Wariofan Mind Control OG Page 1
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Author: Golem[edit]
Vorpal: No, I won't delete one of my Virtual Console games!
Wariofan: That's stupid.
Vorpal: It's not!
Wariofan: If only I could control your mind...
~Wariofan then becomes a Scientologist in the hopes of gaining control over the minds of men. Instead, he just goes broke.~
Wariofan: Huh. Well, that was a dead end...
Kirby of Death: I hear you're on a quest to gain mind control?
Wariofan: Yes. Life would be much easier if people just thought like me.
KoD: Follow me...
Author: Kirby of Death[edit]
*KoD leads WF through a damp cave that's chock full of stalagmites AND stalactites.*
WF: Kirby, why are we in this cave?
KoD: *holding torch* Hm... I hope this is the right one...
WF: That's not at all comforting.
KoD: Nope. Anyway, I heard that in this cave, hopefully, that there's something capable of great mind control.
WF: So I could be like Geist?!
KoD: I dunno, maybe. I don't think it turns you into a ghost or anything, though.
WF: Dammit!
KoD: Oh well, this way you don't lose health when you're not controlling someone.
WF: But that's the best part!
KoD: Oh. Hm... reminds me of Space Station: Silicon Valley, actually. Cept... ya know, it got a better reviews than Geist despite being an N64 title.
WF: Kirby, I'm gonna kick your ass so much you're gonna wish you didn't have an ass so I couldn't kick it so much.
KoD: Yeah, I know. Hm... what could this actually be like...
WF: Psychonauts, maybe?
KoD: What is that?
WF: It's a game where you control people with your mind.
KoD: Oh, yeah, maybe. Hm... what kind of reviews did that one get?
WF: Super awesome ones, of course. I like it, don't I?
KoD: Yeah, true... although, that doesn't explain Gei-
WF: Ass-kicking!
KoD: Wait wait wait! We're here!
*KoD and WF are in the presense of something on top of a flat... cave-spike thing (I don't remember the difference) with light from a crack in the ceiling shining through. And that thing is... a... Virtual Boy? ._.*
KoD: ...No ._.
WF: YES! OH SWEET LORD, YES!
KoD: But this can't be it, Virtual Boys can't control peoples' minds.
WF: Why can't they? They can do everything else!
KoD: Hm... Oh, look at this; it has a head-strap and doesn't have a stand. It's like it was MEANT to be portable.
WF: The Virtual Boy was always portable.
KoD: Right, anyway, I guess this is a Virtual Boy... 2?
WF: Holy crap! The legends are true.
KoD: What? ._.
WF: I read it on the internet: Apparently Nintendo came out with a Virtual Boy 2, but it was never released due to the N64 already being done.
KoD: Huh... you find out a lot of stuff on the internet, WF >.>
WF: That's because I kick ass.
KoD: Indeed. Still, can this thing really control minds?
WF: If the legends are true, which they seem to be.
KoD: Huh, alright, well give it a shot.
WF: This will most certainly kick ass. *straps on the Virtual Boy and holds the controller in his hand* Wow, everything's in Black and Red 3-D!
KoD: They didn't change that from the first one? ._.
WF: Why would they? It's awesome!
KoD: I dunno, that doesn't sound too awesome, actually...
WF: Oh yeah? *presses a button on the controller while looking at KoD* Black and Red 3-D IS awesome. *lets go of the button*
KoD: Huh, I guess you're right; I dunno why I didn't see it before. So yeah, I wonder if it works.
WF: Oh, it does... it does... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
KoD: Neat.
Author: Masamune[edit]
~immediately WarioFan gets on every single major news station ever except CNN. Nobody watches that, duh~
Wariofan: *swings a coin back and forth* You are getting veeeeery greedy! You are me... Wario! You're very handsome. You have amaaaazing powers to plunder pirate's treasure, bag up a zillion coins, and find a castle bigger than Mario's! Repeat after me: "I'm the bad guy. Get Wario Land Super Mario Land 3 - Where being bad is good and greed is good!" HA! Heh heh heh! Come and get it on Gameboy, greedy!
~the broadcast ends~
KoD: Wait. That's what you're going to hypnotize everyone with?
WarioFan: ... what else would I hypnotize them with?
KoD: D'oh! *slaps forehead*
Author: Retro[edit]
~With his agenda for the day completed, WarioFan returns home to record another episode of the WarioFan Chronicles.~
KoD: Um, why are you wearing the Virtual Boy 2 while recording that?
WF: I just remembered that I couldn't extend my message to Webcasts while on air. I have to make sure I reach everyone with my message! And everyone on the internet watches WFC, you know.
KoD: Again, why are you wearing the Virtual Boy 2?
WF: Shut up, you're in my shot.
*Little red light goes on*
WF: Hello Internet, and welcome to the first LIVE broadcast of WarioFan Chronicles...starring me, WarioFan! Now give me your soul.
~Across the globe, internet users fall victim to WF's mind control, and are forced to purchase every first & second party Wii game, among many other titles on the Virtual Console, despite already owning the copies of them from previous generations. Many go into debt, and are forced to sell themselves as slaves to afford games.~
WFC: Hehehehahahahahoho...whew, controlling minds sure can make a guy thirsty...*closes up* for more brainwashing!
KoD: This is getting a little crazy for me, I'm gonna go home and play fetch with my dog, assuming I even have one.
WF: *Leaps out of his chair and grabs KoD by the shoulders and spins him around* But wouldn't you rather go home... and play Nintendogs!?
KoD: Ah yeah, what was I thinking? See ya, WF. *Exits*
WF: This is only the beginning, and I'll have to test this Virtual Boy's power some more. But for now let's surf the internet!
~Many miles away, in a house of no specific capacity in an area not important enough for details, a young man of a certain age sits at his computer and enters the chat room: Gamehike.~
You have just entered room "gamehike."
Retro Belmont: Hello everyone.
Cheesetrooper: Hark!
Mariorocks65: Retro
VCR Channel: Yo, Retro.
Wariofan63: I don't know if anyone cares, but I just took over the world with brainwashing
Vibrantly Vivid: o.O;
Mariorocks65: he's too busy with my post in MWNP to care
Mariorocks65: isn't that right retro
Mariorocks65: post in MWNP
Mariorocks65: right
Mariorocks65: now
Mariorocks65: MWNP MWNP MWNP MWNP
Mariorocks65: you know it
Mariorocks65: is your destiny
Mariorocks65: Please retro please
Mariorocks65: i can't see it's so dark agh cough wheeze hack i don't have much time retro so please post in MWNP and look at this: http://www.youtube.com, that is my only wish. fare...well...my...friends
Retro Belmont: Where's Jed? He's idle
Wariofan63: Oh he's playing Nintendogs right now, so he won't be joining us today
GORE ILLA 117: I'll be joining my fist to your face
Cheesetrooper: LOL, WF brainwashed Jed to play Nintendogs
Wariofan63: Exactly, Golem
Wariofan63: He didn't put up much resistance, but you...all of you weren't watching WFC chronicles right now, were you!?
Cheesetrooper: 8)
Wariofan63: GAAAGH
Retro Belmont: ?
Vibrantly Vivid: o.O;
Retro Belmont: I was too busy playing Snatcher.
Wariofan63: So you finally went and bought the Sega CD!
Retro Belmont: No, it was on an emulator.
Wariofan63: W-WHAT!?
Retro: ...I'm not spending $150 on one game, not to mention spending an additional $20 for a Sega CD.
Wariofan63: That's why we're waiting for it to come out on the VC on the MSX library!
Retro Belmont: While you do that I'm going to play the game.
Wariofan63: You will wait for the MSX to come to the VC in America...
Retro Belmont: Nah.
WF: *Back in his house* So the VB2 doesn't work over the internet does it? Hmm...maybe if I sent a video of my broadcast via YouTube!
~A short while later~
Wariofan63: Hey Retro, check this video out: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI
Retro Belmont: *Finishes watching* ...You're right WF, I should wait for the MSX version of Snatcher on the VC, and right now...I'm going to buy WiiFit and MKWii, despite not strongly desiring either!
Retro Belmont has left the room.
~At Gamestop, Retro walks up with both games in hand and is taking out his wallet to pay for them. He hands the money to the clerk but doesn't let go of it.~
Retro: *Suddenly snaps out of it* Wait a second... I need to save my money!
~Retro rips his money off of the clerk and knocks both of the games to the floor. Many miles away, WF is knocked from his chair and gets up in a shock.~
WF: What is this feeling? Has someone defied my will?
~A small rustling noise can be heard, coming from WF's bed. WF walks over and strips off the covers to reveal...Shigeru Miyamoto!? Well, a transparent image of him, at least...~
WF: Miya...Miya...
Miyamoto: Call me Bill.
Author: Masamune[edit]
~Meanwhile, at the Mune Ranch~
Masamune: Ah, it's my birthday. I wonder what I got me? *opens a Gamestop bag* Oh look! It's an old Castlevania game! I always know what to get me. I should go tell my friends online.
~as he gets on the computer, suddenly he sees...~
"You have received a chat invitation to gamehike from Mariorocks65"
Masamune: Ugh. Another one? *closes it and starts typing to the people he actually cares about*
Gamehiker: I got Castlevania.
LuigiRok: Ah.
Gamehiker: I figured it was a good series to start. I really liked Dawn of Sorrow and since Order of Ecclesia is coming soon, I wanted to go ahead and play this one.
LuigiRok: Oh.
Gamehiker: In this one you play as J
"You have received a chat invitation to gamehike from Mariorocks65"
Gamehiker: o
You have just entered room "gamehike."
Gamehiker: nathon Morris.
Cheesetrooper: :o
Gamehiker: DAMMIT ROCKY
Mariorocks65: Why is Gamehiker down?
Wariofan63: Masa, is it true that you could mind control the universe without a Virtual Boy 2?
Gamehiker: What? It's not- dammit. It's just downtime. It does that. I'll look into it.
GORE ILLA 117: My fist will make your face have downtime.
You have left room "gamehike"
~another window pops up~
McCloaker: Check out WF's new video. http://youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI
Gamehiker: Whatever, sure.
~Masamune never clicks it and watches CNN instead. Afterwards he heads out into town to go buy another game at Gamestop~
Masamune: What game shall I buy today with my birthing money? ~he sees Retro being pummeled by brainwashed Gamestop employees, but doesn't care~
Retro: OH GOD WHY!?
Masamune: Hey. Where are all the used Nintendo games?
Gamestop Employee 1: Sold 'em all.
Masamune: Oh. Well I was hoping to sell my old NES games. I just downloaded a bunch of ROMs.
~everyone in the store stop and turn around and glare at him. And not just because Gamestop doesn't sell awesome old NES games anymore, but because... wait, that could be it, couldn't it?~
Gamestop Employee 2: ... ROMs? NINTENDO ROMs!? Were they... first party?
Masamune: Yeah. I've got Super Mario Bros. 3 here, Kid Icarus, and Wario's Woods.
~an old woman shopping for her grandson assaults Masamune, she is followed by everyone except the bloody and beaten Retro~
Masamune: OH GOD WHY!?
~Meanwhile, back at home...~
"You have received a chat invitation to gamehike from Mariorocks65"
Author: Kirby of Death[edit]
*in the gamehike chatroom*
TheKirbyOfDeath: You ever notice how the "Sit" and "Shake" command sound too similar? I had to change them to sound completely different, what the hell? ._.
Wariofan63: Kirby, you've spontaneously appeared again. Excellent.
TheKirbyOfDeath: Yeah, I got bored with Nintendogs. I can only walk him so many times ._. It's weird, though, that was the first time in a LONG time that I've played that game.
Wariofan63: That's not weird, it's fantastic!
TheKirbyOfDeath: Yeah, I guess. Hey, where's everyone else?
Vibrantly Vivid: o.o;
TheKirbyOfDeath: Oh ok
Mariorocks65: Jed
TheKirbyOfDeath: Yes?
Mariorocks65: Post in MWNP.
TheKirbyOfDeath: Can't
Mariorocks65: Why not?
TheKirbyOfDeath: 'Cause... I'm... under WF's control? And he wants me to post in Lou Gibson? >.>
Wariofan63: That's funny, I thought my mind control didn't work in chatrooms.
TheKirbyOfDeath: It does, though.
Wariofan63: Oh, excellent.
Cheesetrooper: LOL
TheKirbyOfDeath: Yep, so sorry, no post for MWNP.
Mariorocks65: :cry:
Wariofan63: So you're gonna post in Lou Gibson, then?
TheKirbyOfDeath: Yeah, eventually >.> But first!
*a half hour passes*
Mariorocks65: Jed's idle again.
Wariofan63: That just means he's posting in Lou Gibson. I'm ecstatic!
Mariorocks65: Lemme check.
*IM window pops up*
Mariorocks65: Jedinator 2: Judgement Jed
*no response for a good few hours*
TheKirbyOfDeath: What?
Mariorocks65: Are you posting in Lou Gibson?
TheKirbyOfDeath: Um... was I supposed to?
Mariorocks65: Yeah, since you're under WF's control and all
Mariorocks65: Right? >.>
TheKirbyOfDeath: Ok.
Mariorocks65: I see through your lies, Jed! You're not really under WF's control at all, are you?
TheKirbyOfDeath: Nope
Mariorocks65: Then why won't you post in MWNP?
TheKirbyOfDeath: Don't wanna.
Mariorocks65: Oh.
*back in chat*
Wariofan63: Where's Retro?
Cheesetrooper: I guess he's still out buying MKWii and WiiFit
Wariofan63: I hope he didn't get savagely beaten.
Cheesetrooper: LOL yeah that'd be bad.
Vibrantly Vivid: o.o;
Mariorocks65: That reminds me, what does that even mean?
Wariofan63: It means dramatic irony.
Author: Wariofan[edit]
*days later*
You have just entered the room gamehike
WarioFan63: Well Im outta here guys.
Cheestrooper: See you later
WarioFan63: Going to play me some City Connection
Cheestrooper: Ooh
Mariorocks65: Neat
TheKirbyOfDeath: Cool
VCR Channel: What game is that?
WarioFan63 has left the room
RetroBelmont: Is he gone?
Cheesetrooper: Seems like it
Mariorocks65: Now back to MWNP
RetroBelmont: No
RetroBelmont: Golem, make a new room to be safe
Cheesetrooper: LOL ok
*soon*
You have just entered the room bihop
Cheesetrooper: Hark!
RetroBelmont: So Ive got an idea to counter WF.
VCR Channel: Yo this whole WF thing is wack!
Cheesetrooper: Oh?
TheKirbyOfDeath: Interesting
Mariorocks65: LOL, Iron Man just lit this guy on fire www.youtube.com/videotime
RetroBelmont: *begins to crouch on his chair*
RetroBelmont: So what we need to do is fight fire with fire.
RetroBelmont: I suggest we develop a Hypno-Toad!
Cheesetrooper: Ooh
TheKirbyOfDeath: hm
Mariorocks65: Sweet! MGS4 Cutscenes on Youtube!
RetroBelmont: And for the record, I want you all to call me R now
TheKirbyOfDeath: Is this like some new fetish of yours >.>?
RetroBelmont: Yes
*meanstwhile*
WF: Bill?
Miyamoto?: Billamoto will do, and why did it take you this long to respond?
WF: *oblviously ignoring plotholes* Billamoto? Are you a God?
Billamoto: Well no, Im a demon who happens to look like Miyamoto, a little. *spreads demon wings*
WF: So what have you come here for?
Billamoto: I was waiting for someone to use that Virtual Boy 2.
WF: Have you come to take my SOUL?
Billamoto: Nah, Im just going to follow you around and make witty observations. Also, only people who have used the VB2 can see and hear me.
WF: Neat.
Billamoto: However if you get too out of hand, I can always use my Virtual Boy 3 to make you go insane and forget everything.
WF: Not Neat.
Billamoto: Also, anyone who has used the VB2 will neither feel love nor hate when they've given up ownership of it.
WF: So you mean....
Billamoto: A life of apathy and indifference, yep.
WF: Very Not Neat.
Billamoto: Also, if you want, I can give you the Virtual Eyes. They basically do the same thing as the VB2 except without wearing the clunky headpiece all the time.
WF: Sweet!
Billamoto: But it will cost you.....half of your game collection!
WF: Gasp!
Billamoto: So what'll it be?
WF: I choose....
Author: Vorpal[edit]
WF: Isn't it obvious!? I can't give up half my game collection for nifty Virtual Eyes! Besides, this clunky headset is classic!
Billamoto: *rolls eyes* I see.
WF: But you know what's really making me mad right now?
Billamoto: *clearly not interested* No. What?
WF: That Vorpal jerk that got me on this whole mind control kick... he hasn't been online or watched my WFCs!
*Suddenly after many days, Vorpal's name pops up on the buddy list*
WF: Finally!
WarioFan63: Hey
vorpalion: Yesh?
WarioFan63: Check out the newest WFC- http://youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI
*several minutes pass*
vorpalion: That was pretty good. Not as good as your last one, though.
WarioFan63: Don't you feel compelled to do everything I say?
vorpalion: Not any more than usual...
WarioFan63: What about the Virtual Boy strapped to my head.
vorpalion: Yeah, I thought that was weird
WarioFan63: RRRRRGH! I'm coming over there!
*Vorpal's doorbell rings*
Vorpal: Huh... I wonder who that could be. *opens the door*
WF: *huffing and puffing* You are going to delete those VC games you don't play anymore.
Vorpal: No, I don't think I will.
WF: But... is this thing on?
Vorpal: Yeah... you know... different topic... I was listening to the Jet Grind Radio soundtrack, and I got the urge to play that game again. Problem is, I sold my Dreamcast a couple years ago.
WF: WHAT!?
Vorpal: Yeah, all well.
WF: If you just listened to me, you wouldn't have sold your Dreamcast!
Vorpal: Yeah, but it doesn't matter. It was just a passing fancy.
WF: You will go out and buy a new Dreamcast!
Vorpal: No, I don't think I will.
WF: What is wrong with this thing?
Billamoto: *cough* Uh, you remember what I said about previous users of the Virtual Boy 2?
WF: What!? HIM!?
Vorpal: Oh. Hi, Bill. Didn't see you there.
Billamoto: 'Sup.
WF: You mean... I can't control Vorpal with this? AND he's apathetic and indifferent to the travesties of not getting more VC games or having sold his old collections?!
Billamoto: Pretty much.
WF: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Author: Retro[edit]
~Meanwhile~
TheKirbyofDeath: You WHAT? >.>
Retro Belmont: I had reason to believe that Hypno Toads existed, but I was sadly mistaken. Oh well, I have a backup plan for cases such as these...
Mariorocks65: I think your crazy
Cheesetrooper: Crazy like a fox
Mariorocks65: retro can't be the leader here, hes already been hypnotized by WF once, so he could turn on us. Also I'm jealous because he's much cooler than me =(
Retro Belmont: *Ahem* That's "R", Rocky. Also, I was never hypnotized. I merely faked the whole thing in order to fool Wariofan into thinking that his video had worked. In reality, I have a much higher resistance to mind manipulation (apparently)!
VCR Channel: That's whack, yo.
Retro Belmont: Anyway, by going along with WF's plan I was able to learn exactly how he is controlling minds- his virtual boy helmet. Also his video on YouTube (http://youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI, for reference) leads me to believe that he cannot control the mind of his victims unless they somehow see him!
Mariorocks65: Want to know what I think?
Retro Belmont: Yes?
Mariorocks65: I think you should post in MWNP
Vibrantly Vivid: o.O;
Retro Belmont: No.
Mariorocks65: Yes
TheKirbyofDeath: Erm, so what do we do now, R? >.>
Retro Belmont: We'll have to find WF somehow and get that helmet off of him. Here's all of what we know of WF so far:
Retro Belmont: Name: Derek Liesse, Age: 19 years, 10.5 months, Zodiac: Leo. ...That's all of the information we have to go on.
Mariorocks65: This is so stupid, i'm going to go play Wii
Cheesetrooper: What Wii?
Mariorocks: D; Oh yeah
Retro Belmont: WF is no doubt the type of person who would like to take risks, so we've got to lure him out into the open somehow. A national Wii haters convention, perhaps? Though to be safe we'll have to set one up every 500 km, or in every national city, just to be safe.
Cheesetrooper: I say, fascinating deduction, old boy. I dare say, he might just be smoked out of his fox hole with a plan that fool proof, wot!
Cheesetrooper: . . . 8)
Retro Belmont: Ah yes, I agree.
TheKirbyofDeath: How do you...plan to go about doing something like that?
Retro Belmont: Simple, I've kidnapped the president's daughter and he's got to do everything I say or else she's sleeping with the dishes tonight.
TheKirbyofDeath: Er, don't you mean fishes?
Retro Belmont: I don't feel like driving all the way to the river, Jed.
Cheesetrooper: If this works then our minds shall be safe for another day!
Retro Belmont: Can I count on you guys, my crack team of WF investigators to help me in this mission!?
Cheesetrooper: Aye. 8)
TheKirbyofDeath: Yeah sure
Mariorocks65: i hate you retro
Mariorocks65: so much
VCR Channel: I'm going for a bike ride guys, bye
VCR Channel has left the room.
Vibrantly Vivid: ...HRGLEBLARGH
Retro Belmont: o.O;
TheKirbyofDeath: o.O;
Cheesetrooper: o.O;
Author: Golem[edit]
Retro: Soo... President's Daughter. P-Daug as I'll call you from now on.
President's Daughter: My name is Helena.
Retro: No matter. Your father's best friend is the best known convention planner at this time in the US, correct?
P-Daug: Y...yes. Why?
Retro: Well,... weren't you just reading my conversation?
P-Daug: No... you told me not to--
Retro: NEVERMIND WHAT I TELL YOU UGH WOMEN. Now, listen closely. I need you to demand your father to demand his best friend to organize a Wii Haters Convention in every major city overnight.
Helena: Overnight?! Are you insane?!
Retro: Nothing fancy. Well, maybe a few fireworks. But really, all I need is a Wii Haters Convention to in every major city, no matter how well planned the convention is. ~hands P-Daug a phone~
~The next day, Retro Belmont, the Kirby of Death, Golem, Mariorocks, and Vivid show up at the Really Tall Mall in Cincinatti, where one of the Wii Haters Conventions is being held.~
Mariorocks: Hey, Vivid!
Vivid: o.O What are you guys doing here? I'm just looking for some new Pokémon ball dresses.
KoD: We're here for the Wii Haters Convention.
Vivid: Oh, right. Well, have fun! (>'-')>
Golem: Hey, that was a Kirby smilie.
Retro: Pay attention.
Mariorocks: No. This plan sucks. Post in MWNP instead. THAT will draw Wariofan out!
Retro: I just posted, richardweed. As I was saying, pay attention. He could appear at any--
~A piercing scream rings in everyone's ears. Everyone looks up to the top of the Really Tall Mall. Then they look down. They finally spot the source of the scream on the second floor restaurant balcony--Wariofan.~
KoD: >.> Real subtle.
Author: Masamune[edit]
WarioFan: *flips over a table* BLASPHEMERS! BLASPHEMERS! Get out of this mall! OUT! OUT!
Mall Security: Sir. We're going to have to ask you to leave. *grabs WF by the arm*
WarioFan: No! No! You can't do this! *tries to reach for the VB2 but is restrained*
????: Excuse me, gentlemen. That will be quite enough.
Mall Security: Wh-who are you?
????: I'm all about kicking asses. *grabs security guard and shoves him into the ground* And taking names. *rips off his nametag and sticks it to his own shirt* Any questions?
Mall Security: *whimpers*
Wariofan: You're.... you're...
????: *points at name tag* Bob apparently. *flexes his muscles and his shirt flies off, revealing himself to be in a business suit underneath* But you can call me Agent Reggie. *he is suddenly backed by two other Nintendo Agents, both in sunglasses*
Wariofan: AGENTS!!!!! *squee* *falls over and passes out*
Agent Reggie: *glances at his boys* Take him to the base.
~Meanwhile, the gamehike gang rushes in~
Retro: I heard Wariofan in here! Where did he go!?
Golem: Look here. *points to the ground where an Electroplankton cartridge has been dropped*
Mariorocks: That game sucks.
Retro: ... of course! Only Wariofan would possess such an abysmally uninteresting looking first party Nintendo game! But Wariofan would never drop it unless...
Masamune: *steps out of the Gamestop bloodied and bruised and missing an ear* ... he was kidnapped. Nice of you to leave me to be mauled, Retro. That old woman BIT MY EAR OFF YOU SON OF A-
Vivid: Biscuits! Look everyone, I bought some biscuits. *walks up to them with delicious biscuits*
~everyone eats delicious biscuits~
KoD: Those biscuits were delicious. Maybe too delicious. >.>
Mariorocks: Oh god. This is terrible... *falls to knees* WHY!?
Retro: What happened!?
Mariorocks: Director posted in MWNP... and got my character wrong! *pulls out hair* WHY!?
Masamune: ... right. I don't know where Wariofan went, but I bet I know someone who will. Quick, to the bus stop!
~Later, at the super secret Nintendo HQ~
Wariofan: *groggily wakes up and finds himself strapped down* What... what is going on!?
Agent Reggie: You're away WF. Good. *snaps his fingers and someone places the VB2 on WF's head*
Wariofan: What are you going to do to me?
Agent Reggie: I represent the interests of a man so evil that he shoots laser beams from his eyes. He also owns the Seattle Mariners. Your efforts to promote Nintendo are admirable, but you do not go far enough. Right now the Hardcore Gaming Base presents an insurmountable obstacle. They crave their Metroids and their Zeldas and their Pikmins. These games have development times far beyond what any would expect.
Wariofan: ... but they're worth it right?
Agent Reggie: *chuckles darkly* Not when we could sell less for more. We have long been using hypnotism to make the Wii successful, but yet the PS3 and 360 persist. Not even our superior character-driven franchises can beat them. Naturally, we are left with one choice. We destroy the Geeks and Otakus. Once that is done, we will build up our new audience of non-gamers into a breed of new gamers, completely and totally obedient to us. It's the world you dreamed of Wariofan. And you're going to make it happen.
Wariofan: But what about Zelda? Metroid?
Agent Reggie: *evil grin* Ports. Rereleases. All at ridiculous prices.
Wariofan: No.... I didn't want this! I love my Wii Fit, but without Mario... I...
Agent Reggie: Enough. You'll do as I say, or else... *pulls out a gun and puts it at Mario's head* The old plumber gets it.
Mario: Ohhh nooooo!
Wariofan: ... I'll... I'll do it.
Author: Kirby of Death[edit]
Agent Reggie: Plus, all those ports and re-releases will be featured on the Virtual Console.
WF: ...Really? Oh my God, why didn't you say that first?! I'll gladly kill all Geeks and Otakus for that!
Agent Reggie: ...Oh. Okay, Mario's free to go *lets go of Mario*
Mario: YAH-hoooo
Agent Reggie: Don't push your luck.
Mario: Oh no!
Agent Reggie: *points gun at Mario* GET OUTTA HERE!
Mario: Here we go! *runs away*
Agent Reggie: Now then, we need to outfit you with the weapons necessary to kill all Geeks and Otakus.
WF: That won't be necessary, I'll just use my Kickassery™
Agent Reggie: ...Right, we don't think that'll be enough.
WF: Of course it will be.
Agent Reggie: No, it won't.
WF: You dare defy meeeeee?!
Agent Reggie: Yup.
WF: How about when I... when I... *tries to move his arms* Hey, can you push that button on the controller for me?
Agent Reggie: No.
WF: Curses.
Agent Reggie: Okay, now shut up. We'll be outfitting your VB2 with Boss Lasers™ and other destructive things.
WF: Neat.
Agent Reggie: Yeah.
WF: But my Kickassery™ would've sufficed.
Agent Reggie: Nameless Nintendo Agent #1, bring out a picture of Sonic Heroes.
WF: Wh-what are you doing that for?
Agent Reggie: If you don't accept that your Kickassery™ wouldn't suffice, I'm gonna have him tear this picture in two. Then, he'll tear the two halves in two.
WF: That makes four!
Agent Reggie: Exactly. Now, are you gonna stop it?
WF: N... Y... Q... Alright...
Agent Reggie: Good. You may put away the picture.
*NNA#1 puts the picture away*
WF: It would've sufficed!
Agent Reggie: Do it.
*NNA#1 tears the picture in two and then tears the two halves in two. Making four*
WF: *while squirming as if in pain* RAAAGGGHHH! NOOOO... urrrggghhh... *tears form in his eyes* I'm sorry, picture of Sonic Heroes...
Agent Reggie: I'm sorry I had to have that done, but it was getting super annoying, geez. Alright, now go off and cause havoc on Geeks and Otakus.
WF: Alright, I'll do it to avenge the picture of Sonic Heroes!
Agent Reggie: ...Yeah, go get 'em.
Author: Retro[edit]
Billamoto: *Appears next to WarioFan as he exits the Nintendo complex* Looks like you've been given a pretty serious task kid.
Wariofan: Gosh, Bill. Thanks for helping me back there. Can't you at least like, possess people or something!? They were threatening your own creation!
Billamoto: *Shrugs* I ain't really Miyamoto man, I thought the wings would have given that away. This is simply the side effect of owning the VB2 helmet.
Wariofan: That's so cool!
Billamoto: *Sigh* ...Oh hey, look. There are your friends.
Wariofan: Wha? My- *Turns around to see the entire Gamehiker gang running at him at top speed*
Masamune: Thanks for the help, hobo I met at the bus stop.
Hobo: Surenoproblemanythingtohelpstopthegrowthof...*Dramatic pause* Casuals.
Mariorocks: I wouldn't blame it on casuals.
Retro: Nonsense. They're obviously the poison killing video games!
Mariorocks: But-
Masamune: He's getting away. Kill him!
Golem: We don't gotta kill the guy.
Masamune: Yes we do. He tore off my ear man, my shrackin' ear. Even if it wasn't him directly, he will pay, I swear it!
Wariofan: Um.
Billamoto: *Taps WF on the shoulder* I suggest we run. Well not me exactly, they can't see me, but yeah, you, you should definitely run.
~Wariofan does indeed run, and the Gamehiker group trails behind closely. To drive them off, WF fires a succession of laser beams from his VB2 helmet, not exactly hitting anyone directly but hitting other objects on the path, such as crates full of marbles or other distracting obstacles.
During the chase (that is totally going on for longer than I'm bothering to describe), Wariofan spots a Gamestop with some Wii Balance Boards supplied outside to sample. A kid trying out WiiFit is suddenly knocked down and torn away from his board as WF charges through with the gang in hot pursuit. Both Retro and Masamune do the same with others holding boards, waiting to have a turn.
WF hops on a railing and grinds downwards while on the balance board, and then takes off for the train station. As the train is pulling out of the station, WF jumps over the railing and onto the top of the train, and watches behind him for any sign of his pursuers. Confident he has lost them; he sighs and turns around, and meets eyes with Retro and Masa. They have a stare down for a moment, until the train heads under a dark tunnel. When the light returns, Wariofan reaches into his jacket (or somewhere on his person) and grabs a prototype Master Sword, looking to be a shell used for inserting the Wiimote into. Even still, it looks exactly like the one Miyamoto used himself at that E3 one year. You know the one.~
Wariofan: I picked up this beauty during my stay at the Nintendo HQ! It's gonna be a new way to play Zelda...but of course, the sword fighting is the only thing about this game. Think "Link's Crossbow Training" but with swords. It's perfect for Nintendo's new image!
Retro: That children's toy ain't gonna hurt us.
Wariofan: It's mainly gonna keep you at bay until I can lock on with my twin lasers.
Masamune: Retro. Take this. *Throws an identical looking Master Sword to Retro and readies one himself*
Retro: Where did you get these?
Masamune: Don't you know how easy these things are to find? They practically go for next to nothing on eBay.
~Meanwhile, atop the bridge overlooking the train station.~
Mariorocks: Damn! I knew we all should have jumped, now it's only those two against Wariofan.
Golem: Have faith young Rocky. Have faith.
Jed: But...but I'm bored just standing here. >.>
Vivid: *Comes out of nowhere* Fresh baked cookies!
Mariorocks: *Weeping as he eats* I'm so angry I'm not fighting right now, but these cookies are sooo good! Almost as good as MWNP...*looks back at everyone who is staring at him coldly.*
~Back on the train, WF remains on the offensive against Masa and Retro, who use their own balance boards to shield the blows from the sword as well as deflect the beams from the VB2.~
Masamune: You only wrote it as us two fighting WF for a reason, didn't you?
Retro: It's like my dream come true!
Masamune: You're so banned.
~Retro clashes with WF's sword with his own and forces it forward. Wariofan dodges to the side as the sword runs against the metal roof of the train, causing sparks to fly. Retro then brings the sword upwards to deflect a downward slash by Wariofan, who then leaps to the edge of the train after avoiding Masamunes own strike. Wariofan jumps from the edge of the train and onto the empty rail next to them with the balance board under him. Masa and Retro follow right away, and give chase.
With the Wii balance board propelling them forward somehow, Retro and Masa get on either side of Wariofan and they began exchanging strikes. Meanwhile, back at the train station, the others board the next train, which strangely enough has arrived about ten minutes or so after the previous one. So yes, they’re on their way to join the action. But anyway, back at the duel, the fighting reaches a new level of perilous…ness. Wariofan is dodging several swings of the sword while returning his own, and at the same time firing lasers out of his helmet, although without the benefit of a lock-on system, all of the lasers are missing the intended targets.
Wariofan reaches back into his clothing to pull out…a bomb! A para bob-omb to be exact, but he tosses it into the air in front of him, and it flies ahead of them and latches into a section of the track ahead.~
Wariofan: Sorry fellas, but I have a train to catch. *Applies breaks to slow himself down until he’s able to catch on to the next train (the one with Rocky and the others.)*
Retro & Masa: *Coming up on the bob-omb* Shra-
*BOOM!*
Author: Wariofan[edit]
*meanwhile on The Internet*
vorpalion: You notice nobody's been on lately?
McCloaker: Oh, yeah I did think that was strange.
McCloaker: That explains why I havent been in a FOREST of IMs lately.
McCloaker: A FOREST I tell you.
vorpalion: I think they went out.
vorpalion: I think Ill be joining them.
vorpalion: You wanna come with?
McCloaker: Hmmm...
McCloaker: Nah, sorry pal.
McCloaker: I heard there were bears outside!
McCloaker: Also I gotta hit they hay.
vorpalion: Its 2 o clock in the afternoon...
McCloaker: All right you caught me.
McCloaker: :-D
vorpalion: Hmmm...
vorpalion: Say.
McCloaker: Yeah?
vorpalion: How about you just stay in your house and be the cool techy, information guy who helps me out with neat-o gizmos and stuff?
vorpalion: Like Wade from Kim Possible.
McCloaker: Except this is more like
McCloaker: Vorpossible!
McCloaker: *jazz hands*
McCloaker: Oh gosh. Sorry about that. I think Im catching WF.
vorpalion: Funny you should say that Ditto.
vorpalion: *narrows eyes*
vorpalion: So am I...
Author: SheikAVC[edit]
::Meanwhile on the same train::
SheikAVC who is somewhat of a tomboy and easily hide her feminine with not so flattering clothing. She wore a blue shirt with black jeans and brown boots. Obviously have no fashion sense as well cause who wears brown shoes with black...Anyhow, she hides her figure by a black jacket on top and a hat that her hair is hold up in and not expose unless taken off and emo looking glasses as a final touch up. She is sitting peacefully on the train, poking away on her Limited Edition Zelda DS Lite.
SheikAVC is IMing her bro by Nintendo DS Opera.
eBuddy Web Messenger:
[LinkDSC] What do you want?
[Me] I'm bored, this train is boring and long and the only thing I got in my mp3 player is a collection of songs that was compose by Mario Paint!
[LinkDSC] And thats my problem because...?
[Me] Your so mean! Next time you play MKWii on WiFi! I'm gonna pull that plug and make you loose 200 points!
[LinkDSC] And your calling me mean...well I g2g! Bye!
SheikAVC turns off her DS and about to throw it at the ground but remember of how much it was worth and throw a Link plushie from her backpack instead, pretending to be a voodoo doll.
::back home::
LinkDSC: *Was playing MKWii and then drop the controller due to unreasonable backpain* Gah!!! Oh For the love of goddesses, I just want some peace~
::back on train::
Vivid: Oh no! I brought cookies but no drinks to wash it down! Don't worry everyone! *She goes runs through train carriage to carriage to find some source of water.*
Mariorocks: Ack! Don't loose her! thatsourchef--er, Our friend! *chases*
Golem: *shrugs and follows*
Jed: We have more important matters to worry about!...Though a drink would be nice yes...>.> *runs after as well*
SheikAVC notices the door bangs open and random peeps running through the carriage door but notices one that is similar to an online buddy and seen myspace pics off. She blinks her eyes and then chases after him and grabs his shoulders and toss him backwards while the others turn around and stared, mouth dropping too.
SheikAVC: Rory!!!
Jed: First WF gone mad and now I'm getting bullied! How the heck you know my na- --*gets his mouth cover by SheikAVC*
Vivid: o.o;
SheikAVC: Its me ^_^ Sheikie *puts hair down for a minute and then put it back up* See?
Jed: How can I be so sure... <.<
SheikAVC: I'll get your comic done by next week.
Mariorocks: What comic??
Jed: Oh nothing nothing...Your as ungirly as ever Sheik. Though I expect you to be friggin ninja and throw needles everywhere.
SheikAVC: security check here is such a pain, thats why I got really sharp pencils ^_^
Golem: Whats pencils gonna do!?
SheikAVC: *breaks pencil shells and there a needle underneath* ^_^
Vivid: o.O
Golem: O.o
Just then WF charges into the scene by breaking down the window and jump through it like some ninja with his prototype master sword at hand.
SheikAVC: *stared at awe at the sword* Thats the sword used at E3! I have a mastersword too! Though it isn't to my liking. Its made of stainless steel but the handle isn't the right color! I wanted to return it but they said no! Thats 60 bucks right there! And then I saw another master sword replica at the con a few monthsago and it was so much closer resembles but they only accept cash and --
WF: Enough! What are you a ---
SheikAVC: A geek? Otaku? Yeah, I get that a lot..
Everyone else: *smack their forehead*...
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