The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA Chapter 4

Chapters in The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

Chapter Four: The Terror of Count Gonad

Author: Nemo

Scruffy: Ahh, finally we are back on Earth!

Que Pasa: Yeah, I couldn't stand space for another minute!

Stampede: Okay Cap'n, we got the new crewmember!

Scruffy: Okay, state your name and abilities.

Nemo: My Name is Nemo and my abilites are that I can annoy people to death, and I can copy anyone's power but only to half of their extent.

Skanky Siren: My Name is Skanky Siren and my abilities are BOOB POWER! With one flash I can stun one hundred men for three hours.

Krazy Dude: COOL!

eLFa: My name is eLFa. I am a white mage/group doctor/healer who makes music.

Kunj: My name is Kunj, and I don't have any abilities yet.

Lupine: HAHA, loser!

Scruffy: SHUT UP! Why do you say this?

Kunj: Cause my powers come and go....and I blank out when I use them so I don't know what my powers are.

Stampede: Blah blah blah blah........can we hurry this up?

Scruffy: I think that's all of them.........let's mount up!

Krazy Dude: WAIT!

Scruffy: What now?

Krazy Dude: We have someone else, but he is shy.

Que Pasa: Wtf, then why put him on are adventure?

Krazy Dude: Cause he insisted!

Scruffy: Whatever! Come on...

The new crew starts their first mission......they must find the Cyrstal Skulls before Someone else will!

Nemo: Oh oh oh oh ah ah ah ah!

Stampede: Someone shut this mother fucker up.

Scruffy: Hey be nice, he's new.

Stampede: Whatever.

Scruffy: Krazy Dude! Stop hitting on Skanky Siren..........QUE PASA stay away from eLFa.........Lupine, stop picking on Kunj..

Lupine: But he has no powers.....don't you think that's funny?

Scruffy: OMFG, this is gonna be a freaking long ass trip!

To Be Continued.............

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Everyone gathers in the briefing room to be briefed.*

Scruffy: As I was saying before, we must find all four of the Crystal Skulls which have been scattered about. The entire collection is priceless, and I could use it to make all of you rich beyond your wildest desires! But instead I'll use the money to buy an amusement park.

Que Pasa: Do you have any idea where these skulls are hidden, Cap'n?

Scruffy: Good question, Scruffy. We'll have to split up into groups of three... but it looks like we're one person short.

???: I heard the word short! Is someone talking about me?

Siren: Did anyone hear that? It sounded like a whisper.

Que Pasa: Oh that better not be who I think it is.

*Que Pasa looks down at a speck on the floor. Slowly the speck grows larger until its revealed to be a 2-foot tall man.*

eLfa: What is that?

Que Pasa: That... is Mini-Myself. He can shrink down to any size and stuff. How long have you been stowing a ride on this ship?

Mini-Myself: I dunno, I was sleeping under this floorboard the whole time.

Scruffy: Well we need an extra guy so welcome aboard! I think we have enough people on our crew now. It would be bad luck to have a thirteenth.

Stampede: It's also supposed to be bad luck to have women aboard.

Siren: According to who?!

Stampede: Uh... Pirates of the Caribbean.

Scruffy: Enough! It's time for you all to be split up to make the plot easier to write!

*Scruffy's voice is heard while Stampede, Siren and Nemo wander through some fields.*

Scruffy's Voice: Stampede, Siren and Nemo will make a daring assault on the castle of Count Gonad. He is a ruthless enemy who is seeking the Crystal Skulls for his own evil purposes- and he already has one hidden in his manor. You face what might be the hardest of the tasks.

*The scene changes to Krazy Dude walking through the canyons with the leashed Salama and Mini-Myself.*

Scruffy's Voice: One of the Crystal Skulls is said to be hidden in a cavernous region far south of Count Gonad's estate. I believe that Krazy Dude, Salama and Mini-Myself will have little difficulty finding that Skull... or at least I would were it not for the fact that the canyon is swarming with monsters, treasure hunters and Count Gonad's goons.

*The the scene changes to Jebus, eLfa and Lupine swimming through the ocean in scuba suits.*

Scruffy's Voice: On the ocean floor is the third Crystal Skull, but it shall be very hard to find. Jebus and eLfa's abilities may come in handy here. Also Lupine is going.

Lupine's Voice: Why me?

Scruffy's Voice: In case you decide to abandon me in my time of need again OH BURN

*Finally Captain Scruffy, Que Pasa and Kunj are seen on the Golden Cheesecake's deck.*

Scruffy: The final Skull? We have no idea where it is, but we'll be visiting an informant in space who claims to know where it is. Let's just hope we get there before Gonad's men. Good luck, crew. Maybe the pastries be with you.

*In the fields with Stampede...*

Stampede: What the hell is that?

Nemo: HAHAHAHA THAT'S FUNNY!

Siren: It's... an army!

*101 soldiers rush up.*

Soldier 1: Intruder! You are trespassing on the grounds of the great Count Gonad! Prepare to be licked!

Siren: Stampede, Nemo, close your eyes!

*Siren flashes the army, and they drop like flies- except for the 101st person, who raises his gun.*

Stampede: Siren, watch out!

*In the speed of something that's very fast, Stampede flips out a gun and shoots the 101st soldier down.*

Nemo: WOW HAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Siren: Thanks.

Stampede: (to Nemo) You're lucky that was my last bullet.

*In the quarters of Count Gonad...*

Adviser: Sir! Your army has been beaten by a sniper, a hot woman and an annoying guy!

Count Gonad: What? Impossible! Which of my enforcers haven't gone out in search of the Crystal Skulls yet?

Adviser: Two of the most powerful, sir- Mr. Noble and Whoopi Goldberg.

Count Gonad: Excellent. Send them out.

To Be Continued...

Author: That Krazy Dude

As Krazy Dude, Salama and Mini-Myself wander through the canyons looking for the Crystal Skulls, they come across the strangest of creatures.

???: Pika Pika!

Krazy Dude: What the hell?

Mini-Myself: It's a Pikachu!

Pikachu: Pika!!

Pikachu shocks Mini-Myself.

Mini-Myself: AAAARGH! Aw man! That little bastard!

Krazy Dude: Damn! If Lupine were here, he'd make this rat into the Sunday Dinner Surprise with scrambled floorboards and some pocket lint on the side.

Mini-Myself: *sigh* Best meal he ever made!

Salama: Food?! Where?! I'm hungry!

Mini-Myself: Shut up inferior being! (kicks Salama)

Salama: Hey, that's not fair! I beat Diego three times at the judo tournaments, and I'm an inferior being?!

Diego comes and beats the shit out of Salama and then wanders off.

Krazy Dude: Anyway...Mini-Myself, you play Pokemon alot. You take care of this.

Mini-Myself: Fine...Salama! I choose you!

Salama: What!? I'm not your Pokemon!

Krazy Dude: Well...we kinda captured you so same thing.

Salama: Can I at least do it Digimon style?

Mini-Myself: No! Digimon touch themselves late at night!

Krazy Dude: So late that it's actually early!

Salama: Awww...

Mini-Myself: Bite attack!

Salama goes to bite the Pikachu, but it uses thunderbolt on Salama, turning him into a human lightning rod. He runs into Krazy Dude and Mini-Myself and electrocutes them on accident. For some random reason, they blow up out of nowhere and they're sent flying into the sky.

Salama: LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAAAIIIINNN!!!!!!!

Krazy Dude and Mini-Myself continuously smack the shit out of Salama as they're being hurled into the sky.

Random announcer dude: What does the future hold for our heroes as they head closer and closer to the crystal skull? Find out out on the next episode of Pokemon! (gay Pokemon theme music comes on out of nowhere.)

To be continued...

Author: GORE-ILLA

*The Golden Cheesecake sails majestically through the atmosphere propelled by its boosters when suddenly a loud "THUMP" is heard.*

Kunj: What was that?

Que Pasa: I think Scruffy hit another squirrel.

Scruffy: Did not! We're a but too high to meet any squirrels anyway!

Que Pasa: A stray seagull then.

*But if any of them were to look down to the sit of the noise, they'd notice the oddly-dressed ninja clinging to the hull- and slowly climbing up the side of the ship...*

*Elsewhere Krazy Dude, Mini-Myself and Salama land from their fall in another part of the canyon.*

Mini-Myself: Where are we now?

Krazy Dude: The enchanted kingdom of socks, home of the Whopper.

Mini-Myself: Where are we REALLY?

Krazy Dude: (shrugs)

Mini-Myself: Hey, I think Salama's picked up a scent of some sort.

*Salama reaches under a rock and pulls out a sub sandwhich, which he snacks down upon.*

Mini-Myself: What the...

*But the sandwich had a wire attached to it so, when it was pulled, it caused a hidden passage to upon up in a cliffside.*

Krazy Dude: Ah, I sense that the Crystal Skull is somewhere in this cave.

Mini-Myself: (points to trail of footprints leading to the cave) And I sense that someone else is already halfway there.

Salama: (bites into a Pop-Tart)

*Elsewhere, Stampede, Siren and Nemo are looking down from a cliff overlooking Count Gonad's manor.*

Stampede: There it is! Looks like there's tough security though.

Siren: We can handle it if we really try.

*Suddenly two pairs of hands reach down and restrain Stampede and Nemo from behind. Those hands belong to... Whoopi Goldberg and Mr. Noble.*

Goldberg: That's two of 'em. You play nice girlie and come with us.

Siren: Oh yeah? Take this!

*Skanky Siren flashes, but Whoopi Goldberg and Mr. Noble are unaffected because they are asexual. Stampede and Nemo were unlucky enough to have had their eyes open at the moment.*

Siren: Whoops...

Mr. Noble: Surrender now, or else.

Author: GORE-ILLA

I shall give myself eight lashes for double-posting.

*In Count Gonad's throne room, Gonad bows to the hologram of a thin figure whose features are hidden by a cloak. The figure is the mysterious Darth Tang.*

Darth Tang: Greetings, Lord Testicus.

Gonad: Ahoy my master. The pirates have assaulted me just as you predicted. Three of them are already in my grasp.

Darth Tang: Excellent work. Continue as planned, Lord Testicus.

*Darth Tang's hologram disappears.*

Gonad: ...Bring forth the prisoners!

*Elsewhere, the Golden Cheesecake approaches a small moon. The ninja slowly crawls up the starboard side of the hull until he's scraped off as the ship passes too close to a small mountain.*

Ninja: Ouch.

Que Pasa: Hey you almost destroyed our whole starboard side!

Scruffy: Do not question your captain's abilities!

Kunj: There's the place- dock here!

*The Golden Cheesecake sets anchor near a small bar. Scruffy, Que Pasa and Kunj walk into the bar, but it's deserted.*

Scruffy: There's no one here.

Que Pasa: Maybe it's bad info. Who was our informant?

Scruffy: Kunj is our informant.

*Kunj smirks and shifts into the form of Christopher Lee.*

Christopher Lee: Ha! You just got punk'd! There is no Kunj, and now I shall destroy you for my cousin Gonad! I still owe him a favor after he was my stunt double in Star Wars. Now die please!

*Countless Battle Droids storm into the room.*

Que Pasa: Well that came out of left field.

Scruffy: (cocks handgun) Halo-style?

Que Pasa: (shifts nose into cannon) Halo-style.

*Que Pasa and Scruffy stand back-to-back in the middle of a circle of Battle Droids, blasting as many as the can. But with the great amount of Battle Droids they soon run out of ammo. They swap their guns for a sword and pen, then resort to up-close combat.*

Que Pasa: I can't hold off all these pawns forever!

Scruffy: Then we go for the checkmate!

*Scruffy and Que Pasa leap out of the circle of Battle Droids towards Christopher Lee, slicing through him like cake.*

Que Pasa: Done like dinner.

*Christopher Lee regenerates, along with a hella lot more of Chrisopher Lees.*

Que Pasa: Whoops, I forgot these guys have the properties of a telemarketer.

*Scruffy and Que Pasa now struggle to fight off not only the Battle Droids but the endless amount of Christopher Lees that march after them.*

Scruffy: This won't end well.

*Elsewhere, Skanky Siren is led to Gonad's throne room by Noble and Whoopi, who chain Stampede and Nemo to the wall. Nemo's mouth is also taped, glued, cemented and zipped shut, then sealed off with a metal plate.*

Noble: That will shut him up... for a few minutes.

Gonad: Ah, all is proceeding as I have foreseen... actually it was my master who foresaw this but I like to take credit for myself.

Siren: Your overconfidence is your weakness.

Gonad: And your faith in your friends is your's. It was I (actually my master again) who allowed the locations of the Crystal Skulls to fall into the hands of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate "Armada". Your friends down on the ocean floor are swimming into a trap, as is the Krazy Dude's group in the canyon. And your captain has already fallen to a legion of my best troops. Witness the final final destruction of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada and the end of your pitiful rebellion.

Siren: What rebellion?

Gonad: YOUR MOM'S OHHHH.

Siren: That didn't even make sense...

*Gonad waves to the viewscreen, which shows Scruffy and Que Pasa being led through the group of Battle Droids with their arms raised. Then he points out the lightsaber lying on his throne's armrest.*

Gonad: You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you now. Good. Flash me. Even though I'm gay it will stun me long enough for you to grab this Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With every passing moment you make yourself more my servant.

Siren: How could I be your servant if you're dead? Well if you insist-

*Siren pulls up her shirt, but Stampede shouts to her.*

Stampede: No, don't-

*Siren picks up the lightsaber before she can register Stampede's warning. She activates it and swings it to kill Gonad, but the blade is blocked by Whoophi Goldberg's red lightsaber.*

Stampede: Too late.

Gonad: HAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!!2222222222222

*Back with Scruffy's crew, several Battle Droids suddenly collapse from bullet shots.*

Christopher Lee: Oh no, not him...

*A Kunj-like figure rolls into the room.*

Scruffy: Kunj?

Kung-Like Figure: No, that is not my name- but I am the person whose appearance Christopher Lee stole to trick you. I am actually a contract killer. The name's McGroin. Patten McGroin.

Scruffy: (sniggers)

Que Pasa: I don't get it.

Patten: Anyway I've been hired to take down Christopher Lee. So let's do this.

*With Patten's aid, Scruffy and Que Pasa begin tearing through the Battle Droids. The Christopher Lees are meanwhile distracted by the hologram of Darth Tang.*

Christopher Lee: Greetings mas-

Darth Tang: Withdraw your forces, Lee. Now.

Christopher Lee: But I have them in my clutches! I can kill them very easily!

Darth Tang: Exactly. But I want them to be alive for now. The end of the war is near.

Christopher Lee: Gonad said he wanted them dead...

Darth Tang: I know, he hasn't been very supportive of my orders lately. But that doesn't matter. Soon I will have a new apprentice. A much more depressing one...

Christopher Lee: Whatever you say, m'lord.

*The Christopher Lees all merge into one body and disappear, but the pirates don't notice until they've wiped out all the droids.*

Patten: Aw man, he got away! And I need some money badly.

Scruffy: Sorry man. Maybe we could help you kill someone else.

Patten: Well I'm also being payed to kill some deadbeat called Monkeyman Scruffy. But they also hired the Ninja to hunt him down, and I'm not sure I can compete with him.

Scruffy: ...Let's get to that later. Any other jobs?

Patten: Nope.

Scruffy: Well then you can serve on our crew! You just help us find the Crystal Skulls, and we'll give you a cut of the profits!

Patten: Sure! In fact I think I heard something about the location of one of them...

Que Pasa: Oh! Now I get it! (breaks out into wild laughter)

Author: That Krazy Dude

In the meantime Krazy Dude, Mini-Myself, and Salama wandered their way through the secret passageway. They found their way out the end of the passage and found themselves in a room. in the center of the room was the crystal skull on a large pedestal. A pedestal larger than all of them.

Mini-Myself: How are we going to get the skull now? It's too high up.

Krazy Dude: I know! Maybe you can reach it!

*Salama feasts on a meatball sandwich.*

*Mini-Myself stares at Krazy Dude*

Mini Myself: Oh! I get it! I'll shrink and you can throw me up there!

Salama (with a mouth full of food): Good thinking!

Krazy Dude: Who thought of what....I mean yeah...I thought of that...(I think)...

*Mini-Myself shrinks and Krazy Dude throws him up toward the Crystal Skull.*

*That Krazy Dude has bad coordination and misses the throw.*

The two tried to reach the skull for about an hour until they gave up in frustration.

That Krazy Dude: Now what are we gonna do?

Mini-Myself (in fetal position in a corner): No more throwing.... please... no... more.... throwing....

Salama: Hey look! There was a ladder near the pedestal the whole time.

Krazy Dude smacks himself over the head with his mop in frustration for being so dumb and knocks himself out cold. Mini-Myself is in a delirious state from all the throwing and passes out from head trauma.

Salama: Well, since no one else can, I guess I'll climb the ladder and get the skull myself.

Salama climbs the ladder and grabs the skull. But the ladder cannot bare his weight, and the rungs break underneath him. He is knocked unconcious from the fall.

Krazy Dude wakes up later to find himself alone in an evil lair. He looks around to see a shadowy figure in the corner of the room. He steps out from the shadows to see that he just looks naturally shadowy (I don't know).

???: Good to see you again, Krazy Dude.

Krazy Dude: Again?! What are you talking about? I've never seen your shadowy ass before in my life!

???: Shadowy? Oh. *turns on the lights* There we go.

Krazy Dude: Oh. My bad.

???: It's okay.

Krazy Dude: No really, I'm sorry.

???: No really. It's okay.

Krazy Dude: Really? I didn't cross the line with the whole shadowy ass thing?

???: Nah it's okay... why am I having this conversation? Shut up!!! Now. There appears to be much potential in you. You would serve Darth Tang well if you chose to join us.

Krazy Dude: Join you? Why would I ever join the likes of you?!

???: Because I.... am your brother!

Krazy Dude: What?! No!!! This can't be!!! I've never had a brother!!! I'm an only child!

???: You were lied to. I am your brother.

Krazy Dude: Then what is your name?

???: I am... That Not Sane Dude.

Krazy Dude: *gasp*

Not Sane Dude: Now that you know who I am, will you join me on the dark side?

Krazy Dude: Why would I ever join you?

Not Sane Dude: We offer free drinks and refreshments, any-time access to our gym/spa treatment center, and with every membership you get a realy cool looking dark robe.

Krazy Dude: Holy crap. That's pretty sweet... wait! No! I can't join you! I belong to the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!!!

Not Sane Dude: Then I challenge you to a randomness competition!!!

Krazy Dude: On what terms?

Not Sane Dude: Simple. If I win, you join us. If you win, I'll let you and your friends go.

Krazy Dude: Bring it!

Not Sane Dude: In order for healthier looking toenails, one must spank the monkey!

Krazy Dude: In Zimbabwe there are no cars, only Barbara Streisand!

Not Sane Dude: When it rains, it is said that your refrigerator is running.

Krazy Dude: The pole breakdances rapidly as the chicken crows to Xavier Hollander.

Not Sane Dude: Does not the fire need water too? Does not the mountain need the storm? Does not your scrotum need kicking?

*Not Sane Dude kicks his brother in the scrotum.*

Krazy Dude: Aw shit!!!

Not Sane Dude: Aha! That was not a random comment! You lose, brother! Oh yea! Who da man? Who da man?

Krazy Dude: That was an underhanded move! You fiend!

Not Sane Dude: Too bad. I shall have your friends sent to Count Gonad's castle. And as for you, I shall take you under my wing as my apprentice.

Krazy Dude: Dammit.

*Not Sane Dude places a collar around That Krazy Dude's neck*

Not Sane Dude: As long as you wear this, you shall be shocked every time you try to disobey me.

Krazy Dude: Damn you!

Not Sane Dude: From this day on, you shall be known as...... Darth Moose!!!

Author: Nemo

Back at Count Gonad's Castle, Whoopi and Siren's battle erges on

*lightsaber sounds*

Whoopi: Yoda thinks highly of you, young padawan!

Siren: WHO?! And wtf is a padawan?.......That doesn't make any sense.

Whoopi: Or does it make perfect sense?

Nemo:mumuumumumum

Stampede: WUT?!

Nemo:mumuumumumum

Stampede: What, Timmy's trapped in a well?

Nemo: *takes off everything Count Gonad has put on mouth* Do I have to spell it for M-U-M-U-U-M-U-M-U-M-U-M holy shit man! *puts everything back on*

Stampede: Wait........*under breath* I better not tell him *normal voice* Oh I get it now!

Nemo: *takes everything off* FINALLY!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! *starts to put everything back on* Wait *stops* I am such a retard *throws everything away*

Stampede: Ah crap!

Whoopi: Ah crap!

Siren: Ah crap!

Noble: Ah crap!

Gonad: WTF Happened........Ah crap he has nothing covering his mouth! Grab him and cut his mouth off.!

Noble: I shall, Master Gonad.......... I am to cutting off his mouth like Siren is to death inevitable.

Nemo: Siren, Stampede, cover your ears! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

His annoying laughter breaks their chains and stops Whoopi and Noble in their tracks. Stampede and Nemo charge at Noble while Siren swings her lightsaber at Whoopi.

Siren cuts off Whoopi's head, and Stampede and Nemo pummel Noble to death.

Nemo: Just to make sure.

Stampede: Just to make sure.

Nemo starts to prepare a Kamehameha.

Stampede: Where the fuck did that come from?

Nemo: Your MOM!!!!

Siren: OOOOOOOOO

Nemo: Just kidding, it's just that I am such a huge DBZ fan i have memorized the technique of the Kamehameha from when Master Roshi was-

Stampede: OK OK we don't need a DBZ episode to happen.

Nemo: But-

Stampede: But nothing just fire it!

Nemo: Okay *tear*

Nemo does a huge Kamehameha blast towards Noble while Stampede shoots the hell out of Whoopi.

From the huge dust made by them appears a figure clapping.

Gonad: Great job but can you face my newest apprentice Darth Moose and his brother slash Master Not Sane Dude.

Stampede, Siren, Nemo: KRAZY DUDE!!!!!

Krazy Dude: NO from now on I am to be known as Darth Moose!

Nemo: Funny name *giggles* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Darth Moose: Ow my ears are burning!!!!!!

Not Sane Dude: You must train your ways in the Force.

Darth Moose: I have my own powers.

Not Sane Dude: Let's see them.

Darth Moose: My firehydrant leaks while the computer swims to Madagascar!

Nemo, Stampede, Siren fine themselves confused by the new and improved DARTH MOOSE!

Not Sane Dude: Impressive, young padawan........Now KILL THEM!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

To be continued..........ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF GCPA

Stampede: Aw man see what you did it's that stupid DBZ announcer again and the fucking thing was abbreviated.

Nemo: Damn, sorry if I destroyed Whoopi permanently.

Siren: Dude, it was Noble.

Nemo: Oh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Siren: Wow you really are annoying

Stampede: I told you!

Nemo: *screams* Where the hell are we?

Siren: OW!!

Stampede: Confused world.

Nemo: Oh hey look it's Krazy Dude!

Stampede: Don't be deceived, it's Darth Moose!

Nemo: *doesn't listen* Hey Krazy Dude........wait what are you doing......oh shit RUN!!!!!

They start to run like drunks because they are confused. They run out of the castle and stumble but as they pass out Siren sees a familiar face............

Author: GORE-ILLA

Gonad: Wait a second, I don't remember anything about having an apprentice...

Darth Tang: That is because he is my apprentice.

*Gonad notices Tang's hologram.*

Gonad: Sorry master, I didn't see you! ...Wait, I'M your apprentice not this moose man!

Tang: Not anymore. Darth Moose will become more powerful than any of us. You are too old and weak to master the dark arts. That is why I enlisted Darth Moose and put that whoopee cushion in your chair. I will not kill you now, for a much more satisfying death will find its way to you.

Gonad: You can't do this! I'll tell everyone your true identity!

Tang: You'd drop dead before you could even complete the sentence. I'm giving you a chance to live for a while until I decide to end your measly life. Farewell forever, Lord "Testicus".

*Darth Tang's hologram disappears. Gonad then sadly walks out of the room, completely forgetting the Crystal Skull lying on his desk...*

*Elsewhere, Salama and Mini-Myself wake up in the cave. Salama still has the Crystal Skull in his hand.*

Salama: W00t.

*Back by the castle...*

Darth Moose: No sign of them.

Not So Sane Dude: They have to be somewhere. We'll split up. Kill any that you come across. They are no longer your friends.

Darth Moose: I'm not sure...

Not So Sane Dude: Did you hear them making fun of you behind your back? They said you were smelly.

Darth Moose: I'LL KILL EVERYONE ONE OF THOSE BASTARDS GRAAAAAAAAH

Not So Sane Dude: The transformation is complete! HAHAHAHHAA-(raspberry noise)

*Stampede suddenly smacks his head in realization.*

Stampede: I just remembered! The Crystal Skull, it's in Gonad's throne!

Siren: Are you sure it's safe to go back there with Darth Moose on the loose?

Nemo: OMG HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA IT RHYYYYMES!

Stampede: Shut the hell up man. When it comes down to it Krazy Dude is Krazy Dude, and Krazy Dude would never harm us.

Siren: Yeah, you're right. Let's head back.

*Stampede, Nemo and Siren barge into Gonad's throne, where they prepare their weapons. They find Not So Sane Dude sitting in Count Gonad's chair.*

Not So Sane Dude: Master Stampede. I take it Whoopi has been destroyed then. I must say, you're here earlier then I expected.

Stampede: In the name of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada, you are under arrest Dude.

Not So Sane Dude: Are you threatening me Master Pirate?

Siren: The pirates will decide your fate.

Not So Sane Dude: (springs forward with a lightsaber in hand) I AM THE PIRATES!!!

Stampede: Whuh...?

*Nemo blocks Not So Sane Dude's attack with his own lightsaber, and the two begin dueling across the throne room. Stampede and Siren attempt to help, but Not So Sane Dude not only deflects Stampede's attacks with his lightsaber, but keeps his back to Siren so he could not behold her stunning beauty.*

Not So Sane Dude: It's treason, then.

*Not So Sane Dude uses the Force to slap both Stampede and Siren hard against the ground. Stampede gathers enough strength to lift his gun and blast a whole in the giant window. Nemo and Not So Sane Dude contine their battle on the windowsill until Nemo knocks Not So Sane Dude's weapon out of his hand. The he holds his lightsaber above Not So Sane Dude threateningly. Suddenly Darth Moose bursts in.*

Nemo: You are under arrest, my lord.

Darth Moose: Brother!

Not So Sane Dude: Moose! I told you it would come to this. I was right. The pirates are taking over.

Nemo: You old fool. The oppression of the Sith will never return again. Your plot to regain control of the Republic is over . . . you have lost . . .

*Not So Sane Dude attempts to blast Nemo with Force Lightening, but they bounce off his lightsaber and back at Not So Sane Dude, warping his appearance.*

Nemo: Ooh that's a nifty trick.

Not So Sane Dude: He is a traitor, brother.

Nemo: He's the traitor. Stop him!

Not So Sane Dude: Come to your senses, boy. The pirates are in revolt. They will betray you, just as they betrayed me. You are not one of them, Darth Moose. Don't let him kill me. I am your pathway to power. I have the power to save the tv shows you love from being canceled. You must choose. You must stop him.

Nemo: Don't listen to him, Janitor.

Not So Sane Dude: Help me! Don't let him kill me. I can't hold on any longer. I can't ... I give up. Help me. I am weak ... I am too weak. Don't kill me. I give up. I'm dying. I can't hold on any longer.

Nemo: You Sith disease. I'm going to end this once and for all.

Darth Moose: You can't kill him, Nemo. He must stand trial.

Nemo: But I don't feel like it!

Not So Sane Dude: I'm too weak. Don't kill me. Please.

Darth Moose: It is not the pirate way . . .

Nemo: (prepares to stab Not So Sane Dude) I'm pretty sure it is.

Darth Moose: He must live . . .

Not So Sane Dude: Please don't, please don't . . .

Darth Moose: I need him . . .

Not So Sane Dude: Please don't . . .

Darth Moose: NO!!!

*Darth Moose leaps forward and cuts Nemo's hand off.*

Nemo: AGH!

Not So Sane Dude: POWER!! UNLIMITED POWER, MAN!!!!

*Not So Sane Dude blasts Nemo with a surge of Force Lightening that flings him out the window. Stampede manages to fire a bullet into Nemo's other arm before he falls out of sight. Nemo continues falling to a very hard landing. His remains are hit by several speeding tour buses, molested by Micheal Jackson and eaten by a pelican. A memorial was built for him on some random highway which was destroyed by a meteor.*

Darth Moose: WHAT HAVE I DONE???

Not So Sane Dude: The same thing you will do to the other two. Now, while they are still unconscious!

Siren: That's what you think!

*Siren leaps up and flashes both Darth Moose and Not So Sane Dude. They fall over.*

Stampede: Thanks. Now let's get the skull and get out of here.

Siren: Wait- look out there.

*An oddly-shaped ship is seen flying away through the window.*

Stampede: It's Count Gonad's personal cruiser- the Deathticle. Looks like he got away. Well we'll get him another day.

Siren: What now?

Stampede: We find our way to the others. I'm sure they need help.

*Stampede and Siren leave, soon Darth Moose and Not So Sane Dude recovers*

Darth Moose: Aw man, they got away.

Not So Sane Dude: Do not trouble yourself, my brother. They will die when the time is right. You have done your job well. You are now ready to meet your true master- Darth Tang. I will take you to him. The final chapter is near. Once all the Crystal Skulls are collected by those unwitting pirates, the master can set his plans into motion.

Darth Moose: Wow, I can't wait til I make cool exposition-filled supervillain monologues like you! Can I have my first evil diabolical laugh?

Not So Sane Dude: Sure, why not? Mwahahahahhahahhahaha!!!!

Darth Moose: BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

Not So Sane Dude: Pretty good for your first try, but you have to put some feeling behind it. Let's work on that while we wait for the last chapter, shall we?

Chapters in The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7