The OGers: The Third Generation Page 4

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Masamune

~they enter the restaurant. All the patrons give them menacing glares~

Ashley: I suddenly feel unwanted.

Straw Man: So nothing unusual for you then.

Ashley: Now listen her-

GORE: Hush!

Masamune: *sees somebody sitting in the corner* Hey... I know that hat.

???: That you do, Masamune.

Masamune: *clenches fist* Murasame.

Murasame: You recognized me brother. Good. Running with a new crowd these days?

Masamune: While it suits me. So you're working for Team Rocket?

Murasame: For now. I will rule it soon, once weaklings like Magikoopa are eliminated.

Masamune: When I get my hands around your neck...

GORE: Wow, sharp words. You guys never went at eachother like this as much.

Masamune: *without turning* Steve, you have a Flashback Bombinator handy?

Steve: Yes. *pulls one out* One of my last ones. I was going to do some more Festivity Attenders references.

Masamune: Another time. *throws the Flashback Bombinator*

~FLASHBACK~

~the scene is shifted back on board the S.S. Swordefeller, Masamune stands at the helm, the wind in his face. Up in the crow's nest, Dodo is on the lookout. A younger swabbie, Snagret, is mopping the deck~

Masamune: Report, Dodo?

Dodo: The skies are clear, Cap'n!

Masamune: Ah. The wind in my face, the clouds at my stern. Life is good.

Snagret: Aye, captain.

Masamune: I'm going to set my NES up here. Take over the helm, Snagret.

Snagret: *hops over to them and takes the helm*

~While Masamune is below, an explosion is heard, and the ship suddenly rocks~

Masamune: *runs back up* What's going on!?

Dodo: *climbing down* We've been fired on!

Masamune: No, really!? The spyglass, if you will.

Dodo: *tosses it over* Aye, Cap'n!

Masamune: *looks* Well well. If it isn't old Redbeard.

Dodo: You mean?

Masamune: Aye. Commodore Murasame, aboard his flagship the Omnipotent. Ready the cannons!

Dodo: Aye, sir!

~a epic aerial ship battle engages. The Omnipotence comes into view. Dressed in a traditional British Commodore's uniform, only done in blue. In fact, think of Captain Crunch. His difference is that his ship is larger, a full sized Man-O-War, fully armed. Both sporting automatic cannons, they are both crewed lightly.~

Dodo: Captain, we have them on the run!

Masamune: Good, good. Let's bring down the main mast, shall we?

Dodo: Aye aye!

Snagret: Sir! Sir!

Masamune: *not turning* Yes, Snagret?

Snagret: Two sloops approaching from the stern!

Masamune: What!?

Dodo: The Omnipotence is bearing in to board us, captain!

Masamune: *unsheaths sword* He will not take my ship!

Dodo: We should surrender, captain. We can get it back once we re-crew at New Atlantis.

Masamune: Never! He's crashed too many of my ships! Not again!

Dodo: Y-yessir.

~Flashback ends~

Murasame: *smirks* Seems your Flashback Bombinator ran out of juice.

Masamune: I'm going to wipe that smile off of your-

Liger: Hey hey, let's not resort to violence just yet, man...

Murasame: I heard you lost your ship. Again.

Masamune: Now just you-

Murasame: *walks past him* Not that I care. But I rule Rocket Airspace now. Bring that old bird up there - and you'll never soar the skies again. Got it?

Masamune: ....

Murasame: Good. *leaves out the door*

Steve: Man, now that's a man I can admire.

Masamune: *glares*

Luiigii of the Pipes

GORE: All right. You need to search for a secret staircase, most likely hidden behind a bouncer disguised as a potted plant, but you need to do it covertly.

Waitress: HI! WELCOME TO LIKE JOHNNY ROCKET'S AND STUFF!

GORE: *heart attack*

EVIL Scientist Dude: Aw geez... Bullwinkle, let's get him back to what's left of the Roving Monkey.

Bullwinkle: Can do.

EVIL Scientist Dude: You guys do what he just said. It's bound to succeed. Mwa ha... ha... HA HA HA!

~Exit stage front door~

Waitress: ARE YOU LIKE GONNA BE SEATED?

Luigi_64: Ah think it's you who's gonna be seated, hottie... IN MAH PANTS!

~Steve punches Luigi_64.~

Steve: I never get tired of that, seriously.

Aither: We'll take a booth for... *counts* A lot of people...

Waitress: OH LIKE KAY!

~The waitress takes them to a table.~

Aither: Crap, guys. How are we supposed to be covert when we've been seated?

Masamune: *scratches chin* Methinks I be havin' a plan...

~The waitress comes back to the table, blinks, then pulls out a pad and pencil.~

Lt. Snagret (wearing Masamune's hat, eyepatch, and coat): Arr... methinks I be havin' a cheeseburger. Make that two, eh dear?

Goonetta (with a brown wig and coat): Oh, you know what I like, dear. *giggle*

Ashley (sneaking away): What the hell is that about?

Masamune: Um... nothin!

Slort: *glares*

Cataquackers: No mushrooms! Free the mushrooms! The goomanity!

Bumptles: I'll have a side of fries.

Waitress: WITH LIKE KETCHUP?

Bumptles: Make it mayo. Light. *chuckles*

Ramsey: *mimicking* Ramsey, you stay here until your author posts again. BAH!

Moondo: Yeah, this sucks.

Klepton: Yo, hot cakes. Just gimme somma yo buns.

Albatosso: I'm going to kill you.

Waitress: OKAY I LIKE THINK I GOT ALL THAT! I'LL BE LIKE RIGHT BACK!

***

GORE: Phew... thanks.

EVIL Scientist Dude: Don't mention it.

GORE: I don't think we should have left, though. What if those rookies can't handle it?

EVIL Scientist Dude: Well... Masamune HAS been around before you.

GORE: Like I said, what if those rookies can't handle it? I mean, Steve is blatantly planning to kill them all, and I don't trust Luigi_64 at all.

EVIL Scientist Dude: Why not? He was in the pictures.

GORE: Yeah, but have you seen what he did to the Party Goers back in the day...?

~FLASHBACK~

Luigi 64: ~to himself~ This story is getting too stupid. I don't feel guilty at all for what I'm about to do.

~L64 takes the remote control for the bombinator.~

L64: Well MM, this is what you wanted, right?

~L64 pushes the red button on the controller.~

~At the sub~

MM: Well how are we going to get jobs at the MGM?

Bombinator: ACTIVATED!

MM, BM, Magi: O_o WHAT?

Bombinator: HAVE A NICE DAY

All: No!

~The Bombinator explodes, everyone and everything was destroyed!~

~The story's explosion was so great, it could be seen from The VGF Main Forum!~

L64: And this ain't no April Fools Day joke!

THE END

GORE: VGF... *shudders*

EVIL Scientist Dude: People do change. Like me, I guess.

GORE: I hope so...

GORE-ILLA

*The Waitress enters the "kitchen", which is actually a high-tech lab. A paper prints out through her mouth- a photograph taken of the OGers as they entered the restaurant. A Rocket Grunt takes the photo.*

Grunt: Ah, these look like the guys we're looking for. I'll forward this straight to the master and await orders.

*Magikoopa is faxed a copy of the photo.*

Magikoopa: Ah yes, our entire group of fugitives... even the murderer of the OG Six is there. (speaks into N-Gage) Yeah, this is Magikoopa. ...No, take no action. They'll be out of hair soon enough. Just keep an eye on them. Make sure they don't pull anything. ...What? While I've been talking, they've found the secret passage to the Bomberman's HQ hidden behind the bouncer disguised as a potted plant? Oh well, Bombsie can take care of them. Magi out!

*Elsewhere, the OGers sneak through the hidden passage all Scooby-Doo like, not one of them noticing the dozens of Rocket Grunts watching from the rafters.*

Masamune: Hm... this corridor appears to be devoid of traps... (suspiciously) ...TOO devoid...

*A net lamely drops down from the ceiling and flutters harmlessly to the ground.*

Masamune: AHHH WE'VE BEEN FOUND RUN!!!

*Everyone panicks and runs around in random directions. It takes a few minutes for them to realize the danger has past, a few more minutes to stop running and a whole hour to regroup. They continue on.*

Aither: Oh great, a fork.

*Aither alluminates both dark passageways, but they both seem identical.*

Ramsey: Should we split up?

Ashley: That is so cheesey.

Luigi 64: Yo my sons, I know da way.

Aither: How do we know we can trust you, you Party Goer dropout?

Luigi 64: Yo, chillax man...

Masamune: How dare you speak that way to a veteran Party Goer!

Aither: That doesn't make him all-knowing! I sense something fishy about him!

Masamune: Sorry matey, but when ye got a problem with a Party Goer ye got a problem with me!

Aither: Sorry, who named you leader of this group? You don't seem too well-prepared... birdbrain.

*Silence.*

Luigi 64: You gonna take that from dis punk?

Masamune: Get the hell out of my sight, punk.

Aither: I'm not taking orders from you!

Masamune: Fine then! Whoever trusts us veteran Party Goers can go down this hallway. Any of you losers who will hold the word of a twelve-tear old over mine can follow him.

*Everyone slowly walks over to Masamune, except for Ramsey and Straw-Man.*

Ramsey: This boy's words ring with purity.

Lynel: What are you doing, Straw-Man?

Straw-Man: (shrugs) I don't wanna look like a follower.

Masamune: Fine then! Have fun in your deathtrap!

*Masamune's group goes down the right hand hall, and the other three go down the left hand hall. A group of Rocket grunts sneak into it after him. But let's get back to Masa's group.*

Luigi 64: Right this way. Follow Pops.

*They continue walking until they reach a solid wall.*

Masamune: Hey, why is this end devoid of life?

SteveT: That's the way I like it.

Luigi 64: Oh, dere's plenty o' life here...

*Luigi steps backward a few steps, and a steel door slams down- sealing Masa and the others in the back of the passageway.*

Masamune: Oh crap.

*Elsewhere the other three have passed their hallway into the Rocket HQ, but they're all jumped by Rockets. Aither nods to Ramsey, who dons a pair of sunglasses as Aither turns up the light to blind the Rocket Grunts. Straw-Man and Ramsey take them out with ease then.*

Aither: Well that was easy!

*Mecha-Sonics start pouring into the room.*

Straw-Man: I hate you. This has nothing to do with encouraging Murphy's Law though. I just hate you.

Ramsey: Yes, this doesn't look too good.

*In the trap room...*

Masamune: ...Ho!

*All the OGers hold up SteveT and repeatedly ram him into the steel door.*

SteveT: Hey, careful! I just got polished!

Scott: He's right. I was there.

Masamune: Shut up and break down this wall! Heave...

SteveT: I could just as easily break this wall with my fists with less pain-

Masamune: Ho!

Ashley: (sticks laser sword into door)

Masamune: That works too.

*The laser sword starts to melt through the steel door, as Luigi notices on the other side.*

Luigi 64: Close off the blast doors!

*Extra steel doors seal behind the first one.*

Luigi 64: That will hold them.

*Ashley sticks her laser sword in with more force, and the other steel doors begin to melt too.*

Rocket Grunt: They're still coming through!

Luigi 64: This is impossible! I thought the movie parodies were restricted to Gamehiker Member OG!

*Luigi 64 flees by the time a hole is cut in the door. Masa and the other OGers rush out and through the hallways, knocking out every Rocket they come across- and that is quite alot- but Luigi continues to stay ahead of them and slips away into the left-hand corridor. The OGers continue on through the Johnny Rocket's and to the outside streets.*

*Back with Aither's group, Ramsey uses a disklike alien weapon. He frisbee-tosses it at the Mecha-Sonic, and it grows blades as it flies. It cuts the Mecha-Sonic's upper body off, leaving behind just a pair of its legs.*

Ramsey: Hmm...

*Ramsey begins playing around with the legs. Elsewhere Straw-Man is running helplessly from the Mecha-Sonics and hoping that no one sees this in the blinding light.*

Luigi 64: Alright kid, it's over!

*Aither, Straw-Man and Ramsey look over to see a sunglasses-wearing Luigi with a gun in his hand- aimed directly at Aither's head.*

Luigi 64: I won't hesitate kid, if you don't do what I say.

Aither: ...

Ramsey: I don't think so!

*Ramsey's legs are now covered by the Mecha-Sonic leg armor, and he even wears their shoes.*

Luigi 64: What's with the funky getup, wise guy?

Ramsey: I just hope it works better this time...

*The Mecha-Sonic's jets kick in and propel Ramsey through the air very fast- fast enough to grab Aither and Straw-Man then fly out through a window before Luigi can even squeeze a trigger.*

Moondo: Whoo! Now this brings me back! (I was also tempted to make him say, "Now this is Podracing!")

*Masamune, SteveT, Ashley and their group run through the streets of VegasVille but find enemies everywhere- Rockey Grunts with leashed Pokemon, Mecha-Sonics zipping everywhere and Flying Submarines dropping torpedoes from above.*

Ashley: Quick! Let's hide in this deserted casino!

*They look up at the thirty-year old club, which has some broken neon lights which could have once spelled "Cindy's Casino". Suddenly the out-of-control Ramsey swoops down and accidentally slams into them. The whole group rolls through the doorway and slams into a slot machine. First Masamune tries to get up as he grabs something to lean on- a slot machine lever. As soon as he pulls it, the trap door beneath them opens and drops them all into an underground chamber.*

Masamune: Is that... me?

*Masamune looks around and sees ancient statues of him and all the other Party Goers. Suddenly a robed man enters. The ends of a brown scarf hang dangle outside his hood.*

Golem: Welcome. I've been expecting you.

Luiigii of the Pipes

Masamune: Eh... Ditto?

Golem: What!? No, I'm Golem, you twit! ~throws back hood~

Masamune: Ye look so alike. ~lightbulb~ What d'you mean ye were expecting us? We came in here on accident.

Golem: Very fortunate accident. Allow me to--

~Luigi_64 jumps into the chamber.~

Luigi_64: 'Sup? ~looks at Golem~ Oh shizzle. Golem? Li'l Golem? Ya ain't gonna bust no caps on me, eh ol' buddy ol' pal?

Golem: Of course not. I've always admired your maturity.

Luigi_64: L is Real-ly?

Golem: Ha! No.

Ashley: Hey, I don't know if the rest of you noticed, but this guy kinda sold us out. Can I kill him?

SteveT: That's my job.

Luigi_64: I was protectin' yo ass, sweet thang. I heard 'dem Rockets comin' and thought you'd be safer behind that blast door.

Ramsey: Which you oh so conveniently knew was there.

Aither: And you held a gun to my head.

Luigi_64: Water gun, foo. I thought you was hot from makin' all that light.

Aither: Right...

Golem: AHEM!

Luigi_64: ~notices a statue of himself~ Sweet! ~notices that it's blown in half~ Oh...

Golem: All of you listen to me. What you're doing is very very wrong. Listening to a half-dead ape who killed the OG Six? And an evil scientist? Are you all out of your minds?

Aither: . . . How'd you know about that?

Golem: I have my ways, child. Masamune, I can expect this from you. You never really cared for us anyway. But the rest of you should be ashamed to consider yourselves a part of this OG.

SteveT: Does the fact that I'm planning to kill all of them count for anything?

Golem: I can forgive you too, I suppose.

SteveT: I would appreciate that, but you're also on my hit list, and I don't want to get attached...

Ramsey: But GORE-ILLA has led us well. Taking down Team Rocket Omega seems like a noble cause.

Golem: It's a waste of time. TRO is run by a pair of mentally handicapped worshippers of Metal Mario who have nothing better to do than run their own radio stations and watch anime all day. It'll only be a matter of time before TRO destroys itself. And you'll be too tired from fighting them to actually pick up the pieces. You're quite disappointing.

Masamune: Picked up quite the attitude, haven't ye?

~Golem glares at Masamune for a moment, then walks forward and gets right in his face.~

Golem: ~teehee~? Is that what you expect me to say? ~TEEFREAKINHEE~

~Ashley's laser sword comes between Masamune and Golem's face.~

Ashley: Back off.

~Golem steps back. Masamune gives Ashley an odd look; Ashley gives herself an even odder one.~

Golem: Where was-- ~beeper goes off~ Ah, I gotta take this one. Stay in this chamber a bit, look around. I'll be right back.

~Golem walks into another room. The OGers wander around, looking at the different statues.~

Masamune: ~at Dodo's statue~ sad I knew ye well.

Ashley: ~at Luigi's statue~ Look. I found Dad. Can we go home now?

Slort: *snortchuckleharhahahahahahahahaha!*

Ashley: . . .

Slort: Sorry.

Fred_Of_The_Bed

(Meanwhile, GORE and ESD talk as they tinker with the broken Flying Monkey)

GORE: (sneezes)

ESD: What, I didn't think you had enough Ape left in you to be able to sneeze.

GORE: I don't, that was weird. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the OGers learning that I brutally murdered the OG Six.

ESD: Sorry, wasn't listening. These fusion cutters are loud.

GORE: Fusion...

ESD: He was an awful character. Shut up.

(In the highest reaches of TRO Headquarters)

Magikoopa: Who was that, on the phone?

Bomberman: I just called our tipster. I'd imagine they would be with him. And they are.

Magikoopa: But we don't actually know where he is. All that money we sent him, helping us clean out OGers... It was to an abandoned warehouse in Cuba. Or somewhere, nobody remembers. MAYBE THAT'S IT'S CURSE!

Bomberman: Yeah, go watch some more anime or something. Anyone have news on the location of Golem?

(A buisnessman takes off his mask and shoes, to reveal a tall, old, italian-looking man, with slicked back greying red hair, and greying turquoise moustache. He lifts up his business suit to reveal ten shotgun-looking devices attached to his belt. He grabs two)

Buisnessman: I've come to do some buisness. Sit down, and nobody move. Nobody play ring-around the-rosie. O'donnell.

Bomberman: It's too late. Mecha-Sonics will be here in mere minutes.

Buisnessman: I've come here to talk, Bomberman. In Cantonese.

Bomberman: I'm happy for you. Vinnie, Tom Cruise, show him how we "deal" with intruders.

Man: Nobody here is named "Vinnie" or "Tom Cruise", sir!

(Buisnessman fires a round of gopher's into Man's ears, killing him instantly)

Buisnessman: Hopefully you've heard of me. I am The Lithium Debater! Well, my first name is Lithium, and my last name is Debater so I had to name myself th-

Bomberman: Oh, bloody. You're another of Lupus's subordinates?

LD: Yeah, probably. Shut up.

(Golem sits in his shrine, wondering what would be right to do)

Golem: Man, I feel like having a music solo, and it's mopey.

ONE TWO THREE FOUR THREE TWO FOUR

I was young, I was reckless, and I had no powers!
I went out, I had parties, I STOPPED EVIL!
This song is not- turning- out- WELLLLLL!

(L64 makes a MAD beat, but Golem stops singing until he stops)

I'm torn between hating them and laughing at them!
They're doomed to die by either SteveT or the other guy!
(L64: Yo, what 'chu say?)
And yet, and yet, I solely can aid them...
But I don't really FEEL like ittttt!

Masamune: You're scaring me, and you'll give away our location.

Golem: Oh yeah.

Masamune

~Masamune is still at the statue~

Masamune: You were me first mate, lad. Ye won't be forgotten... *turns around and sees something on the ground* Eh, what's this? A flashack bombinator. No, it's ticking! I don't want to remember!

~The bombinator explodes~

~BEGIN FLASHBACK~

Masamune: Stop blowing holes in my ship! *fires cannon at one of the skiffs*

Dodo: Murasame's boarded the ship, sah!

Masamune: No! He will not get away with this! Not this time.

Murasame: Too late.

Masamune: You! *unsheaths sword*

Murasame: I have dreamed of this moment for YEARS.

Masamune: Really? I never gave it a second thought.

~they exchange blows~

Murasame: So what now, Masa. We be two immor-

Masamune: Wrong timeline.

Murasame: Bugger. In that case. Krunk! Snipes!

Krunk: YEAH?

Snipes: What isssss it, bosssss?

Murasame: Execute Order #66.

Krunk: Duh?

Murasame: Illkay the irdbay.

Snipes: Sssssir?

Murasame: Kill the damn bird!

Krunk/Snipes: OH!

Masamune: What!?

Krunk: *stabs Dodo*

Snipes: *kicks him off the boat*

Masamune: No! He... he...

Murasame: Oh my. It seems in my anger I killed him.

Masamune: But he was alive, my friend... he can't be... *the ship begins to shake* Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Krunk: Oh.

Masamune: Argh!!!!!! *jumps on Krunk, stabs him in the back. As the kremling slumps over, he leaps at Snipes and decaptiates the lizalfos before landing on the ground*

Murasame: Hey! I've had those minions for years! How dare you!

Masamune: Watch me dare this! *jumps back to the helm and turns the wheel*

Murasame: You fool! Turn it around! Stooooooop!

~in a huge explosion, the S.S. Swordefeller rams into the Omnipotent. Everyone knows they live, but we won't show them surviving for dramatic effect~

~END FLASHBACK~

Steve: Huh.

Masamune: How long you been here?

Steve: *puts popcorn behind back* Since the 'noooo' line. Seriously man, that's been cliched since like, the Iliad.

Masamune: Shut up.

Slort: *hobbles in* Masa. *glares* Come you must.

Masamune: Okay.

~he goes into a room, finding himself with just him, slort and Ashley~

Ashley: What's this about?

Slort: Something to tell, I must. Listen, you will.

Ashley: Do you have to do the Yoda voice?

Slort Sorry.

Masamune: Okay, so what's the deal?

Luiigii of the Pipes

Slort: I've noticed things. Masamune, your constant flirting with every woman within your sight despite the fact that they do not actually arouse you seems to have centered on my dear niece here.

Masamune: That's what she gets for staying near me so long.

Slort: You never did this to Sapphire.

Masamune: Yeah, well...

Slort: Ashley, you vainly trying to protect Masamune from Golem, despite the fact that he's virtually immortal and you said you were going to kill him.

Ashley: Yeah, that was kinda weird.

Masamune: Har! Ye like me!

Ashley: What?! No! You like me!

Masamune: That's... but, I was datin' your mom a couple years a--

Slort: Different OG.

Masamune: Really?

Ashley: What are you getting at?

Slort: *sigh* I never told you what happened to your father, did I?

Ashley: You told me enough. You told me he died.

Slort: No... I am your father.

~Ashley is, quite simply, dumbstruck.~

Slort: That's your line. "That's not true! That's impossible!" and all that jazz.

Ashley: Oh, just a joke. Okay. I thought you were serious for a second.

Slort: I am.

~Ashley returns to dumbstruck.~

Masamune: Waitaminute! Yer sayin' that yer Luigi?

Slort: Shut up! This is all your fault!

Masamune: Eh?

Slort: It all began last year... I was getting into the swing of things, picking up where I left off after Lupus took our souls... But there was one small problem.

~Flashback (without a Flashback Bombinator, ha!) to 2018~

Luigi: I'm home!

Rebe: About time! I thought you'd never come back.

Luigi: Sorry. Maybe you SHOULD have come to help me. *light-hearted chuckle, kisses Rebe*

Lucas/Becky: Hi daddy.

Luigi: Hi kids. I missed you sooo much. *hugs*

~Luigi turns to Ashley, standing in the corner.~

Luigi: Hi, Ashley.

Ashley: Who're you?

Luigi: I'm your father.

Ashley: Liar! *runs away*

Luigi: . . .

~Flashback to 2025~

Ashley: I've accepted the fact that you're my father. But I hate you now for not having been there for me. You are a horrible fa--

Ashley: Wait wait! I wasn't that blunt! And Mom was SOOO angrier about you being gone for so long!

Slort: I'm summarizing. I can't really remember the whole thing, being insane and all. Yeah so, I tried. And then one day...

~Flashback to 2029~

Luigi: *sleeping in chair* Hmm... muh? WHAT?! OH MY--THAT'S NOT RIGHT! *jumps up in a cold sweat* Just a dream... *goes back to sleep* Hmm... muh?

~Dream sequence~

Ashley: Aren't these lackluster flashbacks and dream sequences getting a little ridiculous?

Slort: I'm TRYING to keep them short.

Ashley: I'm going to kill you as soon as you stop.

Masamune: Heh heh... that's what all the ladies say.

Ashley: Tee hee! *kisses Masamune*

Luigi: WHAT?!

Masamune: Here. Lemme show you how it's done. *kisses Ashley ON TEH LIPS OMG!*

Luigi: OH MY--

Narrator: With tongue!

Luigi: THAT'S NOT RIGHT! *jumps up in a cold sweat* Just a dream... *goes back to sleep*

Slort: It kinda loops from here, so I'll get to the point.

Luigi: Holy... it's not a dream! It's a vision! *falls on the ground and starts twitching*

~Some time later~

~Luigi wakes up and looks around.~

Luigi: Ugh. I need some water.

~He walks to the sink, and realizes that he can't reach it. Then he realizes that he doesn't have arms.~

Luigi: Oh my god! I went insane and became a goomba! This was completely unexpected!

Narrator: And scientifically impossible.

Luigi: Exactly!

~Slort enters.~

Slort: [What the... who're you?]

Luigi: Slort! It's me!

Slort: [. . . What did you do?]

Luigi: I went insane.

Slort: [This was completely unexpected!]

Luigi: Hey, listen. I need to take your place for a couple years. Ashley won't listen to me, but she'll listen to you.

Slort: [What? Why?]

Luigi: It's too horrible... *shudder*

Slort: [Won't the fact that you speak English give it away?]

Luigi: Nah. They'll never suspect a thing!

Slort: *sigh* [Fine. Come on.]

~Slort's Pad~

Slort: [Here's all you need to be me.] *hands Luigi a book.*

Luigi: Your journal? I thought it'd be bigger. *looks at binder, which says "Slort's Journal, Volume 104,562"* Oh.

Slort: [Yeah. It was a slow month, so I went through all my previous journals, took out all the entries about my self-exploration, and put them in this one.]

Luigi: How convenient!

Slort: [Almost too convenient...]

• DUN DUN DUN*

Slort: [So you're paying for my trip, right?]

Luigi: I'm dead. I have no earthly possessions.

Slort: [You suck.] *leaves for undisclosed location*

~Later~

~Luigi--Slort reads the journal on how to be Slort.~

Slort: "The Goomba Beam is a moste devastating attacke, because it drains the energy frome the target, concentrates it into yon beam, and fires yon beam at target. Anyone with Goombeli bloode can do it." REALLY...

~Rebe enters.~

Rebe: Oh, hey. Where's Luigi?

Slort: I'm afraid he died.

~Rebe is dumbstruck.~

Slort: It seems in your anger, you killed him.

Rebe: Oh, you were joking. I thought you were serious for a second there.

Slort: That last part was a joke, yeah.

~Rebe returns to dumbstruck.~

~Flashback to just before the story begins~

Lucas: He's not dead! He's obviously just been stolen again. We'll find him.

Ashley: I don't want to go. He was a crappy dad.

Becky: You're going anyway.

Ashley: You suck.

Slort: Mweh heh... mwah hah...

Lucas: What're you laughing about?

Slort: Nothing. Just remembered a joke I saw in the paper the other day.

~Lucas and Becky head out.~

Ashley: Well, if I'm going, you're going too! *grabs Slort and shoves him in a backpack before he can reply*

Slort: I'm glad you feel that way. Mweh heh... mwah hah...

Slort: And now we're here.

Masamune/Ashley: . . .

Slort: Right. So I'd better have turned into a goomba for a good reason! *jumps at Masamune and starts biting him*

Masamune: Agh! Ye pest!

~Masamune grabs Slort and is about to stomp him, but Ashley catches his arm and takes Slort away.~

Ashley: You're not my dad. You're just a freak! *tosses Slort to the ground* Come on.

~Masamune and Ashley leave the room. Masamune glances back at Slort with an infuriating grin.~

Slort: This was completely unexpected!

***

Magikoopa: Fine. What does Lupus want with us?

Lithium: He wants you to stop producing your Mecha-Sonics and start producing Mecha-Lupuses.

Bomberman: How many times does that man have to clone himself?

Lithium: Shouldn't you be at Vegasville protecting yourself FROM THE OGERS WHO JUST BROKE IN!

Bomberman: Bomberman away! *runs out*

Lithium: I'm sure he had a bunch of other demands he wanted filled out too, but I honestly can't carry the whole list with me when I've got ten handguns on my person. I might get them confused.

Magikoopa: I refuse. Tell Lupus that he is an old fool and that violators will be shot on sight.

Lithium: Ha ha I can't do that. He'll get mad and beat me for 74.5 hours straight. With a spoon. Fred said it was the most pathetic thing he ever saw last time, which is really bad.

Magikoopa: Okay, just leave out that last part and tell him I refuse.

Lithium: Can do. *puts on his mask and walks out*

***

Golem: Those fools. Maybe telling them that their brilliant leader is a murderer will stop them.

Aither: OMG! GORE is a murderer and stuff.

Ramsey: I think this guy is lying. I mean, who does he think he is, anyway?

Luigi_64: Yo, don't be talkin' smack on my homeboy Golem. Me and him, we tight. We started this whole shabang with the Party Goers.

Golem: I swear, if you ever say we're tight again, I'll do something to you.

Luigi_64: Just take yo call homie.

Golem: I already did. *beep* Okay, I lied. Gimme a minute.

Luiigii of the Pipes

Golem: Yes, hello?

Nintenfreak: Golem, it's Nintenfreak.

Golem: Jr. or Sr.?

Nintenfreak: That distinction doesn't even exist anymore.

Golem: JUNIOR OR SENIOR?!

Nintenfreak: ~sigh~ Senior.

Golem: What do you want, old man? I have guests.

Nintenfreak: I'm just making sure that you and the Council are on for tea at 3.

Golem: Yes yes. I think I might be inviting a guest while I'm at it.

Nintenfreak: I'll have to confirm that with them. Who?

Golem: I'm not saying. The Council can just put up with it.

Nintenfreak: So it's someone you know they won't let in.

Golem: Oh, they'll let him in...

Nintenfreak: If you say so. Over.

~Golem hangs up and walks back into the statue room.~

Golem: Sorry, I...

~Everyone is gone. Golem walks into a room and sees Slort--Luigi brooding in the corner.~

Golem: Hey, Luigi.

Luigi: You know it's me?

Golem: Yeah. Listen... I need your help.

Luigi: Why me? I'm just a goomba.

Golem: You're the only other Party Goer I've seen in years. You're the only one I can trust.

Luigi: Is it about that evil streak you've been sprouting lately?

Golem: Evil? Me?

Luigi: You're right. You're obviously not evil.

Golem: Come to my study.

~In Golem's study~

Golem: The OGers must be stopped.

Luigi: Why?

Golem: They're all wrong. You heard the rumors, right?

Luigi: I never hear rumors.

Golem: The "Third Generation" of OGers was supposed to be assembled ten years ago. In fact, they did assemble. But something happened to them, and they went missing almost immediately after.

Luigi: You know what happened.

Golem: No. But I have a theory. I think GORE did it.

Luigi: Because he killed the OG Six?

Golem: That's part of it. He's also half-dead for no apparent reason and teamed up with his former arch nemesis. They're creating their OWN Third Generation and claiming it was the will of the Holy Plot Device (reverb). They're not going to save the world... they're going to conquer it. Look at some of the people he's already recruited. Masamune, villainous pirate. SteveT, villainous suit of armor. Ramsey Tungsten, no doubt an alien conquistador.

Luigi: That is a good point. And my poor daughter, slipping right into their clutches...

Golem: If you wish to save Ashley, we need to stop this Third Generation now and bring the real one back.

Luigi: I have to wonder where you learned all of this.

Golem: Yes, yes. In fact, it's just about time for you to meet my associates.

Luigi: What does that mean?

Golem: Tea time with the Council.

Luigi: But the Council hates me by mere relation to Slort, who knows more than they've ever known and does nothing with it. They'll never tolerate my presence.

Golem: They shall make an acception for me. ~shadowy moment~

Masamune

~They enter the council chambers~

Luigi: None of them look familiar, though I'm sure they should.

Golem: Allow me to introduce them. First is Uruguay, former Lord Emperor of the Ushatarian Galaxy.

Uruguay: Don't mock my name.

Golem: Caykzor, a freak cheesecake turned monster.

Caykzor: Grar and such.

Golem: Carrotcake King, who is currently possessing the body of a TR Grunt.

Luigi: What happened to his old body?

Golem: Somebody ate it... yes, he was an actual carrotcake. Don't ask.

Carrotcake King: It gets messy.

Golem: *pulls out microscope* This is Sarugerm, an infectious and highly contagious germ.

Sarugerm: All will bow before me!!!!!

Golem: And our Council Head, Kirby.

Kirby: *is white and has a gray beard* Bah. *waves cane*

Luigi: I was sort of expecting a bit more.

Golem: They are creatures who would have been famous had Lupus not imprisoned the OGers. But their actions never took place. They have been plotting to reveal the true Next Generation so insanity can unsue as it did in the past.

Luigi: Oh. So what do you need me for?

Luiigii of the Pipes

~Kirby hobbles to a podium in the center of the room and coughs into the microphone. Golem leads Luigi to a pair of seats in the back of the room, next to Nintenfreak, who has a typewriter on his lap.~

Kirby: Tea time with the Council. Meeting is called to order. Kirby, in attendance. Emperor Uruguay, in attendance. Carrotcake King, in attendance. Caykzor, in attendance. Sarugerm, absent.

Sarugerm: (into megaphone) I'M RIGHT HERE!

Kirby: Sorry. Donkey Kongo, arriving late. Caykface, said he would not come back until we give Caykzor the boot.

Caykzor: I hate that guy. He is such a copycat.

Kirby: Tortilla the Hun has been nominated to replace Caykface, but we will cover that at the end of this meeting. Carrotcake King has the floor.

~Kirby hobbles down and Carrotcake King steps up.~

Carrotcake King: Hello. I have been watching Team Rocket Omega lately under the ingenius guise of a Team Rocket grunt. Not that I have much of a choice. It seems that TRO has finished Mecha-Sonic #1000000000 today. Let's give them a round of applause.

~The Council claps sarcastically.~

Carrotcake King: Fortunately, TRO hasn't bothered to fiddle with the structure of their Mecha-Sonics since the original, so they're still easy to destroy, even in large quantities. More interesting was what I discovered in the files of Magikoopa's "secret lab." It seems that he had a human revived and restored the other day, a one Luigi_64.

~Golem raises his hand.~

Golem: Honorable members, if I may speak.

~The Council turns to him.~

Golem: Luigi_64 was in the company of the Third Generation when I saw them at my Your Sanctuary earlier today. Based on my past experience with him, he is not working for them out of genuineness. It is most likely that Magikoopa has set him within the Third Generation, but for reasons currently unknown. Irregardless, he should be considered as much of a threat as the rest of them are.

Kirby: The Council agrees with your point, Golem. Carrotcake King, you may continue.

Carrotcake King: I'm finished, actually.

Kirby: Very well. Emperor Uruguay has the floor.

~Carrotcake King steps down and Uruguay squelches up.~

Uruguay: Thank you. I come in peace. I wish to inform you all that my fleet has been assembled and are waiting within the planet Jupiter. They can be here within a day if they are needed.

Luigi: (whispering to Golem) Why would they be needed?

Kirby: Because, Mr. Hanimar, if the Third Generation does attempt to conquer earth, we must be ready to retatiate.

Luigi: ~stands up~ Whoa. You mean an invasion?

Uruguay: More like complete destruction.

Luigi: You-- wait, you're going to destroy earth? Just because the Third Generation takes over? You'll be destroyed too!

Kirby: We are currently outside of time and space. No we won't.

Luigi: But still, it's a little extreme. Think of all the innocent lives.

Kirby: There won't be any innocent lives, Mr. Hanimar. Once the Third Generation takes over, they will endear themselves to the heart of every human on the planet, without even the need for brainwashing. Should this happen, we will simply destroy the earth and rebuild it from the moment right after it is destroyed, only without the Third Generation. It's not the first time we've done this.

Luigi: But... you...

Golem: You're making a scene.

Kirby: This is why we asked you not to bring him, Golem. We knew he wouldn't agree with our methods.

Luigi: Damn right I wouldn't! This is insane!

Kirby: Mr. Hanimar, tell me. If you were to become corrupted by something that was fundamentally evil, would you not, in your right mind, appreciate it if someone were to destroy you before you caused any harm?

Luigi: . . . yes.

Kirby: And would you not appreciate it even more so if we brought you back to life without any traces of that evil?

Luigi: . . . yes.

Kirby: So we do see eye-to-eye. You must understand that this IS for extreme cases only. Rebuilding a planet isn't cheap. Which is why we could use your help, in fact.

Luigi: What can I do?

Kirby: You are already in the Third Generation, you have a particular reason in the form of your daughter to prevent them from wrong-doing, and you hate just about all of the other members. Surely you can think of something.

Luigi: Sabotage?

Kirby: Yes.

Luigi: For the greater good. I need proof first that the Third Generation is evil.

Kirby: That can be arranged.

GORE-ILLA

Kirby: Bring forth the recorded image and sound playing device!

Sarugerm: Yessir! (shoves forward a rusty tv with a VCR plugged into it)

Luigi: Seems a bit primitive for a council of omnipotent beings-

Kirby: EVEN WE HAVE BUDGET RESTRAINTS, OKAY??? Just play the damn tape.

*Caykzor places the tape into the VCR and turns on the tv.*

Caykzor: Now mortal... behold!

[tape]

*A piece of notebook paper held up to the screen says "Kirby's Adventure" misspelled and scrawled in sloppy crayons. A voice humming some secret agent tune is heard as a pair of pink hands pulls the paper away to reveal a very young Kirby playing around with toys and making them talk. The Larry King action figure now has Big Bird wrapped tied to a table.*

Kirby: (Larry King Voice) Struggling is futile Birdman, as ultimately all fall before that guy who is me!

Kirby: (Big Bird Voice) Do you really expect me to talk.

Kirby: (Larry King Voice) No, I expect you to visit Barbie's Dreamhouse with me.

*Just as the young Kirby brings out the Barbie dolls, the real Kirby shouts out.*

Outside-Tape Kirby: Wrong tape, dumbass!

Outside-Tape Caykzor: Whoops. Sorry boss.

[/tape]

Kirby: Alright, play the right tape this time!

*Caykzor presses the eject button, but the VCR sparks. He attempts to pull the tangled mess of tape along with the cassette out, but to no avail.*

Caykzor: I think it's broken sir!

Kirby: (sigh) Uruguay, eliminate Caykzor and bring the backup recorded image and sound playing device.

*Uruguay moves in to kill Caykzor, but Donkey Kongo blasts him first as he enters late in a coolass manner. Caykface immediately dashes in to replace him, only to get blasted as well. Uruguay finally wheels in an identical TV with a VCR plugged into it and inserts the tape.*

Kirby: Now behold one of the darkest secrets of the Third Generation's founder.

Carrotcake King: But if into this security recording you go, only pain you will find.

Luigi: I must now the truth, masters.

*The tape begins playing.*

Luigi: It can't be... It can't be...

*Luigi startes on in horror. Tears well up in his eyes.*

Luigi: I can't watch anymore.

*Luigi blows the tv up with the Goomba-ha or whatever that attack is that he does.*

Carrotcake King: Destroy the OGers, we must.

Luigi: ...So be it.

Masamune

Ashley: Do you think what happened to my father is true?

Masamune: Nah. Luig is crazy, sure. And nuts, and loopy, and let's face it... barking mad. But he's not a goomba.

Ashley: You're right. Except for the crazy part.

Masamune: *sighs* I can't stay here any longer.

Ashley: Why?

Masamune: That big statue of Dodo. I swore vengeance, but never took it. After Dodo died, I didn't see Murasame again... until yesterday. I know where he is, I know where my ship is. I can't wait around for Golem to do whatever. As long as Murasame is out there, I'm a danger to this mission.

Ashley: No, if Murasame is out there then leave this place. I wish I could come with you.

Masamune: Really?

Ashley: No, not really.

Masamune: Aha. Well then, I'll just leave...

~Masamune leaves~

Ashley: ... *sniff*

~Luigi- I mean Slort happens to walk in~

Slort: What's going on.

Ashley: Nothing, I want to be alone.

Slort: Nothing? Come on tell me, what's going on?

Ashley: I... can't tell you for dramatic reasons!

Slort: Did you tell Masa? *angrily* Is that who you could tell!?

Ashley: No.

Slort: Ah. Sorry.

Ashley: This is an awkward moment.

Slort: Well since that's over... there is something I need to tell you about the others.

Ashley: Actually I decided to follow Masa, so bye.

Slort: Dangit.

~MEANWHILE~

Lt. Snagret: Feast your eyes, Captain. All of them, faithful hands before the mast, every bird worth his seed. And crazy to boot.

Masamune: What happened to our old crew?

Lt. Snagret: They got drunk. So we have to enlist... again.

Ashley: *walks up* So this is your able bodied crew.

Masamune: Oh, hey. Welcome aboard.

Ashley: That was dramatic.

Masamune: *looks down the line and sees that at least Cataquackers has stayed. He walks up to a Kargaroc* You sailor!

Lt. Snagret: Kargy, sir.

Masamune: Mr. Kargy… do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? Mr. Kargy! Answer, bird

Lt. Snagret: He's a mute, sir. Poor devil had his tongue cut out, so he trained the fairy to talk for him. No one’s yet figured how!

Masamune: Mr. Kargy's... fairy. Same question.

Fairy: Bugger off, mister.

Lt. Snagret: Mostly, we figure, that means “yes.'”

Masamune: Of course it does.

????: And what's the benefit for us!

Masamune: *walks over and lifts the hood on the figure* Wizzrobe. *gets blasted with a spell*

Wizzrobe: You cameoed me for no reason!

Masamune: Actually, posted you. Posted you without Steve's permission. But with every intention of downplaying your appearance!

Wizzrobe: But you didn't!

Masamune: I'll post in Festivity Attenders!

Wizzrobe: You will.

Ashley: Twice!

Masamune: Yes, twice!

Ashley: And Pikmin OG!

Masamune: *grits teeth* Pikmin OG? ... *turns to crew* WHAT SAY YOU?

Birds: AYE!!

Fairy: Buggrem all.

Lt. Snagret: No, no, no, no, no, it’s frightful bad luck to bring a magician aboard, sir.

Masamune: It’d be far worse not to have him.

Luiigii of the Pipes

Kirby: Time to vote in the new members to replace Caykzor and Caykface!

Carrotcake King: Ugh. I hate this ritual.

~Uruguay, Carrotcake King, Sarugerm, and Donkey Kongo each pull out a colored ball with a Kirby-like face on it. They throw their balls at Kirby for a bit, until he finally holds up his hands.~

Kirby: It's unanimous! Tortilla the Hun and Don Cornmuffin, please take your seats.

~They do so.~

Kirby: Okay, this scene is over.

***

Slort: Dammit... I hate making choices. Do I destroy the OGers like the Council requested, or do I protect Ashley from Masamune? Destroy... protect... destroy... protect... Well, obviously destroy.

~Slort chases after the OGers.~

Aither: We are hanging by a thread. We completely failed to destroy Team Rocket, we got caught by some guy who told us not to trust our founder, we lost one of our only two senior members (and can barely trust the other...)

Luigi_64: I heard dat. Want a cap in yo head, foo?

Aither: Sorry.

Ramsey: Maybe we should stay away from GORE-ILLA. At least, until we can be sure that he's not a murderer. We should get some new recruits, too. I mean, seriously, it's like you and me are the only real OGers in this group anymore.

SteveT: Whoa, now. I OG... at times. (Excellent cover)

Straw Man: I refuse to be associated with any groups. You're liars.

Lynel: Where else would you guys go, though?

~They all stop abruptly as a man approaches, a small lizard on his shoulder.~

El Cent-Sorio: Hello.

Chibi-Devil: How would you ladsss like to go on a little... mission?

All: . . .

Luiigii of the Pipes

Cent-Sorio: Well, my dear OGers. Now that we've reached an agreement, you'll be wishing to get some decent help. For that, we'll need to go to the floating kingdom of Turquoise.

Ramsey: How?

Cent-Sorio: Commercial flight. We're a little low on cash at the moment...

~After the flight full of dangers and perils, the group arrives at Turquoise.~

Cent-Sorio: To the royal palace!

Aither: Not to be rude, but who exactly are we looking for?

Cent-Sorio: There was a group of children, who were thought to have been killed during the hubaloo over a decade ago. But they survived...

~Flashback~

Lupus: Cheese Ray!

~Suddenly, a Dark Egg explodes at Lupus’ feet causing him to lose balance and misfire his Cheese Ray at Ihsoy and the Fusion Kids.~

Ihsoy: No! ~is blasted out of Sapphire's body and destroyed~

A Fusion Kid: The cheese... it's too much!

Fusion Kids: AUGH!

~The floor opens up under the Fusion Kids and Sapphire, saving them a horrible death.~

Lupus: Oh well…at least I eliminated another potential pointless subplot. Too bad Vlad wasn’t standing there, too. Damn 3G…

~End Flashback~

Cent-Sorio: When Sapphire found her body some time later, she also found the children, and decided to raise them as her own. Or, well, have her maids raise them. It took some persuading, I suppose, but she could see that putting these children in the wrong hands was baaad.

Slort: Will be bad again, too...

Chibi-Devil: What did you sssay?

Slort: Nothing. They aren't children anymore, though. They don't still go by the Fusion Kids, do they?

Cent-Sorio: They do. They never did really grow up.

~They arrive at the gate, where two guards stand watch.~

Cent-Sorio: We need to see the Fusion Kids.

Guard: We're not supposed to let villains pass.

OGers: GASP!

Cent-Sorio: Ah heh... you must have me confused for someone else. ~slips money into the guard's hand~ And it would be best if the Queen didn't know, eh?

Other Guard: She already does.

~The other guard takes off her helmet to reveal... SAPPHIRE!~

Cent-Sorio: Ah... tired of being a monarch, again?

Sapphire: What do you want, Censor Man?

OGers: GASP!

Cent-Sorio: Again, you're confusing me for someone else. ~cough cough~ I am the Hispanically descended Cent-Sorio. Completely.

Sapphire: Right. So, if you're coming to see the Fusion Kids, I take it you're going to take them off my hands?

Cent-Sorio: Will doing so prevent us from being thrown in the Pika Pits?

Sapphire: Probably not.

Chibi-Devil: You can say that again.

Sapphire: Probably not.

Chibi-Devil: You can say that again. ~nods at the door~

Sapphire: Probably not.

~The OGers creep into the palace, ignoring the other guard, as Chibi-Devil continues to hold Sapphire off. Slort waits until they've entered, then gulps Chibi-Devil up and spits him into the wall, knocking him out.~

Sapphire: Er... what?

Slort: You gotta hurry. If Censor Man and Chibi-Devil get their hands on the Fusion Kids... Let alone what GORE and EVIL Scientist Dude could do if the Third Generation went back to them.

Sapphire: What does it matter?

Slort: Well... don't you still care about the world?

Sapphire: Not since I became a queen. Before that, really. All of this nonsense just begets more nonsense.

Slort: But...

Sapphire: What do you know? You were just an insignificant tag along anyway.

Slort: Sapph, you can't... Fine. ~runs into the palace~ Great. The only Party Goers who care anymore are me and Golem. Might as well kiss the world good bye...

Masamune

Fancy Fellow: I'm afraid I cannot allow you in.

Ramsey: The Queen didn't stop us. We need to see the Fusion Kids.

Fancy Fellow: The Queen does not understand the severity of the problem. As I said, you must leave.

El Cent-Sorio: I do not believe you understand the severity of our mission.

Fancy Fellow: The answer is the same.

Slort: *catching up with them* What's going on?

Steve: Feather Man won't let us in.

Ramsey: *hisses under breath* You dolt. That's Prince Cobalt.

Slort: Prince Cobalt? You mean Saph had a son?

Steve: Stupid human procreation... makes it harder to eradicate parties. I mean, party comers without invites. (Excellent cover).

Everyone: ....

Prince Cobalt: Do not force me to summon the guards.

El Cent-Sorio: At least explain it.

Prince Cobalt: Very well. The Fusion 'Kids' have become... erratic. They are exhibiting strange changes lately.

Aither: What kind of changes?

Prince Cobalt: Increased irritability, restlessness... and in Andy's case, insanity. We fear it is only a matter of time before it happens to the younger siblings.

Slort: Hm.

El Cent-Sorio: Then I shall speak with the younger siblings. I do not have time to chat idly with you.

Prince Cobalt: You will do so alone. And with an armed guard.

El Cent-Sorio: Fair enough.

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