Gamehiker Member OG 5 Page 2

Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 5 Archive

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

Author: Mario Jr.

Tiffa: Wait... sister?

Marin: How can you be related to her? You're white!

Kiffus: I'm not white! I'm dead. Which you will soon be.

Tiffa: You must be a Neko-Neko. But how is it that you speak English?

Kiffus: [I don't.]

Tiffa: Oh. I still don't know who the hell you are.

Kiffus: [Does this bring back any memories?]

(Kiffus opened up his hand to reveal a golden amulet depicting a Shine Sprite.)

Kiffus: [You gave this to me this very same day 5,000 years ago. The day you promised to me that you'd never leave me...]

Tiffa: 5,000 years ago?

(Masa, Vorpal, Luigi, Zambi & GM show up.)

Vorpal: We're here to save you!

GM: Except me. I don't know why I'm here.

Marin: About time!

Masa: Step aside Marin. Let the men handle this one.

Tiffa: Wait no! Don't hurt him!

Kiffus: *hisses* [The OGers!]

GM: What the hell is that?

Luigi: Copyright infringement.

Author: GM

OoC: For future reference, it's Zambi Yoshi. With a "b". Not Zami. Zambi. As in "zombie". Yes, it may be considered a stupid pun, but it could have been worse. [Edit by Vorpal- has been fixed, sorry about that]

If no one posts after this one by Midnight, I'll edit this post so it moves the story along.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Luigi: ~points at Kiffus~ That's right! You are a blatant rip-off of a me from an alternate continuity, Mr. "Nekolfos." I will proceed to sue your author's...

~Kiffus holds his hand up to his eye, then sheds a single tear into it. He throws it onto Luigi's nose.~

Luigi: . . . Oh, I didn't like this part.

~Luigi's nose turns into crystal.~

Vorpal/Masamune: ~gasp~

GM: I bet you could sell that for a fortune.

Kiffus: Meknut hamma solrin. Meknut hamma hut.

~Four meter-long, blade-shaped claws shoot out of Kiffus's wrists and elbows.~

GM: Mm... I think I'll be making a temporary alliance with this guy. I was coming after you guys for revenge anyway.

Zambi: Mehhhhhh...

Vorpal: ~draws his sword and points~ Battle positions!

Masamune: I have a question. Since when did you become our leader, anyway? I mean, I'm the one who's a captain and has a ship.

Vorpal: But I have a cape.

Masamune: No capes. Remember Vorpal the 16th?

Vorpal: Well...

Masamune: His cape got caught in a vortex. They never saw him again.

Vorpal: Sh-shut up! It's on, later!

Masamune: We already did this last OG.

Luigi: Can we go? I can't see anymore.

~The crystal has spread across Luigi's eyes.~

Vorpal/Masamune: ~gasp~

Vorpal: We should retreat.

Masamune: Ah, he can use the Force or something. ~draws his sword~

Luigi: Thanks. ~pulls out laser sword~

Tiffa: I said not to hurt him!

Masamune: But he's already dead. It's not like he'll be able to...

~Kiffus flashes up and slashes Masamune's chest. Masamune staggers a moment, but comes to.~

Masamune: Oh, he'll be feeling it now!

~Vorpal, Masamune, and Luigi jump at Kiffus.~

Vorpal/Masamune/Luigi: HEEE YAAAAH!

Author: GM

(However, they were paying no attention to GM, who ran up to them and tripped them in midair with his sword, still in it's sheath.)

Masamune/Vorpal/Luigi: WHOA!!!

(They landed on the ground with a face plant.)

GM: Ooh! That must hurt! Heh, I've been through worse. I'm sure you guys know.

Vorpal: Who the hell are you anyway!?

GM: Don't play dumb! Zambi!

(Zambi picked up Vorpal with his tongue and swallowed. He then layed a large rotten Yoshi egg with Vorpal inside. A horrid stench filled the air.)

Masamune: My nose! No! MY BRAIN!!!

GM: GAH! Bad move Zambi! Bad move!

Tiffa: What, I don't sme-OH NO I DO!!!

Marin: Sweet merciful crap!

Kiffus: [Oh dear whatever god I worship! I wasn't trained for this!]

Luigi: Luckily, the crystal covering my nose is blocking out the smell.

(Vorpal eventually broke out of the egg, covered in rancid egg goo.)

Vorpal: ...Kill... Me...

Masamune: Vorpal?

Vorpal: KILL ME!!!

Masamune: No!

(Vorpal lept onto Masamune, covering him in egg goo.)

Masamune: Gross! Lame!

GM: Hmm... Perhaps that's enough revenge.

Luigi: You do realize they weren't with the people who beat you up? At the time, they were being mauled by bears.

GM: Is that so? What about you, you... Jedi bum guy?

Luigi: I kicked you a few times, but then I quit because I was still depressed about running myself over.

GM: ...

Luigi: Maybe I'll explain later.

Vorpal: Okay, I'm no longer suicidal. Hey, what happened to that dead guy we were fighting?

Zambi: Urrrrrrgh!

Vorpal: No, the other dead guy.

Masamune: Over there by that guy who appeared ut of nowhere.

(Cobrax had decided to step in, and was facing Kiffus.)

Cobrax: You show signs of wanting to cause harm. State your reasons.

(Instead, Kiffus tries to attack Cobrax the same way he did Masamune, but Cobrax managed to dodge. Cobrax counterattacked with a combo attack involving two punches and a tail swipe. Despite how fast they were Kiffus managed to dodge all three attacks.)

Cobrax: Stand down. I will retaliate otherwise.

Kiffus: [Fool! This does not concern you!]

Cobrax: Your language is not in my databank. Please surrender in either English, Espanol, or Huttese. Waving a white object or a simple gesture will also do.

(Kiffus was highly skilled and a type of warrior that legends and MJ say could kill millions single-handedly. However, being milleniums old, it had no concept of a gun. So when it charged Cobrax a second time, it didn't flinch when he pulled out an assault rifle he swiped from GM when he wasn't looking. He fired about fifteen bullets into Kiffus, who staggered back and fell from the force of the impact. GM recognized the gun and searched himself.)

GM: Hey, that's my gun! That's Omnipotence!

Vorpal: You named your gun?

GM: People name their swords, so why not?

(Kiffus tried to sit up, but Cobrax kicked him in the head, knocking him back further.)

GM: ...So, is it too late to team up with you guys again? It'd be a pretty bad disadvantage to go against the new guy.

Vorpal: After what I went through, yes it's too late!

Masamune: ...Are you sorry?

GM: Yeah, sure.

Masamune: Then okay.

Vorpal: Hey, I have the cape, so I'm the leader, and I said-

Masamune: Well, don't we need all the help we can get to fight GORE and the others?

GM: Were they the guys who beat me up?

Masamune: Probably.

GM: Then hell yeah, I'm in!

Vorpal: ...Fine, but you'll have to go through a long an extremely embarrassing initiation ritual!

Zambi: Muuur?

Vorpal: You too!

(Back with Cobrax and Kiffus, Cobrax raised his arm straigh into the air and extended his index finger. At the end of it, a ball of energy began to form. It grew and grew until Cobrax had a sphere of glowing yellow energy that was twice his size above his head.)

Cobrax: Surrender now! This is your final warning!

Masamune: Five bucks says the dead guy jumps up and does something cool.

Luigi: Mmmph!

(The crystal now covered Luigi's entire head.)

GM: Can he breathe through that?

(Then Luigi collapsed.)

Masamune: This is bad.

Author: Mario Jr.

(Kiffus growls and pounces on Cobrax.)

Cobrax: Bad move.

(Cobrax releases the energy blast, knocking the Nekolfos into the ground, leaving a massive crater. Cobrax then delivers a series of smaller energy discs into the crater just to be thorough.)

Vorpal: Wow... is he dead?

Cobrax: I doubt it.

Marin: Hey! Aren't some robot or something? Can't you tell if he's alive or not?

Cobrax: The assailant is already deceased. I sensed no life signs from him the whole time.

Marin: *hits herself on the head* Duh, Mare!

(Sure enough, once the smoke had cleared, Kiffus was standing up again, now more pissed off than ever.)

Kiffa: Kunjulla Tal’Ru Shin-Ra!

(Suddenly, the skies overhead turned into a fiery shade of red and the sun went black. The blades on his wrist grew longer as well as the ones on his elbows and knees. Razor sharp spines also emerges from his back and on his tail formed an Axe. The transformed warrior took one swipe at Cobrax and sliced off his arm. He then continued slashing at the android, dicing him up like fresh salad. Too, his dismay though, the badly disfigured android continued to stand on one leg and one arm, not looking the slightest bit phased.)

Kiffus: [Wha... what matter of being are?]

Cobrax: Okay, I gave adequate enough warnings. Now I must eliminate you.

Kiffus: [With one leg and one arm? I'd like to see you try!]

GM: Okay, this is getting old. I can't understand a single thing he’s saying.

(GM looks around and notices Tiffa, practically drooling at the sight of Cobrax.)

GM: *points at Tiffa* Hey you! With the cat ears! You look you're the same race as that razor guy over there. Can you translate what he's saying?

Tiffa: That hooded guy... He‘s so dreamy...

Marin: Don’t even bother. She’s too far gone to hear you.

Cobrax: That girl…

(Kiffus begins spinning around in a whirlwind of spinning blades likes some crazy top. He flies in Cobrax’s direction, cutting up what was left of him. But the android refused to give up. Reduced to nothing but half a torso with a head and one arm, he crawls over to Tiffa’s direction.)

Kiffus: [Why don’t you give up? There’s no way you can beat a Nekolfos!? I’m designed to adapt to new threats like yourself.]

(Cobrax ignores Kiffus’ taunting and continued towards Tiffa.)

Cobrax: Excuse me, Miss but can I borrow that necklace of yours?

Tiffa: You mean this. *holds up the Shine amulet*

Cobrax: Affirmative.

(Puzzled, she bends down and hands Cobrax the amulet that Kiffus had given her earlier. Just as he had expected, Kiffus’ face fills with dread.)

Cobrax: Ah, so my calculations were correct. This item is important to you after all. It must be the secret to your strength.

Kiffus: [Fool! You don’t know what you’re doing!]

Cobrax: Sorry. I still don’t understand your language.

(That said, Cobrax crushes the amulet and Kiffus lets out a final roar as he turns into a pile of dust and blows away in tto the wind. Instantly, the skies returned to normal. That’s when Tiffa pounces on what was left of Cobrax.)

Tiffa: Our hero! You were so brave Mr. Snake guy!

Marin: Okay that’s enough, Tiffs!

(Marin grabs Tiffa by the arm and pulls her off of the poor android.)

Marin: *laughs nervously* Sorry about that. Tiffa can get carried away sometimes.

Tiffa: Call me a’’ight!

(Tiffa then gets hauled offscreen by Marin and the two disappear from the scene.)

Cobrax: o.O

~ELEWHERE~

Shadowy Figure: Hmm. It seems the Nekolfos weren’t as strong a warriors as the legends claimed. Perhaps the ape will be more successful.

Author: GM

Masamune: Well, she seemed pleased for someone who didn't want that thing to get hurt.

GM: What about him?

(GM points to Luigi, who was still on the ground.)

Masamune: He'll be alright. He can't die yet.

Zambi: Ruuuuuuurgh!

Masamune: You said it, Zambi.

Author: Mario Jr.

OOC: EXTRA SCENE ADDED.

Marin: Oh, almost forgot!

(Marin sheds a tear into hand and throws at Luigi's head. Almost magically, the crstalization reversed.)

Vorpal: Hey! His eyes are still crystals!

Marin: Nothin's ever good enough for you people... *leaves*

Vorpal: Wait! Aren't you going to finish the job?

Masa: Oh forget it. You know how stubborn Mario women are...

~Somewhere Else~

Tiffa: Why did ya haveta do that for!? Embarassing me like infront of that hunky snake guy.

Marin: Oh please! You'd fall in love with a toaster if you had the chance.

Tiffa: Toasty! I miss him...

Marin: ...

Tiffa: What!?

Marin: You seem very happy for someone who just lost a could-be relative.

Tiffa: You mean that other Neko? *expression changes* ...It's been so long since I've seen another one of my kind... I thought I was the only one. But that thing... It's probablyy best I didn't get to involved with it. There are certian caste of Neko-Neko's bred to be warriors. They will use any means of deception get what they want. If anything, he was probably programmed to believe he was my brother. Besides, even if I was some 5,000 year old mummy like he was I would have been a princess!

Marin: Ha! You a princess.

Tiffa: Hey! It could happen.

Author: Masamune

Masamune: You okay, Weeje?

Luigi: No I'm NOT okay. My head got turned into a crystal and I get cured out of the blue?

GM: This is bad?

Luigi: I dunno... I just kinda expected something more dramatic.

Vorpal: Anyways, I'm confused. We should go back to fighting aliens.

~MEANWHILE~

Lord Emperor Hungary: Haha! With Uruguay gone, I rule the M&M Galaxy!

~Back with the OGers~

Masamune: Nah. I'm thinking Roy / Carrotcake King should be showing up again.

~ELSEWHERE~

Roy (thinking): Could you like, possess somebody else?

Roy (CK thinking): No.

~OGers again~

Luigi: Maybe. But Sarugerm was the best!

~inside Canadian Dude~

Sarugerm: Soon I shall rule the body and take over... Cleveland! Hahahaha!

~OGers again~

Everyone: *stares*

Luigi: Well -I- thought he was a good villain.

GM: I don't have a villain to reference yet. (frowns)

Marin: *walks in* Hey! Maybe Laura-

Everyone: No.

Marin: Fine. *leaves again*

Vorpal: So we'll just have to beat up GORE.

Masamune: I have to save my girl! At least I am guessing that Rebe was kidnapped, I actually don't know.

Luigi: *sidelong glance*

Vorpal: My girl turned against me. I guess that gives me an excuse to smack her around.

Masamune: Well, I'm out of flying ships for this OG.

Luigi: My awesome wings only come out when I'm doing something cool.

Vorpal: The Collection Agency emptied out the Vorp-Cave. (frowns)

GM: Oh. Well in that case we can take my car.

~points to a old station wagon that doesn't look safe to even look at, much less drive~

Vorpal: I'm up for walking. You guys?

Luigi / Masamune: Oh yeah / Definitely.

GM: Fine.

Author: Mario Jr.

(Apparantly at Don Miguel's place, a mysterious stranger with orange hair and green asianic eyes appears at his door. Don Miguel answers, carrying a box under his ram at the time.)

Don Miguel: How can I help you?

Luigi Jr.: I hear that you sell Love Perfume that'd make any girl think I'm irrestible.

Don Miguel: Yes.

Just insert some of your own urine and suddenly every girl thinks you're George Clooney. These things are selling like crazy!

Luigi Jr.: Cool! Is that them right there? I'll buy the whole box.

(Don Miguel looks down at the box.)

Don Miguel: Oh these? These aren't for sell. They're de--

Luigi Jr.: I don't care! I'm loaded!

(Before Don Miguel could protest, LJ snatches the box the box and throws him a sack full of precious diamonds and gold coins. Then he ran off.)

Don Miguel: --fective....

~Later~

(Marin and Tiffa are sitting just outside some coffee shop when LJ appears out of nowhere, dressed all metrosexually with his hair slicked back and a bundle of roses in hand.)

LJ: My beloved! I have finally found you!

Marin: Luigi Jr....? What the hell are you doing here!?

LJ: I've come to tell you, what I've been hiding in heart for so long! I know you might think it's wrong. But I know. I know in my heart that you and I were meant to be! I know we have the same last name but what is a name but a bunch of random letters? It doesn't change how I feel about you. MARIN MARIO! I LOVE YOU!

(By this time, everyone outside the cafe was staring at them.)

Marin: !!!

Tiffa: ???

(Luigi approaches them from across the street, but a loud rumbling sound coming from afar caused him to stop dead in his tracks. The sound seemed to grow louder, as if something large was heading their direction. LJ gulped as he looked out the corner of his eye in time to see a huge stampede of men heading in his direction. Before he knew he was swept up by a sea of writhing arms trying to tear off his clothes.)

Marin: Ew! Sick! Look away Tiffa.

Tiffa: Shouldn't we try to help him?

Marin: Nah.

LJ: Oh no! Help me somebody! Marin! Marin! You can't leave me like this! HELP MEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!

(As just like that, LJ was carried off as the stampede dissappeared around the corner.)

Tiffa: ^_^ Who was that?

Marin: Nevermind him. We got more pressing matters to attend to.

Tiffa: Like what?

Marin: Like trying to figure out how a Nekolfos ended up on earth for starters. We're going to Egypt.

Tiffa: Why Egypt?

Marin: Because that's the closest Earthling culture to yours. If something about your people, it could be found there.

Tiffa: Shouldn't we go get the others? They seem pretty smart.

Marin: Oh they're probably busy with some baddie that fought dozens of times before or something. Let's go!

(Marin whistles for a Taxi. A yellow cab swerves over and pulls up besides them to let them in.)

Marin: *to the driver* To the airport! And step on it!

Author: Masamune

Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 5 Archive

1 - 2 - 3 - 4