Story:MMEDDP Chapter 4
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Chapter 4[edit]
Patiently, Ditto walks out on stage and bows.
Ditto: For the benefit of those who have lost track of the plot, we at the Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik Party sincerely apologize. Unlike those smarmy "other" political parties, we want you to enjoy maximum enjoyment of this OG. For those who have come in late, I will now explicate that last scene. We had all broken into the Democratic National Convention.
Ditto, Vorpal, and Co. had raided the kitchen and stolen all their goodies, for our political convention.
Sgt. Flutter had attempted to rappel down into the convention hall to give a speech. Unfortunately, he fell into Bill Clinton's soup.
When the Secret Service came to get him, he scurried away, grabbed some cocktail weenies, and strapped them to his chest telling everyone he was rigged with explosives. No one was fooled, but he nonetheless began giving demands.
Eventually, the Men in Black showed up, at the behest of AlGore (see earlier). They were going to blast him as an alien until Ditto (me) showed up and convinced them that he was from Earth, by showing that he was a member of a political party.
We escaped, but we never did get to give any speeches, and the public's memory of the fiasco was erased when AlGore gave a particularly mind-numbing speech.
Now, we are all back unharmed, at the Motel 6, planning what we'll do next.
Thank you for your patience, and now, a word from our sponsors.
*A flag appears on the TV screen and patriotic music begins playing*
Voice: When I was growin' up out in the Midwest with my ma, pa, and 1.3 siblings, I learned that there was nothin' to me more precious than freedom. Now that I'm an adult, I learned that not everyone treasures the good old values my family and I grew up with. But this election year, there is one candidate who still believes in freedom.
Another voice: A few years ago, I was struggling to feed my 15 children by myself and pay the rent on the rat-infested basement I lived in. Most politicians didn't seem to care. That's why I put my faith in the one candidate who believes Americans deserve more.
Vorpal: Every year, bad things happen to good people like you, and, I'm afraid it's all the fault of those disease-ridden vermin in Washington. That's why I need YOUR vote to help us help you. Together, we can take over the whole world, and make it work... for YOU. My policy of Compassionate World-Domination-ism will make for a better future for us all.
First Voice: Thanky, Vorpal!
Second Voice: Thank you, Vorpal!
*Shows Vorpal sitting in front of a fireplace surrounded by a ludicrously cheerful bunch of people, with a well-groomed dog at his feet. *
Disclaimer: Paid for by the Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik Campaign Fund. ...And now, back to our regularly scheduled OG.
Voice: It's Late Night with Conan O'Brien! Conan's Guests tonight . . . Cuban: Little Elion Gonzalez, Actor: Joan Rivers and Political Candidate: Vorpal! And Here's your host . . . Conan O . . . Bri . . . en!
Screen fizzes
Other voice: Tonight on Jerry Springer: I'm In Love with the Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik Party. . .
Screen fizzes
Yet another voice: Praise the Lord! My friends we . . .
Screen fades out
Clintin': Blast they're everywhere.
AlGore: They weren't in the religious thing . . .
Clintin': Fool! That was Mr. Rogers!
AlGore: Oh.
-Back at Motel 6-
Ditto: Okay. Now that the DNC is over with, it's time to throw the... Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik National Convention!
Weird Al: I should write a comeback song about you guys.
Vorpal: I thought "Polkamon" was your comeback song?
Ditto: In case you hadn't noticed, ALL of Weird Al's songs are comeback songs.
Vorpal: You know, he's right...?
Ditto: All right! Time to set up! We rented out the luxurious dining room in the lobby for our Main Floor. Sgt. Flutter, bring up all the hors d’oeuvres and decorations we stole from the DNC!
Flutter: Right! *Floats off*
Ditto: Vorpal, go get the main courses!
Vorpal: OK! *Runs off holding fully-stamped Free Sub cards in his arms*
Ditto: Hahaha... this plan is working perfectly! Whoa. I'm sounding kinda evil here...
*Suddenly, Ditto turns evil*
Ditto: Mwhahahahaha!
*Suddenly, he changes back*
Ditto: Wow. That won't be happening again. Lesse, is this all set up? *Thinks* I guess we're ready for the guests... Wait! THAT'S WHAT WE FORGOT! *Smacks his forehead* It's the week of our convention, and I never sent out any invitations!!!
*Begins scribbling*
Ditto: …Dear...um… *eyes light up* ...Sapphire! You and one guest …(Miss Lady in Red) …are cordially invited to attend the… Mega Mega …Extreme Doki Doki Panik… National… Convention… *pauses and takes a deep breath* Please come and participate…. Thank you very much, the Staff of the MMEDDP National Committee…*frowns* okay, next… Dear... uhhh… hm… Mr ...*Thinks hard* er…Wanderfloonkster! We humbly request your... appearance... d'oh! I'll never write enough!
Tom Bodett: Hey, we'll help.
Ditto: *gasps for breath* You... you will?
Mr. Rogers: After all, what are neighbors for?
Weird Al: This is something we all believe in.
Monica: We won't let the MMEDDP Party down!
Ditto: But, the convention is this week! They STILL won't be delivered in time!
Voice: That won't be a problem!
Narrator...Uhhh.... That’s your cue, Tom!
Tom Bodett: Oh, right! Uh... They all turn to the door to see a girl with a black dress and a red bow in her hair standing in the doorway, holding a broom.
Ditto: Kikki?!
Kikki: Hey, even though you're a guy, you're the only one who stuck up for my movie! I'm going to return the favor. I'll deliver all the invitations myself!
Ditto: OK, let's get to work!
--Later, in some other place--
Mr. Predict: Hey, Yoshiman, er, I mean, Fuzzball, some girl on a flying broomstick just delivered this letter for you.
Yoshiman: Really? *Reading* Dear Mr. Yoshiman/Fuzzball/Wrange Tirk, you and one guest (Mr. I. L. Predict) are cordially invited to attend the Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik National Convention. Please come and participate. Thank you very much, the Staff of the MMEDDP National Committee.
Mr. Predict: Let's go!
Ditto: Well, looks like everyone showed up, which brings us to a grand total of... 18 people...
Vorpal: Yeah, but these are COOL guests! Look, there's Danny Wells (Luigi)... and over there, the sound effects guy from Police Academy, Michael Winslow... And, LOOK! There's Ben Stein!
Ben Stein: *deadpan* Hi. I'm Ben Stein. And I have $5000 that says, "I know more than you."
Ditto: You're goin' down, Stein!
Ben Stein: *deadpan* Bring it on, brain drain. You'll never win *voice suddenly thunders* BEN STEIN'S MONEY!!!
Yoshiman: Wow, what a neat convention.
Fuzzball: Hey! Subs! Yumyumyumyum!
Michael Winslow: *Makes sounds like "MMMM! Snarf, smack, gulp THIS GOOD!" behind Fuzzball's back while he eats*
Vorpal: Everything's goin' smoothly. Nothing could possibly go wrong...
Tom Bodett: Suddenly, somethin' went wrong.
Vorpal: NO! DON'T SAY THAT!!! *Smacks himself in the face*
Suddenly, an explosion rips a hole in the wall, revealing… Pukecannon and AlGore!
Michael Winslow: *imitating Japanese people from the Godzilla movies* It is Godzirra! We must free the city! Oh no! *Makes sounds like tanks and airplanes dropping bombs*
AlGore and Pukecannon step in.
AlGore: To protect the world from deforestation...
Pukecannon: To tax the crap out of the entire nation...
AlGore: To denounce the rights to free speech and guns...
Pukecannon: To restore power to the unpopular ones...
AlGore: Al!
Pukecannon: Pat!
AlGore: Team Background, blast off at the speed of bureaucracy!
Pukecannon: *sweat* Nothing rhymes with bureaucracy!
AlGore: *sweat* I asked you if you wanted to go through it once more when we were outside!
They both look up to see everyone staring at them.
Buchanan: Uh... Drop out of the race, or our Vice Presidents will make you look like fools!
AlGore: *pulls out a Pokeball* Leiberman, GO!
Leiberman: Leib-er-man! Leib! Leiber!
Vorpal: What IS that thing? *Pulls out a Veepedex*
Veepedex: Leiberman. A Jewish Pokemon. Though skilled in many areas, this running mate's natural talent is flaming his opposition.
Gore: Leiberman! Flame attack, now!
Leiberman: Leiber! *Suddenly adjusts his tie and speaks coherently* The members of the Doki Doki Panik Party are idealistic and young, despite their lack of unity in a platform.
Narrator: Everyone gasps, and look oddly at Vorpal and Ditto.
Random Member of the crowd: Hey! Y'know, the way HE puts it, they do sound like a shaky choice...
Vorpal: Don't listen to him! He's condemning us with faint praise!
Pukecannon: *whispers to AlGore* It's working! Keep it up!
Narrator: Suddenly, another form breaks in through another wall. He is tall and slender, and wears a cowboy hat over a receding hairline. He has a needle nose and an overhanging lip. He speaks in a quick, nasal voice tinged with Texan.
Voice: Howdy!
AlGore and Pukecannon: *eyes pop in and out* NO! It's...
Dubya: It's me, Dubya! How's ever'buddy doin' tanight? Looks like we got us here a Pokemon battle huh? Well, I cain't pass this 'un up! *pulls out a Pokeball* Cheney! GO!
*In a flash of light, Cheney appears from the Pokeball*
Cheney: Cheney! Cheney? Chey? Cheney.
Veepedex: Cheney. An Experience Pokemon. This Pokemon is unique, in that no matter how experienced it becomes, it never evolves. It is easy to train and customize, because it apparently has no will of it's own.
Ditto: OK, THAT one was good... *chortle*
Pukecannon: (To Gore) You put the crowd to sleep with a speech while me and Lieberman handle the rest o’ them.
Al Gore: Right. Greetings everyone! Allow me to say a small speech...
Ditto: If I didn't know better I'd say they are trying to put the crowd to sleep!
Dubya: I'd say a few executions are in order?
Pukecannon: Stay right where you are, Bushy!
Dubya: It's DUBYA!
Pukecannon: Yeah, whatever.
Vorpal: (To Ditto) We can't let them ruin OUR convention! Do something!
Ditto: I'm thinking I'm thinking!
Just then a female voice pierces the room.
Lady in Red: What is going on here?
Ditto: Bingo. *Grins*
Vorpal: Who’s that?
Ditto: Well, I invited her.
Vorpal: Why?
Ditto: Oh, my apologies, Vorpal. I forgot you two hadn't been formally introduced. Lady in Red, this is Vorpal, who is running for President. Vorpal, this is the Lady In Red, masked super-heroine.
Vorpal: Pleased to meet you.
Lady in Red: Charmed, I'm sure.
*They shake hands*
Ditto: She recently appeared in "A Night In Rocketsville (I invented her, but I gave all rights to Saph)." She is to Team Rocket Omega what Tuxedo Mask is to the Sailor Scouts. She's wearing a flowing red ball gown, broad red hat, and carries a big red parasol. An elaborate masquerade ball mask covers the upper half of her face.
Vorpal: Uhhh, I can see her. She's standing right there. *Points*
Ditto: Yeah, but your writer can't see her.
Vorpal: Oh, right.
Yoshiman: Hey, has anyone seen Sapphire? She was just here a moment ago.
Ditto: Nope. Where was I...? Oh yes, as I was saying, no one knows who the Lady in Red is underneath the mask.
Vorpal: If her identity is a secret, how did you invite her?
Ditto: I heard Sapphire was a good friend of hers, so I had Saph ask her.
Vorpal: Of course. But, back to my original question. Why?
Ditto: Well... to be absolutely honest... we couldn't afford to hire any other security. She's the best I could get on short notice.
Vorpal: Ah.
Tom Bodett: The Lady in Red calmly turns to face the speechless intruders, her ballroom dress whirling dramatically around with her. She smiles coquettishly as she rests her opened parasol on her shoulder. Suddenly, she springs into action... She sneaks up behind Cheney.
Lady in Red: BOO!
Cheney: !
Cheney falls over clutching his chest.
Dubya: Augh! You gave Cheney a heart attack! Cheney return!
Dubya runs off.
AlGore: That was a risky heart attack scheme, but it won't work with Joe. Leiberman! Censor attack!
Leiberman: Leib!
Leiberman takes out a censor sticker and places it on the Lady in Red's mouth.
Lady in Red: MMPH!
AlGore: Ha ha ha!
Weird Al comes out with a copy of Bad Hair Day.
Leiberman has a heart attack, because of all the uncensored lyrics.
AlGore: Ahh! Leiberman return!
AlGore runs off.
Ditto: Wow! Thanks for helping us out! Stay and dance!
Vorpal: ...Don't mind if I do! *Dances off with her*
Ditto: harrumph.
Meanwhile...
Clintin': You fools done failed me again, huh? Well, like we say in Arkansas, if'n at first you cain't run over the possum, turn around and try again!
Pukecannon: What does that mean?
AlGore: It means he's gonna berate us for our incompetence, then send us out on the same mission AGAIN.
Suddenly, a sharp, frosty voice crackles through the air...
Voice: I've had enough of your incompetence!
Clintin': OH NO!
AlGore: *his stoic face actually begins to show signs of terror* Oh my god.
Pukecannon: *whispering to AlGore* Who is it?
AlGore: It's... HIS boss!
Pukecannon: You mean...?
A cold wind blows through the Oval Office as a small yet stiff, sinister figure appears in the door.
Clintin': Y-Yes Dear?
Hellary: This has gone on long enough!
Clintin': But... but... I'll do it next time! Like we say in Arkansas, thar's no use disbarrin' over spilt...
Hellary: Silence! You have failed for the last time. I hereby banish you to... Camp David!
Clintin': Aw, shucks.
Hellary: *shoves Clintin' into a smaller chair, takes her place behind the desk, and lights a cigar* I shall now take over the Democratic Campaign efforts.
Pukecannon: *to AlGore* Can she do that?
AlGore: What, have you been asleep for the past 8 years?
Pukecannon: Actually, yes, I have. Remember, you guys had me frozen in a cryotube until you needed me as a spoiler.
AlGore: Oh yeah. I forgot we just unfroze you a few months ago.
Clintin': *To Hellary* What can YOU DO that I CAIN'T?
Hellary glares at him. Actual ice icicles form on her face. He cringes.
AlGore: Oh MAN, she's exerting her powers over him!
Pukecannon: What is she doing to him?
AlGore: Uhhh... ever notice that after the Gennifer Flowers incident, they never had any more children?
Pukecannon: She can do that just by LOOKING at him?!
AlGore: That's nothing compared to when she found out about Monica.
Pukecannon: *cringe* Oh MAN.
Clintin': Uh... I mean... "What do you plan to do?"
Hellary: We shall do an all out smear campaign against them! We shall dig up everything about them!
Clintin': And whom will we get to do this?
Hellary: I have already thought of that.
A door opens, and icy fog rolls out. Another form steps out, and a smaller chill fills the room.
A smaller version of Hellary advances into the room. She has the same puckered mouth, same stiff hair, and same power blouse.
Clintin': Chillsea!
Hellary: *puts her pinky to the side of her mouth, with her palm sticking outward* I call her... Mini-Me...
Chillsea: Leave them to me, mother. After spending my childhood in snobby prep schools and prestigious Ivy League Colleges, I can trash ANYONE'S reputation!
Hellary: *Wiping a fond tear from her eye* Mommy's little girl...
Chillsea: Mwahahaha!
Hellary: No, dear, that's not the proper way for ladies to laugh evilly. Ladies go "Mm hm hm hm ha ha ha..."
Chillsea: Sorry, mother.
Both: Mm hm hm hm ha ha ha...!
| Chapters in Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik |
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