Treasures in Wario: Master of Disguise
Pink Category
- 01) Majestic Heart-Shaped Straw ($110)
A humorous straw with two sipping holes. He who can drink from it alone shall go down in history as a true king among men!
- 02) Grizzled Prospector Candy ($24,500)
These lovingly handmade candies contain large pieces of real gold. Give them to your beloved and watch the teeth fly.
- 03) Pompadour of Legend ($479)
A collapsible pompadour that stretches almost nineteen feet in length. Though somewhat uncomfortable to wear, the secret inner pocket can hold loose change or small pets.
- 04) Failed Teenage Romance Diary ($8,364)
A diary crammed with sad memories of failed teenage romances. From disastrous prom dates to intercepted study hall notes, you can relive the awkwardness of yesteryear... today!
- 05) Dress of Cleaning Might ($5,200)
This adorable maid outfit will add +2 to your cooking and cleaning skills, making all of your household chores a breeze. Note the adorable lacy frills!
- 06) Spectacles of the Fool ($18,000)
Diamond-encrusted specs that are rumored to doom the wearer to a lifetime of suffering, misery, and woe. The diamonds are also kind of pokey and uncomfortable.
- 07) Queenly Ear Hair ($5,456)
The ear hair that launched a thousand ships and turned brother against brother. It shines with a waxy brilliance when blown by the wind.
- 08) Maldorous Keepsake ($15,917)
A solid-gold keepsake that reeks of spoiled cheese and wet carpeting. Scientists the world over are baffled as to why this is.
- 09) Discarded Doctor Scrubs ($280)
The garb of a true hero. Perhaps these scrubs were once used by a world-class heart surgeon! ...Or maybe it was just a cut-rate proctologist.
- 10) Spoiled Child's Pacifier ($6,501)
This pacifier was once used by a rich child on a luxury cruise that was commissioned to celebrate his first birthday. It was then dropped in the unchlorinated deck pool.
- 11) Sandals of Infamy ($79)
These sandals hold the soul of a famous artist. Wearing them will make you twice as popular as you were before, especially with snobby art-types.
- 12) Lovely Pink Nightie ($14,087)
A mythical glowing nightie with the power to make any disinterested lover swoon with mad, unrequited passion! Size XXXL only.
- 13) Friendly Clown Autograph ($379)
Clownie the clown is the least frightening of all clowns, which is why his autograph is highly prized among coulrophobics. ...Go look it up.
- 14) Infield Diamond Dirt ($7,419)
Infield dirt form a minor league baseball field. Drenched with the tears and sweat of disappointed players, it is rumored that eating this dirt will make your favorite team win the pennant.
- 15) Celebrity of the Hour Poster ($210)
This poster exudes sassiness and confidence! But it will also be the subject of gossip and fall out of style in less than six months. Such is fame.
- 16) Prince Redleg Pantaloon ($21,930)
A mysterious phantom, wearing brilliant white tights and billowy red pantaloons, who appears in the dreams of young maidens. Huzzah, romance!
- 17) Forever X-ray Glasses ($5,839)
This amazing treasure lets you look through absolutely everything... which means that you end up seeing NOTHING AT ALL! Think about it.
- 18) Hairy Macho Bathrobe ($2,349)
This robe looks smashing when paired with a fine dining-room set and chandelier. Sadly, the robe's machismo causes excess body hair.
- 19) Itchy Top Hat ($349)
Cannoli paid top dollar for his fancy top hat, but the tailor ran out of silk and had to use burlap instead. Oddly enough, no one seemed to notice.
- 20) "Rare" Collectable Figurine ($145)
This super-rare Cannoli figurine is one of only 65,535 in existence. It emits a somewhat oily scent when rubbed. Order yours today! Supply is limited!
- 21) Forever Tissue Box ($101)
This magical box never runs out of tissue! It makes a perfect gift for allergy sufferers or wussy little crybabies who sob during films when puppies get lost and have to wander home.
- 22) Scary Mr. Bunny ($79)
This cute bunny has a fluffy body, but its red eyes glisten with an evil ferocity that is borne out of pure range. Keep away from children.
- 23) Seven-Leaf Clover ($105)
This amazing seven-leaf clover blows those lame four-leaf clovers out of the water. Try to not explode with luckiness.
- 24) Mighty Trucker Panda ($206)
A mighty panda who also drives a tow truck on the weekends. He lives on a special diet of hugs and carb-free bamboo.
- 25) Heartfelt Hotcakes ($109)
These delicious pancakes are made from 100% real love. Don't be fooled by evil fake pancakes, which are made from mayonnaise.
- 26) Lucky Love Toast ($333)
If you cram this toast in your mouth and bolt out the door, you will run into the boy or girl of your dreams! Why does it work? We have no idea.
- 27) Cutie-Pie Hypno Specs ($4,341)
A girl wearing these will appear to be the most beautiful creature ever to descend from the heavens. Dangerous spectacles, to be sure.
- 28) Young Socialite's Scarf ($89)
If you knot this luxurious scarf around your shoulders, old women will love you. Cute girls will still totally hate you, however.
- 29) Rich Man's Ice Cream ($171)
This unbeliavably tasty foie gras ice cream comes from caviar-fed cows that sleep on mattresses stuffed with the world's finest straw. But it still smells of dairy air.
- 30) I Love You Lunchbox ($298)
Give this lunchbox to the object of your affection and watch the sparks fly! Contains one sandwich and chips, but cannot be traded for the other kid's pizza slice.
- 31) Seductive Lipstick ($89)
This fancy lipstick will enchant even the most jaded of romantics. Not for use in crowded subway cars or densely packed apartment complexes.
- 32) Crow Feather Shoes ($17,100)
Black shoes festooned with crow feathers. They look quite fancy from afar but resemble road kill from up close. Also, crows attack whenever you wear them.
- 33) Scones of Sadness ($29,800)
These scones were baked with loving care for that special someone... who ended up being allergic to scones. How very tragic.
Blue Category
- 01) Sapphire Topknot ($5,099)
No true samurai would leave his house without one of these placed firmly atop his pate. The gem sparkles on his bald head, blinding all foes.
- 02) False Beard of Might ($139)
A stick-on beard that lends class to even the plainest face. However, the glue is so powerful that it can never be removed, so make the first attempt count!
- 03) Golden Throne ($876)
A magnificent toilet adorned with gold leaf and rare gems that emits a pleasing floral scent when used. Truly, this is a throne of kings!
- 04) Wishstone Fragment ($0)
A fragment of an ancient tablet that is said to grant any wish. It is covered in arcane characters and was recovered from the hull of an old ship.
- 05) Short Guy Boots ($778)
These boots increase your height by almost two feet. You can keep an entire school of goldfish in the heels! ...Not that you would want to.
- 06) Nifty Wario Poster ($8,355)
A poster of Wario. That's all. Just a poster. Oh, and it smells like garlic if you scratch it. How very charming.
- 07) Odd Lucky Thingie ($234)
A Feng Shui item that brings good luck. Stick it in the corner of your bedroom or home office and watch the good times roll!
- 08) Wishstone Fragment ($0)
A fragment of stone found in the Ancient Waterworks. It appears to be part of a legendary stone tablet, but the letters are blurred with age and cannot be read.
- 09) Spangly Celebrity Garb ($3,191)
Some believe that simply donning this spangly outfit will transform you into a famous movie star! Others think such things require actual talent.
- 10) Matching Frilly Pink T-Shirts ($935)
A matching set of pink T-shirts that say "Look out, world! I'm filled with joy! Delicious, pink-colored joy!" The advantage of saying such a thing is debatable.
- 11) Reindeer Headlamp ($64)
A reindeer headlamp that beams light across vast distances. Reindeer use them to complain about poor working conditions and organize secret reindeer unions.
- 12) Wishstone Fragment ($0)
A piece of a mysterious tablet that was hidden deep inside a wall of snow. It speaks of desert kings and ancient pyramids.
- 13) Superfantastical Money Tree ($20)
Sure, it sounds fancy. But it's just a plant. A boring old potted plant. Slap anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.
- 14) Gilded Ice Cream Sandwich ($4,734)
This ice cream sandwich is filled with molten gold that melts all the ice cream, thus rendering it useless. But it sure looks fancy!
- 15) Wishstone Fragment ($0)
A piece of tablet found in the floating gardens. It says that the Wishstone is what sealed away the evil demon.
- 16) Scary Wrestler Mask ($709)
A mask for a rough-and-tumble antihero that hides inside your darkest heart. All who see this mask tremble at its mighty visage.
- 17) Has-Been Celebrity Photo ($368)
A magical photo of a washed-up celebrity that has the power to make even sleepy accountants scream like little girls.
- 18) Amazing Garlic Clove ($1,203)
This amazing garlic, hundreds of times more pungent than normal garlic, can knock out an elephant at twenty paces. Perfect for getting rid of unwanted guests!
- 19) Mustache Wax ($373)
Cannoli's very own mustache wax. Applied liberally, it can turn your soup strainer into a deadly pointed weapon. En garde!
- 20) Wishstone Fragment ($0)
A shard of tablet that was found in Carpaccio's laboratory. Apparently, when all the fragments are gathered, something big will happen...
- 21) Brilliant Bug ($64)
A weirdly beautiful bug that glows in 16,777,216 colors. If you stare at it, it shows the color you wish most to see. If you stare too long, you go color-blind.
- 22) Bluebird of Luckiness ($997)
A blue bird that brings good luck and vast fortune to any who possess it. It can also escape from even the sturdiest of cages, as it knows how to pick locks and bribe guards.
- 23) North Pole Ice Cubes ($20)
Ice harvested from the North Pole itself! Don't be fooled by cheap imitation South Pole ice. This stuff contains elves!
- 24) Nostalgic Memory Picture ($156)
A picture of that perfect day long ago... The mere sight of this is enough to make even the bravest of men weep with uncontainable joy.
- 25) Rare Gem Cereal ($4,096)
A breakfast cereal made from actual emeralds! Try not to swallow it whole, or you may have an unpleasant surprise in the evening.
- 26) Manly Chin Extender ($60,550)
Even the nambiest of pambies can go from zero to hero when they strap on this puppy. Unfortunately, it tends to cause severe drooling.
- 27) Sassy Wig ($128)
This fine wig is perfect for snowed-in monks and balding corporate executives alike. It can also be wrapped around a frostbitten Chihuahua.
- 28) Shooting Star Chunk ($256)
A shard of shooting star that fell to earth. It is said to grant wishes, but asks for so great a price that none dare ask it for anything.
- 29) Electric Pork Chop ($9,600)
This electrifying meat product was born of a pig struck by lightning on a lonely prairie night. Oddly enough, it tastes just like chicken.
- 30) String Theory Soup ($30,000)
All the secrets of the universe are contained in this soup. Drink not, lest you learn more than man was ever meant to know.
- 31) Slimy Squid Ring ($25,600)
A golden ring adorned with a multi-tentacled squid. This fine jewelry speaks of a wearer who possesses both high class and poor taste in equal measure.
- 32) Calf Hair Spray ($65,500)
No matter how unruly and rope-like the leg hair may be, this product will tame it to a silky sheen. Not for use on the head or near the eyes.
- 33) Lovely Burglar Mask ($30,000)
A ravishing butterfly-shaped mask inset with dozens of perfect little jewels. Those who wear it are said to feel like a pretty thief, and demand crumpets with their burgling.
Red Category
- 01) Back Massage Coupon ($736)
A fine, fine gift from a loved one, but a terrible, terrible gift from anyone else. If a stranger gives you one, it's probably a scam. Best to run away.
- 02) Mouse Trap Gum ($491)
This jewel of a gag was developed overseas. If you master where and how to employ it, you will be the life of any black-tie gala!
- 03) Sandals of Song ($160)
Ancient sandals that sing a hauntingly beautiful tune with every step you take. They tend to leave one's feet with terribly painful corns, however.
- 04) Ugly Pricey Furniture ($49,800)
A set of living room furniture so expensive that your wallet screams in pain. It also doesn't match the carpeting.
- 05) Paranoid Bear Carving ($93)
It may look like a nice little bear carving, but it's actually a malevolent alien robot sent to spy on your every move. Don't turn around.
- 06) Ears of Sanguineness ($2,094)
The wearer of this stunning headgear can hear nothing but good news. It's perfect for those who live the high-stress lifestyle of today's go-go world.
- 07) Stinky Blue Cheese ($2,509)
This mold-covered cheese is considered a delicacy among the rich, who pay plenty just to have it sprinkled on a salad. Little do they know it's really just been left in the sun too long.
- 08) Crazy Delicious Bamboo ($30)
This is the tastiest bamboo you've ever had. Even the panda, mightiest and most cold-hearted of all creatures, will weep with delight when he samples it.
- 09) Royal Golden Tools ($20,076)
These golden tools were developed for a king. But since gold is one of the world's softest metals, they're pretty much useless. Fun to look at, though.
- 10) Strong Sauce ($79)
Oh, the smell! Oh, the flavor! This stellar sauce makes even the most flavorless vegan food taste divine! There's an out-of-body experience in every bite!
- 11) Ab Annihilator ($140)
This device will give you rock-hard abs in only seconds a day. Then you can hit them with a sledgehammer while friends and co-workers stare in awe.
- 12) Fancy Ramen Noodle Soup ($6,409)
This ramen contains a single gold ingot that was once owned by a queen of heartbreaking beauty. Oh, and it's got pork in it, too. Rumor says that it grants you eternal life... And trichinosis.
- 13) Really Boring Firework ($270)
This looks like a dull firework, but many feel it to be a true piece of avant-garde art that expresses the depth of the human search for existence in ways heretofore unseen. ...But it's still dull.
- 14) Fusty Golden Candle ($10,073)
This candle's gold wax may impress all your rich friends, but we highly recommend against lighting it. The thing smells like rendered hog fat.
- 15) Comatose Cushion ($3,719)
A soft cushion once used by an ancient emperor whose people held him in the highest of esteem. It's so soft, those who sleep on it never wake up. Ever.
- 16) Panda Panzer ($6,000)
This mighty tank was built with a cute panda on top of it, making it impossible for enemies to attack. Except for squirrels, who are, of course, the natural enemy of the panda.
- 17) Handy Scrub Brush ($809)
A fantastic scrub brush with an ergonomically designed handle. Perfect for cleaning sinks, toilets, and cooking surfaces. But not in that order.
- 18) Galactic Fishcake ($71,940)
A swirly fishcake filled with trippy cosmic space energy. All who taste it are doomed to grow fins and gills, then flop around the living room floor saying "glub glub" all day.
- 19) Game & Watch 9000 ($38,021)
An amazing handheld game unit with FIFTY screens! When unfolded, it takes up as much space as a timeshare condo.
- 20) Cheap Tire Ring ($5,400)
A ring with a little tire on top. Girls hate these things, so don't use them as engagement rings. Trust us on this one... we have the scars to prove it.
- 21) Fishin' Hole Fishin' Pole ($188)
This magic fishing pole will catch a fish every time you dip it in the water! But only crappie. Which actually taste better than they sound.
- 22) Wooden Nostril Cleaners ($640)
Ancient wooden nose pickers. Guaranteed not to splinter while inside the nostrils, or your money back. Also usable as a nose-piercing device.
- 23) Booby-Trapped Magnet Car ($280)
This car uses electromagnets to hover above the ground. Unfortunately, if it ever drops below 50 miles per hour, the car EXPLODES!
- 24) Amazing Massage Chair ($100)
The most comfortable massage chair in the world. Created by a yoga master who gained the ability to travel through time, this chair has the power to liquefy your muscles in seconds.
- 25) Clever Sidekick ($37)
A hilarious sidekick. Everybody needs one of these babies. He promises to guffaw loudly at every joke you make, no matter how lame it might be.
- 26) Telemarketer's Bane ($60)
This phone autodials telemarketers to ask if their refrigerators are running, then laughs maniacally and hangs up. Hilarious!
- 27) Hilarity Machine ($809)
The AutoPun 4000 straps to the mouth and forces the user to create bad pun after bad pun without mercy. Great for lazy comedians.
- 28) Fool's Candy ($7,901)
If you give this candy to a stranger, they will believe whatever you say. Keep away from used car salesmen and those weird dudes who strap signs to themselves and dance around.
- 29) Small Handheld Toilet ($380)
A miracle of modern science, this portable toilet fits right in the palm of your hand! ...But we don't actually recommend keeping it there.
- 30) Classy Bubble Pipe ($54)
A fancy bubble pipe made of brown sugar, elven tears, and rainbows. How do they get so many rainbows in there? No one knows...
- 31) Train Window Painting ($7,901)
When hung on a wall, the landscape in this painting races by, giving the impression that you are on a train. It even makes that neat "clacka clacka" sound.
- 32) Fully Automated Pinwheel ($380)
This pinwheel moves even without wind. Pinwheel purists say this is unnatural and evil, and must be stopped at all costs. ...Stupid purists.
Green Category
- 01) Somewhat-Useless Morphing Belt ($308)
A belt with the ability to transform into other shapes. But once altered, it can never go back to its true belt form. Use with caution.
- 02) Spooky Haunted Seaweed ($34,901)
Cursed seaweed that never stops growing. Unless you like green walls and a vaguely fishy scent, we suggest that you throw this away.
- 03) Bath-Time Shampoo Hat ($7,359)
This fully automated shampoo helmet turns shower time into fun time! Not that shower time isn't already fun or anything. We're just saying.
- 04) Silky Nose Hair Tonic ($18,500)
Flawless nose hair is just so "in" right now. This new product gives your nose fuzz a silky sheen that the ladies can't get enough of.
- 05) Jurassic Snot ($14,783)
This big hunk of dino nose goo was excavated from a giant nostril at the price of millions of dollars and three failed marriages. Don't ask about the details.
- 06) The Earwax Rifle ($130)
Show your earwax no mercy with this tiny sniper rifle. Boo-ya, marine! Get on the ready line and smoke that wax! C'mon, you wanna live with waxy ears forever?!
- 07) Heat-Seeking Soccer Ball ($438)
This soccer ball scores a goal every time you kick it. It's so powerful, it can shatter a goalie's ribs like a head butt from an angry striker.
- 08) Fanny Armor ($6,320)
This cast-iron rear-end guard helps prevent all manner of unwanted goosings. Strap it on and walk the street with pride!
- 09) Formal Salmon Lure ($239)
A fishing lure with a natty cummerbund. This spinning lure snags only the classiest of fish, like salmon and carp.
- 10) Turbo Chompers ($207)
A small tooth-shaped device that accelerates the speed of chomping. For the love of all that is good and holy, don't leave it on overnight.
- 11) Superultramega Drill ($4,085)
A tool for the man who wants to bore through anything. This drill is actually powerful enough to cut holes in time.
- 12) Scary Bug in Amber ($25,688)
This amber-encased bug contains both wonderful dinosaur DNA and horrible prehistoric diseases. Crack it open at your own risk.
- 13) Excavated T. rex Skull ($29)
A T. rex skull dug up from the earth's fiery belly. It makes a fine centerpiece, if your dining room table is strong enough to support it.
- 14) Kneecap Guards ($5,974)
This armor stops people from trying to kneecap you. It's the must-have gift of the year for hired goons and figure skaters alike.
- 15) Totally Legit UFO Photo ($833)
A UFO photo, completely undoctored in every way. You can even see the string that holds the saucer in place. What will those crafty aliens think of next?
- 16) Vengeful Robot Controller ($1,052)
This remote allows you to summon a giant robot hidden deep within the bowels of the earth and unleash him on your unsuspecting enemies. But it's out of batteries.
- 17) Crop Circle Pendant ($120)
A cool crop-circle-shaped pendant. Clip it on your cell phone to stand out in a crowd. Hooray for aliens! Hooray for needless agricultural destruction!
- 18) Haunted Television ($492)
A haunted ectoplasma TV that features outstanding picture quality, unbelievable surround sound, and murderous poltergeists bent on revenge.
- 19) Jigsaw Puzzle Solver ($3,201)
This device solves any jigsaw puzzle in mere moments. Now you can finally put all of your puzzle-savvy friends in their rightful place... Last place!
- 20) Homework-O-Matic ($5,891)
A hat that does your homework for you. Unfortunately, a design flaw causes it to occasionally slip the phrase "by the great beard of mighty Zeus!" into essay questions.
- 21) Midterm Clothespins ($404)
These clothespins are designed to clip your eyelids to your face. Perfect for late-night cramming sessions or plastic surgery on the cheap.
- 22) Starfish ($190)
A cute little ladybug with a starfish pattern on its back. Highly prized among fancy-bug collectors and anyone who likes pretty stuff.
- 23) Big Scoop Camera ($290)
This camera takes shots of big news stories without any prompting from you. However, removing the lens cap is still your responsibility.
- 24) Freaky Cat Glasses ($3,212)
These chic cat glasses let you see in the dark, but they also make you look really creepy. It's up to you to decide if that's a bad thing or not.
- 25) Tiger Underwear of Doom ($2,980)
A set of tiger underwear that imbues the wearer with near-godlike powers of classiness. Wear them without pants for the greatest effect.
- 26) Sweet & Spicy Pastries ($110)
Most of these delicious pastries are made from the finest cream in the land, but one is made from the fiery habanero pepper. Give that one to your enemies.
- 27) Titanium Chef Hands ($135)
A device that turns even the klutziest cook into a magnificent gourmand. It also makes you wear aprons with dumb sayings printed on the front.
- 28) Super Mega Trump Card ($456)
This card always beats all of the other cards on the table, no matter what game you're playing. Even solitaire.
- 29) Forbidden Cheat Sheet ($320)
This hidden cheat sheet is 100% undetectable, and so effective that it has been banned from the classroom by international treaty.
- 30) Weightless Backpack ($58)
This groovy backpack stays light as a feather, no matter how much junk you cram into it. Science majors can't get enough of this puppy.
- 31) Uncomfortable False Eye ($32,000)
A fake eyeball that lets the user spot treasure from over 500 miles away. It must be crammed into a real eye socket to work.
- 32) Town Gossip Billboard ($5,800)
This board makes up juicy rumors about your friends and neighbors and then spreads them all over town. What scandal!