart in his chest.
This created an even more annoying character, TeevC, and they felt compelled to surrender their creation to a known villain, Hrunting, weilder of Beowulf's sword, in hopes of annoying him into leaving them alone.
While TeevC slept, his alter-ego reasserted dominance, tearing out the clockwork heart.
Hrunting: *wearing a black hood*: Sir Steve T
SteveT: Yes, employer?
Hrunting: RIIIIIIIIIISE!
Narrator: SteveT, now refurbished and whole, stands up from the table upon which the Scottish Smith had repaired him
SteveT: So...melodramatic...hurts...thinking...thing...
Hrunting: You're no fun at all
SteveT: Yeah, sorry
Hrunting: Now that you're fixed up, I think it's time we ruined some Festivities
StevT: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Festivity Attenders. At last we will have our revenge!
Hrunting *mutters*: And he calls me melodramatic...
________________________
~In the IHOP~
Elemental: Well, we got rid of evil incarnate and picked up a new member to fill the slot. That was a pretty successful weekend.
Wizzrobe: Verily
Louis of the Tubes: What? You expect me to stay?
Elemental: Let's face it. You could use the free room and board.
Louis *talking to his foot*: What's that Glort? You don't want to go back in the boot yet? Oh fine, I guess we'll have to stay.
Elemental: So, what should we do tonight?
Wrange Tirk: KILL DANES!
Excalibur: Take a nap! In seperate beds!
Ruby Red: I don't know, what do you want to do?
Louis: Eat! Please!
Wizzrobe: Tamper with the essence of time and nature!
Elemental: I dont' know, what do you want to do?
Albert the Large: Finally get a line!
Dinosaur-Type Fellow: Frolic with my many personalities!
CHUMP-anzee: An impressive action sequence!
Ruby Red: I know! Let's attend a festivity!
Everyone else: *cries*
Elemental: Great idea!
Masamune[edit]
Shakespearean Narrator (SN): And yea, didst the Festivity Attenders, not to be confused with other such groups being wholly an original idea, dist set upon to search the land for festivities.
Excalibur: Bah, I say. Bah, I once again reiterate. This horse and wagon is slow. If only there were some sort of ship that went on land.
Albert the Large: Or on air.
Excalibur: Do not spout such blasphemous nonsense at me, Albert. You may be large, but your language and demeanor is that of a child.
Albert: Offended I am.
Elemental: Peace my fully-original companions. For lo, a scribe comes hither.
Louis of the Tubes: Hither?
Elemental: Approaches.
Louis: Oh, well should have said so then.
Elemental: Yea, scribe! What news from the north!
SN: Yeah, for the scribe was known by many names. But to the Festivity Attenders, he was known as French Fellow and was widely regarded as a fiend, cheat, and very much the annoying.
French Fellow: Bonjour, mon ami! I have much tidings, but not much gold.
Excalibur: Scandalous cheat, let us not waste words with enemies from across the sea!
Wizzrobe: Still your tongue. We seek festivities, tell us if you know of any and rewarded you will be.
French Fellow: Oui, the Duke of Shrapnel Company has hosted a festivity in honor of his aquistion of his third mistress.
Elemental: Hurrah, a festivity to attend!
CHUMP-anzee: Nay, for are we not exiled from his homelands since we drank all his wine and Albert took off with his sister?
Albert: I stand innocent of your accusations!
Excalibur: The demeanor of a chi-
Wizzrobe: Enough! We will attend this festivity! *tosses a bag of gold at French Fellow* Come companions, we must make haste!
Luiigii of the Pipes[edit]
SN: And lo', the Festivity Attenders doth travel north.
CHUMP: It be quite cold in this land.
Elemental: Nonsense. This be the Land that is Cleft, known to those who are slow of thought as Cleftland. It be the homeland of Giovanni, the Duke of Shrapnel Company.
Albert: Yea, I dost think we have traveled much too far north. Lo! Vikings!
SN: Indeed, the Festivity Attenders had not arrived at Cleftland, but rather at... Lost Vikas!
Albert: We be in Lost Vikas!
SN: I just said that.
Albert: Tarry, so didst I.
Dinosaur-Type Fellow: Totally Vikings yeah!
Sir Prophesy: Behave yourself, Dinosaur-Type Fellow. Honestly.
Cannonball: Vikings make good explosive material! Dost any of thou havest something to barter with?
Paddle: I have a pence, but I am SO using it to barter-for-a-chance-to-get-more-pence-in-return. We should really think of a word for that...
Elemental: Paddle? Since when hast thou been following us?
Paddle: Since last story. I was hiding behind Albert.
Albert: Knave!
GORE-ILLA[edit]
Scene-Setting Guy: But lo, not all didst enjoy the company of Louis...
CHUMP-ANZEE Hark! Whither hast my banana store gone?
Louis of the Pipes: Ho CHUMP, I have eaten thine bananas in an unquenchable fit of hunger. I apologize for my behavior.
CHUMP: Nay! 'Twas the last of my banana horde, and thou shalt pay for it with blood friar!
Scene-Setting Guy: And CHUMP-ANZEE swung his spiked ball for a tail at his comrade Louis in a fit of uncontrollable anger, yet Louis deftly dodged the blow. Elemental broke in to assuage the debate.
Elemental: CHUMP-ANZEE! Louis! What madness drives you to fisticuffs among each other?
CHUMP: The friar has stolen my bananas and consumed them all! I say he be put to a fitting death!
Louis: I apologize, thou never can eat enough after years of living on the streets!
Elemental: Leave him be, CHUMP. Louis meant no harm. And tis it not better to have lost all your bananas then to never had bananas at all?
CHUMP: Nay, that only increases my hunger!
Elemental: Well this issue is closed. Ah! Night falls. It would be best to set up camp for the night.
Ruby Red: I beg your pardon Elemental, but I believe we have been in this area before- tis the area where HE dwells.
Elemental: (nods after a small pause) Ah, he. Well I see no trouble as long as we do not stray too near to his dwelling. Shall we set to bed?
Excaliber: Aye, sir Elemental. Aye.
Scene-Setting Guy: As they each set to their beds, Louis is once more approached by the CHUMP-ANZEE.
Louis: CHUMP! Have you not been refuted? Dost thou still persist in tormenting me?
CHUMP: Nay, nay. I have been sent to oversee thy initiation test.
Louis: Initiation?
CHUMP: Aye. Follow hither!
Scene-Setting Guy: Lo, and CHUMP leads Louis through a complicated maze of bushes until they come to a lonely cave covered in fog.
CHUMP: In the cave is thy final test.
Louis: What is in there?
CHUMP: Only what thou bring with thee.
Scene-Setting Guy: Louis reaches for his weapons.
CHUMP: Leave your weapons here! You will not need them.
Scene-Setting Guy: And Louis leaves behind his weapons and passes into the darkness of the cave as CHUMP-ANZEE smirks mischievieously.
Louis: Ah... I have found my center. Surely nothing can surprise me now!
Scene-Setting Guy: At that moment Louis was caught in approximately seventy traps at the same time.
Louis: Lo, what devilry is this?
Scene-Setting Guy: A figure enters. He is cloaked in black, and his hood is pulled back to reveal a most maniacal face.
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: Why I believe thou hast suffered a fate most FOUL!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAA!!!!1500
Scene-Setting Guy: When come the morning, Louis's absence is noted and a council is assembled. Accusations fly about wildly.
Wrange Tirk: This be the work of a Dane! I sweareth upon mine blade that they shall all suffer for this travesty! ...Why dost these words ring with familiarity?
Albert: Be there no logical explanation?
Paddle: I side with the Dane-slaughtering plan.
Wizzrobe: Nay! Did not Louis last night have a disagreement with CHUMP-ANZEE? What have thee to say of this incident?
CHUMP: Aye, I admit. Twas I who is responsible for Louis's disappearance. Lured him into... the cave.
Dinosaur-Type Fellow: Surely not the cave of the FOUL Alchemist Dude?!!
Elemental: Yet you know of his wickedness! Twas he who constructed your tail!
CHUMP: He was so sure that attaching ball-and-chains to people's backsides would grant them eternal youth. But do not remind me of it! I still remember so clearly how that FOUL Alchemist Fellow had grafted it unto me...
- FLASHBACK
- FOUL Alchemist Fellow grafts it unto him.
Ruby Red: I've heard that cruel fiend experiments on any friars he finds about!
Elemental: Then we must rescue him at any cost!
Masamune[edit]
Scene-Setting Guy: 'lo, didst the scene change to that of the evil cave where the cruel hermit, FOUL Alchemist Fellow resided. On a stone slab, the friar was strapped down and held by vines, old rope, and the top half of a coconut on his head.
Louis: Yea, FOUL Alchemist Fellow. Where hither didst thou gain these coconut tops?
FOUL: What?
Louis: You've got half a coconut on my head.
FOUL: What of it, knave? I have captured you so that I may-
Louis: Where hither didst thou obtain thy coconut?
FOUL: I found them.
Louis: Found them he said? In Scotland? You're daft, the coconut's tropical!
FOUL: Eh?
Louis: This be a temperate climate, yes?
FOUL: The birds mayeth fly south hither with the sun or plumber may seeketh warmer climes in winter, but yea are these not strangers to our land?
Louis: Say not that thou are suggesting coconuts might migrate.
FOUL: Nay, hither they could be carried.
Louis: Daft! A swallow carrying a coconut!
FOUL: *panicking* Yea, if it were to grab the husk...
Louis: Knave! It is not a question of where the bird might grip it. Yea, it be a question of how a five ounce bird could carry hither a one pound coconut.
FOUL: Nevermind that! I have many a evil experiments to conduct on you-
Louis: Nay! Harken to me. Wouldst not a sparrow, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, needeth to beat its wings forty-three times every second. Am I right?
FOUL: I do not care! I wish only to-
~Louis's foot wiggles~
Louis: Are you sure Glort? Well... yes. An African swallow may'st carry it hither, but not a European Swallow.
FOUL: Quiet! I Wish to experiment on you!
Louis: But hither Glort, doest thou not realize that a African Swallow doest not migrate?
*his foot wiggles again*
Louis: So yea, they could not bring a coconut hither.
~foot wiggle~
Louis: Two sparrows! That is daft. They'd have to use a line!
~foot wiggle~
Louis: A spider web? Mayhaps, if carried under the dorsal feathers...
FOUL: ENOUGH! *stuffs a handful of haggis in his mouth* Now, I shall conduct my experiment! Thou wilst test my greatest elixer! The Elixer of Obesity. Yea, with this potion even the poor peasants of the countryside can look as portly and overweight as the rich and fair.
Louis: Mph! Mmmph! Mmmph!
FOUL: Yea, now I shalt walk incredibly slow towards you as I bring the potion closer to poor down thy throat. For, verily, wouldst I not be betraying mine FOUL nature if I didst not allow thy friends to rescue you?
Luiigii of the Pipes[edit]
Scene-Setting Guy: The cave doth explode with the most horrendous of sounds. Hrunting and SteveT enter stage left.
Hrunting: Halt and hence, FOUL fellow!
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: That's alchemist. I'mf an alchemisht, ya know.
Hrunting: We have decreed amongst ourselves that this friar shalt be our prisoner, and thou shalt NOT be a fat friar.
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: Prithee, what givest thou the right to just steal mine prisoner away?
SteveT: Villain's code. I need this guy for revenge. Someone that is in no way related to this guy will have a daughter who will refuse to be my minion.
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: How dost thou come upon this relevation?
SteveT: *shrugs* Flashforward Bombinator.
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: Ah, I can quite understand thou position, good suit of armor. Therefore I shall TRAP DOOR!
Scene Setting Guy: And 'lo, FOUL Alchemist Fellow didst make for yon table and didst pull down a potion that lay atop it. A hole in the floor verily opened and swallowed Hrunting and SteveT into its dark void.
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: Now with three knaves to experiment on, I shalt laugh most foully and pour yon potion down thine throat! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Scene Setting Guy: FOUL Alchemist Fellow didst try to pour yon potion down the throat of Louis, but found it most impossible to do with a fistful of haggis marring the path.
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: Damned am I. Remove this haggis I must.
Scene Setting Guy: And as FOUL Alchemist Fellow did remove yon haggis, the other foot of Louis did rise up and strike him in a spot most foul. FOUL Alchemist Fellow bellowed most fiercely and fell upon thine ground.
Louis of the Tubes: Played and well played through. I owe-est thou a debt of life, good Grog.
Scene Setting Guy: Louis's other foot did wiggle its appeasement.
Louis: Now, if thou could be so kind as to remove me, Glort.
Scene Setting Guy: But 'lo again, didst Hrunting and SteveT rise from the door that was trapped. And didst SteveT cross to the table upon which Louis lay trapped, and didst break the bonds that trapped Louis, and didst throw Louis over his shoulder, and didst use these bonds in turn to gag Louis's mouth, and did--
SteveT: Dude, if you say "didst" again, I'll kill you.
Scene Setting Guy: Truly sorry, I shalt forever be.
SteveT[edit]
Hrunting: Now, my good monstrous companion, we may begin our plan.
Steve: Yes, and it's about time.
Louis: Prithee, disclose unto me this plan.
Hrunting: That you might use it to our betrayal in the future? Nay, I think not, friar!
Louis: Loath I would be to betray my captors. Rather, 'twould seem to me that the chance is high I might bumble my way into spoiling thy plan. However, should you tell me of it, I could take the proper preventions to ensure I do not interfere.
Hrunting: Then reveal I shall! But first, give me your word that ye shall not muddle the proceedings.
Steve: *sigh*
Louis: You have my word as a friar.
Hrunting: Then it is settled, and settled well. Louis, you are but bait to lure the Festivity Attenders to my lair. There, I shall capture them, and shall encage them, and prod them with mighty sticks, and deny them food when it suits me, and maketh them to wear lady's garments, and taunt them with the aromas of tasty foods, and perhaps deny them even light, and create for them many a vile discomfort.
Louis: A masterful plan. But to what end?
Steve: He's upset they never invite him to anything.
Hrunting: And I so shall ensure that the Festivity Attenders shall never attend a festivity again!
~Louis' toe wiggles~
Louis: Silence, Grog. You have served me well, but these rogues must not know that you have sworn nothing unto them. _________
~The Festivity Attenders didsts enter yon Foul Alchemist Fellow's cave~
Excalibur: Halt! Our destination is nigh!
Elemental: Nay, reached!
CHUMP: FOUL Alchemist Fellow, thou shalt release our good friar!
FOUL Alechemist Fellow: Yon friar has escaped, but it would be most unfitting if I were to allow so many enemies to slip away in but one afternoon...
Masamune[edit]
Scene Setting Guy: And yea, didst the FOUL Alchemist Fellow unleash the most unspeakable of evils.
~a rabbit-like rodent emerges~
Pika: Pika-eth. Pika-eth.
Excalibur: Lo, it be a creature of such foul existence that it wouldst one day bear form to that of a striped rodent with powers of ye olde storms.
Ruby Red: Nay, speak not of such evils. I doest find this rodent-rabbit creature to be pleasing to the eye.
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: I am ruined, yea I have released one of my lesser experiments. Verily I meant to release this creature! *pulls a rope and a gate opens up from one of the cave tunnels*
Meatpyezor: Grar, I am a wholly original foe consisting of delicious sheep-flesh pie.
Elemental: We are undone, every man or wench for theirself!
~the run around a bit only to discover the exits have been sealed off~
Excalibur: *unsheaths sword* Enguarde my foe! I shall slay thee as I didst the dragons while in the service of King Arthur.
Wizzrobe: *throws a fireball at Meatpyezor* My attacks art useless against thine crispy baked crust.
Meatpyezor: Doomed thou shalt all be.
CHUMP-anzee: *shakes his bootie and hits the pie-beast with his ball-n-tail* I hath schooled this foul beast!
Meatpyezor: Nay, for I hath regrown my crust! *regrows crust over damaged spot*
Dinosaur-Type Fellow: Alas, not even shedding my tights hath an effect!
Excalibur: Mine eyes, they burneth. Put on thine tights again and spare us from such evil.
Albert the Large: Fear not, for I doeth have a secret weapon in that I didst forgeth to eat mine breakfast. *pulls out fork and begins eating Meapyezor*
Excalibur: Go! Go you small-minded beast of a man!
Elemental: Dear fellow, why must thou persist in provoking his immense anger?
Excalibur: Forgiveness, my trusted leader. It doeth be in mine blood.
Luiigii of the Pipes[edit]
Meatpyezor: Augh-eth! This cannot exist! Woe wil thine steps be in yon future, Festivity Attenders. Wary should thy tread, for I shalt returneth aga--
Scene-Setting Guy: And Albert verily consumed the last of yon great Meatpyezor.
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: Lo! I am bested! I shalt wane like the night on the rise of the sun! But rest assuredly, Festivity Attenders dear. For yon FOUL Alchemist Fellow shalt have-eth the last laugh! MWA HAHAHAHA--
Scene-Setting Guy: CHUMP-ANZEE didst speed forth and strike yon FOUL Alchemist Fellow with yon ball-and-chain tail.
FOUL Alchemist Fellow: Looketh like the Organization of thine Primate doth fly away again!
Ruby Red: What, good fortune doth smile upon us, for yon FOUL Alchemist Fellow hath left yon cuddly Pika behind.
Pika: Pika-eth. ~crawls onto Ruby's shoulder~
Ruby Red: I shalt keep him.
All: Groan-eth.
Elemental: Faith and begora! These tracks doth reveal that yon villainous duo laden by a non-fat friar hath made a path south to... Cleftland! This destination was our own not but a night ago!
Excalibur: Then tarry here no more, we must. Onward!
Wizzrobe (aside): I doth find myself most interested to meet this Lord Giovanni. Perhaps an arrangement can be met.
Scene Setting Guy: The Festivity Attenders doth travel to Cleftland... and neighboring Shrapnelburg.
SteveT[edit]
~In Shrapnel Keep, in the heart of Shrapnelburg, in which resideth Shrapnel company's Lord Giovanni~
Lord Giovanni: Hark! A swallow doth enter my window, bearing news from the wilderness!
Scene-Setting Guy: And so a swallow doth enter Lord Giovanni's of Shrapnel Company's chamber in Shrapnel Keep, which layeht in the heart of Shrapnelburg...and so forth
Lord Giovanni: Even as I speak, I do remove yon letter from the hallow coconut, which had heretofore been mysteriously carried by the swallow, whose nation of origin I shall not reveal.
Scene-Setting Guy: And Lord Giovanni doth read yon letter, and his face grows worrysome...quite worrysome indeed.
Lord Giovanni: Ah, Hrunting, thou hast such good intentions, but your plan is far too small in scope. I lift my pen and shall perscribe a far more devious plan, and I sweareth upon...upon something which I definitely hold dear unto my heart that this plan has little to do with yon legendary Pika...nor world domination...nor enslaving yon Pika as a means toward world domination. Verily I make this oath.
Scene-Setting Guy: And Lo! The camera turns upon Lord Giovanni's backside, which by all accounts is far less interested to look upon than his becrossed fingers.
Masamune[edit]
Scene-Setting Guy: And yea, the party doeth arriveth at Cleftland.
Excalibur: Yea, this land doeth remind me of my native land of which I hath not seen since that one time.
Elemental: Thou shalt stop thy flashback, for this OG itself is a flashback!
Excalibur: Nay, I must flashback.
~Ye Olde Flashback~
Scene-Setting Guy: And upon thy flashback there was the great land of Camelot. At thine Round Table sat a bunch of men. In their hands they didst have poker cards, cigarettes, and bottles of beer.
King Arthur: Royal flush, looks like I win again.
Lancelot: Dammit, you always use the Royal Flush.
Galahad: These rules suck, why does the King always get a Royal Flush dealt to him?
Lancelot: It's the rules.
Bob: I still have some cash, another hand.
~the cards are dealt~
Arthur: I rase the bet by 500 gold coins.
Lancelot: Bah, I fold.
Galahad: Meh, I'm out too.
Bob: I'll match that bet and raise it with my lands to the south.
Arthur: Indeed? Well then I raise you Camelot itself.
Bob: Ho ho, I'll match that with the whole of France and raise it with the Holy Grail.
Arthur: Dammit, you had it the whole time? Well fine, I'll match that with uh... Excalibur.
Bob: Works for me.
Arthur: Royal Flush. *smirks*
Bob: *lays down a Royal Flush as well* The same. *pulls out aother set of cards* And a second Royal Flush.
Arthur: Guh...
Bob: *scoops up the gold, land deeds, and Excalibur* I'll just be going now.
Merlin: STOP! You have cheated. For that you shall be cursed to the sword for all time.
Bob: And the other stuff?
Merlin: You don't get to keep it.
Bob: Dammit, well I'm totally changing my name then.
Arthur: No one must ever know of this.
Lancelot: What will we do?
Arthur: Distract everyone by introducing thous and thees.
~IN THE PRESENT~
Elemental: Are you done?
Excalibur: Yeah...
CHUMP-anzee: Good, let's get some mead.
Luiigii of the Pipes[edit]
Scene-Setting Guy: And ye, didst Festivity Attenders drink mead until thine pupils be dilated and thine steps be wobbly.
CHUMP-ANZEE: Ah... ah love you guys. ~kisses Elemental~
Elemental: Ooh, Ruby, not in public...
Ruby Red: I'm over here.
Elemental: Shoot-eth.
Scene-Setting Guy: Verily, none didst notice as yon non-drunken Wizzrobe sneaked hencely to Shrapnel Keep, where he didst pay homage in the form of job application.
Wizzrobe: ~walks into Shrapnel Keep and whistles~
Fireworkman: Who-est be you-est?
Wizzrobe: I come seeking employment, for yon Festivity Attenders be morons that I no longer may stand.
Fireworkman: We havest a job for thou.
Scene-Setting Guy: And lo, didst the Festivity Attenders find thouselves a new tyrant, though knowest this they did not. Much laden with mead, they foundest themselves instead upon the threshold of yon Hrunting's evil cave.
Elemental: Whuzzissignsay?
Mimic MacShifter: Beware o' dragon.
Scene-Setting Guy: They lookest downforth and spy merely the smallest of lizards, bequeathed only with wings.
Elemental: Ooh, scary. Who wants to go kill it?
Random NPC: I shalt.
Scene-Setting Guy: And didst Random NPC lower to thine Tamagon's level. And was murdered in nary a second.
Elemental: Holey crap!
Mimic MacShifter: I warned you...
Elemental: Charge!
Scene-Setting Guy: The Festivity Attenders and Random NPCs charged forthright. And lo, didst the Tamagon go mad with frenzy, throwing thineself back and forth and killing yon Random NPCs.
Elemental: Retreat!
Fred_Of_The_Bed[edit]
Scene-Setting Guy: And lo, did Elemental and his group sit on a hill looking helpless and pathetic. And lo, I didst prod the readers into joining into a round of jovial laughter upon the subject of them and their dilema. And l-
Elemental: Honestly, close thy wordhole, we thinkist.
Ruby Red: Shoult we not smite it with a weapon from afar, perhaps with a holy weapon?
Yon Pika: Cachu.
Mimic MacShifter: If thy aim and counting skillz be true, mayhap you could fell the beast in such a manner.
Albert The Large: While it pains me to interrupt thy otherwise clever-if-not-obvious schemings, thou hadst forgotten that thou hast no holy weapons, nor any non-captured and accessable friars to bless and use them?
Wrange Tirk: Merhaps it be a plan to use danes as a bloody distraction in hopes of passing while it be occupied?
Elemental: Fool of a Tirk! We hast but one dane to sacrifice, and thou mighst as well kill me before thou tryest to send her.
Ruby Red: Huh? What didst thou just sa-
Wrange Tirk: Then a duel to the death it shall be! And by duel, I meanst to say that I shall lob thy undefended head from it`s shoulders to irk on the end of thy life!
Excalibur: Peace, peace all. I hath an idea. If we be not using Holy weapons, then perhaps unholy weapons are in order! Dinosaur-Type fellow, remove thine tights! All others, avert thine eyes!
Scene-setting guy: After one fourty-eighth of the sun`s full cycle around yon flat planet, the scheme hadst still not gone through. Guys, thou canst totally look up.
Elemental: Drat! It appears that even said terror is not enough to defeat the wild beast! This will take even more drastic measurements.
Albert The Large: Madman! You`ve been taken by the spirits of madness to suggest such a thing!
Scene-setting guy: Lo, and the other Festivity Attenders look at the two quizzically. I`m asking a question, didst they or not? Oh, oh, they didst.
CHUMP-anzee: What be this terrible weapon, that soundeth as if it may get us into the bad scriptures of the United Nations?
Mimic Mac-Shifter: If the weapon they refer to is the one I believe it may be, that would truly do such a trick as defeating the monster. There beist need of something to show it upon, however. To this end I shalt morph yon Block of Questions into the shape we need!
Scene-setting guy: Mimic totally hit the block and turned it into a gameboy advanced
Elemental: We will be required to run and not stop for nearly a cycle of the sun to escape the dangerous effects of this weapon. Albert the large, perhap `twould be in thine best instrest to get a "head start"?
Albert The Large: Verily
Scene-setting guy: And didst Elemental shove the wooden cartridge reading "Street fighter the movie" into yon gameboy advanced, good for not only playing it`s games but showing movies as well. And didst the Festivity attenders run. And didst the Tamagon`s eyes bleed within the minute. This and more, on one twenty fourth of a day.
tick tick tick tick tick tick
GORE-ILLA[edit]
Scene-Setting: With the obstacle eliminated, yonder Festivity Attenders continued through the cave of the dread Hrunting.
Elemental: Proceed with caution, lads. Oh, none of you are bought in by my jest; Hrunting is but the smallest of threats.
Mimic MacShifter: Aye! Yet he is said to have a new partner, is he not? Perhaps we SHOULD proceed with caution.
Elemental: Fine. Let us not tally regardless. Move along.
Scene-Setting Guy: Thus the Festivity Attenders did proceed further into the cave possibly with a degree of caution, unaware that they were lacking two of their number.
Dinosaur-Type Fellow: Oy, tis the Louis of the Tubes in the distance!
CHUMP-ANZEE: Shalt we go forth to greet him?
Scene-Setting Guy: And near the imprisoned Louis, the dastardy villains lurk in prepartion.
Hrunting: (whispers) Lo, the trap is set!
SteveT: (whispers back) Aye, the time is NOW!
Scene-Setting Guy: At that very moment the Festivity Attenders did indeed confront the bound Lois of the Tubes, whose mouth had been melded shut with a strange adhesive. Louis frantically shook his head in disapproval of their approach, but they saw this as the friar's way of welcoming them.
Excalibur: Oh Louis, thou slayeth me.
Scene-Setting Guy: With one mighty yank, the wise Excalibur was able to tear Louis's adhesive in a way that only sent intense pain throughout half of his body.
Louis: Tis a trap!
Scene-Setting: 'Twas too late. SteveT had rolled a boulder, blocking the exit and stood with his axe in the ready.
Albert the Large: Surely this is a nightmare most foul! Steven, we witnessed thine deactivation ourselves. When last we saw thee, thou was naught but an overly cheery ghost of thine past self!
SteveT: I have no patience to explain myself. All thou shouldst know is that I am back and I plan to kill thee all.
Hrunting: I am here as well, for your knowledge.
Scene-Setting Guy: So the Festivity Attenders bravely stared these threats in the eye, never once noticing that two were lost from their number: the cunning Wizzrobe, who had ditched the group for his own reasons. As for the woman, Ruby Red, she had been delayed at the cave's entrance by a charming young musician and his partner.
Ruby Red: Thou playesy the flute with a mighty skill, stranger.
Musician: Tis nothing, my sweet. (hands her a rose) Let us wander in the fields for a while, together.
Ruby Red: (looks back towards the cave) I am certain the others need me not, as usual. But first tell me thine name?
Musician: I have gone by many names, but you may simply call me Donkeyman. (doest bite from a green ape) And hither is my partner, Mariorocks 5.
Mariorocks 5: (screeches)
Ruby Red: Well met indeed.
Masamune[edit]
~Excalibur and Hrunting cross blades~
Hrunting: Fool! Your blade is but a mere trinket! In times yonder, none shall remember thy weakling of a king!
Excalibur: It be mine duty to bringeth it on to the fullest extent I possess.
Scene-Setting Guy: Excalibur swipes his blade at Hrunting, but that fiend was so clever that he didst jump upon a table, boasting of his maneuver by beckoning his foe forward. Verily didst Excalibur swing forward at the feet of Hrunting, who didst ever easily dodge and plant his blade into the heart of Excalibur.
Hrunting: I hath vanquished you. What say ye in defeat?
Excalibur: *examines the wound* 'tis a flesh wound.
Hrunting: Surely you jest.
Excalibur: Immortal. *punches Hrunting*
Hrunting: No! How could my sword have failed me so!?
- Flashback
- Beowulf: I have defeated you. What say you?
- Grendel's Mom: It's a flesh wound.
- Beowulf: You're kidding.
- Grendel's Mom: Immortal. *punches Beowulf*
- Beowulf: Ugh! This sword is useless! *discards it*
- ~centuries later~
- Erik: *picks up Hrunting* Wow. This sword is awesome. Wait'll those Festivity Attenders get a load of me!
Excalibur: Thine backstory doeth be nearly as lame as mine! *punches Hrunting again, knocking him out*
Scene-Setting Guy: Yea, though Hrunting didst fall to his foe, the mighty metal beast proved to be more than could be handled by his foes.
SteveT: Seriously stop tickling me and fight.
~all around Steve, the Festivity Attenders lie on the ground battered and beaten~
SteveT: Where's Wizzrobe? My vengeance is targeted at him the most and would be whether he was avian or reptilian.
~The Festivity Attenders watch as the great lumbering iron giant walks past them, pausing briefly to kick Elemental in the gut a few times, and proceeds to the exit where he turns across the stone. Outside Ruby is engaged in the most scandalous act of sitting at the feet of a troubadour who doeth recite poetry to her~
SteveT: Who are you? *grabs Mariorocks 5 by the throat* What matter of imp are you? Explain yourself.
Mariorocks 5: Most certainly, melord! I am but the fifth of the Marios that doeth Rock of whom hail from thine ancient city of Rome. Ye doeth address the great Donkeyman, greatest Burro amongst the Western Provinces.
Donkeyman: Peace, stranger. Think not further of this dame and mine fight shalt not be with thee.
SteveT: I'm really getting sick of how everyone gained Olde English accents ever since I got rid of my heart. Anyways, that wench is a Festivity Attenders and she's going down.
Donkeyman: Praythee carry mine lute until I hath vanquished this knave. *hands the lute to Ruby*
Ruby: Careful, my lord! He has no heart.
Donkeyman: I have heart for the both of us.
~what begins is the most epic of duels to have ever been wrought, but thou shalt not be witness to. Instead thy attention will be directed towards yon lake, where a gnome doeth make a most bold decision~
Blue Gnome: *stares defiantly at the water* I shalt not be done in by thee.
Red Gnome: Brother, thou must not fear thine fate. We must find the great Leprechaun so that we mayst at last forge our own destiny.
Yellow Gnome: Thou doest blaspheme the great Leprechaun. Hast thou no shame? Wilst thou not cease thine quest to find the end of the rainbow?
Red Gnome: Shut up. *pushes Blue Gnome in the water*
Blue Gnome: Nay! Nay! I... *swims a bit* Yea, I say unto thee, I can swim! I can swim!
Yellow Gnome: The Black Death be upon thee! DOOM!
~Henceforth we are brought back to the sight of battle upon which the great iron beast, SteveT, lies battered yet defiant upon his foe~
Donkeyman: Taketh that, bytch.
SteveT: *struggles to his feet* This isn't over! I'll come back... and with two sidekicks with a theme reminiscent of a book that won't be written for another several hundred years! ~gets to his feet and departs~
Scene-Setting Guy: And from the lair of Hrunting, the Festivity Attenders didst emerge victorious, for they totally weakened him first.
Albert the Large: Thou mayst have the face of a beast, but thou doeth fight greatly.
Wrange Tirk: Ye are alright by me, even if ye do play a cyssy instrument.
Mimic MacShifter: But the Iron Beast hath escaped and from whence has Wizzrobe departed? Elemental, what say thee?
~he turns to Elemental, but Elemental's attention doeth be focused on Ruby. Upon following his gaze, it doeth become apparent that she be smitten by the man-beast~
Excalibur: Let him be. Who rightly can know the mind of those besmitten?
Scene-Setting Guy: And so SteveT escaped, vowing to take revenge upon the Festivity Attenders and their strange new ally. Though their old foe Hrunting had been smited, a new foe didst await them in the Shrapnel Company, for which a festivity of festivities didst await them all.
TEH COMPLETION