Gamehiker Member OG 5 Page 2
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Author: Mario Jr.[edit]
Tiffa: Wait... sister?
Marin: How can you be related to her? You're white!
Kiffus: I'm not white! I'm dead. Which you will soon be.
Tiffa: You must be a Neko-Neko. But how is it that you speak English?
Kiffus: [I don't.]
Tiffa: Oh. I still don't know who the hell you are.
Kiffus: [Does this bring back any memories?]
(Kiffus opened up his hand to reveal a golden amulet depicting a Shine Sprite.)
Kiffus: [You gave this to me this very same day 5,000 years ago. The day you promised to me that you'd never leave me...]
Tiffa: 5,000 years ago?
(Masa, Vorpal, Luigi, Zambi & GM show up.)
Vorpal: We're here to save you!
GM: Except me. I don't know why I'm here.
Marin: About time!
Masa: Step aside Marin. Let the men handle this one.
Tiffa: Wait no! Don't hurt him!
Kiffus: *hisses* [The OGers!]
GM: What the hell is that?
Luigi: Copyright infringement.
Author: GM[edit]
OoC: For future reference, it's Zambi Yoshi. With a "b". Not Zami. Zambi. As in "zombie". Yes, it may be considered a stupid pun, but it could have been worse. [Edit by Vorpal- has been fixed, sorry about that]
If no one posts after this one by Midnight, I'll edit this post so it moves the story along.
Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
Luigi: ~points at Kiffus~ That's right! You are a blatant rip-off of a me from an alternate continuity, Mr. "Nekolfos." I will proceed to sue your author's...
~Kiffus holds his hand up to his eye, then sheds a single tear into it. He throws it onto Luigi's nose.~
Luigi: . . . Oh, I didn't like this part.
~Luigi's nose turns into crystal.~
Vorpal/Masamune: ~gasp~
GM: I bet you could sell that for a fortune.
Kiffus: Meknut hamma solrin. Meknut hamma hut.
~Four meter-long, blade-shaped claws shoot out of Kiffus's wrists and elbows.~
GM: Mm... I think I'll be making a temporary alliance with this guy. I was coming after you guys for revenge anyway.
Zambi: Mehhhhhh...
Vorpal: ~draws his sword and points~ Battle positions!
Masamune: I have a question. Since when did you become our leader, anyway? I mean, I'm the one who's a captain and has a ship.
Vorpal: But I have a cape.
Masamune: No capes. Remember Vorpal the 16th?
Vorpal: Well...
Masamune: His cape got caught in a vortex. They never saw him again.
Vorpal: Sh-shut up! It's on, later!
Masamune: We already did this last OG.
Luigi: Can we go? I can't see anymore.
~The crystal has spread across Luigi's eyes.~
Vorpal/Masamune: ~gasp~
Vorpal: We should retreat.
Masamune: Ah, he can use the Force or something. ~draws his sword~
Luigi: Thanks. ~pulls out laser sword~
Tiffa: I said not to hurt him!
Masamune: But he's already dead. It's not like he'll be able to...
~Kiffus flashes up and slashes Masamune's chest. Masamune staggers a moment, but comes to.~
Masamune: Oh, he'll be feeling it now!
~Vorpal, Masamune, and Luigi jump at Kiffus.~
Vorpal/Masamune/Luigi: HEEE YAAAAH!
Author: GM[edit]
(However, they were paying no attention to GM, who ran up to them and tripped them in midair with his sword, still in it's sheath.)
Masamune/Vorpal/Luigi: WHOA!!!
(They landed on the ground with a face plant.)
GM: Ooh! That must hurt! Heh, I've been through worse. I'm sure you guys know.
Vorpal: Who the hell are you anyway!?
GM: Don't play dumb! Zambi!
(Zambi picked up Vorpal with his tongue and swallowed. He then layed a large rotten Yoshi egg with Vorpal inside. A horrid stench filled the air.)
Masamune: My nose! No! MY BRAIN!!!
GM: GAH! Bad move Zambi! Bad move!
Tiffa: What, I don't sme-OH NO I DO!!!
Marin: Sweet merciful crap!
Kiffus: [Oh dear whatever god I worship! I wasn't trained for this!]
Luigi: Luckily, the crystal covering my nose is blocking out the smell.
(Vorpal eventually broke out of the egg, covered in rancid egg goo.)
Vorpal: ...Kill... Me...
Masamune: Vorpal?
Vorpal: KILL ME!!!
Masamune: No!
(Vorpal lept onto Masamune, covering him in egg goo.)
Masamune: Gross! Lame!
GM: Hmm... Perhaps that's enough revenge.
Luigi: You do realize they weren't with the people who beat you up? At the time, they were being mauled by bears.
GM: Is that so? What about you, you... Jedi bum guy?
Luigi: I kicked you a few times, but then I quit because I was still depressed about running myself over.
GM: ...
Luigi: Maybe I'll explain later.
Vorpal: Okay, I'm no longer suicidal. Hey, what happened to that dead guy we were fighting?
Zambi: Urrrrrrgh!
Vorpal: No, the other dead guy.
Masamune: Over there by that guy who appeared ut of nowhere.
(Cobrax had decided to step in, and was facing Kiffus.)
Cobrax: You show signs of wanting to cause harm. State your reasons.
(Instead, Kiffus tries to attack Cobrax the same way he did Masamune, but Cobrax managed to dodge. Cobrax counterattacked with a combo attack involving two punches and a tail swipe. Despite how fast they were Kiffus managed to dodge all three attacks.)
Cobrax: Stand down. I will retaliate otherwise.
Kiffus: [Fool! This does not concern you!]
Cobrax: Your language is not in my databank. Please surrender in either English, Espanol, or Huttese. Waving a white object or a simple gesture will also do.
(Kiffus was highly skilled and a type of warrior that legends and MJ say could kill millions single-handedly. However, being milleniums old, it had no concept of a gun. So when it charged Cobrax a second time, it didn't flinch when he pulled out an assault rifle he swiped from GM when he wasn't looking. He fired about fifteen bullets into Kiffus, who staggered back and fell from the force of the impact. GM recognized the gun and searched himself.)
GM: Hey, that's my gun! That's Omnipotence!
Vorpal: You named your gun?
GM: People name their swords, so why not?
(Kiffus tried to sit up, but Cobrax kicked him in the head, knocking him back further.)
GM: ...So, is it too late to team up with you guys again? It'd be a pretty bad disadvantage to go against the new guy.
Vorpal: After what I went through, yes it's too late!
Masamune: ...Are you sorry?
GM: Yeah, sure.
Masamune: Then okay.
Vorpal: Hey, I have the cape, so I'm the leader, and I said-
Masamune: Well, don't we need all the help we can get to fight GORE and the others?
GM: Were they the guys who beat me up?
Masamune: Probably.
GM: Then hell yeah, I'm in!
Vorpal: ...Fine, but you'll have to go through a long an extremely embarrassing initiation ritual!
Zambi: Muuur?
Vorpal: You too!
(Back with Cobrax and Kiffus, Cobrax raised his arm straigh into the air and extended his index finger. At the end of it, a ball of energy began to form. It grew and grew until Cobrax had a sphere of glowing yellow energy that was twice his size above his head.)
Cobrax: Surrender now! This is your final warning!
Masamune: Five bucks says the dead guy jumps up and does something cool.
Luigi: Mmmph!
(The crystal now covered Luigi's entire head.)
GM: Can he breathe through that?
(Then Luigi collapsed.)
Masamune: This is bad.
Author: Mario Jr.[edit]
(Kiffus growls and pounces on Cobrax.)
Cobrax: Bad move.
(Cobrax releases the energy blast, knocking the Nekolfos into the ground, leaving a massive crater. Cobrax then delivers a series of smaller energy discs into the crater just to be thorough.)
Vorpal: Wow... is he dead?
Cobrax: I doubt it.
Marin: Hey! Aren't some robot or something? Can't you tell if he's alive or not?
Cobrax: The assailant is already deceased. I sensed no life signs from him the whole time.
Marin: *hits herself on the head* Duh, Mare!
(Sure enough, once the smoke had cleared, Kiffus was standing up again, now more pissed off than ever.)
Kiffa: Kunjulla Tal’Ru Shin-Ra!
(Suddenly, the skies overhead turned into a fiery shade of red and the sun went black. The blades on his wrist grew longer as well as the ones on his elbows and knees. Razor sharp spines also emerges from his back and on his tail formed an Axe. The transformed warrior took one swipe at Cobrax and sliced off his arm. He then continued slashing at the android, dicing him up like fresh salad. Too, his dismay though, the badly disfigured android continued to stand on one leg and one arm, not looking the slightest bit phased.)
Kiffus: [Wha... what matter of being are?]
Cobrax: Okay, I gave adequate enough warnings. Now I must eliminate you.
Kiffus: [With one leg and one arm? I'd like to see you try!]
GM: Okay, this is getting old. I can't understand a single thing he’s saying.
(GM looks around and notices Tiffa, practically drooling at the sight of Cobrax.)
GM: *points at Tiffa* Hey you! With the cat ears! You look you're the same race as that razor guy over there. Can you translate what he's saying?
Tiffa: That hooded guy... He‘s so dreamy...
Marin: Don’t even bother. She’s too far gone to hear you.
Cobrax: That girl…
(Kiffus begins spinning around in a whirlwind of spinning blades likes some crazy top. He flies in Cobrax’s direction, cutting up what was left of him. But the android refused to give up. Reduced to nothing but half a torso with a head and one arm, he crawls over to Tiffa’s direction.)
Kiffus: [Why don’t you give up? There’s no way you can beat a Nekolfos!? I’m designed to adapt to new threats like yourself.]
(Cobrax ignores Kiffus’ taunting and continued towards Tiffa.)
Cobrax: Excuse me, Miss but can I borrow that necklace of yours?
Tiffa: You mean this. *holds up the Shine amulet*
Cobrax: Affirmative.
(Puzzled, she bends down and hands Cobrax the amulet that Kiffus had given her earlier. Just as he had expected, Kiffus’ face fills with dread.)
Cobrax: Ah, so my calculations were correct. This item is important to you after all. It must be the secret to your strength.
Kiffus: [Fool! You don’t know what you’re doing!]
Cobrax: Sorry. I still don’t understand your language.
(That said, Cobrax crushes the amulet and Kiffus lets out a final roar as he turns into a pile of dust and blows away in tto the wind. Instantly, the skies returned to normal. That’s when Tiffa pounces on what was left of Cobrax.)
Tiffa: Our hero! You were so brave Mr. Snake guy!
Marin: Okay that’s enough, Tiffs!
(Marin grabs Tiffa by the arm and pulls her off of the poor android.)
Marin: *laughs nervously* Sorry about that. Tiffa can get carried away sometimes.
Tiffa: Call me a’’ight!
(Tiffa then gets hauled offscreen by Marin and the two disappear from the scene.)
Cobrax: o.O
~ELEWHERE~
Shadowy Figure: Hmm. It seems the Nekolfos weren’t as strong a warriors as the legends claimed. Perhaps the ape will be more successful.
Author: GM[edit]
Masamune: Well, she seemed pleased for someone who didn't want that thing to get hurt.
GM: What about him?
(GM points to Luigi, who was still on the ground.)
Masamune: He'll be alright. He can't die yet.
Zambi: Ruuuuuuurgh!
Masamune: You said it, Zambi.
Author: Mario Jr.[edit]
OOC: EXTRA SCENE ADDED.
Marin: Oh, almost forgot!
(Marin sheds a tear into hand and throws at Luigi's head. Almost magically, the crstalization reversed.)
Vorpal: Hey! His eyes are still crystals!
Marin: Nothin's ever good enough for you people... *leaves*
Vorpal: Wait! Aren't you going to finish the job?
Masa: Oh forget it. You know how stubborn Mario women are...
~Somewhere Else~
Tiffa: Why did ya haveta do that for!? Embarassing me like infront of that hunky snake guy.
Marin: Oh please! You'd fall in love with a toaster if you had the chance.
Tiffa: Toasty! I miss him...
Marin: ...
Tiffa: What!?
Marin: You seem very happy for someone who just lost a could-be relative.
Tiffa: You mean that other Neko? *expression changes* ...It's been so long since I've seen another one of my kind... I thought I was the only one. But that thing... It's probablyy best I didn't get to involved with it. There are certian caste of Neko-Neko's bred to be warriors. They will use any means of deception get what they want. If anything, he was probably programmed to believe he was my brother. Besides, even if I was some 5,000 year old mummy like he was I would have been a princess!
Marin: Ha! You a princess.
Tiffa: Hey! It could happen.
Author: Masamune[edit]
Masamune: You okay, Weeje?
Luigi: No I'm NOT okay. My head got turned into a crystal and I get cured out of the blue?
GM: This is bad?
Luigi: I dunno... I just kinda expected something more dramatic.
Vorpal: Anyways, I'm confused. We should go back to fighting aliens.
~MEANWHILE~
Lord Emperor Hungary: Haha! With Uruguay gone, I rule the M&M Galaxy!
~Back with the OGers~
Masamune: Nah. I'm thinking Roy / Carrotcake King should be showing up again.
~ELSEWHERE~
Roy (thinking): Could you like, possess somebody else?
Roy (CK thinking): No.
~OGers again~
Luigi: Maybe. But Sarugerm was the best!
~inside Canadian Dude~
Sarugerm: Soon I shall rule the body and take over... Cleveland! Hahahaha!
~OGers again~
Everyone: *stares*
Luigi: Well -I- thought he was a good villain.
GM: I don't have a villain to reference yet. (frowns)
Marin: *walks in* Hey! Maybe Laura-
Everyone: No.
Marin: Fine. *leaves again*
Vorpal: So we'll just have to beat up GORE.
Masamune: I have to save my girl! At least I am guessing that Rebe was kidnapped, I actually don't know.
Luigi: *sidelong glance*
Vorpal: My girl turned against me. I guess that gives me an excuse to smack her around.
Masamune: Well, I'm out of flying ships for this OG.
Luigi: My awesome wings only come out when I'm doing something cool.
Vorpal: The Collection Agency emptied out the Vorp-Cave. (frowns)
GM: Oh. Well in that case we can take my car.
~points to a old station wagon that doesn't look safe to even look at, much less drive~
Vorpal: I'm up for walking. You guys?
Luigi / Masamune: Oh yeah / Definitely.
GM: Fine.
Author: Mario Jr.[edit]
(Apparantly at Don Miguel's place, a mysterious stranger with orange hair and green asianic eyes appears at his door. Don Miguel answers, carrying a box under his ram at the time.)
Don Miguel: How can I help you?
Luigi Jr.: I hear that you sell Love Perfume that'd make any girl think I'm irrestible.
Don Miguel: Yes.
Just insert some of your own urine and suddenly every girl thinks you're George Clooney. These things are selling like crazy!
Luigi Jr.: Cool! Is that them right there? I'll buy the whole box.
(Don Miguel looks down at the box.)
Don Miguel: Oh these? These aren't for sell. They're de--
Luigi Jr.: I don't care! I'm loaded!
(Before Don Miguel could protest, LJ snatches the box the box and throws him a sack full of precious diamonds and gold coins. Then he ran off.)
Don Miguel: --fective....
~Later~
(Marin and Tiffa are sitting just outside some coffee shop when LJ appears out of nowhere, dressed all metrosexually with his hair slicked back and a bundle of roses in hand.)
LJ: My beloved! I have finally found you!
Marin: Luigi Jr....? What the hell are you doing here!?
LJ: I've come to tell you, what I've been hiding in heart for so long! I know you might think it's wrong. But I know. I know in my heart that you and I were meant to be! I know we have the same last name but what is a name but a bunch of random letters? It doesn't change how I feel about you. MARIN MARIO! I LOVE YOU!
(By this time, everyone outside the cafe was staring at them.)
Marin: !!!
Tiffa: ???
(Luigi approaches them from across the street, but a loud rumbling sound coming from afar caused him to stop dead in his tracks. The sound seemed to grow louder, as if something large was heading their direction. LJ gulped as he looked out the corner of his eye in time to see a huge stampede of men heading in his direction. Before he knew he was swept up by a sea of writhing arms trying to tear off his clothes.)
Marin: Ew! Sick! Look away Tiffa.
Tiffa: Shouldn't we try to help him?
Marin: Nah.
LJ: Oh no! Help me somebody! Marin! Marin! You can't leave me like this! HELP MEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!
(As just like that, LJ was carried off as the stampede dissappeared around the corner.)
Tiffa: ^_^ Who was that?
Marin: Nevermind him. We got more pressing matters to attend to.
Tiffa: Like what?
Marin: Like trying to figure out how a Nekolfos ended up on earth for starters. We're going to Egypt.
Tiffa: Why Egypt?
Marin: Because that's the closest Earthling culture to yours. If something about your people, it could be found there.
Tiffa: Shouldn't we go get the others? They seem pretty smart.
Marin: Oh they're probably busy with some baddie that fought dozens of times before or something. Let's go!
(Marin whistles for a Taxi. A yellow cab swerves over and pulls up besides them to let them in.)
Marin: *to the driver* To the airport! And step on it!
Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
~The lair of the Doomhikers~
GORE: At last... At LAAAAAAST!
Golem: Did you track down Yami's cheesecake?
GORE: No, no. I finally managed to get these two LEGO pieces apart. Day-um, that was hard.
Golem: I mean, we just tracked down Yami's cheesecake.
GORE: Oh! Then what are we waiting for?!
Golem: And the Gamehikers just arrived.
GORE: Ah... Let's just... roll out the red carpet... MWA HA HA HA HA!
Rhyk: ~rolls out a red carpet~
GORE: It was sarcasm, you fool.
~The door explodes inward as Zambi Yoshi throws a Putrid Egg at it.~
Vorpal: At last, GORE-ILLA, we meet for the first time for the last time!
GORE: You lost to the awesome power of the Doomhikers last time. What hope do you have this time?
Vorpal: New membership!
GM: Yo.
Zambi: Yuuuuuuuuuuurgh.
GORE: Ah... but it just so happens that I ALSO have new membership. Oh Muuuuuurasame!
Masamune: NO!
~A poorly composed robot with a vague semblance of Murasame rolls into the room.~
Masamune: Oh, phew.
~The robot leaps into the air and goes Kung Fu Krazy on the Gamehikers, leaving them in A DEFEATED PILE! The robot then explodes from overexertion. Luigi slowly gets up.~
GORE: So sad. ~picks up a rock~ I could kill you right now. I don't have to miss.
Luigi: I believe you. Not.
GORE: What say we fight each other with no tricks, no weapons. Sportsmanlike, as God intended.
Luigi: You mean, you'll put down your rock, and I'll put down my laser sword, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized beings?
GORE: I could kill you right now. ~hefts rock~
Luigi: I doubt it, but I'll humor you. ~puts down laser sword~
GORE: Psych!
~GORE throws the rock, but Luigi lifts his hand and causes it to explode in midair.~
Luigi: Want to humor me?
GORE: ~sigh~
~Luigi runs forward and tries to push GORE over. He ends up hurting his shoulder instead and backs away. He runs forward again and grabs GORE around the waist, trying to lift him, but gives up again. GORE grins stupidly.~
Luigi: Are you just fiddling with me, or what?
GORE: I just want you to feel like you suck.
~GORE charges at Luigi, but Luigi drops to the ground and GORE runs right over him. Luigi rolls to his feet.~
GORE: You're quick.
Luigi: Good thing too.
GORE: ~punches~ So... why are you wearing those sunglasses indoors? ~punches~ Were your eyes turned into crystal, or something? ~punches~
Luigi: N-no! ~dodges~ They're, um, prescription. ~dodges~
~Luigi rolls under one of GORE's punches, causing GORE to stumble forward. Luigi climbs onto GORE's back and wraps his arms hard around GORE's throat.~
GORE: I just realized why you're giving me so much trouble... ~runs backwards and slams Luigi into a wall~
Luigi: Why do you think that is?
GORE: Well... Golem and Rhyk are just standing there and not helping me. ~rams Luigi into another wall~
Luigi: Why should that make any... ~is slammed into the wall~ difference...
GORE: Well, I've gotten so used to fighting in groups. I mean, I haven't fought alone since GMOG3. ~falls to his knees~ And it's easier to fight in groups than to fight as just... one... ~faints~
~Luigi lets go of GORE and rolls him onto his back.~
Luigi: I do not envy you the headache you'll have in the morning. But that's what you get for kidnapping Rebe, got it?
Golem: Hey...
~Luigi looks up just in time to see Rhyk smack him over the head with a board.~
Author: Mario Jr.[edit]
~Meanwhile, in the Mushroom Kingdom~
MJ: I feel overwhelmed by the foreboding feeling of depression. Something bad must be happening on Earth.
Andi: Oh yeah just feeling angsty cuz you're not used to be away from your sister for more than two pages. Finish your waffles. They're getting cold.
MJ: *stuffs his face* That may be but I'm going to go check on her.
(MJ gets up and grabs his hat and coat off the rack.)
Andi: MJ! You walk out that door you'll never be able to come back again.
MJ: What are you talking about? I'm the fraking Mushroom Prince. I practically own everything in this kingdom.
Andi: Oh. Well, come back safely. I'm not raising our son alone with a convenient staff of palace servants at my every beck and call. I need you MJ.
MJ: Now who's being angsty?
Andi: Just take care of yourself MJ. I love you.
MJ: I know.
(That said, MJ heads out the door. Wow, barely two pages into the OG too... Moments later, there was a pounding knock at the castle doors.)
Andi: I knew he wouldn't leave me!
(Elated, Andi exits the dining room, down the corridor leading to the Great Hall. Still the pounding reverberated throughout the castle walls.)
Andi: Why isn't anyone answering the door...? Where are all the servants...?
(She opens up the palace doors)
Andi: What you forgot the key or some--*gasp*
(However, instead of MJ standing there was a man in a yellow trench-coat, matching cap and purple tinted glasses. Despite it being bright and cheery outside, his face seemed to be entirely enshrouded in shadows.)
Andi: You are not my husband…
Shadowy Figure: Well, yeah. Duh. *stabs*
(Andi hit’s the ground.) SF: It’s nothing personal sweetheart. You’d just get in the way.
(The Shadowy Figure’s attention then turns to a baby’s cries coming from within the castle. He grins sinisterly as heads up the stairs and into the nursery. There, in the crib, he find a healthy baby boy with unruly pink hair.)
SF: Ah… The Son of Mario Jr.
(Just, SF is hit upside the with a blunt object. He spins around angrily to see Andi standing behind him, holding up a banged up frying pan shakily.)
Andi: Stay away from my baby you creep!
(His eyes suddenly burn with an intense yellow behind his sunglasses as he swings his fist at her. She screams and ducks out the way as he punches straight through the wall.)
Andi: Who are you!? What do you want?
SF: An ol’ chum of MJ’s. The rest is none of your concern, woman!
(The Shadowy Figure throws another punch at her but smashes a nearby armoire instead.)
Andi: You almost
killed me! And you’re trying to steal my baby. I think it is my concern.
(Andi whips out her trident and shoots out a large energy blast, knocking the intruder through the wall and into the bath tub in the next room. Seemingly unscathed, he brushes the dust off his clothes and puts his cap back on as he remerges from the hole the blast created.)
SF: I was going to let you live but now you’re starting to piss me off, lady.
(The shadowy Figure pulls out his sword, identical to MJ’s Star Sword, only it was black with bat wings on it’s hilt and it’s core crystal was blue.)
Andi: That sword… Then you must be…
SF: Yeah, that’s right!
Andi: But you’re not real!
SF: Oh, I’m real alright. *grins*
(The Shadowy Figure raises his sword high into the air with both hands, gathering dark chi from the air. When the core crystal turns yellow to match his element he makes a swift vertical slash that sends dark shock waves into Andi’s direction. Managing to evade the energy blasts, Andi grabs Urchin from his crib and makes a run for it out the door. The Shadowy figure runs after her. Jumping off the railing, he lands in front of ant the end of the stairwell.)
Andi: *gasp*
SF: Where’s the baby?
Andi: He’s somewhere you can’t find him.
SF: We’ll see about that.
(Andi thrusts her trident deep into the Shadowy Figure’s abdomen but he just laughs malevolently as he yanks out the Trident and tosses it along with Andi across the room like she were a mere rag doll. Andi struggles to get up but the pain was too strong. Now, standing over her, the Shadowy Figure charges his sword again and makes a powerful downward thrust. Andi rolls away in time through and while the Shadowy Figure was busy struggling to pull his sword free she jumps on his back and starts clawing at his head like a wild animal. The Shadowy Figure begins to scream, though more in frustration than in pain. Andi then bites done hard on neck.)
~Thirty Minutes Later~
(The Shadowy Figure gets into cockpit of his airship with Baby Urchin safely strapped in a child seat in the chair next to him. Urchin stares up at the stranger blankly, totally oblivious to the death of his mother.)
SF: Don’t worry kiddo. Your mom’s in a better place now.
(The Shadowy figure then adjusts the rearview mirror. In it’s reflection it show him as he takes off his glasses to reveal the dark circles around his now hazel eyes, and rubs the blood off his face.)
SF: But man! The bitch can sure put up a fight!
Author: GM[edit]
(Vorpal, Masamune, GM, and Zambi wake up chained to a wall in a large empty room. Golem and Rhyk were standing in front of them.)
Golem: Good, you're awake.
Masamune: Good, you're close enough for me to do this.
(Since their legs weren't restrained, Masamune kicked Golem in the face, knocking him on his face.)
Golem: OW! Hey, what was that for!?
Vorpal: Probably for whatever you're doing now.
Golem: I think you broke my nose! I'm gonna get some first aid. Rhyk, you watch them.
(Golem walks away.)
Rhyk: Alright, here's the deal. You're in our torture chamber. We're gonna torture you for information.
GM: ...How exactly? I don't see any torture devices.
Rhyk: Well, we just got the base. We're gonna go door-to-door selling cookies to get the money for torture devices. But we have other ways of making you talk!
Vorpal: Where's GORE, Kuria, and everyone else!?
GM: And where'd that skinny hobo that was with us? The guy who can't die yet. What's-His-Name.
Rhyk: Hey, I'm the one who's asking the questions!
Vorpal: Can you at least humor us?
Rhyk: ..*sighs, which robots shouldn't be able to do* Okay. Luigi, being in the title of this story, is getting special treatment, so he's in a cell somewhere being laughed at by GORE. Sapphire... I don't know. She turned evil with us, but she didn't show up at the council table.
_________________
(Sapphire arrives at the council room.)
Sapphire: You guys could have at least told me where the base was! ...Hello? Guys?
_________________
Rhyk: Rebe's a girl, so she's separated from you guys and being guarded by Kuria.
Masamune: What does being a girl have to do with anything?
Rhyk: Well, girls do things that are a bit private.
Masamune: Like?
Rhyk: Scary things. Things men wouldn't understand.
__________________
Kuria: *typing on laptop* "Harry looked deeply into Ron's eyes and drew him closer."
Rebe: Do you have to read it out loud as you type?
Kuria: You're the prisoner, so I have to.
Rebe: Why are you making gay Harry Potter fanfiction anyway.
Kuria: It's part of our evil plan. You'll see...
__________________
Rhyk: And you guys are here.
Masamune: Obviously.
Rhyk: Now for the torture... Wait, where's the zombie?
(They all turned their heads toward Zambi. His arms were still chained, but his body was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, they hear a gulping sound and turn back to Rhyk, who had been swallowed by Zambi. Zambi turned his head and spat Rhyk into a wall. This knocked him offline and probably proke a few parts.)
GM: Ha! Good Zambi! Now get the key.
(The key was on the ground. Rhyk had dropped it when Zambi grabbed him. Zambi ran over to it. Unfortunately, he accidentally kicked it into an inconvenient hole in the ground.)
GM/Vorpal/Masamune: ...
Zambi: ...Urp.
Author: Mario Jr.[edit]
~Simultaneously~
(Marin and Tiffany arrive at Cairo.)
Marin: Anything look familiar?
Tiffa: No. My world was a lush rainforest and everything was brightly colored.
Marin: Tch! Sounds more like your people were more Aztec... Totally wrong hemisphere!
(Tiffany squints at the Pyramids of Giza in the horizon and for a moment they seemed to turn white and were surrounded by trees as far as the eye could see.)
Tiffa: Over there! That's where our ships would land!
Marin: Whaddya know? Being forced to watch Stargate with my brother finally paid off.
Tiffa: C'mon!
(Tiffany drags Marin over towards the Pyramids. Eventually they find themselves along a tour guide.)
Guide: And over to your left your can see the Great Sphinx. The face of the Great Sphinx is believed to the head of the pharaoh Khafra--often known by the Hellenised version of his name, Chephren--which would date its construction to the Fourth Dynasty almost 3,000 years ago.
Tiffa: Blasphemy! That is obviously a statue of the Neko King Suffus, otherwise known as the backwards Neko. He was the joke of the empire and was exiled from our world more than 10,000 years ago. The statue was built here at that time to remind all travelers of his stupidity.
(Tiffa grabs Marin by the arm and jumps off the tour bus while it was still moving.)
Guide: Hey! Get back in your seats!
(Tiffa ignored the Guide’s yelling and the two make their way to the Sphinx's left paw.)
Marin: Do you even know what the hell you're doing?
Tiffa: Sorta. It's kinda like something I remember from a dream.
(Tiffa starts running her hand across the statue's paw. Underneath a millennia of packed-up dirt and sands, she manages to digs out what seemed to be a lock of some sort. She reaches in and turns two clicks to the left and three click to the right. Suddenly, a low grinding sound could be heard as the paw began to slwly rise from the ground, revealing a underground passageway.)
Marin: Well there's one for the conspiracy theorists.
Tiffa: I know this place! It's down here!
Marin: What is?
(Tiffa drags Marin down the flight of stairs into a dark corridor. Almost as soon as they entered, the torches on the walls all began to light up in a chain reaction. Puzzled, Marin could only try her best to keep up with Tiffany as she expertly traversed the mazelike corridors. Eventually they found themselves in a dead end in a large empty room.)
Marin: Well that was fun.
Tiffa: No... This can't be... It's empty.
Marin: What did you expect? A big stinkin’ pile of gold or something? We're looking for clues, not looking for treasure.
Tiffa: This is where they were kept... Suffus' army of Nekolfos... Four Neko warriors, highly trained them mummified alive and sealed here, awaiting the day Suffus would arise and exact his revenge on the Empire... 10,000 years ago.
Marin: *looks around* My guess is that they crumbled to dust. I mean, 10,000 years seems like an awfully long time...
(Tiffany takes a few steps back and grabs her head frantically.)
Marin: Tiffany!
Tiffa: I-I'm overflowing!
(The room around Tiffany begins to change. Dust flies up from the ground and out the door the door, exposing brightly colored murals on the walls. Four sarcophagi surrounds her, each carrying a sleeping Neko warrior. A bald headed human with a pointed beard and eyes that burned gold enters the room with a pale woman dressed in blue at his arms. With a wave of his hand, the ruby encrusted sarcophagus opened up, and the Neko warrior from before steps out and exposes his deadly claws. The man merely smiles and shoves the Nekolfos a defenseless child in his direction. The Nekolfos accepted the offering, picking up the boy and devouring his soul. Then it was all gone...)
Marin: Tiffany... are you alright?
(Tiffa takes a moment to catch her breath. Then she grabs a spear off the wall nad in in a flash second she spins around and holds it against Marin‘s neck.)
Marin: Tiffa...?
Tiffa: Who are you?
Marin: Tiffany, it's me, Mar--
Tiffa: Don't play dumb with me! I saw you! You were with the man with the yellow eyes!
Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
Cobrax: You require my assistance.
~Vorpal, Masamune, and GM look up to see the reconstructed Cobrax sitting on a window ledge. He hops down and pulls their chains out of the wall.~
Vorpal: It's not like we NEEDED your help...
Cobrax: Your current situation implies otherwise.
GM: Why are you following us around, anyway?
Cobrax: Don Miguel wished it.
GM: Oh, that's nice. Like I need a bodyguard.
~GM trips and lands on his face, causing his nose to bleed profusely.~
Masamune: These Doomhikers are a tricky bunch.
Vorpal: They've obviously been imbued with new powers. I mean, how else could they pwn the three most powerful OGers ever... and that guy?
GM: Shut up.
Masamune: So we need to destroy the source(s) of their power, to become more powerful!
GM: You don't even know if they are getting power from somewhere?
Vorpal/Masamune: HA HA HA!
Vorpal: Honestly. Me and GORE in a fair fight? We'd be dining on ape meat.
Masamune: New idea! We find out whatever the Doomhikers are plotting, and then do it first, just to show them who's really boss!
Vorpal: Yes, but how...?
GM: Oh, I got that. I just have to remember a code that shows you what your next mission is.
Masamune: Cheating!
GM: Whatever. What about the hobo guy?
Masamune: Ah, leave him. He can't die anyway.
~Watching on a monitor screen...~
GORE: Try and show me up, will you? Well, how about if I mix it up and... GIVE YOU A HEAD START! Then we'll see who's REALLY the pwnsome!
Kuria: I don't think that's such a...
GORE: Quiet, wench! You just want your boyfriend to win!
Kuria: No, that's what you're doing.
GORE: I'm the evil boss, and what I say goes.
Author: Masamune[edit]
~Meanwhile, Luigi is sitting in a alley~
Hobo: So they said they won't defile their cells with hobos?
Luigi: Yeah.
Hobo: That happens to me all the time. (frowns)
Luigi: I see.
Hobo: Got any money?
Luigi: No.
~MEANWHILE, at the nearest circus~
Fortune Teller: So you want me to tell you what this GORE guy is planning.
~Vorpal and Masamune nod vigorously~
Fortune Teller: ... that'll be fifty bucks.
~the two look at GM~
GM: What? *looks at Fortune Teller* Oh. *hands over money* You guys owe me.
Fortune Teller: Okay. The magic ball says he's going to uh, take over the world.
Vorpal: Of course!
Masamune: I knew it!
Vorpal: So we have to take over the world before he does.
Masamune: In order to save the world we'll have to steal it.
GM: Guys. Dunno if you noticed, but stealing the world is like. Hard. And kinda pointless, don't you think?
Vorpal: We'll need a really big bag.
Masamune: Yes, a bag. Hmm.
GM: I don't know why I bother.
Cobrax: Just let them enjoy it.
Fortune Teller: Could you get the zombie off my head?
Zambi: Urgh... brains....
Vorpal: Maybe we could use a giant tractor beam to pull it behind a nebula.
Masamune: Good idea. Where will we get one?
Fortune Teller: Agh! *dies*
Zambi: Urrgrh....
Vorpal: Hm. Not Canada...
GM: .... okay! We'll take over the world. I happen to have a plan on how to do it in reserve.
Masamune: Fine.
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