Oregon Goers 48

Start: March 27, 2007
End: In Progress
Timeline: Pre-Timeline
Writers: Luigi of the Pipes, TheKirbyOfDeath, Ditto McCloaker, Masamune, Director, GORE-ILLA, Retro Belmont, Mariorocks, Golem
Main Cast: Luigidiah Kovacs, Splog, Jed, Banker Ditto, Mune Wayne, Director, Timnis, GORE-ILLA, McRichington, Rocky the Kid, Kaiser Bear N, Tingleton, SteveT, Donkeyman, Villagers 1-5

Overview

Oregon Goers 48 is a rebirth of the Oregon Goers series, only this time setting it based in 1848. The story features primarily Luigidiah Kovacs (presumably the ancestor of Luiigii) who sets out west to Oregon. The story is rife with parodies from Oregon Trail, but being a story set in the past, is filled with immortals (like Masamune and SteveT) as well as people with the same names as modern day characters (like Ditto McCloaker) who obviously are of no relation to their modern-day counterparts. It's a huge coincidence. Really!

Plot Summary

Luigidiah sets out for Oregon with Splog and goes to get his oxen from Jed, a curiously Kirby-shaped fellow with a mustache and and top hat. After Jed talks about how expensive his oxen are, Luigidiah does the only thing an honest Puritan can do - steals them. Luigidiah then heads to the bank to take out his life savings (which is not much) and runs into Ditto, who chose to be a Banker (by literally using a menu) for the purpose of going on the Oregon Trail. The two join up together and set out to buy some goods. They shop at the store of Mune Wayne, a super seller who not only swindles Ditto out of all of his cash, but also attaches himself to the group as their tour guide. Before they can make it out of town, they are confronted by Jed who has determined the ruse. He demands vengeance, but the group convince him that his clothing makes him the villain (rather than Luigidiah), giving them long enough to get away while he contemplates this.

Not long after heading out of town, Ditto gets dysentery, the first in a long line of terrible diseases. While Jed contemplates his new look (and enters a petty fight with Director), Luigidiah runs into a group of Native Americans (being politically correct even back then), but Mune used his clever swindling ways to make a break for it. Meanwhile GORE-ILLA warps from the future, to undo the greatest travesty of all: An Oregon Trail parody set in its proper time. He takes the clothes off of Mune's deceased employee and begins shadowing Luigidiah's group.

Their troubles far from over, they encounter wild fruit led by Director, who is an Eggplant apparently. The trouble is short lived, because Mune simply shoots Director in the face and all the eggplants die, just like in Legend of Zelda. Meanwhile Jed, deciding not to pursue Luigidiah, starts his own subplot back home. He enters into an amazing robbery with former foe McRichington to steal McRichington's own money, which is about to be taken from him by his wife, Goldie McRinchington. They are joined by Rocky for no reason and go to the court hearing about McRichington's divorce. It turns out Goldie is super gorgeous, but they rob her anyways. Before they can be caught, they take off with the money and head out on the open trail to start a new life in Oregon.

Meanwhile Luigidiah's band continues ever on, determining they've traveled an entire thirty miles and consumed over half of their supplies. When they realize they have no meat, Luigidiah goes out hunting. After missing with every single bullet, he kills a squirrel by blunt trauma with his rifle, but is only able to carry back the tail. Ditto ends up getting a snake bite, so they eat the snake instead. After Ditto makes an offhand comment about not encountering bears, they encounter Kaiser Bear N and his gang of German bears who decide to eat them. Using a contraption in the wagon, Mune kills them all at once with their stock of rifles. They are about to eat the bears, when they all turn into graves and they're forced to attend each and every funeral. After Luigidiah suffers massive damage from a bear mauling, he decides to put himself out of his misery, but ends up passing out and being healed by Splog blood.

They later find a river and the only way to cross is by the help of Tingleton, the fairy-loving Ferryman or ford the river. After losing everything by trying to ford it, they encounter Tingleton and force him to take them across, as well as making him their replacement oxen. This arrangement is short-lived, as they end up going on the Mormon Trail and encountering Kaiser Bear N as well as SteveT. As a devout Mormon, SteveT prepares to kill the Protestant scum, though Tingleton and Kaiser Bear N join him, since they're Mormons too. Luigidiah and the others make a break for it in the meantime. Luigidiah ends up caught on a tree, while the others head into Salem, Massachusetts after having gone the wrong way all along.

While Luigidiah is attacked by the newly formed SteveTrio, Mune is called a witch (for wearing a pointy black hat) and subjected to several painful witch trials, until GORE-ILLA uses the wooden duck argument to convince them he's not a witch. However Ditto offers the Digesting Duck, which convinces the villagers that Mune really is a witch and they proceed to burn him, though he continues in not dying. GORE-ILLA disguises himself as the town doctor and convinces the villagers to stop their witch-hunting ways, cures Ditto of his multiple diseases, and puts a combustion engine on their wagon, secretly slipping a Back to the Future-esque time machine on as well.

As the SteveTrio attempts to get Luigidiah, Mune and Ditto drive past and run over them. Luigidiah conveniently falls into the wagon as their passing, and then the wagon reaches 88 miles per hour and shoots into the future. Hiding on the bottom of the wagon, GORE-ILLA is elated until the wagon crashes into a mysterious time travel-preventing barrier and sends them all back to 1848. Opting for Plan B, GORE-ILLA blows up the wagon with a missile and attempts to kill the Oregon Goers to prevent their story from continuing.

Elsewhere, Director rises from the grave with new purpose. He assumes Jed killed him for unknown reasons, and is attempting to kill him, along with every sinner known to the old west. Currently he has killed George Welkington.