GCPA Sequel Chapter 4

Chapters in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Sequel

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

Chapter Four: Enter the My Space

Author: No Name

Everyone: QUE PASA!!!!!?!?!?!?

Que Pasa: *flips through Japanese book to remember who everyone is and sees Waffles memoriam*. WAFFFURUUUUU!!!…. I’m hungry. Didn’t Krazy Dude say something about a bun? *Unscrews head. See nothing but empty space and a sandwhich wrapped in Glad wrap*

Que Pasa: AAAAAAh. Thanks to my empty head it works as a great vacuum, which means the food stays fresh forever!

*No Name's head starts to hurt* Arg my head… I cant take it anymore…I…I..

*Flashback*

Strife: Dr. Lepton, you’re charged with being a traitor and a Sith. You must be eliminated!

Mors: NOOO!!!

*Mors and Strife stare at each other*

Strife: Who are you and why do you look like me!?!?!

Dr Lepton: My, my Strife did you not know you have a twin brother seperated from you at birth and that I AM YOUR FATHER!!!!!!!

Strife: Save the cliché stuff for later…..Anyway I see that I have a brother and you are my father….I don’t believe it! How I can have such a disgusting putrid beast such as you as my father!!!

*Draws lightsaber*

Strife: I’m taking you down!

Mors: NO he must stay on trial it is the way of the JediI!

*Lepton throws force lightning at Strife but strife deflects with lightsaber*

Lepton: Help me!!! I am weak and defenseless. I need your help...please I am the only one who can teach you how to keep the ones you love from dying….

*Mors looks at Lepton and then at Strife.*

Mors: He must BE KEPT ALIVE!!!

*A super cool awesome climactic battle rages between the two jedI knights. With cool kungfu aerial flips and Force powers thrown all over the place and fast lightsaber swinging. Finally the battle ended….*

Mors: I have no time for this, I will take father!

*Uses the Force to create a super bright light, momentarily blinding Strife.*

Strife: Dammit….I lost them…

*A mysterious dark figure lurks in the shadows*

Dark Figure: Finally, because of that foolish Nana Deska the gate has finally been opened, I can now take advantage of both powers to give the planet back to father….

*No Name heads begins to screech again*

Inner Voice: Kill him, the one who wields the writing utensils, he is the important one here he must be annihilated, without him the crew will fall like dominos…DO IT!

*No Name draws lightsaber and raises it in fighting position*

No Name: NO I can't …I …..

Author: Lupine

::Scene starts as Lupine lies on the ground as he stares at the sky. His clothes are torn and tattered, and his weapon is lying by his side. Smith is by him as he simply stares up::

Lupine: Smith, I've been thinking maybe it wouldn't matter if i die here. I was no help to the crew against Saget, I can't cook, and I don't even wanna be there. I only joined for one reason.

::Smith stares looking for a reason::

Lupine: I'm searching for one person, a person who left me long ago. I'm looking for her....

::Smith continues to stare as Lupine pulls a picture out of his left pocket that seems to have been there and never been revealed till now for plot holes I don't know, shut up::

Lupine: No one in the crew cares if I live, I mean just a fricken mirage of Que Pasa even hurts me ::holds left eye:: And the only reason I joined was cause I was kidnapped, I stay to look for her.

::A large noise comes from shadows, and a large monsterous being jumps out::

Lupine: Time to work! :: rushes at the monster with blade and impales it into the monster's back. The monster simply pushes Lupine against a tree and bares its fangs at Lupine and readies to devour him::

Lupine: Is this where I die? ::The picture falls out of his pocket::

Lupine: NOT YET!!!!!!! ::Lupine does various hand gestures and then stares at the monster:: What do you get when you mix earth and fire..... fried monster! ::A pit of magma opens up and swallows the monster. Lupine holds his wound grabs his weapon and carries the monster over to the shore where Lucifer is awaiting him::

Lupine:: Here ya go ya demented fucker, the biggest baddest ugliest monster I could find!

Lucifer: MOM!!!!!!!!!!

::Lucifer runs to his mother, which turns out the very monster that Lupine fought::

Lupine: what?

Lucifer: My mother ran out into the forest. I wanted you to find her while I sat here and sipped this drink.

Lupine: And why the hell would she attack me then?

Lucifer: God hates you.

Lupine: I hate you!

Lucifer: I know you do.

::Smith lies forgotten in the sand::

Lucifer: Now that you have passed my two tests, I must reveal to you two things ::pulls out of a plot hole a new set of clothes, a set of jeans, a t-shirt, a jacket, and a set of gloves::

Lupine: Let me guess, to look cool.

Lucifer: No you ridiot, it's easier to fight in all this then a fucking chef uniform god you idiot.

::Lupine bangs head into tree::

Lucifer: Now for number two. This island is actually a resort.

::Lupine and Smith stare::

Lupine:: But all the monsters-

Lucifer: Tourists!

Lupine: Right!

Lucifer: Now it is time for the three of us to return to your crew!

Lupine: Hold on ::goes and changes once again revealing the picture of a woman:: Let's go!

Lucifer: PLOT HOLE!

::A large plot hole opens up and Lupine, Lucifer, and Smith go to Bizarro Canada::

Lupine: I hate plot holes.

::Lucifer gets up and reveals a now cracked Smith::

Lupine: SMITH!!!!!!!

::Smith bursts open and Wally breaks out and latches onto Lupine's face. Lupine runs in a random direction and meets with the rest of the crew. Lucifer laughs, by sheer luck Lupine smacks Nemo who randomly appeared into No Name stopping him from the unthinkable::

Lupine: Hi guys?

::Jebus lived happily ever after::

I should mention that the unthinkable was allowing Nemo to live, for when Lupine knocked him into No Name his laser sword ignited and killed Nemo...again. Sorry for that I posted it at about 2 or 3 in the morning and was being rushed.

Author: That Krazy Dude

The crew finally reunites on the ship.

Nemo (randomly reappearing again): Yes, at last we reached the ship! We're back home!

*kisses the floor of the ship but gets splintered which holds his face to the floor as everyone steps on his head, crushing his skull against the floor and killing him*

Nemo: ...I'm okay.

*Apparently he's not dead.*

Nemo: So as I was saying....

*The ship sways as Scruffy starts it, and Nemo falls off and hits his head on a rock and dies*

Nemo: ...I'm still alive.

*God dammit!!!*

Nemo: So ANYWAY....*explodes violently*

*...There we go...so back on the ship*

Scruffy: My crewmates, it is an honor to be back with you guys.

No Name: Yeah, and Que Pasa I'm sorry for trying to stab you. I don't know what came over me.

Que Pasa: *gnaws on a shoe...haha...gnaw spelled backwards is wang...*

No Name: ....never mind.....

Edwin: He's eating that shoe like I ate your mom last night!

Mr. T: Who you think you talkin' to fool!

That Krazy Dude: It's great to be back. It sucked over in New Jersey with all those Italian stereotypes.

Shiny Stallone: *speaking through mouth-fulls of pasta* Hey fuck you! *...haha...mouth-fulls*

Lupine: Who keeps saying that?

*Your mother*

No Name: WHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Stampede: You got burned by a disembodied voice!

Lupine: Oh yeah, well you'll never get any comments on MySpace!!!

*::tear:: but I put up all new pictures! ::slits wrists and cries::*

Scruffy: Okay, this is getting ridiculous!

Krazy Dude: Your shorts are on fire.

Scruffy: ...What?

ADD: So you can distract people too huh? Let's see you top this *goes to Stampede* Hey look it's Opeth *points in random direction*

Stampede: WHERE!? *runs in direction that ADD's pointing and jumps off the ship*

Salama: How long do you think it'll be till he realizes that Opeth's not there?

Que Pasa: Your face! *throws chewed up shoe at Salama and catches him in the face with it*

Scruffy: Hey what happened to Pink Ninja and eLFa?

*At the volcano place thingy*

Pink Ninja: You know the color of my uniform doesn't reflect who I am.

eLFa: Whatever you say...

Pink Ninja: How do you think we're gonna get outta here?

eLFa: I don't know.

Pink Ninja: Hey, what's that over there?

*One of the boulders starts moving. Its shape starts to shift into a giant rock giant*

eLFa: ....Oh man!

Pink Ninja: I've been waiting for someone to ass rape!

eLFa: What!?

Pink Ninja: Figuratively not literally!

eLFa: Oh....weird.

*Pink Ninja summons his army of llama-riding grunts to assault the giant rock monster. They come riding down the mountain and fire rapidly at the monster. The monster was apparently much weaker than it looked because it fell quickly.*

Pink Ninja: Damn, that was easy.

eLFa: Yeah, you're right...hey what's that?

*Pink Ninja looks up towards the upper part of the volcano to see Master Chief walking along carrying a rocket launcher on his shoulder*

Pink Ninja: ....oooo shit!

eLFa: Who is that?

Pink Ninja: NO MASTER CHIEF NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

*Master Chief fires a rocket at the huge cluster of grunts, and the explosion sends pink ninja and eLfa flying*

*Back at the ship*

Scruffy: Hey, what's that?

*Pink Ninja and eLFa land hard on the ship's deck*

Pink Ninja: Oh fuck, that hurt like hell!

eLFa: Ouch *heals herself and Pink Ninja*

Scruffy: What happened to you two?

eLFa: Long story!

Scruffy: ...Okay? Well anyway, we need to find Siren, Mini-Myself, and probably another crew mate that was randomly added to this story without me even knowing it but I'm pretty much predicting it so I guess I do know it....poncho.

Author: GORE-ILLA

Morgan Freeman: Let us now turn our attention to some other place where evil is brewing. Three villains with everything to gain have joined in the Unholy Alliance to destroy the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada for Bob Saget's mysterious apprentice. The first is the disgruntled pirate known as Captain Crunch.

Captain Crunch: Yarr, prepare to be CRUNCHATIZED!

Morgan Freeman: Then there is the creepiest of the three- the deadly Burger King.

Burger King: (stares silently ahead)

Morgan Freeman: And of course there is their leader- the greatest of evils... Tom.

Tom: Heil My Space!

Morgan Freeman: These are three of the damn evillest dudes you wouldn't want to run into on a street corner. And they're hungry for blood. They all sit around their pad until the day that their dark master calls for them.

???: It's time.

Morgan Freeman: Within a second, the trio had scattered into the shadows. Now we shall visit Siren's group at Mecha-Gorenicus's compound.

Siren: How do we get out of here?

Mini-Myself: Why don't we ask that jarred brain thingy?

Count Gonad's Brain: What's going on? What have you done to Gorenicus?

Morgan Freeman: Tentacles reach out from Count Gonad's brain and fly towards the three of them. Go pirates go pirates go!

*What the hell man? I thought I was the narrator-*

Morgan Freeman: Excuse me while I drag this asteick man's body away.

Author: No Name

*Back on the Ship*

Cap'n: Alright Crew, let's go look for Siren, Mini-Myself, and poncho! *goes and writes "Arooo?" on Stampede's calss schedule*

Stampede: Oh great, now how am I going to get to class now? Miss Knight's GOING TO KILL ME!!

*Cap'n runs into his happy box.*

Cap'n: Not Miss Knight!

Mr.Greco: Hey guy, just cuz I turn my back doesn't mean you can start talking. Alright. This is getting out of hand.

Mini-Myself: I didn't know we were in class.

Edwin: I didn't know we were in school!

Que Pasa: I don't know anything!!! *starts to cry*

Mr.T: Now, Now Que Pasa it's gonna be alright, ya dig? *Gives Que Pasa a pacifier*

Que Pasa: Mr.T, you're in our class?

Mr.T: Apparently fool!

Miss Knight: Mr.T, there only needs to be three ellipses in your- alright, you dig?

Mr.T: ……….

Miss Knight: Overload Over load, MALFUNCTION! SYTEM OVERRIDE!

*Miss Knight Blows up*

Dreamer: YEA you did it, now all of the world will be free from apocalypse's iron grip over the world!

Mr.T: That's right, and it's also a part of your well-balanced complete breakfast.

Cap'n Crunch: Did someone say BREAKFAST!!!!

Tom: You can't spell breakfast without MySpace!

Burger King: …….

Nemo: Yes you can. I'm sorry Tom, don't kill me!

Tom: AHAHA. Don't worry, "below average yet big compared to smaller people", I won't kill you! I'll do something worse, EXTERMINATE YOUR MYSPACE ACCOUNT!!! Muwhahahaha

Nemo: NOOOOOOO!!!* .explodes*

Burger King: *hands out a burger*

*Que Pasa lunges at burger*

Cap'n: Que Pasa, NOOOO! You'll die from the large amounts of heart-clogging fat, but nothing that the community can do because it is part of our economy therefore sustaining our Country!

*Que Pasa eats burger then drops dead.*

Stampede: Why must the good die young?

Edwin: Actually he was the oldest of us all.

Mini: SHUT UP

Cap'n: You're fiends how could you do this?

Cap'n Crunch: Easy like this! *gives Cap'n a purple nurple*

Cap'n: OWWW the pain!!!

Mini: Take this! *throws each bad guy a brainteaser* Solve it!!!

Tom & Cap'n Crunch: No! You may have won this time pirates, but our boss won't go so easy on you!!

Tom: JYNX, knock on wood!

Cap'n Crunch: Damn!

Edwin: Well, that's done with. Now what?

*Ms. Brancato over Intercom*: CODE BLUE WITH A SLIGHT TINT OF LAVERNDAR!!

Mr.Greco: Oh no an intruder! Lock the doors and throw some chairs and desks into the hallway! And go hide into the corner of the room far from the intruder's sight!

*Minutes later the crew and mister Greco are in a corner of the room*

Que Pasa: Do you guys really think the intruder is that dumb?

*Intruder walks by class*

Intruder: Wow, a completely empty school during shool hours! OHH look an empty class room!!
Now I won't feel guilty randomly shooting into it in order to take out my childhood frustrations.

*Intruder Begins shooting* DAMN YOU DADDY WHY DID YOU MAKE LOVE TO THAT GYPSY!! NO THE MONKEY NOT THE MONKEY!!

No Name: Dammit this wasn't a very well thought plan!

*1 hour later*

*The Crew and Mr.Greco walk out the class*

No Name: Hey wow, it's a miracle no one was injured or killed. *looks over to see Nemo and Betsy the Monkey* Oh, I spoke too soon!

*Mysterious Shadow Figure walks to the engine room of High-Tech*

Dreamer: High-Tech has an engine room?

Mr.Greco: Yeah.

Dreamer: That's odd.

Que Pasa: So is the number 3!

Dreamer: Touche.

No Name: Lets go investigate!

Mr.Greco: Oh no, I've seen those scary movies! I know what happens, I'm not going!

No Name: Okay, the crew and I will go. You stay.

Mr.Greco: Fine, I will.

*The crew arrives at the Engine Room*

No Name: Stop right there!!

Shadowy Figure: Why Strife! This planet belongs to Father, and I will give it back to him!

*Shadowy Figure reveals a box*

No Name: Mors!!!

*Mors drops the box containing Bob Sagat's arm. Bob Saget's arm regenerates and forms various tentacles and a gelatinous body*

No Name: Get ready Crew!!

* Que Pasa lunges at Bob Saget: Birth and bites his arm. Mini grows and punches Bob Saget: Birth's head. No Name Lunges in the air doing various aerial flips and slicing away Bob Saget: Birth's arms. Edwin transmutates more gold for Mr.T. Mr.T blinds Bob Saget: Birth with his gold. Stampede shoots guitar rifts at Bob Saget: Birth. Cap'n shoots fireballs at Bob Saget: Birth. Bob Saget: Birth then shoots laser Beams out of his eyes.*

Stampede: Where did he learn that!?!?!

Timmy Turner: UHH Internet!

Cap'n: Alright crew, let's finish this. Formation Delta Phi Omega!!!

*Crew assembles into a large Megazord and delivers the final blow to Bob Sagat: Birth*

Cap'n: Well that's that. Lunch time!

Edwin: By the way, how did That guy call you Strife?

No Name: I'll explain it to you...

To be continued. Or in Japanese tsuzuku

Author: Lupine

::Meanwhile back in Heaven::

Carrot Top: Well, as you can see, it truly is paradise here and I created it.

Jebus: So what do you guys do up here for fun anyway.

Carrot Top : Well we can praise me, praise me, praise me, watch my comedy or just go and praise me

Jebus: Hmmmm got any beer? =D

Carrot Top: No, in fact the sign over there states what may and may not be done. Let me see :: materializes glasses out of Jebus's ear:: No beer, smoking hmm seems the hand writing gets worse here... :: looks at badly hand drawn part of sign:: Let's see, no PSO, Nintendo, or Jebus but seeing as I'm God you may stay. The rest must be followed.

Jebus:.................

::Jesus is holding large black maker with splinters and curses::

Jebus: So what can we play up here?

Jesus: sony!

Jebus: Dude you know sony is evil itself

::Meanwhile at Sony Headquarters::

CEO: What is the schedule today, McIntyre?

McIntyre: Well we have successfully created world wide riots by making a limiting the amount of systems we make to only a few hundred and have made a recall to call back "faulty" systems. The casualties have reached the thousands as gamers try and get the working systems!

CEO: Excellent, and for tomorrow?

McIntyre: Brushfires on the west coast, earthquake under orphanage, hurricanes in Florida, and another push back on the Kingdom Hearts release date!

CEO: Excellent!

McIntyre: Sir, we have Satan on line three. It's about our bid on Hell.

CEO: Tell him that's our final offer, and if he doesn't like it tell him that's all he's gonna get for that outdated operation of his.

::Back in Heaven...::

Jesus: But the CEO was all nice!

Jebus: What did he look like?

Jesus: Large teeth, mustache, spoke in thick accent, liked frog legs...

Jebus: Dude, that's a French man and they're no better.

Jesus:...................SHUT UP IM JESUS!

Carrot Top: Jebus, I have an urgent message about your friends. It seems that all of them have reunited and are in the greatest of dangers.

Jebus: I'm on coffee break.

Carrot Top: They may die!

Jebus: Coffee break!

Carrot Top: They found more women and have beer.

Jebus: I must return to them!

Carrot Top: I'm sorry, it seems you are stuck here for the moment.

Jebus: Why?

Carrot Top: Sign ::points to new part of sign and Jesus standing next to it, smiling and holding a marker:: It says Jebus cannot do anything that pleases him so you must stay.

Jebus: Then only one may help them! Samurai Anti-Sony!

::A swordsman comes from the shadows looking exactly like Jebus, but with the Sony logo on his shirt and a large x through it::

::Meanwhile, back at the crew...::

Cap'n: Tonight we will discuss this No Name, but for now we must continue on and avoid our enemies. Let's move!

::Lupine gets up and goes to raise the volume of his music but knocks the picture of the woman out of his pocket and it drops at Stampede's feet::

Stampede: Lupine you drop---hello yo Lupine who is this?

::Lupine turns and sees the picture, and everyone is staring at it themselves now::

Lupine: Give it back now!

Stampede: Dude who is this?

Lupine: None of your business, just give it back!

Stampede: No, tell us who it is! :: threatens to throw it up and fire through the picture if Lupine does not answer::

Lupine getting angier by the moment: Listen Stampede, I'm tired of all of you disrespecting me. I'm gonna get that picture back, and I'll make you respect me right here right now. :: rushes at Stampede with double bladed pole out and ready to attack::

Stampede: Bring it, ya third rate gay chef! ::fires a few rounds at Lupine which Lupine blocks by spinning his staff in front of the bullet's path, stopping some but still a few get through and hit Lupine in the arm and left leg. Lupine brings his pole down and impales Stampede's right arm and in the same moment cuts through Stampede's chest causing a huge gash. The two, badly injured by all this, stare at each other and are about to attack again until stopped by the captain::

Cap'n: Stop it, both of you!

Stampede: No! This, this, this "cook" is keeping secrets from us. We can't trust him. Haven't you noticed he was useless against Saget before? He rejoins us we aren't attacked, and soon as he joins we are attacked again by the forces of our enemies!?!? I wouldn't be surprised if he was one of them!

Cap'n: Lupine, who is the girl?

Lupine: Someone I'm looking for, that's all.

Cap'n: No! After No Name tells his story, you will tell your's or I will force Nemo to hump your leg.

Llupine: Fine fine fine..... tonight then.

Narrator: Who is the girl, who is Samurai Anti-Sony, why is Jesus doing this all, why does Jebus suck so much? Find out next time on GCPA!

Author: GORE-ILLA

*A one-armed man finds the Golden Cheesecake and boards it. He searches about but finds it surprisingly empty.*

Man: Hello? Is anyone here? I've come to join the crew! The name's Willy- One-Armed Willy!

*Soon One-Armed Willy wanders into the media center, where he finds all of the pirate crew sitting there and staring at their My Spaces.*

Willy: Ah, there you all are! I'm here to join the crew! Which of you is the captain?

Scruffy: I am. (clicks the Refresh button)

Willy: What are you all doing?

Que Pasa: Checking... My Spaces... Must see if... I got... a...ny... more.... picture comments.

Lupine: Must... copy and paste... lyrics to songs from... weird British bands... in blog...

Willy: Will you be done anytime soon?

Stampede: Hang on, hang on... after a few more comments...

No Name: Nothing's going on... what's this? A bulletin by Tom...

Que Pasa: Good idea, let's all check it.

*Everyone clicks the bulletin at the same time.*

From: http://myspace-502.vo.llnwd.net/00000/20/52/2502_m.jpg YOUR LORD AND MASTER
Date:
Subject: HOT SEX
Body: Attention all My Space users: you must forward death to everyone around you within the next half-hour, or your pets will be set on fire, your house will be hit by a meteor shower and everyone close to you will be raped by monkeys and also set on fire. Plus your sexual organs will spontaneously combust. (insert a sweet love poem here)

*All the pirates get up all zombie-like and start grappling with each other.*

Willy: What's wrong with you all?

*All the pirates nod at each other and chase after Willy. Willy rushes outside. Tom watches above.*

http://myspace-494.vo.llnwd.net/00000/49/42/2494_m.jpg

Tom: That's right. Dance my puppets, dance!

Willy: Stop, all of you! Can't you see? My Space has you! Wake up pirates!

*Willy is tackled by all the pirates and has to fight his way out. He runs after Tom.*

Willy: If I take you down, this whole nightmare will be over for good!

Tom: Fine then, I'll fight you!

http://myspace-929.vo.llnwd.net/00000/92/91/11929_m.JPG

*Willy and Tom break out into a wild battle. Whenever Willy gains an advantage, one of the pirates or some random My Space member attacks him.*

Willy: That's no fair!

Tom: No, it's perfectly fair if one of my 38295733 friends wants to help me. My friends will stick with me to the end!

Willy: Oh yeah?

*Willy starts running, and Tom and the My Space army follow him under Tom chases Willy up a tree.*

Tom: Why have you brought me to this tree here? Should you not notice that with all my friends, I am unbeatable?

Willy: Not all your friends will help you.

*Gene [Forrester from A Seperate Peace] leaps down and jounces the limb. Tom spins around with an odd look on his face.*

http://myspace-144.vo.llnwd.net/00001/44/13/1263144_m.JPG

Gene: I HATE YOU!!! (Tom falls awkwardly to the ground) Oh man, I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you? (leaps off the tree and humps Tom's crippled body)

*Everyone snaps out of their My Space trances, and the pirates return to the ship.*

Scruffy: For your services, One-Armed Willy, we dub you a member of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada, as our crew's one-armed man.

Willy: So Tom was defeated at last. Do you think My Space is still up?

Que Pasa: What do we care? That place brainwashed us anyway.

*A short silence.*

No Name: Yeah...

*Everyone makes a mad rush back to the media center.*

*Elsewhere, in the lair of the Unholy Alliance...*

Captain Crunch: Tom's loss must be avenged, maties!

Burger King: (stares silently ahead and crushes a model pirate ship in his hands)

Chapters in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Sequel

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7