Gamehiker High University 2 Page 3
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Author: Luiigii of the Pipes
SUPER PAGE THREE BONANZA! PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR:
THE EXTENDED OPENING SEQUENCE
---
~The students of GHU all sit in Pikminology, working diligently while Professor Luigi reads Nintendo Power. All but Flutter, that is, who stares wistfully at the clock. Luigi turns and glares at him, causing him to go back to work... for a second. He and Sapphire (in the seat next to him) start to sing.~
Flutter/Sapphire: We're waiting for the clock to, strike three.
When it's three o' clock we'll, be free.
Big Al: ~shoving a Wii into his backpack~ Then it's adios university!
All: ~jump up~ Summertime is coming finally!
~Everyone sits back down save for Flutter, Sapphire, Big Al, and Golem, who walk toward the door.~
Flutter/Sapphire: Say goodbye to teachers... ~Big Al holds up a picture of Luigi~ ...and books. ~Flutter and Sapphire throw their books away~
Big Al: ~shoves his head through Luigi's picture~ See you in September, you schnooks!
~The four of them bump into Luigi, with fire in his eyes.~
All: All summer long we'll, be free!
How much till the clock please, strike three?
Sapphire: ~lays on top of her desk in a bikini, sunhat, and sunglasses~ In the summer, I will get a golden tan. ~Gamechamp, Kester, Fred, GM, and Tyler carry her desk away~
Flutter: ~sits at his desk with an assortment of prank items~ I will goof off, every second that I can!
Golem: ~pulls down a map of the USA~ During summer break I'll see the sights!
Lupus: ~clenches his fists~ I will find that Yami and change his life.
Kuria: ~holding a picture of Vorpal~ I shall be with Vorpal worry free!
Lupus: Wanna punch that Yami till he screams!
Big Al: ~stands suspiciously next to Golem~ Summer is the, time to hang with your best friends. ~slaps a "Kick Me!" sign on Golem's back~
Flutter/Sapphire: ~jump onto Luigi's desk~ Our one wish is, that the summer never ends!
All: We have all been waiting patiently.
Waiting for the clock to set us free.
We all beg for summer on bended knee!
How much till the clock please, strike three?
Strike one!
Strike two!
Strike THREEEEEEEEEEEE!
~The clock strikes three and everyone runs outside in a craze, including Professor GORE... until they run into Headmaster Mune.~
Headmaster Mune: Hello children. How would you all like to come on an exciting summer vacation to Sunny Mexico with me and good ol Pee Wee Herman?
Pee Wee: ~inside the bus~ Huh huh huh!
Professor Vorpal: ~also inside the bus~ Why aren’t we taking my ice cream truck?
~The students exchange glances.~
Headmaster Mune: Screw it. Attendance is mandatory.
Professor GORE: HOLY CRAP RUN!
~The students scream and run in all directions, GORE shoving them out of the way in his own desperation. Headmaster Mune whips out a set of shock collars and chases them. Eventually, everyone is on the bus.~
Headmaster Mune: Mwa ha ha... Superintendent Donkeyman (GHU3 forebode?) will be so impressed by my school-funded summer vacation that he will HAVE to give me the Headmaster of the Year award this time!
~The bus pulls away just as Luigi steps outside.~
Professor Luigi: Every freakin year... ~chases the bus~
---
And now back to your regularly scheduled OG?
Author: GORE-ILLA
*Elsewhere, Big Al and Flutter are still trapped under the avalanche.*
Flutter: You know Al, being trapped under this avalance has helped me to reminisce about all the good times we had together.
Big Al: Remember that time? Oh of course you do. How could you forget? It was like yesterday...
~At Apartment 1, Big Al and Flutter massage Elzie and Kuria's feet with nervous expressions, while they eat chocolate ice cream and watch Mexican soap operas.~
Flutter: That memory which you recalled reminds me of one that is similar in no way at all!
Big Al: Remember all the times we hugged
Musical montage of Al and Flutter hugging each, often sidling away awkwardly afterwards.
Flutter: Why do I not remember any of this?!
*Elsewhere, Professor GORE and Luigi are exploring the mysterious city.*
Professor Luigi: You know, this flying city looks QUITE familar...
Professor GORE: (slaps head) Of course! It's the only place my father would feel safe! We're in danger, Luigi. REAL BAD DANGER.
Professor Luigi: This better not be like that time you saw that online video and began have paranoid delusions about Jim Carey killing you with an exploding package.
Professor GORE: This is much worse! This place is from a video game... it's the floating city of the-
*Suddenly, several police cars surround the two. A squad of heavily-armored Ooccaa leap out, roll along the ground and draw automatic weapons. The squad leader stands atop a car, looking cold and heartless while wearing a pair of sunglasses and a toothpick in his mouth. Professor GORE and Luigi raise their hands.*
Professor GORE and Professor Luigi: (in PERFECT UNISON) WE SURRENDER! WE SURRENDER!
Ooccaa Squad Leader: Take 'em down!
*The Ooccaa begin firing.*
Author: Luiigii of the Pipes
Professor Luigi: This is all your fault!
Professor GORE: You're right! If only I had taken up Zeldology instead of Kongology!
Professor Luigi: No you idiot! If you hadn't--
Professor GORE: Oh, they're firing! ~throws Luigi and himself behind a discarded Helmasaur helmet~ But why would my daddy try to kill me?
Professor Luigi: Maybe you should have asked him that when he tried to frame you?
Professor GORE: That's ridiculous. You can't speak with braces. This must all be a misunderstanding.
~Suddenly, Golem bursts up through the Oocca's squad car. They all turn and train their guns to him.~
Golem: Owies?
Oocca Squad Leader: Anudder one'a 'em. Boiz...
~Then Vorpal bursts up through the ground behind them.~
Golem: Professor Vorpal! Help!
Professor Vorpal: Not NOW, Golem! GORE you coward! Show yourself!
Professor GORE: Hey Vorpal! You're here to help find my--
~Vorpal lunges into the Helmasaur helmet and crushes GORE and Luigi under it.~
Professor Luigi: What did I do?!
Professor Vorpal: ~lifts the helmet~ You may go.
Professor Luigi: Thanks.
Golem: Hey, since you're free and all...
Professor Vorpal: Shut up Golem! ~slams the helmet back down on GORE~ And now you shall pay for sending Pee Wee Hellman after us, not to mention all those other things you did to me!
Professor GORE: What and what?
Professor Vorpal: Like you don't remember!
Professor GORE: Is this leading up to another VGF High University flashback?
Professor Vorpal: No! Last month, when you borrowed my pen without asking AND used up all the ink! You monster!
Professor GORE: Well yeah but, I never sent that Pee Wee guy after you. Isn't his last name Herman?
Professor Vorpal: That's right! Keep playing dumb! But the time for talk is over! ~throws the helmet aside~ Put up your dukes, Pablo! We shall solve this sportsmanlike, as God intended!
~Meanwhile~
Golem: Thanks for saving me from those weird chickens, Professor Luigi.
Professor Luigi: Shut up. How would you like to help me find my ex-wife?
Golem: Um...
Professor Luigi: Nevermind. I need to find GORE's dad, or he'll never stop bugging me about it.
Golem: I'd be much more willing to do that, yes.
Professor Luigi: I would of course suspect, while you would have no clue being the worthless student you are, that he is in this castle that we've been fighting right in front of. ~pushes Golem through the doors~ You first!
Golem: *gulp*
Author: Vorpal
~Golem finds himself in a dark room~
Golem: Professor Luigi? Anyone? Hello?
???: Welcome to my domain... MY SON!
Golem: WHAT!?
???: Wait... you're not GORE?
Golem: No...
~Lights come on revealing GORE Sr.~
GORE Sr.: Man... and I spent all this time for the perfect setup.
Golem: Uhm... I could go back out and get him for you.
GORE Sr.: Oh would you?
Golem: No problem.
GORE Sr.: And could you get this Vorpal-shaped hole in my floor taken care of?
Golem: ... sssssure.
GORE Sr.: And also, I've been having some problems with my back lately...
Golem: I'll just go now.
GORE Sr.: Oh... oh, sure.
~Golem comes back out~
Prof. Luigi: So how was it?
Golem: Well, GORE's dad doesn't seem so bad.
Prof. Luigi: Did he say anything about my ex-wife?
Golem: What?
Prof. Luigi: Nevermind.
Author: Masamune
Prof. Vorpal: Augh! That's not fair, I had to use Jiisus as my boxer!
Prof. GORE: Well it was my Wii and only I get to use Hiitler.
Prof. Vorpal: I want a rematch!
Prof. GORE: REMATCH YOUR MOM! I've got a dad to reunite with.
~outside of GORE Sr.'s office on his floating continent thing that is not a Ripoff of New Atlantis or the Sky Palace or the Turquoise Kingdom in that bootleg OG~
Golem: Professor GORE! Professor Vorpal! And Mary-Anne! You made it!
Mary-Anne: You remembered my name! You didn't just say "and the rest!" They really like me! *jumps off the continent!
Professor GORE: Is my dad in there?
Professor Luigi: Yes, ask about my ex-wife would you?
Professor GORE: I'll ask about your MOM.
Professor Luigi: My mom was a SAINT.
Golem: Uh, professors? Bad guy in there?
Professor GORE: Right. *rolls up sleeves* I'll take care of this.
~GORE marches in the office~
~Meanwhile, in some unresolved side plots~
Steve: Okay we're all reunited again. Except Kester and Vivid, where are they?
~Kester? mysteriously shows up~
Kester?: I, Kester, am here. But Vivid has ceased to be. Since she was a girl and all she had to leave. Cuz she couldn't come to GHU. But I'm Kester and not a girl, so I can go to GHU.
Gamechamp: VAT! NO LIAR! I WAS SEEING KESTER DIE!!!!
Kester?: And they call ME a conspiracy theorist!
~the other students chuckle heartily~
Toby: Aw man, I never did catch up with Golem. They must be up on that floating continent. What do we do now?
GM: Oh yeah. We could break Headmaster Mune out, but we'd have to time this perfectly with our return to the States or else we'll all get arrested.
Sapphire: Why would we want to do that?
Elzie: Yeah, no kidding.
Steve: Because of- ah. Well there was, hm.
Aaron: Well because um.
Flutter: How about the time he, ah...
Toby: Hey! You know what Golem would say if he was here?
Fred: Whaddya wanna do?
Toby: Yes! But then he'd say "Let's go save Mune!" and you'd all do it cuz he's Golem! So let's go save Headmaster Mune!
Tyler: But how will we get there?
MJ: Well uh. We could take... the bus?
Lupus: And who's going to drive it kid, you?
MJ: ... yes. I've watched Professor Vorpal drive the Ice Cream Bus every morning... and memorized every movement he makes, watching-
Toby: Okay fine, you're the driver. Let's party!
~Back on the floating place~
Professor GORE: *walks back out* Well that was all taken care of.
Golem: What happened?
Professor GORE: Find out on the downloadable bonus webisode now available on iTunes for a a small fee of $60.95.
Professor Vorpal: Oh cool, I can watch it on my iPod then.
Professor GORE: Oh. And the island is going to explode in thirty seconds.
Professor Luigi: Just like in Final Fantasy VI! Last one to the edge dies like Shadow! *pushes GORE over and starts running*
one hour later... the entire GHU faculty and students (save for the obvious girls) and Dean Ditto are precariously standing on the edge of a fifty story high rise stairway located in southern Texas ----
Headmaster Mune: Aw man! The cops are everywhere!
Dean Ditto: This is all your fault! Give me the money!
Professor Luigi: No! I found it first! *slips and grabs GORE's leg*
Professor GORE: Augh! My leg!
~the stairway begin to break lose from the building~
Golem: I don't like where this is going....!
~Kester? and Steve are suddenly thrown off and land on some palm trees. Toby, Golem, and Aaron are slingshotted on top of some car and suffer what should be fatal injuries. Flutter and Al slip off and land on top of a few policemen who weren't paying attention. MJ tries to grab Vorpal's leg, but slips and fall down a manhole. Luigi tries to kick GORE off, but they both end up falling into a merchant's fruit stall. Tyler, Lupus, Yami, and Gamechamp fall through several clothlines and end up humorously dressed like women until they fall into a lake.~
Headmaster Mune: I'm going to slip...! How did we end up like this anyways!?
Dean Ditto: ... another... downloadable... webisode...!
~the two both fall down and land on a row of spikes~
~EVEN LATER STILL~
*the entire group from above is in a huge hospital room, all covered up in bandages and just barely recognizable.*
Golem: Ohhh... this is the... most... painful... OG ending I've ever been in....
Dean Ditto: Like... you can complain! You'll all just get off with fines.... but me, I'm going to lose everything! My job, my wife, my kids, my little doggy, and my mansion!
Headmaster Mune: Really?
Dean Ditto: No. But I just wish that of this whole affair, that in twenty years I'd have at least one thing to laugh at.
~Elzie, Sapphire, Kuria, Marin, and Rebe walk in ready to start yelling at the guys. GORE reaches below his bed, pulls out several banana peels and throws them in front of the girls who all proceed to slip and fall~
~the entire GHU group burst into a fit of painful laughing and chuckling and eventually Dean Ditto joins them in their bone-breaking laughing~
THE END
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