Straw Man
| |
| Straw Man | |
| Species | Construct |
| Birth Year | 1531 |
| Abilities | Immortality Defies logic |
| Origin | Scotland |
| Creator | SteveT |
| Debut | OGers: Third Generation |
| Relatives | Straw Man: Creator Straw Man Jr.: Son |
Straw Man is a scarecrow that was always sentient and if you try to tell him otherwise, then you'll be wrong. Or right. Or wrong. Either way, Straw Man will never agree with you on it.
Background[edit]
Straw Man spent his childhood warding crows away from a farmer’s crops. At some point, he logically deduced that he was sentient, and developed the ability to think soon thereafter. He later concluded that he was, in fact, alive and being oppressed, so he quit his job.
Or at least that’s how he tells it.
Thereafter, he held many jobs, including a lawyer and a professor of various subjects at various colleges. He has never been employed for more than a day.
He is a genius of the highest order and never fails to enlighten other characters about the truth of any given matter; no logical fallacy is beneath him. Straw Man is never without his Book of Citations, which allegedly contains all knowledge in the universe (although other sources testify that the Book of Citations is nothing more than Straw Man’s vacation photo album).
Timeline History[edit]
Good Timeline[edit]
Straw Man works as a member of the SteveTrio. He is SteveT’s minion, although he insists that he is both the leader and the brains of the group.
During the Sidekick Rebellion of GMOG VII, Straw Man “fired” SteveT and organized all the other sidekicks into his own group of minions. The SteveTrio was reunited for GMOGVIII, but was broken again when the Good Timeline crashed, and has not reformed since.
Years later, Straw Man gained the Power of Narration by eating the Cheesecake of the Gods and all his strange delusions became truth in Gamehiker Member OG Holiday Special: Merry Christmas Straw Man!. Straw Man used this power to conquer the world. He was defeated by a combination of Robert Stack, Masamune, SteveT and Masamune's various companions (most of whom were killed by Straw Man) after he was forced to vomit out the Cheesecake's remains.
His son, Straw Man Jr (who existed only as a result of his powers), also had some Power of Narration and used it to claim his own planet. He named the planet Flaxius and modeled its inhabitants after himself. Flaxius and its people remained unchanged after Straw Man was deposed. As a gift to Straw Man, Robert Stack decided to leave Straw Man on Flaxius following his defeat. There he found true happiness.
Bad Timeline[edit]
As in the Good Timeline, Straw Man served as a minion to SteveT.
Neutral Timeline[edit]
Straw Man left the SteveTrio to begin flying solo. In Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik Turbo Rival XXL, Straw Man stole the key to America's nuclear weapons and, with the aid of his new henchmen Krunk and Snipes, made his way to activate the nuclear devices. Straw Man dropped a nuclear bomb towards Washington while riding it Dr. Strangelove-style, but the bomb was a dud. This caused Straw Man to retreat.
It is rumored that years later, in an attempt to get close to the national nuclear stockpile again, he began working for the Neo Birdocrat Party under the codename of "Scarecrow". He did most of their dirty work in Harvest Goers 2024 until he was defeated by Vorpal.
QUOTES[edit]
“Monday is pizza night."
--GMOG Holiday Special: Merry Christmas Straw Man
“Tuesday is taco night.”
--OGers: The Third Generation
“No, Monday is taco night.”
--GMOG Holiday Special: Merry Christmas Straw Man
Straw Man: Nope. Never happened.
Flutter: But have you ever had your face printed on currency?
Straw Man: Samuel Flutter... I AM CURRENCY. That's why I bathe in myself every day.
Flutter: Then we're tied.
--Gamehiker Member OG X: The Shrack of Neely