GCPA Sidequests Part 5

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

This round starts off with Mt. Everest Trek, which was written in an AIM chat like most sidequests. Most of the others are written in a very different and new OGing method, with multiple writers working at one computer- either taking turns at the keyboard or funneling everything into one typist.

Mt. Everest Trek

by GORE-ILLA, That Krazy Dude, Salama, Lupine and Jebus on November 4, 2005

Note: The original version of the story was instead set in the Himalayas. The Himalayas are non-canon, but Mt. Everest isn't.

Que Pasa : We have to help Mr. Meyer climb Mt. Everest! Television brainwashed us into doing it.

That Krazy Dude: Yeah, as well as memorizing the Geico theme!

*Salama and Jebus catch up to Que Pasa, That Krazy Dude, Lupine, No Name, Frenchie and Mr. Meyer.*

That Krazy Dude: Now we have the Jebus!

Mr. Meyer: Come on, we'll be the first eight people from Hudson Country to climb the Mt. Everese! Just watch out for those 90 feet crevices!

*No Name slips and falls down a chasm*

*They're all climbing the Mt. Everest and guiding Mr. Meyer through the deadly snowstorm. The snowstorm is blinding. Then... then... um...*

Salama: *brings a Nintendo DS to Mt. Evereset*

*Suddenly they're attacked by a mountain goat.*

Que Pasa: *steals the Nintendo DS*

Salama: My DS!

*The goat eats the Nintendo DS and your mom.*

Que Pasa: NOOOO *starst wrestling with the goat*

*</nowikiGoat rips off fur to reveal bulging muscles, then freezes to death due to the extreme cold.* Que Pasa : That was a sad death. That Krazy Dude: Yes it was. Que Pasa: *drops a rose on the goat's body then forgets what just happened and eats it* Salama: My DS, you son of a bitch! That Krazy Dude: Sadder than Mr. Meyer's memory problems. Viva las Vivas! Salama: *uses alter power to become Kazuma the Shell Bullet and punches* Que Pasa: *pulls the DS from the goats stomach and uses it to block Salama's punch* Nintendo products- extremely durable! That Krazy Dude: Then why was your DS screen cracked last year? Salama: *uses Kazuma's second form* Shell Bullet Burst! That Krazy Dude: At least I think it was your's. Salama: No, mine is fine. That Krazy Dude: Not your's, idiot! Salama: Ph, who's? Que Pasa: I REFUSE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION That Krazy Dude: Who else would have a DS in this chat? Salama: (me) That Krazy Dude: *cough* Que Pasa *cough* <nowiki>*The GCPA continues to climb the mountain. Suddenly they see The Rock floating above them while surrounded by a snowstorm.*

The Rock: Haha I have become the ultimate weather wizard!

That Krazy Dude: That's what you think!

Que Pasa: Go easy on him! He played Johnny Bravo!

Salama: He did?! Really??!?!?

That Krazy Dude: *gasp*

Que Pasa: Yes.

Salama: Fo' sho', damn... *punches The Rock with Shocking 1st Bullet*

That Krazy Dude: *throws a shovel at The Rock*

Salama: *tops it off with Annihilating Second Bullet*

The Rock: GAH! HOW DID YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS WAS TO BE HIT BY A SHOCKING FIRST BULLET FOLLOWED BY A SHOVEL>???!!! (explodes)

Salama: *finishes it with an Exterminating Last Bullet*

Que Pasa: Okay Salama, I think we got him.

*They continue on, leaving behind Lupine, Frenchie and Jebus's frozen bodies cuz they're not TALKING.*

Salama: Seeya, you ice pops! Que Pasa...this is your part to say something...

Mr. Meyer: We're out of food and supplies! (glares at Salama)

Salama: It wasn't meeee! Que Pasa: But we're only halfway up!

Salama: I was ownin The Rock!

Que Pasa: Your mom owns The Rock. Or something that rhymes with it OH

That Krazy Dude: Oh yeah, well I was owning your mom while she owned The Rock! And while you watched and cried!

Salama: ...Why would I eat supplies?

Que Pasa: Simple, you'd eat supplies if there was no food left!

Salama: No!!!! *sweats nervously*

Que Pasa: Why'd we have to leave the other pirates' bodies behind? Now we have nothing to eat!

That Krazy Dude: Good point!

Salama: *uses Tachibana's Eternity 8 to erase all his companions' memories* What food?

Que Pasa: Your baby!

That Krazy Dude: Exactly. We have no minds to store memory, Senior Salama.

Salama: There's a Jr. Salama?

*Elsewhere, watching on a viewscreen*

Jesse McCartney: No! I cannot let them reach the top of the mountain, as it will set off a chain of events that will somehow ruin my plans for world domination! I must stop them.

Salama: No, he's singing! Get down!

*Elsewhere, everyone's all taken cover in a cave. The cave is dark, and they find some of the Florida ballots.*

*Al Gore leaps up from the Florida ballets, grabs Salama and drags him down*

Al Gore: Haha! I invented the internet and Party Goers! You can't stop me!

Salama: *does osotogari makikomi to Gore* (which is what I did today to Paulo and Richard)

*Al Gore blocks Salama's attacks with his own feces*

Salama: UGH!

*Salama gets feced!*

Al Gore: *then bites Salama's ear off.*

That Krazy Dude: *throws Pine Sol at him*

Salama: *gets Nibbler's feces and throws it at Gore to crush him under massive weight*

Mr. Meyer: YAAAHHHH (tackles Al Gore, and they roll around until they tumble down a 90-foot chasm)

Que Pasa: We have to save Mr. Meyer! Otherwise we can't have our IT class, and we might have to retake Rsearch!

That Krazy Dude: NO NOT THAT!!!

*Mr. Gutmann steps out of the shadows.*

That Krazy Dude: No not him!

*Mr. Brancato steps out from behind him and horn-rapes him up the ass*

Mr. Gutmann: You give them eyes but they do not see. You give them ears but they do not hear. You give them mouths but the y talk too much- (is bombarded by tomatoes) Did you just says is?? DOES NOT COMPUTE (explodes)

Mr. Meyer: Let me in! It's not fit for man nor beast in there! (walks in) Here's the man... (drags in Al Gore) and here's the beast!

Que Pasa: How did you survive?

That Krazy Dude (11:19:06 PM): Simple.

Mr. Meyer: BUMBLES BOUNCE!

Salama: Nick dot Com!

[/obscure Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer reference]

That Krazy Dude: 588 2300 Empiiiiiire!!!! [i know]

*The group continues up and nears the peak.*

That Krazy Dude; We're not gonna make it....

Mr. Meyer: WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!!!

That Krazy Dude: We're getting close, like your mom!

Que Pasa: Does anybody else hear singing in the distance?

Lupine: :: leaps down from sky with head phones and holding staff in cool pose:: Anyone remember my specialty is elements? :::makes fire::

Salama: *uses Alter Power to stop them from going in different directions*

Mr. Meyer: This is gunna be a great story for me to tell my child who's gunna be born in 3 months!

Lupine: ::then puts out fire::

Que Pasa: What the fuck? You jump out of the sky and make a speech about elements just as we're about to jump into the exciting climax?

Salama: I'm afraid this is where I get off.

That Krazy Dude: I'm afraid this is where you jack off!

Salama: (pulls out sleeping bag and starts to walk back to the cave) Me go sleep now, you insomniac bastards!

That Krazy Dude: Shut up, or not! Whatever.

Que Pasa: Just few more minutes!

Salama: Okay fine, I'll stay for a few minutes!

*Jesse McCartney claps his hands slowly and sarcastically)

Jesse McCartney: Congratulations on reaching the top of the mountain... but you'll reach nothing else!

That Krazy Dude: Except into your mom's pants!

Lupine: ::is ashamed and walks off::

That Krazy Dude: Hooray!

*Jesse McCartney drags Lupine back and humps his leg*

Jesse McCartney: I WANT YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL

That Krazy Dude: And your leg too, apparently.

*Jesse McCartney reaches into Lupine's chest and pulls his soul out. Everyone decides to stop standing still and stop him*

Jebus: -Appears randomly and laughs-

Que Pasa: Dammit! Don't you have work?

That Krazy Dude: I have to work on someone's mom. It's like working on the railroad.

Jebus: No. Well yes. But I come to help!

Que Pasa: Yeah okay. *tosses Jebus at Jesse McCartney.*

Jebus: The power of Christ compels you! KAMEHAMEHA!

Lupine: I'm out. (collapses)

Jesse McCartney: SHE'S NO YOOOOOU (is tossed back and drops Lupine's soul but it doesn't matter since he left anyway)

Que Pasa: We did it! We reached the top of Mt. Everest!

Mr. Meyer: Hooray! Ugh... (falls over)

That Krazy Dude: Victory is ours!

Que Pasa: HIS WATER BROKE!

Jebus: Yet how do you get down?

*Everyone rides Lupine's frozen body down the mountain and to the nearest hospital. Then they sell Lupines' body parts to quadriplegics*

Jebus: Dosent that make him worse? Err..

That Krazy Dude: No......

Jebus: Forget I said anything.. Let's play baseball with his soul!

That Krazy Dude: *looks around suspiciously* Oh kool! *rips off Lupine's leg* I got a bat!

Jebus: -throws the soul at him with inhuman speeds and watches it go through the leg- Err.... WILSON! Come back!

That Krazy Dude: *runs away*

Jebus: ...

That Krazy Dude: *runs into lamp post*

Morgan Freeman: So Mr. Meyer gave birth to his own television set, and all the pirates enjoyed playing with their comrade's dismembered body.

The End

Jebus: -rips off his clothes, revealing him in a thong and dumps them in a trash can- I am Jebus no more.

No Title Can Properly Describe this

by GORE-ILLA, No Name and Stampede on November 7, 2005

Dinosaurs in the Mist

by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, No Name, Stampede and Edwin on November 14, 2005

Some high school geeks present:

The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada: Dinosaurs in the Mist

*The GCPA escape a rap concert in Mr. T's van as it explodes around them.*

Lupine: We're not gonna make it!

Mr. T: (shoves his foot on the pedal) WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!!!

*The van goes off a ramp as one last giant explosion envelopes the concert hall right behind them.*

Han Solo: Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!

No Name: This guy again? I thought you got a restraining order!

Scruffy: It's tied up in the courts!

Lupine's Fruity Owl: I'm a hummingbird, but I do more sucking then humming!

Edwin: Thank you, movie critic Gene Charlotte!

*Cap'n lights inscence candles*

Scruffy: I need to get in the mood.

Miss Knight: Stampede, I need you to do me a favor! *funky porn music plays*

Scruffy: WOOOOO! What's that!

Miss Knight: (takes out a music board) Thanks, for the music sample Matt!

No Name: So did you get that extra-credit Geometry question?

Stampede: I dunno, I wasn't sure which angles counted.

Que Pasa: No, stop talking about the work outside of class! You're letting them win!

*50 Cent walks up to them with his body charred and everything.*

Lupine: You okay?

50 Cent: I got blown up nine times!

Que Pasa: (drops a bomb in Fifty's arms, and he explodes)

50 Cent: I got blown up ten times! (steps on a land mine) I got blown up eleven times! (Que Pasa continuosly tosses bombs to Fitty) Twelve times! Thitreen! Fourteen! Fifteen! (silence)

Lupine's Fruity Owl: Fifteen. Fifteen explosions to the center of a rapper.

No Name: I didn't know he could talk.

Que Pasa: I didn't know you were so damn ugly. (grabs the PSP out of Edwin's hands and eats it) Pay attention fool!

Lupine: Shut up, I challenge you to a staring contest!

*Que Pasa and Lupine stare at each other for a few minutes.*

Que Pasa: Your eyes... I can see forever in them... (Lupine collapses out of creeped outness) Ha I win!

*Lupine gets back up and smacks him with a wooden bat.*

Scruffy: Fools, get over here! We have a new mission.

Zordon: Rangers we have a new mission! Rita is planning to attack the earth with some stupid easily beaten monster that we have to summon the mega zord and cause massive destruction for no reason!

Siren: I dunno, are there any other missions we could take?

Scruffy: The only other mission is a treasure chest guarded by an octopus.

Siren: Pass.

*SIREN REMEMBERS HER LAST INCIDENT WITH AN OCTOPUS...*

Scruffy: You okay there, Siren? You look a litt-

Siren: *SHOUTING* I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF!!! *SPRAYS MACE IN SCRUFFY'S EYES*

Scruffy: AHHH!!! MY EYES!! WHY DID YOU SPRAY MACE IN MY EYES!?!?!?

*Suddenly Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker are near Zordon, wielding their lightsabers and fighting fiercely.*

Anakin: ITS NOT THE JEDI WAY!!!

Mace: HE MUST DIE!!!

*Mace and Anakin's lightsabers both go flying out of their hands and hit Zordon's tank*

Zordon: AGHHH!!!! Please! Tell my wife, Mashed Potatoes, that I love her!!

Que Pasa: NO! I already ate her!!

Stampede: Out?

Que Pasa: Well, yeah, but I ate her completely afterwards.

Stampede: That is a really nice story!

Zordon: NO!!!!

*Zordon dies.*

Que Pasa: WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?

Stampede: I don't know, but Anakin and Mace sure saved us a helluva lot money in Cloudy Face food.

No Name: I know! Feeding him is a pain in the ass!!

Anakin and Mace: Yo, fight us! Who will fight us?

*Krazy Dude stands up*

Krazy Dude: I-

Stampede and No Name: We will!

Krazy Dude: Okay then! *SITS DOWN AND EATS CHIPS*

*Stampede and No Name draw their Black-Crystal Lightsabers*

No Name: I'm taking Anakin!

Stampede: Okay then! Mace, this is for Krazy Dude's sister, who you raped and killed!!

Mace: NO! I AM KRAZY DUDE'S SISTER!!! *TAKES OFF MASK AND REVEALS...QUEEN LATIFAH!!!*

Krazy Dude: NO!!

Stampede: WHERE IS THE REAL SAMUEL L. JACKSON!?!?

Anakin: *PULLS OFF MASK* ITS ME!!

Stampede: The fuck!? Then who's the real Hayden Christensen!?

Natalie Portman: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!

No Name: Then who's the real Natalie Portman!?

Fat Albert: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!!

No Name: Then who's the real Fat Albert!?

Nia: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!

Stampede: THE FUCK!? WHO THE FUCK IS THE REAL NIA!?

Lupine: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!! AND ITS BEEN ME YOU'VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH!!!

No Name: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: ALL RIGHT! ANYONE ELSE WHO'S STILL WEARING A MASK, TAKE IT OFF NOW!

*Everybody pulls off masks to reveal the original participants of this story. 'Cept Zordon. He became Jessica Alba*

Stampede: Hey, you're still dead, dude.

Patten: NO!!! WHY DID JESSICA ALBA HAVE TO DIE!?!?!? *Patten becomes a necrophiliac and fucks the dead corpse repeatedly, but finds out that it was not actually Jessica Alba, it was Mr. Noble. This strange turn of events turns Patten McGroin to the Dark Side, and he is now dubbed...DARTH CURRY!!! But we'll explain that later. BACK TO THE STORY!!!*

*NEMO EXPLODES*

Darth Curry: Quit changing the subject! I'm tired of being forgotten by you damn writers!

*The writers hit Darth Curry in the stomach with a gigantic pen*

Writers: YOU SHUT UP AND WAIT YOUR TURN!! MAYBE IF YOU POSTED EVERY NOW AND THEN!!

Darth Curry: Fair...enough...*FAINTS*

*NOW REALLY BACK TO THE STORY*

Edwin: Got any threes?

Scruffy: Nope go fish.

*Que Pasa eats card deck*

That Krazy Dude: I hope this story doesn't become as weird as TV Production class...

[flashback]

*Mr. Meyer walks into the classroom ten minutes after class starts.*

Mr. Meyer: I'll take attendence now. Vittori Ferrari...

Vittori: Here!

Mr. Meyer: Any relationship to the car?

Vittori: No...

Mr. Meyer: Okay, Joshua St. Martin. Any relationship to the St. Martin's Island?

Josh: What?

Mr. Meyer: Brian Vivas. Viva las Vivas! I can't pronounce this name, help me out... Da... de... du...

David: David.

Mr. Meyer: Okay, good. Now I want to tell you about digital video technology, like your iPods.

That Krazy Dude: I have one on me.

Mr. Meyer: Good, hand it to me.

*That Krazy Dude gives Mr. Meyer the iPod. Mr. Meyer stuffs the iPods into his mouth and eats it.*

[/flashback]

Scruffy: This is dragging on for too long. Where's our anticlimatic enemy?

*The floor opens up, and Darth Curry pops out.*

Darth Curry: Haha- (is forgotten by the writers and disappears. His place is taken by Count Gonad)

Count Gonad: I'm back, and I'm Tonka tuff!

Que Pasa: Back in Black?

Count Gonad: Damn Right! Too cool for school!

Que Pasa: Nice like ice?

Count Gonad: Ice cold!

Que Pasa: OOOOh!

Count Gonad: For this final battle I shall choose the four of you who have had little screen time in this thing! (summons Siren, That Krazy Dude, Mini-Myself and Salama)

*Count Gonad gets into some funky-ass giant robot as he moves in on the four.*

That Krazy Dude: (plants mop in the ground like a flag) For the artichoke!

Salama: Let's summon the Megazord! Oh no, but Zordon is dead...

Zordon: I'm still with you in spirit! (spirit is eaten by Que Pasa)

Count Gonad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... eh.

Que Pasa: You know Cap'n you should use this life experience to write that novel...you know that novel...that one you should you write...the novel....to draw from life experience..write the novel.. {Editor's Note: I do not affiliate myself with this stolen line in any way, shape or form)

*Count Gonad's Robot charges forward with a Penis Blade and slashes it around as everyone struggles to dodge it.*

Mini-Myself: We need a giant robot of some sort!

*They all look at Salama. It's impossible for Salama to become smaller, so when Mini-Myself tries shrinking him Salama grows instead to the size of the robot. Both begin grappling. Edwin bungee-jumps into the battle and transmutes the Penis Blade into a giant Corn Dog, which Salama mindlessly eats.*

Count Gonad: Dammit! Dammit, dammit, damn something else!

*Count Gonad's robot tries running, but That Krazy Dude vomits all over the ground. The robot slips over it and breaks down.*

That Krazy Dude: You lose, General Pastrani.

Count Gonad: Not yet... (his beard comes to life and punches That Krazy Dude into Salama, who falls over towards Mini-Myself)

Mini-Myself: Oh crap...

Gonad: Bam!

Siren: Not yet!

*Siren wheels in a catapult regurgitated by Que Pasa, then puts the catapult behind Salama and launches him back at Count Gonad.*

Count Gonad: My only regret is that I did not use any more innuendo-related weapons! (holds onto Nemo passionately in the last moments before they're both crushed beneath Salama)

Scruffy: It's over! We won! I feel proud even though I did absolutely nothing to contribute to this!

*Everyone holds hands and sings Christmas carols.*

Lupine: I prepared a cake for this occasion!

*Lupine pulls open a curtain, and behind it they see Frzngld with electric prongs hooked up to his nipples.*

Frzngld: Get out! Ge- ge- get out! (accidentally breaks the power generator with his duck hand, setting the ship on fire)

*Everyone laughs in a sitcom matter while the ship burns around them.*

Mr. T: The end... Now get out! (throws you helluva far)

Saget Vs. Teytleboym

Written by Lupine and That Krazy Dude on November 16, 2005

The Adventures of Scruffy and Que Pasa: Harry Potter and the Mystery of Where the Hell the Light Rail is

by Scruffy and GORE-ILLA on November 20, 2005

Light Rail Adventures

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10