LaAoM Series 3
Ran from May 09, 2002 to September 06, 2003 (official end).
Soon to be the longest article on Wiki Goers.
| Series in The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - Dr. Wily - Lemony Fresh 1 - Lemony Fresh 2 |
Lemonjello
23 years later...
Miyamoto:Ruling the wolrd is getting really boring.
Met:Controlling your every thought is very entertaining! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Miyamoto:You're not supposed to come in till midway through.
Met:Oh yeah. *leaves*
Wozby:What we need is a restart.
Miyamoto:You fool! If we reset the OG...it could happen.
Jozby:What is it?
Miyamoto:The most horrible thing that could happen to us.
Daffy Duck:WOOHOO WOOHOO WOOHOO!!! *presses the reset button*
Miyamoto:NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
OG HAS BEEN RESET
OG Board Pictures presnts...a Nintendo Pictures Production.
The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto
Directed by Mario5000
Co-directed by Matthew Lesko
Randomness provided by Random House
Misc. other by Lupus the Turk
Janatorial work provided by Lemonjello Setzer
Miytamoto:CUT! This isn't how it's supposed to start!
Met:It is now! I have killed every OG writer and now I write this OG! Team Met, come forth!
Wr. Wily:The W rules us all!
Willy:I am the true inventor of video games!
Wats:How are you gentlemen?!
Guy:Your time hath come, Miyamoto-san!
Willy: You shall not defeat me and my loyal soldier, Sir Not Appearing In This OG!
Miyamoto: This calls for drastic measures. Team, it's now time for the over used Team Rocket Motto rip off!
Wozby:But the other members of the team are dead!
Miyamoto:This calls for desperate measures...
Met:And?
Miyamoto:I don't have any more secret weapons to use on you. *sob*
Met:There, there, Miyamoto. You can borrow one of my evil weapons of mass destruction.
Miyamoto:*sniff* Really?
Met:Yep. Now go into my evil airship and pick your weapon.
Miyamoto:Yay!
Wats:How are you gentlemen?!
Wozby:Fine.
Wats:That does not compute. System error. Emgage self destruct.
Met:NOOOOOOOO!!!
Wats:You have no chance to survive make your time.
Mario:Itsa me, Mario!
Luigi:How are you gentlmen?!
Wats:System error! Engage natural disasters! *tornadoes, floods and earthquakes happen for no reason*
Met:We're all gonna die! *everyone dies*
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Narrator:In the OG lab...
Lemonjello:What happen?
Lupus:Somebody set them up the bomb!
Narrator:So, with no characters at all, Lupus and Lemonjello died for no apparent reason.
Mario500:I'm the only one left. That means only one thing...THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO CAN BE SERIOUS!!!
To becontinued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto:My poetry reading for today shall be...an Ode to Cheese!!!
Mario500:AAAAAAAA!!! Too much cheese! I'm melting!
Lupus
Miyamoto: Now, time to settle down and start a real entertainment program. My poetry reading for today shall be...an Ode to Cheese!!!
Mario500: AAAAAAAA!!! Too much cheese! I'm melting!
*in the OG's Lab*
Lupus: Hehehehe. Writing this OG rules.
Mario500: Didn't you read Lemonjello's post? You're dead! I'm the only writer!
Lupus: Well, I guess I'll stop. Can I at least write what'll happen next episode?
Mario500: Ok, as long as its serious.
Lupus: Hehe, now's my chance!
NEXT TIME...
Miyamoto: Zaph Creation is my lover. My soul. I love brown sushi!
Wozby: You can feel the city breaking.
Nobuo Uematsu: I like cabbage trees. Smells like pinapple cots.
STAY TUNED!!
Mario500: LUPUS! HOW DARE YOU!
Masamune
Masa: Bwahaha! That LemonJello looked over me... as did everyone! Negligence pays... and soon
Mario500: YOU!
Masa: Crap!
Zaph Creation: GREETINGS.
Masa: Who is that!?
Miyamoto: Zaph Creation is my lover. My soul. I love brown sushi!
Wozby: You can feel the city breaking.
Nobuo Uematsu: I like cabbage trees. Smells like pinapple cots.
Mario500: NO! This isn't serious at all! This is a circus!
Wonzo the Wlown: YIPEE!
Mario500: *pounds reset button*
It was a normal summer day as Miyamato was in his backyard. He often enjoyed the fruitless labor of the litle spacemen and the hundreds of pikmin he saw walk around his garden. His cell phone rang.
"Miyamato-San!" The Cell phone rang, "It is an emergency! The Ghost of Yokoi has returned!"
Miyamato, wasting no time ran to his car and drove towards the Nintendo HQ.
NEXT TIME....
"I want Dialogue!" Lupus yelled angrily, "This is plain annoying!"
"No no! This is perfect" Mario 500 exclaimed in pure delight.
Wozby: Where do I come in now?
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
*Miyamoto's car falls into a plothole that leads to the Nintendo HQ*
Miyamoto:What happen?
"I want Dialogue!" Lupus yelled angrily, "This is plain annoying!"
"No no! This is perfect" Mario 500 exclaimed in pure delight.
Wozby: Where do I come in now?
Miyamoto:Why are two people arguing in the lobby?
Guy:I think they're arguing over the format the OG should be in.
Miyamoto:OG? Isn't this real life?
Wozby:Nay, Miyamoto-san! We are the figment of the foul rogues that write this banter!
Miyamoto:Then how come the writers are here? That only means that...
Narrator:Elsewhere...
Kefka:Now Miyamoto will strap a bomb to himself! Oh, how I love writing OGs!
Narrator:Back with Miyamoto...
Miyamoto:I have a bomb!
Wozby:Don't do it, Miyamoto! What about your wife and kids?
Miyamoto:I am not real, only a figment of Kefka's imagination!
Mario500:The OG's sructural integrity has been compromised due to our self-realizationn!
Lupus:Run away!
Wozby:Where's Lemonjello?
Lupus:Ummmm....
Narrator:At the OG writers lab...
Lemonjello:No soliciters!
Narrator:GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Foolish characters! I am the OG wirter I control evething!
Miyamoto:RPG Battle!
Narrator
HP Lesko/Turner
MP Hedgehog/Echidna
Miyamoto
Absolutely nothing
Narrator uses OG warp! Miyamoto is warped to a nonexistant OG!
Melchior:So..ye hath finally arrived to thy humble evil time warp dimension.
Miyamoto:What?
Melchoir:This is where all forgotten OG characters go to be tortured for all eternity. Make yourself at home.
Miyamoto:I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!
Wiyamoto:There is no escape for ye, Sir Miyamoto of Banalot.
RPG Battle!
Miyamoto
HP 4432/56789
MP None
Wiyamoto
CHEEEEESE!!!
Wiyamoto uses old english! No effect!
Miyamoto summons a piece of wood! Kills Wiyamoto!
Wiyamoto:Time warp! *Gate opens up* I shall see you in the Egg Kingdom!
Melchoir:NOOOO!!! *jumps into the time portal*
Miyamoto:Boing! *jumps into the time portal*
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto:So this is the OG lab?
Met:Yes...now join me, Miyamoto, and we shall be masters of the OG!
Miyamoto:Yes! Destroy all of the OG writers!
Masamune
~BIG SCROLLING TEXT APPEARS...~
THE L&A OF MIYAMATO
EPISODE XXXVIII
THE OG IS UTTER CHAOS AS REBEL WRITERS
FLEE TO ESCAPE THE ONCE CONTROLLABLE
MIYAMATO-SAN. NOW ARMED WITH THE POWERS
OF A MOD, A SOLE SHIP FULL OF WRITERS
FLIES OFF TO ANOTHER PART OF THE GALAXY
WITH THE ONLY CHANCE FOR HELP....
~screens pans to a pink eraser-shaped ship being shot at by a big block of cheese~
~INSIDE SHIP...~
Jay2R3: *beeps*
K-0RL: Yes, yes! I know the OG Board is being destroyed, but what are WE to do!?
J2R3: Beep beep... *turns into a room*
K-0RL: Jay! Where are you going!? Don't leave me! *trots after him*
~K-0RL then finds Prince Shaneia, complete with the bum haircut, giving a message to J2R3~
K-0RL: What was that?
J2R3: Beep...
K-0RL: The princess!? *more beeping* Wait! You know we aren't allowed on the escape pod! Wait, wait for me!
~LATER...~
Miyamato: I'm just not cut out for the life of a OG-Farmer here on Mariooine... If only I knew who the real controllers were...
~MUCH MUCH MUCH LATER...~
~Miyamato runs into the room where Man Wozby was frozen in Carbonite~
Miyamoto: So this is the OG lab?
Met: Yes...now join me, Miyamoto, and we shall be masters of the OG!
Miyamoto: Yes! Destroy all of the OG writers!
~MEANWHILE~
Lupus, LemonJello, Mario500, Masa, J2D3, K-0RL, and others: I've got a bad feeling about this.
~NEXT TIME....~
Masa: Captain! We've entered a Plot Hole!
Mario500: PULL OUT!
Lupus: Aye sir...
LemonJello: We cannot escape, we have over-crossovered and parodied...
Lupus: Blast your Vulcan Logic!
~STAY TUNED!~
Lemonjello
*a huge plot hole appears*
Masa: Captain! We've entered a Plot Hole!
Mario500: PULL OUT!
Lupus: Aye sir...
LemonJello: We cannot escape, we have over-crossovered and parodied...
Lupus: Blast your Vulcan Logic!
Lemonjello:According to the Life and Adventures databanks, this is where all plot holes merge together in an attempt to summon an ancient beast known as...Shanehamut, king of the Admins.
Mario500:THE CONTROLS AREN'T RESPONDING! WE'RE GOING IN!
K-ORL:We're doomed!
J2R3:Beep!
Lupus:Prepare for impact in...5...4 *they ship crashes* Ack! Thes cript said that we would crash after I counted to five!
???:That is because you are at the End of OGs, the place where all of the stuff from this messed up plot go when they die. I know this, for I am...Whane, Miyamoto's ultimate evil robot clone! I have the powers of all the Admins!
Mario500:Miyamoto dosen't have the power to create Whane, only I have that sort of cheesy power!
Whane:Silence, uncheesy ones! Forgotten OG characters, arise!
Wega Wan:You have no chance...
Kefka:...make your time.
Lupus:What you say?
Wiyamoto:You are on the way to destruction! Plot Hole open! *a huge plot hole opens*
Whane:Gwahahahaha! *bright flash of light*
Narrator:Where am I? Who am I? And now back to the OG...
Miyamoto:Wozby, intiate the reanimation sequence.
Wozby:Which one should we awaken first?
Miyamoto:Lupus...because my hororscope told me to.
Wozby:Reanimation complete.
Lupus:All your base are belong to...malfunction. Please consult troubleshooting manual.
Miyamoto:So Whane did have more adverse effects on them than I thought. Wozby, awaken the others while I get Histroy of Whane DVD.
Narrator:34 minutes and twelve seconds later...
Miyamoto:How are you gentlemen?
Lemonjello:I own all of your base! Don't try to take it you soliciter!
Miyamoto:Main screen turn on. *turns on* What you are about to see is the history of my ultimate creation, Artificial Administratives Life Form #0001, codename:Whane.
Narrator:Movie begin.
In the year 2035...Spam was beginning.
tritoch:Mr Miyamoto, I need you to use Shane Sacobie's corpse to make a new robot to deal with the increasing threat of Spam. He needs to be called...Whane Wacobie. I'll give you a custom rank and $646,565,653,535.06 to complete him. And I need him in the next six months.
Miyamoto:Agreed.
5 months later, during the testing period...
Whane:You_are_inferior. You pathtic humans require...*power outage occurs, DVD player stops*
Gaspar:This plotline has gone on too long! Plot line change!
Miyamoto has begun his day with Folger's cofee, the olny thing you should drink in the morning, lest you incur the wrath of th Folgers Mafia. But anyways...
Miyamoto:Wozby...I had a vision that told I must create an entity known as Celda, which lead to my own extremely painful downfall.
Wozby:*yawn*
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto:Question #1, why you exist?
Celda:I exist only to destroy the Legend of Zelda franchise.
Miyamoto:Correct!
Lupus
Miyamoto: WOZBY! GIVE ME MY CUP OF TEA!
Wozby: Yes sir.
Miyamoto: How is the Celda operation going along?
Wozby: We're currently in Stage Bli-NK 1.82. Should be finished... probably at Stage SuMM 41.
Miyamoto: Which is...?
Wozby: Two seconds from now.
*Two seconds later, Bob Dole steps out of the Celshademachine*
Celda: Hiya! I'm a game that is represented by Bob Dole.
Miyamoto: I am about to ask you a series of questions which will ultimately lead to you getting fired. Ready?
Celda: Fire.
Miyamoto: Question #1, why you exist?
Celda: I exist only to destroy the Legend of Zelda franchise.
Miyamoto: Correct! Now, Question #2, who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Celda: That was you.
Miyamoto: *sweatdrop* Uh, yeah. Anyway, it's time to... PLAY DUCK HUNT!
*Suddenly Nintendo HQ fades away, revealing a huge swirling abyss*
Gaspar: I am going to go insane if don't encounter another human being soon.
???: I am another human being, Gaspar.
Gaspar: Who are you?
???: I am simply known as ???.
Gaspar: Why are you here and what do you want?
???: I am here to offer you an oppurtunity:fufill your destiny and join Lemony Fresh Cleaning Co. and become my right hand man!
Gaspar: I guess so. It's better than doing nothing in here.
???: Then come with me to 2001 AD! *jumps in a time portal*
Gaspar: Okay.*jumps in a time portal*
Narrator: In the year 2001 *A huge lemon explodes* war was beginning. But that does not concern us, as this is the tale of Lemony Fresh...
Gaspar: Impressive facilities. But I have one last question that will determine whether or not I work here...is there a small, weak monkey boy that I can boss around?
???: Yes! You're hired! As an employee of this company, I can now tell you my real name...LUIGI!!!
Gaspar: Luigi? Aren't you busy saving the Mushroom Kingdom and stopping Toad's assasination attempts?
Luigi: I am doing this for...revenge.
Gaspar: Why?
Luigi: Lemony Fresh cleaning products are really a way of gathering income so I can build my Lemony Ray to utterly destroy the Mushroom Kingdom. Then Sarsaland, which I rule after forcing Daisy to abdictate, will rule all of the Mushroom World!
Gaspar: So you're asking me to dragged down your path of senseless of destruction of your vendetta against a few individuals?
Luigi: Well...ummmm...yes.
Gaspar: I'm in!
Narrator: And so Gaspar and Luigi worked hard for weeks until a mysterious stranger arrived early Monday morning...
Miyamoto: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
Gaspar: Miyamoto-san, I have been sent here through billions of miles of space to your petty little mind, to give you one thing. One thing that may change the future of the Earth as I, not you, know it. It holds the power to everything.
Miyamoto: ...what is it?
Gaspar: The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Series 3 Special Edition DVD.
Miyamoto: I have no DVD player.
Luigi: You shalt find thou DVD player in the place where the moon and the sun cross, where to two rivers of god are met.
Miyamoto: So Chadstone shopping center, right?
Luigi: Correct, Miyamoto-san. Now, be off!
NEXT TIME
Miyamoto: Oh no! They've been revived!
Shanehumut: Bwahahah!
Tritoch: Grrr!!
Wepviathan: Heheheheh!!
Shanehumut, Tritoch and Wepviathan: AMAZING TRANSFOR ATTACK!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Lemonjello
Menawhile, in the Shrine of the Three, directly under Chadstone shopping center...
Guy:Oh great Shanehamut, Tritoch, and Wepviathan, I offer you this great sacrifice to revive your long dormant powers of ancient days...Livazio donatio adminlazo spamarkonranki avatatret...Admins of the of next relam beyond our planet, awaken!
Shanhamut:Why hath ye awakened us from our eternal slumber?
Guy:I was...ummmm, Shigeru Miyamoto spammed the Dreamboxcubestationcast 2 Forum! You muust ban him!
Wepviathan:I like banning people for no reason.
Tritoch:This board will be dead in a week.
Menawhile, with Miyamoto...
Quina:DVD player good eat. I no eat Miyamoto DVD playerfor it have *Quina teleports to Mars*
Miyamoto:Ummm...I'll just take it home now. *walks out of store to see Shanehamut,Tritoch, and Wepviathan*
Miyamoto: Oh no! They've been revived!
Shanehumut: Bwahahah!
Tritoch: Grrr!!
Wepviathan: Heheheheh!!
Shanehumut, Tritoch and Wepviathan: AMAZING TRANSFOR ATTACK!! *they transgorm into Adminxander*
Adminxander:BAN THEM ALL*shoots a laser beam at Miyamoto, who dies*
Wozby:I summon the Eidolon, Al! *Al kicks Adminxander, then dies*
Adminxander:I MUST COMPLETE THE MISSION OF THE GREAT GOOFBIRD!!!!!!!111
Wozby:Worst. episode. ever.
Menawhile, with the ghost of Miyamoto...
Quasimodo:Welcome to the home of the deceased great ones of video games, VGF.
Miyamoto:VGF?
Qausimodo:Vincent's Game Freaks.
Miyamoto:Why did this Vincent send me here?
Qausimodo:To extract your power.
Miyamoto:Why?
Quasimodo:So he can summon Alberto san Valencia, the immortal tennis ball.
Miyamoto:Never! RPG Battle!
Quasimodo casts flare!
Miyamoto dies.
Game over.
*the camera zooms out to show 6 kids playing The Life and Adventures video game in the Nintendo Game Testing Facility*
Kid1:This is crap!
Miyamoto:Noooo! Now I will never show the world my master creation...
Man:Based on the opinion of one person?
Miyamoto:*sob*...yes...
Wozby:Nintendo is doomed now. Seeing as our coin op home console failed, The Japanese Video Game Mafia will kill all of us in our sleep.
Miyamoto:Then we have only one option...
Wozby:Contact the authorites and seek justice?
Miyamoto:Drink 5345 cups of cofee so we will never havee to sleep again?
Shanehamut:I think not.
Man:How did you get here?
Shanehamut:The elevator.
Man:Oh, yeah.
Shanhamut:Tritoch, show them the future of VGF!
Tritoch:<gwok gwok> *uses his magic to show them the vision of the future*
In the vision of the future...
Shane:In addition to the 3467% increase in the weekly donation, the last free nation caved in and surrendered.
Cid:Sir, the people's spririts have completly broken. You have complete control, except...
Shane:Except?
Cid:A small resistance group only known as the WVALANCHE. I have a list of the members...Shigeru Miyamoto, Will Wozby, Will Jozby, Homer Simpson, Lemonjello Setzer, Lupus the Turk, and Man.
Shane:Did you say...Man?
Cid:Yes sir.
Shane:My old rival from the early days of VGF...
Cid:Your old rival?
Shane:We were competing to rule the world through creating video game froums...I won, but Man swore revenge.
Cid:Should I send out the Admins?
Shane:Yes...kill all of them except Man. Bring him to me.
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto:Man, who are the real Admins contolling Tritoch, Shanehamut, and Wepviathan?
Man:Mario, Melchior, and Quina.
Masamune
Miyamato: I must find someone to helpp us.
Wozby: Good idea.
Miyamato: But how?
Jozby: Call Cleo!
01:35, 8 April 2007 (MDT)~
*RING*
Cleo: Hello there! I can see you have called for help!
Miyamato: *puts hand over phone* She is GOOD!
Jozby: Ask her!
Miyamato: I need you to-
Cleo: The cars here are telling me your girlfriend is cheating on you.
Miyamato: *gasp* I should have known!
Cleo: But I see trouble brewing over here...
Miyamato: Yes! Yes! We are wanted for our Coin-Op console!
Wozby: *grabs phone* Listen chubby. We need help agaisn the admins. Who do we call.
Cleo: Man... *under breath* These guys are jerks...!
Miyamato: Man! She knew it! I knew she would know it!
Wozby and Jozby: ..........
01:35, 8 April 2007 (MDT)01:35, 8 April 2007 (MDT)01:35, 8 April 2007 (MDT)01:35, 8 April 2007 (MDT)
~After a long, 20+ hour adventure including several sidequests and bosses (Which are all featured in Paper Miyamato) go by as they finally meet Man~
Man: Why have you come?
Miyamato: To stop the admins!
Man: They are merely shells of the TRUE admins...
Miyamoto: Man, who are the real Admins contolling Tritoch, Shanehamut, and Wepviathan?
Man: Mario, Melchior, and Quina.
Miyamato: NO! That can't be true!
Wozby: Why not?
Miyamato: *narrows eyebrows* All of them have to do with Square....
Man: So you found out, eh? *turns into a giant Square* I have lived long for... THE WORLD TO BE SQUARE!
Miyamato: Never! The world is meant to be flat!
Jozby: Psst... Round
Miyamato: RIGHT!
NEXT TIME ON L&A
Miyamato: Mario... you were never Italian?
Mario: It'sa true...
Miyamato: WHY!?
Mario: I will-a make it square... and every other country after!
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
*man takes off his mask to reveal....*
Mario:Itsa me, Mario!
Wozby:Stop the Italian accent. You were never italian.
Miyamato: Mario... you were never Italian?
Mario: It'sa true...
Miyamato: WHY!?
Mario: I will-a make it square... and every other country after!
*Mario Segali appears for little or no reason*
Segali:Itsa me! Mario!
Mario:No! Ima Mario!
Miyamoto:???
Wozby:Mario got his name from Mario Segali, the guy who owned one Ninty's warehouses. That is all.
Segali:Wa! Ha! Woohoo! *kicks Mario*
Mario:Wahahahaha!
Segali:How are you gentlemen?
Miyamoto:Fine...I guess.
Segali:All your Miyamoto are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time.
Miyamoto:Sporkio, I summon you!
Sporkio:Itsa me! Sporkio!
Miyamoto:Kill Segali and Mario!
Sprokio:Itsa me! *kills them*
Phone:Ring.
Miyamoto:*picks up phone* Hello?
Man:*on phone* Hello? Is this W Busters HQ? There is a Wario Wegali stealing my sporks.
Miyamoto:Wrong number. *hangs up*
Cid:IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS!!! AAAAAAARGGGGGHHHH!!!
SUPER CID PLOT CHANGE O RAMA!!!!!111
*the world is unbalaced by Cid's attack*
Narrator:On that day the world changed forever.
Cid:Miyamoto? You finally woke up after all these years!
Miyamoto:What you say?
Cid:Catch me lot o fish. No bad fish either.
Miyamoto:I am very confused.
Ad man:Then take a trip to Sim City! Gwahahahaha!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Lemonjello:Gentlemen...I'm afraid that Life and Adventures is now an illegal substance in Guam, Japan, and Russia.
Lupus:We must take action now! Call the men in steepled hats!
Slife
Ad man: and we will include a complmentary pair of steak knives fre-- Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! :Ad man falls into a chemestry set, which explodes
Narrator: Thus the powerpuff girls were turned into rabid chipmunks.
:Someone changes the channel to TLaAoM:
Lemonjello:Gentlemen...I'm afraid that Life and Adventures is now an illegal substance in Guam, Japa n, and Russia.
Lupus: We must take action now! Call the men in steepled hats!
Random messenger: But if we do that we'll run out of orange gravy!
Next time on TLaAoM:
???: But sire, the wolverines are revolting!!
Shane: So what, they always have been.
:The gong of bad puns appears:
TGoBP: YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME?????
Lemonjello
Meanwhile, on planet Steve...
Shane:Bring me a hamburger!
???: But sire, the wolverines are revolting!!
Shane: So what, they always have been.
:The gong of bad puns appears:
TGoBP: YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME?????
Shane:No, for I am really *Shane takes off his mask to reveal...*
Al:Albert van Gore! ph34r m3 with gr3at p34r!
Met:Honey, I'm home!
Al:Vaat? j00 again? I told j00 to go t0 Arg3ntina!
Met:I've seen past your thin veiled plot...SHIGERU "STEVE" MIYAMOTO!!!
Al:I admit, I really am Shigeru Miyamoto. But I must rule the gaming world by sundwon no matter what. And that is that. Come silver dragon, let us go watch the events unfold from my palace in Kyoto. Mwahahahahaha...
Meanwhile, in Bil Gates' evil palace...
Bill:What? Mini-Gates, is that a laser wielding Tiger Woods killing my janitor?
Mini-Gates:Yep.
Bill:Fire the "laser!"
Austin Powers:Yeah baby, yeah!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto:You fools!
Austin:Yeah baby, yeah!
Yamuchi:Rotate the "laser" 456 degrees!
Lupus
*Seventy years later*
Miyamoto: Well, Yamauchi, I look back at those funny old days and I sigh. How much fun did we have back then?
Yamauchi: A lot, Shigeru, a lot.
Austin Powers: I had a smashing time too baby.
THIS PROGRAM IS RATED R
IT CONTAINS
VERY FREQUENT FLASHBACK SCENES
Yamauchi: Those were the days.
*Blurryness*
Bill: What? Mini-Gates, is that a laser wielding Tiger Woods killing my janitor?
Mini-Gates: Yep.
Bill: Fire the "laser!"
Austin Powers: Yeah baby, yeah!
Bill: I'm really gonna do it! I swear!!
Miyamoto: You fools!
Austin: Yeah baby, yeah!
Yamuchi: Rotate the "laser" 456 degrees!
Funny Man In Chicken Suit: Rotate the "laser" 1080 degrees!
Bill: What the hell is going on here!?
*End blurryness*
Miyamoto: Why are flashback scenes so boring?
Yamauchi: Well, you already know what is going to happen, don't you? Not entertaining after you've already "played" it.
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO:
*Suddenly Dr Wily appears*
Miyamoto: It's... Dr Wily!
*Dr Wily disappears*
Miyamoto: Oh, sorry, just a Dr Wily mirage.
Lemonjello
Miyamoto:Yamauchi, we mst make a new revolutionary game to destroy Bill Gates!
Yamauchi:We could always use "that" game idea.
Miyamoto:You "THAT" game idea?
Yamauchi:Yes.
Met:What is "THAT" game idea?
Miyamoto:The beta version of Animal Crossing...Super Animal Sex Blood Gore Pornographic Beastiality Pervert SEXSEXSEX Crossing.
Met:Why was it scrapped, Shiggy-san?
Miyamoto:Because we used sprites instead of polygons.
Met:This calls for...the next season of the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto.
Miyamoto:Yes...yes it does.
Narrator:Stay tuned for the exciting season primere of THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO!
[start commercial break]
Willy Higinbotham:Do you want state of the art video games? Then search no further, for I bring the new Neo Higinbotham 67! With 67 bits of power! But don't take my word for it, let's see what kids like you have to say!
Kids:This is ****!!!
Willy:They love it! Now to buy the Neo Higinbotham 67, send a check or money order of $124,563,900 rubles to 45555 Willy Street, Idiotville, Ohio!
[end commercial break]
Narrator:So, Miyamoto, Met, Wozby, and Jozby set out across the large expanse of post apocolyptic rubble known as Tokyo...
Wozby:Will this living hell known as an OG ever end?
Miyamoto:Only if we kill Lemonjello and Lupus.
Met:We shall do that then.
Jozby:Then we must go to the OG HQ, Guam.
*Suddenly Dr Wily appears*
Miyamoto: It's... Dr Wily!
*Dr Wily disappears*
Miyamoto: Oh, sorry, just a Dr Wily mirage.
*Woctor Wily appears*
Wily:Gwahahahaha! With my new and improved Robot master, [name] Man, you shall all [die]!
[Name] Man:Ziiiiiiiiiigggg.
Met: [on no]!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Muchkins:Follow the yellow brick road!
Miyamoto:All there is is a large ighway.
Yamachi:*takes off his mask to reveal....*
Lupus
[Name] Man: You fools! I will kill you all and take over Higinbotham factories Ohio!
Willy: But thats my house!
[Name] Man: Silence! It is mine now! Make way for the "Laser"!
Some guy: Uh, sir, the laser is checked in for a service.
[Name] Man: You're joking, right? So I'll just have to shoot them?
Some guy: Uh, your conveniently placed handgun is also in for... uh, service.
[Name] Man: I'll kill you, Some guy! *runs at Some guy*
Some guy: No! I have a family to feed with my daily pay of 2c! *runs away*
Wily: Oh no! My plan was a failure! What to do, what to do?
Muchkins: Follow the yellow brick road!
Miyamoto: All there is is a large highway.
Yamachi: *takes off his mask to reveal... YAMAUCHI!*
Miyamoto: Woah, that kept me in suspence.
WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM TO GIVE YOU AN APPORTANT COMMUNITY ANNOUNCEMENT
Be sure to check in any conveniently placed weapons or huge destructive earth killing "lasers" into the Brighton Monitor Checks, 3 Grain Road Brighton. Thank you.
WE INTERUPT THIS IMPORTANT COMMUNITY ANNOUNCEMENT TO GIVE YOU A CRAPPY AND PLOTHOLE RIDDEN OG
Miyamoto: What do we do now?
Yamauchi: There is only one thing to do. SELL RAREWARE TO THE ENEMY!
Miyamoto: Good idea.
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Miyamoto: I'm sorry, but we'll have to let you go.
Chris Stamper: To Microsoft?
Miyamoto: Yes.
Chris Stamper: Do I go right away?
Miyamoto: Yes.
Chris Stamper: Forever and ever?
Miyamoto: Yes.
Chris Stamper: Do I get to keep the rights to Donkey Kong?
Miyamoto: Yes... I mean no. D'oh!
Lemonjello
Narrator:23 hours later at evil Rareware corporate tower...
Rare guy:You can't sell us! You don't even own us!
Miyamoto:Nintendo accquired Rare while you were really, really, really drunk. *shows business type papers to Rare guy*
Rare guy:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'll never go to the dark swyde! *runs out into busy traffic* *dies*
Wozby:To Chris Stamper's evil office!
Narrator:Several coffee breaks later...
Miyamoto: I'm sorry, but we'll have to let you go.
Chris Stamper: To Microsoft?
Miyamoto: Yes.
Chris Stamper: Do I go right away?
Miyamoto: Yes.
Chris Stamper: Forever and ever?
Miyamoto: Yes.
Chris Stamper: Do I get to keep the rights to Donkey Kong?
Miyamoto: Yes... I mean no. D'oh!
Chris Stamper:Yes, sir. I'll be a good evil corporate president while you're gone.
Miyamoto:Good. *blows up wall and floats away on umbrella*
Chris Stamper:There goes one first class freak.
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto:Bill Gates...I AM your father!
Gates:NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *jumps off of Cloud City*
Wozby:But...you aren't his father.
Miyamoto:But I've always wanted to send a man to his doom by making him jump off a Tibenna gas mining station...is that too much to ask?!
Lupus
*Miyamoto floats to far into the air, slams into a brick wall and falls to the concrete ground in Bespin*
Miyamoto: Wozby! Where are my safe, cushy pillows?
Wozby: Sorry sir. *puts pillows over Miyamoto*
Miyamoto: YOU FOOL! You're fired! Go work for Bill Gates!
Wozby: Yes sir.
Bill Gates: Bad move, Miyamoto! *Miyamoto turns to see Bill Gates holding Chris Stamper's and Joanna Dark's heads in his hands* BWAHAHAHA!!
Miyamoto: You... you... head of Microsoft Corperation!
Bill Gates: So true. Now you shall die, just like your friends here! Mwahahahaha!! *throws Chris Stamper's head at Miyamoto, pushing him out a glass wall right behind him. Miyamoto lands on a platform, getting a wedgie, and Bill Gates follows*
Bill Gates: Let us fight! One on two!
Miyamoto: Not fair!
Bill Gates: Wozby! Lets go!
Wozby: Yes sir!
*Bill Gates and Wozby draw their lightsabers. Bill tries to turn his on*
Bill Gates: I thought I told you to change the battery pack Wozby!
Wozby: But I used the last AAA on the Cheesemirator like you asked!
Bill Gates: YOU'RE FIRED!
Wozby: Damn. Fired twice in one day.
Bill Gates: And now... we use ridiculously cheesy lines. Miyamoto, I am your son.
Miyamoto: Bill Gates... I AM your father!
Gates: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *jumps off of Cloud City*
Wozby:But...you aren't his father.
Miyamoto: But I've always wanted to send a man to his doom by making him jump off a Tibenna gas mining station... is that too much to ask?! Now, hand over that lightsaber.
Wozby: No can do. I no longer work for you.
Miyamoto: You're hired. Hand it over.
Wozby: Yes sir *hands it over*
Miyamoto: You're fired. JOZBY! COSBY! Eliminate the pest. *Miyamoto points at Wozby*
*Jozby and Cosby appear wearing hockey masks and holding chainsaws*
Wozby: HOLY CRAP!!
Jozby: Sorry we're late, Sir Miyamoto. We just got back from playing Ice Hockey for the Seals and shaping ice sculptures with these revving chainsaws. What did you want us to do?
Miyamoto: Eliminate the pest here. *points again at Wozby*
Jozby and Cosby: Yessir!
*They run behind Wozby to where a rat is running about. They trap it and throw it off the side of the city.*
Jozby and Cosby: Job well done, Sir!
Miyamoto: Good work. Now, Wozby, how about you come and have some tea and a "chat" with us in my secret trap-ridden lair?
Wozby: *gulp*
NEXT TIME IN LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Wozby: No swinging axe? No soldiers barraging at me?
Miyamoto: No, I told you exactly what is going on. We're just having a cup of tea and a chat. Want an Oreo?
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
Narrator 2 hours, 12 mminutes, and 56 seconds later...
Miyamoto:Welcome to my underground lair!
Wozby:Um...yeah.
Miyamoto:Now we shall go into the "laser" room to have a cup of tea and a chat. Muawahahahahahaha! *walks into the elvator with Wozby*
*elevator reaches the "laser" room*
Miyamoto:Welcome to my underground tea party! Muawahahahahaha!
Wozby: No swinging axe? No soldiers barraging at me?
Miyamoto: No, I told you exactly what is going on. We're just having a cup of tea and a chat. Want an Oreo?
Wozby:Sure. *eats Oreo*
Miyamoto:So, how's it been going these days, Wozby?
Wozby:Well, ever since you created me for no real reason, I've had alot of issues about what my real prpose is and stuff.
Miyamoto:Well, could I sign you on as my evil henchman for another year?
Wozby:Sure.
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto:More tea?
Wozby:Please.
Lupus
Miyamoto: More tea?
Wozby: Please.
Miyamoto: Very well. Your first job as my new Head of Evilness Guy is to kill Bill Gates.
Wozby: But didn't he die when he fell off that gas station?
Miyamoto: Have you never seen The Empire Strikes Back? He was rescued by a plate shaped aircraft and taken to a hospital carrier!
Wozby: I forgot.
Miyamoto: How moronic of you, Wozby. You will go, now. I have something of importance to attend to.
*Cuts to scene in the middle of the forest*
Miyamoto: *sniff* I'm so sorry Cosbychu! I have to let you go!
Cosbychu: Cosby, cosbychu!!
Miyamoto: No! It's too late!! *runs off into the forest, crying. Starts cutting to various angles and situations of Cosbychu, and a loud booming sound is played over the top*
Voice: He was just a man
A man with a goal
A goal to make his own showwww!!
But then came a day
When he got his wish
And now there's-
Miyamoto: CUT! CUT IT!! That theme song hasn't been used since Series 1 Page 2 Episode 2! Why are you using it now?
Voice: It suited the emotion.
Cosbychu: Chu!
Miyamoto: Make something new up.
Voice: Uh... add lib it?
Miyamoto: Go.
Voice: Uh... the day I... uh... met you...
We've been best... friends?!?
Miyamoto: Keep going. This is tear jerking stuff.
Voice: We've been through forests and- uh- more forests...
This story is never going to enddd!!!
*Suddenly Wozby appears*
Wozby: Bill Gates is in his Evil Fortress of Doom, Sir Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Can't you see we're doing a "Yamauchimon Seperation" scene here! We only get to do one of these every five episodes! Go and kill Bill Gates!
Wozby: Thats just the thing. Mario500 has the only access code to his complex.
Miyamoto: *looks at camera, which zooms at him, then says in mysterious voice...* That meddling Mario500!
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Mario500: Phew. I'm finally away from those weirdoes Lupus, Lemonjello, Bodacious and Masamune. I'm free!
Miyamoto: Mario500! We need your assistance!
Mario500: Oh no, not again...
STAY TUNED!!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto:*falls through a plot hole and ends up in Mario 500's house*
Mario500: Phew. I'm finally away from those weirdoes Lupus, Lemonjello, Bodacious and Masamune. I'm free!
Miyamoto: Mario500! We need your assistance!
Mario500: Oh no, not again...
Miyamoto:We needed you for something important...but I forget what it was. So,umm...do you want to come back to living he-er being a writer of this OG?
Mario500:No way! I finally got my tickets for the flight out of VGF! You'll never stop me from leaving!
Miyamoto:This mean only one thing then...a long dawn out fight scene! *jumps around Mario500 matrix style while throwing exotic cheeses at Mario500*
Mario500:You'll never take me back! *swallows a grenade and blows up*
Miyamoto:NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Voice:Not all is lost, Miyamoto-san. For the Gate to the future of The Life and Adventures is still open! To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Gaspar:Welcome to the FUTURE!, Miyamoto-san.
Miyamoto:The FUTURE?!
Met:Yes, the FUTURE!
Lupus
Miyamoto: Who is that??
Voice: It is I, Miyamoto-san. BODACIOUS-SAN.
Miyamoto: Noooooo!
Bodacious: Yes. It is me. I have come to claim my trademarks from your crappy OG.
Miyamoto: Noooooo! x2
Bodacious: *Takes Wozby and Jozby* Mine, all mine!
Miyamoto: But... who gets to keep Miyamoto!?!
Bill Gates: I will buy it off you! *opens wallet which is the size of South Africa*
Bodacious: BWAHAHAHA!!!
Bill Gates: Bodacious is going to begin to create OGs for Microsoft! He's starting off with The Life and Adventures of Bill Gates!
Miyamoto: This is not right! First you steal Rare, then you steal Wozby and I buy him back, and now you want to steal Wozby again???????
Bill Gates: No. I just came to see if I could borrow two dollars.
Miyamoto: Oh. Right.
*Suddenly Miyamoto is sucked into a time vortex. He lands on a big pie.*
Miyamoto: Where the hell am I???
Gaspar: Welcome to the FUTURE!, Miyamoto-san.
Miyamoto: The FUTURE?!
Met: Yes, the FUTURE!
Miyamoto: The FUTURE?!!?!
Miyamoto's Son: Yes, the FUTURE!
Miyamoto: But... I'm... why?
Miyamoto's Son: I wanted to show you something, father. Have a look here.
*presses a button and the wall slides back, revealing a huge set of LaAoM DVDs*
Miyamoto's Son: We're all out of Series 13 DVDs and Bill Gates stole the film! We need you to help replay what went on in Series 13, and we refilm it so we can rerelease it. Series 14 isn't selling very well because of it!
Miyamoto: Wait... I don't know what happened in Series 13!
Miyamoto's Son: There must have been a problem with the time machine. TRY IT AGAIN, MET!
Met: OK. I forgot to type "1" before the "3".
*tries again and another Miyamoto is sucked in*
Miyamoto from Series 13: What the hell just happened? One moment I was enjoying a cup of tea with Zozby, next minute I'm here!
Gaspar: Welcome to the FUTURE!, Miyamoto-san.
Miyamoto from Series 13: The FUTURE?!
Met: Yes, the FUTURE!
Miyamoto from Series 13: The FUTURE?!!?!
Miyamoto from Series 3: Yes, the Future...
Miyamoto's Son: Now, come here, father.
*Miyamoto from Series 3 steps forward*
Miyamoto's Son: Ah... the other.
*Miyamoto from Series 13 steps forward*
Miyamoto's Son: We're all out of Series 13 DVDs and Bill Gates stole the film! We need you to help replay what went on in Series 13, and we refilm it so we can rerelease it. Series 14 isn't selling very well because of it!
Miyamoto from Series 3: Uh, can I go now? Its getting really annoying typing "from Series 3" after all of my lines.
Miyamoto's Son: I'm sorry. You can't go back now. We haven't designed the backerport.
Miyamoto (from Series 3): ARRGHH!!! *runs off into sunset*
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Bill Gate's Son: Why can't we just be friends Miyamoto? We can live here in my big Fortress of Happy Happiness!
Miyamoto: ...ARRGHH!! *runs off into sunset*
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto finds himself at Gates Manor...
Bill Gate's Son: Why can't we just be friends Miyamoto? We can live here in my big Fortress of Happy Happiness!
Miyamoto: ...ARRGHH!! *runs off into sunset*
Meanwhile...
Miyamoto's son:So, you don't know what happened after Zozby's cosplayer killing spree?
Miyamoto:I was really drunk then, so I don't know.
Miyamoto's son:Darnit! This will never work!
Wozby II:We could always ask Jerry Springer!
Miyamoto's son:Who's that?
Wozby II:A great wise man from the past...we could always use TIME MACHINE!!! to go to his time.
Miyamoto's son:Then we shall go.
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Jerry Springer:That's it! Activate the cheese!
Wozby II:NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Lupus
*Wozby II, Miyamoto (from Series 13 which we'll just refer to as Miyamoto from hereforth), Miyamoto's Son, Gaspar and Met arrive on the back set of Jerry Springer out of a time machine. From the set they can hear voices*
Miyamoto's Son's Son: Well, I have something to reveal to my dad...
Jerry Springer: Good news, Miyamoto's Son's Son. We have someone to meet you. COME IN MIYAMOTO'S SON!
Miyamoto's Son: What? I'm not here to-
Jerry Springer: Shut up you.
Miyamoto's Son: What did you say?
Jerry Springer: I told you to shut yo godamn mouth beeetch.
Miyamoto's Son: You fu- wait, I see here. You're just trying to start a fight so you can get the audience to cheer eh?
Jerry Springer: No, I'm not you ****ing ****** *****.
*Miyamoto's Son jumps on Jerry Springer and tackles him to the ground. Then all the crew and the guards and everyone else on stage has a huge stacks on*
Miyamoto's Son: **** you *****.
Jerry Springer: I such ****ing **** you ****ing punk ****** !
Gaspar: I hate you, you **** sucking anus eating **** licker!
Random Woman: ****!!
Met: **** **** ****!!
Miyamoto: SUCK MY ****ING BALLS ****ER ****!
Audience: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
Jerry Springer: SHUT THE **** UP YOU POOR SAD WORTHLESS CHEERING ****ERS!!!
Audience: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!
Jerry Springer: That's it! Activate the cheese!
Wozby II: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
*Cannons fold out of the walls and cheese starts to blast everywhere. In the chaos Miyamoto's Son rips of Jerry's mask*
Miyamoto's Son: HOLY COW IT'S...
TO BE CONTINUED! NEXT TIME:
Miyamoto's Son: But... I trusted you!
*Name unknown until next episode*: And my parents trusted the British Government. Trust is such a petty thing.
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
Willy Higinbotham:So we meet agsin. random people!
Miyamoto's Son: But... I trusted you!
Willy:And my parents trusted the British Government. Trust is such a petty thing.
Audience:Booooooo!
Random Woman:**** you, you ******!
Willy:Silence, mortals! *shoots Random Woman in the head with his shotgun*
Random Woman:****! *dies*
Willy:Now, I shall reveal my master plan to the thousands of idiots that live on the pathEtic planet! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *puts in Master Plan DVD into large TV*
Audience:We want Jerry! Booooooo!
Willy:Silence! Now, let's go back to the first episode of the Life and Adventures...*selects chapter one on DVD*
Shiggy: So, how's work on Super Ultra Dooper Mario Bloodshed Gun Bang Bang Violence Sex Sex Sex Pornographic Gut Eating Blood Sucking Vampire NC-17 going, Guy?
Guy: Actually we changed it to Super Mario Sunshine.
Shiggy: SUPER MARIO SUNSHINE?? But this game is supposed to be the ultimate creation of Nintendo! And we can't have it with such a woosy name as Super Mario Sunshine!
Guy: Sorry, but the fact is that Super Ultra Dooper Mario Bloodshed Gun Bang Bang Violence Sex Sex Sex Pornographic Gut Eating Blood Sucking Vampire NC-17 wouldn't fit on the box. We had to shorten it. And anyway, look on the bright side... uh... whoops, there is no bright side.
Willy:*presses pause button* Now, this is an important part. I made Super Ultra Dooper Mario Bloodshed Gun Bang Bang Violence Sex Sex Sex Pornographic Gut Eating Blood Sucking Vampire NC-17. Shiggy's goons beat me up and took the prototype from me. They did the same thing with the Famicom! THE'VE DONE THE SAME THING WITH EVERY ***** VIDEO GAME I'VE EVER WATSTED MY TIME TO MAKE!
Audince:Boooooooo! *throws flaming toliet paper at Miyamoto*
Willy:Now, let's fast forward. *presses stop after a few minutes of fast forwarding*
Woctor Wily: The only difference is, it will be I who rules the land, not you. And I will never let Koopa come into this dimension and tkae all the planets resources. HAHAHA I Win!!!
Miyamoto: No! This can't be! The movie can't end this way! It just can't!!!
Uncle Billy, Wozby, Jozby, and a crowd run into the courtroom. Uncle Billy dumps a basketful of money out onto the table –– the money overflows and falls all over.
UNCLE BILLY: Isn't it wonderful?
The rest of the crowd all greet Miyamoto with greetings and smiles. Each one comes forward with money. In their pockets, in shoe boxes, in coffee pots. Money pours onto the table –– pennies, dimes, quarters, dollar bills –– small money, but lots of it. Mrs. Bailey and Mrs. Hatch push toward Miyamoto. More people come in. The place becomes a bedlam. Shouts of "Gangway –– gangway" as a new bunch comes in and pours out its money. Wozby and Jozby stand next to Miyamoto, watching him. Miyamoto stands there overcome and speechless. As he sees the familiar faces, he gives them sick grins. Tears course down his face. His lips frame their names as he greets them.
UNCLE BILLY (emotionally at the breaking point): Wozby and Jozby did it, Miyamoto! Wozby and Jozby did it! They told a few people you were in trouble and they scattered all over town collecting money. They didn't ask any questions –– just said: "If Miyamoto is in trouble –– count on me." You never saw anything like it.
Tom comes in, digging in his purse as he comes.
TOM: What is this, Miyamoto? Another run on the bank?
Charlie adds his money to the pile.
CHARLIE: Here you are, Miyamoto. Merry Christmas.
Ernie is trying to get some system into the chaos.
ERNIE: The line forms on the right.
Mr. Martini comes in bearing a mixing bowl overflowing with cash.
ERNIE: Mr. Martini! Merry Christmas! Step right up here.
Martini dumps his money on the table.
MARTINI: I busted the juke-box*, too! [*editor's note: I feel compelled to point out that this word is pronounced "juke-a-box" in the film itself. To me, the movie would lose a little something without that charming, superfluous "a"!]
Mr. Gower enters with a large glass jar jammed full of notes.
ERNIE: Mr. Gower!
GOWER (to Miyamoto): I made the rounds of my charge accounts.
Willy:*presses stop* All this money would've been MINE if it wasn't for that double crossing Miyamoto! Now for the most important part *presses fast forward button* Wait...I went too far *presses rewind button* Now, here is the important part!
*That night at the feast* WILLY: Attention robots!
WATS: All your base are belong to us!
WILLY: Not now, Wats.
WILLY: As you can all see I have the presidents of all the major video game companies chained to metal tables, including my old friend Wiyamoto.
ThePresidents: Let us go!
Wiyamoto: You'll never get away with this Willy Higinbotham!
WILLY: Oh, I'm soooo sorrry Wiyamoto, but I'm afraid I already have!
Robots: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
TheOtherPresidents: Let us go!
WILLY: I don't think so... NO! But what I will do is let you alll watch my vhs copy of the life and adventures of Miyamoto.
Willy pops the tape in the vcr, and the presidents couldn't be more confused, especially Wiyamoto. A gigantic screen comes down from the ceiling, showing the movie.
(Movie)???: Hey Shiggy, how are the new games for Gamecube doing?
(Movie)Miyamoto: Sorry, can't tell you. The game plans are compleatly top secret.
(Movie)???: Oh come on Shiggy, tell your...
Willy: It continues on like this for a while, let me fast forward it.
*Fast Forward*
(Movie)Tenchi Mario Jr: Ignores the OG.
(Movie)Mario500: I know you must be kidding. Somebody...
*Fast Forward*
(Movie)Guy: Dooper Mario Bloodshed Gun Bang Bang Violence Sex Sex...
*Fast Forward*
(Movie)Wiyamoto: Don't you get it you retard?!
Willy: Ok here comes the important part.
(Movie)Wiyamoto: Were finished. Over the past 5 years Nintendo Has already released the Gamecube2 and is already at work on the super secret project Ultra-Dolphin512. And because of lack of interference from YOU They own the market! Hell Nintendo owns the world, Stanley the bugman is now STANLEY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, the entire continent of Austrailia was used to make the NintendoWorld theme park, and all the Mcdonalds' in the world have been turned into Neglected Charachter Burgers. It's all over!
(Movie)Yamauchi: But we still have money right?
(Movie)Wiyamoto: WRONG! We spent all our money on this fancy building, and trying to make the Wamecube to YOUR approval.
(Movie)Suddenly a mysterious figure walks into the room.
(Movie)????: Heh heh heee... It's just as I planned.
(Movie)The figure walks into the light revealing himself to be none other than... WILLY HIGINBOTHAM!!!
*pause*
WILLY: Now the question you must all be asking yourselves right now is why would he do that? BE HIM MAD?!! Nay! Well here is your answer!
*WILLY takes off his mask revealing himself to be none other than Miyamoto!!! With an M!!!*
Wiyamoto: But.. but.. but.. you were pulled into the vortex!!! How!!!
Miyamoto: Actually that was just a dream I had.
Wiyamoto: HOLY ****!!! This is just like one of those surprise endings like Sixth Sense or Fight Club. for if you all remember after the dream sequence, Miyamoto and WILLY were not ever in the same place together, not even once!
TheOtherPresidents: HOLY ****!! THAT IS WEIRD!!!
Wiyamoto: So, it looks like you only created me to get Yamauchi out of your way so Nintendo could actually make good business decisions and ultimately rule the market! As a side effect leaving you as the supreme ruler of the Earth, but I'm sure that's a sacrifice your willing to make, isn't that right Miyamoto!!!
Miyamoto: Yes, and I'm sorry, but...
*turns on the laser*
Miyamoto: Your services will no longer be required!!!!
Robots: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Willy:*presses stop* Now as you can see by that last segment, I should not even exist. Yet I do. Why is that? Because I am really...*takes off his mask to reveal...*
Miyamoto's son:*gasp* It's...
Person who just took off his mask:AL GORE!!! The true inventor of video games, XXX anime, and the cusinart!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Al Gore:So, you see, I'm using evil mind control leeches to make Miroru Arakawa make new NESes for me.
Audience:MINO! MINO! MINO!
Arakawa:Shut. up.
Lupus
Miyamoto: But... I don't understand... what's going on here? Which characters are in this scene?
Al Gore: Miyamoto, you are a fool. You have chosen to challenge me-
Miyamoto: No I didn't.
Al Gore: -and you shall die. Any last requests?
Miyamoto: Tell me all your secret plans first, so if I just happen to escape I'll conveniently know all your schemes.
Al Gore: Very well. It all began on a sunday morning back in 1967...
*TEN YEARS LATER*
Al Gore: So, you see, I'm using evil mind control leeches to make Miroru Arakawa make new NESes for me.
Audience: MINO! MINO! MINO!
Arakawa: Shut. up.
Miyamoto: How did you get here?
Arakawa: Why, I used my Ball of Warping Prowess of course.
Miyamoto: I gotta get outta here! *jumps into warp portal. He spirals through nothingness, and sees bodyless heads speaking*
Gaspar's Head: Miyamoto! You are strong! You can defeat the Old Wizard of Hyu'Kyu'Tukl and retrive the wizended sword of Alcatar!
Met's Head: Go! Miyamoto! The leopard is waiting for you to milk it!
Bill Cosby's Head: Would you like some homebaked pikelets?
Miyamoto: Woah, this is the best trip I've had in... three hours...
*Miyamoto falls out of the portal onto a pirate ship*
Miyamoto: Where am I?
Pirate: You're aboard the S.S.BillGates!
Miyamoto: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!1111
Bill Gates: Yes, Miyamoto. Once again fate has brought us together. Prepare to eat my pirate crafted sword!
Miyamoto: Wait. Where is the Old Wizard of Hyu'Kyu'Tukl?
Bill Gates: Believe it or not, Miyamoto... I AM the Old Wizard of Hyu'Kyu'Tukl!! And I'm also your sister!
Miyamoto: Haven't you already said you were my father, brother, pet cat, uncle, best friend and now you're saying you're my sister?
Bill Gates: They are my clones. Currently they are terrorising the streets of Nintendoville. But you can't go and save your poor workers! You will die!
Miyamoto: That's the eighteenth death threat I've heard in the past twenty four hours.
Bill Gates: It will be your last. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
TO BE CONTINUED!
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO...
Bill Gates: Now I have finished telling you all my plans, walk the plank, Mister Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: But I walked the plank on the way up!
Guybrush Threepwood: How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
Bill Gates:First, I will reconsolidate all of my money in stocks for Hostess brand snakes cakes...(five hours later)...and then the earth will slowly decay after I turn into the ultimate life from:Gatesvos.
Miyamoto:But, why Bill, why?
Bill Gates:Because I CAN!!! Now I have finished telling you all my plans, walk the plank, Mister Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: But I walked the plank on the way up!
Guybrush Threepwood: How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
Miyamoto:Where did you come from?
Guybrush Threepwood:From that conveniently placed plot hole from the ending of this OG!
Miyamoto:Well, um...*jumps in the plot hole*
[insert Chrono Trigger time travelling throught a Gate sequnce here]
Gaspar:Well, that was quite an adventure.
Met:Yeah, too bad Miyamoto had too die a long horrible death at the hands of Virginian anarchists.
*Miyamoto appears*
Robin:Holy model air plane glue Batman! It's Miyamoto and he's back from the dead!
Miyamoto:I-I'm dead?!
Wozby:Sure were. You died saving Mega Man from the Pungo County New Wolrd Order Force.
Miyamoto:NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!1111
To be continued...
Lupus:Unfortunetly, there is no NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES.
Lemonjello:Met stole it.
Lupus
*Miyamoto suddenly wakes up*
Miyamoto: Uh... where am I?
Gaspar: You are in my secret underground lair. The time is exactly December 06, 2001 10:24 AM. There is one minute before the end of sanity in the world, and one hour before your adventures start.
Miyamoto: I must do something!
Gaspar: I'm sorry Miyamoto. You are the cause of this all! We have to kill you. It's the only way. HECKRAN! Kill this pest.
Heckran: Yes indeed! Go ahead, try and run away...!
Miyamoto: Is that a dare?
Heckran: BOO!
*Miyamoto jumps out the window into a pit of lava, then he wakes up somewhere above ground*
Miyamoto: I knew that would work.
???: It's too late, Miyamoto. The world will be drained of its sanity via my Insanity Beam of Incoherence.
Miyamoto: Who are you?
???: My name is... JOHN ROMERO!
Miyamoto: But why, John Romero? I trusted you!
John Romero: It's your fault Daikatana didn't sell well! You confirmed the release of Resident Evil 2 at the same time!
Miyamoto: You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet! Prepare yourself!
Wozby: That's my line.
Miyamoto: No, it's Kefka's. You don't come in for awhile yet. I still have to do this entire "before it happened" bit.
Wozby: Oh.
John Romero: You'll never stop me Shigeru! Bwahahahaha! *jumps into the Romero Radcar and races off, leaving insanity behind him*
Miyamoto: Come back here!
Cosby: Miyamoto! Take my Supercar 8000 and race after him! You must press A when you are next to him to pull him over!
Miyamoto: But my A button is jammed!
Cosby: Call the tech line.
Miyamoto: They're always busy. I think I'll just go home instead *goes home*
*in Miyamoto's house, he turns on the TV. On the news is information of Romero turning cities into crazy territories.*
Miyamoto: Oh no! What have I done!?
Wozby: I dunno.
Miyamoto: You're not in this scene either.
Wozby: Where's my self help booklet?
Camera Crew: He knows too much! Get him!!!
*The camera crew wrestle Wozby to the ground and beat him up with bent sporks*
Mike Patton: Death team! This is our chance to gag and tie up Miyamoto while the camera crew are distracted!
Miyamoto: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Tiger Woods: What do you think this place is, some kind of Cool Room? Back in my day we only had TVs and Computers to satisfy our needs, not high-tech ball games! I had to walk FIFTEEN MILES to the computer EVERY DAY when you guys just muck up outside!!
Miyamoto: But I still need to eat my pudding. The pudding is still in the kitchen! The chef still hasn't taken the pudding out of the kitchen and given it to me! You can't kidnap me!
Mike Patton: He has a point. We'll be back later, Miyamoto! You just watch! You're saved by the pudding this time! Lets go Death Team!
*Death Team exit laughing evilly. Suddenly the phone rings.*
Miyamoto: Yhello?
Met: Miyamoto! It's me! I got busted hot wiring arcade machines and stealing the NEXT TIME bit from Lemonjello's post!
Miyamoto: So? I gotta get into work! I'm ten hours late! *hangs up and rushes out*
*Miyamoto is on his way to work until a strange man stops him near by.*
Miyamoto: This isn't another restart is it?
Willy: Hey Shiggy, how are the new games for Gamecube doing?
Miyamoto: Sorry, can't tell you. The game plans are compleatly top secret.
Willy: Oh come on Shiggy, tell your best friend about the games.
Miyamoto: I don't even know you, so leave now.
*Shigeru enters the Nintendo building*
Willy: You'll be sorry, Shigeru Miyamoto!!!!!!! Forgetting your best friend from high school!
*flashback noises*
Willy: Play football with me Shigeru.
Miyamoto: Sorry, I'm busy building a model airplane.
Willy: But model airplanes are illegal in Guam! Come and play football with me.
Miyamoto: We're in Japan, Willy.
Willy: Pretty please??
Mrs. Teacher: QUIET NOW KIDS. WE MUST GET TO WORK BUILDING OUR MODEL AIRPLANES.
*end flashback noises*
Willy: Ah, we were the best of friends... I'll get you Shigeru! I'll make you pay for neglecting me!
Fred: You called?
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Miyamoto: Why is there a large tractor attempting to destroy Nintendo HQ with eyes? And why is Willy Higinbotham driving it?
Flying Gerbil: They were all out of socks, so we had to order one of them instead.
Lemonjello
Miyamoto:Bonzai! *throws a rock at Fred, killing him instantly*
Wily:Darnit! Fire the Plot-o-Fast Forwarder! *fires it*
Miyamoto:NOOOOOO!!!
Narrator:Several years later, in a Kyoto turnip field...
Miyamoto:*is eating a turnip* Ugh! Turnips! I've been forced to eat trunips to survive! AS GOD IS IN HEAVEN AND SHIGERU "SHIGGY" MIYAMOTO IS MY NAME...I'LL NEVER BE POOR AGAIN!
Met:*appears* Why hello there Miyamoto! It seems that Donald Trump is willing to forgive for your past tresspasses against Trumptendo, Nintendo, Microsoft, and Atari. You may come back to your old job. *teleports Miyamoto and himself to the NoJ HQ*
Miyamoto: Why is there a large tractor attempting to destroy Nintendo HQ with eyes? And why is Willy Higinbotham driving it?
Flying Gerbil: They were all out of socks, so we had to order one of them instead.
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Met:Miyamoto! I said Mario had to wear a thong in Mario MoonBeam Death Blood Journey!
Trump:You're fired, Shiggy-san!
Miyamoto:Nnnnoooooooo!!!
Lupus
Miyamoto: I must get to work on Super Mario Teaches VGFers Grammar 2! Mario will wear the thong I designed for another game in it!
Met: Miyamoto! I said Mario had to wear a thong in Mario MoonBeam Death Blood Journey!
Trump: You're fired, Shiggy-san!
Miyamoto: Nnnnoooooooo!!!
Trump: Take your Matchbox Dump Trucks with you and get out of my sight!
Miyamoto: But you can't fire me! I'll pay you back all the money I owe you from selling all your banana imports in France!
Trump: You fool! Met! Operate the EYEBALLGORGEINATOR!!!
Met: Yes sir! *presses buttons*
Eyeballgorgeinator: Miyamoto! I will use my ARM OF PAINFUL DEATH to... pet you.
Trump: Noo! There's something wrong with the machine! Where's the recipt?
Met: You used the recipt in the Tower of Recipts, sir.
Trump: Forge a recipt then! Get a new model!
Met: Yes sir.
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Met: Do you have the... uh, Eyeballgorgeinator Version 6?
Home Depot Guy: No, but I have this Indian carved totem poll featuring Bill Gates's head for just 45,000,000 Gil!
Lemonjello
Met: *teleports to Home Depot* Do you have the... uh, Eyeballgorgeinator Version 6?
Home Depot Guy: No, but I have this Indian carved totem poll featuring Bill Gates's head for just 45,000,000 Gil!
Met:Can it kill people?
Home Depot Guy:Yep!
Met:I'll take three.
Home Depot Guy:Paper of plastic?...or cheese?
Met:I'll take both.
Home Depot Guy:Is that your final answer?
Met:Yes.
Home Depot Guy:WRONG! *presses button and met falls through trap door*
Met:Where...where am I?
Bodacious:Welcome to the sewer of the VGF rejects! Do we exist? maybe. Do we eat cheese? No. Does Shane come down here and make play on his XBox? Yes!
Met:I'm scared.
Lemonjello:Get used to it. Fear is a part of the Sewer of VGF Rejects! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Met:What time is it?
???:*walks out of the shadows* It is 12:32 AM, December 24th, 2010.
Met:Does this mean I went into the future?
???: The savior from the future has come! Rejoice fellow rejects, for the time of un-rejection has come!
Whos:Yabu dorais yabu dorais Christmas time is here again!
???: Hurry Met, for you must save Miyamoto from Donal Trump, the billionaire tycoon who stole Yom Kippur, Halloween, and Christmas!
Met: Save him from what?
???: Releasing Super Mario XXX! Miyamoto must not succumb to the XXX gaming fad or all will be lost! Jump in the plothole!
Met: Okay...*jumps into the plothole*
Trump:Hahaha! Press the buttonan and Super Mario XXX will be shipped to stores, Miyamoto-san!
Miyamoto: No! I'll never let my creations go to the DOA Syde! Never you hear me!
Trump: Press the button or I shall say ni!
Miyamoto: You wouldn't dare!
Trump: Ni! Ni! NiaaAAAARGHHHHH!!! *Trump falls down with a katana sticking out of his spine*
Met:Miyamoto! I've come to save you from a most horrible fate! Come with me back to the past! We can prevent the creation of the DOA series!
Miyamoto: It's too late...my sandwitch fell on the button.
Met: [insert very long noooo here. no, not there. right here.]
Miyamoto: I can always fire the Cosmic Death Ray!
Met:How will that help?
Miyamoto: Well, we can blow up Kyoto and take the NoJ HQ with us.
Met: Won't countles innocents die too?
Miyamoto: Well, yeah. But we get to see biiiigg explosion!
Met: You've convinced me. *Miyamoto and Met jump into a plothole and end up in the Cosmic Death Ray Orbitting Control Room*
Miyamoto: Wait...we don't even know what part of the OG we're in. We could be blowing up any given part of the OG, but not the Super Mario XXX segment.
Met: Well, umm...we can always fire at VGF server and blow up everytihng.
Miyamoto: Yes! *presses fire button*
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Gaspar: Miyamoto! You've killed every last post, member, and OG character on VGF excpet yourself and Met! We're screwed I tell you! Screwed!
Miyamoto: We can always go to the nation of NetGen.
Met: You fool! They'll eat us alive over there!
*Mike and his Death Team apppear*
Mike:Prepare for trouble!
James:hey! That's our motto!
Meowth:We'll see you in court!
Met: You
Lupus
*Everything blows up*
Miyamoto: Yes! Shigeru: 1, Shane: 0!!
*Gaspar appears out of the end of time*
Gaspar: Miyamoto! You've killed every last post, member, and OG character on VGF excpet yourself and Met! We're screwed I tell you! Screwed!
Miyamoto: We can always go to the nation of NetGen.
Met: You fool! They'll eat us alive over there!
*Mike and his Death Team apppear*
Mike: Prepare for trouble!
James: Hey! That's our motto!
Meowth: We'll see you in court!
Met: You
Miyamoto: You what? Finish your sentence.
Met: That was my sentence. You
Miyamoto: Then where's the full stop?
Met: He knows too much! Get him!
*Everyone jumps on Miyamoto and puts him in a net, then dangles him in a tree in the middle of a Guam forest*
Miyamoto: Noo! I'll miss "When Employees Slack Off #3" on C-Span!
???: You fool Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Who are you?
???: I am the mysterious Chinese warrior Opeku. I am here to stop Dr. Weng's evil mutant bear spawns.
Miyamoto: Well?
Opeku: I will go. *Flies off to Dr Weng's evil lair*
Weng: I have been expecting you Opeku!
Opeku: You have?
Weng: No, not really. BIONIC MSN MESSENGER LASER!!
Opeku: Holy cow! *ducks behind a couch*
Weng: Nwahahahahahahahabasnds. You are no match for me Opeku. Give up now and I shall tell you my entire evil plan before putting you in an easily escapable dungeon which the lock on the door has conveniently been broken two days ago and...
Opeku: NEVER!!! *throws Game Portal of Mario XXX at Weng. It sucks the evil Doctor into it* Now I can rule the world with Dr. Weng's evil machine! Bwahahahaha! *uses evil machine to inslave everybody on the planet, and gets them to build him a huge castle*
King Opeku: Mwahahaha! My evil slaves! March!
Miyamoto: No, it's November!
King Opeku: Who are you?
Miyamoto: Shigeru Miyamoto of Planet N.
King Opeku: Aide Bill Gates! Promote this man to High Officer!
Bill Gates: No! While you've been ordering around your puny slaves, I've been creating a machine to finally overthrow you and your evil ways. My Death Team are now ARMED with THE NEW LEVEL IN CHEESERAYINESS! HANDHELD CHEESE RAYS!
King Opeku: Noooooo! *gets Cheese Rayified*
Bill Gates: Mwahaha. Miyamoto, you're next!
NEXT TIME...
Bill Gates: Death Team! Miyamoto is escaping in the Opeku Van! Get him!
Miyamoto: *throws empty milk cartons out the back of the van*
STAY TUNED!!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto jumps out of the window and jumps into a the Opkeu Van.
Bill Gates: Death Team! Miyamoto is escaping in the Opeku Van! Get him!
Miyamoto: *throws empty milk cartons out the back of the van*
King Opeku: Activate the droids!
Cut scene to the droid activation scene from Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace. Cut scene back to King Opeku and Bill Gates.
Bill Gates: What did that do? Miyamoto has already returned to Kyoto!
King Opeku: Shut up...JUST SHUT UP!!!
King Opkeu throws a plate of cheese at Bill Gates.
Cut scene to The End of Time.
Gaspar: Flying Gerbil, it is time to end Miyamoto's quest for sanity, as I found a spare bottle of sanity in my closet.
Flying Gerbil: You mean the...The Life and Adventures are over?
Gaspar: Yes, but we still can make it into a movie and get lucrative licensing deals.
Flying Gerbil: w00t! Press the 'End the OG' button!
Gaspar approaches a large wall with lots of button. He and the Flying Gerbil insert two keyes into keyholes. The button covered panel opens up and reveals a huge button. Gaspar throws a conveniently placed camera man at the button.
Narrator: All right folks, the OG's over. Pack yer bags and get going. Show's over. The farewell party will start in an hour at the NoJ building.
Willy: The dream is over...
Tiger Woods: It's okay Willy, there will always be a new OG...
Willy: But its not the same!
Tiger: Well, at least we have our retirement packages.
Narrator: I'd say, "Later at the NoJ building...," but I've been laid off so screw this!
Narrator walks off into the sunset.
Back-up Narrator: Later at the NoJ building...
Miyamoto: I'd like to thank all of the countless extras who won't get jack for doing this OG, while I accumulate ungodly amounts of money for the Life and Adventures video game, movie, action figures, books, graphic novels, personal hygeine products, boar games, car dealerships, and other crap that no one in their right mind will buy.
Met: *sniff* It's so sad to see a good OG die...
Lupus busts down the door with a herring.
Lupus: I've renewed our contract! The Life and Adventures is on for another season!
Miyamoto: You ruined my chance at becoming a billionaire you [censored courtesy of Jerry Springer]!!! The Life and Adventures has going to be as big as Poke'mon!
Miyamoto whips out a shotgun and blows Lupus' head off.
Wozby: LLLLLLUUUUUUPPPPPUUUUUUUUSSSSS!!!
Miyamoto: No one is taking away my dream of ungodly wealth! Nobody you hear me!
Miyamoto takes out an AK-47 and aims in threatently at the Life and Adventures cast. Lemonjello busts down another door and runs in.
Lemonjello: I have your scripts for the new season!
Miyamoto: Die!
Miyamoto shoots at Lemonjello until Lemonjello's lead filled body falls through the floor.
Met: Miyamoto! What happened to you?
Miyamoto: Drugs.
Met: Oh, well carry on then.
Miyamoto: And to ensure no one else tries to steal my fame...
Narrator: Elsewhere...
Mario500: I thought Miyamoto would meet us here.
Bodacious: We've been waiting 4 hours.
A car bomb swerves into the Pizza Hut and blasts Mario500 and Bodacious into a billion pieces.
Narrator: Back with Miyamoto...
Miyamoto: Is there anyone who questions my authority now?
Gaspar: I do, Shigeru "Shiggy" Miyamoto!
Gaspar and Miyamoto engage in a long drawn out fight scene that lasts for 13 episodes. Miyamoto wins by going Super Shiggy-jin 3.
Miyamoto: Now, seeing as nonne of you can live seeing as you have witnessed me murder a few people tonight, I must kill you.
Miyamoto takes out a beam sabre and kills everyone in the NoJ building in cold blood, then leaves as the noJ building bursts into flames.
Narrator: Meanwhile, somewhere in Tokyo...
Lemonjello From the Futures: It seems as though Shiggy-san has carried out phase one of Operation: Destroy Japan In A Fit Of Psychotic Illness.
Lupus From the Future: How can we exist if Miyamoto killed us two hours ago?
Lemonjello: Just shut up!
Lupus: Should we try and stop Miyamoto?
lemonjello: I guess so...maybe he can help us fix the future Bob Dole's SNES.
Editor's Note: We cannot have any "To Be Continued" or "NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVNEUTRES" or Miyamoto would find us and kill us by boiling us alive while making us watch Full House reruns. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Miyamoto imapales the Editor from behind and sets fire to his corpse.
Lupus
Miyamoto: Now I shall go and pray to the god of Cheese, who happens to be lactose intollerant, at the land of many Cheeses *heads off*
*Later at the Land of many Cheeses*
Miyamoto: Oh god Cheesedelphia, who art in Severence, I shall offer you a plate of cheese finely crafted into faces of American presidents. *puts the plate down*
Cheesedelphia: Why thank you Miyamoto.
*Suddenly, Masamune drops down from the sky with a... masamune, and impales Miyamoto on the blade. Miyamoto dies.*
Cloud: Noooo!!
Masamune: Bwahahaha. Miyamoto forgot about me, the fool. Mwahahaha. *Escapes, leaving a Jenova clone behind* They'll never catch me in Guam!
*Masamune moves to Guam where they catch him*
Miyamoto Lackey: Now, I understand Masamune, that you've been leaving excrement on boats, altars, mountains and the steps of congress. What do you plead?
Masamune: I'm innocent! Jenova is innocent! Please don't kill me...
Miyamoto Lackey: Kill him.
Masamune: NOO! *ducks behind a coffee table*
Miyamoto Lackey: *pulls out walkie talkie* We got a Code seven four six three eight nine four two one seven...
*six hours later*
Miyamoto Lackey: ...eight three four point six nine...
*six hours later*
Miyamoto Lackey: ...two in Positition: eight three nine...
Miyamoto Soldier: *over walkie talkie* Hurry up dammit!
Miyamoto Lackey: ...six... wait... where am I? Sorry, start that again. We've got a code seven four six three...
*Seventeen hours later*
Miyamoto Soldier: Come out with your cheeses up! And we shall shoot you! Uh... I mean, we shall buy you a house in the mountains and give you a wife!
Masamune: Never! *jumps into a photocopier machine and clones himself into 128 versions, then proceeds to decimate the Nintendo soldiers*
Luigi: Mama mia! *gets shot*
*Lupus and Lemonjello appear from a time portal*
Lupus: Masamune! We must stop Miyamoto from NOT helping us fix the future Bob Dole's SNES.
Masamune: What?
Lupus: I said, "Would you like some exotic cheeses?"
Masamune: Oh. Sure.
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Miyamoto: Bwahaha! I'm BACK baby!
Penguin: I'm sorry, do I know you?
Miyamoto: I USED TEH PHEOENAIX DOWEN!!11
STAY TUNED!!
Bodacious
Suddenly Mario500 comes out of nowhere and presses the reset button.
This will be the ongoing story of Shigeru Miyamoto's daily life, with many twists and turns. (Our story begins at Nintendo Co. Ltd. Shigeru is on his way to work until a strange man stops him near by.)
???: Hey Shiggy, how are the new games for Gamecube doing?
Miyamoto: Sorry, can't tell you. The game plans are compleatly top secret.
???: Oh come on Shiggy, tell your best...
Before the mysterious man can finish his sentence Mario500 runs in.
Mario500: ENOUGH! I pressed the the reset button so I could talk to you Miyamoto. Not you Willy Higinbotham.
???: How did you know my name?
Mario500: You fool I wrote this post!
???: Post? What's a post?
Mario500 uses the Blade of Lion's eye to slice of Willy's head.
Mario500: Now, back to business. Mr Miyamoto none of this is real you are in what is called an OG, AN OG THAT I CREATED! And I have just pushed the reset button to wipe clean all silliness that has happened so far.
Miyamoto: Bwahaha! I'm BACK baby!
Penguin: I'm sorry, do I know you?
Miyamoto: I USED TEH PHEOENAIX DOWEN!!11
Mario500 quickly uses the Blade of Lion's eye to slice penguin in half from top to bottom, then presses the Blade up against Miyamoto's throat. Mario500 starts looking around frantically.
Mario500: Who the fukk just posted that?! I know it was either Lupus the Turk or Lemonjello Setzer. And I'm warning you any more insanity and this plumberlover gets it. And this time he won't be coming back. Do you know why? Well, the reason everyone always came back any time they were killed in this OG is because it was always with some crazy weapon like the "cosmic cheese ray" or whatnot. But with this weapon you will never return for this is my original creation this is the Blade of Lion's eye!
Chuckles echoe through the shadows.
Mario500: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!! IT'S A COOL NAME!!! IT IS!!!
The Laughter becomes louder and louder. Bodacious steps out of the shadows.
Mario500: Well well well, who pulled you out of the Sewer of VGF rejects?
Jozby steps out of the shadows.
Mario500: I see. One of your characters, hasn't been used in a while, looking for revenge on the world. Very cute, but very futile! I will now use the Blade of Lion's eye to kill the both of you.
Bodacious: But you aren't holding the Blade of Lion's eye, I am.
Mario500: Don't speak your words of confusion to me, harbinger of silliness.
Bodacious: Here, I'll show you.
Bodacious takes off his mask revealing himself to be Mario500!!! Mario500 then takes off his mask revealing himself to be Bodacious!!! Bodacious then uses the Blade of Lion's eye to slice off Mario500's head.
Miyamoto: Wait a minute?!
Bodacious: Confusing isn't it?
Miyamoto: No not that. What I was going to say was, if you kill the creator then what will happen to the OG?
Bodacious: He'll be back.
Miyamoto: But he said...
Bodacious: Yeah yeah, he said the Blade of Lion's eye was his original creation. But the post where he "created" it was my post, series 1 page 3 post 7. So that makes the Blade of Lion's eye in effect my creation and therefore silly. Mario500's only original creation was Willy Higinbotham. So If I beat you to death with Willy's severed head...
Miyamoto: I'll be going now.
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Peach: Stop! you can't do that to a mule! I mean, you can, but you just really shouldn't.
STAY TUNED!!!
Lupus
*Wozby appears*
Wozby: Bodacious you fool! You sold yourself to the enemy! And now you come back expecting us to just forgive you?
Bodacious: Yes.
Wozby: OK. Welcome back.
Bodacious: FOOL! MWAHAHAHAHA! I AM A TRAITOR! I WILL STEAL YOUR BELONGINGS AND BRING THEM TO SIR ED GATES THE BEARDED!
Wozby: Aren't you meant to say that after we let you into the secret lair of Rebel supplies?
Bodacious: Quiet you! I will kill you with Willy Higinbotham's head and therefore erase you from the story!
Wozby: But Willy Higinbotham is a real person! He is!
Bodacious: I do not believe you!
Wozby: I'll prove it! *picks up phone and dials a number*
Man: Hello, you've contacted Willy Higinbotham's Shrine of Original Gaming!
Wozby: I wish to speak with the real Higinbotham!
Man: I'm sorry, he's busy playing Tennis For Two with his pet monkey Bubbles. May I take a message?
Wozby: Forget it. *hangs up* See, there, I told you.
Bodacious: That proves nothing. Except that you're an idiot. I will...
Narrator: And now for something completely different...
Miyamoto: I'm hungry.
Met: I'm starving.
Gaspar: Well, we got the food, but we've got no table!
Peach: We can eat on the grass...
Miyamoto: I know! We use the back of that mule as a table!
Peach: Stop! You can't do that to a mule! I mean, you can, but you just really shouldn't.
Miyamoto: Quiet. We shall eat our ham and jam and spam alot here in Camalot. *goes to eat off the mule*
Mule: Miyamoto, say goodbye! *takes off mask to reveal... MIKE PATTON!?!?!?!?!?!?!*
Miyamoto: NooooooooooOooooOoOOoOooo!
Mask Man: I'm glad that was surprising. The mule mask took seventy billion gil to create.
Miyamoto: Actually it wasn't that surprising. I just threw that NOOO into there to make it seem like I AM surprised and henceforth create a meaning to this seen in which there is none but to use the "next time" bit from the previous post... *sucks in air*
Mask Man: ...Why do thou confuse me so? Doth thou not know that I am unable to bend my brain around such mumbled jargon?
Miyamoto: Don't look now, but Mike Patton has just overun half the planet and turned it into a Shoe Empire.
Eddie Murphy: Miyamoto! I know the secret passage to the Shoe City! You just walk through the forest!
Miyamoto: WOW! That help was invaluable. Welcome aboard... again, Mr. Murphy.
*Miyamoto, Murphy, Met, Gaspar and the Mask Man head to the city which is swarming with Shoe Bots. They avoid them and head to the spire in the center*
Miyamoto: How are we supposed to get in the highest tower of the Shoe City?
Eddie Murphy: That's a big ass... I mean, tower. We'll have to use my new MurphyTech (tm) Hook-like Beam Cannon. *shoots a hook on a rope upwards, which clicks onto the window ledge high above. Murphy begins to climb the wall, but the rope breaks and he falls and snaps his spine* Wooh that's a big fall.
Miyamoto: There are no other ways to get in though!
Gaspar: Uh, Miyamoto? The front door is unlocked.
NEXT TIME
*in Mike Pattons hot air blimp*
Mike Patton: Those fools are probably ransaking my spire right now. Little do they know I'm heading into their territory to overun it!! Mwahahaha!
*in the spire*
Miyamoto: I don't see Patton!
Met: He might be hidden under the rug. Keep looking.
STAY TUNED!
Bodacious
*On the roof of the patton shoe tower*
Mike Patton is waiting on the roof and his blimp lands. Kefka steps out of the blimp.
Kefka: Sir we installed the phantamos ray in your blimp as you requested.
MikePatton: Kefka!? What are you doing here? I distinctly remember stating I didn't want any villians more villianous than I!
Mike Patton pushes Kefka off the roof.
*Back on the Ground*
Kefka falls on top of Eddie Murphy.
Murphy: Wooh that's a big ass!
Miyamoto: I still can't figure out how we're going to get inside here.
Gaspar: Dude! I just said the front door was unlocked.
Miyamoto: You never said that at all. But wait! I've got an idea, perhaps the front door is unlocked. Could it be we've overlooked what would seem to be the simplest of solutions?
Miyamoto checks the door.
Miyamoto: I was right! It's unlocked! Let's go!
Miyamoto, Met, Gaspar, and the Mask man all run inside and run up the stairs.
Miyamoto: I bet our friend Mr. Patton doesn't have a clue we're ransacking his spire right now!
*in Mike Pattons hot air blimp*
Mike Patton: Those fools are probably ransaking my spire right now. Little do they know I'm heading into their territory to overun it!! Mwahahaha!
*in the spire*
Miyamoto: I don't see Patton!
Met: He might be hidden under the rug. Keep looking.
Miyamoto: Don't be retarded. No human being could fit under that rug.
All of a sudden the rug pops up and Jim Carrey walks out.
Mask Man: It's... My... Brother!
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Grover: So you hold the toothbrush with your foot?
STAY TUNED!!!!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto: You...brother?!?!?!?!?!?
Jim Carrey: Mask Man...why hath thou forsaken me?
Mask Man: Because you suck.
Jim Carrey: Well, okay, I'm cool with that.
Eddie Murphy: Wooh, that's a big ass!
Miyamoto: Why do you say that?
Eddie Murphy: Nervous habit.
Mask Man: What were we doing?
Miyamoto: You know, I have no idea.
Gaspar: Want some tea?
Met: Sure.
Narrator: Meanwhile, Mike Patton had armed a nuclear warhead and shot it to the big ass-er tower.
Met: It's time for after dinner karaeoke!
Miyamoto: I have the public domain song karaeoke machine! Let's do the Gregorian Chant!
Narrator: Mike Patton blew up the tower before our heroes could do the Gregorian chant. And so our heroes went to be judged by the powers that be aka Zonker Harris in the afterlife.
Zonker: Because of your overwhelming silliness, I sentance you to another OG where you will suffer!
Miyamoto: This isn't the Zonker Harris I knew!
Zonker: That's because I'm really... *takes off his mask to reveal...* MARIO 500?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Met: Wait...why was there question marks? I mean, you already knew who you were.
Mario 500: Well, um....errr....BEGONE FOOLISH MORTALS!!!
Miyamto and the other weirdos fall through a huge trapdoor and land in anthoer OG...the OG that is Sesame Street.
Grover: So you hold the toothbrush with your foot?
Miyamoto: For the love of santiy, make it stop! *Miyamoto drops down to the floor and goes into convulsions*
Oscar: Time for my prozac.
Met: Argh! It's even worse than I imagined! Why did I ever disobey Master Mario 500? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?
Mario 500 appears out of the shadows.
Mario 500: Ha ha ha. It seems that you want to do the serious version again?
Gaspar: Yes sir. Please. I'll do anything! I kiss your foot!
Mario 500: Well, too bad. I already started filming Miyamoto In Love, a feature film starring Jim Carrey, RealGTX, Shane Sacobie, and myself as Shigeru Miyamoto!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Mario 500: More waffles, Jeeves.
Jeeves: I'm sorry Mr. Mario 500, but this time it's personal. This is for Lupus, my father! *Jeeves pulls out an AK-47 and blasts Mario 500 until the lead in his body causes the floor to collapse*
Bodacious
Mario500: Now the first thing I need is waffles. In the scene where Miyamoto meets his love interest, he is eating waffles, and it's very poignant. Where can I find waffles.
JimCarrey: Ask Jello.. I mean jeeves.
Mario500: Why did you just say jello? Oh never mind that, I've got bigger waffles to fry. Kefka go find Jeeves.
Kefka: Yes sir.
Kefka runs to go get jeeves.
Miyamoto: When did Kefka...
Mario500: Shut up.
Kefka comes back with jeeves.
Jeeves: How may I be of assistance.
Mario500: I want waffles!!!
Jeeves: Yes sir.
All of a sudden an army of ninja turtle clones carrying waffles run by and place them at Mario500's feet.
Mario500: Very Good.
Mario500 walks up to Miyamoto.
Mario500: As for you, well let's just say your death is going to be slow and painful. I'm going to beat you to death with this small package. That's right the small package from series 1 page 1 post 8. My original creation. Thus you will be permanently erased from this OG, and you know what that means. No more Miyamoto, no more crazy OG Life and adventures of Miyamoto.
As Mario500 was talking to Miyamoto he didn't notice Jim Carrey was eating all of his waffles. Jim Carrey lets out a huge belch and Mario500 turns around.
Mario500: My waffles! How could you eat all those waffles Jim Carrey.
JimCarrey: Jim Carrey alone couldn't eat all those waffles.
Jim Carrey pulls off his mask revealing himself to be JOZBY!!!
JOZBY: But Jim Carrey to the Cosby power could.
Miyamoto: If your really Jozby and the Mask Man is your brother, then he must be...
The Mask Man takes off his mask revealing himself to be Wozby. Wozby and Jozby then both grab steal chairs and hit Mario500. Mario500 is laying on the ground barely conscious.
Miyamoto: Allright everybody lets find a way back to the world of the living so we can stop Mike Patton.
Miyamoto and his gang of misfits then take off.
Mario500: You'll never get away with this Miyamoto!!!
Mario 500: More waffles, Jeeves.
Jeeves: I'm sorry Mr. Mario 500, but this time it's personal. This is for Lupus, my father! *Jeeves pulls out an AK-47 and blasts Mario 500 until the lead in his body causes the floor to collapse*
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
*In the hospital*
Mario500 is lying on a bed, slowly awakening out of a 6 year coma.
Mario500: What day is it?
Nurse: Shut up and eat your jello.
STAY TUNED!!!!
Lemonjello
*In the hospital*
Mario500 is lying on a bed, slowly awakening out of a 6 year coma.
Mario500: What day is it?
Nurse: Shut up and eat your jello.
Mario 500: What the **** just happened? And why was that censored?
Nurse: Ha ha ha... *Nurse takes off her mask to reveal...*
Mario 500: Jerry Springer?!?!?!?!?
Jerry: Mario 500, you're on the show here today to resolve your problems with Mister Miyamoto, Gaspar, Met, and some other freaks. Come on out, Miyamoto!
Miyamoto, Gaspar, Met, Wozby, and the Mask Man walk out onto the stage. The audience booes them and throws their bottles of trashy perfume at Miyamoto and Met.
Met: Hey, how come you're throwing stuff at me and Miyamoto, but not the other freaks?
Random Woman: Oh, shut the **** up!
Met: That's it! *Met charges at the woman and they fight*
Jerry: Hey, break it up!
Met: %(*^%&*@(!!!
Random Woman: ****!
Jerry: Security!
Gaspar: Jerry Springer is ******* child of Met and Random Woman!
Jerry: That's it! *Jerry takes out his AK-47 and blasts everyone into oblivion*
Wozby: Et tu Springer? *dies*
Jerry: No...what have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?
To be continued...
Editors Note: There is no next time thing, so bah.
Lupus
*In a different dimension*
Miyamoto: Has the plot progressed yet?
Met: Not as I can tell. We can't come out yet.
Mike Patton: Mwahaha! I will trap you in the other other dimension of ultimate pain. Away!
*five minutes later*
Mike Patton: Ahem. Away! *flies away*
???: Miyamoto, the world cannot live for much longer. You must stop Mike Patton.
Miyamoto: Very well, mysterious person. *draws sword*
???: Nay! You must use the mythical weapon of Ni. A.... HERRING!
Miyamoto: Yes, I shall! Who be it who has granted me use of this amazing weapon?
???: We are the Knights Who Say... Ecky ecky ecky ecky f'tang zoop boing goodem zu owly zhiv.
Mario 500: Oh no no no no no! Not this again! I shall speak to my lawyers! It was bad enough in the Life and Adventures of Bill Gates, but NO MORE HOLY GRAIL REFERENCES or I shall kill you all with my Blade-of-Stupid-Naming.
Miyamoto: Uh. OK. Let us go my men. Towards Mike Patton's Island of Doom.
FIVE YEARS LATER, MIYAMOTO AND HIS BRAVE MEN BRAVELY CROSS THE BRAVE TERRITORY OF ENBRAVE WITH BRAVENESS, AND FINALLY, FLOWING WITH BRAVE, MAKE THEIR BRAVE WAY INTO MIKE PATTON'S FOREST THAT LEADS TO HIS ISLAND OF DOOM AND STUFF.
Met:
Bravely bold Shigeru Miyamoto rode forth from Tokyo Japan.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Shigeru Miyamoto.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Shigeru Miyamoto!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp.
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken.
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away.
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Shigeru Miyamoto!
His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off,
*The next line has been removed thanks to Mario 500 tampering with the composition. The full version can be found on the Directors Cut of The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Series 3, along with many other special features such as the Making Of, and trailers for all current Olsen Twins movies*
Miyamoto: Ah, here we are. Mike Patton Isle. Now we must get into the fortress on top of the volcano in the center of the sandy palms!
Mike Patton: Or I can just warp here and save Lupus from typing too much more.
Mario 500: Not to mention removing any Holy Grail offending material.
Miyamoto: Isn't Lupus dead?
Mike Patton: Even so, I shall now proceed to remove all your limbs and riddle your body with rubber bullets, then I shall toss your limp bodies into the lair of Caerbannog.
Miyamoto: ... RUN AWAY!!
*Miyamoto and his men run away into the forest*
Met:
Brave Shigeru Miyamoto ran away.
Bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Shigeru Miyamoto turned about,
And gallantly, he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
Bravest of the brave, Shigeru Miyamoto.
Mario 500: I CAN'T TAKE IT!
THIS OG HAS OVERLOADED FROM HOLY GRAIL RIP OFFS AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN. ALL YOUR COMPUTER FILES WILL BE WIPED AND IF YOU ARE WATCHING THIS ON DVD, YOUR PLAYER WILL NOW IMPLODE, THEN EXPLODE AND TAKE OUT YOUR HOME ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM, YOUR CHAIR AND NOT TO MENTION YOUR LIFE AND HOUSE. IF PROBLEM PERSISTS DON'T WORRY, AS YOU'LL BE DEAD BEFORE YOU CAN REACH THE PHONE.
NEXT TIME:
Miyamoto: We must attack Mike Patton's empire from a different angle.
Gaspar: You mean from the air, or from underground?
Miyamoto: No, I mean a posetreis angle.
STAY TUNED
Lemonjello
Miyamoto: Why do all of these OGs overload and stuff?
Mario 500: I overload them!
Miyamoto: But why Mr. Mario 500, why?
Mario 500: I am paid by a higher authority to do this...
Met: Who is this person?
Mario 500: Shane Sacobie!
Everyone dies of shock.
Mario 500: Yes! I have ended the OG! Now I can finally compete my life's work...my masterpiece...Miyamoto In Love (With The Flying Gerbil)
The Flying Gerbil: That sounds sillier than this OG.
Mario 500: But it's not! It the epic journey of a humble game desginer from Kyoto and his quest to find true love among the Flying Gerbil that saved Thanksgiving!
The Flying Gerbil: Your idea sucks.
Mario 500: Fine then! Prepare for the ultimate wrath of my common stick!
The Flying Gerbil: I am oh so frightened.
Mario 500: Death! *Mario 500's common stick erodes the pathways of time and space and everything goes to Iceland*
The Flying Gerbil: Don't you mean hell?
Mario 500: Quiet, you!
Everything resets.
Narratro: We begin our story in Shiegeru Miyamoto's drug/porn penthouse where he is giving diversity training to his employees...
Miyamoto: So you must never acknolwdge anyone other than Bob Dole, you, and myself. And pie is l33t. Any questions?
Guy: Why are you giving a seminar on diversity to the dregs of society?
Miyamoto: Well, um...you know...that reason.
Gaspar: Mike Patton foiled our assault on his evil HQ.
Miyamoto: We must attack Mike Patton's empire from a different angle.
Gaspar: You mean from the air, or from underground?
Miyamoto: No, I mean a posetreis angle.
Guy: How do we do that?
Miyamoto: [insert long explanation with lots of obscure sciency terms]
Gaspar: That makes perfect sense!
Guy: No it doesn't.
To be continued...
Miyamoto: Wooh, that's a big-
Gaspar: No! Stop Miyamoto before it's too late!
Eddie Murphy: But it is a big- *Eddie Muprhy is shot by Gaspar*
Bodacious
Miyamoto: Cid, get Miyairshipmoto ready. Were going to attack Mr Bungle's shoe tower from a posetreis angle.
Cid: The engines aren't ready yet. I need at least three more days.
Miyamoto: You have two... SECONDS!
Cid: Fukk that!
Miyamoto: What did you just say?
Cid: I said right away sir.
Cid runs off to fix the airship.
Miyamoto: Now are you coming Oscar.
Oscar: Fukk off!
Miyamoto: I'll take that as a yes. Jozby pick up his can and carry him into the control room.
Jozby runs and grabs the can with Oscar.
Jozby: The god damm pen is blue! Give me some puddin.
Miyamoto: Ok thank you for whatever that was Jozby. Now, Gaspar and Met your coming two.
Gaspar: But Full House is coming on, and then perfect strangers.
Miyamoto: MOVE!!!
Gaspar and Met run into the airship.
Gapar and Met: Ass hole!
Miyamoto: Now where's Wozby?
Waldo walks in.
Waldo: You rang?
Miyamoto: Not where's Waldo fukkface.
Miyamoto looks around.
Miyamoto: WOZBY!!!
Wozby runs in carrying a toilet.
Miyamoto: What the fukk were you doing?
Wozby: It's called plot hole toliet dip$hit. I invented it. A plot hole opens up in the bowl every time you flush.
Miyamoto: Get your ass on that airship! We don't have all day. Just put your stupid toilet in the closet. CID!!!
Cid: What do you want ass hole?
Miyamoto: Is it ready?
Cid: Sure.
Miyamoto: Allrighty then, your driving.
Cid: Fukk that!
Miyamoto: What did you just say?
Cid: I said thank you sir. I love to drive.
Miyamoto: Well I'm sory that the rest of you for not being important enough to come along. But now we're off.
And then Miyamoto and his crew take off in Miyairshipmoto.
*Meanwhile in the lair off the pirates who hate cuss-words*
Greenbeard: Sir the alarm has gone off ten times in the last five minutes.
Pinkbeard: Ten times?! What's the source?
Greenbeard: Nintendo Headquarters sir.
*On Miyairshipmoto*
Miyamoto: I have to go take a dump.
Miyamoto runs off but accidentally walks into the closet.
Miyamoto: Hey there's no sink in this bathroom. Oh well.
*On the top deck*
Our heroes can see a gigantic pirate airship approaching. Cid comes in through the radio.
Cid on Radio: This is control room. I'm picking up a vessel on the radar.
Wozby: Yeah we see it up here too.
Oscar on radio: Put on hailing frequencies.
Cid on radio: One second Oscar.
Met: Don't do it Cid. He's only going to say that there's no Santa Claus, hoping that a little kid will be listening.
Oscar on Radio: Aww you guys are no fun.
All of a sudden the gigantic pirate ship crashes into Miyairshipmoto and latches onto the side. The cuss-word hating pirates then board Miyairshipmoto.
Wozby: Who are you guys?
Pinkbeard: We're the cuss-word hating pirates, or CHP. We brutally murder people who use cuss-words because our religion says that cuss-words are morally wrong.
Greenbeard: We're actually heading for Nintendo headquarters. Our radar picked up some filth flarn filth coming from that direction. We just saw you on the way and thought we'd say hi. You guys aren't cussers are you?
Wozby, Jozby, Gaspar, and Met: Who us?
*In the closet*
Miyamoto flushes the toilet, then a plot hole opens and Eddie Murphy climbs out of the toilet.
Miyamoto: Eddie!!!
EddieMurphy: Shiggy!!!
EddieMurphy: Whoo that's a big ass!!!
*on the top deck*
Greenbeard starts sniffing the air.
Greenbeard: Sir, I think I smell cuss-words nearby.
Jozby: Uh no... uh... I just let one loose.
Pinkbeard: Well we have to get to Nintendo headquarters.
As the cuss word hating pirates are walking off, Miyamoto and Eddie murphy come up to the top deck. Miyamoto and Eddie Murphy both stare at the size of the gigantic pirate ship.
Miyamoto: Wooh, that's a big-
Gaspar: No! Stop Miyamoto before it's too late!
Eddie Murphy: But it is a big- *Eddie Muprhy is shot by Gaspar*
Pinkbeard gets suspicios and turns around.
Pinkbeard: It's a big what?
NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Mario500: Hee hee! This is the box that's from page one. If I hit you you'll be done.
LupusTheTurk: You are a sad strange little man.
STAY TUNED
Fred In Bed
TV personality: Last time on L&AOM, or whatever the abbreviation is, Miyamoto was stuck in a tight spot...
Miyamoto: Arrggh, this crap is taking forever to get out!
TV personality: No, I mean that the pirates that hate swearing were about to kill you, ya doofus. And Gaspar has just killed Eddie Murphy.
Eddie Murphy: It's impossible to kill movie stars like us though - we're made immortal!
TV personality: Oh, shutup. And Mario500 was making a large distruption in the force.
(In OGers lab)
Mario500: Hee hee! This is the box that's from page one. If I hit you you'll be done.
LupusTheTurk: You are a sad strange little man.
Fred_In_Bed: Yes! I'm back!
Mario500: Hehehe! No siliness shall survive!
Fred_In_Bed: hmmmm... That might be a bad thing...
TVpersonality: Ok, back to the story.
Miyamoto: Man, It is hard to go crap... I hope that chocolate milk wasn't... arghh...
Gaspar: Miyamoto, do not sware or we're all doomed!
Miyamoto: But I've just watched 28 straight episodes of Def Comedy Jam! Argh! Crap!
Purple with yellow polka-dots beard: Hey, I'm picking up another faint swearing trace! Someone must have said the "C" word.
Gaspar: Oh no, I must now use my ray of censoring!
Pinkbeard: Oh, it looks like it's under control. Good ol' Gaspar. It might have gotten ugly. Seeyaa guys.
Met: OK, good thing THATS over.
(in castle of death)
Don Cherry: That's not playin' Hockey! Look at that! Over the net every time!
Absoloutly Nobody: Hey, they're playing volleyball!
Don Cherry: Whatever. We have our orders, you big gray thing that spits fire! We must crash Miyamoto's tea party! MuAAHAHAHAAHAH!
Absoloutly Nobody: Hey, why is the camera panning out? Darn these scenes!
Next time, on L&AOM!!:
Miyamoto: Met, please be so kind as to pass the tea!
Met: I don't have any hands!
Don Cherry: You don't got no defence! Prepare for the ultimate in pain: The Overwaxed hockey stick!
BE THERE!
Lemonjello
Meanwhile, in...hey, why should I tell you? You've never done anything for me, you jerk! You'll just have to scratch your little heads and guess where this scene is taking place! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!
Miyamoto: Met, please be so kind as to pass the tea!
Met: I don't have any hands!
Don Cherry: You don't got no defence! Prepare for the ultimate in pain: The Overwaxed hockey stick!
Gaspar: NNNOOOOOO!!!1 *Gaspar grabs the Overwaxed hockey stick and throws it out of the window*
Don Cherry: My work here is done! Warp out! *Don Cherry dissapears*
Miyamoto: Met, have you ever wondered where the season one characters ever went to?
Met: Yeah. Aside from a few guest appearances to boost the sales of Teh Willy Higinbotham AKTION!!1 Firgure Set DDR Expansion Pakk, we haven't seen Wiyamoto, Jozby, Woctor Wily, and those other fraks for a while.
Alex Trebeck: It seems high time for the...Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Christmas Special Reunion DDR Uber Moronic Special Featuring Several Characters That Have Never Appeared In The Show!!1 (L&AoMCSRDDRUMSFSCTHNAITS for short)
Steve Irwin: Crikey!
Announcer: Miyamoto, this man is your evil, who, on many occasions, has tried to kill you in cold blood. Miyamoto, say hello to...
Guy: Jerry Springer?
Announcer: No...
Random Woman: Queen Amidala?
Gilligan: The skipper?
Announcer: No no no! Say hello to...
Met: Wiyamoto?
Announcer: I was supposed to say that! If I wasn't just a disembodied voice, I would mace you right now!
Wiyamoto: Why hello there, Shiggy-san.
Miyamoto: Good morning, Wiyamoto-san. How are things?
Wiyamoto: Well, I had to put my ferret to sleep yesterday because-hey! You're just trying to distract me while you pull out your Cheese Ray!
Miyamoto: To tell the truth, yes, I am trying to kill you right now.
Wiyamoto: Then I will have to kill you! Death Team, assemble!
Wats: Trouble prepare for!
Willy: Make it quadruple!
Wr. Wily: Meowth! That's right!
Miyamoto: Wasn't your motto longer before?
Wiyamoto: Yes. Now shut up while we kill you.
Miyamoto: Certainly!
Wr. Wily takes out his cheese-o-matic and kills Miyamoto.
Wiyamoto: Yyyyyyyeeeeeessss!!!1
Willy: Now what?
Wr. Wily: We plug in the W Machine into this common household outlet!
To be continued...
On the next exciting episode of The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto...
Wiyamoto: Hey! This is my OG now! Change the next time thing or die! *shakes block of chedder cheese threateningly*
Geeze! Okay, I'll change it...on the next exciting epsidoe of The Life and Adventures of Wiyamoto...
Met: OMFG!
Dr. Wily: OMFG!
Met: wtf?!
Man: rofl!11
Elmo: Welcome back to hell, Shigeru Miyamoto! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!1
Lupus
Wiyamoto: Now for the most amazing event in The Life and Adventures of Wiyamoto's history... even if that history begins now! THE REANIMATION OF THE W-MACHINE!
Met: OMFG!
Dr. Wily: OMFG!
Met: wtf?!
Man: rofl!11
Elmo: Welcome back to hell, Shigeru Miyamoto! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!1
Miyamoto: This is all very strange to me. I seem to be drunk on Hippo Juice.
Wiyamoto: I have brought you back to life to witness the new W-World! The ball of the Earth will be in my palm!
Miyamoto: But the Earth is flat!
Lupus: That's my line.
Wiyamoto: That's only what Taxanian Pig-Poachers who like to dance with hung riddled Italians say. Now prepare for the coming of W!
*zoom out to a huge space station over the Earth, James Bond style. The station has a laser pointing directly at the world. The laser grows red then shoots out, spraying the Earth with W-ness. Every unsuspecting person is cloned into a W version, while every suspecting person stays unharmed*
Wiyamoto: This... this is outrageous! What happened to the suspecting people? Why wasn't Miyamoto turned into a W clone?
Wats: We ran of transistor set!
Wiyamoto: Grrr! Death Team! I want you to go out and kill people who do not sport the W in their names!
Wats: Bzzt... all base belong... *explodes*
Wiyamoto: Nooo! My fool proof plan is becoming fooled! Miyamoto! This is all your fault! *attacks the ghost of Miyamoto*
Miyamoto: Reclaim BEAMZ0RZ!!
*Wiyamoto is incinerated, and all his soldiers are freed from his mind control, and LaAoW is turned back into LaAoM*
Wagus: Where... where am I?
Waul WcCartney: That's strange... I suddenly forgot the chords to "Westerday"...
Miyamoto: You men! You are now free from Wiyamoto's evilness! Go out and live your lives!
*The W clones walk around in circles like zombies, bumping into things*
Miyamoto: I must reprogram them all to obey my every command.
Khaki Blue: THIS IS RUBBISH! ONE MOMENT MIYAMOTO IS GOOD, THE NEXT HE IS EVIL! WHAT IS THIS OG COMING TO?
Mario 500: I don't like it!
Miyamoto: Bwahahahaha!! I think I'll suck your existences into my Pokémon Red game so I can turn you into TV icons for the little kiddies!! HAHAHA!! *sucks Mario 500 and Khaki into his game, turning them into instant kid idols. Just as he does so, a reaction sends brains back into Wiyamoto's W henchmen, and they snap back into reality*
Wagus: This death team front is dangerous! I hereby announce the NEW DEATH TEAM! I will go and get members immediately!
Wr. Wily: I think I'll go start a career of herbal engineering.
Other Ws: *insert various and random career paths here*
Miyamoto: And I shall settle down somewhere to the south and begin to build my ultimate creation!
MUCH, MUCH LATER
*Our story starts one August afternoon in a highly fortified, patrolled, laser protected, sky fade out roof and fishing prohibited metre by metre hut in the jungles of Morchiba, where our hero Miyamoto is building his cheese ray*
Miyamoto: I am not building a cheese ray!
Inferno Dragon: AHA! I WILL TEMPORARILY RUIN YOUR STORY AT THIS STAGE!!
Miyamoto: You wouldn't!
Inferno Dragon: BWAHAHAHA!! Come, my pretties!
*The hut is swarmed by Antarctica-native wasps*
Miyamoto: Nooo! Get me out of here! ARGH!!
Wagus: I will help you, Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Not you again.
Wagus: Quick, board my Wlackbird and we'll fly into the heavens!
Miyamoto: I'd prefer being bitten by wasps than that.
Wagus: You must hurry Miyamoto! The black wind howls in unnatural lengths of pre-decimal amazement!
Miyamoto: If you put it that way... *jumps onboard*
Wagus: I am so glad you came to think of things my way, Miyamoto. An evil group of people called the F'tang F'tang Olé Biscuit Barrel Corps are hunting you down. They want compensation for you shouting out soul lyrics over the top of "Arnold in Paris".
Miyamoto: That wasn't my fault!
Wagus: I believe you, Miyamoto, but they don't. You are in safe hands, though. I used to be a leader of a rival group of elites who are opposed to every thing they do, even if they are doing it for peace. We used to fight them in outageous over the top gang wars taking place in a computer generated landscape, and we always kept step by step to them. I used to command my teammates around the battlefield, Bahamut Lagoon style, and they all looked up to me as the "Leader Who Is".
Miyamoto: ...I see... and how long ago was this?
Wagus: Oh, since around... the ninth of January 2003...
Miyamoto: So you mean today?
Wagus: Hey... come to think of it, I'm still the leader!
Miyamoto: *sweatdrop*
*Two hours later in the NEW DEATH TEAM HQ*
Hironobu Sakaguchi: And that's how the fingernail moss was erased from all personal history of Jamie Oliver and his walking shower tiles.
Wagus: *sniff* That was beautiful! Team, give him an applause!
Team: *clapping*
Wagus: We have a new member for our supreme 1337 hidden organisation, my friends. His name is Miyamoto Shigeru, and he-
Miyamoto: Shigeru Miyamoto.
Wagus: Pardon?
Miyamoto: My name is Shigeru Miyamoto.
Wagus: Yes... but I was lead to believe by your title within this OG, your christian name is in fact Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: I'm not Christian. I'm a Buddist... of Nintendoism, that is.
Wagus: I'm afraid we don't accept Buddahs of any kind in our organisation. YOU'RE FIRED!!
Miyamoto: I wasn't aware you hire people into organisations...
Wagus: New Death Team, kill him!!
*We take a moment here while needless violence is going on, to report an important community announcement*
Flying Gerbil: Hi kids! Me and my friends Mario 500 and Khaki Blue the Pokémon are here to tell you all about CRITICAL ORGANISATIONALIST COUNTERPRICING!
Khaki Blue: That's right! The big nice people in the tall tall towers of the city are NEEDING YOUR MONEY!
Mario 500: So, remember to brush your teeth after every meal and send money to 1800-123-KIDSFUND! Tell your parents you won't live much longer if they don't donate. Bye-dly diddly eye!
Man: Oh my god! It's the guy from Macguyver!
*We now return to our program, where the last of the needless blood has just splashed the walls*
Miyamoto: There, I finally defeated them all.
Wagus: You fool! That was YOUR blood!
Miyamoto: NOOOO!!
New Death Team: Bwahahahaha!!
Voice on Loudspeaker-thingie: NEW DEATH TEAM! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, PREFERABLY WITH ALL YOUR DRUG STORES IN THEM! THIS IS THE FEDERAL ORC POLICE OF MORCHIBA! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!
Wagus: Nooo! New Death Team, we must escape to the fort at Helms Deep, where we will brace ourselves against the attack of orcs!
Hironobu Sakaguchi: But Commander Wagus! They've surrounded us!
Wagus: Be cheap!
Sakaguchi: Alrighty! *warps out*
Wagus: The rest of you, be cheap also!
The Entire Cast of Full House: Right! *jumps five miles out of the window*
Hercules: Commander Wagus! I have run out of CP!
Wagus: I told you to stock up our supplies of Cheap Power Ethers! You'll have to be spared!
Hercules: NOOO!!!
*Wagus and the rest of the New Death Team, minus Hercules, escape in various cheap ways.*
Hercules: Why have you abandoned me master?
Miyamoto: Get a grip man! We can escape!
Hercules: We can?
Miyamoto: No.
*Suddenly a time portal opens up and an arm reaches out, pulling Miyamoto into it.*
Gaspar: You are safe, Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Where am I?
Gaspar: Your memory has been erased by the most wanted man in Morchiba, Guam and South East Asia, Wagus, when you entered the New Death Team's HQ. He made you forget all that had happened before there, and replaced it with a false memory of you being chased by a rabid Rosie O'Donnel on pumped up steroids.
Miyamoto: No!
Gaspar: It is true. Wagus was both the leaders of the New Death Team and the F'Tang F'Tang Corps. He created rivalries between his two teams in order to feed his already huge bank account in damage insurance.
Miyamoto: I cannot believe what I am hearing!
Gaspar: The ultimate truth with scar you for life... WAGUS IS REALLY... BILL GATES! *horror chord*
Miyamoto: ...
Gaspar: Did that horrible truth not strike fear into your heart?
Miyamoto: No, I kinda guessed he was Bill Gates when you told me about his already huge bank account.
Gaspar: HE KNOWS TOO MUCH! GET HIM!
*Gaspar, Melchior and Belthasar chase Miyamoto with huge swords*
Miyamoto: Stay away from me, you fiends!
Wagus: I will help you, Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Not you again, again.
Wagus: Quick, board my Wlackbird and we'll fly into the heavens!
Miyamoto: I'd prefer being sliced into ten thousand pieces by Guru's swords than that.
Wagus: You must hurry Miyamoto! The black wind howls in extremely large ammounts of superhuman incredibility!
Miyamoto: If you put it that way... *jumps onboard*
Gaspar: NOOO! Miyamoto, you fool! It's a trap!
Miyamoto: Really?
Gaspar: Yes! At least I think so.
Miyamoto: In that case... *jumps back to the End of Time platform*
Wagus: Gaspar, you have foiled my plans for the first time!
Gaspar: So?
Wagus: Good point. Away! *flies away on strings*
Miyamoto: I thank thee Gaspar for saving my life after trying to destroy it.
Gaspar: I'm glad you've gained recontrol of your head. Because now I shall slice it in two! Get him boys!
Melchior: Char, charmander!
Belthasar: Pikachu chu, pikachu!
Miyamoto: I surrender!
Gaspar: Mwahahaha! Now I shall... well, I don't know what I shall do. I was hoping to destroy you. I have no cells to place you in...
Miyamoto: How about you let me return to Tokyo, Japan, where I can find the real Gaspar who is my friend!
Gaspar: You are deluded, my friend! I am not your friend!
Miyamoto: That didn't make a whole lotta sense.
Gaspar: Now, it is time to reveal my true identity! For I am not Gaspar, I am... *takes off mask to reveal... NOBODY?!?!* nobody!!
Miyamoto: Cool!
Nobody: Holy cow! Now I'm nobody, I can't do anything! I'll be sucked into nothingne- *pop*
Miyamoto: I must now return to 2003 AD and feed my fish. *jumps into Tokyo 2003 AD time portal*
MEANWHILE, AT THE FORT OF F'TANG F'TANG...
Wagus: Men of the F'tang! I have great news to bring to you all! Our pitiful enemies, the New Death Team, have been police raided! They had to leave their foolish HQ quickly! They couldn't get any of their supplies, and now the police have no doubtedly taken all their possesions for evidence!
F'tangers: Yip yip yee!!
Wagus: Furthermore, I hear that this post is ALMOST COMPLETELY POINTLESS!
F'tangers: Goodem zu owly zhiv!!
Wagus: Now, to progress to the history-making feat of the week... KILLING RALPH BAER!!!
F'tangers: Yar die buckety rum ting ftoo! Ni ni ni! Yaooo!!
Met: Did you hear that?
Miyamoto: No, I'm in Tokyo. You are too. We're not in this scene.
*Meanwhile, in Tokyo- Nintendo's HQ*
Met: According to this copy of the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Series 3 that I got from a Video Shop that had mysteriously been sent back from the year 20XXXXXX, Wagus and his F'tangers plan to kill Ralph Baer!
Miyamoto: Quiet! I'm feeding my fish!
Met: But Ralph Baer is important for the future of LaAoM! On the DVD set for Series 63247 I also got from the shop, he supposedly saves us from certain death in the hands of Ed Gates the Bearded, who is currently planning his invasion on the LaAoM from the safety of Dr. Wily's Versus the World!
Miyamoto: It's not as important as feeding my fish!
Met: ...Your fish only swim around. Baer saves us.
Miyamoto: Why didn't you tell me earlier! We must kidnap Baer!
Met: Uh...
Miyamoto: Yes! We must kidnap him and torture him until he tells us the plans!
Met: What plans? ...I mean, Wagus is after his life-
Miyamoto: Silence! I want you to kidnap him! Otherwise no more softball breaks!
Met: Yessir.
LATER THAT NIGHT
*Two mysterious figures appear in Ralph Baer's window as he is sleeping. They enter in using a blowtorch to remove bolts and then proceed to use a laser to cut a hole in a glass case protecting Baer's underpants. The figures then take them.*
Wozby: I get to hold them, Met!
Met: Nuh uh!! I GET TO TAKE THEM WILL WOZBY!!
Wozby: No, I GET TO METOOL NO SURNAME SUPPLIED WHO LIVES IN THE NINTENDO BUILDING IN TOKYO!
Baer: *waking up* Huh?
Wozby: Holy crap! I think he heard our names!
Met: Gogogogogo!!
Gogo: You rang?
*Met and Wozby quickly rush back out the window*
THE NEXT MORNING
Miyamoto: Ah, it is a nice day. I think I'll read the personals in the paper.
*He looks down the column until he sees a note written by Baer:*
MISSING: $700000 UNDERPANTS
CALL ME ON 1800-123-KIDSFUND AND I MIGHT REWARD YOU WITH A DOLLAR OR TWO. THAT'S A MAYBE.
PLEASE DON'T SELL THEM. RETURN THEM... PLEASE.
RALPH BAER
Miyamoto: Mwahahahaha! It pleasures me to see him in pain! Mwahahaha!! Met! Get the phone.
Met: Alrighty. *picks it up, and dials 1800-123-KIDSFUND.*
Ralph Baer: Ralph Baer speaking.
Met: *purposely deep voice* I called you to tell you that I have found your underpants. They were left in our offices when you came in to pick up a package of turbo oranged-spliced motor camels last night.
Baer: I don't remember-
Met: *losing his deep voice* Yesyoudo!
Baer: Hold on a second... your voice is familiar. You wouldn't happen to be the one called Metool who was in my house last night would you?
Met: Sorrygottagoifyou'dlikeyourunderpantsbackjustcometotheNintendoHQbuildingtodaythankyou... *hangs up the phone*
Miyamoto: MWAHAHAHAHA!! MY PLAN TO BUILD A BAER RAY IS ALL COMING TOGETHER!
Baer: Hi, I'm here to collect my undies.
Miyamoto: That was quick.
Baer: Yeah, my house's set is just next door to the Nintendo HQ interior set.
Miyamoto: Show him to his underpants, you two.
Wozby and Met: Yessir.
*The three walk down a corridor to Miyamoto's office*
Met: In here, sir.
Baer: Are you sure this is where I left my underpants?
Wozby: Yes, yes! Come in, come in!
*Baer goes in the office, and a huge metal door slams behind him*
Met: HAHAHAHAHA! Wozby! Report to Miyamoto that the Bear is in the trap!
Baer: That's Baer you keyboard skill-lacking fool!
Met: It was a pun, you humourless trapped Bear!
TO BE CONTINUED!
NEXT TIME ON LaAoM:
Miyamoto: Extract Baer probability juice AD for the Baer Ray... completion of complete juicing completed.
Matthew Lesko: You won't get away with mind controlling my sister, Miyamoto! And give me back my banana slippers! You can make money! Call me.
Miyamoto: Hahahaha! Only vegetables can save you now!
STAY TUNED
Bodacious
(Mario500 has returned to typing the countinuing LaAoM after escaping the Pokemon Red game and spending life as a kids idol)
Mario500: I'm finally back, now to stop Miyamoto from (reads story) mind controlling Matthew Lesko's sister, whoever they are.
Met: Oh yeah! CHEESE RAY!!!!!
(Mario500 makes cheese ray vanish)
Met: What the.....HACK!!!
Wozby: Hey Met, why did you say "HACK"?
Met: Oh sorry! I meant, what the...HELL!!!
Mario500: I now control the OG story. I can even do this.
(Wozby disappers and appears in Bill Gates Underground Lab)
Bill Gates: Well, well, well, isn't it Wozby from that weird OG Story.
Wozby: Please don't kill me!
Bill Gates: I won't kill you, I'm going to X-BOXED YOU!!!! Muhahahahaahahahahaha!!!!!
Wozby:Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
(Meanwhile back at Nintendo HQ)
Met: Ah, I don't need that Wozby anyway.
Mario500: Now to find Miyamoto!
(In Miyamoto's lair)
Miyamoto: Extract Baer probability juice AD for the Baer Ray... completion of complete juicing completed.
Matthew Lesko: You won't get away with mind controlling my sister, Miyamoto! And give me back my banana slippers! You can make money! Call me.
Miyamoto: Hahahaha! Only vegetables can save you now!
(Mario500 comes with vegetables)
Mario: Not so fast, Shigeru!!!
Miyamoto: Please, don't call me by my first name!
Mario500: Oh yeah!
(Miyamoto's name in the story shall now be Shigeru)
Shigeru: Ahhhhhhhhhh! What have you done?
Mario500: I control all, Shiggy!!! I'm like God, but only as a writer.
(Frees Ralph Baer and rescues Lesko's sister)
Baer: Thanks Mario, the videogame world has been spared.
Matthew Lesko: Hey Mr.500, you can get one of my books for getting free money from the government. Call me at 1-800...
(Shigeru drops a bomb on Lesko)
Matthew: Oh.....
TO BE CONTINUED...
On the next LaAoM...
Shigeru: Now that Matthew Lesko is dead, I shall take over his company that produces his book and destroy the world's economy!
Met: Umm, Miyamoto, your name is still Shigeru is this OG Story.
Shigeru: Shut up Met!
Lupus
Shigeru: Now that Matthew Lesko is dead, I shall take over his company that produces his book and destroy the world's economy!
Met: Umm, Miyamoto, your name is still Shigeru is this OG Story.
Shigeru: Shut up Met!
Mario500: Mwahaha! I can even make them argue!
*meanwhile in the Returner's Hideout*
Lemonjello: What are we going to do? Mario500 has taken over the OG universe as we know it.
Lupus: There's only one answer. We must climb to the top of the Tower of Fanatics and defeat him.
Bodacious: But... that's bodaciously impossible!
Lupus: It's only bodaciously improbable. We can do it if we have the help of the Electric Charged Wang Generator Verson 8.6.
Bodacious: How will that help?
Lupus: If we drop the ECWGV8.6 into the fires of the Tower of Fanatics, we can restore the OG to its usual INCREDIBLY SILLY self.
Bodacious: Incredibly silly, here we come!
*to make a long story short, they throw the machine into the fires of the Fanatics Tower and Mario500 is reduced to a pile of ash*
Lupus: Mwahahaha.
Bodacious: Mwahahaha.
Masamune: Mwahahaha.
Lemonjello: Mwahahaha.
Lupus: Mwahahaha.
Bodacious: Mwahahaha.
Masamune: Mwahahaha.
Lemonjello: Mwahahaha.
Lupus: Mwahahaha.
Bodacious: Mwahahaha.
Masamune: Mwahahaha.
Lemonjello: Mwahahaha.
Lupus: Mwahahaha.
Bodacious: Mwahahaha.
Masamune: Mwahahaha.
Lemonjello: Mwahahaha.
Lupus: Mwahahaha.
Bodacious: Mwahahaha.
Masamune: Mwahahaha.
Lemonjello: Mwahahaha.
Mario500: Mwahahaha.
Lupus: Mwahahaha.
Bodacious: Mwahahaha.
Masamune: Mwahahaha.
Lemonjello: Mwahahaha- wait, what was that?!?!
Mario500: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Lupus: Holy crap! He's coming right at us!
Mario500: Fools! You only defeated my clone! Now I shall crush you all!
Lemonjello: But I have a wife and kids!!
Lupus: No you don't.
Mario500: You sound like chapters from a self help booklet! Prepare yourselfs of the slaughtering of my very own Wal Mart Cheese Destructor! I call it... THE CHEESE-ERADICATOR! MWAHAHAHA!!!
*Mario500 fires the Cheese Eradicator at the group. It misses and slices Victoria off the rest of Australia*
Mario500: Witness the power of my Cheese Destructor, you fools! I will rip your flesh into shreds!!
???: Stop, in the name of love!
Mario500: Hmm?
*Mario500 turns to see a boot flying at his face. He then gets beaten to a pulp*
Bodacious: Questionmark questionmark questionmark, how can we ever repay you?
???: You don't have to because I'm... *takes off mask to reveal* LEMONJELLO!?!?
Lemonjello: No, I am.
Lemonjello2: Really? Oh, that must mean I am in fact *takes off mask to reveal...* Bodacious!
Bodacious: Yeah, that's right. I'm just a projectory *flickers out*
NEXT TIME
Mario500: Those fools won't stop me from building my Cosmic Death Ray Ultima 5000 this time!
Dole: Yes, they will.
STAY TUNED!
Mario500
(Miyamoto and Met arrive at Lesko's book company)
Met: Are you sure this is Matthew Lesko's place?
Shigeru: Yeah I'm sure! Why would there be question marks all over the building?
Met: Uhhhhhhh????????
Shigeru: Oh, never mind.
(As they enter the building, the entire place starts going underground)
Met: What in (CENSORED) is going on here?
Shigeru: Telling by that censor bar, this is the work of Mario500.
(Mario500 appears on top of the building, along with Bob Dole)
Mario500: Those fools won't stop me from building my Cosmic Death Ray Ultima 5000 this time!
Dole: Yes, they will.
Mario500: Shut up Bob! Why the HACK are you with me anyway?
Dole: To help you shut down Matthew Lesko's operation before those two wackos destroy our world's economy using it.
Shigeru: Wackos!? Why you...
(Due to the extreme violence and embarrising displays throughout the fight, this scene has been cut short to protect the innocence reading this story and...)
(EXPLOSION)
Met: Well, that's enough of that!
Shigeru: Ahh man, you should have seen me when I knocked Bob Dole's teeth out using my...oh never mind.
TO BE CONTINUED...
NEXT TIME on LaAoM...
Mario500: With my Cosmic Death Ray, I shall destroy Wiyamoto and his evil plans for cloning us all into "W" clones.
Met: Not without this important element.
Mario500: Oh dear, not my.....
Mario500
Mario500: With my Cosmic Death Ray, I shall destroy Wiyamoto and his evil plans for cloning us all into "W" clones.
Met: Not without this important element.
Mario500: Oh dear, not my.....
(Bob Dole wakes up after being badly beaten up and without much of his teeth)
Dole: Nobody, and I mean nobody beats up Bob Dole and gets aways with it.
Shigeru: Yes we can!
Dole: Shoot! So much for threats.
Mario500: As I was saying before we were so rudely interupted by the badly beaten Bob Dole, the element I need for my Cosmic Death Ray is a CHEESE Tooth.
Met: That's right and I have one of the only CHEESE Teeth in the entire universe. BAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Bob Dole snatches the tooth and places it in his upper gums)
Met: Noooooooooo!!!!
Dole: Do I look great or what?
Met: You fool! That tooth is now worthless thanks to your stupidity.
Dole: How come?
Shigeru: DUH! That tooth was entirely made out of cheese and now it's ruined thanks to the gums of you.
Mario500: Hey Met, you said that CHEESE Tooth is not the only one. Right?
Met: Yeah, but I have no idea where the other one is.
Shigeru: I remember somebody at Nintendo Co. Ltd. having an odd looking tooth on display, but I don't seem to remember that.... NOW I DO!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
On the next LaAoM...
(At Nintendo Co. Ltd.)
Shigeru: Ok everbody, I'm sure Hiroshi Yamauchi is leaving for home soon.
Met: Now let's steal that CHEESE Tooth!
Mario500: As you all may not know, Mr.Yamauchi retired from Nintendo last year from about a half a century as the company's president.
Shigeru: DOH!!! Darn!!! Darnet!!! (CENSORED)!!!
Lupus
(At Nintendo Co. Ltd.)
Shigeru: Ok everbody, I'm sure Hiroshi Yamauchi is leaving for home soon.
Met: Now let's steal that CHEESE Tooth!
Mario500: As you all may not know, Mr.Yamauchi retired from Nintendo last year from about a half a century as the company's president.
Shigeru: DOH!!! Darn!!! Darnet!!! (CENSORED)!!!
Met: But wait! He hasn't retired from the LaAoM yet!
Shigeru: Good point.
*continues to steal the Cheese Tooth when Yamauchi leaves for home*
Shigeru: Bwahahaha! Now I will rule the universe! *places the Cheese Tooth into a pan below the constructed Cosmic Death Ray and presses a button*
Jon Weisheit: YOU FOOL MIYAMOTO! THAT BUTTON WAS THE BUTTON TO SUCK US ALL INTO INFINITE DOOM! NOOO!!
Shigeru: Who put a button of such incredible destructive force on my Cosmic Death Ray...?
Peter Wreath: You did!
Shigeru: That's funny, I don't remember doing such a thing...
Peter Wreath: That's because you didn't! I did! HAHAHAHA!!
Shigeru: Nooo!
*Miyamoto is sucked into the infinite doom portal, but lands in Rosie O Donnel's cupboard*
Shigeru: Where... where am I?
Rosie O'Donnel: SUGAR!! NEED SUGARR!!!!111
Shigeru: No! It cannot be!! This is infinite doom!!!
*Rosie opens the cupboard and eats Miyamoto. Miyamoto is then thrown down into her stomach*
Shigeru: It's pitch black in here...
Superman: Miyamoto? Is that you!?!
Shigeru: No, it's Shigeru.
Superman: *changes Shigeru's third person name back to Miyamoto* There.
Miyamoto: I'm... I'm cured!! Thank you Superman!
Superman: Now, you must put an end to George Washington.
Miyamoto: Why?
Superman: Because without him, corperate punishment would have never existed, therefore causing a social uprising of criminal organisations, putting Japanese society back ten thousand years!
Miyamoto: But I don't want to put Japanese society back ten thousand years!!
Superman: You must! *pulls out gun and aims it at Miyamoto* You must put back society and never invent the NES!! Then I will invent it myself and take all the credit for it! For I am... *takes off mask to reveal...* WILLY HIGINBOTHAM???
Miyamoto: But why Willy? I trusted you!
Willy: My parents trusted George Washington! Look where they got!
Miyamoto: I'm looking.
Willy: ...THAT'S NOT THE POINT YOU FOOL! It was a figure of speech!
Miyamoto: So are you going to show me where they got or not?
Willy: No, I am going to shoot you unless you assassinate George Washington by using this time portal I got from Gaspar's garage sale.
Miyamoto: Grrrr!! I'll do what you ask, but only for my wife's sake.
Willy: Your wife is dead! Mwahahaha!!
Miyamoto: HAHA! THAT WAS JUST A TRICK! I HAVE NO WIFE!! YOU DROPPED YOUR GUARD BY LAUGHING!! *karate chops Willy and takes his gun* Now, stand up and give me all the lupins you have.
Willy: Lupins? I have no lupins!
Miyamoto: I happen to know you are the merchant on the lupin express.
Willy: Oh cow. Here you go *hands over all his lupins*
Mario500: I sincerly hope that isn't another Holy Grail reference.
Miyamoto: No, it's a Monty Python reference.
Mario500: I should be confused here, but strangely I'm not *disappears in a cloud of smoke*
Willy: What are you going to do with me Miyamoto?
Miyamoto: I will employ you to work at Nintendo. You can be Flying Gerbil's accountant.
Willy: NEVER!! *swallows a cyanide button on his shirt*
Miyamoto: Hahaha! MWAHAHAHA! Such a clever trick to make him kill himself!!
Willy: I'm not dead.
Miyamoto: Yes, you are.
Willy: Oh, ok. *dies*
NEXT TIME
George Washington: Now, time to put up the flag! Hold on... where's the flag of criminal punishment?
Mike Patton: MWAHAHAHA!! I have your flag! And you'll never get me!!
*Mike Patton jumps in his Bunglemobile*
STAY TUNED!!
Mario500
(Miyamoto throws Willy's body into the stomach acid)
Miyamoto: Now that Willy Higinbotham is gone, I shall complete my plan with the use of my Cosmic Death Ray to rule the world.
(Mario500 appears)
Mario500: Um, Miyamoto, there's one more little problem before you continue your mission, YOU'RE STILL STUCK INSIDE THE BODY OF ROSIE O'DONNELL!!!
Miyamoto: I KNOW THAT, NOW STOP TALKING IN ALL CAPITALS BEFORE I... whoops, pardon me.
Mario500: Anyway, we must get out of this horrible excuse for a stomach, who knows what evil lurks behind the wall of Rosie's digestion system.
(Mike Patton comes through the time portal)
Mike Patton: Whooh, two years traveling through time sure can give a guy a headache. Hey, this isn't Gasper's place.
Miyamoto: No, it's your worst nightmare.
Mike Patton: What?
Miyamoto: Rosie O'Donnel's STOMACH! DUH!!!
Mike Patton: AHHHHHHHH!!! THE HORROR!!!
(Mike falls back into the portal)
Mario500: Nice going, Miyamoto!
Miyamoto: Hey, it wasn't my fault he's afraid of Rosie O'Donnel.
Mario500: If we find him somewhere in time, we can return somewhere here in the present outside of Rosie's body.
Miyamoto: Great idea, lets go!
(Meanwhile, somewhere in the past)
George Washington: Now, time to put up the flag! Hold on... where's the flag of criminal punishment?
Mike Patton: MWAHAHAHA!! I have your flag! And you'll never get me!!
(Mike Patton jumps in his Bunglemobile)
George Washington: Get back here you crazy little... hey what is that thing you're riding
Mike Patton: Now to return to the present with a little present of my own for those two punks that sent me here.
(A group of rebels stop Mike Patton's Bunglemobile)
Mike Patton: Oh my God, the Red Ribbon Army!
Soldier #1: No, we are the secret society called the Anti-Washington Regime.
Soldier #3: Now that you know all about us, you're coming with us.
Soldier #4: So get out of that motor powered thingy and follow us.
Mie Patton: I'm so doomed!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Mario500: Ah, good ol' 18th century.
Miyamoto: Yep, the beginning of a the great U.S. of...
(Miyamoto runs over to guy selling the Saturday Evening Post)
Miyamoto: Hey pal, I know all about the forseen future of this country.
Post Guy: Cool, hey wait a minute.
Mario500
(Mario500 and Miyamoto fall out of the time portal somewhere in the 18th century)
Miyamoto: Mike Patton was right, time travel does give you such a headache.
Mario500: I'm going to need some major Aspirin for mine, if only they had some back then.
(Farmer Gates wakes up near by and spots them in his chemically produced vegetable garden)
Farmer Gates: Hey you two punks, get out my garden or I'll tar and feather you in matter of seconds.
Miyamoto: Oh yeah, go and try it!
Farmer Gates: Ok my foolish friend, you asked for it.
Mario500: We must go Miyamoto, he's crazy enough to do such thing, especially in this time period.
Miyamoto: Hush Mario500, I'm playing along with his dirty trick
(Farmer Gates brings out a barrow of tar and box of feathers)
Miyamoto: Oh what the HACK, let's get out of here!
(Both run off to the near by town)
Farmer Gates: Run foolish ones, but nobody shall escape the evil I shall bring to the world, which shall be carried on by every descendent, Muhahahahahahahah!!!!!! Cough! Cough!
(Mario500 and Miyamoto arrive in the town under the name "Pattonberg")
Mario500: Ah, good ol' 18th century.
Miyamoto: Yep, the beginning of a the great U.S. of...
(Miyamoto runs over to guy selling the Saturday Evening Post)
Miyamoto: Hey pal, I know all about the foreseen future of this country.
Post Guy: Cool, hey wait a minute.
Miyamoto: Run Mario, RUN! Forget about me and save yourself!
Post Guy: All I wanted to ask was do you even know about what happens when the 21st century arrives.
Miyamoto: Oh, yeah I know all about that. False alarm, Mario500!
(Discovers that Mario500 has ran 4 miles away)
Miyamoto: Holy (CENSORED), how did run that quick?
Mario500: It's all in the feet, Miyamoto, and 3 years of drinking "NES Quick: The drink for Nintendo players".
Miyamoto: Hey, no advertising in this story! Who knows what kind of lawsuit the makers of NES Quick would give us?
Mario500: Oh, sorry.
Miyamoto: Anyway, can you give us some information on a guy named Mike Patton, Mr....
Post Guy: Gates, Billy "Post Guy" Gates!
Mario500: You don't happen to be related to that crazy old farmer Gates do you?
Post Guy: Of course I am, silly. Why?
Mario500: Umm.... No particular reason.
Miyamoto: What my friend meant to say was that we met him when we were on our way into town and he almost tar and feathered us.
Post Guy: I see, that's just the way the old man is, cranky, crazy, and of rare times evil.
Miyamoto: Tell us more about Farmer Gates, Billy.
Mario500: But Miyamoto, what about Mike...
Miyamoto: Shut up, this is the perfect time to learn about the secrets of evil that led up the empire of Bill Gates.
Mario500: Oh yeah!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
General Blue: At midnight we shall rule the town of Pattonville and establish it as our bast to rule the country.
All Soldiers: YEAH!!!!!!
Mike Patton: Oh no, not the town that I helped create thanks to my knowledge from the future.
General Blue: You mean you've created this town?
Mike Patton: Yeah I created the town, why would my name be in the title for crying out loud?
General Blue: Ummmmmmmmmmmm.....
Mike Patton: And if this isn't the Red Ribbon Army, how come your name is General Blue?
(Gen. Blue passes out)
Mario500
(6 hours later)
Post Guy:... And that’s how Farmer Gates made the entire Gates clan the richest in all of country. Well, that’s the entire story guys.
(Finds Mario500 and Miyamoto asleep)
Post Guy: WAKE UP YOU TWO LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING FOOLS BEFORE I WHACK YOU BOTH ON THE HEAD WITH MY ENTIRE SET OF SATURDAY EVENING POST!!!!!!!
Miyamoto: ALL RIGHT! All right, Billy we're up!
Post Guy: Sorry guys, that happens every time somebody falls asleep during my real long stories.
Mario500: Did you hear every detail about Farmer Gates, Miyamoto?
Miyamoto: No, I fell asleep along with you.
Mario500: Just perfect! We had a good chance to find what led up to the evil empire of Bill Gates and you ruined it by falling asleep.
Miyamoto: Me! You should have waked me up before you fell asleep.
Mario500: Actually, I was asleep before you!
Miyamoto: Grrrrrrrrr!!!!! Forget it and lets go find Mike Patton.
Post Guy: Before you two go, I'll give you both a free editin of the Saturday Evening Post.
Miyamoto: Really, compleatly free without any charge.
Post Guy: Yeah!
Miyamoto: This is not some trick is it?
Post Guy: Just take the (CERSORED) paper before my boss finds out. Pardon the language, and what was it with the "CENSORED"?
Miyamoto: Don't ask me, I'm not writing this story.
Post Guy: What do you mean by this story?
Mario500: You wouldn't understand, it's pretty complicated.
Post Guy: Oh well, lets just find this Mike Patton guy.
(Meanwhile at Anti-Washington HQ)
General Blue: At midnight we shall rule the town of Pattonville and establish it as our bast to rule the country.
All Soldiers: YEAH!!!!!!
Mike Patton: Oh no, not the town that I helped create thanks to my knowledge from the future.
General Blue: You mean you've created this town?
Mike Patton: Yeah I created the town, why would my name be in the title for crying out loud?
General Blue: Ummmmmmmmmmmm.....
Mike Patton: And if this isn't the Red Ribbon Army, how come your name is General Blue?
(Gen. Blue passes Out)
Mike Patton: WAKE UP!!!
General Blue: Huh, who, what, where, why, when!
Mike Patton: Cut that out man and answer my question.
General Blue: Sorry, no time for questions. We're off to destroy Pattonville and you're going to be assisting us with your future knowledge.
Soldier #1: And then we're finally going to kill you.
Mike Patton: Then kill me already! I don't care!
Soldier #1: All right, kill him everyone!
Mike Patton: Wait, I was just kidding!
TO BE CONTINUED...
On the Next LaAoM...
Editor of S.E.P: Post Guy, get ready tomorrow for a large for crowd around your stand, because we have a major news story to cover tonight.
Post Guy: What boss?
Miyamoto: If it has something to do with Farmer Gates' cemically produced vegetable garden, we're on the job, we're on the job Editor of S.E.P., if that is your real name.
Editor of S.E.P: Who are these crazy people?
Lupus
Post Guy: Now, if my calculations are correct, we should be at the Patton Manor in Pattonville in Pattonberg, Pattonia.
Miyamoto: We're at the news stand.
Post Guy: I was just practicing, jeez.
*Meanwhile*
General Blue: Arm the Big Mecha Cannon of Pain.
Mike Patton: No.
General Blue: I urge you to arm the Big Mecha Cannon of Pain.
Mike Patton: No.
General: I must insist you do so.
Mike Patton: No.
*Later*
Post Guy: Well, here we are.
Miyamoto: We got here half an hour ago. We've just been standing here for that long, doing nothing.
Post Guy: That's it. You've insulted me for the last time Miyamoto!! BOSS!!
Editor of S.E.P: I hear your plea, Post Guy. But I cannot stop. I need to buy a carrot.
*half an hour later.*
Editor of S.E.P: Now I am done. Tell me of what is so important, Post Guy.
Post Guy: These two men have been-
Editor of S.E.P: *looking at watch* Holy cow! Is that the time?!?! Post Guy, get ready tomorrow for a large for crowd around your stand, because we have a major news story to cover tonight.
Post Guy: What boss?
Miyamoto: If it has something to do with Farmer Gates' cemically produced vegetable garden, we're on the job, we're on the job Editor of S.E.P., if that is your real name.
Editor of S.E.P: Who are these crazy people?
Post Guy: How should I know? I'm nobody interesting to the plot.
Editor of S.E.P: We shall see...
*at that moment, Pattonville is bombed by a giant air strike of cheeselandic missiles, killing Miyamoto, Mario500, Post Guy and the Editor of S.E.P.*
General Blue: Mwahaha! We are victorious!
Mike Patton: That wasn't you.
General Blue: It wasn't? Then who...?
???: Mwahaha, it was I!!
General: *GASP!!* It's Ted Gates the Moustached!
Ted Gates: Mwahahaha. Yes, I have destroyed the town of Pattonville and now I have come to collect Mike Patton's head for my collection of heads.
Mike Patton: I'll trade my head for your shoe.
Ted Gates: Done. *takes off shoe and hands it to Mike*
Mike Patton: MWAHAHA!! WITHOUT YOUR SHOE, YOU ARE POWERLESS!!!
Ted Gates: How could I have been so careless?!?!?! Now Mike has the power of flight and building buildings on water!!
Mike Patton: Begone, weak man!! *banishes Ted Gates to the nether world, then kills General Blue and his army* I will soon own the world with my Shoe Ray once more!!
TO BE CONTINUED
NEXT TIME...
Mike Patton: It's too simple! I am all powerful! I cannot be stopped!!
Random Man: Hey, Mike Patton!! What hairgel do you use!!
Mike Patton: I told the world not to ask me that fiend! I AM VERY ANGERED RIGHT NOW!! GRRR!!!! I FEAR I MAY LOSE MY EMPIRE DUE TO MY ANGER!!
*At that moment, Mike Patton's world-wide empire falls apart in expense of his anger*
STAY TUNED
Lemonjello
*three and two thirds of a week later...*
Mike Patton: It's too simple! I am all powerful! I cannot be stopped!!
Random Man: Hey, Mike Patton!! What hairgel do you use!!
Mike Patton: I told the world not to ask me that fiend! I AM VERY ANGERED RIGHT NOW!! GRRR!!!! I FEAR I MAY LOSE MY EMPIRE DUE TO MY ANGER!!
*At that moment, Mike Patton's world-wide empire falls apart in expense of his anger*
Mike Patton: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!11111dvvnbgihnr
*a chocobo eat Mike Patton alive*
Miyamoto: Now the world is at peace!
Chocobo: Kweh! *the chocobo opens up a time portal which sucks Miyamoto in*
Miyamoto: Wh-where am I?
Gaspar: The End of Time! And I have a mission of great importance for you!
Miyamoto: You mean...THE mission of great importance...?
Gaspar: YES!!!!!!111
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
The Fliyng Gerbil: Get out of the way, Wiyamoto!
Wiyamoto: What you say? *a dead pikachu hits Wiyamoto's head and kills him*
Newbie: wtf??????///
Miyamoto: No!
Ed the Firewarrior
*I appear for no mere reason riding a camel and holding a jug of beer*
Ed: I define your bad plot holes! now I press the!
*every thing stops in motion*
Me as a Narriator: So and the I take out a big stick of salami and wack every body inside out then Mario500's heart falls out...thats all for now so how do you like?
Wiyamoto: This is perfect! with this new messed up future plot ill destroy all know mexican buritto falvored underpants then rule the canadian stock market! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Wats: All Your Base Belong To Us
Wosby: IM A MONKEY!
Me: After that Ill be able to own my own strip club and force Link to run around naked in a girls only swimsuit contest for my torturing enjoyment and discomfort!
Cheese: They Set us the bomb
Wats: What you say?
Wosby: How are you GentalWomen?
Me: AHAAHAHA!!
*Miyamoto appears in a thong*
Miyamoto: SHINE GET!
Wiyamoto: The horror of skinny naked men! AHHHH!!!
Me: Let The force be with you!
Mario500: MY HEART!
*a door opens up in mid air and a fat naked sumo comes out*
Sumo: PLOT HOLES! PLOT HOLES!
Me: We really need that portal closed...
Wiyamoto: But if it closes all of humanitiys Buritto underpants will be lost!
Wats: I pity da foo who defines the under pants!
Cheese: The power of me!
Me: Lets go add this fake scirpt piece!
Miyamoto: AHAHAHAHA!!
Next Time...
*random scenes form the nest episode get put in*
Me: NO ITS GONNA BLOW!
Cats: Me had Come here to make you PIE!
Mario500
(Everything from the void topic is erased from everybody's memory and now we return to the continuing story of Life and Adventures of...)
(Gets shot)
Miyamoto: If that guy comes back one more time I'll...
Gaspar: Miyamoto, you're missing out on THE mission of great importance.
Miyamoto: All right Gaspar, geeze!
Gaspar: Your mission is to finally destroy Wiyamoto before the final hour of "the end of time" ends, which is midnight.
Miyamoto: Why can't we just let time destroy him itself?
Gaspar: Because if you don't defeat Wiyamoto now, this plot element that has been hanging around this story will remain around forever.
Miyamoto: Do you have a problem with that?
Gaspar: Ummmmmm...yeah.
Miyamoto: Ahh you're no fun! Let's just stop Wiyamoto's evil plan back in 2003 and then we can still have more crazy adventures, even if he's still around.
Gaspar: Go back to 2003 as you please, I'll destroy Wiyamoto on my own.
Miyamoto: You're going to regret doing this, wait you'll be dead when the final hour comes. Forget what I said the first time.
(New narrator speaks due to the other one getting shot for reasons we're not going to even mention to the new one)
(Meanwhile at Wiyamoto's base near the famed Cosmic Clock, as seen in the neglected animated/live action movie "Twice Upon of Time")
Wiyamoto: With my new plan involving this particular clock, nobody shall ever defeat in my plan for creating "W" clones and ruling the world.
The Flying Gerbil: What does that plan happen to be, boss?
Wiyamoto: Have been listening to me for the entire time I was talking?
The Flying Gerbil: Nope, I was watching Gaspar one his was here to kill you.
Wiyamoto: What?! Why you idiotic gerbil, I'm going to HACK you when I'm done with my plan.
The Flying Gerbil: What's with all the "HACKs" that have been mentioned a lot recently?
Wiyamoto: You'll understand better when you create an ongoing story as great as this one.
(Gaspar throws a dead pikachu)
The Fliyng Gerbil: Get out of the way, Wiyamoto!
Wiyamoto: What you say? *a dead pikachu hits Wiyamoto's head and kills him*
Newbie: wtf??????///
Miyamoto: No!
Gaspar: Who is this guy named "Newbie"?
(Newbie takes off his mask and reveals himself to be Mario500)
Miyamoto: MARIO500!!! But you're supposed to be dead.
Mario500: I was, but I also came back to life along with you too.
Miyamoto: And how did you time travel here to the End of Time?
Mario500: Do I have to keep explaining things how stuff like this happens?
Miyamoto: Ummmmmmmm...no.
Mario500: Good, now let's get out of here!
The Flying Gerbil: Not so fast you two! You both are going to die for killing my master!
Gaspar: Why can't you just use your time portal and stop Wiyamoto from coming here in the first place?
The Flying Gerbil: Gee, I never thought of that.
(Cosmic Clock strikes midnight and entire world crumbles.)
Everybody: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!11111113535325324532!
TO BE CONTINUED...
On the Next LaAoM...
Narrator: Is this the end of Miyamoto and his gang? Will this story even continue without the likes all that made it possible? Tune is next time for more, if there is any more of...
Everybody: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!
(Shoots new narrator)
Narrator: Ha! Missed me!
Mario500
(New Narrator appears with message)
Narrator: Pardon the interruption that happened above everyone, due to this situation the Life and Adventures of Miyamoto have been post-poned until sometime next month or...
Management: JUST SAY WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!
Narrator: All right!
(Reads script)
Narrator: Is this the end of Miyamoto and his gang? Will this story even continue without the likes all that made it possible? Tune is next time for more, if there is any more of...
Everybody: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!
(Shoots new narrator)
Narrator: Ha! Missed me!
(Gets shot)
Narrator: Ha HA! Lucky I put a LaAoM Button under my shirt or I would have been...
(Gets shot and passes out)
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
(Not Available due to Narrator getting shot)
Mario500
(Everybody starts falling inside the now crumbling Earth)
The Flying Gerbil: WE'RE ALL GOING DIE!!!
Miyamoto: WE ALL NOW THAT ALREADY!!!DUH!!!
Gaspar: CAN WE PLEASE STOP YELLING IN ALL CAPITALS!!! Whoops, pardon me!
Mario500: Too bad we can't find the time portal and we would be out of here by now.
Miyamoto: Yeah, and it's ALL Gaspar's fault!
Gaspar: Hey, don't blame me for trying to defeat Wiyamoto!
The Flying Gerbil: I hope you rot in Hell for killing my master, Gasper!
Gaspar: That's GasPAR! Idiot!
The Flying Geril: Gee, touchy, touchy!
(Four hours later)
Mario500: Goodness this is one deep hole!
Miyamoto: Does anybody have the time?
(The Flying Gerbil checks the now broken Cosmic Clock)
The Flying Gerbil: It's 12:01 PM.
Miyamoto: You idiot, that clock has been broken for hours!
The Flying Gerbil: If somebody calls me idiot one more time I'll...
(Everybody falls on solid ground)
Gaspar: Where the HACK are we?
(Gaspar spots a dark figure hanging around doors made out of flames)
???: Don't you mean, where the HELL are we?
Gaspar: Holy Freaking HACKERS, you're...you're...
Miyamoto: Spit it out, Gaspar!
Gaspar: You're...You're...DARK ANGEL???
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Satan: You're all going to be spending all eternity here in HELL! in fact there is no way out at all due to this being the End of Time. MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!666
Miyamoto: Hey! Those are suppose to be ones at the end of those exclamation marks.
Satan: My bad! MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!111
Mario 500
???: Wrong foolish creature! I'm best known as the prince of darkness.
Gaspar: Um, Ozzy Osbourne?
???: Who?
Miyamoto: You don't want to know.
???: Of course I need to know, I'm Sat..er the prince of darkness. I know all who died over the milleniums.
(Checks in a giant sized book)
???: Lets see, Ozzie and Harriet, Professor Marvin AKA Wizard of Oz, ahh here it is... Ozzy Ozbourne.
The Flying Gerbil: Does that book include Wiyamoto, my master who SOMEBODY killed with a dead before the whole planet crumbled.
(Stares at Gaspar)
Gaspar: What the HACK are you looking at?
The Flying Gerbil: You!
Gaspar: Oh, I see.
Miyamoto: Anyway, since none of my companions can find out who you are, let us find out who you really are.
Mario500: Hey, what about me? I'm one of your companion!
Miyamoto: Shut up, I'm tricking him!
???: All right then, prepare to see my true identity as the one and only...
(Everything goes dark, dramatic music plays, fire balls start falling, and the dark figure grows ten times larger)
The Flying Gerbil: WOW! So Incredible!!!
(Fire ball falls on Flying Gerbil)
The Flying Gerbil: AHHHHHHH!!! IT BURNS!!!
(Lighting and fire balls settle and dark figure speaks)
???: I am the great and powerful SATAN!!!!!
Mario500: I knew it was you!
Miyamoto: Hey! How come you didn't say that in the first place.
Mario500: Did anybody even notice when he said "Of course I need to know, I'm Sat...er the prince of darkness"?
Miyamoto: Well, ummm... I sort of had a clue, but ummmm... ah forget about it!
Satan: You're all going to be spending all eternity here in HELL! in fact there is no way out at all due to this being the End of Time. MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!666
Miyamoto: Hey! Those are suppose to be ones at the end of those exclamation marks.
Satan: My bad! MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!111
Gaspar: If we spend all spend eternity in Hell, should we have some kind of enternal punishment?
Satan: Oh, yeah, follow me to the Hall of Cruel and EXTREMELY Weird Punishments.
The Flying Gerbil: I wonder how extreme these punishments will be? It seems that most cruel punishments are even that extreme, I wonder if these are even...
Everybody: SHUT UP!!!
(Fire ball falls)
The Flying Gerbil: I have a sense an EXTREMELY painful pain soon the occur on this gerbil's body, which is me in 5, 4, 3, 2...
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Gaspar: I knew that the so called Cruel and EXTREMELY Weird Punishment would be sort of way off, but playing video games non stop isn't what I call a punishment.
Miyamoto: What makes this a punishment is that these are Willy Higinbotham games, the guy I killed back in Rosie O'Donnel's stomach.
Ozzy Osbourne: You were in Rosie's stomach, cool! Is it true that her body is filled with evils unknown beyond our minds?
Miyamoto: Ummm, I never got the fully investigate her body before I went time traveling for Mike Patton.
Ozzy Osbourne: Ahh (CENSORED)! I always wanted to know what makes that (CENSORED) ticks!
Mario500
(Flying Gerbil steps back and fire ball hits ground)
The Flying Gerbil: Ha! You all thought I was that stupid to let some fire ball hit me?
Miyamoto: Of course everybody thought you would get hit by that fire ball. What else?
(Flying Gerbil hesitates)
(One hour later HST Hell Standard Time)
The Flying Gerbil: I knew my hesitation trick would fool everybody. Now to find the exit to escape whatever horror Hell has to offer.
(Two hours later HST Hell Standard Time)
The Flying Gerbil: I'M LOST!!!!!!!!!
(Meanwhile at the Hall of Cruel and EXTREMELY Weird Punishments)
Satan: Ah here it is, Room 666-HBOX. This is where you're all going to spend enternity forever. MAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!111
Mario500: HBOX? That doesn't mean there's an X-Box in that room? That's more torture than we can take!
Satan: No, it's even worst. It's an eternity of non-stop video game playing.
(Everybody laughs hysterically)
Miyamoto: Ah come on! Thats the eternal punishment? We can all they it very easily! Right guys?
Mario500: Yeah!
Gaspar: No, I mean yeah!
Satan: It may be fun know, but wait until you see what makes this truly cruel and EXTREMELY weird.
(Tosses all of them in the room)
Gaspar: Hey! Tossing us wasn't part of the punishment.
Ozzy Osbourne: Oh yes it is my good friend.
Gaspar: Holy freaking fire balls, are you THE Ozzy Osbourne?
Ozzy Osbourne: Oh course I'm Ozzy, who else can't talk very well like me? Now shut the (CENSORED) up!
Miyamoto: Yep, it's Ozzy Osbourne all right.
Mario500: No time to chit chat with the REAL prince of darkness, lets play with whatever games Satan left us until we think of a plan to get out of Hell.
(Twelve hours later HST Hell Standard Time)
Gaspar: I knew that the so called Cruel and EXTREMELY Weird Punishment would be sort of way off, but playing video games non stop isn't what I call a punishment.
Miyamoto: What makes this a punishment is that these are Willy Higinbotham games, the guy I killed back in Rosie O'Donnel's stomach.
Ozzy Osbourne: You were in Rosie's stomach, cool! Is it true that her body is filled with evils unknown beyond our minds?
Miyamoto: Ummm, I never got the fully investigate her body before I went time traveling for Mike Patton.
Ozzy Osbourne: Ahh (CENSORED)! I always wanted to know what makes that (CENSORED) ticks!
Mario500: If I go through another twelve hours of Higinbotham's "Table Tennis" one more time I may start swearing as much as Ozzy.
Ozzy Osbourne: Now you're talking, Mario500!
Miyamoto: Oh great, instead of going through just enternity with Willy Higinbotham games, I have put up OZZY OSBOURNE!
TO BE CONTINED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Satan: He he, those fools that I locked in the Hall think I'm actully the REAL prince of darkness himself.
Wiyamoto: Becareful not to say that around Ozzy Osbourne.
Satan: Be quiet, you already to failed to complete your mission for world domination. Now to complete the mission that should have been a very long time ago or my name's not...
(Takes off his costume to reveal his true identity)
The Flying Gerbil: Oh my...Satan's WILLY HIGINBOTHAM!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Lupus
*The Flying Gerbil floats around until he eventually bumps into the door of Satan's throne room*
Satan: He he, those fools that I locked in the Hall think I'm actully the REAL prince of darkness himself.
Wiyamoto: Becareful not to say that around Ozzy Osbourne.
Satan: Be quiet, you already to failed to complete your mission for world domination. Now to complete the mission that should have been a very long time ago or my name's not...
(Takes off his costume to reveal his true identity)
The Flying Gerbil: Oh my...Satan's WILLY HIGINBOTHAM!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Satan: No, I'm not. Look carefully.
The Flying Gerbil: Oh. It's only Rich Rodney.
Rodney: You fool! You don't know what you have involved yourself with this time, haha!
The Flying Gerbil: I think I can guess.
Rodney: No time for guessing games! Wiyamoto! Throw him into the room with his friends!!
Wiyamoto: Acknowledged.
The Flying Gerbil: You'll never get me alive! *kills himself*
Rodney: That was easier than I thought. Wiyamoto. Our guests seem to be enjoying themselves a little TOO much. Bring them to me.
*Five minutes later*
Rodney: Ah my guests. I understand you have been defying rule 683 in The Big Book of Rich Rodney's Rules Volume 8 (available at a book store near you!) in enjoying your cruel, punishment of infinite torturing doom! Correct?
Miyamoto: No... I mean yes.
Rodney: Miyamoto you fool! I like your style, your... EVIL style! However, I'm sure some of your friends have the same style??
Gaspar: I do! OOOHH! PICK ME!!
Rodney: Very well. I want a new sidekick, as Wiyamoto has failed me one too many times!
Wiyamoto: Only once sire-
Rodney: SILENCE! Now, as I was saying, my mangoes grow better with MEKA-GROW!
Miyamoto: Now's our chance to escape! *jumps on flying skateboard that appeared out of nowhere*
Mario500: Wait for us!
*"Beating the Track" starts playing as they speed around the pits of Rich Rodney's cave*
TO BE CONTINUED...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO...
Gaspar: It's hopeless! We'll never escape!
Miyamoto: Silence! I'm working on my Cheese Ray Mach 2.
Gaspar: No you're not.
STAY TUNED!!!
Mario500
Rodney: Nobody and I mean nobody leaves my lair that way or my name's not Rich Rodney.
Wiyamoto: All right then, what's your new name besides Satan?
Rodney: Shut up, you! I'll deal with you later. Right now I've got Miyamoto and his gang to take care.
(A Hot Rod 5000 1/2 Model 128 B + A appears by the snap of the fingers)
Wiyamoto: Hey, can you teach me how to that with your fingers?
Rodney: Sorry, can't hear you! Hot Rods are very loud you know. See ya later, Wiyamoto!
(Drives off laughing and leaving clouds of smoke behind)
Wiyamoto: Some day, Rodney! Someday I'll finally have my revenge on you, as soon as I clean up this smokey room.
(Meanwhile in the tunnel leading from Rodney's cave AKA Hell to "What's Left of Earth, Whatever There is Left")
Gaspar: It's hopeless! We'll never escape!
Miyamoto: Silence! I'm working on my Cheese Ray Mach 2.
Gaspar: No you're not.
Miyamoto: Oh yeah, watch me test it.
(Shoots Cheese Ray Mach 2 at walls of the tunnel changing it all into Limburger Cheese)
Miyamoto: Limburger Cheese?! Yuck! Well, at least it would keep Rodney from chasing us.
Mario500: Think again, Miyamoto. Look back!
(Everybody looks back to see Rich Rodney chasing them in his Hot Rod)
Rodney: As long as I'm wearing this custom made Limburger Cheese Mask 3K Turbo Blocker, your cheese will never defeat me.
Gaspar: Looks like we're finally done for, Miyamoto. Will this be the end of our crazy adventures we've been having so long? Will this be the turning point of the story? Will this be...
Miyamoto: Ok, ok, geez! You're sounding just like the narrator.
Gaspar: Sorry, I always wanted to poke fun of that guy that keeps saying the story would end if we all die in some awful situation.
(Everybody passes sign that says “10 Seconds ‘Til You’ve Reached the End of the Tunnel”)
Rodney: By 3 seconds before you even escape, you’re all going to be assisting me here in my lair forever. MAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
Miyamoto: Whoops Rodney, you just wasted 7 seconds.
Rodney: What???
(Everybody exits the tunnel into the unknown reaches of “What’s Left of Earth”)
Mario500: Hey, there’s not even anything left of Earth anywhere.
Miyamoto: We’re doom!
TO BE CONTINED…
Next Time on LaAoM…
The Flying Gerbil: Quick guys get into the time portal before the entire universe gets sucked in.
Mario500: What do you mean, “sucked in?”
Gaspar: Yeah and where have you been?
The Flying Gerbil: You know, sucked in. I was um, dead for a while and ummm…dead.
(Jumps in a hurry into time portal)
Lupus
*Meanwhile in Mike Patton's Only Existing Monument on Earth*
Mike Patton: Earth has been destroyed and my only means of dominating it is via making more population and THEN commanding them.
???: Or you could use my REVIVE POTION OF CHEESYNESS.
Mike Patton: Who's that??
???: I'm the Director, Lemonjello! I think I have lost interest in this OG! So I will trade the REVIVE POTION OF CHEESYNESS for my interest in this OG again!
Mike Patton: But I don't have...
Lemonjello: You do! I saw on my DVD Special Ultra With Figurine and Trading Cards! You stole it from my Citadel disguised as a Tokyo Service Station!
Mike Patton: ...
*suddenly the world is destroyed by a meteor and everyone is thrown two universes over into Baygon*
Mario500: That was confusing.
The Flying Gerbil: Quick guys get into the time portal before the entire universe gets sucked in.
Mario500: What do you mean, “sucked in?”
Gaspar: Yeah and where have you been?
The Flying Gerbil: You know, sucked in. I was um, dead for a while and ummm…dead.
(Jumps in a hurry into time portal)
Gaspar: This place is faintly familiar...
Mario500: Not to me.
Kefka: You sound like chapters out of a self help booklet! Prepare yourselves!
Miyamoto: For what?
Kefka: KEFKA'S GUESS THE PUNCHLINE, OF COURSE! THE ONLY GAMESHOW SHOWN DURING AN OBSCENE HOUR ON CBS!
Mario500: I always watch this show!!
Kefka: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we have four contestants who have travelled all the way from Earth in the Higinbotham Universe! Give them around of applause!
Audience: When does this show finish and the next one come on?
Kefka: Hahaha!! Now, our contestants. Shigeru Miyamoto, born in 1337 with no hair, grew up to be a deoderant tester at the age of 46 and has since invented the portable keyboard. He is inspiring to become a MAN.
Miyamoto: I should feel offended.
Kefka: Jerry the Flying Gerbil. Escaped captivity as a beard model from South Guerney and got to work in creating a CD cover that doesn't scratch!
The Flying Gerbil: My name isn't Jerry.
Kefka: Next we have Mario Fivehundred, who dropped out of Turkey School after meeting a girl he wanted to marry but actually ended up to be a 700 man named Robert.
Mario500: Um... yay?
Kefka: And finally, we have Gaspar. He lives at his End of Time home with his wife Sherly Bassey and his children, Masa and Mune!
Gaspar: I don't have a wife!
Kefka: Now check your buzzers!
Gaspar's Buzzer: I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK!
Miyamoto's Buzzer: No GST, No never ever.
Mario500: I'm not even going to bother pressing my buzzer.
The Flying Gerbil's Buzzer: This buzzer doesn't work.
Kefka: Well, looks like they're all working. Now for question one. Who invented pork?
TO BE CONTINUED...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO...
Gaspar: Excuse me, but I think Miyamoto got that question wrong.
Kefka: I'm afraid he got it correct, Gaspar. He has 100060 points and YOU only have 5. No need to be jealous!
Gaspar: I must insist, he was calling MY mum last night, not his own.
STAY TUNED!!!
Mario500
(Miyamoto and Gaspar press buzzers)
Gaper's Buzzer: YOW! Hey watch it there before I chop those arms of yours.
Miyamoto's Buzzer: Holy freaking crikets! Not so hard!
Gaspar: What the HACK? These buzzers are alive!
Kefka: Never mind that, just answer the question.
Gaspar: Ummm... George J. Porkenstein?
Kefka: Wrong!
Miyamoto: George J. Porkenstein III?
Kefka: Correct!
Gaspar: Hey, no fair!
Kefka: To makes thing fair for contestents such as you, we are giving you five points.
(5 points appear on Gaspar's score board, while 100 appears on Miyamoto's)
Gaspar: Only five? Oh well, at least it's better than nothing.
Kefka: All right, next question. Who was the founder of the town known as Pattonville. So, so easy that the name is already in the title
(Mario500 and Flying Gerbil make buzz sounds)
Mario500: The founder of the town is Mike...
(Show goes off the air and announcer appears)
Announcer: We interrupt Kefka's Guess the Punchline for this sort of important news flash from CBS News. Now here's Dan Blabermouth with the report.
Dan Blabermouth: Good evening, or whatever time zone you're living in watching that stupid game show with that idiot Kefka. Anyway, CBS News has learned that Wiyamoto and his boss that he brough from the future, Rich Rodney AKA Satan have completed their dooms day device that has sucessfully created "W" clones of every creature in Europe. CBS News will learn more about Wiyamoto and Rodney's plan for world domination and will present a live broadcast of them later on. This has been CBS News, now watch the rest of the stupid game show which is currently in progress, thank goodness.
(Screen returns to Kefka's Guess the Punchline)
The Flying Gerbil: Is it just me, or did your show just get interrupted.
Kefka: Of course not, Dan Blabermouth can't be that much of an idiot.
Gaspar: Excuse me, but I think Miyamoto got that question wrong.
Kefka: I'm afraid he got it correct, Gaspar. He has 100060 points and YOU only have 5. No need to be jealous!
Gaspar: I must insist, he was calling MY mum last night, not his own.
Miyamoto: Hey, I was never even at home during the time. Besides, what would I be calling your mum for?
Gaspar: Either for some sugar or just for pranks.
Kefka: Now calm down guys. I don't won't to end up in some lawsuit involving some guy getting murdered after the show.
(Entire audience gets up and dials on all phones near by with the number, 1-800-Law-Suit)
Kefka: Oh my, I'm so busted this time.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Wiyamoto: Hey boss, get a load of this on CBS.
Rodney: Now what, can't you see I'm getting ready for my live broadcast on CBS News. I can't wait to tell the entire world the truth on Dan Blabermouth during the broadcast.
Wiyamoto: Before you do, just watch the crazy situation going on Kefka's game show. It appears the entire audience has gone insane and taking over the studio. Hey, is that Miyamoto and his gang, along with O.J. Simpson lawyer Johnny Cochrun?
Lemonjello
Kefka: Wait...I still have...my secret weapon. TEH N00B GUN!!!!!!!!1111 *Kefka shoots Miyamoto with TEH N00B GUN*
Miyamoto: helo i am nwe how du i post pikchures????
Kefka: Excellent.
Met: Nnnoooo!!! Miyamoto!
Miyamoto: i am teh souper smash bros master hahahahahahha
Kefka: It looks like your crazy, incoherent adventure is at an end, Shiggy!
Miyamoto: my nmae iz miyammoto not shiggy dumb***!!!!111
Met: I shall avenge your newbie-zation, Miyamoto! *Met does the vanish doom trick on Kefka*
Kefka: You all sound like self-help book. . .letssss *fizz*
Miyamoto: wy aer yuo guys ignorign me???? >:o >:o >:o
Met: But Miyamoto is still a newbie....IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD?!
Kefka: Muahahahahaha.
Jozby: *comes out of a plothole* But Met killed you!
Kefka: He can never kill me...for I am... *Kefka takes off his mask to reveal...*
Jozby: SCOOBY DOO?!
Met: RALPH NADER?!
Miyamoto: how do yu post pikchurez???
Wozby: No, it's Super Man!
Super Man: That's right! I'm here to kill Miyamoto so I can earn twelve brownie points for my girl scouts troop! Aahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Met: That's not...very evil...at all.
Super Man: But Willy Higinbotham is the den mother!
Audience: *GASP!*
Super Man: Aahahahahahahahaha! Now you shall die, Shigeru "Shiggy" Miyamoto! If that is your real name! *Super Man cuts Miyamoto's head off with a butter knife*
Jozby: NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!11112vjvbhjhcj
Meanwhile...
Wiyamoto: Hey boss, get a load of this on CBS.
Rodney: Now what, can't you see I'm getting ready for my live broadcast on CBS News. I can't wait to tell the entire world the truth on Dan Blabermouth during the broadcast.
Wiyamoto: Before you do, just watch the crazy situation going on Kefka's game show. It appears the entire audience has gone insane and taking over the studio. Hey, is that Miyamoto and his gang, along with O.J. Simpson lawyer Johnny Cochrun?
Rodney: No. It is Super Man decapitating Miyamoto with a butter knife.
Wiyamoto: But that has to be O.J. Simpson! I was watching my O.J. Simpson Trial DVD: Volume 4 last night!
???: Gwahahahahaha.
Wiyamoto: Who are you?
???: I am.... *music begins playing*
Rodney: Where in the blue HACK is that music coming from?
King guy from Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Hey! No singing!
???: Fine then. I'm Willy Higinbotham and I'm here to take revenge on Nintendo for stealing Tennis for Two and my NES prototype AND the ripping off of my Super Zario Bros game!
Meanwhile...
Hitoshi: I LIEK MILK.
Locke: As do I.
Lupus: CUT! This scene makes no sense!
Mario500: And how are we supposed to continue The Life and Adventures of ***MIYAMOTO*** if Miyamoto is dead?!
Lemonjello" Um, well, you see... *presses a button on his remote*
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
???: I...am...BATMAN!!!
Wefka: *GASP!*
Won Meisheit: Eh?
Waluigi: Zeno gias?
Lupus
Hitoshi: I will now self distruct *blows up the world*
MEANWHILE, IN ALPHA 6
???: How are we supposed to carry out this scene when Wiyamoto isn't here to train spot for me?
Wefka: You're not in this movie! In fact, you're a chapter out of a self help booklet!
???: That is not true. I... am... BATMAN!!!
Wefka: *GASP!*
Won Meisheit: Eh?
Waluigi: Zeno gias?
Batman: No you W fools! Don't you see? Wiyamoto is deluding you all! He offers you ten dollars when in reality he plans to kill you and take over Earth!
Waluigi: The earth blew up in the previous scene.
Batman: I do not care for your insolent tales of nothingness! I will now blabber on about nothing for a couple of minutes, just to show you all souly that I can in this situation, and nobody can do anything about it, not even the directors or post writers because free-speech is endorsed like a packet of chips, and while I blabber on you'll probably just scroll past this long paragraph in a sentence, and read whoever does the line after me, which I don't know just now because I am not writing this story based on the fact that someone else is writing this story in a very peculiar way, and that very peculiar way is remindedly popular amongst crazy OG writers at a certain video game forum who have obviously been banged in the head one too many times, but I wouldn't say that if I ment it because then they would erase me from the story and- *Batman is erased from the story*
*SOMEWHERE ELSE*
???: You have one more chance at living, Miyamoto, and I will magically return the earth to it's normal state. You must carry it out in all seriousness, and you must bring an end to Wiyamoto once and for all. He has done too much to this universe.
Miyamoto: I will.
???: You must first train an army to take down the Spire of Wiyamoto on Alpha 6. That means the entire flat earth will be your base, and you must carry out stupid and pointless missions that no one cares about. You must first meet my brother who works at a petrol station in South Guerney.
Miyamoto: Very well.
???: Now, return!
Miyamoto: Thank you, Jon ********.
???: I'm not Jon ********.
*Miyamoto is returned to the earth*
Wozby: Miyamoto! You're late for a Nintendo Press Conference!
Miyamoto: NEVER! *uses Ultima to blow up Tokyo*
Wozby: You fool! Once I press this button-
*Wozby presses button and what's left of Tokyo and South Guerney are made into one mini-continent, tearing the rest of Japan away*
Wozby: Now that I have returned from being out of character, I will help you in the quest you have been given.
???: ARRGH!!!
Miyamoto: Who's that?
Fonzie: That man stole my purse!!11
Man: No I didn't.
Miyamoto: That was quite an effective way to introduce Jon ********'s brother.
???: I'm not Jon ********.
Fonzie: Jon ********'s not my brother.
Miyamoto: You must help me rally troops to attack Alpha 6!
Fonzie: Ay ay ay!!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v704/cordellwalker/fonzie.jpg
*LATER, IN THE NINTENDO HQ OF ISLAM*
Miyamoto: NEXT!
*Richard Hatch walks in*
Miyamoto: NAME!
Hatch: Richard Hatch.
Miyamoto: From Survivor?
Hatch: Yes.
Miyamoto: NEXT! *Hatch is dropped into a pit of crocodiles, and Wozby walks out*
Miyamoto: NAME!
Wozby: You know my name.
Miyamoto: NAME!!
Wozby: Stop fooling, Miyamoto. You know my name.
Miyamoto: !!!!NAME!!!!!
Wozby: I can't believe this.
Miyamoto: NEXT! *Wozby is dropped into the same pit of crocodiles.*
Fonzie: That's them all.
Miyamoto: So, how many recruits do we have?
Fonzie: There were six hundred and thirty two thousand nine hundred and eight hopefulls, and we recruited one of them.
Miyamoto: Only one?!
Fonzie: Wait... damn Windows '93. We recruited none.
Miyamoto: This is a drastic setback for our operation.
Don King: Howdy, friends. I'm not in this scene, I was just dropping in to say "hi"!
*Don King is dropped into the pit of crocodiles*
TO BE CONTINUED!
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO...
Biggs: Full fighter speed ahead!
Dack: We're going to make it this time!
Wedge: I'm being shot down! Alpha 6! I was this close to destroying it---
Luke: Targeting computer off.
Fonzie: I love playing these simulator games! Now for the real attack!
STAY TUNED!!
Mario500
Miyamoto: Wait! Hold it right there!
(Don King stops in mid air over the crocodile pit)
Don King: Whooh! That was unexpected.
Miyamoto: Are you THE legendary Don King?
Don King: Of course I'm him...er I mean me. Who else would have their hair like I do?
Miyamoto: Uhhh... some weirdo that likes strange hair styles.
Don King: Just forget it!
Miyamoto: Ok, (forgets it)
(Suddenly, fighter jets crash into Nintendo HQ)
Fonzie: What in the name of Sir Isaac H. Newton just happened?
Miyamoto: You know what happened! A Star Wars type fighter jet crashed into this place, idiot!
Fonzie: Sorry, did you just say Star Wars?
Don King: Can you even hear, Fonzie!
Fonzie: Would you two stop insulting my intelligence! I'm going to join the dark side using that jet, along with Wiyamoto and rule the world. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA cough cough HAHAHAHA!!!
Miyamoto: I've never thought I'd see the day the Fonz turn evil.
???: Me too.
Don King: Hey, Mr. ???. Is it true you're really Jon *******?
???: Oh brother, here we go with this again.
(Meanwhile, on the Star Wars type fighter jet)
Biggs: Full fighter speed ahead!
Dack: We're going to make it this time!
Wedge: I'm being shot down! Alpha 6! I was this close to destroying it---
Luke: Targeting computer off.
Fonzie: I love playing these simulator games! Now for the real attack!
Luke: Um Fonzie, that was a real attack.
Fonzie: What?
Luke: We've just attacked Sony Computer America and half of L.A!
Fonzie: Holy freaking HACK! The entire Happy Days cast, including my boss are going to kill me for this. Damn!!! Dang!!! Darn!!!
(Fonzie presses button causing jet to dive out of control)
Everybody: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!1111111800CALLATT
Luke: Darth Vader forgive me, oh and Wiyamoto too!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Willy Higinbotham: Finally, after only a couple of hours, my law suit against Nintendo is finally done. Thanks to my lawyers of Johnny Cochrun, Rodney, Met, and my personal servant, Ralph Bear.
Ralph Baer: That's BAER, fool!
Willy: Whatever!
Rodney: I'm not even a lawyer! Ahh man, I missed all of Wiyamoto's broadcast to the world of his domination.
Willy: It was better that you didn't. Dan Blabermouth was talking for an entire half hour before Wiyamoto's broadcast.
Mario500
(Meanwhile at Nintendo HQ)
Miyamoto: Great blue HACK, the Star Wars flying whats-you-may-call-it is going crash.
Don King: AND...
Miyamoto: ...And it's going destroy our temporary headquarters we set due to Tokyo's destruction, which was caused by me.
Don King: Forget Nintendo, join me on the road with some of the best boxers around.
Miyamoto: It also means Dan Blabermouth will be talking for many hours to come.
Don King: Let's go, quick!!!
(Fighter jet hits Nintendo HQ)
Don King: Ah (CENSORED), we're too late.
Miyamoto: Hey, we should dead thanks to Luke's Star Wars thingie.
(A dark figure comes about)
Miyamoto: Who in the name of all Cheese, Cheese Rays, Cheese Balls, and Limburger Cheese are you?
Darth Vader: Shigeru, I am your father!
Miyamoto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Don King: So, you're Japanese too, aren't you Darth?
(Meanwhile at the Los Angeles Court House)
Willy Higinbotham: Finally, after only a couple of hours, my law suit against Nintendo is finally done. Thanks to my lawyers of Johnny Cochrun, Rodney, Met, and my personal servant, Ralph Bear.
Ralph Baer: That's BAER, fool!
Willy: Whatever!
Rodney: I'm not even a lawyer! Ahh man, I missed all of Wiyamoto's broadcast to the world of his domination.
Willy: It was better that you didn't. Dan Blabermouth was talking for an entire half hour before Wiyamoto's broadcast.
Met: Think again, Willy. Old Danny Blabermouth is back on the air with some other report.
(Willy jumps out the window running in fear)
Willy: Is there EVER any mercy in the world?
Johnny Cochrun: Hey! You forgot to pay me my six billion dollars for both your lawsuit and purchase of Nintendo.
Willy: Quiet, you!
Met: Hey, I always knew L.A had a bad area of the city, but a compleaty destroyed part of the city is too much.
(Rodney stares at destroyed part of L.A)
Rodney: Holy freaking (Do to the unseen foul language soon to come out of Rich Rodney's mouth, this part has been removed to preserve the minds of our youngsters, whoever the HACK they are)
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Met: Hey Wozby, where have you been this whole time?
Wozby: Trying to survive the croc pit Miyamoto dumped me into thanks to the n00b weapon that nearly destroyed him.
Met: Umm...n00b?
Wozby: It's a term given to those stupid newbies that take over message boards.
Met: What message boards do they take over in particular?
Wozby: They take over (CENSORED by VGF)
Mario500
Met: Hey! Watch that foul language of yours, Rodney!
Rodney: What foul language? Not a single curse word came out of mouth thanks to that (CENSORED) censoring message that came all of a sudden.
Met: Than this must be the work of...(GASP)... Mario500...(Double Gasp)
Ralph Baer: I highly doubt that. I know Mario500 tries to keep this story clean for the so called young people, but that was too far.
Met: You've that a point there, Ralph Bear.
Ralph Baer: For the last time, it's BAER!
Met: Whatever! I'll deal with whose causing these mindless acts of censorship later, (figuring it's Ted "Big Mouth" Turner) but first I must find out whose responsible for destroying part of L.A.
(Runs off to destroyed parts of... you know what Met said)
Johnny Cochrun: Whose going pay me for helping that darn fool, Willy Higinbotham?
Rodney: Ummm.....hey, there's Marcia Clark!
Johnny Cochrun: Where?
(Rodney runs off where Willy ran off to)
Johnny Cochrun: Just perfect, the old "Marcia Clark Trick" has fooled this old guy once again.
(Meanwhile at what's left of Nintendo Headquarters of Los Angeles, California, USA, boy what a long name. Longer than AOL Time Warner)
Met: Just great, Miyamoto's dead again! I've seen so many deaths of somebody on soaps more than Miyamoto.
(Wozby jumps out of rubble)
Wozby: You watch SOAP, the old sitcom?
Met: Wozby! Don't you EVER scare me like that again.
Wozby: Sorry pal, I just get a little jumpy around friends that I haven't seen in a while.
Met: Hey Wozby, where have you been this whole time?
Wozby: Trying to survive the croc pit Miyamoto dumped me into thanks to the n00b weapon that nearly destroyed him.
Met: Umm...n00b?
Wozby: It's a term given to those stupid newbies that take over message boards.
Met: What message boards do they take over in particular?
Wozby: They take over (CENSORED by VGF)
Met: That darn "Big Mouth" Turner is at it again that this censorship, and is trying to blame VGF for doing all of this.
Wozby: Speaking of old Ted, look at what's on that TV beside you that appeared all of a sudden.
Met: What TV... oh I see!
(Promo for CNN appears on TV screen)
James Earl Jones: This is CNN!
Met and Wozby: AHHHHHHHH! Darth Vader has taken over CNN!
Wozby: If he EVER does get his dirty little claws on Paula Zahn, I'm going rip those claws off and change them into cheese using the new and improved Cheese Ray!
Met: Since when did Darth had dirty claws and those so called claws are not little.
Wozby: Shut up!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Wozby: Calling all CNNers, Darth Vader has taken over the great news channel that we all know and love. Everybody exit the building before he sends his storm troopers after. Oh and one more thing, bring Paula Zahn to me personally!
Ted Turner: Idiots!
Fred In Bed
Rodney: This is a large setback... I must summon the power of the only ones that can help me. I must call in...
THE L TEAM!
Richard Nixon: "L" team, ASSEMBLE!
Christina Agulara: that's my line!
Richard Nixon: Shutup... I'm trying to do a good job here and come in and mess things up for me and now I look bad in front of everyone! (sobs) oh well. (shoots chistina with llama-shaped waffle beams)ok... From the Top...
"L" Team, ASSEMBLE!
Eddie Murphy:Eddie Murphy!
Jim Carey: Goodyear blimp!
Sonic: How are you gentlemen?
Bob Dole: Sailor Venus!
Richard Nixon: And the leader. I forget his name. But I think it's me.
L TEAM!!!!
Richard Nixon: No time for talk, time for ACTION!!! hey, why is my syrup-covered knee censored? That's ridiculous!
Rodney: Excellent...
(elsewhere)
Person: I'll get you Guy if it's the last thing I do-
Wiyamato: Freeze it! Then dry it and ship it off to the market! I mean, er... Wait, that was the wrong one! (pops another one in)
Mr. Cleo: In news today, I see CNN rapidly becoming more aggresive, and destroying all other news stations and compition so there may only be one. Hey, wait, not ze lighsaber... (screen goes fuzzy.
Wiyamato: So we learned that sharing is good.
Absoloutly Nobody: Who are u talking to, anyways?
Wiyamato: My undefeatable army.
AN: oh. Well er... I don't see one.
Wiyamato: Don't look with your eyes-
AN: I'm not telepathic. Wacko.
Wiyamato: no, talking paper cut! Stay here!
(Back at CNN)
Wozby: We must do something!
Met: But what?
Wozby: Hmmm... (spots conveniently-located intercom for CNN)
Wozby: Calling all CNNers, Darth Vader has taken over the great news channel that we all know and love. Everybody exit the building before he sends his storm troopers after. Oh and one more thing, bring Paula Zahn to me personally!
Ted Turner: Idiots!
Vader:We MUST take action- take off every "zig"!
(Steve Irwin: Crikey! Allright mates, let's see what's happening on the next episode before the aggresive Czechosavlakian death snail eats me again!)
On the next episode of LOAM!
Goku and Vegeta continue to argue and everyone that isn't a saiyan makes their mouth 40 feet wide and 50 feet tall!
What I MEANT to say was:
Met: There is only one force that can save us now.
AN: Whatzat?
Wozby: uh-oh...
Met: Lozby...
Mario500
(Met and Wozby run into Turner's office)
Met: What in the HACK did you just say, Old Ted?
Ted Turner: Ummm...idiots, duh!
Wozby: Quiet Ted, we've been searching for you ever since some unknown censorship, which you caused interfered with our adventure.
Ted Turner: I don't even know what you're talking. By the way, what is this so-called adventure you're talking about?
Met: Never mind that, we're going to do something what should have been done a long long long long...
Wozby: Met, he gets it already!
Met: Oh yeah and here is that something...
Ted Turner: No, it can't be! No, no, nooooooooooooooooo!!!!111
(One hour later)
Ted Turner: No please, stop making me watch Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly, along with the Colored episodes of Gilligan's Island, and the completely uncensored tapes of Bosko.
Wozby: Hey Met, I thought your plan against Ted would involve some extreme violence of some sort.
Met: I figured this kind of torture is just what he deserves for the better.
(Suddenly, a giant sphere type object appears over CNN HQ)
Wozby: Holy freaking (CENSORED) what's that? That better not be you censoring, Ted!
Ted Turner: Hey! I'm trying to watch O'Reilly's mindless blabber!
Met: Could it be Dr. Robotnik's Egg what-you-may-call-it trying to takeover CNN too?
(Voice from giant sphere type of object is heard)
Darth Vader: Wrong fools, this is the new and improved Death Star and we’re coming in for destroy CNN, along with all of you.
Wozby: So, you haven’t EVEN taken over CNN yet?
Darth Vader: Of course I have, fool! I’ve used my voice, which is James Earl Jones to warn all of CNN on my upcoming takeover of the network.
Miyamoto: Why you evil good for nothing James Earl Jones imposter! I’ve heard that voice of his for years and using it for CNN is the final straw.
Darth Vader: Quiet you!
Met: There is only one force that can save us now.
AN: Whatzat?
Wozby: Uh-oh…
Met: Lozby.
Wozby: Ummmm…Lozby?
Met: Anyway, who is this this “AN”
AN: Ummmm….
(Jumps out through the window)
Met: Oh boy, here’s another lawsuit.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Darth Vader: Any last words, Miyamoto and his gang of foolish idiots?
Miyamoto: Yeah, stop calling us idiots for crying out loud!
Don King: I have a strong feeling this could be one of the most important events in Life and Adventures of Miyamoto’s history. Will Miyamoto and his gang get murdered in such a horrible fashion indeed die? Will this be the true end to such a…
Paula Zahn: Oh shut and get ready for our interview on CNN’s American Morning tomorrow.
Wozby: That’s my Paula!
Lozby: You go, girl!
Fred In Bed
Darth Vader: Idiots! You will pay for mentioning Lozby!
Wozby: no.
Darth Vader: Ok, I'm mean NO! No cookies for you.
Wozby: We'll see about that! I create Lozby! He's just like me except he's been imbued with the power of lobsters!
Darth Vader Nooo! How is this happening?!?
Lozby: It just is.
Darth Vader: Ok. Now you die!
Met: I think not, Darth. We have you severly outnumbered.
Darth Vader: I think not! I summon the tasty power of llama-shaped waffles!
Met: Crap... (gets beaten against the wall allong with Lozby)
Miyamoto: It's me!
Darth Vader: Fine. Your time has come, idiot.
(beats down Miyamoto with the Force)
Miyamato: dash it all, you saucy lad!
Darth Vader: Even with your new british accent and all, you are no mach for me!
Miyamato: Bah.
Darth Vader: Any last words, Miyamoto and his gang of foolish idiots?
Miyamoto: Yeah, stop calling us idiots for crying out loud!
Don King: I have a strong feeling this could be one of the most important events in Life and Adventures of Miyamoto’s history. Will Miyamoto and his gang get murdered in such a horrible fashion indeed die? Will this be the true end to such a…
Paula Zahn: Oh shut and get ready for our interview on CNN’s American Morning tomorrow.
Wozby: That’s my Paula!
Lozby: You go, girl!
Paula: Oh for the love of...
Wozby: Me?
Paula: No! Shutup!
(elsewhere)
Absoloutly Nobody: Curse that handsome fellow Fred_In_Bed for putting my name as an Acronym! He will pay severly! I am a gigantic Gray evil creature that spits fire for no reason!!!
Richard Nixon: "L" Team, assemble!
AN: No! That is what I have been brought to this OG for! Other than hilarious hijinks! I must get that ice cream bar!
Nixon: No! Stop that fool! "L" Team, Go!
"L" Team, ASSEMBLE!
Eddie Murphy:Eddie Murphy!
Jim Carey: Goodyear blimp!
Sonic: How are you gentlemen?
Bob Dole: Sailor Venus!
Richard Nixon: And the leader. I forget his name. But I think it's me.
L TEAM!!!!
Sonic: You have no chance to survive make your time!
AN: ha, you think you can beat me! And you... actually probably would, so I'm just going to advance the plot by defeating you!
Eddie Murphy: Wooh dat's a big ass!
Bob Dole: You cannot win! How would you?
AN: I'm giving you the PARKING TICKET OF DOOM!
"L" TEAM: Ahhghh! No! Our ONLY WEAKNESS! (dissapear)
AN: Ok, time to get Vader...
(next time...)
AN: Your time has come, Vader! Nobody will kill the Miyamoto crew AGAIN! That will severly complicate the plot AGAIN!
Darth Vader: Ha, I just did.
Lozby: um, no you didn't.
Wozby: In fact, you didn't do anything to me at all!
Vader: Lies! All Lies! Paula Zahn, show your true power and transform!
Paula Zahn: Nah.
Vader: Do it!
Paula Zahn: Fine, don't get a helmet rash.
Lupus
*Suddenly the world caves in to form a rocket ship, which takes off into the sky, everyone on board.*
Lozby: This is all very confusing to me. What just happened?
Absolutely Nobody: Lupus only read certain bits of the above storyline, and didn't understand it completely. So now he's just using a cheap tactic to make the story easy to generate on.
Lozby: That doesn't sound exactly cool-
AN: Quick, no time to talk! We have to conquer Vader and return the Princess to the Temple of Gerkin!
Lozby: What?
*Darth Vader appears from behind a blue screen*
Darth Vader: Fools! You'll never stop me from polluting the sewers of Alpha 6, reviving Mussolini and converting the planet to a group of CNN worshippers, which I will then use like Pikmin to carry the clock to my spaceship so I can take off into space again and land on Alpha 7 where I can meet Auntie Vader and Uncle Vader and get presents and money from them which I will then spend on a whole bunch of Anime DVDs which I will then construct into the Anime Ray so I can kill the revived Miyamoto crew, even though they're already dead!
AN: Shut it! Your time has come, Vader! Nobody will kill the Miyamoto crew AGAIN! That will severly complicate the plot AGAIN!
Darth Vader: Ha, I just did.
Lozby: Um, no you didn't.
Wozby: In fact, you didn't do anything to me at all!
Vader: Lies! All Lies! Paula Zahn, show your true power and transform!
Paula Zahn: Nah.
Vader: Do it!
Paula Zahn: Fine, don't get a helmet rash.
Vader: ... Well?
Paula Zahn: OH, you were talking to me. I thought you were talking to Arkin Phillips Jr.
Phillips Jr: Howdy! Buy Rapo-Burn to really clear those spots!
Vader: SILENCE! I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO IN SUCH A TONE!
Phillips Jr: It looks like you need Rapo-Burn! The folks at Penymade have been working for months in order to create a solution to the common pimples!
Vader: Paula Zahn, transform and destroy this man!
Zahn: Yes, sir. *Paula begins to transform, her muscles bulging and her hair wipping in the wind*
*ten minutes later, Zahn is surrounding in bright light, covering her secret form*
Vader: Bwahahaha!! Super Saiyan Zahn!
Zahn: Fool! I am now... RALPH NADER!
Ralph Nader: No, I am.
Zahn: Oh... well, then I guess I have no secret form.
Lozby: Mwahaha! While those ten minutes were passing for nothing, I was charging up my This Move Takes Ten Minutes To Charge Up move special!
Vader: NOOOO!!!
Lozby: Yes!! *Lozby decimates Vader*
Vader: Cough... splutter... take off the mask Lozby... see the true face of Miyamoto's father... *cough*
Lozby: No. *Lozby kicks Vader off the rocket* Now, what to do with you guys? Will you surrender?
Zahn: NEVER
Lozby: Then I'll have to kill you.
Zahn: Wait! You didn't let me finish my sentence. I was saying: "NEVER WILL WE LIVE PAST THIS POINT AS WE ARE HEADING TOWARDS THE SUN!"
Lozby: That just sounds like a cheap gimmick Lupus threw in.
Zahn: Yes, but it's the truth. So I suggest you do something quickly.
Lozby: Where's Miyamoto when we need him!?!
*NEXT TIME*
Mussolini: You fools! With his last ounce of energy, Vader revived me!
Gorbachev: Mussolini, wooh thats a big ass!
Mussolini: Uncle Billy, you fool!
*STAY TUNED...*
Mario500
(Miyamoto and Met jump out from a secret compartment under the floor)
Miyamoto: Hey guys, we're finally back!
Lozby: It's about freaking time!
Met: What do you mean?
Wozby: We're headed toward the sun for some reasons beyond our control.
Zahn: By the way, where the HACK have you guys been for the last few minutes?
Miyamoto: Did you even hear the narrator saying that we were coming out a secret compartment? Whoops, there goes the secret!
Met: Nice going, Miyamoto! I was trying to cure Miyamoto of his British accent using chemicals made for Darth Vader's suit.
Wozby: Wow! Vader actually used chemicals for his suit? More facts that Lucas never brought up for the fans.
Zahn: Would you all please shut up! We're going to hit the sun in about 30 seconds according to the "Seconds Left Until Hitting the Sun Clock".
Wozby: Those things actually exist? That's my Paula, so intelligent and pretty at the same time.
Zahn: Quiet!
Miyamoto: There's only one guy out their that can save us from this disaster.
Lozby: Mussolini, Gorbachev, and Bush? Skip Bush!
Miyamoto: Wrong! This story's creator, Mario500! Oh yeah, and those guys you just mentioned, except Bush.
(Mussolini and Gorbachev teleport on board all of a sudden)
Mussolini: You fools! With his last ounce of energy, Vader revived me!
Gorbachev: Mussolini, wooh thats a big ass!
Mussolini: Uncle Billy, you fool!
Met: Who the HACK is Uncle Billy?
Mussolini: That old guy we were chasing for his support of us, then the he pulled out his pitchfork and stabbed us. When we died, some guy of the name Mario500 found us and used the power of what's left of Darth Vader to save us. Now, here we are in space all of a sudden.
Zahn: Oh, such as crazy story! Join American Morning tomorrow for an interview Bill Hemer is conducting.
Met: With all this time wasted, we're about to hit the Sun in 5, 4, 3...
Everybody: STOP COUNTING!!!
Gorbachev: Well Mussolini, it's been a great pleasure meeting you and joining forces for world domination and such by chasing old guys named Billy and such...
(Death Star vanishes just one second from hitting the sun)
Lozby: So, this is what's like to vanish. So quiet, so peaceful, so...disturbing
Wozby: Where are we anyway, some kind a dimension or something of that?
Miyamoto: No, it's worse! This is...
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Miyamoto: So, you hold one of the greatest powers in the universe? Powers that can help us get back to Earth and get revenge on Willy Higinbotham whose been giving me and my gang trouble since day one?
Master Roshi: Yes, yes, and yes!
Met: What's with the extra "yes"?
Master Roshi: Quiet, you!
Wozby: "Quiet, you" sure has become a common line all of a sudden. Becoming as common as "HACK".
Mario500
(6 minutes later)
Miyamoto:...THE VORTEX THAT LEADS TO THE MOST POWERFUL MONSTER TYPE CREATURE IN THE UNIVERSE!!! PERIOD! Woah, that's a mouth full
Met: Yeah, and 6 minutes of pointless "dots".
Zahn: What???
Lozby: Someday you'll find out what it's like to be characters in an ongoing story, Paula.
Zahn: And how come I'm being known as "Zahn" at this very moment. I'm more than Zahn, I'm Paula Zahn, the best morning news personality since Katie Couric!
(Suddenly for reasons unknown by this writer, THE MOST POWERFUL MONSTER TYPE CREATURE IN THE UNIVERSE!!! PERIOD appears)
Mussolini: Holy freaking HACK!!! THE MOST POWERFUL MONSTER TYPE CREATURE IN THE...
Wozby: We get it, Mussolini! Sheesh!
Gorbachev: Hey! Don't talk back to my good friend like that Wozby, or... find out what this mark on my forehead really does.
Wozby: You're on!
THE MOST POWERFUL MONSTER TYPE CREATURE IN THE UNIVERSE!!! PERIOD: Hey guys! You're forgetting about me, THE MOST POWERFUL...
Miyamoto: We know that! Oh yeah, and what's with the extremely long name in caps?
THE MOST POWERFUL MONSTER TYPE CREATURE IN THE UNIVERSE!!! PERIOD: Umm, well you see...uh...ummmmm...can I pass?
(Gorbachev's forehead mark glows)
Gorbachev: Oh great powers of V. Lenin, I summon these powers on to this horrible beast, whose name that I shall spell right to start destruction...T..H..E..M..O..
THE MOST POWERFUL MONSTER TYPE CREATURE IN THE UNIVERSE!!! PERIOD: NOOOOO!!! Make it STOP!!! Make it STOP!!! I giving up easily just for you guys to move on wherever the HACK you've been going this whole time.
(THE MOST POWERFUL...you know runs off to the unknown reaches of the Vortex in fear)
Met: Well that was easy!
Zahn: Wow! We finally witnessed the events of what Gorbachev's forehead actully does! Where's the CNN camera crew when I need them?
Wozby: They are back on Earth possibly.
Zahn: I wasn't even asking you! Thank you very much!
Wozby: That's my Paula!
Mussolini: Congratulations on this incredible feat my friend! Even though you did nothing at all.
Gorbachev: Thanks, but something should be happening even without spelling the creature's full name. Uh-oh!
(Laser shoots out of Gorbachev's fore head mark at a lost Russian spacecraft, which was missing since the final days of the USSR)
Cos Mo Nott: Hey "The Mo", we're picking up readings of some laser being fired right at us.
The Mo: Don't be stupid, there can't anything else here in the Vortex besides us and that creature that's running away from some Death Star type object. We're going to die, are we?
Cos Mo Nott: In the word's old Gorby Chev, "Yes".
(Entire spacecraft explodes, sending everything in the Vortex to unknown reaches)
THE MOST POWERFUL MONSTER TYPE CREATURE IN THE UNIVERSE!!! PERIOD: Wooooooohhhhooooooooo!!! This is GREAT!!!
Miyamoto: Nice going, Gorby!
Gorbachev: Hey! How was I suppose to know that there was some guy named “The Mo” here in the Vortex lost since the days of the old Soviet Union?
Miyamoto: Because you’re an old fool?
Gorbachev: I was not even asking you, sheesh!
Zahn: Welcome to the club, Gorby.
Gorbachev: And stop calling me Gorby!!!
(Death Star crashes on some unknown island at the moment)
Lozby: Now where are we?
Met: This place looks very familiar, like on some TV show which spawned the greatest action cartoon on the planet, which is Earth.
Miyamoto: You’re talking about Dragon Ball, right?
Met: Ah HACK Miyamoto thanks a lot for ruining my perfect ploy for the plot element we currently have at this very moment.
Miyamoto: It happens, after all I got to see Dragon Ball during its original airing back in the late 80s.
Wozby: The 80s, memories, memories, MEMORIES!
Mussolini: Before we end up with some idiotic 80s flashbacks like the fall the Berlin Wall and hearing Reagan saying, “Mr. Gorbachev”, tear down this wall”, lets just go to that weird pink house having the words “Kami House” on it.
Gorbachev: Please Muss, don’t mention anything involving me from that time.
Mussolini: Sorry Gorbachev, the 80s were just such as excellent time and…hey! Did you call me “Muss”?
(Everyone walks over to the house and knocks the door to “Shave and a Haircut”, “NBC chimes” and “Marry-Go-Round Broke Down”)
Master Roshi: Ok, ok, quiet with the various knocks! I personally like "Shave and a Haircut" anway.
(Door opens)
Met: Holy freaking HACK, you're Master...
Master Roshi: Yeah I know, you don't have to say my own name to remind me that I'm Master Roshi, the creator of the Kamahama Way.
Miyamoto: So, you hold one of the greatest powers in the universe? Powers that can help us get back to Earth and get revenge on Willy Higinbotham whose been giving me and my gang trouble since day one?
Master Roshi: Yes, yes, and yes!
Met: What's with the extra "yes"?
Master Roshi: Quiet, you!
Wozby: "Quiet, you" sure has become a common line all of a sudden. Becoming as common as "HACK".
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time On LaAoM...
Master Roshi: Oh Launch! Get your pretty self in here for our guests.
Launch: Just a moment!
(Comes down stairs in clothes as seen in episode "Look Out for Launch")
Wozby: Woah! She's a beauty, isn't she?
Zahn: Hey, I thought I was your beauty!
Wozby: Whoops, sorry Paula!
(Keeps staring at Launch)
Lupus
Miyamoto: Quiet you.
Wozby: That's exactly what I mean! What the HACK is going on here?
Roshi: Quiet you. Hmm... where's Launch? Oh Launch! Get your pretty self in here for our guests.
Launch: Just a moment!
(Comes down stairs in clothes as seen in episode "Look Out for Launch")
Wozby: Woah! She's a beauty, isn't she?
Zahn: Hey, I thought I was your beauty!
Wozby: Whoops, sorry Paula!
(Keeps staring at Launch)
Zahn: For some reason I feel jealousy. Maybe it's just the recoil from the fact we haven't had a real villain for nearly half a post.
Roshi: Here, Miyamoto, open this bottle. *hands Shigeru a bottle*
Miyamoto: Why?
Roshi: It will determine your fate.
Miyamoto: *opens bottle, and Mike Patton exlodes out of it, grabs Miyamoto's clothes and runs away* Why the hell did you make me open that?
Roshi: It's "HACK". In any case, Mike Patton is my secret copilot for the SS Implodesouthguerney. Together we'll blow up CNN headquarters April and bathe in the small benefits from recovery costs!
Zahn: You... you wouldn't!
Roshi: Oh yeah, that's right. I wouldn't. There goes my plan. Mike Patton will just have to use the secondary fuction on his CNN HQ Destroyer.
Gorbachev: Which is?
Roshi: The POWER to UNTIE EVERY TENNIS SHOE IN THE UNITED STATES!!
All: ...
Roshi: THINK OF THE PAIN CAUSED BY TENNIS PLAYERS TRIPPING OVER! I WILL BE INFAMOUS FOREVER MORE!!! *rides away in a floating car he stole from Dr. Wily while he was working on Dr. Wily Vs The World*
Miyamoto: This is serious guys. If he succeeds in his evil plan, the entire economy of the world will crumble similar to a stack of crackers under a brick which was then sat upon and then that person was then leapt upon by his ten grandchildren and then a piano fell on his head.
Mussolini: I see what you're saying, Miyamoto. But what can we do?
Miyamoto: Oh, don't worry about anything besides informing President Wush about this. I'll settle everything else. Launch, care to join our party?
Launch: Sure!
*LAUNCH JOINED THE PARTY!*
...
*DUE TO TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THE PARTY, LOZBY WAS PUSHED OUT OF THE PARTY AND OFF A CLIFF*
...
*nowozbycloneswerehurtinthemakingofthispost*
...
*correction,no _cosby_ cloneswerehurtinthemakingofthispost,onaccountthatwozbywasoriginallyacloneofcosby *non page stretching addition here* inthefirstplacesoitjustgoestoshowwecan'tgettooidioticaroundhere*
...
*thatistosay,we'renotidiots,justidioticpeople*
...
*yougetthepoint*
...
*geezuswhatdoyouWANTfromme???itoldyoualready!justbecauseicanthandletheguilt,doesn'tmeanyouexploitmypain!*
...
*alright,thefactisisthatlozbyisstillalive,justnotrelevantatthistime,ok???*
Launch: Sure!
Miyamoto: Stop repeating things.
Launch: Sure!
Miyamoto: Time to get to work!
Launch: Sure!
Miyamoto: Mussolini, Gorbachev, Wozby, Met, Zahn, and Launch head to Weorge Wush's White Wouse. I'll stop the missiles!
Wozby: What missiles?
Miyamoto: What was the evil plan again?
Wozby: Tennis, Miyamoto, TENNIS.
Miyamoto: Oh yeah. I'll see you later!
*LATER*
Miyamoto: I see you!
Wozby: It's only two seconds later, Miyamoto. At least give us a chance.
Miyamoto: I hereby solomnly agree! Wozby, you're a genius! Bye! *flies away to stop the missiles... uh, stop the tennis shoe untying plot, in the complete nude on account of Mike Patton stealing his clothes*
Fred In Bed
Lozby: I'm still alive!
(trampled by the english army's band)
Lozby: I'm not dead! You can't just kick me out of a party -
Teenager: Get out of my house! No freshmen! (kicks Lozby out of party)
Lozby: Sniff... Nobody likes me...
Absoloutly Nobody: Don't worry Lozby. Though you had an "L" at the beginning of your name well, lemme put it this way. look at the new OG char. story. The original six are sometimes fogotten! (ahem, swordmaster)
Lozby: oh yeah. ok. But Lupus had no "next time" thingee.
AN: Then he must be destroyed! Nah, let's go join the NC forum!
Lozby: Hooray!
(back with the Miyamoto CREW)
Miyamoto: Ok, It's ROBOT FIGHTIN' TIME!! Let's roll!
Met: I can help you there! (turns into a giant jet, a la transformers)
Wozby: A little late with that transformation, eh, Met?
Met: Indeed.
Launch: Launch!
Met: Wait, I need a cyber-elf to blast off.
Miyamoto: Oh no, not one of those gay-ass cyber elves! (flashback)
Ciel: No! Pansyyyy!
Zero: I have just said nothing but you assume I will help you kick ass. Sounds like a plan.
(in miyamoto's office, after Miyamato watched that)
Miyamoto:Cyber-elves? That sounds so stupid. The kids would never go for it.
Capcom employee: We're not gving you a choice, Mr. Miyamoto. (holds up a rusted shoelace)
Miyamoto: OKOKOkokok! I fold, man, you guys are so violent every time, even when I agree with you.
Capcom employee: Oh, I'm gonna hurt you anyways for taking so long to decide. (attacks Miyamoto viciously)
Miyamoto: Ah ahgh! Oh no!
(end flashback)
Miyamoto: Wait, I shouldn't be here with you guys, you go tell Pres. Wush and-
Met: You were taking so long. We managed to tell him AND get into all the rides a Disneyworld AND get a 7-11 big gulp and when we finally came here, you hadn't moved an inch.
Miyamoto: Bah, I was just getting in the zone.
???: I have a cyber-elf, but it'll cost yaa...
Miyamoto: Gaspar! Take off that mask!
Gaspar: Dang! It was Zhan's fault. Here's the stupid Elf.
(Miyamoto dances around while the Elf flies around him. He then grabs it, and the word "ELF!" appears in the lower left corner of the screen, and then Miyamoto warps out of the level, and goes back in so he can get the next one, entitled " Get the damn red coins, sucka 'foo!")
Zhan: Wait, what just happened?
Launch: Ha-ha.
Zhan: Shutup.
Launch: Ha-ha.
(numerous Launch beatings and one cyber - elf - power - using on Met, the heroes were ready to eat spaghetti)
Met: This should taste good! Thanks, Mario!
Mario: No-a Problem-a!
Miyamoto: Shouldn't we be doing something?
Jozby: Nah. Let's sit here for a whole week straight!
All: OK!
(one week later. Everything is under Roshi's control. Even figure skating)
Miyamoto: Aw, crap.
(next time)
Miyamoto: What the block?
Met: HOW DARE YOU USE "BLOCK" AS OPPOSED TO BLUE HACK! AHHGH!
Jozby: Somebody stop me... still!
Phone: You will die in seven - wait, I'm not ordering a pizza!
Lupus
*Meanwhile in Guam*
Lupus' Next Time Message: Finally I escaped from Roshi's Lab of Automatronic Doom! Now I can add myself to the end of Lupus' post!
Roshi: You are too late!
Lupus' Next Time Message: No! Never! You'll never stop me from reaching the end of the post!
Roshi: Beam of Pepper Crackers!
*Lupus' Next Time Message is destroyed in a huge explosion, causing the world to crack in half. The heavier section of the world, containing America and Japan, falls into the sun. Everyone quickly evacuates to the other side of the world*
Mike Patton: MY TOWER OF SHOES FELL INTO THE SUN!! NOOO!!
*Meanwhile, in Australia, the entire Miyamoto gang are huddled in the Nintendo Australia HQ's conference room*
Miyamoto: Half of Roshi's empire fell into the sun! Now it'll be half as easy to take the world back! What do you suppose we do now, while we wait for Superman to show up?
Met: Order a pizza!
Miyamoto: Good idea! *picks up the phone and dials*
Phone: You have reached Launch's Phone Sex Parlour!
Miyamoto: What the block?
Met: HOW DARE YOU USE "BLOCK" AS OPPOSED TO BLUE HACK! AHHGH!
Jozby: Somebody stop me... still!
Phone: You will die in seven - wait, I'm not ordering a pizza!
Miyamoto: What the block? x2
Gorbachev: Mwahahaha! *takes off mask to reveal... LOKI??!?!?!*
Miyamoto: I knew it was you.
Loki: Bwahaha! My insane prowess has cursed the world into turmoil! I will make Roshi insane along with the rest of the world! Bwahahah! *jumps out window which isn't there*
Miyamoto: This is a disaster! *phone rings, and he picks it up*
Phone: I have a bomb planted in your HQ! If you don't surrender your plans for Super Mario Legend Twelve to me, Professor Evil, I'll detonate it!
*Well fans! This is a sudden change! Miyamoto now has three seperate enemies to brave! Will he defeat them all? Will he hand over his plans for Super Mario Legend Twelve to Prof. Evil? Will he be killed in a firey explosion? All these questions will be answered... now!*
IN PROF. EVIL'S LAB
Prof. Evil: I feel so evil today! For today is the day I get my hands on Super Mario Legend Twelve!
*cricket chirp*
Prof. Evil: WHAT IS THIS? Don't I have a sidekick at all??
*hay rolls by*
Prof. Evil: This is an outrage! I'm taking this up with the writers!
*In the LaAoM Writer's Lounge*
Mario500: I have a good idea for Chapter 238934.
Lupus: I hope it doesn't involve Doctor Bob because I'm killing him off soon.
*elsewhere*
Doctor Bob: Now to take over the world! *dies*
*at the Writer's Lounge*
Mario500: Whoops.
*there's a knock at the door*
Lemonjello: NO SOLICITORS!
Prof. Evil: This is an outrage! Is this how you treat all the evil characters!?
Lupus: Nope. Mike Patton got it much better. And Roshi looks like he's following the same path. Don't believe me? Look at this.
*screen changes to the LaAoM Hi-Score table for villains*
1. Mike Patton
2. Master Roshi
3. Irrelevant Person
4. There is no person for number 4
5. Donald Bradman
*screen changes back*
Prof. Evil: Where am I on that list??
Lupus: Let's see...
Fred: We didn't bother to add him because he'll die in the same post he was created in.
Mario500: Sad, really.
Prof. Evil: Do I get anymore evil lines?
Mario500: Truthfully?
Prof. Evil: Yeah...
Mario500: Nope. *elephant hits Prof. Evil into a lion cage, and the lion tears Prof. Evil to shreads*
NEXT TIME...
Miyamoto: Are you SURE you lost your keys?
Hemmingway: I'm certain! I'm positive! Why do you think we'd spend two years to come all the way here to the island of lost keys if I wasn't sure? Oh wait- they've been in my pocket all this time! Silly me.
STAY TUNED
Fred In Bed
(meanwhile, back with Miyamoto...)
Phone: Give me the plans, or the little boy here gets it!
(in the mysterious caller's place)
Webster: (stuffs a pizza down his pants) All done!
(back with Miyamoto)
Miyamoto: You're bluffing! He's too funny!
Phone: That's what you think. (gunshots heard) All done!
Miyamoto: You fiend! Oh, by the way, we just defused your bomb.
Met: Keep pouring on that liquid bread, Jozby, I think it's working event better than goldbond!
Sean Connery: There was no such movie! (shoots Met, whom ducks into his helmet)
Met: Bah.
Miyamoto: And now that you killed Webster, you have nothing to hold me back from killing you.
Phone: Bah.
Miyamoto: Zhan! Trace that call!
Zhan: It's at an abandoned warehouse! They're gonna escape the matrix!
Miyamoto: Not that call!
Zhan: Oh, yeah. Um, it's from the island of lost keys
Miyamoto: bah. well, let's go. Get in the Nintendomobile! Ddududududududduduudud - Miyamoto-san!!! Dududdudduddudduddoddodod - Miyamoto-san!!!
Met: This will be a LOOONG trip.
(elsewhere)
Roshi:Turtle, take me now!
Turtle: uh... (eats cyanide pill)
Roshi: Damnit, not again!
(on island of lost keys)
Swiss Family Robinson: Are they pirates? let's trap them in a trapful way! Go, cheesy death pellets!
Miyamoto: go away. Your story sucks.
SFR: bah.
Miyamoto: Ok, who set us up the bomb? And no getting signal!
Hemmingway: I did. I had to! I had lost my car keys, and was looking for them when I found the legendary master key, but I needed the new plans to your game to get to it. I always read indestructable door disclaimers.
Miyamoto: Are you SURE you lost your keys?
Hemmingway: I'm certain! I'm positive! Why do you think we'd spend two years to come all the way here to the island of lost keys if I wasn't sure? Oh wait- they've been in my pocket all this time! Silly me.
Miyamoto: see, foolish one? See what can happen? Don't be such a doofus next time. Wait, what's that?!
(A bullet flies at Miymoto. The assailant is Alex Trebek. Hemmingway jumps in the way, and saves Miiymoto)
Hemmingway: darn, I saw a shiny penny over there! I guess there will be no next time for me, Miyamoto, my old friend.
Miyamoto: But I've only known you for five minutes.
Hemmingway: Oh, shut up and go Super Saiyan.
Miyamoto: Shutup, old man. (punches Trebek)
Trebek: What is "getting my ass kicked, and running away?" Correct! I just got myself $100!
(next time)
"L" Team, ASSEMBLE!
Eddie Murphy:Eddie Murphy!
Jim Carey: Goodyear blimp!
Sonic: How are you gentlemen?
Bob Dole: Sailor Venus!
Richard Nixon: And the leader. I forget his name. But I think it's me.
L TEAM!!!!
Miymoto: Ok. Now what do you want?
Sonic: All your base.
Bob Dole: Quiet you. We want the master key so that we can open the ultimate basketball arena and train hard to defeat Roshi. And play B-ball.
Jim Carey: Lah-hu - zah - hure!
Zhan: ARGH! TRANSFORMATION!
Lupus
*Suddenly a blimp flies overhead and Rupert Brandt falls out*
Brandt: Miyamoto! I come to you in a time of need! Yamauchi has betrayed Bill Cosby and imprisoned him in the Stone Mines of Ethrpe!
Miyamoto: But Ethrpe is where we imprisoned the Adminxander all those posts ago!
Brandt: If he is released, history will repeat itself!
Miyamoto: Brandt! Join my travelling posse of window cleaners and we'll stop this menace!
Brandt: Only if you pay me six rupees.
Miyamoto: What you say?
Brandt: No rupees, no join!
Miyamoto: Then I will have no choice but to retire to Fiji and begin construction on my army of transformers charged on Xenogears discs to take down you and the 'Zander!
Bandt: Not if I have anything to say with it! *jumps in Gogomobile and speeds off cliff*
Zahn: We're done for!
"L" Team, ASSEMBLE!
Eddie Murphy: Eddie Murphy!
Jim Carey: Goodyear blimp!
Sonic: How are you gentlemen?
Bob Dole: Sailor Venus!
Richard Nixon: And the leader. I forget his name. But I think it's me.
L TEAM!!!!
Miyamoto: Ok. Now what do you want?
Sonic: All your base.
Bob Dole: Quiet you. We want the master key so that we can open the ultimate basketball arena and train hard to defeat Roshi. And play B-ball.
Jim Carey: Lah-hu - zah - hure!
Zahn: ARGH! TRANSFORMATION!
Miyamoto: You have no transformation.
Zahn: Oh yeah. My mistake.
Miyamoto: Met! Use your beam of Intergalactic Spasm!
Met: But I left it at home!
Sonic: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Wats: *appearing from the sky* That's my line! *dismantles Sonic*
Dr. Wily: Wats! Come back here! I need to teach you a lesson for breaking free from my Kill(tm) Lab!
Wats: Ha Ha Ha.
*mobile phone rings*
Miyamoto: Hello?
Iwata: Miyamoto! You're needed at the Nintendo HQ in New Japan! Our production designers haven't got Jario's moustache right yet!
Miyamoto: Be right there! In the meantime we'll need a scene to cover up the plothole in how we get there so fast!
*meanwhile, somewhere else*
Roshi: This is a disapointing specimen.
Fence: I'm an inanimate object.
Roshi: My mistake. *flies away*
*in New Japan*
Iwata: I have appointing the Flying Gerbil in charge of your projects, Miyamoto. From now on you work for him.
Flying Gerbil: I DO NOT LIKE SPICE.
Miyamoto: But why?? I need to finish Super Mario Legend Twelve!
Iwata: This post is very random and unhumourous. That is why the reintroduction of the Flying Gerbil was neccessary.
Miyamoto: Stop making spelling mistakes!
Iwata: Sorry.
Flying Gerbil: Click here, click here! Ooooh click here!
Miyamoto: What is this? I'm leaving! Never to return! You'll be sorry, Iwata! You'll be sorry, Richard Hatch! *runs away crying*
Iwata: Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, get to work on Super Mario Sonic Extra Turbo 8 Brown Version, Flying Gerbil.
TO BE CONTINUED...
NEXT TIME...
Gaspar: Miyamoto, you must now make your way through the Forest of Impendingdeath and the Swamps of Killpeople to the village of Fred. There you will meet King John, and he will give you your next mission! But it won't be easy! The Forest of Impendingdeath, the Swamps of Killpeople and Mt. Youdie all hold many various evil creatures, which cannot be passed until you find their weakness such as an apple that puts them to sleep that can only be found in the Garden of Infinitepainandsuffering... on the other hand, you can just get into my super fast, bullet proof car and take a left at the next crossroad.
Miyamoto: I pick the former!
STAY TUNED
Mario500
Flying Gerbil: Excellent! All the time I spent with Miyamoto is finally going to pay off and... wait!
Iwata: Wait what? I'm still here, REMEMBER?
Flying Gerbil: I never learned graphic design! HACK YOU MIYAMOTO!!! HACK YOU!!!
Iwata: One more "Hack" out of you and you'll find out the true meaning of the word.
Flying Gerbil: Oh yeah, what's that?
(Gives Flying Gerbil a copy of Webster's 10th Ongoing Story Dictionary: LaAoM Edition 4)
Flying Gerbil: Since when did Webster's Dictionary find out about...never mind!
(Looks up "Hack)
Flying Gerbil: Ha! I knew that I know the real meaning of this word. Hack means...
(Due to the obvious meaning of the word "Hack", the writers of Life and Adventures of Miyamoto have interrupted this scene of this message we are now typing for the reasons stated above. Now stop reading this stupid message and let’s get on with the following...)
Miyamoto: ... Mr. Iwata actually thought I was crying, but thanks to my odd behavior over Richard Hatch, I'm now free from creating soon to be awful games such as what-you-may-call-it.
Gaspar: Oh just stop talking to yourself and listen to my next plan.
Miyamoto: Ah great, another plot element from you, Gaspar.
Gaspar: Miyamoto, you must now make your way through the Forest of Impendingdeath and the Swamps of Killpeople to the village of Fred. There you will meet King John, and he will give you your next mission! But it won't be easy! The Forest of Impendingdeath, the Swamps of Killpeople and Mt. Youdie all hold many various evil creatures, which cannot be passed until you find their weakness such as an apple that puts them to sleep that can only be found in the Garden of Infinitepainandsuffering... on the other hand, you can just get into my super fast, bullet proof car and take a left at the next crossroad.
Miyamoto: I pick the former!
Gaspar: On second thought, just go ahead with my latter plan for you. The former stuff is not even any of my plans no way.
Miyamoto: Hmmmm...I wonder where you got of that from?
(Scene changes to the new HQ called "Higinbotham-Wiyamoto HQ of World Domination and Other HQ Worth Buying Out)
Willy Higinbotham: To answer your question that you can't hear due to your location, the answer happens to be me.
Wiyamoto: No Willy! Giving out info like would give Mario500 the chance to tell Miyamoto and his crew about our secret location.
Willy: What could Mario500 do to us? Write us out?
Wiyamoto: Ummmm...well.... no!
Willy: Good, now let's wait until Miyamoto + Crew get done with their rather useless mission against this Roshi and then let find us just end time for Life and Adventures of Miyamoto's 100th Post Celebration.
Wiyamoto: What???
Willy: Ah, just forget my attempt at self-congratuation of this OGs up and coming 100th post.
Wiyamoto: Wait, you know that there were other LaAoM series before this one, which means that we all ready passed 100th mark.
Willy: Ummmmm...yeah I guess.... no!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time of LaAoM...
COUNTDOWN TO 100
Mario500: The unofficial "100th" post shall be the greatest and possibly the funniest event in this story's history.
Miyamoto: What makes you sure about that?
Wozby: Hey, get a load of these future plots here in the not so secret hiding place in this unlocked safe.
Fred In Bed
(with Miymoto)
Miyamoto: (speed dials the crew) Alright, gang, let's move. Met me at circle square.
Met: Sure thing, boss!
Jozby/Wozby: Ok.
Zahn: As long as Wozby isn't there!
LAUNCH: Robot only want friend.
PIZZA MAN: Would you like a pizza?
Mrs. Cleo: Mrs. Cleo knows and sees all! Buy her new "future message shampoo and conditioner"!
Voice: You will die in seven days...
Miyamoto: Enough! (hangs up) Come Gaspar, we have much to do.
Gaspar: I think not.
Miyamoto: Oh? And why is that?
Gaspar: because I am really (takes of mask) GASPAR!!!11
Miyamoto: You fiend!
GASPAR: Y, I m Gazpr I R00x0r j00r b00x0rs! hahhahahahahhaha lol rotf!
Miyamoto: Argh! You were sent by Iwata to hold me back!
GASPAR: mayB, MayB NoT NeEwB!
Miyamoto: ...
GASPAR: oMFg mY oNly WeaKnEs! (reverts to gaspar)
Gaspar: Help me up, my old friend. Do not show me the ring anymore, it must be a terrible burden for you-
Miyamoto: Shutup old man. Get in the car.
Gaspar: Dude, where's my car?!
Miyamoto: There is only one that is evil enough to do this...
Gaspar/Miyamoto: Snoop Dawg!
(in weed smoked house)
Miyamoto: Snoop dawg, give us the car! Were gonna be LAAATTEE!
Snoop Dawg: Sit yo' ass down and smoke some of this...
Gaspar: Argh! Sarn your second hand smoke! Bum rush!
Snoop Dawg: ... (dies)
DUDUDUDUDOOO! YOU GOT THE CAR! SET IT TO C BUTTONS <, \/, or >!
Miyamoto: whatever.
(5 seconds later)
Met: You're five seconds late!
Miyamoto: Sorry.
Jozby: You better be. We just missed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Gaspar: We are fighting an enemy beyond any of us... let's get going.
Wozby: Ok, to Mario500's house!
Miyamoto: (coughs from second-hand weed smoking) I don't see why not!
(Mario500's pad)
Mario500: The unofficial "100th" post shall be the greatest and possibly the funniest event in this story's history.
Miyamoto: What makes you sure about that?
Wozby: Hey, get a load of these future plots here in the not so secret hiding place in this unlocked safe.
Mario500: shutup. Roshi and his elite forces, the grasshoppers, as challenging us, a la ADVANCE WARS. They must be stopped.
Miyamoto: Nah. But ok.
NEXT TIME:
Roshi: Miyamoto you fool! Robots won't take over the world! ALIENS WILL! muahahha!
Miyamoto: (whispering) Jozby, use your utility belt!
Jozby: Alright! Activate water raft inflation while eating peanut butter!
BE THERE!
Mario500
(Master Roshi crashes through roof)
Mario500: Noooooooo!!!! Thanks a lot for destroying all of my latest plans for "Life and Adventures..."!
Roshi: You're very un-welcomed!
Mario500: I was not even thanking you!
Roshi: Oh yeah, thanks for not thanking me for destroying your stuff.
Miyamoto: All right, Roshi! Destroying our creator's plans for my next adventures was the final cheese!
Met: Cheese?
Miyamoto: Beats me, ask Mario500. Besides, it's been many post since "cheese" was mentioned.
Met: Oh, now I get it!
Miyamoto: Anyway, send in the giant robots that will appear all of a sudden thanks and take over what's left of the world from Roshi thanks to our great creator Mario500.
Mario500: Ok... I guess.
Roshi: Miyamoto you fool! Robots won't take over the world! ALIENS WILL! muahahha!
Miyamoto: (whispering) Jozby, use your utility belt!
Jozby: Alright! Activate water raft inflation while eating peanut butter!
(Water raft appears along with jars of more peanut butter)
Gasper: All this talk about cheese and peanut butter make me eagered for a ham, pickle, cheese, peanut butter, limburger cheese, cheddar cheese, EVERYTHING cheese, and more cheese sandwich, with cheese on top.
Miyamoto: Ok Wozby, now the flood!
Roshi: Why flood this house?
Miyamoto: It's a raft! DUH!!!
(Water appears out of no where flooding the entire home of Mario500)
Mario500: Miyamoto, what's the real purpose of us on this raft in a flooded house.
Miyamoto: Well...since Roshi has grasshoppers along to kill us, so... say what again
Roshi: Ah ha! I knew you guys would goof some day. Prepare to drown in your own flood.
Zahn: Just perfect, I Paula Zahn, CNN's most popular morning news anchor EVER is going to die in a flood with these weirdos.
Wozby: Don't worry, we'll all be with each other in the after life, whatever that is.
Zahn: And stop staring at me like you always do.
Wozby: That's my Paula, always tough when it comes down to stuff like my weird behavior.
Roshi: Would you two shut up!
Launch: Shut up, yourself!
(Shoots beam of light from a device called "Light that causes crazy old men that turned evil back into their old crazy)
Roshi: Why I outta... (ping) Hey, where am I and Why am on some humped back grasshopper in a flooded house. Launch, give me some aspirin and maybe a cool back rub, if you know what I mean?
Launch: That's my perverted Roshi!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
COUNTDOWN TO 100
Baer: Hey Matthew Lesko, I've got a plan of escaping Willy Higinbotham's HQ and spending eternity as his so called "personal servants"
Lesko: Yeah, what Ralph?
Baer: I ordered free tickets to The Jerry Springer Show for a topic under the name "True Creator of Video Games Battle it out". We'll be out in no time.
(Lesko jumps out nearest window that appears for reasons unknown by this writer or Ralph Bear)
Lupus
*Meanwhile, in Higinbotham's HQ*
Baer: Hey Matthew Lesko, I've got a plan of escaping Willy Higinbotham's HQ and spending eternity as his so called "personal servants"
Lesko: Yeah, what Ralph?
Baer: I ordered free tickets to The Jerry Springer Show for a topic under the name "True Creator of Video Games Battle it out". We'll be out in no time.
(Lesko jumps out nearest window that appears for reasons unknown by this writer or Ralph Bear)
Lupus: Outrageous.
Mario500: What can I say?
*Outside on the street*
Mike Patton: Are you sure this is the way to the Temple where I can gain my Megaman powers?
Don Bradman: Trust me.
*Lesko flattens them both. Roshi and the Miyamoto crew walk by*
Miyamoto: This is different.
Patton: Miyamoto, my old nemesis... help me up... we can rule the world together!
Miyamoto: And if I say no?
Patton: Then I won't give you the Lettuce Bangle for succeeding in the Mike Patton subquest in this copy of Miyamoto MMORPG.
Miyamoto: You're just making this up! I'm going to go work on my Cosmic Death Ray.
*Two years later, Miyamoto is half way through the construction of the Cosmic Death Ray. Everyone else who has existed in the story is presumed dead*
Met: Hey Miyamoto! I'm not dead!
Miyamoto: WTF LOL.
Met: I came to invite you to the Worst Music Festival taking place in Bocus Town. You want in?
Miyamoto: Sure!
*In Dr. Wily's evil lab of doom*
Wily: I opted out of this OG, remember?
*Fair enough. In Higinbotham's HQ*
Higinbotham: I should really get to work on a second game before claiming I am the best creator.
Lurch: That won't be necessary sir! I have stolen the plans to rob the lab of plans for the plans of the plans to create a plan to rob the Worst Music Festival for game plans!
Higinbotham: Good work, Lurch! It will be just like that E3 scene we had a while ago!
Lurch: We haven't had one of them in a while.
Kefka: Do I come in now?
Mrs Cleo: Call me now.
Wobuffet: Wobuffet.
Alex Chiu: Immortality rings make you IMMORTAL! We've sold out to Guam!
Higinbotham: What is this... this... CIRCUS???
Kefka: You sound like chapters of a self help booklet! Prepare yourselves! Listen to me! I am relevant! I am important!
Higinbotham: Kefka? I forgot about him.
Kefka: Negligence pays... and soon! KEFKA ATTACK OF ENTER THE OBLIGATORY RPG SCENENESS!
RPG BATTLE!
Kefka
HP: Black/Lotus
MP: 211498123405/6
Higinbotham
HP: 0/0
MP: 0/0
Higinbotham uses
INSTANT DEATH!!!!! ......................on self
FINISH RPG BATTLE!
Higinbotham: It seems you have won this time, Kefka.
Kefka: Be naught bitter, Willy! For I am willing to offer you a... uh, offer!
*fifty years later*
Kefka: And that's how pink erasers were eradicated from the history books.
Higinbotham: Now, what's the offer?
Kefka: Oh yeah. Well-
*five years later*
Kefka: And that's all, you see?
Higinbotham: What? Look, I don't care about the great art of bombing houses. What is this offer?
Kefka: Well, it goes like this...
*five hours later*
Kefka: And that's the exact reason why I have forgotten my offer.
Higinbotham: This is worthless!
Kefka: I think I'll just imprison you in an Orb of Imprisonment which I will then place under the backwheel of a car parked in a Shopping Mall's carpark and then I will watch from a corner and snigger as they back up.
Higinbotham: You fiend!
Kefka: Now to use my plan to corrupt the Worst Music Festival!
TO BE CONTINUED...
NEXT TIME... ON THE 100TH EPISODE OF SERIES 3...
Bill Cosby: Where's my hat that is highly fashionable?
Banes Johnson: ARGH! I STOLE ALL YE WORST ALBUMS! NOW I WILL ESCAPE IN MY CLEVERLY POSITIONED BUS!
Gorbachev: If the comedic aptitude of this episode doesn't raise in the next five lines, I'm drowning Launch.
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
*Suddenly a plot hole swallows up all relevaent characters*
Alex Trebeck: Welcome to the 100th Life and Adventures of Miyamoto Episode of Series Three!
Miyamoto: How in the HACK did we get here?!
Trebeck: Silence peasent! Now for our special guest...Lemonjello "Lagomorph" Setzer!
Lupus: But I thought he was dead!
Mario500: As did I.
Fred. Ditto.
Lemonjello: You all soind like self-help booklets! Prepare yoursleves!
Mario500: For what?
Lemonjello: For this!
*Meanwhile...*
Bill Cosby: Where's my hat that is highly fashionable?
Banes Johnson: ARGH! I STOLE ALL YE WORST ALBUMS! NOW I WILL ESCAPE IN MY CLEVERLY POSITIONED BUS!
Gorbachev: If the comedic aptitude of this episode doesn't raise in the next five lines, I'm drowning Launch.
*Back with Lemonjello...*
Lupus: All you did was a "Meanwhile..." scene.
Lemonjello: ph33r!
Mario500: Fear your uselessness?!
Lemonjello: Yes. And fear... *takes off his mask to reveal...*
Mario500: WHAT THE HACK?!?!?
Lemonjello: HACK! My mask won't come off!
Lupus: Super Mask Taking Off Move That Takes One Meanwhile Scene To Charge!
*Meanwhile...*
Ramsus: Miang, have you ever really looked at your hands?
Miang: Dude...
*Back with the OG writers...*
Person Who Had The Lemonjello Mask On: I...am...WILLY HIGINBOTHAM!!! The true creator of video games! Now I shall unveil my ultimate creation....TENNIS FOR TWO INFINITY!!!
*Tennis For Two Infinity (TFTI) falls out of plothole*
Willy: Feel to power! *TFTI vaporizes Lupus and Mario500*
Miyamoto: You sound like Bill Cosby after smoking one too many rolodex cards! Prepare yourselves! *Miyamoto takes off his mask to reveal...*
Wozby: LEMONJELLO?!
Person Completely Irrelevent To The Plot Who Will Die In This Post: The HACK?! *dies*
Lemonjello: ph33r my l4ck of pirated Tennis For Two games! SHOYU!!! *blows up the TFTI console with a blast of soy sauce*
Miyamoto: *falls out of a plot hole* You'll pay, Iwata! Wozby! Super fusion technique!
*Miyamoto and Wozby combine into their ultimate form...*
Wozbymoto: Fear the incoherent plot of my OG!
Willy: Hadouken!
Wozbymoto: ILIEKMILKdouken!
*The hadouken and the ILIEKMILKdouken hit each other and spawn...*
Willy: My old co-worker from AT&T...HITOSHI!!!
Hitoshi: Yo I am a cool dude man. *throws a brick at Launch, who turns into a glass of milk* I LIEK MILK! *Hitoshi drinks the glass of milk then throws the glass at Met*
Dr. Bob: Is there any hope left for humanity?!
Lupus: Hey, I thought I killed you off.
Dr. Bob: Oh....yeah. *a comb falls on Dr. Bob, killing him*
To be continued....
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Dell Kid: Dude, you're getting a Dell!
Woctor Wily: Curses! Buy Wacintosh or I'll steal your old Pac Man cereal!
Jozby: Can I be the co-star of the OG again Mister Lupus?
Mario500
Willy: And you're suppose to be dead, Lupus!
Lupus: Oh yeah!
(Lupus plays dead)
Met: That was weirder than killer combs and bricks that turn people into glasses of milk.
Hitoshi: What about me? I'm weird too!
Met: Ummmmm...no!
Hitoshi: Why I outta...
(Phone rings with the ID Message: Hitoshi! Get the HACK on the phone before AT&T cancels your service to our Internet service, BETTER THAN AOL)
Wozbymoto: Amazing! Self-promotion in a phone ID, just plain incredible, we think!
Hitoshi: Shut up you two! I can't hear to boss to AT&T!
AT&T Boss: Hitoshi, I want you to send this no longer secret message to a guy named Ralph Baer at location 666 Higinbotham-Wiyamoto Drive, Secret Location, Top Secret Land. Now move it or lose it!
Hitoshi: Lose what? My brain?
AT&T Boss: .....idiot!
(Hangs up)
(Ralph Baer falls through plot hole, along with Steve the Dell Due and Woctor Wily)
Baer: Wow! That was quick!
Wozbymoto: Hey, it's that Baer that we and Met met many episodes ago. Too bad you missed the 100th episode by one.
Met: Was that pun really needed.
Wozbymoto: Yeah...so?
Willy: How the HACK did you get here Mr. So Called True Creator of Video Games, But I Willy Higinbotham THE First One Before You!
Dell Kid: Woah! That's one LONG name, old dude.
Baer: Thanks...HEY wait a second!
Hitoshi: You've got a message Mr. Bear.
Baer: That's BAER, fool!
Hitoshi: How am I suppose to know? I didn't even spell it. Anyway, here's your message!
(Gives Ralph the message on a pre-taped recording given to him by the writers since Hitoshi has all ready forgotten it after his brief anger with AT&T's boss...)
Woctor Wily: This is one long narration, isn't it?
Dell Kid: Dude, you're getting a Dell!
Woctor Wily: Curses! Buy Wacintosh or I'll steal your old Pac Man cereal!
Jozby: Can I be the co-star of the OG again Mister Lupus?
Lupus: No, now get back inside Wozbymoto's body before they...
(Wozbymoto transform back into Wozby and Miyamoto, while Hitoshi jumps through the plot hole to the unknown, which causes the broken glass to change back into Launch. Phew, that was a real mouthful)
Wozby: Thanks a lot, Jozby!
Jozby: You're welcome!
Miyamoto: Since when did Launch get her hair bleached to look.... blonde like.
Met: Uh-oh, I was afraid of this would happen sometime in the foreseen future.
Evil Launch: Be afraid, BE VERY AFRAID!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Jerry Springer: So, you say you're the TRUE creator of video games, period?
Baer: Yeah! All what Willy has been saying are all lies.
Willy: Why you idiotic little (CENSORED)! I'm going to strangle your (CENSORED) until it can no longer be called a (CENSORED)
Everybody: Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!
Kefka: Shut-up! Shut-up! Shut-up!
Lupus
Baer: That's it, Willy! I'm taking you to court! Or one better, Jerry Springer!
Willy: You ridiculous vacuum salesman! I want my apricots back!
Miyamoto: Idiots. *jumps into time portal and appears at the End of Time*
Gaspar: Miyamoto! You must cast the Turbo Orange into Mount Doom before Saturday Night! If you fail, George Bailey will take over the Earth with a nautilius!
Miyamoto: Where is Mount Doom!?
Gaspar: Right here. *points to a hill to the side of him*
Miyamoto: So long, Turbo Orange!
George Bailey: *appears from plothole* Stop right there! You'll never throw the Turbo Orange into Mount Doom! Never! I have a foolproof plan to stop you! First, I'll put gladrap around the mouth of Mount Doom! Then I'll buy a blimp and fly over the top of it at the exact moment you throw it in, which I'll find out by calculating daylight saving into this Windows XP Laptop here, and then I'll use Pirate Man to catch the Orange as it rebounds upwards, which I will then use to enslave the earth!
Miyamoto: I found out a fatal flaw in your plan which could possibly render it useless!
Bailey: What?
Miyamoto: I carried out me and Gaspar's plan while you were explaining yours.
Bailey: NOOO!! Uncle Billy, you fool!
Director: Long running jokes SUCK!
Eddie Murphy: Woo that's a big ass!
Bailey: To hell with it! I'll shoot you where you stand with my Weapon of No Weapon Shape!
Miyamoto: Is that even a real weapon?
Bailey: Yes.
Miyamoto: What are we going to do now?
Bailey: There's only one thing you CAN DO! And that is escape while I am saying one of my outrageously long dialogues and blabbering on about ridiculous things for no apparent reason, and I'll keep talking forever and ever, or at least until you have carried out your plans, and then-
Darth John: Uh, they've escaped already.
Bailey: Phew. Now I can act as if I am surprised.
Darth John: I said SILENCE MORTAL!
Bailey: No you didn't.
Darth John: You have failed me one too many times! ONCE! You will now be fed to my pet sharks in the shark pool!
Bailey: You'll never throw me into the shark pool alive! *throws himself into the shark pool*
Darth John: BWAHAHAHA! NOW TO START MY SPOON FACTORY.
*At Jerry Springer's*
Jerry Springer: On the show today we have Ralph Baer, who claims he is the true inventor of video games over his long lost rival Willy Higinbotham.
Ralph Baer: Thanks for having me.
Jerry Springer: So, you say you're the TRUE creator of video games, period?
Baer: Yeah! All what Willy has been saying are all lies.
Willy: Why you idiotic little (CENSORED)! I'm going to strangle your (CENSORED) until it can no longer be called a (CENSORED)
Everybody: Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!
Kefka: Shut-up! Shut-up! Shut-up!
Jerry Springer: Looks like a special guest has come out onto the stage! Everyone welcome Kefka! What have you got to say Kefka!?
Kefka: You sound like pages from a self help booklet! Prepare yourselves for my leaving of the stage! *leaves*
Baer: I created Final Fantasy VI!
Higinbotham: Maybe so, but it was based on the engine for my game, Tennis For Six! You stole it!
Baer: NEVER!
Springer: Fools! Silence your mouths! This is a mere trap! For I am *takes off mask to reveal... KEITH MOON!?!?*
Moon: KEITH MOON!
Baer: WHAT THE HELL?
Moon: Mwahaha!
Baer: But why, Keith? I trusted you!
Moon: My parents trusted the Pancake Government. Trust can come back to screw you!
*Miyamoto appears from the End of Time*
Miyamoto: Finally, I have found you! You've given me the chance to reprise an old segment! Take this, Keith!!
*Miyamoto pulls out a gun*
Keith: For cheese, Miyamoto?
Miyamoto: No. For me.
*Miyamoto shoots Keith in the chest and he dies*
Miyamoto: Wow, that reprise was great.
*The dead Keith turns into Crimson Keith*
Baer: Miyamoto! Behind you!
Miyamoto: What? I mean, SILENCE MORTAL!
Baer: You're mortal too.
Miyamoto: SILENCE MORTAL!
Higinbotham: Miyamoto! You MUST look behind you! You're about to get killed thus making the end of this story come quick and fast so the director can get money and retire, finally!
Miyamoto: Holy egg!
Director: He knows too much! Get him!
*The camera crew jump out onto the set and attack Higinbotham, who defends himself with a rubber plant*
Director: Miyamoto! Give up now!
Miyamoto: Give up what?
Director: Uh... what do you have?
Miyamoto: Just the clothes on my back.
Director: Then hand them over!
Miyamoto: Never! You... you... director!
Director: No? Then suffer the fate of my hands of kung fu!
*We interupt this program to bring you an important community announcement*
Have you ever felt that...
*We interupt this important community anncouncement to bring you back to the OG*
Miyamoto: Haha! I have finally defeated you, Director!
Director: This cannot be!
Miyamoto: Any last words?
Director: Yes!! I have a secret to tell you! I... AM YOUR FATHER!!
Miyamoto: Director! I... AM YOUR SON!!
Director: NOOOOOOO! *takes cyanide pill*
Miyamoto: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to turnips. Turnips lead to coldsores. Coldsores lead to lame attempts at humour. Lame attempts at humour usually result in boring speeches like this one. Boring speeches like this one result in VB! And VB isn't good!
TO BE CONTINUED...
NEXT TIME...
Miyamoto: That's it! The olives are in the pan!
Met: Now we just need garlic spices!
STAY TUNED!
Lemonjello
Meanwhile, in Woctor Wily's Wvil Wortress wf Woom...
Wr. Wily: You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet! Prepare yourselves!
Wuts Wan: Um, sir, you've said that over 4,568 times today. Please stop.
Wr. Wily: Never!
Wuts Wan: I'll give you $3.78.
Wr. Wily: Gimme! *steals Wuts Wan's $3.78*
Director: Cut! Wr. Wily, did you even bother to read the script? You're supposed to rip off Wuts Wan's mask, revealing him to Jozby, who is bent on avenging MISH No. 456's death at the hands of George Lucas!
Wr. Wily: Ha! Now's my chance to destroy all of you foolish humans! *throws a lamp at the recording crew, who scream and run away*
Director: What the HACK?!
Wr. Wily: Now I can avenge my cousin's uncle's roomate's 4th grade teacher's dentist's wife's chiropractor's brother's death!
Director: Woctor Wily...I AM your cousin's uncle's roomate's 4th grade teacher's dentist's wife's chiropractor's brother!!!
Wr. Wily: *GASP!* How did you survive the PS2 riots of '74 then?
Director: I glued thirty-eight virtual boys to my body.
Wr. Wily: Amazing! Truly genius! But I'll still have to kill you.
Director: Why?
Wr. Wily: Lupus pays on me on how many people I kill. *beats the director to the death with a ceramic frog*
Director: Et tu, Wr. Wily?
Wr. Wily: Aye. *throws Director's limp body into a nearby trash compactor*
Stagehand: Does this scene have any relevance to the plot?
Wr. Wily: Yes.
Stagehand: How so?
Wr. Wily: I shall unveil my "End Series Three Ray of Death!" ...right now. *pulls a sheet off of an old card table, revealing lots of mechanical pieces* But I still need to assemble it.
Stagehand: Never! *takes off his mask to reveal...*
Wr. Wily: Wiyamoto?!
Wiyamoto: Join me, Woctor Wily, and we shall rule the OG together as neglected villains!
Wr. Wily: Sure. I don't have anything to lose except for...well...I don't have anything to lose.
Wiyamoto: Excellent! Activate the Ws!
Cut scene to a vacant lot filled with the broken bodies of Watses.
Watses: Activating...All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your incoherent storyline.
Wiyamoto: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Wats No. 3452: Get here how did you?
Wiyamoto: Plothole. Now, onward to wherever Miytamoto is!
Watses: Ha ha ha.
Meanwhile, Miyamoto's kitchen...
Miyamoto: That's it! The olives are in the pan!
Met: Now we just need garlic spices!
Voice: Prepare for trouble!
Voice 2: Make it double!
*Wiyamoto and and Wr. Wily crash into the roof in an Alex Chiu shaped hot air balloon*
Met: What. The. Hack.
Miyamoto: Wiyamoto?!
Wiyamoto: Yes! I am here to finally claim this OG for me, myself, and I! Watses, attack!
Watses: You have no chance to survive make your time!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Wiyamoto: Jozby...? How could you betray? Why?!
Jozby: For plotholes. *shoots Wiyamoto in the head*
Wr. Wily: Looks like Weam Wocket is blasting off again!
Fred In Bed
Miyamoto: That's so friggen cheap.
Met: No! Stop licking the spoon! You horrible monsters!
Wats 4.335: All that is not quite...
Wiyamoto: Yes, Jozby, attack!!!11
Jozby: Who's your daddy, and what does he do?
Miyamoto: Jozby...? How could you betray? Why?!
Jozby: Actually, I'm not betraying... you.
Wiyamoto: Jozby...? How could you betray? Why?!
Jozby: For plotholes. *shoots Wiyamoto in the head*
Wr. Wily: Looks like Weam Wocket is blasting off again!
Watses: Deal with us still must you.
Met: Oh, comeon, leave us, please?
Wats007: Why do that we would?
Miyamoto: What you say? Wozby, attack! (realizes that Wozby isn't there) D'oh! Met, Attack! (realizes that Met is hiding) D'oh! Jozby, attack! (realizes that Jozby has just been run over) Bah, gimme a break!
Watses: What you say? Kat Kit commercial sense back none suicide commiting (commit suicide)
(next time...)
Wr. Wily: Alright, Miyamoto. Prepare to fight my ultimate creation... inebriated man!
Miyamoto: You mean wnebriated wan.
Wr. Wily: Shut your face. Fine, then face Wiger Woods.
Wiger Woods: Keep your eye on the ball!
Miyamoto: Too many will die if we fight in this small, uninhabited swamp. Let us go fight over the city.
Wr. Wily: Fine, but then I get to give Wiger this creamsicle.
Miyamoto: Never! You fiend!
Fin.
Mario500
Miyamoto: Talk about bad grammar while committing suicide!
Wats007: Ok, this is end for great agent 007.
(Shoots himself in the...ah you don't won't to know...never mind that he shot himself in the CENSORED)
Miyamoto: I was not even talking to you! Dead idiot!
(Met comes out of hiding, along with Wozby coming out from a hole that was just written in)
Met: You can say that again, Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Dead idiot.
Met: Who you're calling dead idiot?
Jozby: I think he was talking to me, even though I was not killed that time.
Wr. Wily: Enough of this dead idiot crap! Miyamoto is going to die himself for the murder of my Wats and...
(Wiyamoto rolls around creating a "W" pattern)
Wr. Wily: ...wait, he's not dead!
Wozby: First Jozby and now Wiyamoto. Does anybody EVER stay dead around here?
(Silence...silence)
Wozby: Ok.....I was wrong.
Wr. Wily: Alright, Miyamoto. Prepare to fight my ultimate creation... inebriated man!
Miyamoto: You mean wnebriated wan.
Wr. Wily: Shut your face. Fine, then face Wiger Woods.
Wiger Woods: Keep your eye on the ball!
Miyamoto: Too many will die if we fight in this small, uninhabited swamp. Let us go fight over the city.
Wr. Wily: Fine, but then I get to give Wiger this creamsicle.
Miyamoto: Never! You fiend!
Wr. Wily: Ok, then I'll give it to the now living Wiyamoto.
Wiyamoto: Cool! A creamsicle at last! Hey, I made a pun. Cool!
Wiger Woods: Wiyamoto was better off dead, wasn't he?
Wr. Wily: In the words of the wise ones, which is....
(Suddenly for no reason what so ever, Willy Higinbotham appears in a blimp with the words "The True Creator of Video Games! Period, is on this blimp")
Higinbotham: ...WILLY HIGINBOTHAM!!!
(Everyone says "huh" in a timely fashion)
Wr. Wily: Wow! Perfect timing with my "words of the wise one" sentence, Willy.
Wiger Woods: Wimp...blocking wenergy...which gives me wower...to destroy Wiyamoto, er Miyamoto...wust stop talking win all "Ws".
(Wiger Woods vanishes into, well thin air...I think)
Wiyamoto: What the WACK! I never even knew there was some way of destroying "W" creatures.
Miyamoto: That's the second time Higinbotham saved my life, unfortunately!
Higinbotham: Thanks...Hey! What's with that unfortunately?
Wozby: He means that he was not welco...
(Miyamoto puts Wozby in a unknown secret compartment under the swamp, which for some reason has "USSR" on it)
Higinbotham: So, you're not welcomed, eh? Well then prepare to die!
(Blimp gets shot down and bursts into flames like some Hidenburg knock off on SOME TV shows)
Evil Launch: Now to finish some unfinished what I should have done a long time ago.
Miyamoto: Quick, Jozby! Get some sneezing powder!
Jozby: Why? It's not April Fools day yet.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Cos Mo Nott: So tell us, American creature! Where is Ol' Gorbachev and that fool Mussolini.
(Wozby strapped to a chair, panted in bright coats of red, with letters in yellow, "Communism Forever")
The Mo: Maybe we should take the "Soviet Propaganda" tape out of his head, maybe he could tell us where Gorby is.
Gorbachev: STOP CALLING ME GORBY!
Lemonjello
(Miyamoto and Wiyamoto fall through a plothole and into the End of Time)
Wiyamoto: The HACK?!
Gaspar: Wiyamoto...I AM your barber!!!
Stagehand: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!! *stabs himself*
Wiyamoto: Never! W Ray!
Gaspar: Useless Ray!
(The W Ray and the Useless Ray collide...sending Miyamoto to the set of "This Is Your Life")
Trebeck: Shigeru Miyamoto, genius game designer, anti W activist, and first and foremostly, the new King of Angora, this is your life!
Miyamoto: ...the HACK...?
Trebeck: He's a byproduct of two of our authors posting at the same time...JOZBY!
Jozby: Hello.
Miyamoto: But weren't we fighting Wiyamoto just a few minutes ago...? What on earth has happened?!
Trebeck: He knows too much! Get 'em!
Miyamoto: Never! *draws his sword*
Meanwhile...
Cos Mo Nott: So tell us, American creature! Where is Ol' Gorbachev and that fool Mussolini.
(Wozby strapped to a chair, panted in bright coats of red, with letters in yellow, "Communism Forever")
The Mo: Maybe we should take the "Soviet Propaganda" tape out of his head, maybe he could tell us where Gorby is.
Gorbachev: STOP CALLING ME GORBY!
*Wozby warps behind Gorbachev and kills him*
The Mo: The HACK?!
Wozby: Off to neutral Switzerland! *warps out*
Back with Miyamoto...
(Miyamoto is being pursued by Willy Higinbotham and Wiyamoto, who are riding in the Batmobile)
Miyamoto: How did I get here? And where is here?
(Can't tell you how, but you're running for the Swiss border.)
Miyamoto: Is this just some stupid plot device to get me to meet up with Wozby again
(Yes.)
Miyamoto: Oh.
Wiyamoto: Curses! The Batmobile has run out of cheese!
Willy: Full forward fire power! *presses a button and a bottle of chocolate syrup fires out of the Batmobile*
Wiyamoto: The HACK?!
(Miyamoto crosses the Swiss border.)
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Jozby: Miyamoto! You must help us destroy the W Machine! Or else...
Miyamoto: Or else what?
Jozby: Or Willy Higinbotham will create his most creation to date! Wob Waget!
Miyamoto: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Fred In Bed
Miyamoto: So, you thought you could catch me, huh? I've crossed the Swiss border.
Wiyamoto: That may be what you think, but you read the sign incorrectly! This is the SWISS ROBINSON FAMILY BORDER!
Miyamoto: What the block?
Man offscreen: Miyamoto! Your lines! It's "What the hack?"
Miyamoto: I've eaten just about enough of you. Ray of Nothing!
Man offscreen: Ouch! You may be strong, Miyamoto, but I can drink 157 bottles of castor oil!
Miyamoto: You fiend! RPG Battle!
Man offscreen: HP:493759878943/1
MP: none. I stole it.
Golf magazines: 3.56
Emmys: 1.(-43848458483945879375375893)
Miyamto:HP: What/the hack?
MP: Hey,/we can't/have three things like this!
Cadillacs:4394983.333333333333333333
333333333333333333333333333333333333
333333333333333333333333333333333333
333333333333333333333333333333333331)
Pails full of scotch tape: 0, needs 4 more by the end of the week.
BATTLE START!
Miyamoto is sleeping! Nothing happens!
CRITICAL HIT!
ONE HIT KO!
Man offscreen: Now you shall see my TRUE POWER!
(Man offscreen turns into a gigantic sponge full of plasticine)
Man offscreen: Huahaha! My HP is replenished!
Miyamoto: Beam of inebriated ballerinas defenestrating platapusses!
Man offscreen: Ouch!
Man offscreen is asleep! And he's paralyzed! He's also smelly, explosive, buying a drink at a 7-11, Flying upside down, and racing in the formula-1 tracks!
Man offscreen is defeated!
Miyamoto has GAINED A LEVEL!
Attk: -53
Def: 4.9
spngeckes: 123212423723857293587235
Red Warrior NEEDS FOOD BADLY!
END BATTLE!
Man offscreen:Darn, Nw I take of my mask to reveal...
Miyamoto: Jozby?
Jozby: Yes. I will explain everything.
(Later, at Jozby's PAD)
Jozby: There, now you know what to do.
Miyamoto: No, I have no idea. You never said anything.
Jozby: We are going to defeat them. Are you in?
Miyamoto: Wait, who's we?
Jozby: My platoon of Old Pantstichers armed with cans of salmon.
Miyamoto: Wow. You'd beat anyone.
Jozby: I know.
Miyamoto: I don't think you do.
Jozby: Miyamoto! You must help us destroy the W Machine! Or else...
Miyamoto: Or else what?
Jozby: Or Willy Higinbotham will create his most creation to date! Wob Waget!
Miyamoto: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Jozby: YYYYEEEESSSSSS!!!
Miyamoto: Ok.
(Next Time...)
Miyamoto: Hey, that's my kool-Aid!
James Brown: Good God y'all!
Jozby: Quickly, To beat James Brown, you have to don this strange water spewing back-pack and go through numerous worlds collecting Shine Sprites! OH, yes, you'll need this Red hat with an "M" on it.
Miyamoto: That is the dumbest thing I've EVER heard.
Mario500
Jozby: Don't you mean "OKKKAAAAYYYYYYYY"?
Miyamoto: OK, OKKKAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Jozby: Next time, less "Ys" and more "A".
Miyamoto: Does that even matter?
Jozby: Yeah, to the narrator and writers.
Miyamoto: Oh, yeah...those guys!
(Meanwhile at the not so secret underground base named "All Your Base Belong to us" in the REAL Switzerland)
Higinbotham: Finally after using only the parts of my Hidenburg knockoff, plus the so called "brain" of Old Man Gorby, my Bob Saget clone is complete.
Wiyamoto: Who?
Higinbotham: Shut up, Wiyamoto! Everybody knows who Bob Saget is...do they?
Wozby: Not me!
James Brown: Not me, crazy old guy!
Johnny Cochrun: Don't even ask me AND you still owe me money for that darn lawsuit I helped you with many posts ago!
Wiyamoto: Ummm...lawsuit?
Johnny Cochrun: You know...
(Takes out a projector labled "Protery of Lupus/500 Entertainment TM" and puts in "LaAoM Series 3")
Higinbotham: James Brown is in no doubt not going to be feeling good tonight!
James Brown: You're darn right, brother!
(Only a few minutes later)
Johnny Cochrun: There you see Willy, all the evidence you can see on this copyrighted film.
(Everybody is tied up, tarred and feather, and marked with the words "M" Rules All)
Jozby: Hey that’s our creators' film you...you... O.J. saver!
Miyamoto: Hey, that's my kool-Aid!
James Brown: Good God y'all!
Jozby: Quickly, To beat James Brown, you have to don this strange water spewing back-pack and go through numerous worlds collecting Shine Sprites! OH, yes, you'll need this Red hat with an "M" on it.
Miyamoto: That is the dumbest thing I've EVER heard.
Wozby: No it's not, that Kool-Aid thing you said is the DUMBEST! Oh yeah, you tarred and feathered me too!
James Brown: Now I'm feeling good!
(Brown dances for a few seconds, but due to the fact the only James Brown dances can make the Wob Waget creature comes to life...well..it does indeed right now!)
Wob Waget: All your bases belong to me! That's right, ALL of them!
Miyamoto: Ahhh!! Good "All Your Base" grammar!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Dan Blabermouth: Good evening! Dan Blabermouth for the CBC...er CBS Evening News here for this breaking news. Tonight, the most horrible sight for anybody in the entire world has come well into sight, a giant robot AKA "Wob Waget" is now terrorizing the folks of the Swiss boarder at this very moment. CBS News' Paula Zahn is at the scene reporting... you know!
Wozby: That's LESLIE STAHL!!! FOOL! Gee, what a blabermouth!
Miyamoto: His name says it all.
Lemonjello
Suddenly Miyamoto is sucked into the End of Time because cheese is good.
Gaspar: Miyamoto!
Miyamoto: Gaspar!
[Insert long pause here.]
Miyamoto: Why am I here?
Gaspar: I wanted to show you something on TV. (Gaspar points to the TV)
Dan Blabermouth: Good evening! Dan Blabermouth for the CBC...er CBS Evening News here for this breaking news. Tonight, the most horrible sight for anybody in the entire world has come well into sight, a giant robot AKA "Wob Waget" is now terrorizing the folks of the Swiss boarder at this very moment. CBS News' Paula Zahn is at the scene reporting... you know!
Wozby: That's LESLIE STAHL!!! FOOL! Gee, what a blabermouth!
Miyamoto: His name says it all.
Gaspar: Now you must activate System W!
Miyamoto: Wait...how can I be on the TV and here at the same time?
Gaspar: It's someone with a Miyamoto mask on, fool. Have you learned nothing in all of these years in this OG? Now, go to the Swiss border! (A plothole transports Miyamoto to the Swiss border)
Wob Waget: All your shoes are belong to Way Wesop!
Miyamoto: No!
RPG Battle!
Miyamoto
HP 23/32
MP Al/Gore
Fine Swedish Cheeses 5326546/9999999999
Wob Waget
HP Infinity/Infinity
MP 999/999
Miyamoto throws a brick at Wob Waget.
Nothing happens!
Wob Waget summons the London Philharmonic Orchestra!
999999 damage on Miyamoto!
Miyamoto dies.
End RPG Battle.
Game Over.
(The screen fades to the title screen.)
The Life and Adventures of Miyamoto
New Game
Load Game
Options
To be continued...
Fred In Bed
Player 1, 2, and 4 (3 died in a car accident just then) pick load game. Good thing they saved recently.
Wozby: That's LESLIE STAHL!!! FOOL! Gee, what a blabermouth!
Miyamoto: Yes! I will not lose this time!
Gaspar: Wha? Well, anyways... (Miyamoto pushes him out of the way)
Miyamoto: Yeah, yeah, activate system "W" I have to do this before the plot hole opens...
Lemonjello: Fool! Did you think you could escape the wrath of my post happening?
Miyamoto: Ahh!
(Outside the game)
P1: Quick, somebody use the combustion toad technique!
P2: We can't! Wozby's out of MP!
P4: And P3 died! Now Gaspar doesn't work!
P1: Wait, who are you playing, P4?
P4: Lemonjello.
P2: This could have been easily remidied.
(back with Miyamoto)
Lemonjello: Wait, I have a strange, sudden urge to turn left! NONE COMMAND THE GREAT LEMONJELLO!
P4: I do.
Lemonjello: Sorry. (turns left, left, up, down, back, foward, foward, and A, to do super Poser techinque of anti-poserishness)
Miyamoto: Yes, system W has been activated!
Wob Waget: That is my system. See, I use this to go back to the past and kill you anyways!
Miyamoto: Wait, see that thin on your left arm?
Wob Waget: Yeah, it's a piece of lint.
Miyamoto: Lower.
Wob Waget: !!! "Property of Miyamoto-san"?!?!!?!?!/1!?!?!/1/11?///ER/ge!???
Wozby: Looks like you LOOOSE! Yeah! Get down!
Wob Waget: I'm not your property. (decimates Wozby)
(with the players)
P3: P2, you're putting in your own damn token.
NEXT TIME:
Wob Waget: This is just a sticker!
Miyamoto: I know, I stuck it on while you weren't watching to get you to do all of my deeds, which strengthened my new Wozby model and tired you out.
Wob Waget: You mean... I tricked that man into stealing our expensive cabinet for nothing! ANd those bananas... YOU FIEND!
Wozby2: You fool, Waget! Attack of this!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v704/cordellwalker/ad-home_priceofaburger.gif
Wob Waget: Nooo!
BE THERE!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto and Wob Waget continue fighting for another 56 hours.
Wob Waget: This is just a sticker!
Miyamoto: I know, I stuck it on while you weren't watching to get you to do all of my deeds, which strengthened my new Wozby model and tired you out.
Wob Waget: You mean... I tricked that man into stealing our expensive cabinet for nothing! ANd those bananas... YOU FIEND!
Wozby2: You fool, Waget! Attack of this!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v704/cordellwalker/ad-home_priceofaburger.gif
Wob Waget: Nooo!
BE THERE!
Miyamoto: The HACK? Who just said, "BE THERE!"?
IT IS I. THE IMMORTAL RULER OF THIS OG. JON ********!
Wozby2: *GASP!* He's mastered the technique of talking in all caps without using his name before his sentances!
I SHALL NOW BRING ORDER UNTO THIS OG, FOR IT IS MY WILL THAT SUCH SHALT BE DONE.
(Jon ******** unleashes his wrath of OG orderliness.)
Lupus: It's too strong!
Lemonjello: AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!
Fred: The light! It's blinding me!
Mario500: What the HACKING HACK is HACKING???
One thousand years later, Lake ********, Switzerland...
Indiana Jones: Start digging on the nothren ridge tommorrow. Be careful, the ground is hard there.
Random Worker: Doctor Jones! We've found It!
Jones: The Mark of Miyamoto! Show me it!
Random worker leads Indy to the Mark of Miyamoto.
Jones: Now, if I insert relic thingy into the Miyamoto statue's eye...
[Insert earthquakes and other stuff like that here because Lemonjello's budget is running out.]
Jones: Oh no...it's just like the legend...Miyamoto still lives!
The Miyamoto statue crumbles, revealing the real Shiggy, who had been imprisioned there for the last thousand years.
Jones: WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Bob Dole the 234th: I crown you, Shigeru Miyamoto, king of all of that is random!
Miyamoto: Yes! Now the descendents of the W Machine can finally atone for their sins!
Bob Dole the 234th: You mean you manipulated your way into me crowning you the king so you can carry on some crazy thousand vendetta against some failed biological weapons experiment's descendents?
Miyamoto: Yep.
Bob Dole the 234th: Cool.
Mario500
Miyamoto: NO YOU'RE NOT!!!
Jones: YES, WE ARE DOOMED!!!
Random Worker: Quit it with that CAPS!
Jones: Why Random? You just talked in caps saying caps itself!
Random Worker: Because it's now the official spelling of CAPS, just like the GAMESPHERE 75*15+.
Miyamoto: Enough with this pointless CAPS argument, where's that Wob Waget, Wozby2, and all the other supporting characters?
Jones: Amazing that you can remember stuff that happened thousands of years ago, or in your view a few seconds ago.
Miyamoto: What the HACK?
(Random Worker laughs out of control)
Random Worker: Yeah! I've always loved those "HACK" lines in your adventures.
Jones: Mario500 was truly a genius creating this hilarious series!
(For a few minutes Miyamoto has flashbacks of how he ended up in a statue of himeself, courtesy of Jon ******** during the battle with Wob Waget)
Miyamoto: Now I remember! Ok guys, where's the nearest plothole...
Bob Dole the 234th: What's a plothole?
Miyamoto: Ah great, Bob Dole managed to survive thousands of years by either freezing himself or staying inside some statue too.
Bob Dole the 234th: You must mean my great great great great...
(30 minutes later)
Bob Dole the 234th: ...great great uncle Bob Dole!
Miyamoto: Wow! That has GOT to be the longest use of the word "great" ever!
Bob Dole the 234th: No it's not, that title belongs to Lupin the MMIII.
(Lupin the 2003, courtesy of the Narrator)
Miyamoto: Who?
Bob Dole the 234th: You know...Lupin the III's 2000th grandfather...you're a Jap, right...don't you know anything about anime?
Miyamoto: Yeah, I met Launch/Evil Launch.
Random Worker: Yeah, that exactly happened in Life and Adventures!
Bob Dole the 234th: Quiet, you, you, Random character.
Miyamoto: Yeah, get out before Bob throws that crown he's now holding in his hands for reasons he's about to say.....now!
Bob Dole the 234th: I crown you, Shigeru Miyamoto, king of all of that is random!
Miyamoto: Yes! Now the descendents of the W Machine can finally atone for their sins!
Bob Dole the 234th: You mean you manipulated your way into me crowning you the king so you can carry on some crazy thousand vendetta against some failed biological weapons experiment's descendents?
Miyamoto: Yep.
Bob Dole the 234th: Cool.
Random Worker: NO! Huh, I just said "NO" in CAPS!
Miyamoto: And now that I'm king of all things randow, I send you Random Worker back to Lake ********, Switzerland.
(Sends Random back to the lake using THE LAST plothole found in the Dole Family Vault)
Random Worker: Curse you, Miyamoto! I should have listended to Indy, WE ARE DOOMED!!!
Jones: Damn right! I'm always right!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Gaspar: According the the archives of LaAoM here in the Bob Dole (Hope) National Archives here in Switzerland, Miyamoto has got be here in this time period.
(Suddenly theme music for a popular Japanese anime plays in the background)
Singers: Lupin the MMIII...and Fujiko too!
Gaspar and Wozby2: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Lemonjello
Meanwhile, in the Life and Adventures archives in another time period...
Gaspar: Archives here in Switzerland, Miyamoto has got be here in this time period.
(Suddenly theme music for a popular Japanese anime plays in the background)
Singers: Lupin the MMIII...and Fujiko too!
Gaspar and Wozby2: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Gaspar: Enough! I won't have anyomore anime characters tormenting me! (Gaspar takes out a a sawed off shotgun and kills the signers.)
Wozby2: I've been waiting for you Star Fox.
Gaspar: Are you defective of something?
Wozby2: She loves you! Yeah yeah yeah yeah!
Gaspar: Enough! Super Ray of NPC-ness! (Wozby2 explodes)
???: I've been waiting a long time for this.
Gaspar: What the HACK?!
???: It is...the true inventor of video games...Willy Higinbotham! Doth thou fear?
Gaspar: Well, no. Not really.
Willy: You will never stop my plans to travel to the E3 of the future! (Willy throws a brick at Gaspar, knocking him out. Willy then steals Gaspar's wallet.) W Team, assemble!
Bat Man: Buy my toothpaste!
Wiyamoto: Wwwwww!!!!
Wats: You have no chance to survive make your time!
Willy: (Rips open a plothole.) Now, to the future!
The W Team and Willy jump through the plothole and into the E3 of the future, which Miyamoto came to through another plothole.
Wiyamoto: Miyamoto! Wour wime was wome! W Wttack!
Miyamoto: What the HACKing HACK are you sons of a HACK doing here, you HACK?!
Willy: To prove that I am the true inventor of video games!
Miyamoto: You'll never make me admit I stole your Tennis for Two prototype! Never!
Willy: But you just did.
Miyamoto: HACK you!
Bat Man: USA USA HYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!!!111
Miyamoto: You'll pay! You'll all pay someday! (Miyamoto runs up to the roof of the convetion center, where his Gooyear blimp is waiting.)
Melchior: Your airship is ready, sire!
Miyamoto: Hurry! We need to get to the Nintendo of Japan HQ in Kyoto now!
The W Team and Willy appears on the roof and throw a grenade at the blimp, causing it to explode.
Miyamoto: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!1111
Willy: (Takes out a grenade launcher and aims at Miyamoto's head.) Game over, Shiggy!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto: Now you die, Lemonjello!
Lemonjello: No soliciters!
Fred In Bed: I have paste!
Fred In Bed
Miyamoto: Fine, shoot me. You must see, Willy, that another greedy power-crazed maniac like me will replace myself and take over my company. My next in line, Otomayim, will take over if I die. Or I'll just come back to life again.
Otomayim: I was in my meat garden, planting turkeys when I had the idea to create Nimkip!
Willy: Miyamoto, I have seen the errors of my ways... I am so sorry.
Wiyamoto: Won't wive wp wo wasily! We're wot wven wart wf whe "W" weam!
Willy: Yes... you're right! (takes of mask to reveal...)
LEMONJELLO!
Miyamoto: Um, then who's Wiyamoto?
Willy: He's played by little bow wow.
Miyamoto: Nooooo! Now we must make a movie about him that involves him having his shoes struck by lightning and getting the letters "MJ" so that he can get a nose job and so the moonwalk perfectly!
Lil' Bow Wow: Darn you fools! Suicide ray of killing-myself! (the beam goes at Miyamoto, but Little Bow Wow dies instead)
Lemonjello: No! You have defeated my most powerful creation! I must flee! (does so)
Miyamoto: Wow, isn't that funny that he was able to get away before I could give chase at all! I didn't even noticed since it was written up there!
Wozby2: Quickly, Miyamoto, we must go on a quest to find Lemonjello and put heavy feathers in his shoelaces!
Miyamoto: That's just so crazy it just might work!
Wozby2: Wait, um, where am I?
(In the super-evil base of anti-goodness and Crest Extra Whitening Toothpaste)
Lemonjello: Yes, the ray to revive Lupus is almost complete!
Mario500: Um, all you seem to be working on is that homework.
Lemonjello: I'm sorry.
Fred_In_Bed: We must think of a way to destroy this OG's ultimate creation: Gaspar!
Mario500: I think he died.
Jemonjello: Um, yeah.
Fred_In_Bed: Ok, fine, Miyamoto is probably second on the list. He should be showing up right about... now.
(Miyamoto appears, but one 4853895738th of a second to early of now, so Lemonjello hits Fred with his attack of un-hurting)
Fred_In_Bed: Ow, what was that for?
Lemonjello: Your timing is terrible!
Miyamoto: Now you die, Lemonjello!
Lemonjello: No soliciters!
Fred In Bed: I have paste!
Miyamoto: Well, I brought my secret weapon!
Lemonjello: Which is...?
Miyamoto: Um, I forgot it.
Wozby2: Jeez, Miyamoto, for the most powerful ruler of the most powerful gaming industry in the world, you're a bit disorginized.
Miyamoto: Wait, didn't you steal it?
Wozby2: Yep. Here you go!
(Miyamoto got the empty rubber paint cementer)
Miyamoto: Can you beat me now?
Lemonjello: Time for desperate measures...
(On the next episode)
Met: Miyamoto, you have used my jacket as a belt for too long!
Wozby2: Oh no! He's really tough! I'll clock him though.
Met: Digital or analog? Hahahaha!
Wozby2: Just for that, I'm not letting you give me your expensive cabinet for free.
Met: It seems that we are evenly matched!
Lemonjello: Wait, this better not become one of these "turn on masters" things...
Lemonjello
(Lemonjello takes off the randomness guard on the OG.)
Met: Miyamoto, you have used my jacket as a belt for too long!
Wozby2: Oh no! He's really tough! I'll clock him though.
Met: Digital or analog? Hahahaha!
Wozby2: Just for that, I'm not letting you give me your expensive cabinet for free.
Met: It seems that we are evenly matched!
Lemonjello: Wait, this better not become one of these "turn on masters" things...
Fred: Lemonjello, you fool! Without the randomness lock, the OG will go into complete chaos!
Mario500: Ray of Nothing! (Nothing happens.)
Miyamoto: He's too powerful! Run away!
Meanwhile, on MIR...
Jozby: What happen?
Bob Dole: Somebody set us up the bomb!
Way Weno: We get signal!
Jozby: Main screen turn on! (Wats appears on the main screen.) It's you!
Wats: How are you gentlmen? All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time!
Jozby: Get away this with, never will you!
Wats: Hahahaha.
Jozby: Take off every zig!
Bob Dole: For great justice.
Meanwhile, in some abandoned industrial complex...
Miyamoto: You'll never destroy Nintendo, Eddie Murphy!
Guy watching the Life and Adventures on TV: What in the HACKing HACK?! Miyamoto just appeared in this factory for no reason! This HACKing show is HACKed up. HACKit, I'm going to go get drunk.
Eddie Murphy: Miyamoto! Why are you trying to reclaim the keys to the Cosmic Death Ray! I trusted you!
Miyamoto: My parents trusted the Extension Cord Government. Trust can be decieving!
Eddie: Ray of Randominity! (An abandoned refridgerator appears.)
Miyamoto: No...! He's too powerful!
Eddie: Now you shall pay for what you did to tricycle! (Eddie shuts himself in the abandoned refridgerator.)
Miyamoto: No! (Miyamoto opens to the fridge and stuffs a grenade in it.)
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Jozby: The Cosmic Death Ray is operational and ready to fire.
Miyamoto: Excellent. Target Tokyo and fire when ready.
Met: NNNNOOOOO!!! That's where I built my shrimp cannery! (Met attacks Miyamoto and Jozby.)
Mario500
Guy watching the Life and Adventures on TV: Miyamoto you foolish...(hiccups!).... that was not just a... (hiccups!)... grenade, but a... (hiccups!)... ah HACK it!
(G.W.T.L.A.A.O.T. turns off TV)
Miyamoto: Try to escape this explosive fate this time, Eddie!
Eddie: I not falling for some plan that involves me actually escaping this fridge so that I still get blown by that grenade, which is actually a...
("Grenade" explodes, sending the ENTIRE industrial complex and Eddie Murphy off to the da, da, da...The Unknown!)
Eddie: Woah, that's a big (CENSORED) explosion! Hey, (CENSORED) was censored! Curse you Miyamoto, writers, that means you Lemonjello, and of course Tedddddddddddd Turnnnnnnnnarrrrrrrrr!
Miyamoto: That's TED TURNER!
(Meanwhile back at MIR, AKA "Miyamoto International Rocketshipthingamabobjig")
Bob Dole: Hooray, the pointless scene with Eddie Murphy is over!
Way Weno: Does this mean the "All Your Base" parody is over?
Everyone: YEAH!!!
Way Weno: Ok....
(Jumps out of MIR)
Way Weno: Wait for me, Eddie! I need you to save my show from that freak Conan W'Brian...er O'Brian.
Jozby: That was weird, to the extreme!
Met: Oh well, time to contact Miyamoto using this monitor for our parody on "All Your Base".
(Meanwhile back on...ah you should know this one)
Wife of guy watching the Life and Adventures on TV: Quit insulting our intelligence time after time again Narrator! I'm going to get drunk along with my husband and get into "showbiz" if you know what I mean!
(Elsewhere on...on request of an angry wife, somewhere on Earth and on MIR)
Jozby: The Cosmic Death Ray is operational and ready to fire.
Miyamoto: Excellent. Target Tokyo and fire when ready.
Met: NNNNOOOOO!!! That's where I built my shrimp cannery! (Met attacks Miyamoto and Jozby.)
Jozby: You didn't really attack us, Met!
Miyamoto: You like shrimp?
Met: Alright then, who did I attack?
(Meanwhile in Atlanta)
Ted Turner: Only one thing describes why my clothes and hair are nearly destroyed, this is the work of...
Eddie: Woah you've got a big...
Ted: Shut up!!! Besides how can you tell? I've been strapped to this chair for weeks watching nothing but Bill O'Reilly reruns!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Judge Mathis: Court is now in progress! You here me, progress! The City of Atlanta, AOL Time Warner, Met Shrimp of Tokyo Ltd, The MIR Team VS Shigeru Miyamoto and his bandwagon!
Wozby2: Hey, how come Met's shrimp cannery is also against us?
Miyamoto: They were bought out...by Microsoft
Met: Those dirty little...(CENSORED BY WITHHELD)... bastards!
Fred In Bed
(Meanwhile, in Atlanta)
Ted :It must have been Miyamoto, even though it obviously wasn't. We're taking this to court.
(40.8 seconds later, Thursday 12 October year 66613)
Miyamoto: Ha, Ben Stein. He gets the furnished room.
Wozby2: Someone's at the door!
Voice: Miyamoto, you've got some splainin' to do!
Met: Qucik, run! It's the TV personality police!
Voice: So I says to the Bartender: "Miyamto we have you surrounded. Come out or we cannot hit you".
Miyamoto: I don't see why not.
Voice: I have few qvestions and Vi need you to answer vhem immediatly. Who's your daddy, and what does he do?
Met: Oh no! We have fallen into their cleverly laid trap and have to move back three spaces! Now we'll never win jumanji!
Voice: Frankly, my captives, I don't give a damn.
Miyamoto: Guess it's off to the highest court-But do we really have to climb everest?
(in the courtroom)
Judge Mathis: Court is now in progress! You here me, progress! The City of Atlanta, AOL Time Warner, Met Shrimp of Tokyo Ltd, The MIR Team VS Shigeru Miyamoto and his bandwagon!
Wozby2: Hey, how come Met's shrimp cannery is also against us?
Miyamoto: They were bought out...by Microsoft.
Met: Those dirty little...(CENSORED BY WITHHELD)... bastards!
Miyamoto:Now, let's all calm down and... GAVEL STRIKE! (the hammer that the Judge is carriying turns into an airoplane and bombs the opposition)
Judge: Ok, we've heard the offense and the defense, now let's hear the goalie.
(sUP3r G|_|3sT 4pP3r4nZc3)
Curtis Joseph: I think I can be of service. But wait, you're not Judge Mathias, you're Stevie Wonder!
Stevie Wonder: Tis' true. Miyamoto! It is your turn to die!
Miyamoto: Wha? Did I ever kill you?
Stevie Wonder: In your mysterious and overhyped past! Prepare to fall by my sushi-flavoured cyanide!
(Next time)
Miyamoto: Ok, let's try one of those charcter-narrated clips like on so many shows.
Met: You do it.
Miyamoto: Spoil sport. Anyways, on the next episode, the fight for llama-shaped waffles goes all out and Wozby, Miyamoto, and Met make an attempt to pull down Stevie Wonder's power sock, but can they do it? And who is this mysterious figure?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v704/cordellwalker/stadium-man.jpg
Miyamoto: Does it matter? Find out next time!
Mario500
Miyamoto: Ummm... sushi-flavored cyanide?
Stevie Wonder: Yeah! It's cyanide made using various bottled sushi flavors courtesy of Emeril.
Met: Emerald who?
Stevie Wonder: You folks need to get out for often.
Wozby2: Out where?
Stevie Wonder: Stop messing with my mind! One more "mind messing" line and I'll play ALL my greatest hits on KEYBOARD until all of you confess!
Miyamoto: For what?
(Suddenly Stevie's anger grows so high that he now becomes STEVIE WONDER!)
STEVIE WONDER: YEAH!!! I FEELING GOOD TONIGHT!
Ted: It's only DAYTIME! FOOL!
STEVIE WONDER: SHUT UP!!! Old FOOL!!!
(Places Ted in a crate marked "To Jane Fonda")
Voice: Who is this Jane Fonda you're sending him off to?
STEVIE WONDER: E. GAD!!! EVEN CHANGING MY NAME AND SPEAKING IN ALL CAPS DOESN'T EVEN WORK! MUST...CONTROL....control...con...
(48 Hours later)
Stevie Wonder: ...con...con...CONTROL!!! Y'all thought I couldn't do it, didn't y'all?
Will Wates: Couldn't do what?
Stevie Wonder: No..no...it's Rupert Murdoch's half brother uncle's twin brother frozen for many years under Apple Computer HQ!
Will Wates: No, just evil Will Wates about to use your brain to scientific purposes not to be told until many episodes later.
Stevie Wonder: Oh..yeah...right! WILL WATES???
(Meanwhile even DEEPER south)
Uncle Henry: ...and so that's you defeated Eddie Murphy in battle and escaped lawsuit, eh Mr. Miyamoto?
Miyamoto: Yeah! Here's some video from some of our latest adventures!
(Puts the video in some futuristic era type monitor)
Miyamoto: Ok, let's try one of those character-narrated clips like on so many shows.
Met: You do it.
Miyamoto: Spoil sport. Anyway, on the next episode, the fight for llama-shaped waffles goes all out and Wozby, Miyamoto, and Met make an attempt to pull down Stevie Wonder's power sock, but can they do it? And who is this mysterious figure?
(See previous episode for picture)
Miyamoto: Does it matter? Find out next time!
(End of tape)
Uncle Henry: Wow! That has got to be the WORST preview for any series of any kind that I've witnessed in all my years of radio.
Jozby: Henry, you've only been on for...
Uncle Henry: SHUT UP!!! Leeana after them!!!
Met: Lee who...
Miyamoto: Met, the mind game is a bit overdone already.
Met: What?
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Cos Mo Nott: We failed to stop those guys!
The Mo: Yeah! We even shot Old Man Gorby trying to force Wozby to give us our info.
Lenin III: Who are these guys?
Ralph Baer: Commies!
Mario500
Miyamoto: THE MIND GAME IS A BIT OVER...
Met: I KNOW THAT! Stop yelling in all caps!
Miyamoto: You just yelled a full exclamation in caps.
Met: I DID NOT...oh, yeah that exclamation.
Uncle Henry: Enough of this endless caps crap! Leeana, HACK these two, NOW!
(Leeana comes in wearing a shirt with the words, "I've wasted half a year of life with this old...)
Uncle Henry: Hey wait a second Narrator! No foul language in this (CENSORED) story!
Narrator: But you said...
Uncle Henry: SHUT UP...or I'll force you to cook my new recipe for "Hall's Meats".
Leeana: Gee, what an old...
Uncle Henry: Say (CENSORED) too Leeana and you'll be my personal slave!
Miyamoto: Wow! You're language is more foul that Michael Savage's foul mouth.
Uncle Henry: Who the HACK?
Met: Welcome to the club, Henry! You've mastered the use of the word "HACK". You're truly "Life and Adventures..." material.
Uncle Henry: Why thank you mister...
(Checks name in script)
Uncle Henry: ...Lupus the Turk
Met: THE NAME'S MET!!! YA HEAR ME!!! MET!!!!1111
Miyamoto: Easy there Met, we're in the sight of Leeana here.
Leeana: Don't worry about me being here. Uncle "Foul Mouth HACKING HACK" Henry has always yelled while I've been here call screening for his show.
Uncle Henry: You better not be joining the side of these fools, Leeana! After them before I...
(Signal for news break comes...AT 2:40 PM)
Mario500: That should further move the plot a little more thanks to my knowledge of HACKING radio station computers.
Uncle Henry: Well, looks like another news break from the liberal media!
Met: Liberal?
Uncle Henry: QUIET WITH THE MIND GAMES! The break is about to start in 3...2...
(We interrupt this news break with a broadcast live from a secret location under Switzerland at the ALL NEW Higinbotham/(W)Lenin III HQ)
Cos Mo Nott: We failed to stop those guys!
The Mo: Yeah! We even shot Old Man Gorby trying to force Wozby to give us our info.
Lenin III: Who are these guys?
Ralph Baer: Commies!
Cos Mo Nott and The Mo: WE ARE NOT, YOU...YOU...CAPITALITZ!!!
Ralph Baer: You two think you killed old Gorby, don't you?
Cos Mo Nott: Of course we didn't! That just slipped, yeah slipped!
Ralph Baer: Just like all commies, aren't you! Right, Willy?
Higinbotham: You said it...Ralph...Baer...! IT'S YOU!!
Ralph Baer: Oh...
(Break over, back to Uncle Henry)
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Maury Povich: It's a battle of the lovers! Which one of these three women is right for Wozby?
(Paula Zahn, Launch and Leeana appear on stage in a timely fashion)
Wozby2: Who is this Leeana? Female version of Bruce Lee?
Lemonjello
Suddenly a plot hole swallows up Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Where am I?
Viking: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Miyamoto: The HACK?
Suddenly, James Bond appears and shoots Miyamoto and the viking.
Miyamoto: For randomness, James?
Bond: No, for me. (Bond shoots Miyamoto in the head, killing him.)
Gaspar walks into the room.
Gaspar: So, did you use the bullet of anti-Shiggyness on him?
Bond: Yes. This OG will explode in five seconds.
Gaspar: Does that mean we get to do a really cool escape scene?
Bond: No. We die.
The OG explodes.
Meanwhile, in a nearby OG...
Max: I COEM IN WITH TEH BATTEL MECH AND KILL ALL OF YUO!!!!!!11111 LMAO!!!!!111
*Jozby, Wozby2, and Met fall though a polthole and land on Max*
Max: NO FIAR!!!!111 TAHT ATTACK WAS SOOOO CHEAP!!!111 I AM GOING TO INGERO YUO!!!!!!!111
Wozby2: What the HACK?
Jozby: Weird.
Met: Let's go.
Many years later...
Maury Povich: It's a battle of the lovers! Which one of these three women is right for Wozby?
(Paula Zahn, Launch and Leeana appear on stage in a timely fashion)
Wozby2: Who is this Leeana? Female version of Bruce Lee?
Met: How on earth did we get here?
Jozby: Refer to episode number 45, fool!
Suddenly, Wiyamoto walks in with a gun.
Wiyamoto: Freeze! Everyone on the floor!
To be continued...
Rikku: Tee hee.
Yuna: Giggle.
Paine: [insert another form of girly laughter here]
Miyamoto: Good HACK! Make this insane fanservice stop!
Fred In Bed
Wiyamoto: I have a gun!
Jozby: We always beat you. Somebody stop me!
Wiyamoto: Um, actually, in all of this time we've only really met up once, including this time. Miyamoto did stuff the other time. BUT ENOUGH! I shall destroy you with my gun if it's the last thing I do.
Wozby2: Ok, go ahead.
(Wiyamoto fired the gun at Wozby, and Wozby2 moves so fast that it goes into bullet time mode. Wozby2 does that backwards dodge from the matrix, allowing all of the bullets that Wiyamoto shot (they would have missed) to hit Wozby2 straight in the liver)
Wozby2: How's that? By shooting my liver, you have made me become... Wozby 3.14159!
Wiyamoyo: No!
Wozby3.14159: Yep.
Wiyamoto: No!
Wozby3.14159: Yep.
Wiyamoto: Fool! I tricked you!
Wozby3.14159: What?
Wiyamoto: Yes, I have jumped backwards and hung myself upside down from a bathtub! Get hit by this!
(Wiyamoto fires another clip, and all of the bullets miss Wozby3.14159)
Wozby3.14159: Nooo! Avenge my pudding, Met!
Met: Maybe later. Jozby and I created a replacement Miyamoto out of play-doh and tin cans and... wha?
Rikku: Tee hee.
Yuna: Giggle.
Paine: [insert another form of girly laughter here]
Miyamoto: Good HACK! Make this insane fanservice stop!
Jozby: How did these people get in here?
Miyamoto: Ah, Jozby 0 7, your new mission is to take over the fried fish-shaped pants market. Go now, and complete your quest.
Met: What can I do?
Miyamoto: Um... Follow Wozby's orders.
Met: Fine, but next time, I get to blow up MSPaint as well. Stop playing favourites!
NEXT TIME:
Wiyamoto: Miyamoto, I have defeated both of your servants and will destroy you.
Miyamoto: I saw them go down, but how are they standing up over there?
Wiyamoto: I have a hobby of remaking my defeated foes as cardboard cutouts... Er.. No! I said nothing!
Miyamoto: You know quite well that I know what this means. What does it mean again?
Wiyamoto: It means that I am...
Mario500
Maury: Now these freaks are definitely going into my show's archives for next season's "Most Disturbing Moments" show, right after my next DNA test show.
Wozby3.14159: Who you're calling freak, Maury "DNA Test Master, Springer Wannabe," Povich?
Maury: All of you, of course!
Wozby: Oh... ATTACK!!!
Wiyamoto: Hey! I was suppose to say that!
Met: How should you know?
Wiyamoto: I...I... read the writers' scripts.
Wozby: Nope!
(Wiyamoto pushes a button out of nowhere with the words, "Defeat")
Wiyamoto: Miyamoto, I have defeated both of your servants and will destroy you.
Miyamoto: I saw them go down, but how are they standing up over there?
Wiyamoto: I have a hobby of remaking my defeated foes as cardboard cutouts... er.. No! I said nothing!
Miyamoto: You know quite well that I know what this means. What does it mean again?
Wiyamoto: It means that I am...
Miyamoto: You're saying you are three periods? By the way, they are NOT my servants! They belong to the real Miyamoto!
Wiyamoto: What the HACKING HACK in HACK’s name does that mean, HACKET!!!
Evil Launch: You're going down, Wiyamoto!
Wiyamoto: Wow! You look better than that other Laun…
(Due to the extreme violence, extreme nudity, and cursing so hard to censor completely, The Maury Povich Show has been cancelled a reasons now being blocked out by this pointless message from I, the Narrator. Now stay tuned for more Life and Adventures of Miyamoto)
(Wiyamoto and Maury are seen flying off into the unknown reaches of Name In Development)
Wiyamoto: I'll be back, and so will Maury!!!
Maury: Expect the best of my show to be on DVD soon!
Wiymaoto: Yeah....right!
Wozby: Wow! I didn't know Paula Zahn knew that move....that's my Paula...and Launch...and.... Leeana???
Zahn: When are you ever going to stop saying that?
Wozby: Until the next episode... maybe.... who the HACK is Leeana?
Jozby: Just some girl Miyamoto met up along the way after an interview with crazy Uncle Henry.
Leeana: And remember he's NOT my uncle! Just my owner...er I mean he's my talk show idol.
Zahn: So, he owns you? CNN can buy you off and sell you back to your family.
Leeana: No thanks! I’m a Fox News type of person!
Zahn: Oh, crap!
Met: I can't believe I'm hearing this plan AND “crap” from a respected journalist! Let's do it!
(Mario500, Gaspar, and ANOTHER Miyamoto appear for reasons not known at this time in a DeLorean marked "As Seen In The Movie Back to the BLANK)
Mario500: Hey, guys! All of you have to come with us, quick!
Wozby3.14159: SHIGERU MIYAMOTO! How could you be that DeLorean if you're...out...here...with…us…on…the…old…set…of…Maury…Povich…
(Wozby3.14159 explodes all of a sudden thanks to the incredible shocks of meeting someone from another time)
Miyamoto: That was weird!
Met: Yeah, but anyway we thought you were dead, again.
Miyamoto: That Bond imposter never killed me! Mario500 rescued me after getting shot so we wouldn't have to end up ending this OG all together.
Mario500: Yeah! “Life and Adventures…” forever!
Wozby: I still don't get this!
Gaspar: Too bad, you have to pay attention to things like that in an onging story.
Leeana: Um... ongoing story?
Miyamoto: Here we go again!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Higinbotham: At last, now I get to finish a plot I should have finished long ago in this OG story.
Hilly Wiginbotham: Take over Nintendo...again, turn everybody into "W" creatures, prove that you are THE true creator of video games?
Higinbotham: No, I'm going to travel back in time to stop the launch of the NES this time.... HILLY WINGINBOTHAM!!!!
Ralph Baer: "New Wiyamoto" type creature I suppose?
Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you!
Lemonjello
Meanwhile, in Jerry Springer's liver...
Higinbotham: At last, now I get to finish a plot I should have finished long ago in this OG story.
Hilly Wiginbotham: Take over Nintendo...again, turn everybody into "W" creatures, prove that you are THE true creator of video games?
Higinbotham: No, I'm going to travel back in time to stop the launch of the NES this time.... HILLY WINGINBOTHAM!!!!
Ralph Baer: "New Wiyamoto" type creature I suppose?
Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you!
Lemonjello: Cut! Cut! This has gone way too far!
Ralph Baer: What's gone too far?
Lemonjello: You know better than anyone! *shoots Ralph in the head 34 times*
Stage hand: He's killed Baer!
Mario500: AAAARRRRRGHHHHH!!!!111
(Suddenly, for reasons known only to God and the Monty Python foot, the Monty Python Foot sqaushes the entire OG)
Meanwhile, in the mirror version of the Life and Adventures....
Lupus: Nothing silly will happen.
Mario500: Nothing at all.
Bill Cosby: I will NOT merge will Jim Carrey.
Eddie Murphy: I will continue to make bad movies. Nothing else.
Ash: Misty!
Misty: Ash!
Ash: GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!!!
Fred In Bed: NO SILLINESS HACKIT!
(Suddenly Jim Henson and Kermit appear.)
Kermit: Now is the hour of final blood.
Jim Henson: Begin the sacrifice!
(An army of Miss Piggy clones tie Miyamoto to a stake and begin burining him at it.)
To be continued...
NEXT TIME OF THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
Super Man: Hahahahahahahaha.
Spider Man: Heeheeheehee.
Meowth: Meowth, that's right!
Mario500
Mario500: Ok.... now that's silly!
Lupus: Yep, and that's not even Miyamoto, for the second freaking time!
(Miss Piggy clones stop burning the stake and put out fire)
Miss Piggy C-122: WHAT DID YOU SAY, buster!!!
Fred In Bed: For the fourth time, NO SILLINESS HACKIT!!!!
Kermit: What's this thing called "HACKIT" you speak of, RIB BIT!
Mario500: Ah great, even puppet frogs have their way of swearing! I'm suing!
Kermit: You've got that right you RIB BITING RIB RIB RIBBER! RIB BIT!!!
Henson: Would you shut the HACK up you (CENSORED) creation of mine!
Lupus: Wow, Jim Henson actually curses!
Henson: So what?
Miss Piggy C-22: YEAH, SO WHAT??? BUSTER...er buster!!!
Kermit: YEAH, so wha....
(Kermit gets karate chopped by C-21, 55, 12, 7, 76, er... 1000....just about every clone)
Mario500: While Kermit finds out what's it like to have his legs chopped off and served to MacHopper's, let's...
Super Man: Hahahahahahahaha.
Spider Man: Heeheeheehee.
Meowth: Meowth, that's right!
Lemonjello: .....more silliness?
Fred In Bed: Uh huh, more silliness!
Mario500: Let's eliminate the cat one...er yep, that's some silly stuff.
(Suddenly, the official LaAoM writers only TV set comes on and the clones run over to it!)
ALL Miss Piggy Clones: YEAH!!! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Ker mi t: Mu s t...c a ll...S tev e...t o...th e...wes kue...! !
Lupus: I wonder if Springer noticed that his liver was part of the last episode before the "foot incident".
Jerry Springer: Yes I have, Lupus! Prepare for this in the next upcoming episode!
Announcer: On the next Jerry Springer! A DeLorean crashes into the Springer studio, causing mass chaos, even for the first time in Springer history, somebody gets hurt!
Miyamoto: I'm telling you, I'm NOT Jackie Chan's half brother twice removed!
Gaspar: I hope this message gets on one of those daily Springer previews. Writers, HELP!
Announcer: On the next Jerry Springer!
(Miss Piggy clones continue squealing)
Henson: Would you HACKING future Bacon Strips of the world shut the (CENSORED) HACK up?
Fred In Bed: What was that...something about Jackie Chan on the next Springer? Cool!
Lupus: It's official, the end of Springer is near!
Mario500: I guess we better find what that preview was in the next episode! Hit it, Narrator!
Lupus: Ah come on, Mario500! You know, tell us....
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Eddie Murphy: Oh, this is going to be perfect, chunky bu... oh we're on the air! Get ready Friday on Springer as we put two guys in Lea Thompson's house for an entire day to survive the lifestyle of the well-known actress. This is Wiyamo...er Eddie Murphy speaking for Jerry Springer!
Hilly Wiginbotham: Just perfect, Wiyamoto! Just perfect!
Willy Higinbotham: Someday, Hilly! Pow, right in the kisser!
Lupus
*Jerry Springer, two days later*
Eddie Murphy: Oh, this is going to be perfect, chunky bu... oh we're on the air! Get ready Friday on Springer as we put two guys in Lea Thompson's house for an entire day to survive the lifestyle of the well-known actress. This is Wiyamo...er Eddie Murphy speaking for Jerry Springer!
Hilly Wiginbotham: Just perfect, Wiyamoto! Just perfect!
Willy Higinbotham: Someday, Hilly! Pow, right in the kisser!
Lupus: I have a plan to quickly reinstate my position in this OG, in a quick way of making up for someone else posting before myself!
Eddie: What?
Lupus: BLACK HOLE OF PLOT TWISTINATION!
*Everyone is sucked backwards in time, exactly one post. Jim Henson stands in front of Miyamoto*
Miyamoto: You'll never get away with this Jim Henson!
Jim Henson: I won't? Oh... I might as well untie you then.
Miyamoto: Yes!
Jim Henson: Fool! That was my distraction attack! While you were saying 'Yes!' I withdrew all the money out of your offshore bank account and spent it on this limited edition Michael Jordan memorial spoon collection.
Spoon Collection: We've had enough, Jim! We'll never obey your mother! *strangles Jim Henson and frees Miyamoto*
Miyamoto: For pancakes, limited edition Michael Jordan memorial spoon collection?
Spoon Collection: No. For me. *jumps into the back of a hospital van which proceeds to crash into a tree*
Miyamoto: I must stop Miss Piggy from showing Miss Piggy Ultra In New York at this years E3!
Higinbotham: W3.
Miyamoto: What?
Higinbotham: W3. I changed the name and kicked Nintendo products out. Now they will only show new games for the Willy Fun Box. And it was all this man's idea.
????: Bwahahahahahahaha.
Miyamoto: Can it be? Dr Wily???
????: Yes, it is I, DR WILY!
Miyamoto: But... I trusted you!
Dr Wily: I trusted the British government when they promised a lot of action in my own OG, Dr. Wily Vs The World! What did I get? A bowl of pineapples and a roll of frayed toilet paper.
Miyamoto: And you want revenge?
Dr Wily: Yes! Take this! *throws Frayed Toilet Paper at Miyamoto, who uses The Matrix powers to stop it in it's tracks*
Miyamoto: You cannot touch me with foolish bathroom products. For I am the One.
Uncle Henry: No, I am!
Uncle Billy: I could have sworn it was me.
Miyamoto: Now I will fly to W3!
Higinbotham: You'll never get past the guards I have positioned thousands of miles away from the Expo!
*Meanwhile, in Ralph Baer's house*
Ralph Baer: Nothing ever happens to me. *gets sucked into the Yellow Submarine*
*At W3*
Miyamoto: Here's the plan, Death Team. I punch random people in the face, while you juggle these random selection of headphone jacks and porcupines to distract Arnold Swartzenegger, and then my inside man sneaks into the Fun Box booth and steal all the products. Ok?
Death Team: Yes sir!
Miyamoto: Go!
Arnold Swartzenegger: Who is your daddy and what does he do?
Super Man: Watch me juggle the household appliances!
Arnold Swartzenegger: Stop it! Stop whining!
Miyamoto: Inside man! NOW!
Inside Man: I melt small animals on my knees, then feed them to my bottom lip whose name is Johnny.
Higinbotham: You're too late, Miyamoto! I conveniently moved the location of the W3 and replaced it with this Annual Owl Tasting Ceremony as a distraction!
Miyamoto: You'll never defeat my endless supply of crippled grandmas!
Higinbotham: That's too bad Miyamoto! Your bag of endless crippled grandmas was teared on a random nail somewhere, and is now empty!
RPG BATTLE
Miyamoto
HP: 6 inches out of nine socks
MP: An electric ballerina
Higinbotham
Pieces of popcorn: Twelve
Miyamoto uses Vomit Pouch throw
Higinbotham takes damage equal to how many times the Patron Saint of Cheese has sentenced Bob Dylan to death
END RPG BATTLE
Higinbotham: You may have defeated me this time, but you'll never navogate my labyrinth of peanuts and find my legendary new game I intend to show off at W3 next year! Mwahaha!
*Miyamoto navigates the labyrinth of a random location within two seconds, where he finds Met, Wozby, Jozby and Gorbachev chained up*
Miyamoto: Wozby! Met! Jozby! Gorby! Are you OK?
Met: Nay! Willy tortured us with ten days worth of KFC chicken! Then he dressed up as Santa and yelled at us 'Sprinklers! Sprinklers!'
Miyamoto: Darn that Willy! Can't go a minute without mentioning sprinklers! How do I free you?
Met: You must... partition Africa.
Miyamoto: I cannot! Africa was run over by frightening bald clergymen who could turn on light switches by spitting!
Met: There is one other way...
Miyamoto: What?
Met: You must... rock and roll all night... and party every day.
Miyamoto: Then I will!
Met: But wait! You cannot party every second day! You must party EVERY day!
Miyamoto: I shall, Met! I will get you all out of these chains if my name isn't Bob Downe.
Met: But it's not.
Miyamoto: Yes, it is. *takes off mask to reveal... BOB DOWNE!!!*
Met: Gasp! Then where's Miyamoto!?!?
Higinbotham: I am Miyamoto. *takes off mask*
Met: But how could you?
Miyamoto: It wasn't my fault! The real Willy offered to make me a superhero whose only weakness is a complete and total lack of super powers if I imprisoned you all!
Bob Downe: Miyamoto! On the name of my great grandfather King Downe the Twelfth, I will defeat you and become the new best friend of Met, Wozby, Jozby and Gorbachev!
Gorbachev: I like this guy.
Miyamoto: Ne'er!
Bob Downe: Yes! I will laugh with Miyamoto's blood over my hands! After I tell my life story.
*ten years later*
Miyamoto: Are you going to tell it or not?
Bob Downe: Just warming up. Ahem. Once... I was a boy...
Miyamoto: Thank you for your interesting story. Now I must kill you and string your head on my washing line. BEAM OF SODA WATER! *Bob Downe dies*
Met: Miyamoto! Stay away from us!
Miyamoto: I am your friend! I am merely here to summon the great god Qwirtzok from his legendary sleep below the waves! Did the real Willy mention anything about it?
Wozby: Yes. You must sing the Ballad of Bob Dawson.
Miyamoto: I will begin... in two hours.
*two hours later*
Miyamoto: Now, it is time. The Ballad of Bob Dawson...
WHEN YOU ARRIVE IN EL BURRITO YOU WILL CLEARLY SEE
A MAN WITH A BOTTLE FOR A LEG
IN HIS HANDS HE CARRIED SUPPER FOR A FAMILY OF FIVE
WHICH WERE CLIPPED UP ON A LETTER BOX WITH A PEG
IF YOU SAUGHT SELDOM IN OLD EL BURRITO TOWN
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE
FOR RALPH BAER OCCUPIED THE TUCK SHOP NINE TO NOON AND NIGHT
AND THEN WITH CRAYONS, HE'D REDESIGN YOUR FACE
BECAUSE BOB DAWSON WAS A MAN, WITH AN ATB IN EACH HAND
SOME SAY HE HAD AN ATB FOR A HEAD
HE'D SURFACE IN THE TOWN, WITH HIS HOLSTERS HANGING DOWN
BUT NOW HE WANDERS SOMEWHERE ELSE INSTEAD
NOW THE STATE OF EL BURRITO WAS A MOST UNPLEASANT ONE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TOWN THERE WAS A WELL
IT WAS TOOK TO COURT, NOT QUITE WELL IT FAUGHT
IT WAS SUED FOR AN INTENT TO CAUSE A SMELL
AND IT TOOK ALL NIGHT AND DAY, TO CLEAN OL' DAWSON AWAY
SOME SAY HE TOOK AS LONG AS SEVEN YEARS
BUT AFTER ALL WAS DONE WITH THE GEORGES, PAULS AND JOHNS
RINGO STILL MAINTAINS A LOT OF TEARS
BECAUSE BOB DAWSON WAS A MAN, WITH AN ATB IN EACH HAND
SOME SAY HE HAD AN ATB FOR A HEAD
HE'D SURFACE IN THE TOWN, WITH HIS HOLSTERS HANGING DOWN
BUT NOW HE WANDERS SOMEWHERE ELSE INSTEAD
Met: How is that relevant to reviving Qwirtzok?
Wozby: It isn't.
Miyamoto: Then why did you get me to sing it?
Wozby: Because by singing it, you recharged my internal power! Now I am... SUPER WOZBY!
Narrator: And Wozby then proceeded to disrupt all life as it was known, the future was turned into the past and the past into the future and the present into something Wozby got at Christmas. He was King of all that was Evil, and in that position he invited Miyamoto, Met, Jozby and Gorbachev to a dinner party. Little did they know it would be their last...
Wozby: I insist, Miyamoto. You must come to my free weekend dinner party. Everyone will be there.
Miyamoto: But when is it? I'm booked during the week.
Wozby: The weekend.
Miyamoto: And does it cost anything?
Wozby: It's a Free Weekend Dinner Party.
Miyamoto: Sorry, I'm all booked out for Wednesday. And I'll have no money until two weeks from now.
Wozby: Silence mortal!
Miyamoto: If you put it that way, I'll come! It's a pleasure!
*Two cats fighting over a Jamaican made soccer ball later*
Wozby: How are you gentlemen.
Miyamoto: Wozby... you're power hungry! I demand you stop all of this nonsense!
Wozby: Silence, Miyamoto. Have some tea.
Miyamoto: I don't see any tea.
Wozby: There isn't any.
Miyamoto: ...
Wozby: Yes, I am most powerful as to toy with your mind. How about some of the food? I made it specially.
Miyamoto: What is it?
Wozby: A gormet meal, one where they stuff a camel with a swan with a Guamish pigdog with an educational psychologist named Stu. I'd save some of the swan for later, though.
Miyamoto: Don't mind if I do.
Wozby: NOW!
*the doors lock on the large room, trapping them all inside*
Wozby: Mwahahaha! For too long did I work under you, Miyamoto! That has all changed now, but I still want my revenge! I will kill you all!
Met: That's not a very nice thing to say.
Wozby: Send in the discounted Carmageddon 64 carts!
Miyamoto: NOOO! I'm sorry!
Met: We're gonna die! We're gonna die!
Wozby: Any last requests??
Gorbachev: I can't think of anything.
Miyamoto: I'm sorry, Gorbachev, for calling you a stupid loser commy. You're not a commy.
Wozby: You sound like chapters of a self helf booklet! Prepare yourselves!
Carmageddon 64 Cart Leader: We're going to kill you until you're dead!
Miyamoto: I said I was sorry!
Carmageddon 64 Cart Leader: Oh... OK then.
Wozby: I suppose that's alright. Of you go.
Miyamoto: WOZBY! YOU'll PAY FOR THIS! *Miyamoto, Met, Jozby and Gorbachev run off*
Wozby: They tricked us! Get them!
*TO BE CONTINUED*
*ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF LaAoM!*
Wozby: You would give me a kiss if I were on a soccer team!
Miyamoto: True, but I still don't wanna.
Wozby: Go on. For Pete Townsend.
Miyamoto: No. For me.
Paula Zahn: That joke has already been used in this episode!
Gorbachev: Actually it hasn't, as this is the "next time" part of the previous episode, and technically not part of the same episode, so that statement is incorrect unless the next poster decides to also put a "no, for me" section in before using this "next time" bit.
*STAY TUNED!*
Mario500
Carmageddon 64 Cart Leader: Get 'em yourself, Woz!
Wozby: What the HACK? Since when did you turn against the GREAT and POWERFUL Super Wozby?
Carmageddon 64 Cart Leader: Only a half-second ago. Come on 64 Carts, let's go find some other criminaly insane villain worth hanging around with.... WOCTOR WILY!!!
Wozby: Who? Oh yeah, that "W" creature....
(Wozby get run over by the entire C64 Cart Army and along with the leader, of course)
Wozby: HACK you failed video game carts for a worthless video game system no longer in production.
(Everybody stops)
Carmageddon 64 Cart Leader: What's that you said, Woz?
Wozby: Er, nothing....
(Wozby runs off, ships off, flys off, and so on)
(Meanwhile, at Fox News...er MSNBC HQ...er it's CNN Center people, dang Uncle Henry)
Miyamoto: So, Gaspar hid that DeLorean from BTTF around here!
Gorbachev: What is this "BTTF", the classic eighties film Back to the Future or something?
Met: Of course it is, Gorby! Why'd you ask if you knew already?
Gorbachev: I did, of course! After that near death experience by pre-insane Wozby, my memory is on the fritz.
Miyamoto: Speaking of insane, there's a dark figure in the shape of our former friend Wozby right behind Met preparing to kill...MET!!
(Met leaps up and takes off the "darkness" concealing Super Wozby courtesy of...)
Wozby: Enough of the pointlessly soon to be long narration, Narrator! Prepare to die Miyamoto!
Miyamoto: How Wozby, you look like you lost all your weapons on an oil tanker, Concorde Jet, and a badly preserved Ford Model T.
Wozby: That's all true, well except for the Model T. It was actually a BRAND SPANKIN' remake model of that classic automobile, courtesy of Pete Townsend.
Met: Who? Another celebrity guest star?
Gorbachev: Since the name seems rather particular, yes.
Wozby: Good, now prepare for a weapon I didn't leave behind, The HACKIN Kiss of HACKINESS!
Miyamoto: Ah no you don't! We're not turning the rest of this OG story into some homo fest for homos.
(Meanwhile, inside the CNN Center, Ted Turner's once again tied up in his office, but this time he's being forced to watch Judge Mathis)
Ted Turner: Oh wait 'til I get my cold dead hands on that Mathis and FINALLY on Miyamoto, I'm going to....hey, did I hear somebody say homo outside?
James Earl Jones: Of course you have, oh great Master T. Turner! Oh yeah, you stole the "cold dead hands" line from Charlton Heston.
Ted Turner: Quiet, you! Send Paula Zahn out there to cover that story. She needs to do more than hang around in the morning show studios with Bill Hemmer and Jack Cafferty!
(Minutes later, back outside CNN Center)
Wozby: You would give me a kiss if I were on a soccer team!
Miyamoto: True, but I still don't wanna.
Wozby: Go on. For Pete Townsend.
Miyamoto: No. For me.
Paula Zahn: That joke has already been used in this episode!
Gorbachev: Actually it hasn't, as this is the "next time" part of the previous episode, and technically not part of the same episode, so that statement is incorrect unless the next poster decides to also put a "no, for me" section in before using this "next time" bit.
Zahn: It hasn't happened, Gorby...er Gorbachev!
Wozby: HACK those freaking writers! Well, at least I mentioned Pete Townsend earlier!
(Notices Paula and Gaspar)
Gaspar: Don't even think about doing the same with me, dirty minded fool! We're preparing to go through a plot hole in the BTTF DeLorean in…
(Checks "un-written" script)
Gaspar: The episode after the next one, which is really after that one!
Wozby: Ah that’s great news, come on Paula! We'll join Higinbotham and get hitched later this summer!
Zahn: I smell a long summer building up for "Life and Adventures...", soon to be previewed on the NEW American Morning, with Heidi Collins.
Wozby: You're NOT on American Morning anymore! HAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!
Met: Great use of HACK, Woz!
Wozby: Thanks...HEY! That's the final time someone is going to call me "Woz"!
Miyamoto: How about SUPER Wozby since you're pretty much now an insane villain with pretty much full world conquest.
Wozby: No I don't, only half conquest.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
SUPER Wozby: Introducing, the League of LaAoM Villians! Now that I've got Willy, Hilly, Paula, Dr. Wily, Woctor Wily, Wiyamoto, and Wats just to continue the "W" trend, my plan for revenge against Miyamoto, the writers of this OG story, and cheese companies across the world will be complete.
Wiyamoto: What do you have against cheese?
Zahn: And why am I even here, there's no "W" anywhere in my name! Besides, the folks at AOL Time Warner are going to have my “you know what” for this!
SUPER Wozby: This is going to be a bad rerun of the Superfriends episodes with the Legion of Doom, isn't it?
Everyone: YEAH!!!!
Lemonjello
Mask Man: I need more masks, darnit!
Happy Mask Man: I need Majora's Mask!
Pages 57345 through 99999999 lost in fire.
SUPER Wozby: Introducing, the League of LaAoM Villians! Now that I've got Willy, Hilly, Paula, Dr. Wily, Woctor Wily, Wiyamoto, and Wats just to continue the "W" trend, my plan for revenge against Miyamoto, the writers of this OG story, and cheese companies across the world will be complete.
Wiyamoto: What do you have against cheese?
Zahn: And why am I even here, there's no "W" anywhere in my name! Besides, the folks at AOL Time Warner are going to have my “you know what” for this!
SUPER Wozby: This is going to be a bad rerun of the Superfriends episodes with the Legion of Doom, isn't it?
Everyone: YEAH!!!!
(Bat Man and Robin appear.)
Bat Man: I....AM...BATMAN!!!
Robin: Um, hi.
Wiyamoto: LaAoM Villians League, attack!
(The villians proceed to beat Bat Man and Robin to death.)
Bat Man: You fools! I'm really... *takes off his mask to reveal* MIYAMOTO!
SUPER Wozby: Um, so? We wanted to kill you.
Miyamoto: But only I can make AAAAAAAA batteries which fuel you, Wozby! Now you die!
SUPER Wozby: NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!
(Wozby throws himself out the window.)
Paula Zahn: I'm Paula Zahn, this is CNNBBCFOXABC.
(Paula Zahn explodes.)
Mario500: HEY! That isn't in the script!
(I know. I just realized if I say something, it happens in the OG. Thus, I am god.)
Fred In BedL You can't do that!
(Oh, but I can. Fred In Bed is sliced in half by a homicidal maniac.)
Lemonjello: You HACK!
(Lemonjello explodes.)
Mario500: NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!! We're all gonna die!
(Mario500 has a fatal heart attack. Oh, and so does Lupus.)
Miyamoto: HACK you to HACK!
(Miyamoto is turned into a terra cotta statue and teleported to a muesuem in China.)
*Good evening Mister Narrator!*
(Who are you?)
*I'm the asterik guy. I can also destroy anything and anyone.*
(No you can't!)
*Oh, but I can! A giant robot blows up the narrator.*
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND AVENTURES
Miyamoto: Narrator! Your time has come! *Jumps into the parantheses*
(Miyamoto: This must be how God feels. Anyways,the cosmic death ray appears.)
Wozby: No! You must not do this Miyamoto!
(Miyamoto: Why?)
Wozby: The space time distortion set off by the cosmic death ray will summon (Willy Higinbotham)!
(Miyamoto: Meh. The cosmic death ray fires.)
(Willy: AhahahahahaHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Now you die, Miyamoto-san!)
Fred In Bed
Meanwhile...
(Darn that asterisk guy, he was always more popular at OG workforce school. But with my Mod ray of censoring, I will censor the asterisks, and no one can stop me!
Muahahahahahahhaahahahahahhahahahahhha
ahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahah
ahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahhahah
hahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahah
heh.)
(does so. Wait, can I narrate my own actions like that? eh.)
(meanwhile)
Miyamoto: It's a good thing I'm alive- er, wait, how did that happen?
Fred_In_Bed: The writer of the last post accidentaly spelt my name Fred_In_BedL. Plot hole.
Miyamoto: Cool. Do I get my pimpin crew back?
Fred: Indeed you do.
Miyamoto: EXCELLENT.
Fred: Ok, you must combat the narrator on his level.
Wozby: Miyamoto! Gaspar has just enlightened me by telling me how this is ludicrous! You must not-
(Fred_In_Bed kicks Wozby in the groin, but misses, and hits a sack filled with two ball)
Wozby: Whew, he missed.
(Miyamoto kicks Wozby in the groin)
Wozby: Ow...
Gaspar: This is foolishness!
Fred: Do not stop him now.
(Wozby gets up. Hey, why did I... um, stupid old habits. Fred_In_Bed is replaced with a waffle named Henry)
Henry: Moo.
Miyamoto: Narrator! Your time has come! *Jumps into the parantheses*
(Miyamoto: This must be how God feels. Anyways,the cosmic death ray appears.)
Wozby: No! You must not do this Miyamoto!
(Miyamoto: Why?)
Wozby: The space time distortion set off by the cosmic death ray will summon (Willy Higinbotham)!
(Miyamoto: Meh. The cosmic death ray fires.)
(Willy: AhahahahahaHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Now you die, Miyamoto-san!)
(Hey, I'm his enemy. Lay off.)
$Everyone in brackets dies.$
(Argh!)
(Willy: Noo!)
(Miyamoto: Oh, not this again)
Wozby: Um, who are you?
$The *******(these ********s are censored too as well as the ones in these parentheses) guy. I got a new job.$
Met: Are we going back to a real OG?
$Maybe. MAYBE I WILL BE GOD AND CRUSH YOUR PUNY OG WITH MY TOE!$
Launch: Bah, humbug. Pass those meatsocks, Timmy... THE KID!
$ok, ok, I was kidding. Now it's time for the next time thing.$
NEXT TIME:
Miyamoto: Where am I?
Mofopius: Yo, yo, Brotha! It's za matrix! It's not tight! You gotsta see if fo' yoself, man!
Miyamoto: I hope that apon my adventures here, that I never meet two Albino twins.
Mofopius: It doesn't matter. In fact, in stead of any story, we're throwing you right into some fight scenes. And don't forget to wear dark-colored glasses at all times.
$Miyamoto goes somewhere$
Agent Gates: Mr. Shiggy-San!
Miyamoto: I don't get it, why do you have thirty and a half clones? And um, why don't I have anyone on my side?
Lemonjello
(Bob Dole appears.)
Bob Dole: Miyamoto-san! If you take the red but slightly orange pill you go see how deep the rabbit hole goes! If you eat this watermelon, you shall become a giant robotic Hitler clone!
Miyamoto: What the HACK are you talking about?!
Bob Dole: Um, well, you see... *shoves the red but slightly orange pill into Miyamoto's mouth*
(Some hours later...)
Miyamoto: Where am I?
Mofopius: Yo, yo, Brotha! It's za matrix! It's not tight! You gotsta see if fo' yoself, man!
Miyamoto: I hope that apon my adventures here, that I never meet two Albino twins.
Mofopius: It doesn't matter. In fact, in stead of any story, we're throwing you right into some fight scenes. And don't forget to wear dark-colored glasses at all times.
$Miyamoto goes somewhere$
Agent Gates: Mr. Shiggy-San!
Miyamoto: I don't get it, why do you have thirty and a half clones? And um, why don't I have anyone on my side?
Agent Gates: It is because the red but slightly orange pill is making you hallucinate. In fact, aside from what I just said, you should listen to nothing I say because it has not basis in reality.
Miyamoto: How can I get out of this place then?
Agent Gates: I AM GOING TO RULE THE WORLD WITH TEH XBOXX!!!!!!!!111111 rofl
$Miyamoto-san! You must take the prozac pill to return to reality!$
Miyamoto: Stop this charade! I'm tired of people adding "-san" to my name! I'm not really Japanese! *Miyamoto pulls of his mask to reveal...an old Polish man?!*
$How can this be?$
Miyamoto: It is due to my lust for power! I am really Andrew Shwirmick! I imprisoned the real Shigeru Miyanoto in the Maytricksss five years ago! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
To be continued...
*Andrew Shwirmick jumps into the parantheses*
(Andrew Shwirmick: This shall not be continued! I shall end this right here and now!)
Agent Gates: Super Ray of Gatesness! *Andrew Shwirmick explodes*
(The real) Miyamoto: Not so fast, Andrew...oh, nevermind. He's dead. By the way, how do I get out of this place, Agent Gates?
Agent Gates: HOY HOY HUZZAH!
To be continued...
Dracula: Welcome to the Namco board of executives, MIYAMOTO-SAN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Miyamoto: I'll never tell you the secret plans for Deluxe Mario Bros. 9000 Expansion Pack! NEVER!
Dracula: Very well then. Cosby-san! Bring in the W-Ray!
Miyamoto: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Mario500
(Mario500 appears as a lifelike image from the "Clinic For OG Story Writers After NEAR Heart Attacks And Ect.")
Mario500: No you didn't!
Miyamoto: Did what or I need to change my name to...
(Changes name to)
Shwirmick: .... ANDREW SHWIRMICK!!!
Mario500: Miyamoto was imprisoned only a few.... seconds ago!
Shwirmick: Well then, where's your proof!
Mario500: Right here, under the clinic's bed, in a suitcase, in a crate.
(Turns off projector sending image of himself via satellite of himself)
Agent Gates: Now I didn't expect any plot twist like this.
(Mario500 image returns and with the message "wink" and turns off projector)
$What the HACK?$
Agent Gates: Let's just say Mario500 had something more planned than all of this!
$Like I said, what the HACK?$
Shwirmick: Enough of your worthless, worthless....
(Checks the book "Guide To OG Stories Volume 5")
Shwirkmick: ...black and blue HACKING talk! Prepare to loose them dollars, kid!
(Removes $ using the power of his.... bare hands?)
*NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!OOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Hey, that line had nothing to do with anything*
Shwirkmick: Good! Now to do something I should have done to the Narrator a long time ago.
(Don't tell me, it's end my useless talk while narrating, isn't it?)
Agent Gates: You really hit the nail on the head this time, Narrator)
*Andrew Shwirmick jumps into the parantheses*
(Andrew Shwirmick: This shall not be continued! I shall end this right here and now!)
Agent Gates: Super Ray of Gatesness! *Andrew Shwirmick explodes*
(The real) Miyamoto: Not so fast, Andrew...oh, nevermind. He's dead. By the way, how do I get out of this place, Agent Gates?
Agent Gates: HOY HOY HUZZAH!
To be continued...
Dracula: Welcome to the Namco board of executives, MIYAMOTO-SAN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Miyamoto: I'll never tell you the secret plans for Deluxe Mario Bros. 9000 Expansion Pack! NEVER!
Dracula: Very well then. Cosby-san! Bring in the W-Ray!
Miyamoto: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Agent Gates: No you say, Shiggy? Why didn't you ask?
Miyamoto: Because that preview was already previewed before it even came to this point.
Dragula: This "preview" junk makes my daily sucked blood boil real fast and...
Agent Gates: HOY HOY HUZZAH!!!
(Meanwhile, at the OG Story Writers Lounge)
Mario500: Wow, a heart attack, hours of testing at the "CFOGSWANHAAE" and re-writing a script can really put stress on you.
Janitor: You can say that again!
Mario500: No I won't!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Agent Gates: ...And so that's how I became a madman on a lifelong mission of taking over the world.
John Stossal: Give me a FREAKING break! I've wasted an entire two hours listening to your moronic story? Oh well, at least 20/20 will be airing something better next Friday, the Shiggy Miya-Mo-whatever interview.
Lemonjello
Miyamoto: Thus doesn't make any HACKing sense! AAAAAARRRRGGHHHHH!!! *Miyamoto hits the reset button*
THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MIYAMOTO
A Mario500 production
Starring Shigeru Miyamoto as himself
Also starring Pierce Brosnan as William Higinbotham
With guest appearances by Bob Dole, Bill Cosby and Adolf Hitler
Narrator: Our story begins in Shigeru Miyamoto's Kyoto apartment, where, unbeknownst to Miyamoto-san and his wife, an evil force is gathering a force so evil, it could bake cookies. The force that is...Willy Higinbotham.
Willy: Gwahahaha! With this rusted metal baseball bat, I shall destroy Miyamoto! Also, why am I talking to myself?
Narrator: Because you are insane.
Willy: Oh, right.
(Willy falls through a plothole and lands on Miyamoto's bed.)
Miyamoto: What the HACK?!
Willy: I shall prove to the world I am the true inventor of video games!
Miyamoto: Never! *Miyamoto pulls out a katana from under his bed and decapitates Willy*
(A police officer busts down the door.)
Police dude: You've killed the prime minister of Japan!
Miyamoto: First, how did you know that? Secondly, why were you loitering around my house?
Police dude: Um, uh....well...YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
Narrator: Two years of trials, techniclaities, fancy lawyers and media harrassment....
Judge: Shigeru Miyamoto, I sentence you to death by W Ray! *bangs his hammer*
Miyamoto: No! I'm innocent! It's all Willy Higinbotham's fault!
Ralph Baer: *crawls out of a plothole* Not so fast, Andrew Shwirmick!
Judge: *takes off his mask* How did you know I was Andrew Shwirmick?!
Baer: I read the script!
Andrew: You HACK!
Baer: Now we must fight in a long, drawn out way!
Notice from the authors: The long, drawn fight scene has been cut due to budget restraints. Oh, and so has Miyamoto and Ralph Baer's escape from Japan in a military helicopter. Sorry for any inconvience.
Miyamoto: Wow. I never knew you could make blood spurt out like that. Or explode boats that way.
Baer: Miyamoto, you must re-enter the Maytricks and face your destiny!
Miyamoto: But why?
Baer: It's in the script.
Miyamoto: *grabs the script* Hmmm...I guess so. *Miyamoto enters the Maytricks via a plothole*
Agent Gates: How are you gentlemen.
Miyamoto: Fine, thanks.
Agent Gates: How about some with mine friends of now later not?
Miyamoto: Certainly.
Narrator: Seven hours later, at Agent Gates' house...
Agent Gates: ...And so that's how I became a madman on a lifelong mission of taking over the world.
John Stossal: Give me a FREAKING break! I've wasted an entire two hours listening to your moronic story? Oh well, at least 20/20 will be airing something better next Friday, the Shiggy Miya-Mo-whatever interview.
Miyamoto: Um, Agent Gates, while it has been interesting listening to your long rambling story, I must ask you, how do I get out of the Maytricks?
Agent Gates: Back door left take then take pill red slightly greenish but.
Miyamoto: Domo arigato Mister Gates.
Agent Gates: Welcome you are.
Narrator: Several hours of wandering later, Miyamoto falls into a plothole and ends up in a McDonalds somewhere in Germany...
Miyamoto: What the HACK?!
Wozby: Miyamoto! You hath finally come to save us from Bill Gates and his army of two people who are both cripples! HUZZAH!
Met: Take the plastic sword, Mexcaliber, slay the evil Gates!
To be contiued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Iwata: Miyamoto, I have something to tell you.
Miyamoto: What is this, Iwata?
Iwata: I am really Hiroshi Yamauchi! I have only tooken on the identity of Iwata to further my control of Sega!
Miyamoto: NNNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!
Yamauchi: Now you die! Death Team, ASSEMBLE!
Miyamoto: Why was "ASSEMBLE" in all caps?
Yamauchi: To give it a dramatic effect.
Miyamoto: It kind of came across as a stupid effect.
Yamauchi: Never mind that! Death Team, attack!
Mario500
Miyamoto: Who the...?
Met: Yeah, yeah it's HACK right?
(McDonald's employee presses off screen buzzer)
McEmployee: Wrong, man! It's Bill Gates, ya hear!
Wozby: Ray of Mickey Mac Donalds!!!
McEmployee: Who???
(Gigantic image of Ray Kroc appears over the counter)
McEmployee: Woah! Strange things are a foot at the Circle K, er McDonalds....
(Follows image to the door)
McEmployee: Catch ya later, LaAoM dudes!!!
Miyamoto: As I was saying before we were ever so rudely interrupted, who the HACK is Mexcaliber?
Wozby: You know, Mexcaliber! Creator of the now famous "HOY HOY HUZZAH!" phrase!
(Suddenly for reasons soon to be read by the Narrator, Miyamoto vanishes due to the power of the "HOY HOY" whatever the HACK you call it)
Met: Er Wozby, that's not true!
Wozby: Of course it's not true! Only I...
(Removes mask and costume to reveal...)
Wozby: KENAU REEVES would perform that!!!
Met: Most non-non-non excellent trick you...
(Removes the other mask)
Met: HILLY WINGINBOTHAM!!!!
Hilly Winginbotham: That's my name, the non "W" named counter part of Willy Higinbotham, well except my last name!
Met: Enough with the "nons" and other Bill and Ted references, where's Miyamoto?
(Meanwhile at Nintendo Co Ltd, Miyamoto wakes up after 2 minutes on the floor of Iwata's office)
Miyamoto: Oh HACK, it just had to be the boss' office!
(Sniffs the room due to some odd odor)
Miyamoto: I smell Yama...uchi!
Iwata: Miyamoto, I have something to tell you.
Miyamoto: What is this, Iwata?
Iwata: I am really Hiroshi Yamauchi! I have only tooken on the identity of Iwata to further my control of Sega!
Miyamoto: NNNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!
Yamauchi: Now you die! Death Team, ASSEMBLE!
Miyamoto: Why was "ASSEMBLE" in all caps?
Yamauchi: To give it a dramatic effect.
Miyamoto: It kind of came across as a stupid effect.
Yamauchi: Never mind that! Death Team, attack!
(More dramatic effects happen, as the entire Death Team appears)
Ya: We're...
Ma: ...ah-...
Uch: ...-here
I: ...boss!
Yamauchi: That's my boys! Now attack!
Miyamoto: Must...press...reset...button!
Ya: Sorry...
Ma: ...Shiggy...
Uhc: ...you've...
I: ...been...
Yamauchi: DISCONNECTED! Maybe I should create a "Hiroshi" Death Team.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Dan Blabermouth: We interrupt this up and coming plot of "Life and Adventures..." for the following blabbering by me, Dan Blabermouth for the CBS-CBC Evening News, live at 5:30 PM CST, 6:30 for the East Coast, anchored by me, Dan...
Man Watching Life and Adventures of Miyamoto: Ah shut up and get Willy Higinbotham's head back on the air.
Lemonjello
Lassie: You killed Miyamoto, you HACKing HACKing son of a HACK!!! HACK you to HACK you HACK!!!
Yamauchi: Lassie! How did you get here?
Lassie: The back door. [insert dramatic sound effect here.]
Yamauchi: But Lassie! I trusted you! You were my cheif aid back in the 80's!
Lassie: My parents trusted the Guam government. Trust can come back to...something. It's not good.
Yamauchi: Never! *jumps into a conveniently palced gondola*
Lassie: He knows too much! Get him, BILLY DIGINBOTHAM!!!
Billy: All your base are belonigng to me. *jumps into another conveniently placed gondola*
Lassie: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Billy: What you say? *uses his rocket launcher to explode Hiroshi's gondola car*
Yamauchi: For Mister Roger's neighborhood, Lassie?
Lassie: No, for me! *shoots Yamauchi*
Meanwhile, in Wozby Python's Flying Circus...
Wozby: Let's see...this is the 45th time Yamauchi-san has died.
*Yamauchi walks in through the doorway*
Wassie: What the HACK? How did get in here?
Yamauchi: I have finally come back from the Nam to avenge my father's death!
Man: Warning! The plot's incoherency has reached dangrous levels! *explodes*
Dan Blabermouth: We interrupt this up and coming plot of "Life and Adventures..." for the following blabbering by me, Dan Blabermouth for the CBS-CBC Evening News, live at 5:30 PM CST, 6:30 for the East Coast, anchored by me, Dan...
Man Watching Life and Adventures of Miyamoto: Ah shut up and get Willy Higinbotham's head back on the air.
Willy: But that's never been on the air!
Man: Silence mortal!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto: I am here to eat pie, mister president.
Bush: But you're dead!
Miyamoto: That's exactly what Lassie would say!
[insert long drawn out fight scene here.]
Mario500
Willy: Your threat of saying the words "silence mortal" will never stop me!
Man: Oh yeah, watch this...
(Silence...silence...er more silence)
Wassie: That's the third silence! Where is this so called...
(Man kicks, drops, stumps, burns, throws, and just about every verb in the book, except for sit on)
Wozby: Ah HACK, another rating's point gone!
Yamauchi: Since when did LaAoM got added to the Nielson ratings?
Wozby: The second our creator Mario500 typed it.
Wassie: Who is this Mario500 you speak of? A Mario Kart track?
(Gets hit by bomb marked "Courtesty of Billy Diginbotham and Monty Python Fans Worldwide")
Wozby: How dare those HACKS foul the name of the great Flying Circus of Monty Python!
Dan Blabermouth: Because they can, Mr. Woz! You see, there are Monty Python lovers and haters out there. If you want to end my useless blabber about sophisticated British comedy, then send Lassie here to bite, chew, spit, bite again, chew again, repeat...
Yamauchi: "Hiroshi" Team! HACK this HACK!
Hir: You've...
Ro: ...got...
Sh: ...that...
I: ...right...
Yamauchi: "I", you're forgetting something!
I: Hey, don't blame me! Blame the writers for this act of confusion!
Mario500: Time to use this thing just in case of overload of complaints from characters in this story. RAY OF ERASINGNESS!!!
(Giant eraser appears for some reason and rubs out "I")
I-2D2: Ha, you missed! Besides, I changed my name to this well recognized Star Wars reference the second you stroked your eraser!
Mario500: Dang... er HACKIT!
I-2D2: Enough of this HACKing crap! I'm no longer part of your "Yamauch" "Hiroshi" ASSEMBLED Death Teams!
Wozby: ASSEMBLED? Some dramatic effect of some sorts?
Yamauchi: Of course it is, what else?
I-2D2: A stupid dramatic effect! Thanks Shigeru for borrowing part of your line!
(Meanwhile, somewhere in some nation's capitol in some nation somewhere in the Western Hemisphere, Miyamoto ALIVE again reacts to I-2D2's thanks)
Miyamoto: You're welcome... Hey, I never let this "I" whats-his-name borrow my earlier line!
Bush: What you say, young Chinese?
Miyamoto: Ummmmm...
(Holds anger from "young Chinese" question)
Miyamoto: I am here to eat pie, mister president.
Bush: But you're dead!
Miyamoto: That's exactly what Lassie would say!
[insert long drawn out fight scene here.]
Miyamoto: Woah, I'm that good at that "Pretzel Move" I got from that website EatMorePretzelsBush.com!
(Suddenly, a reporter from Fox News comes in)
Reporter: Hooray, story of the summer! "Chinese Bushwacks Bush!"
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Lemonjello: COMING ATRACTIONS! Coming soon this summer on "Life and Adventures of Miyamoto"!
Mario500: Make sure this is not getting previewed in those "Next Time" things!
Lemonjello: Oh I'll check alright! I'll check......no!
Lemonjello
Miyamoto: HACKit! HACK it all to HACK! I'm not doing this anymore!
Paul McCartney: You have to! It's in your contract!
Miyamoto: Not anymore! I'm sick of all of this randomness! My life needs more structure than firing cheese rays and falling in plot holes! *pulls a .44 magnum out of his pocket and shoots Paul and several stage hands*
Mario500: Holy HACK! He's finally snapped!
Miyamoto: You're first, for creating this hellish prison, Mario500!
(Loading ultra gory death scenes...done.)
Miyamoto gripped his .44 magnum in his hand. He slowly loaded another clip into the weapon and aimed it at Mario500, then slowly moved it over to a server containing the master control panel for the OG. Miyamoto pulled the trigger and single bullet shot out of his gun and pierced the master OG server. There was a crackle of electricity, then a small fire erupted from the machine.
"You fool! You are like the Swedish shoe salesmen before you!" said Fred_In_Bed. "Now the OG is going to be deleted!"
Miyamoto smiled. Then, he took aim at Fred. In a split second, a bullet penetrated Fred's skull in a spray of crimson, bone and other matter. "HACK you...," said Fred. Fred then fell to the ground, blood slowly draining from his lifeless body.
"NO! I'll kill you!" said Lemonjello to Miyamoto. Miyamoto then picked up a katana that was to be used in the next scene. Miyamoto lept up into the air, then ran his blade straight through Lemonjello's head. Lemonjello died instantly, and fell down to the cold, concrete floor.
"Now," said Miyamoto, turning to face Mario500, "The OG shall be destroyed forever!" Miyamoto threw his katana at Mario500. The katana went straight through Mario500 intestines. Mario500 fell to the floor, bledding heavily. "But...I'm the the main author...you...you can't do this!"
"Oh, but I can," replied Miyamoto. Miyamoto took aim with his .44 magnum, took aim and-blip!
In that very moment, Shane Sacobie had tripped on the power cord for the VGF servers ripping it out of its socket, freezing Miyamoto's struggle between the OG authors in time.
To be continued...
Lemonjello: COMING ATRACTIONS! Coming soon this summer on "Life and Adventures of Miyamoto"!
Mario500: Make sure this is not getting previewed in those "Next Time" things!
Lemonjello: Oh I'll check alright! I'll check......no!
Mario500: What?
Lemonjello: I'm dead and you're almost dead. Fred is also dead.
Fred: But I feel as happy as a shoe! Woohoo!
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Miyamoto: What is this place?
Gaspar: I have pulled you from the VGF server into this LAN in Guam to tell you something very, very, very important.
Miyamoto: Does it involve Nintendo, Willy Higinbotham, and the true inventor of video games?
Gaspar: Yes, yes ,yes and no.
Miyamoto: But I only said three things.
Gaspar: That is why we had a Matrix parody some episodes ago.
Miyamoto: How are those two related?
Gaspar: They aren't. Mario500 is manipulating the OGtrix to make this happen.
Agent Baer: Your time is up, Gaspar, Miyamoto! I'm sorry to say that the Cosmic Death Ray won't be operational by Friday! *pulls out a block of cheese*
Miyamoto: You HACK! En garde! *pulls out a salmon!
Mario500
Mario500: Hey, that rhymes!
Fred: Why thank ya!
Lemonjello: What shoe in particular to you mean?
Fred: Lets see...Nintendo employees only...made in Sweden...property of Miyamoto...oh HACK Miyamoto's returning!
Mario500: Yep, in 3...2...
(Suddenly for reasons soon to be known later Miyamoto and the Swedish shoe salesman appear)
Miyamoto: Where the HACK are my custom made $6 million dollar shoes sold to me by this salesman?
Swedish Saleman: But Shigeru, you don't even own any shoes sold by me!
Miyamoto: Quiet you and go find those shoes described by the now living Fred_in_Bed.
Swedish Saleman: He's alive?
(Shoots salesman with a non-cheese, non-cosmic, non-random ray gun)
Lemonjello: Now he's gone too far! First "killing" us, now he uses non-random weapons.
Fred: Don't expect me feeling happy as a shoe later on in this story.
Miyamoto: Say farewell to all things random as I pull this trigger, just this one time “Life and Adventures…” is finally done for! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Cough!!!Cough!!!
(Miyamoto passes out after the "MUHAHAHAHAHA" incident)
Mario500: Nobody saw that one coming, did they?
Lemonjello: Nope.
Non-Swedish Salesman: Yeah, er no!
Fred: What the HACK's with the “non” at the beginning of your name?
Non-Swedish Salesman: HACK you, Miyamoto! HACK you crazed HACK!
(Six hours later, five LAN connection attempts, four non-excellent attempts, three removing non-Swedish attempts, one well done non-Swedish removal later, well the Swedish part anyway)
Miyamoto: What is this place?
Gaspar: I have pulled you from the VGF server into this LAN in Guam to tell you something very, very, very important.
Miyamoto: Does it involve Nintendo, Willy Higinbotham, and the true inventor of video games?
Gaspar: Yes, yes ,yes and no.
Miyamoto: But I only said three things.
Gaspar: That is why we had a Matrix parody some episodes ago.
Miyamoto: How are those two related?
Gaspar: They aren't. Mario500 is manipulating the OGtrix to make this happen.
Agent Baer: Your time is up, Gaspar, Miyamoto! I'm sorry to say that the Cosmic Death Ray won't be operational by Friday! *pulls out a block of cheese*
Miyamoto: You HACK! En garde! *pulls out a salmon!
Agent Baer: Your small fish has no chance against this large piece of Limburger cheese.
(Salmon smells the scent of Limburger)
Salmon: Good HACK! You fight without me, Shiggy!
Agent Baer: Ah, the power of cheese!
Miyamoto: Why cheese? WHY??
Gaspar: Cheese has finally turned against you, Miyamoto.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time On LaAoM...
Non-Salesman: Doc Frood you've got to help me, I've been not under the name "Swedish" for six long hours now thanks to the now snapped Miyamoto of "Life and Adventures..." fame and I must need whatever cures you've got.
Doc Freud: No. 1, you've watched too much Bill and Ted and No. 2, you're insane!
Lemonjello
(Suddenly Miyamoto is swallowed up by a plot hole and lands in the Oval Office.)
W: Miyamoto-sensei! I have a mission of very random thing for you! Now go!
Miyamoto: Never!
[insert long, Matrix style gun fight scene]
W: Miyamoto...you may have killed me, but you cannot defeat my ultimate creation...Agent Fred!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v704/cordellwalker/man.gif
Agent Fred: *appears* I smoke cigarrettes and swim in the sea! BwaHA! Now is the time of microwaved popcorn! Agent Fred! AAAAAATTTTTTAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK!!! *Agent Fred jumps at Miyamoto, but Miyamoto jumps out of the window*
Miyamoto: Darnit! Bat Man should be here by now!
Agent Fred: Come has the time of neo communist ideals! Burn the porn! *begins to throw cheese at Miyamoto*
Miyamoto: No! Plot twist! *Miyamoto appears in an office building*
Non-Salesman: Doc Frood you've got to help me, I've been not under the name "Swedish" for six long hours now thanks to the now snapped Miyamoto of "Life and Adventures..." fame and I must need whatever cures you've got.
Doc Freud: No. 1, you've watched too much Bill and Ted and No. 2, you're insane!
Miyamoto: You've got to help me, Doc!
Doc Freud: Never! For I am Willy Higinbotham's ultimate creation: Wicheal Wackson! Preapre yourself for cheese!
Miyamoto: No! BAT MAN WHERE ARE YOU?!
Met: Wait a second. Why is Bat Man suddenly allied with Miyamoto, and why am I in this scene?
Agent Fred: He knows too much!
Met: Hey how did you get-*Agent Fred smashes Met with his shoe*
Agent Fred: Your time has come, Miyamoto! Mario500, Fred, Lemonjello, ATTACK!!!
To be continued...
NEXT TIME ON THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES
Dr. Wily: Good evening, friends. I have called you here today to unveil my master plan to kill Miyamoto. A plan so delicate so precise, that even a light breeze could ruin it!
Wiyamoto: Are we going to drop a brick on his head?
Dr. Wily: ...yes.
Mario500
(Everyone ATTACKs Wichael Wackson)
Miyamoto: Holy HACK! You're...you're...
Wichael Wackson: Yeah, yeah, I'm a pale imitation of the real Michael Jackson.
Fred: Excellent pun Wichael!
Wichael Wackson: Why thank ya...hey, what is this thing you call a pun?
Agent Fred: That's the final Swiss cheese!
Mario500: Swiss cheese?
Non-Salesman: How about "Swedish cheese"?
Agent Fred: Final straw is overused and overrated! Prepare for your time coming, Wike Wackson!
Shelton "Spike" Jackson Lee: How dare you use my name in "W" fashion? LAWSUIT!!!
Agent Fred: Shut the HACK up, Spike TeeVee, er Spike Lee!
(Throws concrete block with the words "Spike TV Rules!" at Shelton Lee)
Miyamoto: Ummmm, Spike TV?
Lemonjello: You'll find out in about...
(Checks the nearest monitor with the headlines "Spike Lee VS Spike TV")
Lemonjello: Well anyway, let's finish off Wichael Wackson before the next plot hole.
(Meanwhile in Dr. Wily VS The World)
Dr. Wily: Plot hole, or in this case a story hole in 3...2...1...
(Wiyamoto, Woctor Wily, Wats fall through the "story hole")
Wiyamoto: What the big blue HACK is this?
Woctor Wily: I smell crossover in the premises, or is that just Wats?
Wats:.....nope!
Dr. Wily: Good evening, friends. I have called you here today to unveil my master plan to kill Miyamoto. A plan so delicate so precise, that even a light breeze could ruin it!
Wiyamoto: Are we going to drop a brick on his head?
Dr. Wily: ...yes.
Wiyamoto: Cool, now let's do the deed!
Dr. Wily: I'm afraid it's much harder than it looks.
Wats: Well, what the..... HACKING HACKED HACK ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT SOME BRICK BEING HARD TO USE IN THIS PLAN, HACKIT!!!
Dr. Wily: This particular brick will be made just for this type of plan using three main objects.
Woctor Wily: And that would be?
Dr. Wily: Matthew Lesko books, Powdered Toast, and something off Paula Zahn's head.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time on LaAoM...
Matthew Lesko: Lets see, what to write in the old Lesko Journal soon to be on sale next year? Ah yes, promoting more of my books, appearing in the OG Story "Life and Adventures of Miyamoto", promoting even more books on QVC, discovering 20 seconds ago my first book copy got stolen by Dr. Wily.......
Willy Higinbotham: How long 'til he freaks out?
Dr. Wily: When we leave...now lets go!
Lemonjello
Narrator: And so Dr. Wily and co. set off towards Lesko's house and stole his book...
Matthew Lesko: Lets see, what to write in the old Lesko Journal soon to be on sale next year? Ah yes, promoting more of my books, appearing in the OG Story "Life and Adventures of Miyamoto", promoting even more books on QVC, discovering 20 seconds ago my first book copy got stolen by Dr. Wily.......
Willy Higinbotham: How long 'til he freaks out?
Dr. Wily: When we leave...now lets go!
Lesko: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!111111765925fewgegv
Dr. Wily: I suggest a long drawn out fight scene.
Loading, please don't eat the salmon...
Lesko pulled out his secret weapon: a pad of post-it notes. He threw them at Dr. Wily, who sustained a major concussion and was rushed to St. Ed Memorial Hospital. On July 26th, 12:56 AM, he was pronounced dead.
Lesko: What have I done?
Miyamoto: Exactly what I wanted you to do.
Lesko: Huh?
Miyamoto: Getting Wily out of the way means I can can complete my original plan: make a game out of my experiances then use the profits to build the Cosmic Deathray and rule the world!
Agent Smith: Not so fast, Ted Danson.
Miyamoto: *GASP!* How did you know?
Agent Smith: Because we're in the OGtrix. I can do lots of random things. But first, we must do one thing that not even Post-it Notes can do?
Ted: You mean...
Agent Smith: Yes. I mean the one thing that will end this random filled OG once and for all.
Ted: You mean we take up a coherent plot for the next few episodes to end the OG?
Agent Smith: Actually, I was planning on doing something else, but what the HACK let's do it.
Ted: INDEED.
(Suddenly, Miyamoto wakes up in his bed in a mental hospital. He suddenly remembers why he is there: Yamauchi imprisoned him there to prevent Wiyamoto and Ted Danson from stealin his shoe.)
To be continued...
[next time part lost in fire.]
Mario500
Miyamoto: Hey! What the HACK happened to my....
(He looks up to see Mario500 holding the pair of shoes with the words "Property of Yamauchi, er Miyamoto")
Miyamoto: ....shoes?
Mario500: No need to ask, Shiggy! I must tell you this important imformation I've received from Mike Patton that was recived many centuries ago
Miyamoto: Shiggy? Mike Patton? Centuries ago? The HACK....
Mario500: Looks like Hiroshi sending you to the Ted Turner Mental Center wasn't such a bad idea at all.
Miyamoto: Who is this Ted Turner you speak of?
(Meanwhile, on QVC)
Matthew Lesko: ...and if you buy the "Lesko's Guide To $1 Million Dollars Free VIII" at the low, low price of $14.99, we'll give you this graphic novel version of the popular Life and Adventures of Miyamoto series for the price of nothing. But that's not all, along with "Lesko's Guide To A Buck III"....
Willy Higinbotham: Enough of this Lesko carp!
Agent Smith: Eh, carp?
Willy: I mean crap! Enough of this Lesko crap! I've got it!
(Ted Danson throws a Lesko book at Willy, causing major injuries to the brain, and....other parts of the body CENSORED from ever being revealed)
Ted: Now that's settled, let's takeover QVC AND HSN to finally end LaAoM once and for all.
Lesko: Should one of you be at Home Shopping Network HQ to complete the plan?
Agent Smith: We know, Less KO!
Lesko: That better not be some awful pun that's leading to Ted Dansen TKOing me, Matthew Lesko, free money from the government expert.
Agent Smith: Nope, just a KO.
(KOs Lesko, but suddenly....)
Ted: Enough of the suddenly bits, Narrator!
(But Mr.Danson....)
Ted: Shut the Heck up!
(SUDDENLY, Lesko's body doubles into two sides, "The Real Lesko" and "Less$Ko")
Agent Smith: What in Mario500's freaking creative writing side of his brain is going on?
Less$Ko: I'm here!
The Real Lesko: I'm the real Matthew Lesko! So please, change my name back to Lesko.
(Changes name back to Lesko)
Lesko: Thanks!
Less$Ko: Now on to why I'm here! Why the HACK did you say, heck? What are you, a communist?
Ted: Yeah, of course!
Less$Ko: Ah, a fellow communist!
Agent Smith: Since when does a communist have a dollar sign in his name?
Less$Ko: Shut the HACK up, capitalitz!
(Sends Agent Smith into "The Narrator Zone", do do do do, do do do do,)
Less$Ko: Now for the other reason I'm here, WHO CAUSED INJURY TO MY BRAIN, which is also my double's.
Ted: You've just sent him to...
Less$Ko: Shush, don't repeat whatever anything from a narrator that hums the Twilight Zone theme for his own enjoyment.
(Feel the wrath that is a "Meanwhile" narration!)
Ted: Hey! Don't even try ruining this scene you dirty bast...
(Elsewhere, er Meanwhile at the Yami Yoshi OG Story Society, Yami is watching that freak broadcast of QVC)
Yami Yoshi: Wow! That's the weirdest QVC broadcast I've ever seen!
Met: You can say that again?
Yami Yoshi: No need to say that again! Anyway, is our leading star Miyamoto doing alright?
Mario500: His HACKs are off a bit, but he's coming through!
Met: Now to tell him about that important info from Mike Patton that determines the future of "Life and Adventures...".
(Miyamoto wakes up from The OG Bed)
Miyamoto: Da HACK is goING on?
Wozby: Holy freaking HACKsaw! Not only his HACKs are off, but his mind is no longer fair and balanced!
Yami Yoshi: You mean...
Wozby: That's right, he's got....
(Dramatic music plays, courtesy of the CBS Orchestra)
Wozby: ..... N00bisatitis!
Mario500: In other words, he's now a....
Miyamoto: N00b!!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED....
Next Time on LaAoM....
Less$Ko: Live, via QVC AND HSN, this is "The Less$Ko/Mike Patton/Ted Danson Commie Hour!
Mike Patton: I'm no communist! Why am I in the middle of the show's title?
Ted Danson: Ah, shut the Heck up and tell us your important info!
Mike Patton: Oh well, "Life and Adventures..." is at the end of the rope anyway. Whoops, slipped some of the info in this preview.
Lemonjello
Miyamoto: OMFG SPRITIE CMOXI NC FORUM PARYTY YAYZYZYAY LOLOLOLOLOLO!!!!!!!1111
Mario500: It's worse than I thought!
Less$ko: We must get a free cure from the government!
Linux User: YES.
Mario500: Where did you come from?
Linux User: YES. *administers the cure to Miyamoto*
Miyamoto: LINUX RULES.
Linux User: YES.
Mario500: By Yamauichi! You've turned him into an OS zealot! There's only one way to cure him now!
Met: *falls out of a plot hole* You mean to travel back in time, get a past Miyamoto, bring him back to the future, defeat Hiroshi Yamauchi once and for all, then take his defective internet personality cure all?
Mario500: I was thinking of another plot hole, but that also works. DEATH TEAM ASSEMBLE.
(Insert the Team Rocket theme here.)
Jozby: Jozby!
Wozby: Wozby!
Jozby: To protect the world from rehydration!
Wozby: To denounce the evils of Ruth and kites!
Eddy Murphy: To extend our beach to the railroad above!
Met: TEAM ROCKET TAHTZ RITE SPRITE COMIXES LOLOLOLOLOLOLO VURU RULEZ.
(And so the humble Death Team boarded TEH TIEM MAHICNE and travelled back in time to retrieve the Miyamoto of episodes past. And since Lemonjello is much too lazt to write up their violence filled escape from the W characters of episodes past, we join them somewhere in the Nintendo HQ...)
Yamauchi: Miyamoto! Have you any idea what you are going to do? If you shut down the OG, I'll never be able to release Super Pornio Bros Nine: The Mansion!
Miyamoto: Never! Eddy Murphy, go! *Eddy Muprhy comes out Ash-errr, Miyamoto's Poke`ball*
Yamauchi: NEVER! Skipping CD player army, assemble!
Miyamoto: Eddy Murphy, tail whip!
The incredible force of the tail whip instantly kills Yamauchi's skipping CD player army.
(Meanwhile...)
Less$Ko: Live, via QVC AND HSN, this is "The Less$Ko/Mike Patton/Ted Danson Commie Hour!
Mike Patton: I'm no communist! Why am I in the middle of the show's title?
Ted Danson: Ah, shut the Heck up and tell us your important info!
Mike Patton: Oh well, "Life and Adventures..." is at the end of the rope anyway. Whoops, slipped some of the info in this preview.
Ted Danson: In fact, we're at the last episode. Miyamoto is planning on pressing the delete button instead of the reset button.
Less$Ko: Is he mad? We'll all be turned into a state of non existance!
Ted Danson: We must stop him! E3 Booth Babe Team, assemble!
Less$Ko: Free money from the government!
(Back with-)
Less$Ko: FREE!
(Miya-)
Less$Ko: Buy my books!
(mo-)
Less$Ko: Free money! You'll never pay for anything ever again!
(Less$Ko is suddenly killed by J.R.R. Tolkien. Now back with Miyamoto...)
Yamauchi: You may have won this time, Miyamoto-san, but with the death of this OG shall rise an army of Micheal Jackson clones, all ready to launch an unstoppable assault on Nintendo! *Yamauchi falls through a plot hole and lands inside of VGFMOG VI*
Miyamoto: HACK you, Yamauchi! I'll have revenge even if I must eat ham! HACK YOU!!!
Met: And now to press the delete button.
Wats: So fast not you be going.
Mario500: It's you!
Wats: All your free government money is belong to me. You have no chance to survive make your time.
RPG Battle!
Matthew Le$$$$$$$$FREEGOVMNTMONEYko
HP 1/1
Communist Points 434/54353
Wats
HP 0/0
MP 0/0
Wats uses Suicide!
Miyamoto is confused!
Miyamoto is confused! He makes a bad sprite comic in the process!
Miyamoto has fainted! No useable Yamauchi`mon left!
Nurse Joy: HACK you Ash! You can't let you Yamauchimon faint!
Brock: I find you irresistably attractive, Nurse.
Nurse Joy: TEXT.
Jonh Cleese: And now for something completely different.
A n00b: WOWE TEH GBA SP ITZ LIEK COMPLETLEE DIFRENT!!!!!!!111 LOLOLOOLLOLOLLO
(A n00b falls on the "Delete OG" button.)
TEH CREDITZ LOLOLOLOLOLO
John Cleese as everyone in the OG. In fact he wrote everything, too. And did all of that technical stuff.
The end...or is it?
Fred In Bed
NEVER
Miyamoto was finally beaten. The funeral was sad. Some, like Wozby, were filled with cabbage-like RAGE. Others, such as Micheal Jordan and Met, stayed loyal to Miyamoto and thought he would return. The majority were like Gaspar, hopless and sad, since Miyamoto was defeated. But three men were happier than ever. Wiyamoto, Bill Gates, and Scooby-doo (I mean Willy higenbottom). They smiled and sneered, and quickly took their chance to creat T3h AMRY which consisted of four toasters that did not work, Jaques Cousteau's cat, and a watermelon WITHOUT A PEN LICSENCE.
They quickly eliminated the UN, the justice league, and Taco Bell, using the resourses to build a super mega ray of walrusez SPELT WITH A Z TO BE ALL GANGSTAZ LIK OMFG Ys3
(220020404387587439852379572 A.D., or possible L.L.)
Wamuchi: Prepare to take the last of Nintendo's strongholds, the Formula F-18592483295695.(-98397548937593587768%) racing grounds. We'll need to send in the carts of hats to win this battle. But it shall be won after another 5 seconds of hard work and reading rasishes upside-foward.
Gilligan: Yes Ma'am.
Wamuchi: Wop wop wop wop wop wop
Jimmy Hendrix: There is no stopping us. This time, we shall rule all.
Bill Gates: Good. See that you do this right, and that my name is in bold.
Wamuchi: As long as my paste can follow your pant leg on the middle left, I can connect .43
Bill Gates: I will not tolerate failure this time.
(Meannwhile)
Met: There is no spatula! How can we possibly stop this menace?
Gaspar: If only we had enough rubber cement...
Met: -Wha? What is it?
Gaspar: There is a way to win this. We need to revive Miyamoto. His 98th clone is in the basement.
Met: That's what I wanted to hear. (rips off mask to reveal... Wiyamoto!)
Gaspar: Good, since I have no idea what's going on! (rips off his mask to reveal... Willy Hottenbottom!)
(They both rip off their masks to reveal Wozby in Met)
$BUT WHY? AND HOW? THAT MANY SAUSAGES? EXCELLENT. PREPARE FOR THE NEXT STAGE I TOMATO SAUCE, DURING THE NEXT EPISODE.$
(Hey, you're not supposed to be here!)
$okay, okay, careful with that vegetable oil, buddy.$
Lemonjello
And then, all fell silent. Miyamoto had begun to have a massive heart attack. Ten days later in Tokyo, he died. The father of modern video gaming had breathed his last. There was much weeping and chaos is the days that followed. Willy Higinbotham had engineered a takeover of Nintendo along with Doctor Wily. Nintendo was killed and Revegeosoft rose from it's corpse. Met met his demise trying to eat candy. A new string of randomness had began.
It had began to snow...