Pibb and Tennis Page 4

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Author: AaronGuy

Narrator A: H... hello? Is anyone in this OG?

Narrator B: STOP! Don't go near there! ~holds the first narrator back~

Narrator A: Why, what's wrong?

Narrator B: That OG is quarantined! It's an acute case of... EXTREME LAMENESS!

Narrator A: Extreme what?

Narrator B: See for yourself. ~holds out a pair of binoculars~

~gazing through the pair of binoculars, Narrator A sets his gaze on the craft hovering in the sky. In one of the rooms, a group of people appeared to be frozen in time. Among these people are Pilot Light and Argyle Socks, the two protagonists that have to live together in THE ODD COUPLE WEEKNIGHTS ON NICK AT NIGHT, as well as Desperdorado, the golden racketsmith. At the center of the ring of people are two incredibly lame-looking villians wearing fake wings and halos; Cupi-DAN and Valen-TONY, the un-holy-day Valentine villians.~

Narrator A: ~lowers the binoculars, his face pale~ My God.. those villians are... are...

Narrator B: Lame. So lame that they stopped anyone from posting in this OG. Aprils Fools day, even Easter passed, and no posts.

Narrator A: Well... what if we got rid of the villians AND made a brief mention of those two holidays? Would that work?

Narrator B: It's highly unlikely, but I'm getting tired of drinking title-less soda. Let's get to work!

~And so...~

Narrator A: Ready?

Narrator B: ~winding back the throwing arm of a catapault~ All set! FIRE!

~The catapault lanches two chocolate easter bunnies at the airship with deadly accuracy. They strike both Cupi-DAN and Valen-TONY in the head, waking them from their frozen sleep.

Cupi-DAN: Huh? What happened? Why is everyone frozen?

Valen-TONY: Who cares? Chocolate! ~picks up the chocolate bunny and takes a bite out of it~

Cupi-DAN: Oh, yum! ~does the same~ Hey, they're hollow. That's-

~a pair of boxing gloves fly out of the holes in each bunny, striking the villians in the face. On the front of each glove are the words 'EASTER FOOLS' in black magic marker.~

Cupi-DAN: Oof. That didn't hurt all that much.

~the boxing gloves burst open, firing custard pies that strike the valen-TINERs in the face~

Valen-TONY: And that was just messy.

Cupi-DAN: Wait... what's that ticking?

~The pies suddenly explode, throwing the villians high into the air and out of the airship. Unfortunately, there is now a very large hole in the ship, which begins to fall.~

Narrator A: We did it!

Narrator B: Uh, sort of... ~points to the ship~

Narrator A: Oh. Uh... Let's go check out the Fanventure. ~runs away~

Narrator B: Wait for me! ~runs as well~

~Eventually, the people on the ship come to~

Pilot: Ugh.. my head... Wait, what? You guys, wake up!

Argyle: ~yawns~ Geez, did I doze off? It feels like a month has passed.

Desperdorado: Maybe we all just felt kind of lame, and didn't do anything.

Dark: Ugh, that'd be terrible! The only thing lame people are good for are push down stairs! ...Hey, did the bomb go off?

Pilot: Well, I'm still holding it, so I guess not.

Dark: Then someone explain the large gaping hole in the airship.

Argyle: Wow, we must have REALLY been out of it if we missed THAT.

Depserdorado: Those three knight people don't seem to notice, though.

Knights: ~still trying to shake off the affects of the lameness~

Pilot: Then we need to find a way off the ship before they come to! Dark, you were on this ship longer than any of us. Where are the escape pods?

Dark: Didn't have any.

Pilot: Teleporters?

Dark: None.

Pilot: Parachutes?!

Dark: Nope.

Pilot: Fine, what DO you have?

Dark: A lifeboat.

Argyle: A LIFEBOAT? What good is a lifeboat when you're flying in the air?!

Dark: We spent all our budget on the weapons, okay? Look, it's our only shot, now let's go! Follow me!

~Dark leads the despaired Pibb-y Goers through the ship towards the back, where a large inflatable raft sits in the hanger~

Dark: Everyone, jump in!

Pilot: I have a bad feeling about this.

Dark: And... open hanger doors!

~the inflatable raft drops out of the airship, with it's four passengers hanging on for dear life. Dark then reaches for a rip cord, and yanks it. There is a hissing noise as the raft suddenly triples in size, and the descent slows considerably, as though a parachute had been opened~

Pilot: Whoa. That was lucky.

Argyle: Guess so. ~looks down at the ground~ Wonder where we will land?

Desperdorado: Hopefully on the water. It'll be a softer fall.

Dark: Well until then... who wants to play I Spy?

~Elsewhere~

TennisMaster: Huh? I feel... rejuvenated. As though a large concentration of lameness has been lifted. I don't know why, but I feel like I've been asleep for a month.

Nurse: You have been. You were in a Dune-Buggy induced coma for a long time.

TennisMaster: Who are you? Where am I? Why is my face so hot?

Nurse: To answer your questions in order; my name is Nurse Prynne, you're in the Nevada State Hospital, and you haven't shaved in a month so have a lot of facial hair.

TennisMaster: Oh. Ew. ...Wait, why am I in Nevada?

Prynne: Don't ask me, someone found you outside some casino passed out, penniless and with tire tracks on your back.

TennisMaster: Oh. I better go shave, then.

~WILL TENNIS MASTER GET HIS SHAVE? WHERE WILL THE LIFE RAFT LAND? AND WHAT HAS BECOME OF WEEKDAY? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON... TENNIS BALL Z!~

Author: Golem

Choose your own path! Tread lightly, dear readers, as the path you choose will ultimately decide the fate of Pilot, Argyle, Xena, and all of the others!

If you like the culinary arts, go to POST 1 (this post). If you are a person who is under the influence of shoes, go to POST 2. If you can't count past 3, go to POST 3. If you can't count past 3, try going the extra mile and going to POST 4.

You have chosen POST 1, youngbert! Get ready for an ending of PROPORTIONS!

~The life raft flies past TennisMaster's face, giving him a shave, and eventually the raft lands in a well-known body of water--the Arctic Ocean, which surrounds--~

Pilot: MEMPHIS DEAD AHEAD!

Argyle: Look out, sharks!

~A clan of black mage sharks is swimming rapidly towards Pilot and co.~

Desperdorado: Don't worry, I got this covered!

~Desperdorado jumps off of the raft onto a shark and opens up a panel on its back, then reprograms the shark to tell the other sharks to shut up and take his friends and him to Memphis. The other sharks rush back to Memphis as Pilot and the others jump on the reprogrammed shark.~

Desperdorado: Now, full speed ahead!

~As they rush to Memphis, the other sharks rush faster. The other sharks arrive first and start eating Memphis' shore. Then Desperdorado's shark arrives and Pilot jumps off as Memphis starts crumbling into the ocean.~

Argyle: PILOT, NO!!

Pilot: I HAVE TO! IT'S MY DESTINY!

~Pilot rushes inside the castle or whatever is there and finds the EVIL Tennis Jester.~

EVIL Tennis Jester: Hey Pilot. Turns out the EVIL Tennis King only stole the key that generated Soviet dictators, not the key that generated Mr. Pibb!

Pilot: @#$%!

EVIL Tennis Jester: Follow me, I think we can escape!

~They don't.

Outside, the others watch tensely. Memphis sinks into the Arctic Ocean.~

Argyle: Hey look, Memphis was obstructing our view of the Mr. Pibb plant just ahead of us, on the mainland in New South Wales.

~Desperdorado's shark charges forward, but the explosive Soviet dictators react with the water and, well, explode. It's actually not all that dramatic, though, since the blast just propels the shark onto the mainland near the Mr. Pibb plant.~

Shark: Finally! I'm on mainland! Now to become the EVIL Tennis Shark!

Argyle: THE END.

Weekday: Oh, hey guys. Where have you been? Pilot said he'd meet me by the shark on the mainland in New South Wales.

GOOD Tennis King: Hey guys! Turned out I was just a really heavy sleeper.

Argyle: WHAT?!

Desperdorado: No way!

~The GOOD Tennis King's secretary jumps up from behind the GOOD Tennis King as the King slumps down.~

GOOD Tennis King's secretary: Haha, gotcha. I was working the GOOD Tennis King like a puppet. He's still in a coma.

Argyle: Oh, hahahaha. Good one!

Author: Tylar

THIS IS CERTAINLY A POST 2 THAT WILL MAKE YOU SAY "HUH?" OR POSSIBLY "I'LL TAKE TWO"

~Well, it's about over folks. I've already recieved my final paycheck, so I'm going to take this time to talk about pop culture, instead~

Argyle: How'd we get in the Amazon rainforest?

Pilot: Soaring gas prices. That's my bet. OH LOOK THE FINAL BIT OF PLOT DEVELOPMENT! ~looks off to the horizon to see a convenient teleporter to Memphis. Did you guys watch American Idol the other night? Simon's totally trying to wave the audience towards that one guy by giving everybody else a bad review.~

Argyle: Great! Now we can get to Memphis and finally do what we've been meaning to do for ALL THESE PAGES!

Weekday:...

Pilot: Three's company, Weekday, but FOUR? Well four's just a crowd, and one of them will likely turn out to have herpes.

Argyle: Just get in the teleporter.

~They do, and suddenly the teleporter zaps them to another place. Is it Memphis? I'll build the tension right now by not answering my own question. Instead, I'll get my own narrator to talk while I play Solitaire. ~He plays Solitaire~~

Pilot: Here we are in the lovely land of Memphis. Home of Pibb, Tennis, and AUTO ZONE HQ!

EVIL Tennis King: Now I have you right where I want you! ~I hate it that Will and Grace is ending.~

Pilot: OW! What'd we ever do to you to make you so angry, anyways?

EVIL Tennis King: Well, you left your sandwich on my keyboard and got peanut butter all over it. Now the caps lock key gets stuck sometimes, especially when typing EVIL, ya see?

Pilot: Oh. Well, I'm sorry.

EVIL Tennis King: You're forgiven NOW DIE! ~Hi~

~Pilot and Argyle die and go to Heaven, which looks strangely like, oh wait, nevermind, they were knocked out and tossed in the local Wal*Mart parking lot~

Pilot: OH GOD WE'RE IN HEAVEN!

Argyle: Heaven has delicious slushies.

Desperdorado: WAIT I'M STI-

THE END

Author: Fred

Sorry, this is post 0011*. You've gone too far.

Unfortunately, our heroes fall down flat on their faces and die excrutiatingly painful deaths, where Tennismaster becomes the world's best knee marketer, EVIL Tennis King rules the world until he gets bored and loses his name in a terrible accident, and y=x-34. The end.

What? Not good enough? It's not going to sell? Well, then, SIT BACK AND RELAX actually there's no relaxing ON MY TIME GET PUMPED OH YEAHRE

nah just kidding

OR AM I HAHRAHERSRH

(The life raft, in fact stops them all in mid air, where they are caught by the claw of a huge tennis-playing spider robot. Unfortunately it has 9 arms and is repossesded BY A GHOST no actually it crumbles to ashes simply because)

Desporado (In simplified Chinese subtitles): Ime ȥɱº¦Ê²Ã´

Argyle: He's right!

Pilot: What's that, lassie? Argyle fall down in a well AGAIN?

Argyle: Don't you dare! I'm not dealing with that ON camera, too!

Dark: Wait, something may or may not be coming from the dust somehow perhaps I'm not really paying attention to the words coming out of my mouth but maybe one of you guys are I like cancer I have it in the sack oh yeah I also wish they made a Daitanaka II

(The smoke clears maybe perhaps but to build up tension it does it insultingly slowly and everyone doesn't know whether to go get a sandwich or keep watching but as soon as they try to it clears and reveals... JACKIE CHAN who takes off his mask to reveal proffesional Jackie Chan impersonator, TennisMaster!)

Pilot: DAYUMN, Scoobie, how were we supposed to guess that one?

Dark: Elementary, though perhaps less so Lithium and Einsteinium. WIND EARTH POWER SLEEP CARD CAPTORS OF THE CLOW...

Argyle: What do you want, now?

TennisMaster: You fools! Did you know that I have trained for exactly SIX seconds between our last meeting and this one?

Pilot: Yeah uh four on one this is going to be pretty hott RITE GUYS

Left guys: Hey you temperturist or somethin' buddy

buddy: U DONT KNOW ME

Dark: Yes, finally, it is time for me to unleash suffering upon the planet, bathe in the blood in millions of innocent ones, launch another hindenburg and then blow it up, and then bask in the flaming ruins of society though maybe I'll bring a parasol I don't want skin cancer

Everyone: ...

Dark: I mean I'd kill TennisMaster first.

Everyone: Oh, that's better.

TennisMaster: Wait, who are you?

Everyone: Why, I'm everyone. Everyone speaking at once is my name, representing what my name stands for is my game. I mean it used to be Zork II but I couldn't figure out where to go so I gave it away to charity.

TennisMaster: So, was Dark saying that stuff too? Like, "Oh, that's better"? Are we saying what you're explaning to me right now? So am I?

Everyone: Oh, for the love of. Forget the technicalities, do you want for there to be a typed explanation of exactly who's talking? YES! Oh.

Pilot: That was a weird experience. Okay, finish explaining yourself as if we cared.

TennisMaster: Really? Well as it turns ou-

Dark: No.

Pilot: Shh, I want to see if he's a good actor.

Dark: We're running out of film, man.

Argyle: You've broken more walls than can be counted on infinite calculators at an infinite speed for infinite time.

Dark: Are you sure you're not exaggerating, there?

Argyle:Yesno

Sword- I mean TennisMaster wait shit now this is going to be another name I've done this joke before a few times already god: Pennywise

TennisMaster: Okay, shutup. As it turns out... Hey, can I get a spotlight here on me while everything else goes dark?

Dark: EXCUSE ME SAH

TennisMaster: No, get your mind off of the curb or else I AM STOMPING IT. Okay, as it turns out as a young lad I was lazy. Really lazy. I realised that practice was necessary, but my will to not practice was so strong that whenever I practiced at all, my phenom skill made me ludicrously good in no time whatsoever, so I am the most talented person ever ever ever... EVER! AAJAJAJAJAERJARJ JAA HAA HAA also I am german and wear a cool helmet with a spike on it!

(The lights come on and everyone except Desporadororoeorosefsofejiojt I mean you know who I meant honestly it's not a name joke I just forgot is left there in CONFIDENCE because he's studied really hard honestly he feels READY no I'm tempted to make this a character for an instant but then the wiki would just crumble into dust)

Desporado: ×ó±ßÔÚÓұߴó¼ÒÔÚ•¿×ÓÀïµ½´ïÔÚÕ½¶•

TennisMaster: I'll hunt them down after I deal with you. They'd never guess Memphis is at the bottom of the earth. The World of Xeen you know what I mean? Urf, never mind. Prepare your puny self for a beating and basting of magnetised leg loss proportions though I'm not sure if it's exactly right I mean am I really this tall?

Desporado: ¶¯ÎïÔ°ÀÏ°å¶þ.

(The two suddenly fly upwards, up against an enormous wall, to a vertical tennis court, with TennisMaster above and Desporado below. TennisMaster unsheathes two tennis rackets, each with a Machine Launcher Tennis ball on it. He laughs as lightning strikes in the middle of the day in the Gobi desert, five thousand miles from where they are which Is somewhere in Nevada maybe no one really cares)

TennisMaster: I'm afraid, this is where you get off. I'm the bus driver kid I don't make the rules come on don't make this hard on me I've got a family to feed

(TennisMaster Swings the weapons menacingly, and JUST as he is about to strike a blow Desporado shoots him once in the head. His body is magnetically dead and still standing up. Unfortunately, Desporado can't get down without dying horribly at the moment so he's OUTTA DA RACE ooh I knew you would play the race card. Meanwhile, the three others descend a convienient staircase nearby to end up in HELL whoops that joke was already also used but a water-filled cavern of wonder with the water gym whoops that's pokemon okay It's a green-gem filled cavern with a crystal palace and moats made of pibb and angry looking lacross-guards)

Pilot: Let's go home I mean it's not too far

Argyle: Normally I'd agree so alright

Dark: Listen, if you don't come help me beat this guy I will rip you two into tiny shreads and eat you MYSELF now instead of later

Pilot: Well, I can argue with that logic, so I won't. LET'S DO THIS!

Argyle: NO!

Dark: Too bad!

Argyle: FINE!

(They stomp into the city and are easily beaten up and imprisoned)

Pilot: Wow, we suck.

Argyle: Okay, I can only do this once, because I swore off using my hands.

Pilot: No you didn't!

Argyle: Shutup, I need to pretend like I did so this actually works. I heard about it from a player's guide.

Dark: If it doesn't your soul is even more mine

Pilot: NO ONE CARES DARK

Dark: Gosh, Pilot, you don't actually need to be hurtful about it...

Everyone: YES HE DOES

Argyle: Now you've done it! Pilot, your capital letter yelling at dark has literally alarmed Everyone!

(Guards stumble into the room, but Dark pulls out a bazooka and eradicates every trace of their ever being)

Pilot: Were we... afraid of something a second ago that hasn't ever existed now?

Argyle: Yes. Dark, why didn't you use that outside?

Dark: Narrower corridors. Also now we are at the HEART of the operation.

Argyle: Not according to this chart, here. It's supposively the bladder. Plus we want to destroy the brain(s).

( As our heroes reach the next room, the door behind shuts)

Dark: Oh shit I forgot my glasses back there

Pilot: you don't...

Dark: Shut up.

Argyle: Kiss and make up.

Pilot: Well I guess opposites attract

(OBLIGATORY SEX SCENE PILOT X DARK ENDING wait a sec this post isn't made by SoaP stop it stop it stop IT.)

Argyle: Whatabout Weekday

Pilot: I love Weekdays. Though Saturday is the sweeetest day of all right, sugar?

sugar: I am another old joke GET THE POST OVER WITH YOU HAVE BEEN TYPING FOR LIKE AN HOUR CHIP

(A being that is entirely made of Tennis emerges in a goo, sprouting thousands of arms and tennis rackets)

Dark: I can handle this! Go on!

Argyle: No way! I can't risk taking my eyes of you with society not in tattered remains around anywhere near this universe!

Pilot: No way! I can't risk having this be exactly like a movie where everyone leaves one by one and then I actually have to face the last guy

Dark: But those finales are actually pretty awesome to watch and besides what the shrack is a tennis ball going to against a huge shracking blob Honestly are you stupid or something oh shit

(Dark is whipped into the air by a tentacle and tennis balls are blasted at him, but he deflects them all and cuts himself free with a combat-egg roll)

Pilot: Yes. Or at least, that's what my doctor diagnosed me with. Come to think of it, he was TennisMaster, too.

Argyle: Actually we can't afford to leave you here because the goo is actually guarding the only way out and I'm pretty sure we're too worthless to beat the last guy

Dark: You guys are such babies, here's an opening or something come back alive so that I can enslave you to build my intergalactic empire of suffering!

(Dark throws a grenade which clows a huge chunk from the beast. The hole begins to close again)

Pilot: THAT'S A PROMISE

Argyle: Stop doing that

(P & A get through that motherfuckin' ooze (secret of, the) where they come to the heart of the place)

Argyle: I KNEW we should have taken a left at alberquerqy

Pilot: Then why didn't we?

Argyle: Because we never found it. Well did you save the game?

Pilot: Duh. No.

Argyle: Oh, great, you can't even do that. Do you think you can at least turn this thing on, do you think you can do that if you can really try?

Pilot: What?

Argyle: PSYCHE!

(Soldiers surround them and they show off their cool new techniques by sitting down, folding their arms and crying into them. The soldiers come up to them and are about to attack when they hit them in the nads with tennis balls)

Pilot: That was easy.

???: WHAT IF YOUR OPPONENT HAS NO NADS

(An enormous woman of a gargantuan stature that is also humoungous and gigantic and titanic and pretty much is the definition of big or any of it's synonyms attempts to enter the room but is much too tall)

Argyle: Then I guess we don't really need to do anything

(Three ACTION PACKED cool puzzle rooms with perhaps the coolest fights of the series yet where Argyle and Pilot beat the shit out of everyone in the most amazing ways ever, you'd never see it coming later which I'm still tempted to write but this way is more dissapointing, they come to the brain)

the brain: The same thing we do every night, Arthur, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE NEIGHBOURHOOD?

Argyle: Wrong room

(five ACTION PACKED cool puzzle rooms with definitely the coolest fights of the series yet where Argyle and Pilot beat the shit out of everyone in the most amazing ways ever (even better than before), you'd never see it coming later which I'm still tempted to write but this way is more dissapointing, they come to the other brain)

EVIL Tennis King: So, you're just in time. You fools! You thought you could stop me from ruling all of Pibb?

Pilot: Not really sure

Argyle: Just kinda went and didn't know what to expect. I doubt so.

ETK: Before I grind your tired bodies from all those high budget cool fights into tiny bits of powder, I of course have to ask you to join me. If you join me, you will be co-rulers, and you will have money and power beyond your wildest dreams. Also, I will return Weekday.

Pilot: Weekwho?

Argyle: Actually, that sounds like a good offer.

Pilot: Traitor! I'd never join you in a million years I-

(Pilot is grinded into dust maybe DE_Dust but anyways he dies)

Argyle: Okay

(Dark also dies in his fight and Desporado starves to death so Argyle gets the girl and rules with ETK forever more honestly did they have a chance from the beginning are you stupid)

THE END

* Actually, in binary, that is Post 3. HAR HA