Gamehiker Member OG 4 Page 3

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Author: SteveT

~At the Museum~

Liger: Well, it's good to be home. Hey look, we have a message on our machine.

Straw Man: It's from my mom.

SteveT: 02BU, play message

02BU: You have TWO new messages and one old message.

Straw Man: Yes, we know.

02BU: *displays an old woman with a sack over her head* Hi Straw Man. I just wanted to call to tell you that it's my birthday and you forgot it and I hate you and I just wrote you out of my will.

Straw Man: *sniff* That means my hamster died...

Liger and SteveT: *exchange confused expressions*

02BU: eND message message two
*Displays hologram of Dark Ditto*
Good evening, SteveT. We have a new assignment for you. Come to GORE-Illigan island as fast as you can. Oh, and Dark Juno is involved, so you may as well get the flashback over with before you leave. Ta-ta.

End MESSAGE MessaGE 3 no hologram

Help me, SteveT. You're my only hope...TO DESTROY THE FESTIVITY ATTENDERS. BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. LONG LIVE MARUSAME!

Liger: *Hits the stop button* I'll get the flashback bombinator...

Straw Man: Those don't exist in this OG

Liger: *Throws Bombinator at SteveT

Flashback- "THE PAST!"

Dark Juno: Our plan is going perfectly to..umm..plan!

SteveT: Indeed. Soon all the world will know that RPGs are better.

Dark Juno: Oh, that reminds me. In your character submission, you mentioned that you weren't born so much as construction. I think you should elaborate more on how you felt about that and how it affected your development, specifically how it led to your involvement with Hrunting. Further, whatever happened to TeevC? How did you attain the power of being made of steel? I also think you should further develop the whole Festivity Attender thing. As they are, they seem like they're just copies of the Party Goers.

SteveT: I'm not revising anything.

Dark Juno: Well, then, I'm afraid I have to reject your character. You're no longer in this story.

SteveT: What?

Dark Juno: Learn. to. read. moron. You. can't. post. in. this. RP. any. more. you. ass. GOD!

Straw Man: Anymore is two words...

Dark Juno: I never approved Straw Man either.

SteveT and Straw Man: *go poof*

End Flashback

SteveT: *opens bombinator and pulls out a character submission that has been ripped in half* So that's that story.

Straw Man: I'm still mad about that myself.

Liger: I'll get the keys...

Author: Mario Jr.

Marin: Wait! Evil geniuses? This crap is getting too serious for me. I'm outtie.

MJ: Wait! We need you!

Marin: Why?

MJ/Masa: Because you're good with the mallet/Because you're nice to look at.

MJ/Marin: (Angry faces)

Masa: Uh... We'll go with the mallet thing.

Marin: *sigh* Oh alright. I'll stick around. But I swear if Masa points that damn pen at me again I'm breaking his arm.

Masa: So you remember everything then? Damn, I need to get my money back.

Slort: (I guess this means we're not married anymore...)

Marin: I have no idea what you just said but I agree.

Vorpal: But if didn't work on Marin, then what about that girl in the forest?

MJ: What girl?

Marin: Oh yeah! That reminds me! Who the hell is Laura Mario and why does she's claim to be the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom.

MJ: Um yeah, well, hey! Don't we have an evil genius to look for?

Marin: You're right. We better get going or we'll be late--what do you take me for MJ!? I want answers and I want them now! ...huh?

(Marin realizes MJ and the others had already out the door.)

Marin: Hey! Wait for me guys!

***

(Back in the forest, Laura and the cutthroats are still stumbling around like minless idiots.)

Laura: Waitaminute! Everyone.. We have been decieved! There is nothing wrong with us.

(The Cutthroats suddenly snap back to normal, wondering what had just happened. Just then, a samurai riding on a Boshi comes riding in. He takes off his helmet to reveal his his long red hair tied in ponytail and his jade-green eyes.)

Laura: Lord Luigi Jr.! *bows* You have come at last from the Kingdom of New York.

Luigi Jr.: Um... yeah. Something like that.

Author: Mario Jr.

(Inside of the highest tower of dark, dreary fortress, Laura had already shed her clunky black armor and was now standing at the balcony dressed in a delicate white gown that subtly emphasized her womanly curves. Just then, LJ steps in, holding his helmet underneath his arm.)

LJ: So what’s up, Cuz?

Laura: Shshhh! Speak in character. We’re role-players, remember?

LJ: Oh, alright. What be you… wanting… uh?

Laura: … Okay, just talk in your regular voice.

LJ: Cool. Anyways, what were talking about again?

Laura: I called you here because I found some meddlers in the forest. That clone of MJ’s was among them.

LJ: This is so not cool. If MJ finds out you’re still alive he’ll come over here and totally mess up everything we’ve worked so hard to create.

Laura: Yes, MJ will only get in the way the building of our kingdom.

LJ: That too.

Laura: I just spoke with Lord Ditto and he wants us to get rid of the girl. He promises he will reward us handsomely if we are successful.

LJ: Then we can use the money to finally get married!

Laura: … I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.

LJ: Okay.

Laura: Anyways, I obviously can’t go after her myself. She already knows who I am and the OGers will be expecting me to come after her, especially MJ. That’s why I need you to deliver her this mushroom for me.

(Laura opens up her hand to reveal a Poison Mushroom)

Laura: One bite of this and she’ll fall into a deep coma and the OGers will become ensnared in an endless cycle of pointless subplots trying to figure out how to wake her up, thus giving Ditto plenty time to continue his plans as well as giving us time to finish rebuilding the Mushroom Kingdom.

LJ: Sounds kinda dangerous. Are you sure she won’t be harmed? She seemed kinda nice.

Laura: She’ll be fine. Not that she matters anyways since I’m the original.

LJ: Right.

(LJ takes the mushroom and steps out the door. But then he remembers something and pops his head back in.)

LJ: One more thing: Does it count as incest if she’s your clone?

Laura: …

LJ: Just asking.

Laura: Get the hell out of my room.

LJ: Right. *leaves*

Laura: What’s wrong with the males in our family?

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

~The OGers, however, are busy digging through a mountain.~

Masamune: Nope. No evil geniuses here. A rather conspicuous access to some sort of water transportation system, though. And these odd barrels. Can't seem to pry them open.

Vorpal: Yami Yoshi. Use a Dark Egg to blast that barrel open.

Yami Yoshi: I really don't think you should write like that. Only our authors should post with us.

Vorpal: ???

Rebe: While he's on the subject, I've been studying your character for some time, Vorpal. You really should decide whether your real name is Stryke or Hamilton. And how exactly does your sword start on fire? It seems like something you shouldn't JUST be able to do.

Vorpal: Um...

Masamune: Huh. What's with them?

GORE: They've been like that ever since we rescued them from Lupus's clutches.

Masamune: Curious...

~The lights suddenly go off.~

Rhyk: It's Lupus and Fred. I can see them.

Lupus: Crap!

~Lupus and Fred drop to the ground.~

Lupus: Seems as if you've come across our little operation.

Vorpal: What operation?

Lupus: Not telling.

~Marin runs forward and grabs Lupus by the lapels.~

Marin: You're gonna tell. I hate suspense.

Lupus: Fine, pushy! Those barrels are full of maple syrup, just like the stuff I was flooding my office with. I've been slipping it into this convenient water supply from here.

MJ: What's so special about this maple syrup?

Lupus: It turns people into RPers. GOOD RPers.

All: ~horror~

Marin: You're obviously not smart enough to do this yourself. Who's in charge here?

Lupus: What do you mean I'm not-- ~takes a second look at Marin's expression~ I mean... I was hired by a man named Dark Juno.

All: ~gasp~

Marin: How do we stop it?

MJ: Why should we stop it?

All: ~glare~

MJ: Sorry.

Lupus: You can't stop it. I've coupled this waterway with my new Evaporation Ray and Fred's Rain-Making Dance. In just a matter of hours, this stuff will rain down on the entire world. Those who stay inside will be infected later by the equally poisoned water supplies. ~evil grin~ The OGs... and the OGers... are no more.

~Marin slams Lupus against a wall, then turns and does the same to Fred.~

Lupus: Dr. Lupus is not in his office right now... ~faints~

Vorpal: We need a cure. We need it now. Everyone grab a barrel.

GORE: Where are we taking them?

Vorpal: To an old friend of yours...

GORE: I hate it when you do that.

~SteveT, Straw Man, and Lynel are flying the Led Zeppelin to GORE-ILLIGAN's Isle. Several Codtroopers drop from the zeppelin's ceiling and knock out Straw Man and Lynel.~

SteveT: ~swivels his chair around~ Well.

Luigi_64: Sup?

SteveT: You can't be Luigi_64. I saw you die.

~Luigi_64 transforms into Dark Ditto.~

Dark Ditto: You're right. I feel disgusting just having transformed into him in the first place. You OGers never did figure out who killed him, did you?

SteveT: ME!

Dark Ditto: I'm offering you one last chance to resubmit your character form to the Legends of the Alliance, Steve. You really don't want to be around for what's coming next.

SteveT: What? How did you... ~click~ There never really was a Dark Juno. Or at least, the real Dark Juno wouldn't be caught dead in an OG.

Dark Ditto: Very good.

SteveT: I will not be caught up in your RPing schemes, Ditto. I have seen firsthand the evils of RPGs from you yourself. Even I couldn't encourage that.

Dark Ditto: Well. If that's your decision. I suppose you already know that the balloon of a zeppelin contains highly explosive gasses.

SteveT: You'll kill yourself too.

Dark Ditto: ~shrug~ Too late, anyway.

~KER-SPLOSION!~

~The bridge is now covered in flames.~

SteveT: My ride...

~SteveT lunges at Dark Ditto with his axe. Dark Ditto catches the axe in his hands, yanks it away from Steve, and breaks the shaft over his leg. Steve resorts to punches and kicks and the like, but Dark Ditto manages to dodge them all and remains unharmed. A flaming beam falls out of nowhere and crushes Steve.~

SteveT: Agh... Will you have the strength to destroy me?

Dark Ditto: I don't have to kill you, but I don't have to save you either.

~Dark Ditto transforms into a bat and glides away. A minute later, the Led Zeppelin crashes. Straw Man and Lynel drag SteveT out just as it explodes.~

SteveT: I failed... the OGs will be no more.

Lynel: Why do we fall, Steve?

Straw Man: So we can fly.

SteveT: You haven't given up on me.

Straw Man/Lynel: Always/Never.

SteveT: Huh.

Author: Masamune

Steve: I'm still under this beam.

Lynel: What good are all those push-ups if you can't lift a two ton steel beam?

Steve: I dunno, but I definitely am going to have to get the Scottish Smith to cameo again and fix these dents.

Lynel: Fine. *lifts the beam and pushes it away*

Steve: We're going to have to stop Dark Ditto. As villainous as I may be, trying to turn this into a RP is terrible. Besides, I can't properly become the main villain with the likes of DD around.

~ELSEWHERE~

EVIL Scientist Dude: A cure? Why?

Golem: I don't think this character was approved.

EVIL Scientist Dude: I see your point. But fortunately with my huge lab I got in GMOG3's ending, I have created a device that will invent things for me five minutes before I think of them. At least I think I created it, the thing actually appeared before I though of it.

Masamune: Sweet.

EVIL Scientist Dude: Yes, and there is this set of vials conveniently sitting here. I thought perhaps they were sports drinks.

Rhyk: What are they made from?

EVIL Scientist Dude: Oh, just cocoa extract. Here, let's try it on them.

Rebe: You better not inject me, that would be godmoding.

EVIL Scientist Dude: *injects her anyways*

Rebe: YOU ARE SO BUSTED - *pauses* Hey, wanna throw a party?

GORE: It's a miracle!

~The other infected ones get cured~

Golem: That was anticlimatic and not nearly at all angsty enough *pauses* Which is cool, wanna order a pizza?

Yami: I'm still angsty.

Everyone: We know.

Yami: Just making sure. Oh, where's Vorpal?

~Back on GORE-ligan's island~

Luigi: Help! Let me out! More cries of despair! Woe is me! *cough* Man, this gets old fast.

????: *cuts Luigi free*

Luigi: ARGH! *hits him with Force Lightning* Wait, I'm not supposed to do that anymore.

????: *shrugs and steps in the light, it's none other than Vorp-Man*

Luigi: What do you want?

Vorp-Man: Tortilla the Hun wants to kill you.

Luigi: Why?

Vorp-Man: You rattled his cage. *throws down photos*

Luigi: What's this?

Vorp-Man: Leverage.

Luigi: *looks at the pics, which depicts Steve killing Luigi_64* Who are you?

Vorp-Man: Someone like you, somebody who will rattle his cage.

Luigi: Oh, sure you couldn't just quote me from some personal conversation from before so I could guess your identity easily?

Vorp-Man: No. *jumps off a ledge, hits the ground, groans, and runs away*

Luigi: Guess I'll leave then.

~With the main group who you probably don't care about~

Masamune: So I guess we'll wander aimlessly in the city until something happens to us.

Golem: Okay.

*a figure emerges!*

Soldier: You. *grabs Marin* You're to come with me.

GORE: Eh.

MJ: Shut up, let her go!

Soldier: Hm. *thinks about it* No. *knocks Marin out and runs away with her*

MJ: Wait! Come back! *starts running*

Masamune: Wait.

MJ: Huh?

~an explosion goes off in front of him, just as the soldier clears the area, leaving a huge canyon between them~

Masamune: Okay, now you can go.

Author: SteveT

Straw Man: It looks like the flux capacitor on our zeppelin has a problem with the positronic core. I suggest we realign the dilithium crystals and then try a meson bombardment.

Lynel: *attacks Straw Man*

???: SteveT! You’re still alive”!

Steve: Of course I am. I thought you were still at home, Scott.

Scott: You weren’t answering your NGage, so I figured you were in trouble. Those dents give me a sneaking suspicion that I was right.

Steve: Yes, yes, get the toolbox.

Scott: Of course. Here, let’s just get some oil on you first. *pulls out a bottle of Maple syrup and rubs it on Steve’s helmet*

Steve: Wait a minute…where did that oil come from? And when did you ever learn how to repair armor anyway? Do you have any idea what century it is?

Scott: *turns into Dark Ditto*

Dark Ditto: Oh man, you fell for it twice…

Steve: Well, you see, I never had parents, so they lied to me like they should have. As a result, I’m terribly gullible.

Dark Ditto: Now we’re getting somewhere…Tell me, how does a suit of armor just come to life and walk around? Obviously that doesn’t make sense. If you ask me, you can’t be anything but a man in a suit.

Steve: Hardly.

Narrator: SteveT removes his helmet to reveal…a human head

Steve: What? This is impossible!

Dark Ditto: Ha ha, now you see the true power of the RP side. Just as I can turn myself into anything, as the administrator of character submissions, I can revise YOU into anything.

Steve: But that’s…godmoding!

Dark Ditto: In the RP realms…I AM a god. Let’s continue. Why exactly do you dress as a knight?

Steve: Because I’m afraid of knights. And now my enemies will share my fear.

Dark Ditto: And now that I have you under my power, so shall MY enemies. *vanishes*

Straw Man: This must be like a dream come true. You’ve always aspired to be more human.

Steve: No, I just feel angsty now.

~Elsewhere~

Tortilla the Hun: I see you've...altered my old apprentice.

Dark Ditto: We needed his help, and he was not forthcoming.

Tortilla: So you took all his strength away?

Dark Ditto: But I gave him a disguise. The Gamehikers will never suspect him now.

Tortilla: And what of Luigi?

Dark Ditto: Oh, he will join us ...I have his daughter!

Ashely: *tied to a chair* It's true.

Author: Masamune

~Meanwhile, with the main group who are, I dunno, in THE SPAM HUT~

Masamune: I can't believe they serve spam here.

Golem: I know, doesn't make any sense.

Rebe: I'm worried about MJ.

Yami: I wouldn't be. We did him a favor.

Rebe: Yeah, but he did lose his sister.

Kuria: And promptly tried to jump over a cliff.

GORE: I could have flown over if you let me stay at ESD's long enough to get my jets repaired. Jerks.

Yami: Eh, I wouldn't worry about him too much. *looks under the table and kicks MJ, who is tied up and gagged* He can't hurt himself now.

~Suddenly the door flies open~

Don Cornmuffin: *bursts in, backed by two huge Elite Codtroopers* Found you at last!

Everyone: Gaspses!

????: Not so fast. *jumps down, revealing himself as Vorp-Man* Not on my watch.

???2: Don't move, slime! *jumps down, revealing herself as Lady in Red* You're totally busted.

Vorp-Man: Hey, this is my superhero battle!

Lady in Red: Excuse me, who was in the OG first?

Vorp-Man: I was, kinda. I mean, there was the VorpMobile in the first couple of posts.

Lady in Red: Whatever, you can stay. As my sidekick.

Vorp-Man: HA, I THINK NOT. MARTIN!

~A bird that is definitely not Dodo, but actually is, flies in. He's dressed in a brightly colored jumpsuit with a purple eye mask, but not helmet~

Martin: About that, can I have a better name? Like, THE BIRD OF PREY.

Vorp-Man: How about I call you the Bird Wonder and you go peck Carmen Sandiego over there.

Lady in Red: Oh, that was just low.

~at the table~

Yami: Who is that purple superhero?

GORE: Duh, that's Vorpal.

Golem: Oh gosh, not this again.

GORE: But he is!

Yami: GORE, listen. Vorpal wears cool goggles, Vorp-Man doesn't wear cool goggles.

GORE: He takes them off when he transforms.

Yami: That doesn't make any sense, he wouldn't be able to see.

Golem: He's got you there.

Masamune: That bird looks familiar though.

GORE: *pounds head into table*

~Okay, back where we were~

Don Cornmuffin: Uh, I'm still here.

Vorp-Man: Could you just chill for a second?

Don Cornmuffin: You'll pay for that! *throws a Syrup Grenade*

~Everyone scatters, but in slow motion, Kuria runs towards Vorp-Man~

Vorpal: NooOoOoooOoOoOooOooOooOOOOOO! *waves arms wildly in slow motion*

Kuria: Voooooooorrrrpppp-maaaaaaan, mooooooove!!!! *waves arms widly in slow motion while running*

Don Cornmuffin: MWAAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAA! ! ! ! *puffs cigar in slow motion*

Lady in Red: *examines her finger nails in real time*

Vorp-Man: Aaaaaaaaargh!!!!

Kuria: *leaps in front of him, getting the syrup bomb full on*

Vorp-Man: *suddenly normal* Nooo!

Lady in Red: Okay. *quickly knocks out Don Cornmuffin's two Codtroopers*

Don Cornmuffin: Ack. *starts to run*

Martin: *puts foot on the Don* I would stay still if I were you.

Vorp-Man: Kuria, no! Don't leave me here alone, don't write where I can't follow.

Kuria: *from her own perspective there is now a camera distortion* Was... this... plotline... approved?

Vorp-Man: We have to get her back to the Vorp Cave.

Lady in Red: I'll get my car.

Vorp-Man: We'll take mine. *presses a switch on his arm and a rocking Vorp-Mobile shows up that looks more like a tank than a car*

Lady in Red: Your car? *turns around and sees the car driving off* Oh.

~at the table~

Masamune: I wonder if I should ask for her number.

Golem: Good idea.

GORE: But she's your wife!

Golem: No, Sapphire is my wife.

GORE: Lady in Red is her alter ego!

Golem: Haha, like I wouldn't know if she had an alter ego.

GORE: *pounds face into table again*

~On the streets~

Vorp-Man: Hold on Kuria!

Kuria: Don't tell me how to act.

Vorp-Man: *looks in mirror* Great, the cops are after me.

~he drives up a parking lot tower with the cops after him, he then flies OVER it onto another building. The Parking Lot explodes and kills like, all the cops and civilians. He then flies on top of a church, falls inside of it, crushing a congregation of choir kids. He then drives out, still chased by cops. He presses a button that releases oil on the road. The cop cars slip and crash into several small convenience stores, killing the customers and employees inside. He crosses a train track, but the cops are plowed over by a train as they cross. The explosion kills the cops and every single person on the train except for one boy who ends up orphaned and with only one leg. The Vorp-Mobile then flies over a ramp, landing through a waterfall into the Vorp-Cave. The cave doors closes after him and all the cops fly into the wall and die~

Vorp-Man: That was fun.

Goombutler: Back again, Master Hamilton.

Vorp-Man: That's me.

Goombutler: I thought you weren't doing this for thrills.

Vorp-Man: I'm not.

Goombutler: *points to TV, showing what just happened* What do you call this?

Vorp-Man: Damn good television.

Goombutler: You caused five hundred deaths. Why couldn't you have taken the Vorp Plane or, say, the Subway?

Vorp-Man: I wanted to try my new vehicle!

Goombutler: And the girl?

Vorp-Man: Oh, I need to cure her from maple syrup. Did ESD ship the antidote here?

Goombutler: Actually he left it in your car, like you asked him.

Vorp-Man: Huh, fancy that. *reaches in the car's glove department and cures Kuria* Funny old world. That whole scene was pointless then.

Goombutler: Yes, but great for ratings.

Author: Mario Jr.

(Concurrently, Marin was being dragged to Underworld and into a dreary old fortress, badly in need of renovation.)

Marin: Put me down! Don’t you know who I am!?

(The soldier suddenly stops and drops her on the ground.)

Soldier: As a matter of fact, I do.

(He takes off his helmet to reveal himself as Luigi Jr.)

Marin: You…

LJ: Yes, me. Glad to see me, Cuz?

Marin: Cuz? I thought you didn’t remember who I was because you had amnesia or something?

LJ: Yes. Amnesia. Whatever your fantasy is, baby.

Marin: Baby!? I ain’t your baby! Stay away from me, you creep!

LJ: Heh-heh, it doesn’t matter because once you eat this here mushroom, you’ll be out cold till the end of this OG.

Marin: I definitely not going eat anything from you now that you’ve told me that!

LJ: You know what? Forget the mushroom for now. I’m going to have a little fun with you first.

Marin: Fun?

LJ: Yes! Fun! We can go to my place, braid each other’s hair and paint each’s nails, and talk about our favorite boy bands!

Marin: Okay, now you’re scaring me.

LJ: Oh c’mon! It’ll be a blast!

Marin: Alright. But I need to loosen up a bit first.

LJ: I got some wine in the cellar.

Marin: Nah. I need some serious hard-core stuff. I’m talking about a really psychedelic experience, man. You know what I mean. I’m talking ‘Shrooms, man.

LJ: You mean, Mushrooms? Are they actually safe?

Marin: It’s what all the groovy kids do, man.

LJ: Well I do need my grooviness leveled up.

(LJ pops the Poison Mushroom into his mouth and instantly turns purple and grabs his stomach in agony.)

LJ: Oh. That don’t feel right…

(And just like that, LJ keels over and falls asleep.)

Marin: Men are so predictable. *walks off*

~*~

(Just then, Laura suddenly finds herself in Fairy World standing next a Munchkin with wings.)

Laura: Goddammit. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted a man to do a woman’s job.

Munchkin: Huwwy Miss Wady-Knight pewson! Pwincess Waspberry is in gwave danguh! You must wescue hur or Sugah-Sweet Kingdom will suwely fall!

Laura: Not my problem. *walks off*

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

~Dark Ditto flies into a conference room, where Tortilla and Giovanni are waiting.~

Dark Ditto: Busy busy. I've gathered you all here for a specific reason.

Giovanni: You promised me a Pikachu, Ditto.

Dark Ditto: Patience, dear Giovanni. As soon as Sapphire Blue becomes a decent RPer, she will cast her own rat off like so much dandelion fuzzies. For the moment, I am in need of your assistance.

Giovanni: Elaborate.

Dark Ditto: As you know from the debriefing, our plans are in effect. Lupus and Fred are spreading the maple syrup through the water system. Soon everyone will be RPers, and we, the elite who already were, will be like gods.

Giovanni: Save your evil ranting. What do you expect from me?

Dark Ditto: I do not want to be a god in practice alone. I want to be a god in EVERY respect.

Giovanni: You don't mean...

Tortilla: I've cooked all my life in search of the legendary Cheesecake of the Gods. Only now have I found the way.

Dark Ditto: Tortilla will be entering the Kitchen of the Gods to steal the sacred recipe.

Tortilla: I have to prove that I'm not just some random villain thrown in for kicks.

Dark Ditto: All we ask of you, Giovanni, is a team of Rocket Grunts to act as backup. However many you can spare to distract the gods.

Giovanni: In fact, I could send you an entire branch...

~TRO HQ~

Bomberman: Hey MagiKoopa. We've got e-mail.

MagiKoopa: Eh? ~reads~ Oh damn. I was hoping they'd finally give up using us in all of these friggen' OGs...

Bomberman: I'll get the grunts ready.

~Elsewhere~

God #1: Guys, I've got a bad feeling about this...

~GORE-ILLIGAN's Isle~

Tortilla: ~straps several frying pans, knives, and spatulas to his side and pulls on a ski mask.~ I may not return. And if I don't return... um... bury my recipes with me. ~leaves~

~Dark Ditto sits in his office, Ashley tied to a chair on the other side of the room. She grins.~

Dark Ditto: What?

~There is the sound of running, then a loud thud against the wall. Ashley grimaces.~

Dark Ditto: ~sigh~ Time to take out the trash.

~Luigi lays collapsed outside of Dark Ditto's office, having failed to charge through the wall. Dark Ditto drags Ashley out of his office and turns to face Luigi.~

Dark Ditto: Couldn't stay tied down, could you?

Luigi: ~stands~ No... Ashley?

Ashley: Hey.

Luigi: You couldn't just leave her be?

Dark Ditto: Leverage.

Luigi: Yes... speaking of leverage. ~throws the photos from Vorp-Man at Dark Ditto's feet~ Tortilla is going to turn on you. It's a recipe for a syrup that turns people into RPers. And pictures of Tortilla making it for... Dark Juno, I assume.

Dark Ditto: Heh heh heh... so naive. You're about six posts behind everyone else as far as revelations go. ~transforms into Dark Juno, and then back quick~

Luigi: No... that's not true... that's impossible!

Dark Ditto: You will join me, and together we will rule the world.

Luigi: As admins?

Dark Ditto: As GODS!

Luigi: ~glances at Ashley, smiles, and shakes his head~ Never. I will not betray the OGs that I hold so dear.

~A question mark-shaped scythe appears in Dark Ditto's hands.~

Dark Ditto: Then you know that her life is forfeit.

Luigi: On second th--

Ashley: So be it.

Luigi: No!

Dark Ditto: So be it.

~Dark Ditto swings his scythe at Ashley. There is a flash, and Luigi falls to the ground with the scythe in his chest.~

Luigi: Ugh... ~dies~

Dark Ditto: Oh dear.

Ashley: Luigi! NO! Oh... Dad...

Dark Ditto: ~raises an eyebrow at Ashley~ How would you like to be a goddess?

Ashley: You killed my dad!

Dark Ditto: Who's your daddy now?

Ashley: Definitely not you!

~Ashley tips the chair forward so that her ropes are cut on the scythe. She kicks the chair away and grabs Luigi's laser sword. Dark Ditto grins as a pointed tail slides out from his overcoat, wrapped around a laser sword. He points it at Ashley and pulls two more from his coat, spinning them low enough to gouge the floor. He stalks forward slowly as Ashley backs away.~

Ashley: So you're a demon?

Dark Ditto: They say that man is somewhere between angels and demons. Politicians are somewhere between man and demons. I'm just playing the part.

Ashley: This isn't MMEDDP.

Dark Ditto: ~shrugs~

~Dark Ditto attacks with his blades in immediate succession. Ashley stops one, but the other two zip past and create cuts in her sleeves. Ashley strikes, but Dark Ditto catches her blade on two of his and throws it out of her hands.~

Dark Ditto: I saw this on Zorro once. Stand still.

~Dark Ditto swings his tail laser sword around a bit. Ashley's shirt falls off... to reveal another shirt underneath.~

Dark Ditto: You see, in an RPG this would have worked.

~Ashley dives past Dark Ditto and grabs her laser sword, then turns to attack. Dark Ditto easily jumps over.~

Dark Ditto: Miss Ashley, you disappoint me. Luigi held you in such high esteem. ~strikes~ Surely you can do better!

Ashley: Shut up!

~Ashley swings, but misses completely. The laser sword comes around too close and cuts her leg.~

Ashley: Aaah!

Dark Ditto: You should just give in. You can't even swing that laser sword properly.

Ashley: You're right. I'm no good with a sword. I can't use fire. I can't use the Force. I can't even sacrifice myself.

Dark Ditto: Then what good are you? What can you do?

Ashley: Beat you.

Dark Ditto: Enough! Ditto Cheap Sword Finisher!

~Dark Ditto runs forward and strikes with all three blades. Ashley screams and thrusts her laser sword forward, somehow catching all three blades in place.~

Dark Ditto: ~struggles~ No...

Ashley: Yes.

~Ashley turns off her laser sword. Dark Ditto falls forward, but turns his own lightsabers off before he can impale himself. He rolls to his feet, turning the blades back on... then stops short when he feels Ashley's laser sword pressed to his forehead. They glare at each other, Ashley seeing glimpses of Luigi in the glow of Dark Ditto's blades, and then she collapses as the Codtrooper behind her shoots her with a stun bolt.~

Dark Ditto: The game is afoot, soldier. Take her to my office. I must see Tortilla off.

Codtrooper: Sir. ~carries Ashley away~

Dark Ditto: ~nudges Luigi with his foot~ Poor dead fool...

Author: Masamune

~At the table, at the SPAM HUT~

Slort: [Something has happened. Something terrible.]

Masamune: Nobody cares.

Golem: Man, that car chase on TV was awesome.

Yami: I wonder who's that was?

GORE: We saw it in the Vorp Cave earlier, which belonged to Vorpal.

Golem: You know, we're all getting sick of your conspiracy theories.

GORE: . . . .

Martin: Since Vorp-Man is gone. *pulls off mask and runs up to Masamune* It's me, Dodo. We have to stop Dark Ditto.

Masamune: *smiles blankly* Dodo... brilliant but lazy.

Dodo: We have to shut down his operations, if we don't, OGs could be destroyed!

Masamune: No... I can't. I won't! *sips soda*

Dodo: You once told me that OGing was a gift....

Masamune: A priveledge. *nods* To be used for the good of the forums.

Dodo: We have to stop him. How?

Masamune: The S.S. Swordefeller.

Dodo: But it was sold!

Masamune: But Ditto never got this. *holds up Murasame's credit card* We just have to buy it.

GORE: Okay. I'll bite, from who?

Masamune: *narrows eyes* Canadian Dude.

~Screen shifts - Somewhere In Canada~

Canadian Dude: Woot's this, eh? I thought it was supposed to be a Camper.

Goon: Well, you told me to buy it....

Canadian Dude: No matter, be good house, eh?

Goon: Sure.

Author: Fred

^ Darn you short posters! Well, it should work. Else... Tough love.

(Rocket HQ...)

Grunt 1: I don't get it, what are we doing?

Commander: We've got to make an opening for a covert operation against The Gods.

Grunt 2: So we attack them?

Commander: Well, no. You'd assume they could acknowledge this conversation, too, but it's truly one of many billions in this galaxy, which they cannot focus on. So, by making them focus on an area, the rest is... blotted out a bit.

Grunt 1:
Flashback
Grunt 1: I don't get it, what are we doing?
End Flashback

Commander: We aren't attacking the land of the Gods, that would make them suspicious. No, we're attacking the very opposite, one that flusters them and confuses them. We're attack the land of the dead. The Underworld.

Grunt 3: Reading back upon the other GMOGs, the Gods and the Underworld were never mentioned beforehand. Aside from this, attacking the place where people die and whether or not Marin Mario is actually there or just kinda high is quite fuzzy. I also have been enjoying-

Commander: He's obviously rambling again. That's three strikes, making him officially a nutcase. He'd do better as one of our troops that think less.

Grunt 1: Less than a Grunt?

Commander: It's debatable. Unnecessary robot scientists that take all commands literally and do horrifying things... FIX HIM.

(MEATwhile)

Lupus: Ugh, that was even worse than that night I had to sleep in the oven. Fred, ROLL CALL. Or, I guess there's just you, so STATUS REPORT.

Fred: Knee. I've got one.

Lupus: Excellent. No, wait, not excellent. You've obviously ingested too much syrup.

Fred: What did the knee truly represent in this feature film, children? Animosity? CARNAGE or the book on letting kittens drown? The knee seems to define our flexibility, our strength, our softness and our anger, all in one go! 'Cause you GOTTA have em.

Lupus: Is this what will happen to our victims? Why, why WHY! Oh, whatever, I'm over it. I'm still sort of ruffled about not being the main villain, though. Oh noes. What if I've became a good RPer, too? THEN NOTHING. Fred, I have my doubts about this plan, but if it makes the OGers AND the Party Goers unhappy, then I'm in.

Fred: What does it mean to really, truly be "in"? "In" Style? "In" the bathroom? You decide. Mostly, it means to me that I am trapped following someone to the ends of the earth and etc.

Lupus: Super. First on our YTV's hit list is Vorpal, or someone. I was only with him for like three OGs. Shutup.

Fred: Impossible! How to sell the bacon now? And how would you-

Lupus: Of course! My invention that tracks people named Vorpal, but were previously named Hamilton! Unfortunately, my other device that is attached says he's not wearing stylish goggles! It can't be him. Instead, we'll beat up Golem for his lunch money. They're at a nearby SPAM HUT, and that means there's only one thing left to do.

Fred: EARTH!

(Clap clap clap)

Lupus: FIRE!

(Clap clap clap)

Lupus: Uh, I think we're missing a few elements.

Fred: Chlorine!

Lupus: Stop that. We'll just summon the Megazord. TRICERATOPS!

(Elsewhere)

God 2: I have a bad... nah, just gas.

(At THE CAR WASH! WHOA WHOA. No, just the Spam Hut. Ruin my fun.)

Golem: My nostagia senses are tingling! We're being attacked by a giant, rocket powered pogo-stick! But... we didn't go through the bonus stage, which was annoying and timed and to get more time you had to hit moitors with clocks on them!

Yami Yoshi: Great. Why am I even here? I mean-

GORE: Not to intrude, or actually, yeah, but nobody cares.

(The roof breaks, dropping Fred and Lupus on the table)

Fred/Lupus: Pertinent soliloquy/Team Rocket Motto

YY: Yeah, uh, we beat you up before.

Lupus: Not this time, or thime, fools! We've got this unnecessary and highly dangerous rocket-powered Pogo-stick!

Lady In Red: Which... you just totaled.

Masamune: You're definitely here to fill us in on the plot.

Lupus: But I was so sure...

Fred: There, there, have a mentos.

Lupus: That's the nicest thing I've ever- (Fred hits him on the head)

Fred: WHEN WILL YOU EVER SEE THROUGH YOUR GLOSS FILLED DREAMS AND REALIZATIONS THAT YOU MUST REFRAIN FROM THE DOING THINGS YOU LOVE MOST TO ENJOY THE BITTER FRUIT THAT IS LIFE AND TO SPEAK IN CAPITALS LIKE A REAL MAN

Lupus: What?

Golem: No clue. Anyways, who's the villain? Did we ever find out?

Lupus: Tell you what. You give me THE ANTIDOTE to shut Fred up and I'll consider telling you.

YY: Or, you could tell us, then we give you THE ANTIDOTE.

Lupus: Yeah, sure, whatever. OR you HAND IT OVER or the entire table is syrup-drenched! BWHAAHA. Oh yeah, my pogo-stick has an unecessary SYRUP SPRAYER function that I've set to C up.

Masamune: I think the villain was Caykzor.

Lupus: What?

Golem: What? I se... No no no, Masa, it is certain to be Dark GORE!

GORE: Don't bring that up.

Lady In Red: Or it could be any one of us, at this table!

Lupus: Why don't you LISTEN to what a true man has to say on the subject. Dark Ditto is the true villain, a truer villain than any other! And don't bother tricking me into the saying the rest, because here it is! He's using Team Rocket as a distraction for the Gods, so some other loser can steal the recipe for THE CHEESECAKE, OF THE GODS or something along those lines. Now fork over the antidote.

Yami Yoshi: I'm not so sure I want to, after you've hurt my feelings with that outburst. I wanted to guess. Nobody ever lets me-

GORE: Yeah, just give it to him.

YY: Do we even have one? Oh yeah, in my Wallet. And... there we go. Um, now that you have it, what's holding you back from Syruping us.

Lupus: Nothing. C up

Author: Mario Jr.

Marin: Okay, now how do I get heck out of this dump?

(Marin continues wandering around the dark corridors of the fortress until she runs smack into a smooth surface she didn't see.)

Marin: Oh. Just a mirror.

(She keps walking. Eventually she runs into another mirror. Written on it in thick red lipstick was the word "Clone.")

Marin: No.... It's not true...

(Marin wipes off the message from mirror with her sleeve and turns around only bumping into another mirror with the same word written on it.)

Marin: No, no. I don't believe it!

(Marin turns around and bumps into yet another mirror)

CLONE

Marin: No!

CLONE

Marin: Leave me alone!

CLONE

Marin: Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!!!

(Suddenly Marin finds herself completely surrounded by mirrors at all sides, all of them screaming the word "CLONE" in bright fiery red. Marin whips out her mallet and starts smashing the mirrors one by one. But as she swings at one of them her "reflection" grabs the mallet and steps out what she had thought was a mirror.)

Laura: The truth hurts doesn't it?

Marin: You... Why can't you just leave alone? What have I ever done to you?

Laura: Don't give me any of that crap. You stole my brother, my crown, my looks, MY LIFE!

(Still holding unto Marin's Mallet, Laura hurls Marin through the air sending her flying the remainder of the mirrors. Laura walks up Marin's mangled body pulls her by the throat, slowly crushing her esophagus.)

Laura: I was here first and I will not idly sit around and watch myself get replaced by some pms-driven twit who swings her mallet at anything that moves.

Marin: M... J...

Laura: MJ is my brother. He doesn't care about you. He never did. You're just a copy. A back up. But now I'm back and there no further use for you. You've outlived your purpose... Time for you to die.

(But instead of tightening her grip, Laura lets go of Marin, who falls to the ground gasping for air.)

Laura: But I'm a woman of honor. If I am to kill you, it would only be through fair combat.

(Laura hands Marin back her mallet and nods toward a suit of white armor hanging on the wall.)

Laura: The OGers will be preoccupied with Ditto for hours and LJ is stuck in his coma. It'll give us plenty of time to decent fight.

(Marin stand up and holds up her Mallet shakily as she headed towards the armor, totally unsure of how she was going to get out this one alive.)

Author: Masamune

~Back at the SPAM HUT~

Everyone: Argh! *gets Syruped*

Lupus: Fred and I don't fall under 'everyone'. It was just the people at the table. Everyone is a rather big over generalization.

Narrator: Bite me.

Yami: Wait. This isn't... *tastes syrup* It's chocolate syrup!

Lupus: *eyes widen* Fred!!

Fred: Resistance is futile! *cuts a rope, which causes absolutely nothing to happen*

Lupus: Well then.

Masamune: Let's tie them up.

~minutes later~

Lupus: *under the table* Mmph!

Fred: Mmph.

MJ: Mmph?

Lupus: Mmph...

MJ: Mmph mph.

~still at the table~

Rebe: Maybe we should trye to stop Dark Ditto. Or go after the Cheesecake of the Gods.

Masamune: Well, our spam pizza never even got here.

Golem: You never ordered it.

Masamune: That would explain it.

Yami: Okay! That's it, since I am kinda like the lead character.... we split up! Half of us need to go head to the Heaven-type place. The other half needs to foil Ditto's operations.

GORE: I think they might be wanting us to rescue Marin. I dunno, just a thought.

Yami: Fine. *sighs* Slort, Rhyk and Dodo can do it.

Rebe: You're sending sidekicks to do it!?

Yami: Okay, they can untie MJ if they want to.

Rhyk: Joy.

Masamune: Okay, we'll need the S.S. Swordefeller to get to that Heaven-type place. So that means we need to go to Canada, who is with me?

~Everyone else shuffle their feet and look away~

Yami: Okay, I gotta foil Dark Ditto's operations on an island probably full of Codtroopers, deadly traps, and I dunno, freak mutant monsters. It is an evil genius's secret island, bound to be lots of cliches.

Golem: The heaven place sounds good.

GORE: Ditto that.

Yami: Okay, so I got GORE to take Ditto.

GORE: Damn him and his name.

Rebe: I think I'm supposed to go to the island because, I dunno, there's probably some plot thing going on that I'm supposed to be part of.

Lady in Red: I'll go with Masamune, just as long as we don't have to stop by Purgatory. I'm not spending half the OG climbing a cliff again.

Narrator: So they split up. Yami, GORE, and Rebe head to the harbor to find a ship to GORE-ligan's island. Masamune, Golem, and Lady in Red head to Canada. And in a far less interesting subplot, the sidekicks - Rhyk, Dodo, and Slort - take the three prisoners on a epic mission to rescue Marin.

~BOSTON HARBOR~

Yami: We'll never find a ship.

????: P'rhaps I can help.

Yami: Who's there!?

*the figure steps out of the light, it's a man in armor. They would think it was Steve if not for his handsome face, long hair, and such. He is accompanied by a guy who couldn't be Strawman because he's just a geeky guy with a potato sack on his head. The third guy is Lynel, except he's red instead of blue now for no real reason*

Not Steve: It is I, uh, Sir Steven.

Not Strawman: And me, Sir Steven.

Not Steve: No, I'm Sir Steven.

Not Strawman: Prove it.

Sir Steven: That's there is Manstraw.

Manstraw: Lies.

Red Lynel: I'm uh, Lionel I guess.

Yami: That was incredibly pointless.

Sir Steven: We happen to have a Zeppelin- I mean, blimp here. It won't fly, but it will sail to GORE-ligan's island.

GORE: How did you know-

Sir Steven: We have a buffet on board.

Yami: Sold.

Author: Mario Jr.

(Marin carefully puts down her mallet and starts taking off her clothes.)

Marin: Um... you're going to watch?

Laura: Hmmph! It's not like you don't got anything I don't already have.

Marin: It's still freaky though.... being watched by myself.

Laura: Oh, alright. *turns around*

(A few minutes later, Marin had already changed into her tunic and white armor.)

Marin: Wow! This stuff is pretty lightweight.

Laura: Yes. A man named Ditto had made this armor for me, in return for my services. I had the white one made especially for you.

Marin: Black vs. white? Interesting color choices.

Laura: I like to keep things simple.

(Without further hesiation, Laura draws out a black sword. It almost exactly like the Starsword only it's core crystal was blue and and it was completely made out of a strange material that Marin could not tell if whether it was a solid metal or pure dark energy.)

Marin: That sword...

Laura: Yes. The Black Star Sword. The sister sword to MJ's meager butterknife of a sword. Unlike his sword, it's edge is not dull and it will kill. As a sword should.

(Laura charges right at Marin, holding her sword high above her head. Out of fright, Marin holds up her mallet to protect herself from the upcoming blow. Right when the blade comes down on her, Laura is suddenly hurled across the room.)

Laura: *getting up* What... what sort of weapon is that... No weapon could possibly block the blow of the Blck Star Sword.

Marin: Oh this old thing? It was a birthday present from my dad.

Laura: Ugggh! For the last time! He's my father not yours! You have no parents.

Marin: But... if I'm your clone... wouldn't that make you my mother?

Laura: It would make us absolutely nothing! Which is what you'll be after I'm through with you...

(Laura charges at Marin again. This time, Marin parries with a powerful blow to the legs. Laura trips and goes rolling across the floor but manages to land back on her feet unscaved and circles right back with another blow which Marin blocked as well. And so they continued locking weapons, sword against mallet, never managing to quite hit the other.)

Marin: Ugh! This is pointless. We're too evenly matched! *swings*

Laura: *blocks* True. You're more like me than I had thought. Everything I know you know. *swings*

Marin: *ducks* Yeah, yeah. You're me. I'm you. I get it! Sheesh! *swings*

Laura: *blocks* Yes. But of course, one of us will eventually make a mistake. *swings*

Marin: *blocks* Well, no one's perfect.

(Marin concentrates all the strength she could must muster into one power-packed swing that leaves a a crack in Laura's sword. Coincentially, a large gash magically appeared on Laura's face as well and took a few steps back, touches her face, and then turns suddenly pale when she saw the black, inky liguid on her fingers. Marin seemed just as shocked as she was and before she knew it, laura had fled into the shadows.)

Marin: What was that all about?

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

Canadian Dude: Whoot are yoo kids toolkin aboot?

Masamune: We-need-that-ship.

Canadian Dude: That's my noo hoome. I woon't let yoo take my hoome. Goo hoome befoore I cool the moonties.

Masamune: Fine! If it means I won't have to listen to your horrible dubbing again, I just might!

~Masamune storms away. Golem and Lady in Red follow.~

Lady in Red: So that's it, then?

Masamune: Nah. We'll just sneak in and steal it at nightfall.

Canadian Dude: I hoord that!

Masamune: Dammit!

~The trio wanders into a forest as they plan to steal the Swordefeller back. Lady in Red by chance glances up and notices a dark figure walking toward them.~

Lady in Red: Masamune! Something is out there!

Masamune: What do you see?

Lady in Red: The dark shapeshifter approaches.

Masamune: Do not let him speak. He will con us into servitude! We must be quick.

~Shouting, the trio turn to strike. The figure lifts a glowing weapon and blinds them. Golem's scarf, Lady in Red's parasol, and Masamune's sword simultaneously burst into flames, and they drop them for a moment.~

Figure: You are tracking the homing device of a flying ship.

Masamune: We already found it. But how can we retrieve it?

Figure: Fortunately for you, it has already been stolen back. By someone you did not expect. Does that comfort you?

Masamune: Who are you? Show yourself!

~The light shuts itself off, and Luigi steps forward, dressed in black.~

Masamune: It cannot be! Slort felt you die!

Luigi: Indeed.

~Flashback to Luigi and Dark Ditto.~

Luigi: From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak of GORE-ILLIGAN's Isle, I sought him, the Darkness of McCloaker.

~Luigi holds up his laser sword, but there is a flash of light and Dark Ditto swings his scythe under Luigi's guard and into his chest. He falls to the ground and dies.~

Luigi: Until at last, my enemy threw me down and smote my ruin upon a dungeon wall. Darkness had taken me. I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and each day was as long as a life age of the earth. But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been reborn here, in my old home. ~rubs his hand on a random tree~

~End flashback.~

Masamune: Luigi.

Luigi: Luigi? Yes. That's what they used to call me. Luigi of the Pipes. That was my name.

Golem: Luigi!

Luigi: I am Luigi of the Stars now. And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide.

~They start to walk through the Forest of the Pipes, with Luigi leading the way.~

Luigi: One stage of your journey is over, another begins. War has come to the gods. We must fly to the heavens with all speed.

Masamune: Yeah, we, um, knew all that.

Luigi: ~ignores him and leads them to a clearing, where the Swordefeller is sitting~ There is our ride.

Masamune: What the-- YOU SCRATCHED IT!

Luigi: I did not! My piloting skills are exceptional!

Masamune: ~tackles Luigi and starts choking him~

Luigi: But--hack--I--wheeze--just came--choke--back!

Lady in Red: So what's for dinner tonight?

Golem: Oh, my wife Sapphire cooks the worst lasagna ever. I hope we're going out to eat.

Lady in Red: . . .

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