LaAoM Series 2
| Series in The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - Dr. Wily - Lemony Fresh 1 - Lemony Fresh 2 |
Lemonjello
Gaspar:The Flying Gerbil is a master of time travel.
Flying Gerbil:My calculations deduce that Higinbotham is in the 1990 AD time period. He went there so he could foil the SNES launch.
Miyamoto:(Wakes up) Ummmmm....where am I?
Gaspar:The end of time!
Flying Gerbil:He is suffering from memory loss because of the server move.
Gaspar:We need to send him back to his own time so he can recover.
Flying Gerbil:But this mission is too important to wait for!
Gaspar:You're right. Hmmmmmm...I know what we can we can do! We can clone Miyamoto so the clone can go stop Higinbotham.
Flying Gerbil:Commence the cloning procedure!
Miyamoto:Does cloning me hurt?
Gaspar:Oh, yes. It is extremely painful.
Miyamoto:Help!!!!
Wuper Wan:I must help this poor citzen in need!
Gaspar:The past is more important than Miyamoto!
Wuper Wan:BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Gaspar:BWAHAHAHAHAHA????
Wuper Wan:BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Gaspar:BWAHAHAHAHAHA????
Miyamoto:Flyng Gerbil, how do these time portals open?
Flying Gerbil:You need to say:It's the post that counts?
Miyamto:It's the post that counts(Jumps into a time portal).
Flying Gerbil:You fool!!!
Miyamoto comes out of the time portal into the White House circa 122 BC.
Miyamoto:The White House didn't exist then!
It does now! I am the narrator! I can do anything!!!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!
Miyamoto:...
I shall now show you my power!!!(Opens up a huge gate.)
Miyamoto:AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
The gate takes Miyamoto to New York December 25th 2001.
Tiny Tim:Bless them, every one!
Miyamoto:Bless who?
Linus:But it's Christmas, Charlie Brown!
Dr. Seuss:Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas alot...
Santa:Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleighg tonight?
Yukon Cornelius:Silver and gold!
Miyamoto:Where am I????
Elf:The North Pole, Mr. Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:Ummmmmm....Ok.....
Dr. Wily:Have some eggnog, Mr. Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:Why is Dr. Wily here?
Santa:He has changed his Christmas hating ways, Mr. Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:And why does evryone's sentance end with,"Mr. Miyamoto."
Santa:He knows too much! Get him!!!
Dr. Wily:Now your time has come, Mr. Miyamoto.
Tiny Tim:I have the tranquilizer gun.
Linus:Fire it, you fool!!!
Tiny Tim fires the gun.
Miyamoto:AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Santa:Now we need to set our paln in motion...
45 hours later...
Miyamoto:.....where am I?
???:Hurry up or you'll be late for work!!
Miyamoto:Who are you?
???:Your wife!
Miyamoto goes down stairs.
??? turns around to reveal...PRINCESS PEACH???????
Peach:You're gonna be late for your Koopa Reeducation program.
Miyamoto:Ummmmmmm.....
Peach:Get in the warp pipe, you fool!
Miyamoto:Ok.....(Jumps in the wrap pipe).
Miyamoto comes out of the warp pipe after 87 hours of travelling through it.
Mr. Higsby:Today we will learn about the evils of plumbing by watching this movie, huh.
Toad:How long is the movie?
Mr. Higsby:12 hours, huh.
4 hours later...
Miyamoto:(Thinking to himself) I've got to get out of here. There has to be someway out.(Miyamoto notices a door with a sign on it that says Someway Out) (Raises his hand).
Mr. Higsby:What is it, huh.
Miyamoto:THERE'S A HUGE BLACK WIDOW SPIDER ON YOUR HEAD!!!!!
Mr. Higsby:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Miyamoto escapes amid the confusinon.
Miyamoto:Now I need tp escape somehow....
Gaspar:Wake up you crazy fool!
Miyamoto:Gaspar? Where are you?
Gaspar:Right in front of you!
Miyamoto:But I can't see anyone!
Mog:Wake up, kupo!
Miyamoto:But where are you?
OOM-9:Roger roger.
Miyamoto wakes up.
Wozby:You're finally awake!
Jozby:You've been asleep for a month.
OOM-9:I need to take off my mask, roger roger.
Mask Man:NOOOOOOOO!!!! You will not take of another mask.
OOM-9:It's in my contract that I need to take off my mask.
Mask Man:Fine! But please hand it to me once you take it off.
OOM-9:Roger roger.
OOM-9 takes off his mask to reveal.....WILLY HIGINBOTHAM??????
Miyamoto:What the heck???
Willy:Miyamoto, I now own Nintendo!!!! Now I shall prive to the world that I am the true inventor of video games!!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!(Willy teleports back to Nintendo HQ)
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Jar Jar Binks:Yousa must defeat mesa to get to Mr. Higinbotham's throne room!
Miyamoto:Ok...
Jar Jar Binks:Albino ferret summon!!!
Miyamoto:Swedish meatball summon!!!
Mario500
(Miyamoto appears somewhere else)
Miyamoto: Where am I this time?
Larry: Where else, it's 1990!
Miyamoto: Oh, Willy has just taken complete control of Nintendo back in 2002.
Wozby: That's because he traveled back in time to stop the SNES launch and he did.
Miyamoto: Why that now good old fossil, we have to find him before that happens, by the way where's Mario and Meowth?
Larry: Um, um they went back home to cook pizza for all of us and are watching the CBS Evening News tp find out if Dan Rather really is from Pluto.
Miyamoto: Oh I see, let's mone on then.
(Miyamoto walks off)
Wozby: You didn't say that they are actully dead, did you?
Larry: They are, but with the push of this button they will be alive.
(Without notice, Willy has been watching them)
Willy: Oh we'll see about that, ah ha!
To be continued...
Next time on L&As of Miyamoto:
Miyamoto: This is the place where Nintendo will launch the Super NES.
Wozby: I now let's...
(Two hours later)
Wozby: ... And that's the full plan.
(Everyone is asleep)
Lemonjello
Miyamoto and Wozby are transported by the Narrator to the place where the SNES is going to be launched.
Miyamoto: This is the place where Nintendo will launch the Super NES.
Wozby: I now let's...
(Two hours later)
Wozby: ... And that's the full plan.
(Everyone is asleep)
(Miyamoto wakes up.)
Miyamoto:Brilliant, Wozby!
Wozby:You were asleep.
Miyamoto:Oh, I thought you were testing your new sleeping pill on me.
Wozby:I just identified a fatal flaw in my plan.
Miyamoto:What?
Wozby:Willy Higinbotham carried out his plan while I was explaining mine.
Miyamoto:What did he do to stop the launch of the SNES, anyways?
Wozby:He explained that the SNES is really a nucleur exsplosive manufactured by Czechoslavakian terrorists.
Miyamoto:We recalled those.
Wozby:Willy Higinbotham killed the recallers with a flamethrower. Now an angry mob is roaming the streets in an attempt to chop you up with 3 ft. long Katanas.
Miyamoto:What do we do now?
Wozby:We can move to Switzerland and work for Albino Unincorported, the only Swiss video game company, or we can join the circus and work as neglected, underfed and abused sideshow freaks.
Miyamoto:When's the next flight to Switzerland?
Wozby:5 years from now.
Miyamoto:Then how are we supposed to get to Switzerland?
Wozby:We steal Elvis' private jet.
Miyamoto:Elvis is dead.
Wozby:Willy Higinbotham prevented Elvis' death at the hands of the KGB.
Miyamoto:Lets go steal the jet then.
A few hours later, Miyamoto and Wozby are in the jet.
Miyamoto:Who would have thought that Elvis had Balrogs in his mansion?
Wozby:Or Jar Jar Binks clones?
Miyamoto:Who is flying the plane?
Wozby:No one.
Miyamoto:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Wozby:WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!
EXPLODE!!!!
23 hours later, in a Swiss hospital....
Dr. Mario:It looks like they may never play bingo again, Ms. Smith.
Ms. Smith:But, they were so fond of bingo! They're addicted to bingo!
Dr. Mario:I'm afraid they will have to stop playing bingo then...
Ms. Smith:They've tried to stop, but it's not possible! Miyamoto tried using the patch, but he can't stop! He dosen't have the willpower!
Miyamoto:What the heck are you two talking about?
Dr. Mario:You are Vladimir Miyamoto, aren't you?
Miyamoto:No.
Ms. Smith:Is he Adimiral John Wozby?
Miyamoto:No.
Dr. Mario:So you two aren't the two reptile smugglers.
Miyamoto:Actually, we're from Japan.
Dr. Mario:You self-centered meatball!
To be continued...
Ms. Smith:They know too much. We need to kill them.
Dr. Mario:But how?
Ms. Smith:We need to throw them in the meat grinder.
Lupus
Ms. Smith:They know too much. We need to kill them.
Dr. Mario:But how?
Ms. Smith:We need to throw them in the meat grinder.
Miyamoto: NEVER! You'll never take me alive!!!
- Miyamoto throws himself into the meat grinder*
Wozby: SIR! I'm sorry for all the bad things I may have done over this topic, but I'll swear I'll clear out my history of bad things and start afresh! I'm coming with you!
- Wozby jumps after Miyamoto, and they are teleported to Rude the Turk's evil lab of doom, tied up against a wall*
Rude: Ha ha ha! Just as I planned! I knew you'd throw yourselves in the meat grinder, so I created a warp portal to warp you here!
Wozby: What do you want with us?
Rude: Oh, nothing much. Just your shoes.
Miyamoto: Our shoes??
Rude: Yes! Those are special Korean made shoes! I need them to build my Shoe Ray!
Miyamoto: Shoe Rays are just rip offs of Cheese Rays!
Rude: You will regret ever saying that, Miyamoto!
- Rude sets a bomb for ten seconds, then pulls a lever, and Rude sinks into the floor, laughing, with Wozby and Miyamoto's shoes in his hands*
Miyamoto: We need to escape!!
Wozby: But we can't! I had $2 for a bus fare home in the tongue of my left shoe!
Miyamoto: Wait, I have a plan! SUPER CHEDDAR OF DOOM ATTACK!
- the ropes come undone, and Miyamoto and Wozby jump down the hole Rude escaped with. In the previous room, they can hear a "pop"*
Wozby: I know where Rude's headed!
Miyamoto: Where?
Wozby: To the cheese factory in East Timor!
Miyamoto: But... the new Gerkin Cheese is being invented there! We must stop him before he does anything stupid!
NEXT TIME...
Rude: You stupid fools! One wrong move and I'll press this button, making the spikes attached to my belt impale me, killing me off instantly!
Miyamoto: Well, that's good then. We want you to die.
STAY TUNED!!
Senor Pollo
Wozby jumps toward Rude, who then pushes the button, killing him and Wozby.
Miyamoto:OH MY GOD! WOZBY!
Wozby:*dying* Mi......ya.........mo..........to.....
Miyamoto:What? What?
Wozby:Go.........................to..................Micro............
Miyamoto:Hurry up! I gotta take a dump!
Wozby:....Mirco...........soft...........Am........er............Am...........er...........ica...... ...
Miyamoto:So I should go to Microsoft in Amer-Amer-ica.
Wozby:No!Am............er..........ica..........
Miyamoto:Same difference.
Wozby:Goodbye.............Mi.......ya.........mo.........to...........
Miyamoto:Wozby? Wozby? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Miyamoto runs out of the factory screaming. After 10 hours of running around aimlessly, he gets his senses back and decides to follow Wozby's words and swims to America. He then hitches a ride to Microsoft, USA, AKA Washington.
Miyamoto: So this is the fabled Microsoft Corp.
???:Hey! You! Come over here!
Miyamoto: Huh?
???: What part of get over here dont you understand?
Miyamoto: What do you want.
???: I've been sent to help you.
Miyamoto: Oh good. Whens lunch?
???: Its three in the morning.
Miyamoto: Oh.
???: Alright. Now, look right here behind me.
Miyamoto: WHOA! Its a Warp Pipe 3000! This isnt supposed to come out till 2054.
???: Indeed. I have been sent from the future.
Miyamoto: REALLY! Am I some sort of god?
???: Other way around. In the year 2003, Microsoft destroys Nintendo and takes over the world. You are considered satan, according to Gate-ism, the universal religion.
Miyamoto: Whoa. Thats a spicy meat-a-ball.
???: Anyways, have you seen the movie "Terminator.
Miyamoto: No.
???: Damn. That really screws up my intro. You see, Im a "Terminator" for "Bill Gates". Now is your time to die!
Miyamoto: WAIT! Then why did Wozby send me here?
???: Wozby is no more than a sack of potatoes painted and programmed to be ordered by "Bill Gates" men. Now excuse me, but I have to kill you.
Miyamoto: OH NO!
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MIYAMOTO? TUNE IN NEXT TIME!!!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto:Wait a sec, before you kill me, could you tell me who you are?
???:I guess so. I am really...WILLY HIGINBOTHAM!!!!!!!!
Miyamoto:I thought you wanted to dominate the video game industry, not be some lackey for Bill Gates.
Willy:True, but a horrible thing happened last January that...(Willy continues on for 8 hours about his story of pain and anguish and how Bill Gates crushed his dreams)...and thats how it happened.
Miyamoto:Gee, thats really sad.
Willy:(Sob)
Miyamoto:I need to go now, I need to catch my taxi.
Willy:Thanks for listening, old friend.
Miyamoto:Bye.(thinking to himself)HA! Bill Gates is gonna be furious when he finds out that Willy Higinbotham let me go when he was about to kill me!
Miyamoto goes to Microsoft HQ
Miyamoto:This place looks like the Tower of Fanatics.
Cult member:It is the Tower of Gates, our supreme master. You are the evil one, Miyamoto. Our master has been expecting you. Go the top so the master may decapitate you.
Miyamoto:Ummmm...ok.....
Miyamoto climbs the millions of stairs until he reaches the throne room of Bill Gates
Gates:Ah, so the slime known as Miyamoto has finally come to be slaughtered at the hands of the master of earth.
Miyamoto:You've gotten very, very, very, very, very, very evil since the last time we met.
Met:Did someone say my name?
Gates:Leave me, mortal.
Miyamoto:So how did you become sop evil?
Gates:4 evil pills a day.
MIyamoto:Oh.
Gates:I also put my power into this ring here.
Miyamoto:Ummmm...thats a very nice ring, could I see it?
Gates:Sure.(Hands Miyamoto the ring)
Miyamoto:GWAHAHAHA!!!!(Puts on the ring)
Gates:AAAAAA!!!!
Miyamoto:DIE!!!(Shoots a bolt of energy at Gates)
Gates:NOOOOOOOO!!!I'm melting!!!!
Miyamoto:With this ring's powre I shall build a cosmic death ray!!!!!
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Met:The ring's power is too great for you, Miyamoto. You must put it into the trash compacter.
Miyamoto:But..but...its...my....my...MY PRECIOUS!!!!
Senor Pollo
Miyamoto: Okay, let me recap. Wozby was killed by Rude, and I was then told to come to Mircrosoft HQ where I met Willy Higinbotham who almost killed me, but I escaped. I then went to Bill Gates throne room and killed him with this ring. Whoa! Well, now that Bill is dead, Nintendo will be able to become the most powerful video game industry EVER! Alright!
???:Not so fast Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:Huh? OH NO! IT CANT BE.......
???:Yes it is I......
Miyamoto:THE HEAD OF 3DO!
Head of 3DO: Yes! Creater of Army Men, devestator of major companies, maker of the worst games on the face of the planet! That is me!
Miyamoto:AHHH! WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Head of 3DO: YOUR BRAIN!
Miyamoto:My brain?
Head of 3DO: Just kidding. What I really want is that ring. You see, I need that to destroy my competitors.
Miyamoto: Someone who makes worse games than you?
Head of 3DO:Yes. In other words, THE CREATORS OF THE N64 POWERPUFF GIRLS GAME!!!!
Miyamoto: AAAHHHHHHHH! What competition! Here, take the ring!
Head of 3DO:Yes! Thank you, Miyamoto. Now I will kill you!
Miyamoto: What?
Head of 3DO: Why would I want to kill those guys? My new GBA Army Man game is only visible at 3:30 AM. NOW YOU DIE!
Miyamoto: Man, not this again. SHIGGY CHOP!
Head of 3DO: Oh, you know kung fu, eh? Well take this!
Miyamoto and the Head of 3DO fight it out. After several minutes, the Head of 3DO takes out a pile of garbage(er.....one of his games) and throws it at Miyamoto, who faints from the stench! Much later, Shiggy wakes up!
Miyamoto:Where am I?
???:Welcome to Sony Corporations. We have been expecting you.
Miyamoto:NOOOOOOOOOOOO....
Lupus
Guy: As I just said, we've been expecting you.
Miyamoto: Take me to your leader.
Guy: I was just planning on doing that. Come with me.
- Miyamoto follows the Guy down a long hallway, and opens a door to reveal...*
Miyamoto: RONALD MCDONALD!?!?!?!?!?!
Ronald: Hyuk, hyuk. That's me!
Miyamoto: But, why did you put me through years and years of torture. Why did you steal Squaresoft from me???
Ronald: Hyuk. I got mighty sick of all those people singin' of me and my family farm. And I am not Old!
Miyamoto: Whatever.
- Miyamoto jumps in a time portal, warping him through space and time. He lands in a seat in a studio*
Host: Now, for $10 dollars, what is the name of the first game Shigeru Miyamoto brought out for the NES?
- Miyamoto pushes the buzzer in front of him*
Host: Yes, Mr. Smith?
Miyamoto: Uh... forgot.
Host: That is the wrong answer. $10 deducted from your score! Now, for $5 dollars, how much is that doggy in the window?
Miyamoto: Which doggy?
Host: THE ONE WITH THE WAGGILY TAIL!!
Miyamoto: Um... $5 dollars?
Host: Miyamoto, I know why you're here.
Miyamoto: Who are you?
Host: I am... *takes off mask to reveal... GLENN RIDGE???!?!?!*
Miyamoto: But why, Glenn? I trusted you!
Glenn: My parents trusted the Cheese Government! Trust can be decieving.
Miyamoto: Take this, Glenn!
- Miyamoto pulls out a gun*
Glenn: For cheese, Miyamoto?
Miyamoto: No. For me.
- Miyamoto shoots Glenn, then the studio's walls cave in, to reveal Microsoft HQ. Bill Gates appears*
Bill Gates: You haven't learnt anything Miyamoto!
Miyamoto: I've learnt to trust and love! I've learnt that even friends can be enemies! I've learnt to fight for what's right! I've learnt to eat bagels with some cheese on the side! I've learnt that Carrol Channing is pure evil!
- Wozby appears*
Wozby: And I've learnt that Bill Cosby is a cool person to be.
Bill Gates: This is sickening... You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet! Prepare yourselves!
Miyamoto: Bring it on Kefk... I mean, Bill Gates.
Bill Gates: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Miyamoto: Why are you laughing? You haven't achieved anything.
NEXT TIME ON L+A OF MIYAMOTO...
Isaac Hays: Listen up, I want a burger with the lot, better make it snappy, you Sony moron!
Ronald McDonald: Yes Isaac Hays!!
STAY TUNED!!
Lemonjello
Setzer:Ummm...this is a public service announcement from some poor guy off the street. You must use the thing from the Next time on the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto in your next post. Now back to your show.
Narrator:Now back to the show of insanity AKA The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto
Miyamoto:I must warn you, Bill,that if you strike me down, the false memeories I implanted in your brain will activate.
Gates:Bring it on, kiddie game developer!
RPG Battle
Gates Met/653965873 Miyamoto Bob/XZQ
Gates uses decapitate!
Miyamoto dies.
Gates:That was simple. I think I'll go to sleep.
Bill Gates went to his evil bedroom of door.
Bill Gates' dream of his chilhood...
A glorious new day begins in the sleepy community of Mediocreville...
Gates:I think I'll go play baseball with Hiroshi and Shigeru.
Gates goes to the baseball field...
Gates:Shiggy, lets play baseball!
Miyamoto:Why should I? You did kill me!!!
Gates:I didn't mean it!!!!
Yamaychi:You killed my best game designer!!!!
Gates:But....but....I...I...I'm sorry.
Miyamoto:It's too late for that, Gates!!!!
Yamauchi:You shall have a fate worse than death!!!!
Miyamoto and Yamauchi morph into hideous monsters...
Gates:AAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Miyamoto:Die, you wretched idiot!!!!
Miyamoto and Yamauchi pursue Gates until Miyamoto eats him.
Gates:NOOOOOO!!!
Gates wakes up
Gates:AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Miyamoto:So, you have you learned that you should not kill me?
Gates:A...g...gho...a....GHOST??????!!!??
Miyamoto:Actually, I fell through a plot hole.
Gates:What are you going to do to me?
Miyamoto:Turn you into Ronald McDonald.
Gates:AAAAAAAAA!!!!
Miyamoto turns Gates into Ronald McDonald
Miyamoto:Now, go to McDonalds, clown boy!!!
At McDonalds...
Isaac Hays: Listen up, I want a burger with the lot, better make it snappy, you Sony moron!
Ronald McDonald: Yes Isaac Hays!!
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Miyamoto:What??? Woctor Wily stole the Cosmic Shoe/Cheese/Death Ray to destroy Guam??? He must be stopped!
Met:For great justice...
Lupus
Miyamoto: Now, finally a video game developer can get some rest around here.
Wozby: Not yet sir. We just recieved a letter from the Cheese Government. Here.
- Miyamoto reads letter*
Miyamoto: What??? Woctor Wily stole the Cosmic Shoe/Cheese/Death Ray to destroy Guam??? He must be stopped!
Met: For great justice...
Miyamoto: Met? What are you doing here?
Met: I was sent by Kefk... I mean Bill Gates to use X-Zone on you. You'll be sucked into another dimension.
Miyamoto: But you work for me!!
Met: Miyamoto, prepare to doom your face.
Miyamoto: Don't you mean face your doom?
Met: Shuddap! X-ZONE!!
Miyamoto and Wozby: NOOOOOOOO!!!!
- Wozby and Miyamoto are sucked into an alternite reality, where everyone's name starts with W, and they are obsessed with cheese*
Miyamoto: Wait a second! Thats the same reality we were in before.
- Whooops. I mean, Wozby and Miyamoto are sucked into an alternite reality, where everyone's name starts with M, and they are obsessed with eggs*
Miyamoto: That's better.
Wozby: Where are we?
Egg Man: You are in Egg Land, where we praise the Lord Egg and his son Eggsus. Where we have national holidays for Egg Eating competitions.
Miyamoto: What a freaked up world.
Egg Man: Come with me.
- They follow the man to Lord Egg's castle*
Lord Egg: You two! You are the new people here in Egg Land?
Miyamoto: Yes sir.
Lord Egg: Then I give you your new Eggish names. Miyaeggto and Eggsby. Now, go live in this peaceful world known as Egg Land!
Miyamoto: But we want to go home.
Wozby: Yeah, that's right. Miyamoto's...
Lord Egg: You mean Miyaeggto.
Wozby: Yeah. Miyaeggto's got a meeting tomorrow morning.
Lord Egg: ARRGHHH! YOU SAID THE FORBIDDEN WORD!!!
Wozby: What's the Forbidden Word?
Lord Egg: I cannot say, because I will be breaking the law. MEN! Throw these two outlaws in jail... for LIFE!!!
Miyamoto: NOOOOO!!!
- Miyamoto and Wozby are thrown in jail, with another man.*
Man: Hello. Are you new?
Miyamoto: Yeah.
Man: Say the forbidden word too?
Wozby: Uh huh. What is it?
Man: The word "a". I don't know why they are so afraid of it.
Wozby: Who are you?
Man: I am Al Gore, also known as Al Gegg, to the people of Egg Land that is.
Miyamoto: Is there a way to get outta here?
Man: Yeah. The door's unlocked.
Miyamoto: Thanks.
- Wozby and Miyamoto escape, into Egg Land.*
Miyamoto: Now we must escape Egg Land. Damn that Met!
NEXT TIME ON MIYAMOTO...
Miyamoto: Met, you will pay for your crimes against Guam, Sonic the Hedgehog, meatballs, Eurovision and cheese!
Met: Please! I give up!
????: Not so fast!
STAY TUNED!!!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto and Wozby take a taxi to Met's shack
Miyamoto: Met, you will pay for your crimes against Guam, Sonic the Hedgehog, meatballs, Eurovision and cheese!
Met: Please! I give up!
????: Not so fast!
Sonic:No! Met must pay for his crimes against me!
????:He never comitted any crimes against you.
Sonic:But I have horrible nightmares about Met every night.
????:Those are memories implanted by Miyamoto.
Sonic:So? I still want to see Met pay for his crimes!
????:But he didn't commit any!
Sonic:Did too!
????:Did not!
Sonic:Did too!
????:Did not!
Sonic:Did too!
????:Did not!
While ???? and Sonic were arguing, Miyamoto and Wozby killed Met
????:You killed Met!
Miyamoto:So?
????:You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet!Prepare yourselves!
Miyamoto:Who are you, anyways?
????:Why I'm...
???? takes the paper bag off his head to reveal...
????:KEFKA!!!!
Miyamoto:What do you want with us?
Kefka:I felt like killing innocent people. That and The Three hired me.
Miyamoto:Who are The Three?
Kefka:You shall see them soon, Miyamoto...
Soon...
Kefka:They are here.
The Three:We must do our motto!
Wr.Wily:Wily!
Willy:Willy Higinbotham!
Wr. Wily:To to protect the world from Miyamoto!
Willy:To denounce the evils of Miyamoto and Wozby!
Wr. Wily:To extend our reach to the nucleur weapons!
Willy:Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of eggs!
Jozby:Jozby! Thats right!
Miyamoto:Jozby?! How you could join them!
Jozby:You've neglected me too much,Miyamoto. You've been using Wozby ever since Wozby and I fired the Cosmic Deathray!
Miyamoto:It's not my fault! It's Lupus the Turk, Lemonjello Setzer, Bodacious, and Mario 500's fault! We could go to the place where they write what we do and control our actions!
Jozby:Yes, I must have revenge for what they have done for us!
Wozby:We're of to see the OG writers, the wonderful OG writers of VGF!
Jozby:Follow the yellow brick road!
Narrator:So Miyamoto, Wozby, and Jozby set off to see the wonderful OG writers of VGF...
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Lemonjello Setzer:No soliciters!
Miyamoto:But we're here to kill you and other Life and Adventures of Miyamoto writers!
Lemonjello Setzer:Oh, come in then.
Lupus
Lupus: Ha ha ha! Now it's time to insert the word "cheese" again! Look! I just did in this sentence!
Lemonjello Setzer: Ha ha ha ha ha!! Look, now I'm making myself laugh!!!
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Lupus: Who is it?
Jozby: The people you're expecting.
Lupus: NOOO!!!
Lemonjello Setzer: No soliciters!
Miyamoto: But we're here to kill you and other Life and Adventures of Miyamoto writers!
Lemonjello Setzer: Oh, come in then.
- They enter*
Lupus: Huh? What are you doing here?
Miyamoto: You wrote about us coming here just then.
Lemonjello Setzer: Oh yeah.
Jozby: Now, you must die!!!
Lupus: You first!
Mario 500: No no no! This is meant to be serious! Argh!!!
Bodacious: Lupus, quick, put forward plan "Hard Drive Wipe!!"
Lupus: Ha ha ha!!
- Lupus wipes the hard drive of the computer he's working on, deleting everything*
Lupus: Ha ha! The world of L+A of Miyamoto is ending! See you in hell!!! Ha ha ha ha...
- blank space*
Miyamoto: Where am I?
Wozby: I don't know sir. I think we're in the Information Superhighway, sir.
Miyamoto: What?
Wozby: Let's just keep walking. We're bound to find something.
- They keep walking, and pop out of Mario's phone*
Miyamoto: This is... MARIO'S HOUSE!!!
Wozby: ARGH!!!
Miyamoto: We must escape before it's too late!!
Mario: Not so fast! TEAM BLOCKHEAD! COME OUT! Time to say our motto!
Pikachu: To neglect the lives of Luigi and Toad
Met: To boot up this earth in Microsoft Mode!
Mario: To bribe Miyamoto into giving up gaming.
Pikachu: Nintendo will fall, well at least that's what we're praying!
Met: Met!
Mario: Mario!
Met: Team Blockhead, blast off at the sight of Miyamoto's ugly face.
Mario: Give up Nintendo now and join the new Microsoft race!
Pikachu: Pikachu, that's right!
Miyamoto: ...
Mario: Mama Mia! I'm late for my meeting with Tim Ferguson!
Miyamoto: Mario, I am your father! You will not escape me again!
Mario: Take this! MARIO PUNCH!
- Mario punches Miyamoto in the stomach... hard*
Miyamoto: OWW!!
NEXT TIME ON MIYAMOTO...
Wim Werguson: Burp.
STAY TUNED!!
Lemonjello
Guy:With document distribution from Cannon yuo could send a document any!
Mario:Why are you here?
Guy:To say that.
Mario:No soliciters!
Miyamoto:OWWWW!!!
Wozby:Um, sir, are you OK?
Jozby:Should we take you to hospital?
Mario:There is no hope for him now!!! I used the punch of mediocrity! He shall die from food poisoning next week!
Jozby:Food poisoning and being punched are not related in any way.
Mario:It is now.
Wozby:The plot needs to be advanced. A random character should drop out of a plot hole in a few minutes.
Wim Werguson: Burp.
Mario:This madness must end!!! I'm going to the fortress of OG writers to kill all the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto wirters!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Mario wraps to the fortress of OG writers.
Wim Werguson:I must follow Mario, for he needs my non-existent powers to defeat the evil guardians of the fortress!
Wim Werguson warps to the fortress of OG writers
Wozby:I guess we coud watch.
Jozby:It could be entertaining.
Miyamoto:I stopped saying "Owwww!"
Wozby:Should we warp or fall through a plot hole?
Miyamoto:Lets fall through a plot hole!
Meanwhile at the fortress...
Mario:Lemonjello Setzer, we are here to kill you!!!
L. Setzer:I'm too smart to let soliciters like you in here! I shall cut you down with my ultimate creation! Turbo Lemon, go!!!
Turbo Lemon:I have no attacks.
Mario:AAAAAA!!!! I'm allergic to Lemons! Retreat!!!
Turbo Lemon:Downsize them! I like pie! The world is not enough! Random phrase! Bond...James Bond!
L. Setzer:Yes! Use your ultimate attack, Turbo Lemon!!!
Turbo Lemon:Are you sure? The ultimate attack is too powreful to use without permission from the CIA!
L. Setzer:Just use it!!!
Turbo Lemon:All your base are belong to us!
As Turbo Lemon utters his ultimate attack, the world explodes!
Lupus:AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Miyamoto:NOOOOOO!!!
Wozby:Jozby, press the reset button before it's too late!!!
Jozby presses the reset button.
THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
COPYRIGHT 2002
ONLY FOR THE NINITENDO GAMECUBE
PRESS START TO PLAY
PLEASE SELECT YOUR FILE
LOADING...
PAGE 9
Miyamoto:NOOOO!!! This is page 9! The reset put me into the future!
Stanley the Bugman:Miyamoto! Hurry up or you'll be late for Waluigi's funeral!
Miyamoto:???
To be continued...
Nxt time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Minister Bill:Waluigi was a good Smurf. Sure, he took too much hallucinating drugs, but that dosen't matter now that he's dead.
Waluigi:But I'm alive!
Ms. Smith:Shut up!
Lupus
Miyamoto runs after Stanely, until they arrive at the graveyard, where Warluigi's body is lying on the ground, the minister standing on top of him.
Miyamoto: Yawn. Boring. Hm...
Minister Bill: We gather here today to say goodbye to the one known as Waluigi Wario. Waluigi was a good Smurf. Sure, he took too much hallucinating drugs, but that dosen't matter now that he's dead.
Waluigi: But I'm alive!
Ms. Smith: Shut up!
Minister Bill: Now, all of us shall sing a song. Mary had a little lamb...
Waluigi: I'M NOT DEAD!
Minister Bill: Ah! it's the spirit of Waluigi back to haunt us!
Waluigi: Either that or I fell unconsious when Wario hit me across the head, then he told everyone I was dead.
Minister Bill: Listen as the spirit reveals how he died! This is fascinating! I must write this down somewhere!
Miyamoto: This is rediculous. I'm outta here. *jumps in time warp.*
PAGE 783
Miyamotobot: Coolio! Page 783!
Woctor Wily: Miyamotobot, you shall die for your crimes against Guam, Sonic the Hedgehog, meatballs, Eurovision and cheese!
Miyamotobot: First, I have an announcement to make. Weaknesses are only weaknesses if you have enemies to exploit them. If you don't have enemies you don't have weaknesses. So everybody is really strong if they don't have enemies. So don't make enemies so you can be really powerful and not have weaknesses. And if someone should hate you for no reason they can't be bad to you cause you don't have weaknesses to exploit and they're not real enemies anyway because enemies are only enemies if they have weaknesses to exploit, which you won’t have because you have no enemies to exploit them. One could say that enemies might think a part of you is a weakness, but you don’t so it’s not really a weakness, is it? And they’re still not real enemies because the thing they think is a weakness, in fact, isn’t a weakness, this is because there will be no weaknesses at all unless you have true enemies to exploit them, and only true enemies will find your weakness, which you won’t have, basically because they wouldn’t be a real enemy if they didn’t exploit your weakness. Say, perhaps, you have two weaknesses. If this was true you would have two enemies, who found your weaknesses and are exploiting them, but only true enemies could do that, which means they wouldn’t be true enemies because they haven’t found any of your weaknesses, because you have none which means no enemies to exploit them. You might one day decide to acquire an enemy. If it were to be a true enemy then you would first have to create a weakness for this enemy to exploit. Secondly this enemy in question would have to notice your weakness and decide whether to or whether not to exploit it. If he or she does, this is a true enemy, because they have chosen to exploit your weakness and become your weakness-exploiting enemy. If they don’t, they will still be an enemy but not a true enemy because only true enemies would exploit such a weakness. This weakness could only be a weakness if they enemy does choose to exploit it, but how could a weakness be a weakness if there is an enemy, if it was already a weakness before the enemy appeared? This weakness wouldn’t be labelled under a true weakness unless it was exploited by some enemy that likes to exploit weaknesses. What if an enemy exploited weaknesses but didn’t actually like exploiting them. Would they be a true enemy? And what if an enemy exploited weaknesses but didn’t even realise they were actually exploiting weaknesses? And what if somebody liked exploiting weaknesses but never actually got around to doing it? Would these people be true enemies or not? And if they weren’t, would the weaknesses that they didn’t like to exploit, the weaknesses they did like to exploit and the weaknesses that they didn’t realise they were exploiting actually exist? And could you tell if someone was exploiting your weaknesses, even if they posed as someone who was not an enemy? This brings me back to my original thought. Weaknesses are only weaknesses if you have enemies to exploit them. This is true in all ways. Say if your weakness was a lack in speed. Who would your enemy, who exploits your weakness of speed, be? This enemy would be the race track, who exploits your weakness (lack of speed), and laughs in your face. But who would be your enemies if you had a weakness in the intelligence department? Everyone who is smarter than you? Or a school teacher who has just asked you to answer a hard question? Both of these examples would be enemies who exploit your weaknesses, but are they really enemies? They exploit your weakness without even thinking of doing so. So would they be true enemies or enemies that don’t know they are being an enemy? Some people may forget that enemies are people too. Enemies themselves might possess a few weaknesses of their own. Does this small factor decide whether they are enemies or not, true or otherwise? You see while they are exploiting weaknesses of somebody else, other enemies of any sort discussed in the text above are exploiting the original enemy in question’s weaknesses. In this case, you may take pity on this enemy that possesses both weaknesses and enemies of their own. They would be too busy exploiting other’s weaknesses to defend their own weaknesses from the enemies, true or otherwise, who are exploiting them. Is this fair? Should this or shouldn’t this cancel out the enemy status of this person with weaknesses being exploited? This is an issue that needs to be pondered.
Woctor Wily: Snore.
Miyamotobot: Phew. Now to get outta here. *jumps in warp*
PAGE 199182741289472130984712324 BC
Dinosaur: Miyamotosaur! Welcome to our world!
Miyamotosaur: Why does the end of my name change every time the time changes?
Dinosaur: Because, Miyamotosaur, you are currently in Chapter 0: Miyamotosaur. Chapter 1 is the world you came from at the start of this post, where your name was Miyamoto. Chapter 2 is Miyamotobot, understand?
Miyamotosaur: No.
Dinosaur: OK, read my lips. Cheese.
Miyamotosaur: Oh, ok. I get it now. Hey... I'm curious. What will my name be in chapter 3?
Dinosaur: I suggest you don't do that!
Miyamotosaur: Why not?
Dinosaur: Because... *gulp* there is no Chapter 3!
Miyamotosaur: You're lying. C'ya. *jumps in timewarp*
PAGE 328472847-1239487219847210-48927134981274021734812974092847319028742109847203984124231324
Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey: Wow. he was right. There is no Chapter 3.
NEXT TIME ON L+A OF MIYAMOTO:
Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey: This place sure is empty. Everything's just white.
Neo: That is because you are in the matrix, Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey, and the only way to get out is by defeated the evil Agent Ayargidishmah!
STAY TUNED!!!