Donkeyman
| |
| Donkeyman | |
| Species | Burro |
| Birth Year | 666 |
| Hair color | Black |
| Eye color | Red |
| Weaponry | Katana blade |
| Abilities | Immortality Whatever's Convenient |
| Occupation | President of UPN |
| Origin | The Donkey Realm |
| Creator | Masamune's dad Introduced by Golem |
| Debut | GMOG Sidequest: ENGLAND??? |
| Relatives | Sapphire: Wife (BT) Elise Annette: Daughter Cobalt: Son (BT) |
Donkeyman is the worse kind of boogeyman there ever was. He has haunted Masamune's dreams since childhood and desires vengeance against anyone who has ever crossed him. As the absolute definition of evil, few have ever been able to defeat him. Also, he runs UPN.
Background[edit]
The Donkeyman is a vicious monster who is part-man and part-donkey. For centuries he has been a constant source of terror for the world. Through the years he has been aided by a family of personal man-servants, all of whom are named Mariorocks. The Donkeyman also had several ancestors who were foiled by Masamune over the years (even though Donkeyman is older, time travel sucks kids). This caused Donkeyman to desire revenge against Masamune, but he stayed his hand to wait for the perfect oppurtunity. His primary reason, however, was that a time-traveling Masamune went back into Donkeyman's home in a small Swedish village and played Pin-The-Tail On The Donkeyman.
Before Masamune was immortal, Donkeyman haunted the young child in his small Scotland home. Whenever Masamune made too many noises, Donkeyman would begin banging on the door and only Masamune's mother could stave off his anger. Although Masamune later figured out it was just a 'trick', it in fact was not.
One of Donkeyman's earliest-known chronological appearances was during the 1500's in The Festivity Attenders: Deluge of the Dopplegangers. He appeared posing as a troubadour and wooed Ruby Red. The Donkeyman fell deeply in love with her. He started his own party cruise ship, the first of its kind, to please Ruby and her festivity-loving friends. But Donkeyman found that he was being used by Ruby and that she did not return his affections; rather, she preferred Elemental.
In anger, the Donkeyman regurgitated his heart and gave it to Siphnitty, then locked him within an oven. This process would serve to harden his heart and replace all love within it with pure hatred. He hid the key to the oven within a rare brand of cheesecake, thinking that no one would find it there. The Donkeyman became primarily a villain at this point and only ran his party cruise, The Flying Arabdude, as a side gig.
In 1792, Donkeyman founded the Democratic party, even though he let Thomas Jefferson and James Madison take all the credit. Although they took his idea, they still let him be the mascot. Since then, Donkeyman has manipulated American politics as the incredibly secret and diabolically-evil master of the Democratic Party.
In the modern age, the Donkeyman eventually resurfaced in the guise of a criminal businessman. He became the president of UPN.
Timeline History[edit]
Good Timeline[edit]
The Donkeyman saw a chance to get back at Masamune in GMOG Sidequest: ENGLAND???. He encountered Masamune at a time when Masa had lost his website and was most vulnerable. The Donkeyman offered Masamune his own talk show on UPN, and Masa agreed.
This fell into Donkeyman's plans, as Masamune was trapped in his contract. Donkeyman used the popularity of Masa's show to seal the merger deal with the WB network so they would become the new CW network. Donkeyman then planned to cancel Masamune's talk show after the deal was official. This would cause Masamune's ultimate downfall, and Donkeyman's ultimate revenge.
But the Gamehikers figured out his plan and battled the Donkeyman after finding destroying the Donkeyman's UPN base, which his insurance wouldn't cover. The Donkeyman unleashed his true power in battle with the Gamehikers, but ultimately he was defeated and presumed dead.
The Donkeyman survived this encounter (and learned the secret identity of Vorp-Man, whom had played a major role in his defeat), but now his reputation as a legitimate businessman was gone, and his empire had crumbled. The Donkeyman became a disco-based demon of the seas, confining himself to The Flying Arabdude. Donkeyman eventually gathered a crew of souls who, after serving the Donkeyman for a set amount of time, would then be set free with whatever they had asked of the Donkeyman. He could even bring people back from the dead, his most popular trick (see Misty, Ditto McCloaker and kinda Murasame).
In Gamehiker Member OG VIII: The Final Parody, Donkeyman began taking measures to exact his revenge. He sent out Murasame to capture Masamune and Vorpal. He then tried to seek out his heart, feeling that it was ready and he could use the pure hatred of his heart to bake up even better revenge plans for the two miscreants. However, he discovered that the key had been eaten by Yami Yoshi, who was conveniently back from the dead, so he sent EVIL Scientist Dude to retrieve him along with Murasame and some others. The Donkeyman also exiled the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada to the bottom of the sea for being another party boat, and fought off attacks by SteveT and Luiigii of the Pipes as he proceeded to Icebersgville to reclaim the oven.
However, Luiigii beat him to the oven and unlocked it. Donkeyman was too busy locked in battle with Farmer Jon to reach it, and he was later distracted by Golem and Sapphire, who reminded him so much of Elemental and Ruby Red. He tried to furiously attack Sapphire. Afterwards he was going to return his heart to the oven, but it was accidentally placed inside SteveT. The Floating Arabdude had sunk, so Donkeyman called up the backup ship, The Floating Canadiandude, in order to hunt down the Flying Monkey and prevent EVIL Scientist Dude from destroying the Good Timeline after Golem's death. They were unable to prevent this, but Donkeyman was able to escape the timeline with everyone aboard the ship. They went to the Bad Timeline in search of a way to restore the Good Timeline, although Donkeyman ditched all the OGers who weren't on his crew.
The Donkeyman searched Earth for SteveT to get his heart back. However, he also was starting to think of a way to get Sapphire, which led him to claim Sophnito so he could restore Golem, but only if Sapphire would marry him. He seemed to have forgotten about this plan after getting Sophnito. Afterwards they were all shifted to the Neutral Timeline. Donkeyman was caught up in a desperate struggle for power, but none of his crewmembers obeyed him properly except for the Mariorockses. And there were no more Mariorockses left in the Neutral Timeline, so Donkeyman had no more followers and no choice but to aid the OGers in restoring the Good Timeline. Eventually the Good Timeline was restored just moments prior to SteveT taking Donkeyman's heart, and the Donkeyman stopped him.
At Sapphire's urging, he used The Canadiandude to launch an epic space battle with Lupus's Cheese Star. However, on the Earth Siphnitty was eventually destroyed, leaving Donkeyman's heart exposed in the cold. At that point it was crushed by SteveT. The Donkeyman began dying. In his final attack he evacuated the ship, lit it on fire and drove it into the Cheese Star, destroying it completely. Somehow he was able to pilot the scorched ship back to Icebergsville, where he collapsed at Sapphire's feet and died. Since SteveT had broken Donkeyman's heart, he inherited all of Donkeyman's powers over the dead and control of The Flying Canadiandude, as well as his position as president of UPN.
The Donkeyman was reborn at the conclusion of Gamehiker Member OG IX: TRAITOR?!?!?!?!?!?!, when it was revealed that Director had been secretly hired by Ricardo Montalban to steal the heart of Senor Burro while the Gamehikers were in Anti-Space in exchange for his movies being published. Montalban used the heart to become Donkeyman, who promptly revoked the deal and fired Director.
Twenty odd years after the GMOG adventures, Donkeyman founded an orphanage where he took in children and then used them as replacements for leprechauns in leprechaun slave rings (very possibly founded by Flutter).
Bad Timeline[edit]
Since UPN was lost during all the stuff that happened in that doggoned Member OG series, Donkeyman returned to his career as the captain of the Flying Arabdude. At some point he met up with Sapphire, who had taken to raising the Fusion Kids. He was reminded of Ruby Red and after she helped him reclaim his heart being held by Siphnitty, the two married. His incredible strength became key in keeping the Fusion Kids in line (as not even they could best the Donkeyman) and he became the King of Turquoise. They also had a son together whom they named Cobalt.
In OGers: Third Generation, Donkeyman comes home to find the OGers being attacked by the Fusion Kids, which he promptly puts a stop to. The OGers convince him to help take down Team Rocket, but when they start to argue the point, Donkeyman simply gets rid of them. He later makes good on his promise. Though he's too late to stop Team Rocket, he and the Fusion Kids single-handedly defeated an Ushutarian invasion, which was part of the Council's plan to stop the Third Generation OGers.
Neutral Timeline[edit]
Nothing!
Other Appearances/Alternate Versions[edit]
- In Nichibutsu Norwegia: It's All About Yuu, he is the president of Spartavision. He was defeated at one point and has yet to execute another sinister plan against Nichibutsu.
- He appears in Gamehiker High University as the school superintendant, with an irrational hatred of Masamune.
Abilities[edit]
Donkeyman is immortal and possesses incredible strength and a multitude of whatever abilities the current writer deems convenient. As the Captain of the Flying Arabdude, he also can command the dead to return to life. His power is drawn from his own heart, whether that ability is used to love or hate. An unusual quirk of his is that should Donkeyman ever 'die', his heart can be given to a human who will then become Donkeyman, losing theirself entirely to him. When his heart was destroyed, the heart of Señor Burro was used to transform Ricardo Montalban into Donkeyman. Though he rarely does, he is able to transform into human form, which comes in handy for the whole love business.
Quotes[edit]
"I am a LEGITITMATE businessman! I don't appreciate being handled in such a manner! (kicks him back) You see, eh... GORE...ILLA, I own UPN. My technology built it, my will and the King of Queens keeps it going, and two-thirds of its people work for me whether they know it or not. You can't frighten me with your Batman impersonations." -GMOG Sidequest: ENGLAND???
"My insurance company covers acts of SteveT, though they`d never be able to afford the payout. That`s why you`ll never kill me - too many owe me favours. Huahahahaha!" -GMOG Sidequest: ENGLAND???
Donkeyman: I am the King of UPN, and soon television! I hold the congress in my front pocket along with my vibrator phone! The ultimate consequence for your actions is that you`re going to go back up there, fix the damage you did, and then use the cameras to shoot the footage for the show you hate so much to be a sucess!
Luigi: Your plot seems needlessly complex.
Donkeyman: That`s because it is! The sole purpose of this is to destroy you all, and bring you to complete and utter misery! You do-gooders sicken me with your parties and your servers and hurting you makes me feel really big, okay? Besides, UPN doesn`t like you either.
-Discussing his plans in GMOG Sidequest: ENGLAND???
Donkeyman: *grabs binoculars and throws Mariorocks aside* So! Ditto thinks making a pact with the Devil will save his futile gaming company! Ho ho ho! Little does he know, I already SOLD MY SOLES TO SATAN!
~camera backs out to show Donkeyman bare feet with shrieking horror music, then zooms back into his face~
Donkeyman: But Satan does not play favorites. He only hates everyone.
Mariorocks: So why sell your-
Donkeyman: Shut up! Anyways, as I was monologuing, clearly we must make a pact with the only other divine force able to give the Spartavision 300 its victory.
-Nichibutsu Norwegia: It's All About Yuu
"Well, he wasn't getting any deader."
-Superintendant Donkeyman, after kicking Masamune's coffin into the grave in GHU3.
"~kicks Mariorocks in the face~ That's what happens when you think. Sap or not, the combined awesome of two Donkeymans in the same place at the same time would be enough to detonate the universe. Then NO ONE gets the heart. Is that what you want?" - Gamehiker Member OG 8: The Final Parody
Trivia[edit]
- Based on the bane of Masamune's childhood.
- It is believed that if Galaxy Goers was started several years later, instead of being destroyed by the Ushutarians, Earth would instead have been eaten by a giant Donkeyman head.
- The day after the GMOG9 post that sees Ricardo Montalban become Donkeyman, the real-life actor Ricardo Montalban actually died.
Gallery[edit]
See Also[edit]
- Señor Burro, his Anti-Space counterpart
- Donkeyman (Movie)