Gamehiker Member OG 5 Page 4

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Author: Luigi of the Pipes

~At the gas station~

Clerk: I cameo!

Vorpal: Shut up and pump our gas.

Clerk: The sign clearly says that you must pump it yourself, jerk.

Masamune: Rebe's been captured by that fool EVIL Scientist Dude. We must hurry to her rescue!

Luigi: What about Ashley?

~Some random playground~

Ashley: Whee!!! ~is pushed on the swings by Lupus and Fred~ You guys are the best!

Lupus: We try.

Fred: I had two red rocks. Then I ate one, so I only had one left...

~At the gas station~

Masamune: That random scene change just proved that she's fine. Let's go.

GM: How are we supposed to find this "EVIL" Scientist Dude anyway?

Vorpal: Well, apparently he's stolen the Doomhikers Underground Lair. All we have to do...

~The Gamehikers look expectantly at the ex-Doomhikers.~

GORE: Some things must stay secret, even if our super-cool club is gone.

Vorpal: ~throttles GORE~

Sapphire: Pssh. It's in Boston.

All: ~gasp~ Rocketsville III!

Sapphire: Whatever.

~DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ROCKETSVILLE III, Doomhikers Underground Lair~

MJ: Dudes, there's two entrances.

GORE: Yeah.

Golem: Y'know, I don't remember which one we always used.

Rhyk: Agreed. My memory provides no insight.

MJ: Easy, easy fellers. I know exactly which door to take.

All: ???

MJ: ~pulls out his sword~ Whichever one leads you to Hell.

All: ~gasp~

Masamune: MJ! What the--

MJ: Oh, don't play dumb. I knew about Wario Jr., and I know that EVIL Scientist Dude put him out of commission, plot inconsistencies or not. Anybody who gets rid of my evil twin is a friend of mine. ~swings his sword across the doors~ Might as well go out with a bang, eh?

Luigi: You bastard.

MJ: Call me what you like, but it won't change the fact that you're about to get your asses served.

~MJ pulls out a red Starman and holds it up for a moment. A pair of shining wings come out of his back. The group charges him, but he holds up the Star Sword and a blinding light flashes forth, blinding and stuff. While they're recovering, MJ runs around and cuts them repeatedly, throwing in a few fiery attacks.~

Masamune: Don't hold back!

~The group attacks in unison, but their strikes bounce off of MJ's invincible body. He throws them away with a wave of fire, then floats up and drops down at Luigi, sword first. All of a sudden, the music stops, as does MJ's flashing wings. Luigi holds up his lightsaber; MJ twists away, but not far enough and impales himself on it.~

MJ: Gyeeeaaaaah!

~The others gather around him.~

Kuria: Hang on, MJ.

MJ: ~coughs~ Guess I should have stayed home after all, eh? Oh well... I've been wanting to die, ever since Marin... ~wheeze~

GM: MJ!

MJ: X_X

~They stand up and turn to the doors.~

Masamune: Blast. He was SUPPOSED to tell us which was the right one in his dying breath.

Vorpal: Let's split up. I'll take Kuria, Sapphire, GORE, GM, and Luigi.

Masamune: Wh-what?! But that leaves me with what's-his-face--

Don Miguel: Hey!

Masamune: Other-what's-his-face--

Cobrax: Excuse.

Masamune: Scrawny boy--

Golem: ~teeh--~ Oh...

Masamune: Scrawny robot--

Rhyk: Beep.

Masamune: And Yami. ~shudders~ I don't even get any women.

Vorpal: DIBBSIES!

Masamune: Aww...

~Vorpal's group runs through the left door before Masamune can complain further. The first room they enter is full of robotic GORE-ILLA clones.~

GORE: No...

Vorpal: Oh man. Makes you feel pretty unoriginal. Let's just sneak for the door and--

~GORE runs over, screaming in primal rage, and punches the nearest GORE clone. The eyes of the other GORE clones turn red and face him.~

Vorpal: RUN!

~They run through the door, Luigi and GORE taking up the rear. A GORE clone catches up just as they reach it.~

Luigi: We won't make it! ~throws his robe open~ Flame on! ~bursts into flames~

GORE: It's CLOBBERIN' time! ~smashes his fists together~

~They beat up the clone. Luigi jumps through the door and waves for GORE, but GORE punches the nearby columns and collapses the ceiling in front of the door. Luigi peers through.~

Luigi: GORE!

GORE: GO!

Luigi: Don't die!

GORE: Great... ~turns to the clones~ You shall not pass!

~Luigi catches up to the group, trying to cross a bridged chasm. A Caykzor hangs above the chasm, throwing cake at anyone who tries to cross.~

Sapphire: Can't we just go AROUND the chasm?

Vorpal: You know what. Shut up.

Kuria: I have a left over Pie Arrow. If I shoot it at the Caykzor, you guys can run across while it's squirming in pain.

Vorpal: That's my woman!

~Kuria fires the Pie Arrow at the Caykzor. Vorpal, GM, Sapphire, and Luigi run across. Kuria starts to run across, but the Caykzor drops suddenly and smashes the bridge. Kuria barely grabs the edge. Luigi, the only one to notice, turns.~

Luigi: Oh crap! Hang on, I'll try to pull you over!

Kuria: No! You have to save your strength! You're going to need it all if you want to defeat EVIL Scientist Dude.

Luigi: I can't leave you hanging! Vorpal will kill me!

Kuria: Do you remember that first time we met? And I fell out of the tree?

Luigi: No.

Kuria: I survived that. I'll survive this. Now fly, you fool!

~Luigi reluctantly turns. Kuria grins feebly and lets go of the ledge, falling into oblivion.~

Kuria: Tell Vorpal...

~Luigi catches up to the group again, but finds that only Sapphire is left.~

Luigi: Where did everyone--?

Sapphire: Through that door. But it closed when I tried to go through.

Luigi: Oh.

Sapphire: There's a computer here. Maybe I can hack into the system and open the doors. ~starts hacking~

Luigi: I didn't know you knew about computers.

Sapphire: Pssh.

~The door slides open. Luigi runs through, then turns around to see that the floor around Sapphire has collapsed.~

Luigi: Hey! Turn into Lady in Red and fly over!

Sapphire: There's no breeze.

Luigi: Then I'll--

Sapphire: No. You need to go and save Rebe.

Luigi: Wh--

Sapphire: I've seen that you care about her. If anyone needs to save her before Masamune, it's you. Now go.

Luigi: Thanks...

~leaves~

Sapphire: Boys... ~sighs as the floor beneath her falls~

~Luigi catches up to the group again (he has a knack for it) and finds them next to a closed door.~

Vorpal: There's only one way in. I'm the biggest, but somehow the only one who can fit through.

GM: Wh--?

Vorpal: It's Vorpal-sized.

~Vorpal slips into the hole that leads to the next room. He walks over to the computer, tries to open the door, then grunts and shoves his sword through the terminal. The ceiling in front of the next door starts sliding down.~

Vorpal: NO! ~shoves his sword between the ceiling and floor, holding it up, then is grabbed from behind and absorbed by a Caykzor~ Who bakes all these?!

~Luigi and GM run in the now-open door. GM slides under the ceiling and goes to the next door, but Luigi notices Vorpal's face sticking out of the Caykzor.~

Luigi: Vorpal! Hang on, I'll...

Vorpal: Don't worry about me. This isn't the first time I've been absorbed by one of these. In fact, I've been rather hungry lately... ~sinks into the Caykzor~

Luigi: Damn! ~runs and slides under the ceiling just as the Vorpal sword collapses, then catches up with GM~

GM: Isn't it kind of odd that we've been losing group members ever since we came in here?

Luigi: I expected it.

GM: I wonder who'll be next... ~eyes Luigi~

~A wall of energy appears in front of them, blocking passage. Another one appears behind, then to each side.~

Luigi: Both of us, I guess.

GM: We're gonna DIE!

Luigi: No! I've seen this type of energy field before. ~walks over to the forward energy field and draws his lightsaber~ If we concentrate our attacks on one spot, it'll open long enough for us to go through.

GM: Yeah, but--

Luigi: What?

GM: Nevermind... ~pulls out Omnipotence~ Ready?

Luigi: Yeah.

~GM fires repeatedly into a single spot on the field, then Luigi shoves his lightsaber into that spot, opening a hole. He slips through the hole, then turns and sees GM crash into the energy field.~

GM: I tried to tell you. I'm not fast enough to get through.

Luigi: Oh.

GM: But that's okay. I honestly didn't want to go anyway. You guys have been nothing but big jerks to me ever since I decided to HELP you. I heard you laughing about my movie behind my--

Luigi: We never!

GM: JUST GO!

~Luigi turns and runs, grumbling.~

GM: Take care...

~Luigi enters the next room and sees a long bridge, with arrow launchers on either side.~

Luigi: Crap. I'll have to run fast.

~Luigi runs past the arrows and across the bridge, but is shot by a hidden arrow launcher right in front of him, groans, and collapses. He picks himself a moment later and pulls the arrow out, along with Rebe's locket which he somehow got when you didn't see it.~

Luigi: Huh. You saved me too...

~Luigi looks for a door, but finds none. A sword is stuck in the wall, however, so he pulls it out. The door magically appears.~

Luigi: Fancy that. ~enters~

~Through the door, Luigi comes upon a most marvelous sight. EVIL Scientist Dude's Chocolate Factory. Only not. Instead, it's a small room with only the time machine in the center and a note. He picks it up.~

Luigi: "Dear Good Guys. I sent the girl back to the time that this OG started. I'm talking to you, hobo guy. If you want her, you'll go back in time. Hugs and Kisses, EVIL Scientist Dude." Crap. ~checks calender~ Double crap. My birthday was yesterday. Well, if it means saving Rebe... ~steps into the time machine and goes back to the start of the OG~

EVIL Scientist Dude: ~sneaks out from behind his hiding place~ MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The hobo will die! And I... WILL RULE... THE WORLD!

~A bullet flies past his ear.~

GM: Not so fast!

~EVIL Scientist Dude turns to see Vorpal's and Masamune's group facing him, sans Masamune himself.~

Vorpal: We got past your pathetic little traps, EVIL Scientist Dude, if only because we're not this author's characters so he can't kill us off!

EVIL Scientist Dude: But... how?

Masamune: ~walks in~ You'll never guess who helped us.

~MJ limps in.~

EVIL Scientist Dude: What?! They were supposed to kill you!

MJ: I changed my mind. Extra lives, baby.

EVIL Scientist Dude: This... SHALL NOT... BE TOLERATED!

~The room shakes as EVIL Scientist Dude sinks beneath the floor. He comes back up riding in a giant mechanical suit shaped like a monkey, with dozens of mechanical tentacles and noxious fumes seeping out of vents on its body.~

EVIL Scientist Dude: Now you face... the Island Beast! THE GIANT MAPINGUARI!

Author: Mario Jr.

MJ: Uh no. *wanders off*

EVIL Scientist Dude: Whaa...? You can't just leave!

MJ: Oh yeah! Bite me. *flees*

EVIL Scientist Dude: Son of a--

(Tiffa and Marin walk in.)

Tiffa: *sniffs air* MJ was just here.

Marin: Would you make up your mind already? Are you after MJ or Cobrax?

Tiffa: Well Cobrax doesn't give off a scent... oddly enough.

Marin: THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S A MACHINE!

Tiffa: A sex machine is more like it! (grins)

Marin: Cobrax propbably doesn't even have the equipment to even--

EVIL Scientist Dude: SILENCE! What are you two doing wandering about my lair?

Marin: Um, we were just leaving...

Tiffa: Have you seen MJ? He's about yea high, kind stocky looking, wears a red tench and hat.

Marin: Tiffa!

EVIL Scientist Dude: So you two are associated with MJ? *clears throat* Now you face... the Island Beast! THE GIANT MAPINGUARI!

Marin: Ah, crap.

TIffa: *takes out staff* Bring it!

Author: Masamune

~One Week Ago~

Luigi (Week Future): Rebe! REBE! Where are you!?

~people all stare~

Luigi: REBE! *runs in front of a car and gets hit and dies*

~the person inside the car gets out~

Luigi (Year Future): Oh God, I just killed myself! Nooo! *runs out in front of another car*

~the person comes out of that car~

Luigi (Present): Oh my.

~Later...~

Luigi: Sir?

Policeman: Do you have a twin, sir?

Luigi: Not in this OG.

Policeman: A brother who looks really similar? Maybe someone you know who would dress up like you?

Luigi: Not in this OG... why?

Policeman: Step out of the car, please.

~Luigi gets out. The policeman leads him over to the victim.~

Luigi: Wait...

Policeman: Anyone you know?

Luigi: That's me.

Policeman: It would seem, except for the possibility. ~calls his chief and explains~ Sir, this is going to seriously bog down the system. We're going to run some DNA tests and figure out who this is.

Luigi: It's me.

Policeman: We'll need to keep you at the station.

Luigi: Oh.

~Hours later~

Scientist: It's impossible. The tests claim that both of these men are Mr. Lucas Hanimar.

Holistic Detective: I couldn't wrap my head around it, so I've called in an expert.

Young Boy: He'd need a bloody time machine.

Holistic Detective: There you have it.

Scientist: I hate to admit it...

Holistic Detective: So guy goes back in time and gets killed by himself. Pretty sad way to go. We should tell him how much time he's got left.

Scientist: Couldn't he just not go back in time and prevent it?

Holistic Detective: Oh, he'll go back in time. You can't change the past... or the future. How much time does he got?

Scientist: . . . one year.

~Luigi walks away glumly~

Scientist: He bought it.

Holistic Detective: Good, now pay me. I don't like making up crap.

Luigi (Week Future): But the me from 51 weeks in the future died, even if you saved me.

Scientist: Well yeah, it's still too early in the OG to explain that.

Luigi (Week Future): Okay... *leaves*

~At a nearby race track, still in the past~

Rebe (Week past): I'm putting a hundred on Lucky Joe.

Clerk: Lucky Joe never wins, why with the odds against him... you could walk out with a million dollars somehow I won't bother to explain.

Rebe: I guess that makes me a millionaire.

~Luigi runs in~

Luigi: What's this? *pulls out a betting ticket*

Rebe: An honest bet.

Luigi: *pulls out SPORTS SECTION OF LAST WEEK* Rebe! Do you know what you're doing! You could alter the space time continuum, causing drastic changes and causing a paradox!

Rebe: Hey, I just wanted to make a little extra money.

Luigi: I did NOT *rips up sports section* go through time so you could abuse it!

Rebe: It's not like I didn't have a week to kill. What are YOU planning to do until we catch up with time.

Luigi: *whips out Carbonite Gun* Got this off Wario Jr. I'll set it for a week, but first let's infiltrate the Doomhiker base. ~they both leave~

Canadian Dude: *pulls ripped up Sports section from trash* This could come in handy. *dun dun DUN*

~one week later, back in Doomhiker Base~

EVIL Scientist Dude: Hahaha... Mapinguari, what a name...

Masamune: You won't get away with this!

EVIL Scientist Dude: Why?

Masamune: Well the last four villains in the last GMOGs didn't.

EVIL Scientist Dude: ... shut up! *a tentacle lashes out at Golem*

~Masamune and Vorpal run out with their sword and start chopping tentacles off~

Don Miguel: Quickly! Into the mines!

GM: What mines?

Don Miguel: *shrugs* It felt vaguely appropriate for the scene.

Tiffa: *is being thrown around the tentacles* I think... I'm... getting motion sickness.

Masamune: Eww.

EVIL Scientist Dude: You can't stop me!

GORE: Wanna bet! *jumps up and starts beating on the window that covers EVIL Scientist Dude*

EVIL Scientist Dude: Think again, I developed this machine to be invincible. Nothing any of you can do can have an effect.

~But just then~

Luigi: *walks out from a high ledge* Not so fast. *pauses* .... hey, who turned out the lights.

Rebe: It is kinda dark.

Masamune: The lights ARE on *dodges tentacle*.

Luigi: Crap! We have Carbonite Sickness, we'll be blind for the rest of this scene!

Rebe: Way to go genius. I picked this over a million dollars.

~suddenly a tentacle grabs Rebe~

Luigi: Nooooooo!!!!

~suddenly a mental image of Slort appears~

Slort: [Use the Force, Luigi. Stretch out with your feelings, your eyes can deceive you.]

Luigi: I'm blind, I can't read brackets.

Slort: *sighs* Ugno Igba Agba. *vanishes*

Luigi: OH. OH YEAH! *wraps a bandana around his eyes pointlessly and gets in tune with the Force*

~a tentacle heads towards Luigi, he deftly dodges it and hits it with his lightsaber~

Masamune: Yeah, real impressive. But that won't work.

~a mental image of Kermit appears~

Kermit: Luigi. It's not how big your problem is. It's how big what's inside that counts. C'mon guys, let's sing it to 'em.

Muppets: You can overcome anything...
When you use the FORCE TO KICK BUTT.
I mean, you can overcome anything...
When you're with your friends-

Luigi: I uh, get the point. ~the muppets vanish~

EVIL Scientist Dude: How can a blind guy be so hard to hit!?

~Luigi stretches out his hand and the Giant Mapinguari begins to rise in the air~

Marin: Hey! I didn't get any action scenes yet!

EVIL Scientist Dude: No! Wait! Listen, Luigi. We can be partners. I build the machines, you guard them. We split the money. Come on!

Luigi: If you'll do the honors, GORE.

~GORE-ILLA winds up his fist DK style and punches the Giant Mapinguari into the sky~

EVIL Scientist Dude: THIS ISN'T THE END OF ME! *vanishes into the sky with a little sparkle*

Luigi: Well I guess this OG is about over.

Masamune: They just get shorter and shorter.

Zambi: GMOG sucks. I mean, urgh, brainsssss....

~nobody gasps~

Vorpal: I get dibs on the ending.

????: I'll take dibs, actually.

GORE: (Great, another villain. How predictable)

~the figure steps out~

Alphie: I will protect... my father. *takes fighting pose*

Masamune: Haha, a little kid. I'll make short work of this. *walks up casually to the kid*

Alphie: Resistance is futile. *grabs Masamune by the arm and swings him across the room*

Masamune: Ow... Masamune take... a little nap... *passes out*

Vorpal: Can you see yet, Luigi?

Luigi: Probably, but this is more dramatic having the bandana over my eyes. Before we fight, come here Rebe. *pulls Zambi in for kiss*

Zambi: o_o

Rebe: Luigi, umm. That wasn't...

Luigi: What?

Rebe: Nothing.

Alphie: Surrender now. *advances*

Author: Vorpal

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