Dr. Wily Versus The World
Ran from October 19, 2002 to May 29, 2003 (unfinished).
Soon to be the longest article on Wiki Goers.
| Series in The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - Dr. Wily - Lemony Fresh 1 - Lemony Fresh 2 |
Lemonjello
Narrator:This...is the story of Dr. Wily's daily life with many twitsts and turns...it also explains why I really, really, really hate art. Our story begins at some big corporate boardroom in Capcom of Pakistan's HQ...
Man 1:I'm very sorry Wily-san, but we can't make your game, "Dr. Wily's Gorefest", or "Dr. Wily Versus The World".
Dr. Wily:Darnit! You don't always have to make games that sell well!
Man 2:Actually, we have to make games that sellor we will be personally exectuted by Mary Kay and Rosie O'Donnel.
Dr. Wily:That's it! I'm quitting this dead end job and making a living doing...well, something! I'll know what it is once I watch my soaps!
Man 1:Then we now legally own your evil fortress of doom and every robot in there except Met, Bass, and Astro Man. Good day Mr. Wily.
Narrator:Later, at Dr. Wily's recently acquired cardboard box...
Dr. Wily:Gentlemen, we face trying times, as Capcom is out to make my life a iving hell because I quit. We now must give up our code of morals-
Astro Man:You had a code of morals?
Dr. Wily:Silence you! I followed a code of morals that guided me along the path of a clinicly insane sceintest! Now,as I was saying, we must make...A VIDEO GAME COMPNAY!
Met:Wouldn't we be more successful at McDonalds?
Dr. Wily:If we worked there, it would defat the purpose of revenge! The noble revenge of an insane old fool hellbent on bringing any sort of pain unto his past empolyers! This is our story!
To be continued...
Lupus
Dr. Wily: Now we must decide on a name.
Bass: How about... Revengeosoft?
Dr. Wily: Perfect. Now we shall create video games, and not only video games but action figures of characters portrayed in our video games, and not only action figures portrayed in our video games but ACCESSORIES... for those action figures. Think about it. We'll be rich.
Met: But how are we supposed to create a character as succesful as Mario or Zelda or Sonic?
Dr. Wily: It's very simple, my simple minded hard hatted friend. We use... me!
Met: Is it too late to quit?
Dr. Wily: I have full control over your body and I own your family. If you choose to quit regardless, you're liable to pay all law-suit fees charged to Revengeosoft for ripping off characters and plot ideas from Nintendo.
Met: Oh.
Dr. Wily: Now we must create our first game so we can move out of this cardboard box and into a huge HQ like Miyamoto's got in LaAoM. Feel free to give your ideas to the conference.
Astro: Sir, I think we need more workers. We only have four-
Dr. Wily: Three. I'm the President.
Astro: Uh, three, and we're already trying to work on a game?
Dr. Wily: Come on! It'll be easy. Expecially with this. *pulls out piece of paper with a list on it. At the top is written "Capcom's Top Secret Game Ideas For The Near Future"* Hmm... lesse here. Resident Evil 4... no. Street Fighter 8... no. Mega Man Ultra Duper 78 Not Staring Wily, no. Sounds boring. Resident Evil 5, 6, 7, Street Fighter 9, 10, 3014, nope. Isn't there any ideas here that are worth the hunk of Gouda I fed to Fluffy to get into the vault?
Astro: Sir, we have our own ideas. Me, Met and Bass have talked with each other for a few moments while you went through that list of yours and we've come up with an original game sure to sell great.
Dr. Wily: Quiet you fools. Originality is costly.
Astro: But sir, I really think we're on to something.
*Dr Wily glances up at Astro Man, his eyes red*
Dr. Wily: Fine, if you think you are such great video game CREATORS, tell me this great idea of yours. Go on!
Astro Man, Met and Bass: Sim Rod Stewart.
Dr. Wily: ......... *five minutes later* ........ Good idea guys. We'll use it. Now I must assign your offices. MET!
Met: Yessir???!?!
Dr. Wily: You are in charge of our art studio. You shall draw sketches and things for us. Make sure to capture Rod Stewart's wrinkles.
Met: But my arms-
Dr. Wily: ASTRO MAN! You will be in charge of creating our new system for the market.
Astro Man: We're making a CONSOLE?
Dr. Wily: Shh. BASS! You shall be in charge of our music studio. Haha. I'm so witty.
Bass: But sir, we need designers and programmers and other various members. How are we supposed to create games with just artists and musicians?
Dr. Wily: Picture slides of course! Draw a few pictures of a character, I'll slam bam them onto a DVD which we'll manufacture as a projection reel, we'll drop our frame rate to about 25% of a frame a second, and up the projection costs! Attach a controller to the console, move the stick and the people think they're playing something which is actually a movie!
Bass: Whatever you say sir.
Dr. Wily: Now, for myself. I, as President of Revengeosoft, shall be grand high master of bossing around, stealing ideas, pizza, powerpuff girls, hiring unqualified people and giving them jobs against their skills, saying dirty jokes, yelling over the loud speaker, bungie jumping from high windows of our HQ (when we get it) and parasailing.
Bass: Couldn't you just... like... help us create games?
Dr. Wily: Sorry, can't talk. I'm busy hacking into NOA's political analysis file.
Met: Is there such a thing?
Dr. Wily: There is now! Mwahahahahahahahahaha! *looks around at his workers, who aren't laughing* ...Get to your offices now while I hire some people! Go!
To be continued...
Lemonjello
Dr. Wily: Ah, the slums. There will surely be hundreds of higly qualified game designers here! *walks up to a hobo* Do you have any programming skills?
Hobo: Sure.
Dr. Wily: Do you know everythhing that there is to know about making video games?
Hobo: Sure.
Dr. Wily: Am I the president of the United States of America?
Hobo: Sure.
Dr. Wily: You're hired! ow go spread the wrod among fellow low lifes in this programmer filled slum!
Narrator: Five hours later...Dr. Wily's box is filled with bums, hobos, vagrants, and other dreggs of society...
Bass: Um, sir, this box was meant to fit two refrigirators...not 300 hundred weirdos.
Dr. Wily: Quiet you! I'm taking out a loan from Lietech on the internet...then I'll be able buy an HQ all kinds of l33t things...like pool tables!
Astro: But I saw Lietech Loans on the VNN news scam report!
Dr. Wily: You'd think that was a bad thing, but it isn't. And here's the best part, at 99% interest week, you can't pay your loan back until the year 2034!
Astro: That's a very, very, very bad, sir.
Dr. Wily: Did I ask you to talk? Did I say you were my finacial advisor?!?!?
Astro: Well, no, but...
Dr. Wily: So go get me a pizza or I'll kill your...spouse...whose name is N/A.
Bass: My entire world has gone to hell!
Dr. Wily: Stop whining.
To be continued...
Lupus
*And so, the Empire of Revengosoft was brought around. Using illegal scam money, the Office Box was quickly replaced with a large unused Lemony Fresh Warehouse on the outer edges of Tokyo City. The flattened Office Box was recycled as sketch paper for the company's artists, and Dr. Wily spent most of his time walking the back streets of the city looking for drug abusers. And so, one night, inside the warehouse...*
Dr. Wily: We are this close to ruling the gaming world! *stretches his arms a mile wide*
Bass: What do you mean? We haven't even created one game yet!
Dr. Wily: Well that is your fault! How is our new console coming along, Astro Man?
Astro: We have no supplies.
Dr. Wily: What are you talking about? Our weaponry IS supplies, fear and ruthless efficiency. I do not believe that you haven't even picked up a pencil to do some sketches!
Met: That's my job, Sir.
Dr. Wily: SILENCE!
*suddenly, the warehouse doorbell rings. Dr. Wily opens the door*
Dr. Wily: Yes?
Man: Is this the residence of Doctor Wily Shmegshmeil the Fifth?
Dr. Wily: Yes, it is.
Man: I'm from the Japanese Industry of Evil PHd Giver Outers. I'm here to tell you your Doctor liscense has expired. It will cost, in yen, 3.
Dr. Wily: Here *hands over three yen*
Man: Wait wait wait! Let me finish. As I was saying, it will cost 3 BILLION ZILLION TRILLIAN yen.
Dr. Wily: I have that much in Gil.
Man: That roughly translates into three yen.
Dr. Wily: Grrr! I'll get you!
Man: Before I leave, I must steal the "Dr." in front of your script name, and escape in my Industry van before you can get in your Evil Van and follow *does so*
Wily: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Bass: Does that mean I can go?
Wily: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Bass: Oh, OK then.
Fred In Bed
At Revengesoft...
Wily: This is unacceptable! Man has foiled my plans once to often. Well, we'll do what revengesoft does best!
Met: Get revenge?
Bass: Punish their enemies?
Astro: Crush opponents?
Wily: None of those! We're actually most qualified for staying inside and sucking our thumbs! So, of course that's what we'll do!
Met: Hey, why don't we make a video game about this?
Wily: That's a terrible idea! But we've got nothing to lose so let's do it!
all: YEAH!
Kool-Aid: Ohhh Yeahhh!
Wily: HE can be our video game producer! Now we're getting somewhere!
Met: Can we get to work?
Wily: No. Hey, stop giving me that sad look! Please... not the eyes! Darn you Astro! You're so cute! Arghh, alright!
Astro: If you dorn mind me saying so sir, yeeech!
Wily: Pfft, Who needs to be a doctor?!? I'm making quite a living like this!
Bass: Can you tell us exactly what you want so we can start?
Wily: Can't you see how busy I am thinking about how rich I am?
Bill Gates: Fools! You cannot be allowed to make any money! I will destroy you with my patened gigantic... X BOT!
Lemonjello
X BOT: What now, sir?
Gates: Destroy them. Kill every last member of Revengeosoft!
X BOT: Um, sir, with all due respect, I don't think any of us have the right to take human lives.
Gates: Just kill them!
X BOT: Who are we to slaughter hundreds of innocent empployees simply because they belong to the Revengeosoft family?
Gates: Grr! I must make a new robot of d34th now! So, goodbye Dr. Wily! Remember to stay pink, soft and oily!
Dr. Wily: ...whaaat...?
Bass: I don't, sir.
Torgo: I don't know...I...I just don't know.
Dr. Wily: Who are you?
Torgo: I take care of the place while the master is away.
Dr. Wily: Work for Revengeosoft or die!
Torgo: Y-yes, sir.
Dr. Wily: You will be my vice president!
Bum: But I thought I was vice president!
Dr. Wily: Then you're fired!
Bum: [insert swears, curses, and several insulting remarks about Dr. Wily's mother]
Dr. Wily: Torgo, I want you to design a new game about me! I don't care what you put in it, just make a game about me.
Torgo: Y-y-yes. Of course.
Narrator: Six months later...
Dr. Wily: *is reading the newspaper* WHAT THE $#@&?! DR. WILY IS CALLED TO APPEAR BEFORE CONGRESS REGARDING CONTROVERSIAL GAME, "Dr. Wily: Gigolo, Pimp, and Male Prostitute Advance"
Torgo: I-I made your new game, s-sir.
Dr. Wily: Must refrain from...using shotgun...
EDIT: Dr. Wily found a spare "Dr." in his wallet before this part started.
To be continued...
Fred In Bed
hey, what happened to that insane Tazy guy anywho? whatever, here's my post.
(in Revengesoft)
Dr.Wily: Now that my name is Dr.Wily again, "Wily's adventure" can not be attributed to me because "Wily" is no longer my name!
Torgo: Okay, then I'll have to make some changes to it!
Dr.Wily: No! Stop him Met!
Met: What can I do?
Dr.Wily: Right... Um, How 'bout you, Bass?
Bass: Um, Okay... BLAST SHOT!
Met: That did five thing of damage. I do about that much damage. How sad. Attack of rotting cheese!
Wily: That's too late, you loser! you took so long talking that he got away, took my Dr., and nobody else got to name their attacks so couldn't stop him!
Planetman: That's the disadvantage of fighting in a forum - only one guy can do stuff at once.
Bass: Man, I'm such a wuss... But at least I have cool hair!
Wily: Stop talking! He left a trail of bread crumbs! Stay here Bass. You are a weakling. Take this sensu bean.
Met: Hey where'd you get that?
Kool-Aid Guy: Ohhhh Yeeeahhh!
Wily: Never mind. I have a better plan. Kool-Aid Man will teach you the secrets of his powerful sugaryness and then you come follow us with your added power.
Met: Man, NOW who's taking forever to talk?
Siskel + Roper: Hey! This sounds like a terrible episode of dragonball Z! Hey wait, they're mostly bad anywho!
(wily + co. have already left)
Siskel: What the heck!
Roper: You should have a question mark, not an exclemation mark!
Siskel: Why!
Roper: Who's doing this! Arggh!
???:It is I... ???!
Roper: NOoooooo!!!!!111 Stupid shift key!
Siskel: How is that your name!
???: My parents were disfunctional.
Siskel: OK... Power up!
???: Fine then.
Siskel - power level: 2.5. Now: 4847.(-546)
???: 700
Siskel: Now I will yell really loud! ARGHHH!
???: Me too! ARGHHH!
(Siskel and Roper are crush by....)
Bill Gates: Me! In the new and improved XBOT! Now it is a manual Power rangers robot! It's hard to move these levers... come ???, We will finally kill Torgo! I will get revenge on him for farting on my old sock! And he always leaves behind breadcrumbs and I see a trail of them!
???: What about Wily?
Bill Gates: He will join me in order to crush Capcom.
???: OK!
(??? and Bill Gates leave)
Bass: They took everything in the fridge too! Those freaks!
END OF POST!
Lupus
Some Guy: I quit!
Other Bums: I quit too!
Wily: Nooo! All is falling apart! Come on! We can still do it.
Gates: I'm afraid it's too late, Wily. You'll have to join Microsoft in our mega battle against Capcom.
Wily: I accept the mission. How much do I get paid?
Gates: That depends on... YOUR END OF LEVEL STATUS! MWAHAHAHA!!
*switch on*
THE ADVENTURES OF WILY AND GATES
MISSION I:
Capcom Massacre
Objectives:
1. Kill Capcom employees
2. Don't kill Capcom employees
3. Do the above two objectives at the same time
4. Don't do it! Noo!!
5. Eat a hamburger
6. Minimise Capcom employee casualties (some innocent bloodshed is ok)
7. There is NO... objective 7.
8. Kill Shinji "Resident Evil" Whatever-san.
9. Erase all plans for Resident Evil 5 through 759.
10. Defeat the motion capture Mega Man guy!
11. Defeat him again!
12. Again!
13. Again! Yeehaw!
14. Make incoherant cowboy noises!
...
403. Escape via the fire escape
404. Escape via the spinning blades of doom passage!
405. Don't escape by the above passages, but escape by this way instead which is not even a way but an order!
406. Ignore all above steps except 14.
407. Ignore the above step! Do all of the other steps! Except this one! Don't do it! It's illegal in all countries but Guam, but that's OK coz this game wasn't released there!
408. This is step 408! This isn't a legitimate objective!
GOOD LUCK, PLAYER!
Gates: Are you sure you got all that?
Wily: I can't read it. The text is too small!
Gates: Too late! *pushes Wily out of a helicopter over the Capcom building.*
Wily: Holy cow...! Tokyo Tower looks incy from here!
*he splats into the Capcom building's roof, and gets up. He pulls out James Bond type gadgets and cuts the bolts off a vent.*
Capcom Guy: Hey, mister! There's a roof door here!
Wily: Silence! *jumps into the vent and breaks his skull open on loose peices of metal cylinder*
YOU LOST THREE HEALTH PEICES!
Wily: Who said that? Come out wherever you are!
I'M JUST THE GUY WHO NARRATES THE MISSION.
Wily: Fool! Do not speak to me like that! I'll kill you and break your face!
I DON'T HAVE A FACE! I'M JUST TEXT PROGRAMMED INTO THE GAME BY SOME MICROSOFT WORMS.
Wily: That's it! *Despite all odds, he breaks the narrator's face. The alarm in the complex goes off, and the loudspeaker booms*
Loudspeaker: Hide the big explosive Capcom 1337 missile from all intruders! The world must not know we have it! Even though I'm an idiot by accidently hooking this loudspeaker up with the venting system and ABC radio all over the country!
Wily: Wow, they ARE smart!
Lemonjello
Bass: Sir, I believe it is time to give up Revengeosoft and go back to Capcom.
Wily: But we're working for Microsoft now! They would never betray us!
Gates: *walks onto the roof with several Capcom soldiers* These are the ones who want to steal the plans for RockMan Network Battleground Zero Party Party Game Revolution 23! And thank you for that cash reward for obtaining these dangerous criminals. *Gates warps out*
Wily: You'll never take me alive! *Wily takes out an AK-47 and kills several guards*
Bass: Nooo! Stop it Wily!
Wily: Eat lead, punk @#%&*! *Wily kills Bass*
Capcom Soldier: Freeze, Wily! Don't move another step!
Wily: *looks at Bass* Wha-what have I done?!
Capcom President: Wily-san, I'm afraid we'll have to kill you for insurance reasons. Capcom soldiers, on my mark...FIRE!
Wily: Nooo! *dodges the bullets*
Capcom President: Wily-san, you have caused enough damage. I regret doing this, but you must die. Soldiers, ready...aim...
Wily: You'll never kill me! *Wily jumps off of the roof*
Capcom President: Poor fool.
Narrator: FMV sequence loading...please stand by...
Wily is seen falling to his death from the Capcom HQ. At the last second, Wily activates his parachute and lands safely. He then attaches several nukes to the base of the HQ. Wily sets the countdown for 10 minutes. Wily calls the starship Enterprise to beam him up. The FMV ends with the Capcom HQ blowing up in shape of the face of former US vice president Dan Qualye.
Cut scene to the Enterprise
Picard: Good to have you aboard, Wily.
Wily: Yes...it is...isn't it?
Picard: Is there something wrong, Wily?
Wily: I'll tell you what's wrong...I was betrayed by my former college roomate, Bill Gates. I was forced to kill Bass, then I destroyed the Capcom HQ, which still had my Colgate Cavity Patrol license! And now...and now I thrist for the blood of foolish mortals! Sush as all of you! You disgust me!
Picard: Doctor Wily, please calm yourself!
Wily: I'm not even a doctor anymore! Some guy named Man stole it!
Picard: Wily, I'm afraid I will have place you in the brig until you can calm down!
Wily: Calm...down?! I'll show you calm down! *Wily takes off his lab coat, revealing a nuke strapped to his body*
Picard: Mister Wily! This is insane! Please take off the nuke!
Wily: Only on one condition...I want you to destroy Tokyo!
Picard: Are you insane?! The Prime Directive forbids be from interfering with-
Wily: Screw the Prime Directive! I know #@%$ well what it said when I was in the Star Fleet Academy! Just do it!
Picard: Never!
[insert long drawn out fight scene in which Wily kills every last person on the Enterprise here]
Wily: Computer, set a course for Tokyo, Japan.
Computer: I'm afraid I can't do that, sir.
Wily: You had $%#* well better!
Computer: I am sorry, sir.
Wily: Fine then. *Wily inserts a copy of Windows XP into the computer's core, causing it to go offline*
Narrator: Severl hours later, at Tokyo, Japan...
Wily: *on huge loudspeaker* Citizens of Tokyo,I must kill you because you have supported Capcom. Even though that old man selling tuna in front of that game store doesn't even know what Capcom is, he also must die. Any questions?
Some guy: What about the Anti Capcom Soceity of Tokyo? Will they die?
Wily: Yes.
Man: When's the Evil Genuises of Europe Con going to be this year?
Wily: Moscow. Enough questions. Now you must die. *Wily deactivate the Enterprise's engines and it falls to the ground, generating nuclear explosion which vaporizes Tokyo*
To be continued...
Fred In Bed
(at Gates's manor of doom, death, destruction and kittens...)
Gates: Peeves! Come here and bring me my pipe, bowl, and fiddlers three!
Peeves: But.. sir, the fiddlers three have escaped!
Gates: Darn it! That keeps happening! Stupid door that doesn't lock! Well, anyways, how is XBOX's spread to Tokyo doing?
Peeves: Horrible sir. Fruit flys are down 50%!
Gates: THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! It must have been Wily... but, HOW?
Peeves: Um, he blew it up with the enterprise sir...
Gates: NOOOOOO!!!!111 stupid shift key! It keeps doing that!
Jean Cretien: Sir, I have a way to destroy Wily!
Gates: You... why are YOU here...?
Cretien: Wily... It is he who stole my pair of left-footed shoes from under my bed! He must pay for stealing such a powerful weapon. He must have used it's magic to survive the blast.
(in Tokyo)
Wily: He's right you know.
(Gates Manor)
Gates: But he's sooo scary! What do you prepose?
Cretien: There is only one with such power...
Gates: Noooo! Not GUY??!?!?
Cretien: Nooo. Guy is too good, powerful, and handsome for us to use him. I am talking about that short guy with long red hair and a big, pointy nose.
Gates: You don't mean- Larry King??!?!
Cretien: Stop that! No! I speak of... SOMEONE ELSE!
Gates: NOOOO! HE STOLE MY CANDY THOUGH!
Cretien: Well then, just forgive him.
Gates: NOOOOO! No! Definetly not! Probably not! Maybe... I guess... Oh, alright.
(In Guam)
(telephone rings)
Secertary man: Hello, I AM... SECERTARY MAN! I STAND FOR...
Gates: Get me to pizza-pizza!
(Cretien kicks him off the phone)
Cretien: Get me... Someone Else!
SM: NOOOO!
Gates: YESSS!
SM: I URGE you to reconsider!
Lady: Urge... (herbal music plays) Yes! Yes! Yes!
(in Czech Republic)
Ring Ring!
Ring SMASH!
Someone Else: Hello?
Gates: I have a job for you...
SE: Um, ok. Who is this? I don't have caller ID!
Gates: It is I... Bill Gates!! You and my good friend ??? will go destroy Wily! Oh, I forgive you for the candy. If you accept this mission I will pay you $2.50!
SE: Done.
(in Tokyo)
Wily: I must search out Met and Planetman! Only they can help me!
SE: Wily-san! You smell like cabbage! I will destroy you with the ultimate weapon... The 631/2 watt lightbulb!!!
Wily: NOOOOO!!!!!
???: I have come for your soul and name, Wily!
Man: Wait, fools! I will even up the odds!
Wily: Man?!?
???: Fine, Man, I challenge you to a duel!
(END of post)
Lupus
Man: BIG BLAST OF LASER POWERNESS!!
*not enough MP*
???: Hahahaha! I stole your MP with my MP sucker machine! You shall not protect Wily for much longer!
Man: I will! For three seconds!
SE: Hahahaha!!
???: TURKISH DELIGHT BEAM OF SLIGHTLY GREY COLOUR!
*Man is incinerated. From his body comes Wily's Doctor.*
Dr. Wily: I'm saved! Now I have all my level two Doctor abilities!
SE: Nooo! We're done for! We're gone!! We can't live anymore!
???: It's hopeless!
Dr. Wily: Doctor Laser!
SE: What?
???: Nothing happened.
Gates' Voice: You fools! He escaped while you were distracted! After him!
???: We have no vehicle!
Gates' Voice: You imbeciles! Reveal your real self, ???!
???: I am... A CAR!!
SE: Woah, what luck.
*SE gets in the car and drives after Dr. Wily, who jumps aboard the S.S.Track Lloyd.*
SE: Swimming Bond-like car features, activate!
*the car turns into a boat and it speeds into the water, after the boat*
SE: Homing missiles! *presses button. Two homing missiles shoot out at the boat, but one inch away, they swerve to the side and speed off into the sky.* CRAP!
*In Australia*
Eric Harmsen: I'm real sick of people thinking that we talk in a weird accent and say "sheila, mate, beer" all the time. *the missiles collide with him and blast him all over the ground*
*In Tokyo bay*
Dr. Wily: Mwahaha! I have escaped from the evil Gates! I think I'm going to blow up his Hollywood home while he is still in Japan!
SE: *climbing aboard* Not so fast, Dr. Wily! You must first return to the Fluke Hospital of Medical Miracles and treat your patient who has been in the waiting room since 1934!
Dr. Wily: Damn! I forgot about him.
SE: Of course you did! That was just my distraction attack! KUNG POW FIST CHOPPER! *nails Dr. Wily to the deck of the S.S.Track Lloyd.*
Dr. Wily: You may have critically injured me this time, Someone Else, but you'll never take me alive! *swallows a cyanide turnip*
Gates' Voice: You fool! I wanted him alive! SE! You're fired!
SE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Gates' Voice: Not you, Someone Else! I'm talking to Sam Elson, my most evilest bodyguard ever.
Sam Elson: I shall breed evil kangaroos with laser guns and overrun South Africa! Mwahahaha!
SE: Phew. Anyway, you can't fire me. I QUIT!
Gates' Voice: It looks like I can save my $2.50 for the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Season 3 DVD.
*little did they know, but the cyanide turnip was not actually cyanide, but instead just a lolly turnip*
Dr. Wily: Mm... yum.
Gates' Voice: He's alive! GET HIM!
SE: Nuh uh! I don't work for you anymore.
Gates' Voice: Argh!
Dr. Wily: Hahaha! Looks like I win, Gates! *jumps over the edge of the boat into the water, and begins to drown* HELP!
Met: Get in!
Dr. Wily: Huh?
*he looks up to see a helicopter above, with a rope hanging down. He grabs hold of it*
Dr. Wily: How did you know where I was?
Met: Astro Man ressurected Bass, and was sued by Sherman Lee. He changed his name to Planetman to avoid unlawful copyright. Then Capcom's president, who was still alive barely, thought Planetman was Plantman and hired him, and while he was in their secondary base in the African desert, he found a big laser radar machine and he found you on board the S.S. Track Lloyd!
Track Lloyd: It was a good investment.
Dr. Wily: Thank you, Planetman and Met! Let's fly off into the sunset and let the credits roll!
Met: You're confused. Planetman!
*Planetman nods, and closes the helicopter door, locking it*
Met: Mwahaha! We are in fact...
*Met and Planetman take off their masks to reveal the Twins of Destiny*
Twin 1: Gates was right to employ us to find you!
Twin 2: I only have one line in this OG.
Twin 1: Now, Dr. Wily! Surrender your "Dr." otherwise we will kill you!
Dr. Wily: Never! *knocks Twin 2 hard in the stomach, sending him through the helicopter window and into the ocean below. Twin 1 quickly pulls out a Cheese Boomer and points it at Dr. Wily*
Twin 1: Do it!
Dr. Wily: OK... *hands it over*
Twin 1: Mwahahaha! WARP ABILITY! *warps out, leaving the helicopter to spiral down towards the ocean with no driver*
Wily: Nooo! *takes control of the chopper and does a circular flip followed by a triple down turn with four flips*
Judge: And former doctor Wily has done the most spectacular flying moves we've ever seen! 10 points!
*meanwhile, in Gates' lair of doom*
Gates: Did you bring what I wanted?
Twin 1: Yessir. *hands over Wily's Dr.*
Dr. Gates: Mwahahaha! I now have Wily's Doctor! I shall spread havoc all throughout the lands! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
To be continued...
Lemonjello
Nappo: NURSE! NURSE! LUPUS HAS FORGOTTEN TO TAKE HIS MEDICATION AGAIN!
Dr. Gates warps into the mental hospital and kidnaps Lupus
Nurse: NNNOOOO!!! You can't kidnap my patients forever, you $#*@!&#!!!
Narrator: Meanwhile, in Dr. Gates' underground lair...
Dr. Gates: Welcome to my underground lair, Lupus. I have taken you here for a reason. A very, very, very important reason...
Lupus: LOTR bashing?
Dr. Gates: No! I want you to use this computer to write the OG so I can win!
Lupus: Do I get anything?
Dr. Gates: No. But I bought you yesterday so you must.
Narrator: Meanwhile, in the Revengeosoft HQ...
Wily: Astro Man, have you completed the sketches yet?
Astro Man: For the one-thousandth time...I'M NOT IN THE ART DEPARTMENT YOU SON OF A *****!!!!11
Wily: Don't get mad Astro Man...get glad!
Met: Stop incorporating slogans into your speech! Argh!
Wily: Well, time to take a coffee break. Except for you guys. You can keep working.
To be continued...
Lupus
*in Gate's HQ*
Dr. Gates: Work faster! *uses whip*
Lupus: Gah! I can't work under these conditions! I need a coffee break too!
Dr. Gates: Silence! I want you to turn this OG into a musical before I count eight!
Lupus: Fine...
*in Revengosoft HQ, Wily is drinking his coffee*
Wily: Hmm... it sure is hard work bossing around innocent idiots. I really needed this coffee.
Lupus: Now you must sing.
Wily: What? Where did you come from?
Lupus: Never you mind! Sing!
Wily: Very well... *terrible music starts, and Wily's voice is dubbed by some olden day singer*
Sometimes I think my life is hard
Sometimes I think its bad!
But then I founded Revengosoft
Now I don't get mad, I get glad!
*stands up from the desk and starts to run around the offices, swinging on poles and jumping across tables*
I hired Met, Astro and Bass
I think they just slack off
But I pay them a lot of cash
Right here at Revengosoft!
We make the games
We earn great fame
We get the blame
When buyers consoles break!
The parents complain
Their necks all strain
When their money we claim!
Though our advertisings fake!
But we create games here at Revengosoft
They're not worth the money you spend
But when you call us up on the phone to complain
Our telecommunications drive you round the bend!
We force our ads right down your throats
Until you're up to the knees
We make sure every year of course
Our games are under your XMas trees!
So buy our games and live a life
Of luxury and bliss
But if you read this OG
You'll just see we're taking the piss!
Bass: What was that all about?
Wily: You know, I'm not quite sure. The lyrics just popped into my head. Strange...
Lemonjello
A mystreious cloaked figure enters the Revengeospft building.
Hobo: Hey, you can't get in without a pass!
The cloaked figure stabs the hobo in the head repeatedly.
Meanwhile, up in Wily's evil control room...
Heat Man: Sir, it appears that we have lost contact with sector seven!
Wily: Quiet! I'm watching the Canada Channel!
Heat Man: He's breached sectors seven through thrirty-four! By Miyamoto's beard! He's trying to get in this room!
Wily: Didn't I tell you to shut up?!
The cloaked figure busts down the door and kills Heat Man with a spork.
Cloaked figure: Good morning, Doctor Wily!
Wily: It's just Wily, now.
The cloaked figure gives Wily the Doctor back.
Dr. Wily: I'm surging with 3vil energy!
Bass: Who are you?
Cloaked figure: I am... *the cloaked figure takes off his mask to reveal..*
Dr. Wily: Donald Trump?!
Trump: Yes. And I have come to do a corporate take over of Revengeosoft!
Dr. Wily: Never! *Wily goes Super Saiyin-jin Three and Eight-fourths*
Trump: Money Beam! *Trump shoots a beam of pure mammon at Dr. Wily, who dies instantly*
Trump: Yes! Now I...RULE THE WORLD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Bass: But Revengeosoft is the worst game company ever. We only sell games by playing mind games with out customers and sending them on guilt trips.
Trump: I shall now explain my reasons in a long musical sequence! *Trump jumps ontop of Met's desk*
Revengosoft! That is the most wonderful game company on Earth!
I own most everything you see
from the mountains white to the swamps a discolored brownish green!
But even those are not enough for me!
With Revengeosoft as my com-po-ny
I will rule all of the land you'll ever hope to seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Everyone except Trump: O_o
Trump: So that is why I must own Revengeosoft.
Bass: Actually, you never really explained why Revengeosoft will help you own everything.
Trump: That is of no importance.
To be continued...
Lupus
Trump: Now, as mission one as new Commander of Revengosoft Army, I-
Bass: Revengosoft is a game company.
Trump: I know that you fools! I am saying that we should be more dignified. If you have any complaints, you can tell them to Mr. Shotguninmytrenchcoat. Okie?
Astro: I don't like you.
Trump: You'll learn to like me, oh yes, you'll learn to like me. Bwahahahahahahaha!!!111
Gates: SILENCE!
Trump: Huh?
Gates: I wish to speak to Wily. I want to know if he has seen my Dr. It went missing last night when I was watching "A Suberban Cherade" last night with Jim Carrey.
Trump: Wily is dead! And I stole your Dr.! Bwahahaha!! Money beam!!
Gates: You fool. My money beam is stronger than yours, Trump!
*the two beams meat in mid air, and push back and forth against each other*
Trump: How did you know my name?
Gates: Everyone knows who you are, Samuel Trump!
Trump: It's Donald Trump!!
Gates: Oh. A case of mistaken identity. But never fear. Your face will be even more messed up when my money beam disfigures it!!!
Trump: Not if I focus my mythical rings of Merl!
Gates: NOOOO!! NEVER!! YOU CANNOT USE THE RINGS OF MERL!!! I'LL BE KILLED- I mean, I'll be stinged a bit. You can use them if you want, but you don't have too.
Trump: You think I don't know your tricks William Gates? Tricking people into buying XBoxes is not exactly spectacular when against my rings of Merl!
Gates: Wait! That reminds me. I forgot to lock my bank safe with my fifteen thousand keys... OH NO! MY MONEY IS BEING STOLEN! MY MONEY POWER IS DECREASING! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*Trump's money beam consumes Gates, burning him into ash*
Trump: BWAHAHAHA!!!
Gates: You killed my great great great great x287348 grandfather!
Trump: Not again...
Gates: Yes, for I am Ed Gates the Bearded. I came from the future to cancel my Lone Star Deposition front before I lost ten thousand dollars while betting on bubble toys near my local milkbar. I will team up with you, Trump, to bring down the tax system!
Bass: *sneaking out* Let's go guys.
Trump: MONEY BEAM!! *the money beam caves in the door to the warehouse, killing a couple of thousand of hobos and bums*
Astro: We're stuck.
Trump: Bwahahaha!!
Gates: Bwahahaha!!
Trump: Bwahahaha!!
Gates: Bwahahaha!!
Trump: Bwahahaha!!
Gates: Bwahahaha!!
Trump: Bwahahaha!!
Gates: OK, that's enough. Time to sing the obligatory song for this post.
Trump: Dum da da da dum! Cha! *Music starts* My name is Trump, Donald Trump!
Gates: My name is Gates, Edward Gates!
Trump: We're an ultra zooming, money consuming duo from outer space!
Gates: Hey, this is pretty good!
Trump: Got any lyrics for verse 2 yet?
Gates: Um... yep! I have a beard. My beard is long
Trump: And it will grow ten folds while we are singing this song!
Gates: But if it grows too long-
Trump: -then we'll stop singing this song
Gates and Trump: We just reused lyrics again!
Bass: Does this song have any relevance to this OG?
Gates: Yes you slaves. I have a knife grafted into my hand
Trump: And he'll use it while we're taking over the land
Gates: But if the knife get's too low
Trump: We'll go back to Miyamoto
Gates and Trump: But till then, we'll eat burritos and jam!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Lemonjello
Jon Weisheit appears!
Wily: Huh?
Trump: No! It is my arch rival, Jon Weisheit!
Weisheit: I must bring order to the chaos of this OG!
Jon Wesheit does so. In one second, Revengeosoft truns into a wildly succesfull game company.
Wily: This is truly amazing!
Weisheit: Now I shall kill you Trump!
Trump: No!
Weisheit: Yes!
Trump: No!
Weisheit: Yes!
Trump: No!
Weisheit: Yes!
Trump: No! *escapes in his helicopter*
Weisheit: Curses!
Lupus
Weisheit: Seeing as my name is now censored, I will disappear into nothingness!
Astro: But we need you to make the moneys!!
Weisheit: Though I will not remain in a human form, I will remain in your hearts and minds forever, little ones.
Astro: Really?
Weisheit: No. Now I must go. *disappears*
Wily: Nooo!!
Bass: Aren't you dead?
Wily: That's right. *dies*
A NEW DR WILY HAS BEEN SPAWNED AT YOUR TOWN CENTER!
Dr. Wily the Second: I can empower buildings.
Met: That's great.
Astro: Now we are the most popular gaming company in existence, even though we haven't released a full game yet, we can retire to Hawaii!
Dr. Wily II: Or better yet, make a branch in Hawaii! Get teh meoneys!111
Astro: Uh...
*In Bill Gate's Hawaii Beach Side Hotel/Base*
Gates: We cannot let them get to Hawaii!
XBoxMan: They won't. We have installed huge water walls that blocks all boats! BWAHAHAHAHA!!
Gates: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
*Dr Wily, AstroMan, Met, Bass and HeatMan fly by Aeroplane into Hawaii*
Gates: Darnit! XBoxMan, you're fired!
XBoxMan: But boss, I'm just a pawn, a Man if you will!
Gates: Fine, you can stay! But no more jobs for you! Light! Invent something cool that we can threaten to Revengosoft to get them out of the video game industry!
Light: I already have. It is called the Sumbogulator, and it destroys entire...
Gates: This sounds good!
Light: ...entities of cheese.
Gates: ...
XBoxMan: ...
Light: It's useful.
Gates: Only in The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto! His empire revolves around cheese! Dr. Wily is smarter than that! He uses the technology known as... RAMTIK.
XBoxMan: Bless you.
Gates: No you fool! That is the technology!
Light: I've never heard of Ramtik.
Gates: That's because it is all in capital letters! RAMTIK, you fool!
Light: Are you sure Dr. Wily uses RAMTIK?
Gates: No. It was an estimate. A one in ten chance he uses it. The other nine chances are that he uses various types of metal.
Light: I'm not sure what this scene is about...
*IN THE HAWAII AIRPORT*
Dr. Wily II (who, from now on, will not have a "II" because he used his anti-II atron): Now we are in Hawaii, we must find a suitable location for our Hawaii Branch of Revengosoft.
Randomman: How about here, sir?
Dr. Wily: Good idea!
*The airport is bulldozed and a huge Revengosoft HQ is built in its place in under five minutes*
Dr. Wily: BWAHAHAH!!111 *sits in his office writing scribbles on paper, as random airplanes crash into the side of the building, thinking it's still an airport*
To be continued...
Lemonjello
Dr. Wily: Darn my life is exciting. But how to get rid of the competition? I know...
Bass: Wait, wasn't I dead?
(in Ohio)
Dr. Wily: Hahaha! I shall bring back my evil enforcers of doom, Robo-Chan, Mecha-Lee, and Metal Elvis!
Robo-Chan: He- he- hello, my- my name is.. Jack- Jackie...
Mecha-Lee: Goliath online!
Metal Elvis: Release all "houndogs". For great justice.
Dr. Wily: Excellent. Now go destroy istanbul. Right now.
(in Istanbul)
Eddie Murphy over a loudspeaker: Attention all citizens of istanbul. This country now belongs to Peru and Chile. Soon we will have Turkey and Czech republic, and then the world will be child's play. Release... The waffle ray!
(Waffle ray turn on)
Eddie Murphy: It's you! I mean- er, brainwash the civilians! AHAHAAH!
Lupus
*A sattelite appears from space and charges up a laser, which then demolishes Istanbul*
Dr. Wily: WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?
Bill Gates: Ah, Mr. Wily. You have just witn-
Dr. Wily: DOCTOR! I DIDN'T SPEND TEN MINUTES IN PEANUTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND CAKERY TO BECOME MISTER!
Gates: You didn't spend ANY amount of time in Peanuts School of Witchcraft and Cakery.
Dr. Wily: Touché.
Gates: Now, let me finish my EVIL speech. Ah, Dr. Wily. You have just witnessed my Satellite of Doom I stole from the set of James Bond 6012: Pierce Brosnan Shoe. I guarantee I will use it on Hawaii if you do not relocate within five minutes!
Dr. Wily: FIVE MINUTES? NooO!!1o1o!! I must hurry!
Gates: Whoops! There was a miscalculation on Windows XP. It's actually five hours.
Dr. Wily: Phew.
Gates: These damn glitches. Five seconds. Which equals zero seconds at this point.
Dr. Wily: NO!
*Revengosoft Hawaii is bulldozed by the giant Satellite*
Fred In Bed
Dr. Wily: How DARE you do that to me! I had to save up 5,345,345 sock coupons for that company!
Gates: huahahha! But look how hard you fell.
Dr. Wily: This means war, you know that?!?!
Gates: Don't be so certain. I have brought a neglected character back from the dead to stop you.
Dr.Wily: WHAT YOU SAY!
Gates: Yes, prepare to meet - LOZBY!
Dr.Wily: you're serious?
Gates: No. I simply brought back... Someone Else!
Someone Else: Yes, and you will pay dearly for killing me.
Dr. Wily: Ohhnn, do I HAVE to?
SE: Nah, I'm kidding around.
Gates: I'm paying you, remember?
SE: Oh, yeah. Prepare to die, Wily-san!
Dr.Wily: WILY!?!?!?! IT'S DR. WILY!!!11
(he uses beam (tm))
SE: Ouch. (falls over from endorsements)
Gates: Now I have to call out my other pokemon. Whoops, I'm not allowed to say it's name-
(government shoots him)
Dr.Wily: That takes care of that.
Policeman: Got you now, Wily. You're going to court!
Dr.Wily: NOOOO!!! DR. WILY!! GET IT RIIIIiighhhttt
Lemonjello
(A rip in time occurs and sucks Dr. Wily in because Lemonjello skimmed most of the stuff on page two.)
Dr. Wily: Wh-where am I?!
Waspar: Welcome to...HELL!!!
Dr. Wily: I'm in hell?!
Waspar: Well...no. You're in the Revengeosoft HQ...of the FUTURE!!!
Dr. Wily: Was it really necessary to yell future at the top of your lungs?
Waspar: Yes. Now I shall show you what becomes of Revengeosoft if you don't turn from your evil ways!
(Waspar leads Dr. Wily to the Dr. Wily of the future's office.)
Dr. Wily: *GASP!* What happened to me?!
Waspar: You were a part of a genetic experiment to merge you and Don King into one being. It turned you into an unspeakable horror with the brain of one of FFX-2's developers. Thus you made a fortune making pr0n games. You're richer than Bill Gates now. Oh, and your hair has the power to vaporize entire armies.
Dr. Wily: This means I must kill you and avenge my father's death! (Throws a chicken bone into Waspar's throat, causing him to choke to death.) To the Revengeosoft company car!
Meanwhile, in the aunthor's control room...
Lupus: The main plot engine is overheating! She can't take much more of this abuse!
Lemonjello: We'll need to jettison some of the plot to on! Put in a plothole, quick!
Lupus: Yes, sir!
Many, many years later, on some interview show...
Paula Zahn II: So, Dr. Wily, do you ever regret retiring from your job as supreme ruler of Revengeosoft and inventing the technology that keeps your body from degenerating into little more than a corpse?
Dr. Wily: No. And I plan to kill you tomorrow for asking that question. Bass, prepare my airship!
Paula Zahn II: Thanks for your time, Doctor.
Dr. Wily: Bah humbug! (Dr. Wily throws an extension cord at Paula Zahn II, which causes her to explode.)
Several hours later, at Revengeosoft Manor...
Astro Man: Your wine, Master.
Dr. Wily: Thank you Astro Man.
Astro Man: Is there any way that I might advance the plot?
Dr. Wily: Yes. Ask me if I feel empty without ordering around Revengeosoft employees and giving them nonsensical orders.
Astro Man: Sir, do you feel empty without Revengeosft?
Dr. Wily: Yes! And I intend to return and begin work on my greatest creation yet! The...the...COSMIC DEATH RAY!!!
Astro Man: Wrong OG, sir.
Dr. Wily: Silence, peasent! I shall steal it from the OG Storehouse! (Dr. Wily does so.)
Astro Man: Um, sir, do you think we'll get in trouble for beating the mods within an inch of their lives then sealing them in the OG Storehouse elevator?
Dr. Wily: No, for I extracted their Mod powers! Today, the OG Board, tomorrow, VGF!
Narrator: And so began Doctor Wily's reign of meaningless destruction began. After 3 posts, he now controlled all of the OG Board. Now, at Dr. Wily's VGF-wide broadcasted speech of evil...
Dr. Wily: Fellow OG Characters, stupid n00bs, veterans, mods and admins! I have come before you tonight to announce that I am your new leader! Tritoch, WEAPON and Shane are now but memories of the past! Ye shalt now submit to Alex Chiu, Don King and I! Fear Us! And now for a commercial break!
To be continued...
Fred In Bed
Dr. Wily: TeeHeheheheheee!
Bass: You should get that laugh checked. And why did you build me we this blaster arm if I'm absoloutly useless in this OG?
Dr. Wily: Quiet, mortal! (shoots Bass)
Bass: Ouch, that took off half my life bar! Jerk!
Dr. Wily: Sorry, but you ruined my moment! Now, I must force socks upon VGF. None can stop me.
???: I can.
Dr. Wily: No you can't.
???: Can too! I am WEAPON and I take over every board for some reason.
AstroMan: It can't be!
WEAPON: Well, it is, sorry.
Dr. Wily: Oh no! Well I use my new machine to turn you into a NEWB!
WEAPON: Oh, god.
Bass: Fire the "lazer"!
(WEAPON is hit, and starts using internet slang like nev3r s33N B4!)
WEAPON: OMFG R00x0rs j00!
AstroMan: Oh no! The machine is malfunctioning! The vasoline is becoming unstable!
Dr. Wily: Quickly! As an excuse to get out of here, we must appear on an episode of Oprah!
PlanetMan: I hate this so much.
Lemonjello
(Doctor Wily runs out of the exploding Revengeosoft Headquarters)
Dr. Wily: This OG is becoming unstable! I must use...the Plot Stabilizer Weapon System!
Dr. Wily summons the Plot Stabilizer Weapons System (P.S.W.S. for short) and begins to restabilize the plot.
???: Congratulations, Doctor. You've finally let me infiltrate this OG so I can complete my mission from Capcom...to kill you!
Dr. Wily: It's you...my old nemesis...Billy Anton Smithston from third grade! I hate you with every fiber of my being, you gutless *bleep*!
???: No! It's Mega Man! You remeber me, don't you?
Dr. Wily: Oh...yeah. You're that little girl that ran around killing my robots and spoiling my plans...right?
Mega Man: I'm not a girl!
Dr. Wily: But you sound like one.
Mega Man: I can't help it that Dr. Light never installed that puberty.exe program!
Dr. Wily: You sounnd like a little school girl! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Mega Man: Enough! RPG battle!
[Loading...]
RPG Battle!
Doctor Wily
HP 1/1
MP 0/0
Famous Hungarian Mucisian Points 664564/9999999
Mega Man
HP Gajillion/Wazillion
MP -253453/4
Crash Bandicoot OST Points 3/6375
Dr. Wily uses evil laugh!
Nothing happens!
Mega Man uses...nothing at all.
Five billion points damage on Dr. Wily!
[Insert Final Fantasy victory music here!]
End Battle!
Dr. Wily: I guess this is it...you *bleep*ing *bleep*!
Mega Man: Um, Doc, before you die, can you tell me who is censoring all of the curse words?
Dr. Wily: Doctor... (cough) Light. Kill that gutless *bleep* and avenge my death! You know what Capcom is planning to do! You can...access their company sever through the WilyQuest MMORPG prototype server in the Revengeosoft of Japan Headquarters in Sendai! Make haste Mega Man! Don't let Capcom manipulate good people like you into doing evil! Hurry!
Mega Man: But if I leave you...you'll die!
Dr. Wily: That isn't important now! I can still survive as data on the WilyQuest game!
Mega Man: Semper fi, Doc.
Dr. Wily: Godspeed, Mega Man.
Mega Man warps out to the Revengeosoft HQ in Sendai, Japan...
Mega Man: (Looks at a huge server labelled "l33t d34th s3r\/3r") This must be it. (Mega Man hooks himself up to the WilyQuest sever and jacks in to the WilyQuest world)
Girl's Voice: Mega Man!
Mega Man: Who are you?
Girl's Voice: Girl's Voice, a bitter RPG character filled with flaming hatred for everything, including you.
Mega Man: Ummm...
(Girl's Voice rips Mega Man into pieces with a rusty spork.)
Narrator: What will happen, now that Lemonjello has killed off Wily and Mega Man? The answer right after a brief messgae from our sponser.
Sponser: BUY UKRANIAN TOOTHPASTE!
Narrator: Doctor Wily was buried in shallow grave near the set of "Manos" The Hands of Fate by the two remaining Revengeosft employees, Bass and Balsa Wood Man. Girl's Voice single handedly infested every insternet server and blew them up. Though it really wasn't that big of a deal anyways, since a sizable chunk of the internet is people's sites called "mynekkidwebcam.pr0n." Although this did cause genocide what with all of the pr0n addicts finally being exposed to actual sunlight and their skin bursting into flames. The stock market crashed some years later, and Donald Trump is now the "Supreme King and Ruler of Earth for All Eternity Plus One." Lupus and Lemonjello were spotted in a French cafe in the year 2019 conversing on the cosmic death ray. Fred In Bed went on to rule his own small third world country in 2034. Capcom's evil plan was carried out, but it consisted only of throwing fruit at Japanese school children. Nintendo gave up video games, and went into the page-a-day calender business, which caused their downfall. Jon ******** moved on to to become the immortal ruler of the University of Colorado in 2012. Mario500 sold his novel The Romance of Miyamoto to Random House publishers, and he sold a record four billion copies in 2023. The deep south of the USA broke off the continent and seceded, but no one really cared. And they all lived happily ever after.
Director: Cut! Perfect! We're finnally done!
Twenty years later, in a used bookstore somewhere in New York City...
Clerk: I'll need to see some ID.
Old Poor Man: Here. (Hands the clerk his ID)
Clerk: You're...Doctor Wily?! From the famous movie Revengeosoft?!
Dr. Wily: Yeah.
Clerk: Then why are you dressed like a bum and buying books to eat because they're cheaper than food?
Dr. Wily: Because I starred in one too many B movie.
Clerk: Sad...here, take the books for free.
Dr. Wily: Thank you, kind sir.
(Suddenly, a Capcom Death squad bursts into the book store and handcuff Wily.)
Jean Cheratin: You've gone too far this time, Doc.
To be continued...
Fred In Bed
Wily: No! No! I'm innocent!
Toothpaste man: Aw... maybe we should let him go.
Person: Perhaps you are right. People make mistakes.
(The other Capcom Deat squad members start thinking that it'd be a wrongdoing as well. Suddenly, Wily hits the first one with the entire cast of "To kill a mockingbird movie", and then proceeds to the next guy, who is dumped in a pail full of water that is made of hydrogen and plastic, so isn't actually water. Wily deals with the other seven the same way, while they wait for him to kill them slowly and make no acts of retaliation)
Wily: There! Now Oh Henery cannot paste misosoup on my message board, WHF(WaffleHuntersFloat)!
Jean Cretian: There, there Wily. Wait, you mentioned Oh Henery!(tm) and you didn't have the Exclemation mark after it! You're going to be fired apon but the firing squad of fourteen trained, armed, heavily...
Wily: That doesn't sound good...
Jean Cretian: ...drunken platapuses.
Wily: Phew.
Jean Cretian: On toast.
Wily: No!!!
Jean Cretian: Fine, have it your way! But since I'm so mad at you, I've decided to go on a muderous rampage.
Wily: It could happen to anybody.
(Suddenly, Jean Cretian has an uber-cliche transformation scene and becomes a cliche gigantic menace of doom. Wily eats a sandwich, destroying the horrible monster)
Jean Cretian: Well, I'm sorry. I need a change in scenery. I'm a goin' over to The Pickleberry Grove.
Wily: That fool youngin. I need to start up my company again.
Bass: I have just the plan.
Wily: Hey! You're not supposed to be here yet! You haven't had any forshadowing.
PlanetMan: We've been searching for you for 453434344 seconds!
Wily: Ok, I forgive you. But you'll just have to redo it, otherwise I'll...
Bass: No!
Wily: Ok, ok, welcome to the team.
TO BE CONTINUED... A LA MODE!
Lemonjello
Bass: We musr reestablish our headquaters in Battle Creek, Michigan!
Wily: Did you bring the de-evolution guns?
Bass: Yes.
Wily: Excellent.
And to make a long story short, Wily regained his Doctor, rebuilt Revengeosoft HQ and made many games that sold no copies at all. But then something that would change video gaming as we know would happen at Doctor Wily's E3 booth that year...
Dr. Wily: Astro Man! Where are the booth babes?!
Astro Man: Well, sir...I looked in the woman's college dorms, the strip clubs, heck even the nurse school, but no one wasn't already being a booth babe or didn't want to degrade herself being one. But....
Dr. Wily: But what?!
Astro Man: I did find these transvestites. They look enough like booth babes.
Dr. Wily: You fool! *throws a Tennis For Eight console at Astro Man*
Astro Man: Now saving eterntiy ketchup sandwhich.
Dr. Wily: What's wrong with you?
Bass: Your throwing of that Tennis For Eight console permanantly damaged his main logic drive, thus rendering him capable of only spouting randomness.
Dr. Wily: (Long speech with liberal amounts of curse words CENSORED.) Now who are we going to get to give the presentation for Doctor Wily: Xtreme Bowling SKILLZ
Bass: You could always do it yourself.
Dr. Wily: And work? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHANo. Balsa Wood Man, come here!
Balsa Wood Man: Yes, sir?
Dr. Wily: You shall do the Revengeosoft E3 presentation!
To be continued...
Fred In Bed
Balsa Wood man: Excellent. I'd be happy to.
Dr. Wily: Look here, you must stop talking to that lamp! It's already mad at you!
Balsa Wood Man: Excellent. I'd be happy to.
Astroman: Do not forgive your carrot sprouts for what salt they have beaten over the donkey's steed!
Dr. Wily: Ahgh! This is a mess! If one more thing goes wrong then I may be finished and will have on a quest to go get THE SACRED BOOK OF VIDEO GAME MAMKING! (Cue angel music) Made by Will Smith(tm)
Bass: E3 has been upgraded to E45.32, making all of our crap obsolete.
Dr. Wily: Bah, humbug. Come, we shall go find it on our quest. Nnrgh, why didn't I program "SolveallofyourproblemsMan"?
Bass: Remember when...
Dr. Wily: Shutup. First, we must go to the valley of the smelled in a reupholstered way.
Bass: We're there.
Dr. Wily: I didn't think I programmed you to smoke that stuff. Let's go. To the "Car that doesn't go to the valley of the smelled in a reupholstered way even though you need to get there"!
Bass: We're here.
(Suddenly, they are there, but their car suddenly implodes from being used against it's purpose)
Dr. Wily: Oh no! We are hoplessly stranded in the middle of nowhere!
Bass: Let's go and get directions at that Mcdonalds. They're everywhere.
(Inside, a shadow lurks)
???: ****burgular, capture the intruders. The will make a Mcdonalds game... or they WON'T...
Lemonjello
(After about two hours of walking, our heroes come upon a McDonalds)
Dr. Wily: Hello, do you have directions to the next city?
Employee: We don't have directions.
Dr. Wily: Um, what about road maps?
Employee: We don't have directions. *the employee falls over, revealing he was just a cardboard standup with a tape recorder glued to the back*
Bass: What is this place?
(Suddenly, steel shutters close where the windows are.)
Astro Man: We're all gonna die!
Dr. Wily: Shut up.
???: How are you gentlemen?
Dr. Wily: Who are you?
???: *steps out of the shadows* There are some who call me...Tim. Um, I mean, I'm the Hamburglar.
Dr. Wily: Why have you trapped us inside a McDonald's?
Hamburglar: This isn't really a McDonald's...it the top of a cruise missle which has already taken off. In twenty hours, it will impact the Revengeosoft HQ! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Dr. Wily: But Hamburglar! I trusted you!
Hamburglar: My parents trusted the Taiyaki Gov-hey! I don't even know you. How can you trust me?
Dr. Wily: Um, well...I don't know. But why are you doing this?
Hamburglar: I'm doing this so Capcom can have McDonald's toys! Then I shall be payed fifty cents, two ruppees, five hundred yen and a taiyaki! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Bass: Don't you realize that you will also die when the cruise missle impacts?
Hamburglar: (Curse word censored)!!!
Dr. Wily: You'll never be the prince of Britain, you fool! *takes out a shotgun and blows off the Hamburglar's head*
Astro Man: You fool! He's the only one who knew how to stop this thing!
To be continued...
Fred In Bed
Bass: Wait, why don't we just press this huge button labeled "stop missle"?
Dr. Wily:... Um, because you know Harvard would reguritate pants made of nyquil if we did that.
Bass: Nope.
Ronald McDonald: Curses! You have passed my final trap! But I'd like to introduce you to the strongest of my gang. Grimace!
Grimace: I'd prefer to be called "G", dawg.
Dr. Wily: There's no hope! Wait, if I attached my sock to that lampost, and I... yes! WE can beat them!
Bass: We already beat them, and press the button.
Dr. Wily: Wait, gravity makes flying things fall, right?
Astroman: As long as the salted koala says "butter my toothpicks!"
Lemonjello
Dr. Wily: You fools! While I was watering my petunias, you have allowed the missle to come within five feet of the Revengeosoft HQ!
(The missles impacts the HQ, killing everyone within a ten mile radius.)
Dr. Wily: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Revengeosoft!
Astro Man: Wait a second...how are we still alive?
???: I saved you using the power of carbohydrates! For I am....BATMAN!!!
Dr. Wily: ...
Batman: There is no time to lose! You must take this sniper rifle and assasinate the president of Capcom, who is currently eating baklava in an Aremenian bakery in Sendai! Hurry! *Batman hands Dr. Wily a suitcase containing the sniper rifle and the keys to the Batmobile*
Dr. Wily: To the Batmobile! *Dr. Wily, Astro Man and Bass get inside the Batmobile and go to Sendai*
(Seven hours later, they arrive at the Armenian bakery in Sendai...)
Dr. Wily: Astroman. you make sure the Capcom president doesn't get away. Bass, you download MP3s off of the internet and I'll kill the Capcom president!
[Loading cut scene, please wait....loading done.]
Doctor Wily slowly walked up the stairs of the apartment building across the street from the bakery. After climbing to the third floor, he opened his brief case. Inside was a high powered sniper rifle and a 50x scope. Dr. Wily took the sniper rifle out of the case and got into position. He aimed for the Capcom president. Once his head was in his sights, he fired. A bullet whizzed through the air for a split second, then it pierced the Capcom president's head in a spray of crimson. The evil Capcom emporor was dead before we even knew what happened. The other patrons screamed in horror and ran for cover. Dr. Wily descended into the street where Bass and Astro Man were waiting for him in the Batmobile. Soon the entire Capcom HQ would be in complete dissarray. Now was his chance. Dr. Wily would seize power and turn Capcom into Revengeosoft. The Batmobile sped toward thr Capcom HQ at over 100 MPH. Once they arrived, Dr. Wily stepped out of the Batmobile and surveyed the HQ. It seemed abandoned. But then a school girl-ish voice stopped him. It was...
Dr. Wily: Mega Man!
Mega Man: I'm not letting you take over Capcom!
Dr. Wily took out a shotgun from the Batmobile, aimed, then landed a head shot at Mega Man. The Blue Bomber's head exploded with a shower of sparks. Dr. Wily kicked Mega Man's body over, then walked into the Capcom HQ. He motioned for Bass and Astro Man to follow him.