Holiday Goers Reloaded

And now, without any explanation...

Author: GORE-ILLA (November 5, 2004)

Time: The night of November 20th- five days before Thanksgiving. Place: A butcher house. People: Master butcher Darth Butch and his apprentice, plus a surprise visitor...

*On a television, a mindless sitcom is playing.*

Man: Hi! ...SEX!!! *canned laughter*

Other Person: Nice to meet you. ...SEX! *canned laughter*

Darth Butch: Apprentice! Turn off this incoherant program! I cannot concentrate on the Force!

Geeky-looking Apprentice: Yes sir!

*The Apprentice shuts off the television, while Darth Butch approaches a group of live, yet bound, turkeys. Butch ignites his blue laser sword and does his job.*

Darth Butch: Now, Apprentice- bring in some fresh ones while I start defeathering them... all of them.

*The Apprentice scampers out of the room. Darth Butch continues his work until he hears some pots falling.*

Darth Butch: Apprentice? Is that you?

*canned laughter*

Darth Butch: Rrrrr... I thought I told you to turn off that blasted television!

*Darth Butch turns towards the television and sees that it is still on.*

Darth Butch: ...What is this, some sort of Jedi mind trick?

*Darth Butch sees a small figure dash between ths shadows and hears the canned laughter emitting from it. Darth Butch slashes towards the shadow, but it leaps over his head to safety. Butch spins around and sees a Turkey standing on the counter, with dark red eyes. Darth Butch gasps at the evil radiating from the creature.*

Turkey: *canned laughter*

Darth Butch: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!0

*The next day...*

Author: Masamune (October 30, 2005)

~MEANWHILE~

-The Masamune Residence-

Masamune: This is going to be the best Turkey Day ever.

Dodo: For some reason, in this version of the OG, I think I'm vaguely offended by the idea of eating a bird.

Masamune: Come to think of it, so am I. It goes against my Birdocrat ways, you know.

Dodo: It's going to start all over. The canned laughter. The turkey hunt. MagiKoopa and his hot anime chicks.

Masamune: Perhaps not the last part, but indeed there is a turkey who is in mortal danger of his life. Quick! To the secret lair!

~dramatic music plays as they run into the living room and sit down on the two La-Z Boy recliners. The two chairs sink into the floor and as they sink, Masamune is changed into his usual pirate outfit and Dodo gets his helmet~

Masamune: What does the radar say?

Dodo: Canned laughter at the Rocketville TV station.

Masamune: To the Cutterduds.

~scene flashes to them both now on motorcycles. Or rather, Masamune on a motorcycle and Dodo sitting in a spair seat on the side~

Masamune: Let's... get... thankful.

Dodo: Cheesiest line ever.

~Meanwhile~

GORE: *watches Masamune and Dodo race out of a secret exit way under his pool* Grr, how dare they show up a year late for Thanksgiving!

Author: Luigi of the Pipes (October 30, 2005

~Out of nowhere, a bull (goomba) jumps in front of Masamune and Dodo's bike. They crash into it, flip over, and slam headfirst into the ground. The bull (goomba) pulls a tiny clump of grass out of a crack in the road, eats it, and walks on.~

Masamune: Dodo... are you hurt?

Dodo: Only my most of me... Good thing I wore my Safety Helmet! (plug)

Masamune: Ow...

Luigi: ~jumps out of bushes near the road~ It serves you right! Trying to prevent a holiday with feasts! Look at me! I need that day!

Masamune: Eat beef, then!

Luigi: No no, I eat beef on Tuesday. It would just throw off my schedule.

~Luigi picks up Masamune and Dodo's bike, flips it over, and hops on.~

Luigi: I'm going to the Rocketsville TV Station personally. Gotta get me some of that turkey action.

~The bike explodes and flips Luigi into the ground headfirst.~

Luigi: Ow...

Masamune: As soon as I can feel my extremities again, you're DEAD!

Author: Golem (November 24, 2005

~A few chuckles come from a nearby bush.~

Luigi: Hush, what's that...?

Masamune: A massive head inj--

~Masamune is cut off as the chuckles turn into full-blown CANNED LAUGHTER(!!!) and Masamune, Dodo, and Luigi are swept into a huge clear bag (with holes to breathe, of course).

A turkey with crazed red eyes picks up the bag's end and drags it behind him (her?).

A few hours later, they are dropped outside someone's door. The turkey rings the doorbell and rushes away. Soon, a man in a Star Trek lapel over a wifebeater shirt answers the door.~

Man: Ah, Turkey's bill is on time.

Dodo: Excuse me?

Man: Oh, right, except for you.

Masamune, Dodo, Luigi: ...

Man: You must be new to this. In exchange for letting him live and keep his apartment, I, Turkey's landlord, accept alternatives to birds for eating.

Author: GORE-ILLA (December 5, 2005

*The Landlord leads Masa, Luigi and Dodo towards the oven.*

Landlord: Wait, I should pluck your feathers first. Who wants to go first?

Dodo: Not it!

Landlord: Fine then I'll pluck you two first. (slowly plucks one hair at a time off Masa and Luigi with a nail clipper)

Luigi: Da-ow-mit ow Do-ow-do! Now what do we do? ...Ow!

Dodo: Wait for a mysterious stranger to save us?

*A Warp Pipe pops up in the center of the room and spits Golem out.*

Golem: Hey-ho-what now?

Masa: GOLEM! SAVE US!

Golem: (shrugs) Okay.

Landlord: (tears off shirt) Not so fast, the honor of this feast is mine and I willl gladly fight you to preserve the honor of me and my ancestors!!!

*Golem nods. He and Landlord leap atop a table and stare each other down. They manage to time it so they both screech battle cries and chrage each other at the same time after several failed rehearsels. The scrawny teenager and middle-aged fat guy break out into a big kung fu fight. Golem sweeps out with his leg, but the Landlord leaps over and pounces on his head, then grabs Golem by the scarf, swings him around in a circle and flings him out the window.*

Landlord: Come back! You still owe me my due!!

*Golem suddenly leaps up from behind and hands onto the Landlord's back, shoving him forward towards the toaster.*

Landlord: No, what... what are you doing??!!

*The Landlord slams into the toaster, and it explodes, leaving the Landlord lying charred in the center of the kitchen. The whole town walks in sadly and gathers around his dying form. Everyone in the room sheds a tear.*

Landlord: I guess it's time... to pay my dues...

Golem: Wait! Before you go... Tell me your name.

Landlord: Me? Why I'm just the landlord... Mario Segali... Listen carefully. There... is... another... (explodes)

Golem: WHAT HAVE I DONE???

Masamune: Truly he lived more than any of us.

*Luigi looks out the window and sees the Turkey, but it quickly disappears.*

Lugi: If we move on I think we'll need the aid of the Trail Leader GORE-ILLA.

Dodo: He's not a Trail Leader in this one.

Luigi: Who cares? He probably has food.

*The three get on a bus to GORE's house. They walk in to find it all dark. As they feel their way into the dining room, the light is snapped on by a bearded GORE.*

GORE: Where have you been?

Masa: We were just out-

GORE: For ONE YEAR? I specifically said November 25, 2004, and I get nothing. No calls, no visits. I've been waiting to say grace this whole time. Do you know how worried I was?

Luigi: I'm sorry. I didn't think-

GORE: That much is clear. Now set down and eat Thanksgiving dinner!

Dodo: I don't really eat tur-

GORE: SIT DOWN AND EAT!

*Everyone silently shuffles into their chairs.*

Masa: GORE... is this food okay?

GORE: Of course it is, I baked it myself just last November.

*The table is a filthy smelly pile of corroded food and rats plus a turkey skeleton.*

GORE: (does a stupid toothy grin) Well? Eat up!

Author: Masamune (December 10, 2005)

Masamune: I'm calling for pizza.

Luigi: Well it's December now anyways.

GORE: Don't worry, we can have leftovers for Christmas Dinner.

Dodo: Ahem... right... so, let's go get some Christmas Shopping done. *cough*

GORE: Oh no you don't, this is a Thanksgiving OG.

Masamune: But Turkey Day is a November-December celebration of slaughtering thousands of turkeys as a symbollic gesture of eating way too much during the holiday season.

GORE: Wow, you're right...

Masamune: Which is EXACTLY why I plan to stop it! Come on Dodo!

~The Masamune logo flashes across the screen and they are GONE~

GORE: You going to eat that moldy biscuit?

Luigi: Uh, help yourself.

Author: GORE-ILLA (February 18, 2009)

*Four years and three months later...*

Luigi: (slumped over in chair, looking skeletal) Please... PLEASE! LET ME EAT SOMETHING ALREADY!

GORE: (beard reaches down to floor and somehow with as baggy eyes as possible) Not until Masa and Dodo return! WE ALL HAVE TO BE HERE TO SAY GRACE!

Luigi: Can I at least eat the maggots that have built a next in my hair after working their way up from my arm?!

GORE: Why do you have to complain. Why can't you be more like Golem?! (waves to bespectacled skeleton sitting across the table)

*Elsewhere, Masamune and Dodo ride sports cars through Europeon countryside with every woman Luigi ever has and ever will be associated with.*

Masamune: harharhar!

*Masamune tosses a can out of the car, and it lands by the side of a highway. A Mole Guy looks down at it and sheds a tear.*

Dodo: What do you think ever happened to Golem, GORE and Luigi?

Masamune: Who.

*Back at GORE's.*

Luigi: (begins upchucking organs)

GORE: HURHUR WE SHOULD CALL YOU LUIGI NOSKIN!

End

Totally was a SPOG all along