GCPA Sidequests Part 6

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

The Thing on Newport- Based on a True Story Blown Horribly Out of Proportion

by the first mate, the janitor, the nameless one, and I think the marksman did some stuff too on December 2, 2005

*A tiny-ass clown car pulls up in front of Newport Mall and opens. That Krazy Dude, Que Pasa, No Name, his brother Some Name, Edwin, Stampede, Shiny Stallone, Salama, Karl (the angry black man trying to get out the hood), Lupine and some girl named Liz pour out and enter the mall.*

Stampede: That is a nice car!

That Krazy Dude: Mini-Myself lent it from us.

Que Pasa: We would've been here sooner if Lupine wasn't so damn late.

Lupine: I'm sorry master, please forgive me!

Edwin: Where's the Cap'n?

Karl: He couldn't make it. Homework.

*Elsewhere, Scruffy poses dramatically in a pile of books.*

Scruffy: POR QUE????!!!

Mr. T: We have to stop meeting like this, fool.

*Elsewhere at the mall...*

*Liz punches Nemo and he dies.*

Krazy: Off to the food court!

*The crew heads to the escalator which will take them up to the food court.*

Que Pasa: Hey, who's that?

Stampede: NOOO!!! IT'S......

Abbasi: That's right it's me, Abbasi the doctor who doesn't have anything to do with medical science and the destroyer of any fun moments that you could possibly have! And now I'm the escalator monitor so I can prevent you from having fun in your precious mall.

No Name: Move out of the way Abbasi!

Abbasi: (plants staff in the ground) YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!

Liz: Who the hell's this angry middle eastern man?

Abbasi: THAT'S IT! SATURDAY DETENTION!!

Krazy: Penis?

Stampede: But today's Saturday.

Abbasi: Then it's time for you to serve your detention! Come my hall monitor minions!!!

Krazy: Hahaha they're coming alright...on your mom!! OOOOHHH!!!!!

Abbasi: You mock the great Abbasi!?

Liz: You mock the great Abassi?

Abbasi: Stop it!!!

Liz: Stop it!!!

Abbasi: I'm stupid!

Liz: You're stupid!

Abbasi: ARG! thats it! get them!

*Out of the shadows and Victoria's secret store come Dr. Abbasi's hall monitors. they run out doing kung fu style mid-air flips for no actual reason and take out their inhalers afterward. Several of them block the bottom of the escalator, some stand by their master's side and the rest go straight for the crew*

Vegeta: Don't worry I know how to deal with them...Bulma, Trunks...I love you! *Vegeta blows up and when the dust settles he is in stone and everyone else is alive, unharmed, then he falls over and shatters.*

Edwin: Wow, that wasn't necessary....*plants c4 to escalators while Real Folk Blues play*

Stampede: Run!!!

*Boom*

Karl: Wow...we still aren't harmed!

*A secret agent comes flying from the skylight and rescues the crew.*

No Name: Wow, who are you?

Agent: My name is Master... Master Bates. *gets shoot in the back of the head by Abassi*

Abassi: None shall pass this impenetrable wall of boredom!

Tom Cruise: I WILL!!!

*Random male models walk past*

Tom Cruise: ....Be right back...*runs away*

Edwin: ....gaaaaaay!

*Tom Cruise runs back a few minutes later, only to be squirted in the face with water until he passes out.*

Que Pasa: Wait! I have an idea!

*Que Pasa runs up to Abbasi and pokes him. Abbasi overly-dramatically attempts to dodge out of the way and winds up falling off the second floor and crashes on the bottom floor. Abbasi lays there twitching as sad music plays. His mob of hall monitoring minions run to his aid and carry him away to the Abbasi-mobile. Right before they reach the door they explode violently taking down several people with them including the dude who was wearing the Santa Claus costume and the strange dude from Yankee Candle*

Candle Dude: You like leche? You want million dollaru?

*They finally arrive at the food court.*

Shiny Stallone: Eat what you want. I own all of these restaurants.

*Salama bankrupts nearly the entire food court within .01 seconds.*

Que Pasa: Hey, that Mongolian Barbecue place ripped me off! I only have forty-two cents left!

Shiny Stallone: That happens to be the only restaurant here I don't own.

Que Pasa: (sees No Name shuffling through hundreds of dollars) Hey man, lend me some money!

No Name: Hell no.

Que Pasa: (starts crying) You never buy me nice things anymore!

*Everyone starts hanging around the arcade area. There Stampede and No Name, along with help from Some Name, play Lethal Enforcers for hours until they beat it.*

Stampede: That was a good game!

No Name: Hero-Hero Policeman!

Stampede: Yeah, you played real good.

No Name: Hero-Hero Policeman! Hero-Hero Policeman!

Stampede: You okay? You have been playing that game for a while...

No Name: Hero-Hero Policeman! (starts crying and hands Stampede a gun, then points to his head) Hero-Hero Policeman...

*Instead of shooting No Name, Stampede simply shoots the machine and Que Pasa pours out.*

Stampede: How the hell did you get in there?

Que Pasa: Everyone else ditched me, so I went into the arcade machine to cry.

*The three look around and see everyone else gone.*

No Name: (has forgotten the brainwashing) Hang on, I'll call them. (dials on cell phone) Hello, Krazy? Where are you? Spencer's? Spencer's? SPENCER'S? Okay bye.

Que Pasa: What the hell are they doing at Spencer's? What the hell IS Spencer's?

Stampede: We'll hunt them down.

Que Pasa: (looks over balcony) They're downstairs, running away!

*Que Pasa, Stampede and No Name run off after the others. Elsewhere Karl the angry black man trying to get out the hood has stopped to buy bubble tape.*

Karl: Hey, where'd everyone go? Wait, what's that- AHHH why you gotta go after the black people first?!!

*Back at the ranch, Que Pasa and the others have caught up to the others despite their numerous attempts to ditch them. Then they notice the absence of Karl, the angry black man trying to get out the hood.*

Liz: We have to find him. Why don't we-

Que Pasa: Let's split up!

*Que Pasa and Lupine wander the area.*

Lupine: Why'd you have to make us split up? The monster thing's sure to get us now!

Que Pasa: You act like I don't make stupid decisions like this all the time! Remember that time with the Mystery Box?

[flashback]

Peter: Lois, a boat's a boat, but a mystery box can be anything! It can even be a boat! And you know how much we've wanted one of those!

Lois: Then let's just get the-

Peter: I'll take it!

[/flashback]

Lupine: That wasn't even you!

Que Pasa: Don't worry, we have everyone's cell phone numbers. Check in with Krazy.

Lupine: (dials cell phone) ...No answer.

Que Pasa: Uh... maybe we'll find one of them in here.

*They open a door and find a disturbing sight within.*

Nemo: Oh... oh... oh... BAM! Right in the kisser.

Mr. Brancato: Yum.

Meggan: (takes pictures) I have proof!

*Que Pasa and Lupine close the door and run off. Lupine stops and looks around while Que Pasa continues running.*

Lupine: Something's watching us...

Que Pasa: Nothing's watching us! (turns around and sees Lupine gone) Okay maybe there is.

*Que Pasa runs around the mall paranoid and jumps out the window, and he winds up landing by the light rail.*

Que Pasa: Can it be... the legendary light rail? At last I behold it with my own eyes! (pauses) Why do I hear suspenseful music in the background?

*Que Pasa turns around and screams... as Mr. Meyer lumbers out of some very big shadows.*

Mr. Meyer: Hello John.

Que Pasa: You're the mysterious monster who's been hunting us all down? What have you done to the others?

Mr. Meyer: They're all safe for now. I have wasted my money and need food, so I decided to use them. I have kept them in a freezer until I'm hungry enough to eat them all since that girl said it'd be an insult to the Ethiopians to waste food.

Que Pasa: You fiend! How could you?

Mr. Meyer: You don't understand. I'm just like you. I wasted my money... on a Mongolian Barbecue! The hunger will consume you too!

Que Pasa: No! I'll never be like you!

Mr. Meyer: Yes you will. Even though you were raised by the bears I hate, you have grown to hate them too, and so we are even more alike. With your help we can get all the food we need to survive in this mall!

Que Pasa: If I refuse?

Mr. Meyer: (does his impersonation of a camera which summons a swarm of dolphins)

Que Pasa: Oh, and by the way... (sings the Smallville theme into a DS microphone to summon a swarm of bears) I have made peace with my bear brethren.

*The bears and the dolphins break into into wild battle. Mr. Meyer scrambles through the madness.*

Mr. Meyer: How do I get out of this? Let me think- bears can't run downhill or parallel park...

*Que Pasa dropkicks Mr. Meyer into the railroad tracks. The bright light of a train is seen approaching- the huge-assest train ever, the Polar Express.*

Que Pasa: You see that light at the end of the tunnel? That's not Heaven!

Mr. Meyer: I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU!!!

*The train bounces off of Mr. Meyer and flies into space.*

Mr. Meyer: I should make a documentary about this experience.

*The bears bring back all the others from Mr. Meyer's fridge.*

Salama: It's not safe here. Let's take the light rail to Hoboken, where they have more food.

That Krazy Dude: So be it! I swear by the honor of my genitals, the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada shall travel to Hoboken!

*Everyone gets on the train and heads for Hoboken.*

Que Pasa: So how was that Harry Potter movie you saw last time you were here?

Stampede: It was good, but Dreamer says there's a giant hole in the story.

*Elsewhere Dreamer looks through the book until her hand gets stuck in a large hole in the book.*

Dreamer: What the... (is sucked into the hole)

Edwin: Enough of this! I want my own flashback- nay, demand it!

[flashback]

Edwin: Poppa, what's the world like outside Hudson County?

Edwin's Dad: There's nothing out there, son! Nothing but pain! (sobs) LORISSA!!!!

[/flashback]

*The light rail stops at Hoboken. They then run from their lives through the light rail station for no real reason.*

No Name: Dammit, we've lost Karl again!

Shiny Stallone: Wait, I see him- he's in that Johnny Rocket's across the street!

*Everyone jaywalks across the street as Karl walks out of the restaurant, but he somehow looks different.*

That Krazy Dude: Karl?

Karl: That name no longer applies to me. I have finally gotten out of the hood. I... AM... JOHNNY ROCKET!!! (changes into 50's clothes to Happy Days) I fight crime now! (sees a jaywalker) Stop right there, jaywalker! You have to answer to me!

Jaywalker: Yeah? What are you gonna do?

Johnny Rocket: (holds out a hamburger) Here!

Jaywalker: Thanks man! (eats the hamburger and walks away)

Johnny Rocket: Seen any other jaywalkers for me to mess up?

*Fifty years later...*

Jaywalker: ARGH (arteries explode)

Johnny Rocket: It was worth the wait.

Morgan Freeman: And so Karl the angry black man trying to get out the hood finally got out the hood, and all was good again in Hoboken. But everywhere surrounding Hoboken was wiped out by nuclear winter.

The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Adventures Featuring Magilla Gorilla in: Crouching Testicle Hidden Penis

*pounce*

Que Pasa: What's pounce?

Edwin: This is! *slams Que Pasa through seven concrete walls*

Que Pasa: Oh, that pounce! I thought you meant the sexual acts which is worth 3 dollars in Thailand and Lupine performs to himself when he find the nights too lonely.

*Que Pasa humps tv screaming for FOX to give him more...from brhind*

Edwin: Alright, if you're into that.

*Miss Knight walks onto the ship*

Miss Knight: Where's the bathroom?

*Que Pasa stares at her and then swallows her whole..then she explodes in his stomach*

Que Pasa: Talk about a heart burn...indigestion, upset stomach, diahrrea..OH PEPTO BISMOL!

Stampede: I want me some of what you're eating......

Que Pasa: You want Ms. Knight? Isn't that like bestiality or something?

Edwin: I don't know here I'm going with this...

No Name: I don't know where your ever going!

*Miss Ibrahim walks out of her class*

Miss Ibrahim: I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU! *walks away*

*Lupine cries*

Lupine: Nobody understands me! *cries more*..*sniff*...*cuts himself to Real Folk Blues*

wef

Que Pasa: What the hell is wef?!

No Name: I accidentally slammed the keyboard.

Que Pasa: Well I accidentally slammed your mom with my male genitalia!

*The ceiling explodes, and navy officers leap down.*

Captain Duck-Hand Frzlngd: You're under arrest because I feel like it!

Que Pasa: Your mo- (kicked into a row of computers)

Shadow: Hand over the Chaos Emeralds! (starts bitch-slapping Dr. Eggman) MARIA (dashes off a cliff)

No Name: I AM SONIC! I CAN FLY! (jumps out window and lands in a box of glass, then gets attack by rabid dogs)

Edwin: OMG No Name, are you okay?

No Name: I need more Power Rings...

Frzlngd: Enough! General Colonel Lieutenant Major Shogun Wiley, initiate Operation Over-Complicated Fight Scene!

*The navy officers tear through the media center riding duck bikes but they wind up doing more random damage then actually attacking the pirates.*

No Name: (tries spin-dashing but hits a coat rack) Get this stupid jacket out of my way!

Stampede: That's my jacket.

No Name: Yeah, I know. (after Stampede looks away, tosses the jacket into a furnace)

Nemo: I'm a Dominican troll, comb my hair for good luck!

Stampede: *shoots Nemo in the face*

*Robosexual collects the hair and sells it for hardware money.*

Frzlngd: What the fuck is going on? Time to end this! (presses a button, and a Bioduck smashes through the wall)

Sonic: Shadow, let's get the Chaos Emeralds!

Shadow: Right!

*They begin jerking motion while emeralds glow around them, then they appear to ejaculate and turn super. Live and Learn starts to play*

Dr. Eggman: (over communicator) The Bioduck's weakness is in his boils!

Shadow: yea....by the way, why are you always with tails?

Sonic: We're life partners..........

Shadow: Awkwaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsdrhgklbyklgi

Amy Rose: (over communicator) Great, keep up the good work!

Que Pasa: Put Eggman back on, he always has something good to say.

Emily Rose: I'M POSSESED BY THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *break neck* UIGERIBRBGSIDR

Edwin: Yeaaaaaah, maybe if we ignore her she'll go away *throws blanket over her*

*Shadow and Sonic smash into the Bioduck until it explodes.*

Sonic: We did it!

Shadow: Maria... (turns back to normal form and falls down a few feet to the ground then dies)

Morgan Freeman: In memory of Shadow the Hedgehog. He lived 2001-2001, and 2004-2007.

*Krazy Dude runs in and slams navy officers into the wall with a penis-shaped battering ram.*

Nemo: (points to the ram) Can I borrow that when you're done?

Kelso: You know what your problem is.... I'm too good looking!

Nemo: Excellent...release the hounds!

Que Pasa: (unzips pants)

No Name: Stop right there, impostor! I'm the real Sonic!

Sonic: No way! We'll race around the world to see which of us is real!

No Name: It's on!

*Sonic dashes off. No Name runs after him, then falls out a window and into a box of glass, where he's attacked by rabid dogs for a third time.*

Frzlngd: Enough of this tomfoolery!

Que Pasa: Oh good, remind me later No Name to write that later....

No Name: Nani?

*Frzlngd leaves runs out and comes back a few seconds later riding a dinosaur.*

Frzlngd: Enough of this, pirates! This ends here!

*The dinosaur starts spitting lasers and fries Nemo as it stomps forward.*

Pimp Named Slick back: My Name is a Pimp Named Slick Back!

No Name: What?

Pimp Named Slick Back: IIIII said my name is a pimp named slick back!

No Name: What?

Pimp Named Slick Back: *Takes pistols out* Bitch say "what" one more time and I blow ya head off neeei

Frzlngd: I need back-up! (summons Count Gonad's cousin, Baron von Chodemeister)

Chodemeister: (pulls out a sword) I will collect your balls!

Mini-Myself: I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS!!! (leaps at the Chodemeister)

(Chodemeister dodges down a little bit and grabs Mini-Myself in his nuts and gropes them)

Chodemeister: Yes, interesting, oh yea!!!!!

Mr. Malkuwitz: This whole thing is disgusting! Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting! ....Disgusting! I'm done.

Scruffy: You just lost all of your already little left dignity from the priest incident.

[flashback]

*Scruffy bites into a hamburger.*

[/flashback]

Adam West: AHAHAHA his name was Boner!...*sigh* I've failed.

*Mini-Myself pulls himself away from Chodemeister just as the sword flies past. He kicks a navy officer off a duck bike and rides off a ramp in the middle of the media center, then jumps off as the motorcycle flies into the dinosaur's mouth.*

Mini-Myself: Aha!

Dinosaur: (eats motorcycle)

Mini-Myself: Well that makes my entire life leading up to this point meaningless.

Csp'n: Dammit, how will we get Mini back!?!?!

Que Pasa: We have to wait for him to come out the other end *stares at dinosaur's butt*

*Mini expands and rips the dinosaurs stomach*

Mini: Look who I found... *puts down Gepeto and Pinocchio*

Frzlngd: That's it! Finish them Chodemeister!

No Name: I dare you to try, wimp! I'll go Super Sonic on you!

*Chodemeister grabs No Name by the third leg and swings him around, then flings him out the window, and he misses the box of glass.*

No Name: Yes, I've broken the loop! (Chodemeister drops a box of glass and rabid dogs on him) NOOO FATE WINS AGAIN!!!

*They shove Siren towards Chodemister. He starts acting awkward and uncomfortable, then stumbles outside the window.*

Scruffy: We had to send either her or Lupine.

*Chodemeister lands in the alley and finds himself surrounded by the rabid dogs.*

Chodemeister: Oh... my friends...

Dog: Friends? You said we were the enemy!

*The rapid dogs all pounce atop the Chodemeister in a sexual way, and their silhouettes are seen against the flames.*

No Name: Ah, poetic justice! As my life mate Tails would say, we all did it together!

*Nemo comes dressed up as Tails.*

No Name: Not what I had in mind....

*Stampede shoots Nemo*

Stampede: Better?

No Name: Much better...Let's have a sexy party!

*Bunch of sexy girls with lingerie run in*

GCPA: Yea!

Dreamer: I objectify to this...stay after school to see the debate between guys and girls! Siren why are you joining these testosterone filled men!

Siren: Hey sexy is sexy! *Makes out with all girls*

No Name: WOOOO!

Nemo: I don't like this!

Stampede: (Polishes his gun shaft)

*Everyone gathers around one extremely hot girl.*

Siren: Hey, what about me?

Stampede: Who?

*The extremely hot girl then fires a laser whip from her duck hand, tying up all the pirates that are crowded together around her, then sheds her skin to reveal Duck-Hand Frzlngd while Siren laughs at them.*

Frzlngd: You're under arrest because I feel like it, and you kinda killed Baron von Chodemiester!

*Frzlngd is crushed under a falling chandelier. All the pirates climb on top of the chandelier and start dancing around naked*

Morgan Freeman: With the villains defeated, the pirates decided to sneak out of the school to McDonald's before the late buses come. They find Mr. Greco and Ms. Lohf talking there and monitoring the exit. At first they try to wait for them to leave, but they just stay there so the pirates use subtle tactics to sneak past and continue on to McDonald's. In fact the two are still there when the pirates return, except Mr. Greco isn't wearing pants.

Salama: (walks casually through the aisle, snatching everyone's food)

*Soon they decide to go back out into the snowy path back to High Tech. Most of the pirates walk down the snowy slope, but Que Pasa talks the safe road alongside it.*

No Name: (shouts at Que Pasa) You idiot, you're sacrificing freedom for security- (slips and falls over, slides down the slope and into the traffic-infested street) AHHHB THIS IS WORSE THAN ALL THE GLASS AND RABID DOGS OF THE WORLD!!!!111

Morgan Freeman: With that, No Name learned an important lesson. There's a little penis in all of us- especially your mom HAHA!

To Whom the Penis Tolls

by Scruffy, Que Pasa, No Name and Edwin on December 15, 2005

*In the meeting room, the pirates are planning for the Biopardy.*

Nemo: Here's my idea for the Biopardy fashion show....

*Scene of the male pirates walking down the runway wearing only leaves over their crotches. Nemo salivates.*

Scruffy: Well it is botany-related...

*Que Pasa runs into the parlor.*

Que Pasa: I've got big news, everyone! I've entered us all on a reality tv show!

Stampede: I thought we agreed not to enter another reality show since we entered Edwin on Date My Fat Lesbian Uncle. (points to Edwin, who's huddled up and shaking in the corner)

Que Pasa: No no, this is different! This show is "The First Mate", and it's hosted by Gold Roger, the King of Pirates! The winner will get to be his first mate! C'mon, I already entered us and assassinated the other contestants!

That Krazy Dude: Alright, let's head off. (rides off on a platypus)

No Name: He does know we are on a riding mode of transportation, right?

Siren: Let him tire himself out.

*The Golden Cheesecake sails off and arrives at Gold Roger's ship, the Motherlover.*

Gorenicus: You guys are here too? Well don't think you'll beat me to become Gold Roger's first mate, I had a fully-balanced breakfast today! (holds up a glass of orange juice, a piece of toast and some diabetes-infested cereal)

Lupine: Dammit Que Pasa, you didn't assassinate this one.

Mini-Myself: So all of us are competing in this reality show. I wonder who will win?

Que Pasa: Obviously me! I AM a first mate and over-confident in my abilities!

Gold Roger: (walks out and points at Que Pasa) Whoever you are, I'm sorry, but... you're walking the plank.

Que Pasa: What? It hasn't even started!

Gold Roger: Sorry, you're obviously not first mate material.

*Que Pasa drags his wheelie bookbag towards the plank over water that's swarming with sharks.*

Que Pasa: (looks down at sharks as he steps onto the plank) This is all fake, right?

Gold Roger: The plank is. It's made out of paper.

*Que Pasa falls down into the water while everyone else takes pictures.*

Scruffy: Well aside from him, all our pirates are here and accounted for.

Lupine: Wait, where's Dreamer?

*Elsewhere, in a dungeon...*

Dreamer: HELP MEEEEEE!!!!

Gold Roger: Anyway, you will be divided into two teams- one led by Scruffy and the other by Gorenicus.

Scruffy: Yes, finally, I can name my team the Bio-Hazards!

Gold Roger: The name has to be botany-related.

Scruffy: (weeps while cutting a mango)

*The Motherlover pulls up on a populous island.*

Gold Roger: For your first task, each team must pillage and rape a town, and we'll see how you do.

Lupine: Let's do this, guys!!!!

(Lupine runs of where he grabs his fruity owl, Aeolous, and rapes him in multiple positions, then has a orgy with horses, cows, pigs, and other owls)

*Scruffy's team- No Name, Stampede, Mini-Myself, Edwin, eLFa and That Krazy Dude. Gorenicus's crew- Siren, Robosexual, Lupine, Nemo, Aeolus and Frenchie.*

Gold Roger: Everyone who wasn't mentioned is now disqualified.

Girl From the Weakest Link: You are the weakest link. Goodbye. (presses detonator)

Gorenicus: Hey, you got all the good onees!

Scruffy: Well you got the hot one.

Gorenicus: Point taken.

*Both teams rush through their individual towns and begin messing the places up. *

Robosexual: (tears an ATM Machine out of the wall and plugs it into himself)

Stampede: (shoots down the wall of a Public Girl's Locker Room which has a sign that reads, "No Fat Chicks", and races Mini-Myself inside)

Edwin: (decides to do actual pillaging, but then changes his mind an transmutes the ground to grab some women)

Siren: (drags away the guys that Frenchie beats to unconsciousness with a baguette)

*Afterwards, each team is tied to a mast on the Motherlover.*

Gold Roger: Okay, let's go over what happened. Both of you did the exact same thing: run through the city and rape some random people. Have you ever pillaged anything?

Scruffy: Come to think of it, we spend all our time making merry and fighting evil-ass guys.

Gorenicus: Yeah, I flunked my college pillaging classes. But I did major in raping!

Gold Roger: All right. Scruffy, your team did some slight destruction so I guess your team is free. (cuts the rope to their mast) And now I have to disqualify one of you. Lupine... you're walking the plank.

Nemo: What a dummy! (annoying laughter)

Gold Roger: On second thought, you're walking the plank. (shoves Nemo overboard)

*After a few weeks Scruffy, Gorenicus, Siren, Stampede, That Krazy Dude, Edwin and No Name are the only ones left. Gold Roger summons them for their final task.*

Gold Roger: The navy is on its way. You must fight off them as well as each other to win. Last one standing will be my new first mate. (ship is hit by cannon) bbl! (leaps into the only life boat and rows away)

No Name: I'd rather have the German in front of me then French people behind me! (knocked out cold by a stale flying baguette)

Frzlngd: That's right, I'm back once again to do the good thing!

Scruffy: Dammit, why did Mr. T have to leave to slay vampires in the Caribbean?

Gorenicus: (poses) Ha, I'll take you all down!

*The other pirates all grab Gorenicus and fling him at Frzlngd. The two break out into wild combat.*

Stampede: So... yeah...

*All the pirates leap at each other and each strangles another, linking them together in a chain of strangled guys.*

Edwin: This is quite painful!

That Krazy Dude: Indeed.

Siren: Ha... I can hold my breathe... for a few more seconds...

Scruffy: I... think... we've... been set up...

*Everyone releases their holds.*

Scruffy: We have to find Gold Roger.

*The remaining pirates hijack a navy ship and drive off while Gorenicus and Frzlngd struggle. They soon start to catch up on Gold Roger. Scruffy leaps from the boat to Gold Roger's, and they sword duel.*

Gold Roger: How do you expect to win against the King of Pirates?

Scruffy: By not losing! Now explain your evil scheme.

Gold Roger: Simple, I use the reality show as a front so I can eliminate all pirates who may one day overthrow me.

Scruffy: Go on...

Gold Roger: That's it.

Scruffy: Oh, okay. Well I can't let you eliminate all the pirates! Or my name isn't Edwin Turvilsdky Pepelu the VII!

Gold Roger: It isn't.

Scruffy: Oh, then I'll let you.

*Scruffy sits silently to the side while Gold Roger spits a jet of fire at the other pirates. But Lupine leaps up from the ocean and absorbs the attack like Piccolo.*

Lupine: Fly, you fools...

*The others lift up Lupine and toss him into Gold Roger's mouth. Gold Roger starts flashing.*

Gold Roger: You may have beaten me, but you'll never find my legendary treasure- I've hidden it where no one will find it... (explodes)

Scruffy: (checks under the couch) I found it!

General Colonel Lieutenant Major Shogun Wiley: Freeze, pirates! You're all under arrest!

Lupine: I feel so useless to you guys... (cuts himself)

That Krazy Dude: Is there no way to escape this pickling cucumber?

General Colonel Lieutenant Major Shogun Wiley: We do accept bribes.

Scruffy: (looks at treasure) Aw.

*They all return to the Golden Cheesecake and find... Que Pasa!*

Siren: You're alive?!

Scruffy: But I thought you were shark bait!

Que Pasa: So it seemed. The sharks surrounded me from all sides. But at that moment my shrieks summoned an armada of eight, no more no less, krakens led by Tim Allen. We worked as one to conquer the sharks. I spent years living among them, learning their ways and mating constantly with them. One day I encountered an orgasm so powerful it ripped a tear in time and space that brought me here today.

No Name: You're gonna be alllright.

Que Pasa: Except for the infinite STDs, yes.

*Elsewhere, Frzlngd is still dueling Gorenicus atop the Empire State Building. Some passing biplanes shoot at them, and they fall down hard on the ground. Everyone crowds around Gorenicus and cries while completely ignoring Frzlngd.*

Jack Black: (hops out of a phone booth) Beauty killed the beast.

Frzlngd: Stupid pirates... just you wait. I'll have my revenge, someday... someday soon! I will give you the present of death- this Christmas! (Madmanic laughter)

The Snow Day Liberation

by Lupine, Que Pasa, That Krazy Dude, No Name and Jebus on December 17, 2005

:: It's a cold winter day in High Tech High School. ADD, Krazy Dude and Lupine have just killed themselves because of another test, but are happy at the prospects of a snow day the next day. The class gets into a huge ass discussion::

That Krazy Dude: You go do that.

Nemo: So you think there will be school tomorrow, Dr. T?

Dr. T: Tvust me, there vill be school tomorrow!

Alchey the hobo: Nah! (grabs some students and drags them into a dark alley)

That Krazy Dude: How would you know this, Dr. T?

Dr. T: Jost trust me, since I can determine the joules of heat it absorbs!

Que Pasa: Joules of heart your mom absorbs, am I right?

Dr. T: What they don't know is that my Russian comrades have a weather machine deep in the heart of Russia and heavily guarded by an arsenal of weaponry!

Que Pasa: I know that, I've always known that! Why would you tell me such a useless tidbit?

That Krazy Dude: What was that, Dr. T?

Dr. T: Nothing. nothing at all!

That Krazy Dude: Something is strange about this angry Russian man's statement.

Lupine: ::stares::

No Name: Joules are unit of work, Que Pasa.

Que Pasa: Joules are a unit of STFU!

That Krazy Dude: He said it as if to himself, but so loud that everyone in class can hear it.

Lupine: So anyway, let's all get ready for snow related frolics!

Que Pasa : I don't know what me and No Name are doing in this class but I think we should be on our guard!

Lupine: And how the hell did you two get in our chem class?

Que Pasa: FUCK!

That Krazy Dude: Strange...

No Name: They're onto to us, flush the weed down the toilet! Be inconspicuous Que Pasa!

(Que Pasa takes out a horn and yells in it)

:: Mr.G runs in dressed as the Big Boy and grabs Que Pasa and drags him into a closet. Screams of pleasure are heard::

That Krazy Dude: So yeah...

Que Pasa: Do I do both those things at the same time?

That Krazy Dude: Ignoring that...

Mr. G: GET IN MA BELLY!

That Krazy Dude: Maybe we should listen to the strange mutterings of this angry Russian guy.

No Name: Ahhahah, that's what your mom said last night!

Dr. T: Now while they are distracted by the big man, I will make my escape! ::runs into closet of mystery and disappears::

No Name: I want one of those.

Que Pasa: I have eight.

Lupine: Let's go to Russia!

That Krazy Dude: Russia!?

Lupine: Yes! Land of Cold!

That Krazy Dude: That could lead us anywhere! Even Mexico!!

No Name: Even to Russia!

Lupine: We must all prepare!

That Krazy Dude: For the Mexicans?

Lupine: Que Pasa get in your swim trunks! Now!

Que Pasa: Let's go! (tosses a saddle on Mr. G)

No Name: A boat... I know how much you want one of those!

That Krazy Dude: ...???

No Name: *uses force powers to levitate and flies off*

That Krazy Dude: *uses your mom as a flotation device and heads to Russia by seas*

::ADD calls a city wok man and has him deliver Lupine and himself to Russia via air mail::

City wok guy: Thank you fo frying sheety air-rines, can I take yo oda prease?

*The pirates all start hiking through snowy Russia*

Lupine: MY LEGS!

ADD: It's always your legs. What about your heart?

No Name: My scabula

That Krazy Dude: So where do you think this evil weather machine would be?

Lupine: In the one place no one would ever look in Russia- in England!

That Krazy Dude: .... Or we could just check that place with the giant weather machine looking thing on top of it.

Lupine: That's foolish!

That Krazy Dude: *points* Right over there.

Lupine: To England!

*The GCPA all overlook the weather machine place from a cliff.*

Han Solo: Luke. you're freezing! Get in! Its body heat will keep you alive! (cuts open Salama's stomach)

ADD: Who will pull my rickshaw now? WHO?

Que Pasa: ..Let me test the security (tosses a baby down, but it sets off a land mine)

No Name: Hey look, there's the 7 slices of pizza Salama ate today at the judo party.

Lupine: Oh, you mean that party I didn't go to!

That Krazy Dude: Exactly!

No Name: You didn't wanna go!

Lupine: Well then...

Que Pasa: (opens up Salama's stomach and finds Stampde there with a flashlight and a book)

Stampede: Close it, I'm reading a scary story!

Lupine: Only one thing to do!

That Krazy Dude: And that is your mom!

Lupine: SEXY PARTY!

That Krazy Dude: Awww... Can I still do ur mom?

Lupine: :: rips off shirt and various women run in, they all dance but turn into ice because of cold::

*Salama swallows all the women whole, and Nemo humps every dead body.*

Que Pasa: Let's tear Lupine's body apart and play with it again.

That Krazy Dude: Yay!

Lupine: :: thaws from the friction:: I'm not dead! Nemo's the dead guy.

Que Pasa: On the outside.

That Krazy Dude: *ignores the fact that they're trying to prevent school*

Que Pasa: (hits Lupine with a frozen leg) Now you are!

Lupine: :: dodges:: Hahahaha glorious!

That Krazy Dude: Penis!

*Lupine's laugh summons an avalanche*

Lupine: Hey, aren't we on a mission?

No Name: *screams at top of lungs* HEY GUYS, I HEAR YOU CAN CAUSE AN AVALANCHE IF YOU SCREAM LOUD ENOUGH!

Lupine: Awww shit! Shut up!

Krazy: *whispers* What? *rumble*

Lupine: Slag.

No Name: Hey it was Krazy's fault!

That Krazy Dude: Gay!

Lupine: RUN LIKE HELL MEN!

Que Pasa: *snowboards on the avalanche until he smacks into the very same rock and falls*

("City Escape" plays while No Name races Sonic on snow boards)

Lupine: :: turns and makes the fire hand seal and slaps hand:: Fire Fist!

That Krazy Dude: *runs and uses your mom as a snowboard*

Lupine: ::tries thawing but is attacked by a large snow rabbit:: My arm!

:: Wally is seen in shadows paying the rabbits::

That Krazy Dude: *passes Sonic and gives him a Sonic-style thumbs up; Sonic flips him off*

Lupine: ::rodeos the rabbit and begins riding him down the mountain; the rabbit unleashes pent up sexual energy onto Nemo::

No Name: *Force-pushes Sonic off a cliff to a jagged rock death* There can only be one! *Force pushes to gain speed*

That Krazy Dude: Never!!! *Your mom increases speed*

Que Pasa: *His frozen body increases speed, then it's carried away by penguins*

*Suddenly a ping pong table on snowboards comes in between That Krazy Dude and No Name* That Krazy Dude: It's on!!! No Name: LET'S GO! EXTREMUUUU PINGU PONGU! That Krazy Dude: DUUUUUURUUUUUUU! <nowiki>*Everyone lands by Dr. T's weather device place at last*

:: Weather starts to warm as the machine is seen glowing purple.::

Lupine: Purple?

That Krazy Dude: That's what she said!

No Name: Hey Krazy, got blue balls?

That Krazy Dude: From your mom! Ooooooh!!!

No Name: *stares at Que Pasa with blue make up*

Que Pasa: You don't buy me nice things anymore!

That Krazy Dude: You don't wear pants anymore!!!

*The avalanche lands on No Name and stops. No Name pops up from the snow and climbs on top of it*

No Name: BIOOOOOOOO!!!!

*The pirates are then confronted by the hermit of the snow caves- Robin Williams.*

That Krazy Dude: ::gasp::

Lupine: ::bows:: Williams. It is an honor.

-Robosexual appears out of nowhere-

Robosexual: ROBIN WILLIAMS GIMME YOUR AUTOGRAPH NOW!

Estrada: RICARDO GO TO CUBA!

One-Armed Willy: But Estrada, Cuba's a bad place!

Estrada: Exactly!

*One-Armed Willy goes to the corner where thee map of Cuba is.*

One-Armed Willy: So Cuba, whats up?

Estrada: Now you're talking to Cuba?!

::Lupine walks by::

Estrada: You stole my face!

No Name: I stole your mom's virginity!

That Krazy Dude: *beats Lupine with stick* BAD CUBAN BAD!

No Name: Yes, Lupine...I am your father!

Estrada: (force pushes Lupine off a cliff to a jagged rock death) There can only be one!

Lupine: ::grabs to edge:: Someone help me!!!!!

Estrada: *sobs* What have I done! ... (kills himself, but not before giving One-Armed Willy detention)

Lupine: I'm still alive!

*Princess Leia hears Lupine's calls, and Han Solo pulls the Millennium Falcon up beneath Lupine and catches him in it*

Lupine: Well, defeating Estrada was strangely easy.

That Krazy Dude: Wrong teacher! We need to defeat Dr. T dammit!

No Name: Lucas has a fetish with sending people down air shafts, maybe it's symbolic for sex.

Dr. T: Bah! Eestrada was only a paawn!

Dr. Eggman: There can only be one evil genius!

Estrada: ::returns to Dr. T's side: They are powerful, but can be dealt with. Send her out.

*Hester Prynne walks out.*

That Krazy Dude: It's amazing how we're able to do all this after school yet before it hits the next morning.

:: Dr.T send out .....Sensei!::

Nathaniel Hawthorne: The letter 3 1/4 in size, and the reader may laugh, but it seered my chest when I placed it there!

*Nathanial Hawthorne tears off his shirt to reveal a laser cannon grafted to the burnt part of his chest*

Hawthorne: HAHA I'M A CYBORG!

Lupine: Well, let's take a casualty report. Nemo's died seven times. We aye Salama...

That Krazy Dude: Penis.

Sensei: Get serious! This class is rated PG 13! Marko, why do you not come to Japanese anymore? You must get serious about Japanese! Little here, little there! :: grabs a katana:: GET SERIOUS NOW!

That Krazy Dude: Yeah, she told us that too.

*Sensei and Nathanial Hawthorne look at each other, and romance music starts playing. The two hop at each other and start making love immediately*

Dimmesdale: BLASPHEMY!

Lupine: Ahhhhhhhh, sorry Sensei!

That Krazy Dude: ...

Chillingworth: AHAH, now I will plot my revenge and become a fiend!

That Krazy Dude: *curls into ball and starts rocking back and forth while talking to himself*

Lupine: With all these enemies, how will we ever stop that fiend Dr. T's weather machine?

*With Sensei and Hathorne distracted with each other, and Robin Williams trying to fly over a bottomless crevice like Peter Pan, the GCPA runs past and make their way towards Dr. T*

Lupine: That works!

*Darth Maul appears with, not a dual lightsaber, but two ping pong paddles.*

That Krazy Dude: Then it is a challenge he wants! So a challenge he shall get!

No Name: I'll help you..Krazy! Scratch my back and I'll scratch your feet.

*No Name and Krazy Dude get ping pong paddles.*

Que Pasa: We'll take him together!

*The three of them step forward, draw ping pong paddles, and... kick Darth Maul in the nuts and dash away.*

No Name: How anticlimactic.

That Krazy Dude: That works.

No Name: ....

That Krazy Dude: I had a better idea.

Que Pasa: Like your mom!

That Krazy Dude: But anyway!

Que Pasa: Then do that.

*Krazy rewinds time and places a truck on top of Que Pasa.*

That Krazy Dude: Yes! Lupine! Que Pasa! Take out Dr. T! Me and No Name will take on Darth Maul!

Lupine: ::stands just watching and listening to Asian Kung Fu Generation::

*Ping pong table appears between Darth Maul, No Name, and Krazy Dude whi;e Mr. Meyer phases through a wall and eats Lupine's iPod.*

*furious ping pong battle ensues. The battle continues until the score is 24 for Darth Maul and 15 for No Name and Krazy, and it's game to 25.*

No Name: Don't worry! The miracle of basketball will help us win!

:: Lupine Rushes Dr.T::

Dr. T:: Lupine, vould u like to see vat u got on zat test I didn't say?

Lupine: ::looks:: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

No Name: Let's take him down, Krazy! *gets 3 ping pong balls and duel wields ping pong paddles*

*No Name serves them all at once and Darth Maul gets confused and smacks himself in the face with the paddle. Somehow the score reaches 24-24.*

That Krazy Dude: Game point!

*Dr. T attacks in a giant mechanical walker near the core of the weather machine*

Dr. T: Only seceend remain unteel your snow days are over!

Que Pasa: No!

*Suddenly a laser blasts Dr. T away. Siren is seen swooping down in the Millenium Falcon.*

Siren: Good job, now blow this thing up so we can all go home!

No Name: Ahaha, Siren said blow!

*Darth Maul serves a Force-powered ping pong ball down the middle and No Name and Krazy both smack the ball at the exact same time sending the ball at Darth Maul and causing him to explode violently.*

Que Pasa: *stuffs another baby into the reactor core, setting off a chain reaction that destroys the weather machine*

That Krazy Dude: Game!

Ms. Gilmartin: I don't think so, it touched the line

Lupine: Guys, weren't there renegade Russians? ::Site B weather device activated:: Shit!

Que Pasa: *points to the renegade Russiuans running around on fire*

*Renegade Russians pop up.*

Ms. Gilmartin: I'm Catholic!

Gilmartin: My professor was a volleyball coach.

That Krazy Dude: Really, so did he teach you volleyball?

Gilmartin: No, algebra.

That Krazy Dude: .....?

Gilmartin: HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE!

That Krazy Dude: .....???

Ms. Gilmartin: Let me tell you of my first orgasism!

*Everyone throws up.*

That Krazy Dude: Nooooo!!!!

*Elsewhere Mr. Dobkin (the husband of Sensei) pops out of the snow and drives his hand through Nathanial Hawthorne's chest, pulling out the laser cannon.*

That Krazy Dude: Not an orgasism, not to be confused with orgasm. So what are we doing with this weather machine?

Que Pasa: Using it as a coffee machine.

That Krazy Dude: ....Okay.

Lupine: I have a better idea!

Mr. Malkowicz: But Russian coffee machines are nothing compared to the French!

Miss Knight: Guys guys, I am very disappointed in you...you were not responsible while I needed MEDICAL ATTENTION LOOK I'M HURT! *points to a small paper cut*

That Krazy Dude: ...?

Lupine: ::scene shifts to Duck Hand's ship; The ship is frozen in place::

Private: Sir, we seem to be stuck. And group of pirates are mooning us.

Que Pasa : Heh heh... private... stuck...

Duck Hand: HAHA YOUR A PRIVATE!!! What, let me see this!

No Name: Ahaha he looks at the private!

Private: (unzips pants)

Lupine: :: gets pegged in the face with yellow snow ball:: Hahahaha, good one ADD.

Que Pasa: That's hilarious!

No Name: Keep the yellow snow coming, Que Pasa!

Que Pasa: This is the first time I've exerted freely in years!

That Krazy Dude: ?sinep

Que Pasa: I've excreted freely every day of my existence you filthy liar! *strangles himself and rolls off of the ship*

Lupine: No, if i did, they would send you to Urinetown!

Que Pasa: Is this over yet?

No Name: Yeah, didn't we kill Dr. T?

That Krazy Dude: *throws bucket at weather machine, weather machine explodes* Yay!

Que Pasa: *grabs Krazy Dude by the shoulders and looks him in th eye* FROGS DON'T DRINK (kicks him through a brick wall)

**Everyone takes clothes off and dance around the bonfire*

Morgan Freeman: And that is how the GCPA saved snow days! After the battle, Sensei returned to japan and opened an authentic Japanese sushi bar.

That Krazy Dude: That was the most crippled ending ever, but I started to feel my IQ dropping.

Morgan Freeman: Dr. T returned to teaching a broken man, and the crew mates well they had a sexy party. (Note: This is Lupine writing this)

That Krazy Dude: Goody goody!

Lupine: Well, I fucked it up.

That Krazy Dude: Yeah I know, we all got lost. But the story had some good parts.

Lupine: Sorry guys, my first bi ass chat.

Que Pasa: He said bi.

Lupine: Yeah. I'm bi sexual, okay? I thought you guys knew that.

That Krazy Dude: ???

Que Pasa: Haha! You're okay with being called bi sexual but not emo... That's creepy. (add fool, gay and curly next to emo)

A Very Frzlngd Christmas

by Scruffy, Que Pasa, No Name and That Krazy Dude on December 26, 2005

Scruffy: Gather round ye children to hear a tale as old as Santa Clause himself, a tale so wondrous, it will warm the hearts of those who hear it, or we will refund your money completely.

That Krazy Dude: If by completely you mean not at all. (The two start making out to increase ratings)

*Sad jazz music plays in the background as Duck-Hand Frzlngd walks alone and sad down a snowy street.*

Frzlngd: (voiceover)You ever had that feeling? You were on top of the world, you had it all... then you lost it all. Just like tha-

Duck: (voiceover) QUACK!

Frzlngd: (still voiceover) SHUT UP WHILE I'M DOING MY DRAMATIC VOICEOVER MONOLOGUE! Oh screw this set-up, let's just jump into the story... my story of love and loss...

*Christmas music plays while the opening credits roll cheesily by on snowflakes. Some clouds part to reveal the message, "The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Holiday Special: A Very Frzlngd Christmas". Then the camera scrolls down towards the ocean, aboard the Golden Cheesecake. The Cheesecake lays surrounded by ice while the pirates have fun on Christmas Eve.*

*The GCPA crew is ice skating on the ship's ice skating rink.*

Scruffy: I can’t skate! Since when do we have one of those?

No Name: We froze over the pool.

Scruffy: We have a pool?

Que Pasa: *does some amazing twirls and then smashes into that rock again* STOP FOLLOWING ME!

That Krazy Dude: What is a rock but a giant piece of fornication?

Scruffy: (cuts hole in ice with saw, then starts ice fishing with Inuit Indian)

No Name: What is a fornic-shut the hell pu! ...I mean up!

That Krazy Dude: ...pu?

No Name: I didn't fart...

Scruffy: Stop telling people to pu! Now go to your room! (slaps No Name)

*Suddenly a cannonball lands on Nemo and smashes a hole in the ice*

Frzlngd: Hehehe... Merry Christmas you filthy animals!

*Giant Sushi Fish Man runs up to No Name and kicks him in the scrotum*

No Name: MY SCABULA!

That Krazy Dude: Who are you?

Sushi Fish Guy: I am Jim, the Christmas Sushi.

Scruffy: Salama likes sushi alot.

Sushi Fish Guy: Who's Sal-- *Salama eats the sushi fish man*

*No Name walks towards his room, but one blast later and it's just a gaping hole*

Scruffy: GO IN THERE ANYWAY!

No Name : (shrugs, walks through the hole and falls into the ocean) Old folk lore and sabers are not match for a good blaster by your side! *sploosh*

*The navy officers swarm through the ship and start tackling various pirates.*

No Name: GENOCIDE!

Mini-Myself: (under ten heavy officers) NAVY BRUTALITY! NAVY BRUTALITY!

*Nemo climbs out of the ice hole*

Nemo: Man, I'm glad I'm out of there! *gets tackled back into ice hole*

No Name: *swims up from the ice hole* CLARISE! Is that you!

*Nemo tries climbing out again only to have his head eaten off by a duck*

Frzlngd: You deserved that treat, Susie. Now we go for the big fajita.

That Krazy Dude: STELLAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

*All the remaining pirates take refuge in the ship's parlor, where the Christmas tree is.*

That Krazy Dude: *gets tackled by a navy officer and is beaten over the head with his own bucket, and the navy officer explodes for no reason. He then joins the pirates in the parlor*

Que Pasa: We have to save the children!

No Name: Hey look, it's a present! *Wally the Raccoon jumps out and attacks Lupine*

Que Pasa: (opens a present, and Frzlngd comes out) Next time I shouldn't open the gift shaped like a man with a duck hand.

No Name: Ahahs you came out!

That Krazy Dude: Instead of a closet it was a box with wrapping paper.

Siren: C'mon, it's Christmas, cut us some slack!

Frzlngd: I am your alpha and you are my omega.

That Krazy Dude: I cut your mom some slack last night!

Frzlngd: No way! I'll eat all of your appendixes!

That Krazy Dude: Not that!

No Name: I need that! *whispers to Cap'n* What does that do?

Scruffy: It puts the lotion on its skin.

That Krazy Dude: *opens to the appendix in back of text book and Frzlngd eats it*

*Frzlngd slaps Que Pasa back and starts furiously raping Lupine.*

Lupine: Make the pain stop!

Frzlngd: I feel like doing something even more unnecessarily mean!

*Scruffy throws a fireball at Frzlngd, who catches it in the mouth of his duck hand. The duck then fires it at the tree and sets it on fire. The fire quickly spreads from the tree and through the ship.*

That Krazy Dude: No! Not that!

No Name: Not the younglings!

That Krazy Dude: (sees his mop caught in the fire) NO!!! (starts crying) It's not fair!

Salama: It's burning! *starts roasting Nemo's dead body and devours it*

*In an overly dramatic scene the whole ship is going down in flames while the pirates confront Frzlngd.*

*climatic scene with Que Pasa and Frzlngd facing of*

Que Pasa: HRAAAAAAA!!! (charges at Frzlngd but instead slams into the rock and passes out)

Frzlngd: One down, three to go...

Scruffy: You're going down!

Frzlngd: Fight me. (tackled by Rafael)

Ralph: BUKKAKE!

*Ralph gets piled on by navy officers*

*Frzlngd pokes Rafael with a stick until he gets off and then tosses him out the window.*

*Mr. T flies out from the flames and tackles Frzlngd.*

Mr. T: I'll distract him you gotta ge- (falls asleep)

No Name: Damn!

That Krazy Dude: So close!

Scruffy: Not Mr. T! (climbs back up ship) I.....live!!!!!!!!!

No Name: ...Wanna start running?

Scruffy: What, that's not me!

Frzlngd: Into the fire?

Scruffy: I'm me!

No Name: We are who we choose to be!

Scruffy: I'm the real me, he's a fake!

That Krazy Dude: You know what they say, if you can't stand the heat then get outta your mom's bedroom

Frzlngd: If you can't take the heat, SHUT THE HELL UP! Odd, I've been talking alot more since Que Pasa passed out. Well who wants to get knocked out next?

Scruffy: My impostor does!!!

That Krazy Dude: Your mom's already knocked out in my pants!

LL Cool J: MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!

*Before anyone can speak (except the opposite) a chandelier falls on them*

Frzlngd: That works better.

Scruffy: =O

LL Cool J: I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT!

Scruffy: Hey, he's still standing!

*Soon all the pirates are imprisoned in the navy base.*

Stampede: (comes in) NOT COOL! (then leaves)

No Name: HEY IT'S THE GUUUZ!

Mr. T: I pity the fools who put a mickey in my milk. Stop yo Jibber Jabberin!

Frzlngd: Good news pirates! You'll get to die on Christmas tomorrow!

That Krazy Dude: Why must the good die young and if not young then not really old but not even middle-aged either?

No Name: Now is that 12 AM Christmas or when you wake up?

That Krazy Dude: Somewhere in between.

Mr. T: I pity the fool who kills T on X-mas!

*Frzlngd then leaves with Bing Crosby as the guard.*

Scruffy: Hey, I'm too young to die!!!!

Random Old Guy: I'm not, but I still don't wanna!

*Frzlngd reports to his master, the President of the Earth- Arnold Schwarzenegger.*

Mr. T: It's you, fool!

Arnold: Silly duck-man, wat are you doing?

Frzlngd: I've captured the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada for you sir.

Scruffy: Haha, he has an accent! (gets electrocuted)

That Krazy Dude: Yay electrocution! *gets shocked* This gives me ideas for your mom's Christmas present

Arnold: Who caares about petty creeminals? You should be doing your job!

Scruffy: Shocking, ain't it? Huh, huh, get the pun? (gets shocked more)

Frzlngd: ...Catching criminals is my basic job.

Arnold: You know what? I've had enough of this, duck-man! You're fired!

Frzlngd: But... but... (falls through trap door)

Arnold: (to his aide) Who was that guy anyway?

Scruffy: But he won't get his Christmas bonus! What bout us?

That Krazy Dude: Penis?

Scruffy: You gonna leave us here tied up or something?

No Name: ... ...Weird ass Germans!

Dr. Nina: I heard that chapter 23 review!

*Frzlngd walks alone through the streets.*

Frzlngd: And that's pretty much it. In retrospect it wasn't too good a story. Now what do I do?

That Krazy Dude: How bout Salama's mom? that's what I like to do!

*Naked Deaf Greased Up Guy runs by*

Mr. T: Untie us fool!

No Name: I have frost bites on top of frost bites!

Naked Deaf Greased Up Guy: Hey duckie you gotta atone for your sins and save them cheese guys! (runs off and has quick intercourse with Salama's mom)

Frzlngd: Those losers? Why should I bother? That won't help my Christmas!

*Luke Skywalker runs by*

Luke: Have you seen Han?

Scruffy: You know, years of doing Moms can have some unsightly side-effects...

That Krazy Dude: *looks at hand*

Que Pasa: Go to your room Scruffy!

That Krazy Dude: *middle finger is gone* NOOOOO!!! Han's doing Salama's mom too!

Scruffy: Que Pasa, you're awake, untie us!

Luke: Don't worry I lost a hand!

That Krazy Dude: or not.

*Suddenly a tunnel opens in the middle of the cell, and Frzlngd pops up.*

Scruffy: Oh, you're back to untie us!

Frzlngd: You there, what day is today?

Mr. Greco: Why it's Christmas day sah!

Scruffy: Official Do Your Mom Day ohhh!

That Krazy Dude: Awesome! I've already fulfilled the tradition then.

Greco: Have some play-do.

Frzlngd: It's not too late! The naked greased up deaf guy, he did it all in one night!

Scruffy: So....you hunting us?

*Frzlngd cuts through the pirates' bonds with the duck bill and cuts the bars of the prison.*

Scruffy: Finally!

Que Pasa: *gets cheese doodles* THERE IS A SANTA...and...he...IS HONDURAN!

That Krazy Dude: You lie, he's obviously Mexican like everything else in the world. *everything has a sombrero on it*

Que Pasa: Look, there's Santa! It's Santa!

No Name: Where?!

Scruffy: Where?

That Krazy Dude: *stops doing your mom* Yeah. where?

Que Pasa: *points up at the Millennium Falcon flying overhead*

Han Solo: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to all, that was one in a million!

Scruffy: It's really him, I knew he existed! Told you guys!

That Krazy Dude: That's amazing!

Frzlngd: I love you guys. Sure in the stories after this I'll inexplicably have my job back and have no memory of this incident whatsoever, but still!

No Name: Hey Frzlgnd: what do you want for Christmas?

Frzlngd: Mount me.

No Name: I'm not ready for commitment.

Sensei: Eeeehhhhhh?!?!?!

Que Pasa: Oh Sensei!

That Krazy Dude: Who are you people!?!?!?

Miss Knight: That has lots of symbolism in it.

That Krazy Dude: So does your face, but no one says anything about that!

No Name: That was a compliment, you fail! *throws oven at Krazy*

Mr. Malkowicz: Krazy Dude. Get up and apologize for your vulgarity.

That Krazy Dude: Oh yeah? Well at least I'm not the one who isn't wearing any pants.

*Malk looks down and runs off in embarrassment.*

Dr. Abbassi: All of you sign this now!

Que Pasa: *gets out a pen*

Abbassi: No no, with blood!

That Krazy Dude: ...

Miss Knight: I grade your papers with my blue blood!

That Krazy Dude: Hey look it's a group of kids bouncing basketballs down the hallway while yelling vulgar words!

Abbasi: WHERE!?!? *runs off* I hope you have a parking permit, cause if not I will have to tow away your space ship...HALI BABA A SPACESHIP, ALAH HAS ARRIVED (STARTS PRAISING HIM)

Mr. Meyer: (opens up his Christmas gift and finds a bear trap) Now I can sleep at night!

*Mr. Meyer opens another gift and Pablo Guzman jumps out and starts assaulting him*

Pablo Guzman: Bet you're not gonna sleep well now!

Morgan Freeman: I think it's about time to end this. Merry Christmas to all even though it was yesterday!

That Krazy Dude: Hooray =D

Scruffy: Or was it??? (dramatic Woolly Mammoth Music plays)

No Name: HUZZAH!

*Mr. Nardiello dances by dressed as a ballerina and uses a wand to write "The End".*

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10