Gamehiker Member OG 4 Page 3

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Author: SteveT

~At the Museum~

Liger: Well, it's good to be home. Hey look, we have a message on our machine.

Straw Man: It's from my mom.

SteveT: 02BU, play message

02BU: You have TWO new messages and one old message.

Straw Man: Yes, we know.

02BU: *displays an old woman with a sack over her head* Hi Straw Man. I just wanted to call to tell you that it's my birthday and you forgot it and I hate you and I just wrote you out of my will.

Straw Man: *sniff* That means my hamster died...

Liger and SteveT: *exchange confused expressions*

02BU: eND message message two
*Displays hologram of Dark Ditto*
Good evening, SteveT. We have a new assignment for you. Come to GORE-Illigan island as fast as you can. Oh, and Dark Juno is involved, so you may as well get the flashback over with before you leave. Ta-ta.

End MESSAGE MessaGE 3 no hologram

Help me, SteveT. You're my only hope...TO DESTROY THE FESTIVITY ATTENDERS. BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. LONG LIVE MARUSAME!

Liger: *Hits the stop button* I'll get the flashback bombinator...

Straw Man: Those don't exist in this OG

Liger: *Throws Bombinator at SteveT

Flashback- "THE PAST!"

Dark Juno: Our plan is going perfectly to..umm..plan!

SteveT: Indeed. Soon all the world will know that RPGs are better.

Dark Juno: Oh, that reminds me. In your character submission, you mentioned that you weren't born so much as construction. I think you should elaborate more on how you felt about that and how it affected your development, specifically how it led to your involvement with Hrunting. Further, whatever happened to TeevC? How did you attain the power of being made of steel? I also think you should further develop the whole Festivity Attender thing. As they are, they seem like they're just copies of the Party Goers.

SteveT: I'm not revising anything.

Dark Juno: Well, then, I'm afraid I have to reject your character. You're no longer in this story.

SteveT: What?

Dark Juno: Learn. to. read. moron. You. can't. post. in. this. RP. any. more. you. ass. GOD!

Straw Man: Anymore is two words...

Dark Juno: I never approved Straw Man either.

SteveT and Straw Man: *go poof*

End Flashback

SteveT: *opens bombinator and pulls out a character submission that has been ripped in half* So that's that story.

Straw Man: I'm still mad about that myself.

Liger: I'll get the keys...

Author: Mario Jr.

Marin: Wait! Evil geniuses? This crap is getting too serious for me. I'm outtie.

MJ: Wait! We need you!

Marin: Why?

MJ/Masa: Because you're good with the mallet/Because you're nice to look at.

MJ/Marin: (Angry faces)

Masa: Uh... We'll go with the mallet thing.

Marin: *sigh* Oh alright. I'll stick around. But I swear if Masa points that damn pen at me again I'm breaking his arm.

Masa: So you remember everything then? Damn, I need to get my money back.

Slort: (I guess this means we're not married anymore...)

Marin: I have no idea what you just said but I agree.

Vorpal: But if didn't work on Marin, then what about that girl in the forest?

MJ: What girl?

Marin: Oh yeah! That reminds me! Who the hell is Laura Mario and why does she's claim to be the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom.

MJ: Um yeah, well, hey! Don't we have an evil genius to look for?

Marin: You're right. We better get going or we'll be late--what do you take me for MJ!? I want answers and I want them now! ...huh?

(Marin realizes MJ and the others had already out the door.)

Marin: Hey! Wait for me guys!

(Back in the forest, Laura and the cutthroats are still stumbling around like minless idiots.)

Laura: Waitaminute! Everyone.. We have been decieved! There is nothing wrong with us.

(The Cutthroats suddenly snap back to normal, wondering what had just happened. Just then, a samurai riding on a Boshi comes riding in. He takes off his helmet to reveal his his long red hair tied in ponytail and his jade-green eyes.)

Laura: Lord Luigi Jr.! *bows* You have come at last from the Kingdom of New York.

Luigi Jr.: Um... yeah. Something like that.

Author: Mario Jr.

(Inside of the highest tower of dark, dreary fortress, Laura had already shed her clunky black armor and was now standing at the balcony dressed in a delicate white gown that subtly emphasized her womanly curves. Just then, LJ steps in, holding his helmet underneath his arm.)

LJ: So what’s up, Cuz?

Laura: Shshhh! Speak in character. We’re role-players, remember?

LJ: Oh, alright. What be you… wanting… uh?

Laura: … Okay, just talk in your regular voice.

LJ: Cool. Anyways, what were talking about again?

Laura: I called you here because I found some meddlers in the forest. That clone of MJ’s was among them.

LJ: This is so not cool. If MJ finds out you’re still alive he’ll come over here and totally mess up everything we’ve worked so hard to create.

Laura: Yes, MJ will only get in the way the building of our kingdom.

LJ: That too.

Laura: I just spoke with Lord Ditto and he wants us to get rid of the girl. He promises he will reward us handsomely if we are successful.

LJ: Then we can use the money to finally get married!

Laura: … I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.

LJ: Okay.

Laura: Anyways, I obviously can’t go after her myself. She already knows who I am and the OGers will be expecting me to come after her, especially MJ. That’s why I need you to deliver her this mushroom for me.

(Laura opens up her hand to reveal a Poison Mushroom)

Laura: One bite of this and she’ll fall into a deep coma and the OGers will become ensnared in an endless cycle of pointless subplots trying to figure out how to wake her up, thus giving Ditto plenty time to continue his plans as well as giving us time to finish rebuilding the Mushroom Kingdom.

LJ: Sounds kinda dangerous. Are you sure she won’t be harmed? She seemed kinda nice.

Laura: She’ll be fine. Not that she matters anyways since I’m the original.

LJ: Right.

(LJ takes the mushroom and steps out the door. But then he remembers something and pops his head back in.)

LJ: One more thing: Does it count as incest if she’s your clone?

Laura: …

LJ: Just asking.

Laura: Get the hell out of my room.

LJ: Right. *leaves*

Laura: What’s wrong with the males in our family?

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

~The OGers, however, are busy digging through a mountain.~

Masamune: Nope. No evil geniuses here. A rather conspicuous access to some sort of water transportation system, though. And these odd barrels. Can't seem to pry them open.

Vorpal: Yami Yoshi. Use a Dark Egg to blast that barrel open.

Yami Yoshi: I really don't think you should write like that. Only our authors should post with us.

Vorpal: ???

Rebe: While he's on the subject, I've been studying your character for some time, Vorpal. You really should decide whether your real name is Stryke or Hamilton. And how exactly does your sword start on fire? It seems like something you shouldn't JUST be able to do.

Vorpal: Um...

Masamune: Huh. What's with them?

GORE: They've been like that ever since we rescued them from Lupus's clutches.

Masamune: Curious...

~The lights suddenly go off.~

Rhyk: It's Lupus and Fred. I can see them.

Lupus: Crap!

~Lupus and Fred drop to the ground.~

Lupus: Seems as if you've come across our little operation.

Vorpal: What operation?

Lupus: Not telling.

~Marin runs forward and grabs Lupus by the lapels.~

Marin: You're gonna tell. I hate suspense.

Lupus: Fine, pushy! Those barrels are full of maple syrup, just like the stuff I was flooding my office with. I've been slipping it into this convenient water supply from here.

MJ: What's so special about this maple syrup?

Lupus: It turns people into RPers. GOOD RPers.

All: ~horror~

Marin: You're obviously not smart enough to do this yourself. Who's in charge here?

Lupus: What do you mean I'm not-- ~takes a second look at Marin's expression~ I mean... I was hired by a man named Dark Juno.

All: ~gasp~

Marin: How do we stop it?

MJ: Why should we stop it?

All: ~glare~

MJ: Sorry.

Lupus: You can't stop it. I've coupled this waterway with my new Evaporation Ray and Fred's Rain-Making Dance. In just a matter of hours, this stuff will rain down on the entire world. Those who stay inside will be infected later by the equally poisoned water supplies. ~evil grin~ The OGs... and the OGers... are no more.

~Marin slams Lupus against a wall, then turns and does the same to Fred.~

Lupus: Dr. Lupus is not in his office right now... ~faints~

Vorpal: We need a cure. We need it now. Everyone grab a barrel.

GORE: Where are we taking them?

Vorpal: To an old friend of yours...

GORE: I hate it when you do that.

~SteveT, Straw Man, and Lynel are flying the Led Zeppelin to GORE-ILLIGAN's Isle. Several Codtroopers drop from the zeppelin's ceiling and knock out Straw Man and Lynel.~

SteveT: ~swivels his chair around~ Well.

Luigi_64: Sup?

SteveT: You can't be Luigi_64. I saw you die.

~Luigi_64 transforms into Dark Ditto.~

Dark Ditto: You're right. I feel disgusting just having transformed into him in the first place. You OGers never did figure out who killed him, did you?

SteveT: ME!

Dark Ditto: I'm offering you one last chance to resubmit your character form to the Legends of the Alliance, Steve. You really don't want to be around for what's coming next.

SteveT: What? How did you... ~click~ There never really was a Dark Juno. Or at least, the real Dark Juno wouldn't be caught dead in an OG.

Dark Ditto: Very good.

SteveT: I will not be caught up in your RPing schemes, Ditto. I have seen firsthand the evils of RPGs from you yourself. Even I couldn't encourage that.

Dark Ditto: Well. If that's your decision. I suppose you already know that the balloon of a zeppelin contains highly explosive gasses.

SteveT: You'll kill yourself too.

Dark Ditto: ~shrug~ Too late, anyway.

~KER-SPLOSION!~

~The bridge is now covered in flames.~

SteveT: My ride...

~SteveT lunges at Dark Ditto with his axe. Dark Ditto catches the axe in his hands, yanks it away from Steve, and breaks the shaft over his leg. Steve resorts to punches and kicks and the like, but Dark Ditto manages to dodge them all and remains unharmed. A flaming beam falls out of nowhere and crushes Steve.~

SteveT: Agh... Will you have the strength to destroy me?

Dark Ditto: I don't have to kill you, but I don't have to save you either.

~Dark Ditto transforms into a bat and glides away. A minute later, the Led Zeppelin crashes. Straw Man and Lynel drag SteveT out just as it explodes.~

SteveT: I failed... the OGs will be no more.

Lynel: Why do we fall, Steve?

Straw Man: So we can fly.

SteveT: You haven't given up on me.

Straw Man/Lynel: Always/Never.

SteveT: Huh.

Author: Masamune

Steve: I'm still under this beam.

Lynel: What good are all those push-ups if you can't lift a two ton steel beam?

Steve: I dunno, but I definitely am going to have to get the Scottish Smith to cameo again and fix these dents.

Lynel: Fine. *lifts the beam and pushes it away*

Steve: We're going to have to stop Dark Ditto. As villainous as I may be, trying to turn this into a RP is terrible. Besides, I can't properly become the main villain with the likes of DD around.

~ELSEWHERE~

EVIL Scientist Dude: A cure? Why?

Golem: I don't think this character was approved.

EVIL Scientist Dude: I see your point. But fortunately with my huge lab I got in GMOG3's ending, I have created a device that will invent things for me five minutes before I think of them. At least I think I created it, the thing actually appeared before I though of it.

Masamune: Sweet.

EVIL Scientist Dude: Yes, and there is this set of vials conveniently sitting here. I thought perhaps they were sports drinks.

Rhyk: What are they made from?

EVIL Scientist Dude: Oh, just cocoa extract. Here, let's try it on them.

Rebe: You better not inject me, that would be godmoding.

EVIL Scientist Dude: *injects her anyways*

Rebe: YOU ARE SO BUSTED - *pauses* Hey, wanna throw a party?

GORE: It's a miracle!

~The other infected ones get cured~

Golem: That was anticlimatic and not nearly at all angsty enough *pauses* Which is cool, wanna order a pizza?

Yami: I'm still angsty.

Everyone: We know.

Yami: Just making sure. Oh, where's Vorpal?

~Back on GORE-ligan's island~

Luigi: Help! Let me out! More cries of despair! Woe is me! *cough* Man, this gets old fast.

????: *cuts Luigi free*

Luigi: ARGH! *hits him with Force Lightning* Wait, I'm not supposed to do that anymore.

????: *shrugs and steps in the light, it's none other than Vorp-Man*

Luigi: What do you want?

Vorp-Man: Tortilla the Hun wants to kill you.

Luigi: Why?

Vorp-Man: You rattled his cage. *throws down photos*

Luigi: What's this?

Vorp-Man: Leverage.

Luigi: *looks at the pics, which depicts Steve killing Luigi_64* Who are you?

Vorp-Man: Someone like you, somebody who will rattle his cage.

Luigi: Oh, sure you couldn't just quote me from some personal conversation from before so I could guess your identity easily?

Vorp-Man: No. *jumps off a ledge, hits the ground, groans, and runs away*

Luigi: Guess I'll leave then.

~With the main group who you probably don't care about~

Masamune: So I guess we'll wander aimlessly in the city until something happens to us.

Golem: Okay.

*a figure emerges!*

Soldier: You. *grabs Marin* You're to come with me.

GORE: Eh.

MJ: Shut up, let her go!

Soldier: Hm. *thinks about it* No. *knocks Marin out and runs away with her*

MJ: Wait! Come back! *starts running*

Masamune: Wait.

MJ: Huh?

~an explosion goes off in front of him, just as the soldier clears the area, leaving a huge canyon between them~

Masamune: Okay, now you can go.

Author: SteveT

Straw Man: It looks like the flux capacitor on our zeppelin has a problem with the positronic core. I suggest we realign the dilithium crystals and then try a meson bombardment.

Lynel: *attacks Straw Man*

???: SteveT! You’re still alive”!

Steve: Of course I am. I thought you were still at home, Scott.

Scott: You weren’t answering your NGage, so I figured you were in trouble. Those dents give me a sneaking suspicion that I was right.

Steve: Yes, yes, get the toolbox.

Scott: Of course. Here, let’s just get some oil on you first. *pulls out a bottle of Maple syrup and rubs it on Steve’s helmet*

Steve: Wait a minute…where did that oil come from? And when did you ever learn how to repair armor anyway? Do you have any idea what century it is?

Scott: *turns into Dark Ditto*

Dark Ditto: Oh man, you fell for it twice…

Steve: Well, you see, I never had parents, so they lied to me like they should have. As a result, I’m terribly gullible.

Dark Ditto: Now we’re getting somewhere…Tell me, how does a suit of armor just come to life and walk around? Obviously that doesn’t make sense. If you ask me, you can’t be anything but a man in a suit.

Steve: Hardly.

Narrator: SteveT removes his helmet to reveal…a human head

Steve: What? This is impossible!

Dark Ditto: Ha ha, now you see the true power of the RP side. Just as I can turn myself into anything, as the administrator of character submissions, I can revise YOU into anything.

Steve: But that’s…godmoding!

Dark Ditto: In the RP realms…I AM a god. Let’s continue. Why exactly do you dress as a knight?

Steve: Because I’m afraid of knights. And now my enemies will share my fear.

Dark Ditto: And now that I have you under my power, so shall MY enemies. *vanishes*

Straw Man: This must be like a dream come true. You’ve always aspired to be more human.

Steve: No, I just feel angsty now.

~Elsewhere~

Tortilla the Hun: I see you've...altered my old apprentice.

Dark Ditto: We needed his help, and he was not forthcoming.

Tortilla: So you took all his strength away?

Dark Ditto: But I gave him a disguise. The Gamehikers will never suspect him now.

Tortilla: And what of Luigi?

Dark Ditto: Oh, he will join us ...I have his daughter!

Ashely: *tied to a chair* It's true.

Author: Masamune

~Meanwhile, with the main group who are, I dunno, in THE SPAM HUT~

Masamune: I can't believe they serve spam here.

Golem: I know, doesn't make any sense.

Rebe: I'm worried about MJ.

Yami: I wouldn't be. We did him a favor.

Rebe: Yeah, but he did lose his sister.

Kuria: And promptly tried to jump over a cliff.

GORE: I could have flown over if you let me stay at ESD's long enough to get my jets repaired. Jerks.

Yami: Eh, I wouldn't worry about him too much. *looks under the table and kicks MJ, who is tied up and gagged* He can't hurt himself now.

~Suddenly the door flies open~

Don Cornmuffin: *bursts in, backed by two huge Elite Codtroopers* Found you at last!

Everyone: Gaspses!

????: Not so fast. *jumps down, revealing himself as Vorp-Man* Not on my watch.

???2: Don't move, slime! *jumps down, revealing herself as Lady in Red* You're totally busted.

Vorp-Man: Hey, this is my superhero battle!

Lady in Red: Excuse me, who was in the OG first?

Vorp-Man: I was, kinda. I mean, there was the VorpMobile in the first couple of posts.

Lady in Red: Whatever, you can stay. As my sidekick.

Vorp-Man: HA, I THINK NOT. MARTIN!

~A bird that is definitely not Dodo, but actually is, flies in. He's dressed in a brightly colored jumpsuit with a purple eye mask, but not helmet~

Martin: About that, can I have a better name? Like, THE BIRD OF PREY.

Vorp-Man: How about I call you the Bird Wonder and you go peck Carmen Sandiego over there.

Lady in Red: Oh, that was just low.

~at the table~

Yami: Who is that purple superhero?

GORE: Duh, that's Vorpal.

Golem: Oh gosh, not this again.

GORE: But he is!

Yami: GORE, listen. Vorpal wears cool goggles, Vorp-Man doesn't wear cool goggles.

GORE: He takes them off when he transforms.

Yami: That doesn't make any sense, he wouldn't be able to see.

Golem: He's got you there.

Masamune: That bird looks familiar though.

GORE: *pounds head into table*

~Okay, back where we were~

Don Cornmuffin: Uh, I'm still here.

Vorp-Man: Could you just chill for a second?

Don Cornmuffin: You'll pay for that! *throws a Syrup Grenade*

~Everyone scatters, but in slow motion, Kuria runs towards Vorp-Man~

Vorpal: NooOoOoooOoOoOooOooOooOOOOOO! *waves arms wildly in slow motion*

Kuria: Voooooooorrrrpppp-maaaaaaan, mooooooove!!!! *waves arms widly in slow motion while running*

Don Cornmuffin: MWAAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAA! ! ! ! *puffs cigar in slow motion*

Lady in Red: *examines her finger nails in real time*

Vorp-Man: Aaaaaaaaargh!!!!

Kuria: *leaps in front of him, getting the syrup bomb full on*

Vorp-Man: *suddenly normal* Nooo!

Lady in Red: Okay. *quickly knocks out Don Cornmuffin's two Codtroopers*

Don Cornmuffin: Ack. *starts to run*

Martin: *puts foot on the Don* I would stay still if I were you.

Vorp-Man: Kuria, no! Don't leave me here alone, don't write where I can't follow.

Kuria: *from her own perspective there is now a camera distortion* Was... this... plotline... approved?

Vorp-Man: We have to get her back to the Vorp Cave.

Lady in Red: I'll get my car.

Vorp-Man: We'll take mine. *presses a switch on his arm and a rocking Vorp-Mobile shows up that looks more like a tank than a car*

Lady in Red: Your car? *turns around and sees the car driving off* Oh.

~at the table~

Masamune: I wonder if I should ask for her number.

Golem: Good idea.

GORE: But she's your wife!

Golem: No, Sapphire is my wife.

GORE: Lady in Red is her alter ego!

Golem: Haha, like I wouldn't know if she had an alter ego.

GORE: *pounds face into table again*

~On the streets~

Vorp-Man: Hold on Kuria!

Kuria: Don't tell me how to act.

Vorp-Man: *looks in mirror* Great, the cops are after me.

~he drives up a parking lot tower with the cops after him, he then flies OVER it onto another building. The Parking Lot explodes and kills like, all the cops and civilians. He then flies on top of a church, falls inside of it, crushing a congregation of choir kids. He then drives out, still chased by cops. He presses a button that releases oil on the road. The cop cars slip and crash into several small convenience stores, killing the customers and employees inside. He crosses a train track, but the cops are plowed over by a train as they cross. The explosion kills the cops and every single person on the train except for one boy who ends up orphaned and with only one leg. The Vorp-Mobile then flies over a ramp, landing through a waterfall into the Vorp-Cave. The cave doors closes after him and all the cops fly into the wall and die~

Vorp-Man: That was fun.

Goombutler: Back again, Master Hamilton.

Vorp-Man: That's me.

Goombutler: I thought you weren't doing this for thrills.

Vorp-Man: I'm not.

Goombutler: *points to TV, showing what just happened* What do you call this?

Vorp-Man: Damn good television.

Goombutler: You caused five hundred deaths. Why couldn't you have taken the Vorp Plane or, say, the Subway?

Vorp-Man: I wanted to try my new vehicle!

Goombutler: And the girl?

Vorp-Man: Oh, I need to cure her from maple syrup. Did ESD ship the antidote here?

Goombutler: Actually he left it in your car, like you asked him.

Vorp-Man: Huh, fancy that. *reaches in the car's glove department and cures Kuria* Funny old world. That whole scene was pointless then.

Goombutler: Yes, but great for ratings.

Author: Mario Jr.

(Concurrently, Marin was being dragged to Underworld and into a dreary old fortress, badly in need of renovation.)

Marin: Put me down! Don’t you know who I am!?

(The soldier suddenly stops and drops her on the ground.)

Soldier: As a matter of fact, I do.

(He takes off his helmet to reveal himself as Luigi Jr.)

Marin: You…

LJ: Yes, me. Glad to see me, Cuz?

Marin: Cuz? I thought you didn’t remember who I was because you had amnesia or something?

LJ: Yes. Amnesia. Whatever your fantasy is, baby.

Marin: Baby!? I ain’t your baby! Stay away from me, you creep!

LJ: Heh-heh, it doesn’t matter because once you eat this here mushroom, you’ll be out cold till the end of this OG.

Marin: I definitely not going eat anything from you now that you’ve told me that!

LJ: You know what? Forget the mushroom for now. I’m going to have a little fun with you first.

Marin: Fun?

LJ: Yes! Fun! We can go to my place, braid each other’s hair and paint each’s nails, and talk about our favorite boy bands!

Marin: Okay, now you’re scaring me.

LJ: Oh c’mon! It’ll be a blast!

Marin: Alright. But I need to loosen up a bit first.

LJ: I got some wine in the cellar.

Marin: Nah. I need some serious hard-core stuff. I’m talking about a really psychedelic experience, man. You know what I mean. I’m talking ‘Shrooms, man.

LJ: You mean, Mushrooms? Are they actually safe?

Marin: It’s what all the groovy kids do, man.

LJ: Well I do need my grooviness leveled up.

(LJ pops the Poison Mushroom into his mouth and instantly turns purple and grabs his stomach in agony.)

LJ: Oh. That don’t feel right…

(And just like that, LJ keels over and falls asleep.)

Marin: Men are so predictable. *walks off*

~*~

(Just then, Laura suddenly finds herself in Fairy World standing next a Munchkin with wings.)

Laura: Goddammit. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted a man to do a woman’s job.

Munchkin: Huwwy Miss Wady-Knight pewson! Pwincess Waspberry is in gwave danguh! You must wescue hur or Sugah-Sweet Kingdom will suwely fall!

Laura: Not my problem. *walks off*

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 4 Archive

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