Story: Fire Goers

Note: This saga appears in multiple OGs. They have been arranged in some kind of order.

History Goers

Masamune

FIRE GOERS 1,000,000 BC

Caveman [Narrator]: Ugh.

Gooom and Luug 1 bad exiles from village of flying dung.

Gooom: What want do?

Luug 1: Not know. What want do?

Gooom: Not know. What want do?

Luug 1: Not know. What want do?

Gooom: Not know. What want do?

Luug 1: Not know. What want do?

Gooom: Not know. What want do?

Luug 1: Let go burn people.

Gooom: We not have fire.

Luug 1: Oh. We get fire, burn people?

Gooom: Want burn people. Want find fire.

Caveman: Gooom and Luug 1 go find fire. But Goom and Luug 1 live through beast that want eat them?

Golem

Caveman: Strange beast attack Goom and Luug 1. A yellow monster has stones for paws right side of body.

Sabertooth Tiger 64: GRAWR!

Caveman: Tiger jump at Luug 1. Luug 1 jump to side. Tiger's stone paws scratch against stone behind Luug 1. Bright things fall on dry sticks on ground. Orange and yellow eats the sticks. Luug 1 poke orange and not feel good.

Luug 1: Fire!

Rockthrowman: Happy too soon!!

Caveman: As Rockthrowman run he throw rock at fire.

Fire die.

Vorpal

Safour: Why me always left out? Me no want to be Fire Goer.

Gooom: We no invite you.

Safour: Me join you anyway.

Rockthrowman: Ugh! Bad guy is me! You pay attention!

Caveman: Rockthrowman throw rock. Hit Luug 1 on head. He out for count.

Rockthrowman: Now me take female, and make getaway on Flying Lizard Sasami!

Caveman: Rockthrowman take Safour and fly away.

Gooom: Now what me do?

Luug 1 Ugh... did Gooom forget fire?

Gooom: But... Rockthrowman...

Luug 1: Where he go.

Gooom: He leave note!

Luug 1: Me no read.

Gooom: Me neither. Need wiseman face-changer, Di'oh!

Luiigii of the Pipes

Caveman: Rockthrowman take Safour to secret base in Lost Caves. He meet his friends who are Stone Saurio and CraftTurtle. They are very strong friends.

CraftTurtle: Why we no like Fire Goers, again?

Stone Saurio: Fire burn rock. Me rock. Me no want burned.

Rockthrowman: But rock me throw on fire not burn. Why you rock burn?

Stone Saurio: Because me say so. Take woman to cave and put her in skimpy fur bikini.

Rockthrowman: Me listen.

Safour: Me modesty is ruined! Nooooo!

Caveman: Otherwhiles, Gooom and Luug 1 take note to wise man Di'oh.

Gooom: Di'oh? Me no see him.

Luug 1: Me no like him anyway.

Di'oh: Me here, under this rock, you dumb protozoan.

Gooom: Why you hide in shade of rock?

Di'oh: Me fear that the bright yellow orb will burn me.

Luug 1: You is dum.

Gooom: But the bright yellow orb not burn us.

Di'oh: Me tell you to be quiet. Give me you note for me to read.

Caveman: Gooom give note to Di'oh, who read.

Di'oh: It say, we no not take Safour to Lost Caves. Do not look for there. Love, Stone Saurio.

Gooom: Then we not look at Lost Caves.

Luug 1: We go to Lost Caves anyway. There is hot cavewomen there. And good mud.

Gooom: Fine...

GM

Caveman: Luug 1 and Gooom try to find Lost Caves. Have little success.

Luug 1: Where Lost Caves?

Gooom: Me no know. Lost Caves lost, dummy.

Luug 1: What we do now?

Gooom: We keep looking.

Luug 1: Look! Sign!

Caveman: Luug 1 point to sign. It have picture of cave and question mark.

Luug 1: What it could mean?

Gooom: That lead to stupid Question Cave. Waste of time. We no go.

Luug 1: Ooh.

Gooom: We can't find cave! Me frustrated!

Luug 1: Me too! Me smash wall with rock!

Caveman: Luug 1 throw rock at wall. Wall fall down. People inside.

Stone Saurio: Aarg! You discover Lost Caves!

Luug 1: Me am smart!

Gooom: Me am smart too!

Luug 1: You no smart! You no discover Lost Caves!

Gooom: You no prove that.

Golem

Caveman: Safour tied up in corner of cave.

Gooom: Untie Safour?

Stone Saurio: You stop fire going and we let Safour go!

Luug 1: No!

Rockthrowman: She not good captive... we kill her if you fire go!

Gooom: What captive?

Luug 1: Me not know.

Gooom: Urg.

Luug 1: What that?!

Caveman: Luug 1 point to dark part in cave. Stone Saurio,

Rockthrowman, CraftTurtle, and Gooom look. Luug 1 grab Safour and run.

Gooom: What there?

Caveman: Luug 1 run back and grab Gooom.

Masamune

Gooom: You no tell truth?

Luug 1: You no smart, must learn be bad.

Gooom: No, be bad wrong.

Safour: You both dum-dums.

Gooom: Me no lie, me good.

Luug 1: You puny, you no tell me what good and what bad.

Gooom: You no friend of me.

Luug 1: Fine. me no fire go with you.

Caveman: Gooom watch Luug 1 leave. Gooom big sad for friend gone, but go find fire.

Gooom: It no good, we no find fire.

Safour: We only walk two steps.

Caveman: Then big dino flier come. On head man with stick.

Gooom: Man with stick, you have flier?

Man with stick: Me not man with stick, me Maar. It no called flier, it be Doo Flier.

Gooom: You see fire on Doo Flier?

Maar: Me see fire in angry rock.

Caveman: Maar point to far off mountain. It big rock spit hot fire.

Gooom: It far away, me never get fire.

Maar: You ride Doo Flier, me take you fire.

Safour: Me go too.

Tyler

Caveman: So, Gooom, Luug 1, Maar, and Safour fly towards big mountain with hot fire.

Gooom: ~scratches self~ Ugh

Luug 1: ~snorts~ Ergh

Safour: Egregious. ~all turn to look at Safour~ Uh. Me mean...yargh

Maar: Okay. We almost there. All you ready?

All: ~grunt~

Maar: Good.

Caveman: all of sudden, group is pummeled with stones from ground. Doo Flier crashes at foot of fire mountain.

Safour: Ow.

Luug 1: What do now?

Vorpal

Caveman: All of sudden Stone Saurio, Rockthrowman and CraftTurtle fly in on their pteradon, Flying Lizard Sasami.

Stone Saurio: You no fool Stone Saurio like that.

Luug 1: Yes me do.

Stone Saurio: That not what me mean...

Gooom: Why you be bad to us?

Rockthrowman: Cause we mean people.... and me like to throw rocks.

Caveman: Rockthrowman throw rock at Gooom and hit him in head.

Gooom: Ow...

Caveman: Sasami land and bad guys get out.

Maar: No! We get fire first! You not catch us!

CraftTurtle: Oh, yes we do!

Caveman: Luug 1, Gooom and Maar run up fire mountain. Stone Saurio, Rockthrowman and CraftTurtle follow.

Safour: Me just wait here then.

Caveman: Safour steal Flying Lizard Sasami for no reason.

CraftTurtle: *looking back* Ah, dino poop!

Yoshiman

Caveman: Get top of fire mountain, but no fire.

Gooom: Where fire?

Caveman: There Wise Man.

Wise Man: There no fire.

Maar: What mean no fire! Us see fire and come.

Wise Man: You no understand, there no fire, there will be fire.

Gooom: What you mean?

Caveman: Bad guys come up to Wise Man. Rockthrowman throw rock at Wise Man no reason.

Wise Man: Ow.

Caveman: Then fire mountain make big fire. Fire everywhere.

Gooom: Me have fire! Fire hot.

Caveman: Gooom put stick in fire and have firestick.

Gooom: Me have firestick!

Stone Saurio: Us are trapped behind fire!

CraftTurtle: What us do!

Caveman: Rockthrowman throw rock at Wise Man.

Wise Man: Ow. Why keep doing that!

FIRE GOERS 1 + 1: Not Know What Come After 1

Masamune

Goom: Me sad that Luug 1 gone.

Safour: What happen Luug 1?

Flashback wrote:

Luug 1: Me depressed. This caveman time. Nothing worth saying as nothing considered filthy yet.

Gooom: Me not want you go. Me want fire go.

Luug 1: Luug real. Get night life. *rides off on Sweet-@$$ Wheel*

Safour: That dumest thing me ever hear and me hear great heap dum things.

Maar: Maybe we go fire go again. Me not sure why we stop last time.

Gooom: Why you say that?

Maar: Me not sure how say "Arrrrrrgh" without me saying "Guh". Me wish could fire go on ocean. But me not know how not sink in water.

Gooom: Maybe ask Di'oh. Di'oh know how not drown in water.

Safour: That dum. You all dum. Let go.

Caveman: So Gooom, Safour, and Maar go find Di'Oh. Me not know what happen next.

~the mysterious next post that is within this post~

Caveman: Gooom, Safour, and Maar on heap big adventure when Gooom trip on body.

Gooom: Me trip on body!

Body: Me not body.

Maar: Ew. That not caveman. That holeboy. Holeboys no live caves. No have shells to buy cave.

Safour: He stink.

Gooom: What name?

Body: Name Luug of Holes. Me no like you say "holeboy stink". *holds up rock* Rock no like either.

Maar: You talk rock?

Rock: Ignay igbul in uugay,

Luug of Holes: Rock say you stupid. You not know Luug pain. You not care.

Maar: Me not care.

Gooom: Maybe Luug find fire, Luug no pain?

Luug of Holes: Luug not have better thing. Luug fire go too.

Director

~So as our prehistoric heros were walking, they come across an prehistoric eggplant.~

Safour: What with plant?

Rock Carver: You people have fire?

Goom: Talking plant

Maar: We no have fire, we go find fire.

Rock Carver: D'oh know where fire?

Maar: D'oh?

Rock Carver: D'oh that way.

Luug of Holes: Luug not trust talking eggplant.

Rock Carver: You trust me.

~Presents a slab of meat~

Luug of Holes: Food, me trust now.

T-Ventures

Golem

1,000,000 BC...

The Earth has yet to be molded, or maybe scarred, by civilization. Mostly.

Why do I say mostly?

Dark Uncle Joey.

Dark Uncle Joey, the most feared ninja of 1,000,000 BC, because he's the only ninja in 1,000,000 BC, stands atop a cave as he eyes his prey: the Fire Goers. Four figures--Gooom, Safour, Maar, and Luug of Holes--as well as an eggplant, the Rock Carver, are below.

Rock Carver: D'oh that way.

Luug of Holes: Luug not trust talking eggplant.

Rock Carver: You trust me.

~Presents a slab of meat~

Luug of Holes: Food, me trust now.

~Elsewhere~

Mr. T: Hold on tight.

~Elsewhere~

Dark Uncle Joey: CIVILIZED BLADE!!

~DUJ leaps forth from the cave, catching the Fire Goers by surprise. He swipes his samurai sword at them with immeasurable speed, but it hits Mr. T's van, which--upon its entrance--skids a few meters forward while rocking from the sword strike.~

Mr. T: Da fool.

DUJ: What?!

~Mr. T, Scruffy, and Golem leap out of the van.~

Scruffy: Ouch! Next time, let's just step out.

Golem: DON'T MESS WITH THE A-TEAM, SUCKAAA!

~Mr. T backhands Golem.~

Dark Uncle Joey: Here to stop my hilarious antics, eh? Well, I'll show you all I've got while entertaining a live studio audience!

~canned clapping~

Luiigii of the Pipes

Scruffy: The only hilarious antics around here are gonna be ours!

~Scruffy lights up his fists and lobs gouts of flame at Dark Uncle Joey who, like the ninja he is, is struck but then transforms into a petrified tree stump. That ability is so hacked. Anyway, the real Dark Uncle Joey does not attack from above or behind, because that's not a very civilized way to behave, but instead pops up right in front of Scruffy, who's still throwing fire. Using the flat of his blade, he knocks Scruffy's arms to one side, forcing him to fire flames at Mr. T and Golem instead. No one really pays attention, since obviously Mr. T can handle himself and the other is Golem. Scruffy jumps back and pulls his gun, but doesn't fire since it's out of ammo and tries to bluff instead.~

Scruffy: 'case you don't know, this thing'll kill you!

Dark Uncle Joey: Understood and unconcerned. You people aren't worth getting rid of. Judging by your fancy transport and your elocution, you're not a blight on societal evolution like these neanderthals are. Also the viewers don't want to see the heroes die. So if you would be so kind...

Scruffy: You picked the fight!

Dark Uncle Joey: You drove in front of me!

Scruffy: You're a ninja! (Though I guess I was raised by ninjas...)

Dark Uncle Joey: You're a pirate! (Though I guess I wouldn't know what that is...)

~Meanwhile, Golem's scarf has caught ablaze and he runs around in panic. The Fire Goers watch him with interest.~

Gooom: F-fire! Fire!

Safour: No need Di'oh! Phew!

Maar: We take scrawny chicken!

Luug of Holes: To eat?

Maar: ~hits Luug with rock~ No!

~The four Fire Goers lunge at Golem and try to tie him up with vines. Meanwhile, Mr. T has in fact not handled the careless flames as well as expected.~

Mr. T: What fool fire is this? My mo's burnin'!

Nintenfreak

One of the rocks around the Golems began to move. While it was sapient, it couldn't spell sentient.

"Fiiiire!" said Gooom.

"Fiiiire!" said Safour.

"Bad! Fire," said the rock.

"Big Rock Fire!" said Gooom.

"Fire bad!" said Big Rock.

"Bad Man Fire!" said Safour.

"Big Rock Bash Bad Man Fire!" said Big Rock.

"Aw, heck naw! We ain't having this, foo," said Pitydafoo.

Big Rock grabbed Pitydafoo's arm, and began to swing poorly. Pitydafoo jumped up, and landed on Big Rock's head. With his free hand, he began to beat down on Big Rock's rock armor.

"Bad man bad!" said Big Rock, who had decided to run around like a little girl rock man monster.

Fred

pitydafool: Damn right, 'sucka. In the streets of south Chicago you always gotta be ready for fights with rock monsters.

Big Rock: ...Go make insurance now.

Goom: (holding up Golem) Goom find Goom, Bad Man!

Maar: No talk! (throws a rock at Goom)

Goom: sucka Bad Man

(pitydafool backhands Goom. Maar and Luug of Holes look on with great interest, as if enlightened.)

Pitydafool: You kiss yo motha with that mouth sucka? If you apes had stayed in school maybe you'd speak some english. Now I don't have time for this before-

Safour: Pi talk!

Pi: P. Iiiii.

Golem: Could you help me out here? I think these vines are some sort of prehistoric poison ivy. Which I'm allergic to.

Safour: Pi find bad thing. Lose fire? Look!

(as it turns out, Dark Uncle Joey is not the minion of Saget, but it is instead a large red circle)

Large red circle: Surrender Goom, Golem, T. Only then can I, Bad the Button, assure you will be safe from my army of pillow rapists.

Golem: Somehow, I always knew this day would come.

(elsewhere, Scruffy and Dark Uncle Joey stop their fighting)

DUJ: Aw, snap. I can't help Mr. Tanner - he'll de-civilize this place even more than it already is.

Scruffy: Truce?

DUJ: NO!

Scruffy: What the hell did you just say?

DUJ: Sorry, bad instinct (killer). Let's mosey. I love the Red Wings, even though I have no idea what they are.

Big Rock: Not fast. Button take fire. Me Help.

Scruffy: As in, you help us, or - (is clobbered by the rock-man)

Big Rock: Fire Bad. Punch good.

GORE-ILLA

Mr. T: Calm down, fools! T gonna clear up this mess! First of all', Pitydafool be my lawyering analaysis. But up, down, diagonally an' whenever I be stompin' your face down I'm Mr. T!

Golem: What's with this Big Rock guy?

Mr. T: My T-dar tells me he must be a counterpart of Big Al! Can he really be so bad?

Dark Uncle Joey: No, but we can be!

*Dark Uncle Joey clings to Bad the Button as it jets overhead, dropping an army of pillow rapists as well as giant annoying drills that KILL WITH ONE HIT down on the assorted cast.*

Bad the Button: I'm glad you had a change of heart from your other change of heart, brother.

Dark Uncle Joey: What can I say? In the end, I devote myself to evil. Just like my nephew, Li'l Jimmy.

Bad the Button: We wipe out the interlopers...

Dark Uncle Joey: ...And round up the Fire Goers.

Bad the Button: We give them their fire...

Dark Uncle Joey: ...And harness their Party Energy!

*The pillow-like rapists go wacky all over as Scruffy, Golem and Mr. T struggle to fight them off while dodging the falling drill things. Scruffy then charges up with flames and starts a blazing inferno that consumes vast amounts of them. All the Fire Goers (Goom, Saffour, Rock Carver, Luug wait more where added in I CAN'T COUNT THEM ALL) stare in awe.*

Maar: Fiiire?

Ferd: Stop hammer-tim.

Rock Carver: FIR! FIR!

GORRRRR: COOK ME FOOD! (lifts Rock Carver over head and prepares to toss into inferno)

Goom: Badbad!

*Goom pokes the unevolved ape in the eyes, making him drop the Rock Carver over backwards and begin to cry.*

Goom: Me, in charge! I!

Golem: Yeah, you tell 'em!

GORRRRR: (wiping tearing eyes) GRRRR. WHEN TIME'S DIFFERENT, TABLES TURN AND JUSTICE BE MINE!

Goom: Also, we get new god! YEAY!

*Everyone lifts Scruffy and begins parting in a circle around the inferno, the drills shattering upon touching them- as their stone-thick heads protect them from the drill's instant-death thing.*

Golem: T, can you feel all this Party Energy?

Mr. T: All the way down in T's flavor room! Be on guard... it may seem like victory, but this be just the opportunity dem fools want!

*Bad the Button hovers above the inferno and its chest opens to reveal a vacuum-like siphon that begins sucking up Party Energy.*

Dark Uncle Joey: Good ol' Party Animal technology! Just what the dark lord needs to complete his match of 1 Vs. 100 against the galaxy! (in squirrel voice) If you ask me, the universe is outnumbered when that 1 is Lord Saget, ah hyuk hyuk hyuk.

Goom: WHAT HAPPENING!

Golem: My brother from another historical era, our objective is clear!

Masamune

Golem: I need you to punch me!

Gooom: What be punch?

Golem: Your fist. Lift it and hit me with it.

Gooom: Hmmm.....

GORRRRR: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! *punches Golem*

~Golem is sent hurtling through the air and into DUJ~

Golem: Dig-DUJ time!

~Golem wraps his scarf around DUJ's neck and begins to strangle him~

Dark Uncle Joey: Ugh! You've discovered... my one... weakness... breathing!

~suddenly DUJ explodes. Golem goes flying back, but is caught in the strong sturdy hands of...~

Safour: Me catch you.

Golem: Uh... thanks. You can put me down.

Safour: Me no want to.

~Safour hugs him tightly and nearly suffocates him. In the meantime, mr. T has defeated all the pillow rapists with his biceps while Scruffy is worshiped by the rest of the Fire Goers~

Mr. T: Thos suckas shoulda known not to mess with da T!

Golem: *hurk*

Mr. T: Woman troubles!? You gotta lean some skills, kid!

Golem: I'm married!

Mr. T: Fool! Marriage don't exist yet! You gotta own up!

Golem: What? What do you mean!?

~Safour drags Golem away by his ankle towards a cave. Scruffy runs up being chased down by the cavemen~

Scruffy: These freaks won't leave me alone! They want to make me a god, but they don't even have cable.

Mr. T: Sucka! Besides God, there ain't no better protector than Mr. T!

Scruffy: Well you've got a point. Where's Golem?

~Golem runs by with his shirt and pants ripped off. He's holding his hat over his unmentionables as he jumps into the van. Safour comes bounding after him~

Scruffy: That's a damn fine lady. He sure is lucky.

~Suddenly Scruffy's shoulder is drenched and he turns and looks up to see GORRRRR drooling on him~

Scruffy: ... maybe we ought to move on to.

Mr. T: Alright suckas! We movin' on up!

~Mr. T and Scruffy climb into the van before Safour can catch up.~

Golem: That was awful! I want to go home!

Mr. T: No time sucka! My T-Dar tellin' us where to go next! Move it or lose it!

~just as they take off, there is a large thump on the van. Golem looks out the window in horror to see Safour's considerable breasts planted against the glass as she holds on to the van. Light begins to swirl around them dangerous and sparks fly inside the van~

Festivity Attenders 3 (Flashback)

Luiigii of the Pipes

~As they take off, there is a large thump on the van. Golem looks out the window in horror to see Safour's considerable breasts planted against the glass as she holds on to the van. Light begins to swirl around them dangerous and sparks fly inside the van. Outside, the Fire Goers stare in horror as the van disappears.~

Gooom: Safour! SafOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOur!

Rock Carver: Me love you drama. Hold still while me chisel it.

Gooom: Gooom miss Safour! Make rain from eyes!

Big Rock: Me feel you pain. Ha ha, no me don't!

Dinosaur-Type Fellow: Urgh! Me do! Me can help by think you up big time new girlfriend!

Maar: If you know what he mean by big, hur hur!

FIRE GOERS 1 + 1: Not Know What Come After 1 (Cont.)

GORE-ILLA

Caveman: Me forget what happen next. One week later. Gooom sit lone in front of rock tv playing hit game of Crezatoic Period, Bubsy 3-D. But still he wimper and alone.

Gooom: saffour...

*Luug of the Holes passes by with his arms full of food from Gooom's ice holes, including a shouting Rock Carver.*

Big Rock: Loser why still you sad.

Gooom: Saffour gone. Where else me find big chest me can gawk at.

Maar: Me have chest. Luug of Holes have chest. Big Rock and GORRR big, them have chests.

Gooom: Not same. Women chest... better?

Caveman: That moment, heterosexuality was invented.

Gooom: What me do guys? Safour taken by flying dark man. How me compete that?

Dinosaur-Type Fellow: Ooh ooh, me get idea!

Cave Man: Ancient Tim Toolman transition: screen chisel away reveal another screen underneath.

Di'oh: Get off lawn stupid kids.

Big Rock: But Gooom need find missing one.

Di'oh: Me no care. Want to play monkey making game?

Luug of Holes: If one man help us, why not MEAN Witchdocta Guy?

Maar: He treat GORRR injuries now. Me forget what cause injury.

Luug of Holes: What memory?

Caveman: Me forget. Next they be at cave.

Gooom: Hey it MEAN Witchdocta Guy.

MEAN Wicthdocta Guy: Nice but not to meet you.

Caveman: Of MEAN Witchdocta Guy.

Gooom: Look GORRRRR on table.

Caveman: GORRRRR on table.

MEAN Witchdocta Guy: Me fix him. Better than Before GORRRRR.

Maar: Silly magic, where you fix GORRRRR's lost hand?

MEAN Witchdocta Guy: Me make new one.

Caveman: GORRRRR's hand once there but now not. Instead living badger head for hand.

Luug of Holes: Badger hand bite me. Me no like this unevolved moron.

GORRRRR: Me moron? You no have money, hairy, watch too much Cave Improvement.

Luug of Holes: Uurgh? Me just wait for plaid loincloth arrive in aerodactyl mail.

Gooom: Me interupt roots of centuries-long rivalry to ask MEAN Witchdocta Guy to help in me centuries-long romance.

MEAN Wicthdocta Guy: Safour once here but not is more you say? You all stupid humans all. Apes much better. Even GORRRRR here not good too much cuz he not ape, he missing Link. But me know one way of help.

Gooom: Me do anything!

Maar: Me, do some select things.

MEAN Witchdocta Guy: You must look for one place cannot be found. Fabled Garden of Eden. Fetch Cheesecake of Enlightenment. Me must learn mysteries of universe. Then pay standard delivery fare to yous and find your Safour.

Dinosaur-Type Fellow: But cake what be it how be it help find lost Safour.

MEAN Witchdocta Guy: Shut up once me know everything from cake me know where Safour be.

Gooom: Okay. Fire Goers go to Garden of Eden right now. Along way me find time write Fire Goers Files, me know it can be finished and great very soon.

*They begin to leave. Ten hours later, they step back in after realizing something.*

Gooom: How we find Garden?

Di'oh: How we know it exists? Me come only to see theological debate.

MEAN Withdocta Guy: Me find one person who claim to come from garden. Me think she compulsive liar but maybe your find use for her. See, she woman. There, enter.

Caveman: Woman enter.

Louis of Tubes: What you name.

Woman: Riiiib.

Caveman: Fire Goers leave again. They no notice them being noticed by they enemies.

CraftTurtle: Look. Stupid Fire Goers looking for fire. You hide it, Rockthrowman?

Rockthrowman: Me hide best in land, CraftTurtle. CraftTurtle know better than any.

CraftTurtle: Wait why they walk by us evil lair? Fire Goers always stop for fire get.

Rockthrowman: They...

CraftTurtle: They...

Rockthrowman: ...do... something.. else?

CraftTurtle: Something... noooot... fire?

Rockthrowman: Ad. Aaaaad. Adddveeenture?

CraftTurtle: Me hate them more than ever. Call Flying Lizard Sasami.

Rockthrowman: First, moment of silence.

*They stop to look at a stone engraving of Stone Saurio. CraftTurtle begins to drink a bottle of water with Flintstones mixed in.*

CraftTurtle: Some for me. (pours rest on Stone Saurio memorial) Rest for homey.

Masamune

Caveman: So people go on big heap adventure. Me keep talking, maybe find out what happen.

Maar: Me tired of walking. Foot heap big sting.

Di'oh: Why you no bring flying bird?

Maar: Me not feel like it.

Caveman: Me hear growl! What happen!?

~a big dinosaur runs walks out yawnint. It looks as though it is halfway evolved into a humanoid shape and is dressed in space-age clothing with a large metal blade and stands at twice their height~

Gooom: What this stupid dino want!? Make go away!

Dinosaur: I'm no simple dinosaur you ignorant little fool.

Di'oh: What he say!?

GORRRRR: Me take care of him!

~ GORRRRR throws heaps of poo at the dinosaur, but it presses a button on its wrist and the poo hits an invisible shield~

Maar: Ugh! Ugh! What he do!?

Luug: This worse than big black man!

Riiib: *shrieks*

Dinosaur-Type Fellow: Mommy!?

Dinosaur: You simple humans. *sighs* I am Jabberwocky. Why do you travel this way?

Gooom: Want find Safour! She in big garden!

Di'oh: Eden. Me say it no exist.

Riiib: Me go there. Me see.

Jabberwocky: Is that so? *presses a button on his wrist* Logfile: I have encountered primitive humans searching for the garden. One of them seems to have seen the garden. Their numbers seem to mingle among other dinosaurs and apes... a most curious social grouping. They will require further study and perhaps I can find the garden for myself.

Gooom: What you say!? You make big words, make Gooom head go boom!

Jabberwocky: Nevermind that. I will come with you simple creatures. But you must not-

~Jabberwocky looks over and sees that GORRRRR and his badger hand are both drooling on his shoulder~

Jabberwocky: *smacks them* You must not touch me or anything I possess. Understood?

Maar; Ugh! Me feel out-evolved! What that even mean?

Di'oh: It mean you stupid.

Maar: Oh. That make sense.

Luug: Hey. You woman. Me man. You want make rumble rumble?

Riiib: Me want higher class of caveman. No want holeboy.

Luug: Awww...

Gooom: Well!? What we wait for? Let go!

TASTS SPOG 1: Pizza (aka Luug 1's Quest)

Golem

~Golem walks into his bedroom one afternoon to find a pen covered in rubber bands on his desk. It's usually there, but something is odd with it this time; it's glowing. He walks over to it and picks it up. His robotic clone, Rhyk, rolls out from under the bed.~

Rhyk: You're not going to click it, are you? It could be dangerous.

Golem: Meh.

~Golem clicks the pen. Out hops a newsstand--as usual. A newsstand should probably crush his bedroom, but ignore that. Golem steps inside the newsstand, and Rhyk follows.

The inside is completely different--it's a huge room filled with control panels and monitors. There are doors that lead to different hallways, as well. This is known as the TASTS--Time And Space Traveling System.

Once Golem shuts the door, the TASTS starts itself up.~

Golem: Rhyk, did you do something?

Rhyk: No. I knew something dangerous would happen...

~The TASTS stops.~

Golem: Let's see what's on the viewscreen...

~Golem presses a button on the TASTS' control panel and a monitor on the wall turns on, showing the outside. It's a sunny beach.~

Golem: Rhyk, how's the atmosphere out there?

Rhyk: ~reading the control panel~ Liveable.

Golem: Alright, let's go!

~Golem leaps out of the TASTS and Rhyk walks out. They pretty much instantly see Kirby, and his eyes meet Golem's.~

Kirby: Hello.

Golem: Hi! Do you know why--

~Golem notices Nintenfreak, Sr. walking up to the group.~

Golem: Nintenfreak, Sr.!

Nintenfreak, Sr.: In the flesh.

Golem: But you died!

Nintenfreak, Sr.: You learned of my death before this point in your life, and it seems to have happened in the past for you. But Golem, as we both know, time is relative.

Golem: Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense... do you know why we're here?

Nintenfreak, Sr.: The Council is offering you a unique opportunity, Golem. Your OG soul holds a lot of party energy, but no experience. If someone got a hold of that energy, with the right knowledge, the universe could be in trouble. So they have decided you need more experience with risk.

Golem: More experience with risk? Haven't they read the GMOGs?

Nintenfreak, Sr.: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Golem. They're essentially asking you to hold the best party ever.

Golem: What?!

Rhyk: Classic.

Nintenfreak, Sr.: They want you to go around space, time, timelines, and dimensions at your discretion and collect one party goer and one party supply at each stop. If you need help, here's a list of points in the times, timelines, and universes, and the party supply you could find at each.

~Nintenfreak, Sr. hands Golem a book the size of a phone book. Golem strains to hold it.~

Nintenfreak, Sr.: When you're done, come back here. There's a manual in the TASTS that will help you navigate the spaces, times, dimensions, and timelines. When you need to get back here, look up Home. Well, you'd best get on your way.

Golem: Aye. Thanks!

Rhyk: Is there a limit to how much we get?

Nintenfreak, Sr.: Use your best judgment.

~Golem opens the TASTS door and looks back.~

Golem: Thanks again! Will I see you when we return?

Nintenfreak, Sr.: Unfortunately, no.

Golem: ~steps away from the TASTS~ There's so much I need to talk with you about!

Nintenfreak, Sr.: You should get going, Golem. You've got your work cut out for you!

Golem: ~nods~ Aye!

~Golem and Rhyk get into the TASTS.~

Golem: Alright, we should get some wasa crackers first.

Rhyk: What? Shouldn't we wait to order the food? We don't know what all the other party goers will want.

Golem: No, I'm pretty sure we should do it now in case we forget. Set a course for 2007, R-Space, the Earth, USA, Cincinatti, Rocketsville Bakery. ~flipping through book~ And, uh, in the Good Timeline.

Masamune

Rhyk: Okay! Let's see... 813-9356. Huh. Okay, not sure what the area code for that year is... Um.

Golem: Well?

Rhyk: I'm sure it doesn't matter. Just type those numbers in.

Golem: *punches numbers* Man! An actual party! This is going to be awesome!

~a bright flash engulfs the newsstand and when it reappears... the surrounding area is a desolate area with large overgrown vegetation, insects, tar pits... and dinosaurs?~

Golem: Oh shoe.

Rhyk: We'll just try again. *dials number*

Golem: Well?

Rhyk: Nothing!

Golem: Why isn't it working?

Flashback:

Nintenfreak, Sr.: They want you to go around space, time, timelines, and dimensions at your discretion and collect ONE party goer and ONE party supply at EACH stop.

Golem: Wow. The echo-y voice in my head of Nintenfreak speaking with more emphasis made me realize - we can't leave this era until we get ONE supply and ONE party goer!

Rhyk: This is the ancient past. The concept of party has not even been invented, much less things like hygiene and algebra.

Golem: We have to try! Maybe we'll find a Dinosaur Bob! Or something!

~Meanwhile...~

Luug 1: This wheel big bad. Me glad no chill with dumb fire goers.

Golem

~Golem and Rhyk get out of the TASTS. Golem presses a button near the door, and the TASTS collapses into a pen which lands in Golem's hand. He shoves it in his pocket.~

Golem: ~as Golem and the surrounding area darken~ Now... where do we go to find a goer?

Rhyk: Golem, look up.

~Golem looks up and stares a yamisaurus rex in the eyes.~

Golem: HO-LEE!

~Golem runs and the y-rex gives chase. Rhyk uses his jet boots and flies up to the y-rex's head, hitting its face dead-on with a right hook.~

Rhyk: Golem! Find that goer and supply, quick!! ~The y-rex tries to punch Rhyk, but it can't reach Rhyk with its stubby arms.~

Golem: Er, right! ~The y-rex headbutts Rhyk.

Golem continues running away, looking back as he does so. Since he's not looking where he's going, he bumps into Luug 1.~

Luug 1: Ouch! Watch where you go!!

Golem: Oh, er, sorry! Say, what's that delicious aroma?

Luug 1: Peet-sa. ~points to a mass of dough, tomato sauce, cheese, and brontosaurus pepperoni laying on a nearby rock~ Stole from Luug of Holes. Y-rex love it. Give to y-rex and run away.

Golem: Ah, it's a distraction. Don't you ever eat it yourself?

Luug 1: Luug 1 no y-rex!!

Golem: Err, no, I didn't mean that, I just meant--wait, Rhyk!! ~Golem takes out his wallet and takes out several dollar bills.~ How much do you want for the pizza?

Luug 1: Weird leaves. Me strangely attracted to them. Give!

~Luug 1 grabs the money from Golem's hand and, while Luug 1 is distracted, Golem darts back to Rhyk with the pizza.~

Golem: Rhyk! Try to lower the y-rex's head!

~Rhyk dodges a headbutt, then flies above the y-rex and punches the head on its top. The y-rex's body lowers to the ground, and it bends its head down in pain. Golem holds the pizza as close as he can to the y-rex's nostrils. The y-rex opens its mouth in anticipation, appreciating the awesome aroma. Golem tosses the pizza up into its ready mouth, and the y-rex snaps its mouth shut. It then sits down and calmly enjoys its peet-sa.~

Golem: Now... if only we knew where to find a goer and a supply...

Rhyk: 1) Who did you get the pizza from and 2) can you get another?

Golem: Eh? Why does that matter?