GCPA Sidequests Part 4

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

Prologue: Night Before the Lock-In

by GORE-ILLA and That Krazy Dude

Que Pasa: Mr. Fatigue's blown up Fort Knox or something, and only we can stop him!

That Krazy Dude: We must save Fort Knox!!! Well....sorta be there after it blew up really.

*Que Pasa and Krazy run over to Fort Knox's remains, where Mr. Fatigue is trying to scoop up the melted gold.*

Mr. Fatigue: Ha! With this gold I can open up my own pet shop, and no one can stop me!

That Krazy Dude: Drop the macaroni, evil-doer!!!

Que Pasa: For America!

That Krazy Dude: For Scotland!!!

Que Pasa: Rise, men of the West!

That Krazy Dude: *puts on kilt and plays bagpipes badly*

*Mr. Fatigue dances in front of them, and they slowly start to lose their energy.*

That Krazy Dude: You can take away our freedom....but u can't take away our make-up!!!!! .....*gets drowsy*

Que Pasa: I'm... tired... (collapses Family Guy-style)

That Krazy Dude: I'm... also... tired... but... somehow... I... am... able... to... say.... this.... really, really.... long... sentence.... about.... how.... I'm.... tired.... penis. ...haha...... long.

*Mr. Fatigue laughs and starts drinking the gold. Mr. Fatigue starts to transform and looks just like...... your mom. Then he starts to transform into a carrot. Then into a mime. Then into several other mildly entertaining things until it becomes not my mom but.... the Brady Bunch.*

That Krazy Dude: Not them, anything but that!

*Brady Bunch waves happily in an ambiguously gay way.*

*The younger Bradies start making love to Que Pasa's leg, and the female Bradies all start making love to each other because everyone knows they're lesbians.*

Que Pasa: Sounds like a normal Thursday *smacks some of the Bradies around with a shotgun* Cap'n lent me his boomstick

That Krazy Dude: Sweet! *beats the dad over the head with a mop*

*The Bradies weaken and change back into Mr. Fatigue.*

Fatigue: No! How dare you foil my transformation! I'll be back- when you least expect it. At a time when you'll need to be awake the most...

*Mr. Fatigue leaps onto a senior citizen tour bus as it drives past and disappears very slowly*

That Krazy Dude: What time do you think he'll appear, first mate?

Que Pasa: I don't know, Janitor. I don't know...

That Krazy Dude: .....

Locked-In, Part I

by GORE-ILLA on October 24, 2006

Morgan Freeman: Our starts out on a Friday like any other Friday, in Mr. Malkowicz’s History class. A class which held members of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada.

Malkowicz: So what’s this thing everybody’s talking about?

Edwin: The sophomore lock-in- the biggest thing ever! We just stay up all night in the APA doing stuff.

Malkowicz: Well at about 5 AM tomorrow while you’re still at your lock-in, I’ll be waking up and going out to hunt geese in the wilderness.

Que Pasa: At least all of us pirates are going!

Scruffy: Nay. I am forbidden.

Que Pasa: CAP’n??!!!

Scruffy: Sorry, you guys will have to spend one freakin’ night without me to clean up your messes.

No Name: Fine! I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone- not even myself! (dives out window and falls down one flight into a box of glass, then attacked by rabid dogs)

Morgan Freeman: So the pirates dramatically part from their captain and make their way to the APA that night around 6 PM to begin… the LOCK-IN! (insert complicated musical number here)

6 PM: The Lock-in Begins

*Everyone starts setting up stuff for the lock-in. Lupine, Siren, Mini-Myself and Dreamer go to play games in the lounge. Stampede, No Name and Edwin head over to the gym to participate in sports. Patten has an orgy with Cait and Bianca in the halls. And Que Pasa wanders aimlessly until he meets with Rafael by the fitness room.*

Que Pasa: Yo.

Rafael: Fight me.

*Que Pasa nods and lunges forward, tackling Rafael into a stack of dumbbells. The two break out into hand-to-hand combat while trying not to trip over the dumbbells. They walk backwards as they fight their way through the girls’ locker room. Que Pasa picks up girls to block Rafael’s attacks and quickly make love with. Soon Que Pasa runs out of girls and couches to shield his attacks, so he dives out into the hall. Rafael tackles him and they roll into the gym. Basketballs and dodgeballs bounce all around them as they continue punching and kicking at each other. Que Pasa heads to the exit leading outside and kicks a stack of Judo mats beside it as he runs outside. The pile of mats collapse and block the entrance. Que Pasa laughs, until he turns around to see Rafael lift up the mats effortlessly and toss them to the side. They continue their fight across the tennis court and into the main entrance, where they use vending machines as boxing gloves. Que Pasa unleashes one stunning kick, causing Rafael to smash through the lounge door and fly across the lounge until he flies into the tv. It charges him with electricity until he lays still. Que Pasa sighs and surveys the room- seeing Siren dancing to “Dream a Dream” on DDR while Mini-Myself and Dreamer play ping-pong. That Krazy Dude rests under the pool table. Lupine switches between playing Game Boy and gazing angstly at the sunset.*

Que Pasa: Well that was pretty fun-

*Suddenly Rafael comes up at Que Pasa from behind and starts strangling him with a large sock. Que Pasa gags and struggles against the choking as he reaches for the sock.*

Rafael: What now, son?

*Que Pasa bends over very quickly, flipping Rafael off his back Judo-style. Rafael regains his footing and walks over by the pool table. Rafael grabs one pool stick and tosses Que Pasa the other.*

Rafael: Bring it.

*Que Pasa and Rafael leap atop the pool table and clash dramatically with the pool sticks until one giant attack in which both sticks are shattered. Rafael punches down at Que Pasa, who hops aside to the ping-pong table. Rafael follows and they both continue their hand-to-hand combat as they dodge the ping-pong ball. Then they leap down by the DDR. Que Pasa grabs a spare dance pad and slaps Rafael with it, sending him flying through the window outside. Que Pasa leaps out after him and they continue fighting across the truck yard until they reach the train tracks. As they go across, Que Pasa gets his leg caught in the track.*

Que Pasa: Err…

Rafael: End of the line, bitch!

*A train begins approaching. Que Pasa grabs the rail and tears it from the ground, then starts whipping Rafael with it. The train roars towards them. Both Que Pasa and Rafael leap atop the train as it speeds away. They continue fighting atop and within the train.*

Passenger: Help! We’re heading for a bottomless cliff thing!

Conductor: Damn, what the hell was I thinking?

Que Pasa: Now for the cheesey moment where we put aside our differences to do good.

Rafael: Fight me.

*Que Pasa and Rafael grab onto the front of the train and plant their feet in the ground until the train screeches to a halt at the last possible moment. Que Pasa wakes up when one of the passengers hands him his mask.*

Passenger: Don’t worry. We won’t tell anyone.

*Que Pasa nods dramatically and jumps out the window, shooting webs to swing his way back to the lock-in.*

Rafael: Next time, Que Pasa. Next time.

Morgan Freeman: Okay.

*Back at the lock-in, Stampede and Edwin are walking through the halls. They open one door and find Mr. Brancato making love to a horn.*

Mr. Brancato: GET OUT!

*Stampede and Edwin awkwardly leave and continue walking down the hall.*

Stampede: That is a nice horn!

Edwin: Damn I’m hungry. Isn’t there supposed to be free food?

Stampede: Don’t worry. The pizza will be here any second.

12 AM: The pizza gets here.

Morgan Freeman: And so everybody assembles in the health room to eat pizza while staring at the walls covered with posters about venereal diseases.

No Name: Guys, I’ve gotta show you my experiment!

Lupine: What is it, man?

No Name: Behold!

*No Name presses a button on the remote control to reveal an observation window showing a small blank room where Nemo, Mark G. and Ricky are gathered.*

No Name: I’ve placed these three in a room together, and we’ll see who’s still alive in the morning.

*A slice of pizza is lowered into the room. Nemo, Mark and Ricky all fly at it. Everyone else pulls out betting money.*

12:30 AM- Enter a random villain.

*That Krazy Dude runs up to Que Pasa.*

That Krazy Dude: I’ve learned some terrible news! The teachers plot to separate us all if even one of us falls asleep- we’ll be restricted to the lounge and Judo room!

Que Pasa: This is terrible news! Terrible!

*That Krazy Dude collapses with spears stuck in his back, and Que Pasa rolls him under the pool table.*

Siren: So if anybody falls asleep, then this whole lock-in is ruined?

Mini-Myself: That sounds like a cue for some villain to come out of left field.

Mr. Fatigue: (strolls into the lounge) Gimme yo energy bitches!

Mini-Myself: Not you again! Not now!

Siren: Who exactly is this guy?

Que Pasa: Mr. Fatigue- devourer of energy!

Mr. Fatigue: (slaps Que Pasa) Yo, this is my speech! (clears throat) Mr. Fatigue, devourer of energy! And I’ll take all of your energy so you won’t have any left!

Que Pasa: Quick! Take these! (tosses Snapple bottles around while jugging one down.)

*Mr. Fatigue does his sleepy dance, but everyone fights the fatigue with energy provided by the Snapples.*

Lupine: Ha! We win, Fatigue!

Willien: (collapses)

Mr. Fatigue: HAHAHHAHAHAAAAA!

Patten: That’s it, it’s over! Game over man, gamer over!

*Mr. Brancato, Ms. Whitham and Mr. Greco swoop into the lounge and grab all the girls, dragging them out to the Judo room.*

Siren: YAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Dreamer: Hey guys, AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*The three teachers reappear seconds later to shove the other guys in. They run to escape, but the lounge doors slam shut in front of them. They all pound futiley against the door.*

Mr. Fatigue: (surrounded by the angry guys) In retrospect, this was not a smart plot.

No Name: Now what? We’re doomed, doomed!

Que Pasa: We have to fight for our right to party!

To be continued in Part 2- “Insomnia Lounge”

Stampede: That is a nice cliffhanger!

Locked-In, Part II: Insomnia Lounge

by GORE-ILLA on October 25, 2005

*Scruffy scales a mountain and howls at the full moon.*

The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armadas Sidequests Presents: Locked In, Part II- Insomnia Lounge

2:00 AM- INSOMNIA INSOMNIA

*Everyone lazes around the lounge, and Azn Nick makes love to Willien's sleeping form. In the back of the lounge, Stampede and three others have been playing multiplayer Halo for hours. Lupine runs in with dynamite strapped to his chest.*

Lupine: I'll do it this time! I'm serious!

Stampede: (sighs) You're not gonna do it.

*That Krazy Dude rests under the pool table as Ricky strolls past, chewing on a piece of pizza.*

Mr. Fatigue: Damn this thing is boring. What the hell are we supposed to do?

Mini-Myself: I dunno. The girls took Twister with them. I don't see the point in playing it without any hot chicks anyway.

Nemo: I did bring an all-guys Twister! (holds up A Separate Peace Twister)

Edwin: Pass.

*In another corner of the room, Que Pasa rocks back and forth, muttering to himself madly.*

Edwin: No Name's turn to check on him! (shoves No Name forward)..

No Name: Dammit! (looks to Que Pasa) Uh... so... how ya doing, Que?

*Que Pasa springs up and grabs No Name by the shoulders.*

Que Pasa: I'm messed up, man! Real messed up! They've been playing that damn game for hours... all I wanna do is hook up some X-Men Legends or Four Swords Adventures or something... and all the girls have been gone, for hours man! I don't even remember what they look like! And our trap isn't working.

*Que Pasa looks towards the center of the room, where a pile of jewelry sprayed with TAG Body Spray lies with a net above it. No one has been caught in the net except Phil, who didn't even come to the lock-in.*

Que Pasa: Dammit, man! I don't remember what the world is like outside this room. Is there even a world out there? WHO AM I???

No Name: ...I think we need a change of scenery.

2:30 AM- In the boy's locker room.

*All the boys have moved into the boy's locker room. They even hooked up a tv to play Halo on for another few hours. Patten and Salama check out the showering area.*

Patten: Damn you need a shower. Try one of those out.

Salama: No way, I'm not going into one of those showers. I don't trust them.

Patten: Come on! They seem perfectly safe and secure!

*Patten looks into one shower room and knocks on the wall. The fake wall then falls over to reveal Ms. Castinon waiting with her camera. Patten and Salama run.*

3:00 AM- The plan.

Stampede: Okay! This isn't working. We have to go out there and reunite ourselves, then, I dunno, set off some cheesey romantic subplots.

Que Pasa: The cheesey romance subplots WILL sell us more tickets in the theater...

Stampede: Exactly. So we need a plan to get to the Judo room without being caught by the teachers. Any suggestions?

That Krazy Dude: Over here my onions! First we must gather acorns and bury them for the winter. Afterwards half of us shall slip out the lounge window. Using grappling hooks, we shall scale the wall of the APA to the roof. We'll plant TNT on the portion of the roof above the Judo room and then leap down, protected by a cloud of smoke and doves.

Edwin: What about the other half?

That Krazy Dude: A simple deduction. The rest of you shall go through the bathroom and find among you the Chosen One who can speak to the pipes. Then you shall tear out all the room's sinks and urinals, and enter their pipes. The Chosen One will guide you through the pipes to the sink in the Judo room's bathroom. As long as Clyde isn't taking a dump, things should go perfectly.

Stampede: I dunno. That's a pretty big variable. Let's try testing the security first.

No Name: How do we do that?

Stampede: Hm, lemme see... Name-No, try sliding one of those Judo belts under the door leading to the gym. Everyone else, stay back. Helluva far way back.

*No Name cautiously starts to slide the belt under the door as Stampede watches. Stampede turns around to see all the other guys crowded around him.*

Stampede: What the hell man?

*Mr. Greco's voice is heard from the other side of the room.*

Mr. Greco: What do they think we are, stupid?

*For no reason, all the guys start screaming and run back to the lounge. No Name is the last to walk in. Then he pulls up his pants.*

Que Pasa: What?

Stampede: We've learned something- Mr. Greco's guarding the locker doors, and No Name needs a belt.

Lupine: I think we should give up. This security looks impenetrable.

*Suddenly the ventilation shaft's cover falls down, and Skanky Siren and Dreamer lower themselves on ropes.*

Siren: We made it!

Dreamer: Hey guys!

Stampede: (smacks head) The ventilation shaft! Why didn't I think of that?

Lupine: (whacks Que Pasa) Look, the girls are here!

Edwin: Damn we're violent. (kicks Mini-Myself a few times)

Que Pasa: G-girrrrrr... girrrrrrrr.... girrrrrrrr...ls? Girls? (rubs eyes) Oh... I see now... (looks to Siren) Sarah Argul... and... (looks at Dreamer) ...gimme a few minutes, it'll come to me.

Dreamer: Ouch.

Siren: So now what do we do?

Stampede: I guess you can pick two of us to have a cheap romantic subplot with for the rest of the night unless you can bring the rest of the girls over.

*Everyone leaps into the air as they hear a loud horn screeching. Then they turn to see Mr. Brancato at the door with his horn, Mr. Greco and Ms. Whitham.*

Mr. Brancato: I knew I caught the scent of joy!

Mr. Greco: And I thought it was gas.

Mr. Brancato: Both of you, outta here!

Que Pasa: I don't think so!

Mr. Brancato: What's that?

Que Pasa: Why don't we play a game? If we win, we pour water on Willien's head and can hang out with the girls again!

Mr. Brancato: And if you lose?

Que Pasa: Then we will willingly become servants in your extraterrestrial amusement park.

Mr. Brancato: Fine. Name the game.

Que Pasa: ...

*All the pirates and guys huddle.*

Siren: They're just teachers. We have to pick something we'll be better at then they are.

Edwin: How about video games?

Que Pasa: I got it! (points to the teachers) We challenge you to a basketball game!

Edwin: Dude, adults suck at video games!

Patten: Don't worry. Maybe they're not so good at basketball either.

Dreamer: The teachers will be dangerous if they get Clyde on their side.

No Name: Leave him to me. (disappears into the shadows)

Siren: Alright, let's get them!

Ms. Whitham: We need a fifth teacher for our team.

Mr. Greco: No, let's ask Mr. Estrada over there!

Lupine: SHUT THE HELL UP!

*Mr. Noble appears out of nowhere to fill in the last spot.*

Que Pasa: They're just teachers, they can't be that good.

*Mr. Greco, Ms. Whitham, Mr. Brancato, Mr. Noble and Ms. Castinon all pass around a glowing basket ball which turns each of them into giant deformed monster creatures. Everyone pummels Que Pasa with dodgeballs.*

Siren: They've stolen the talents of all the greatest basketball players!

Next- The exciting conclusion: "Earth Jam"

Locked-In, Part III: Earth Jam

*Captain Monkeyman Scruffy walks into the Golden Cheesecake's kitchen and gets a glass of milk.*

Mr. T: Whatchoo doin' fool? Where are other fool foolers?

Scruffy: At the lock-in. It's might boring without the others around here.

Mr. T: Then we'll go on our own adventure! No use drinking your troubles away but remember to drink milk anyway.

Scruffy: Okay. Where will we go?

Mr. T: I don't know fool. The night is still young.

*Mr. T and Scruffy board Mr. T's van, and they drive it off the side of the ship.*

3:15 AM- No Name infiltrates the Judo room.

*Clyde walks out of the Judo room's bathroom satisfactorily and enters the main room. He immediately senses another presence.*

Clyde: Who's there?!

*No Name drops down from the ceiling wearing a Judo gi and confronts him.*

Clyde: Ah, Steven. Here for Fitness?

No Name: No. We must kung fu fight.

Clyde: (gets into a battle stance) Hajime.

*Elsewhere, the people gather in the lounge.*

Stampede: Great. How are we gonna win with the teachers super-powered?

Que Pasa: There's one person they didn't get- Micheal Jordan!

*Elsewhere, Micheal Jordan has retired from basketballing for prostitution. He's about to serve his next client when Que Pasa's hand reaches out from a hole and pulls him into the pirate world.*

Larry Bird: (climbs in through the window) Where'd he go?

*Back at the APA...*

Edwin: Micheal Jordan! We need your help to beat our teachers in a game of basketball!

Micheal Jordan: No way! I've given basketball up forever! Basketball killed my father!

Edwin: Please?

Micheal Jordan: Sure!

*The teachers walk in. All of them look monstrous except Mr. Noble.*

Mr. Greco: You're still going through with this? You really don't think you can win, do you?

Que Pasa: Of course we can- we have the best of the best, Micheal Jordan!

Mr. Brancato: That loser? He thinks that the Looney Tunes live deep within the Earth's crust!

Micheal Jordan: I remember that time. Damn I was high.

Lupine: Mr. Noble, you look the same as normal. Shouldn't you look different?

*Mr. Noble lifts up his shirt to reveal that his stomach now has a fanged mouth. The stomach-mouth lunges out and eats Nemo.*

Micheal Jordan: That's it! I didn't even know that annoying short kid, but now it's on!

Ms. Witham: We'll see you on the courts!

That Krazy Dude: Penis.

Que Pasa: Alright, let's all huddle in the boy's locker room.

Siren: What about us?

Que Pasa: Fine, we'll huddle in the girl's locker room.

*What he just said happened.*

Micheal Jordan: We need four of you hundred people to go in alongside me. Who should we pick?

Que Pasa: Simple. (nods to No Name, presses a button on a remote control)

*The exits seal, and all the lockers pop open to reveal a different weapon.*

Que Pasa: Pick your weapon- last four standing!

Karl: You're evil, man.

Micheal Jordan: Maybe we should just pick the best four ball players.

Mr. Fatigue: Pick me! I'm ready to skool those teachers, no pun intended.

Stampede: But he's one of our greatest enemies!

Mr. Fatigue: 'Cuz I'm black?

Mr. Noble: Capitalize the B!

Mr. Fatigue: Sorry. 'Cuz I'm Black?

Stampede: Fine then, maybe we can let you play the basketball team. You look like you could play well.

Mr. Fatigue: 'Cuz I'm Black?

Stampede: Stop it!

Mr. Fatigue: Oh, so it's like that.

*In the Judo room*

Clyde: (smiling) Come on Steven, we're just getting started!

*As Clyde motions, pipes and mats tear off the walls and fly at Steven, who smacks them away until one of them knocks him out the window.*

3:30 AM- The games begin.

*Everyone rushes to the game to prepare for the game. The pirates' team is chosen- Micheal Jordan, Stampede, Mr. Fatigue, Edwin and Bill Murray. Everyone else is forced to sit along the extremely long bench. Both the team meet each other in the center of the gym, watched by an inexplicably-large audience. Que Pasa patrols the bench- whenever someone starts to fall asleep, he runs up and shouts into their ears.*

Micheal Jordan: Let's play!

*The teachers get the ball first. Ms. Castinon sprints across the gym to the pirate hoop and hops over all of Stampede's land mines. Bill Murray leaps out at her, but Ms. Castinon blinds him with a camera flash. He stumbles around clumsily until he steps on a land mine. Mr. Fatigue swipes the ball from her and tosses it into the hoop.*

Mr. Fatigue: What now?

*Mr. Fatigue dances until Mr. Greco leaps up into the air Mario-style and lands on top of him.*

Mr. Fatigue: 'Cuz I'm Black?

*Now only Micheal Jordan, Edwin and Stampede are left against them. Edwin is chased by Noble's monster stomach while Ms. Whitham comes from the other side with her spiked football helmet.*

Edwin: Uh... uh...

*Edwin gets caught between both at the same time and is sent flying into the audience, who take his clothes to sell on eBay.*

Stampede: We're getting pwned out there.

Nemo: Bring me in! Bring me!

Micheal Jordan: Didn't he die?

Stampede: Yeah.

Micheal Jordan: How'd he come back?

Stampede: This is the pirate world. Anything can happen here. See no matter how many times I kill Nemo, he always comes back? (uses all weapons in his arsenal on Nemo)

Micheal Jordan: Hm... that gives me an idea...

*No Name struggles against Clyde.*

No Name: Dammit!

Micheal Jordan: (walks up to Mr. Noble) I want you guys to give back my friends' talent.

Mr. Noble: Fine, we'll have a wager. If you win, we'll give your friends their talent back. But if they lose, you'll have to come to our extraterrestrial amusement park as our slave! You'll sign autographs and perform sexual favors all day! You'll have to continuously play basketball and lose each time! And some other messed-up crap!

Micheal Jordan: Screw that, keep their talent.

*The game continues even with only Stampede and Micheal Jordan. Stampede swipes the ball and tosses it to Micheal just as all five of the teachers slam down on him. Micheal runs down the court with his balls. Mr. Noble tries to block the hoop, and Micheal leaps up into the air. "I believe I can fly" starts playing as Micheal's arm stretches towards the basketball hoop. Then his arm gets sucked into the jet engine of a passing plane, and the rest of his body is shredded in it.*

Que Pasa: Did we win?

*Stampede rolls towards the others in a wheelchair while Edwin is supported on crutches.*

Stampede: Okay... let's keep playing.

Lupine: But without Micheal Jordan, we can't win! We have no good skillz!

Que Pasa: ...Unless you take his secret stuff!

Edwin: What secret stuff?

*Que Pasa takes out a bottle of steroids and scribbles "Micheal's Secret Stuff" on the label.*

Mini-Myself: Maybe we would've believed that if you didn't write it right in front of us.

Que Pasa: ...Damn.

Mini-Myself: What are you waiting for? Pass that shit!

*Elsewhere, Clyde and No Name battle along a windswept platform. Suddenly, Clyde flips No Name with enough intensity to cut his hand off.*

No Name: AGH

Clyde: We could be powerful Steven, if you came to Judo sometime this week.

No Name: Never! I'll never join you!

Clyde: Montel Williams never told you what happened to your father, did he?

No Name: He told me enough! He told me you ipponed him!

Clyde: No, Steven. I am your father!

No Name: NO! THAT CAN'T BE! IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE!

Clyde: Come to Judo club next week and we can spar as father and son!

No Name: I'll fight you right now!

Clyde: With only one hand?

No Name: As long as I have a hand to grip with, I shall fight you!

*No Name slams Clyde against the ground with fierce intensity.*

No Name: Ippon!

Clyde: Son... take my mask off... let me look at you with my own eyes...

No Name: But you'll die!

Clyde: It's too late for me now son.

*No Name takes off Clyde's mask to reveal... OLD MAN JENKINS!*

Old Man Jenkins: I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for you... meddling kids... (explodes)

4:30 AM- The game comes to a close.

*Things don't go well in the game. That Krazy Dude is being carried away on a stretcher.*

That Krazy Dude: Male... reproductive... organ..

*Soon its the last minute of the game, the score being 100000000000000000 to 1, with the teachers in the lead. The only four players left being playable are Siren, Que Pasa, Mini-Myself and Lupine.*

Lupine: Things don't look too good.

Que Pasa: Don't worry, in everything related to basketball a miracle comes to deliver the winning score at the last minute.

Siren: We still need one more player.

*Mr. Nardiello leaps in through the skylight and poses cooly before collapsing from all the glass on his skin.*

Lupine: Nard? What are you doing here?

Mr. Nard: I felt like driving by to say hi.

Mini-Myself: At 3 in the morning?

Siren: Good, you can be our fifth man!

Nard: Fine, but after this we play Super Smash Bros. Melee.

*Everyone rushes onto the court for the last five minutes. The teachers have the ball. Mr. Greco runs forward with the ball. Mr. Nard goes towards him and snatches the ball, then tosses it to Mini-Myself as Ms. Whitham tackles him over. Mini-Myself shrinks down with the ball and runs around while dodging Ms. Castinon's fly swatter. Lupine holds out his hand so Mini-Myself can run into it and continues running with Mini-Myself aboard, but Mr. Noble runs over with his stomach-mouth open. Mini-Myself grows to normal size and leaps from Lupine's hand, tossing the ball into the air while diving to safety. Lupine then runs like hell from Mr. Noble while Siren catches the ball. She and Que Pasa toss the ball back and forth as they run across the court, as they go dodging Mr. Brancato. Mr. Brancato then shoots a beam from his sex horn that blows up the ball.*

Everyone: NO!

Siren: There's only ten seconds left!

*Suddenly, 100000000000000001 balls materialize above the hoop and fall in, making the final score 100000000000000000-100000000000000001.*

Siren: Yes, we won!

Mini-Myself: But how?

Que Pasa: The miracle of basketball.

*With that, the guys and girls were able to hang out together again to play Smash Brothers, Four Swords Adventures and DDR and warm up cold pizza.*

5:00 AM- Not over yet.

*No Name is playing Sonic Adventure 2 Battle.*

Shadow: (sings) Maria! I just had a melodramatic flashback about a girl named Mariaaaaa!

Que Pasa: Hey guys, Mr. Malkowicz should be waking up any minute now to go hunting for geese.

*Suddenly Malk leaps in through the window dressed in hunting clothing and holds up a shotgun.*

Rafael: What are you doing here?

Malk: I've decided that instead of hunting geese, I'll hunt the greatest prey of all- the elusive sophomore!

Next- Part Four: The Epilogue. The final battle, and some crazy-ass extras.

Locked-In, Part 4: The Unexciting and Bland Epilogue

by GORE-ILLA on December 17, 2005

*In a New Jersey night club, a crowd has anxiously formed around Mr. T and Scruffy, who look over an opened bomb. Scruffy desperately reaches around with a pair of scissors.*

Scruffy: Which wire do I cut?? Aw man this hopeless. Game over, man! Game over!

Mr. T: Don't worry fool- try the red one!

*Scruffy nervously reaches down and cuts a wire, and...*

The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Sidequests: Locked-In Part 4: The Unexciting and Bland Epilogue

5:00 AM- On the Run from Mr. Malkowicz.

*Malk stands in front of the students waving an elephant gun around threateningly.*

Malk: I've decided to hunt the greatest prey of all- the elusive sophomore!

Siren: Nobody say anything about Jaaer being a communist...

Stampede: You sure got up quick. You had good coffee?

Malk: Oh yes, the French kind. You see, the French... (goes into a long rant about different types of coffee. Then notices how everyone else has left and angrily flings his marker against the wall)

*All the kids take refuge in the guys' locker room.*

Karl: How can we stop him?

Que Pasa: I happen to have a perfect, foolproof plan to stop him. ...Hang on, gotta take a tingle.

*Que Pasa heads towards the urine l. However then the door of the stall behind him crashes open and Rafael tackles Que Pasa from behind, smashing him through the urinal and wall to the fitness area, where they continue their endless fight. Nemo runs after them, as he has been waiting for this moment, and shoves both of them into a tub of mud. Then he tosses a pair of thongs and some pies at them.*

*In the meantime the others have run up the stairs to the second floor of the APA that nobody knows about and wait at the staircase. Edwin notices the cans of paint and ropes nearby.*

Edwin: Wait a tic, I have a plan! Have any of you ever seen Home Alone? The kid swings paintcans down a staircase to knock out the burglars! Maybe it'll work here!

*They hear Mr. Malk coming up the stairs. Edwin ties the first few paintcans up, holds them for a while and finally releases them in rapid succession. Then a few seconds later each can flies back up and smacks him on the head.*

Edwin: (dizzily) That did not work well...

*Everyone quickly ducks into a door, for they are in an endless hall filled with doors.*

*Malk arrives at the top of the stairs and looks around. Then he instinctively checks his holster and pulls out a blue lightsaber and turns around to see Mr. Greco with a red lightsaber. They begin dueling.*

Mr. Greco: The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but a student. Now I am the teacher!

Malk: Only a teacher of postulates, Greco! If you strike me down I will only become more powerful than ever before!

*Everyone peeks out from their doors. Mr. Malk pauses and holds up his lightsaber in concentration. Greco swings at Malk, and his body disappears.*

No Name: NO!!! (starts firing his blaster wildly)

Malk's Voice: Run idiots, run!

*Siren flashes Greco, who falls over backward down the stairs into the tub of mud. Nemo starts breathing heavily.*

Han Solo: Hurry up!

*Everyone rushes onto the Millenium Falcon as it blasts off from the APA.*

Han Solo: Let's hope the old man got that tractor beam down, or this'll be a real short ride!

*The Falcon flies up to the stars while the APA explodes beneath them. Everyone looks out at the beautiful space sights.*

Que Pasa: Too bad Scruffy isn't here.

Siren: What happened to him?

*Scruffy and Mr. T are in Mr. T's van, which is near the edge of the Grand Canyon. Navy officers run after them. Scruffy and Mr. T look at each other, hold their hands and then drive the van at full speed over the cliff.*

Morgan Freeman: And now for some extras/alternate scenes/deleted scenes/more random scenes...

*Clyde leaves a bathroom stall satisfied and sees Peter Potamus at one of the urinals.*

Peter Potamus: Hey... did you get that thing I sent you?

---

Que Pasa: (sips a Snapple) This is for me... (pours some on the ground) This is for me mateys that couldn't make it...

---

[alternate version of inspirational speech to Micheal Jordan scene]

Stampede: We're getting pwned out there.

Micheal Jordon: (sees Que Pasa in the corner) What's that guy doing?

Que Pasa: (immediately turns to face Micheal Jackson in a creepy way) Do you believe that a man can fly?

Micheal Jordan: Sure, in a plane.

Que Pasa: No, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about soaring through the clouds with nothing but air beneath you.

Micheal Jordan: People can't fly, strange man.

Que Pasa: I did. After the accident, when my heart stopped. It was the most exhilarating two minutes of my life. I flew over Smallville, and for the first time, I didn't see a dead end. I saw a new beginning. Thanks to you I have a second chance.

Micheal Jordan: ...What the hell are you talking about?

I can't think of anything else

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10