Gamehiker Member OG 8 Page 4
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Intermission[edit]
Author: GORE-ILLA[edit]
*The GMOGers continue drifting through the ocean. Scruffy looks ahead with a telescope.*
Scruffy: I see land, dead ahead!
Masamune: Is it Yoshi's Island?
Scruffy: I don't know, I just see some smiling clouds.
Vorpal: That's it all right!
*Suddenly, Mercantilism speeds by, tipping the boat over. As the boats pass, Luigi briefly starts to open his eyes, while Luiigii looks over from the Mercantilism. Their eyes briefly lock in the moment before they pass each other. Luigi then passes out again before hitting the water, but is caught by one of the others.*
Sapphire: Y'know, I think we can swim it from here and make better time.
*The other GMOGers soon swim up to the island's shore.*
Yami Yoshi: Look! Invaders from a universe of evil dudes! Destroy them, my loyal OGers!
*The MOGers all rush at the GMOGers. Roy and Kuria sit the battle out to look after the still-unconscious Luigi.*
Masamune: Look at these so-called OGers! Hey, since we oppose you and only six of us are fighting, I say we call ourselves...
*Masamune, Murasame, Rhyk, Vorpal, Scruffy and Sapphire pose together.*
All in Unison: The Anti-OG Six!
Masamune: ...How did you know what I was gonna say?
*Vorpal starts to duel with SwordMaster.*
SwordMaster: You...
Vorpal: Have we met before?
Demon of Vorpal's Sword: (in SwordMaster's mind) Come, you know my power. Take me... use my power like this man is too afraid to!
*SwordMaster blinks and shakes it off as he continues to duel with Vorpal.*
*Rhyk heads straight for Yami Yoshi, ready to impale him on the TASTS, but then GORE leaps in and pounds Rhyk down to the ground. Rhyk drops the pen, and he begins boxing with GORE.*
GORE: I've had enough of you, freaky robot kid who reminds me of that Golem dude!
Rhyk: Do you know... that S-Space... IS DETEIORATING?
GORE: I dunno, but your face sure is! (punches Rhyk in the jaw)
*However, at that point Masamune leaps down and swings at GORE. GORE rolls out of the way while Rhyk scrambles around in search of the TASTS.*
GORE: Masamune?
Masamune: Hey, you're a real ape! Gippetto must have granted your wish!
GORE: Wait just one minute.
*GORE runs over to a nearby dumpster. He rushes back over with a laser sword and ignites it.*
GORE: Courtesy of my old friend, The Monkey.
Masamune: Another sword duel? Whatever.
*Chizu tackles Sapphire, initiating some hot catfight. Murasame rushes Culex and initiates a dazzling sword attack, but Culex uses the Elemental Crystals to block the strike.*
Culex: You knave, do you know how high my HP is? I never really use my power much for some reason, but in comparison to Jim I do qite alot!
Murasame: Shut up! I beat Suepr Mario RPG blindfolded while playing strip poker with all eight of your mothers.
Culex: RRAAAUGH!! (has the fire crystal shoot some flames that knock Murasame back)
*Kantii swoops down towards Roy, but Kuria moves in his way and puts an arrow into her bow, aiming it at Kantii. This causes Kantii to stop and flap his wings in place.*
Kantii: I can fly, right?
Kuria: Stay back, or I'll clip your wings.
Kantii: My wacky sense of honor forbids me from hurting you! Please move so I can beat around the nerdy teenager and the greasy knocked-out hobo!
*Scruffy leaps in and clocks Kantii with a flaming fist. Kantii is sent flying over and lands back on the ground.*
Kantii: (rubs burnt cheek( Knave! You have just stricken the great Lord Kantii of the Crows! I shall show you no respect!
Scruffy: Yeah, well you've just been stricken by Captain Monkeyman Scruffy of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada! If you won't let the nice lady clip your wings with her arrows, I'll have to burn them off.
*Elsewhere, Rhyk is still searching for the TASTS. He finally finds it, but then a foot steps on it. He looks up to see Yami Yoshi standing there.*
Yami Yoshi: Looking for something there, Rhykie Lake?
Rhyk: Yami! ...Wait, something seems different about you... for one, you look about a decade younger....
Yami Yoshi: Enough! I'm sick of you and all you moronic villains.
Rhyk: This is for the greater good!
Yami Yoshi: Yeah, well it's time I started handing out heaping mouthfuls of justice! Dark Omelet!
*Yami quickly produces a cluster of Dark Eggs and begins mercilessly pummeling Rhyk.*
Rhyk: Arf arf arf! (tumbles over backwards while some pieces of his body begin falling off)
GORE: (dueling with Masamune) Yami! Are you sure these guys are evil? He doesn't seem any different from the Masamune I met.
Yami: Well they're evil! Destroy them all!
Scruffy: (turns while chasing Kantii) Yo robo-dude, are you sure we gotta kill these guys? They don't seem too bad.
Rhyk: It's the only way! Just listen to me!
*Rhyk lunges forward and begins furiously punching at Yami Yoshi. Yami glares, as his eyes turn red and he sprouts fangs.*
Yami: You're first, Rhykardo!
Author: Masamune[edit]
Narrator Newbie: And here we are, ladies and gentlemen! On one side, the GREAT OG SIX! On the other side, an unusual group that claim to be from another timeline - THE ANTI-OG SIX. Let's see how our contestants are doing! Here's Round 1: Murasame vs. Culex!
Murasame: Nice crystals.
Culex: Thanks.
Murasame: You get them from your mommy?
Culex: I- YOU BASTARD I DON'T HAVE A MOMMY!
~Murasame swings madly with his sword, splintering the crystal into shards! OMG!~
Culex: Wait, what!? That's not right! You can't do that!
Murasame: Except I beat Jinx three times! You're a pushover! FINAL ATTACK: PREMATURE OG ENDING!
Flashforward:
~in the midsts of all this chaos, something else was happening. And that was the Omnipotence landing. It's very important to remember that you italicize it, because if you don't then people will think it's just a regular omnipotence~
Murasame: *gets off and looks around* What. The. Hell.
Author 1: This wasn't expected!
Murasame: This makes me angry. *snaps fingers* Krunk! Snipes!
Krunk: BOSS?
Snipes: Yessss?
Murasame: I feel like randomly messing this story up. Call in your relatives.
~in mere moments there are all kinds of kremlings and lizalfos gathered~
GORE: ThIs Is UnExPeCtEd. WhY aM i tAlKiNg lIkE tHiS?
Saru: I don't get a line because Murasame never heard of me. *cries*
Fusion: Me too.
Murasame: Okay giant horde of creatures. PARTY!
Yami: *falls to knees in agony* Noooo! I hate parties! I hate! I hate! I hate!
Introbulus: *cough* And?
Yami: Oh and um. It's Lupus's fault or something. *shrugs*
Authors: Wait! But this is the last post on the page! You can't just end it like-
THE END
Culex: W-wait! That hasn't happened yet-----! *crystals explode and he falls to the floor helpless* NooooOOOOoooo!!
Narrator Newbie: SPICY! Now here we have GORE and Masa engaged in a fight of- High Card!?
Masamune: Okay, you cut the deck.
GORE: *deep breath... pulls up card* Ha! Queen! Beat that!
Masamune: *pulls up... a 2!*
GORE: Ha! You lose!
Masamune: No, YOU LOSE. A queen is a woman and inherently worthless!
GORE: What!? That's not the rules!!
Masamune: Screw the rules!
GORE: Best two out of three?
Masamune: Oh fine, but only because you remind me of someone... if only I knew who...
Flashback:
Masamune: *covers Kuria's mouth* -about my plan to give them all raises!? I was going to keep it a secret!
~the crew cheers~
GORE: *wipes tear from eye* You're the best captain ever. Except for the other one in the Cheesecake Armada. But that's only because he put fountain drinks in the employee lounge.
Masamune: ... and I was going to do that!
Masamune: Oh well, it'll come to me.
Narrator Newbie: ... boring! And shocking maybe! Let's take a break and see how things are going elsewhere...
SteveT: *punches a little kid*
Narrator Newbie: Chilling!
Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
~The little kid that SteveT punches is in fact the embodiment of Saphnity, who is sitting in the pilot's seat of Mercantilism.~
Saphnity: Ow. What?
SteveT: You're in my boat.
Mercantilism: I am my own boat.
SteveT: Shut up, you.
~Mercantilism starts doing flips in an attempt to shake the SteveTrio off him. Luiigii crawls over to the control board he placed Saphnity within and starts slicing through it with his laser sword. Machinery flies everywhere and--~
SteveT: What are you doing?
Luiigii: Getting the gem.
SteveT: ...How?
~Luiigii looks down at his laser sword, which is unbladed.~
Luiigii: Ha ha. Silly me. I went and broke the crystal and OMG WHY DID I BREAK THE CRYSTAL?!
SteveT: I dunno, but it's worth a demotion I'm sure.
Evil Zombie Phil: Can I have his hat?
SteveT: Absolutely.
Evil Zombie Phil: Dance like the night of inside outs! ~steals Luiigii's hat and accidently drops it into the ocean~
Luiigii: I miss it already... again. ~looks up and waits for Masamune's hat to fall on him, which it doesn't~
~ANYWHO~
~Chizu leaps up a tree to get away from Sapphire and notices that Yami has sprouted fangs and red eyes.~
Chizu: Hades?
~Sapphire flies up to Chizu's level with her parasol and tries to kick her while still in the air. Chizu falls backwards and lands softly on the branch below, then grabs some leaves and throws them like bullets at the other woman. Sapphire's parasol is shredded and she falls, but reaches out and grabs the closest branch. Sapphire swings on the branch and into Chizu, who catches her feet and swings her away. Chizu leaps down and runs to help SwordMaster, but an arrow hits her in the shoulder courtesy of Kuria.~
Roy: Holy... you just shot her in the back!
Kuria: I'm all angsty without Ditto.
~Chizu falls to the ground, her wound bleeding cheese. GORE-ILLA turns away from his super exciting card duel at the smell of it.~
GORE-ILLA: Ch-ch-ch-cheese?
~GORE-ILLA turns and runs toward Chizu, tossing Scruffy, Kantii, Vorpal, and SwordMaster in the process. He grabs the arrow and prepares to yank it out, but SwordMaster jumps up and grabs GORE's wrists.~
SwordMaster: Don't! You can't just rip it out, you'll kill her!
GORE-ILLA: Butbutbutbutbutbutbutbut cheese!
~Scruffy throws a fireball at them both; SwordMaster jumps over it while GORE ignores it and is consequently thrown back when it hits. SwordMaster lands and crouches down to remove the arrow, calling for Kantii. Scruffy prepares another fireball, but Vorpal steps in front of him.~
Vorpal: Wait!
Scruffy: Come ON! Are we or are we NOT trying to kill them?
Vorpal: I hate to be the voice of reason here, but look. ~points at Yami~
Masamune: Whoa. That's our Yami!
Scruffy: Does it make a difference?
Vorpal: Maybe. Rhyk's not giving us complete answers and our Yami is trying to get these people to kill us.
Masamune: Is he really OUR Yami? I mean, isn't he his own Yami? Can any of us really claim him?
Vorpal: Shut up, Masa.
Scruffy: At least call him Dark Yami, so that I can tell them apart.
Vorpal: We've been using Demon Yami Yoshi. Besides, that's redun--
Scruffy: DARK YAMI! I'M-A KILL J00!
~Masa and Munewhile, Demon Yami lunges at Rhyk and grabs him by the arms, then rips them off. He continues tearing Rhyk apart until the robot is in dozens of pieces, then eats the pieces and craps them out in individual eggs. He turns to pick up the TASTS and is hit head-on by flying Scruffy. Demon Yami grabs Scruffy and pins him to his body, then backflips and slams him into the ground. Scruffy ignites himself, but Demon Yami ignores the flames.~
Demon Yami: You OGer wannabes just can't match up!
Episode 49: "The Touching Speech!" by Golem[edit]
~Dark Yami Yoshi bites into Scruffy's arm and tosses him aside. DYY then reaches over and picks up the TASTS. He swiftly swipes it towards Scruffy.
CLANG!
The TASTS flies out of his hand after meeting the Vorpal sword. Vorpal then lodges his sword between Yami's fangs and stabs the ground, pinning Yami's head to the ground. Before Yami can dislodge his head, Vorpal ties Yami's tongue around the blade part. Yami tries to get up, but Vorpal pins him to the ground with his foot. Roy body slams Yami, followed by the rest of the Anti-OG Six, in a football-esque dogpile. The OG Six watches in awe at their amazing display of teamwork.~
Vorpal: Listen up, everyone! This timeline is seriously screwed up. America is ravaged by some two-bit villain organization run by a guy with purple hair. Purple!
GORE-ILLA: Wait, I don't--
Vorpal: If I ran America, we'd be at peace! We might get in a small scuffle or two with Canada, there might be some wacky scandals afoot, but things would be a lot better! We need to work together to get back to the Neutral Timeline!
Masamune: Good Timeline.
Vorpal: That's what I said! Furthermore, we can't get back to the Neutral Timeline if we leave several maniacs running around at once! They'll bump into us! Let me name some off the top of my head: SteveT! Donkeyman! Uncle Phil! EVIL Scientist Dude! This is just to name a FEW of the problems we have here in this great nation of America!
SwordMaster: This is Yoshi--
Vorpal: We don't need more enemies! We need more friends! GORE, we're kind of good acquaintances back home! SwordMaster, you seem like a cool guy! Chizu, I'm sorry, but I'm taken by a lovely lady named Misty! Scruffy, you have a cool name!
Scruffy: I'm from your timeli--
Vorpal: Kantii, our valiance and honor should ally us as friends, not enemies! Everyone, we have to work together to win this election! ~Vorpal strikes a pose. Cue "Hail to the Chief."~
GORE-ILLA: I trust him, guys! What about you?
SwordMaster: I dunno . . .
Kantii: Certainly, Kantii thinks--
~Mercantilism hits the beach nose-first, and everyone flies out from the force of the impact. Saphnity is hurled into Vorpal, who--as he is hurled forward with Saphnity--keeps his grip on the sword but manages not to cut himself (the sword slips out of DYY's tongue, as well). They land ten feet away from the dogpile.~
Author: Vorpal[edit]
~A couple seconds earlier~
Mercantilism: No! My life source! Now I'll never be a real boy! *turns back into a regular boat as Saphnity leaves the boat*
~back to the dogpile~
SteveT: *getting up from being hurled from Mercantilism* Now I have you all where I want you! I can destroy you all, and then I will free of parties once and for all! *From every open crevice in SteveT's armor, black pudding oozes out as dozens of tentacle-like arms* Siphnitty shall silence the parties! *The black pudding lunges at the dogpile, but is stopped by a wall of fire*
Vorpal: *red eyes glowing visibly behind his shades* I don't think so.
SteveT: What power! Luiigii! What does the scouter say about his power level?
Luiigii: *still sprawled on the ground from being flung from Mercantilism* That's an old internet joke reference, and we probably already did it before!
SteveT: What do you think you're doing? You can't stop me! I kill you all, and the Party-Suck Timeline is gone forever!
Vorpal: By all that is sacred and holy! I will cleanse you with fire! ... in America!
~Vorpal shoots fire from his hands. SteveT starts to laugh, but then realizes that the fire is at such a hot temperature, and his body having such well built metal convectional properties, that it bakes the black pudding inside into a hard black confectionery treat.~
SteveT: Uhm... I can't move... a little help here?
Episode 51: "The Timeline after tomorrow" by Fred[edit]
Luiigii: That's it! There's too many people around here that can control fire!
Vorpal: I'll pass a bill of anti-fire legislation, Luiigii! Join me, and you shall become rule some level of government as president and hobo!
Luiigii: I refuse! Go find Ditto or something! I'll make my OWN rules.
SteveT: Stop talking and kill him already!
Luiigii: Yes sir!
Scruffy: Oh, I don't think you want to move. You can still groove, I guess.
(click clack, Scruffy's got a shotgun t'the back of Luiigii head oh snap)
Luiigii: Look like it's up to you, Evil Zombie Phil.
EZP: Doctorines aplenty, full rail on bed! (Throws a giant exLax at SteveT, who suddenly becomes unstuck)
SteveT: Okay, take two-
(SteveT is blasted by Vorpal's flames again, and is stuck yet again)
Roy:... I for the most part really agree with Vorpal's policies! Except for Kaiser Bear IV. He's not really a big fan of Democracy.
Kantii: Why is the reason that you speak with Kantii?
SteveT: I swear my movement once regained is going to be oh so sweet.
(While no one is looking, Kuria takes another shot at Chizu just because)
(This cycle continues for awhile, until-)
Dark Yami: Ugh. Hey, weirdo in the suit. (Bats SM, GORE, Murasame, Masamune and Kantii away with one hand) What's your deal?
SteveT: I'm trying to kill the OGers.
Dark Yami: How about a fourth wheel? My loyal compatriots seem to have turned upon me.
Sapphire: We can hear you, you know.
SteveT: SteveTrio doesn't do four.
Dark Yami: Suit yourself. (makes a reach for the TASTS, but is batted away by a trio of swords)
Murasame: You probably wanted to have stayed down.
(Suddenly, Susan. I mean explosions. All over Yoshi Island.)
Vorpal: We need a better defense plan, and I can make those reforms.
Roy: But for now, hit the dirt!
(More explosions. The Flying monkey lands on the ruins of Yami Yoshi's house)
Donkeyman: Perfect. A mint condition Suit of armour, with what I need inside. Grab it, Mun-grill or whatever your name is.
Mon-kill: Mun-grill CRUSH.
GORE: He's a lot bigger than I remember.
(Luiigii holds his laser sword to Scruffy's neck)
Luiigii: Finally, a spot of luck.
Vorpal: Hey, Misty will be here! Awesome, She'll make an excellent wife to a president.
Sapphire: Hrmph.
Kuria: Hey, Ditto will be here. He's so dreamy and refined.
Sapphire: Everything's screwed up, all right... considering there are no rooms left for you to get, I'm going to what's left of the other side of the island.
Kantii: It seems we have a Mexican standoff.
Murasame: No Mexicans, though.
SwordMaster: Closest we've got it Chizu, and she's Asian.
Masamune: What about Donkeyman? He could be Mexican.
GORE: Que pasa?
Kantii: Kantii and the rest of these plural nouns are attempting to figure if the Donkeyman is Mexican.
GORE: who?
Masamune: He's probably Latvian or something evil.
SteveT: Quick! Phil! Restore my movement!
(Phil is about to as MON-KILL grabs him in his crushing grip)
Donkeyman: Yes, yes! Soon I will be complete!
Dark Yami: Finally, no one is paying attention! The TASTS are mine! The OG six simply need a few adjustments... some tweaking, if you will! Then we'll be the greatest hero team of all!
GORE: Ahem. As acting leader of the OG six, I have no idea of what is going on! SCRAMBLE AND BEAT ANYTHING THAT MOVES!
(GORE Tackles MON-KILL's leg as Scruffy steps on Luiigii's foot. Evil Zombie Phil starts playing an organ grinder that shoots out lightning, whilst Kantii, Chizu, Murasame and Masamune all jump Dark Yami and flail at his arms at he waves them off his back with his tail and tounge. Ditto, Vorpal, Kuria and Misty all jump into the water for safety while Donkeyman duels Swordmaster. Roy slinks away, as well. With Sapphire, however...)
Sapphire: Wow. This is a pretty big piece of eggshell. These guys are animals to just leave it back here. And those guys out there are pretty dumb to leave this ship here. With the windows rolled down. Looks like I have to do everything again.
(Roy also makes a discovery)
Roy: Whoa, that robot guy got beat up Somethin Awful. PERHAPS I SHOULD FEED UPON HIM. I could I suppose bake him into something. No! Shut up guys! Whoa, here's the head.
Rhyk: Young man...
Roy: Yeah, that's me to an R.
Rhyk: I pass on the autobot spark...
Roy: What? Oh, no, don't you go getting into my head too, now-
(two seconds later, Roy is encased in a bitchin' robotic suit neurally connected to his brain with Rhyk's mission as his primary programming)
Roy: Shit.
(In the fight, things do not bode so well for the protagonists (our protagonists, anyways). Swordmaster's adam's apple feels a blade up against it, Dark Yami has four combattants trapped in eggs, and GORE is no match for MON-KILL's upgrades, as ESD had predicted. MON-KILL is so massive that GORE cannot even slow him down or injure his face. Scruffy is parrying Luigi's arms with his boomstick to prevent death by sabre)
Dark Yami: Mine! (slowly bends over to grab the TASTS)
Roy: Nope! Sorry! (He whisks by on rockets and punches DY in the nose while grabbing the pen)
Donkeyman: Miiiinnneee! (Violently grabs towards the plating on SteveT)
Sapphire: Let's see, here. I'm not sure who to shoot first. Oh, I'll just blow up the whole island, I guess.
(an instant later and more explosions, Donkeyman's quarry is lost-Evil Zombie Phil opens a portal in his toothpaste bottle and SteveTrio escape through it, followed by Dark Yami as it closes.)
Sapphire: Yeah, this big red one should do it. Skull and crossbones is usually a signature of quality. I should know, of course. I did have a flying submarine.
(A huge explosion. The island sinks.)
Lupus: ...Flat without any thought at all to side effects or consequences. I am going to win in MOG8.
Koopa: What was that backup plan, again?
Lupus: (Sigh), If for some reason, Koopa, is it not desirable like your mother-
Koopa: I had no mother, sir.
Lupus: If it is not desirable to make the world flat and let that be that then plan B is the hokey pokey.
Koopa: What does that mean, sir? Some sort of codename?
Lupus: I explained this many times already, Koopa. You put your left arm in you take your left arm out you put your left in and you shake it all about and then you use the pearls of mystery along with the infinity drive in the temple and then simply instead of fusing reality and awesome you go to "other" timeline and that's what it's all about.
Koopa: Freaky. I like it.
Lupus: Do you like ski lifts, Koopa?
Koopa: Sir, I fixed it.
Lupus: Well, then what's this (Lupus turns on a video screen to a broken ski lift)?
Koopa: But.. but I fixed it yesterday! It took an entire year nonstop of my life to repair that!
Lupus: Well maybe you should have thought about that before it got broken. Shape up Koopa you're a man now.
Koopa: I'm a turtle, sir!
Lupus: Koopa we can't all be turtles. Some of us have to be men. The sooner you realize this and fix the ski lift the sooner you will have fixed the ski lift.
Koopa: sonuva...
Lupus: What was that, Koopa?
Koopa: Uh nothing sir just reading my instruction manual on ski lift repair!
(Lupus leaves the room, and Koopa turns on his super secret shell-cell)
Koopa: Fool!
Fool: You don't have to insult me.
Koopa: Yes, I do! You must get me those jewels. Of Mystery. The mysterious ones! Unless Lupus leaves here I won't have an opening until I get them.
Fool: Duhh right away Claw.
Koopa: Koopa. It's Koopa.
Fool: Yeah I know just joshing ya
Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
~Everyone is now laying on the deck of the Flying Canadiandude, everyone being a general term and not in reference to, like, everyone in existence. Anyway, this everyone consists of: Masamune, Murasame, Vorpal, Kuria, Sapphire, Scruffy, Donkeyman, Ditto, MON-KILL, Misty, Loogi, AaronGuy, Mariorocks98, GORE-ILLA, SwordMaster, Chizu, Kantii, Culex, AaronGuy, and Luigi. Roy is NOTABLY ABSENT however there is a toaster in the corner that is holding TASTS in its hand but that's crazy because toasters don't have hands like this one does.~
Donkeyman: What... the hell...
Loogi: Cap'n! If this weren't a flying boat, I'd say we're sinking from overcrowding!
Donkeyman: You're right. ~throws Mariorocks98 overboard, who is replaced by Mariorocks99~ We're good now. Alas, Mariorocks98, you were right. It would have been FAR easier to just steal my Bad Timeline counterpart's heart. Too bad you're dead now HA!
~Luigi wakes out and points out a Yoshi's egg floating in the water, then passes out again. The crew fishes it out and breaks it open.~
Yami: What... the shatmuck...
GORE-ILLA: Yami! It's really you!
Yami: What did you do to my island?! MY CHEESECAKE WAS STILL THERE!
SwordMaster: It really is really you!
GORE-ILLA: That other Yami was something nasty. We need to kill him before he gives you a bad name.
Masamune: Hey hey wait hey wait hey hey wait wait. What about our timeline? If you kill Yami, then we may or may not still have one when our timeline gets put back together. And that would SEVERLY kill the Holiday Specials and Galaxy Goers.
Yami: Masamune? Doesn't he work for Lupus or something? What other Yami?
Murasame: Gawd try to keep up lamer.
GORE-ILLA: Already my brain conducts a brilliant plan. Kantii! Take Chizu to a hospital! Culex! Take (petrified) AaronGuy to Team Rocket Omega or something I don't care!
Kantii: Sure.
Culex: I'm a broken man/interdimensional being...
~Kantii, Chizu, Culex, and AaronGuy left the party! Hope you remembered to unequip them, HAR HAR HAR!~
GORE-ILLA: Now we shall replace four people... with three! We must unite the original OG Six! Perhaps when the Dark Yami sees us working together again, he'll realize what a loser he is and submit!
SwordMaster: Um. BSD's dead. Besides, Kantii and Chizu are better characters.
GORE-ILLA: Don't interrupt. I probably got PL-0TT back at this point in time because it's convenient. Let's go make a miracle.
~GORE-ILLA, Yami, and SwordMaster run belowdecks. Donkeyman gets a message on his beeper and runs to some convenient communicator, while the Anti-OG Six nondiscreetly watches.~
EVIL Scientist Dude: ~pops up~ Hello new master. I've liberated all my personnel files about Lupus the so-called Turkish. He has two grand plans for WORLD DOMINATION I always wanted to dominate the world ~sigh~. Tell MON-KILL I said hi.
MON-KILL: I almost killed GORE-ILLA, but stuff exploded.
ESD: That's life. So anyway, Plan A is to get the Pearls of Mystery from Africa and use them to power his iPL-0TT, I mean Infinity Drive. Plan B is the same.
Donkeyman: Exactly?
ESD: No you fool. Plan A is to merge Q, R, and S-Space to make the world flat, duh. Plan B is to create a timeline where the world is flat and that is that.
Donkeyman: Create... timelines? ~glances back and sees dust clouds shaped like Anti-OG Six members~ But enough of that. Create me a magnet big enough to capture that wascally SteveT, STAT. Download it to MIN-SPILL if you must.
~Meanwhile, Masamune, Murasame, Vorpal, Kuria, Sapphire, and Scruffy have stolen a flying rowboat, next stop Africa.~
Author: Masamune[edit]
~Later in Africa~
Murasame: Good, we made it. Let's find these so-called Pearls of Mystery.
Vorpal: Where we gonna find them?
???: Nowhere. ~steps out from the shadows~
Scruffy: By the code! It's Masamune! *sees Masamune* I mean Murasame! *sees Murasame* Well drat, I'm befuddled.
???: Oh, but you're right on both counts. It's Masamura.
Masamune/Murasame: *both recoil in disgust* Eww! What!? WHAT!? Screw you too!
Kuria: Wait. Why are you here? What the heck?
Masamura: Lupus stole Masamune's soul, but left his sword lying around. So naturally I, Murasame, took it. Listen, it's all in the manual...
Murasame: That is so lame.
Vorpal: What do you want?
Masamura: The World, Mr. Hamilton. The World.
Sapphire: But you're not even in the MPVP! I looked at the Wiki entry!
Masamura: Yes. And that's because I spent all this time... looking for YOU! *points at Kuria* I have no idea how it is that two copies of me appeared... - I don't really care. I want the girl.
Vorpal: Hmm... just what are you willing to give us-
Kuria: HEY!
Sapphire: You can't barter her away!
Vorpal: Listen. Sapph. I've got Misty now and Kuria's outgrown her usefulness. What will you give us?
Sapphire: Guys! Stop him!
Masamune: Pirate.
Murasame: Pirate.
Scruffy: Pirate- hey, you guys are pirates too?
Masamura: It just so happens I have a Pearl of Mystery handy that I just couldn't help overhearing earlier. The girl for the pearl.
Kuria: No d-
Vorpal: Deal! *clubs Kuria* Check it out guys, we're one step closer to restoring our timeline!
Masamune: Score!
Masamura: Pleasure doing business with you. Krunk! Snipes! Take Miss Eiren to her new quarters. ~Krunk and Snipes do so~
Murasame: Huh. You know with all my training of Luiigii, I forgot I even had those guys in our timeline.
~Meanwhile, back on the Flying Arabdude~
GORE-ILLA: Okay Yami! Swordmaster! Check this out. When Demon Yoshi ran, he dropped these eggs here... check it out. *activates PL-0TT*
Fusesteady: *appears out of an egg* Hruh? FUSE SMASH!
Bebop Skull Dragoshi: *appears out of an egg* IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!
Untribulous: *appears out of an egg* Hook me up, brah!
Yami: Uh, they look a bit stupid. But I guess they'll do.
Swordmaster: But there's two more eggs-
GORE-ILLA: Let's not be hasty here. We have an OG Six. Now let's go get that demon jackass! No offense, Yami.
Yami: None taken.
~Elsewhiles, Kuria sits in a room on the Omnipotence. Krunk and Snipes enter.~
Snipes: Cap'n sssaysss you'll be dining with him tonight. And you'll be wearing thisss. ~holds up a clotheshanger~
Kuria: But... there's nothing on that.
Snipes: Exactly.
Kuria: Tell him that I am respectfully disinclined to acquiesce to his request.
Krunk: CAP'N SAID YOU SAY THAT! YOU DINE WITH CREW NAKED!
Kuria: But... I'll be naked either way.
Krunk: YEAH.
Kuria: I think I'll just order Chinese.
Krunk/Snipes: ~glare~ Fine.
Episode 54: "Pity da Fool" by Golem[edit]
OoC: I couldn't find anywhere in the OG that the Good Timeline crew found out about the Pearls of Mystery and the Limitless Drive.
~Vorpal's cool techno-hat falls off Vorpal's head, grabs the Pearl of Mystery from Vorpal's hand, and uses the jets in its feet to fly away. It doesn't get far, though--as it zooms by Murasame, he catches it. The techno-hat transforms, revealing itself to be... Roy!!~
Murasame: Just where are you going?
Roy: Um... I was just going to the US to hack into TRO's NASA headquarters in Houston, Texas. Nothing big! Maybe catch a little ride to Lupus' Cheese Star, retrieve the Limitless Drive that'll be powered by this pearl... like I said, nothing big!
Sapphire: Is there any way to call the Flying Canadiandude back here to give us a lift?
~Fool leaps out of the greenery from behind Murasame and punches him in the back of his head with his mechanical hand. Murasame falls, and Fool's mechanical hand grows big enough to grab Roy in it.~
Fool: Beam me up, Koop!
Koopa: ~over Fool's wrist communicator~ I can't beam you up, Fool! You have to head to your designated shuttle!
GMOGers: Designated shuttle?!
Fool: Oh my stars...
~Aboard the Flying Canadiandude, Donkeyman awaits the magnet while he leans over the railing of the top deck, looking out over the ocean...~
Donkeyman: Mariorocks, you've been my trusty companion for the past half-hour. Even a cunning businessman like myself needs advice from time to time... so please, listen.
Mariorocks: Why coitenly!
Donkeyman: Golem's death gives me the perfect chance to gain Sapphire's heart. If I offer to bring him back to life in exchange for her hand in marriage, she... should accept. Of course, there will have to be no strings attached, I'll have to bring him back properly, and I can't intend to use him as a crewmate. I'd even have to be sure to restore him as a mortal human being. She wouldn't stand for anything less than 100% perfection.
Mariorocks: There's a kink in your plan. The third volume of the Member OG graphic novel ~holds up his collection of MOG comics~ says there's some Sophnito jewel that can bring people back to life. Concievably, the OGers could find the Sophnito and use it as an alternative method to revive Golem. I think, at the moment, an elephant and a llama, who are both police officers in Indiana, have the Sophnito.
Donkeyman: SteveT has the Siphnitty, and I already told you I'm not looking for this timeline's version. ~kicks Mariorocks overboard~
~Mariorocks 100 pops up.~
Mariorocks: Happy 100th Mariorocks, sir!
Donkeyman: Ohhh, sOphnitO. Well, #100, your first order is to go overboard and get all of 99's graphic novels.
Mariorocks: Yessir! ~jumps overboard~
Episode 55: "I Feel Fine" by GORE-ILLA[edit]
*On the Cheese Star...*
Koopa X: Where are young going, sir?
Lupus: Out.
Koopa X: Why?
Lupus: Just doing some errands. Since you're not mysteriously missing this time, you're in charge of the Cheese Star while I'm gone!
Koopa X: Why... thank you, my liege!
Lupus: After all, I'm going to test my improved Cheese Star II on this one when I'm done, and you sound like you're just the right amount of expendable for the job.
*Lupus enters the walks down a magical staircase that leads down to his tower in Japan.*
Koopa X: (narrows eyes) You don't give me enough credit... Lupus!
*Back on Earth in Africa, the GMOGers all dogpile on Fool.*
Masamune: Now tell us where your shuttle is!
Sapphire: Wait, where'd Roy go?
*A space shuttle takes off in the distance.*
Fool: I believe that answers both of your questions. Now if you excuse me...
*Fool turns his mechanical hand into a fan that spins at high speeds, blowing everyone off of him. However, Sapphire tosses her umbrella, which clogs up the fan and stops it.*
Fool: Now that ain't nice- (torched by Scruffy)
*In Japan, Lupus looks towards his empty throne as if someone is sitting in it.*
Lupus: Home sweet home! But I am wondering what that strange looking man is doing sitting in my expensive gold chair. You there!
*No one responds.*
Lupus: You strange looking man! What are you doing sitting in my expensive gold chair?
*Silence.*
Lupus: I don't like the tone of your voice.
*More silence.*
Lupus: Oh, so you're Youma? I've heard so much about you.
*Even more silence.*
Lupus: I just said I did! Why do you ask me again?
*Some more silence.*
Lupus: Youma, I don't like you. Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. Nobody likes you and everybody hates you. Now come over here so I can break your legs!
*There is still silence.*
Lupus: You like sitting on chairs huh do you? I WILL PUT YOU IN A FREAKING CHAIR!
*Lupus leaps forward, reaching for a pair of invisible legs, but he then notices that no one is there.*
Lupus: This is obviously Koopa's fault.
*Elsewhere, on the Cheese Star, an elevator door slides open to reveal... KOOPA XTREME! Garbed in a black and evil cape combo.
Koopa Xtreme: Yes! (laughs manically) Now it's my turn... and I'm not alone!
*A pair of red eyes are seen gleaming through the darkness. The figure steps out and reveals... it's just Roy.*
Koopa Xtreme: So Roy, now with your Pearls of Mystery, I can take care of Lupus no problem and finally be the main villain!
Roy: You don't need the Pearls.
Koopa Xtreme: ...What?
Roy: You have the technology right here! The technology to destroy Lupus... and the OGers... all in one fell swoop! That equals one timeline fixed!
Koopa Xtreme: Yes... you're right...
Roy: Do it! Show them the power of this fully armed and operation battle station!
Koopa Xtreme: I WILL!
*Koopa Xtreme leaps forward and presses the dust-covered firing button. The Cheese Star fires a blast of cheesy goodness that impacts the Earth. The area it hits immediately turns to cheese... and the cheese slowly begins spreading out to various parts of the world...*
Sonic the Hedgehog: In Indiana...
*The Flying Canadiandude flies through the streets low enough that the bottom is scraping against the pavement, staying a few steps ahead of the cheese. It passes the llama and elephant just as they are being encased in cheese. The Llama holds outstretches his arm, where he holds the Sophnito, which has not yet been turned into cheese. Loogi sticks his hand out a window and swipes the Sophnito from his hand. Then the Canadian dude blasts off.*
Sonic the Hedgehog: In Kyro...
Kyson: Hrooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! (is encased in cheese)
Sonic the Hedgehog: In New York...
*The OGers panick as they see the area around them turning into cheese. Out of desperation they rush into the Statue of Liberty, which collapses behind them. Then they find themselves somewhere else entirely.*
Yami Yoshi: Hey... this is the planet Mystery...
Saru: (tied to a chair) You got that right, bub.
Sonic the Hedgehog: The Flying Canadiandude leaves Earth's atmosphere in a completely impossible manner. Eh most of them are already dead anyway. In Africa...
Masamune: Okay Fool, that incoming wave of cheese looks mighty deadly, so I say we get the hell out of here!
Fool: Hm...
*Suddenly, Fool's shuttle flies back and settles. The door opens to reveal Darth Lundgren*
Lundgren: I couldn't leave without you, Fool!
Fool: I knew you'd come back for me, Wesus!
*Fool starts to rush towards the shuttle. However, he is trampled to the ground by the various GMOGers. Masamune and Murasame stab Fool at the same time and toss him into the air. Vorpal then leaps up into the air and dropkicks him into Fool. The two embrace one last time as they are turned into cheese.*
Murasame: Does anyone know how to drive this thing?
Scruffy: Sure, should be like driving a flying galleon!
*The spaceship takes off, turning to and fro.*
Sonic the Hedgehog: In Japan-
Lupus: Alright Sonic, I want you to narrate it so I survive.
Sonic the Hedgehog: Lupus, I'm not gonna fall for this. I'm not taking orders from you.
Lupus: Fine. Do as I say or I will encase your Uncle Chuck in cheddarnite!
Sonic the Hedgehog: ...
Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
~SteveT, Luiigii, Evil Zombie Phil, and Dark Yami burst into Lupus's throne room. They all hold up gems.~
SteveT: Saphnite!
Luiigii: Saphnity!
Dark Yami: Saphnito!
Evil Zombie Phil: Heart!
Lupus: No I was going to say heart you monster.
Evil Zombie Phil: Saphnita!
SteveT: We've collected all four of these stupid Saphnit gems (stealing Saphnity from Vorpal while his back was turned). Now this Dark Yami thing that's been following us says that Saphnit himself is HERE, in this VERY THRONE ROOM!
Lupus: Yami Yoshi my old enemy. Won't you be my neighbor?
SteveT: ~grabs Lupus by the lapels and slams him against a wall~ Listen. In about thirty seconds we're all going to be cheese. Where is Saphnit? And possibly a way off this planet?
Lupus: I'm Saphnit! Saphnit is Luuuuuupus! Many years ago, I was a happy little prism discovered deep within an Australian mine. But along came a spider, who sat down aside 'er. The Scientist Dude of EVIL! While researching ways of making GORE-ILLA not be velvet colored like the Velvet Monkey. I was very put out by being freed from my damp little cave, so I grew a body and gave him a GOOD THUMPIN'! Oh, is that why he joined TWIFATIT? Ha ha. Anyway, I took the four body parts that mattered least to me: the bladder, the left lung, a chicken bone that somehow got stuck in there, and one of my spleens, and turned them into my children, who you hold in your hands this very second!
SteveTrio: Ewww....
Lupus: You've reunited me with my children, so now I repay you!
~Lupus throws them into his magical staircase and jumps in himself. It carries them up to the Cheese Star, just dodging the spreading cheese.~
Sonic the Hedgehog: Happy now?
Lupus: No. ~kills Sonic~
***
~The Flying Canadiandude docks on the Cheese Star. Donkeyman bursts into the control room and picks up Koopa Xtreme in one hand.~
Donkeyman: Why did you DO that?! I can't bring that stupid Golem back to life if earth is made of CHEESE!
Koopa Xtreme: Err... why not?
Donkeyman: Because I... he... it...
Koopa Xtreme: KILL KILL KILL!
~Wesus Whrist and Sir Sur rush Donkeyman, but Loogi and AaronGuy drop off the ceiling and kill them.~
Donkeyman: A space station of this POWER! deserves only one man behind its controls! A Donkeyman!
Koopa Xtreme: Are you going to tell me to fix the ski lift?
~Royk (?!) drops off the ceiling and impales Donkeyman with the TASTS sword.~
Donkeyman: O.O Wh-why didn't you... see him? ~falls over~
~Royk transform(er)s into a plot hole and sucks AaronGuy up, then into Luiigii.~
Loogi: SHRACK! ~holds up his laser rapier, shaking~ Pl-pl-please don't touch my intestines!
Royk: You can't stop me! No one can stop me from bringing balance to S-Space! And whatever it is Roy wanted to do...
~Royk goes back to cut Loogi's head off, but is stopped by a purple laser sword. Luigi pushes Royk away and then waves for Loogi to run.~
Luigi: I'm awake... and fighting myself apparently.
Royk: Ha! Luigi vs. Luiigii, is that it? Madness!
~Koopa Xtreme tries to grab Luigi's legs, but Ditto and Misty run up and start kicking him around the room. Mariorocks runs over to Donkeyman.~
Mariorocks: WHY, COITENTLY?! WHY?!
Donkeyman: M-M-Mariorocks? Which one are you?
Mariorocks: Number 101, master! Just like the dalmations! Don't die!
Donkeyman: It's... too late. My heart is owned by another. I have nothing to live for... ~dies~
Mariorocks 101: Not if ol' Mariorocks has anything to say about it... ~pulls out a sword and commits seppuku~
Mariorocks 102: ~runs up, pulls out a sword, and commits seppuku~
Mariorocks: 103: ~runs up, pulls out a sword, and commits seppuku~
~Some time later~
Mariorocks 376: ~runs up, pulls out a sword, and has his wrist caught by Donkeyman~
Donkeyman: ~pushes himself up~ Well done, Mariorocks. The ridiculous amount of sacrifices I have just received seems to have healed me. But just in case! ~stabs Mariorocks 376 with his own sword~ Mwa ha ha!
~Meanwhile, Royk and Luigi continue to square off. Everyone is distracted by Fool's shuttle, which seals itself against the viewport of the throne room. Masamune and Murasame hack their way in, followed by Vorpal, Scruffy, and Sapphire.~
Vorpal: Who here has the Limitless Drive?!
~A cheese beam hits Vorpal and knocks him back into the shuttle.~
Lupus: ~steps out of his magic staircase~ I do. SteveTrio who are temporarily my minions while Fred and Lithium are on vacation, KILL EVERYONE IN SIGHT! Koopa X, I have special punishment for you...
Koopa Xtreme: Can I guess?
Lupus: No.
SteveT: Earth!
Luiigii: Fire!
Dark Yami: Water!
Evil Zombie Phil: Flatulence!
Royk: I demand an upper hand in this. Therefore... ~slams a button on the Cheese Star's console~ Next stop? It's-a Mystery!
~Luigi and Luiigii spot each other across the room and nod. They ignite their laser swords (Luiigii's is red because he just put Saphnity in it), leap to the ceiling, and cut through into the room above. Everyone else pretty much jumps at each other in SUPER SMASH GOERS BRAWL!~
Vorpal: ~jumps back out of the shuttle and comes face to face with Ditto~ EEEE!
Ditto: Where's Kuria?
Vorpal: Ah ha, you see... MASAMUNE DID IT!
Masamune: Did what?
Ditto: ~grabs them both by the ears and swings them like swords at Royk~ Yes... did what?
Masamune: Oh OW yeah OW Vorpal OW sold her OW to OWWWWW this timeline's Murasame!
Ditto: What is wrong with you!? You break up with her and five minutes later she's dead to you?
Vorpal: Hey OW Misty was OW dead to me OW for years and OW she's not broken OW up about OW it!
Ditto: So help me...
Masamura: The girl is fine, McCloaker...
~Masamura steps in, expecting everyone to stop brawling and awe at him. No one does. He snaps his fingers and Kuria is carried in wearing a bikini by Krunk and Snipes. Everyone except Sapphire gapes, while Sapphire hmmphs. After a second they go back to fighting. Ditto throws Vorpal and Masamune at Royk and runs at Masamura.~
Ditto: Take your hands off her you--!
Masamura: ~draws his sword and hits Ditto with the flat~ To the death, Mr. Loadstring.
---
OoC: I'll do the actual Luigi vs. Luiigii my next post. I ran out of time here.
Also, EDIT NOTICE. Added to the end.
Episode 57: "Change of Course" by Golem[edit]
~Scruffy looks at the controls.~
Scruffy: How do you work this thing?!
~Scruffy looks back and looks at all the fighting.~
Scruffy: Ditto's fighting Masamura... Masamune and Vorpal are fighting Royk... Luiigii and Luigi are fighting... Donkeyman and his crew are fighting Lupus and his crew... also, side note: it looks like Lupus has the Limitless Drive while Vorpal has the Pearls of Mystery... Well, I can figure these controls out without their help. It can't be that hard!
~Scruffy looks over the buttons on the control panel and strokes his chin. He then paces back and forth through the room, evading the fighting. He then gets a brilliant idea and rushes to the panel.~
Scruffy: Of course! THIS will bring us back to Earth!
~Scruffy rapidly taps a series of buttons for a few seconds, then stops.~
Scruffy: Ah-ha!
Computer voice: You just adjusted the coordinates very slightly. Now the Cheese Star is set to crash into Mystery.
Scruffy: Say what?
Computer voice: There is no undoing this. You are officially an idiot.
Scruffy: YOU'RE the idiot!
Computer voice: No. You are.
Scruffy: Aww, you're right...
~Sapphire sidles next to Scruffy.~
Sapphire: Finally, I've gotten away from everyone. Now to take control of the situation and--
Computer voice: Too late you're screwed.
Sapphire: Wha?
Computer voice: The pirate boy there did it.
~Sapphire glares at Scruffy.
METRIC-while, on Mystery, the OGers are welcomed. StuMan Jr., the defender of Mystery, walks them through the courtyard of his family's castle.~
StuMan Jr.: Yami Yoshi, GORE-ILLA, Introbulus, Fusion, Black Skull Dragoshi, and SwordMaster, it's good to see you all again.
GORE-ILLA: Er, that's Yami Yoshi, GORE-ILLA, Untribulus, Fusesteady, Bebop Skull Dragoshi, and TennisMaster.
StuMan Jr.: ...Oh. Right. It's good to see you all, but what are you doing here?
Yami Yoshi: We were escaping our planet's destruction (again). Lupus has turned it all into cheese. We need to find a way to turn it back!
StuMan Jr.: I know some robots that might--what's THAT?!
~StuMan Jr. points into the sky at a large, yellow sphere coming towards the planet.~
Yami Yoshi: That's Lupus' space station, the Cheese Star!!
StuMan Jr.: Huh, it's getting pretty close, ain't it?
Episode 58: "Vorpal Pretty Much Messes
Everything Up (It's a cryptic title!)" by Vorpal[edit]
Computer voice: One minute until impact!
Scruffy: That's awesome!
Sapphire: AWESOME!? How can you say that?
Scruffy: Haven't you ever watched any movies? There's a counter, usually in some menacing color, like red. And the camera will pan back to it every once in a while, and the clock will have barely moved! One minute to imminent destruction usually means we have at least fifteen minutes or so!
Computer voice: You just took up your minute explaining that. Impact in 5... 4... 3...
Scruffy: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
*The Cheese Star crashes into Mystery, the bottom half is crushed, but the top half maintains its structural integrity. Conveniently, all the main characters were in the top half and really didn't feel much except for a slight rumble, so they continued fighting each other. Also, conveniently, the MOGers were right beyond the perimeter of the crash.... except for StuMan Jr. who was tragically crushed*
GORE-ILLA: He was truly a man taken in his prime.
Yami Yoshi: Did you know him well?
GORE-ILLA: Who?
Yami Yoshi: ... anyway, let's go in and take out the survivors!
~Back on the Cheese Star~
*Mass chaos continues to ensue*
Scruffy: *to Sapphire* So.... which fight should we get involved in?
Sapphire: Seriously? I'm tired of fighting. Why don't we just sit this out for a while until this scene becomes a little less complex?
Scruffy: Sounds good to me.
~Shift slightly to Ditto and Masamura fighting~
*Ditto and Masamura seem to be caught in a stalemate in something that looks like sumo wrestling. They have each grappled each others arms.*
Ditto: *sweating heavily despite neither he nor Masamura is moving at all* Give it up! I've got you right where I want you!
Masamura: *also sweating heavily* Ha! It is instead me who has YOU where I want you!
*more grunts*
*Scruffy and Sapphire have found lawn chairs, somehow, and are watching, and eating some popcorn*
Scruffy: Booooring! Let's see what else is on.
Sapphire: Okay.
*Scruffy and Sapphire scoot their chairs slightly toward Masamune and Vorpal fighting Royk*
Scruffy: All right! This should be good!
*But instead they find that Masamune and Vorpal have already taken out Royk, and are standing around talking*
Masamune: So... those Pearls of Mystery you have there...
Vorpal: Is that what they're called?
Masamune: I think so.
Vorpal: This timeline scares and confuses me. I have absolutely no idea what's going on. If only there were some way to grant my wishes and go to something that was more familiar.
Masamune: That sounds like thinly veiled foreshadowing to me! *Backhands Vorpal* Stop that!
Vorpal: Ow.... Golem's the one who gets backhanded...
Masamune: Well, Golem's dead! Deal with it! *backhands Vorpal again* And that's for bringing up such a painful memory! *begins crying*
Sapphire: Bah, this is getting too emotional for my tastes! Can we watch something less girly?
*Scruffy and Sapphire scoot their lawn chairs past Luigi vs. Luiigii...
Luigi & Luiigii: Heeeeey!
... and settle on at Lupus vs. Donkeyman*
Lupus: I am merely toying with you all! You may defeat me, but you won't defeat... me! For behold: THE LIMITLESS DRIVE! And once I get my hands on some Pearls of Mystery I will be able to turn my dreams into reality!
Vorpal: *appears behind Lupus* What did you say the Pearls of Mystery do with the Limitless Drive?
Lupus: Uhm... they power the Limitless Drive, which will in turn make your dreams reality. ... insert non sequitur here.
Vorpal: I see.... YOINK!
Lupus: ... You didn't take it... you just said "Yoink" ... look I'm not enjoying being the only one that's making any sense now.
Vorpal: Oh, sorry... *takes Limitless Drive* YOINK!
Lupus: Much better!
Vorpal: Now, with the Limitless Drive powered by the Pearls of Mystery, Vorpal can set everything right with this ridiculous OG!
Kuria: *still tied up in a bikini* All right, Vorpal, now wish that the good timeline was back in one piece.... and also resurrect Golem.... I guess!
Rest of the GMOGers: Yeah!
Vorpal: *sweat* This is all so... difficult... I'm so confused! I wish we went back to the timeline I'm most comfortable with!
Everyone: .........
Vorpal: Uhm... did anything happen?
~Elsewhere.... in an oval office! Dun dun dun!~
PW Deeson: *rushing in* President Vorpal! President Vorpal! President Vorpal!
President Vorpal: *sigh* Have you been raiding that fridge to slake your brussel sprout-lust again, Deeson?
PW Deeson: .... yyyyes, sir! But that's not what I'm here about!
President Vorpal: Of course not... What is it this time? And why is it that its my Energy Secretary that comes in and tells me everything? Where is everyone?
PW Deeson: Vice President Ditto is in Europe with First Lady in Red Sapphire, sir! Also, Secretary of Defense Flutter is on the scene waiting for your orders!
President Vorpal: Orders? What happened? Have the Canadians invaded!? .... again!? ... I mean... again-AGAIN!?
PW Deeson: You need to come with me, sir!
~On the D.C. Mall, in front of the Lincoln Memorial~
President Vorpal: Flutter! Why did you take me out to this God-forsaken place!?
Flutter: Well, sir, I know how you yelled at me last time I blew something up without your permission...
President Vorpal: What are you talking about?
PW Deeson: Uhm... sir?
President Vorpal: What is it, Deeson?
*both PWD and Flutter point toward the Washington Monument, where teetering on the tip of the point is a half-crushed Cheese Star*
President Vorpal: My goodness! .... Blow it up!
Flutter: Really!? *joy*
President Vorpal: *shrugs* Sure... why not?
Author: Masamune[edit]
Yami Yoshi: Ugh... what happened... *stands up* Holy sh-
GORE: Washington D.C.!? But it was destroyed!
~army tanks are already surrounding the area~
Yami: This looks bad.
GORE: Psh! My databanks says these are year 2007 tanks. We'll tear through them like paper through lead!
Untribulous: I think that's lead through paper.
GORE: Shut up. *backhands*
~Meanwhile, on the top section of the Cheese Star...~
Masamura: What the hell! That damn Fighter Jet shot at me! Since when did the US have a military!?
Ditto: It's always had one. This is clearly the Good Timeline!
~the good timeliners all cheer~
Vorpal: Wow... I did something right!
Masamune: *pats Vorpal on the back* You did all right, kid.
~suddenly SteveT, Dark Yami, and Evil Phil break in from below decks~
SteveT: Everybody calm down! We're taking over the ship!
Donkeyman: Mr. T. Perhaps it escaped your notice, but. *gestures to the White House*
SteveT: If they're having a party in there, I'm gonna be so peeved.
Scruffy: Hold on! Just everybody hold on! Narrator! Give us a head count!
~....~
Scruffy: Narrator...?
The Delightful Peter Jennings: And here we are on this strange unearthly ship where an epic battle has just cooled own! Here's our news room with a head count on this group of miscreants!
News Room Reporter: Here we have a break down of the various factions aboard. In what viewers are labeling under a variety of titles we have.
"Gobstoppers" - (President!?) Vorpal, Masamune, Murasame, Scruffy, Kuria, and Sapphire.
"Senor Burro" - Donkeyman, Mariorocks 377, Ditto, Misty, MON-KILL, and Aaronguy.
"Triple-Steel" - SteveT, Evil Zombie Phil, and Dark Yami.
Independent groups still on the scene are Royk, Masamura, Koopa Xtreme and the Australian Insurgent, Lupus.
TDPJ: Thanks for the report. We also have reports that a destructive six-man army is tearing up the tanks down in Monument Square. We'll be back after these informative commercial messages!
Vorpal: I don't think we're in Kansas. Or the Good Timeline.
Scruffy: ... you! *leaps on top of Vorpal and starts choking him*
Sapphire: Calm down- hey! I SAID CALM DOWN.
~The Gamehikers- I mean Gobstoppers stand up and look down dejectedly~
Masamune: So just where are we?
Donkeyman: *takes a long draft on his cigar* Neutral Timeline. Way to go, Lollipop.
Vorpal: *glares*
~Meanwhile, back on the ground~
Flutter: Move those tanks there! No! Don't roll over the gorilla! Oh you stupid- *phone rings* Yello?
Pres. Vorpal: *on the line* The news seems to be showing the battle going pretty bad for you. Also, why am I up there being strangled by a pirate?
Flutter: Aren't you at the White House?
Pres. Vorpal: I am. But I'm also up there.
Flutter: Maybe we should negotiate. *ends call*
~another tank is thrown in the air by Fusesteady~
Flutter: *pulls out megahorn* Attention... New Arrivals! This is Secretary of Defense, Samuel Flutter speaking! We have Bombers arriving to your position now! If you'll come down, we can settle this civilly! This is your only warning!
~On top of the Cheese Star~
Vorpal: Well let's go!
Misty: You sure that's a good idea?
Vorpal: Psh. What's the worse thing that could happen?
~six hours later~
~the setting is a deep underground government facility. The various OGers - all the ones mentioned above - are strapped down on tables with various scientists gathered around them~
PW Deeson: Now zen! Let's see vot is making you tick! *reaches for Vorpal's sunglasses*
Vorpal: OH PLEASE NO! DON'T TAKE OFF MY SUNGLASSES!
Kester: Now now, Deeson. Not until the President arrives. Wait. Where am I? This is some secret facility, isn't it!? SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!! *runs off screaming*
Vorpal: He do that often?
PW Deeson: I'm surprised it took him that long.
Episode 60: "Flashback to the Start of Golem's Post." by Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
~Luiigii and Luigi jump into the upper room of the Cheese Star and pace around each other.~
Luigi: Why are you here?
Luiigii: To take what is mine. A life of good, rather than evil. A wife I was never able to ask. Children to pass on a LEGACY!
~Luiigii lunges forward on the word, swinging his sword down. Luigi casually steps aside and lifts his elbow, knocking Luiigii backwards to the floor.~
Luigi: You lack the capacity. You have no experience.
Luiigii: What is there to experience? You spent fourteen years as an insignificant, soulless slave.
~Luiigii reverse somersaults onto his feet and blocks a chop to his neck. He grabs Luigi's wrist and flips him onto his back, then raises the laser sword.~
Luigi: Yet I did things RIGHT!
~Luigi claps his hands onto Luiigii's plummeting laser sword and catches it.~
Luiigii: I swear if you say something about medievil armaments...
Luigi: This timeline's SteveT's gauntlets. I'd pull back my gloves to show you, but, well...
~Luigi shoves the sword up and slides under it, then scoops his own back up. They pace around each other again.~
Luigi: Well? Come take my life, then. Both ways.
~The swords flash against each other as the Luiigiis rage forward. If this were a movie, the next fifteen minutes or so would be a montage of awesome mingled with scenes from Golem's and Vorpal's posts (not that they weren't awesome ah-ha). Since you probably don't want to read a straight-out swordfight written by someone who's never choreographed one before, just take five minutes, listen to some angsty rock (The Bird and the Worm by The Used worked for me), and envision the purple and red blades as they clash...and probably those two guys they're connected to.
Anyway, Luiigii kicks Luigi down a large shaft that obligatorily goes out of the Cheese Star and into the void of space, then jumps in after. Luiigii catches the wall of the shaft a moment, only to push himself downward at the other. Luigi kicks himself to the far wall and grabs it, slowing himself as Luiigii shoots past, each taking swings at the other. Luiigii turns and throws his laser sword back up at Luigi, who does some fancy dodging until they both land hard on the plasticium membrane that separates the pit from space. Luigi jumps up to finish Luiigii, but Luiigii's laser sword drops down between them and stabs through the membrane. Luiigii grins insanely and pulls out the laser sword; the membrane buckles and tears free in the sudden vacuum, dropping them both into orbit around Mystery.
Insert line about the size of space and holding your breath for thirty seconds I MEAN THIS ISN'T GALAXY GOERS AH-HA!
The Luiigiis drift only momentarily before being caught in Mystery's gravity. They dive into the atmosphere, bursting into flames like shooting stars, and, side-by-side, their battle begins anew with a fury not seen before. Falling, sabers locking again and again, they shear through the sides of an old space freighter which drops to the planet like a rock and crushes Shade, who was attempting to sneak up on the OG Six before his most recent demise.
The OG Six watch the shooting stars, then dive out of the way as they crash right in front of them. Amidst the smoke Luiigii rises, bleeding and on fire and impaled in several places, while Luigi, a single laser sword-shaped hole in his chest, dies.~
Luiigii: Experience I've got. When you've been stabbed and flat-out killed as many times as I have, other me, you know how to not die...
~The Cheese Star crashes down between Luiigii and the gaping OG Six as he throws his arms back and roars. He turns on the spot and promptly falls into the pool in front of the Washington Memorial. He surfaces and looks around, horrified.~
Luiigii: No! My timeline! My perfect timeline! VOOOOOOOOORPAAAAAAAAAAAL!
~Now scenes intermingle with Masamune's post as Luiigii leaps from the water, laser sword in hand, and all but flies at the nearest tanks, cleaving them in two with a few quick swipes of his blade. He rushes at the next several tanks as the first few explode, throwing fire, dodging mortars, cutting and slicing and howling.~
Flutter: Go overboard much?
~Yes.~
~As elite forces lead the GMOGers and MOGers to the secret underground facility for interrogation, Luiigii jumps into a tank turret and fires himself back into the half-destroyed Cheese Star. He spots the Limitless Drive, dropped by Vorpal in the confusion, and runs to it. A hook-shaped hand claws out of the floor and grabs it, then sinks back in. Luiigii stops and cuts a hole in the floor; the broken-away piece falls and lands on Loogi.~
Loogi: Shrackshrackshrack! ~backs away as Luiigii drops down, holding the Limitless Drive to himself~
Luiigii: Give it to me.
Loogi: No! Create for me a timeline where *I* kill HIM, and not the other way around!
~Insert lack of occurence.~
Loogi: I need another Pearl of Mystery. Can you maybe stop menacing me a second while I--
~Luiigii jumps over to Loogi, sticks his laser sword into the laser hook, and yanks it off Loogi's arm, exposing his hand. He goes to slice it off, but Loogi holds up the Limitless Drive and it is cut in half instead. Luiigii goes quiet.~
Loogi: Ah... reflex. ~looks up at Luiigii~ Ah... OH GOD DON'T KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEE!
~Luiigii raises his sword to Loogi's neck, but is hit from behind by a GO GO GADGET PUNCHING GLOVE, which flings him into the wall. He looks up and sees himself pulling the punching glove back into his arm.~
Luiigii: Ow.
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