Some Fanventures Page 1

Pages in the Some Fanventures Trilogy Archive

Vol 1. (1 - 2) - Vol 2. (1 - 2) - Vol 3. (1 - 2)

Golem

Storyteller: So get this: we live in one sense of reality, and what we imagine becomes another sense of reality. ...Don't get it? I've got a great example for you:

~A scrawny kid in his normal attire--a white t-shirt, blue jeans, and trademark long scarf--walks into his bedroom and picks up an NES controller.

And for some reason he's zapped away. Gone. Completely missing.

When Golem gets his wits together, he realizes he's in a castle. On a bridge. Over lava. Bowser is also on this bridge.~

Golem: Well!

Bowser: Have we met before...?

~Just then, someone else is zapped to the room right above Bowser's head. The person lands on him.~

SOAP

~That person is Marin, her boobs planted firmly on his face~

Marin: I've gotta stop meeting people like this...

Bowser: ~nosebleed~

Marin: ..........

Bowser: It-it's from the head concussion.

Masamune

~Just then, yet another person shows up for no reason, Thrakun an ill-tempered dwarf from another another dimension~

Thrakun: Ach, ye canna be goin around planting ye wee breasts wherever ye like lass.

Marin: Yes, well-

Thrakun: It isnae proper to be falling out of the sky, either. ~turns to Bowser~ And you, ye really should do something about yer face there, aye. Ye look like a bleedin' elf with a case of looking all kinds of ugly, aye.

Golem: Um. This is all sort of awkward. I was just going to, you know, step on that axe over there and knock Bowser here in the lava.

Bowser: Axe? On the bridge? *turns around* My gads, who the heck designed this like that?

Golem: Well all your castles are like that, so I just figured-

Bowser: This is awful! What a security flaw. Excuse me a second. *whips out cell phone* Hey, Goomba Clone. Yes, I know I look sexy with a skirt on, now take it off. I don't care if you're bored. No, listen, shut up. See the axe on your bridge there? Get rid of it. Also, tell the others too.

~Meanwhile~

Mario: Time-a do die, Bowser-a!

Bowser (Goomba Clone): Um. No.

~desperate battle in which Mario can't use an axe to break the bridge~

Mario: *dies* ARGH.

Bowser (Goomab Clone): I wonder if I'll get a raise.

~BACKWHILEs~

Thrakun: Ach, dinna ye know it be rude to talk into phones when ye got company!?

Bowser: Well actually, I'm entertaining a kidnapee at the moment...

Thrakun: Well that's all good and well, lad, but I'm right famished from spontaneously appearing here, ye know. Ye best be feeding us or I'll be laying on the pain, ye kin?

Bowser: Oh um, sure. Yes... I'll get right on that.

Golem: My brain hurts.

GM

(Elsewhere in the area.)

GM: Sweet Self-Insertion! There's something seriously wrong here!

Thrakun: And just who the livin' hell are you?

GM: I just came here to say "sweet self-insertion". But now I'm stuck. Anyone got any money?

SuperBowser102

*Armored Koopa Troopa appears with spear*

Koopa Soldier: Uhh, Lord Bowser, I have word that you've detected a security flaw in the Castle?

Bowser: Yes, it seems that the Bridge to the captive chamber is not held to gether tightly.

Koopa Soldier: What seems to be the proble-- well, nevermind. I shall call apon the Hammer Bros. at once.

*Hammer Bros. appear*

Hammer Bro #1: Umm, eh, er, you have something to tell us lord Bowser sir?

Bowser: Yeah, I have a question. A small question, albiet. A very simple question, if you will. See this bridge here? *points*

*Hammer Bros. nod*

Bowser: Can tell me why...... why it's secured.... by A FREAKIN' AXE?!!

Hammer Bro #2: Umm, well the thing is, umm, well, we couldn't work the pully system for the bridge, and uhh, umm...

Hammer Bro #1: .... Well, we er needed something to support it.

Bowser: You needed something to support it? So you hold it tight with an axe?

Hammer Bro #2: An exquisite axe, if I may say so myself!

Bowser: Well YOU CAN'T SAY SO!!! BWAWAHA!!!! *blows fire in their faces*

Bowser: ARRGGHH.

Koopa Soldier: *frightened* Umm, Umm, sir.. umm-sir?

Bowser: WHAT??!!!!

Koopa Soldier: uhh--nothing!

Bowser: Take these fried turds away. I'll eat 'em later. And inform the Goomba clone and anyother clones in the preceding castles about this design flaw. I want all Hammer Bros. responsible sentenced to death.

Koopa Soldier: Nods.

Bowser: Oh, and uhh, hire some new Hammer Bros. to come in and fix the flaw.

Golem: This guy couldn't be any more dense. Sheesh.

Thrakun: You're tellin' me. It is the fool who is but present, not the bright and intelligient of which is not, over yonder.

Bowser: Eh? What?!!! Fools! Colonel Troopa, have the Buzzy Beetles escort these punks to the security cell on the lower levels. Watch out for the fish.

*Buzzy Beetles march on by, in single file*

Marin: Aww man! Those are Buzzy Beetles! We'll never get past them, there shells are armored and indestructable!!

Colonel Koopa: King Bowser wants you to take these prisoners to the cell block A-3, on the lower levels.

Buzzy Beetle: *grunt* *grunt*

Colonel Koopa: Ok, move along you guys.

---

Bowser: Btw, any progress made on the fish problem we've been having?

Colonel Koopa: You mean the Cheep-Cheep? I've been trying to tame them. They could be helpful in the eventuality that Mario arrives.

Bowser: Right right.... *peers away* *deep breath* THAT guy. *sigh* I swear. He's the hottest guy in town now. Trying to revolt against my conquer? I think not. Who the hell does he think he is? Some plumber from the city? He's got something come to him if he thinks he can stop me and my guys. I'll squash him in two seconds.

Colonel: Well, he's allready defeated one of the clones in our first Castle, on the outer edge.

Bowser: Abuhh?? It is no matter. It's luck. We've got the goods.

Colonel: You do have plans, right?

Bowser: Plan? Of course I have a plan. Every King has a plan. I chose the local AT&T wireless plan.

Colonel: No, no, a plan for stopping any rebels!

Bowser: Who needs a plan? I'm King! And they're a bunch of Frenchies as far as I'm concerned.

Colonel: oh, dis. Well, I thought we might discuss something anyway.... How about in the board room?

Bowser: Yeah whatever. Not like it matters anyway..

---

*Marin, Golem, and Thrakun get hauled off into a jail cell*

Buzzy Beetle: *Grunt*

Koopa Soldier: And that's where you'll stay, until you guys fess up and tell us what we want to know!!!

Golem: Look, we told you, we don't know how we got here!! Or at least I don't know how I got here..... o_O

Thrakun: And It is what that you wish to uncover?

Koopa Soldier: That's top secret.

Golem: >_<

Marin: This is what happens when the guys who are keeping you captives are idiots.

Golem: Yes, but we can probably use that to our advantage.....

*they slump down onto the floor of the cell*

---

*Meanwhile, a few floors above, in unknown room*

*Bowser102 Falls through a portal onto the floor*

B102: What the cheese?!

Where am I--- Holy... moley..

*the Colonel walks by*

Colonel: B-B-Bowser sir? I thought I just left you by the prisoner chamber on the bridge. Is there some sort of emergency?

B102: Uhh, wha? Bows-- *looks down* (Oh yeah... I forgot I have schizophrenia and dress up like Mario characters..)

Masamune

~Meanwhile, back in the jail cell~

Thrakun: Well this isnae going to work for me.

Golem: What are you going to do? This isn't the future where jail cells have convenient control panels inside the cells so prisoners can easily escape!

Marin: No, but this is a loosely medieval era where the jail cells are guarded by drunken sleeping guards and the key is always located just out of the cell for easy access.

Thrankun: *stops eating the stone walls* Oh, well I guess this isn't really neccessary.

Golem: Uh... not really.

Marin: Let's see, all we need is a stick or something and-

???: *opens the cell door* Oh hey, there you are.

Golem: Don't kill me, I just wanted to play Duck Hunt!

GM: Hey chill. I just figured I'd break you out since my spontaneous appearance was unnoticed enough that I was able to slip off to the vending machines and buy a soda.

Thrakun: Well then lad, ye best be leading us to this vending machine.

Marin: Why?

Thrakun: So I kin get a Mr. Pibb, ye fool! I havenae had one in years!

GM: Sorry... it was a Coca Cola vending machine.

Thrakun: Curses! I swear upon the souls of my ancestors, I will make Coca Cola pay!

Golem: Yes, well, what about we escape?

Marin: Lets.

~Several Koopas show up~

Koopa Guard: Halt!

Golem: I'll handle this. *jumps on the first koopa, except he doesn't because he can't jump that well and sort of just trips over the koopa, causing a domino effect on all the koopas that sends them all on their backs*

Koopa Guard: Noooooo, I can't get up~!

Marin: Ingenius!

Golem: I actually wanted to do the shell kick maneuver...

GM: Maybe later, let's take this secret tunnel that beard-dude has uncovered.

Thrakun: Actually I dug it. Just now.

Golem

GM: Where does it go?

Thrakun: The castle's pipe system, we'll be leavin' here quite fast. Follow me.

~Thrakun gets in the tunnel, followed by GM, Golem, and finally Marin. After a while...~

Golem: It's really hot in here... are you sure you know what you're doing?

GM: We could be crawling towards a lava pit!

Thrakun: Nonsense.

---

~Meanwhile, B102 TAKES CHARGE...~

B102: What is the Princess' status?

Colonel: She's restless, but our koopa guards have been able to restrain her.

B102: Have them bring her to me. (Hopefully she can get me out of here...)

---

~Elsewhere, near the prisoner chamber on the bridge, Bowser TAKES CHARGE...~

Buzzy Beetle: Sir! The prisoners have escaped!!

Bowser: The Princess?

Buzzy Beetle: Still secure, sir.

Bowser: Good. How did the prisoners escape?

Buzzy Beetle: Their cell was found open. However, there is also a tunnel inside the cell. We believe they have taken the tunnel.

Bowser: Send the 10th Legion through that tunnel.

Buzzy Beetle: Yessir!

---

~Elsewhere, in a cavern with rivers of lava...~

Golem: This doesn't look like anything in Super Mario Bros. OR Duck Hunt.

Marin: Thrakun?!

Thrakun: Calm down, m'lady. I don't feel particularly like swinging my ax at the moment.

Marin: GM, get your creepy hands off me!

~GM turns to Marin to yell back at her, but notices a metroid on her back. He punches it and it falls off.~

GM: So, that was a warp pipe we just went through.

~Golem snaps a picture of the metroid with a Game Boy Camera.~

Thrakun: We may be lost, but we're no longer prisoners. Come now, there's a long way to go.

Luiigii of the Pipes

Metroid: I say. ~puts on a monocle... somewhere... somehow~ A fellow tries to get a snack and is simply brutalized. Back in the old country, they would have you galvanized.

GM: Um.

Golem: DEMON METROID!

~Panic and mayhestrosity~

Metroid: Pipp pipp?

Marin: Wait wait. Let's look at that picture you just took. Demons don't show up in pictures.

Golem: Demon metroids do!

Metroid: Cheerio, then. ~puts on a top hat and bowtie... somehow~ I'm off to... um... a bloody good... well... dear dear, it doesn't help much with the old memory when one doesn't have much in the lines of grey material, wot?

Thrakun: Demons dinnae be haevin' tae English aeccent, aye.

Golem: Demon metroids do!

Metroid: I suppose I'll just hover around you fellows, then. Don't mind me if I take a little... nibble. I'm terribly famished, you know.

GM: Demons don't nibble.

Golem: Demon metroids do!

Metroid: Oh oh, don't mind me a'tall. Just carry on, then, wot?

Golem: Demon metroids don't don't mind! Okay, he's cool.

GM: He's still a metroid.

Thrakun: I dinnae be knowin what ye wee leetle metrood be, but cannae it be carraein us oover tae laeva pit?

Golem: Metroids totally suck out all your energy, dude. DON'T LET HIM GRAB YOUR HEAD!

Thrakun: I think it be a raether good lookun mae noogin.

Metroid: Quite.

GM: I don't see how a metroid's really all that worse than Marin, though.

Marin: ~shoves GM into the lava pit~ Ooooops.

Masamune

GM: ARGH I'M DYING!

Golem: Wait. He's dead? He can't die!

Thrakun: Can't he? Aye, I remember spendin' five years in the battle o' Ragnarok 'n losing all me closest friends.

Marin: I didn't actually mean to kill him. I slipped and fell into him, you know.

Metroid: Well, he's dead now, not much to be said of that, wot wot.

Golem: Oh whatever your name was, you stupid fool! Why did you have to die?

GM: Actually I'm okay.

Golem: Why!? WHY!?

GM: It was actually food dye.

Metroid: Quite right. This is a research facility. Perform ghastly experiments on us, they do.

Golem: And they decided to experiment on what would happen to Metroids brainwashed by pompous British influence?

Metroid: Not quite. See that large-ish fellow over there?

~they all look over to see a giant Metroid savagely eating a bunch of Space Pirates~

Golem: Ack.

Metroid: You might say I'm his little brother, aha! Cloned actually, with a touch of British DNA. A bit of a failure they call me, what with my preference for Earl Gray Tea over living organisms. But I'm afraid you all caught me a bit famished since they felt I was not suitable for keeping. Rubbish, I say. Why I'm twice the Metroid those others are.

Marin: So uh, Mr. Metroid, you got a name?

Metroid: A name? Oh dear, I believe they entirely overlooked that.

Marin: So how about... Mr. Bean.

Metroid: Jolly good name!

Golem: That's already taken!

Metroid: Pity.

GM: Mr. Pod?

Marin: Mr. Podley.

Metroid/Podley: I like it, I do say!

Thrakun: Aye, excuse me interfering with this bleedin banter, but ye may be wanting to see this.

~The look over to see a armor-clad person approach the giant Metroid, which begins attacking the stranger, but then leaves before finishing the person off. The person then takes after the Metroid~

Podley: I say, it's my dear old mum! Chip cheerio, mum, show those pirate scum what for!

Thrakun: That's be ye mother?

Podley: Well. Adoptive anyways.

~awkward moment of tension passes~

Golem: Hey, do you feel that?

Thrakun: I dinnae know what planet we be on, but I do know this. That be the effects of a planet about to explode.

GM: Explode!? You brought us on an exploding planet!? You idiot! *tackles Thrakun*

Marin: I don't know what GM sees in him, really.

Golem: ... so uh, what do we do now? Anyone have a spare spaceship?

Podley: I'm terribly sorry, fresh out it seems.

Thrakun: *gak* *punches GM off him* Back... back in the hole.

~they all pile down into the hole, including Podley who decided to invite himself along~

~Just as the last one, Golem, jumps out of the warp pipe, the planet explodes and sends out a uge explosion out of the Warp Pipe~

Thrakun: That must be a long pipe.

Koopa Guard: Halt!

~they are suddenly confronted by a legion of Koopas~

Golem: Well great, back where we started.

Bowser: *steps out* Gwahaha, finally found you. Thought you would get away, did you? Guards, put them back in their cell.

Koopa Guard: What about the oddly dressed jellyfish thing?

Bowser: Him too, I guess. And this time put them in irons so they don't escape.

GM: In retrospect, I really blame Golem.

Podley: One prison to another, dastardly luck, old boys.

Golem

~Podley has attached himself to one of the koopas.~

Koopa: AHHHGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGET

~The koopa predictably runs into a koopa, knocking both of them over and setting off a chain reaction where the entire legion is knocked over.~

Bowser: That was easier than I expected! ~starts to tug at his face~ Now--

~GM punches Bowser on the top of his head, and his head and limbs retreat into his shell. GM kicks the shell into the hole that had the warp pipe.~

GM: Let's get out of here!

~They dash out of the cell and spot Princess Peach Toadstool.~

Princess: Where's--

~The Princess is grabbed by the arm by Bowser.~

Bowser: ~a little bit of fire coming out of his nostrils~ Trying to escape, Princess?!

---

~Elsewhere, at the end of the tunnel, in a black void...~

Bowser: Ugh, I was just trying to help, guys... I knew I should have taken off this Bowser mask ASAP!
They'd better take good care of the Princess... and come back for me, while they're at it...

Luiigii of the Pipes

Golem: Waitwaitwaitwhoawhoawhoa. We just threw you to a recently non-existent planet.

GM: Technically *I* did all the throwing.

Bowser: Uh?

Peach: Marioooooooo!

***

B102: Whee...

***

Bowser: You punks are seriously going to ruin everything. It's not enough that I (coughgoombaclone) kill Mario, now you have to show up!

Peach: Marioooooo!

Bowser: So that does it! My castle is off-limits to EVERYBODY except me and Peachy here.

Peach: MARIOOOOOO!

Koopa: Does... that include us, sir?

Bowser: ARE YOU EVERYBODY?!

Koopa: ~sniff~

~Minions all leave.~

GM: So can I beat him up now?

Bowser: GET OUT!

Thrakun: Aye think aye know what tae do. ~runs to the other side of the room and sticks his axe in the ground~

Peach: MARIOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!

Bowser: Fine! We're doing this! ~tosses Peach in her cell and eats a pile of T-bone steaks~

~The castle randomly explodes outward to contain Bowser's giantness, which is so giant even the giantness of the games doesn't compare.~

Thrakun: ~picks up axe~ Well thet dinnae woork. If'n yeh haed just jumped oon it soonaer.

Golem: I'm a little confused.

~Bowser totally flame breaths them to death!~

Marin: ~sob sob~ Why does my daddy-in-law hurt me so?

Golem: Hey everybody! We can jump over the flames!

~Golem tries to jump over the flames, trips, and falls face first into them. He shrinks to HALF HIS NORMAL HEIGHT OH NOES! Everybody else jumps over just fine.~

~Podley flies over to Bowser and starts beating him on the snout with a cane... somehow. Thrakun and Marin throw axes and hammers (respectively) at his eyes. GM whips out a gun and rapid fires into Bowser's fleshy areas.~

Bowser: TECHNOLOGY! NOOOOOOOOO! ~dies~

Golem: Yes! Now to swoop in, save the princess, and take all the credit! ~scrambles toward Peach~

~As Golem gets closer, Peach gradually starts to change... When he gets there, she has changed into THE REAL BOWSER!~

Bowser: ~grabs Golem by the neck and prepares to eat him~ Mwahahaha! Thank you, but your princess is in another castle!

Masamune

Golem: *gak* I don't need the princess!

Bowser: Lies! You're obviously in league with that Mario fellow that I killed!

Marin: Which Mario is this? Cuz I mean, I'd probably be rather broken up about losing my dad, even if this does seem to be in the past, which is a bit odd. But then I should probably ask my mom and- *looks over to see GM break Peach out of her real cage and GM receive a passionate kiss from Peach* NOOOOO!

Bowser: *rubs head* She confuses me.

Thrakun: Ach. He be getting her germs all over his face. Vile!

Bowser: That's my princess! *tosses Golem aside, grab Peach, and then runs away and jumps down another tunnel/warp pipe*

Golem: Well, I guess that takes care of that.

GM: Man, my faith in the Mario series is RESTORED.

Marin: I hate you more than ever.

Thrakun: Come lads, we shall go aquire some Pibbs and drink to success!

~Suddenly a huge rolling boulder drops from the ceiling and causes them to all run towards the tunnel~

Golem: But Bowser is down there!

GM: So is the princess! *jumps in*

Marin: Oh no you don't! *Jumps in*

Podley: Tally-ho! *jumps in*

Thrakun: I'll stop this boulder with my BEARD.

Golem: Oh, cool then.

~boulder smacks into Thrakun, who smacks into Golem, who falls in the hole and falls on top of Podley, who fell on Marin, who already fell on top of GM~

~hours later~

Golem: *wakes up and looks around* What the... *sees a bloodstained town with corpses everywhere. Leaning on a nearby wall is Thrakun, cleaning his axe* What happened!

Thrakun: ... elves.

Golem: *looks up at windmill to see a corpse hanging off each blade* How'd they get up THER?

Thrakun: They tried to run.

Marin: *wakes up* Holy- what happened!?

Golem: Um.

GM: *wakes up as well* WHERE AM I!? ... oh. Is that... is that blood? *passes out*

Podley: Tally-ho, don't take all the credit old boy. We showed those 'pointy eared blighters' a thing or two, wot wot.

Thrakun: Aye! I expect ye be full?

Podley: Quite!

Golem: I think we should leave before, you know, anyone finds us here and tries to-

~suddenly a group approaches. It's a bunch of bulldog-faced monsters followed by a procession of skeletons holding a throne with a skinny pig-faced sorcerer sitting on it~

Sorcerer: Aaaaahahaaaa! Now I will finally destroy Hyrule and- *looks around* Who did this!?

Bulldog: Me not know, Ganon.

Ganon: You Moblins did this, didn't you!? I'll send you all back to the Evil Jar for stealing my fun!

Moblin: But, boss! There be people over there!

Ganon: Oh fine, I'll destroy THEM and then march on to Hyrule Castle!

Golem: Oh, hi.

Thrakun: *waves happily*

Podley: *straightens bowtie... somehow*

GM: Guys, I just had this dream that- *sees Ganon and bloody town again* Oi vey. *passes out again*

Ganon: ..... SEIZE THEM!

GORE-ILLA

*The Moblins and Stalfoses go to, well, seize them. The group decides to perform some kinky team attacks. Thrakun lifts up Malon by her ankles and spins her around while she holds the hammer outward, shredding any approaching Stalfoses into sawdust. Golem rides on Podley's head. Podley delivers him from harm's way and gives him a good point from which he can jump and pound down on Moblins' heads. GM sits in a corner singing "One is the loneliest number..." while taking shots of a martini.*

Ganon: This turn of event angers me! And I am not happy when I am angry.

Wizzrobe: That statement is kinda obvious sir. (is blasted to the Gap Between Dimensions, aka Arkansas)

Ganon: I'll destroy them myself!

*Ganon pumps up into super-pig form and twirls his trident around menacingly while all the other Fanvers freeze in place while their bowels empty.*

*B102 continues rotating around until Ridley glides by, grabbing B102 in his talons.*

*Link, with only a quarter of a heart left, manages to crawl to the nearest town in search of a healer... only to find that the town has been massacred. He cuts the bush in search of a heart or fairy, but a bee comes out.*

Link: ...

Golem

~Link goes to the ruins of the town shop, looking for healing items that might be salvageable. He finds sunglasses and a leather jacket, and inside the jacket is a fairy and a heart container.~

Link: LINK NEED HEAL

Fairy: FAIRY OF COAT PROVIDES MUCH HEALTH

~Link's health is restored.~

Link: What are these weird clothes? Hm...

~He puts on the sunglasses and leather jacket.~

Link: I don't look half bad in this.

~He feels inside the jacket and pulls out a Zapper (the NES light gun).~

Link: Man, I wish they sold these items sooner!

~Link follows the trail of destruction.~

---

~The others are really scared of Ganon at this point.~

Golem: I'm really scared of Ganon at this point!

GM: Don't we need silver arrows or something?

~Ganon waves his arms forward, sending out energy spheres at the Fanvers. They duck and cover. Thrakun runs forward with his axe and swings swiftly, but Ganon catches it with his hands.

At this point, Link leaps into the fray from behind Ganon, shooting him with the Zapper.~

Link: You're toast, Ganon, thanks to Spa--I mean Hyrule Harrier!

GM: Hyrule Harrier? I thought he was Captain liNk.

Luiigii of the Pipes

Ganon: Do you think your fancy new weapon scares me, Link? I am the unstoppable Ganon! And once I've stolen the Triforce of Wisdom from Princess Zelda, I will rule all of Hyrule! Mwa! Mwa! Mwa ha ha ha!

HH (Hyrule Harrier): The name's not Link, Ganon. ~shoots him with Light Zapper~ Ha! One more shot and you're de-energized!

Ganon: We'll see about that, Link!

~Ganon points his trident at HH and fires a magical burst out of it. HH rolls out of the way and shoots at Ganon again. Ganon swings his trident OH SO SLOWLY yet still manages to block the shot with it. HH takes out his mini-sword (there is NO WAY you could use that thing in a sword fight) and shoots bolts from it as well. Ganon waves his hand and a magical bubble surrounds him, preventing the shots from reaching him.~

Ganon: Minions! Praise me!

Moblin: Uhhh... Ganon=awesomeness!

Moblin: Give dat Link a taste o' da udder white meat!

HH: That shield can't last forever, Ganon!

Ganon: Oh, but I think it can!

GM: This is the most boring thing I've ever watched.

B102: OMG DON'T BASH TEH CARTOONS! ~is dragged away again~

GM: Can we please just go find Bowser and Peach?

Marin: Oh no you don't!

~An Old Man comes up and taps Thrakun on the shoulder.~

Thrakun: Arr, yeh're beardedness be almost on caeliber with mae own, laddy. What caen I do fer yeh?

Old Man: Dodongo hates smoke.

Thrakun: Eh?

Old Man: Wait... sorry. ~shuffles through cue cards~ Ganon hates light.

Golem: It's daytime.

Old Man: Oh. ~leaves~

Golem: So... um... what should we do?

Thrakun: Where be Podley?

~Both look to see Podley attach himself to Ganon's magic shield.~

Podley: Jolly good. Like my first sip of East India, wot wot?

~The magic shield begins to disappear.~

Ganon: ARGH! What is this pest? Destroy it!

~Some Stalfos jump onto the magic shield and prepare to cut Podley. GM shoots them off. The shield disappears and HH prepares to finish Ganon, but just then Zelda walks up with the Triforce of Wisdom.~

Zelda (on cell phone): And I said no, and he said yes, and so I said no, so he totally said yes...

Thrakun: RRRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! ~lunges at Zelda and knocks the Triforce of Wisdom out of her hands~

Zelda: Link! Link!

HH: Princess! ~flying tackles Thrakun off of Zelda and tries to hold him down~

Ganon: Thank YOU! ~picks up Triforce of Wisdom and pulls Triforce of Power out of his pocket~ Mwa ha ha! Now I will rule Hyrule forever!

Zelda: Link! How could you let Ganon just take the Triforce of Wisdom like that?!

HH: Hey, excuuuuse me Princess! You're the one who brought it out here in the first place!

Zelda: Yeah, but you're the hero!

Ganon: Now to use the Triforce to rule Hyrule! ~holds up Triforce pieces~

ToW (Triforce of Wisdom): Umm...

ToP (Triforce of Power): Where's the other piece?

Ganon: WHAT?!

ToP: It's called a TRI-force for a reason, moron.

Ganon: WHAT?!

ToW: You're still missing the Triforce of Courage. It was hidden long ago in the Great Palace (OMG TAoL spoilers).

Ganon: NOOOOOO! Fine! I'll just have to go get it before Link and Zelda can! ~runs away~

Minions: G-ganon don't leave us! ~run after him~

Golem: We've just totally fourth walled the cartoon.

Marin: That's not fourth wall.

Golem: We should probably get that Triforce of Courage before Ganon can.

GM: NO! We should go rescue Peach.

Marin: ~sticks out tongue~ I agree with Golem.

Podley: What about the ol' bean, wot? ~points his cane at Thrakun, who is still struggling with HH... somehow~

Golem: Okay, first we should probably break that up...

~Meanwhile~

~Mario (OMG 1-Ups) and Luigi bust into Bowser's Castle and find... nothing.~

Mario: Momma mia! Our princess is in another castle!

~Laugh track~

Luigi: Let's check out this suspicious hole that probably leads to a warp pipe that probably leads to a completely other dimension where a guy dressed up like Bowser is probably being attacked by a giant dragon.

Mario: Okey dokey!

Pages in the Some Fanventures Trilogy Archive

Vol 1. (1 - 2) - Vol 2. (1 - 2) - Vol 3. (1 - 2)