Gamehiker High University 2 Page 2
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Author: Masamune[edit]
Tyler: Man... GM, what is with us? We've become slobbering, one-thought guys. It's as if we're suddenly sitcom sorority jocks with no brains cells.
GM: Man, you're right. What's happened to us? Me and you, we used to be adorable side characters who were constantly foiled by our inability to warn people. Now we're stupid guys! We gotta show people that guys aren't this cliched and predictable.
Marin: *comes out* I hope you guys are ash-
Tyler: NOW!
~the duo jump Marin... a few minutes later she's dressed... as a nun?~
GM: There. You're gonna be the Hooded Figure one way or the other. Like old time.
MJ: At this point, as the brother, I'm not sure what my stand on this should be.
Tyler: Now come on, I'm pretty sure we have a warning of doom to deliver. Let's not be late.
~MEANWHILE in Apartment 3~
Kester: Okay uh... authority...
Vivid: You okay?
Kester: Yes. JUST FINE. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. TO BELIEVE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG IS TO BE CRAZY.
AaronGuy: Oh great, now he's flipped his lid.
Yami: .... not... a bad... student... am I...?
Sapphire: He can join the club.
Golem: Well Vorpal's gone, let's go.
Kester: *stands in front of the door* No! None shall leave this room!
AaronGuy: Dude. Yer a freshman, I'm a Senior. Usually I'm too good to pick on small fries like you, but *holds out finger warningly* I will-
Kester: *grabs Aaron's hand and breaks it* Do not point your finger at AUTHORITY.
AaronGuy: OW! HOLY- YOU BROKE MY ****ING HAND!
Kester: *glances at the other students* Who's next!?
Rest of them (sans Yami, Aaron): No no, we're good.
~Meanwhile... at Taco Bell~
Headmaster Mune: Okay Mune... act cool, all I gotta do is-
*as he heads out of the bathroom he runs into someone else*
Dean Ditto: WHO DARES- oh. You, what the blazes are you doing here?
Headmaster Mune: For your inf- listen, can I borrow a fifty?
Dean Ditto: HAHAHA! ST. DITTO'S WILL DEFE- wait, what!?
Headmaster Mune: Yeah. I need to borrow a fifty, it's an emergency.
Dean Ditto: *completely puzzled* Uh. Okay. *hands over fifty* Are... are you sure you don't want to tell me I'm wrong?
Headmaster Mune: *pockets money* Some other time, we'll make a day of it. Thanks for the cash, okay bye.
Dean Ditto: *walks into the bathroom with a completely dumbfounded*
Mole Guy: Well? Ya got something for me or what?
Dean Ditto: ... I think I'm going to go eat somewhere else.
~Back in the Restaurant Lobby~
Headmaster Mune: CORRECTION my underpaid cashier friend. I will be having the DELUXE meal. As will my guest, Rebe, who will ALSO have the DELUXE meal. In fact, CANCEL THAT. We will be heading to the EL FANCIO RESTAURANT down the street.
Mexican Guy: Que?
Rebe: Wow, I thought you wanted to eat cheap?
Headmaster Mune: *holds up fifty* Mr. Ulysses Grant thinks otherwise.
Rebe: But doesn't that restaurant only take Pesos?
Headmaster Mune: ... *turns to the sky with his hands held up in rage* PAAAAAARTY GOOOOOOERS!!!!!
~Meanwhile... in Apartment 4~
Lupus: Man, being stuck under this avalanche sure sucks.
Toby: And somehow Golem and Sapphire got out before the entrance was blocked. After all that work to save them.
Fred: *walks in* Ah, there you guys are WHY AREN'T YOU WORSHIPING ME YET?
Toby: They cleared the Avalanche!
Fred: Um no, the snow melted. This is Mexico. Besides the real Avalanche is over at Apartment 1.
Lupus: Uh what?
Fred: Yeah. There was a SECOND AVALANCHE just now in five seconds.
~At that moment, Apartment 1 is covered by an avalanche~
Toby: Well shoot, let's go. I gotta harass Golem about not being cool.
~Meanwhile, at Apartment 1~
Flutter: We're trapped under mountains of snow! And it's Dry Snow, so it won't melt or something!
Big Al: This is all your fault.
Kuria: Two guys and two girls trapped in a room for hours on end, it's almost like a "Broken Elevator" episode.
Elzie: Not really, neither of us are pregnant.
~Just then Canadian Dude runs in~
Canadian Dude: Hey you kids, are you okay?
Elzie: Hey what are you doing here!?
Canadian Dude: I'm in the room opposite of here... and my wife is going into contractions! The baby is coming.
~the rest of them glare at Elzie~
Big Al: Thanks a LOT.
Elzie: ....
Author: Luiigii of the Pipes[edit]
Professor Luigi: All right, GORE. I've helped you enough. Now you help ME.
Professor GORE: WTF, man? We haven't even found my dad yet!
Professor Luigi: I need your help with something. We need to find...
Professor GORE: Rebe?
Professor Luigi: No! My ex-wife!
Professor GORE: ~picks up a mop~ Found her. Now can we--
Professor Luigi: No, you idiot! I don't date mops! Someone started that twisted rumor long ago...
Professor GORE: Oh, uh... ~sweats~
Professor Luigi: What?
Professor GORE: Must... resist... urge to... flashback...
~Flashback to the nineties!~
~VGF High University: "We Definitely Won't Be a Tech College in Ten Years!"~
~Luigi and GORE sit in a computer lab, playing Oregon Trail.~
Luigi: Ha! I just hacked the game to make my character marry a mop!
GORE: Um... groovy? (Note to self: Luigi is hot for mops. Do NOT get stuck in a dead-end job with this loser.)
Luigi: Where do you get groovy from? (Note to self: GORE makes notes of my every action and will probably start rumors about me. Do NOT get stuck in a dead-end job with this loser.)
~Metal Mario, M.Koopa and Bomber Man walk in.~
Metal Mario: Well well well. If it isn't the Freshmen who tried to upstage me in Professor W.E.A.P.O.N.'s Mariology class today. Boys, make them wish they'll never play Super Mario Bros. again.
~M.Koopa and Bomber Man stuff Luigi and GORE into trash cans with "Mike Peters" and "Luigi64" written on them, then leave.~
Luigi: Man.
GORE: Let's make a pact. To never give up our dreams of one day teaching Mariology (in separate schools).
Luigi: Right.
~End flashback... FOR NOW~
Professor Luigi: I can't believe you! All these years you've been saying that!
Professor GORE: You said it too!
Professor Luigi: I WAS DRUNK!
Professor GORE: That's great let's find my dad. We have one warehouse left to check! ~runs quickly toward it~
Professor Luigi: ~sighs and follows~
Author: GORE-ILLA[edit]
*After Professors GORE and Luigi have entered the warehouse, Straw Man and Lynel appear and bolt the door shut. They then toss Molotov cocktails into the windows of the warehouse and run off.*
Straw Man: (into walkie-talkie) The deed has been done.
GORE-ILLA Sr.: (on other side) Excellent.
*We See GORE-ILLA Sr. sitting on a city that is floating above Sunny Mexico.*
GORE-ILLA Sr.: Here at the dawn of civilization, my plan is coming to fruition! My son, the only loose end in that job so many years ago, will soon be no more! And so will everyone he's probably told about me! Nothing can stop me now YEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHHH!
*In the warehouse...*
Professor Luigi: Oh crap oh crap, this place is on fire!
Professor GORE: Quick, use your ability to talk to animals!
Professor Luigi: I only talk to Goombas!
Professor GORE: Really? I could have sworn you summoned a killer whale one time.
Professor Luigi: Whatever!
*Professor Luigi sings a Goomba battle hymn. This summons a giant warthog, which Luigi and GORE ride through the fragile wooden fences to freedom.*
*Elsewhere, in the detention room. Kester has the other students spinning a giant wheel.*
Kester: That's it! Build me my legion of spinneret-mounted laser cannons! The day of the spiders has come!
*The weight of the giant wheel causes the floor to break, and Kester, Golem, Aaron and whoever else tumble down several flights.*
Author: Luiigii of the Pipes[edit]
Professor Vorpal: ~sees the avalanche~ OH MY GOD! KURIA! ~starts digging into the snow~ KURIA!
Toby: Hey Professor. Why so interested in Kuria?
Professor Vorpal: Oh, er... AND OTHER STUDENTS! Waitaminute! It's you, truant boy! Waitaminute! KURIA!
Lupus: Oy, Professor. You know Apartment 2 is conjoined to Apartment 1, yes?
Professor Vorpal: You're right! ~runs into Apartment 2~
Pee Wee Hellman: Hello.
Professor Vorpal: Oh, Pee Wee. As much as I hate you for stealing my job, you need to help me get into Apartment 1 from here.
Pee Wee Hellman: Huh huh... ~rushes Vorpal and punches him so hard that he flies into the hallway and breaks the wall~ HUH!
Fred: Ouch. BISCUITS OF MY FURRY FURY!
Vorpal: ~rises from the rubble~ Children, run!
Toby: Hey, whoa Professor. Lupus and I aren't even enrolled at GHU and Fred is rich. You can't tell us what to do OR call us children. Totally uncool, ya dig?
~Hellman flies out into the hall and swings at Vorpal; Vorpal ducks back into the rubble to dodge, then reaches out and grabs Hellman's feet, tripping him. He pins Hellman's feet with some of the rubble, then jumps out and lands on his chest, bends down, and punches him repeatedly.~
Professor Vorpal: WE. SHOULD. HAVE. TAKEN. MY. ICECREAMTRUCK!
~Hellman's legs burst free of the rubble and kick Vorpal back into Apartment 2. Hellman lunges after, grabs Vorpal, and throws him out the window (and into the hotel pool, but no one else knows that).~
Toby: Holy-- He was almost cool enough to make me want to enroll in his classes!
Fred: And to think, if St. Ditto's hadn't stolen our ground-floor rooms, he would still be alive right now.
Pee Wee Hellman: ~turns to the students~ Huh huh...
~Hellman rushes at Toby, Fred, and Lupus as they scream like little girls, but GM and Tyler fall through the ceiling and onto him, crushing him flat.~
GM: How'd we get up there?
Tyler: You're all in grave danger!
Toby: YES WE GOT THAT MORONS!
Author: SOAP[edit]
*Hellman, rises from underneath the rubble, hurling GM and Tyler across the room.*
Hellman: Huh huh! *rushes towrads GM and Luigi*
GM: Hold on to that thought for a second.
*Peew Wee Hellman stops dead in his tracks, totally confused.*
GM: Just why did we dress Marin like a nun again?
Tyler: We were being a bunch of sex-crazed jocks so the I guess the obvious solution was to pull a complete 160 and pretend that we have no manparts whatsoever. Oh those raging hormones, hot one moment, cold the next. Such is the life of the typical high school/college male.
GM: Ah. Well you have my permission to punch me in the face the next time I do something gay like that.
Tyler: Will do.
Hellman: Huh huh!!
GM: Alrigh! Alright! Geez for a villian you sure are impatient. Tyler, let's go kick his ass so the other guys will stop treating us like we're only the supportive cast.
Tyler: Alright.
*But when they turned theirc attention back to Hellman, Marin was already pounding the heck out of him with her trademark Mallet. Hellman starts cowering away from her and get cornered next to a window overlooking the pool. Marin whacks him him one more time, sending him crashing through the window into the water below.*
GM: Crap!
Author: Vorpal[edit]
Prof. Vorpal: *deep breath as he surfaces in the pool* Man, I sure was underwater for long time.
Pee Wee Hellman: *falling* Huh huh! *lands ontop of Prof. Vorpal sending them both down into the pool*
~~Apartment 2~~
MJ: *running in* Hey guys! I came to warn you that--
Everyone: WE KNOW ALREADY!
MJ: Geeze... I hold up a few seconds to stare at Professor Vorpal in the pool and I miss everything...
Marin: Wha-- .. but he's so OLD!
Kuria: *coming into Apartment 2 from Apartment 1* He's not that old.
*Everyone looks at Kuria oddly*
Kuria: Er... that is to say... comparitively.... to.... Headmaster Mune.
MJ: Ew.. yeah... how anyone could be attracted to him, I just will never understand.
~~El Fañcio Restaurant~~
*Headmaster Mune and Rebe are sitting in the lobby waiting area waiting for a table or booth to open up.*
Headmaster Mune: *thinking* Man, I sure hope something opens up. I'm losing Rebe.... she's getting bored...
*couple walk out of restaurant*
Headmaster Mune: *stands up and pumps fist* SCORE!
Waiter: *looks at guest list* ... Mmmm Ditto, party of three.
Headmaster Mune: WHAT!?!
Dean Ditto: *walks by with attractive girls on each arm* I got reservations ahead of time! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Headmaster Mune: *slumps back down* RRRrrrr...
~~A couple floors beneath Apartment 3~~
Kester: *wakes up from a daze to find his hands and feet are tied* Wh-what's happening!?
Vivid: *holding bat menacingly* We've all reached an agreement...
Golem: *also holding a bat* Yeah, we think there's some sort of conspiracy going on...
AaronGuy: *holding board with a nail in it* ...that involves authority figures.
Kester: What is this!? DISSENSION!? I will not have it!
Yami: *holding a bunch of flowers* Yeah, guys, I have to object! We shouldn't be rash...
Kester: SHUT UP YOU HIPPIE DO-GOODER!
Yami: *picks up bazooka from nowhere* Let's do this.
Author: Masamune[edit]
~Up above, Tyler and GM watch the battle rage on~
Tyler: Have you noticed these philosophical discussions we've been having lately? I wonder if our new role is to simple make observations about our behavior in a very detached way?
GM: That would very well be true. Since the Hooded Figure was revealed to be Marin, our antics at being completely ineffectual have been altered. Now we are effective, albeit in a completely detached and emotionless way.
Tyler: You're quite right. For instance, I notice Vorpal received some various serious injuries. Although I have a cell phone, I felt at no time that it was necessary to call the police.
GM: Not that, of course, the police would do anything.
Tyler: Quite right, of course. However, I feel that this is a crossroads for us. Do we bore the other students with our long and uncharacteristic dialogues about our recent uncharacteristic behavior or do we return to becoming yet another duo of comic relief?
GM: I feel that we are better served as comic relief in this context, though I feel we should establish some basic characteristics for the both of us.
Tyler: Quite right. I belief I should be assertive and abusive, while you are subversive and manipulative. I however, will be completely unaware that in all my frustration and rage, you are simply using me to your own goals.
GM: I find this to be an equitable decision. Now then, I believe it is imperative for us, in the context of our roles as the eternal messengers, that we warn Headmaster Mune about the battle ensuing here.
Tyler: Right. I mean - Of course we should, you idiot! Hurry up, we've gotta warn the Headmaster!
GM: Yes. Warn.
~the two flee~
Marin: *wakes up* Huh, are they done?
MJ: Yeah. And while they were being boring, I dug out everyone else.
Marin: Man, this post is boring.
Flutter: I'll say. All this booze is frozen!
~Meanwhiles, at the pool~
Vorpal: (Man. Being underwater sucks. But I guess it's not that boring, since Hellman is holding me under. I wonder how long I can hold my breath? This reminds me of the time I locked Kuria in a washer and nearly drowned her. Those were good times. Man. I think I'm running out of oxygen. I sure hope the students are doing something to save me. It sure would suck if there had been some big longer conversation that distracted them from saving me. Whoa, hey it's a bright light. I wonder how that got there. Wow, if I walk towards it, the light gets brighter. I think I'll just keep walking. Walking, walking, walking to the bright light~. Wow, that bright light sure is far away. I wonder where Hellman went? Oh yeah, he's still choking me. But if he's doing that, how can I see this light? That's really an odd question to be thinking right now. I wonder if I'm dying right now? It sure would suck to die in a Mexican Swimming Pool. I wonder how many minutes I've been underwater now?)
~Suddenly Vorpal is pulled out of the water~
Vorpal: Gasp! What happened!?
Lupus: I beat up Hellman.
Vorpal: You!? What!? Why!?
Lupus: That text wall you were working on there, gawd. Don't you people ever shut up?
Vorpal: (I've been saved by Lupus, but in doing so, did he save a piece of his own humanity?)
~Meanwhile, Luigi and GORE are riding on a warthog~
Professor GORE: If my dad isn't in a warehouse, there's only one place he would go- A FLYING CITY!
Professor Luigi: Who would make a flying city or palace or continent or whatever that wasn't Vorpal or Mune?
Professor GORE: Good question. But it's my dad like I just said, so shut up and start listening.
Professor Luigi: Oh right. So how do we get to a floating city?
Professor GORE: Easy. We jump in the air, find a path of enemies leading to the city, and use our homing attacks to reach the floating city.
Professor Luigi: We don't have homing attacks.
Professor GORE: Well then, do you have any cash for helicopter rides?
Author: Ditto McCloaker[edit]
~Meanwhile, back with Mune and Rebe inside the El Blanca Casa Ristorante y Casino Illegal~
Rebe: What's the matter, sweets? You've been sizzling all evening.
Mune: *shooting glances over at Dean Ditto and his entourage of women and thug students* nothing, nothing.
Manuel the Dealer: Senor, it is your roll. Please to be rolling the dice, porque?
Mune: *snaps to attention* AH! Right, yes. And who are you calling porky? Grr... *rolls dice across craps table*
Manuel: Twelve senor, you are de weener.
Mune: Ha, look at that. Okay, six. *rolls dice*
Manuel: Seex, senor. You ween again.
Rebe: Way to go, toots!
Dean Ditto: *watches*
Mune: LET 'ER RIDE!
Manuel: You ween again, senor.
Mune: Woot! Soon I'll have enough money to get us the good rooms!
Ditto: *walking into midst of room waving arms* ATTENCION! ATTENCION! CLEAR THIS PLACE IMMEDIATELY! CLEAR THIS ROOM! THE POLICE HAVE BEEN CALLED! EVERYBODY CLEAR OUT!
Mune: *storms up to him* WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, McCLOAKER?!
Ditto: *turns to him* I am shocked, SHOCKED that there is GAMBLING going on in this establishment! I am ordering it closed down immediately!
Dealer: Senor, here ees your weenings. *hands Ditto a huge wad of cash*
Ditto: Thank you. *pockets his winnings and clears out as the police pull up*
Mune: CURSE YOU DEAN DITTOOOOOOO!
Author: GM[edit]
(Headmaster Mune began to fill with rage. More rage than he ever had before. Yes, that's possible.)
Headmaster Mune: That's it! He can run a better school than mine, constantly reserve everything I want before I could, and be an all-around jerk to me! I could just take it out on one of my students! But when he steals my money, it's time for street justice!
Rebe: Wait, you're not going to-
Headmaster Mune: Yes I am!
(He chases after Ditto and soon catches up with him as he was bragging to his women about the time he put a magnetic field around Mune during his senior prom.)
Headmaster Mune: Hey, Ditto!
Ditto: Oh, what is it now, Mu-
(Ditto turned around, only to be met with a right hook to the jaw that floored him immedietly.)
Headmaster Mune: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU ****ING STUPID BASTARD!
Rebe: Oh my.
Cop: You! In the tweed jacket! Freeze!
Headmaster Mune: Huh?
(Two Sunny Mexico cops rush him and pin him to the ground on his belly.)
Headmaster Mune: Get off me, you pigs! Don't you know who I am!? I'm Headmaster Mune! THEE Headmaster Mune! I'll have you put in detention!
Rebe: You can't put the cops in detention unless they attend your school.
Headmaster Mune: Well now that you've told them I can't!
Cop: Sir, you're under arrest for gambling and assault.
(As the cops lead Headmaster Mune out of the building, Ditto stands back up.)
Ditto: About time I could put my World Playing Possum Champion skills to use. Well, chicas, let's vaminos!
(Ditto and his women walk away laughing.)
Headmaster Mune: PAAAARRRRRTTTTYYYYY GOOOOOEEEEEEERRRSSS!!!
__________
(Outside, GM and Tyler arrive only to see their headmaster in cuffs.)
GM: Wow, you were right! He is here! AND he's being arrested.
Tyler: Yep. I know how to call 'em! Hey Headmaster Mune!
Headmaster Mune: Oh what now!?
GM: The students and professors are being attacked by an evil Peewee Herman!
Tyler: Maybe, you know, you could do something. Or give us advice.
Headmaster Mune: I see. Okay, here's what you do. Go back, tell everyone to soundly defeat him, then raise enough pesos for my bail fee! I'm counting on you two. Whoever you are. Who are you again? Are you students? Why have I never seen you before?
Cop: Alright, into the car.
(They stuff him into a SMPD car and drive away.)
GM: Well that was a waste of time.
Tyler: Well, let's go back. They've probably defeated Hellman by now.
GM: This was suppose to be our time to shine and be the heroes. But instead all we did was change personalities at the whim of whoever was writing.
???: Hold it right there!
(They turn around, only to be confronted by... Hooded Figure?)
GM: Marin, not now!
Hooded Figure: There's no escaping me this time! I've been searching the woods for you for hours, only to find you again now that I've wandered out, and why did you call me Marin?
Tyler: Because you're Marin! You were wearing that very outfit, then you revealed your face to us.
Hooded Figure: Hmm... I did hear that someone was stealing my fashion style. I'll have to have some words with this "Marin" later.
Tyler: So, wait, you and Marin are actually two different people.
GM: And the status quo returns to normal. Well, let's go! Someone's gotta tell the others to post bail for Headmaster Mune.
(They flee.)
Hooded Figure: Hey! Don't leave me behind again!
(Hooded Figure chases after them. Meanwhile, Rebe was standing on the sidewalk. Alone.)
Rebe: Well, now what?
Ditto: *slides in* You know, there's plenty more of me to go around.
Rebe: Slide right back out of here, slimeball.
__________
Pee Wee Hellman: Huh huh! Huh huh! HUH HUH! HUH HUH!
(Pee Wee Hellman slowly gets back on his feet. He snaps his neck back into place and sneers at his opponents.)
Lupus: Oh come on! Just stay dead! You have no fighting skills whatsoever!
Pee Wee Hellman: Oh? Do you really think so? Then let me even the odds. After all, there are STRENGTH IN NUMBERS!!!
(With the power of all that is unholy, he summons some friends of his, who appear in a puff of black smoke, which causes everyone to cough for about ten minutes. There was really too much smoke.)
Pee Wee Hellman: *cough* Okay, sorry, I *cough* overdid it. Ahem. Let me introduce my three partners. First, Cowboy Killtus!
Cowboy Killtus: Whoooooowee! I'm gonna gut y'all an' roast your innards under an open fire!
Pee Wee Hellman: Miss Evilon, the ugliest women in all of Bizarro Puppet Land!
Miss Evilon: I-
Pee Wee Hellman: Quiet, you! And last but not least, Floory!
Professor Vorpal: Shouldn't that be "Gorey" or another lame pun like that?
Pee Wee Hellman: No, that's the original Floory.
MJ: Of course! He was always the most evil character!
Professor Vorpal: Wait a minute... Where is Floory?
(Suddenly a gap, which was actually Floory's mouth, opened up from under Vorpal and swallowed him whole.)
Floory: Mmmmmmm. Thaaaat'sss gooood soooouuulll Peeeee Weeee.
Fred/Toby/MJ/Marin/Whoever else is there: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Kuria: VOOOOOOORRRRRPAAAAAAAAALLLL!!!
Lupus: ...Wait, what just happened. I stopped paying attention when I was coughing my lungs out.
(The evil Pee Wee people laughed maniacally until a very pissed off Kuria stepped up.)
Kuria: You evil, aggravating, secret-lover-killing bastards! How dare you! I shall avenge Vorpal! Err, Professor Vorpal! Oh screw it, this is not the time!
(Kuria then pulled out her secret weapons that she kept hidden up until now; a rocket launcher that shot swords and a sword that shot rocket launchers than then shot rockets.)
Kuria: Let's dance!
...
Kuria: You guys can help me out at any time.
Lupus: Nah, we're cool.
Author: Luiigii of the Pipes[edit]
Professor Luigi: You fool. There are no helicopters in Mexico.
Professor GORE: Plan B! ~uppercuts Luigi into the stratosphere--or at least through the bottom of the flying city that BLOTS OUT THE SUN~ You'd think we would have noticed that sooner...
Professor Luigi: ~crashes through six layers of sedimentary rock and halfway through a road in the city~ OWWWW! ~is run over by a car~ OWWWW! ~is trampled by an elephant parade~ OWWWW! ~is something or other~ OWWWW!
Professor GORE: You whiner. ~pulls Luigi out of the ground~
Professor Luigi: HOW did you get up here?
Professor GORE: Helicopter. Now, clearly my dad is living in the biggest building on this crazy city where dreams never die. That one. ~points up to a floating palace above the floating city, then uppercuts Luigi to it~ ALLEY-OOP!
***
AaronGuy: That's good, boys. Let's head to the pool for some R&R.
~AaronGuy, Gamechamp (Kester: Ettu, Gamechamp?), and Yami walk away from the bloodied Kester. Golem and Sapphire beat him until they themselves are faint. As Golem backs away, Sapphire stumbles into him, then looks up and smiles. They stagger out together, then Vivid detaches herself from the wall.~
Vivid: Oh, Kester... ~lifts him up~ What have I started? I just wanted to play baseball with the others, and now...
Kester: Now I know how ol' Spooky Mulder feels...
Vivid: ~kisses Kester's cheek, restoring 100 HP~
Kester: Whoa whoa, dude!
Vivid: I guess it's safe to tell you. Nobody believed what you said BEFORE, let alone after this. Kester, I'm not a guy.
Kester: Alien! I knew it!
Vivid: No, I'm a girl.
Kester: Oh. I KNEW IT! My cunning plan to reveal your true gender by pretending to try to reveal your species has succeeded!
Vivid: I still hit like a guy. ~punches Kester and accidentally knocks him out~ Oh dear.
~Vivid throws Kester over her shoulders and carries him back upstairs.~
~Meanwhile, Golem and Sapphire stumble into the hotel lobby and sit down on a couch.~
Golem: Heh... good job back there. You really showed that Kester.
Sapphire: You didn't do so bad yourself, for a scrawny, pencilnecked nerd.
Golem: You know... I always...
~AVERT YOUR EYES YOUNG CHILDREN! Sapphire jumps on Golem and starts making out with him. Elzie watches through a hole in the floor of Apartment 1.~
Elzie: Hmph.
Big Al: NURSE! Ah god... Breathe, breathe... NURSE!
Elzie: Do you MIND?! I'm spying on my boyfriend and my best friend here!
Big Al: I'M DELIVERING A FREAKING BABY!
Elzie: Stop being selfish.
~Anyway, SteveT finally bursts into the lobby.~
SteveT: Sapphire, babe! I ran across two countries so that we could be united in a completely infatuated by not actual loving relation-- ~sees Sapphire and Golem~ ship? ~picks up Golem by the neck~
Golem: Eep!
Author: SOAP[edit]
*For once GM and Toby actually make it to the others.*
GM: Guys! We came to tell you--
Kuria/MJ: *holding each other sobbing* Professor Vorpal is DEAD!
GM: No, not that.
MJ: The Colts beat the Bears?
Fred: Britney Spears shaved her head?
Lupus: You thought of something witty for me to say for once?
Marin: You're finally going to announce your undying love to me?
GM: Ew! No.
Marin: (Evil face)
Kuria: Is anyone gonna help avenge Professor Vorpal or not?
Tyler: Headmaster Mune's been--*gets snagged by the Pee Wee people and dragged into Floory's mouth*
Marin: Ah well, at least they didn't get my boyfriend, GM.
GM: Wait, what? I never agreed to that!
Marin: You don't have to agree to it. You're my boyfriend now and there's nothing you can do about it.
GM: Tyler! Wait for me! *jumps into Floory's mouth.*
Marin: Dangit! I'll never lose my virginity before graduation.
MJ: Great now we'll never know what important news they had to tell us--Wait a minute! You're a virgin? Not even the nun git-up makes that the least bit believable.
Marin: ..........
*Just then, the Hooded Figure Arrives.*
Marin: Thief! You stole my Hoodie!
Hooded Figure: What? I bought this thing in Abercrombie & Fitch! You're the one who stole it from me!
Marin: And I stole it fair and square! No steal backs, hoe!
*Marin rips the the hooded sweater off the Hooded Figure, only to reveal another hooded sweater underneath.*
Marin: What the hey!?
Hooded Figure: I dressed in layers.
Marin: It's 90 degrees outside!
Hooded: Did anyone see where GM and Tyler went?
*Fred points at the large ravenous mouth gaping through the rather large hole in the floor.*
Hooded Figure: Ah thanks. *jumps in*
Marin: Psh! What an idiot. I'd never do that for a boy.
Kuria: Everyone! Quit making Vorpal's death less significant.
MJ: Wait! This this gives me an idea!
*MJ goes into the kitchen and starts stuffing himself with bean burritoes. Then he leaps into Floory's mouth.*
Kuria: You guys are so inconsiderate!
Fred: Wait a minute, what's that smell?
Lupus: *scoots over* Whoever smelt it, delt it.
*Just then, there came a loud rumbling beneath the building. Then, without warning, a huge geyser of stomach fuid and other gross substances poured out Floory's mouth and spilled all over them. Once the liquids receded back into the hole where Floory once was, there was MJ and the others devoured by the creature lying there, unharmed but sickly pale. Except MJ who had a the cheesiest grin ever.*
GM: Couldn't you have saved us without farting in the main villain's stomach?
MJ: (grin) It was all for my beloved Vorpal! *hugs Vorpal*
Vorpal: Uh, thanks?
Kuria: *growls*
Author: Luiigii of the Pipes[edit]
~AaronGuy, Gamechamp, and Yami walk out to the pool, joining Flutter on the way. There they see everyone else (that being Professor Vorpal, Kuria, Lupus, Fred, GM, Tyler, Hooded Figure, MJ, Marin, and Toby) half-engulfed by Floory. Cowboy Killtus points his pistols at them, while Pee Wee Hellman has Kuria's rocket launcher that shoots swords and Miss Evilon has the sword that shoots rocket launchers that shoots rockets.~
AaronGuy: Aaaaand we turn around and go back.
Gamechamp: Stopping! Bite-sized sushi? No? Anywake, I am having solution! But you must be gettink dem out!
Yami: And how would you propose such a rescue?
Gamechamp: I am only be solving after the rescue, dankoo.
AaronGuy: Well... we COULD go get my car, since it has been magically repaired since we last saw it...
***
Pee Wee Hellman: And now to end your lives, as per our agreement with Master GORE-ILLA.
Professor Vorpal: GORE?! No! How could he?!
Pee Wee Hellman: You can ask him that... IN HELL! Wha huh huh huh huh! And those were your last wo--
~Dixie plays as AaronGuy's car drives past, running over Hellman, Killtus, and Evilon. Flutter and Yami jump out and set up a teepee over Floory, who becomes terrified of his tragic past and spits up the students. Flutter and Yami grab them and throw them into the car, then jump back in as it drives away.~
Hellman: ~stands up~ To the bus!
~Hellman's crew climb into the bus and give chase. Various scenes are removed and replaced by clips from the Dukes of Hazzard. The bus starts to ram the car.~
AaronGuy: Why aren't you doing anything?!
Gamechamp: Dey too close.
AaronGuy: I figured that out!
~AaronGuy turns the wheel sharply and drives into a dense jungle... in Mexico. He tilts left and right, flawlessly weaving between the white rocks and cacti. A carnotaur crashes through a rock formation and tries to bite them, but misses. It doesn't miss Pee Wee's bus.~
AaronGuy: Okay now!
~Gamechamp pulls out a remote and presses a button. A laser flies down from space and vaporizes the bus and dinosaur. Cheering ensues as AaronGuy turns the car around to head back. As they pass the charred spot from the laser, Pee Wee Hellman rises from the ground and jumps onto the back of the car. He grabs Kuria before anyone has noticed.~
Pee Wee Hellman: STOP THE CAR!
~AaronGuy hits the breaks and sends him and Kuria flying, but he lands gracefully on the hood of the car.~
Pee Wee Hellman: Nobody moves, or I'll practice all those handy skills I picked up from Hannibal Lecter movies!
Lupus: He's not lying! There's some crazy #@!? in those movies!
Professor Vorpal: Language!
Kuria: Vorpaaaaaaal!
Professor Vorpal: I have the situation in hand!
~Vorpal grabs Flutter's flask and throws it on Hellman.~
Flutter: NOT THE GOOD STUFF!
Pee Wee Hellman: Argh! Holy water! Or maybe just plain water! It hurts all the same even though I was standing in a pool not but thirty minutes ago! Because it is pure, bottled water! Argh! I'm melting.... MELTING!
~Hellman melts onto AaronGuy's windshield, who wipes him off. Flutter grabs a log out of logspace and smashes it down on the puddle, plowing Hellman's remains deep into the earth.~
Flutter: NOBODY WASTES MY BOOZE!
Professor Vorpal: Well, now that that's settled. AaronGuy! Take us back to the motel so that we can KILL PROFESSOR GORE!
GM: Hey wait. Headmaster Mune was totally--
Professor Vorpal: NO TIME! DRIVE!
Author: SOAP[edit]
~Somewhere in Mexico, I don't know where~
Jorge: Je je je... Christian Bale is so-- *wakes up* Huh!? Where am I?
*Jorge looks around and discovers he's at the bottom of a deep hole in someone's basement.*
Jorge: Why does this seem familiar?
*Just then a basket tied to a rope lowers down to Jorge, carrying a hot Mexican meal. Jorge looks up to see some ugly Mexican Dude in a dress brushing his hair.*
Jorge: I'm sooo uncomfortable right now...
Mexican Dude: It puts the salsa on the taco or it burns it's tongue again.
Jorge: But I hate spicy food!
Mexican Dude: IT PUTS THE SALSA ON THE TACO OR IT BURNS IT'S TONGUE AGAIN!
Jorge: But that doesn't make any sense! Wouldn't putting the salsa on the taco make my tongue burn in the first place. If I wanted to avoid burning my tongue wouldn't it make more sense to--
Mexican Dude: PUT THE SALSA ON THE TACO! PUT THE SALSA ON THE TACO!
Jorge: Alright, alright! You don't have to bite my face off you freak.
Author: Golem[edit]
~Back in the hotel...~
SteveT: So check this out!
~SteveT throws Golem upward. He flies through the ceiling and through the bottom of a certain flying island.~
Sapphire: Y--
~Vorpal busts in, with everyone else behind him.~
Vorpal: WHERE IS PORFOSSER GORE!
Sapphire: Professor Vorpal, SteveT just threw Golem through the ~looks up and notices the floating island about 7 feet above the roof~ ...roof?
Vorpal: ~looking up as well, notices the Luigi shaped hole~ Luigi and GORE are comedic foils to one another... if I find Luigi, I find GORE!! Propel me onto that weird thing above the roof, now!
Lupus: How?
Vorpal: I dunno! YOU'RE the students! YOU'RE supposed to be working for ME!
~In the meantime, Gamechamp has walked over to Kester as Kester came to.~
Gamechamp: ~whispering~ You seem to know of our plan, ves? The invasion, ves?
Kester: ~whispering~ Yeah, turns out Vivid is just a girl!
Gamechamp: Ohhh, I see. Come vith me, bonjour!
Kester: I can only assume this is something good!
~Gamechamp and Kester sneak out. Vivid, suspicious, follows.
In some control room hidden away on the floating island...~
Computer guy 1: Sir, we're still losing altitude, but we've found the reason for it! There's a human-shaped hole in our hull! And there's a helicopter illegally parked?
Computer guy 2: Who are you yelling to?!
~Below, Kester and Gamechamp wander into the jungle.~
Kester: So you tricked the aliens into invading?!
~Gamechamp pulls out a remote control and a laser comes down from the sky, turning Kester into ashes. Dead ashes. Vivid watches in shock and awe.~
Vivid: . . .
Gamechamp: Mission comprete!
Vivid: ~stands up, runs back towards the hotel~
Gamechamp: Stop! If joo tell de others my secret... I will tell dem dat joo are... a kirl!!
Vivid: ~stops~ ...Say what?
Gamechamp: A kirl!!!
Vivid: You mean... a girl?
Gamechamp: JAH!
Author: SOAP[edit]
MJ: I know how to get you up.
Vorpal: Pardon me?
MJ: Er, I mean up there. Not up as in... Nevermind!
*MJ grabs Marin's mallet and hits Vorpal it the hindquarters, catapulting him through the roof amd creating a Vorpal-shaped hole next to Luigi's.*
Marin: Um, you know you're gonna get an F for that.
MJ: Well it was worth getting a chance to smack his beautiful--WHAT!? Why's everyone staying at me?
Kuria: I don't even want to know... (Sweatdrop)
Marin: Well while MJ was being dumb, I spotted an airplane parked outside. Maybe we should take that to the floating island and hope MJ didn't kill your precious professor.
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