Party Goers Book Chapter 7
Chapter One by GORE-ILLA: Circus of the Apes[edit]
| Chapters in the Party Goers Book Project |
| Prologue - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - |
“Welcome aboard the S.S. Swordefeller, Mister Golem!” announced Marsharoon as he posed dramatically on the ship’s bow. He lost his balance and fell off overboard. Doodle swooped down to catch him in time, although he didn’t seem to be in much of a rush.
Golem had given up trying to convince Marsharoon to drop him off or even understand what exactly was happening. But eventually Golem had to ask a question. “So what’s with all the penguins? They seem a little out o’ place on an ancient galleon.”
Marsharoon seemed insulted by the very suggestion, “Why they be my crew! How can ye expect anyone to a run a pirate ship without penguins???”
“Alright, I’m sorry. I guess I never have been on a pirate ship before, and… hey! Is that an emu?”
“Aye, he be me helmsman, and a darn good one at that!”
“But the ship’s on autopilot…”
“That’ll be enough from you for now, landblubber.” Marsha turned to Doodle.
“Doodle, are ye sure he be as good a pirate as you… ye… suggested?”
“Of course Captain, I’m sure he is merely experiencing opening night jitters.”
In the meanwhile, Steve had gotten bored and so looked down on the rest of Las Vegas until something caught his eye. He doesn’t actually have any visible eyes, but you know what I mean. “Cap’n Marsha, I think you should check this out…”
“Party Goers! Party Goers! If you can hear me, speak up already…” Vorpal said as he rushed through the streets outside the casino after being kicked out again, but he had learned that most of the Party Goers were seen leaving in the meantime.
“Hey, it’s that supervillain guy from before!” said Flutter as he pointed to Vorpal, and Big Al smacked himself in the head.
“There you are! Party Goers! Your death shall come on swift wings- wait, where are the rest of you?”
“Golem and our party funds are in that pirate ship floating above our heads, and the rest of us are either lost, kidnapped, or looking for the above.”
“Thanks for the exposition! In return, I will spare your life while I go for the bigger fish!”
Vorpal looked up and did some quick thinking. He needed to get very high, very fast. He ran past the casino and museum to a mall standing next to it. This particular mall, creatively dubbed the Very Tall Mall, was renowned for its sheer vertical size.
Seconds after entering the mall, Vorpal was seen flying through the window of the mall's hundredth fall, over the head of the surprised Steve, and neatly onto the deck.
"It's the evil weather wizard from before!" Golem stated, only to be ignored.
“Impressive, matey,” Marsharoon stated with his head covering his eyes in what he hoped was a cool fashion. “You’ve got fast legs and a great leap.”
“Actually I took the conveniently empty elevator and fired myself out of a cannon to get here, but hey.”
“Ye looking to join me crew?”
“No. I’m here for the boy. …And a cool-looking pirate hat.”
Marsharoon clutched his hat defensively, “Ne’er, ye scoundrel! We shall do battle! Flee now if ye do not wish to be skewered on my legendary blade!”
“Oh yeah?” said Vorpal as he slowly unsheathed his own awesome sword. “Mine’s legendaryer.”
Marsha gulped, but he maintained his composure. Plan A: Bluff. “Ah, so ye be a swordsman as well, matey. But ye wouldn’t be so confident if ye know that me cutlass here was made by Masamune himself.”
“Impossible.”
“Why… ye… urgh...” Plan B: Stall “You look like ye’ve led an interesting life. Wish ye to swap backstories?”
That only served to enrage Vorpal further. “All you should know is that I’ve got a better sword…” Suddenly the sword was surrounded by flames, “And a burning rage to match it.” Wow, those cool supervillain speech lessons are paying off!
“Ah… so ye be the angsty type.” Vorpal was having none of it, and he immediately marched towards Marsharoon as if ready to tear his heart out. “Um… attack!” At this command, all the penguins on board immediately tackled Vorpal to the ground and pecked furiously at him. Marsharoon quickly took control of the situation. “Doodle!”
“Yes, sire?”
“I need you-YE to lower it and then help Emu Joe land the ship safely. I want nary a scratch on my prized Swordefeller!” Doodle mock-saluted and offered a quippy comeback that I can't recall before he darted into the lower hold.
“Golem, Steve, there be only one way out of this mutinous assault, and it be by following me. Yarr.” With that, Marsharoon dove over the port side of the ship.
SteveT casually walked over to the side and nodded, but Golem seemed to have a panic attack. “MARSHAROON!!!” Golem ran over in hopes that Marsharoon hadn’t become sidewalk splatter, only to see Marsharoon hanging from the anchor attached to the side of the ship. Steve then followed suite and latched onto the chain above Marsharoon. Golem finally summoned the courage to leap down and hung from the anchor chain while struggling not to look down.
“Now, Doodle! Lower the anchor slowly… yarr!”
Golem tried to block out the sounds of the fierce battle ensuing above him as the anchor made its way to the ground. He didn’t open his eyes until the anchor came to a sudden stop. But looking down, he saw that there was still at least fifteen feet separating them from the ground.
“This could be the end of the plank, mateys! Surely such a fall would break a majority of we bones, unless ye have any better ideas."
SteveT spoke up first, “Well I don’t have any bones to speak of. I could take the fall and then catch you two.”
“Excellent idea!” said Golem. “So I guess you were kidding about those death threats after all!”
“Of course I wasn’t, I’m lying about catching you. Man you’re gullible.” With that, Steve let go of the anchor and dropped to the ground.
Then it came to Golem. “My scarf! We can use it to cushion the fall!” Golem unfurled his eight-foot long brown scarf, rolled it up comfortably, and dropped it down to the ground below them.
“Yarr, great idea Mister Golem! Ye now be promoted to second mate! (Ye get good dental)”
Golem and Marsharoon jumped down one after the other and quickly caught up to Steve as they passed the Really Tall Mall to the giant circus tent next to it.
“Avast! We’ll pull up anchor in here until the walking shipwreck passes by!”
Marsharoon led his two mates into the giant circus tent. However, it was dark and deserted- and in the dark, it was hard for any of them to notice that Golem had been yanked into the shadow by gloved hands until it was too late…
The bound and gagged Sapphire was tossed into the back of the car and buckled in the middle seat. Now she was surrounded by the hyperactive midget on one side and the bearded man who seemed to have stepped out of the Middle Ages on the other. Oh great…
Mr. Predict turned to face Sapphire from the front seat. "I apologize for bonding you like so and leaving you back there with the two buffoons, but I predict that this arrangement will allow for the least hazardous path to the airport. I know we won't be able to stop for pitstops along the way, but you better be good Fuzzball and Wrange Tirk."
"Sure!" said Fuzzball with his fingers crossed.
"Thy shalt behave as a saint!"
"Dude, can I drive?" asked 'Guana from the passenger seat.
"No. I'm sure you'll stop at every store along the way to look for your mindless anime DVDs."
"But the new Akira Sojo volume is out today…"
While this argument was going on, Sapphire was busily trying to struggle with her bonds. "Pssh!" Fuzzball chuckled. "Hey Wrange, this damsel in distress just doesn't know when to give up!" Wrange Tirk replied with a hearty chuckle.
Sapphire glared. Damsel in distress? That's it…
"He's not here. I'm sure he found a way out… Captain. Let's just move on."
"Nay, matey Steve! The number one law in Captain Marsharoon's code: no one gets left behind!"
"But you already abandoned the rest of your crew…"
"Yarr, quit that! Ho, I see a flaming something in the distance!"
"That would be the flaming sword of that serial killer guy."
As Vorpal approached, the circus was illuminated as the spotlights above came to life. A mob of circus performers was now visible, and not one of them looked normal- even by circus standards.
The ringmaster, who was more of a brain in a floating orb wearing a top hat, addressed them. "We're closed! Go away!"
"Ah, this is the Techno Circus, where circus tricks are performed by people who have undergone some sort of scientific surgery," Vorpal noted. "Sorry, but I'm not leaving until I find the shrimp with the brown scarf."
The ringmaster then ordered, "Wipe them out. All of them." And the circus troupe leapt into action.
"How did I get dragged into this?" asked Steve as he punched out a clown.
Vorpal, seeing Steve buried beneath clowns and Marsharoon caught in a spectacular midair battle with a family of chemically enhanced acrobats, decided to make a run for it. However a large gorilla blocked his path. Vorpal saw that some of his body had been replaced by mechanical parts- specifically the left half of his face, his right arm and left leg. They stared at each other for several moments until the gorilla finally decided to utter an unintelligible grunt and tackle Vorpal to the ground.
"Take this, stupid monkey!" Vorpal threatened as he flung his flaming sword at the gorilla, but the primate caught it with his mechanical hand. Yanking the blade out of Vorpal's hand, he flung it away while hiding the burn that the flames made to the metal hand. "You… just tossed the Vorpal Sword away as if it were a mere piece of trash… You bastard."
What followed seemed a blur to the monkey. In a fit of rage, Vorpal tackled the gorilla and began pummeling him wildly. Suddenly Vorpal froze as he wondered what he had just done. The whimpering gorilla pulled way tried to flee by activating the jet built into his mechanical left foot to fly through the air. But without a jet on his right foot to balance himself, the gorilla spun wildly around until he smashed into an elephant and passed out.
Vorpal was still frozen in the same position, haunted by memories of his past as he slowly walked across the tent and picked up his sword. By then Marsharoon and Steve had finished off the rest of the freaks, and now Steve was playing around by sticking the ringmaster's brain in his helmet.
"What ye be wanting from us, ye bearded cosplayer?"
"Oh, the usual heroes and villains working together for a common goal- point in case, saving Private Golem."
"Eh, works for me."
"Why am I hanging out with you guys?" Steve wondered. "I'm sure I'll find someone much more cruel at the bottom of this hidden elevator."
"Yarr, a fine show Mr. T! That secret path must surely lead to Mr. Golem's captives! Avast!" Marsharoon, Vorpal and SteveT entered the elevator and took it down to the bottom, emerging in a secret underground labbish kinda place. Once again they didn't notice something before the scene break, and this time they didn't notice the battle's sole survivor who know stalked them from the shadows…
Flutter and Big Al watched Vorpal enter the Really Tall Mall. After guessing his plan, they decided to follow. But Vorpal had taken the only empty elevator, and all of the escalators had broken down in a mysterious freak accident. So Flutter and Al decided to take the stairs until Flutter collapsed from exhaustion.
“I can’t… go on… leave me here…”
“We’re on the second floor.”
“Really? Seemed like a lot more.”
“This idea isn’t working out…”
“Ooh! I have an idea!”
A minute later, Flutter and Big Al were browsing a gift shop. Al was searching for a good comic, and he eventually picked the latest issue of Yamisaurus and the OG Seven. But there was something familiar about the cashier.
"Hey, you're that Arabian man from the museum are you not?"
"Yes," he confirmed, "I am Arab Dude."
"Wait, don't you also run your own party shop?"
"Of course. But I happen to switch jobs many times during the day to places that just happen to be a part of your quest. Life is funny, no?" Big Al nodded slowly as he paced away.
In the meantime a vendor confronted Flutter. “You there! How’d you like to have your very own plot device?”
“A plot device?” Flutter asked.
“Yes, a state-of-the-art plot device from the Deus ex Machina series! This fellow’s named PL-0TT!” The vendor held up a machine small enough to fit in the palm of your head with several buttons and an LCD screen. “You just pick the plot change you want and press the red button! Then your wildest dreams will come true!”
Flutter’s sudden enthusiasm faded as he guessed the catch. “How much is it?”
“Well it’s even more expensive than all the money in this city put together- and in Las Vegas, that’s a lot! However, I’m extremely drunk at the moment, so I suppose I could let it go for half a cent.”
Flutter immediately panicked and checked his pocket. He couldn't even find a bit of string. After asking Al, Flutter tore through the entire mall for loose change, checking very store. As he tore through a clothing store he noted, "Hmm, these white scarves would look much better on Golem than his brown one." Eventually, out of anger, he decided to blow up a vending machine with his flaming breath. After searching the rubble, Flutter found exactly one-half of a penny.
After making his purchase, Flutter browsed the list of plot changes with Big Al. “Now where’s the ‘big cash’ setting? Let’s see… ‘get the girl’? I’ll save that for later. ‘revive dead guys’? Maybe later. ‘save companions in mortal peril’? Pass. Ooh, ‘reunite with fellow teammates’! If I’m lucky it’ll take me near Golem, and then I can get money back!” Flutter pressed the button.
A silent pause followed until Big Al decided to break it. “Nothing’s happening.” Suddenly a trap door opened beneath the both of their feet and swallowed them into its deep shaft.
Golem's eyes slowly opened as he regained consciousness. The first thing he saw was a malicious grinning face looming over him like a crazed jackal. Golem gave a small shriek, and the man replied by breaking out into diabolical laughter. This kooky-looking fellow's eyes were hidden behind spectacles, but he was clearly insane and, according to his lab coat, a scientist as well. But arguably the most bizarre thing about this man's appearance was his hair. He seemed to have a whole lot of blonde hair which spiked out from his head in multiple directions, especially ways that didn't make sense.
"Wha-what are you?" asked Golem.
After a malicious giggle, the figure stated, "Why I am none other than the world's most brilliant mind with the world's handsomest face! My true name is so beautiful that no one must know it… so instead all shall call me the EVIL Scientist Dude!"
"Evil Scientist Dude?"
"No, no, no! EVIL! EVIL! EVIL Scientist Dude! You have to pronounce it with full caps!"
"I don't know what you're gettin' at…" Golem tried to move, only to discover that his hands and feet were all shackled to the table he rested on.
"Enough! Now I want you to behold my genius, as I show you my latest and greatest invention!" The EVIL Scientist Dude walked over to some complex-looking machine and opened the hatch. Smoke poured out as the EVIL Scientist Dude removed a tray of a certain substance. The EVIL Scientist Dude paused and then spontaneously broke out into a fit of evil laughter until he decided to continue. "This invention uses special waves called microwaves to heat up any time of food, even this frozen pizza! I call it a microwave oven!"
"Oh yeah, I have one o' those!"
"WHAT? Someone has stolen my ultimate invention??!! I curse the very man and hope that his babies are devoured by a daytime talk show host of some sort- ooh, or maybe some sort of disgruntled postal worker…" EVIL Scientist Dude ranted on and on for a while until he was interrupted by an alarm. The screen of a nearby computer activated to show camera feed of Vorpal, SteveT and Golem stepping out of the elevator into the lab. "Ah, intruders! But I see one of my loyal experiments will put a stop to that…"
"Wait, I know those guys! Why did you capture me, anyway?"
"I DON'T KNOW! Leave me alone already, punk! You think you're better then me? Do you? DO YOU???"
"What?"
"So you're asking me to reveal some plot exposition, eh? Well I'll be glad to! From this secret lab I run the casino, museum, mall and circus for Rocket Command. People think we're not active here, but the other subbosses and myself have secretly been taking over underground! You see, Rocket Command allows me to perform whatever experiments I want, unlike that crazy government, and constantly supplies me with money- and I can always get more money by showcasing my experiments in the Techno Circus! In return, I just have to make some crazy-ass technology for them and also send them surveillance tapes. Then no one can get in my tree…" EVIL Scientist Dude's speech then turned into more random blabbering with the occasional evil laugh. "Alright, this scene's about to end, so we need to end it with an evil laugh. Ready? Mwa… Mwa… MWAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA-"
EVIL Scientist Dude then stared at Golem. "Huh?"
"Join in! You need to join in on the evil laughter until the scene ends! From the top!" So EVIL Scientist Dude repeated his previous laugh.
When the time came, all Golem could add was a meek, "Teehee?"
The Rocket Command lackeys in the casino's submarine hanger were currently engaged in a four-player video game. Like all Rocket Command personnel, they wore glittery silver jumpsuits that looked like they came from some cheesy sci-fi movie. And they seemed so busy with their game, neither Lumei nor Elzie bothered to try and knock them out. They simply ran into the submarine and made their way to the controls.
"I'm not much a pilot..." Lumei admitted, and Elzie responded with a sigh.
"Then just let me take care of this."
Elzie quickly activated the machine. As she pressed several buttons, the hangar opened up to reveal the midday Las Vegas sky. The flying submarine than slowly lifted off of the ground and then glided outside. The Rocket Command members were still too preoccupied with their game to notice this, but one did comment on a sudden breeze.
"Wow...what a view," commented Lumei as he beheld the city in all its glory. Elzie simply nodded along.
"Now comes the hard part. Finding that lizard man's car will be like finding a needle in-"
"There he is!" Lumei said as he pointed down several hundred feet, where several figures were dashing into a green car. If you really squinted, you might be able to make out their individual silhouettes. After confirming Lumei's testimony with binoculars, she set the submarine to pursue it. "I'll take care of it."
"What?" Elzie turned to face Lumei, but she found nothing but an open airlock.
"Avast!" Marsharoon stopped Vorpal suspiciously. "What have ye done to me prize penguin crew?" Vorpal replied by holding up a single charred black feather. Marsharoon gasped in horror. "Ye bastard! Ye killed me only true friends! Doodle…"
Vorpal shook his head. "No, chopping off that feather was the only thing I could do before the penguins overpowered me and flung me off the starboard side of this ship. Luckily there was a mattress set up there to break my fall, where I rested until I saw you enter the circus tent."
"Darn! Why'd we have to choose port?"
Suddenly two figures dropped down through a hole in the ceiling- Flutter and Big Al. Flutter acted on his first instinct by panicking. "Ahh! That evil cape guy! And the pirate! And a Medieval knight!" Steve then chuckled as he lifted up his face. "Ahh! A brain!"
After a quick game of rock-paper-scissors, Steve was chosen to fill them in on what was going on. After that they moved on deeper into the mysterious laboratory. However, the next room was filled with a deep fog.
Marsharoon peered into the room. "Narr. Many traps may easily be hidden there, and me one eye can't at all see through this mist…"
Vorpal jumped at the sound of that word, but he quickly regained his composure when he noticed all the others staring at him.
"Hey, what's with the cyborg gorilla?" asked Big Al.
Everyone spun around to see the very same gorilla Vorpal had dueled earlier. They were even more surprised when the gorilla spoke in clear English, "I can help you." Then they were just speechless. "Well… I'm not sure now. EVIL Scientist Dude would love for me to matanza you all, and, after all é la sporgenza…"
"I didn't catch that last part," said Flutter.
"É la sporgenza."
"Speak English!"
"English? I only know Human."
"What…?"
"If I were to venture a guess," suggested Big Al, "this gorilla can analyze, decipher and speak human languages with the aid of his mechanical parts, but he cannot tell the difference between them."
"This has gone on far too long," Vorpal said. "You can join our team. I'm Vorpal, this is SteveT, Marsharoon, Flutter and Big Al."
Flutter added, "And missing from our party are Golem, Elzie, Sapphire, a bunch of other guys and Loomy."
"Lomee?"
"Sure. And what's your name?"
"Err… it's kinda embarassing…"
"C'mon, spit it out!"
"Alright, my name's GORE-ILLA. Or at least that's the name EVIL Scientist Dude gave to me. It's a cheesy name, but it's the only name I've ever had and ever will. Now let's move on, okay?" Without another word, a beam of light emitted from his bionic eye, glowing through the fog and forming a path for the others to safely cross past the exposed traps.
After the fog room the group wound up in a large, stadium-like room as wide as the circus above it. A maniacal cackle drew everyone's attention to the loudspeaker. "Ah you have made it here in one piece? I guess it's my fault for trusting such an inferior creature with the job… well no matter! I'll destroy you all now!"
A large door slid open as a giant mechanical seal slid into the room. The head served as the cockpit where EVIL Scientist Dude rested. "Mwahahahaha! Meet this, my amazingly large-ass mech, the SEAL…er of your doom! KYOHOHOHOHO! But first, tell me your names foolish ones!"
Flutter recited, "Flutter, Big Al, Vorpal, SteveT, Marsharoon- missing are Golem, Elzie, Sapphire and some other guys… oh, and Loomy!"
"Billiam?"
"Sure!"
"Alright, fight scene time!"
The SEAL slides about the room as everyone runs to and fro to dodge it. Marsharoon flies forward with sword in hand, only to be slapped back by a flipper. Flutter is too busy scrolling through PL-0TT's options. SteveT was busy looking to apply as an evil minion.
"I guess it's up to me…" Vorpal said solemnly as he drew his sword. Then a bunch of missiles exploded around him, so he simply ran away.
Big Al stepped up next. "…Nah." Then he walked away.
"Ah, GORE-ILLA, you're still alive! Good job luring them into this trap!" EVIL Scientist Dude followed up with another laugh.
As everyone glared at him, GORE-ILLA decided to set the record straight. "Nein! I won't work for you anymore! You treat me like an inferior creature, and I don't care if you can make me yumei! I'm… switching sides!"
The smile didn't fade from EVIL Scientist Dude's face. "So you're flip-flopping now? Well I know you better then anyone, and I know one thing you can't say no to!" With a press of a button, a gang of clowns ran through the door towards GORE.
GORE gave a girly scream and cowered in fear while the clowns paraded around him. EVIL Scientist Dude held his stomach as he continued laughing sadistically.
Flutter was still browsing his plot device when the SEAL roared past him, causing him to drop it. As it fell, it the cursor had selected 'sudden rise of courage', and it landed facedown on the ground so hard that it pressed the red button while it was aimed at GORE.
Suddenly GORE-ILLA felt a sudden rise in courage as he slammed the two mecha-clowns' heads together and strangled the rest with balloon animals before making the last one swallow his own unicycle.
Then GORE-ILLA rushed in front of the SEAL and wound up his metallic hand for a punch. As he wound up and charged power, five light bulbs started glowing one after the other. When all were glowing, GORE leapt up and unleashed the fist on the SEAL's nose.
The force of the blow caused the machine to not only stop in its tracks, but it also was sent flying through the ceiling, over the surface and into the distant horizon.
"That was some punch," commented Vorpal.
"Well my arm is made of the strongest metal in the universe- Strongestmetalintheuniverseanium."
"I see. Can we save Golem and get out now?"
"SELF-DESTRUCT IN THE EXACT AMOUNT OF TIME IT WOULD TAKE FOR YOU ALL TO ESCAPE WITHOUT RESCUING GOLEM," spoke a feminine computer voice.
"…"
So they were forced to do that. The lab exploded and stuff. Everyone seemed bummed out by Golem's apparent death, until Flutter saw someone emerge from the Really Tall Mall. "It's Golem! And he got one of those cool white scarves. But now that I think about it, it does make the bump on your nose look bigger."
"Yeah, hey guys," said Golem. "I just barely escaped the lab of that madman. So what should we be doing now?"
"I guess we have no choice but to wait for the others to rescue Sapphire," suggested Big Al.
"Yarr! We shall throw a grand festivity to celebrate when I find where Doodle parked me Swordefeller!"
"Festivity? FESTIVITY?? I am a strong hater of festivities and those who attend them!" SteveT shouted in anger.
"Ooh, me too! Hey, let's do a supervillain team-up thing!" Vorpal suggested.
"Sure. Let's crush 'em now."
"Nah. Too late in the chapter. We'll have to wait for later." Vorpal then disappeared into the shadows before Steve sighed and followed.
GORE commented, "I guess that settles all our problémes for now!"
"Nuh-uh!" Flutter complained, "I lost my plot device…"
Lumei closed the airlock door as he hung from the flying submarine and finally let go. He landed perfectly on the green car, and immediately the car began swaying back and forth. Lumei thought they were trying to shake him off, but he would soon find out the real reason. The front door flipped open, and both 'Guana Man and Mr. Predict were tossed out into the street. Lumei slipped into the passenger seat and saw Sapphire driving the car.
"Oh, it's you. I should have known you dweebs would have assumed I was too defenseless to save myself from these losers."
Lumei turned around and saw both Fuzzball and Wrange Tirk tied together with their mouths gagged in the back seat. "Wow. You did a number on them."
"Well he made the mistake of calling me a damsel in distress. I guess we should go back to the others now…"
The car turned around and made its way back to the others while 'Guana and Predict frantically ran after.
The SEAL lie trashed in the Nevada desert. EVIL Scientist Dude was communicating with an unpleased superior. "So the Party Goers beat you," spoke the Rocket Command leader of the viewscreen. "And you lost our most vital Las Vegas base."
"My apologies Lord Magi-Cool, I must have had too many visions of sugar plums dancing through my head during the fight. I will not fail again. In fact, I guarantee that my next plan… will be foolproof… and that the stupid gorilla will be back on our side in no time. Ha. Hahaha. MWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH- come on, join in my lord- HA-"
"Shut up."
"Yessir."