LaAoM Series 2
| Series in The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - Dr. Wily - Lemony Fresh 1 - Lemony Fresh 2 |
Lemonjello
Gaspar:The Flying Gerbil is a master of time travel.
Flying Gerbil:My calculations deduce that Higinbotham is in the 1990 AD time period. He went there so he could foil the SNES launch.
Miyamoto:(Wakes up) Ummmmm....where am I?
Gaspar:The end of time!
Flying Gerbil:He is suffering from memory loss because of the server move.
Gaspar:We need to send him back to his own time so he can recover.
Flying Gerbil:But this mission is too important to wait for!
Gaspar:You're right. Hmmmmmm...I know what we can we can do! We can clone Miyamoto so the clone can go stop Higinbotham.
Flying Gerbil:Commence the cloning procedure!
Miyamoto:Does cloning me hurt?
Gaspar:Oh, yes. It is extremely painful.
Miyamoto:Help!!!!
Wuper Wan:I must help this poor citzen in need!
Gaspar:The past is more important than Miyamoto!
Wuper Wan:BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Gaspar:BWAHAHAHAHAHA????
Wuper Wan:BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Gaspar:BWAHAHAHAHAHA????
Miyamoto:Flyng Gerbil, how do these time portals open?
Flying Gerbil:You need to say:It's the post that counts?
Miyamto:It's the post that counts(Jumps into a time portal).
Flying Gerbil:You fool!!!
Miyamoto comes out of the time portal into the White House circa 122 BC.
Miyamoto:The White House didn't exist then!
It does now! I am the narrator! I can do anything!!!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!
Miyamoto:...
I shall now show you my power!!!(Opens up a huge gate.)
Miyamoto:AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
The gate takes Miyamoto to New York December 25th 2001.
Tiny Tim:Bless them, every one!
Miyamoto:Bless who?
Linus:But it's Christmas, Charlie Brown!
Dr. Seuss:Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas alot...
Santa:Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleighg tonight?
Yukon Cornelius:Silver and gold!
Miyamoto:Where am I????
Elf:The North Pole, Mr. Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:Ummmmmm....Ok.....
Dr. Wily:Have some eggnog, Mr. Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:Why is Dr. Wily here?
Santa:He has changed his Christmas hating ways, Mr. Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:And why does evryone's sentance end with,"Mr. Miyamoto."
Santa:He knows too much! Get him!!!
Dr. Wily:Now your time has come, Mr. Miyamoto.
Tiny Tim:I have the tranquilizer gun.
Linus:Fire it, you fool!!!
Tiny Tim fires the gun.
Miyamoto:AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Santa:Now we need to set our paln in motion...
45 hours later...
Miyamoto:.....where am I?
???:Hurry up or you'll be late for work!!
Miyamoto:Who are you?
???:Your wife!
Miyamoto goes down stairs.
??? turns around to reveal...PRINCESS PEACH???????
Peach:You're gonna be late for your Koopa Reeducation program.
Miyamoto:Ummmmmmm.....
Peach:Get in the warp pipe, you fool!
Miyamoto:Ok.....(Jumps in the wrap pipe).
Miyamoto comes out of the warp pipe after 87 hours of travelling through it.
Mr. Higsby:Today we will learn about the evils of plumbing by watching this movie, huh.
Toad:How long is the movie?
Mr. Higsby:12 hours, huh.
4 hours later...
Miyamoto:(Thinking to himself) I've got to get out of here. There has to be someway out.(Miyamoto notices a door with a sign on it that says Someway Out) (Raises his hand).
Mr. Higsby:What is it, huh.
Miyamoto:THERE'S A HUGE BLACK WIDOW SPIDER ON YOUR HEAD!!!!!
Mr. Higsby:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Miyamoto escapes amid the confusinon.
Miyamoto:Now I need tp escape somehow....
Gaspar:Wake up you crazy fool!
Miyamoto:Gaspar? Where are you?
Gaspar:Right in front of you!
Miyamoto:But I can't see anyone!
Mog:Wake up, kupo!
Miyamoto:But where are you?
OOM-9:Roger roger.
Miyamoto wakes up.
Wozby:You're finally awake!
Jozby:You've been asleep for a month.
OOM-9:I need to take off my mask, roger roger.
Mask Man:NOOOOOOOO!!!! You will not take of another mask.
OOM-9:It's in my contract that I need to take off my mask.
Mask Man:Fine! But please hand it to me once you take it off.
OOM-9:Roger roger.
OOM-9 takes off his mask to reveal.....WILLY HIGINBOTHAM??????
Miyamoto:What the heck???
Willy:Miyamoto, I now own Nintendo!!!! Now I shall prive to the world that I am the true inventor of video games!!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!(Willy teleports back to Nintendo HQ)
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Jar Jar Binks:Yousa must defeat mesa to get to Mr. Higinbotham's throne room!
Miyamoto:Ok...
Jar Jar Binks:Albino ferret summon!!!
Miyamoto:Swedish meatball summon!!!
Mario500
(Miyamoto appears somewhere else)
Miyamoto: Where am I this time?
Larry: Where else, it's 1990!
Miyamoto: Oh, Willy has just taken complete control of Nintendo back in 2002.
Wozby: That's because he traveled back in time to stop the SNES launch and he did.
Miyamoto: Why that now good old fossil, we have to find him before that happens, by the way where's Mario and Meowth?
Larry: Um, um they went back home to cook pizza for all of us and are watching the CBS Evening News tp find out if Dan Rather really is from Pluto.
Miyamoto: Oh I see, let's mone on then.
(Miyamoto walks off)
Wozby: You didn't say that they are actully dead, did you?
Larry: They are, but with the push of this button they will be alive.
(Without notice, Willy has been watching them)
Willy: Oh we'll see about that, ah ha!
To be continued...
Next time on L&As of Miyamoto:
Miyamoto: This is the place where Nintendo will launch the Super NES.
Wozby: I now let's...
(Two hours later)
Wozby: ... And that's the full plan.
(Everyone is asleep)
Lemonjello
Miyamoto and Wozby are transported by the Narrator to the place where the SNES is going to be launched.
Miyamoto: This is the place where Nintendo will launch the Super NES.
Wozby: I now let's...
(Two hours later)
Wozby: ... And that's the full plan.
(Everyone is asleep)
(Miyamoto wakes up.)
Miyamoto:Brilliant, Wozby!
Wozby:You were asleep.
Miyamoto:Oh, I thought you were testing your new sleeping pill on me.
Wozby:I just identified a fatal flaw in my plan.
Miyamoto:What?
Wozby:Willy Higinbotham carried out his plan while I was explaining mine.
Miyamoto:What did he do to stop the launch of the SNES, anyways?
Wozby:He explained that the SNES is really a nucleur exsplosive manufactured by Czechoslavakian terrorists.
Miyamoto:We recalled those.
Wozby:Willy Higinbotham killed the recallers with a flamethrower. Now an angry mob is roaming the streets in an attempt to chop you up with 3 ft. long Katanas.
Miyamoto:What do we do now?
Wozby:We can move to Switzerland and work for Albino Unincorported, the only Swiss video game company, or we can join the circus and work as neglected, underfed and abused sideshow freaks.
Miyamoto:When's the next flight to Switzerland?
Wozby:5 years from now.
Miyamoto:Then how are we supposed to get to Switzerland?
Wozby:We steal Elvis' private jet.
Miyamoto:Elvis is dead.
Wozby:Willy Higinbotham prevented Elvis' death at the hands of the KGB.
Miyamoto:Lets go steal the jet then.
A few hours later, Miyamoto and Wozby are in the jet.
Miyamoto:Who would have thought that Elvis had Balrogs in his mansion?
Wozby:Or Jar Jar Binks clones?
Miyamoto:Who is flying the plane?
Wozby:No one.
Miyamoto:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Wozby:WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!
EXPLODE!!!!
23 hours later, in a Swiss hospital....
Dr. Mario:It looks like they may never play bingo again, Ms. Smith.
Ms. Smith:But, they were so fond of bingo! They're addicted to bingo!
Dr. Mario:I'm afraid they will have to stop playing bingo then...
Ms. Smith:They've tried to stop, but it's not possible! Miyamoto tried using the patch, but he can't stop! He dosen't have the willpower!
Miyamoto:What the heck are you two talking about?
Dr. Mario:You are Vladimir Miyamoto, aren't you?
Miyamoto:No.
Ms. Smith:Is he Adimiral John Wozby?
Miyamoto:No.
Dr. Mario:So you two aren't the two reptile smugglers.
Miyamoto:Actually, we're from Japan.
Dr. Mario:You self-centered meatball!
To be continued...
Ms. Smith:They know too much. We need to kill them.
Dr. Mario:But how?
Ms. Smith:We need to throw them in the meat grinder.
Lupus
Ms. Smith:They know too much. We need to kill them.
Dr. Mario:But how?
Ms. Smith:We need to throw them in the meat grinder.
Miyamoto: NEVER! You'll never take me alive!!!
- Miyamoto throws himself into the meat grinder*
Wozby: SIR! I'm sorry for all the bad things I may have done over this topic, but I'll swear I'll clear out my history of bad things and start afresh! I'm coming with you!
- Wozby jumps after Miyamoto, and they are teleported to Rude the Turk's evil lab of doom, tied up against a wall*
Rude: Ha ha ha! Just as I planned! I knew you'd throw yourselves in the meat grinder, so I created a warp portal to warp you here!
Wozby: What do you want with us?
Rude: Oh, nothing much. Just your shoes.
Miyamoto: Our shoes??
Rude: Yes! Those are special Korean made shoes! I need them to build my Shoe Ray!
Miyamoto: Shoe Rays are just rip offs of Cheese Rays!
Rude: You will regret ever saying that, Miyamoto!
- Rude sets a bomb for ten seconds, then pulls a lever, and Rude sinks into the floor, laughing, with Wozby and Miyamoto's shoes in his hands*
Miyamoto: We need to escape!!
Wozby: But we can't! I had $2 for a bus fare home in the tongue of my left shoe!
Miyamoto: Wait, I have a plan! SUPER CHEDDAR OF DOOM ATTACK!
- the ropes come undone, and Miyamoto and Wozby jump down the hole Rude escaped with. In the previous room, they can hear a "pop"*
Wozby: I know where Rude's headed!
Miyamoto: Where?
Wozby: To the cheese factory in East Timor!
Miyamoto: But... the new Gerkin Cheese is being invented there! We must stop him before he does anything stupid!
NEXT TIME...
Rude: You stupid fools! One wrong move and I'll press this button, making the spikes attached to my belt impale me, killing me off instantly!
Miyamoto: Well, that's good then. We want you to die.
STAY TUNED!!
Senor Pollo
Wozby jumps toward Rude, who then pushes the button, killing him and Wozby.
Miyamoto:OH MY GOD! WOZBY!
Wozby:*dying* Mi......ya.........mo..........to.....
Miyamoto:What? What?
Wozby:Go.........................to..................Micro............
Miyamoto:Hurry up! I gotta take a dump!
Wozby:....Mirco...........soft...........Am........er............Am...........er...........ica...... ...
Miyamoto:So I should go to Microsoft in Amer-Amer-ica.
Wozby:No!Am............er..........ica..........
Miyamoto:Same difference.
Wozby:Goodbye.............Mi.......ya.........mo.........to...........
Miyamoto:Wozby? Wozby? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Miyamoto runs out of the factory screaming. After 10 hours of running around aimlessly, he gets his senses back and decides to follow Wozby's words and swims to America. He then hitches a ride to Microsoft, USA, AKA Washington.
Miyamoto: So this is the fabled Microsoft Corp.
???:Hey! You! Come over here!
Miyamoto: Huh?
???: What part of get over here dont you understand?
Miyamoto: What do you want.
???: I've been sent to help you.
Miyamoto: Oh good. Whens lunch?
???: Its three in the morning.
Miyamoto: Oh.
???: Alright. Now, look right here behind me.
Miyamoto: WHOA! Its a Warp Pipe 3000! This isnt supposed to come out till 2054.
???: Indeed. I have been sent from the future.
Miyamoto: REALLY! Am I some sort of god?
???: Other way around. In the year 2003, Microsoft destroys Nintendo and takes over the world. You are considered satan, according to Gate-ism, the universal religion.
Miyamoto: Whoa. Thats a spicy meat-a-ball.
???: Anyways, have you seen the movie "Terminator.
Miyamoto: No.
???: Damn. That really screws up my intro. You see, Im a "Terminator" for "Bill Gates". Now is your time to die!
Miyamoto: WAIT! Then why did Wozby send me here?
???: Wozby is no more than a sack of potatoes painted and programmed to be ordered by "Bill Gates" men. Now excuse me, but I have to kill you.
Miyamoto: OH NO!
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MIYAMOTO? TUNE IN NEXT TIME!!!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto:Wait a sec, before you kill me, could you tell me who you are?
???:I guess so. I am really...WILLY HIGINBOTHAM!!!!!!!!
Miyamoto:I thought you wanted to dominate the video game industry, not be some lackey for Bill Gates.
Willy:True, but a horrible thing happened last January that...(Willy continues on for 8 hours about his story of pain and anguish and how Bill Gates crushed his dreams)...and thats how it happened.
Miyamoto:Gee, thats really sad.
Willy:(Sob)
Miyamoto:I need to go now, I need to catch my taxi.
Willy:Thanks for listening, old friend.
Miyamoto:Bye.(thinking to himself)HA! Bill Gates is gonna be furious when he finds out that Willy Higinbotham let me go when he was about to kill me!
Miyamoto goes to Microsoft HQ
Miyamoto:This place looks like the Tower of Fanatics.
Cult member:It is the Tower of Gates, our supreme master. You are the evil one, Miyamoto. Our master has been expecting you. Go the top so the master may decapitate you.
Miyamoto:Ummmm...ok.....
Miyamoto climbs the millions of stairs until he reaches the throne room of Bill Gates
Gates:Ah, so the slime known as Miyamoto has finally come to be slaughtered at the hands of the master of earth.
Miyamoto:You've gotten very, very, very, very, very, very evil since the last time we met.
Met:Did someone say my name?
Gates:Leave me, mortal.
Miyamoto:So how did you become sop evil?
Gates:4 evil pills a day.
MIyamoto:Oh.
Gates:I also put my power into this ring here.
Miyamoto:Ummmm...thats a very nice ring, could I see it?
Gates:Sure.(Hands Miyamoto the ring)
Miyamoto:GWAHAHAHA!!!!(Puts on the ring)
Gates:AAAAAA!!!!
Miyamoto:DIE!!!(Shoots a bolt of energy at Gates)
Gates:NOOOOOOOO!!!I'm melting!!!!
Miyamoto:With this ring's powre I shall build a cosmic death ray!!!!!
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Met:The ring's power is too great for you, Miyamoto. You must put it into the trash compacter.
Miyamoto:But..but...its...my....my...MY PRECIOUS!!!!
Senor Pollo
Miyamoto: Okay, let me recap. Wozby was killed by Rude, and I was then told to come to Mircrosoft HQ where I met Willy Higinbotham who almost killed me, but I escaped. I then went to Bill Gates throne room and killed him with this ring. Whoa! Well, now that Bill is dead, Nintendo will be able to become the most powerful video game industry EVER! Alright!
???:Not so fast Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:Huh? OH NO! IT CANT BE.......
???:Yes it is I......
Miyamoto:THE HEAD OF 3DO!
Head of 3DO: Yes! Creater of Army Men, devestator of major companies, maker of the worst games on the face of the planet! That is me!
Miyamoto:AHHH! WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Head of 3DO: YOUR BRAIN!
Miyamoto:My brain?
Head of 3DO: Just kidding. What I really want is that ring. You see, I need that to destroy my competitors.
Miyamoto: Someone who makes worse games than you?
Head of 3DO:Yes. In other words, THE CREATORS OF THE N64 POWERPUFF GIRLS GAME!!!!
Miyamoto: AAAHHHHHHHH! What competition! Here, take the ring!
Head of 3DO:Yes! Thank you, Miyamoto. Now I will kill you!
Miyamoto: What?
Head of 3DO: Why would I want to kill those guys? My new GBA Army Man game is only visible at 3:30 AM. NOW YOU DIE!
Miyamoto: Man, not this again. SHIGGY CHOP!
Head of 3DO: Oh, you know kung fu, eh? Well take this!
Miyamoto and the Head of 3DO fight it out. After several minutes, the Head of 3DO takes out a pile of garbage(er.....one of his games) and throws it at Miyamoto, who faints from the stench! Much later, Shiggy wakes up!
Miyamoto:Where am I?
???:Welcome to Sony Corporations. We have been expecting you.
Miyamoto:NOOOOOOOOOOOO....
Lupus
Guy: As I just said, we've been expecting you.
Miyamoto: Take me to your leader.
Guy: I was just planning on doing that. Come with me.
- Miyamoto follows the Guy down a long hallway, and opens a door to reveal...*
Miyamoto: RONALD MCDONALD!?!?!?!?!?!
Ronald: Hyuk, hyuk. That's me!
Miyamoto: But, why did you put me through years and years of torture. Why did you steal Squaresoft from me???
Ronald: Hyuk. I got mighty sick of all those people singin' of me and my family farm. And I am not Old!
Miyamoto: Whatever.
- Miyamoto jumps in a time portal, warping him through space and time. He lands in a seat in a studio*
Host: Now, for $10 dollars, what is the name of the first game Shigeru Miyamoto brought out for the NES?
- Miyamoto pushes the buzzer in front of him*
Host: Yes, Mr. Smith?
Miyamoto: Uh... forgot.
Host: That is the wrong answer. $10 deducted from your score! Now, for $5 dollars, how much is that doggy in the window?
Miyamoto: Which doggy?
Host: THE ONE WITH THE WAGGILY TAIL!!
Miyamoto: Um... $5 dollars?
Host: Miyamoto, I know why you're here.
Miyamoto: Who are you?
Host: I am... *takes off mask to reveal... GLENN RIDGE???!?!?!*
Miyamoto: But why, Glenn? I trusted you!
Glenn: My parents trusted the Cheese Government! Trust can be decieving.
Miyamoto: Take this, Glenn!
- Miyamoto pulls out a gun*
Glenn: For cheese, Miyamoto?
Miyamoto: No. For me.
- Miyamoto shoots Glenn, then the studio's walls cave in, to reveal Microsoft HQ. Bill Gates appears*
Bill Gates: You haven't learnt anything Miyamoto!
Miyamoto: I've learnt to trust and love! I've learnt that even friends can be enemies! I've learnt to fight for what's right! I've learnt to eat bagels with some cheese on the side! I've learnt that Carrol Channing is pure evil!
- Wozby appears*
Wozby: And I've learnt that Bill Cosby is a cool person to be.
Bill Gates: This is sickening... You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet! Prepare yourselves!
Miyamoto: Bring it on Kefk... I mean, Bill Gates.
Bill Gates: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Miyamoto: Why are you laughing? You haven't achieved anything.
NEXT TIME ON L+A OF MIYAMOTO...
Isaac Hays: Listen up, I want a burger with the lot, better make it snappy, you Sony moron!
Ronald McDonald: Yes Isaac Hays!!
STAY TUNED!!
Lemonjello
Setzer:Ummm...this is a public service announcement from some poor guy off the street. You must use the thing from the Next time on the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto in your next post. Now back to your show.
Narrator:Now back to the show of insanity AKA The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto
Miyamoto:I must warn you, Bill,that if you strike me down, the false memeories I implanted in your brain will activate.
Gates:Bring it on, kiddie game developer!
RPG Battle
Gates Met/653965873
Miyamoto Bob/XZQ
Gates uses decapitate!
Miyamoto dies.
Gates:That was simple. I think I'll go to sleep.
Bill Gates went to his evil bedroom of door.
Bill Gates' dream of his chilhood...
A glorious new day begins in the sleepy community of Mediocreville...
Gates:I think I'll go play baseball with Hiroshi and Shigeru.
Gates goes to the baseball field...
Gates:Shiggy, lets play baseball!
Miyamoto:Why should I? You did kill me!!!
Gates:I didn't mean it!!!!
Yamaychi:You killed my best game designer!!!!
Gates:But....but....I...I...I'm sorry.
Miyamoto:It's too late for that, Gates!!!!
Yamauchi:You shall have a fate worse than death!!!!
Miyamoto and Yamauchi morph into hideous monsters...
Gates:AAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Miyamoto:Die, you wretched idiot!!!!
Miyamoto and Yamauchi pursue Gates until Miyamoto eats him.
Gates:NOOOOOO!!!
Gates wakes up
Gates:AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Miyamoto:So, you have you learned that you should not kill me?
Gates:A...g...gho...a....GHOST??????!!!??
Miyamoto:Actually, I fell through a plot hole.
Gates:What are you going to do to me?
Miyamoto:Turn you into Ronald McDonald.
Gates:AAAAAAAAA!!!!
Miyamoto turns Gates into Ronald McDonald
Miyamoto:Now, go to McDonalds, clown boy!!!
At McDonalds...
Isaac Hays: Listen up, I want a burger with the lot, better make it snappy, you Sony moron!
Ronald McDonald: Yes Isaac Hays!!
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Miyamoto:What??? Woctor Wily stole the Cosmic Shoe/Cheese/Death Ray to destroy Guam??? He must be stopped!
Met:For great justice...
Lupus
Miyamoto: Now, finally a video game developer can get some rest around here.
Wozby: Not yet sir. We just recieved a letter from the Cheese Government. Here.
- Miyamoto reads letter*
Miyamoto: What??? Woctor Wily stole the Cosmic Shoe/Cheese/Death Ray to destroy Guam??? He must be stopped!
Met: For great justice...
Miyamoto: Met? What are you doing here?
Met: I was sent by Kefk... I mean Bill Gates to use X-Zone on you. You'll be sucked into another dimension.
Miyamoto: But you work for me!!
Met: Miyamoto, prepare to doom your face.
Miyamoto: Don't you mean face your doom?
Met: Shuddap! X-ZONE!!
Miyamoto and Wozby: NOOOOOOOO!!!!
- Wozby and Miyamoto are sucked into an alternite reality, where everyone's name starts with W, and they are obsessed with cheese*
Miyamoto: Wait a second! Thats the same reality we were in before.
- Whooops. I mean, Wozby and Miyamoto are sucked into an alternite reality, where everyone's name starts with M, and they are obsessed with eggs*
Miyamoto: That's better.
Wozby: Where are we?
Egg Man: You are in Egg Land, where we praise the Lord Egg and his son Eggsus. Where we have national holidays for Egg Eating competitions.
Miyamoto: What a freaked up world.
Egg Man: Come with me.
- They follow the man to Lord Egg's castle*
Lord Egg: You two! You are the new people here in Egg Land?
Miyamoto: Yes sir.
Lord Egg: Then I give you your new Eggish names. Miyaeggto and Eggsby. Now, go live in this peaceful world known as Egg Land!
Miyamoto: But we want to go home.
Wozby: Yeah, that's right. Miyamoto's...
Lord Egg: You mean Miyaeggto.
Wozby: Yeah. Miyaeggto's got a meeting tomorrow morning.
Lord Egg: ARRGHHH! YOU SAID THE FORBIDDEN WORD!!!
Wozby: What's the Forbidden Word?
Lord Egg: I cannot say, because I will be breaking the law. MEN! Throw these two outlaws in jail... for LIFE!!!
Miyamoto: NOOOOO!!!
- Miyamoto and Wozby are thrown in jail, with another man.*
Man: Hello. Are you new?
Miyamoto: Yeah.
Man: Say the forbidden word too?
Wozby: Uh huh. What is it?
Man: The word "a". I don't know why they are so afraid of it.
Wozby: Who are you?
Man: I am Al Gore, also known as Al Gegg, to the people of Egg Land that is.
Miyamoto: Is there a way to get outta here?
Man: Yeah. The door's unlocked.
Miyamoto: Thanks.
- Wozby and Miyamoto escape, into Egg Land.*
Miyamoto: Now we must escape Egg Land. Damn that Met!
NEXT TIME ON MIYAMOTO...
Miyamoto: Met, you will pay for your crimes against Guam, Sonic the Hedgehog, meatballs, Eurovision and cheese!
Met: Please! I give up!
????: Not so fast!
STAY TUNED!!!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto and Wozby take a taxi to Met's shack
Miyamoto: Met, you will pay for your crimes against Guam, Sonic the Hedgehog, meatballs, Eurovision and cheese!
Met: Please! I give up!
????: Not so fast!
Sonic:No! Met must pay for his crimes against me!
????:He never comitted any crimes against you.
Sonic:But I have horrible nightmares about Met every night.
????:Those are memories implanted by Miyamoto.
Sonic:So? I still want to see Met pay for his crimes!
????:But he didn't commit any!
Sonic:Did too!
????:Did not!
Sonic:Did too!
????:Did not!
Sonic:Did too!
????:Did not!
While ???? and Sonic were arguing, Miyamoto and Wozby killed Met
????:You killed Met!
Miyamoto:So?
????:You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet!Prepare yourselves!
Miyamoto:Who are you, anyways?
????:Why I'm...
???? takes the paper bag off his head to reveal...
????:KEFKA!!!!
Miyamoto:What do you want with us?
Kefka:I felt like killing innocent people. That and The Three hired me.
Miyamoto:Who are The Three?
Kefka:You shall see them soon, Miyamoto...
Soon...
Kefka:They are here.
The Three:We must do our motto!
Wr.Wily:Wily!
Willy:Willy Higinbotham!
Wr. Wily:To to protect the world from Miyamoto!
Willy:To denounce the evils of Miyamoto and Wozby!
Wr. Wily:To extend our reach to the nucleur weapons!
Willy:Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of eggs!
Jozby:Jozby! Thats right!
Miyamoto:Jozby?! How you could join them!
Jozby:You've neglected me too much,Miyamoto. You've been using Wozby ever since Wozby and I fired the Cosmic Deathray!
Miyamoto:It's not my fault! It's Lupus the Turk, Lemonjello Setzer, Bodacious, and Mario 500's fault! We could go to the place where they write what we do and control our actions!
Jozby:Yes, I must have revenge for what they have done for us!
Wozby:We're of to see the OG writers, the wonderful OG writers of VGF!
Jozby:Follow the yellow brick road!
Narrator:So Miyamoto, Wozby, and Jozby set off to see the wonderful OG writers of VGF...
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Lemonjello Setzer:No soliciters!
Miyamoto:But we're here to kill you and other Life and Adventures of Miyamoto writers!
Lemonjello Setzer:Oh, come in then.
Lupus
Lupus: Ha ha ha! Now it's time to insert the word "cheese" again! Look! I just did in this sentence!
Lemonjello Setzer: Ha ha ha ha ha!! Look, now I'm making myself laugh!!!
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Lupus: Who is it?
Jozby: The people you're expecting.
Lupus: NOOO!!!
Lemonjello Setzer: No soliciters!
Miyamoto: But we're here to kill you and other Life and Adventures of Miyamoto writers!
Lemonjello Setzer: Oh, come in then.
- They enter*
Lupus: Huh? What are you doing here?
Miyamoto: You wrote about us coming here just then.
Lemonjello Setzer: Oh yeah.
Jozby: Now, you must die!!!
Lupus: You first!
Mario 500: No no no! This is meant to be serious! Argh!!!
Bodacious: Lupus, quick, put forward plan "Hard Drive Wipe!!"
Lupus: Ha ha ha!!
- Lupus wipes the hard drive of the computer he's working on, deleting everything*
Lupus: Ha ha! The world of L+A of Miyamoto is ending! See you in hell!!! Ha ha ha ha...
- blank space*
Miyamoto: Where am I?
Wozby: I don't know sir. I think we're in the Information Superhighway, sir.
Miyamoto: What?
Wozby: Let's just keep walking. We're bound to find something.
- They keep walking, and pop out of Mario's phone*
Miyamoto: This is... MARIO'S HOUSE!!!
Wozby: ARGH!!!
Miyamoto: We must escape before it's too late!!
Mario: Not so fast! TEAM BLOCKHEAD! COME OUT! Time to say our motto!
Pikachu: To neglect the lives of Luigi and Toad
Met: To boot up this earth in Microsoft Mode!
Mario: To bribe Miyamoto into giving up gaming.
Pikachu: Nintendo will fall, well at least that's what we're praying!
Met: Met!
Mario: Mario!
Met: Team Blockhead, blast off at the sight of Miyamoto's ugly face.
Mario: Give up Nintendo now and join the new Microsoft race!
Pikachu: Pikachu, that's right!
Miyamoto: ...
Mario: Mama Mia! I'm late for my meeting with Tim Ferguson!
Miyamoto: Mario, I am your father! You will not escape me again!
Mario: Take this! MARIO PUNCH!
- Mario punches Miyamoto in the stomach... hard*
Miyamoto: OWW!!
NEXT TIME ON MIYAMOTO...
Wim Werguson: Burp.
STAY TUNED!!
Lemonjello
Guy:With document distribution from Cannon yuo could send a document any!
Mario:Why are you here?
Guy:To say that.
Mario:No soliciters!
Miyamoto:OWWWW!!!
Wozby:Um, sir, are you OK?
Jozby:Should we take you to hospital?
Mario:There is no hope for him now!!! I used the punch of mediocrity! He shall die from food poisoning next week!
Jozby:Food poisoning and being punched are not related in any way.
Mario:It is now.
Wozby:The plot needs to be advanced. A random character should drop out of a plot hole in a few minutes.
Wim Werguson: Burp.
Mario:This madness must end!!! I'm going to the fortress of OG writers to kill all the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto wirters!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Mario wraps to the fortress of OG writers.
Wim Werguson:I must follow Mario, for he needs my non-existent powers to defeat the evil guardians of the fortress!
Wim Werguson warps to the fortress of OG writers
Wozby:I guess we coud watch.
Jozby:It could be entertaining.
Miyamoto:I stopped saying "Owwww!"
Wozby:Should we warp or fall through a plot hole?
Miyamoto:Lets fall through a plot hole!
Meanwhile at the fortress...
Mario:Lemonjello Setzer, we are here to kill you!!!
L. Setzer:I'm too smart to let soliciters like you in here! I shall cut you down with my ultimate creation! Turbo Lemon, go!!!
Turbo Lemon:I have no attacks.
Mario:AAAAAA!!!! I'm allergic to Lemons! Retreat!!!
Turbo Lemon:Downsize them! I like pie! The world is not enough! Random phrase! Bond...James Bond!
L. Setzer:Yes! Use your ultimate attack, Turbo Lemon!!!
Turbo Lemon:Are you sure? The ultimate attack is too powreful to use without permission from the CIA!
L. Setzer:Just use it!!!
Turbo Lemon:All your base are belong to us!
As Turbo Lemon utters his ultimate attack, the world explodes!
Lupus:AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Miyamoto:NOOOOOO!!!
Wozby:Jozby, press the reset button before it's too late!!!
Jozby presses the reset button.
THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
COPYRIGHT 2002
ONLY FOR THE NINITENDO GAMECUBE
PRESS START TO PLAY
PLEASE SELECT YOUR FILE
LOADING...
PAGE 9
Miyamoto:NOOOO!!! This is page 9! The reset put me into the future!
Stanley the Bugman:Miyamoto! Hurry up or you'll be late for Waluigi's funeral!
Miyamoto:???
To be continued...
Nxt time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Minister Bill:Waluigi was a good Smurf. Sure, he took too much hallucinating drugs, but that dosen't matter now that he's dead.
Waluigi:But I'm alive!
Ms. Smith:Shut up!
Lupus
Miyamoto runs after Stanely, until they arrive at the graveyard, where Warluigi's body is lying on the ground, the minister standing on top of him.
Miyamoto: Yawn. Boring. Hm...
Minister Bill: We gather here today to say goodbye to the one known as Waluigi Wario. Waluigi was a good Smurf. Sure, he took too much hallucinating drugs, but that dosen't matter now that he's dead.
Waluigi: But I'm alive!
Ms. Smith: Shut up!
Minister Bill: Now, all of us shall sing a song. Mary had a little lamb...
Waluigi: I'M NOT DEAD!
Minister Bill: Ah! it's the spirit of Waluigi back to haunt us!
Waluigi: Either that or I fell unconsious when Wario hit me across the head, then he told everyone I was dead.
Minister Bill: Listen as the spirit reveals how he died! This is fascinating! I must write this down somewhere!
Miyamoto: This is rediculous. I'm outta here. *jumps in time warp.*
PAGE 783
Miyamotobot: Coolio! Page 783!
Woctor Wily: Miyamotobot, you shall die for your crimes against Guam, Sonic the Hedgehog, meatballs, Eurovision and cheese!
Miyamotobot: First, I have an announcement to make. Weaknesses are only weaknesses if you have enemies to exploit them. If you don't have enemies you don't have weaknesses. So everybody is really strong if they don't have enemies. So don't make enemies so you can be really powerful and not have weaknesses. And if someone should hate you for no reason they can't be bad to you cause you don't have weaknesses to exploit and they're not real enemies anyway because enemies are only enemies if they have weaknesses to exploit, which you won’t have because you have no enemies to exploit them. One could say that enemies might think a part of you is a weakness, but you don’t so it’s not really a weakness, is it? And they’re still not real enemies because the thing they think is a weakness, in fact, isn’t a weakness, this is because there will be no weaknesses at all unless you have true enemies to exploit them, and only true enemies will find your weakness, which you won’t have, basically because they wouldn’t be a real enemy if they didn’t exploit your weakness. Say, perhaps, you have two weaknesses. If this was true you would have two enemies, who found your weaknesses and are exploiting them, but only true enemies could do that, which means they wouldn’t be true enemies because they haven’t found any of your weaknesses, because you have none which means no enemies to exploit them. You might one day decide to acquire an enemy. If it were to be a true enemy then you would first have to create a weakness for this enemy to exploit. Secondly this enemy in question would have to notice your weakness and decide whether to or whether not to exploit it. If he or she does, this is a true enemy, because they have chosen to exploit your weakness and become your weakness-exploiting enemy. If they don’t, they will still be an enemy but not a true enemy because only true enemies would exploit such a weakness. This weakness could only be a weakness if they enemy does choose to exploit it, but how could a weakness be a weakness if there is an enemy, if it was already a weakness before the enemy appeared? This weakness wouldn’t be labelled under a true weakness unless it was exploited by some enemy that likes to exploit weaknesses. What if an enemy exploited weaknesses but didn’t actually like exploiting them. Would they be a true enemy? And what if an enemy exploited weaknesses but didn’t even realise they were actually exploiting weaknesses? And what if somebody liked exploiting weaknesses but never actually got around to doing it? Would these people be true enemies or not? And if they weren’t, would the weaknesses that they didn’t like to exploit, the weaknesses they did like to exploit and the weaknesses that they didn’t realise they were exploiting actually exist? And could you tell if someone was exploiting your weaknesses, even if they posed as someone who was not an enemy? This brings me back to my original thought. Weaknesses are only weaknesses if you have enemies to exploit them. This is true in all ways. Say if your weakness was a lack in speed. Who would your enemy, who exploits your weakness of speed, be? This enemy would be the race track, who exploits your weakness (lack of speed), and laughs in your face. But who would be your enemies if you had a weakness in the intelligence department? Everyone who is smarter than you? Or a school teacher who has just asked you to answer a hard question? Both of these examples would be enemies who exploit your weaknesses, but are they really enemies? They exploit your weakness without even thinking of doing so. So would they be true enemies or enemies that don’t know they are being an enemy? Some people may forget that enemies are people too. Enemies themselves might possess a few weaknesses of their own. Does this small factor decide whether they are enemies or not, true or otherwise? You see while they are exploiting weaknesses of somebody else, other enemies of any sort discussed in the text above are exploiting the original enemy in question’s weaknesses. In this case, you may take pity on this enemy that possesses both weaknesses and enemies of their own. They would be too busy exploiting other’s weaknesses to defend their own weaknesses from the enemies, true or otherwise, who are exploiting them. Is this fair? Should this or shouldn’t this cancel out the enemy status of this person with weaknesses being exploited? This is an issue that needs to be pondered.
Woctor Wily: Snore.
Miyamotobot: Phew. Now to get outta here. *jumps in warp*
PAGE 199182741289472130984712324 BC
Dinosaur: Miyamotosaur! Welcome to our world!
Miyamotosaur: Why does the end of my name change every time the time changes?
Dinosaur: Because, Miyamotosaur, you are currently in Chapter 0: Miyamotosaur. Chapter 1 is the world you came from at the start of this post, where your name was Miyamoto. Chapter 2 is Miyamotobot, understand?
Miyamotosaur: No.
Dinosaur: OK, read my lips. Cheese.
Miyamotosaur: Oh, ok. I get it now. Hey... I'm curious. What will my name be in chapter 3?
Dinosaur: I suggest you don't do that!
Miyamotosaur: Why not?
Dinosaur: Because... *gulp* there is no Chapter 3!
Miyamotosaur: You're lying. C'ya. *jumps in timewarp*
PAGE 328472847-1239487219847210-48927134981274021734812974092847319028742109847203984124231324
Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey: Wow. he was right. There is no Chapter 3.
NEXT TIME ON L+A OF MIYAMOTO:
Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey: This place sure is empty. Everything's just white.
Neo: That is because you are in the matrix, Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey, and the only way to get out is by defeated the evil Agent Ayargidishmah!
STAY TUNED!!!
Lemonjello
Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey: This place sure is empty. Everything's just white.
Neo: That is because you are in the matrix, Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey, and the only way to get out is by defeated the evil Agent Ayargidishmah!
Agent Ayargidishmah:I decided I have no enemies, therefore you cannot hurt me.
Wats:Wll wour wase wre welong wo ws!
Neo:The structual integrity of Chapter 3 is failing! We must travel back to Chapter 1!
Flying Gerbil:The entire OG is about to collapse because the plot is no longer stable!
Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey:We're all gonna die!!!
Narrator:And die they did. The OG collapsed and crushed them.
THE END
CREDITS
Shigeru Miyamoto Himself
Guy Dude
Worker Guy
Dude Worker
Meowth Garfield
Larry Dan Rathers
Ludwig Ludwig is not real
Iggy Albert Einstein
Lemmy A piece of cardboard
Wendy Alfred the Great
Roy Lemmy
Morton A wedding cake
Misty Nurse Joy
Willy Higinbotham George Lucas
Hiroshi Yamauchi Bass
Wiyamoto Shigeru Miyamoto
Knight Tomahawk Man
Wats Cats
ThePresidents Abraham Lincoln
Robots Random Mavericks
???? ????
Superman Al Gore
Weach Daisy
Waisy Pauline
Wauline Peach
Android 17 Somebody
Android 18 Nobody
Cell A skin cell
Will Wozby Bill Cosby
Ash Giovanni
Brock A rock
Jessie Meowth
James Henry VIII
Pikachu Clooney the Scourge
Togepi An egg
Wuybrush Weepwood Waul Wicartney
Waul Wicartney Wuybrush Weepwood
Wokko Wonno Noone
Team Wocket Team Pocket
Wesse Wames
Wames Wesse
Koopa Bowser
Wisty Misty
Wikachu Someone
Wsh ????
Wogepi Lord Egg
Jozby Will Wozby
Wl Wore Al Gore
Woctor Wily Himself
Wega Wan Met
The Circus Master Lucy Pines A talking poodle
Scooby Doo Dan Rathers
Eddie Murphy Ed,Edd and Eddy
Bob boB
George Bailey Beetle Bailey
Colonel Sanders A chicken
Uncle Billy Bill the Extra Guy
Tom Tom Clancy
Charlie Charlie Brown
Ernie Jack the Ripper
Mr. Martini Mr. Gower
Mr. Gower Mr. Martini
Violet Bick A Bick pen
Annie Einna
Mr. Partridge In a pear tree
Man Guy
Harry Harry Potter
Bert Ernie
Mrs. Bailey Woctor Wily
Wanta Grand Admiral Thrawn
Wario Mario
Lupus the Turk General Veers
Bob Dole Bill Clinton
Professor Oak Dr. Kevorkian
Team Rocket Socks the cat
Wega Wan W Vile
Waptain Wirk Captain Picard
Wpock Worf
Mario %&%*????
Wenny Wicormick Terra Branford
Wel Wibson Chekov
Bill Clinton Bucky Katt
Wiroshi Wamauchi FDR
Peach Jessie
Bowser Peach
Blinky Bill Dr. Donez
Wispy Woods Metaknight
Miyamotochu Pikachu
Queen Amidala The Sackville Baginses
Everbody Nobody
Bilbo Baggins Gandalf
Shrek The butler
Bill Cosby Will Wozby
Wirby King Dedede
Warth Wader Sebulba
Wagus Eggsus
Jason Jason Fox
Wonic the Wedgehog Dr. Robonik
Jason Fandelli Everybody
King Glokenspiel The Magna Carta
Gerald Cameron Gerald Ford
Wince Warth Batman
Wicheal Wackson Edgar Figaro
Wagomorph Wetzer Setzer Gabbiani
Skippy the Bush Kangaroo Steve Irwin
Captain Olimar A Blue Pikmin
Eddiemurphytwo Mewtwo
Dexter Dexter, boy genius
Officer Jenny Censor
Wrofesser Wak Wr. Wily
Headless body A head
Admiral Ackbar Himself
Mario500 Baby Mario
Bodacious A lemming
Lemonjello Setzer Turbo Lemon
L is Real Lemming is real
Jack Mel Gibson
Censor ****!!!
Lemonjello the Turk Lupus the Turk
Emperor Bulblax Captain
Luigi Waluigi
James Bond Bond...James Bond
Mask Man A mask
Frionel Maria
Maria Leonhart
Leonhart Frionel
Fred Phred
Fred the Spanyard Span
Kylie Minogue Kyle Orland
Jefferson Ford A Ford
Alan Thicke Gau
Kirk Cameron A camera
Mike Patton Mike Patent
Osama bin Laden Osama bin Eaten
Woody Allen Woody the Woddpecker
Georgio Mari Elmer Fudd
Guido Hatzis Daffy Duck
Guam Denmark
Cats Garfield
Bill Gates Himself
Mob Random people
Cloud Man Burst man
Judge Joseph Wapner Boss Nass
Vicks Porkins
Wedge Wedge Antilles
Guards Caeser Augustus
The Boss Boss Gallo
The Tooth Fairy The Easter Bunny
Al Gore A recount
Crono ...
Gaspar Melchior
Japan Sweden
Mariah Carey HERSELF
Tiger Woods Hobbes
Someone Noone
Noone Everyone
Turbo Orange Turbo Lemon
Death Team Turbo Lemon
Janitor Maid
Sony guy Shigeru Miyamoto
Waluigi Microsoft dude
Microsoft dude Sony guy
Audience Guido Hatzis
P. Diddy Diddy Kong
E3 Man Mike Patton
Scottish Dancers Mario&Luigi
C-3PO John Williams
R2-D2 C-9PO
Alfador Crono's cat
A Rabid Lemming Troy McClure
Troy McClure A rabid Lemmnig
Miyamoto Project 2 Han Solo
Jim Carey SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!
Person Guam
Squirrel Rocky
Conker Bullwinkle
Lemming Vlad the Impaler
Vladimir the Lemming Vladimir Putin
Commander Colonel
Wemming Lemmy
Wroto Wan Proto Man
Wigma Zero
Woctor Wight Met
Flying Gerbil Himself
Banana Man A pear
Goku Himself
Vegeta Goomba
Akira Toriyama Sergeant Flutter
The SSBM Fighters Rabid Lemmings
Bass Treble
Zero One
Sigma Wigma
Master Hand Mario
Crazy Hand Master Hand
Andross Star Wolf
Met Himself
Bulma Celes Chere
Ralph Baer Willy Higinbotham
Wuper Wan Peter Pan
Tiny Tim Ebeneezer Scrooge
Linus Himself
Dr. Seuss The Cat in the Hat
Santa Clause
Yukon Cornelius Sliver and Gold
Elf Legolas
Dr. Wily Himself
Mr. Higsby Huh?
Toad Toad Man
Mog Darth maul
OOM-9 Nute Gunray
Dr. Mario Dr. Kevorkian
Ms. Smith Mrs. Smith
Cult Member Fanatic
Head of 3DO Army Men
Ronald McDonald Hamburglar
Host Parasite
Glenn Ridge Lord Egg
Setzer Setzer Gabbiani
Isaac Hays Isaac Asimov
Egg Man An Egg
Lord Egg An Egg
Eggsus An Hardboiled Egg
Man Men
Sonic the Hedgehog Bob Dole
Kefka Himself
The Three The Five
Tim Ferguson Bob Dole
Wim Werguson Bob
Turbo Lemon Lemon jello
Stanley the Bugman A bug
Minister Bill Dr. Donez
Miyamotobot Robo
Dinosaur Dactyl
Miyamotosaur Shigeru Miyamoto
Miyamotoeggcheesesaladkefkadrewcarrey Jim Carrey
Neo ????
Agent Ayargidishmah Elvis Presly
Willy Higinbotham:NOOOO!!! It can't end like this!!! I'm gonna start this over!!! Presses the reset buttton
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miaymoto...
Miyamoto:I need tacos!!!
Met:Sir, Guam Unincoporated is attacking!!!
Miyamoto:NOOOOOO!!!
Chunky Kong
???: Hey Shiggy, how are the new games for Gamecube doing?
Miyamoto: Sorry, can't tell you. The game plans are compleatly top secret.
???: Oh come on Shiggy, tell your best friend about the games.
Miyamoto: I don't even know you, so leave now.
(Shigeru enters the Nintendo building)
???: You'll be sorry, Shigeru Miyamoto!!!!!!!
Miyamoto:I'm hungry.
Miyamoto:I need tacos!!!
Met:Sir, Guam Unincoporated is attacking!!!
Miyamoto:NOOOOOO!!!
Shiggy enters the building, walks down a few corridors to the offices, and enters one.
Shiggy: So, how's work on Super Ultra Dooper Mario Bloodshed Gun Bang Bang Violence Sex Sex Sex Pornographic Gut Eating Blood Sucking Vampire NC-17 going, Guy?
Guy: Actually we changed it to Super Mario Sunshine.
Shiggy: SUPER MARIO SUNSHINE?? But this game is supposed to be the ultimate creation of Nintendo! And we can't have it with such a woosy name as Super Mario Sunshine!
Guy: Sorry, but the fact is that Super Ultra Dooper Mario Bloodshed Gun Bang Bang Violence Sex Sex Sex Pornographic Gut Eating Blood Sucking Vampire NC-17 wouldn't fit on the box. We had to shorten it. And anyway, look on the bright side... uh... whoops, there is no bright side.
Shiggy: Darn!
Shiggy steps out and walks down the corridor, coming to another office. he peeks in.
Shiggy: So, how's work coming on Gario, Guigi and their rivals Pario and Parguigi going, Worker?
Worker: Bad. I can't get an original idea for Gario's moustache, and Parguigi's laugh sounds just like every other evil character's.
Shiggy: Hmm..
Worker leans closer.
Worker: Truth is, we just mixed Waluigi's, Bowser's and Wario's together. But they won't know that.
Shiggy nods and walks over to another office. he looks in to see two people working on plots.
Shiggy: How's the plot going for the new game?
Dude: Perfect. Here, listen to this. One day, Princess Peach is kidnapped, right, by Bowser. Then Mario gos to rescue her. We've decided to leave Luigi out for reasons they we cannot explain (basically because we have no reasons). Anyway, Mario travels through a few cliched worlds, and faces Bowser. And then Mario defeats Bowser and rescues the Princess. Perfect, huh?
Shiggy: Nice and original, that's how I like it. keep up the good work.
Shiggy leaves, and then heads towards his own office, ready to do some work.
Next time on L+A of Shigeru Miyamoto
Shigeru relaxes until he realizes something. Shigeru: Time for another audition!!
He types up a message and a minute later every Anime and Game charitor under the sun lines up outside his office.
Shigeru: Fist person in!
Meowth: That's me!
Shigeru: A Pokémon!?
Meowth: Ya we all heard, you've got like all of them outside your office.
Shigeru: Hmmmm ALL POKéMON AND THEIR TRAINERS ARE EXCEPTED!!
Pokémon: YAY!!
They all leave, leaving him with the weirdo's.
Shigeru: Next!
The most popular 7 bad guys walk/roll in.
Koopalings: Hi Shigeru!
Shigeru: THE KOOPALINGS!?
Larry: Well everyone that was drawn under the sun came here. And so we came too.
Ludwig: And you haven't used us in a game for ages!
Iggy and Lemmy: Yeah!
Wendy: My beauty wasted!
Roy: Your beauty what about my power!?
Morton: We have a million reasons why.
Shigeru: Hmmm we need some badguys.... You are actually hired!!
Senor Pollo
Miyamoto:Okay, we got a plot. Now I'll just throw in some cliche platforming levels, and voila! Instant 3 million bucks!
Dude:Uh...how about some subcharacters. Just to make the game slightly enjoyable.
Miyamoto: Fine. We'll just pay them in tacos. Let the auditions begin!
Miyamoto puts up signs for the auditions.
Tony the Tiger:Nintendo's grrrrrrrrreat!
Miyamoto:I like you spirit! You're in! Next!
Bob Dole:I need the money. Please spare my devil ridden soul.
Miyamoto:Hmmmmm, you could be a good goomba. Next!
Crash Bandicoot:Sony.....er.....Nintendo is the best thing ever since sliced bread.
Miyamoto:Whatever. You're in. Everyone else, go home.
Everyone else:Dammmit......
Miyamoto:Ok guys! Get to work!
Shigeru relaxes until he realizes something.
Shigeru: Time for another audition!!
He types up a message and a minute later every Anime and Game charitor under the sun lines up outside his office.
Shigeru: Fist person in!
Meowth: That's me!
Shigeru: A Pokémon!?
Meowth: Ya we all heard, you've got like all of them outside your office.
Shigeru: Hmmmm ALL POKéMON AND THEIR TRAINERS ARE EXCEPTED!!
Pokémon: YAY!!
They all leave, leaving him with the weirdo's.
Shigeru: Next!
The most popular 7 bad guys walk/roll in.
Koopalings: Hi Shigeru!
Shigeru: THE KOOPALINGS!?
Larry: Well everyone that was drawn under the sun came here. And so we came too.
Ludwig: And you haven't used us in a game for ages!
Iggy and Lemmy: Yeah!
Wendy: My beauty wasted!
Roy: Your beauty what about my power!?
Morton: We have a million reasons why.
Shigeru: Hmmm we need some badguys.... You are actually hired!!
Koopalings:Woohoo!
Ludwig:Now we can pay for those damn electric bills!
Dude:Miyamoto, why are you hiring more characters? We dont have that many tacos...
Miyamoto:You figure it out.
Dude:...
Miyamoto:Oh no!
Dude:What?
Miyamoto:My Shiggy Sense is tingling!TO THE SIGGY CAVE!
Dude:...
NEXT TIME.....
Miyamoto:And thats why french fries cant fry. So, what are you doing in a Sonic game Link?
Frogger:Im not Link, Im Frogger.
Miyamoto:Links green, youre green. You're Link.
Frogger:No...
Miyamoto:SHUT THE $@%! UP! YOURE LINK! IM CAPTAIN ORANGE BEARD! THE WORLD IS MADE OF MUSTARD! GYAH HA HA HA HA!
Lupus
Miyamoto: According to this map, the Shiggy Cave is over there! *points*
Wozby: Uh, sir, that is a map of Luna Park.
Miyamoto: SHUT UP! I'm the boss, you do what I say. Let's go in that direction!
Wozby: But sir, can't you see there's a big bunch of ugly people over there?
Miyamoto: I can take them on. For I am... Miyamotoman! Defender of the strong, protector of the protected, an outlaw who sticks up for people who are wrong in court! Miyamotoman! With my super Shiggy Sense, I'll be able to track down law-abiding citizens and give them a slapping! And, here is my trusty sidekick, WOZBYMAN!
Wozby: Hey, can't I have a cooler name?
Miyamoto: Shut up.
- In the Shiggy Cave*
Miyamoto: Now, Wozbyman, let's reveal the plans for Sonic Unlimited 89 that we stole from our own HQ. Gather around, people.
- Hundreds of Nintendo video game characters gather around*
Miyamoto: Me and my trusty pal Wozbyman are going to attempt to be sucked into this video game!
Audience: HOORAY!!
Miyamoto: Now, 1, 2, 3! TURN ON THE MACHINE WOZBYMAN!
Wozby: Uh... what machine?
Miyamoto: Hurry up!
- miyamoto and wozby are transported to Sonic Unlimited*
Frogger: Hello, and welcome to Sonic Land.
Miyamoto: Hello, citizen. Are you obeying your laws?
Frogger: Uh... yes.
Miyamoto: YOU EVIL, EVIL ELF! Now I'm going to give a long and boring lecture, about what laws to obey and what not.
- seven hours later*
Miyamoto: And that's why french fries can't fry. So, what are you doing in a Sonic game Link?
Frogger: Im not Link, Im Frogger.
Miyamoto: Link's green, you're green. You're Link.
Frogger: No...
Miyamoto: SHUT THE $@%! UP! YOU'RE LINK! I'M CAPTAIN ORANGE BEARD! THE WORLD IS MADE OF MUSTARD! GYAH HA HA HA HA!
Frogger: Uh huh...
Miyamoto: Now, Wozbyman, do you think we should let this guy join our mighty crew?
Frogger: But I don't wanna...
Wozby: Uh, I guess so.
Frogger: Wait...!
Miyamoto: Then its decided. Linkman, welcome to the crew! Now, what shall your secret codename be!
Frogger: Secret... codename?
Miyamoto: So our identities aren't revealed. Mine's Captain Orange Beard, and Wozbyman's is John Smith. Not suspicious, you see. Now, what's yours?
Frogger: Uh... Frogger?
Miyamoto: Very good, Linkman! From now on, you shall only be known as Frogger when in sight of stupid citizens of the ordinary! Away!
- Miyamoto flies away, out of the game*
Wozby: I can't fly.
NEXT TIME ON L+A:::::::
Miyamoto: Stop, you non-speeding driver! You shall pay for your sins!
Man: But I was obeying the speed limit!
Miyamoto: Exactly! That's life in jail!
STAY TUNED
Lemonjello
Miyamotoman, Wozbyman, and Linkman return to the city to fight crime.
Miyamoto: Stop, you non-speeding driver! You shall pay for your sins!
Man: But I was obeying the speed limit!
Miyamoto: Exactly! That's life in jail!
Man:Police!
Miyamotoman:I shall have honor of apprehending you! Not those guys who eat donuts!
Man:HELP!!!!
Meanwhile at the Villains of Japan and America HQ...
Willy:Now is the time to strike! Miyamotoman is has gone insane and is arresting innocant citizens! We shall begin the onslaught against Nintendo HQ!
Other villains:By the wrath of grapefruit, sir!
Back with Miyamotoamn...
Man:I was driving at the speed limit, you freak!!!
Miyamotoman:Don't try to shirk off your debt to society by making up poor exscuses!
Man:I'm gonna use my taser if you don't go away!
Frogger:Ummm...Miyamotoman, the Villains of Japan and America are ransackiing the Miyamoto Cave and Nintendo HQ!
Miyamotoman:That isn't important! What is important is apprehending this dangerous felon!
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
ALL YOUR BASE IMAGE HERE
Lupus
Miyamoto: How dare you drop your orange slurpee in a bin! Don't you know you have to litter? You're coming with me, Mr!
Wozby: Uh, Miyamotoman, don't you think we should kill Willy before he takes over our base?
Miyamoto: Nonsense! We must arrest more! MORE I TELL YE!
Wozby: But I have a secret stash of cheese in my bedroom! They might steal it.
Miyamoto: In that case, let us go! No one steals our cheese and gets away with it!
Willy: To Wozby's bedroom!
Miyamoto: Stop, you cheese-stealing idiot! Stay away from Wozbyman's bed!
Wozby: Uh, sir, they're not in this room yet. They're currently ransacking the lounge room.
Miyamoto: Just practising...
- Willy breaks down the door*
Willy: Now! Steal cheese! Go, go, go, go, go!
- All of the villians charge in, stealing all Wozby's cheese and attacking Wozby, Miyamoto and Frogger. They leave with all the cheese, with the three superheros lying wounded on the floor*
Miyamoto: This means war... Quick, Wozbyman, by a totally futuristic over the top spaceship. I will be captain, Wozbyman, you can be the Operator. Linkman, you're a random mechanic. Now, we're off!
Willy: Now, you know the plan?
Cats: HAHAHAHA
Willy: Good. Hit the "fast forward" button on the video player remote. We need to fast forward L+A of Miyamoto to 2101.
Cats: HAHAHAHA!
ALL YOUR BASE IMAGE HERE
Operator Wozby: For great justice what?
Captain Miyamoto: For great justice, we will get revenge on those cheese stealing bastards.
NEXT TIME...
Operator Wozby: What the hell is a "Zig"?
Captain Miyamoto: I dunno, some kinda fish-kangaroo.
STAY TUNED
Lemonjello
Captain:Move every zig!
Operator Wozby: What the hell is a "Zig"?
Captain Miyamoto: I dunno, some kinda fish-kangaroo.
For no sane reason whatosoever, FDR and his evil clone appear
FDR:Miyamoto, you must help me! Wranklin Welano Woosevelt is trying stop my New Deal reforms!
WWW:Yes, I shall![insert evil laugh here]
WWW imprisons Miyamoto Wozby in glowing crystals
FDR:You idiot! FDR lifts his arm towards WWW and his FDR Buster appears. Then he fires
WWW:AAAAAA!!! Ray of the Great Depression!!! WWW gathers energy for his attack, then fires a beam of enrgy
FDR:Flaming uppercut! FDR's arm erupts into flames, then he charges toward WWW
WWW:Wranklin Welano Woosevelt Ray of Doom! WWW's attack forms into a phantom version of himself, then it breaths fire onto FDR
8 hours later...
FDR:I'll...never...never give...never give up!!! Insane Wookie Rage Technique!!!
WWW:I summon....Wob Wole!!!
Wob Wole:GRAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
Suddenly, in order to advance the plot, the Flyying Gerbil appears and takes Miyamoto and Wozby to some place
Miyamoto;Where are we/
Flying Gerbil:W Laboratoraries! Where we make W versions of anyone and everbody! First stop on our tour is ideas department.
Lemonjello Setzer:Lets make Warfield the cat!
Mario 500:NONONONONONONO!!! This OG needs to be serious!
Flying Gerbil:Here is the production and distribution facility.
Miyamoto as Wozby watch as a W version of Meta Knight rolls off a conveyer belt and through a plot hole
Wozby:Where is he going?
Flying Gerbil:He should be here in 12 minutes.
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Weta Wnight:Where art thou Miyamoto?
Spring Man:I am here to kill, spread pesitlance, and bake cookies for old people!
Lupus
The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto, Episode 340 "THE SINGLE MOST SHORTEST EPISODE EVER"
Flying Gerbil: Next, we have the Secret Room where We Print Fake Money... you know too much! KILL HIM!!!
Guards: Yes sir! *run at Miyamoto, but fall over themselves and die for some strange reason*
- Suddenly, Spring Man appears from a Warp Pipe*
Miyamoto: Who are you?
- Just as suddenly as Spring Man, Weta Wnight falls out of a plot hole*
Weta Wnight: Where art thou Miyamoto?
Spring Man: I am here to kill, spread pesitlance, and bake cookies for old people!
Miyamoto: ARGHH I'M GOING INSANE!!!!
Flying Gerbil: No, you're not. It's just as zany and retarded as it always has been.
Miyamoto: Mario 500! I NEEEEEEDDDDD YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!
NEXT TIME ON L+A
Mario 500: You rang?
Miyamoto: Yes Lurch- I mean, Mario 500.
Lemonjello
Mario 500 appears
Mario 500: You rang?
Miyamoto: Yes Lurch- I mean, Mario 500.
Spring Man:BOINGBOINGBOINGBOING!!!
Mario 500:NOOOOO!!! Lemonjello Setzer is causing insanity! He must be stopped! Ray of Sanity!
Suddenly, everything is returned to normal
Miyamoto:I think I'm gonna make Zelda 3D instead of cel-shaded!
Mario 500:YAHOO!!! It worked!!!
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Mario 500:The W characters cease to exist!
Lupus the Turk:I'm melting!
Lemonjello Setzer:AAAAAAAA!!!!
Mario 500:Now I shall rewrite all the parts of the Life and Adventures Miyamoto so that they can be sane!
Lupus
Lupus the Turk: Mario 500! Stop in the name of everything Lifish Adventurish and Miyamotoish!
Lemonjello Setzer: Yes! Begone! Leave the world of... Miyamoto!
Mario 500: Not so fast, you feeble, less important posters! I will show you once and for all, this is MY topic!
- Sets up the reverse ray, to turn every W character back to normal*
Mario 500: The W characters cease to exist!
Lupus the Turk: I'm melting!
Lemonjello Setzer: AAAAAAAA!!!!
Mario 500: Now I shall rewrite all the parts of the Life and Adventures Miyamoto so that they can be sane! First, Miyamoto will now speak... ENGRISH!
Miyamoto: I will not!
Mario 500: Fine, speak Lemonjelloish.
Miyamoto: Fine.
Cosby: Hey! Where's my W and Z gone? I thought I was Wozby!
Mario 500: Not any more, you're not. Now Lupus and Setzer have been banished to the X-Zone, you can live your life as a normal person, not some W-clone!
Cosby: But I was just getting used to Wozby!
Mario 500: JUST SHUT UP AND ENJOY IT!
Cosby: I hate you! I'm going to start a riot to bring back the old Life and Adventures back!
Later that day...
- Mario 500 is sitting in his house, trying to get to sleep, but he can't.*
Cosby: What do we want?
Rioteers: Team Rocket to get a different motto!
Cosby: When do we want it?
Rioteers: Sometime tomorrow... noon's good for us.
Cosby: You're doing the wrong one!
Rioteers: Whoops.
Cosby: Let's try again. What do we want?
Rioteers: For Kinder Surprise toys to be more interesting!
Cosby: *sweatdrop*
- Mario 500 appears at his house's door, in his pyjamas*
Mario 500: Can't a person get some sleep around here?
Cosby: Not until you give us the old Life and Adventures back!
Mario 500: Fine. Here are the keys to Old Haunted Mansion. Go inside. There you will find the old Life and Adventures of Miyamoto.
Cosby: Lets go, men!
Mario 500: heh heh, suckers.
NEXT TIME...
Cosby: Let us out of this Mansion, fiend!
Mario 500: Only if you take my dog on walks every Thursday!
Cosby: It's a deal!
STAY TUNED.
Lemonjello
Cosby and the rioteers arrive at the old haunted mansion...
Cosby:Rioteers, I muust ask to wait here for my return. Or you can go back into the city and vandalize other people's property in an insane rage over some issue you don't fully understand.
Rioteers:To the city!
The rioteers march off to the city
Cosby:Now I shall restore the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto!
Cosby opens up a huge door and enters the mansion
Cosby:I wonder where the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto is?
Cosby notices a sign that says, "The Life and Adventures of Miyamto is located in a room that contains some satanic beast that rips its victim's heads off
Cosby:Maybe this OG could be better normal.
Cosby tries to leave, but the door is lockeed from the outside
Cosby: Let us out of this Mansion, fiend!
Mario 500: Only if you take my dog on walks every Thursday!
Cosby: It's a deal!
Cosby leaves the mansion
Cosby:There is only one option left.
Uncle Billy:What is that option, Mango Knight?
Cosby:I must go to Lemonjello Setzer's house and type the rest of this episode on his computer.
Met:Why is that, Mango Knight?
Cosby:His copmuter has the power to rewrite OGs.
Gaspar:May the Mango be with you, Mango Knight.
Cosby goes to Lemonjello Setzer's house and finds his computer
Met:I shall use X-Zone on Bulma, the most firece DBZ character on the face of the earth!
Miyamoto:I need a cheese ray!
Spring Man:All your base are belong to us!
Mario 500:NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Mario 500 blows up
Dr. Seuss:But the Grinch who lived just north of Whoville did not. The grinch hated Christmas the whole Christmas...BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING!!
To be continued...
Spring Man:What happen!!
Miyamoto:Somebody set us up the bomb!!
Lupus
Cosby: Hooray! Hip hip! Hoorah! Today be the day for us to dance and sing because the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto is back to its insane self again!
Miyamoto: Just one problem.
Cosby: What?
Miyamoto: You forgot to change your name back to Wozby.
Cosby: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
- Millions and gillions and billions and trillions of miles away, the scream is heard on planet Googleplex*
Alien: What's for dinner?
Alien 2: Pizza.
Cosby (from earth): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Alein: What's wrong with pizza?
- Back on earth*
Miyamoto: Cosby, you've gotta calm down. We'll figure out how to turn you back.
Cosby: That's it! We build another Letter-W machine! Then I'll be able to turn back! YAY!!
Miyamoto: But, the main ingredient to make the Letter-W machine is the Silver Cheese! It can only be found floating in space! Then it's 00.0000000.0000000000.000000000% chance that we'll find it.
Cosby: AKA No chance at all.
Miyamoto: Exactly. But for some reason a plot hole will open up and we'll be warped into space in the next scene.
- Next scene...*
Sound Effect Guy: BANG.
Spring Man: What happen!!
Miyamoto: Somebody set us up the bomb!!
- Suddenly, Wats appears*
Wats: All your Silver Cheese are belong to us.
Cosby: This isn't fair! Cats has already changed his name back to Wats!
Wats: Of course. I already have found Silver Cheese, built a Letter-W machine and changed back. With the help of Woctor Wily, of course.
Cosby: Hand over your Silver Cheese, you dress-wearing she-male!
Wats: NEVER! NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS!
Miyamoto: Cosby, set the time machine forward for a million years.
Cosby: Yes sir.
- Cosby and Miyamoto are warped forward a million years*
Cosby: Now can we have your Silver Cheese?
Wats: I kept my promise. Here it is.
- Cosby takes Silver Cheese, then builds a Letter-W machine*
Cozby: No! It didn't work! Only my S changed to a Z!
Miyamoto: To turn you back to Wozby, we must find the other ingredient... WOCTOR WILY'S BRAIN!!!!!
NEXT TIME...
Woctor Wily: My cheese ray is complete! Now you'll never control the Earth, or my brain!
Miyamoto: Cozby! Now!
Cozby: *pulls lever...*
STAY TUNED!!
Lemonjello
Cozby:Wait a sec, if we're in space, wouldn't we both die because of the vacuum?
Vacuum:GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I shall kill you! Vacuum sucks up Miyamoto and Cozby
Cozby:Where are we?
Miyamoto:Woctor Wily's scret base inside Vacuum.
Cozby:How do you know that?
Miyamoto:I read the script. According to the script we need to formulate a brilliant plan to capture Woctor Wily.
4 years later, after formulating a brilliant plan...
Miyamoto:You shall give us your brain, Woctor Wily!
Woctor Wily: My cheese ray is complete! Now you'll never control the Earth, or my brain!
Miyamoto: Cozby! Now!
Cozby: *pulls lever...*
Woctor Wily's brain appears inside the W-letter machine
Suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, Willy Higinbotham appears
Willy:I shall prove to the world that I am the inventor of video games!
RPG Battle!!!
Willy 43534534535454/534535464563654645
Brainless Wr. Wily -453435/123543435
Miyamoto Phil/Bill
Cozby 78495796794679/795
Miyamoto casts Cheese 3!
Willy take ^^^^^^ damage!
Cozby casts warp!
Miyamoto and Cozby warp to the W-letter machine!
End battle
Willy:NOOOOOO!!! I'll have revenge someday Miyamoto, mark my words!
Back at the W-letter machine...
Cozby enters the machine
Cozby:AAAAAAAA!!!! HGFDUTTRYJ!!!! FJRFUIFUGUTY!!!
Miyamoto:AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
A mysterious figure comes out of the machine...
Mysterious Figure:I am...BATMAN!!! No, I'm really...WOZBY!!!
Miyamoto:Wozby, you fool! now we don't have plot line to follow!
Wozby:We could ask the plot device.
Plot Device:Miyamoto should go search for his long lost brother in the wilderness of Guam.
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto
Miyamoto:So you're my long lost brother?
???Yes, I am.
Miyamoto:Who are you?
???:I am really...
Lupus
Voice Over Man: We join our heroes again in this boring, unfunny and short episode...
- Wozby and Miyamoto warp to Guam*
Wozby: Now, where are we going to find your brother. Guam's too big.
Miyamoto: Easy. In the wilderness.
- suddenly, a little man bumps into Miyamoto*
???: Hey, bro!
Miyamoto: So you're my long lost brother?
???: Yes, I am.
Miyamoto: Who are you?
???: I am really... George Washington!
Miyamoto: No! That's not true! That's impossible!
George: OK. Now we're together again, let's go on with the story.
Wozby: I'll get the Plot Device.
- a second later*
Wozby: NOOOOOOO! THE PLOT DEVICE'S BATTERIES HAVE RUN OUT! AND IT USES SPECIAL DK-2002//SSBM BATTERIES THAT CAN ONLY BE BOUGHT IN GUAM!!
Miyamoto: That's where we are.
Wozby: Why is this episode so boring?
Miyamoto: There is only one explanation! THE WRITERS ARE SLACKING OFF! TO THE CREATION BUILDING!
KNOCK KNOCK.
Lemonjello: No solicitors!
Reno: No pudding salesmen!
Miyamoto: I am Shigeru Miyamoto!
Reno: No undeveloped characters from our stories who obviously want to kill us!
Lemonjello: No underpaid bad actors!
Wozby: But we've run out of ideas!
Reno: Didn't you see our sign? NO SOLICITORS!
George: Let George Washington through this minute!
Lemonjello: No George Washingtons!
Miyamoto: *sigh* OK, Wozby, George. Looks like we've only got one more plan.
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto: Why are Barbie and Ken sitting on my desk?
Wozby: Christmas present from Uncle Billy.
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
Wozby:What is that?
Miyamoto:Go home.
George:That sounds boring. Why can't we go kill Willy Higinbotham?
Miyamoto:Only the writers can do that. They need to type it on the computer.
Wozby: The computer?
Miyamoto:Yes, the computer.
A plot hole opens up and takes Miyamoto, Wozby, amd George Washington back to Nintendo HQ
Miyamoto: Why are Barbie and Ken sitting on my desk?
Wozby: Christmas present from Uncle Billy.
Miyamoto:Uncle Billy sent us a Christmas present? Is it already Christmas?
Wozby:Yes, it is.
Miyamoto:Then I need to use the computer to write the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Christmas Special!
George:But only OG writers can use the computer!
Miyamoto:I own the computer.
Wozby:How did you get it?
Miyamoto:Lemonjello got drunk and gave it to me. Now I shall type the rest of this episode! Miyamoto starts to type
Wozby:Feminine power!!!
George:Hang in there sister!!!
Miyamoto;I feel powreful! Now I shall cntrol the Life and Adfventurers of Miyamoto!!!
Wozby:You're making us talk like female activists!
Miyamoto:And I can do other things!!!
Wozby:Luke, I am your father!!!
George:Nee!
Wozby:What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
George:I am Arthur, king of the Britains!
Wozby:I demand a recount!
Miyamoto:GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Met:I'm sorry, Miyamoto, I must destroy the or otherwise you shall be completly absorbed by its power.
Miyamoto:But it's...it's...MY PRECIOUS!!!
Lupus
- Met appears*
Met: I'm sorry, Miyamoto, I must destroy the Computer or otherwise you shall be completly absorbed by its power.
Miyamoto: But it's...it's...MY PRECIOUS!!! I'm afraid to lose it!
Met: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to war. War leads to tootsie pops. Tootsie Pop leads to sore gums. Sore gums leads to a really stupid speech by Met.
Miyamoto: OK, I'll give it to you.
Met: Good. Now, let's sing a song. I LOVE YOU. YOU LOVE ME. WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY.
Miyamoto: Ha ha ha! I still have control over this simple world! Bwa ha ha!
Met: For the love of god, Miyamoto, please stop inserting lines from the Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Monty Python's Holy Grail.
Miyamoto: I will not! I have every right to change the script. See, here, I'm going to rewrite this whole story!!!
Met: Again! This will be the millionth time this story has begun again!
Miyamoto: Silence mortal! I shalt write you from thy pages of my Life and Adventures yet!
Met: Hey Shiggy, how are the new games for Gamecube doing?
Miyamoto: DON'T CALL ME SHIGGY YOU IMBECILE! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M KNOWN AS MIYAMOTO TO EVERYONE WRITING THIS OG?
Met: You are writing it. You made me call you Shiggy.
Miyamoto: I said SILENCE MORTAL!
Met: No you didn't.
Miyamoto: I am Voodoo man.
Met: Oh come on Shiggy, tell your worst friend about the Apple Flavored Chuppa Chups.
Miyamoto: I don't even know your brother, so leave now you... you... person!
(Miyamoto enters the Nintendo building)
Met: You'll be sorry, Shigeru Miyamoto, for ever changing this script!!!!!!!
Miyamoto enters the building, walks down a few corridors to the offices, and enters one.
Shiggy: So, how's work on Super Ultra Dooper Mario Bloodshed Gun Bang Bang Violence Sex Sex Sex Pornographic Gut Eating Blood Sucking Vampire NC-17 going, Guy?
Guy: Actually we changed it to Super Mario Sunshine.
Shiggy: Really? Oh, how nice. All the little kids will just love it!
Guy: Why thank you sir! Does that mean I get a promotion?
Shiggy: No! Get away from me stranger! POLICE!
Shiggy steps out and walks down the corridor, coming to another office. he peeks in.
Shiggy: So, how's work coming on Gario, Guigi and their rivals Pario and Parguigi going, Worker?
Worker: I want to praise you like I should.
Shiggy: Why thank you!
Worker leans closer.
Worker: I'll do anything you want! ANYTHING!
Shiggy: First you could change my name back to Miyamoto. What's this Shiggy crap? My name is Shigeru Miyamoto! Not Shiggy Shigeru!
Worker: You're the one re-writing this. You change it.
Miyamoto nods and walks over to another office. he looks in to see two people working on plots.
Miyamoto: How's the plot going for the new game?
Dude: Well, theres this evil company named Shinra, right, and they are sucking the energy out of the ground so Mario has to stop them. Mario turns out to be a clone and this guy named Sephiroth appears and sends a Meteor towards earth...
Miyamoto: Nice and original, that's how I like it. keep up the good work. But, it is a bit too complicated. Sounds like, one of those Final Fantasy games, ha! People might confuse them!
Miyamoto leaves, and then heads towards his own office, ready to do some work.
Met barges in.
Met: Miyamoto! I order you to stop this rewriting at once!
Miyamoto: What are you doing here?
Met: I'm following the script YOU wrote. You told me to come here.
Miyamoto: What? I mean, SILENCE MORTAL!
Met: You're mortal too.
Miyamoto: SILENCE MORTAL!
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES...
Weter Wan: I can fly!
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
Met:Behold! I have this OG biodegrdable! It shall now rot until it smells like a 678 year old mango!
Miyamoto:You can't do that!
Met:But I can, Miyamoto!
Miyamoto:But I'm writing this!
Met:I unplugged the computer! There is no writer!
Miyamoto:That can't be possible!
Met:Unfortunetly, alomst all of the OG writers are gone. Now there is no writer and chaos rules this OG.
Miyamoto:Then how are we doing anything?
Met:My theroy of writerlessness proves that...Met continues on for 9654576984 hours...that is why we are able to do things without the OG writers.
Miyamoto:Weird.
Met:But because this OG is biodegrdable, things are gonna get really strange in a few minutes.
Weter Wan: I can fly!
Met:Miyamoto, we have been transported to Ferret Land, where all worship ferrets.
King Ferret:Seize them!
Egg:Yes, sir!
Weter Wan:Biodegradable!
Mango Man:Mango! Where am I? Mango!
Telegram:MESSGAE FOR MR. MIYAMOTO. STOP. MEET ME AT WORLD 9-1. STOP. NOW!!! STOP. SINCERELY, THE GUY WHO YOU WILL MEET AT WORLD 9-1. STOP.
Miyamoto:We must go now!
Wozby:Go to http://www.cheese.com/ !!!!!!
Miyamoto:Wozby, you aren't in this scene!
Wozby:Oh, yeah. Wozby explodes
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Miyamoto:Jack in! Miyamotoman EXE, transmit!
Wr. Wily:NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Wood Man;Should I be, ummmmm, stopping him or something?
Wr. Wily:No, you're fired.
Lupus
Miyamoto: Met! We must make this OG sensible again!
Met: What do you mean? It never was.
Miyamoto: Well, we need to create a new plot!
Met: Never fear, Miyamoto, I have one up my sleeve, let me just get it out.
Miyamoto: You mean you literally have it up your sleeve?
Met: Yah.
Miyamoto: Weird.
Met: This whole OG is. Now, I've got to fix my machine... *Met fixes his machine which appears from nowhere* OK, Miyamoto, step into my Plot-Chango-Matic and we'll be morphed off into a random scene with a random plot!
Miyamoto: Jack in! Miyamotoman EXE, transmit!
Wr. Wily: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Wood Man: Should I be, ummmmm, stopping him or something?
Wr. Wily: No, you're fired.
Wood Man: But sir, I've only been in this OG for about two seconds.
Wr. Wily: Be gone! And never return!
Miyamoto: This plot is weird, let's warp to some place better.
Met: Hold on, I'm just adjusting it's time period... OK, let's go!
Gerstein: This is outragous! How am I ever supposed to fit two Big Macs and large fries inside this Happy Meal box?
Britney Spears: I dunno. Figure it out.
Gerstein: OK... but do we have to give away these free life size automobiles with every Happy Meal too? I CAN'T FIT THEM IN!
Miyamoto: What's going on here?
Britney Spears: Oh, we are just... um... fixing happy meals for Sir Ronald McDaynald.
Miyamoto: Ronald McDaynald? Isn't it meant to be Ronald McDonald?
Gerstein: He knows too much! Get him!
- Suddenly millions of Storm Troopers appear from random places around the shop.*
Met: Fire Cheese Ray now!
- The troopers are blasted into oblivion with the Cheese Ray*
Miyamoto: Gerstein Abotty! You're going down!
Gerstein: Maybe so! But you'll never escape my Fembots!
Miyamoto: Oh yes I will! I have Mojo!
Gerstein: Britney! Press the self destruct button!
Britney Spears: The self destruct button is STILL out of order.
Gerstein: Call some repairmen. *Turns to Miyamoto and Met* You don't mind waiting a minute do you? Damn self destruct button. This is the twelfth time this month it's been down.
Miyamoto: No no, go ahead. I need to take a toilet break anyway.
NEXT TIME
Gerstein: *asleep*
Britney Spears: They're still engaged!
Miyamoto: Dammit! I've already had fifteen toilet breaks! Just hurry this thing up!
STAY TUNED!!
Lemonjello
8 hours later...
Gerstein: *asleep*
Britney Spears: They're still engaged!
Miyamoto: Dammit! I've already had fifteen toilet breaks! Just hurry this thing up!
Met:I like pie!
Repair Man falls out of a plot hole and into the place where Miyamoto is
Repair Man: Robot Master intro music Reapir Man!
Gerstein:You're here! We've wiated 8 hours for you!
Repair Man:I'll need to rewire the scromet and reload the burculi.
Miyamoto:We olnly speak English.
Repair Man:OK, but that will cost you extra. Are you sure want to use a neon colored wire? You should have one.
Miyamoto:...
Met:...
Britney Spears:...
Gerstein:...
Repair Man:Prepare to die, Miyamoto!
Gerstein:Wait! Before you and Miyamoto engage in battle and destroy our secret evil McDaynold lab, can you fix the self destruct button?
Repair Man:Sure.
20 years later...
Repair Man:Fixed. Now can I reveal my true identity to Miyamoto and fight him to the death?
Gerstein:Sure.
Repair Man:Miyamoto I am really one of ******'s **** Robot Masters!
Miyamoto:Why is this guy's name censored out?
Repair Man:Woctor Wily's name was censored out because he didn't want me to reveal himself as my creator.
Miyamoto:But you just said his name!
Repair Man:Boing!
Miyamoto:What you say?
Gerstein:GWAHAHAHA!!! Pushes the self destruct button
Britney Spears:I'm melting!!!
Miyamoto:Why?
Britney Spears:Lemonjello Setzer loathes me and had to kill me in some way.
Miyamoto:Oh.
SELF DESTRUCT IN 5...
Miyamoto:AAAAAAAAA!!!! We're all gonna die!!!
SELF DESTRUCT IN 4...
Repair man:I don't get to kill Miyamoto!!!
SELF DESTRUCT IN 3...
Gerstein:Why am I just standing here and not going to my secret escape ship?
SELF DESTRUCT IN 2...
Miyamoto:Because you're a fool.
Met Why don't I have any lines?
SELF DESTRUCT IN 1 1 and a half...
Suddenly, Miyamoto grabs Met, opens up an umbrella, and flys away
Miyamoto:FREEDOM!!!
Met:Actually we'll be incinerated in the explosion anyways.
Miyamoto:AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Miyamoto and met are incinerated
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Miyamoto:Where am I? How am I still alive?
Doctor:We saved your brain and put it into the your clone body.
Lupus
- Miyamoto wakes up*
Miyamoto: Where am I? How am I still alive?
Doctor: We saved your brain and put it into the your clone body. Where you are, you are in The Fluke Hospital of Medical Miracles.
Miyamoto: But... where is Met?
Doctor: You mean, Wozby the person who was incinerated with you?
Miyamoto: Yeah!
Doctor: He didn't have a clone body so we threw his remains in the bin.
Miyamoto: Nevermind. Hey, did you happen to recieve someone called Wozby?
Doctor: YOU KNOW TOO MUCH!
Miyamoto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WOZBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! WHERE ARE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU?
Doctor: Silence!
Miyamoto: I've got to get out of here! I'm due for a meeting in Tokyo!
Doctor: I'm afraid that's impossible, sir. First you have to wait about ten hours for no reason, then we'll finally operate on you, again for no reason, then we'll let you out with a pat on the back. And maybe, if you're a good little video game disigner, we may just give you a widdle wollypop to take home!
Miyamoto: I'm not a baby.
Doctor: Sorry, I have a disease which makes me talk to everyone like that.
Miyamoto: Freako.
- Miyamoto jumps in a warp portal and ends up outside Nintendo HQ*
Wozby: Ah, Miyamoto sir...
Miyamoto: Wozby! You're alive!
Wozby: Of course I am! *underneath breath* sucker.
Miyamoto: I heard that!
Wozby: Miyamoto, prepare to die for I am... *takes of mask to reveal... GOZBY???* Gozby!
Miyamoto: Wozby, Jozby, Gozby, whoever you are, come and help me build my cheese ray. It's already into the second season of Life and Adventures of Miyamoto and I haven't built the base of the ray yet!
Gozby: You will be struck down by lightning, Miyamoto, for your evil ways!
Miyamoto: Excuse me?
NEXT TIME
Opal Yoshi: Kupo!
Miyamoto: You're not a Moogle.
Opal Yoshi: Kupo...? Po!
STAY TUNED
Lemonjello
Gozby:I shall take you to the master!
Miyamoto:Who is the master?
Gozby:I am not worthy to speak his name.
Miyamoto:I'm not going to mmeet this freak you call the master.
Gozby:Then you shall fight the Death Team!!! Death Team, assemble!
Aozby:Aozby!
Bozby:Bozby!
Cozby:Cozby!
Dozby:Dozby!
Eozby:Eozby!
Fozby:Fozby!
Gozby:Gozby!
Hozby:Hozby!
Iozby:Iozby!
Kozby:Kozby!
Lozby:Lozby!
Mozby:Mozby!
Nozby:Nozby!
Oozby:Oozby!
Pozby:Pozby!
Qozby:Qozby!
Rozby:Rozby!
Tozby:Tozby!
Uozby:Uozby!
Vozby:Vozby!
Xozby:Xozby!
Yozby:Yozby!
Zozby:Zozby!
Gozby:Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Vozby:Death Team Blast off at the speed of light!
Meowth:Meowth! That's right!
Miyamoto:I surrender.
Oozby:You're not gonna fight?
Miyamoto:Yes.
Oozby:This job sucks! I quit!
Mozby:Me too!
Gozby:Idiots! Miyamoto, I shall now take you to the evil lab of certsin death! Warp Technique of Doom! Gozby warps Miyamoto to the evil lab of certain death
???:I shall finally have revenge on you for the things you've done to me, Miyamoto!
Miyamoto:Who are you?
???:Why I'm...WHIGERU WIYAMOTO!
Miyamoto:...
Wiyamoto:Aren't you scared?
Miyamoto:Nah.
Wiyamoto:You shall pay for your insolence, Miyamoto! Opal Yoshi, come forth!
Opal Yoshi: Kupo!
Miyamoto: You're not a Moogle.
Opal Yoshi: Kupo...? Po!
Miyamoto:Fist of Cheese! Opal Yoshi blows up
Wiyamoto:Now I shall unleash my wrath on you! MEAT GRINDER SUMMON!
Miyamoto:...
Wiyamoto:DIE!!! Wiyamoto throws Miyamoto into the meat grinder
Miyamoto:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Meanwhile, in Germany...
Wozby:Hiel Cheese!
Jozby:My cheese sense is tingling! Miyamoto is in trouble!
Wozby:Should we go to McDonald's then?
Jozby:Affirmative.
Back with Miyamoto...
Wiyamoto:GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Miyamoto:I need to do something...I know! I'll call the OG writer tower!
At the OG writer tower
Phone:Ringringringringringring!
LS:No soliciters!
Back with Miyamoto...
Miyamoto:I have only onbe choice left...the...CHEESE GIN!!! Miyamoto uses the cheese gin, which warps him America, 1956...
Miyamoto:FREEDOM!!!
To be continued...
Next time on the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto...
Yamauchi:Miyamoto, you're fired. Clean out your desk by tomorrow.
Miyamoto:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Lupus
- Wozby and Jozby appear*
Wozby: Sir Miyamoto! You need to get back to Nintendo HQ within the hour!
Miyamoto: But that's impossible.
Jozby: Not if you take a Plot Hole Warp Pipe.
Miyamoto: Good idea. *jumps in plot hole warp pipe*
Yamauchi: Miyamoto! You're a billion years late! And I got a phone call from Bill Gates saying you called him a CheeseMan. I want you to go do a chicken dance to Bill Gates saying you're sorry!
Miyamoto: ... No.
Yamauchi: Miyamoto, you're fired. Clean out your desk by tomorrow.
Miyamoto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Yamauchi: Oh, and while you're at it, clean out my desk too. I'm firing myself.
Miyamoto: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
- Suddenly, Wiyamoto comes out from a door*
Yamauchi: This will be the replacement for you and me, Miyamoto. Wiyamoto is fully trained in Video Game making, bossing around other video game making people, eating tacos without anything falling out, and making outragous claims like he invented the question mark.
Miyamoto: But I invented the Question Mark!
Wiyamoto: Liar! You just want world wide fame like me!
Miyamoto: This is my OG. I should be able to do what I want!
Yamauchi: Actually, you're wrong. This is my OG! Feel the BEAM OF DEATH!
Miyamoto: BEAM OF DEATH!
- the two Beams of Death hit each other, blowing up Nintendo HQ*
Yamauchi: Now look what you've done!
Wiyamoto: You destroyed my building! I shall banish you to the Realm of Nicole Kidman!
Miyamoto: No! Please no! I'll do whatever you want!
Wiyamoto: That's more like it. Get me some cheese. Cheddar.
Miyamoto: Yes sir.
Wiyamoto: Also, get to work finding a new place where we can set up Nintendo HQ.
Miyamoto: Right on it, sir!
NEXT TIME
Wiyamoto: You're saying we should build our Nintendo HQ on planet Hoth?
Miyamoto: Yes sir! Not even Darth Bill Gates will be able to find us there!
STAY TUNED
Lemonjello
Miyamoto:We must build our base on a planet fetured in The Empire Strikes Back. Ice and snow are prevalent there.
Wiyamoto: You're saying we should build our Nintendo HQ on planet Hoth?
Miyamoto: Yes sir! Not even Darth Bill Gates will be able to find us there!
Gaspar:Wait! You must both stop! Hoth is inhabited by...SHRUBERRIES!!![insert dramatic sound effect here]
Plot Hole:I am here to dramaticcly change the plot!
King Miyamoto:Knights, this is your new home...Camelot!
Wozby:Camelot!
Jozby:Camelot!
Met:Camelot!
Patsy:It's just a model.
Plot Hole:A bit too rational.
Miyamoto, Wozby, Jozby, and Gaspar are trapped inside a heavily damaged spaceship
FDR:GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now I shall rule Miyamotoland! It is my destiny to rule Miyamotoland, for I am really...*takes off his mask* WILLY HIGINBOTHAM!
Miyamoto:The movie can't end like this!
Wozby:I must power up the Force...
Willy:You'll never escape!*teleports away*
Jozby:It's too late! We've entered the lower atmosphere!
Wozby:The Force won't work!
Winston Churchill:Miyamoto! You've always been able to go home! Just say this:AWOOOOOOOOOOGHAAAAAAAH!
Miyamoto:AWOOOOOOOOOOGHAAAAAAAH!
[insert strange transporting sound here]
Miyamoto:Where...where am I?
Buhdah:The temple of true enlightenment.
Miyamoto:Really?
Oozby:No.
Miyamoto:Where did Buhdah go?
Oozby:Burger King.
Miyamoto;So, where am I?
Oozby:The Tower of OG Writers![insert dramatic sound effect here]
Miyamoto:How did I get here?
Oozby:Lemonjello Setzer is playing god with the OG. Now he's immmortal. And is causing random chaos.
Elsewhere...
LS:NO SOLICITERS!
Back with Miyamoto...
Oozby:Now Lemonjello Setzer is away is not guarding the computer. Miyamoto, join me and we shall rule the galaxy!
Miyamoto:Never! Well, actually, I guess I could.
Miyamoto and Oozby go to the computer
Oozby:NOOOOO!!! It's the most vile creture in all of OGland...it is...TURBO LEMON!!!
Turbo lemon:Yes, it is I! I shall defeat you!
RPG battle!
[boss music http://www.vgmusic.com/music/console/nintendo/snes/ctboss2.mid ]
Turbo Lemon
HP 3245435443/23
MP 342343/Bob
Miyamoto
HP 123/456
MP 0/54645645645
Oozby
HP 5769/9999
MP (*(/&*(^%&
Turbo Lemon gaters energy!
Miyamoto casts Newt Morph!
Turbo Lemon eats the attack!
Oozby Uses warp!
Oozby escapes!
Turbo Lemon:The end comes beyond goldfish...
Turbo Lemon transforms into...GIGA GOLDFISH!
Giga Goldfish casts Chaos 132!
Miyamoto sustains 123 damage!
Miyamoto dies!
[insert victory music http://www.vgmusic.com/music/console/nintendo/snes/FF6-_Victory_Fanfare.mid ]
Giga Goldfish gets 324382948390 EXP!
You get Miyamoto Helm!
Giga Goldfish morphs back into Turbo Lemon
Darth Gates:GWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now I shall find disembowl the dead Miyamoto and claim the glory!
Turbo Lemon:NEVER!
RPG BATTLE!
[insert some boss battle music here]
Darth Gates
HP 5435683456/Bill
MP Infinite
Turbo Lemon
HP 3/23
MP Zero
Darth Gates casts Alice in Wonderland
Turbo Lemon's Miyamoto Helm absorbs the attack
Turbo lemon casts The sheild
Darth Gates uses Hey, where's the cream filling?
Turbo lemon absorbs the attacks
Turbo Lemon opens up the X-Zone
Darth Gates will be sucked in in 4 turns
Turbo Lemon summons Miyamoto's Ghost
Miyamoto:SOOOOMEWHEEEEREEEE OOOVEEEERRR THE RAAAAIIIINBOOOOOOW!
Darth Gates susuains Vegeta damage!
Darth Gates casts Normaltity 3
The OG's weirdness absorbs the attack!
Darth Gates begins charging the attack
3 turns later...
Turbo Lemon increases X-Zone vortex by 57%
Darth Gates launches the attack!
X-Zone vortex has become unstable!
X-Zone vortex sucks in all matter in the galaxy!
SYSTEM OVERLOAD!
ABORT OG!
SYSTEM CRITICAL!
ABORT OG!
ENGAGING AUTO SHUTDOWN SEQUENCE 2%
3%
AUTO SHUT DOWN SEQUENCE IS NOT FAST ENOUGH!
ENGAGE EMERGENY RESET SEQUENCE!
Kefka:The end comes beyond chaos...
OG REBOOOTING
The year is 2345
War is beginning betweeen the world's two rremaining nations...Nintendomerica and Microsoftopia.
The two greatset heroes of these nations have been taken out of cyrogenice freezing...Billy Miyamoto XXXVIII and Ed Gates the Bearded.
Miyamoto XXXVIII:Friends, countrymen, evil monkeys, I must travel back in time to enlist the help of Elvis Presly, Al Gore, and...[insert dramtic pause here] SHIGERU MIYAMOTO!!!
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Miyamoto:We must use cherry pie against the army of Microsoftopia! Microsoft loathes cherry pie more than Nintendo!
Turbo Bill:Affirmitive! Spring Man, fetch the cherry pie!
Spring Man:Boing! Yes! Boing!
Lupus
Miyamoto XXXVIII: Wozby Version 33, set up the time portal!
Wozby 33: Yes sir!
Miyamoto XXXVIII: I must leave now, BUT I WILL BE BACK!
- Miyamoto XXXVIII jumps into the time machine*
Miyamoto: And that is why cheese coated olives should be dipped in acid before consuming. Any questions?
- Miyamoto XXXVIII falls on Miyamoto's head*
Miyamoto: You bastard!
Miyamoto XXXVIII: I have come here to warn you that in three years, two Androids will rise out of the sea and destroy EVERYTHING!
Miyamoto: Who are you?
Miyamoto XXXVIII: I am you and Pamela Anderson's son's son's son... etc.
Miyamoto: Wow.
Miyamoto XXXVIII: Now I must bring you to the future where Ed Gates the Beardered rules with an Iron Fist!
Miyamoto: Ok, let's go!
Yamauchi: Miyamoto! You still have to finish writing your report on Cyber DNA Injected Monkeys!
Miyamoto: I will be back! Ciao!
- Miyamoto XXXVIII and Miyamoto jump into the time machine. Miyamoto XXXVIII briefs Miyamoto on what is going on*
Miyamoto: So that explains why I keep getting nightmares of a beared version of Bill Gates!
Miyamoto XXXVIII: I now appoint you leader of Nintendomerica's Army!
Miyamoto: We must strike Microsoftopia as soon as possible! I call a meeting!
- Later at the meeting*
Miyamoto: We are gathered here today to watch reruns of Full House. Uh... I mean, KILL MICROSOFTOPIA! We must use cherry pie against the army of Microsoftopia! Microsoft loathes cherry pie more than Nintendo!
Turbo Bill: Affirmitive! Spring Man, fetch the cherry pie!
Spring Man: Boing! Yes! Boing!
Miyamoto: Thank you! *takes the cherry pie* Now, my bravest soldiers and I are about to enter the land of Microsoftopia.
Spring Man: Sir Miyamoto! You are brave!
Miyamoto: Let us go!
- Ten years later, at the entrance gate to Microsoftopia*
Guard: Why are you here?
Miyamoto: To throw cherry pie into the faces of all people Microsoftopian!
Guard: Really?
Miyamoto: Uh... no. We are here to talk to Ed Gates... I mean, LORD Ed Gates.
Guard: Only those who can answer the three questions may pass. Get a question wrong, and into the sun you'll go. Question 1: WHAT is your name?
Miyamoto: Sven. No, Miyamoto! ARGH!!!
- Miyamoto is sent flying into the sun.*
Guard: Next!
Wozby 33: Ok.
Guard: WHAT is your name?
Wozby: Wozby Version 33.
Guard: WHAT is your favorite color?
Wozby: Blackish black with white edges and pink mixed.
Guard: Is that even a color?
Wozby: Yes.
Guard: Fine. Question 3: WHAT is Lord Ed Gates the Bearded's favorite food?
Wozby: Spearmint flavored turbo oranges!
Guard: How did you know? Well, pass mortal...
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Narrator: Warning, warning, unidentified flying Miyamoto approaching the sun at an amazing speed of twelve meters a minute. Warning!
STAY TUNED.
Lemonjello
Elsewhere...
Narrator: Warning, warning, unidentified flying Miyamoto approaching the sun at an amazing speed of twelve meters a minute. Warning!
Miyamoto:Oh the humanity!
Back with our psuedo heroes...
Wozby 33:Now that I'm in this place I must find out how to enter the Palace of Gates.
Several hours later, after the careful plannning of the infiltration of the Palace of Gates...
Guard:Who are you?
Wozby:Arthur, king of the Britons.
Guard:And you?
Miyamoto XXXVIII:A knight of the round table!
Guard:What about those other guys?
Wozby 33:Knights.
Guard:OK. Go on in.
Miyamoto XXXVIII, Wozby 33, and the soldiers, all of thr aftermentioned disguised as knights, pass through the gate of the Palce of Gates. As they near Ed Gates' throne room, they see several golden Microsoft logos.
Ed Gates:So...you're the entertainers. ENTERTAIN ME OR YOU SHALL ALL DIE!!!
Wozby 33:Of course! Sing!
Knights:We're knights of the round table
We dance whene'er we're able
We do rountines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable
We dine dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot
We're knights of the round table
Our shows are formidable
But many times
We're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable
We're opera mad in Camelot
We sing from the diaphragm alot
In war we're tough and able
Quite indefatigable
Between our quests we sequin vests
And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a busy life in Camelot
Single knight:I have to push the pram alot.
Ed Gates:...
Miyamoto XXXVIII:NOW!!!
The knights throw cherrry pies at everyone
Ed Gates:I'm melting!!!
Wozby 33:Spering Man, launch the pie!
Spring Man:Aye aye, captain!
Suddenly, a cherry pie of monstrous prportions lands on the entire nation of Microsoftopia
Wozby 33;VICTORY!!!
Narrater:And so Miyamoto XXXVIII and Wozby version 33 ruled planet Earth until Bob Saget intiated the bloody Cheese Revolution...but that's another story. But what became of Shigeru Miyamoto, the one from our day and age? It's quite simple. In the future, the Sun is only a huge lightbulb that was brought here by swallow. A European swallow, to be exact. So Miyamoto hit the Sun, but only received several 3rd degreee burns. Miyamoto was picked up by Met and the Flying Gerbil, who had stolen the Epoch so they could steal the Xerox machines of the future. So Miyamoto was returned to his time, after a breif run in with Dalton, Alfador, and Lucca, who were stuck in 16th century England doing something like tyring to capture Time Squad, who had stolen Bill the Extra guy's watch. Bill's watch wad important to him becauce it was given to him by his great Uncle Herb. Uncle Herb had once owned every sock in Sub-Con, until he lost the socks to Wart in a game of Sabacc. That game also...
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Narrator:But that was also a paradox so...
Miyamoto:SHUT UP!!! GET BACK TO THE STORY!
Narrator:So miyamoto went back to Japan...
Lupus
Narrator: ...determined the fate of every strawberry in Narshe, as they were all eaten up by none other than Wart's fruit loving brother Mikki on account that Wart one a game against Herb. Mikki, owning not only one, but TWO characters with the spell Ultima, set to work on dominating the world of Hershies chocolates, only to find out that Kirby's late grandmother Kriby owned a huge ammount of Grekko chocolate milky bars. Turning the solar system into a wave of polar bears, Mikki began creating Pokemon trading cards to humiliate fans of Bowser. Bowser was outraged with this, and tore apart Mikki limb from limb. Amazingly, Mikki survived and staggered to a nearby horoscope telling machine and began juggling apricots. To his surprise, a man named Jabba the Hutt arrived and adopted Mikki, only his intentions were good but bad, and I don't know what I'm talking about. But that was also a paradox so...
Miyamoto: SHUT UP!!! GET BACK TO THE STORY!
Narrator: So Miyamoto went back to Japan...
Miyamoto: Wozby! Now is the time to unleash the new Ultra Majingy 64 upon the citezens of... the... world, I guess!
Wozby: Sir, there is still one problem.
Miyamoto: Yes?
Wozby: Senator PalpaGates has unleashed the XBox Special Edition Twelve! We won't stand a chance!
Miyamoto: This is serious Wozby! I fear that Senator PalpaGates is brainwashing every person on this Earth! It must be something to do with the X!
Wozby: You're saying there is a meaning behind the X?
Miyamoto: Yes! It brainwashes everyone into buying it! We must find out the secret of the X!
Wozby: What makes you so sure it's the X that is doing this? It could just be that they might have a better system than us. Afterall, our new 64 bit system isn't quite as good as a 23948712304982743 bit one.
Miyamoto: I am sure that the X is the problem. Why else would there be an X? Senator PalpaGates could've just called it "Box". WHY THE X????
Wozby: Why don't we invade the Secret XBox Chemical Testing Plant and find out?
Miyamoto: Yes, we shall! Come, Wozby! We have a job to do!
NEXT TIME:
Darth Sonic: Miyamoto sir! Senator PalpaGates is a traitor to every weather identifier alive!
Senator PalpaGates: Nonsense! Take this, evil Darth! Herpes Breath!
Lemonjello
Narrator:And so Miyamoto and Wozby travelled to the X-Box chemcal tesing facility, convieintly located on the island of Guam...
Miyamoto:How are we going to get inside?
Wozby:We disguise ourselves as.......VACUUM SALESMEN!!!
Miyamoto:Why?
Wozby:Bill Gates loves vacuums more than life itself.
Miyamoto:But we have no vacuums.
Wozby:One is about to fall out of plot hole and into this episode in 15 minutes.
Narrator:15 minutes later...
Wozby:Now we shall enter the X-Box chemical testing facility!
Narrator:And so they did. After filling out 4324 misc. forms in triplicate and gaining entrance to main control room, they met senator PalpaGates.
Darth Sonic: Miyamoto sir! Senator PalpaGates is a traitor to every weather identifier alive!
Senator PalpaGates: Nonsense! Take this, evil Darth! Herpes Breath!
RPG battle
Herpes Breath poisons Darth Sonic!
Darth Sonic
HP 9990
MP 678/999
Senator PalpaGates
HP 65384756384568/654645645656565646564565
MP INFINITE
Darth Sonic casts Ultima!
Senator PalpaGates' armor absorbs the attack!
Senator PalpaGates Opens up a Gate!
Random Summon will come out of the Gate in 3 turns!
Miyamoto and Wozby enter the battle!
Miyamoto
HP 1/2
MP 0/0
Wozby
HP INFINITE
MP INFINITE
Darth Sonic opens up a Gate!
Something will happen in 3 turns!
Miyamoto:Wozby, what year is it?
Wozby:AD 1999!
Miyamoto:NOOOO!!!
Lavos:Good evening gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us!!
Lavos
INVINCABLE
Lavos casts AYB Wave!
Miyamoto:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Kefka:The end comes beyond chaos...
Lavos' spell destroys Earth!
THE END???
- The screen zooms out to reveal Miyamoto,Wozby,Jozby, and Met watching their Life and Adventures of Miyamoto DVD.*
Miyamoto:Who wrote that script?
Met:Bill Clinton.
Miyamoto:HE SHALL DIE BY THE BLOODY FANG OF BILL, THE FERRET!!!
Wozby:...
Met:Sounds like fun.
Jozby:???
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Queen Amidala:I SHALL KILL THEE, MIYAMOTO!!!
Miyamoto:Spring Man, come to me!
Spring Man:Boing?
Miyamoto:FEEL THE POWER OF THE SPRING!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Queen Amidala:...
Lupus
Miyamoto: Wait!
Met: What?
Miyamoto: I predict we will fall through a plot hole into an entire different location doing an entire different thing.
- falls through plothole*
Queen Amidala: I SHALL KILL THEE, MIYAMOTO!!!
Miyamoto: Spring Man, come to me!
Spring Man: Boing?
Miyamoto:FEEL THE POWER OF THE SPRING!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Queen Amidala:...
RPG BATTLE!!
Queen Amidala
HP: 30/40 (hit points)
MP: 30/40 (magic points)
CP: 30/40 (crystal points)
FP: 30/40 (flower points)
NP: 30/40 (Nintendo Power magazines)
PP: 984217390841273498231/409812734982107498217490 (I have no clue whatsoever)
Miyamoto
HP: 90/1
MP: Sword!/Yahoo Serious
Wozby
HP: 0/0
MP: Several hundred/several thousand
Spring Man
HP: Boing/Spring
MP: None whatsoever
Queen Amidala uses Fly Swatter
Wozby takes 0 damage. Wozby dies.
Wozby uses Life2 on himself.
Wozby is ressurected to full health (0/0)
Miyamoto uses XBox Advertising Pummel
Queen Amidala takes 30 damage. Queen Amidala dies.
Spring Man uses Mega Boing on himself
Spring Man kills himself
Miyamoto uses Death on himself.
Miyamoto dies
Wozby uses Ultima on himself
Wozby dies
Wozby: Oh no! We lost!
Miyamoto: She's too powerful!
Queen Amidala: Ha ha ha ha ha! Now, off to the dungeon with you. *throws Wozby, Miyamoto and Spring Man in jail*
Wozby: We have to escape!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME
Wozby: We have to escape.
Miyamoto: Stop saying that.
Lemonjello
Wozby: We have to escape.
Wozby: We have to escape.
Wozby: We have to escape.
Wozby: We have to escape.
Wozby: We have to escape.
Miyamoto: Stop saying that.
Wozby:We have to escape.
Miyamoto:STOP THAT!!!
Wozby:We could just wait until a guard comes by, then grab his keys, then eat him alive!!!
Miyamoto:Why eat him?
Wozby:Because I'm really...
Wozby takes off his mask to reveal...A CANNIBAL!!!
Cannibal:Miyamoto, I must eat thee.
Miyamoto:NOOOOOO!!!
Gaspar:Go down the laundry chute, Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:Where are you?
Gaspar:I am speaking to you with the...VORCE!!!
Miyamoto:OK.*Goes down the laundry chute*
Narrator:And so Miyamoto went down the laundry chute, completly ignorant of what awaited at the other side. Micheal Jackson? No. Queen Amidala dosen't have things that evil in Theed Palace. Miyamoto was almost there...but first a commercial break...
Ad Man:Are you tired of stains on your Persian cats?
Man:No.
Ad Man:Shut up. Then you should try Bob's Stain Be Gone! It cleans stuff. SO BUY IT NOW!!! WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!! WE KNOW WHERE YOUR PARENTS LIVE!!! BUY IT NOW OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And now back to your show...
Miyamoto:Auntie Em?
Narrator:Wrong show. Please wait one moment.
PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.
Miyamoto:Why is there a huge hole in here?
Narrator:It's a plot hole. Lemonjello Setzer has run out of ideas for this plot line.
Met:Miyamoto, jump into the plot hole.
Miyamoto:No.
Met:Why not?
Miyamoto:I could end up being tortured by sadistic Goombas or something.
Met:Ummmm...MIYAMOTO!!! IT'S QUEEN AMIDALA AND SHE HAS A CHAIN SAW!!!
Miyamoto:AAAAAAA!!!!*Miyamoto grabs Met and jumps into the plot hole*
Miyamoeto:Ware r wee?
Mett:Typo Land.
Miyamoto:O noe! Anoher plott hol iz opening op!
Narrator:And so Miyamoto and Met fell into the plot hole...
Narrator:And Shigeru Miyamoto as the Beaver.
Met:LAAAAAAASIE, come home!!!
Narrator:WARNING!!! WEIRDNESS LEVEL AT 9.5!!! ENGAGING AUTO RESET!!!
To be continued...
Next time on The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto...
(Our story begins at Nintendo Co. Ltd. Shigeru is on his way to work until a strange man stops him near by.)
???: Hey Shiggy, how are the new games for Gamecube doing?
Miyamoto: Sorry, can't tell you. The game plans are compleatly top secret.
???: Oh come on Shiggy, tell your best friend about the games.
Miyamoto: I don't even know you, so leave now...well maybe I do...heck, I'll show you the new games. We need a new plotline anyways.
Lupus
(Our story begins at Nintendo Co. Ltd. Shigeru is on his way to work until a strange man stops him near by.)
???: Hey Shiggy, how are the new games for Gamecube doing?
Miyamoto: Sorry, can't tell you. The game plans are compleatly top secret.
???: Oh come on Shiggy, tell your best friend about the games.
Miyamoto: I don't even know you, so leave now...well maybe I do...heck, I'll show you the new games. We need a new plotline anyways.
???: You will regret letting me into Nintendo HQ, Miyamoto! *takes off his mask to reveal... WILLY HIGINBOTHAM???*
Willy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Now I shall take all of your people hostage and hold them at the top of the building!
Miyamoto: Noooo!
Willy: Ha ha ha ha ha! SeeD. SeeD. SeeD. SeeD, SeeD, SeeD. Kurse all SeeDs. Swarming like lokusts across generations. You diskust me.
Miyamoto: Wrong script.
Willy: Fool! That was only my distraction attack! And now you shall taste my Boinglungewhopper attack!
Miyamoto: No! Please no!
Willy: Ha ha ha!
- Willy kills Miyamoto...'s clone.*
Miyamoto: Willy, I see you have defeated my clone. But you shant defeat the real me!
Willy: This isn't possible! Fiend! You shall pay for your evil deeds against other evil people! X-Plothole!
- Miyamoto is sucked into the X-Plothole*
Miyamoto: Where am I?
Wiyamoto: I am a cowboy. BOP! There's a bee.
Wozby: Where's my self help booklet?
Terra: I have it
Kefka: Give that to me, you... person!
Terra: Not on your life.
Kefka: ...fair enough. *kills himself* Now can I have it?
Terra: No! And you shant have the world either!
Meowth: Death team! Appear!
Met: To destroy all Miyamotos within our sight. Lucca: To erase all W clones with all our might. Baram: To sabotage this OG so it makes no sense. Aidyn: The writers of this story are about as smart as a fence! Met: Met! Lucca: John Howard- uh, Lucca! Baram: Clyde! Aidyn: A really lame RPG character! Met: Death Team appear at the speed of cheese! Lucca: Give up hope or we'll unleash the Keese! Meowth: Meowth! That's cheddar!
Miyamoto: Evil people! We must defeat them!
Wozby: Never fear, sir Miyamoto! I have my trusty spraypaint.
Miyamoto: How's that gonna help us?
Wozby: Well, I saw in a really lame movie called the Neverending Story that it works on enemies like look unnaturally like Iron Giants from the Final Fantasy series!
Miyamoto: But there are no Iron Giant look-alikes in the death team.
Wozby: Oh yeah. Whoops.
Meowth: Say your prayers. My death team will stomp you!
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Lucca: We're not beaten yet! I swear to god, as long as my name is John Howard- uh, Lucca, we'll be back!
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
RPG battle!
Miyamoto uses vomit!
The Death Team is defeated!
Miyamoto gains 3 EXP!
Miyamoto gets Reeses Pieces!
Lucca: We're not beaten yet! I swear to god, as long as my name is John Howard- uh, Lucca, we'll be back!
Miyamoto:Now I shall go back to the Nintendo cult tower!
Narrator:And so Miyamoto jounrnied to the tower blablablabla...
Miyamoto:Fellow mindless cult members, it seems that TanookiBlues has discovered our that nintendo is really a cult that sacrifices farm animals on weekdays! We must advance to step #346 in our plot for global domination! And that step is...KILLING LEMONJELLO SETZER AND LUPUS THE TURK!!!
Cult people:Yeah.
Met:Miyamoto! You must come with me!
Miyamoto:No. I'm going on a killing rampage with my cult.
Met:But John Howard-uh, Lucca has discovered the control room for the OG!
Narrator:And so they went to the control room blablabla...
Miyamoto:Look at the knobs and levers.
???:Miyamoto! I must destroy you for I am...
To be continued...
Next time on the L&A of Miyamoto...
Met:To operate Plot Device, press green button and turn knob 34 degrees...
Lupus
Miyamoto: Huh?
Willy: It is I, Willy A. Higinbotham! I am here to get revenge!
Miyamoto: For...?
Willy: You copied my first ever game, Tennis for Two, and turned it into Mario Tennis! Bastard!
Miyamoto: Met, fire the Cheese Ray at will!
Met: Yes sir *Cheese Ray blasts Willy into next Friday*
Miyamoto: Now, time to get a new plot. Help, Met.
Met: *picks up instruction manual* To operate Plot Device, press green button and turn knob 34 degrees...
Miyamoto: *does it* Done. Now, let's wait for it to work.
- Five minutes later*
Met: I fear it has no batteries, and it didn't work. We must find some batteries!
Miyamoto: There, it is working! Our new plot is that. Let us go!
- Miyamoto and Met fly off into the sky, never to be seen again.*
Credits of Life and Adventures Series 2, Page 4
Shigeru Miyamoto: Shigery Miya-mewtwo
Will Wozby: Bill Cozbill
Met: Tram-Man
William A. Higinbotham: Kefka
Dr. Wily: Mega Man's Evil Clone
Wiyamoto: Shigeru Miyamoto
Lupus the Turk: Apex Twin Number 2
Lemonjello Setzer: A Mega-Charged Turbo Lemon
Lucca: John Howard
Cult People: Bob, George, Jane, Tom, Shirley, Zack, Wendy
Baram: Clyde
Aidyn: Re-jecto
Meowth: Pikachu
Terra: Frodo Baggins
Queen Amidala: Obi-Wan Vader
Lemonjello
90 years later...
Wozby:I wonder where Miyamoto went?
Jozby:To get something. I forget what.
Narrator:Suddenly, Trunks emerged from a time portal to warn Goku and...dang...wrong story.
Yamauchi:It's a good thing I pulled out one of Miyamoto tonsils so I could clone him.
Miyamoto Clone 1:All your base are belong to us!!
Yamauchi:And that's why Nintendo filed bankrupcy.
Narrator:Suddenly, a time portal opened up, reavealing William Higinbotham and Wr. Wily.
Willy:Yes! Now we can warn Al Gore of the asteroids!
Wozby:Asteroids?
Wr. Wily:The asteroids that Miyamoto sent down to earth in the furture!
Wozby:How far in the future did you come from?
Willy:2 minutes.
Narrator:2 minutes later...
Asteroid:GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
RPG battle!
Wr. Wily flees!
Asteroid
HP The beginning/The end MP INFINITY/INFINITE
Willy
HP 23/567 MP 90/56
Wozby dies!
Jozby enters Asteroid for no apparent reason!
Willy casts Life 3 675 times!
Asteroid uses blink! Willy sustains 9999999 damage!
Willy is revived by Life 3!
Asteroid opens up the time portal to 2970!
Miyamoto comes out of time portal!
Miyamoto:IT WAS TERRIBLE COUSIN SUSY!!! THERE WAS THIS MAN NAMED HIROSHI YAMAUCHI THAT MADE ME MAKE GAMES WITH A FAT PLUMBER!!!*realizes that it isn't a dream* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! MIYAMOTO BLAST RAY OF CERTAIN DEATH!!!
Asteroid dies!
Miyamoto:Why hast thou cast thee into thy firery pit of eternal darnation?!
Narrator:UYFUYFUTYRKUYTJKTGFHJF!!!!
KABOOM!!!
????...
Mom:No, Shigeru, you're too sick to play with your friends.
Miyamoto:What happened?
Mom:You got sick after palying in the snow. i need to go make lunch, so get some rest.*leaves Miyamoto's room*
Miyamoto:What the...
- Gaspar appears out of nowhere*
Gaspar:Miyamoto! I've finally found you! According to the 1934 edtion of Strange Happenings in Time Travel, you've stumbled into a possible future.
Miyamoto:What possible future?
Gaspar:The furture where Lemonjello Setzer and Lupus the Turk decide to become sane again.
- Mom enters the room*
Mom:What the? Eat lead, weird old guru!
Gaspar:AAAAAAAAAA!!!!*Gaspa dies*
Mom:*back to sane motherly voice* Miyamoto, I think you should go outside while I clean this mess up.
Miyamoto:...okaaaaaaay....
Narrator:Due to the temproal anomaly in the OG's possible furture, Miyamoto is flung forward 12 years into his senior year in college.
Tina:Miyamoto...I've found someone else...his name is...Richard Simmons.
Miyamoto:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Met:Miyamoto! Follow me!*opens up door that isn't there*
Miyamoto:Okaaaaaaaaaay.*goes through doorway*
Met:Miyamoto, I have finally found the OG control room. Now we the gods of this OG. We can do anything!
Lupus:Lemonjello, I have finally found the OG control room. We are now the...hey! what are Miyamoto and Met here for?
Met:We found it first! Now I shall control the OG!
Lupus:Never!*starts pushing random buttons*
Met:Take this!*starts pushing random buttons*
3 hours later...
Knight:Ni!
Met:I don't know why Met is speaking in the third person. But at least Met has beaten the writers at their own game!
Lupus:I have yet to use the writers only button!
Met:No!!! Anything but that!
Lupus:GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!*presses the button*
To be continued...
Next time on the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto...
Met:You fool!!! I can't believe you pressed that button!
Lemonjello:We're all doomed!!!
Miyamoto:AUNTIE EM!!!
To be continued...
Next time on a very special episode of the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto...
Tina:Why I am here?
Met:To kill Miyamoto!!!
Tina:Why do I want to kill him?
Met:He killed you.
Tina:...
Lupus
Tonight is a very special episode of the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto. Why? Because, everybody, it's the final HAPPY EPISODE!
Miyamoto: Where am I?
Miyamoto: You are floating in space, one million years from when Home Improvement was invented.
Miyamoto: No, I mean why doesn't this post join up with the previous one?
Miyamoto: The world works in strange ways, Shigeru.
Miyamoto: William Higinbotham... the inventor of Tennis For Two, he isn't my brother is he?
Miyamoto: He is.
Miyamoto: That's true, that's not impossible.
Miyamoto: I see you searched your feelings and found it to be true.
Miyamoto: Now, how are we to end this OG?
Miyamoto: PARTAY!!!
- Everyone appears*
Met: Great party Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Get lost, you weeny. No one likes you.
Met: What? Why I oughta...
Miyamoto: *shoves Met out of the way* Get lost loser.
Met: I will get you, you ungreatful moron! Tina! Appear!
Tina: Why I am here?
Met: To kill Miyamoto!!!
Tina: Why do I want to kill him?
Met: He killed you.
Tina: ... But I'm alive.
Met: My plan failed. And this is the last episode! I'll never get revenge...
God: That is not true, young Met.
Met: Why not?
God: Believe it or not... this is not the last episode of the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto all together. Instead, it is the last episode of the season!
Met: I still have a chance then!
God: Yes. Now, let's party like its a billion years after Home Improvement was invented!
- everybody continues to party on into the night, including Shigeru Miyamoto who dies from dancing to much.*
THE END
Shigeru Miyamoto will return in...
The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Episode 2: Return of the Microsoftopians.
- Preview of the Life and Adventues of Miyamoto Episode 2*
Miyamoto: So, another day, another boring atmosphere.
- Suddenly, two robbers appear and sneak up behind Miyamoto, snatching his GameCube!!!!*
TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE 2.
Lemonjello
Time Period:21st century
Location:Japan
Subject:Shigeru Miyamoto
Date:December 24th, 2002
TV Show:The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto
Season:The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Episode 2: Return of the Microsoftopians
Lan:Jack in! The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Season 2! Execute!!!
Narrator:And so began another completly wacked out day...
Miyamoto: So, another day, another boring atmosphere.
- Suddenly, two robbers appear and sneak up behind Miyamoto, snatching his GameCube!!!!*
Miyamoto:NOOOOOOOOO(23 minutes later)OOOOO!!!
Wozby:What happen?
Miyamoto:Somebody set us up the robbers.
Wozby:We get signal!
Miyamoto:What? Main screen turn on. *a person appears* It's you!
Frodo Baggins:How are you gentlemen?! All your GameCube are belong to us!! You have no chance to survive make your time!!
Miyamoto:What you say???
Frodo:You are on the way to destruction!! Ha ha ha ha...
Miyamoto:Take off every Miyamoto! *flies to K-Mart, Frodo's evil lair*
23 minutes and 45 seconds later...
Frodo:So you have come for your GameCube, Miyamoto-san.
Miyamoto:You shall never defeta me in an...RPG Battle!!!
Frodo:There are no RPG Battles here! Random evil mini-game! I summon thee!!!
Super Salmon Martial Arts Battle Super Fight Game!!!
Slippy:Hold B to charge your laser!
Miyamoto:What B?
Frodo:*shoots his laser, defeating Miyamoto* GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! MY MASTER PLAN IS COMPLETE!!! I shall now drain Miyamoto's power using my dead octopus, transfer the power to the Galactic Doom Cheese Ray, and then...I SHALL RULE THE CZECH REPUBLIC!!!!
Narrator:Elsewhere...
Met:On the 4th day of Christmas Ultros gave to me...
Wozby:4 giant chickens!
Jozby:3 Cosmic Death Rays!
Gaspar:2 inregalatic evil dimension beasts!
Santa:And a llama in a pear tree!
Met:The Four Days of Christmas is too short, as there is only jello on planet Bill.
Wozby:Santa, can I hire an evil bad guy to capture you so we can save Christmas?
Santa:Sure!
Met:HOHOHO!!! I am going to be your evil villain, as I need my yearly dose of evilness!*kidnaps Santa*
Narrator:Back with Frodo...
Frodo:Now, when I press this button...the Czech Republic shall be mine!!!
To be continued...
Next time on the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto...
Santa:Frodo Baggins...ye shall now tasteth lead!!!
Frodo:I am not Frodo Baggins! For I am really...* takes off hisc mask to reveal...*
Lupus
Met: Ha ha ha! Santa, you are now mine! I can do what I want with you!
Santa: Met, you fool!
Met: Shut up. I think I'll... THROW YOU INTO THE NEXT DIMENSION! HAAAHAHAHA!!!
- Met launches Santa into the air and out of sight*
Narrator: Back with Miyamoto.
- Santa falls from the sky, squishing Miyamoto*
Santa: Frodo Baggins...ye shall now tasteth lead!!!
Frodo: I am not Frodo Baggins! For I am really... *takes off his mask to reveal...* A HEADLESS BODY????!?!?!?!!
Santa: Who are you?
Frodo: A reject from some horror movie. But don't get yourself involved with that, because I shall delete you, by sucking up all the Christmas joy and focusing it to my own strength! *pulls out Chirstmas Ray and presses a button*
Santa: Arrgh!! If you delete me, there will be no more Christmas!
Frodo: All your Christmas are belong to us!!! You have no chance to survive make your time!!!
Santa: Arrrgghhh!!! *gets sucked into the Christmas Ray.
Frodo: Now, I need to suck up everything Christmasy!
Miyamoto: *getting up* Give back my GameCube!!
Frodo: Never! I am the master, and I deserve to own your GameCube!
Miyamoto: But that GameCube is special! We shall have a battle of wits to see who is the superior in a game I have chosen!
Frodo: Super Salmon Martial Arts Battle Super Fight Game!!!
Miyamoto: No. Samurai Kirby!! When the GameCube appears, press A!
Frodo: A! *slaps Miyamoto across the face*
Miyamoto: All your ouchies are belong to me!
Frodo: Poor, weak fool!
Miyamoto: You used a GameShark! You cheated!
Frodo: Where in the rules does it say you're not aloud to cheat?
Miyamoto: I see you haven't read "Samurai Kirby, 1001 Ways to Get Disqualified, Version 3.1 June 1937."
Frodo: Ah, but I have!
Miyamoto: No you haven't!
Frodo: Have!
Miyamoto: Give me back my GameCube, thief!
Frodo: Never! Guards!
- Guards swarm around Miyamoto and tie him up*
Frodo: As you can see, Miyamoto, you are in an easily escapable situation, with no one to help you now! Now, before I leave, I'm going to set up my defeat by explaining my entire plan to you step by step for no apparent reason, except the chance that you might escape and use my plan against me. Now,
Step 1. I kidnap your GameCube!
Step 2. I hold a ransom for it!!
Step 3. I call Tina and ask her to tune into SBS.
Step 4. I start driving around like a bikey.
Step 5. I steal Christmas.
Step 6. I legally change my name to Grinch.
Step 7. There is no Step 7.
Step 8. NO POOFTAS!
Step 9. I will send the Knights Who Say Ekky Ekky Ekky Fatang Fatang to steal a Mars Bar from 7-11.
Step 10. I find some Shrubbery.
Step 11. I set a rabid firebreathing rabbit on you.
Step 12. I drone on and on and on.
Miyamoto: *snore*
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Richard Simmons: I HEAR YA KNOCKING BUT YA CAN'T COME IN!
Miyamoto: Let me in or else I'll beeeeeat dooooown your door.
STAY TUNED
Lemonjello
Frodo:Wake up!
Miyamoto:*snore*
Frodo:Miyamoto, I shall give you one last chance to survive!
Miyamoto:What?
Frodo:You must defeat the terrible beast of Ni sigle handedly! But be warned! The bones of countless warriorars litter his lair of pain and torture! And He does that...that...no! It's too terrible to tell you.
Miyamoto:Where does it live?
Frodo:Mt. Hjkhfdskfhsl.
Miyamoto:OK. *falls through a plothole and lands at Mt. Hjkhfdskfhsl*
Wendy:The knight of Billness has come to save us!
Mack:Kill the beast! Parade its head through our village!
Miyamoto:Okaaaaaay. *starts to run up the mountain*
Narrator:6 hours of running later...
Miyamoto:*looks at a huge mansion with a sign that says Simmons Fitness Center*
Man:Beware...he wants your life...you must go to his castle and kill him...*Man bursts into flames and dies*
Miyamoto:*knocks at door* Let me in!
Richard Simmons: I HEAR YA KNOCKING BUT YA CAN'T COME IN!
Miyamoto: Let me in or else I'll beeeeeat dooooown your door.
Richard Simmons:*comes out* Feeble creature, go!
RPG Battle!
To be continued...
Next time on the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto...
Atma Weapon:Grant my wish!
Guy:Only if you bring me a freeze dried Richard Simmons!
Knight:Ni!
Lupus
Richard Simmons
1/1 HP
Miyamoto
2/2 HP
Richard Simmons uses CHANGE!!
Changes into Atma Weapon
4283734985273058/4352307458293570294753249 HP.
Miyamoto uses Kamadrop
Miyamoto takes 3242348730298 damage
Atma Weapon takes 1 damage
END OF BATTLE
Atma Weapon: Ha ha ha! You cannot defeat me!
Miyamoto: With my last ounce of strength, I will banish you to Gungan Underwater City!!
Atma Weapon: Noooo! *warps to Gungan City*
Man: A newcomer! We will bring you to Boss Guy.
Atma Weapon: Who?
- Man takes Atma Weapon to Boss Nass's throne, but instead sits a stick figure, named Guy. Around the throne are Knights who say, obviously, Ni*
Guy: What do you desire?
Atma Weapon: TO get revenge on Miyamoto!
Guy: OK.
Atma Weapon: Grant my wish!
Guy: Only if you bring me a freeze dried Richard Simmons!
Knight: Ni! Ni!
Guy: Silence, Knights who Say Ni.
Atma Weapon: Isn't there an easier way?
Guy: Yes. You must beat me in a duel of wits, courage and swords. *pulls out sword* Enguarde!
Atma: How appropriate, you fight like a cow!
- Guy slices Atma's arms and legs off*
Guy: Are you still willing to fight me?
Atma: It's only a scratch!
Guy: Then take this! *decapitates Atma's head*
Atma's Head: Still, it's only a mere scar.
Guy: Silence! I have won, you have lost. I sentence you to LIFE IN JAIL!!
Atma: Life? No!!!
Guy: Actually, in Gungan City, Life only means THREE MINUTES IN JAIL!!
Atma: Phew.
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Atma: You gotta help me Obi-Wan Miyamoto. You're my only hope. *flicker* You gotta help me Obi-Wan Miyamoto. You're my only hope. *flicker* You gotta help me Obi-Wan Miyamoto. You're my only hope. *flicker* You gotta help me Obi-Wan Miyamoto. You're my only hope. *flicker* You gotta help me Obi-Wan Miyamoto. You're my only hope. *flicker*
STAY TUNED!!