GCPA Sidequests Part 5

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

This round starts off with Mt. Everest Trek, which was written in an AIM chat like most sidequests. Most of the others are written in a very different and new OGing method, with multiple writers working at one computer- either taking turns at the keyboard or funneling everything into one typist.

Mt. Everest Trek

by GORE-ILLA, That Krazy Dude, Salama, Lupine and Jebus on November 4, 2005

Note: The original version of the story was instead set in the Himalayas. The Himalayas are non-canon, but Mt. Everest isn't.

Que Pasa : We have to help Mr. Meyer climb Mt. Everest! Television brainwashed us into doing it.

That Krazy Dude: Yeah, as well as memorizing the Geico theme!

*Salama and Jebus catch up to Que Pasa, That Krazy Dude, Lupine, No Name, Frenchie and Mr. Meyer.*

That Krazy Dude: Now we have the Jebus!

Mr. Meyer: Come on, we'll be the first eight people from Hudson Country to climb the Mt. Everese! Just watch out for those 90 feet crevices!

*No Name slips and falls down a chasm*

*They're all climbing the Mt. Everest and guiding Mr. Meyer through the deadly snowstorm. The snowstorm is blinding. Then... then... um...*

Salama: *brings a Nintendo DS to Mt. Everest*

*Suddenly they're attacked by a mountain goat.*

Que Pasa: *steals the Nintendo DS*

Salama: My DS!

*The goat eats the Nintendo DS and your mom.*

Que Pasa: NOOOO *starts wrestling with the goat*

*Goat rips off fur to reveal bulging muscles, then freezes to death due to the extreme cold.*

Que Pasa: That was a sad death.

That Krazy Dude: Yes it was.

Que Pasa: *drops a rose on the goat's body then forgets what just happened and eats it*

Salama: My DS, you son of a bitch!

That Krazy Dude: Sadder than Mr. Meyer's memory problems. Viva las Vivas!

Salama: *uses alter power to become Kazuma the Shell Bullet and punches*

Que Pasa: *pulls the DS from the goats stomach and uses it to block Salama's punch* Nintendo products- extremely durable!

That Krazy Dude: Then why was your DS screen cracked last year?

Salama: *uses Kazuma's second form* Shell Bullet Burst!

That Krazy Dude: At least I think it was your's.

Salama: No, mine is fine.

That Krazy Dude: Not your's, idiot!

Salama: Oh, who's?

Que Pasa: I REFUSE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION

That Krazy Dude: Who else would have a DS in this chat?

Salama: (me)

That Krazy Dude: *cough* Que Pasa *cough*

*The GCPA continues to climb the mountain. Suddenly they see The Rock floating above them while surrounded by a snowstorm.*

The Rock: Haha I have become the ultimate weather wizard!

That Krazy Dude: That's what you think!

Que Pasa: Go easy on him! He played Johnny Bravo!

Salama: He did?! Really??!?!?

That Krazy Dude: *gasp*

Que Pasa: Yes.

Salama: Fo' sho', damn... *punches The Rock with Shocking 1st Bullet*

That Krazy Dude: *throws a shovel at The Rock*

Salama: *tops it off with Annihilating Second Bullet*

The Rock: GAH! HOW DID YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS WAS TO BE HIT BY A SHOCKING FIRST BULLET FOLLOWED BY A SHOVEL>???!!! (explodes)

Salama: *finishes it with an Exterminating Last Bullet*

Que Pasa: Okay Salama, I think we got him.

*They continue on, leaving behind Lupine, Frenchie and Jebus's frozen bodies cuz they're not TALKING.*

Salama: Seeya, you ice pops! Que Pasa...this is your part to say something...

Mr. Meyer: We're out of food and supplies! (glares at Salama)

Salama: It wasn't meeee!

Que Pasa: But we're only halfway up!

Salama: I was ownin The Rock!

Que Pasa: Your mom owns The Rock. Or something that rhymes with it OH

That Krazy Dude: Oh yeah, well I was owning your mom while she owned The Rock! And while you watched and cried!

Salama: ...Why would I eat supplies?

Que Pasa: Simple, you'd eat supplies if there was no food left!

Salama: No!!!! *sweats nervously*

Que Pasa: Why'd we have to leave the other pirates' bodies behind? Now we have nothing to eat!

That Krazy Dude: Good point!

Salama: *uses Tachibana's Eternity 8 to erase all his companions' memories* What food?

Que Pasa: Your baby!

That Krazy Dude: Exactly. We have no minds to store memory, Senior Salama.

Salama: There's a Jr. Salama?

*Elsewhere, watching on a viewscreen*

Jesse McCartney: No! I cannot let them reach the top of the mountain, as it will set off a chain of events that will somehow ruin my plans for world domination! I must stop them.

Salama: No, he's singing! Get down!

*Elsewhere, everyone's all taken cover in a cave. The cave is dark, and they find some of the Florida ballots.*

*Al Gore leaps up from the Florida ballets, grabs Salama and drags him down*

Al Gore: Haha! I invented the internet and Party Goers! You can't stop me!

Salama: *does osotogari makikomi to Gore* (which is what I did today to Paulo and Richard)

*Al Gore blocks Salama's attacks with his own feces*

Salama: UGH!

*Salama gets feced!*

Al Gore: *then bites Salama's ear off.*

That Krazy Dude: *throws Pine Sol at him*

Salama: *gets Nibbler's feces and throws it at Gore to crush him under massive weight*

Mr. Meyer: YAAAHHHH (tackles Al Gore, and they roll around until they tumble down a 90-foot chasm)

Que Pasa: We have to save Mr. Meyer! Otherwise we can't have our IT class, and we might have to retake Rsearch!

That Krazy Dude: NO NOT THAT!!!

*Mr. Gutmann steps out of the shadows.*

That Krazy Dude: No not him!

*Mr. Brancato steps out from behind him and horn-rapes him up the ass*

Mr. Gutmann: You give them eyes but they do not see. You give them ears but they do not hear. You give them mouths but the y talk too much- (is bombarded by tomatoes) Did you just says is?? DOES NOT COMPUTE (explodes)

Mr. Meyer: Let me in! It's not fit for man nor beast in there! (walks in) Here's the man... (drags in Al Gore) and here's the beast!

Que Pasa: How did you survive?

That Krazy Dude: Simple.

Mr. Meyer: BUMBLES BOUNCE!

Salama: Nick dot Com!

[/obscure Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer reference]

That Krazy Dude: 588 2300 Empiiiiiire!!!! [i know]

*The group continues up and nears the peak.*

That Krazy Dude; We're not gonna make it....

Mr. Meyer: WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!!!

That Krazy Dude: We're getting close, like your mom!

Que Pasa: Does anybody else hear singing in the distance?

Lupine: :: leaps down from sky with head phones and holding staff in cool pose:: Anyone remember my specialty is elements? :::makes fire::

Salama: *uses Alter Power to stop them from going in different directions*

Mr. Meyer: This is gunna be a great story for me to tell my child who's gunna be born in 3 months!

Lupine: ::then puts out fire::

Que Pasa: What the fuck? You jump out of the sky and make a speech about elements just as we're about to jump into the exciting climax?

Salama: I'm afraid this is where I get off.

That Krazy Dude: I'm afraid this is where you jack off!

Salama: (pulls out sleeping bag and starts to walk back to the cave) Me go sleep now, you insomniac bastards!

That Krazy Dude: Shut up, or not! Whatever.

Que Pasa: Just few more minutes!

Salama: Okay fine, I'll stay for a few minutes!

*Jesse McCartney claps his hands slowly and sarcastically)

Jesse McCartney: Congratulations on reaching the top of the mountain... but you'll reach nothing else!

That Krazy Dude: Except into your mom's pants!

Lupine: ::is ashamed and walks off::

That Krazy Dude: Hooray!

*Jesse McCartney drags Lupine back and humps his leg*

Jesse McCartney: I WANT YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL

That Krazy Dude: And your leg too, apparently.

*Jesse McCartney reaches into Lupine's chest and pulls his soul out. Everyone decides to stop standing still and stop him*

Jebus: -Appears randomly and laughs-

Que Pasa: Dammit! Don't you have work?

That Krazy Dude: I have to work on someone's mom. It's like working on the railroad.

Jebus: No. Well yes. But I come to help!

Que Pasa: Yeah okay. *tosses Jebus at Jesse McCartney.*

Jebus: The power of Christ compels you! KAMEHAMEHA!

Lupine: I'm out. (collapses)

Jesse McCartney: SHE'S NO YOOOOOU (is tossed back and drops Lupine's soul but it doesn't matter since he left anyway)

Que Pasa: We did it! We reached the top of Mt. Everest!

Mr. Meyer: Hooray! Ugh... (falls over)

That Krazy Dude: Victory is ours!

Que Pasa: HIS WATER BROKE!

Jebus: Yet how do you get down?

*Everyone rides Lupine's frozen body down the mountain and to the nearest hospital. Then they sell Lupines' body parts to quadriplegics*

Jebus: Dosent that make him worse? Err..

That Krazy Dude: No......

Jebus: Forget I said anything.. Let's play baseball with his soul!

That Krazy Dude: *looks around suspiciously* Oh kool! *rips off Lupine's leg* I got a bat!

Jebus: -throws the soul at him with inhuman speeds and watches it go through the leg- Err.... WILSON! Come back!

That Krazy Dude: *runs away*

Jebus: ...

That Krazy Dude: *runs into lamp post*

Morgan Freeman: So Mr. Meyer gave birth to his own television set, and all the pirates enjoyed playing with their comrade's dismembered body.

The End

Jebus: -rips off his clothes, revealing him in a thong and dumps them in a trash can- I am Jebus no more.

Back to the Future From the Present's Past's Future

by GORE-ILLA, No Name and Stampede on November 7, 2005

No title can properly describe this.

Deep down in the Atlantic Ocean with a weird sbmarine......A giant cat comes out of nowhere.

Que Pasa: Oh no, it's a Giant wet pussy!!!!

Stampede: Do I even have to say anything?

Que Pasa: Your mom does.

Stampede: *SHOOTS MARLON* See what you made me do!!?!?!?

*Mr.Greco is playing X-Men Legends 2 with No Name.*

Mr. Greco: QED

*No Name tackles Mr. Greco and starts wrestling him, impaling Greco on the PS2.*

Mr. Greco: Ouch, that really hurt. WHY???

Que Pasa: Because you didn't get a Gamecube.

That Krazy Dude: And you didn't eat your vegetables.

*Edwin sheds a tear.*

Mr. T: Get ready you fools. We have to go to the king's ball tonight.

Cap'n: But first we have to give that giant wet pussy a licking...

Que Pasa: Haha, you said "the." I'm hungry.

No Name: Why don't you just eat your mom? It did great for me!

Stampede: Me too. As a matter of fact, your mom was great too No Name. Great source of protein. And sex. Speaking of mothers, I can't believe Siren and Dreamer and the other two chicks got sucked into a wild time-traveling adventure. Now who are we gonna take to the ball?

Que Pasa: Well I'm taking Mr. T. As for the rest of you, we'll have to sail the seas to find some booty.

*Everyone prepares to sail off.*

Scruffy: Looks like we're all here... except for Nemo.

Stampede: Forget him. I found him hiding in the bathroom with Rafael's new yaoi manga.

Scruffy: ...Let's set sail!

*The Cheesecake sets sail and falls off the Earth. Along the way, horrendous images of Christopher Columbus say "I TOLD YOU SO!!!"

*Back at the ship*

Que Pasa: Aw man, what am I going to wear to the ball now?

*Three rats come out.*

Three rats: We'll help you out with your attire!

*The rats begin sewing and making Que Pasa's dress in a Disney Cinderella way.*

Que Pasa: Wow, thanks guys! *eats them*

Edwin: Hey, what's that in the distance?

Scruffy: It looks like another pirate ship. Let's check it for wenches.

*They close in on the other ship and nearly get hit by bullets.*

No Name: What was that?

*They look over and see a bunch of modern-looking pirates wielding automatic weapons and even rocket launchers.*

Stampede: Oh shit...

*The Cheesecake takes on a rocket to one of its main missile cannons*

Que Pasa: Cap'n! We've been attacked!! They've taken out missile launcher number 4!!

Scruffy: Not number 4!!!!

Stampede: Looks like we're gonna have to fight them on their ship. Our ship can't take more damage!

*Everyone gets their jetpacks and heads over to the attacking ship, dodging bullets. Of course, Nemo's tank is shot and he ignites into a hellish blaze. Meanwhile back wherever the hell it is that the girls are...*

Siren: The year 2035 is great!! I mean getting waited on by every man! And the women rule! And we have a woman president.

Dreamer: Yeah but i can't help noticing that there has been an increase in car crashes, political incompetence, and tupperware parties...

Siren: Yeah...*SIPS OUT OF A HIGH TECH CUP THAT LOOKS LIKE A Penis*

*In another time and place, the Golden Cheesecake crew is restrained by the high-tech modern pirates.*

Captain Ben Dover: Ha, we've got them!! Theres no way they can-

First Mate Alpha Kenny Thing: They've boarded our ship, sir.

Ben Dover: Shit...

*The crew is tied up.*

Ben: You're our hostages now!

Stampede: The fuck did we get tied up!?

Ben Dover: Don't you mean HOW the fuck did we get tied up?

Stampede: No I don't, asshole.

Chef Asshole: Who's calling me?

Que Pasa: *SMACKS FOREHEAD WITH HAND and bites it*

Ben Dover: We'll hold you here until someone pays our ransom!

Scruffy: Who the hell would wanna pay our ransoms?

Ben Dover: We'll find someone!

*Thirty years later...*

Ben Dover: Okay, I'm tired of waiting. I'm gonna let you go.

Shadowed Figure: WAIT- I have a better idea.

Ben Dover: Ahh. I was wondering where you were. Cheesecake crew, meet our technology assistant, the Chinese prodigy Rei Pyu As.

Rei Pyu As: Thank you for the introduction. Now for my idea. I just finished building a time traveling machine.

*Back with the girls*

Siren: WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR TIME TRAVELING MACHINE!?

*Cheesecake's capturers' best friend's mother's goat's ship*

Rei Pyu As: Well I stole one. But i actually built one that took me 30 years. Here it is...*SHOWS A CARDBOARD BOX WITH TIME TRAVELER-ER WRITTEN ON IT*

Que Pasa: YOU STOLE MY CARDBOARD BOX IDEA!!! LAWSUIT!!

Lawyer: I'm suing, I'm suing!

No Name: It took you thirty years to build that shit!? You suck! I spit on your crap!! *SPITS ON RAI PYU AS' FECES* And your time traveler!! *SPITS ON THAT AS WELL*

Que Pasa: We have to beat the crap out of them! Wait, where's the chef?

Salama: (opens the fridge to find Lupine frozen there) POPSICLE!!!

Patten McGroin: Remember me? (gets shanked by Asshole)

*Suddenly a space car crashes into the ship. Siren, eLfa, Dreamer and Frenchie leap out with lightsabers, while scandily clothed, and they begin cutting through the pirates.*

Ben Dover: Dammit, I forgot to update our weapons in the thirty years we've held you hostage!

*All the no longer modern-day pirates run away screaming while the girls send them to erotic deaths. Then a giant ocean wave splashes all over the white shirts.*

No Name: They're gonna kill us all when they read this.

Que Pasa: My clothes got torn off too... Nemo, why are you looking at me? Look at them!

Scruffy: Quick crew, into the time machine!

*The twenty-or-so pirates squeeze into the cardboard box.*

Ben Dover: (bleeding to death) AAAUGH AAUGH IT HURTS!!!

No Name: Hey guy, can you press the button?

Ben Dover: SURE!!! (presses the button, and his hand falls off.)

*Everyone's sent back in time thirty years back on Ben Dover's ship.*

Ben Dover: Hey, how'd you guys get out of your ropes? And why does that disembodied hand on your box look like mine?

That Krazy Dude: (shoves a mop down Ben Dover's throat and suffocates him)

Que Pasa: Pretty violent. But can it beat this?

*Que Pasa grabs the mop's handle and picks up Ben Dover with it, then uses his body to slap around the rest of the modern day pirates.*

Stampede: Or this! (shoves a weapon through Ben Dover's bent over body, cutting through his ass and shooting the bullets out of his mouth)

Siren: Um... (points to themselves in the past who are tied up)

Que Pasa: I hate time travel. (shoots the past versions of themselves)

*Mr. T drives up in a limo wearing a tuxedo.*

Mr. T: Hurry up fools, we'll be late for the ball!

Que Pasa: Well we got four girls, I guess we can split them.

Edwin: Save someone's upper half for me!

Stampede: I'm not sure whether I want the white meat or dark meat....

No Name: What do you mean? Which one is which?

Stampede: Well the white meat would be the part that usually doesn't get the tan. The dark meat is the part that gets more tan and is better if it is bigger.

Siren: Are you sure we can all fit into that limo?

Stampede: We were just in a CARDBOARD BOX.

Siren: Damn what was I thinking- HEY I JUST GOT WHAT YOU MEANT!!

Cap'n: Well I'm glad this time-traveling adventure is over with.

*A time portal opens up, and a naked Mr. T leaps out with a long flowing beard.*

Future Mr. T: Hey guys, don't drink the courvoisier at the party.

Adam West: Thank you tinkle fairy.

*Everyone goes to the king's ball and gets some action, except for course for Nemo.*

Nemo: (pours salt on his fries) HAHA I'M GONNA GET DIABETES.

Siren: You get diabetes from sugar, not salt.

Nemo: (pauses and then breaks out into fake-ass laughter)

Mr. T: It's midnight, fool!

*Que Pasa rushes off and drops a crystal slipper while the others turn into rats and a pumpkin.*

Que Pasa: WHAT HAVE I DONE???

*After Que Pasa leaves, Adam West finds the crystal slipper.*

Adam West: This slipper is so beautiful... I must find its owner! I know, I'll try this on every person in the world, because only one of the billion people in the world must have this shoe size!

*And so Adam West fits the slipper on Rei Pyu As and they live happily ever after.*

Morgan Freeman: And that's the end, until the exciting sequel- Lupine's Adventures in Penisland! Goodbye one and all, and have yourselves a super-unhealthy Thanksgiving!

Dinosaurs in the Mist

by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, No Name, Stampede and Edwin on November 14, 2005

Some high school geeks present:

The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada: Dinosaurs in the Mist

*The GCPA escape a rap concert in Mr. T's van as it explodes around them.*

Lupine: We're not gonna make it!

Mr. T: (shoves his foot on the pedal) WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!!!

*The van goes off a ramp as one last giant explosion envelopes the concert hall right behind them.*

Han Solo: Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!

No Name: This guy again? I thought you got a restraining order!

Scruffy: It's tied up in the courts!

Lupine's Fruity Owl: I'm a hummingbird, but I do more sucking then humming!

Edwin: Thank you, movie critic Gene Charlotte!

*Cap'n lights inscence candles*

Scruffy: I need to get in the mood.

Miss Knight: Stampede, I need you to do me a favor! *funky porn music plays*

Scruffy: WOOOOO! What's that!

Miss Knight: (takes out a music board) Thanks, for the music sample Matt!

No Name: So did you get that extra-credit Geometry question?

Stampede: I dunno, I wasn't sure which angles counted.

Que Pasa: No, stop talking about the work outside of class! You're letting them win!

*50 Cent walks up to them with his body charred and everything.*

Lupine: You okay?

50 Cent: I got blown up nine times!

Que Pasa: (drops a bomb in Fifty's arms, and he explodes)

50 Cent: I got blown up ten times! (steps on a land mine) I got blown up eleven times! (Que Pasa continuosly tosses bombs to Fitty) Twelve times! Thitreen! Fourteen! Fifteen! (silence)

Lupine's Fruity Owl: Fifteen. Fifteen explosions to the center of a rapper.

No Name: I didn't know he could talk.

Que Pasa: I didn't know you were so damn ugly. (grabs the PSP out of Edwin's hands and eats it) Pay attention fool!

Lupine: Shut up, I challenge you to a staring contest!

*Que Pasa and Lupine stare at each other for a few minutes.*

Que Pasa: Your eyes... I can see forever in them... (Lupine collapses out of creeped outness) Ha I win!

*Lupine gets back up and smacks him with a wooden bat.*

Scruffy: Fools, get over here! We have a new mission.

Zordon: Rangers we have a new mission! Rita is planning to attack the earth with some stupid easily beaten monster that we have to summon the mega zord and cause massive destruction for no reason!

Siren: I dunno, are there any other missions we could take?

Scruffy: The only other mission is a treasure chest guarded by an octopus.

Siren: Pass.

*SIREN REMEMBERS HER LAST INCIDENT WITH AN OCTOPUS...*

Scruffy: You okay there, Siren? You look a litt-

Siren: *SHOUTING* I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF!!! *SPRAYS MACE IN SCRUFFY'S EYES*

Scruffy: AHHH!!! MY EYES!! WHY DID YOU SPRAY MACE IN MY EYES!?!?!?

*Suddenly Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker are near Zordon, wielding their lightsabers and fighting fiercely.*

Anakin: ITS NOT THE JEDI WAY!!!

Mace: HE MUST DIE!!!

*Mace and Anakin's lightsabers both go flying out of their hands and hit Zordon's tank*

Zordon: AGHHH!!!! Please! Tell my wife, Mashed Potatoes, that I love her!!

Que Pasa: NO! I already ate her!!

Stampede: Out?

Que Pasa: Well, yeah, but I ate her completely afterwards.

Stampede: That is a really nice story!

Zordon: NO!!!!

*Zordon dies.*

Que Pasa: WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?

Stampede: I don't know, but Anakin and Mace sure saved us a helluva lot money in Cloudy Face food.

No Name: I know! Feeding him is a pain in the ass!!

Anakin and Mace: Yo, fight us! Who will fight us?

*Krazy Dude stands up*

Krazy Dude: I-

Stampede and No Name: We will!

Krazy Dude: Okay then! *SITS DOWN AND EATS CHIPS*

*Stampede and No Name draw their Black-Crystal Lightsabers*

No Name: I'm taking Anakin!

Stampede: Okay then! Mace, this is for Krazy Dude's sister, who you raped and killed!!

Mace: NO! I AM KRAZY DUDE'S SISTER!!! *TAKES OFF MASK AND REVEALS...QUEEN LATIFAH!!!*

Krazy Dude: NO!!

Stampede: WHERE IS THE REAL SAMUEL L. JACKSON!?!?

Anakin: *PULLS OFF MASK* ITS ME!!

Stampede: The fuck!? Then who's the real Hayden Christensen!?

Natalie Portman: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!

No Name: Then who's the real Natalie Portman!?

Fat Albert: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!!

No Name: Then who's the real Fat Albert!?

Nia: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!

Stampede: THE FUCK!? WHO THE FUCK IS THE REAL NIA!?

Lupine: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!! AND ITS BEEN ME YOU'VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH!!!

No Name: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: ALL RIGHT! ANYONE ELSE WHO'S STILL WEARING A MASK, TAKE IT OFF NOW!

*Everybody pulls off masks to reveal the original participants of this story. 'Cept Zordon. He became Jessica Alba*

Stampede: Hey, you're still dead, dude.

Patten: NO!!! WHY DID JESSICA ALBA HAVE TO DIE!?!?!? *Patten becomes a necrophiliac and fucks the dead corpse repeatedly, but finds out that it was not actually Jessica Alba, it was Mr. Noble. This strange turn of events turns Patten McGroin to the Dark Side, and he is now dubbed...DARTH CURRY!!! But we'll explain that later. BACK TO THE STORY!!!*

*NEMO EXPLODES*

Darth Curry: Quit changing the subject! I'm tired of being forgotten by you damn writers!

*The writers hit Darth Curry in the stomach with a gigantic pen*

Writers: YOU SHUT UP AND WAIT YOUR TURN!! MAYBE IF YOU POSTED EVERY NOW AND THEN!!

Darth Curry: Fair...enough...*FAINTS*

*NOW REALLY BACK TO THE STORY*

Edwin: Got any threes?

Scruffy: Nope go fish.

*Que Pasa eats card deck*

That Krazy Dude: I hope this story doesn't become as weird as TV Production class...

[flashback]

*Mr. Meyer walks into the classroom ten minutes after class starts.*

Mr. Meyer: I'll take attendence now. Vittori Ferrari...

Vittori: Here!

Mr. Meyer: Any relationship to the car?

Vittori: No...

Mr. Meyer: Okay, Joshua St. Martin. Any relationship to the St. Martin's Island?

Josh: What?

Mr. Meyer: Brian Vivas. Viva las Vivas! I can't pronounce this name, help me out... Da... de... du...

David: David.

Mr. Meyer: Okay, good. Now I want to tell you about digital video technology, like your iPods.

That Krazy Dude: I have one on me.

Mr. Meyer: Good, hand it to me.

*That Krazy Dude gives Mr. Meyer the iPod. Mr. Meyer stuffs the iPods into his mouth and eats it.*

[/flashback]

Scruffy: This is dragging on for too long. Where's our anticlimatic enemy?

*The floor opens up, and Darth Curry pops out.*

Darth Curry: Haha- (is forgotten by the writers and disappears. His place is taken by Count Gonad)

Count Gonad: I'm back, and I'm Tonka tuff!

Que Pasa: Back in Black?

Count Gonad: Damn Right! Too cool for school!

Que Pasa: Nice like ice?

Count Gonad: Ice cold!

Que Pasa: OOOOh!

Count Gonad: For this final battle I shall choose the four of you who have had little screen time in this thing! (summons Siren, That Krazy Dude, Mini-Myself and Salama)

*Count Gonad gets into some funky-ass giant robot as he moves in on the four.*

That Krazy Dude: (plants mop in the ground like a flag) For the artichoke!

Salama: Let's summon the Megazord! Oh no, but Zordon is dead...

Zordon: I'm still with you in spirit! (spirit is eaten by Que Pasa)

Count Gonad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... eh.

Que Pasa: You know Cap'n you should use this life experience to write that novel...you know that novel...that one you should you write...the novel....to draw from life experience..write the novel.. {Editor's Note: I do not affiliate myself with this stolen line in any way, shape or form)

*Count Gonad's Robot charges forward with a Penis Blade and slashes it around as everyone struggles to dodge it.*

Mini-Myself: We need a giant robot of some sort!

*They all look at Salama. It's impossible for Salama to become smaller, so when Mini-Myself tries shrinking him Salama grows instead to the size of the robot. Both begin grappling. Edwin bungee-jumps into the battle and transmutes the Penis Blade into a giant Corn Dog, which Salama mindlessly eats.*

Count Gonad: Dammit! Dammit, dammit, damn something else!

*Count Gonad's robot tries running, but That Krazy Dude vomits all over the ground. The robot slips over it and breaks down.*

That Krazy Dude: You lose, General Pastrani.

Count Gonad: Not yet... (his beard comes to life and punches That Krazy Dude into Salama, who falls over towards Mini-Myself)

Mini-Myself: Oh crap...

Gonad: Bam!

Siren: Not yet!

*Siren wheels in a catapult regurgitated by Que Pasa, then puts the catapult behind Salama and launches him back at Count Gonad.*

Count Gonad: My only regret is that I did not use any more innuendo-related weapons! (holds onto Nemo passionately in the last moments before they're both crushed beneath Salama)

Scruffy: It's over! We won! I feel proud even though I did absolutely nothing to contribute to this!

*Everyone holds hands and sings Christmas carols.*

Lupine: I prepared a cake for this occasion!

*Lupine pulls open a curtain, and behind it they see Frzngld with electric prongs hooked up to his nipples.*

Frzngld: Get out! Ge- ge- get out! (accidentally breaks the power generator with his duck hand, setting the ship on fire)

*Everyone laughs in a sitcom matter while the ship burns around them.*

Mr. T: The end... Now get out! (throws you helluva far)

Saget Vs. Teytleboym

Written by Lupine and That Krazy Dude on November 16, 2005

It’s fifth period at High Tech High School, and the crew has been divided up by the evils of Count Gonad when he won the school in a game of strip musical chairs. So the half that gave up their summer foolishly must now be separated from their friends and are trapped with Dr. T, the crusha from Russia.

Siren, Krazy Dude, Lupine, ADD, Nemo, and Frenchie as well as some of their non-pirate friends are trapped in this classroom of pure chemical evil. One day the crew was working on predicting chemical and they were all bored as hell. So they started having random conversations with each other.

Frenchie: So John Dabrowski, what bands do you listen to?

John: Oh, all kinds of bands but I love listening to Simple Plan. (Editor's Note: It was some kind of weird injoke that they made where mentioning Simple Plan would summon Saget)

Siren: NO!!!!!!

Dr. T’s computer begins to crackle and sparks are seen flying everywhere. The computer then explodes violently sending glass across the room, every shard landing on Nemo. No one else was harmed.

Nemo: Ow I can't feel my limbs!

*Saget appears out of the rubble*

Dr. T: (in spitting Russian accent) Vat the heeel have you done with my computer!?

Saget: I'm sorry, what did you say?

Dr. T: Vat-the-heel-have-you-done-with-my-computer?

Saget: Oh. Bring me the first Cuban child, I must feed!

*Lupine points to Nemo*

Lupine: He’s Cuban! I know it cause I…um…uh…um……am gifted!

Nemo: Noooooooooo I’m Dominica---- *is eaten*

*Little children run into the room.*

Kids: Silly short, annoying, Dominican, life is for - *gets eaten by Saget*

Dr. T: Vat are you doing? You come in here and eat my students and disrupt my class!

Dr. T: *rips shirt open to reveal bulging muscles* Now it’s time to die Seeget!

Saget: Fight me bitch!

*Saget tackles Dr. T and they battle by the lab table which is basically a big table and a sink. Saget punches Dr. T, but Dr. T reaches into a drawer of chemicals and throws liquid nitrogen into Saget's eyes.*

Saget: My eyes! My beautiful soulless eyes!

*Saget uses his tentacles which freak the crap outta Siren causing her to go into fetal position, then grapples with Dr. T*

Vince: Ah yes…good memories….*has a flashback to Summer Bio and remembers several great memories*…. Those are some big ass titties….

ADD: Why do you look like you’re gunna take a dump?

Lupine to Krazy: Where the hell is our back up?

::meanwhile the rest of the crew is in Greco’s class::

Greco: Okay everyone, it's nap time!

*Scruffy, Que Pasa, No Name, Stampede, Edwin, Mini-Myself and Dreamer get blankets and fall asleep.*

Lupine: Well….ah! *gets cut off by Dr. T collapsing on him* mMy legs! I can’t feel my legs!

Dr T: Oh well. Geet ovar eet.

*Saget picks up Carlos’s desk with Carlos in it and swings it at Dr. T. Dr. T evades it and picks up John Cariel's desk and starts to have a desk duel. They battle furiously with the desks until they break. Lupine points and laughs at Carlos*

Carlos: Least I have a girlfriend!

Lupine: *cries and looks at Krazy Dude for back up*

Krazy: *shrugs* Can't help you there anymore.

*Dr. T punches Saget in his face and Saget falls back and breaks the wall between Dr. T and Rubenstein's class. Dr. T and Saget face off there only to find that Rubenstein hasn't had his coffee. They avoid him and fight their way to the back room. Dr. T grabs a microscope. Dr. T and Saget sword fight with microscopes. Rubenstein sees the destruction of his precious class and is mostly calm but then Saget trips and knocks his coffee over. Rubenstein snaps and begins glowing a shade of green. Vince magically appears in the backroom at a table with a butchered star fish on a tray and a scalpel in hand.*

Vince: He said I could cut it, right?

*Dr. T grabs the star fish and throws it as if it were a ninja star at Saget, impaling it in his temple*

Saget: Foolish Russian *Saget absorbs it*

::In the meantime::

*ADD walks in circles in a never ending cycle*

Lupine: Krazy, snap him out of it!

*Krazy dude tries to go up to ADD and stop him but he can't catch up to him, so he's just following him in the circle he's walking in. Eventually a tornado is formed and Nemo gets caught in it and flung through the wall to the back room and lands on Vince's scalpel*

Vince: Can I cut it?

Siren: I haven't said anything in a while.

*Krazy whispers something to Lupine*

Lupine: Siren you’re hot.

Siren: Fuck you.

Krazy: Guess it's not the same.

*Dr. T impales Saget with a lab coat…somehow.*

Luckily for Dr. T, Rubenstein likes to store all the remains of past dissection projects..

*Dr. T finds the most recent and deadly one…the summer biology remains. Dr. T grabs Saget and throws him into the remains head first and Saget starts to scream in pain and disgusted horror. Rubenstein walks in still glowing and notices the destruction. He holds it in but then he is pushed too far, he noticed the lab coats on the floor*

Rubenstein:: Rubenstein angry!

*Rubenstein rips his shirt and turns green but that’s about it*

Rubenstein: Rubenstein smash!

*Rubenstein hits Saget only to have him look down on him*

Saget: Silly mortal. *knocks Rubenstein into the shower station*

::meanwhile::

*ADD continues to circle around and Krazy is still caught Lupine sent Frenchie, Nemo, and Siren in but all got caught in the vortex.*

Lupine: Well this sucks.

*Dr. T is still battling Saget furiously while the crew walks in circles. John Cariel and Carlos are unconscious, John Debrowski is listening to simple plan, and everyone else is sorta sitting there mesmerized as the crew continues to walk in circles. Dr. T and Saget battle their way back to the chemistry classroom. Saget swings a punch at Dr. T but Dr. T ducks and does a Mario-style upper cut which launches Saget into the tornado being created by the crew. Saget is flung out of the classroom into Greco's class.*

Dr. R: Well anyway... *bell rings* dammit!

Dr. T: Oh well, I'll see you all tomorrow.

*Nemo spontaneously combusts*

Dr. T: Vat do you know, it ees possible.

*The whole class laughs along with Dr. T.*

::back in Greco’s class::

Greco: Nap time’s up!

*Everyone gets up, and Stampede shakes Que Pasa out of his slumber.*

Que Pasa: ::mumble grumble:: Simple Plan ::grumble::

*Crew wakes up completely.*

*Saget busts out of Greco’s marker-drawn Mario square*

…and that my friends is the true meaning of Christmas

The End

The Adventures of Scruffy and Que Pasa: Harry Potter and the Mystery of Where the Hell the Light Rail is

by Scruffy and GORE-ILLA on November 18, 2005

*Big dramatic anime theme song filled with philospical lyrics that have nothing to do with the show.*

Scruffy: Excellent!

Que Pasa: Cap'n, everyone has gone off to Newport to watch the new Harry Potter movie!

Scruffy: What bout us? Weren't we invited?

Que Pasa: I dunno. The invitations must have gotten lost in the mail

Scruffy: Damn those fools! Who feeds them?

Que Pasa: Mr. T does.

*Scene of Mr. T sprinkling fish food into the ship from above.*

Scruffy: Who gives them shelter? Who adopted them???

Que Pasa: Kelsey Grammar. ...We must find them!

Scruffy.: Well then, who's ship is it?

Que Pasa: Technically it belongs to the state of Idaho.

Scruffy: ..... I have a brilliant idea that I just stole from you. Let's go find them!

Que Pasa: Excellent! They were going to take something they call the "light rail". We must find this "light rail" and intercept them there

Scruffy: What the fuck is that?

Que Pasa: I have no clue. But if we keep wandering in random directions, we're sure to find it.

Scruffy: Okay, before our ship gets blown up again though, let's use these horses that just happen to be here.

Que Pasa: Okay.

*Scruffy and Que Pasa board the horses and ride off while Lord of the Rings music plays*

(A horse bites Que Pasa's Mario-Kun manga)

Que Pasa: BAKANA! (eats the horses) Damn, I should have said it in Kanji to get extra credit

Scruffy: Great....now we have no mode of transportation! ...I have an excellent idea! (whistles)

(Salama comes tired and hungry saying, "Feed me feed me". Scruffy presses the button on the cloning machine and duplicates Salama into 3.)

Scruffy: There, transportation. And this time, the transportation can eat you instead of you eating it.

Que Pasa: Salama went to the movie didn't he?

Scruffy: No, I don't think he did. And anyway, this is a clone. All 3 are clones.

Que Pasa: *climbs out of Salama's mouth* Ah the cruel irony!

Scruffy: (pulls Que Pasa out) Stop...fooling ....around!!!

Que Pasa: Hey, you know this is the perfect opportunity for some random villain to come and challenge us!

Scruffy: So it is.

*A closet opens, and Mr. Fatigue marches out.*

Mr. Fatigue: Gimme yo' energy bitches!

Scruffy: Mr. Fatugue!!!!!

Mr. Fatigue: And that's Fatigure, bitch!!!

*Mr. Fatigue starts doing a wild dance*

Scruffy: Que Pasa....feel...weak!

Que Pasa: (cuts one of the Salama's stomaches open) Quick, hide in here!

Scruffy: Get the meat-scented Fabreese can....and spray it...on Fatigue!

Que Pasa: *does what he just said, and Mr. Fatigue runs off chased by the Salama clones.*

Scruffy: Good job, Que Pasa! Now, we're off.

Que Pasa: They're probably already at Newport Mall. Let's just head there

Scruffy: (following that sign that says Newport Mall)

*Mr. Meyer follows them in the shadows with two leashed cowjackals*

Que Pasa: We're almost there!

(After a long and perilous trek through the Sahara Desert, Great Wall of China, center of the earth, and the Eiffel Tower, they reach the Light Rail.)

Scruffy: We're here...we made it!!!! (gets jumped)

*They're both pinned to the ground by Mr. Meyer's cowjackals.*

Scruffy: Damn it, so close! (train moves off to next stop) We missed it!

Que Pasa: Not yet! *tosses one of the cowjackals into the other, causing them to explode, then fires a grappling hook from his nose cannon that links onto the train*

*Scruffy grabs onto Que Pasa's foot as the train pulls him away*

Scruffy: Good job Que Pasa, I'll finish the cowjackals off! (drops energy sword on rail, causing an electric oversurge, send the jackals flying in a Team Rocket fashion)

Mr. Meyer: (speaks into walkie-talkie) They're getting away.

Guy on Other End: Don't worry, leave them to me.

*Gorenicus rides up in a hovercar and starts dropping junk towards Scruffy and Que Pasa.*

Scruffy: Aw crap, Gorenicus! Not you again, you stupid monkey!

*Gorenicus flies towards the grappling line with a giant pair of nose clippers*

Scruffy: No!!!!!

*Inside the train, the other crewmates are too busy tossing around Family Guy quotes to notice anything. Gorenicus cuts the line and sends them flying back as the train leaves*

Scruffy: (falls of) Remember me for who I am!!!!!

Que Pasa: Remember who?

Scruffy: (thud) ouch

Que Pasa: We failed to catch them there, but we have to get to Newport Mall! Our afternoon's entertainment is at stake! I just want to go there and shout out, "CEDRIC DIGGORY DIES!"

*The pirates quickly board jet skis and continue driving towards Newport.*

Scruffy: Where'd you get these?

Que Pasa: Don't remember. Think I stole them from a hobo.

Scruffy: I know what he feels like... (remembers a Jedi with a pirate band steal his blanket) Well, anyhow, how do you use 'em?

Que Pasa: You just... use them.

*Cap'n drives forward with new intensity. They soon arrive at Newport Mall after dodging a field of movies starring rappers like Fifty Cent*

Scruffy: Phew, we made it!

*Scruff and Pas quickly rush towards the movie theater.*

Movie Dude: Sorry, the movie already started, and it's never being shown again since its being recalled for its high amount of HOT SEX

Que Pasa: Maybe we can sneak in!

*Gorenicus drops down through the air duct*

Gorenicus: Not so fast!

Scruffy: Not you again! (throws fireball)

*Gorenicus is still laughing, chokes on the fireball and explodes*

Scruffy: ....I planned that. Now, let's go in!

Movie Guy: I said no!!!!

Scruffy: Que Pasa, dance off with him!

Que Pasa: *grabs a pencil and duels the Movie Dude; Eventually the Movie Dude is pinned to the poster for Superman Returns by a pencil going through his chest*

*The others come out of the movie.*

Que Pasa: Wow, that duel lasted 154 minutes?

Scruffy: Wrong!!!, it lasted 154.00 minutes!!! u fail, no go to the dorner and cry!!!

Que Pasa: Fine. Where's the dorner?

*A giant polygonal being drops down.*

Being: I AM THE DORNER, BRINGER OF DOOM!

Scruffy: Oh no, trouble! (goes into a trash can and a magical light appears around it, a figure pops out wearing a cape and speaking with a Californian accent)

Figure: Where there's trouble, you can count on Super Hobo!!!!!!

*Super Hobo and the Dorner run into each other and fight until Dorner's penis is set on fire and he explodes.*

Super Hobo: Whenever a citizen is in need , like I'll be there, or here, or that place where the citizen is.......Super Hobo...AWAY!!!!!!(goes to fly off for a dramatic end but trips over own cape)

Super Hobo: Dude!!! That, like, hurt shaw!

*The Millennium Falcon drives into the mall.*

Han Solo: Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!

Que Pasa: What the hell just happened?

*Japanese anime credits play with shots of random girls and more lyrics with philosophical meaning that have nothing to do with the show.*

The Electric Train Adventures

by No Name on November 19, 2005

The Electric Train Adventures *not a sequel*

Edwin: It's a half day. Wanna go to the mall and watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire?

Stampede: Alright! Let's invite Patten, Krazy, No Name, Lupine, Que Pasa, Shiny Stallone, Salama, Dreamer and Karl the Angry Black Man Trying to Get Out the Hood, and some other people (like Bianca and stuff)

*During Homeroom*

Mr. Fatigue: Guys, I'm leaving...to Atlanta.... *starts drying*

No Name: NOOOOOOO! Now Keyara is the token black girl! Why Mr. Fatigue! Why! Is it because of the lock-in..We're sorry, we were just playing with you!

Mr. Fatigue: No, it's Destiny calling me, No Name and crew!

No Name: Screw Destiny!

*Mr. Fatigue picks up cell phone*

Mr.Fatigue: Hey Destiny. What's up boo? Yeah I'll be there next week...yeah....yeah...alright. By the way when you said screw Destiny.... I just might take up that offer. Have a donut.

*Que Pasa takes a donut*

Que Pasa: Hey this one is shaped like a penis! With jelly filling!

Edwin: That's the new form of gonorrhea!

*Later during the day*

Dreamer: Can I come ?

Que Pasa: I don't know!

Patten: There are too many people coming.

That Krazy Dude: Aha, he said coming!

Que Pasa: Touche!

That Krazy Dude: !echout

*Que Pasa hysterically laughs, and milk comes out his nose.*

That Krazy Dude: AHAHA you have white sutff coming from your nose!

*At the lockers. Stampede, No Name, and No Name's brother "Some Name" talk to Patten to find out how they will get to the light rail.*

Stampede: Alright so Patten we're taken your bus and we can all drop our stuff at your house right?

*Patten is having orgie with Reneta and Bianca.*

Patten: No, my mom is acting like a female dog.

Stampede: Yo bro, what the hell! *takes pistols out and shoots the hallway up*

No Name: Thats alright I'll drop my stuff off at Edwin's.

Patten: See you're cool. You're not angry like Stampede.

*Later in geometry class*

Mr. Greco: Okay, so how can we find the sum of the measure of angle 1 and 4 to be 270 other then using the sum of the exterior angles always add up to 360?

*Que Pasa runs up to No Name*

Que Pasa: (whispers into his ear) Harry Potter, Harry potter, Harry potter....PENIS! *starts laughing*

Stampede: Yo Daniel, can we go to G's to get a bus pass?

Mr. Greco: Alright. But be careful. The road to G's is a treacherous one...filled danger and more danger at every corner, oh and cream filling! But take heed, the treasure is worth the perils!

*Edwin, Stampede, and No Name walk out the class room*

Stampede: I don't know what dangers Daniel is talking about, I don't see any here.

*Dr. Abbasi and Ms. Dobkin appear*

Ms. Dobkin: You three talk to much....must separate...IN HELL! Or in Japanese, jjitenshigoku! I think ...I've grown senile in my times.

Dr. Abbasi: I am called a doctor but have nothing in relation to MEDICINE!

*Both teachers rush towards Edwin, Stampede, and No Name*

Dobkin: Masshu-san, you will never be good enough for the Honor Society! Carlo Get serious! No Name..... *Bows to No Name*

Abassi: I am a wet blanket ...I ruin everyones fun...and I am a wet blanket....!

*Edwin transmutates a pillar to uppercut Abassi into the air. Stampede shoots Abbassi to keep him in the air while No Name does a bunch of cool slashes with his light saber.*

No Name: Well that's that, to G's! *shakes leg because Dobkin is humping his leg, Nemo then joins* Oh boy.....

*The three finally arrive at G's*

G: You have summoned me...what do you wish for?

Stampede: Three bus passes!

G: I can't, the buses are too full.. *Reneta and Angie walk in and ask for bus pass and get on*.....and you're not as hot as them *Kim walks by and tongue-kisses G* See you later Kim...Well anyway, get outta here! I can't give you a bus pass! *Dragon Balls disperse, and now the crew has to wait another year to make a wish*

Edwin: That was ass!

*Later that day, school finishes and the crew is off to the bus assigned in order to get the light rail. Patten and Reneta get on the Union City bus, Edwin on the Jersey City bus.*

Stampede: Alright, we have to fight the bus driver in order to get on and get to the light rail!

*No Name, Some Name, and Stampede rush towards the bus ready to fight! The bus driver summons her minions and with a 1960's Batman montage, they begin to fight. Some BAM, AND WHAM, AND SPLAT happen and the crew manage to get onto the bus.*

Stampede: That's that! *they get onto the bus and a couple of stops later the get off at Patten's house*

No Name: Is that your house?

Patten: No. *couple of steps later*

No Name: How boout that one?

PAtten: NO!

No Name: That one?

PAtten: NO!

*The crew arrives at Patten's house that reveals a large castle built outta gold*

Patten: Well I'll meet you up at the light rail! Go to Edwin's house to drop your stuff off.

No Name: Okay. * Some Name, No Name, and Stampede begin walking off*

Patten: Wait! I didn't tell you where to go!...Oh well.

Stampede: So No Name, what happens if Edwin left his house already?

No Name: Don't speak like that!

*A few blocks later. The crew sees Edwin walking a block away from his house*

No Name: Edwin!

Stampede: Man that was close!

No Name: No it was DESTINY! Anyway Edwin, let's drop this stuff at your house.

*No Name and Some Name drop their stuff of at Edwin's house. Then head to the light raill and then the arrive there. Everyone buys their ticket and gets on the bus. Edwin plays with the handicap chair. The crew then makes the switch to the light that heads to new port.*

Patten: Alright we're finally here!

*The crew runs inside the mall. They buy the ticker for 4:45 movie. Most of the males including Karl the Angry Black Man Trying to Get Out the Hood go to the book store. Along the way Lupine and No Name get caught by the Final Fantasy VII movie. Stampede thens shoots the screen.*

No Name: What the hell!

Stampede: That stuff is gay!

Lupine: You're gay!

*The male part of the crew except for Patten arrive at the book store. They go through the manga and game magazines...when No Name comes across a "smooth" magazine...one where a bunch of girls with big butts and tits pose in sexy lingerie.*

No Name: Yo Karl look at that...that's mad sexy!

Karl: Hell yeah yo!

Edwin: I'm pitching a tent!

*Mr. Greco finds an Ultimate X-men magazine*

Mr. Greco: OMG! Rogue!

Karl: Yo Greco, look at this!

Mr. Greco: That's nothing *continues o stare at the Ultimate X-Men magazine*

*The crew heads to the movie and 3 hours later the movie finishes. During the movie Edwin, Stampede, and No Name make funny comments about the movie.*

No Name: I challenge you, Stampede, to a Lethal Force 3 challenge!

*Stampede and Karl are already there playing*

No Name: Ouch!

Karl: This is for ma boy Naheim and Moo-Moo and Taya! rest in peace! *Karl then dies in the game* Damn....

No Name: My turn! *puts quarters in and joins Stampede. Stampede then dies in the game*

Edwin: Man No Name, you're trigger happy!

No Name: This is for Stampede! *No name loses* Ahh forget it, I'm not a gun man plus Stampede isn't worth it. *draws light saber and destroys machine* Yeah much better.

No Name: Well guys, hate to end this story in an anti-climactic way but farewell... *the whole group departs*

OH AND NEMO DIES. Don't ask me how, use your imagination.

The Adventures of Scruffy and Que Pasa- Outbreak: The Unofficial Steven Spielberg Sequel That Japan Never Released in America

by Scruffy and GORE-ILLA on November 23, 2005

*Captain Duck-Hand Frzlngd walks into Morgan Freeman's office.*

Morgan Freeman: What are you doing here duck-man?

Frzlngd: I need you to help me create a biological weapon that I can use to destroy the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!

Morgan Freeman: I don't know if my conscience can let me do that. I narrate for them, for Jebus's sake!

Frzlngd: Would you rather these pictures make their way into the local press? (holds up naked pictures of Morgan Freeman)

Morgan Freeman: So I did some things I wasn't proud of when I was younger... fine, I'll help!

Frzlngd: Excellent! And I have the perfect container for the virus... (holds up a monkey)

Moragan Freeman: A monkey, again?!?!?

Frzlngd: Shut up! (slaps Morgan Freeman) I call the shots around here..... and besides monkeys are cool.

Morgan Freeman: No they're not, they're annoying little creatures who play all day long and act stupid.

Frzlngd: That's not true!

Morgan Freeman: Oh, then what do you call that? (points)

*A monkey jumps onto a tree, puts his hand up his ass, sniffs his hand, puts his hands in the air, and falls to his death*

Morgan Freeman: See what I mean.

Frzlngd: We lose more monkeys that way everyday.

Morgan Freeman: Monkeys are not going to work. Look what happened to the old one, it got tranquilized and is now in a lab somewhere being studied.

Frzlngd: You're right, it's time to bring out, the Super Monkey.

Morgan Freeman: Gah! what is it with you and your obsession with monkeys?!?!?

Frzlngd: No I'm not! (is wearing an I Love Monkeys T-shirt, I Love Monkeys Boxer Shorts, I Love Monkeys Cap, a Mini I Love Monkeys Cap for his Duck-Hand, I Love Monkeys Dolls around him and I Love Monkeys Poster.)

Morgan Freeman: (scared) What is...this Super Monkey?

Frzlngd: A monkey that's bullet proof, does not need food or water, and has a lethal Feces Shbuttgun.

Morgan Freeman: (looks at monkey) Still looks like a stupid monkey to me!

*Super Monkey shoots Freeman with the Feces Shbuttgun. Freeman is tossed half way across the room.*

Frzlngd: I call him - Edwardo!

*Elsewhere on the Golden Cheesecake, Nemo is walking along the side of the ship when he finds the monkey.*

Nemo: Hey little guy. You want some apple slices? What's your name?

Edwardo: I am Edwardo, bitch! (bites Nemo and runs away)

*Nemo is later rushed to the medical center of the ship.*

Scruffy: What's wrong with him?

eLFa: I don't know, he has some weird-ass symptoms. Que Pasa thinks he has a cure.

Que Pasa: Precisely. (grabs eLfa's guitar and starts wailing on Nemo with it) Leave, demons! The power of Jebus compels you!

Heart Monitor: Dooooooooooooooooooooo....

Stampede: Well he didn't make it. Who wants to play Nemo Organ Ball?

*Everyone starts flinging Nemo's organs at each other except Scruffy and Que Pasa who are playing a random game of Go Fish. When they come back everyone is on the ground moaning.*

Scruffy: That's what you get for having a big giant orgy without us.

Que Pasa: No, wait... everyone's been... INFECTED!

No Name: I haven't. I was constipated in the bathroom.

Scruffy: We should quarantine them while we find a cure.

*All the pirates are put into a quarantine area. Scruffy and Que Pasa put on special radiation suits with gas masks and enter with No Name.*

Que Pasa: No Name... you forgot your suit.

No Name: I thought I felt a breeze. (collapses)

Scruffy: Now it's up to us to cure them.

Que Pasa: We must find the source! (holds up Nemo's gall bladder) Aha! It was obviously caused by a monkey bite. We must find this host monkey. I'm just pulling a name out of the air here, but let's call him Edwardo!

Scruffy: poncho

*Nemo revives and dies painfully hours later.*

Scruffy: Of course by some strange miracle the people who can't revive themselves look like they can stay alive for a few more weeks.

*Elsewhere, Frzlngd meets with Morgan Freeman again.*

Frzlngd: So how's the disease going?

Morgan Freeman: Good- too good. It's spread to a nearby island. Everyone is dying!

Frzlngd: Impossible.

Morgan Freeman: The virus has evolved. It now... can withstand reruns of Roseanne.

Frzlngd: No... WHAT HAVE I DONE???

*A brainiac nerd comes in and explains it in weird scientific language.*

Braniac Nerd: This is the amount of people infected now... (presses a button, the screen behind shows one dot in the sector of the Golden Cheesecake) ...in two days... (shows a slightly larger dot) In three days... (shows the Earth being struck by a meteor) We need a group of brave men to destroy this meteor.

Frzlngd: Sorry, we're parodying Outbreak, not Armageddon. (humps the Brainiac Nerd until he explodes) Apology accepted, Captain Needa.

Morgan Freeman: And you should also know that the captain and first mate are not yet infected. They're searching for a cure.

Frzlngd: We cannot let them find Edwardo and trace him back to us. I'll send out the choppers.

*Elsewhere, Scruffy and Que Pasa run to the ship's helicopter pad.*

Scruffy: The monkey's not on the ship. We'll have to search the whole area in this helicopter.

*The helicopter takes off and starts flying over a nearby island.*

Scruffy: Hey, do you think the virus will make the people come back as zombies like in those video games and movies?

*Some random zombie guy jumps up and starts humping the windshield.*

Que Pasa: Does that answer your question?

*Two other helicopters pull up towards them.*

Helicopter Man 1: Please stop now and we'll kill you!

Helicopter Man 2: Otherwise we'll kill you!

Scruffy: Quick, we have to lose them!

*The helicopters chase the pirates' helicopter through a narrow canyon. Helicopter Man 1 locks in on Scruffy's helicopter.*

Helicopter Man 1: I have you now... (suddenly both helicopters are blown up by laserfire. The Millennium Falcon swoops down)

Han Solo: Now blow this thing up so we can all go home!

Que Pasa: You might have the wrong address...

*Elsewhere at the Death Star, Luke's X-Wing is shot down by a group of TIE Fighters.*

Han Solo: I must've taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. (flies away)

*The helicopter lands, and Scruffy and Que Pasa get out with their monkey hunting equipment.*

Scruffy: Okay, you take the butterfly net, I'll use the MK-50 Heat Seeking Rocket Launcher!

Que Pasa: You look a little under equipped captain, you sure you can tackle such large game with such minimal firepower?

Scruffy: You never know, Que Pasa. That's what life is, a giant experiment, we have to test the possibilities first. Look, the elusive Nemonitus Nitroblowupticus!!!! (shoots a shot)

*Nemo sniffs the air like a rat, sees the incoming rocket. The view changes to his view, no we see everything he sees. He runs in zig-zags, jumps over a cat, bounces off of Mr. Gonzalez's stomach, runs up a tree, jumps unto a another one, fights off a bear, takes the thorn out of a lion, chews his way out of an Apple Jacks box, and then looks behind him. There is nothing behind him and he is relieved. He turns around and 3 seconds pass and is blown up. The rocket made an unexpected U-Turn, as most American Drivers do on the highway. The Replays of Nemo's Death are shown in numerous views*

Scruffy: That'll do little Nemo, that'll do.

Que Pasa: Lets go catch that furry midget Cap'n!

*One hour later*

Scruffy: Catch anything, Que Pasa???

Que Pasa: Sure did, Cap'n! (holds up net showing numeous butterflies) How bout you, Cap'n?

Scruffy: Yup (holds up fishing pole with that fish with the real long name from Hawaii, the humuhumunukunuku‘apua‘a , on the end.)

Que Pasa: But no sign of the monkey yet. (notices Edwardo humping his leg) I thought I felt a tingling there for the last hour.

Edwardo: Edwardo.....very....horny.......must feed.....on flesh.......of Cuban child........ (jumps into the air and catches Lupine's fruity owl, Aeolus, and starts eating and humping it at the same time)

Random Porn Freak: Alright!!! Monkey on Owl Action!!!!!!!

Scruffy: Step back Que Pasa!!!!! (Shoots the rocket and it bounces off of Edwardo, landing on Nemo yet again) Damn, well the shockwave will kill him! (Edwardo feeds and humps happily with no effect) Damn you you stupid monkey! (throws a grenade next to him, blows up, killing Nemo yet again, but not affecting Edwardo). Defective Grenade, Defective Grenade!!!!! Master Chief requesting Back-up!!!!

Que Pasa: I got it Cap'n! (throws butterfly net at Edwardo, knocking him out cold)

Scruffy: Good job Que Pasa, now bag the furry little fool!!!

*Scruffy and Que Pasa board the helicopter and drive back towards the ship.*

Morgan Freeman: However, at that point a giant bomb plane drives past them to drop a nuclear bomb that will wipe out the pirates and the virus.

Que Pasa: (digging through Edwardo's organs) No stop, we've found the cure!

Frzlngd: Don't listen to him! Go ahead and drop the bomb! (one of the pilots farts) Not that bomb, the big one with the fancy name! Those pirates tore apart my sexy monkey!

Morgan Freeman: The bomb ship continues on its course.

Que Pasa: No, you must stop! (makes a big long dramatic and touching speech about the thing that was cut so there'd be more time for gratuitous sex scenes) And that's why you shouldn't drop that bomb. Whoo, deja vu.

Pilots: Hell no!

Scruffy: I'll give you each a hundred bucks.

Pilots: Deal.

Frzlngd: Morgan Freeman, you still have control of the story, make them drop that bomb!

*Everyone looks anxiously at Morgan Freeman, or at least in his general direction since he's a voice)

Morgan Freeman: ...The bomb plane drops the bomb...

Que Pasa: No!

Frzlngd: Yes!

Scruffy: No!

Stampede: No!

Siren: No!

Mini-Myself: (beats a PSP game) Yes- I mean no!

Morgan Freeman: ...but the bomb misses the ship and destroys an orphanage.

Que Pasa: Yes!

Scruffy: Yes!

Stampede: Yes!

Siren: Yes!

Mini-Myself: Yes!

No Name: (constipated again) No!

Scruffy: Everyone, we have the cure!

*Que Pasa runs in and dumps a bucket of leeches on everyone, curing them all. They all go to dance in the sunshine. Elsewhere, Frzlngd confronts Morgan Freeman.*

Frzlngd: You didn't hold up your end of the deal! I'm giving these pictures to the Pornographical Enquirer!

Morgan Freeman: I don't think so. I have a tape that will make you think otherwise.

Frzlngd: I don't like where this is going... (the tape plays)

[tape/]

*Frzlngd lies shirtless in bed.*

Frzlngd: You done yet? Come on in, don't be shy.

*Nemo walks out of the bathroom wearing a monkey suit.*

Frzlngd: (pops wine bottle) Oh momma.

[/tape]

Frzlngd: (grunts while his duck quacks and walks away)

*Morgan Freeman starts looking through paperwork for a few hours.*

Morgan Freeman: Why's this still on? Oh yeah, I forgot to say "The End". (says that)

Epilogue-

*All the pirates are celebrating when they notice something.*

Que Pasa: Hey, where's the chef?

Siren: I'll check.

*Siren walks in on Lupine while he's naked. She screams as she dumps gasoline on herself, sets herself on fire and jumps out the window.*

Lupine: (shouts out the window) I was in the pool!!!! There was shrinkage!!!

Scruffy: Our ship doesn't have a pool. Just a helicopter pad, a medical center and a golf course.

Untitled

by No Name on November 23, 2005

*The crew....is having a pinic*

Siren: Wow guys I'm glad we had some time to spend together now I can talk to you as a women and tell you all my needs and desires!

All the guys: NO!!!!

Siren: Okay, look! First off, that ship needs a woman's touch. Okay, second of all my room needs to be bigger, third you guys don't pay enough attention to me, when's the last time you said I was pretty....blah blah blah...

Cap'n: My ears are going to start bleeding!

*Nemo blows up*

Stampede: Abort MISSION!

*Que Pasa takes out self destruct button*

Que Pasa: WAFFURUUU! *sobs* I've....I've failed you! WHYYY-U!

No Name: No Que Pasa you can't, being bulimic isn't your only option!

Edwin: Yeah...we like you for who you are, not who the media portrays us to be...

Dreamer: Well guys what about me?

Krazy: It's always MARSHA MARSHA MARSHA!

Cap'n: I believe that we all can learn a valuable lesson from this....

No Name: Cap, the episode isn't over yet....you don't say the morale just yet.

Cap'n: Whoops....damn...

Director: CUT! Look Brad Pitt *looks at Cap'n* I don't think that you're really fit for this part....It's not me....it's you..

Brad Pitt: Don't you mean it's not you..its me?

Director: No, no.

Brad Pitt: Ouch!

Director: I...I need a cast that are bonded together....one that....will fit the part perfectly!

*GCPA ship crashes on the set*

Mr. T: Dammit fool! I told you fool don't make a turn at Dick's House of Cock! Fool!

Cap'n: Whoops!

*Director looks at the ship and makes that little square thing with his hands...*

Director: The cheek bones...the facial structure....my god they're just the people to play the roles of the YELLOW PASTRY SEA THIEVES CREW!

Director: You! *Scruffy looks around and points at himself* No baffoon, not you! *points at Rosario Dawson and the crew of Rent* You look just like the type of person to play the role of Captain Monkeyman Scruffy!

Rosario: 234 HOURS 'TIL THE PREMIERE OF RENT....5342 MINTUES LEFT TO...*starts mumbling then hits a high note* ....EEEEEEE!

Mariah Carey: Oh hell no, only I can do that! *starts hitting a high note, and all dogs within the Earth's circumference start howling and then die* Beat that!

Rosario: I'll beat it alright! *Micheal Jackson walks in*

Micheal Jackson: Why can't we all just get along!

Director: You! *points at Micheal Jackson* You can play the role of Charlie in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" Johnny Depp, you're fired! *Johnny Depp goes off crying and ties a cinder block to his leg*

Mr. T: Mike, you're a disgrace to yo race...FOOL!

Mike: What's that ....dance off!!?!/!

Mr. T: Bring it on! *bunch of cheerleaders walk in*

Cheerleader: We can sew, you you know!

Que Pasa: I know this...*eats cheerleading squad*

Krazy: Ahah Que Pasa, that's the only action you'll be getting anytime soon!

*Micheal Jackson brings out MARIO DDR for the Gamecube and in the process tries to touch stampede*

*Stampede takes out gun and shoots mike's head off*

Stampede: Thats should do it...

Mini-Myself: You know Stamp, you should really go to therapy....Have you been a victim of domestic violence? Speak up...one voice...one power... "Body" by Calvin Klein.

*Micheal Jackson's head regenerates.*

Mr. T: Let's do this!

*Mr. T and Micheal Jackson face off in a dance off.*

Edwin: Man, those kids are fast as lightning!

Que Pasa: Everybody was kung-fu fighitng!

Cap'n: *Pulls out taser and hits Que Pasa with it* Relax, not now. *looks at Mr. T and Micheal Jackson* Don't you see, this is what Mr.T has been training for..all his life...it's all or nothing now...we have to support him...because we're his crew...

No Name: Wow Cap, that was deep!

Cap'n: Really? I got it from a fortune cookie.

*All the crew falls to the floor in an anime style fall*

Edwin: Leave it to Cap'n!

Beaver: No, leave it to beaver!

That Krazy Dude: AHAHA platypus! plate-PUS!

Beaver: I wont let Mr. T win!

Edwin: Why, what has Mr.T has done to you!

Beaver: He killed my mother! Raped My father! Punched my sister! And just left me there! What the hell am I not GOOD enough or what!

Que Pasa: Mr. T wouldn't hurt a fly! *looks at Mr. T trying to swat a fly and keeps missing. Mr. T then pulls out rocket launcher and blows fly up* I stand corrected.

Stampede: Mr. T is to gentle and loving to hurt anyone!

*Wavy flashback happens to a slow mo with "Just the Two of Us" playing. Mr. T is shooting a bunch of enemies, throwing grenades, showing Que Pasa how to ride a bike, putting a band aid on Cap's scraped knee, and shooting and more blood and more exaggerated violence.*

Stampede: I stand corrected.

Beaver: Wow, so you're telling me that by using the ramen function of all non-trivials of zero equal to the zeta function..We can create negative energy density to keep a wormhole open...?

Edwin: Yeah, it's the law of equivalent exchange! Duh its not rocket science....amateurs!

Morgan Freeman: Mr.T is sweating, and in the process somehow both of them managed to get bruised up and beaten and ripped their clothes like in DBZ. Both of them are breathing heavily....their legs are cramping...their senses are becoming dull...only the one who has the will and determination will rise to the top. Go speed racer GO!

Micheal Jackson: *pant* *pant* I can't take it any longer....*collapses* Tell Martha Stewart......she's...weird... *flips his hair and an army of kids come out of the floor and take Michael away*

Mr. T: That'll teach you, I gotta have my pops!

Cap'n: You did good T...you dun good...

*Cap'n and T hold hand and walk away toward the sunset*

Mr. Malk: And thats why the movie industry hates the army so much! Now back to the lesson on 5.2 WHICH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON IN US HISTORY 1! *bell rings* AW DARN! * throws marker at wall and in the process impales Nemo*

The end

*credits start rolling*

Jason Alexander as Captain Monkeyman Scruffy

Alex Borenstein as Que Pasa

Captain Betty as No Name

The lead singer from Avenged Sevenfold as Stampede

Darren as Edwin

Edwin as Mini-Myself

Taye Diggs as Mr.T

Ashlee Simpson as Siren

Penelope Cruz as Dreamer

Jesse McCartney as That Krazy Dude

The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Thanksgiving Special: Mr. T's How Bill Gates Stole Thanksgiving

AKA Kill Bill... Gates

by Scruffy, Que Pasa, That Krazy Dude, No Name, Stampede, Lupine and Jebus on November 26, 2005

*On the Golden Cheesecake, Thanksgiving morning.*

Que Pasa: Hey, we've all gotten invitations to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade!

That Krazy Dude: what is a Macy exactly?

No Name: Alright.

Lupine: Oro?

That Krazy Dude: Exactly!

Mr. T: Let's go to that fool foolin' parade!

That Krazy Dude: Indeed we shall!

Mr. T: Santa will be there. Mm! (licks lips)

That Krazy Dude: .....blll?

*The Golden Cheesecake sets sail for New York alongside the parade route*

Que Pasa: Hey it's starting!

That Krazy Dude: Do we get goody bags?

No Name: Um. I got glass flavor!

That Krazy Dude: Sweet!

No Name: *chews candy* Those damn Mexicans and their glass candies!

That Krazy Dude: Gimme! *tackles No Name*

No Name: No Krazy, stop!

*A Halo float comes up. A bunch of guys in armor get out and do a tapdancing number.*

Que Pasa : Halo? WTF is going on? (sees Scruffy salivating)

Scruffy: (looks at newspaper) Bill Gates has bought the Thanksgiving Day parade!

*Bill Gates walks out of the float smiling.*

Sensei: Eeeeehhh???

Bill Gates: That's right! It's dedicated to making sure all of America has an X-Box 360!

No Name: MADNESS!

That Krazy Dude: Insanity!

No Name: *gets a X-Box* Well..maybe not.

That Krazy Dude: *stuffs several Xbox 360s down my pants*

Stampede : Did everyone die?

Bill Gates: IN fact, I'll give a free X-Box 360 to whoever kills the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!

Scruffy: (puts gun to his own head)

No Name: NO! Don't do it! *takes gun* I'll do it for you!

Lupine: :: jumps from shadows:: Sorry all!

Mr. Scruffy: Make me in a cameo or something. Good, now back to homework.

Robosexual: (A giant robot walks out after Gates holding an Xbox 360) "If you bring their heads you get a premium Xbox360!"

No Name: *cocks gun back to Scruffy's head*

Lupine: :is unaffected by the 360 lust::

That Krazy Dude: Penis?

Stampede: I became Super Matt? The fuck? Can I kill Bill Gates then?

No Name: No, he is almighty ruler!

Obi Wan: No! you were the chosen one! You were supposed to destroy the dark side, not join it!

Bill Gates: Good thing I bought Rareware! (Banjo the hillbilly bear runs out and starts mauling the pirates along with the mob of X-Box fans and people who just want free stuff)

*RoboSexual does awkward sexual thrusts to the 360.*

Que Pasa: Stop! Can't you see? Cant you just wait for the Revolution to come out?

Lupine: I must use the only thing that can defeat this! :: makes a magic circle:: I call on! Sony!!!!!!

Stampede: Shut up Marko!

Lupine: Ow!

Stampede: I mean Lupine!

Lupine: Still ow, I'm summoning Sony!

That Krazy Dude: ?sinep

Stampede: I wanna kill Bill Gates with the PS3!!

RoboSexual: Who dares say the name of Sony...? -Pulls out a PS3 and a sledgehammer and smashes it to bits-

That Krazy Dude: This is the worst thing since Harry Potter and the Vibrating Broomstick!!

Lupine: Exactly!

No Name: *grabs PS3 control*

Lupine: So Sony comes. Know what? Screw this, I'm continuing. Come to me, Enix!

Bill Gates: (smiles sadistically while watching the carnage below him all for an X-Box 360)

Stampede: No Lupine you kill Robosexual, I have a grudge against Gates!

Lupine: Fine, but I still use this awesome new power I learned in Musashi!

No Name: I'll stand here and plunder all the shops for free stuff.

Stampede: *QUICKLY MAKES SONY PS3 INTO A HIGH-POWERED LASER RIFLE*

Gates: (Presses a button and a Giant 360 mothership beams him in)

That Krazy Dude: *sneaks into a French restaraunt*

Stampede: *BEGINS TO FIRE WILDLY AT THE 360 MOTHERSHIP*

That Krazy Dude: *takes snails and spits in several French people's faces and escapes* Wait! Take this, you bastard! *throws snails at ship*

Que Pasa: *eats a Super Mushroom and grows to giant size, then also fights off the 360 spaceship*

Robosexual: -the mothership launches Xbox games no one cares about at the pirate crew-

Lupine: Heh :: sends electro magic into palm:: Chidori!

*A bunch of giant balloons of Microsoft video game characters (ie a bunch of Halo guys) comes at the crew shooting lasers as well*

Robosexual: -Robosexual pulls out another 360 and attaches it to his arm like a shield-

No Name: (throws bucket of water on Robosexual)

Lupine: :: rams palm into Robo but is merely stares and punches away:: Ahhhhhh!

*The Master Chief jumps out of the mothership and shoots everything that moves.*

Robosexual: -Robosexual twitches and laughs-

Que Pasa: *makes a bonfire of X-Box 360s to keep warm in the freezing-ass weather*

Stampede: Ah! I almost got hit by Halo Multiplayer Map Pack! A pointless game that Bill Gates used to steal your money!

Robosexual: Foolish insects! You should know my only weakness, like anything to do with Microsoft is innovation!

No Name: MONOPOLY come on Krazy REVOLUTION! *flips table*

Robosexual: ...

Stampede: *THROWS PENCIL TO Que Pasa TO FLING AT ROBOSEXUAL*

Robosexual: Captain Scruffy! Join me and we shall be Kings of Microsoft!

Lupine: ::gets up:: In the name of Enix! I will punish you! ::Sailor Moon comes and smacks him::

That Krazy Dude: I will dance! For Sweden!!!!! *dances*

Que Pasa: Do what now? (pencil flies into his eye)

No Name: For the meatball! That Krazy Dude: Sailor Moon, aren't you supposed to be at a porn filming somewhere?

Robosexual: ... -Tosses Lupine into a raccoon float-

Lupine: ::positions staff::: From Musashi I bring ANGRY HORNET! ::begins thrusting pole but sexually enjoys it: Fuck!

That Krazy Dude: *smacks Lupine with mop* sinep?

No Name: anigav.

That Krazy Dude: ?sinepenis?

No Name: anigavenis. racecar! racecar! [Editor's note- They sound like freaking Pokemon]

That Krazy Dude: sinepagina

*The 360 Mothership roars down and blasts Krazy Dude and No Name.*

Stampede : Jeez people, we need to destroy Gates in the he name of SONY!! He's trying to bring that and the American people down! Use this as motivation and kick his ass! and btw, maybe if you stick something into robo's ass he will leave us alone.

No Name: Ouch...

Stampede: I suggest Lupine!

That Krazy Dude: Wow, good idea!

No Name: *elsewhere in Japan* That's write Americans-U, you fight-U for me-U!

Edwin: (transmutates Lupine into a penis)

Lupine: I'll kill you Stamoede, I swear this!

That Krazy Dude: Yeah...Stamoede?

Stampede: No you won't. You'll point the gun at me then you'll get scared and cry and drop the gun. Then run away and have Aeolus "console" you.

No Name: o o And miss horribly at point blank range.

Que Pasa: Bestiality

Robosexual: Sony, like Inuyasha, causes brain cancer!

That Krazy Dude: But what about the noble Nintendo?

Que Pasa: Nintendo will inherit the Earth.

Robosexual: -a whistle is blown and Robo stops-

No Name: And...

That Krazy Dude: Inuyasha has hot dance parties with the lady from Ghost in the Shell and the girl from FLCL.

Stampede: Oh yeah at Swim Com!

Robosexual: Super freeky Inuyasha dance party time!

Que Pasa: Let's actually fight the enemy.

Lupine: :: rushes the Robo with another Musashi me the tremor thrust by slamming pole with earth magick into the ground::

That Krazy Dude: Wooo!!! Yes let's go!

No Name: I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT YOU LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT YOU LIKE TO MOVE IT!

Robosexual: -bitch smacks- Wrong song!

No Name: Hey man let me put this rap song on!

That Krazy Dude: Work it harder, make it better, do it faster, makes us stronger!

Que Pasa: *Boards a float of Aeolus the fruity owl, star of the famous children's show until he was banned from the air for public masturbation, and rushes it into a Halo balloon to destroy it*

Robosexual: Let me have sex with your computer than.

Lupine: ::puts Nano to full with Avenged Sevenfold:: Let's rock!

That Krazy Dude: Yes!!!

Robosexual: ...

That Krazy Dude: *Bat Country plays* Rush!!!!

-Robo looks at the Nano and it breaks in two-

No Name's Rap Music: Mother*bleep* I'll *beelp* on your *bleep* with my *bleep bleep bleep bleep....bleep bleep*

That Krazy Dude: Too many different genres of music!!!

Robosexual: See, that's why Microsoft is better than Apple! D:

Lupine: ::country begins to play:: Who the fuck put that shit on? ::everyone stares at Nemo::

That Krazy Dude: *falls to knees in dramatic style*

*Mr. Meyer runs in and stuff the iPod into his mouth. Mr. Meyer attempts to run away but falls into a 50 foot crevice.*

That Krazy Dude: *Spanish band runs by*

No Name: ... *takes CD out*

*The mob of people wanting the free X-Box 360 continue attacking them.*

No Name: Dammit, what are we gunna do Cap!

Stampede: *STAMPEDE HAS HIS BIG HEADPHONES ON LISTENING TO BETWEEN THE BURIED AND ME AS HE SNIPES THE HALO BALLOONS AND THE PEOPLE ATTACKING US FOR FREE 360'S*

That Krazy Dude: *bashes one over head with bucket and pokes the other with mop*

*Mr. Meyer calls for a horde of dolphins and rides them into battle with his cowjackals at his side*

Lupine: :: walks away into Cyberzone and stares longingly as a fanboy into the gear::

No Name: ....I need to use the force...OMG Siren is my sister!..Good thing I used a condom.

That Krazy Dude: ......!?!?!?

Mr. Scruffy: No you didn't, it was a rubberband!

That Krazy Dude: Ahoy cap'n!

Mr. Scruffy: ahoy

No Name: Your penis is a rubber band!

Stampede: *USES ROCKET LAUNCHER TO LAUNCH NEMO INTO THE AIR, TAKING OUT 3 MASTER CHIEF BALLONS. NEMO, AFTER HITTING 3 MASTER CHIEFS, HITS IN TO A BALLOON PLASMA GRENADE AND BLOWS THE FUCK UP*

Que Pasa: *borrows Krazy's bucket, vomits into it then dumps the bucket on an X-Box fan and watches him melt* TEAM ATTACK!

That Krazy Dude: Whooo!

Mr. Scruffy: Hey, I like Xbox!

Que Pasa: Too bad! *smashes an X-Box 360 over Scruffy's head and then eats the remains*

No Name: Alright, take out the left flank and launch and oppsie the opsierasdfsdfa.

Stampede: *TAKES OUT HUGE ASS HYPER-VIPER BEAM GUN* Thank you, Cable .*ELSEWHERE, CABLE IS SCREAMING: UNTIE ME YOU BASTARD!!!*

Lupine: :: channels energy into pole and makes Lionheart::

Mr. Scruffy: Why cant we attack Nintendo and its childish Barney gamez?

No Name: *uses the Force to control Master Commander ballon*

That Krazy Dude: Do not fear the potato! Embrace it! Be one with it! Make love to it!

Mr. Scruffy: Just because Xbox is owned by Microsoft, it gets a bad rep.

Stampede: I say we kill Nintendo and Microsoft. Well not Microsoft, Xbox.

That Krazy Dude: Yeah, that.

Lupine: (stands and stares at Robosexual and omnislashes it I don't care)

Stampede: Nintendo and Xbox!!! Down with them!!!

Lupine: So long as Enix and Sega live!

Que Pasa: No! Nintendo must stay!

That Krazy Dude: I like all of 'em, but still...

Mr. Scruffy: Why? The Xbox rules!

Lupine: Kill Que Pasa!

That Krazy Dude: Bill Gates must die!!

Que Pasa: Sony and Microsoft must go!

Stampede: Enix made kingdom hearts, did they not? they must die?

Lupine: One: That's a good game!

Stampede: 1 that game blows!

Lupine: 2: They made a shit load of other stuff!

Que Pasa: I will fight you all in Farnce! I will fight in the hills

That Krazy Dude: I will rape all your mothers extra tonight!

Que Pasa: I will fight in those other places the old guy says!

Stampede: You will fight in the country you made up, called Farnce.

RoboSexual: Scruffy Join me!

Mr. Scruffy: For what? For what system?

Robosexual: Join me to fight your crew, you shall get a Premium 360 if you bring us their heads. You will also be Bill Gates' left hand man!

Mr. Scruffy: For Nintendo, Tales rocked. I wanna kill him.(Editor's Note: I'm not sure what he was saying here at all)

No Name: AHAHA, little do they know Gates masturbates with his left hand!

Mr. Scruffy: It's thanks to him Xbox gets a bad rep!

Lupine: :: sits down and read Kenshin while listening to Feel Good Inc.::

Bill Gates: (has fallen asleep in the mothership)

That Krazy Dude: Penis?

Mr. Scruffy: If it weren't for Bill Gates, Xbox would be happliy welcomed!

Stampede: *MAKES A DRAMATIC ENTRANCE INTO THE MOTHERSHIP, OPENS DOOR* No Name in here!! Bring your light-sab thingy!

Guard: Wrong room!

No Name: You heard him, next room.

*Bill Gates is masturbating.*

Que Pasa: (breaks into the Mothership through the window)

That Krazy Dude: *jumps into cannon and fires self at mothership*

Bill Gates: Until Next time! -A chair launches from the mothership and he flies to MSHQ-

No Name: Dammit, we were too late!

Que Pasa: (rewires the ship into a Gamecube and flies towards Microsoft HQ) This is it, the last hurrah... This is for all the burritos!

No Name: *picks up letter* Dear crew, you may not know who this is but you shall find me where the triangle meets the penis -Bill Gates.

Robosexual: (presses a button and laughs) -The X-cube has three seconds..-

Que Pasa: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ROBOT MOLESTER??? (jumps out window)

*Everyone has another air trick competition which is just a rehash of the last one. Ninjas jump in the sky while the air competition is taking place.*

That Krazy Dude: *rips ninja's head off and smacks it with it*

Robosexual: -laughs evily And slinks into the darkness with a 360... loud metal clanks are heard-

Mr. T: I MUST PREVENT HISTORY FROM REPEATING ITSELF (drives by in the van and catches all the pirates) We're off to visit Mr. Gates, for real this time!

*cap lands on the jagged rocks on his tip toe while traveling backwards on a unicycle up the pyramids*

Mr. Scruffy: I can do it!

That Krazy Dude: Amazing! No Name: *everyone gives him a ten*

Mr. Scruffy: Yeah!!!!! I've done it! Beat that, Tim Schaffner!!!

Random English Dude: Smashing!

*Soon the van stops by Microsoft HQ. Everyone starts creeping around the area Scooby-Doo style*

That Krazy Dude: Zoinks!

*Trunks joins in.*

Trunks: Mr.T, you have altered the time line...we must train for the coming of the androids!

Mr. T: (pauses, then lunges forward and swallows Trunks whole)

That Krazy Dude: Wow, T's really hungry huh?

No Name: *Nemo disappears* Well maybe he was related!

Que Pasa: We have to get past this camera. (places a piece of paper in front of the camera to block it, but written on the paper is the crew's plans for infiltrating the building) Nemo was the son of Trunks and Goten.

*Krazy and some of the people who weren't mentioned in the story sneak up the back stairwell*

Mini-Myself: I haven't talked......in a while.

*Everyone covertly rides motorcycles through the halls of Microsoft HQ, decapitating everyone they come across*

Que Pasa: That works too.

*The crew gets past a sleeping guard but on the way steps on a piece of paper which sounds like a million glasses breaking.*

No Name: Wow it didn't wake him up! *thinks*

That Krazy Dude: He'll be sleeping for a long long time, my friend.

Guard: HEY I HEARD THAT! GET THEM!

That Krazy Dude: *throws a nickel at the guard and he explodes*

Que Pasa: Hey Siren, do that stun-juggly thing!

Lupine: ::stands wondering why he is never mentioned unless he's in the story::

No Name: YEA TAKE IT OFF *Siren strips* No, not you women. Mr. T!

Mr. T: (blushes)

Lupine: Dude, shes your sister!

Que Pasa: You should talk Marko. (See eLFa)

Lupine: Shut up John! ...I mean Que Pasa

No Name: No Lupine, why don't you speak down! *Lupine explodes*

That Krazy Dude: Hey No Name that's my line!

No Name: *looks at script* Oh yeah, it is! Sorry Krazy.

That Krazy Dude: No prob.

*Siren stuns them, then Que Pasa uses Lupine as a battering ram through the guards.*

Mr.T: Fool, you're too much fool!

That Krazy Dude: Yea... fool.

*The GCPA ride the motorcycles into Bill Gates's office*

Bill Gates: Penis (grows fangs and jumps Nemo)

Lupine: Why must the Cuban children suffer?

Nemo: I'm Domini-----

-Robo somehow appears in MSHQ-

Lupine: Fuck, I hate that thing. Hold on!

No Name: Or does the thing hate you?

That Krazy Dude: Wow. that Robosexual sure finds its way around.

Lupine: :: breaks PSO game::

Robosexual: ROBO MUST FEED! -Grabs Lupine.- CUBAN CHILDREN -Starts eating him-

Lupine: :: ninjutsu and replaces self with Elion::

*Fidel Castro jumps in*

FIDEL: Not so fast!

Robosexual: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

That Krazy Dude: Ooh!!! He called you a Communist, Fidel!

Fidel: ::shoots:: I love doing that!

Robosexual: Oh come on. -rips Castro's head off then castrates him-

Que Pasa: That Robosexual gave my PC the Pikachu Virus!

Robosexual: ...

Que Pasa: I told it to have safe sex!

Robosexual: She had such a tight USB port, I couldn't resist.

Nemo: It turned your floppy drive into a hard drive whooooooooooo!

Robosexual: ...

Lupine: :: impales Nemo with staff:: Why won't you stay dead!

That Krazy Dude: Wow this story keeps changing more than lupine's weaponry.

Lupine: Staff, pole, it's the same thing! I'm to lazy to kick today, so I'm using that. And magic is worse.

That Krazy Dude: Or slash with your sword.

Lupine: My staff is a sword staff, remember?

No Name: Right..and my lightsaber is a mini nuclear reactor that uses high tech stuff to create a magnetic field to contain the fission of hydrogen atoms.

That Krazy Dude: Or summon fruity spirits.

Lupine: Spirits ehhhhh? Summoners ain't cool.

Bill Gates: Prepare... for the next generation! (puts on X-Box 360 armor)

Stampede: I wonder if Pikachu is an actual Kapanese word [pretty sure it isn't], cause you can write it like perfectly.

Que Pasa: No way! (tosses an NES controller that plants itself in Bill Gates's head, and he explodes)

That Krazy Dude: *pokes him* VICTORYYYYYY-U

*Lupine summons Toucan Sam.*

Lupine: But Nintendo did it, can we really celebrate

That Krazy Dude: WE HAVE WINUU!!!!

*All of the GCPA level up. New skills acquired and 1000000000000 gold.*

That Krazy Dude: YOU LEARNED MATERNAL RAPE V.2

Robosexual: Hahaha! You fools!

Que Pasa: Phil Sebben?

Robosexual: That was not the real Bill Gates.

Que Pasa: Impossible. Unpossible! Penis.

Robosexual: It was a decoy we built. There are thousands. Like Saddam, but they look like Gates!

Que Pasa: Where is the real Bill Gates? Tell us Robosexual!

Robosexual: Never!

Que Pasa: I'll give you the hottest machine you need, you name it!

Robosexual: ...

Que Pasa: How about the original Donkey Kong arcade? A Super NES? A Game Boy? [Editor's note- In retrospect, I should have offered to have machine marriages legalized. Things would have turned out better.]

Robosexual: Never!

That Krazy Dude: Laptop? Palmpilot?

Robosexual: -Runs into an empty room and has sex with the 360 again, awkward metal clangs are heard-

That Krazy Dude: Calculator?

Stewie: How do you know about the machine!

*The People from the Thanksgiving Day parade who are still looking for a free 360 finally catch up*

Que Pasa: *swipes Robosexual's X-Box 360 and tosses it into the crowd. Everyone leaps at it and starts tearing at each other for it*

No Name: ....I learned from this that being a failure makes us a better person and keeps our families together.

That Krazy Dude: He hath forsaken your 360!

Robosexual: ... -Oil comes out of his eye-

No Name: No, you always have a place in our hearts we call..the crawl space. NOW GET IN THERE LUPINE! *hits Lupine with a broom*

Robosexual: -pulls out a Revolution and smashes it with his foot- Death to the Nazi plumber!

Que Pasa: YOU BASTARD (starts strangling the Robosexual)

Robosexual: -doesn't feel it-

No Name: Where are you going? Why are you going? Is it for the Mexican?

*A little boy descends from the sky.*

Little Boy: Why don't all just STFU and be thankful for the games you have this Thanksgiving instead of destroying everyone else's?

Que Pasa: Well Bill Gates tried to kill us all. Then again so does everyone we come across who's not on our crew.

No Name: Yeah true.

Robosexual: ... LET ME JOIN YOUR CREW!

No Name: Maybe next time we shouldn't wish ourselves back with the Dragonballz.

Goku: DUH!

Que Pasa: Cool, a reformed evil guy like three-quarters of the DBZ cast. Welcome to the crew Robosexual!

Robosexua: Bill Gates doesn't know I run on Linux. D: Once he finds out I will be Xbox Scrap metal!

Que Pasa: We won't tell

Britney Murphy: I'll never tell.

Alicia Keys: Your secrets are safe with me!

Robosexual: How many electronic devices do you have that have USB ports?

Que Pasa: *And so Mr. T cuts the roasted Britney Murphys in a traditional Thanksgiving feast.*

Mr. T: Who wants white meat!

Robosexual: We shall never see the weird guy with the frooty owl ever again will we? Hey.. wait that's no turkey...

Lupine: ::Real Folk Blues plays as he walks away::

No Name: *slices stereo*

Que Pasa: Wow this turkey tastes even better then that little boy!

Robosexual: Uhh... Why is that turkey a roasted owl?

That Krazy Dude: ....That's a mystery of life, my friend.

Robosexual: Isn't that Lupine's fruity owl..?

That Krazy Dude: ....That's a mystery of life my friend.

Lupine: He's a mother fucking owl!

Michael Jackson: (walks in) Can I borrow a cup of sugar?

Old Man from Family Guy: *leaves 77 mssages on the answer machine* Hello is Nemo there....Nemo sure looked fine without his shirt! Nemo...want some popsicles?

*As the feast comes to a close, the guests leave, ending with Han Solo.*

Han Solo: Great feast kid, that was one in a million!

Mr. T: I ain't no kid, I'm yo father bitch!

No Name: OH GOD HAN, everything is a million with you! Aren't you ever happy?

Que Pasa: Enough orgasmic moanings, No Name!

No Name: Sorry...*turns vibrating cell phone off*

Han Solo: Great sex, No Name! That was one in a million!

No Name: Ouch, you're gonna get it Queer Pasa...like your sister! And mom!

Que Pasa: *gets it from behind*

That Krazy Dude: Ooh!!! He called you queer!

Que Pasa: Hey look another parade on tv! (the tv shows Iwata at the head of the crowd holding up a Revolution)

Iwata: VIVA LA NINTENDO REVOLUCION!

Morgan Freeman: And that is where our story ends, I think. Except for that time Beast Boy got the ckicken pox.

That Krazy Dude: Koolio!

Robosexual: ...

Morgan Freeman: Thank you one and all for... for... I dunno, you did something.

Robosexual: Can you die from eating owl?

That Krazy Dude: ...Maybe.

Que Pasa: You're a fucking robot!

No Name: And that's why Squanto learned to speak English!

The End... (quick scene of Bill Gates cackling) OR IS IT???

[Note to self- Needs more sex.]

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10