Gamehiker High University Special Page 1

Pages in the Gamehiker High University Special: Politi-Cal! Archive

1 - 2

Author: Golem

~Halloween. The students of Gamehiker High University attend their classes in strange attire, imitating idols both fictional and real. Well, most of them.

We join Professor Vorpal's class.~

Vorpal: ~wearing a samurai costume~ ...And what's your costume, Golem?

~Pan to Golem, who's wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and scarf.~

Golem: I forgot it was Halloween, alright?!

Vorpal: Hey, not like you need a costume to look scary anyway, right?

~The class chuckles a little and Vorpal jazzhands. The bell rings.~

Vorpal: Huh, we spent all of class going over Halloween costumes. Your assignment for tonight, class, is to teach yourself what I was going to do in class before I got distracted.

~Collective groan. The students pack their books and head out into the halls. On the way out of the classroom, Golem spots a flier reading "VOTE FLUTTER FOR CLASS PREZ." On it is a photo of Flutter posing with the Birdocratic presidential nominee.~

Tyler: ~dressed as a bass guitar. He turns to Golem~ What I don't get is,... why do we have elections for class president halfway through the fall semester? Why not at the end of the spring semester?

Golem: ~turns to Tyler~ I don't kn--

~The two of them bump into SteveT and fall to the ground. He towers above them, even blocking the ceiling lights.~

SteveT: You're voting for me, right?!

Golem: ~gulp~ Y-you're running? ~Tyler slaps Golem~

~SteveT takes off his helmet. Underneath:~

Flutter: Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that. You're voting for me, right???

Gamehiker High University Special: Politi-Cal!

OoC: Yeah,... probably should've thought of another title. But now YOU can decide what the play on words is! Yaaay! Hope you enjoy!

Author: Masamune

Headmaster Mune: Hey! You're not on the school roster!

OoC: Eep! *runs away*

~later, in the halls~

Toby: Golem! GOLEMIO!

Golem: Hey Tobes. Notice how I said Tobes. It's cool. *jazzhands*

Toby: What the hell was that?

Golem: Jazz hands. They're cool.

Toby: Don't ever do that again.

Golem: ... okay.

Toby: Anyways. I have a job for you, man.

Golem: Is it another party?

Toby: Yeah. A political party. You're going to be my campaign manager.

~HEY WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAT!?~

Golem: Did you hear that?

Toby: Hear what?

Golem: Well I'm not sure I should. I mean after I killed-

~Headmaster Mune walks by~

Headmaster Mune: Why are you two not in class?

Golem: GET OUT OF MY HE-

Toby: Hey teach.

Golem: You can see him!?

Toby: Uh... yeah?

Golem: B-b-b-but I k-k-killed him!

Headmaster Mune: That was a dream sequence. An unnecessarily long dream sequence with no clear conclusion. None of it happened. So don't ever reference it again.

Golem: But Chibi-

Headmaster Mune: No.

Golem: Murasame's-

Headmaster Mune: I said NO!

Golem: :(

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Professor GORE steps out of the men's room at that time sipping on a martini.*

Professor GORE: Ah, time to pick on that scarf kid again? I'm game!

*Professor GORE points at Golem's shirt, then when he looks down punches him in the face.*

Professor GORE: Just like in the Boy Meets World episode it was based on! Why didn't you just go to Yale?

Golem: (clutching bleeding nose) Hey, that was too far!

Headmaster Mune: (thinks it over for a moment) I'll allow it!

*Toby slyly puts his arm around Golem at that point and leads him away.*

Toby: Anyway, Golem, let's go over our campaign message: "Orphans are stupid."

Golem: But that's controversial in every sense of the word!

Toby: Exactly. And if it's one thing that I learned in Pikminology, it's that sex sells. You gotta keep up man! Now let's head over to the art studio and make Oddball Mario sculpt a promotional statue of me!

Golem: I'll chill with that, Tobe. Mad chill.

Toby: (violently grabs Golem by the shirt) NEVER. SAY THAT. AGAIN.

*Elsewhere, in the bathroom, Lupus and Yami are hanging around with Vorpal.*

Yami: Dude, what's with the teacher guy again?

Lupus: Ah, you must have forgotten the other ten times I told you. Pot does that to you. ...Why are you here again?

Professor Vorpal: I told you, in the last ten minutes Sapphire decided to blow the whistle on me and Kuria after years of sitting on it and delaying herself! That jazz hands was the last straw from her... now I'm jobless and she's been shipped off to a human ranch in that one guy's home country.

Yami: Dude... (whips out a bat and prepares to beat him, but Lupus grabs the bat in midswing)

Lupus: No, Yami. He's one of us now.

Vorpal: Cool. So what do you, uh, drop-out kids do for fun?

Author: Retro

Lupus: Beat each other with bats.

Yami: *Snickers* (Beats Vorpal furiously with a bat)

~Elsewhere, a small group of freshman crowd around their lockers trying to look cool. The tallest, Retro Belmont, looks around to see if any teachers are around. There are, but he continues anyway.~

Retro: *Wearing a bear costume that covers everywhere except his face* Alright, you guys, some time in the near future or whatever is Halloween. This means that people are vulnerable to being scared, and we, the rambunctious teenagers that we are, are going to give them a scare.

Jed: *Wearing a dark red robe, carrying a scythe and also wearing a fake mustache* Them?

Rocky: He means everyone who's going to the Hallow's Ball! I'm totally score with a hot babe there! Or at least get to second base, and steal third if you know what I mean. *Nudges Retro who isn't paying attention*

Director: *Walks up to the group in an eggplant costume and purple makeup* Hi friends! *Is glared at* How come Rocky isn't wearing anything.

Rocky: Pfft, my costume is still at home, I just forgot it is all.

Retro: We need to focus on what our big scare is gonna be! We should make everyone know we're cool!

• A bunch of students walk up to the group and randomly pummel them all into submission, then leave and continue their conversation like it was nothing.*

Retro: *Dusts himself off* ..As it stands, we're just losers who get beat on every day for sucking so much.

Jed: *Weeps*

Rocky: That's why tonight, at the party..I'm totally gonna get in with the seniors and ditch all you guys for the in-crowd. I know you guys will miss me since I'm the leader, but, it's just what I gotta do!

Retro: I was thinking we dress up as ghosts and swing from the ceiling of the gym making spooky noises.

Headmaster Mune: *Suddenly appears behind them* My apologies, losers, but I'm afraid the Gymnasium has been canceled this year. A bit of financial trouble came our way due to lack of..well I suppose that doesn't matter, something had to go.

Jed: What do ya mean the Gym has been canceled? ;-; You mean the class is canceled or the entire building is...gone?

Headmaster Mune: The Gym is canceled! I can't be any more clear about it! Now then, keep out of trouble you kids. Keep your nose clean, or I'll clean it for you. *Exits*

Retro: Well that's scrapped..let's just try and talk to someone else without them spitting on us and see if they want to join in. Maybe they got a good idea.

Director: It's cool guys, real cool. I got some friends, they'll help us out, real helpful-like. And they've got..driver's licenses!

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Golem and Toby appear and begin kicking the four around.*

Toby: What is this, GHU: The New Class?

Golem: It's kinda weird to be subjugating others for a change.

Toby: Golem, you are as square as your chin is not, but you make things interesting. But this is starting to bore me. What now, Golemio? I'll let you decide this minor thing to give you the illusion that you have some actual amount of power.

Golem: Ah, how aboot we establish my relationship with Sapphire in this OG?

*Sapphire comes around a corner. Golem hops in front of her and waves gleefully, but she slaps him and walks right past.*

Toby: Dude, you left her sweet sixteen and accidentally ran over her cat when you thought you were trying to save Mr. Muney in that hallucination thing. Also you kissed a ski girl who can be any OG girl but I can't think of a particular one who fits that description perfectly except maybe Chibi.

Golem: Oh... goshdarnit all! What do I have to do to get over this?

Toby: Help me become class president, Golem. And I'll make all your dreams come true. I swear it. In fact, we have our new campaign logo.

*He unfurls a poster of himself with the caption "Vote for me and I'll set you freee!".*

Golem: Maybe I can still make up with her-

*He turns around and sees Sapphire making out with Flutter.*

Toby: He resuscitated her cat with the very few things he picked up from his EMT class. SteveT somehow doesn't find it awkward at all.

Golem: Ten Speed, if I must than I must. (narrows eyes) I'll help you defeat Flutter, Tobias, and then I can put Sapphire behind me... forever. *jazz hands*

*Elsewhere in the faculty lounge...*

Headmaster Mune: ...Professors GORE and Luigi will decide who will take up driving the ice cream truck and who will be lunch lady in that fighting thing on game shows with the foam-tipped battle staff thingies.

Professor Luiigii: (while adjusting battle leotard) Who's gonna teach his obscure Nintendo class?

Headmaster Mune: I don't have the money or patience or I don't care for it! Let them teach themselves!

Professor GORE: (rushes Luiigii with his own baton) HUZZAH!

*A class in the empty Obscure Nintendo Products classroom. Everyone sits silently with no one teaching.*

GM: Am I the only one who thinks this is bogus?

Tyler: I actually like thi-

GM: No, Tyler. Let's just leave. No one's gonna stop us.

*GM and Tyler step out the door.... and run back in several seconds followed by...*

Daleks: EX-TER-MINATE! EX-TER-MI-NATE!

Author: Masamune

~Meanwhile. Mune is headed back to his office when he notices a freshman's corpse hanging above his door~

Headmaster Mune: What the... PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOERS!

~he marches into the office and is surprised to see someone sitting in his seat~

Superintendent Donkeyman: Mr. Mune. Sit down.

Headmaster Mune: D-d-d-d-d-donkeyman! You were supposed to only be in that dream sequence!

Superintendent Donkeyman: That never happened. Now then. There's a very specific reason I'm here.

Headmaster Mune: If it's about the lunch food...

Superintendent Donkeyman: My Mariorockses were going through the files and noticed something interesting. It's about your diploma... or rather, lack of one. You never graduated High School.

Headmaster Mune: That's absurd!

Superintendent Donkeyman: And yet it is so. Naturally I would be negligent in my duties if I continued to allow you to administrate here.

Headmaster Mune: But I have my doctorate in Nintendology. Who cares about a diploma?

Superintendent Donkeyman: Nevertheless, I cannot allow a high school dropout to teach. If you want your job back, you'll just have to finish High School again.

Headmaster Mune: But... who will take over my job? You can't seriously think GORE or Luiigii...

Superintendent Donkeyman: I've already taken care of it.

~Later... at the school assembly~

Golem: Man, I wonder what's up now.

Toby: Dude. Look... isn't that Headmaster Mune sitting in front of us?

Golem: What the... you're right! What is he doing in the audience?

Masa: *turns around* Listen you little punks! ZIP IT!

~suddenly Dodo walks out on to the stage~

Secretary Dodo: *clears throat* Due to a technical oversight, Headmaster Mune will no longer be administrating the school for this semester. In the meantime, I would like you all to meet his replacement... Headmaster Thrakun.

~from the side of the stage, Thrakun steps out. He's dressed in a fine scholarly outfit and steps up to the podium using a stepladder~

Headmaster Thrakun: Oi! Ye lot listen up, on account ae'll only say this once! This school be full of lily-livered weakling not fit to shine me shoes. Starting now, ae'll be whipping ye all into shape! And that goes for the professors too!

Professor Luiigii: What!? You can't do that!

Headmaster Thrakun: *throws a cement block at Luiigii's forehead* AE KIN AND WILL!

Professor GORE: Awesome.

Headmaster Thrakun: Any questions?

~a hand in the audience raises~

Headmaster Thrakun: You! Speak!

Yami: Yes. What about Obscure Video Games? We don't have a professor for it.

Headmaster Thrakun: Stow it! Ae've got me daughter on it.

Masa: (... daughter?)

~Later that day, in Obscure Video Game Facts...~

Golem: I can't believe we have a class with Masa.

Toby: He's so old and uncool.

Sapphire: He smells funny too.

Masa: ~sitting between the three~ I'M RIGHT HERE!!

Flutter: *is standing at the door* Hey! Hey! Here she comes. *runs to his seat* This prof is smoking. Kind of like Professor Marin, except we never actually met her.

~everyone watches with bated breaths... and Rebe walks in~

Professor Jade: Hello class. I'm Professor Jade.

Masa: ~clutches heart and falls over~

Author: Vorpal

Professor Jade: We'll begin today by examining an obscure video game: Super Mario Bros. 2 for the NES.

muffled screams from outside: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Professor Jade: Ahem, well... this game was an altered version of an even obscurer game in Japan called Doki Doki Panic.

• classroom door bursts open revealing a disheveled Vorpal*

Vorpal: OBJECTION!

Professor Jade: What is the meaning of this!?

Vorpal: You can't be serious! Everyone knows that! Seriously? Super Mario Bros. 2 obscure!?!

Professor Jade: Vorpal, you no are no longer employed here. You need to leave.

Vorpal: How can you say that? Without me, how will these young people be able to compete in an ever-changing world economy?

Golem: *raises hand* How do obscure video game facts prepare us to compete in the world economy?

Vorpal: Shut up! The point is that this is my job and you're messing it up!

Headmaster Thrakun: *enters into the room* What seems ta bea tha-- Mr. Vorpal! They told me abou' ya! You've got ta leave!

Vorpal: You can't make me, because I'm running for student body president!

Entire class: *GASP!*

Headmaster Thrakun: Wha-? That doesna make any sense! You're nah even ah student!

Vorpal: There's no rule that says a non-student CAN'T run!

Entire class: *GASP!*

Headmaster Thrakun: Actually there is.

Vorpal: Dangit! Air Bud has failed me again!

Author: Golem

Vorpal: ~spots Masa sitting at a desk~ Headmaster Mune? What are you--

~Thrakun slams his fist down on Vorpal's head, knocking him out.~

Thrakun: As you were.

~Thrakun drags Vorpal away and the door to the classroom closes.~

Jade: As I was saying,...

Masamune: ~thinking~ That's right, they're having class president elections... as president, I could usurp the headmaster easily. I'll only need Thrakun's vote to win the presidency... he'll be watching the candidates' speeches at the Hallow's Ball, I don't have much time to prepare for that... where is that being held...

~Toby passes Masa a note while Jade is facing the board.~

Note: we need a place for hallows ball (gym canceled) ur place alright?

~Masa passes a note back.~

Note: My place is not alright.

~Golem passes a note to Masa.~

Note: ah come on : (

Author: Nintenfreak

Al wasn't in class. He never was. He usually passed with remarks on his report card like, "Clever use of bare hands", or "I'd never seen anyone do that with a pair of tweezers before."

It was just as well. He had carefully divided his day into not doing anything, and trying to talk, and he didn't have any extra time to go to class AND put up posters like Flutter told him to. At the moment, he was working out the physics of funtack. It was, he though, not very aptly named.

It was for this reason he didn't hear his name being called the first, second, or even tenth time. In his defense, while he answered to a lot of names, ugly took him some time to respond to.

"Hurr?"

"Hey, big fella. Flutter sent me to find you." Toby said. Underneath his arm was a roll of posters.

"Coor?"

"No, in fact, he wants you to hang up even MORE, right over the ones you just put up. Sent me to give the new ones to you."

"Ah, er?"

"Oh that's right." Toby proffered a sack filled with mysterious wonders which were, almost certainly, once edible. He added, "And if you do a good job, he says there might be a first edition Charizard in it for you."

Al came to attention, saluted, and took the posters from Toby's unresisting arm. He got to work almost as soon as he had, never bothering to look at exactly what he'd put up.

Al looked back at Toby and gave him a jazzhand. Toby didn't even turn around.

"Never again, Al. Never again."

The posters read, "Flutter's a moron, Vote for Toby." Below a picture of Toby being basically awesome, the text continued, "Committed to pointing out the stupidity of Orphans."

Author: Luiigii of the Really Ugly People

~Headmaster Thrakun drags Vorpal back into the men's room, shoves his head in a toilet and flushes, then leaves him there. Yami and Lupus drag him out and lean him against a sink.~

Yami: So it went well?

Vorpal: I can't even give out menial homework assignments to vent my frustrations on the younger generation! This...this is all Sapphire's fault! If only there was some way I could exact my revenge on her, but she's a teenage girl! And the world always sides with teenage girls! I wish I were a teenage g--err, a teenage...guillotine!

Lupus: Dude, seriously.

Mole Guy: ~pokes head out of toilet~ What you say? Need help gettin revenge on that Saffy girl?

Vorpal: Why yes, talking toilet bowl head! Ever since she somehow found out that I was dating Kuria and ratted us out!

Mole Guy: S-somehow, eh? ~disappears back into the toilet~

Vorpal: No! Don't leave me no! ~clasps vainly at the toilet water~

Yami: His stutter and sudden disappearance would lead one to determine that he had some hand in these events.

Lupus: Shut up Yami, that was a nerd thing to say.

Yami: What's so wrong about the occasional astute observation!?

~Lupus stares at Yami for a moment, then slams his head against the door of a stall and holds it there while Yami flails at him.~

Lupus: Look, just shut yer Vorphole, Professor-ex. I'm bored as hell so I guess we'll help you.

Yami: You don't own me!

Lupus: The studying has made you weak, mah boi! Anyway, once we do you have to get me accepted at your School for Gifted Youngsters. I always wanted to beat up Magneto.

Vorpal: You don't even really attend THIS school.

Lupus: Well YOU don't appreciate my superpowers of crocodile wrestling and boomerang throwing!

~After Obscure Games class~

Masa: ~sidles up to Professor Jade's desk~ Well...hello. ((Hmm...should I do that inner voice thing again or--wait, no, inner voice...being strangled...))

Professor Jade: ~busy reading papers~

Masa: I bet you don't even recognize me because I'm wearing my casual eye patch instead of my headmaster's eye patch. But soon I'll be wearing my class president's eye patch, since I'm running. And winning.

Professor Jade: ~still reading~ I doubt that.

Masa: ~puts his hand face up on top of the papers~ Why don't you read my palm instead and see if our destinies are gonna cross, baby.

Professor Jade: I think there's rules against that.

Masa: Hey, I made the rules! And I am somewhat hesitant but still willing to break 'em!

~Headmaster Thrakun drags Masa into the men's room, shoves his head in a toilet and flushes, then leaves him there.~

Aithor: The Kirby of Death

Meanwhile in Zeldology taught by WanderingShadow

WS: And that about covers the evolution of the Zoras.

Towards the back sit Rocky, Retro, Director, and Jed. Jed being... HUMAN?!?!!?! Yep. The whole time he's been in GHU he's been human. MIIIIINDSHRAAAAACK! ...I mean, Director has been practically established as a human, too, so >.> Anyway.

Jed: *whispering to the others* So, I've been thinking if we're really supposed to even be here. Like I know that me, Retro and Rocky were at Murasame's school, but you weren't even a student, Director.

Director: I will kill you and usurp your position in our group like you did to me so long ago.

Jed: ...Pardon? ._.

Director: I said I've been going to GHU for a while, but I kept to myself mostly, so I never went on any "adventures" and didn't really have any friends until you guys showed up.

Jed: ...Oh. Alright. That doesn't explain how us three got here, though.

Retro: We transferred.

Jed: But-

Rocky: Just roll with it, Jed.

Jed: BUT! ._.

WS: Jed! Since you're obviously paying attention, recite the Clock Town's Song from Majora's Mask.

Jed: Oh crap, I never played Majora's Mask.

Retro: Really? I figured with your obsession over the space-time continuum, you'd be all over that.

Jed: I didn't have many N64 games >.> Plus it looked frustrating. Games with a general time limit aren't for me.

WS: I hate to interrupt once again, but I'm waiting.

Jed: Oh... uh... doot... doo-doo-doo-doo-doot... doot... doo-doo-doot... etc?

WS: ...You got lucky.

Rocky: How'd you know, Jed?

Jed: I got one of those Songbird Ocarinas >.> I have the songbook with me and kinda... guessed.

Rocky: Wow. ...Hey, Director, you're kinda quiet over there? Are you actually paying attention.

Director: *turning to them and hiding the knife he was polishing* Uh... Yeah? I mean, it's Zeldology.

Rocky: I guess.

Director: *goes back to polishing the knife* Soon...

Author: GM

(Elsewhere, in the same hallway that every indoor, non-classroom scene takes place in because the budget for this OG is so low, Toby hands Golem a video camera.)

Toby: Now for Phase 2 of my election strategy!

Golem: Phase 2?

Toby: Or whatever phase this is, I lost count. Every good campaign needs a good campaign documentary! You, my so-dull-he-makes-a-graham-cracker-look-like-a-tropical-feast pal, will film my every exploit! The struggles! The inspirational victories and the crushing defeats! You'll be like the camera guy from Cloverfield, only instead of filming the destruction of New York via giant monster, it'll just be me.

Golem: But no one liked the Cloverfield camera guy. I have enough popularity problems as it is.

Toby: Aren't you forgetting why you're doing this? Sapphire? Making out with Flutter? She's your... your... girl from Cloverfield that the Cloverfield camera guy liked. And Flutter is the monster if the monster made out with chicks.

Golem: Can we stop talking about Cloverfield!?

Toby: I watched it earlier! It's still on my mind! Deal with it! Now start filming!

(The POV immediately switches to the camera's shakey view. It follows Toby around as he struts confidently down the hallway, handing out campaign fliers and blurting out slogans, seemingly ignoring the fact that his fliers are going to be thrown out at the nearest garbage bin and being otherwise ignored.)

Toby: Toby's Our Boyby! Those are the words on everyone's lips!

Golem: *mumbling* Proceeded by "Who's the prick chanting-"

Toby: Flutter may think he has what it takes to be the President, but he has one major flaw! And what is that flaw?

(No one answers.)

Toby: I said, "And what is that flaw?"

(The camera moves from side to side to show that the hallway's empty now.)

Toby: His name is Flutter! What kind of name is that!? That's something a butterfly does! Butterflies are notorious wimps! Do you want a wimp for President!?

Golem: No one's here.

Toby: That's why I'm yelling now. Golemio, you'd never make it in politics. Oh! Golem! Golem! Over there!

(The camera shifts focus to where Toby is obsessively pointing to in an annoying manner. There stood a seething Masa, still covered in toilet water and grumbling several plots for revenge. Then it goes back to Toby.)

Toby: It's former-Headmaster Mune! Go interview him! Ask him for his opinion on my campaign!

Golem: Toby, Headmaster Mune hates us with passion of several exploding suns. I doubt he likes you. Or any student, for that matter.

Toby: That's why an endorsement from him will be like giving me an automatic win! Getting him to like me, and support me, will impress the hell out of the student body! Now get over there and interview him.

Golem: But-

Toby: Remember! My campaign! Flutter! Sapphire! Cloverfield!

(The camera focuses on Masa again. Hesitantly,Golem inches up to him. Eventually, Masa notices camera. A warm smile appears on his face. Then he notices Golem behind the camera, and he goes right back to pure unleaded rage.)

Golem: Sir-

Masa: PPPPAAAAAAAR-

(Before he can continue screaming "RRTYYYY GOOOOOOEEEEEERRRS!", Headmaster Thrakun tackles him back into the men's room. Golem, and thus the camera's POV, stops in shock. Sounds of screaming, splashing water, and a toilet flusing can be heard from off-camera.)

Toby: ...We'll just wait out here for him.

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Castlevania music begins playing over the school's loudspeakers. Within the broadcasting room, a husky fellow sits at a mix table with Rocky lounging nearby, resting his feet on the turntable. The husky fellow switches off the music and begins speaking into the mic*

Wariofan: Well hello everyone... welcome to another installment of Wariofan Central! I'm your host, Wariofan. Today we have a very special guest, Rocky is it?

Rocky: Yo.

Wariofan: Ahaha, Rocky, you scoundrel! Why don't you tell us what you thought of the Virtual Console's new updates?

Rocky: The palm tree was a nice addition, I'd say.

*Within the bathroom, Masa slowly climbs out of the toilet and walks towards the exit, shoes squeaking with every step. Vorpal is on the floor crying with a box of tissues and a jug of Ben & Jerry's, while Lupus and Yami make snowballs from the ice cream and pelt him with it.*

Vorpal: They even gave my radio show to this freshman!

Lupus: (mechanically pats Vorpal on his vorback) There, there. There, there.

Yami: (dumps the entire thing of ice cream over Vorpal's head, at which point Lupus sticks a carrot nose into it)

Wariofan: Why do you hate me so?

Rocky: Because I only came here to make an annoucement. For everyone in the school! As you know we have been swamped by schoolwork as well as preparations for the All Hallow's Ball. For that and that reason only, because we have real great ideas... we will put our "Make War, Not Pixels" comic series on hold.

Wariofan: (presses a button which conjures a Tim Allen "Uuurgh?" SFX)

Rocky: Yes. I know this will break the hearts of our extensive fanbase, and who can blame them? I'm the sexiest thing this side of school and that makes my friends look better at the same time by being around me, plus of course our back issues- which have been selling... LIKE... HOTCAKES... by the way- are still available!

(Shot of Director standing at corner of school holding up hand-drawn comic books as various people pass by in disinterest/confusion)

Wariofan: Get off my show.

*Suddenly, Masa falls over clutching his heart. Yami and Lupus begin kicking him.*

Vorpal: Masa?

Masa: A...nother female on premises!

Wariofan: I have another announcement here. I think you all might find this interesting. Due to some strange confusion involving a secretly female GHU student, the maximum amount of female students has been raised... by one.

Masa: NO! I have no choice now. I MUST RUN FOR CLASS PRESIDENT! And smear my insurmountable amount of power in Thrakun's face.

Vorpal: Hey, can we use you as a puppet?

Masa: No.

*The door to the bathroom is kicked open by the next figure, who steps in wielding a ray gun of some sort.*

Gamechamp: C'ezz levi kiddies, you'll all be me poppets now! (fires mind-ray at all the others) Now run for ze prezident for Ushataropia!

Masa: Hm, this brainwashing leaves me in-character despite my actions ultimately benefiting the Glorious Master Gamechamp. I wonder what the new female student is like?

*Elsewhere, the doors to the school burst open as a girl rides in on a moped, then releases it and sends it flying down the hall. She casually walks down the hall. Golem stands in her path, waving happily.*

Golem: Hello, transfer student! How are you!

*She simply shoves Golem into an opposing locker as she walks past him.*

Girl: (turns to face him) Name's Kinoko. (kicks him in the neck and walks off)

Toby: (from inside the locker that Golem is leaning against) Dude, that looked so hot.

Author: Masamune

~After school that day...~

GM: You know, I haven't seen Professor Luiigii since they announced the new headmaster.

Tyler: Oh come on, you think this is all some big conspiracy? HUH? IS THAT IT!?

GM: When did I even say that? I just think we should check it out. Do you know where he lives?

Tyler: Oh yeah, sure. But how do we get there?

GM: I'll get a ride.

~a little later a mysterious car drives up with the Hooded Figure driving~

Tyler: What!? You got the Hooded Figure's phone number?

GM: I can't help it. We bonded over whatever our last school break is. Really I have no idea what part of the school year we're even in.

Hooded Figure: You two getting in?

~GM gets in the passenger seat while Tyler dejectedly gets in the backseat. After driving through the city and through the slums and trailer parks, they finally end up at the ritzy end of town and pull up to a mansion~

GM: Uh, you sure this is the right address?

Tyler: I think so... it's what I pulled off of the internet.

Hooded Figure: Perhaps we should investigate?

~the three of them creep up to the mansion and start peeking into the various windows. They finally spot Luiigii in the kitchen and they all duck behind the bushes~

Luiigii: Ahh... another day of quiet cleaning.

~the group are all surprised to see Luiigii in a fine suit with his hair slicked back, a pair of spectacles on the end of his nose, and bizarrely enough - a pink apron~

GM: Whoa... Professor Weege lives in a mansion?

Tyler: Must've ran into some money or something.

GM: Yeah... maybe.

~inside Luiigii reaches into the closet and grabs the handle of a cleaning device... but it is no mop. Nor is it a broom~

Tyler: Wait... is that?

Luiigii: Swiffer! Swiff it good!

~Luiigii goes into an unholy frenzy of cleaning as he uses the Swiffer to clean the floors, the counters, the refridgerator, the dishes, the ceiling, the guard dogs, the bathroom, himself in the shower, and everything else within sight. However he suddenly turns dramatically as he looks straight to the students, who immediately jump in the bushes~

GM: Oh crap, I think he saw us!

~Luiigii violently throws open the window~

Luiigii: I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! I TOLD YOU IT'S OVER BETWEEN US! I HAVE SWIFFER NOW!

~the students meekly turn around in the bushes and turn around and see a mop propped up against a tree that looks extremely depressed~

GM: Whew.

~after some intense staring, Luiigii returns inside to his cleaning and the three students begin to sneak away, but are suddenly targeted by the guard dog and start running away. They nearly make it to the car when GM's leg is grabbed by the dog and he starts to get pulled away~

Tyler: GM! NO! We've gotta go back!

Hooded Figure: There's no time!

Tyler: But-!

Hooded Figure: It's what he would want!

GM: *from an increasing distance* No it isn't!

Hooded Figure: He's telling us to go on while he holds them off! Come on!

~the drive out in a hurry, but before they can pull back on the street, Luiigi steps in front of their car and they brake violently. Luiigii steps around to Tyler's side and leans into the window~

Luiigii: You kids on my property?

Tyler: Uhh...

Luiigii: You tell anyone about this place and I'll make your school lives miserable.

Tyler: What about GM?

Luiigii: GM who?

Tyler: Er

Luiigii: Get out of here before I call the cops, you damn kids.

~as the students peel out, Luiigii returns to the mansion. However unknown to him, a silent figure is quietly pressed up against the wall. I do not know his name, so we shall call him... The Wall~

Author: Nintenfreak

The next morning, Masamune was not in his office. This is where every self respecting principal should be all the time, but Masamune liked himself the least, and wasn't here. Toby had been hoping this was the case, as the intercom could only be used from one room--this room.

"My fellow students," he lied, "times are difficult for all of us now. But Mr. Steve refuses my requests for town hall discussions of matters important to you, the peoples."

In another room, Steve said, "I did no such thing!"

"He also said you guys were total pansy waists, and he wishes you'd all go home crying to your respective mommas!"

"Well, okay, but I didn't mean it like that!"

"So, Steve, if you're any sort of decent, you'll meet me at the flagpole at 3 PM for a town hall debate. Bring your note cards or bring me a soda!"

"Oooh!" said Flutter, "he's callin' you out!"

"Yeah," said Steve, "so?"

"I don't claim to be anything sort of sane, but I know for a fact that you'll probably lose if you don't accept his challenge!"

"Yeah, but if I lose, no one will vote for me!"

"And if you don't, you'll be a jive sucka, and everyone will talk smack about yo mama!"

Steve and Al looked at one another, "What?" they said.

"I don't know, I heard it on TV, it sounded cool."

Back in Masamune's office, Toby turned to his unwilling, yet uncool accomplice, "Think it'll work?"

"I don't... know?"

"Well, what are the odds Steve T. will try and break my neck in front of everyone?"

"Probably a whole number."

"What did you say about my mother?"

"No, it means... like 1, 2, 3, 4, that kind of thing?"

"So, what whole number do you think it'll be?"

"What's the largest number you know?"

"I dunno, like, infinity?"

"Around that."

"Good, excellent, just as planned."

"I wish you'd tell me why you want to break your neck."

"You'll see. So, what's on your mind?"

"It's about a girl."

"Listen, kid," said Toby, "I don't know much about women."

"Yeah!" said Golem. "You do!"

"Fair point. Okay, what about them."

"Well, it happened last night, see."

Back with the others.

"Hey Flutter, I heard you had a date last night?" asked Al in the form of a statement.

"Oh totally man."

"How was it?"

"Well, it happened like this."

Because Flashbacks can be seen by everyone involved, the scene switches to the previous evening. Golem is standing on a street corner holding a crappy half worn boquet, and a box of dollar store chocolates. It's obvious he put no effort into this.

Golem's voice booms over the scene. The characters in the flashback probably can hear it, but chose to ignore it to preserve their sanity.

"When I found out Sapphire was on a date with Flutter, I knew was losing time. I had to do something dramatic, and I had to do something incredibly stupid."

Flutter and Sapphire round the corner in the middle of deep conversation.

Flutter says, "...and the bartender says, 'we don't serve breakfast here'!"

Sapphire laughs, "Oh, Sammy, you have no idea how that joke begins, do you?"

"Not a clue."

A they approached the fruit stall Golem was poorly hiding behind, he jumped out and began saying words, "Look I Know Things Are Weird Between Us And Stuff But I Really Thought You Should Know How I Feel Or Else I'll Regret It Forever."

After an awkward pause, Sapphire and Flutter begin to keel over in laughter.

Outside the flashback, Toby says, "Oh, well, that sounds pretty standard fare."

Golem says, "Then it gets weird."

Pages in the Gamehiker High University Special: Politi-Cal! Archive

1 - 2