GCPA Sidequests Part 2

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

This second batch of sidequests features the three prequel solo stories showing about some of the pirates' lives prior to joining the GCPA. Afterwards is the last of the GCPA sidequests written during the crew's freshman year at high school. This is when the chats started attracting larger amounts of pirates, resulting in longer and funner sidequests.

Wolf and Dragon

by Lupine (incomplete)

Chapter One: His Past

Written May 29, 2005

He got up to look for her. He'd been out cold for hours but he prayed she was still alive. He got up and stumbled on his way around the warehouse, now full of the stench of blood. He found her and when he did he almost wanted to give into the various injuries he had sustained. She was dead. He went to get up to try and get help praying that it wasn't so, that she could still be brought back to life, but he was there he had his gun to Lupine's head.

Lupine: I never thought you could do such a thing to me, Drandon. I mean we were partners, always gonna be there for each other whenever we needed each other. Yet now we are down to this.

Drandon: What can I say? Money changes a person.

Lupine: Yeah, but to do this to your own bro---

The gun went off.......

This all happened three years prior to Lupine's meeting with Captain Scruffy and becoming chef. The bullet missed and hit Lupine's shoulder, but the sheer pain of that and the other injuries knocked him out. He has been searching for his brother Drandon Shadow to exact revenge for doing the unthinkable...killing Lupine's wife.......... (Editor's note: lolzors)

That Krazy Dude's review: touching yet sorta crappy...u go from that 2 being a chef?

Chapter Two: A Bad Night's Sleep

Written May 29, 2005

Lupine: Yeah, but to do this to your own bro---

The gun went off.

Lupine woke up in a cold sweet on the Golden Cheesecake. It has been three years, and he's been running trying to bide time till he finds some sort of clue to his brother's location. That's why he joined this crew, even though he is bad in the kitchen he figured that they would pick up some sort of clue. But it's been awhile and still no clue.

Lupine got out of bed and revealed the scars from that night all over this torso, and walked out to the ship's deck to have a smoke. He got there but he wasn't alone, eLFa was there looking out at the moonlit night.

eLFa: Same dream?

Lupine: Same dream.

eLFa: You gotta stop blaming yourself for what happened so long ago.

Lupine: eLFa, you have known me for years. It's my fault she died, I couldn't protect her. You know I joined this crew to find and kill Drandon. ::exhales smoke:: It's my duty to Mara.

eLFa: But it's been 6 years, why can't you ever forget what happened and move on.

Lupine: Listen eLFa, the day these scars all over my body disappear is the day I will forget. These scars are a symbol of my failure. ::looks out into the distance:: Looks like we got a fight coming. Go wake the crew. I'mma go put on a shirt.

The flag of one of Count Gonad's men is seen.

Captain: Okay guys, wait till you get a chance then jump onto the ship. Tonight we show Gonad how dangerous we really are.

Que Pasa: Yes, for the blue cheese of the Jedi.

Mini-Myself: What?

Que Pasa: I don't know.

The crew jumps aboard the enemy ship and a huge fight occurs. Lupine kicks ten men to the mast knocking them out. Stampede snipes at least 20 men from aboard the Golden Cheesecake. Cap'n burns the rest, but it is Lupine who gets to the captain of Gonad's ship first. As he goes for the finishing kick the captain says something to him.....

Gonad's Captain: Your brother is looking for you.

Lupine was shocked. To anyone but himself and eLFa Lupine had no brother, so when he heard this he grabbed the captain and did something no one ever saw him do, punch the enemy.

Lupine: What do you know about Drandon? Where is he? Tell me! Now!

Lupine goes on a punching frenzy nearly killing the man if eLFa didn't stop him with her magic.

Lupine: Let me go! He knows where Drandon is and I want answers!

eLFa let down the field surrounding Lupine, not by choice but out of shock to the fact that Drandon was mentioned by the enemy. When she did, Lupine did the unthinkable and used his mage skills to burn the enemy alive.

Everyone just looked at him. Then finally the captain spoke.

Scruffy: Lupine, what's going on? who's Drandon?

Lupine : I'm leaving the ship now. Get a new cook, I'm going to get some answers.

Scruffy ::again:: Who is Drandon?

Lupine: He's my little brother and the one I'm going to kill. Now if you don't mind, the good Count Gonad and I have to have a little chat.

Scruffy: I'm not letting you off this ship. To take him on alone is suicide, you're gonna get yourself kill---

Before the captain could finish, Lupine had nailed a kick on him straight in the gut.

Lupine: Anyone else wanna stop me?

No one answered and watched as Lupine loaded his swords, mage scrolls, and every other postion (Editor's Note: Is that supposed to be possession? I have no freakin clue.) he had onto the enemies' ship.

Lupine: Scruffy will be out for a least 6 hours. By that time I'll either be dead or on a mission to kill. It was nice sailing with you all, at least now you won't have to eat my food. Goodbye.

Lupine leaves and sails into the distance leaving behind the crew, who are all now looking to eLFa for answers......

Chapter Three: Family Reunion

Written May 31, 2005

Lupine finally docked on Count Gonad's island, a trip that took him 3 days. He wondered how the crew was. He felt sorry for having to do that, but he couldn't live with himself if they died because of him. He got off and immediately he got a nice warm welcome from the guards, both down in one swift elegant motion. He continued on lighting a cigarette as he walked, swords on his back, scrolls on his belt and his magnum in the holster by his back pocket. By the time he reached the front door, he had wondered why there weren't any more guards coming after him, well at least in an organized manner. He entered what seemed to be an empty, dark room. How wrong he was. A light shined at the center and there stood a cloaked figure, but he knew who it was.

Lupine: Drandon!!!!!!

Drandon removed his cloak revealing the scar on his face, the single blade on his back (and was it a huge one), and the dragon tattoo on his arm.

Lupine didn't bother to wait. He ran at Drandon, but the sudden lighting in the room answered his earlier question. Every guard on the island was there and ready to kill.

Drandon: You may have survived our last encounter, big brother, but now you will die. Too bad I won't be here to see it. Count Gonad needs me to do a little mission. See you in the afterlife, older brother.

Drandon began to walk away when Lupine ran at him , only to be met by gunshots. He dodged and pulled out a scroll from his belt.

Lupine: I summon the mighty wolf of the wind, Hendaisho!

A wolf appeared from a gust of wind and bit off the heads of 10 guards before disappearing. Lupine didn't wait for the guards to get back to their senses before acting. He drew both his swords from their sheaths and ran at them.

Meanwhile a familiar ship was just docking and a familiar crew was running at the tower where Lupine was now fighting for his life.

The Story of Stampede the Marksman

by Stampede (incomplete)

Note: This one had random letters boldened throughout. The original is lost so I'm not sure which ones were boldened, I'll just guess.

Part One

Written May 27, 2005

"ALRIGHT THIS IS A ROBBERY!! NOBODY MOVE AND NOBODY GETS HURT!!"

Ahh....music to my ears....literally. I was blasting some music when it all happened. A store being held up while i was there. I was listening my Black Dahlia Murder album. I bet the guy regrets it all now. He came out of a line with a gun and four other men joined him. Heres the part he must've regretted. One of the guys came to grab me. He said, "WE HAVE A HOSTAGE SO IF NO-----OOOF!!" He didn't get to grab me. It was the exact opposite. I grabbed him and flipped him over. The other four ran at me, one by one. They were all easy to take care of. A right hook here, a swift kick there and a simple dodge and trip for the last one. I thought I was done. But I was far from it. At that moment [I guess it was their leader] a pret-ty big guy came out of an aisle, clapping, as if to mock me.

"Bravo, bravo," he said. He walked slowly towards me and some terrified shoppers. He stopped and then grinned at the bodies laying there. I hadn't killed any of them. Just left them unconscious. But he was different. He continued to smile. "Worthless pieces of shit," he said still through a smile. He looked up at me, still smiling, and pulled out a pistol. Still looking at me and the shoppers, he shot one right between the eyes. Then another. He slowly wasted away each one, making sure the already terrified shoppers would never forget this day.

Part Two

Written May 31, 2005

A fuckin' maniac. That's what he was. How he could do something so cruel. It was pure madness after he killed them. Everyone was screaming. Pure fuckin' insanity. That's when I said to myself ENOUGH. I wasn't gonna let this guy fuck up my day any more than it was already. I shouted over the cries of the civilians, "HEY! YEAH YOU!" He looked over at me, and his smiled faded off his face. As I pointed my gun at him, he let out a chuckle. "Can you really shoot me? Huh? Ha! DON'T EVEN KID AROUND!!!" And with that, he sped towards me. Most people would get scared of this. But I didn't stand down. I stood right where I was. He stopped right in front of me, he STOPPED. "Heh, didn't expect ya to stay there kid," he said. His face told me that I should get ready for a fight.

"I admire that you're brave. Heh. But that won't get you very far if you can't back it up with SOME INITIATIVE!!!" And with that he swung at me. I laughed. He missed. He swung again. Another miss. Again I laughed. He continued to swing furiously, miss after miss after miss. Eventually he stopped, and I just kept laughing. He was already tired. "You're...*PANT*...pretty good kid...*PANT*" I smiled. "I don't think you have the right to say that considering I managed to get you tired without even touchin' ya." Damn, did he look pissed! He took a couple of steps back and gave me a really hard look. "Well, kid, lets see if you can handle this!"

It seemed like his clip would never end. He just kept shooting, it had to be about a 35-40 round extended clip. I got down pret-ty quick. I stood over a family that was scared to death. I couldn't let one get hit. I wouldn't want their family to be broken up. After the gun stopped playing its music, I got up. Probably a stupid thing to do, but I was concerned. Luckily, no one had been hit. I wiped my brow and I swear I did a double take. I looked and I had to look back cause it took a while before I noticed it. That asshole.

The Adventures of That Krazy Dude

by That Krazy Dude

Chapter One: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Pine Sol

Written June 6, 2005

Before the adventures of the Golden Cheesecake, That Krazy Dude was a janitor for a martial arts dojo. One day, he was cleaning up after a karate lesson had finished. Suddenly, he was attacked by a bunch of ninjas. They surrounded him.

Krazy Dude: What do you want with me?

Ninja: We have orders to kill you. We must obey our master. You must die!

The ninjas came at him one by one. Krazy Dude dropped the first ninja with a spinning kick to the head, did a back somersault over the second ninja and landed on the third one's neck. He did a spinning jump, twisting the ninja's neck, and landed behind the other one. the ninja turned around only to be thrown hard onto the floor by a koshiguruma (judo throw where you grab the opponent around the neck and throw him). There was only one more ninja left.

Ninja: H-how did you take them out!? We are trained warriors!

Krazy Dude: You fool! I may be a janitor, but I am a master of judo, ninjutsu, tae kwon do, and egg fu yung!

Ninja: I am sorry. Master Tang ordered us to do it.

Krazy Dude: Too bad. You'll regret the day that you messed with That Krazy Dude aka the Iron Custodian.

Krazy Dude goes to grab the man and beat the crap out of him, but before he reaches him, all the ninjas suddenly burst into flames. All that was heard was painful screams and a disembodied voice.

???: One day Krazy Dude....You shall pay.....You shall never defeat Darth Tang.....

Krazy Dude: So Darth Tang is the name of this demon. I see what my future has in store for me now. I must find this man and do something to him. Maybe ding-dong ditch. Who knows.

So with his mop, bucket, and janitor supplies, Krazy Dude took off for an adventure like never seen before.

Chapter Two: Enter the Mop

Written June 15, 2005

Krazy Dude was walking along a trail that led to Darth Tang's castle. Somehow he found the directions (don't ask or you'll die). A group of men walked up to him.

Some Guy: Hey punk! Give me your money now!

Krazy Dude: My dear friends, you must be strong like the chicken, smart like the fruit salad, and have the common sense of a talking mime to find true wealth.

While the guys stood there confused, Krazy Dude kept wandering along the trail to reach Tang.

Suddenly, in a flash and a loud explosion, Krazy Dude was surrounded by ninjas. They had him surrounded.

???: Do not attack him. He is my kill.

A man walked through the crowd of ninjas and whipped out a 10 foot long Genoa salami.

Krazy Dude: Who are you?

???: You do not know me. No one knows my name. Not even me. My parents died in a freak hamster-feeding accident the day after I was born. I was raised by circus monkeys and here I am now, a loyal servant to Darth Tang. You can call me the Deli Man. Don't worry, you don't have to learn the name since you're going to die in a few seconds.

Deli Man swings his salami at Krazy Dude, but he ducks and whips out a spatula.

Deli Man: Where did you get that?

Krazy Dude stares at the spatula: I don't...oof!!!

The salami collided with Krazy Dude's face, knocking him back. Deli Man swings at Krazy Dude once more, but Krazy Dude uses his spatula to cut the salami into many pieces. He then grabs the salami piece by piece and whips it at a great speed at each of the ninjas around him. They were all caught off-guard and fell to the floor from the salami (somehow).

Deli Man: So you have destroyed my salami and defeated my ninjas.

Krazy Dude: Yes I have. That's what you get!

Deli Man goes to strangle Krazy Dude.

Krazy Dude: Go ahead. I deserve to die. I'm a horrible person because I suck at life. I dreamed of the day of my death. What a great dream it was...

This extremely depressing statement caused Deli Man to burst into tears. This allowed Krazy Dude enough time to take Deli Man out with a spinning spatula smack. Deli Man then laid unconscious on the floor. Krazy Dude continued walking off towards Tang's castle, leaving his unconscious enemies behind him. Unknown to Krazy Dude, the bodies lit on fire.

Darth Tang: Curse you, Krazy Dude! Your time will come!

Chapter Three: Fistful of Sponges

Written June 19, 2005

Krazy Dude finally found himself standing in front of Darth Tang's castle. He walked up to the door and rang the bell. The door opens to reveal almost an exact replica of Neverland. Krazy Dude walks in to see a Darth Tang running around wearing green tights and a dark robe over it. The hood was up, covering his face. Tang suddenly freezes and glares at Krazy Dude in surprise. He runs off and comes back with darker, more appropriate clothing. He whips out a light saber and Krazy Dude grabs his mop.

Krazy Dude: Your time has come Darth Tang. (heh heh...I said come)

Darth Tang: Your attempt to kill me shall be in vain. (heh heh...I said in...?)

The two men charged toward each other in a mighty clash of titans. Darth Tang swung at Krazy Dude with his light saber but Krazy Dude blocked it with his mop (which somehow didn't break). Krazy Dude flipped over Darth Tang and went for a mid-air kick to his head, but Tang grabbed his foot and flung Krazy Dude across the room. Krazy Dude hit the wall hard, but still managed to get up. Tang tried to choke him using the Force, but Krazy Dude managed to squirt cleaning liquid at Tang, catching him in the eye. While Darth Tang cleaned the cleaning liquid out of his eye, Krazy Dude launches his final attack. His bucket starts glowing and turns into a black hole. It starts to suck Darth Tang into it. Tang was about to go into the black hole.

Darth Tang: You shall not defeat me, Krazy Dude!!! Yaaa!!!!!

A blinding flash goes off. The black hole disappears as well as Krazy Dude's janitorial supplies. Also, not only were the janitorial supplies lost, but Krazy Dude's memory was lost as well. Krazy Dude finds himself working at a Taco Bell, completely unaware of what had happened to him. Everything that had happened to him was lost. The memories were still there, deep inside of him, just waiting to be unlocked once again.

The Krazy-Ass, Huge-Ass Adventure Thing

by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, The Guz, No Name and eLFa on June 15, 2005

No Name: You know guys, we are a pirate crew. Why don't we have any money?

Lupine: Well you see, I kinda spent it all last week on this really cool looking but useless monkey statue.

Scruffy: We haven't raided anybody in a while.

That Krazy Dude: We're too busy talking in chat rooms to make any money

Scruffy: That too.

No Name: Let's go on an adventure! ...LET'S GO ON AN ADVENTURE!

Scruffy: Where to?

Que Pasa: What kind of adventure are you suggesting?

No Name: Anywhere but being broke. I know, let's do the opposite of broke and fix! Let's become plumbers and people who fix stuff!

That Krazy Dude: Let's make a sandwich. {Editor's Note: Foreshadowing of the upcoming Sandwich sidequest?)

Scruffy: Fine, I heard of a bounty of the capture of three dog-raping monkeys. It pays quite a lot!

No Name: Onwards then!

Lupine: I will go for the bounty on the Spice Girls' heads.

eLFa: Raping monkeys. I wonder how the babies come out.

Scruffy: Don't wanna know.

That Krazy Dude: *cough* Michael Jackson!

Stampede: *VOMITS*

eLFa: Eh.

Scruffy: Now onward!!!!!!!!!

Stampede: AWAY WE GO!

Scruffy: <crashes ship into harbor> Mean to do that!

eLFa: Nice..

Stampede: Good job Scruffy!

No Name: Niice job, Cap! ...Who's eLFa?

Que Pasa: She's eLFa.

Scruffy: I meant this way!!!!!!! <crashes ship into flock of seagulls>

No Name: @-@

That Krazy Dude: Jeez!

Que Pasa: W00T

eLFa: And who's that guy who just asked who I am?

Que Pasa: He's the new guy, No Name.

Scruffy: Foool, I found our next meals!

No Name: Where is it?

Stampede: The seagulls, stupid!

No Name: Oh yeah!

That Krazy Dude: Or who is it?

Stampede: *VOMITS AGAIN*

eLFa: ...

No Name: Hey hey I don' wanna eat anyone!

That Krazy Dude: Or do you?

No Name: Except That Krazy Dude, he does look pretty tasty.

That Krazy Dude: You cannibal!

Stampede: brb, gotta walk the dog. *JUMPS OFF SHIP*

Scruffy: Mr. T, take command!

That Krazy Dude: You have become one with George Bush.

Mr. T: Alright, fool!

No Name: Mr. T?

eLFa: ?

Que Pasa: *eats the seagulls raw*

No Name: When did we get Mr. T.?

Scruffy: Yeah, our new guard.

That Krazy Dude: He's in the latest additions to the story.

Mr. T: I pity the fool who don't put me as guard!

Que Pasa: He comes and goes as he wants.

Mr. T: What you talking about, fool?

Scruffy: Um, don't make him mad!

No Name: You know.... I say we take all of Mr. T's gold chains and sell it!

Lupine: ::shoots randomly in air:: :: very drunk::

That Krazy Dude: Then we'd have money!

eLFa: Good idea!

No Name: TAKE HIM DOWN!

Mr. T: That's it fool!!!!!!!!! <takes out BFG 9000>

No Name: (breaks in middle of run)

Scruffy: EVERYBODY OFF THE SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

That Krazy Dude: But how about we do something useless and 10x more complicated instead?

*Que Pasa looks from No Name to Mr. T several times dramatically.*

No Name: Look man, I was just playing!

Mr. T: Oh yeah?!

No Name: Well maybe I wasn't playing, but how bout we just forget about it?

<Mr. T fires, completely destroying the ship>

That Krazy Dude: *falls over*

Que Pasa: *flying through the air* WHERE'S MY BABY?!

Scruffy: Gee, thanks No Name, that's our 6th ship!

eLFa: Hehe!

No Name: Hey, I say we go get a new ship!

eLFa: But with what money?

Scruffy: And Mr. T, a time out for you now!!!!!!!!1

That Krazy Dude: Or bake a cake!

No Name: Everyone, go get an umbrella, duck tape and tacks and meet me back here.

Scruffy: Okay. <gathers stuff, including a George Lopez>

Lupine: I could sell myself into slavery.

No Name: Yeah, or prostitution. Makes more money....

eLFa: Or just sell yourself period..

Lupine: Hmm, I'm scared...

Que Pasa: So what about those monkey-raping dogs? Or were they dog-raping monkeys?

eLFa: Yeah...

Scruffy: They will have to wait.

No Name: Why cap?

Scruffy: Cause we got no ship!

Lupine: Okay. I say we sell No Name's name ::holds No Name's name in his hand::

No Name: I say we charge some sap to give me a name!

Que Pasa: I could sell some of my vital organs that I was gonna use for Revolution money.

eLFa: Donate blood.

No Name: Or I can sell my robotic arm I got from battle.

Scruffy: We could sell anti-MJ shirts!!!!!!!!!! Or would that scare people away?

No Name: Or we can sue him for touching us!

eLFa: ... Not sure!

Lupine: I could sell this priceless work of art that is worth millions that I've been using as a table mat!

Scruffy: That works too.

Que Pasa: Donate another chunk of my brain, doesn't seem to be dioing me mooch good anywayy

Scruffy: How about we sell Lupine???

Que Pasa: Works for me!

No Name: Into prostitution. We can keep him and make loads of money off of him!

eLFa: We said that already!

Lupine: So we aren't selling my art work that I swindled from Da Vinci's descendant?

Scruffy: Or to those dog-raping monkeys, then get him back after we capture them.

No Name: Yeah, let's go get that bounty!

Lupine: I say the Spice Girls one! It doesn't pay as much, but it makes us heroes!

Que Pasa: We could get the bounty for the crew of the Millennium Falcon except that it calls for no disintegrations.

Scruffy: First, we sell Lupine to the monkeys, anybody got a cell phone?

eLFa: I do!

Scruffy: May I use it?

No Name: Luckily I have this cell phone that doesn't short-circuit in water.

eLFa: Of course, hehe!

Que Pasa: I have one that doesn't malfunction in YOUR MOM!

Scruffy: Que Pasa!

Que Pasa: Yes? Yes?

Scruffy: Hack the marine database, and get me those monkeys' number.

Que Pasa: Yessir!

Lupine: ::uses thunder magic to short out the phone:: Oops, I meant to wash the boat.

No Name: Ouch Lupine! Luckily I stole that cell.

Lupine: ::shorts out all electronics on ship::

No Name: DAMMIT COOK!

Lupine: :: burns the wood on the ship::

Scruffy: Mr. T, you won't be grounded if you ground Lupine.

Mr. T: Works for me!

Que Pasa: *types furiously at the keyboard for ten minutes before realizing the power's out* Oh...

Lupine: ::then burns your mom::

No Name: I say we put a bounty on Lupine!

Lupine: Then collect it and free me!

No Name: Or we can pretend that Lupine escaped and collect his bounty again. It would be a genius scam!

Que Pasa: Y'know, the navy has some pretty high bounties on most of us already.

Scruffy: Okay, I made the deal, fool, they will shortly be here to pick you up.

Lupine: ::burns No Name for no reason but likes things burning:: fire = fun.

ELfa: ... Pyro.

Que Pasa: Pyromaniac!

No Name: Fun=pain.

Lupine: ::burns Que Pasa::

<Monkeys arrive>

Monkey: Get him!!!!!!!!!!1

Que Pasa: But pain=fun!

No Name: Pain=Lupine.

Que Pasa: Pain=your mom.

eLFa: So much =...

Lupine: Therefore Lupine = fun!

No Name: Your mom= feelings hurt.

<Monkeys take the fool while crew debates.>

Scruffy: Excellent, we got 2000000000000 dollars for this! Let's go buy a new ship!!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: Wh33t!

No Name: Hey wait, aren't we in risk by showing ourselves to the navy?

Lupine: ::cooks eLFa's left shoe for no reason but hungry::

Que Pasa: *eats the shoe*

Lupine: Hey that was my shoe!

Que Pasa: *bites Lupine*

eLFa: Hey! ... You never know who might have fungi..

No Name: Where are we gonna buy the shoe? I mean ship.

Lupine: How did you get shoe outta ship????

No Name: I type... er, speak bad.

Lupine: ::casts thunder on Que Pasa but it runs through him into Lupine as well::

Scruffy: Nope, magic poncho aid us! Now, off to ship- you- off! <teleports everybody>

Que Pasa: At Galleons R Us.

eLFa: Pink Power Rangers, Scruffy!

Scruffy: Choose wisely, crew!

No Name: Wow, Galleons R us they have a whole selection of name brands at the cheapest price!

Lupine: ::picks the rickety old wooden ship that has wood rot and termites:: It is only 200000000000000.

No Name: And the special offer of two boats for one cook and a penny!

Scruffy: What, you're a waste of money Fool. And yes, we will but a Pink Ranger statue for eLFa.

eLFa: Yeshhh!

Lupine: I resign as cook.

Que Pasa: Impossible.

No Name: Oh wait they just updated the special- turn in a resigned cook and a nickel for two ships!

Lupine: ...And take place as ship's guard and swordsman. And the one that moves the ship with his wind magic. So there! Hahahahahaha I no longer cook!

Que Pasa: *eats the statue*

eLFa: Noooo!

Scruffy: Bad Que Pasa, bad! Here, buy another one!

No Name: It was just a statue! I say we praise him.

Lupine: Your mom's just a statue.

Que Pasa: I couldn't help myself!

eLFa: My statue...

Scruffy: Yeah, but she heals us. Can't make her unhappy...

No Name: So I could too, you know. I have Force Heal!

eLFa: ...?

Lupine: Guys, I have a question. If we are pirates, why don't we just steal a ship?

Scruffy: Good point!

Que Pasa: ...Damn. Did Lupine just say something smart?

eLFa: ...

Scruffy: Raid, my crew. Raid like your mom depends on it!!!!!!!!1

Lupine: ::steals the Ebon Hawk::

No Name: How about we have a contest on who can raid the most ships?

Que Pasa: *eats the store's security guards and puberty-stricken employees*

<Marines come in>

Scruffy: Crap!

No Name: Uh-oh!

Lupine: Run!!!! ::covers everyone by making a black mist:: No one will ever know... ::puts Pokeball away::

No Name: Great, we got ourselves into deep cow manure! *trying to catch breath*

Que Pasa: *vomits the seagulls, shoe, statue, security guards and puberty-stricken employees, creating a flood that washes away the navy crew*

eLFa: My statue! Eww!

Lupine: Hey, you wanted it back!

eLFa: But not like that...

Scruffy: Go Que Pasa......I think...

No Name: Yeah, that was awesome! You're a model now!

*The GCPA ride their new ship over the flood of puke to the ocean.*

Que Pasa: I'm hungry again!

No Name: Man, we're gonna need a giant air freshener for this!

Lupine: Okay, so I got the intergalactic star cruiser the Ebon Hawk. What do you guys got?

eLFa: Blarg..

Que Pasa: Get me a Kit Kat! And a Lemon Snapple! Throw in some small children as well!

Salama: Where's me lard, boy?????

No Name: But we're miles away from a store! Unless!! Let's go to the mermaid pub.

Que Pasa: We left Lupine behind.

Scruffy: I got us the ship, the Golden Cheesecake 2.4.

Que Pasa: Only 2.4? I thought we'd passed that a long time ago...

Scruffy: Nope, it's a Pentium ship. Slow, but, it'll do.

No Name: Cap is bad with counting.

eLFa: I agree, agree!

No Name: Cap, I'm holding up four fingers. How many are up?

Scruffy: 3526345756856!

No Name: Ehh... close enough.

Scruffy: We got diving gear?

Que Pasa: Yep.

Lupine: ::flies in on the broken dreams of small children and a carpet made of back hair::

Scruffy: So we do!

No Name: Alright, let's strap these babies on and start diving!

Scruffy: Everybody, dive, and Que Pasa, put the ship in sub mode. Mr. T, drive. Wally, you're in charge of the ship for now.

Lupine: I will go on my carpet of back hair and broken dreams. Now mind it's not my hair, it's Wally's.

No Name: Hey guys, you know this scuba gear has a built-in bathroom and beeps when you use it. *beep beep beep*

eLFa: ...Disgusting.

Scruffy: Hey, bubbles!

Lupine: I shaved him when he slept.

<Wally attacks Lupine>

Lupine: :: parries, but Wally latches onto Lupine's face:: mkdmfkdmckmfrnejhwnvc djnjwrfnjdfasdjakjewi! kjnodewnierijvidrfjpoewjrfw!

Que Pasa: I'll wake up Siren, Stampede, Krazy Dude and the others.

That Krazy Dude: (springs up from janitorial supplies) Back!

Que Pasa: See? It worked!

Scruffy: Wally, stay with the ship....your sub thing...

Lupine: Edger Allen Poe! samkdnmsfjwenvjknhrwe!

No Name: Hey, what's that giant leviathan-looking creature doing heading straight for us in a violent manner?

Scruffy: Good question!

Lupine: snjhq3qiwueqiweyrtewpq!

Que Pasa: Lupine's speaking in tongues!

:: Wally runs away::

eLFa: Hmm, maybe it wants to say hi!

Lupine: It's okay to be scared now, right?

<Leviathan roars>

Lupine: ::casts Origin but misses and hits Noble:: Um, not bad. That was my plan!

That Krazy Dude starts playing Gameboy.

Que Pasa: A violent manner? That doesn't sound right!

Scruffy: Yeah, we can run and scream now...

No Name: Too late!)

*The entire crew is swallowed by the leviathan.*

Que Pasa: Well that went well.

Scruffy: Damn it! It's dark.

Lupine: Um guys! This isn't a leviathan. It's a casino. And shit!!!!!!!!!! It's Nemo!!!!!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: How the hell is that even remotely possible?

No Name: Like the inside of your mom!

Scruffy: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, damn it Nemo!

Lupine: ::slices off Nemo's head::

No Name: How abrupt.

That Krazy Dude: Oh my God........ it's Pat Sajak!!

Nemo: Hi guys!!!!!!!!!!! ::he grows another head, and the head grows a body::

eLFa: Oooh...

*Nemo is sucked down the digestive tract and farted out.*

Scruffy: Well, he's gone now.

Lupine: So wanna gamble our last bit of cash? ????

No Name: Hey guys, whats this green burning acid?

Lupine: Your mom, ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!

No Name: (throws acid at Lupine's face)

Lupine: (clutches face in pain) AHHHHA AHHHH HOLY CRAP MY FACE!

Scruffy: No, it's the acid that burns things.

That Krazy Dude: (goes up to a gambling table) I'll bet you a chicken and a blue pickle that I get a banana slug. (while the dealer is confused, Krazy Dude snatches the money and runs)

Lupine: I'm Lupine, not you!

Scruffy: Than who am I?

No Name: But if you are you, then who am I?

Stampede: (gets up and yawns) What'd I miss?

Que Pasa: A hella lot. We're all trapped in a leviathan's stomach/casino. Or something. And Nemo just died several times.

Mr. T: I am helluva tough!

No Name: I am not you, so then you are not me, then who am I compared to you?

That Krazy Dude: And I just committed a robbery.

Lupine: And I am no longer chef, I resigned!

Stampede: You still wear the chef's uniform.

Scruffy: Mr. T, if you're here, then Wally has the ..................oh dear Lord!

No Name: Uh-oh that sounds bad!

That Krazy Dude: Oh shit! ...Tom, the creator of MySpace, is on G4 Tech TV!

:: Wally goes to kill Lupine with a torpedo::

No Name: A giant hole punctured in the leviathan's stomach!

Lupine: ::dodges but hits Nemo when he crawled back up the tract::

Que Pasa: He has the sailor suit now.

<Wally convinces Bush to send a nuclear missile to China. Then nuclear bomb hits China. All survivors are now Golden Cheesecake hunting zombies.>

eLFa: *goes off to play poker*

That Krazy Dude: Are you guys reading what I just wrote?

Lupine: I no longer where that suit Stampede. I have plans for my clothing, funny ones! (Editor's Note: Initiate slideshow of homoerotic costumes)

Que Pasa: G4 is a new number between 7 and pie.

Scruffy: I have 13 channels.

Stampede: Okay so what's going on in the story again?

No Name: Uh, the torpedo punctured a hole in the leviathan's stomach, and the nuclear bomb hit China, and all survivors are Golden Cheesecake hunting zombies.

Que Pasa: We're trapped in the stomach of a leviathan/casino

Stampede: *THROWS NEMO THROUGH THE HOLE IN LEVIATHANS STOMACH, NEMO LANDS ON SPIKES* Whoops...

*The spikes launch into the Sun*

Que Pasa: So we're fighting Chinese zombies?

No Name: Correct, but they are not ordinary zombies.

Scruffy: Yay!

No Name: Well actually they are.

Scruffy: More undead hordes. Use the grenades, now!!!!!!!!!!1

No Name: Wait, you're gonna give the leviathan heartburn!

*NEMO BURNS UP IN THE ATMOSPHERE BUT LIVES THROUGH IT ALL*

The zombies eat Stampede's chicken tenders.

Scruffy: <throws plasma grenade>

Que Pasa: *wipes out G4 zombies in one blow*

No Name: Nice shooting tex!

That Krazy Dude: Nice shooting xet!

Scruffy: Nice shooting paco!

No Name: Are you mocking me?

Stampede: *SHOOTS ZOMBIE THAT ALMOST ATE No Name'S HEAD*

No Name: Wow, thanks Stampede!

That Krazy Dude: Nice shooting ocap!

Que Pasa: Nice shooting... COMMUNIST (kicks Krazy Dude into a wall)

No Name: Nice shooting Bob!

Stampede: Nice kick Que Pasa!

That Krazy Dude: Nice shooting........aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!

No Name: Hey, there's no need to fight! Hey guys, let's get out of this leviathan's stomach.

Scruffy: Sure there is <throws Nemo at Que Pasa>

That Krazy Dude: But it's alot more fun to fight!

Que Pasa: *decapitates a zombie with a pen, then fires the head out of his nose, through several more zombie's chests*

That Krazy Dude: Nice!

Scruffy: Launch Nemo, Que Pasa!

Que Pasa: *fires Nemo, but Nemo is caught by the zombies and eaten*

Lupine: ::kicks zombie with a flaming kick:: Bout time I got to mix my styles together.

Stampede: Okay guys, let's get the hell outta here!

eLFa: Bout time!

That Krazy Dude: Okay! *hides money in pants*

Scruffy: <sleeps>

Lupine: (rushes back to crew from zombie horde0 And I'm back! Shit, Tom has 17,000,00 friends outta the 19,000,000 on MySpace!

Stampede: *USES BASS MISSILE LAUNCHER TO BLOW A BIGGER HOLE IN LEVIATHAN'S STOMACH*

That Krazy Dude: (cleans up blood with mop)

Stampede: JUMP GUYS!!!

Scruffy: <sleeping>

No Name: Ally oop!

Lupine: ::jumps::

Que Pasa: *jumps guys*

Stampede: *JUMPS*

No Name: (jumps)

Stampede: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

That Krazy Dude: *does a perfect backflip dive with a 360 spin*

No Name: Was that really necessary?

*EVERYONE BEGINS TO HAVE AIR TRICK WARS*

Lupine: ::is carried in the air by the many colors of the wind::

Mr. T: What, you left hardly any for me fools!!!!!!!!

That Krazy Dude: *does Yoda-style flips*

Que Pasa: *begins to pull off air trip but then smashes into a rock*

Stampede: *DOES THREE BACKFLIPS THEN GOES INTO A PERFECT NOSE DIVE*

No Name: (jumps in the air, does a 720 while eating his lunch and gets a haircut while sticking his landing)

Lupine: :: flies into the air and cause a maelstrom:: I win! (gold medal magically appears on Lupine)

That Krazy Dude: (nose dives into the ground; the medal tears itself off of Lupine and attaches itself to Krazy Dude)

Stampede: OH CRAP!! AIR NINJAS!! WITH SHURIKENS!! AND SWORDS!!

That Krazy Dude: And sponges!!!

Lupine: I will handle them! The air is my turf.

Stampede: *BEGINS TO SHOOT DOWN NINJAS WITH BF AUTO SUBMACHINE GUN*

No Name: (slices away with lightsaber)

Lupine: ::falls over into a poker table::

That Krazy Dude: (throws Pine Sol at zombies- I mean ninjas)

Lupine: ::unloads some rounds from magnum::

No Name: (does saber throw)

Scruffy: <wakes up> Hey guys! <yawns> What's going on?

*Mr. T smashes ninjas together brutally and grinds their bones to make his stew*

Lupine: I summon from the deepest fires of hell, Zen Aku! ::a puppy comes::

Puppy: Sorry, Zenaku has a day off today.

Que Pasa: Well we have a talking puppy! That's gotta be good for something!

Stampede: *THROWS A PISTOL FOR LUPINE, BUT WALLY INTERCEPTS IT AND SHOOTS LUPINE IN THE SHOULDER, raccoon misses and shoots Lupine's foot* DAMN!

That Krazy Dude: *picks up Killing Edge and does the Swordmaster critical*

No Name: (throws light saber at Lupine while summoning)

Scruffy: <takes out boomstick> Aww, come on guys! Why didn't you wake me up? I missed most of the action!

No Name: Hey, I didn't want to disturb you!

That Krazy Dude: *smacks Scruffy* Oh... too late!

Stampede: *PULLS OUT PAPER AND PENCIL* I got this....

Que Pasa: That's gotta be good for something!

Lupine: ::: images taken out due to graphicness:: (Editor's Note: A preview for his next porno?)

Stampede: *DRAWS A MASSIVE KAMEHAMEHA*

Lupine: Shit!! ::sees corpses::

Stampede: *FIRES THE KAMAHAMEHA* Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! *WIPES OUT NINJAS*

Scruffy: <hides in a box that says Fragile on it>

*A big dramatic nuclear blast takes out half of the world population. Yet only the Golden Cheesecake Pirate crew manage to survive.*

Que Pasa: Oh great, we just destroyed the world again. *nudges Jebus*

Jebus: Oh, AGAIN? Fine... (restores the world)

Stampede: Oh shit!!! Guys the spikes!!!

Lupine: ::counters Kamehameha with a Final Flash:: Now we wil see who is the stronger Saiyan!

Stampede: Shut up Lupine, I didn't even shoot it at you!

No Name: Yeah, you just happened to be in the way!

Lupine: Ahhh, but you did make my outfit gay! And No Name, you touch yourself at night.

That Krazy Dude: (mop smacks a remaining ninja)

No Name: Yeah? I told you not to intrude on me when I have alone time. It's lonely on the male-driven crew.

Scruffy: We have one girl.

That Krazy Dude: We have two girls. We have Siren and eLFa.

Scruffy: Oh yeah. And Nemo, but that's disturbing.

That Krazy Dude: He's in the middle.

Stampede: *LUPINE PUTS HIS TOYS AWAY AND STOPS IMAGINING HE COUNTERED THE ATTACK*

Lupine: ::Stampede puts away the air gun and stops pretending::

Stampede: Shut up, Lupine. You just repeated what I said, only with my name. You suck.

Lupine: Don't mess.

Jebus: (takes a nap)

No Name: Hey Jebus, did anyone ever question your existence?

Lupine: Stampede, truce?????

Stampede: No bitch, but I'll kick your ass later....

Lupine: Stampede, I challenge you to a duel.

Stampede: Shut up.

That Krazy Dude: (whips out deck of cards, turns out that it's themissing Florida ballots)

No Name: DUUURUUUUUUUUUU!D-D-D-D-D-..sorry I have a speech impediment.

Que Pasa: *eats the trash with the Florida ballots*

Announcer:: Yu-Gi-Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ket's duel!!!!!!!!

Lupine: ::shoots announcer::

Stampede: Yo No Name, please knock out Lupine for me.

Lupine: Not that type of duel!

Lupine: A duel only we can do!

That Krazy Dude: A gay duel? Oh wait, that's just you.

Lupine: I challenge you to a pose contest!

Stampede: No, you homo!

Lupine: ........ Matt, seriously, stop with the gay stuff.

Stampede: That's something only you *STRIKES A POSE* Ha bitch, top that!!

No Name: How about thumb wars!!!!!!!

Stampede: *STRIKES ANOTHER POSE*

Lupine: ::does chin pose::

Que Pasa: *shoots everybody* Ha I win!

Stampede: *DOES A HANDSTAND*

That Krazy Dude: *dances around West Side Story style*

No Name: AAAAAAH, 10 outta 10!

Lupine: ::does Captain Kuro pose::

No Name: Ohhhhh! Ahhhhh! Uhhhh...

That Krazy Dude: Eeeeeeeee!

No Name: Ehhhhh?

Que Pasa: *tries to pull off sweet dance moves but crashes into the same rock*

Stampede: *DOES VASH'S LOVE AND PEACE SIGN POSE* YOUR MOVE, BITCH.

Scruffy: <asleep>

Lupine: ::does Wolfwood's gun-holding poses:: I win!

That Krazy Dude: *tips over and gets 10 outta 10*

No Name: OHHHHH!

Stampede: Watch this one....

No Name: AND THEN STAMPEDE REACHES IN HIS PANTS AND PULLS HIS UNDERWEAR OUT!

That Krazy Dude: *throws a salad bowl at Scruffy*

Stampede: *PULLS OUT GUN, SHOOTS LUPINE*

Que Pasa: You just got served.

Lupine: ::blocks with sword:: I win! Muwahahahahahaha! (A second gold medal appears on him)

Scruffy: <wakes up>

That Krazy Dude: I win, you whore! (the second gold medal flies off Lupine and goes to Krazy Dude with the first one, while the second place medal goes to Stampede)

Lupine: I lose?????????

*CROWD BEGINS CHANTING AT LUPINE "SERVED! SERVED!". B2k walks in and backs Lupine up. Everyone starts mocking him because he lost a dance contest, which isn't much to be ashamed of.*

Lupine: ::throws brick at Stampede and blames Nemo's corpse::

Stampede: Yeah well guys, I gotta go get my other gun outta the shop, I'll be back later. And Lupine I just shot you, you can't throw stupid,

Lupine: I blocked.

Stampede: YOU CAN'T BLOCK A BULLET.

Lupine: Deflect it I meant. And you can if timed right!

No Name: No, only Virgil, Dante's twin brother can do that.

Stampede: Hey No Name, wanna come along?

No Name: Sure!

Stampede: I can get you a new gun and nice sword! Follow up.

No Name: (dives to shop)

Que Pasa: Nobody loves me.

That Krazy Dude: It's alright, Que Pasa. Now......

No Name: Come on, Que Pasa. Come join us!

That Krazy Dude: (hitchhikes onto a bus with mad hot women)

No Name: No Que Pasa, it's either hot women or going with me and Stampede to get guns. Which one?

Que Pasa: *looks from the bus to the shop dramatically several times*

That Krazy Dude: Hot women who are going to a sex competition and want some practice.

Que Pasa: *Finally picks up the Emperor and flings him down the reactor shaft*

No Name: But we have alot of senseless violence and shooting for no reason.

That Krazy Dude: So? Your point?

No Name: Alright, you win. I'm going with you guys.

Que Pasa: So we either should end this now...

That Krazy Dude: Or do mortal combat!

Que Pasa: Or continue without me but make sure you save the rest of the chat.

No Name: Yeah, goodbye until next time... when That Krazy Dude, No Name and Que Pasa are on the hot women bus.

That Krazy Dude: And Stampede goes to the shop alone.

Que Pasa: Yeah okay!

To be continued

Stampede: (swims back from the ship) HOT WOMEN? SEXUAL FAVORS? I'M IN!!!

Que Pasa: Tell your sister... you were right, Stampede. You were right... about me...

The Not So Huge-Ass, Crazy-Ass Adventure Part 2

by Scruffy, Que Pasa, That Krazy Dude, Stampede and No Name on June 24, 2005 (Incomplete)

Chat Section

John Mean: So
John Mean: Shall we continue
SYK0P4TH1K: continue?
John Mean: Bus full of hot chicjks, ring any bells?
SYK0P4TH1K: o
SYK0P4TH1K: y not
SYK0P4TH1K: u guys ok with it?
lupines rage: sure
bloodfollows: yup
lupines rage: steven ill save what we have and continue whenu get back
SYK0P4TH1K: steven? cap'n?
bloodfollows: where'd he go?
SYK0P4TH1K: thoses bastards
SYK0P4TH1K: well
lupines rage: maybe they are doing something
Captain Shanks13: bak
SYK0P4TH1K: cap'n wasnt really sayin nething
lupines rage: like shining the boat
SYK0P4TH1K: nvm
SYK0P4TH1K: cap'n
Captain Shanks13: yes
SYK0P4TH1K: we r resuming the story from before
bloodfollows: hmm we still need no name
bloodfollows: but where the hell is he
SYK0P4TH1K: good point
lupines rage: well hell jump in sometime
lupines rage: lets go on
SYK0P4TH1K: hold on
SYK0P4TH1K: ok
SYK0P4TH1K: im ready
bloodfollows: manny
SYK0P4TH1K: ?
bloodfollows: i sounded out a tiny bit of the ff7 battle song from ffr
John Mean: *So everyone is in the bus of hot chicks*
SYK0P4TH1K: nice
OnlineHost: THEX0913 has left the room.
Captain Shanks13: <ZZZZ>
SYK0P4TH1K: dam it
SYK0P4TH1K: nvm
SYK0P4TH1K: sum1 invite steve bak in
lupines rage: i gotta go
lupines rage: stupid blood test tomorrow
lupines rage: argh
SYK0P4TH1K: dammit@@
SYK0P4TH1K: *!!
lupines rage: i trust u all not to fuck lupine up at all
OnlineHost: THEX0913 has entered the room.
lupines rage: i dont wan him to be gay
SYK0P4TH1K: of course we won't
bloodfollows: shut up lupine
lupines rage: i amde him as a virtual version as myself
THEX0913: let himbe lesbo
bloodfollows: just go with the flow
lupines rage: making him gay or homosexual
lupines rage: is saying that of me
SYK0P4TH1K: *cough* gay transvestite stripper *cough*
lupines rage: understand
bloodfollows: damn marko seriously man why are you always getting sore about this?
lupines rage: no not funny im serious
bloodfollows: its a stupid story
Captain Shanks13: poncho?
bloodfollows: we all get cracked on
THEX0913: paco?
lupines rage: because i have a histroy of gay stuff {Editor's Note: Insert a copy of A History of Gay Stuff by Bathilda Bagshot)
lupines rage: i dont like it
SYK0P4TH1K: y do u say poncho?
bloodfollows: LMFAO
lupines rage: it hurts
Captain Shanks13: ooo, he said yo moms
lupines rage: like a mother
bloodfollows: oh shit you walked into that one
bloodfollows: anyways
bloodfollows: where are we?
Captain Shanks13: dunno
Captain Shanks13: mj's house?
OnlineHost: lupines rage has left the room.

Actual Story

That Krazy Dude: The bus of hot women, or the shop? Que Pasa's deciding which way to go.

No Name: ....... No pressure!

Stampede: Hey guys, I got an idea!

That Krazy Dude: What?

Stampede: The bus that we're on makes a stop at that gun shop I wanted to go to!

That Krazy Dude: Kool!

Stampede: It's a 30 minute wait.

That Krazy Dude: So we all go on the bus?

Scruffy: (leaps up from bushes) Fuck you!

Stampede: So we can do our stuff and then stop at the shop since i need to pick up my gun.

Scruffy: Fdfzdfxghxfl!

That Krazy Dude: ?

Scruffy: Yo moms!!!!!!!! GLOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That Krazy Dude: The hell?

Scruffy: <runs around like a mad man>

That Krazy Dude: Are you okay, Cap'n?

Scruffy: Dude, I screwed your mom, haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Stampede: Oh no, the cap'n has caught *DRAMATIC PAUSE*

Que Pasa: Hm, I wonder whatever happened to those dog-raping monkeys we were hunting? *When no one's looking one of the women shifts into a monkey*

Stampede: ....OCEAN MADNESS!!!!

That Krazy Dude: Oh my God!!!!!

Stampede: We must save the cap'n.

That Krazy Dude: Anyway...

Scruffy: <picks boogers> They are yummy and nutritious!

Stampede: The antidote is on the south tip of Africa.

Que Pasa: Ooh road trip!

*The monkey throws shit at Nemo and somehow kills him.*

Scruffy: To the land of the Black mofos!!!!!!!!!!

Stampede: WAIT!! WAIT!!

That Krazy Dude: ?

Stampede: Stop by the shop first.

That Krazy Dude: Oh!

Stampede: I feel the need to pick up my gun and kill some people!

That Krazy Dude: (laughs) You said you feel

Que Pasa: Bah you just wanna check out the porn section!

*Bus stops at shop*

Scruffy: Chin!!!!!!!!!

Stampede: *GETS GUN, RUNS BACK ON BUS* Okay guys, let's go!

*TWO HOURS LATER*

That Krazy Dude: We go to Africa!

Scruffy: <grabs rocket launcher> What this do? *blows up nemo* Cool! <aims at ship>

That Krazy Dude: NO!!!!!!!!!!

Scruffy: Damn, outta ammo! Give me give me gove me!

That Krazy Dude: *sigh of relief*

Scruffy: Yeah, GOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oooh, a butterfish!

That Krazy Dude: So-

Scruffy: MAKE ME A BUTTERCUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That Krazy Dude: We go to a voodoo doctor to find a cure for our insane cap'n.

Scruffy: Voodoo is fun!

That Krazy Dude: Like your mom!

Scruffy: sTRWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!!!!!!!!! MY MOM, OH SHE IS IN AFRICA HUNTIN MICE

*MJ comes outta nowhere*

MJ: I'll be your Strawberry Shortcake!

Scruffy: YAY!!!!!!!!!

That Krazy Dude: Where is everyone?

Que Pasa: *wraps his legs around Micheal Jackson's neck and snaps it*

*mj's nose falls off and starts beeping*

<This nose will self-destruct in 5...>

Scruffy: Screw you suckas!!!!!!!!!!!!! <runs>

*Two more noses sprout from Micheal Jackon's face in the place of the old one.*

Que Pasa: *throws nose into the ocean, waiting for the last second for dramatic effect*

*The self-destruct sequence stops and MJ gets up.*

MJ: Que Pasa! I challenge you to a battle of noses!

Que Pasa: You're on!

*Simon from American Idol is warped into the judge's chair*

Stampede: *COMES OUT OF ROOM WITH NEW GUN*

*Battle rages.*

Stampede: What'd I miss?

Simon: You are the worst... person with a nose... in the world.

Que Pasa: Who invited him?

*Jackson gets booger in nose and begins to suffocate*

Que Pasa: *flings Simon at MJ and they both explode Aqua Teen-style*

That Krazy Dude: Stampede! Que Pasa was having a battle of the noses with MJ!

Que Pasa: Okay let's go find that witch doctor!

*The GCPA find themselves wandering the Talimakian Desrrt. Mr. Pollito's laughter echoes throught the desert*

Pollito's Voice: Guys, if you're done talking, I'd like to get on with the lesson.

*Que Pasa- no, John... wakes up in Mr. Pollito's history class, a class filled with teenagers who resembled Que Pasa's crewmates.* (Editor's Note: Yeah, this was my attempt at a GCPA version of Party Goers 6)

John: What's going on? (looks at That Krazy Dude- no, Manny next to him) I had the strangest dream... we were all pirates...

Manny: We are.

John: OR ARE WE I'M MESSING WITH YOUR MINDS MAN!

Manny: (looks over at Salama, Matt, Sarah, Steven, Crystal, etc.; Nemo explodes)

John: Hey, you're not all in our history class. Why are you here? Your lack of speaking disturbs me. WHERE IS EVERYONE? (Last person leaves chatroom) I hate you all.

Sandwich

by That Krazy Dude on June 16, 2005

One day, the crew was relaxing on the ship. Just hanging out.

Scruffy: You guys hungry?

Salama: OH I AM!!!!!!

Salama starts dancing around the ship in celebration of lunchtime. Stampede tranquilizes him with his EZ gun (as seen in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater).

Stampede: Love this gun. Laser-targeting, infinite ammo, built-in silencer, and always 80 camouflage.

Que Pasa: Who said that!

Stampede: (heh heh) I've come for you, Que Pasa. You shall be taken away and forced to watch endless episodes of Dawson's Creek over and over again until you cannot stand it anymore.

Que Pasa: NO!!! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT DAWSON'S CREEK!!!

Que Pasa screams like a frightened little school girl and runs away. He trips and falls overboard.

Lupine walks over to the edge of the ship and looks over at Que Pasa floating there in the water, still screaming like a little girl.

Lupine: Again, Que Pasa? ZThis is the fifth time this week.

Que Pasa: Your mom's the fifth time this week.

Krazy Dude comes out of nowhere.

Krazy Dude: OOOOOHHH!!!!!!! BURN!!!!!!

No Name: Anyone want sandwiches?

Que Pasa appears right next to No Name out of nowhere.

Que Pasa (screaming right next to No Name's ear): I DO!!!!!!!

No Name: Aaaaaahhh! My ear! I think I'm deaf in my right ear now!

Krazy Dude (yelling to make sure No Name hears him): How many fingers am I holding up?

No Name: Three.

Krazy Dude: You'll be fine then.

Jebus: What does that have to do with his hearing?

Krazy Dude: .......Shut up! I'm the janitor! Not the doctor!

Scruffy: Good point. And since you're the janitor, you can clean my room.

Krazy Dude: .....Hey look it's Mr. Noble!

Scruffy: NOOOOO!!!! *runs off and hides in happy box* (mutters to himself over and over) I'm a good boy. Don't let the bad bald man get me.

Lupine: Right. So let's make that sandwich.

Stampede: Let's go!

*Salama wakes up.*

Salama: Did someone say sandwich?

Jebus: Oh Salama. Haha. So funny. *suddenly beats him over the head until he's unconcious* Now go back to sleep.

No Name: That was just plain wrong.

In the ship's kitchen....

Scruffy: So let's see...

Que Pasa: we have the bread, salami, ham, ceese, turkey, mayo, and sweatsocks.

No Name: What the hell? Sweatsocks?

Que Pasa: It's a personal favorite.

Jebus: Hey, those are mine!

Que Pasa: *eats sweatsocks* Not anymore!

Jebus uses god-like powers to get sweatsocks out of Que Pasa's stomach.

Jebus: Aww they're slimy!

Jebus throws the socks over his shoulder and hits Lupine in the face on accident.

Stampede: Anyway. What do we do now?

Scruffy: Have any of us ever made a sandwich before?

Krazy Dude, Stampede, Jebus, Lupine, Que Pasa, and No Name: No!

Salama: I've eaten one...or a lot more.....

Scruffy: Stop stating the obvious. So...what do we do now?

Lupine: Should we burn it?

Jebus: This isn't one of your crappy meals. Last time I ate your food, even my powers couldn't stop the indigestion.

Scruffy: Well...let's just wing it and see what happens.

Casualties that occured during the making of the sandwich:
-Scruffy lit it on fire.
-Krazy Dude mopped the bread and sprayed the lunchmeat with Pine Sol.
-Lupine tried to make it (need you say more?)
-Stampede blasted the sandwich with a 10-gauge shotgun.
-Jebus hit it with a bolt of lightning.
-No Name strangled the sandwich with force choke.
(Lupine: Is that even possible?)
(Krazy Dude: *smacks Lupine over the head* In here it is!)
-Salama sat on it.
-Que Pasa ate whatever was left.

Krazy Dude: Dammit! How the hell are we gonna eat now?

Lupine: Oh hey! I forgot! I have a sandwich right here!

*Que Pasa eats it out of Lupine's hand.*

Jebus: Nooooooo!!!!!!!

No Name: I'm tired of this. Let's get some pizza.

Everyone agrees

Nemo shows up out of nowhere and blows up.

2 B a Necromancer Master

by Que Pasa and No Name on June 17, 2005 (incomplete)

*Suddenly, on the Golden Cheesecake, Que Pasa's goldfish dies.*

Que Pasa: I can't believe it!!!! I had a goldfish??!!

No Name: Yeah.

Que Pasa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

No Name: Don't grieve over it, it was just a goldfish.

Que Pasa: BUT HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND HE WAS THERE FOR ME WHEN I WAS DOWN EVEN WHEN KAIBA BEAT ME IN THE DUELIST KINGDOM HE GAVCE ME HIS STAR CHIPS AND DRUGS AHHHH!

Scruffy: What's wrong, Que Pasa?

Que Pasa: Your mom is what's wrong!

Scruffy: See what you did, Nameless One? Que Pasa is heart-broken all because you killed his goldfish!

No Name: But I didn't do any-

Scruffy: Not another word from you! Go learn the dark arts of necromancing to revive his fish!

No Name: Man, I can't believe this! Come on Que Pasa, off to wherever we need to go!

Que Pasa: You must believe!

No Name: ... I don't belive this....

Que Pasa: BELIEVE!!!

No Name: *gets the yellow pages* Maybe they have necromancing in here. Necromancing...necromancing...ah here it is! Looks like we need to 123 Fake Street!

Que Pasa: Yay, my drug dealer is near there!

No Name: You know, I thought lately that maybe you were just shoving Lupine's cooking flour up your nose but I guess not.

*At the drug dealer corner...*

No Name: Okay, here we are!

*No Name is about to grab the doorknob when Que Pasa simply blasts the door*

No Name: God darn it! Que Pasa, you could've taken my robot hand off! Jebus!

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

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